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Spotlight

A tenacious team of Boston Globe reporters unravels a decades-long cover-up of child sexual abuse within the Catholic Church, exposing a systemic crisis that shakes the city to its core.

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Overview

Unique Selling Point

What sets 'Spotlight' apart is its unflinching portrayal of real-life events through the lens of investigative journalism, emphasizing the moral responsibility of the press. The screenplay's focus on the human stories behind the headlines, combined with its exploration of institutional power dynamics, makes it a compelling piece of storytelling that resonates with audiences concerned about accountability and justice.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines’ ratings to compare.

Gemini
Highly Recommend

Claude
Recommend

GPT4
Highly Recommend

See Details in P/C/R/HR Section

Story Facts

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism, Thriller, Investigative, Legal, Crime, Journalism

Setting: 1976 and 2001, Boston, Massachusetts

Themes: Journalistic Integrity and Investigative Reporting, Institutional Cover-up and Systemic Abuse, Faith vs. Doubt, Personal Sacrifice and Perseverance, Psychological Trauma of Abuse

Conflict & Stakes: The Spotlight team's struggle to uncover the truth about widespread abuse within the Catholic Church, facing resistance from powerful figures and the church's influence.

Mood: Tense and somber, reflecting the gravity of the subject matter.

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: The investigation into the Catholic Church's cover-up of sexual abuse, a topic that resonates with contemporary societal issues.
Plot Twist: The revelation of the extent of the abuse and the church's systematic efforts to silence victims and protect abusers.
Distinctive Setting: The juxtaposition of the bustling Boston Globe newsroom with the somber realities of the abuse victims.
Innovative Ideas: The use of investigative journalism as a means to confront powerful institutions and seek justice.
Unique Characters: A diverse cast of journalists and survivors, each with their own motivations and backgrounds, adding depth to the narrative.

Comparable Scripts: Spotlight, The Boston Globe's Coverage of the Catholic Church Scandal, All the President's Men, The Insider, The Wire, A Few Good Men, The Post, The Crucible, The Silence of the Lambs

Synopsis

In the early 2000s, the Boston Globe's investigative journalism team, known as Spotlight, embarks on a groundbreaking investigation into the Catholic Church's cover-up of sexual abuse by priests. The story begins with the arrival of MARTY BARON, the new editor of the Globe, who challenges the Spotlight team, led by WALTER 'ROBBY' ROBINSON, to dig deeper into the allegations surrounding Father John Geoghan, a priest accused of molesting children. As the team delves into the archives, they uncover a pattern of abuse that spans decades, revealing that the Church has systematically protected its priests at the expense of countless victims.

The investigation intensifies as reporters MIKE REZENDES, SACHA PFEIFFER, and MATT CARROLL interview survivors and legal experts, piecing together a harrowing narrative of betrayal and silence. They discover that the Church not only failed to protect the children but actively moved abusive priests from parish to parish, allowing the cycle of abuse to continue. The team faces resistance from the Church and the community, as many are reluctant to confront the powerful institution that has long been a pillar of Boston society.

As the Spotlight team gathers evidence, including sealed court documents and testimonies from victims, they confront the moral complexities of their work. They grapple with their own connections to the Church and the implications of exposing such a deeply rooted scandal. The pressure mounts as they race against time to publish their findings before the Church can suppress the story.

In a climactic moment, the team finally obtains crucial documents that reveal the extent of the cover-up, including letters from Church officials acknowledging the abuse. The Globe's article, published in January 2002, sends shockwaves through the community and leads to a broader reckoning with the Church's practices, resulting in the resignation of Cardinal Law and a national conversation about sexual abuse in religious institutions. The film concludes with a powerful reminder of the importance of investigative journalism in holding powerful institutions accountable and giving a voice to the voiceless.

Script Level Analysis

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

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Story Critique

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Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

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Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

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Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

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Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

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Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

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Scene Analysis

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Scene-Level Percentile Chart

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The screenplay excels in dialogue and plot structure but needs to enhance originality and engagement to reach its full potential.

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Key Strengths

High dialogue rating (94.91) indicates strong, engaging conversations that likely enhance character interactions.
Strong plot rating (88.32) suggests a well-structured and compelling storyline that captures audience interest.
Excellent story forward score (92.12) shows effective pacing and progression of the narrative.

Areas for Improvement

Originality score (25.85) is low; the writer should explore unique concepts or twists to differentiate their screenplay.
Structure score (29.93) indicates potential issues with the overall framework; focusing on traditional three-act structure could help.
Engagement score (37.07) suggests that the screenplay may not fully captivate the audience; enhancing emotional stakes could improve this.

Writer Style

The writer appears to be more intuitive, with strengths in dialogue and character development but lower scores in concept and originality.

Balancing Elements

Enhance originality and structure to complement the strong dialogue and plot, creating a more cohesive narrative.
Focus on developing character arcs and emotional impact to balance the high plot-driven elements.

Intuition Level

Intuitive

Overall Assessment

The screenplay shows strong potential with engaging dialogue and a solid plot, but it requires improvements in originality and structure to elevate its overall impact.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Overall Script	8.54	98	V for Vendetta: 8.50	Coco: 8.54
Script Emotional Impact	8.60	96	Women talking: 8.50	Silence of the lambs: 8.60
Scene Dialogue	8.5	95	Inglorious Basterds: 8.4	Harold and Maude: 8.5
Script Structure	8.40	92	V for Vendetta: 8.30	groundhog day: 8.40
Scene Story Forward	8.7	91	The big short: 8.6	Rambo: 8.7
Script Theme	8.90	89	Parasite: 8.80	True Blood: 8.90
Scene Plot	8.4	87	Parasite: 8.3	Dr. Strangelove: 8.4
Script Characters	8.40	82	Charlie and The Choclate Factory: 8.30	the dark knight rises: 8.40
Scene Character Changes	7.5	78	American Fiction: 7.4	fight Club: 7.5
Script Premise	8.60	75	The Fabelmans: 8.50	a few good men: 8.60
Scene Concept	8.3	70	Silicon Valley: 8.2	the 5th element: 8.3
Scene High Stakes	8.1	69	Mulholland Drive: 8.0	the boys (TV): 8.1
Scene Overall	8.5	63	The father: 8.4	Casablanca: 8.5
Scene Internal Goal	8.08	60	Parasite: 8.07	face/off: 8.08
Scene External Goal	7.29	59	The King's speech: 7.28	Gran Torino: 7.29
Scene Conflict Level	7.8	59	Birdman: 7.7	Spy kids: 7.8
Scene Emotional Impact	7.9	52	Triangle of sadness: 7.8	fight Club: 7.9
Scene Pacing	8.24	48	Blackkklansman: 8.23	The shining: 8.24
Script Visual Impact	7.70	48	American Fiction: 7.60	face/off: 7.70
Scene Characters	8.3	45	Argo: 8.2	Erin Brokovich: 8.3
Script Originality	7.90	43	The Addams Family: 7.80	Erin Brokovich: 7.90
Scene Engagement	8.93	40	Ex-Machina: 8.92	Good Will Hunting: 8.93
Scene Formatting	8.08	32	The Brutalist: 8.07	Her: 8.08
Script Structure	8.07	29	Birdman: 8.06	Deadpool: 8.07
Script Conflict	7.20	28	Mr Robot: 7.10	There's something about Mary: 7.20
Scene Unpredictability	7.22	27	Joker: 7.21	Passengers: 7.22
Scene Originality	8.46	26	baby girl: 8.44	Spotlight: 8.46

Other Analyses

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Unique Voice

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Writer's Craft

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Memorable Lines

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Tropes

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World Building

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Correlations

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Loglines

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Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

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Writer's Craft

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

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World Building

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Correlations

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Loglines

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Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

Spotlight is a remarkably well-crafted screenplay that masterfully balances journalistic procedural with deeply human drama. Its strengths lie in its meticulous research, compelling character arcs, and understated yet powerful storytelling. While minor improvements could enhance certain scenes, the screenplay's overall impact and narrative drive are exceptional, making it a highly recommended project for production.

Strengths

The screenplay expertly integrates Sacha Pfeiffer's personal life and faith, creating a nuanced portrayal of her internal conflict and the ethical challenges she faces in covering the story. This adds depth and realism to the narrative. high ( Scene 20 Scene 21 Scene 22 )
The interactions between Mike Rezendes and Mitchell Garabedian are electric, showcasing a compelling dynamic between a driven journalist and a complex, abrasive lawyer. This relationship drives the narrative forward and provides key plot points. high ( Scene 30 Scene 52 Scene 76 )
The investigative process is depicted with incredible detail and visual clarity, effectively showcasing the painstaking work involved in uncovering the truth. The use of visual metaphors, like the scanning of directories, adds to the film's tension and suspense. high ( Scene 70 Scene 82 )
The climax of Robby Robinson’s character arc, the confrontation with Jim Sullivan, is masterfully written. It reveals the full weight of the story's impact on those involved in the cover-up and shows Robby's own moral reckoning. high ( Scene 163 )
The writing montage is powerful and effectively conveys the relentless pressure and emotional toll on the journalists without resorting to melodramatic clichés. This shows the dedication of the team in realistic fashion. medium ( Scene 157 )

Areas of Improvement

The Springfield courtroom scenes, while necessary for plot progression, could benefit from increased tension and visual dynamism to better engage the audience. low ( Scene 105 )
While effective in conveying the passage of time and the intensity of the investigation, the montage could benefit from a slightly more varied visual approach to avoid monotony. low ( Scene 157 )
The ending could be more emotionally resonant. The final scenes, while showing the overwhelming response, could benefit from a more focused depiction of the emotional impact on the team, allowing for a more cathartic conclusion. medium ( Scene 177 Scene 178 Scene 179 )

MissingElements

The screenplay could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the lasting psychological impact of the investigation on the Spotlight team. medium

NotablePoints

The screenplay effectively uses the contrast between the cramped Spotlight office and the opulent settings of the Catholic Church to highlight the power imbalance at the heart of the story. high
The screenplay’s understated tone and realistic dialogue create a powerful sense of authenticity and immersion. high
The screenplay effectively utilizes foreshadowing, setting up the story's central conflict early on in the police station sequence (Sequence 1). medium

Blind Spots

Lack of exploration of the systemic issues beyond Boston While the screenplay focuses intensely on the Boston Archdiocese, it mentions similar scandals worldwide. A deeper exploration of how these issues connect and the broader implications of the systemic issues would have added more thematic weight and complexity. medium

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Spotlight' is a well-crafted, impactful exploration of the Catholic Church sexual abuse scandal in Boston. The story is driven by a talented ensemble of investigative journalists who uncover a systemic cover-up that reaches the highest levels of the Church. The screenplay skillfully balances the personal journeys of the characters with the larger societal implications, creating a powerful narrative that is both informative and emotionally resonant. The attention to detail, character development, and thematic depth make this a standout example of the investigative journalism genre.

Strengths

The screenplay effectively establishes the high-stakes, fast-paced environment of the newsroom and the sense of urgency that drives the journalists to uncover the truth. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 5 (16) )
The interviews with the victims provide powerful, emotional moments that humanize the story and underline the devastating impact of the abuse. high ( Scene 9 (25) Scene 10 (28) )
The screenplay effectively portrays the institutional resistance and the power dynamics at play, highlighting the challenges the journalists face in their pursuit of the truth. high ( Scene 17 (50) Scene 25 (94) )
The detailed process of the journalists' investigation, including the use of church directories and cross-referencing of information, adds authenticity and depth to the storytelling. medium ( Scene 22 (84) Scene 23 (90) )
The screenplay effectively transitions to the aftermath of 9/11 and how it affects the team's ability to focus on the investigation, adding further complexity to the narrative. medium ( Scene 30 (114) Scene 31 (115) )

Areas of Improvement

The exposition of the Geoghan case in the team meeting could be more concise and impactful, with less repetition of information that the audience is likely already aware of. low ( Scene 13 (44) )
The scenes with Eric MacLeish could be tightened and streamlined to maintain the narrative momentum, as they tend to get bogged down in exposition at times. medium ( Scene 20 (72) Scene 21 (76) )

MissingElements

While the screenplay effectively portrays the emotional toll of the investigation on the journalists, there could be more exploration of the personal lives and relationships of the main characters, providing additional depth and context. medium ( Scene 27 (100) Scene 37 (149) )

NotablePoints

The opening sequence effectively sets the tone and introduces the central conflict, drawing the audience into the story immediately. high ( Scene 1 (1) )
The screenplay skillfully navigates the complex power dynamics and institutional resistance, with the journalists facing both internal and external challenges in their pursuit of the truth. high ( Scene 28 (107) Scene 45 (165) )
The final sequence, with the journalists returning to the office to face the overwhelming response, provides a powerful and impactful conclusion to the story. high ( Scene 59 (175) Scene 60 (177) )

Blind Spots

Character Depth While the screenplay does a strong job of developing the main journalists and their personal motivations, there could be opportunities to further explore the depth and complexity of the other characters, such as the victims, the Church officials, and the lawyers involved. Providing more insight into their backstories, internal struggles, and the nuances of their perspectives could add additional layers of depth to the narrative. medium

Amateur Giveaways

Pacing There are a few instances where the pacing of the screenplay feels slightly uneven, with certain scenes either feeling too rushed or overly drawn out. For example, the exposition in the team meeting about the Geoghan case (scene 44) could be tightened, and the scenes with Eric MacLeish (scenes 72 and 76) could be streamlined to maintain the narrative momentum. Ensuring consistent pacing throughout the screenplay would help to create a more immersive and engaging reading experience. low

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Spotlight' is a compelling and meticulously crafted narrative that explores the investigative journalism behind the Boston Globe's uncovering of the Catholic Church's sexual abuse scandal. It effectively balances character development with a gripping plot, maintaining tension and engagement throughout. The screenplay's strengths lie in its authentic dialogue, strong character arcs, and a clear moral imperative that resonates with audiences. However, there are areas for improvement, particularly in pacing and the depth of certain character backgrounds.

Strengths

The screenplay features authentic and engaging dialogue that captures the nuances of journalistic conversations and personal interactions. high ( Scene 1 (1) Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
Strong character development is evident, particularly in the arcs of the main journalists, who evolve as they confront the moral complexities of their investigation. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) Scene 4 (34) )
The screenplay maintains a consistent tone that balances seriousness with moments of levity, reflecting the real-life dynamics of a newsroom. medium ( Scene 1 (1) Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The pacing is generally effective, with a steady build-up of tension as the investigation unfolds, keeping the audience engaged. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) Scene 4 (34) )
The narrative strength is compelling, with a clear moral imperative that drives the story forward and resonates with audiences. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) Scene 4 (34) )

Areas of Improvement

Some scenes could benefit from tighter editing to enhance pacing, particularly in the middle sections where the narrative slows down. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
While character development is strong, some supporting characters could be fleshed out further to enhance their impact on the story. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
There are moments where exposition could be more subtly integrated into the dialogue rather than being overtly stated. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The screenplay could benefit from a more varied emotional range in certain scenes to deepen audience connection. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
Some scenes could use more visual storytelling elements to enhance the narrative beyond dialogue. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )

MissingElements

There is a lack of deeper exploration into the personal lives of the journalists, which could add layers to their motivations. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The screenplay could include more scenes that depict the community's reaction to the investigation, providing a broader context. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
There is a missed opportunity to delve into the psychological impact of the investigation on the journalists themselves. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The screenplay lacks a more pronounced antagonist, which could heighten the stakes and tension. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
There could be more emphasis on the ethical dilemmas faced by the journalists, adding complexity to their decisions. medium ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )

NotablePoints

The use of real-life events and characters adds authenticity and weight to the narrative, making it resonate more with audiences. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The screenplay's structure effectively builds suspense, leading to a powerful climax that delivers a strong emotional impact. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The moral complexity of the story is well-articulated, prompting audiences to reflect on issues of power, accountability, and justice. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The screenplay's ending is impactful, leaving audiences with a sense of urgency and the need for continued vigilance against institutional abuse. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )
The balance between personal and professional stakes is well-maintained, enhancing the overall narrative depth. high ( Scene 2 (6) Scene 3 (19) )

Blind Spots

Character Depth The screenplay occasionally overlooks the deeper emotional struggles of its characters, particularly the journalists, which could enhance audience connection. For example, while the main characters are well-developed, supporting characters lack sufficient backstory and emotional arcs. medium

Amateur Giveaways

Exposition Some scenes rely heavily on exposition rather than showing through action or dialogue, which can feel clunky. For instance, certain character motivations are explicitly stated rather than demonstrated through their actions. medium

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Screenplay Insights:

Overall Grade: 8.54

Characters: 8.4, The screenplay 'Spotlight' effectively develops its characters, showcasing their depth, complexity, and transformation throughout the narrative. The characters are relatable and their arcs contribute significantly to the emotional impact of the story. However, there are opportunities to enhance certain character developments to deepen audience engagement. See More

Premise: 8.6, The screenplay effectively establishes a compelling premise centered around the investigation of systemic abuse within the Catholic Church, showcasing strong character arcs and a clear narrative direction. However, enhancing the emotional stakes and refining certain character interactions could further engage the audience. See More

Structure: 8.4, The screenplay 'Spotlight' effectively utilizes a strong narrative structure and character arcs to engage the audience in a complex and sensitive investigation into systemic abuse within the Church. The interwoven character developments and escalating conflicts contribute to a compelling story. However, there are areas for improvement in pacing and the resolution of certain plot points to enhance clarity and emotional impact. See More

Theme: 8.9, The screenplay 'Spotlight' effectively conveys its themes of systemic abuse, accountability, and the moral responsibilities of journalism. It excels in character development and emotional resonance, though there are opportunities to enhance the clarity and integration of its themes throughout the narrative. See More

Visual Impact: 7.7, The screenplay 'Spotlight' effectively utilizes visual imagery to convey the gravity of its subject matter, with strong character interactions and settings that enhance the emotional weight of the narrative. The vivid descriptions of locations and character dynamics create a compelling atmosphere, though there are opportunities for greater creativity and symbolism to deepen the visual storytelling. See More

Emotional Impact: 8.6, The screenplay 'Spotlight' effectively elicits strong emotional responses through its exploration of systemic abuse and the personal stories of survivors. The depth of character development and the gravity of the subject matter contribute to its emotional resonance. However, there are opportunities to enhance emotional depth by further exploring the internal struggles of characters and the impact of their investigations on their personal lives. See More

Conflict: 7.2, The screenplay effectively presents conflict and stakes through the Spotlight team's investigation into systemic abuse within the Catholic Church. However, there are opportunities to enhance narrative tension by deepening character motivations and escalating stakes throughout the investigation. See More

Originality: 7.9, The screenplay 'Spotlight' excels in originality and creativity through its compelling narrative centered on investigative journalism, nuanced character arcs, and the exploration of systemic abuse within the Church. The unique blend of personal and professional conflicts faced by the characters enhances the emotional depth of the story, making it a powerful commentary on truth and accountability. See More

Summary **Title:** *Spotlight* **Genre:** Drama/Thriller **Summary:** Set against the backdrop of Boston in 1976, *Spotlight* chronicles the intense investigation by the Spotlight team of the Boston Globe into systemic child abuse by Catholic priests and the Church's cover-up. The screenplay unfolds with a harrowing encounter at a Boston police station involving a distressed mother and church officials, setting the tone for the scrutiny that the team will later place on the Church's actions. As the Globe's newsroom buzzes with both humor and tension regarding a potential staffing cut, new editor Marty Baron joins the existing team, advocating for a focus on the Church's inaction about priest abuse scandals. Ben Bradlee Jr. and Robby Robinson navigate the apprehension surrounding the investigation's risks, especially when Marty proposes pursuing legal documents connected to Cardinal Law and the abuse claims. Initial skepticism turns into determination when the team, led by reporters Mike Rezendes, Sacha Pfeiffer, and Matt Carroll, decide to dig deeper into the Geoghan case, despite tensions arising in the atmosphere. Throughout the screenplay, the characters engage with survivors, legal professionals, and church officials, unraveling a complex web of secrecy and silence. The team faces various obstacles, including evasive attorneys, community backlash, and personal hesitations about exploring a delicate subject deeply intertwined with their own Catholic backgrounds. Massive pressure mounts as they discover shocking revelations, including that potentially 90 priests were involved in misconduct, emanating from subtle clues in old documents and directories the team meticulously investigates. As the team collectively grapples with the emotional weight of their findings, they are driven by a commitment to uncover the truth. The stakes heighten as they prepare to publish their investigation amid fierce resistance from the Church and fears of retaliation. The emotional toll is felt across the newsroom, highlighting the struggles of journalists tasked with exposing painful truths while dealing with their own discomforts and trauma. Ultimately, as stories of survivors come to light, the film culminates in the powerful release of a sweeping exposé, igniting a public outcry and sparking widespread dialogues about accountability and justice within the Church. *Spotlight* is a gripping portrayal of journalism's role in uncovering the truth and the systemic failures that allowed abuse to thrive, intimately focusing on the journalists' personal journeys through this harrowing investigation.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay effectively establishes the core conflict: the Boston Globe's Spotlight team investigating widespread sexual abuse within the Catholic Church. The character arcs, particularly Robby's, show promising growth. The narrative utilizes multiple perspectives, offering insights into the victims, journalists, and Church officials, creating a multi-layered understanding of the scandal. The inclusion of individual victim stories effectively humanizes the immense issue and increases the emotional weight of the investigation. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, with some plot points dragging while others feel rushed. The screenplay relies heavily on dialogue exposition, particularly in conveying the scale of the abuse. The overall plot progression, while following a clear trajectory, lacks surprising twists or unexpected turns. The antagonist, the Church, is presented as largely monolithic, lacking nuanced internal conflict. Finally, the resolution, while satisfying in showing the team's determination, lacks a powerful culminating event that truly captures the impact of their work.

Suggestions: - Incorporate more visual storytelling to complement the dialogue-heavy scenes. - Develop the antagonist (the Church hierarchy) with more internal conflict and diverse personalities. - Integrate more surprising plot twists or turns to maintain suspense. - Expand on the consequences and lasting impact of the investigation, showing ripples extending beyond the immediate aftermath. - Explore the psychological toll on the journalists more deeply. - Strengthen the climax by providing a more impactful event that reflects the scale of the scandal.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The opening scenes effectively establish the setting, time period, and the core issue—the abuse scandal. The juxtaposition of the police station scene with the Globe's newsroom introduces the two opposing forces: the initial attempts at silencing the story and the journalists' determination to uncover the truth. However, the beginning could benefit from more immediate engagement with the main characters and the investigative team. The initial scenes focusing on the police investigation and the Globe's farewell party feel somewhat detached from the central conflict. Introducing Marty Baron earlier, perhaps even in the opening scene, would create a stronger sense of immediate purpose and accelerate the pacing.

Suggestions: - Begin the screenplay with Marty Baron’s arrival at the Globe, immediately establishing the central conflict and the lead character’s involvement. - Integrate elements of the upcoming investigation into the early scenes, foreshadowing the challenges the Spotlight team will face. - Streamline the opening scenes by focusing solely on the early interactions among the Spotlight team and the case's initial discovery.

Middle The middle section excels at building tension as the Spotlight team investigates. The scenes with victims' interviews and the gradual accumulation of evidence create a compelling narrative. The use of multiple storylines (Mike's interactions with Garabedian, Sacha's interviews, Matt's research) is effective in building momentum. However, the pacing is inconsistent; some investigative threads feel underdeveloped or drag on unnecessarily. The screenplay occasionally resorts to info-dumping, especially during conversations conveying background details. The middle section could benefit from more scenes showcasing the team's internal dynamics and challenges. The individual struggles of the team members within the investigation could be more effectively integrated into the overall plot.

Suggestions: - Strengthen the internal conflict and dynamics among the Spotlight team members. - Reduce reliance on dialogue exposition by using visual storytelling and subtext to convey information. - Prioritize key investigative threads and streamline less crucial side plots. - Create more scenes of the team strategizing, analyzing information, and reacting to setbacks. -Weave in more scenes showcasing the team’s personal lives and how the investigation affects them emotionally.

Ending The ending successfully shows the publication of the story and the immediate aftermath. The team's dedication and perseverance are effectively portrayed. The inclusion of scenes showing the impact on victims adds emotional depth. However, the resolution feels somewhat anticlimactic. There's a lack of a clear, dramatic confrontation between the Spotlight team and the Church leadership. The long-term consequences of the investigation are not fully explored. The final scenes showing the team's reaction could be intensified to better reflect the significance of their work and the societal impact of the story. The ending would benefit from a stronger sense of catharsis and closure.

Suggestions: - Include a scene of direct confrontation between the Spotlight team and Cardinal Law or other powerful figures within the Church. - Explore the long-term effects of the story on the victims, the Church, and the journalists themselves. - Create a more impactful final scene that shows the true scope of the story's impact and its lasting legacy. -Show a more compelling resolution between Robby and the victims he failed to help in the past. -Consider an epilogue showing the lasting impact of the story and the changes it brought to the Church.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Robby Robinson
Description Robby's casual demeanor and playful banter during golf contrasts sharply with his intense focus and drive during investigative work. This shift feels jarring and could benefit from more subtle transitions to reflect the different contexts.
( Scene 38 Scene 46 )
Character Mitch Garabedian
Description Garabedian's abrasive and unpredictable nature is consistently portrayed, but there are moments where his sudden shifts in demeanor, such as his surprising vulnerability when revealing the manipulation of the Church documents, feel slightly out of character despite ultimately making sense within his complexity.
( Scene 29 (30) Scene 109 )
Character Matt Carroll
Description The sudden shift from Matt's overtly devout family man persona in the church scene to his later frantic investigation of the treatment center near his house feels a tad abrupt. A more gradual integration of his personal feelings into his work could strengthen his character arc.
( Scene 40 Scene 87 )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The sudden shift in Robby's behavior after receiving the 1993 clip feels abrupt and under-explained. More exploration of his emotional response to this discovery and its implications could enhance the narrative's emotional weight.
( Scene 123 )
Description The plot point that documents have been mysteriously removed from a public court filing is quite implausible and introduces a major inconsistency that is not fully addressed. The explanation offered by Garabedian feels insufficient to address such a critical plot device.
( Scene 111 )

PlotHoles

Description The disappearance of the crucial documents from the court file is a significant plot hole. The narrative doesn't adequately explain how such a blatant act of manipulation could occur without leaving a traceable record or facing immediate consequences.
( Scene 111 )
Description The revelation that Robby and the Globe received a list of 20 priests implicated in abuse years prior, and then failed to follow up, is a major plot hole. It significantly undermines the narrative's portrayal of the Spotlight team's diligence and raises questions about their prior journalistic practices that are never properly addressed. This feels more like a plot device than a genuinely credible event.
( Scene 91 Scene 155 )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description While the celebratory cake scene is realistic in its depiction of workplace camaraderie, some of the dialogue, especially Robby's jokes about Stewart's poker losses, feels somewhat forced and less organically conversational.
( Scene 6 )
Description Garabedian's aggressive and erratic dialogue, while consistent with his character, occasionally borders on caricature. While his intensity is believable, some lines could be refined to feel more natural within the flow of conversation.
( Scene 29 (30) )

Redundancies

Element Repeated emphasis on the Church's power and influence
( Scene 109 Scene 133 Scene 151 )
Suggestion The film effectively establishes the Church's power early on. Subsequent reiterations of this point could be streamlined to avoid redundancy and allow for a more concise focus on the investigative aspects of the story.
Element Repetitive scenes of investigation and data gathering
( Scene 31 Scene 82 Scene 84 )
Suggestion The montage showing the team's painstaking research could be more effectively condensed. Focusing on key discoveries rather than the repetitive process of data collection would maintain the story's pace and impact.

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Robby - Score: 84/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: INTJ

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Dedicated investigative journalist facing moral dilemmas.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Struggles with guilt and pressure while being a dedicated editor.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Robby evolves as he confronts the magnitude of the scandal, seeking to expand his investigation.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Robby speaks with authority and passion, reflecting his strong convictions.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Robby makes choices that reflect his commitment to justice, often at a personal cost.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Robby maintains complex relationships, balancing authority and camaraderie with his colleagues.

Scene Impact 9/10

Robby's presence drives the investigation and shapes the narrative's ethical framework.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Robby functions as the moral center of the Spotlight team, balancing journalistic integrity with the demands of the story.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Robby's journey reinforces themes of truth, integrity, and accountability.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Robby fosters strong audience engagement through emotional and ethical conflicts.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Robby is a seasoned editor at the Boston Globe who leads the investigative Spotlight team. He values journalistic integrity and is deeply committed to exposing corruption, particularly in the Catholic Church's handling of sex abuse cases. Robby's foundational traits include his determination to uncover the truth, his strong ethical stance, and his complex relationship with the church due to his Catholic upbringing. These traits shape him as a leader who is not afraid to tackle difficult stories, even when they may collide with the beliefs of his community.

Values And Beliefs: Truth, Integrity, Justice

Strengths And Skills: Leadership, Investigative skills, Strong ethical compass

Suggestions

Develop a backstory that highlights pivotal moments in Robby's career that solidified his values.
Explore personal conflicts related to his Catholic upbringing that may affect his professional decisions.

Follow-up Questions

What past experiences shaped Robby's views on journalistic ethics?
How does Robby's Catholic background influence his investigation into the Church?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Robby carries emotional wounds from his connection to the church and its historical abuse scandals, making him more passionate about the investigation. He grapples with the guilt of not having pursued similar stories in the past and the pressure of responsibility towards his team and the victims. His imperfections include occasional overcommitment to a story at the expense of his relationships, which leads to internal conflict.

Character Wound: Guilt over past inaction regarding church scandals.

Character Flaws: Overcommitment, Difficulty balancing personal and professional life

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Robby reflects on his past decisions during the investigation.
Show interactions where his dedication to work affects personal relationships.

Follow-up Questions

What specific instances from his past haunt him regarding the church?
How does Robby's dedication impact his personal life and relationships with colleagues?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

As the story progresses, Robby starts questioning their initial findings and aims to uncover a larger narrative beyond just a handful of priests. His arc reflects a journey from moral understanding to active determination, reaffirming his commitment to justice. This deepening sense of purpose strengthens his ties with his team as they collectively strive to produce a monumental piece of journalism.

Polarity Changes: Initial uncertainty about tackling the church to a firm determination to expose systemic abuse.

Transformation Triggers: The realization of the number of victims and abusive priests fuels his drive to dig deeper.

Suggestions

Include scenes showing Robby's realization of the broader implications of their findings.
Develop interactions with colleagues that emphasize his growth and the impact on team dynamics.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moment or discovery prompts Robby’s shift in perspective during the investigation?
How does Robby’s growth affect the team's approach to the story?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Robby's dialogue is characterized by clarity and sincerity, often reflecting his commitment to uncovering the truth. His exchanges with colleagues reveal a man who is both determined and frustrated by the obstacles they face. He uses his voice as a tool to persuade, motivate, and challenge his team, reflecting the weight of responsibility on his shoulders.

Unique Voice: Direct, sometimes confrontational, especially when advocating for the story’s importance.

Suggestions

Vary Robby's tone to reflect the emotional weight of specific conversations, especially under stress.
Incorporate more personal moments in dialogue that expose his vulnerabilities.

Follow-up Questions

How does Robby's dialogue change when he’s feeling pressure versus when he’s in control?
What types of phrases or language does Robby use to motivate his team during tough times?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Robby demonstrates decisive leadership by reallocating resources for the investigative story and pushing his team to gather evidence. His choice to confront his colleagues about the scope of their findings illustrates his strong moral compass. However, these choices often lead to tensions with those around him, emphasizing the strain that the investigation places on his personal life.

Motivations: To reveal the truth about the clergy abuse scandal and bring justice to victims.

Desires Vs Needs: He desires recognition for the team’s work and resolution for victims, while he needs to balance his professional obligations with personal relationships.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Robby must choose between immediate personal comfort and his responsibilities.
Emphasize the consequences of his decisions on the broader investigation narrative.

Follow-up Questions

What significant decisions define Robby’s character as a leader during the investigation?
How do Robby's choices impact his relationships with his team over the course of the story?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Robby’s interactions reveal a mentor-like role within the Spotlight team, encouraging them while also dealing with pressures from upper management. He embodies a balance of firmness and support, particularly during disagreements with Mike, illustrating his commitment to a collaborative team dynamic. His relationships deepen as the investigation progresses, resulting in both tension and loyalty among team members.

Suggestions

Create more scenes that show Robby’s mentoring side, especially with newer team members.
Include conflict resolution moments to highlight his leadership style and ability to unify diverse opinions.

Follow-up Questions

How does Robby’s dynamic with other characters influence the investigation's direction?
In what scenarios does Robby have to navigate conflict, and how does he resolve it?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Robby often serves as the driving force within scenes, galvanizing his team and pushing them to confront uncomfortable truths. His leadership style not only impacts the trajectory of the investigation but also raises the stakes in moments of ethical dilemma. When he challenges colleagues to reassess the breadth of their findings, he sets the tone for an urgent and compelling investigation.

Suggestions

Increase emphasis on scenes where Robby actively resolves conflicts or pivots the investigation's focus.
Explore Robby's emotional state during key moments to enhance the dramatic tension of his impact.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes exemplify Robby's influence on narrative flow?
How does Robby's dynamic with the team change the emotional impact of pivotal scenes?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As an editor, Robby’s role is fundamental in guiding the moral direction of the investigation. He serves as a foil to others who might focus on individual scandals rather than a systemic issue. This symbolic role reinforces the themes of accountability and ethical responsibility, all while navigating the pressures from the church and the media landscape.

Symbolic Role: Guardian of truth and integrity within the ethical landscape of journalism.

Suggestions

Highlight scenarios where Robby's decisions challenge or uphold the values of journalism.
Integrate elements that showcase the impact of Robby as a mentor on future journalists.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Robby’s role as a leader influence the overall themes of the screenplay?
How does Robby balance the pressure from higher-ups while maintaining journalistic integrity?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Robby's commitment to uncovering the truth underscores the central themes of abuse and institutional failure. His persistence in pushing for a comprehensive investigation ties his personal ethical journey to the larger narrative, demonstrating how individual integrity can confront systemic corruption. This thematic integration enhances the emotional stakes of their work as they navigate the complexities of revealing uncomfortable truths.

Suggestions

Weave in additional references to institutional failures that parallel Robby's journey for deeper thematic resonance.
Utilize imagery or motifs that emphasize Robby's internal conflict with the Church and its broader implications.

Follow-up Questions

How do Robby’s actions embody the central themes of the story?
What moments best illustrate the clash between individual and institutional ethics in Robby’s journey?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Through his dedication to revealing the truth, Robby resonates emotionally with the audience, as viewers connect with his internal struggles and ethical dilemmas. His portrayal brings a human element to the investigative journalism narrative, allowing audiences to empathize with the complexities involved in challenging a powerful institution like the Church.

Emotional Impact: Robby evokes sympathy and respect, driving engagement with the serious nature of the story.

Suggestions

Enhance moments of vulnerability to deepen emotional connections with the audience.
Highlight Robby’s personal stakes to generate empathy during critical scenes.

Follow-up Questions

What aspects of Robby's character elicit a strongest emotional response from the audience?
How can Robby's emotional struggles be further highlighted throughout the story?

Personality Types

MBTI: intj

Robby’s strategic thinking and leadership style align with the INTJ type; he focuses on long-term goals and integrity.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: entj (65%)

Suggestions

Consider Robby’s intuitive and analysis-driven approach when developing his character arc.
Utilize team dynamics to reflect Robby’s preference for organizing and strategizing.

Follow-up Questions

How do Robby’s interactions with teammates reflect typical INTJ dynamics?
What moments emphasize the strategic qualities of the INTJ type in Robby's narrative?

Mike - Score: 88/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESTP

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

Dedicated investigative journalist with strong moral values.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Struggles with emotional wounds from his Catholic upbringing.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Mike evolves from a passionate journalist to a more complex figure grappling with systemic issues.

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Mike's dialogue is assertive and direct, reflecting his passionate pursuit of truth.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Mike's choices reflect his strong moral compass and commitment to the truth.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Mike's relationships with colleagues and sources reveal his commitment but also expose tensions.

Scene Impact 9/10

Mike’s presence often elevates stakes, driving key conversations and decisions.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Mike serves as the moral center in the Spotlight team, driving the investigation forward.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Mike’s journey aligns closely with themes of truth, justice, and institutional accountability.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Elicits strong emotions through his fierce pursuit of truth.

Foundational Definition

Score: 9

Mike Rezendes is a dedicated investigative journalist working for the Boston Globe. His role in the Spotlight team highlights his commitment to uncovering the truth about the sexual abuse scandal within the Catholic Church. Mike is characterized by his tenacity, moral integrity, and a strong sense of justice, which compel him to pursue leads relentlessly and challenge both institutional and social norms.

Values And Beliefs: Truth, justice, accountability, and the pursuit of stories that challenge institutional power.

Strengths And Skills: Investigative skills, persuasive communication, ability to connect with sources, and persistence in difficult situations.

Suggestions

Explore deeper personal motivations behind Mike's drive for investigative journalism.
Highlight more interactions with victims to develop empathy within Mike’s character.

Follow-up Questions

What specific past experiences influenced Mike's choice to become a journalist?
How does Mike reconcile his role in journalism with the personal impact of the stories he investigates?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Mike carries emotional wounds related to his Catholic upbringing, which create internal conflict as he confronts the Church's failure to protect its vulnerable members. His frustration is often directed at the systemic issues that allow such abuses to persist. This complexity adds depth, illustrating his struggle to maintain faith in institutions he once trusted while advocating for the victims.

Character Wound: Disillusionment with the Catholic Church due to its handling of abuse allegations.

Character Flaws: Sometimes impulsive and overly aggressive in pursuit of leads, which may alienate colleagues.

Suggestions

Introduce flashbacks or dialogues showcasing Mike's internal conflicts regarding faith.
Develop scenes where Mike's aggressive pursuit of truth jeopardizes relationships with coworkers.

Follow-up Questions

How does Mike cope with the emotional toll of the stories he covers?
What specific incidents reveal Mike's internal struggle throughout the narrative?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

Throughout the narrative, Mike transitions from being solely focused on individual cases to understanding the systemic nature of the abuse. This realization broadens his perspective and strengthens his resolve to pursue a larger story that has the potential to instigate real change, showcasing growth in his character and understanding of his role as a journalist.

Polarity Changes: Mid-story frustrations with colleagues lead to heightened resolve by the end of the story.

Transformation Triggers: Interactions with victims and discovery of letters proving the Church's knowledge drive his transformation.

Suggestions

Emphasize key moments that lead to Mike’s realizations regarding systemic issues in the Church.
Include more interactions with team members that demonstrate Mike's evolving views.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments serve as turning points in Mike's character arc?
How does Mike reconcile his initial motivations with the broader implications of the story?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 9

Mike’s speech patterns are characterized by a direct and compelling tone, often aimed at pushing for answers. His dialogue reflects a deep sense of urgency and commitment to the stories he covers. Over time, Mike's dialogue evolves, mirroring his internal struggle as he confronts the weight of the revelations he uncovers.

Unique Voice: Assertive, occasionally confrontational tone that reflects both frustration and urgency.

Suggestions

Incorporate more subtext in dialogues to convey Mike's internal conflicts.
Use varied dialogue pacing to enhance tension in conversations with sources.

Follow-up Questions

How do Mike's speaking patterns change in high-stress situations?
What specific lines of dialogue encapsulate Mike's emotional state throughout the screenplay?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Mike’s behavior is driven by his desire to unveil the truth, both as an act of journalism and as a personal crusade against the injustices faced by victims. His choices often prioritize revealing difficult truths over personal gain, showcasing his dedication but sometimes leading to conflict with colleagues.

Motivations: To expose the truth about the abuse scandal, seeking justice for victims.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires recognition for his work; needs validation for the emotional impact of the stories.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Mike’s decisions lead to conflict with others to deepen relational dynamics.
Create scenarios where Mike faces ethical dilemmas that challenge his motivations.

Follow-up Questions

What choices reflect Mike's internal struggles regarding personal and professional ethics?
How do Mike's actions influence outcomes within the investigation?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Mike's connections with his colleagues illustrate a blend of support and tension. He often finds himself at odds with Robby as they navigate differing priorities. These dynamics bring out Mike’s assertive nature, as he pushes for the recognition of systemic issues while also seeking to affirm the stories of victimized individuals.

Suggestions

Deepen Mike's discussions with victims to give insights into his empathy and personal investment.
Show more collaborative moments to highlight team dynamics.

Follow-up Questions

How do Mike’s relationships with team members evolve as the story progresses?
What impact does Mike’s assertiveness have on his working relationships?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

In crucial scenes, Mike’s actions propel the narrative forward. His fierce commitment to chasing leads leads to significant revelations and shifts in the investigation. His intensity often creates a charged atmosphere that escalates conflicts and highlights the emotional weight of the narrative.

Suggestions

Maximize Mike’s impact by creating pivotal moments where his character alters the narrative trajectory.
Incorporate scenes that juxtapose Mike’s urgency with the reactions of others.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes best showcase Mike’s influence over the investigation’s direction?
In what moments does Mike’s presence change the emotional tone of a scene?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As a protagonist, Mike embodies the drive to uncover truth within the oppressive environment of institutional silence. His relentless pursuit showcases the essence of investigative journalism, symbolizing the struggle against complicity in the face of institutional power. Mike’s actions fulfill the narrative requirement of a determined seeker of justice amidst adversity.

Symbolic Role: Represents the voice of truth and accountability within a morally challenging landscape.

Suggestions

Ensure Mike’s pivotal acts align with the overarching themes of truth and accountability.
Explore moments where Mike confronts his role against the backdrop of institutional complicity.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Mike embody the narrative's central conflict?
In what ways does Mike reflect the themes of truth and moral responsibility?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Mike's personal quest intertwines with the broader themes of the screenplay, as his investigative persistence reveals the inherent challenges within the Church and its institutional response to abuse. His growth throughout the narrative effectively illustrates the struggle against corruption and the quest for justice, highlighting the important role of journalism in societal accountability.

Suggestions

Emphasize moments that illustrate the contrast between Mike’s personal journey and the institutional failures.
Incorporate dialogue that voices broader societal implications from Mike's findings.

Follow-up Questions

How do Mike's character developments enhance the screenplay's major themes?
What key moments underline the thematic interplay between personal motivations and systemic issues?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Mike's intense commitment to exposing institutional failure resonates strongly with the audience, fostering emotional investment in both his struggles and the victims' stories. His frustrations and triumphs mirror the emotional arcs presented in the narrative, evoking sympathy for the victims while reinforcing the urgency of the investigation.

Emotional Impact: Mike evokes strong feelings of urgency, tension, and empathy throughout his journey.

Suggestions

Enhance emotional beats by leveraging Mike's interactions with victims.
Heighten tension in scenes that showcase Mike’s frustrations in navigating institutional barriers.

Follow-up Questions

Which of Mike's interactions create the strongest emotional responses from the audience?
How does Mike’s journey correspond with emotional triggers throughout the narrative?

Personality Types

MBTI: estp

Mike’s assertive, action-oriented nature aligns with the ESTP profile, characterized by a focus on immediate realities and problems, often leading to decisive action without overthinking.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: entp (50%)

Suggestions

Explore more emotional depth to balance Mike's assertiveness.
Consider moments of introspection that flesh out other aspects of his personality.

Follow-up Questions

How do the personality traits of ESTP influence Mike's investigative style?
What challenges arise from Mike's personality type in the context of the story?

Sacha - Score: 78/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: INFJ

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Ambitious reporter with a strong moral compass.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Conflicted reporter balancing faith and purpose.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Evolves from naive enthusiasm to a mature understanding of the issue.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Direct and assertive, often revealing her determination.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Driven by purpose, sometimes to the detriment of personal health.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Struggles to balance her relationships with colleagues and victims.

Scene Impact 8/10

Sacha often drives home the emotional weight of the stories she covers.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Central to the narrative as a key investigator, emblematic of the moral quest.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Her journey illustrates the themes of truth, justice, and the struggle against institutional power.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Strong emotional connection through her investigative journey.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Sacha is a young, determined reporter for the Boston Globe's Spotlight team. She values truth and justice, striving to uncover the hidden narratives behind the Church’s abuse scandal. Her background as someone raised in a Catholic environment gives her a unique perspective, influencing her dedication to the story while also causing internal conflict as she navigates her relationships with family and faith.

Values And Beliefs: Truth, justice, faith, community.

Strengths And Skills: Strong investigative skills, empathy, resilience.

Suggestions

Develop Sacha's backstory further to explore how her upbringing influences her feelings about the Church and her work.
Show more internal conflict regarding her Catholic upbringing to add depth.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sacha's upbringing specifically influence her investigation?
What are her personal stakes in uncovering the truth about the Church?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Sacha experiences internal conflicts related to her faith and the stories of abuse she uncovers. Her interactions often reveal a mix of determination and vulnerability, reflecting her struggle to balance her professional life with her personal beliefs. Her emotional wounds from past experiences with the Church and expectations from her family add layers to her character.

Character Wound: Struggles with faith due to exposure to abuse scandal.

Character Flaws: Occasional impulsiveness, overextending herself.

Suggestions

Consider showcasing instances where her emotional state directly impacts her reporting.
Incorporate moments where her interactions with victims cause her to confront her own beliefs more intensely.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sacha reconcile her role as a reporter with her Catholic background?
What steps does she take to address her emotional wounds as the story progresses?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Sacha starts as a passionate reporter excited about her role but gradually transitions into a more hardened investigator aware of the complexities and deeper emotional ramifications of her work. The impact of stories she encounters and relationships she builds force her to face the darker realities of accountability and justice. Her growth is marked by increased awareness and maturity as she learns to cope with the weight of the narrative.

Polarity Changes: Initial enthusiasm contrasts with the heavy emotional toll of the unfolding story.

Transformation Triggers: Confrontations with victims and exposure to horrific stories catalyze her growth.

Suggestions

Highlight key moments that trigger her transformation, particularly during interviews with survivors.
Explore her evolving relationship with her colleagues as they share the load of this heavy story.

Follow-up Questions

What key moment marks Sacha's turning point in the investigation?
How does her evolving understanding impact her relationships within the team?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Sacha's dialogue conveys her tenacity and professionalism. She displays a no-nonsense attitude when interacting with survivors or colleagues, reflecting her commitment to the story. However, moments where she expresses her fears or confusions about the investigation are less prominent and could be further developed to enhance her character.

Unique Voice: Use of sharp questioning and empathetic language, but struggles to articulate deeper feelings about her discoveries.

Suggestions

Include more moments where Sacha shows vulnerability in her interactions.
Consider varying her tone to reflect frustration or despair during challenging conversations, not just professionalism.

Follow-up Questions

How can her dialogue evolve to reflect her emotional turmoil as the story develops?
What moments of self-doubt can be captured in her speech?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Sacha often pushes herself to the brink while pursuing leads and conducting interviews. Her choices reveal her commitment, but also hint at a potential burnout from the emotional toll of the stories she covers. Her motivations provide insight into her character; however, balancing her drive for impactful stories with self-care may lead to significant personal growth.

Motivations: Uncovering the truth behind the Church’s abuse scandal and bringing justice for victims.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to make a significant impact through her reporting; needs to process the emotional weight of the stories.

Suggestions

Show moments where Sacha’s choices lead to burnout or conflict with her colleagues.
Create situations where she has to make difficult choices between professional commitments and personal wellbeing.

Follow-up Questions

How do Sacha’s choices impact her relationships with the other reporters?
What consequences arise from her relentless pursuit of the story?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Sacha builds tough but empathetic connections with her colleagues, often clashing with the pressures they all face during the investigation. Her growing relationships with victims enhance her humanity but also add emotional strain, pushing her to confront her own beliefs and commitments to journalism.

Suggestions

Deepen her interactions with colleagues to reveal personal stakes in the story.
Explore the emotional fallout of her interviews with victims more thoroughly.

Follow-up Questions

How do her relationships with colleagues evolve as the tension around the story increases?
What impact do her victim interviews have on her personal relationships?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

In various scenes, Sacha's presence elevates the narrative, highlighting emotional tones and adding depth to interactions with victims. Her investigative spirit inspires her colleagues as they work toward uncovering the scandal, turning pivotal scenes into powerful commentary on accountability and justice.

Suggestions

Create more contrast between Sacha’s professional façade and her personal struggles in scenes.
Add scenes that showcase her emotional responses to the interviews she conducts.

Follow-up Questions

What moments best showcase the emotional impact of Sacha's role in the investigation?
How can her scenes be adjusted to better highlight her internal conflicts?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Sacha fulfills her role as a dedicated reporter and spokesperson for the victims throughout the narrative. Her character embodies the moral imperative to uncover the truth behind the scandal and seeks justice for the harmed, making her indispensable in the overall arc of the screenplay.

Symbolic Role: Represents the voice of the survivors and the relentless pursuit of truth.

Suggestions

Ensure Sacha's actions consistently reinforce her symbolic role in the story.
Focus on her interactions that highlight the moral stakes involved in the investigation.

Follow-up Questions

What are the main driving forces behind Sacha's commitment to this investigation?
How effectively does her character embody the moral themes of the screenplay?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Sacha's experience and insights weave into the screenplay’s central themes, highlighting the battle against deep-rooted institutional corruption and serving as an exploration of the interplay between faith and accountability. Her determination reflects the broader narrative quest for truth in the face of overwhelming odds.

Suggestions

Highlight key thematic moments in Sacha's character arc that connect to the narrative themes.
Explore moments where her actions provoke reflection on institutional power dynamics in society.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sacha's story reflect the larger societal issues at play in the screenplay?
What thematic elements should be emphasized to strengthen her character's integration into the overall narrative?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Sacha's journey resonates with audiences through her encounters with victims and her personal struggles. The weight of her emotional labor and the profound stories she uncovers connect the audience deeply to the narrative, evoking both empathy for the victims and admiration for her tenacity.

Emotional Impact: Evokes compassion, tension, and a sense of justice for the audience.

Suggestions

Emphasize Sacha's emotional responses to her investigations to heighten authenticity.
Incorporate scenes that showcase her vulnerability and relatability to enhance emotional impact.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes have the strongest emotional connection due to Sacha's portrayal?
How can her character be developed to evoke greater empathy from the audience?

Personality Types

MBTI: infj

Her empathetic and idealistic nature, along with her strong sense of purpose in uncovering the truth, aligns well with the INFJ type.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: isfj (70%)

Suggestions

Create scenarios that highlight her empathy and intuition regarding victims.
Develop internal conflicts that showcase her idealism clashing with harsh realities.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sacha’s personality type influence her interactions with victims?
What challenges arise from her INFJ characteristics in her work?

Matt - Score: 79/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: INTJ

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Dedicated reporter committed to uncovering the truth.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Complex character grappling with justice and institutional failure.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Matt shows growth as he becomes more assertive about the need to expose the truth.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Matt often speaks with clarity and conviction, showcasing his determination.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Matt acts with a strong moral compass, making choices that reflect his commitment to justice.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Matt has a supportive yet tense dynamic with the other members of the Spotlight team.

Scene Impact 7/10

Matt impacts scenes by introducing urgency and a push for action.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Matt fulfills the role of the passionate investigator seeking justice.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Matt’s journey ties closely to the themes of accountability and integrity.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Evokes empathy through a strong commitment to victims’ stories.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Matt Carroll is a dedicated reporter at the Boston Globe, part of the investigative Spotlight team that uncovers the church abuse scandal. His commitment to journalism is evident in his methodical approach to reporting and his interactions with other team members, showcasing his desire to uncover the truth. He values integrity and the power of the press to hold institutions accountable, particularly to protect vulnerable members of society.

Values And Beliefs: Integrity, accountability, social justice.

Strengths And Skills: Investigative journalism, communication, critical thinking.

Suggestions

Add more background on Matt’s personal motivations regarding the church abuse issue.
Show scenes where Matt expresses doubt or frustration to deepen his character.

Follow-up Questions

What drives Matt’s dedication to the story beyond professional obligation?
How does his background influence his perspective on the church scandal?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Matt struggles with the enormity of the story and its implications. He has a strong sense of justice, leading him to feel frustrated when progress is slow or when the church's influence looms large over their investigation. His emotional wound stems from realizing how institutions can fail to protect the innocent while causing harm.

Character Wound: Frustration with institutional failures and abuses of power.

Character Flaws: Overly idealistic at times, struggles with personal boundaries in the pursuit of truth.

Suggestions

Include scenes that highlight Matt's insecurities or moments of self-doubt.
Explore his relationships to show how they are affected by the story’s weight.

Follow-up Questions

How does Matt reconcile his professional ideals with the harsh realities of the investigation?
What personal sacrifices does he make for the story?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Throughout the screenplay, Matt transitions from a passive reporter to a more active and vocal proponent for the victims' stories. His journey reflects a growing awareness of the systemic issues at play and a deepening commitment to holding those in power accountable.

Polarity Changes: Starts somewhat frustrated and passive, becoming more vocal and determined as the story unfolds.

Transformation Triggers: Key conversations with colleagues and exposure to the victims' stories ignite his passion and urgency.

Suggestions

Include more pivotal moments that catalyze his transformation.
Highlight interactions that reinforce or challenge his newfound assertiveness.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events push Matt to take a stronger stance?
How does he balance the emotional weight of the story with his professional duties?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Matt's dialogue reflects his commitment and passion for uncovering the truth. He is direct, ensuring that his points resonate well with his colleagues. His voice evolves from passive observations to more assertive statements as the narrative progresses.

Unique Voice: He has a straightforward, earnest way of speaking that conveys his seriousness about the investigation.

Suggestions

Add more internal monologue to reveal Matt’s thoughts and feelings during critical scenes.
Use interactions with victims to create more emotional dialogue.

Follow-up Questions

How does Matt’s way of speaking change in high-pressure situations?
Are there specific phrases he uses that encapsulate his values?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Matt's actions consistently align with his motivations to expose corruption and protect the victims of the abuse scandal. His choices reflect a deep-seated desire for accountability within institutions, and he often finds himself torn between urgency and ensuring the integrity of his reporting.

Motivations: Uncovering the truth and seeking justice for victims.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to publish the story vs. the need for thorough and accurate reporting.

Suggestions

Create scenarios where Matt must make difficult ethical decisions.
Show how his choices impact his relationships with colleagues.

Follow-up Questions

What dilemmas does Matt face that challenge his moral beliefs?
How do his choices affect the dynamics within the Spotlight team?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Matt's relationships with his colleagues push him to improve and grow, but they can also create tension as they navigate the intensity of their investigation. His collaboration with Robby, Sacha, and Mike plays a crucial role in shaping the direction and success of their efforts.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Matt's relationships are tested by the story's emotional toll.
Include more dialogue-focused scenes to explore his connections with teammates.

Follow-up Questions

How do Matt’s personal beliefs clash with those of his colleagues?
What bonding moments can deepen the team’s dynamic?

Scene Impact

Score: 7

Matt drives many poignant conversations within the team, motivating them to take action and stay committed to the investigation. His emotions during critical moments create tension and serve as a catalyst for significant narrative shifts.

Suggestions

Ensure scenes featuring Matt have emotional stakes.
Show how his reactions influence the pace or direction of dialogues.

Follow-up Questions

What are pivotal scenes where Matt’s presence elevates the stakes?
Are there missed opportunities for Matt to take charge in scenes?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As a core member of the Spotlight team, Matt represents the earnest pursuit of truth in journalism. His commitment to revealing the church's abuses paints him as a symbol of integrity and determination against detrimental systemic issues.

Symbolic Role: Represents the moral voice of the film, embodying the fight for truth and accountability.

Suggestions

Contrast Matt's role with characters that embody passivity to strengthen his narrative importance.
Explore how Matt's role could straddle both investigation and personal reflection on the church's impact.

Follow-up Questions

How does Matt's journey affect the overall moral undertones of the screenplay?
What challenges does he face that test his role in the narrative?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Matt's personal evolution reflects the film's commitment to addressing larger societal issues and the failings of powerful institutions. His growth underscores themes of justice and the necessity for transparency in authority.

Suggestions

Link Matt’s character journey more explicitly to the film's overarching themes of abuse and corporate complicity.
Provide moments where he reflects on the impact of their findings.

Follow-up Questions

How do Matt's experiences mirror the struggles faced by victims?
In what ways does he embody the film's themes through his actions?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Matt successfully evokes empathy as he connects with the trauma of the victims. His emotional stakes rise as the investigation progresses, allowing the audience to experience the weight of their discoveries alongside him.

Emotional Impact: Creates a strong connection with the audience through his commitment to the victims’ stories.

Suggestions

Deepen moments of vulnerability when he hears victim testimonies.
Include scenes that showcase Matthew's internal conflict regarding the investigation.

Follow-up Questions

What aspects of Matt’s journey resonate most with the audience?
How can his interactions with victims heighten emotional stakes?

Personality Types

MBTI: intj

Matt displays traits consistent with an INTJ, illustrating strategic thinking and decisiveness, particularly in investigative prowess.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: istj (60%)

Suggestions

Focus on showing more of Matt's introverted thinking process during investigations.
Highlight instances where his strategic planning shines in high-stakes decisions.

Follow-up Questions

What internal motivations fuel Matt's dedication to the story?
Are there opportunities to show Matt's more social side, perhaps in moments of camaraderie?

Marty - Score: 83/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENTJ
Enneagram: Type 8 (The Challenger)

Scenes

Strongest: #164
Weakest: #10

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

New editor challenging the status quo.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Struggles with outsider status and institutional power.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Progresses toward a relentless pursuit of truth.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Direct and assertive communication style.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Decisions driven by a commitment to ethical journalism.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Strained but essential relationships with the Spotlight team.

Scene Impact 9/10

Central to scenes driving the investigative narrative.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Exemplifies the role of a determined investigative journalist.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Embodies themes of justice, integrity, and institutional accountability.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Strongly motivates audience emotions.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Marty Baron is the new editor of the Boston Globe, representing a change in the newsroom toward a more aggressive and investigative stance on pressing social issues. He has a strong sense of journalistic integrity and a commitment to uncovering the truth, particularly regarding the Catholic Church's handling of sexual abuse cases. His arrival signifies a departure from complacency and a challenge to the institution's authority, moving the narrative toward investigative journalism.

Values And Beliefs: Truth, integrity, accountability.

Strengths And Skills: Leadership, journalistic experience, persuasive communication.

Suggestions

Create stronger connections with the Spotlight team members to enhance collaborative dynamics.
Facilitate open discussions about potential threats from the Church to better prepare the team for backlash.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences shaped Marty's commitment to uncovering hard truths?
How does Marty's leadership style influence the team's motivation or productivity?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Marty faces the internal conflict of being positioned as an outsider in a city deeply intertwined with Catholic traditions. This tension fuels his drive but also places him in vulnerable situations where he must navigate institutional power dynamics. His confidence can sometimes come off as brusque, causing friction with more seasoned reporters.

Character Wound: Feeling of alienation in a traditionally Catholic city.

Character Flaws: Can come across as dismissive or overly ambitious.

Suggestions

Highlight moments of vulnerability to balance Marty's assertiveness.
Explore personal stakes that deepen his connection to the story beyond professional duties.

Follow-up Questions

How do Marty's outsider views affect his interactions with the local community?
What fears does Marty harbor regarding the backlash from the Church?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

Marty's character evolves as he faces societal and institutional challenges. He transitions from being a somewhat isolated figure to a pivotal leader of the Spotlight team, fostering unity and determination to expose systemic abuse. His experience reinforces his belief in the power of journalism as a tool for advocacy.

Polarity Changes: Initial tension with the team resolves into a unified front against institutional corruption.

Transformation Triggers: Discovering the extent of the Church's involvement leads to great determination.

Suggestions

Flesh out interactions with victims to create emotional resonance.
Include moments of doubt or reflection to add depth to Marty's resolve.

Follow-up Questions

What key events trigger his transformation throughout the investigation?
In what ways does Marty’s journey mirror the broader fight for justice?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Marty's dialogue is characterized by a firm, no-nonsense approach. He often speaks in a straightforward manner that reflects his determination to achieve journalistic integrity. As he grows more involved with the story, his dialogue evolves to include more collaborative language, attempting to unify the Spotlight team's efforts.

Unique Voice: Clear, focused language aimed at pushing team objectives forward.

Suggestions

Incorporate more rhetorical questions to engage the team.
Balance assertive speech with moments of vulnerability to humanize him.

Follow-up Questions

How does Marty's way of speaking affect team morale?
Can more dialogue reveal Marty's values outside of work?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Marty's choices are consistently aimed at challenging the status quo and holding powerful institutions accountable. Each decision reinforces his commitment to uncovering the truth, often putting him at odds with more complacent figures in the newsroom. His focus on achieving journalistic success reflects both personal ambition and moral responsibility.

Motivations: A desire to expose truth and advocate for victims of abuse.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to achieve a groundbreaking story while needing team unity and support.

Suggestions

Show the consequences of his choices on the team dynamics.
Highlight a key moment where a choice leads to unforeseen complications.

Follow-up Questions

What consequences do Marty's decisions have on his relationships?
How do Marty's motivations evolve as the investigation progresses?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Marty's dynamic with the Spotlight team evolves from initial skepticism to collaborative determination. He is seen as a driving force for their investigation, though his authoritative style sometimes creates tension. These relationships are crucial as they reveal different sides of Marty's character and illustrate the challenges of teamwork under pressure.

Suggestions

Include more moments of personal bonding to strengthen team relationships.
Explore conflict resolution techniques Marty uses to foster unity.

Follow-up Questions

How do team members perceive Marty's leadership style?
What impact does trust (or lack thereof) have on their collaborative efforts?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Marty's presence often instigates discussion and action within critical scenes. He acts as a catalyst in team meetings, pushing for a deeper investigation into the Church. His authoritative demeanor helps steer the narrative forward, making pivotal decisions that define the course of their investigation.

Suggestions

Add more reactions from the team during pivotal scenes to underline his impact.
Develop scenes where Marty's decisions lead to both positive and negative outcomes.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Marty’s presence change the energy of a scene?
How do other characters respond to Marty’s leadership in high-pressure situations?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Marty fulfills a critical protagonist role, representing the struggle against corruption and the quest for accountability in journalism. His determination to hold the Church accountable showcases a narrative of moral fortitude and integrity, which is pivotal for the storyline and resonates with broader ethical themes present throughout the film.

Symbolic Role: Represents truth-seeking in the face of institutional power.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where his actions contrast with traditional portrayals of journalists.
Explore nuances in his role that could add complexity to his character.

Follow-up Questions

How does Marty's portrayal contrast with stereotypical media representations?
What additional pressures do protagonists like Marty face across various institutions?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Marty's journey is intertwined with major themes of the screenplay—such as the quest for truth, the complexities of faith, and the moral responsibility of journalists. His efforts to expose the Church's abuses reinforce the necessity of institutional accountability and lend weight to the overarching narrative of societal change.

Suggestions

Integrate more reflections on the larger social implications of their findings.
Underpin the narrative with Marty's growth in understanding institutional dynamics.

Follow-up Questions

How does Marty's arc reflect broader societal issues beyond the Church?
In what ways does his character challenge or affirm existing societal norms?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Marty's character effectively evokes emotions of empathy and anger within the audience as they witness his commitment to uncovering painful truths. His pursuit resonates deeply against the backdrop of widespread abuse, allowing viewers to connect emotionally with the victims and the gravity of their experiences.

Emotional Impact: Elicits a strong sense of justice and moral outrage.

Suggestions

Deepen the stakes for Marty’s commitments to enhance emotional stakes.
Include flashbacks or personal associations that connect him to victims.

Follow-up Questions

What emotional responses does Marty’s journey elicit among audience members?
How can we further enhance the narrative's emotional stakes through Marty's characterization?

Personality Types

MBTI: entj

Marty exhibits leadership qualities, strategic thinking, and determination, characteristic of ENTJs.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: intj (70%)

Suggestions

Explore the logical reasoning behind Marty’s decisions to highlight ENTJ traits.
Include scenes where he showcases strategic planning skills.

Follow-up Questions

What aspects of Marty's personality align most with ENTJ characteristics?
In what ways do his leadership traits influence his relationships within the team?

Enneagram: type 8 (the challenger)

Marty embodies a strong presence, seeking control and influence to advocate for justice, typical of an Enneagram Type 8.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 3 (the achiever) (60%)

Suggestions

Highlight Marty's passion and assertive nature in conflict resolution.
Explore vulnerabilities related to his fear of being controlled.

Follow-up Questions

How do the traits of a Type 8 affect Marty's decisions and interactions?
What challenges does he face as a result of his Enneagram type?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (164)

Marty confidently asserts the importance of going after the systemic issues within the Church.

Why: This scene demonstrates his unwavering commitment to the story and his moral clarity on the matter, solidifying his role as a determined leader.

Weakest Scene (10)

Inconsistent communication with his team leaves him isolated.

Why: Marty appears distant during the team’s brainstorming sessions, which creates a divide in motivation and trust.

Suggestions:

Include dialogue that reflects Marty's struggle to connect with his team.
Add moments where he seeks to engage other members more actively.

Ben - Score: 74/100

Role

Supporting Character

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Pragmatic and loyal Deputy Managing Editor.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Struggles with ethical journalism under pressure.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Ben remains a stabilizing force through the investigation but confronted with the need for change.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Ben's dialogue is direct and reflective of his authority.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Ben's decisions reflect a commitment to journalistic integrity in the face of potential backlash.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Ben navigates complex relationships within the newsroom.

Scene Impact 7/10

Ben serves as an emotional anchor for the team.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Ben fulfills the role of a responsible editor.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Ben embodies themes of integrity and courage in journalism.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Embodies the emotional weight of journalistic integrity.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Ben is the Deputy Managing Editor at the Boston Globe, embodying the responsibilities and pressures of high-level journalism, especially in a news landscape that is rapidly changing. His foundational traits are characterized by a sense of pragmatism and loyalty to the paper's reputation. He understands the stakes involved in investigative journalism and is committed to getting the story right while balancing internal politics.

Values And Beliefs: Integrity in journalism, accountability, the importance of thorough reporting.

Strengths And Skills: Strong editorial judgment, experience in journalism, adept at managing a newsroom.

Suggestions

Explore his backstory to add depth, perhaps detailing his career path to reach this position.
Include scenes that showcase his editorial decision-making process to enhance his credibility as an editor.

Follow-up Questions

What past experiences shaped Ben's views on journalism ethics?
How does Ben's relationship with the new editor shape his actions throughout the screenplay?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Ben's emotional complexity is revealed through his interactions with the team and the pressures from higher-ups. He faces internal conflict between the paper's need for sensational stories and the ethical implications of those stories, especially regarding sensitive issues like the Catholic Church abuse scandal. His role often positions him to make tough decisions, leading to a fear of backlash if those decisions are unpopular.

Character Wound: The burden of responsibility in a high-stakes journalism environment.

Character Flaws: Occasional hesitation, struggle with transparency when faced with powerful institutions.

Suggestions

Develop scenes that showcase Ben's internal conflicts regarding the moral implications of exposing scandals.
Incorporate dialogue that highlights his hesitations and fears about public backlash.

Follow-up Questions

What specific debate triggers Ben's ethical concerns throughout the story?
How does Ben reconcile his decisions in the face of potential criticism?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Throughout the narrative, Ben exemplifies a character who supports the investigation's direction while grappling with his own professional limit. He doesn't undergo a significant transformation but acts as a crucial anchor for the team.

Polarity Changes: Ben faces high points when the investigation gains momentum, but low points when pressured by the church's influence.

Transformation Triggers: The exposure of the Church's systemic abuse and his commitment to supporting the team.

Suggestions

Flesh out Ben's emotional responses to the turning points in the story, particularly the pressures they face from the Church.
Consider scenes where he has to advocate for the team to higher-ups at the Globe.

Follow-up Questions

What moments influence Ben's perception of his role during the investigation?
How does Ben define success for both himself and the paper?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Ben’s speech patterns reflect a leader's voice—clear, concise, authoritative. His dialogue often serves to ground discussions and push for action, embodying the urgency of journalism.

Unique Voice: He communicates with a no-nonsense tone that emphasizes clarity and decisiveness.

Suggestions

Introduce more moments where Ben's dialogue reveals his moral stances on the stories they cover.
Explore moments of vulnerability in his speak to allow the audience to see a more personal side.

Follow-up Questions

What specific phrases does Ben consistently use that reflect his strong editorial stance?
How does Ben’s dialogue help establish the tension between the editorial staff and the Church?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Ben often has to navigate complex decisions about which stories to prioritize and how to handle pushback from the church and his own editorial board. His choices illustrate the constant tension in journalism between serving the public and maintaining relationships with powerful entities.

Motivations: To uphold the newspaper’s integrity and ensure thorough, responsible reporting.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to maintain the Globe’s reputation while needing to take moral stands.

Suggestions

Add scenes where Ben has to confront higher-ups regarding editorial choices directly.
Show instances where his decisions result in significant impact on the investigation.

Follow-up Questions

What specific pressures does Ben face from advertisers or influential community members?
How do Ben's choices reflect the newspaper’s overall mission during the Catholic Church investigations?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

His interactions with the Spotlight team demonstrate a mentor-like relationship, where he balances support and challenge. With pressures from upper management, he also has to manage relationships with others who may be resistant to the investigation.

Suggestions

Develop his relationships with his team members, showcasing collaborative successes.
Include scenes where Ben mediates conflicts among team members to highlight his leadership.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ben's dynamic with Marty Baron evolve throughout the investigation?
What moments reveal the depth of Ben’s relationship with the investigative team?

Scene Impact

Score: 7

His presence—often calm and business-like—pushes the narrative forward in tense situations, serving to refocus the team on their journalistic goals. He often grounds heated discussions and provides perspective.

Suggestions

Create more moments where Ben's actions directly influence the team’s morale.
Incorporate scenes where Ben’s decisions impact key outcomes in the investigation.

Follow-up Questions

What is Ben's specific role in resolving conflicts during the investigation?
How does Ben's reaction to critical developments affect the team dynamic?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Ben operates in a traditional editorial role, representing the voice of authority in the newsroom. His actions reinforce the importance of journalistic integrity in the face of adversity.

Symbolic Role: Represents the challenges faced by the press in pursuing truth.

Suggestions

Include moments where Ben faces ethical dilemmas aligned with the central themes.
Show how Ben’s editorial judgments sway the direction of the investigation.

Follow-up Questions

How does the audience perceive Ben’s role compared to other characters in the newsroom?
What misconceptions might characters have about Ben that drive conflict within the story?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

His dedication to getting the story right resonates with the overarching themes of accountability and the power of the press. He struggles against institutional pressures not only from the church but also from the media landscape.

Suggestions

Pull in more commentary on the role of media accountability from Ben’s perspective.
Connect his thematic role to the decisions made in the climax of the investigation.

Follow-up Questions

How do Ben's actions shape the narrative on journalistic integrity?
In what ways does Ben's presence underscore the story's critique of systemic failures?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Ben's decisions evoke a sense of urgency and tension among the potential consequences of the investigation. His leadership inspires confidence in the team and reflects the internal struggle that many in journalism face.

Emotional Impact: Portrays a mix of duty and moral responsibility.

Suggestions

Emphasize Ben's emotional reactions during critical moments for greater audience connection.
Create scenes where Ben shares personal reflections on the impact of their work.

Follow-up Questions

What emotional conflicts does Ben experience as a leader during the investigation?
How can Ben's reactions highlight the stakes involved in their work?

Primary Theme: The importance of journalistic integrity and the power of investigative reporting in uncovering systemic corruption and injustice.

How Multiple Themes Interact: While several other themes are present, they all serve to strengthen and enrich the primary theme. The themes of institutional cover-up, faith vs. doubt, personal sacrifice, and the psychological trauma of abuse all contribute to the overall narrative by highlighting the gravity of the situation the Spotlight team investigates and the challenges they face in exposing the truth. These themes don't overshadow the primary theme; instead, they provide layers of complexity and emotional weight that amplify the impact of the investigative journalism at the heart of the story.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Primary Theme Support

Journalistic Integrity and Investigative Reporting (40%)

The entire narrative revolves around the Spotlight team's investigation, their dedication to uncovering the truth, and the obstacles they encounter. This includes their persistence in the face of skepticism, the challenges of accessing information, and the ethical considerations they face.

This theme explores the importance of holding powerful institutions accountable, the role of journalism in a democratic society, and the personal sacrifices involved in investigative reporting. It highlights the potential for journalism to expose injustice and bring about positive change.

This is the central theme, driving the plot and motivating the characters' actions.

Strengthening Journalistic Integrity and Investigative Reporting:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 2	During Ben Bradlee Jr.'s farewell speech to Stewart, add a line reflecting on the importance of journalistic integrity in upholding truth, even when facing powerful adversaries. For example: "...and Stewart, you always reminded us that the truth, however uncomfortable, is worth fighting for. That's the legacy we should all strive for."
Story Arc - Scene 5	Expand the meeting scene where Marty Baron raises concerns about Eileen McNamara's column. Instead of just suggesting pursuing documents, show the Spotlight team debating the ethical and practical challenges of investigating the Church, focusing on the potential risks to their careers and the paper's reputation if they are wrong. This highlights the courage and commitment required for journalistic integrity.
Character Arc	Throughout the screenplay, show Mike's internal struggle between the pressure to get the story and the ethical considerations of pursuing it. Add moments of doubt and self-reflection, particularly during his interactions with Garabedian, where he grapples with the lawyer's cynicism and the victims' reluctance to speak. This will demonstrate the personal cost of upholding journalistic integrity.
Visual - Scene 26	During the scene in the basement with the old church directories, visually emphasize the painstaking nature of their research. Show close-ups of dusty documents, tired faces, and the slow process of uncovering hidden information. This visual representation reinforces the effort and dedication required for investigative journalism.
Dialogue - Scene 57	In the final meeting, add a scene where the Spotlight team reflects on the potential consequences of their investigation. Include dialogue where they explicitly acknowledge the risks they took, the sacrifices they made, and the importance of their work in upholding journalistic integrity, even in the face of immense pressure from the Church and potential backlash. This underscores the theme's central importance.

Institutional Cover-up and Systemic Abuse (30%)

The film centers on the systematic cover-up of widespread child sexual abuse within the Catholic Church. The theme is shown through the actions of church officials, the legal system, and even members of the community who remain silent or actively protect those who committed the crimes.

This theme highlights the dangers of power imbalances, the consequences of secrecy and silence, and the way institutions can protect themselves at the expense of vulnerable individuals. It shows how systemic abuse can go undetected and unpunished for decades.

This theme provides the central conflict and the subject matter of the investigation, fueling the Spotlight team's work and showcasing the necessity of their journalistic pursuit.

Faith vs. Doubt (15%)

The film explores the complexities of faith and belief, particularly within the context of the scandal. Several characters grapple with their faith in the church and in God, questioning the institutions and their leaders.

The conflict between faith and doubt adds a layer of emotional and spiritual depth to the story, highlighting the personal struggles of both victims and those grappling with the revelation of the scandal.

This adds a moral and philosophical dimension, enhancing the overall weight and impact of the story by demonstrating the wide-ranging effects of the institutional cover-up.

Personal Sacrifice and Perseverance (10%)

The Spotlight team members dedicate themselves to the investigation, foregoing personal time and facing immense pressure. Their perseverance and determination in the face of adversity are crucial to their success.

This theme underscores the human cost of investigative journalism and the sacrifices reporters often make in their pursuit of truth. It highlights their commitment and passion for uncovering and exposing the truth.

This reinforces the central theme by showcasing the dedication required for successful investigative reporting, emphasizing the human element behind the journalistic process.

Psychological Trauma of Abuse (5%)

The film depicts the lasting psychological impact of child sexual abuse on victims. The trauma is evident in the survivors' testimonies, their reluctance to come forward, and their ongoing struggle to cope with the consequences of the abuse.

This theme adds emotional depth and realism to the narrative, emphasizing the human cost of the scandal and demonstrating the lasting effects of abuse on individuals and their communities.

This theme underscores the magnitude of the problem the Spotlight team investigates, providing powerful emotional resonance and adding to the gravity of the injustice being uncovered.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."

Scene by Scene Emotions

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goals evolve from a desire for control and justice in navigating the sensitive dynamics of the church abuse scandal to a deeper pursuit of truth and integrity in journalism. Throughout the script, he grapples with balancing professional responsibilities and personal beliefs while confronting the emotional toll of the abuse cases he investigates.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals shift from discreetly handling the abuse scandal to rigorously investigating and ultimately exposing the systemic corruption within the Church through investigative journalism. He seeks to mobilize his team to uncover the stories of victims and hold powerful institutions accountable.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between preserving the Church's reputation versus prioritizing justice for abuse victims. This conflict is embodied in the protagonist's journey, where he grapples with loyalty to a powerful institution and the ethical obligation to speak out against its wrongdoing.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist undergoes significant character development as he evolves from someone overwhelmed by external pressures into a decisive leader who thrives in the face of moral dilemmas. His internal conflicts drive him to deepen his commitment to truth and protect the vulnerabilities of survivors.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts create a structured narrative arc that escalates tension and works towards a climactic resolution, culminating in the publication of their investigative findings—a pivotal moment in the story that serves as the turning point for both the characters and the broader community.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay of goals and conflict amplifies the screenplay’s thematic depth, engaging with complex issues such as moral obligation, institutional power, and the responsibilities of the press. It explores the impact of systemic abuse and the quest for truth, making it a poignant reflection on the pursuit of justice in the face of overwhelming opposition.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Shadows of Trust	Tense, Serious, Mysterious	8.5	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	8	9	7	8	9	9	8	8	8
2 - Farewell and Frustration in the Newsroom	Humorous, Serious, Sarcastic	8.5	8	8	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
3 - A Conversation on the Future of Journalism	Informative, Reflective, Serious	8.2	9	8	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	6	8	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
4 - New Beginnings in the Newsroom	Professional, Serious, Informative	7.5	8	7	8	8	6	8	7	5	7	4	7	7	5	8	9	9	8	8
5 - From Banter to Burden: The Church's Shadow	Serious, Inquisitive, Concerned	8.5	9	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	9	9	8	8	8
6 - Investigating the Shadows	Serious, Intriguing, Professional	8.5	8	9	8	8	8	8	7.5	8	8	8	9	8	8	9	9	9	8	8
7 - Prioritizing the Geoghan Case	Serious, Professional, Intriguing, Informative	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	7	7	8	9	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
8 - Dinner Conversations and Legal Challenges	Serious, Tense, Intriguing	8.5	9	9	8	8	8	8	9	9	8	9	9	7	8	9	8	8	9	9
9 - Uncovering the Truth	Serious, Informative, Professional	8.5	9	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	7	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
10 - The Reluctant Advocate	Serious, Abrasive, Inquisitive	8.2	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
11 - Uncovering the Past	Serious, Inquisitive, Informative	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
12 - Tensions at Fenway: The Investigation Debate	Serious, Inquisitive, Skeptical	7.5	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
13 - Teeing Off Tensions	Serious, Light-hearted, Informative	8.5	8	9	9	9	6	8	7.5	6	7	7	8	8	7	9	9	8.5	8	8
14 - Uneasy Conversations	Serious, Reflective, Contemplative	8.2	9	8	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
15 - Determined Pursuit	Serious, Skeptical, Resolute, Casual	8.5	8	9	7	9	7	8	7	8	7	8	9	6	7	9	8	8	8	8
16 - A Tense Exchange at the Mansion	Serious, Reflective, Informative	8.5	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	7	7	6	8	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
17 - Confronting the Past	Serious, Emotional, Informative	9.2	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	8	7	9	9	8	10	10	9	8	8	8
18 - A Tenuous Agreement	Serious, Tense, Confrontational	8.5	8	9	9	9	7	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
19 - Nervous Beginnings at Cafe Francesca	Nervous, Informative, Intense	8.5	8	9	8	8	8	8	7	8	7	8	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
20 - Unveiling Shadows	Intense, Serious, Emotional	8.5	8	8	8	9	8	8	7	7	7	7	8	8	9	9	9	9	9	9
21 - Reflections in the Park	Intense, Emotional, Serious	8.5	9	8	9	9	8	8	6	7	6	7	7	7	9	9	9	8	8	7
22 - A Call for Justice	Serious, Reflective, Informative	8.5	8	8	8	9	8	8	7	6	7	8	8	7	9	8	8	8	9	9
23 - Uncovering Truths	Serious, Intense, Intriguing	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	8	9	9	9	8	8
24 - Uncovering the Truth	Serious, Intense, Informative	8.5	9	8	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	8	9	7	8	9	9	8	8	8
25 - Secrets and Investigations	Serious, Intense, Inquisitive	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	8	8	8	9	8	9	9	9	8.5	8	8
26 - Unearthing Secrets	Serious, Intense, Intriguing	8.5	8	9	8	8	6	8	7	7	7	8	9	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
27 - Uncovering Secrecy	Serious, Confrontational, Inquisitive	8.5	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	8	9	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
28 - A Night at the Copley Square	Formal, Informative, Light-hearted	7.5	8	7	8	8	5	8	7.5	5	7	4	7	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
29 - Dinner of Reflection	Serious, Reflective, Intense	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	8	8	8	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	8
30 - Confrontation at the Copley	Serious, Intense, Confrontational	8.5	8	9	8	9	9	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	9	9	8	8	8
31 - Unveiling the Truth	Shocking, Serious, Informative	9.2	9	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	10	8	9	9	9	9	8	8
32 - Uncovering the Truth	Shocking, Intense, Serious	8.5	9	9	8	8	7	8	7.5	8	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
33 - Uncovering Shadows	Intense, Suspenseful, Serious	9.2	9	9	8	9	8	8	7	9	7	9	10	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
34 - Confronting the Silence	Intense, Confrontational, Serious	9.2	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	8
35 - Tensions Over Truth	Tense, Skeptical, Reflective	8.5	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	8	9	7	8	9	8	8	8	8
36 - Uncovering the Truth: Systemic Issues in the Church	Serious, Intense, Intriguing	8.5	9	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	8	8	9	9	8	9	9	9	8.5	8	8
37 - Silent Struggles: Unveiling the Church's Shadows	Intense, Serious, Confrontational	8.5	8	9	8	8	8	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
38 - Confronting Shadows	Tense, Shocking, Awkward, Stunned	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	9	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
39 - Tensions in the Courtroom	Tense, Serious, Professional	8.5	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
40 - Uncovering the Truth	Tense, Revealing, Conspiratorial	9.2	10	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	10	9	8	9	9	9	9	8	8
41 - The Empty Folder	Tense, Excited, Frustrated	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	9	9	9
42 - Breaking News: The World Trade Center Attack	Tense, Serious, Urgent	8.5	8	8	8	8	7	8	9	8	8	8	9	7	8	8	9	9	9	9
43 - Tensions Rise: A Race Against Time	Tense, Serious, Confrontational	8.5	8	9	9	9	8	8	7.5	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	9	8.5	8	8
44 - Urgency and Gratitude	Tense, Serious, Urgent	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	8	6	9	9	6	8	9	9	8	8	8
45 - Tensions and Revelations	Serious, Intense, Tense	8.5	8	9	8	8	8	8	7	8	7	9	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
46 - Frustration at the Courthouse	Anxious, Frustrated, Tense	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	8	8	9	9	7	8	8	9	9	8	8
47 - Confronting the Past	Tense, Confrontational, Emotional	8.5	8	9	8	8	8	8	7	9	7	8	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
48 - The Weight of Knowledge	Serious, Tense, Inquisitive	8.5	9	8	8	9	8	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
49 - Uncovering the Truth	Intense, Shocking, Urgent	9.2	9	9	8	9	8	8	7	9	7	9	10	7	10	9	9	9	8	8
50 - Urgency and Conflict at the Boston Globe	Intense, Urgent, Emotional	9.2	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	10	10	9	9	8	8
51 - Fractured Reflections	Reflective, Emotional, Intimate	8.5	8	8	9	9	8	8	7.5	5	7	4	6	8	9	9	9	8.5	8	8
52 - Complicity in Elegance	Tense, Reflective, Confrontational	8.5	9	8	8	9	7	8	7	8	8	8	8	7	8	9	9	8	8	8
53 - Tensions Rise Over Church Case Ruling	Serious, Tense, Stunned	8.2	8	9	8	8	6	8	7	7	7	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
54 - The Urgency of Truth	Tense, Serious, Urgent	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	9	9	8	8	8
55 - Tensions Rise Before Christmas	Tense, Emotional, Serious	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	9	9	9	9	8.5	8	8
56 - Confrontation and Urgency	Tense, Frustrated, Serious	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	8	7	9	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
57 - Facing the Fallout	Serious, Reflective, Tense	9.2	9	9	8.5	10	9	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	8	9	9	9	8.5	8	8
58 - The Weight of Truth	Tense, Serious, Confrontational	8.5	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
59 - Echoes of Innocence	Serious, Intense, Reflective	8.5	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	8	7	9	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
60 - From Calm to Chaos	Serious, Intense, Chaotic	9.2	9	9	9	9	9	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Engaging dialogue that effectively captures character dynamics and emotional depth
Strong character introductions that establish motivations and set up future conflicts
Tension-filled situations that maintain a sense of urgency and high stakes
Effective depiction of investigative journalism, enhancing realism and audience engagement
Exploration of ethical dilemmas that adds depth to character arcs and plot progression

Scene Weaknesses

Limited character development in certain scenes, hindering emotional connections
Lack of visual action and reliance on dialogue may lead to pacing issues
Repetitive dialogue in places, which could detract from impact and engagement
Limited exploration of individual character arcs, affecting overall depth of the narrative
Abrupt character interactions or lack of resolution may leave audiences wanting more

Suggestions

Focus on developing character arcs consistently throughout the screenplay to enhance emotional engagement
Incorporate more visual elements or action to complement dialogue-heavy segments and maintain pacing
Revise dialogue to reduce repetition and increase impact, ensuring each line serves a distinct purpose
Strengthen supporting characters and their stories to enrich the narrative and maintain audience interest
Ensure character interactions have clear resolutions to improve audience satisfaction and narrative coherence

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay is set primarily in Boston, Massachusetts, in the years 1976 and 2001. Locations range from the gritty urban environments of South Boston and East Boston (including rundown apartments and diners) to the affluent settings of the Four Seasons Hotel and a wealthy Brookline neighborhood. Institutional settings like police stations, courtrooms, the Boston Globe newsroom (depicted in various states of bustle and quiet), a Catholic high school, and even a dank basement filled with old church directories are crucial. The physical environment is often used to reflect the social standing and power dynamics at play.
Culture: The dominant cultural elements are the deeply ingrained Catholicism of Boston, the city's strong sense of community and tradition (especially in Southie), and the culture of investigative journalism. Baseball, a quintessential American pastime, also features prominently. The interactions between these elements, particularly the clash between the traditional Catholic culture and the investigative journalism that exposes its dark underbelly, is central to the narrative.
Society: The societal structure is hierarchical and reveals significant power dynamics. The Catholic Church holds immense power and influence, often using it to suppress information and protect itself. Law enforcement and the legal system are depicted as sometimes complicit in the Church's cover-up, showing a complex network of power that resists accountability. The newsroom of the Boston Globe operates with its own hierarchy but acts as an opposing force, striving to uncover the truth and expose the Church's abuses. The broader societal pressures to maintain silence around sensitive issues are emphasized.
Technology: Technology plays a relatively minor role, although its presence is felt in the transition from 1976 to 2001. The contrast is noticeable – the 1976 scene uses no specific technology beyond a town car while 2001 scenes feature computers (Nexis, Micro Fiche), telephones, and recording devices. The use of technology in investigative journalism reflects a modern approach to uncovering the truth, highlighting the changing investigative capabilities. Cell phones and the internet are only lightly utilized and function primarily as tools for communication and research.
Characters influence: The world elements directly shape the characters' actions and experiences. The deeply entrenched Catholic culture influences the characters' personal histories, moral compasses, and relationships. The hierarchical societal structures create obstacles and challenges for the journalists, who must navigate powerful institutions and individuals to uncover the truth. The physical environments often contribute to the emotional tension and atmosphere of specific scenes, shaping how characters interact and react. The scarcity of technology in the earlier setting contrasts with the greater ease of research and communication available in the 2001 storyline.
Narrative contribution: The various settings and societal structures drive the narrative forward. The contrast between the quiet, cold police station in 1976 and the bustling newsroom in 2001 establishes the time frame and sets the stage for the investigation. The different locations where the journalists conduct their research and interviews directly propel the plot, uncovering key evidence and leading to confrontations with powerful figures within the Church and legal system.
Thematic depth contribution: The screenplay's thematic depth stems from the interplay of these world elements. The conflict between the powerful Catholic Church and the independent investigative journalists highlights themes of truth versus power, faith versus doubt, and the struggle for justice. The depiction of the societal pressures to maintain silence reveals themes of complicity, institutional cover-ups, and the long-term consequences of abuse and its suppression. The contrasting physical environments and cultural elements emphasize the diverse experiences and perspectives of the characters, adding layers to the exploration of these themes.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by a masterful blend of realism and subtle tension. Dialogue is sharp, witty, and authentic, capturing the nuances of everyday conversation while revealing underlying conflicts and power dynamics. The narrative is driven by meticulously detailed scenes that immerse the reader in the world of investigative journalism, building suspense and gradually revealing information. A strong emphasis on character interactions and realistic portrayals, especially the emotional toll on those involved, creates a compelling and deeply human story.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by enhancing its realism, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The authentic dialogue creates believable characters and relationships, while the detailed scene descriptions build tension and immerse the audience in the setting. The focus on ethical dilemmas and the emotional toll of the investigation adds layers of moral ambiguity and humanizes the characters, making the themes of justice, accountability, and the fight against institutional power even more resonant.
Best Representation Scene	19 - Nervous Beginnings at Cafe Francesca
Best Scene Explanation	Scene 19 best encapsulates the writer's unique voice because it perfectly balances realism with subtle tension. The casual, naturalistic dialogue between Sacha and Joe Crowley immediately establishes their characters and their relationship. The detailed description of Joe's nervous energy, contrasting with Sacha's calm, creates a palpable sense of anticipation and foreshadows the difficult conversation to come. This scene exemplifies the writer's ability to build tension through understated dialogue and character interaction, while also grounding the narrative in authentic human experience. It's a microcosm of the entire screenplay's approach: realistic portrayal of complex characters facing challenging circumstances, creating deep emotional resonance.

Style and Similarities

The screenplay demonstrates a consistent style characterized by dialogue-driven scenes with sharp, witty, and often intense exchanges between characters. It frequently explores complex moral dilemmas, ethical conflicts, and power dynamics, particularly within high-stakes environments like investigative journalism, legal settings, and institutional structures. The narrative is largely character-driven, with a focus on realistic and nuanced portrayals of human interaction.

Style Similarities:

Writer	Explanation
Aaron Sorkin	Aaron Sorkin is overwhelmingly the most dominant influence, appearing in the analysis of 46 out of 60 scenes. His signature style of rapid-fire, intelligent dialogue, complex character interactions, and exploration of ethical dilemmas is clearly the most prominent feature throughout the screenplay.
David Mamet	David Mamet's influence is also significant, appearing in 21 scene analyses. His contributions complement Sorkin's, adding layers of moral ambiguity, power struggles, and tense confrontations to the dialogue and character interactions.
Tom McCarthy	Tom McCarthy's style is a noticeable third influence, present in 18 analyses. He brings a grounded realism and focus on investigative journalism and nuanced storytelling that provides a counterpoint to the more overtly dramatic elements of Sorkin and Mamet.

Other Similarities: While Aaron Sorkin's influence is dominant, the screenplay demonstrates a skillful blending of styles. The combination of Sorkin's witty and fast-paced dialogue, Mamet's morally ambiguous conflicts, and McCarthy's realistic character interactions creates a dynamic and engaging narrative. The occasional appearances of other writers like David Simon, Nora Ephron, Kenneth Lonergan, and Dustin Lance Black suggest a deliberate effort to incorporate diverse stylistic elements, although their influence is considerably less than the three dominant writers. The overall effect is a sophisticated and well-crafted screenplay with consistent stylistic through-lines.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
High Overall Grade Correlates with Strong Concept and Character Development	Scenes with an overall grade of 9 or 10 consistently score highly in 'Concept' and 'Characters'. This suggests a strong foundation in the core ideas and character arcs is crucial to achieving the highest scene ratings. Consider if scenes with lower overall grades could benefit from further development in these areas.
Dialogue Quality Impacts Emotional Impact	There's a noticeable correlation between 'Dialogue' scores and 'Emotional Impact'. Scenes with higher dialogue scores (7 or above) generally have higher emotional impact scores. Lower dialogue scores often correlate with lower emotional impact. This suggests that improving the quality and effectiveness of dialogue is key to enhancing the emotional resonance of your scenes. Examine scenes with lower scores in both categories – are there opportunities to make the dialogue more impactful?
Serious Tone Dominates, but Variation in Sub-tones Influences Other Elements	The overwhelming majority of scenes utilize a 'Serious' tone. While this establishes a consistent mood, the variation in secondary tones (e.g., Humorous, Tense, Inquisitive) impacts other aspects. Scenes incorporating secondary tones like 'Humorous' or 'Intense' tend to have higher scores in 'Plot', 'Conflict', or 'High Stakes'. Consider whether strategically injecting other tones could enhance pacing and engagement.
Conflict and High Stakes Drive the Narrative Forward	Scenes with high 'Conflict' and 'High Stakes' scores also tend to score well in 'Move Story Forward'. This indicates that crucial plot advancements are directly linked to moments of tension and significant risks for the characters. Scenes that lack this dynamic might benefit from increased conflict or raising the stakes.
Character Changes are Less Consistent but Significantly Impact Overall Grade in Certain Scenes	While 'Character Changes' scores aren't consistently high, there's a noteworthy correlation between higher 'Character Changes' scores and higher overall grades in specific scenes (e.g., scene 31). This indicates that pivotal character development moments substantially improve the overall scene quality. Focus on deliberately incorporating more significant character arcs or developments into future scenes to heighten impact.
Late-Stage Surge in Intensity and Emotional Impact	Scenes 31-40 demonstrate a noticeable spike in 'Intense', 'Shocking', 'Emotional', and 'High Stakes' scores. This suggests a well-executed escalation of tension towards a climax. However, this pattern also indicates the possibility of pacing issues before this point. The final act is very strong, while earlier sections may need more dramatic tension and conflict to keep up.
Potential Pacing Imbalance: Scenes 4-7 and 28	Scenes 4, 28, show significantly lower scores across multiple categories, including 'Dialogue', 'Emotional Impact', and 'Conflict'. This could indicate a pacing issue or a section that needs re-evaluation. Consider if these scenes are sufficiently engaging or if their purpose within the overall narrative could be strengthened.
Informative Scenes Struggle with Emotional Engagement	Scenes categorized as 'Informative' often receive lower scores in 'Emotional Impact'. Strive to find creative ways to blend information delivery with emotional engagement. Consider using techniques like character reactions, internal monologues, or visual storytelling to make expository scenes more emotionally resonant.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a consistent strength in crafting dialogue-driven scenes with engaging character interactions and well-established tension. Many scenes effectively convey complex themes, particularly those related to investigative journalism, ethical dilemmas, and moral ambiguity. The writer shows promise in building suspense and driving the narrative forward through compelling conflicts. However, there's a recurring need to deepen character development beyond dialogue, explore subtext more effectively, and refine pacing for optimal impact.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue Enhancement

While the dialogue is generally strong, many analyses suggest a need to enhance its depth, subtext, and effectiveness in revealing character motivations and conflicts beyond surface-level interactions. Several suggestions focus on creating more nuanced conversations, particularly those involving conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas.

Character Development

The feedback repeatedly highlights the need for richer character development. While interactions are engaging, the analyses suggest exploring characters' internal conflicts, motivations, and backstories more thoroughly to create more complex and relatable individuals. The focus often remains on external actions and dialogue, neglecting the potential for deeper internal exploration.

Pacing and Structure

Several scene analyses mention the need to refine pacing and structure. While tension is often built effectively, some scenes could benefit from a more strategic approach to pacing, particularly in dialogue-heavy sequences. A stronger understanding of screenplay structure can further elevate the impact of the scenes.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read and analyze 'All the President's Men' (William Goldman), 'Spotlight' (Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer), and 'Chinatown' (Robert Towne).	These screenplays offer masterclasses in dialogue, character development, and suspense-building within investigative journalism and morally complex narratives, directly addressing the key improvement areas identified.
Screenplay	Read 'Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting' (Syd Field) and 'Story: Substance, Structure, Style and the Principles of Screenwriting' (Robert McKee).	These books provide foundational knowledge in screenplay structure, character arcs, and storytelling techniques, addressing the need for improved pacing and narrative structure.
Book	Read 'Save the Cat' (Blake Snyder)	This book offers practical advice on plot structure and character development, providing a framework to improve the overall narrative flow and character depth.
Video	Watch 'All the President's Men' and 'Spotlight' and analyze their pacing, dialogue, and character portrayals.	Visual analysis will provide further insight into how these elements work together to create engaging investigative journalism narratives.
Course	Consider taking a screenwriting course focusing on character development and dialogue.	A structured course will provide valuable tools and techniques to address the recurring suggestions for enhancing character depth and dialogue effectiveness.

Additional Notes: The writer demonstrates a strong aptitude for creating tension and conflict through dialogue, a crucial skill in screenwriting. By focusing on enhancing character depth, refining pacing, and deepening the subtext within the dialogue, the writer can significantly elevate their storytelling abilities and create even more compelling and resonant narratives. The consistent focus on investigative journalism and ethical dilemmas suggests a strong thematic interest that could be further explored with more developed characters and plot structures.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Investigative Journalism	The Spotlight team at the Boston Globe conducts an in-depth investigation into the Catholic Church's cover-up of sexual abuse cases.	This trope involves journalists uncovering hidden truths and exposing corruption or wrongdoing. A classic example is 'All the President's Men,' where reporters investigate the Watergate scandal.
The Reluctant Hero	Characters like Mike Rezendes initially hesitate to pursue the investigation due to the potential backlash from powerful figures.	This trope features a character who is hesitant to take on a challenge but ultimately rises to the occasion. An example is Frodo Baggins in 'The Lord of the Rings,' who is reluctant to carry the One Ring.
Cover-Up	The Catholic Church's systematic concealment of abuse cases is a central theme.	This trope involves powerful entities hiding wrongdoing to protect their reputation. A notable example is 'The Insider,' which deals with the tobacco industry's cover-up of health risks.
Moral Dilemma	Characters face ethical decisions regarding their loyalty to the Church versus their duty to report the truth.	This trope highlights characters grappling with difficult choices that test their values. An example is 'A Few Good Men,' where military lawyers confront the ethics of their superiors' actions.
The Power of the Press	The screenplay emphasizes the role of journalism in holding powerful institutions accountable.	This trope showcases the media's influence in shaping public opinion and exposing corruption. 'Spotlight' itself serves as an example of this trope.
The Mentor	Characters like Marty Baron guide the younger reporters in their investigation.	This trope features a wise figure who provides guidance and support to the protagonist. An example is Mr. Miyagi in 'The Karate Kid.'
The Unlikely Team	The diverse group of reporters from different backgrounds comes together to tackle the investigation.	This trope involves a group of mismatched individuals who unite for a common goal. An example is 'The Avengers,' where heroes with different skills collaborate.
The Emotional Toll	Characters experience personal struggles and emotional distress due to the nature of their investigation.	This trope emphasizes the psychological impact of challenging situations. An example is 'The Pursuit of Happyness,' where the protagonist faces immense personal challenges.
The Big Reveal	The investigation culminates in shocking revelations about the extent of abuse within the Church.	This trope involves a climactic moment where hidden truths are exposed. An example is 'The Sixth Sense,' where the twist ending reveals the protagonist's true nature.
The Community's Silence	The screenplay illustrates how the community's fear and loyalty to the Church prevent victims from speaking out.	This trope highlights societal pressures that silence individuals. An example is '12 Angry Men,' where jurors grapple with their biases and the pressure to conform.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
29	Garabedian: Mark my words, Mr. Rezendes, if it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to abuse one.
50	MIKE: This coulda been you, it coulda been me, it could have been any one of us. We gotta nail these scumbags, show people that no one can get away with this! Not a priest or a Cardinal or a fricking Pope!
24	Richard Sipe: Look, Mike, the church wants us to believe that it’s just a few bad apples, but it’s a much bigger problem than that.
10	Garabedian: The Church thinks in centuries, Mr. Rezendes. You think your paper has the resources to take that on?
57	Marty: Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we spend most of our time stumbling around in the dark. Suddenly a light gets turned on, and there’s fair share of blame to go around.

Some Loglines to consider:

A tenacious team of Boston Globe reporters unravels a decades-long cover-up of child sexual abuse within the Catholic Church, exposing a systemic crisis that shakes the city to its core.
When a new editor pushes the Boston Globe's Spotlight team to investigate allegations against a Catholic priest, they uncover a shocking conspiracy that reaches the highest levels of the Church.
Driven by an unwavering commitment to truth, four investigative journalists risk everything to expose a systemic cover-up of child sexual abuse, forcing a reckoning with faith, power, and justice.
In the face of powerful opposition and personal sacrifices, a team of reporters at the Boston Globe embarks on a grueling investigation that exposes the dark secrets of the Catholic Church and its complicity in a widespread abuse scandal.
Against the backdrop of a city grappling with faith and tradition, the Boston Globe's Spotlight team unearths a devastating truth about the Catholic Church, revealing a pattern of systemic abuse and the desperate fight for justice.
In the wake of the 9/11 attacks, a team of Boston Globe investigative journalists uncover a massive cover-up of child sexual abuse within the Catholic Church, leading all the way to the top.
A team of determined Boston Globe reporters race against time and institutional resistance to expose the systemic sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests and the Church's attempts to conceal it.
When a new editor at the Boston Globe challenges his reporters to investigate a decades-old case of child abuse by a Catholic priest, they uncover a shocking web of secrets and betrayal that reaches the highest levels of the Church.
In a city where the Catholic Church holds immense power, a team of Boston Globe journalists must overcome daunting obstacles to expose the truth about the systematic abuse of children by priests and the institution's efforts to cover it up.
After a new editor arrives at the Boston Globe, a team of investigative journalists are tasked with examining a decades-old case of child sexual abuse by a Catholic priest, leading them on a path to uncover a far-reaching conspiracy at the highest levels of the Church.
A team of investigative journalists uncovers a shocking scandal within the Catholic Church, revealing a history of abuse and cover-ups.
As they dig deeper, the Spotlight team faces moral dilemmas and institutional resistance in their quest for truth.
In a city where loyalty to the Church runs deep, a group of reporters risks everything to expose the dark secrets hidden behind closed doors.
The story of how a small team at the Boston Globe brought to light the systemic abuse within the Catholic Church, changing lives forever.
Spotlight follows the relentless pursuit of justice by journalists determined to hold powerful institutions accountable.

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1 INT. POLICE STATION, BOSTON - NIGHT, 1976 1

A quiet, cold winter night. An OLDER COP emerges from an
INTERVIEW ROOM, walks down a long hall.

Boston, MA - December, 1976

He reaches the front desk. A YOUNG COP looks to him,
curious, as he lights a cigarette.

YOUNG COP
How’s that going?

OLDER COP
The mother’s bawling and the uncle’s
pissed off.

YOUNG COP
She’s not married?

OLDER COP
Divorced with four kids. I guess
Father was helping out.

YOUNG COP
Helping out?

The Older Cop shrugs. The front door opens and BURKE, FRESH
FACED, 32, walks in. He wears a dark overcoat.

OLDER COP
Hey, Mr. Burke. They’re in the back
talking to the Bishop.

BURKE
And Father?

The Older Cop nods in the other direction.

OLDER COP
We put him in the break room.

BURKE
Any press?

OLDER COP
Some guy from the Citizen, but we
sent him away. None of the big
papers.

BURKE
Let’s keep it that way.

Burke walks toward the interview room.
11/26/14 2.

YOUNG COP
(off Burke)
Who’s that?

OLDER COP
Assistant DA.

YOUNG COP
Gonna be hard to keep the papers
away from the arraignment.

OLDER COP
What arraignment?

He’s matter of fact. The young cop reacts, looks towards the
PRIEST (GEOGHAN) sitting in the break room.

OLDER COP (O.C.) (CONT’D)
You can tell Father Geoghan it won’t
be much longer.

2 OMITTED 2

3 INT. POLICE STATION, INTERVIEW ROOM - MOMENTS LATER 3

A BISHOP, 50s, talks in hushed tones with SHEILA, 33. TWO
BOYS, 7 and 9, sit coloring.

BISHOP
Sheila, you know what good work the
church does in the community. I
give you my personal guarantee that
I’m going to take Father out of the
parish and this will never happen
again.

Burke enters, eyes Sheila nervously fingering ROSARY BEADS.

BISHOP (CONT’D)
We’ll just be another moment, Paul.

BURKE
Of course, Father.

The Bishop turns back to Sheila. Burke eyes the kids.

BISHOP (O.C.)
Now Sheila, I’m going to give you my
personal card...
11/26/14 3.

4 EXT. POLICE STATION - LATER 4

The Young Cop stands outside smoking. He watches as the
Bishop and Father Geoghan exit the police station and get
into a TOWN CAR, a DRIVER behind the wheel. As they drive
away, we HOLD ON the cop. PROCESSING.

FADE TO BLACK.

SPOTLIGHT

FADE IN:

Genres: Crime, Drama
Tone: Tense, Serious, Mysterious

Summary On a cold December night in 1976, a Boston police station becomes the backdrop for a tense encounter involving a distressed mother, Sheila, and church officials. As an older cop discusses the emotional turmoil surrounding Sheila's situation with a young cop, Burke, an assistant DA, arrives to assess the unfolding drama. Inside the interview room, the bishop reassures Sheila about taking action against Father Geoghan, who is implicated in her distress. The scene captures the gravity of the situation, with the young cop observing the departure of the bishop and Father Geoghan, leaving unresolved tensions in the air.

Strengths

Tension-filled dialogue
Mysterious atmosphere
Effective character introductions

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Lack of action

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere in the police station, highlighting the emotional stakes involved with Sheila and her children. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat expository and lacks subtext. For instance, the Older Cop's lines could convey more emotion or personal investment in the case rather than just stating facts.
The introduction of Burke as the Assistant DA is clear, but his character could benefit from a more distinct personality or motivation. As it stands, he feels somewhat generic. Adding a line or two that hints at his personal stakes in the case could make him more relatable and engaging.
The Bishop's dialogue is somewhat clichéd and lacks depth. While he is trying to reassure Sheila, the language feels too formal and scripted. It would be more impactful if he displayed genuine empathy or if his words had a more manipulative undertone, reflecting the complexity of his character.
The scene ends abruptly with the Young Cop processing the departure of the Bishop and Father Geoghan. While this moment is significant, it could be enhanced by showing the Young Cop's internal conflict or moral dilemma, which would add emotional weight to the scene and set up the themes of complicity and silence that are central to the story.
The visual elements are minimal in this scene. Describing the setting in more detail could enhance the mood. For example, mentioning the coldness of the night or the dim lighting in the police station could create a more immersive atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat expository. For instance, the Older Cop's line about the mother being 'bawling' and the uncle being 'pissed off' could be more nuanced to show their emotional states rather than tell them outright.
The introduction of Burke feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to establish his character more clearly before he enters the scene, perhaps by showing the Older Cop's reaction to him or by giving Burke a distinctive action that sets him apart.
The scene lacks tension. The stakes are not clearly defined, and while we understand there is a sensitive situation involving a priest, the emotional weight of the mother's distress and the uncle's anger could be amplified through more visceral reactions or descriptions.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in this scene to create more tension between the characters?
What techniques can I use to make the dialogue feel less expository and more natural?
How can I better establish Burke's character upon his entrance to make his presence more impactful?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene sets up a critical moment in the narrative but lacks a clear dramatic arc. The characters enter, exchange information, and exit without a significant change or revelation.
Sheila's emotional state is mentioned but not shown. It would be more effective to depict her actions or expressions to convey her distress, allowing the audience to feel her pain rather than just hear about it.
The introduction of the Bishop and the priest feels rushed. More buildup could create a stronger sense of foreboding regarding their presence and the implications of their actions.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show a character's emotional state through action rather than dialogue?
How can I create a more defined dramatic arc within this scene to enhance its impact?
What techniques can I use to build tension and anticipation before introducing key characters like the Bishop and Father Geoghan?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear conflict. While there are hints of tension regarding the situation with the priest, the characters do not engage in a way that highlights their differing motivations or stakes.
The setting of the police station is underutilized. It could serve as a character in itself, reflecting the coldness and bureaucracy of the situation. More sensory details could enhance the atmosphere.
The scene ends abruptly without a strong hook to lead into the next. A more compelling closing line or action could create a sense of urgency and anticipation for what follows.

Robert McKee is an expert in storytelling and structure, making him well-suited to critique the conflict and narrative flow in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a clear conflict between the characters in this scene to drive the narrative forward?
What sensory details can I incorporate to make the police station setting more evocative and integral to the scene?
What are some effective ways to create a stronger hook at the end of the scene to maintain audience engagement?

General Suggestions

Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional depth. Consider how each character's words can reveal their motivations and feelings without explicitly stating them.
Develop Burke's character further by adding a line that hints at his personal connection to the case or his feelings about the church's involvement.
Make the Bishop's dialogue more nuanced. Perhaps he could use language that sounds reassuring but has an underlying tone of manipulation, reflecting the church's historical complicity in such cases.
Add a moment of reflection for the Young Cop as he watches the Bishop and Father Geoghan leave. This could be a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that shows his discomfort or realization about the situation.
Enhance the setting description to create a more vivid atmosphere. Use sensory details to evoke the coldness of the night and the oppressive environment of the police station.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more subtext. For example, instead of stating the mother is 'bawling,' show her actions—perhaps she clutches her children tightly or wipes away tears as she speaks.
Introduce Burke with a distinctive action or reaction that hints at his character, such as him adjusting his coat or looking around the station with a sense of urgency.
Add a moment of silence or a pause after the Older Cop's lines to allow the weight of the situation to settle in, creating a more dramatic atmosphere.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the emotional and dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext in dialogue that can enhance emotional depth?
How can I effectively introduce a character through action rather than dialogue?
What techniques can I use to create pauses that heighten tension in a scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate Sheila's emotional state through physical actions or expressions, such as her trembling hands or a distant gaze, to make her distress palpable.
Develop a clearer dramatic arc by introducing a moment of conflict or revelation, such as Sheila questioning the Bishop's assurances or expressing doubt about the Church's intentions.
Build suspense before the Bishop and Father Geoghan enter by showing the Older Cop's apprehension or the Young Cop's curiosity, hinting at the gravity of the situation.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and dramatic structure can guide improvements in emotional engagement and narrative flow.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show a character's emotional turmoil through physical actions?
What are some techniques to introduce conflict or revelation in a scene to enhance its dramatic arc?
How can I build suspense before introducing key characters to heighten audience anticipation?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear conflict by having the Young Cop express skepticism about the Church's involvement, creating tension with the Older Cop's more accepting attitude.
Enhance the setting by describing the coldness of the police station, the flickering fluorescent lights, or the distant sounds of the city outside, making it feel more oppressive.
End the scene with a strong hook, such as the Young Cop overhearing a troubling comment from the Bishop or a sudden noise that draws everyone's attention, leaving the audience eager for what comes next.

Robert McKee's insights into conflict and narrative structure can help strengthen the overall impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to introduce conflict between characters to drive the narrative?
How can I use sensory details to create a more immersive setting?
What techniques can I use to craft a compelling hook at the end of a scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and tense atmosphere, hinting at a deeper conflict and potential scandal. The dialogue is engaging and keeps the audience intrigued.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a potential scandal within the church and the introduction of key characters in a police station setting is intriguing and sets up a compelling narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced by introducing the central conflict and hinting at the stakes involved. The scene sets up a compelling mystery that drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on a familiar setting, exploring themes of power dynamics and moral ambiguity within the church and law enforcement. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced with enough depth to hint at their roles in the unfolding story. Their interactions and dialogue reveal underlying tensions and concerns.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential shifts in relationships and dynamics as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and handle a sensitive situation involving a family and a church scandal. This reflects his need for order and justice in the face of emotional turmoil.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the situation discreetly and prevent media attention. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the reputation of the church and avoiding scandal.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene hints at underlying conflicts and tensions, setting up the potential for high stakes and dramatic developments in the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and hidden agendas among the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The scene hints at high stakes by introducing the potential for scandal and betrayal within the church, setting up the possibility of dramatic consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements and setting up the central conflict, driving the narrative towards future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral complexities. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between protecting the church's reputation and addressing the needs of the victims. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and loyalty.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and concern, drawing the audience into the mystery and tension of the unfolding events.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is cryptic and loaded with subtext, adding depth to the interactions between the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the interpersonal dynamics and moral dilemmas presented. The dialogue and actions create suspense and intrigue, drawing the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the story moving forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic setting, with clear character introductions and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.

6 INT. BOSTON GLOBE, NEWSROOM - DAY, 2001 6

A large newsroom. REPORTERS and EDITORS gathered.

Boston, MA - July, 2001

DEPUTY MANAGING EDITOR BEN BRADLEE JR., 50s, gruff, stands in
front with an older reporter, STEWART, 60s. And a cake.

BEN
Losing good reporters, it’s tough.
And losing one of our best... well
to put it as eloquently as I can,
it’s a real kick in the ass.

A few polite chuckles from those in the crowd.

BEN (CONT’D)
But Robby’s known Stewart longer
than most of you have been alive so
I’m gonna turn it over to him.
Robby?

Ben looks to WALTER ‘ROBBY’ ROBINSON, 55, Boston Everyman.

ROBBY
Thanks, Ben. I think. And although
I take issue with the reference to
my seniority, I will say Stewart’s
departure is especially painful for
me. You see, for... what? 20 years
now, Stewart’s been more than
willing to part with his money at
the poker table...
(Laughter)
And I got a kid in college.

More laughter.

STEWART
Yeah, but I’m gonna keep playing.
11/26/14 4.

ROBBY
Problem solved. Godspeed, buddy.

Everyone’s laughing now. Robby connects in a warm, easy way.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
Now, Stewart, I find the timing of
your departure a bit disconcerting.
The corner office sits empty, the
new editor arrives on Monday, so
forgive me, buddy, but I gotta
ask... what the hell do you know?

The room hoots and laughs. Stewart covers his mouth. Speak
no evil. More laughter takes us to...

7 INT. GLOBE, HALL/STAIRWELL - LATER 7

SACHA PFEIFFER, 28, wholesome, no bullshit, and MATT CARROLL,
mid 40s, mustache, family man, walk down the hall, into a
stairwell and down a set of stairs, both carrying cake.

7A INT. GLOBE, HALL OUTSIDE SPOTLIGHT - MOMENTS LATER 7A

They emerge on the floor below, Sacha eating her cake.

MATT
How’s the cake?

SACHA
It’s really good. Saving yours?

MATT
Nah, it’s for Mike. I can never eat
at those things. They kind of
depress me.

SACHA
I know.
(taking a bite)
You see the numbers from Washington?

MATT
Yeah. Very interesting.

SACHA
I think so too.

They walk into --

8 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 8

CRAMPED OFFICE. Small windows. MIKE REZENDES, late 30s,
good looks, so-so haircut, sits at his UNHOLY MESS of a desk.
11/26/14 5.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Dan, I
talked to my guy at Justice, I know
you guys have been dropping cases...
(then)
Look, Dan, I’m not asking if the
PD’s lying, I know they are. All
I’m asking is who’s behind it?

Matt sets the cake by Mike, sits at a desk full of FAMILY
PHOTOS. Sacha checks messages at a tidy desk, full of books.

MIKE (INTO PHONE) (CONT’D)
I get it. You don’t want to talk.
(listens)
I’m not mad, Dan, I’m hungry. We’ve
been talking so long, I missed
lunch. So I’m going to go eat,
which gives you an hour to decide if
you want to be on the right side of
this or read about it in the paper
like everyone else.

Mike hangs up the phone, digs into the cake.

SACHA
You think Cahill’s got something?

MIKE
Maybe, I just don’t think this
story’s for us.

MATT
Ben likes it.

MIKE
Yeah, it’s not bad, it’s just not
Spotlight.

Robby enters.

ROBBY
What’s just not Spotlight?

SACHA MIKE *
The PD numbers. The numbers story. It feels *
thin.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
Oh. You got Cahill to talk?

MIKE
(busted)
No. But I will.
11/26/14 6.

ROBBY
Good. Then we’ll know if it’s thin.

Robby goes into his office, bit of an edge to him.

MIKE
How’d it go upstairs?

MATT
Okay. Robby gave a good speech.

SACHA
I heard Lubin and Connor are going
to the Times.

MATTY MIKE
Come on, really? Yeah, I heard the same thing.

MATT
They’re leeching us.

MIKE
At least they’re sending us a guy
from Miami to run things. That
should help.

MATT
Has Baron even spent time in Boston?

MIKE
I don’t think he’s ever been here
before. Maybe we should buy him a
map.

SACHA
I have a friend down at the Herald,
said Baron cut 15% of the staff.

MATT
Great.

Mike rolls his chair back, calls out to Robby in his office.

MIKE
Hey Robby, the new boss coming in to
make cuts?

ROBBY
I have no idea.

MIKE
Aren’t you sitting down with him?

Robby looks up, fucking Rezendes, always snooping.
11/26/14 7.

ROBBY
Yes, I am.

MIKE
You think it’s about Spotlight?

ROBBY
I don’t know, Mike, but I do know
Ben needs an answer on the crime
numbers story.

MIKE
I’m telling you, I really don’t
think that story’s for us.

ROBBY
So you did get Cahill to talk then?

Mike, annoyed, wheels back to his desk, picks up his phone...

Genres: Drama
Tone: Humorous, Serious, Sarcastic

Summary In the Boston Globe newsroom, Deputy Managing Editor Ben Bradlee Jr. humorously bids farewell to departing reporter Stewart, while Robby Robinson shares a light-hearted speech about Stewart's poker habits. After the farewell, reporters Sacha Pfeiffer and Matt Carroll discuss cake and Washington's numbers before entering Mike Rezendes' cramped office, where Mike expresses skepticism about the significance of a police department story. Robby enters, leading to a discussion about the new editor and potential cuts at the paper, highlighting the tension between pursuing stories and the newsroom's uncertain future.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Authentic character interactions
Effective establishment of setting and tone

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the newsroom environment and the camaraderie among the reporters, which is essential for setting the tone of the film. However, the humor, while engaging, may detract from the gravity of the overarching story about the church abuse scandal. Balancing humor with the serious themes of the narrative is crucial.
The dialogue flows naturally and captures the dynamics between the characters, particularly the light-hearted banter during the farewell speech. However, the transition from the farewell to the serious discussions about the police department numbers feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's momentum.
The introduction of the new editor, Marty Baron, is mentioned but not explored in this scene. Given his significance in the story, it might be beneficial to hint at his character or the challenges he will bring to the team, creating anticipation for his arrival.
The scene lacks a clear conflict or stakes that propel the narrative forward. While the farewell is a nice touch, it doesn't contribute significantly to the plot. Introducing a subplot or a hint of the challenges the team will face under the new editor could enhance the scene's impact.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a more pronounced emotional arc. The farewell speech is humorous, but it could also evoke a sense of loss or nostalgia that resonates with the audience, especially considering the serious themes that will follow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the camaraderie and humor within the newsroom, which is essential for character development. However, the stakes feel low given the context of the larger narrative. The humor, while engaging, may detract from the urgency of the investigative work that follows.
Robby's transition from a light-hearted speech to a serious inquiry about Stewart's departure is well-executed, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional anchor. The audience needs to feel the weight of the impending changes in the newsroom more acutely.
The dialogue is sharp and witty, but it lacks a sense of dramatic tension that could elevate the stakes. Consider how the humor can coexist with the underlying themes of loss and uncertainty in the newsroom.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for critiquing the balance of humor and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in Robby's speech while maintaining the humor?
What techniques can I use to balance the light-hearted tone with the serious themes of the investigation?
How can I deepen the audience's connection to the characters during this farewell scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of showcasing the relationships between characters, particularly through Robby's speech. However, it could benefit from more visual storytelling elements to complement the dialogue.
The transition from the farewell to the discussion about the new editor feels abrupt. It would be helpful to include a moment of reflection or a visual cue that signifies the change in the newsroom dynamics.
While the humor is engaging, it risks overshadowing the serious implications of the new editor's arrival. Consider how to weave in hints of tension or concern about the future of the Spotlight team.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and the importance of visual storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the emotional impact of the farewell scene?
How can I create a smoother transition between the farewell and the discussion about the new editor?
What subtle cues can I use to foreshadow the challenges the team will face with the new leadership?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue is witty and captures the essence of a newsroom, but it could be more concise. Some lines feel a bit drawn out and could be tightened to maintain pacing.
Robby's humor about Stewart's poker habits is relatable, but it might be more impactful if it tied back to the larger themes of the story, such as the risks of investigative journalism.
The scene lacks a clear dramatic question that propels the narrative forward. What is at stake for the characters in this moment? Establishing this could enhance the audience's investment.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and structure of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the dialogue to improve pacing without losing character voice?
What thematic elements can I weave into the humor to connect it to the larger narrative?
What dramatic question can I introduce to create a sense of urgency in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider incorporating a moment of reflection or a more somber tone during the farewell speech to foreshadow the serious investigations ahead. This could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
Add a brief interaction or mention of Marty Baron to establish his character and the changes he will bring to the newsroom. This could create intrigue and set up future conflicts.
Introduce a subplot or hint at the challenges the team will face under the new editor, perhaps through a comment from Robby or another character that suggests uncertainty about the future of the Spotlight team.
Ensure that the transition from the farewell to the discussion about the police department numbers is smoother. This could be achieved by having a character express concern about the implications of the new editor's arrival on their current stories.
Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook that ties back to the main narrative, perhaps by having a character express a concern about the church or hint at the investigations to come, thereby linking the light-hearted farewell to the serious themes of the film.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Incorporate a moment of silence or reflection after Robby's speech to emphasize the emotional weight of Stewart's departure and the uncertainty of the future.
Add a line or two that hints at the challenges the new editor may bring, creating a sense of foreboding that contrasts with the humor of the farewell.
Consider using a visual motif, such as the cake, to symbolize the bittersweet nature of the farewell, perhaps showing it being cut or shared among the team.

Robert McKee's focus on emotional stakes and thematic depth makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I add to enhance the emotional weight of the farewell?
How can I subtly foreshadow the challenges posed by the new editor?
What visual motifs can I use to symbolize the themes of change and loss in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a visual element, such as a clock ticking or a camera panning over the newsroom, to signify the passage of time and the impending changes.
Create a brief moment where characters express their concerns about the new editor, perhaps through a side conversation, to build tension and anticipation.
Incorporate a visual cue that highlights the camaraderie among the team, such as a group photo or a shared memory, to deepen the emotional resonance of the farewell.

Linda Seger's expertise in visual storytelling and character dynamics makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What visual elements can I introduce to signify the changes in the newsroom?
How can I build tension regarding the new editor through character interactions?
What specific visual cues can I use to enhance the emotional impact of the farewell?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Edit the dialogue to make it more concise, focusing on the most impactful lines that convey both humor and the underlying tension.
Introduce a dramatic question early in the scene, such as 'What will happen to the Spotlight team under new leadership?' to engage the audience's curiosity.
Consider adding a moment where Robby reflects on the implications of Stewart's departure, perhaps hinting at his own fears about the future of the team.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions essential for improving the scene's overall effectiveness.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more concise while retaining character voice?
What dramatic question can I introduce to engage the audience from the start?
What reflective moments can I add for Robby to deepen the emotional stakes?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and seriousness, providing insight into the characters' personalities and the newsroom environment. The dialogue is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a newsroom's dynamics and the impact of new leadership is engaging. The scene sets up potential storylines and character arcs, creating intrigue for the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through discussions about investigative stories, departures, and new leadership. The scene hints at potential conflicts and challenges the characters may face in the future.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh and authentic situations within the familiar setting of a newsroom, showcasing the complexities of interpersonal relationships and professional challenges. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue. Each character has a distinct personality, from the gruff Ben to the determined Mike, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, subtle shifts in dynamics and relationships are hinted at, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his reputation and connection with his colleagues while dealing with the departure of a long-time colleague. This reflects his need for camaraderie and acceptance within the newsroom.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the changes in the newsroom, including the arrival of a new editor and potential story assignments. This reflects the immediate challenges and uncertainties he is facing in his work environment.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' reactions to departures, new leadership, and investigative stories. There is potential for external conflicts to arise in future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and uncertainties among the characters, creating obstacles and challenges that drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing on the impact of departures, new leadership, and investigative stories on the characters and the newsroom. The potential for higher stakes is hinted at for future scenes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and challenges within the newsroom.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics and uncertainties in the newsroom environment, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' decisions and future actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between loyalty to colleagues and dedication to investigative journalism. The protagonist must decide whether to pursue a potentially impactful story or maintain his loyalty to his team.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement to concern, as the characters navigate changes in the newsroom environment. The emotional impact is moderate but sets the stage for deeper connections in future scenes.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships. It effectively conveys the newsroom banter while setting up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tensions that keep the audience invested in the characters' relationships and professional challenges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum through the character interactions and dialogue, maintaining the audience's interest and driving the scene forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-driven sequence in a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a screenplay, effectively balancing character interactions and plot development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

10 INT. FOUR SEASONS HOTEL, RESTAURANT - LATER 10

Marty sits at a table reading “The Curse of the Bambino,” a
NOTEPAD beside him.

ROBBY
Mr. Baron.

Marty looks up and rises to greet Robby.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
Walter Robinson. Robby.

MARTY
Thanks for taking time out of your
weekend, Robby.

ROBBY
My pleasure.
(they sit)
What are you reading?

Marty holds up a book.

MARTY
‘The Curse of the Bambino.’

ROBBY
(sitting)
That’s a great book. The Globe has
season tickets at Fenway, once you
settle in.
11/26/14 8.

MARTY
Thank you. Uh, to be honest, I’m
not much of a baseball fan. I’m
just trying to get a feel for city.
Are you originally from Boston?

ROBBY
I am, born and raised. A lot of the
newsroom is from here. It really
feels like a local paper in that
way.

MARTY
And did that change at all after the
paper was sold to the Times?

ROBBY
No. I don’t think that had a big
impact.

MARTY
Good.
(then)
So, you’re an editor for, uh, the
Spotlight team?

ROBBY
I prefer to think of myself as more
of a player-coach. But yes. Are
you familiar with Spotlight?

MARTY
No. Not particularly.

ROBBY
Well, we’re a four person
investigative team. We report to
Ben Bradlee Jr. and we keep our work
confidential.

MARTY
What are you working on now?

ROBBY
We just put out a piece on this
shoddy construction outfit and right
now we’re trolling around for our
next story.

MARTY
How long does that typically take?

ROBBY
Hard to say. A couple of months.
11/26/14 9.

MARTY
A couple of months.

ROBBY
Yeah, we don’t like to rush it.
Once we settle on a project, we can
spend a year or more investigating
it.

Marty jots down some notes. Robby sees he’s writing a lot.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
Is that a concern?

MARTY
Not necessarily. Uh, but from what
I understand readership is down, the
Internet is cutting into the
Classified business and, uh, I
think, uh, I’m going to have to take
a hard look at things.

ROBBY
So you anticipate more cuts?

MARTY
I would assume so, yes, but what I’m
more focused on right now is finding
a way to make this paper essential
to its readers.

ROBBY
I’d like to think it already is.

MARTY
Fair enough. I just think we can do
better.

Off Robby --

Genres: Drama
Tone: Informative, Reflective, Serious

Summary In the upscale setting of the Four Seasons Hotel restaurant, Marty engages in a tense conversation with Robby, an editor from the Spotlight team. As Marty reads 'The Curse of the Bambino,' he expresses concerns about the declining readership of the newspaper and the challenges it faces. Robby shares insights about the Spotlight team's commitment to investigative journalism, highlighting their pride in their work. The dialogue reveals Marty's intent to improve the paper's standing, but the scene ends without a resolution, leaving the future of the newspaper uncertain.

Strengths

Effective character introduction
Insightful dialogue
Setting up future conflicts

Weaknesses

Lack of immediate high stakes
Limited character development within the scene

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Marty and Robby, showcasing their professional relationship and the challenges facing the Boston Globe. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks natural flow. The characters are primarily delivering information rather than engaging in a conversation that feels organic.
Marty's character is introduced as someone who is analytical and concerned about the paper's future, which is a good setup. However, his dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth or personal anecdotes to make him more relatable and engaging. Right now, he comes off as somewhat detached.
Robby's character is portrayed as knowledgeable and experienced, but his responses could be more varied to avoid sounding like a scripted dialogue. Adding some personal touches or humor could enhance his character and make the conversation feel more lively.
The setting of the Four Seasons Hotel restaurant is a great choice, as it contrasts with the serious nature of their discussion. However, the scene could benefit from more visual details that evoke the atmosphere of the restaurant, such as the sounds of clinking glasses or the ambiance of other diners, to create a richer sensory experience.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow, primarily due to the heavy exposition. While it's important to convey the context of the newspaper's challenges, the scene could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive elements in the dialogue and focusing on key points that drive the narrative forward.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the relationship between Marty and Robby, showcasing their differing perspectives on the newspaper's future. However, the dialogue lacks dramatic tension; it feels more like an exposition dump rather than a dynamic exchange. For instance, when Marty expresses concerns about readership, Robby's response is somewhat passive, missing an opportunity for conflict or a more passionate defense of the paper's value.
Marty's character is introduced as someone who is analytical and concerned about the paper's future, but we don't see enough of his emotional stakes. What does he personally stand to lose if the paper fails? This could be emphasized through more personal anecdotes or a stronger emotional reaction to Robby's reassurances.
The setting of the Four Seasons Hotel is underutilized. It could serve as a contrast to the serious discussions about the newspaper's future, highlighting the disparity between the luxurious environment and the grim realities of the journalism industry.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a suitable expert for analyzing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes for Marty in this scene to make his concerns about the newspaper's future more impactful?
What techniques can I use to create more dramatic tension in dialogue exchanges like the one between Marty and Robby?
How can the setting of the Four Seasons Hotel be used more effectively to reflect the themes of the scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of introducing the characters and their roles within the newspaper, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For example, Robby's character could be fleshed out with more personal stakes or backstory that informs his perspective on the newspaper's challenges.
Marty's dialogue about the need to make the paper essential to its readers is a strong thematic point, but it feels somewhat generic. Specific examples of what he believes could make the paper more essential would add depth to his character and make the conversation more engaging.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial pleasantries are drawn out, which slows down the momentum. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a brisker pace that keeps the audience engaged.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and thematic depth, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific examples could I include in Marty's dialogue to illustrate his vision for making the paper more essential to its readers?
How can I better develop Robby's character in this scene to provide more depth and personal stakes?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing of dialogue in this scene?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose, particularly when Marty discusses readership and the Internet's impact. This could be more subtly woven into the conversation rather than explicitly stated. Show, don't tell; perhaps include a metaphor or anecdote that illustrates the decline in readership without stating it outright.
The scene lacks a clear dramatic question or conflict that propels the narrative forward. What is at stake for both characters in this conversation? Establishing a more defined conflict could heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual component. Consider incorporating more actions or gestures that reflect the characters' emotions and the gravity of their discussion, rather than relying solely on dialogue.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and understanding of dramatic structure, making his perspective valuable for refining the dialogue and conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate metaphors or anecdotes into the dialogue to convey themes more subtly?
What specific conflict could I introduce in this scene to create a clearer dramatic question?
What visual elements can I add to enhance the emotional weight of the conversation between Marty and Robby?

General Suggestions

Consider incorporating more subtext into the dialogue. For example, instead of having Marty directly state his concerns about readership, he could express them through a personal story or anecdote that illustrates his passion for journalism.
Add more visual and auditory details to the setting to immerse the audience in the restaurant's atmosphere. Describing the decor, the sounds of the kitchen, or the interactions of other patrons can help create a more vivid scene.
Introduce a conflict or tension in the conversation that goes beyond the surface-level discussion about the newspaper's challenges. This could be a disagreement about the direction of the paper or differing opinions on how to engage with the community.
Make Robby's character more dynamic by allowing him to share a personal experience related to the newspaper's challenges or the importance of investigative journalism. This could help to humanize him and create a stronger connection with Marty.
Consider tightening the dialogue by removing redundant phrases and focusing on impactful lines that reveal character motivations and advance the plot. This will help maintain a brisk pace and keep the audience engaged.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a personal anecdote from Marty that illustrates his emotional investment in the newspaper's future, perhaps referencing a past success or failure that shaped his views.
Create a moment of conflict in the dialogue where Robby passionately defends the paper's value, challenging Marty's concerns and forcing him to confront his fears more directly.
Utilize the luxurious setting of the Four Seasons to create a visual contrast with the serious nature of their discussion, perhaps by incorporating elements of the restaurant's ambiance that reflect the stakes of their conversation.

Robert McKee's focus on character stakes and conflict makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific anecdote could I use to deepen Marty's emotional stakes in this scene?
How can I craft a moment of conflict in the dialogue that challenges Marty's perspective?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the contrast between the setting and the themes of the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add specific examples of what Marty believes could make the paper more essential, such as innovative reporting techniques or community engagement strategies.
Tighten the dialogue by cutting unnecessary pleasantries and focusing on the core of their discussion, allowing for a more dynamic exchange.
Consider adding a moment where Robby shares a personal story about the paper's impact on the community, which could serve to deepen his character and provide a counterpoint to Marty's concerns.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and thematic depth makes her suggestions valuable for enriching the narrative and emotional layers of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific examples can I include in Marty's dialogue to illustrate his vision for the paper?
How can I tighten the dialogue to maintain a brisker pace?
What personal story could Robby share to deepen his character and provide a counterpoint to Marty's concerns?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise the dialogue to incorporate more subtlety, using metaphors or anecdotes to convey themes rather than stating them outright.
Introduce a clear dramatic question that defines the stakes for both characters, such as whether Marty will implement changes that could alienate long-time readers.
Incorporate visual actions that reflect the characters' emotions, such as Marty fidgeting with his notepad or Robby leaning forward in his chair, to enhance the emotional weight of the conversation.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and dramatic structure makes his suggestions particularly relevant for refining the scene's impact and engagement.

Questions for AI

What metaphors or anecdotes could I use to convey themes more subtly in the dialogue?
What specific dramatic question could I introduce to clarify the stakes for both characters?
What visual actions can I incorporate to enhance the emotional weight of the conversation?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up Marty's character as a new player in the newspaper industry and introduces potential conflicts and changes within the organization. The dialogue is informative and reflective, providing insight into the characters' motivations and concerns.

Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene revolves around introducing Marty as a new player in the newspaper industry and setting up potential conflicts related to the paper's future direction. The scene effectively conveys Marty's concerns and motivations, laying the groundwork for future storylines.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Marty's initial meeting with Robby and their discussion about the newspaper's operations and potential changes. While the scene primarily serves as an introduction to Marty's character and his concerns, it sets the stage for future developments within the organization.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the challenges faced by newspapers in the digital age and the importance of investigative journalism. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Marty and Robby are well-developed in the scene, with Marty portrayed as a newcomer with a desire to make changes, and Robby as a seasoned editor with a commitment to investigative journalism. Their interactions reveal their contrasting perspectives and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, Marty's introduction sets the stage for potential growth and development as he navigates the challenges of the newspaper industry. The scene hints at future character arcs and transformations.

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to understand the dynamics of the local paper and how he can make it essential to its readers. This reflects his desire to succeed in his new role and make a positive impact.

External Goal: 7

Marty's external goal is to navigate the challenges of declining readership and potential budget cuts at the paper. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in his new position.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is a subtle conflict between Marty's desire to make changes and Robby's commitment to investigative journalism, the scene primarily focuses on establishing character dynamics and setting up future conflicts. The conflict is more internal and thematic than overtly dramatic.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals between Marty and Robby creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, as Marty's desire to make the newspaper essential to its readers hints at potential changes and challenges within the organization. While the stakes are not immediately high, they set the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing Marty as a new player in the newspaper industry and setting up potential conflicts and changes within the organization. Marty's concerns and motivations hint at future plot developments and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Marty and Robby, as well as the uncertainty surrounding the future of the newspaper.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between maintaining the integrity and quality of investigative journalism while also adapting to the changing landscape of the industry. This challenges Marty's beliefs in the importance of journalism and the role of newspapers in society.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as it introduces Marty as a new character with ambitions and concerns. The interactions between Marty and Robby hint at future challenges and changes within the newspaper organization, creating a sense of anticipation and intrigue.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is informative and reflective, providing insight into the characters' backgrounds, motivations, and concerns. The exchanges between Marty and Robby are engaging and reveal their contrasting viewpoints on the newspaper's future.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue between the characters, the subtle tension underlying their interactions, and the audience's curiosity about Marty's plans for the paper.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character motivations, with a natural flow of dialogue and pauses for reflection.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene in a drama, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.

12A EXT. BOSTON GLOBE - DAY 12A

The front of the Globe. Marty gets out of a cab, shuts the
door. He walks inside.

13 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - DAY 13

Ben strides across the newsroom. Robby falls in.

ROBBY
Mr. Bradlee.
11/26/14 10.

BEN
Hey. Saw the email on the PD
numbers. Looks interesting.

ROBBY
Yeah. There’s something there.

BEN
How much longer you need?

ROBBY
Another week.

BEN
(realizing)
Where are you going?

ROBBY
To the 10:30.

BEN
You? Since when?

ROBBY
Technically, I am an editor.

BEN
Technically. Your sit-down with
Baron go that well?

ROBBY
I couldn’t get a read on him.

BEN
That’s a first.

ROBBY
How ‘bout you?

BEN
(shrugs)
He’s a barrel of laughs.

14 INT. GLOBE, LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER 14

Editors around a horseshoe table, side seats filled. It’s
QUIET, nervous eyes on Marty, who reads some notes. Ben and
editor HELEN DONOVAN, 50s, to either side. Robby sits off to
the side, WATCHING.

HELEN DONOVAN
Morning everyone. Let’s get started.
Do you want to say something, Marty?
11/26/14 11.

MARTY
Uh, sure.
(to the group)
Hello. As most of you know by now,
my name is Marty Baron, I’m
delighted to be here. If you can
tell me your name as we go around,
that would be helpful.

Marty looks back to his notes.

HELEN DONONVAN
Okay. Peter?

Ben nods to METRO EDITOR PETER CANELLOS, 40s.

CANELLOS
Peter Canellos, Metro. We’ve got a
major Big Dig closure that’s just
been scheduled for early August...

Marty makes notes. Off Ben and Robby, trading a look.

15 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - LATER 15

Mike, cuppa coffee, walks over to STEVE KURKJIAN’s desk. 60s.

MIKE
Hey Steve. Crappy game last night.

KURKJIAN
They can’t hit worth a nickle.

Mike looks toward the conference room of editors.

MIKE
What’s Eileen McNamara doing in the
10:30?

KURKJIAN
Do you need something, Mike?

MIKE
No. Just curious.

KURKJIAN
I got work to do. Go be curious
somewhere else, will you?

Genres: Drama, Journalism
Tone: Professional, Serious, Informative

Summary Marty Baron arrives at the Boston Globe, introducing himself to the editors in a conference room where they discuss various news topics. Tension arises as Marty seeks to establish his authority among the seasoned staff, while Robby observes with uncertainty. The scene captures the bustling atmosphere of the newsroom, highlighting the dynamics between the characters, including casual exchanges about a recent game. The meeting ends with lingering curiosity and nervous energy.

Strengths

Effective introduction of a new character
Establishment of newsroom setting and dynamics
Professional dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the dynamics between Marty Baron and the existing staff at the Boston Globe, showcasing the tension and uncertainty that often accompanies a new leadership. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks a natural flow. The characters' interactions could benefit from more subtext, allowing their personalities and relationships to emerge more organically.
Marty's introduction is a pivotal moment, yet it feels rushed. The scene could delve deeper into his character by showing his reactions to the newsroom environment and the personalities around him. This would help the audience connect with him on a more personal level.
The transition between the newsroom and the conference room is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the pacing and maintain the audience's engagement. Consider adding a brief moment that captures the atmosphere of the newsroom before shifting to the conference room.
The dialogue between Ben and Robby is functional but lacks emotional stakes. While it establishes the context of the story, it could be enriched with more personal stakes or humor to lighten the mood and make the characters more relatable.
The scene introduces several characters, but they remain somewhat one-dimensional. Providing small character details or quirks could help differentiate them and make the audience more invested in their roles within the story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the dynamics between Marty Baron and the existing staff at the Globe, particularly through the dialogue between Ben and Robby. However, it lacks a clear dramatic tension that could elevate the stakes. For instance, while Robby mentions needing another week for the police department story, there is no immediate sense of urgency or consequence tied to this timeline.
Marty's introduction is somewhat flat; while he introduces himself, there is little emotional weight or conflict in his greeting. It would benefit from a moment that showcases his authority or sets up a challenge he will face in this new environment.
The dialogue feels a bit expository at times, particularly when characters introduce themselves. Instead of a straightforward name exchange, consider incorporating a more dynamic interaction that reveals character traits or underlying tensions.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a suitable choice for critiquing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dramatic tension in this scene to make Marty's introduction more impactful?
What techniques can I use to make the dialogue feel less expository and more engaging?
How can I better showcase Marty's authority and the challenges he faces in this new role?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the setting and the characters' relationships, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For example, Ben's character could be fleshed out more to show his leadership style and how it contrasts with Marty's.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven; the transition from the newsroom to the conference room could be smoother. Consider adding a moment that highlights the shift in atmosphere as they move from a casual conversation to a more formal setting.
The scene lacks a clear thematic focus. While it introduces the characters and their roles, it doesn't yet hint at the larger themes of accountability and investigative journalism that will be central to the story.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and thematic structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to deepen Ben's character to better contrast with Marty's leadership style?
How can I improve the pacing between the newsroom and conference room to enhance the scene's flow?
What thematic elements should I consider incorporating to foreshadow the larger issues at play in the story?

Critique by Syd Field

The scene sets up the characters and their relationships well, but it lacks a clear inciting incident that propels the narrative forward. The introduction of Marty should create a sense of anticipation for what he will bring to the Globe.
The dialogue, while functional, could be more layered. For instance, when Robby mentions his meeting with Baron, it could hint at underlying tensions or stakes that are not fully explored.
The visual elements are somewhat standard; consider incorporating more unique visual cues that reflect the characters' personalities or the atmosphere of the Globe.

Syd Field is known for his focus on structure and the importance of inciting incidents, making his perspective valuable for ensuring the scene effectively propels the narrative.

Questions for AI

What could serve as a strong inciting incident in this scene to create anticipation for Marty's role?
How can I add layers to the dialogue to hint at deeper stakes or tensions?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the atmosphere and character dynamics in the Globe?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more character-driven moments that reveal the personalities and motivations of Marty, Ben, and Robby. For example, include a brief anecdote or personal insight that adds depth to their interactions.
Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict in the conference room that reflects the challenges the Globe faces, perhaps through a disagreement about the direction of a story or differing opinions on Marty's leadership style.
Enhance the transition between scenes by including a visual or auditory cue that signifies the shift from the bustling newsroom to the more formal conference room setting, such as the sound of ringing phones fading out as the camera focuses on Marty.
Infuse the dialogue with more subtext and emotional weight. For instance, when discussing the PD numbers, characters could express their fears or hopes for the future of the paper, making the stakes feel more immediate.
Introduce a minor conflict or humorous moment during the introductions in the conference room to break the tension and provide a more engaging atmosphere, allowing the audience to connect with the characters on a human level.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment of conflict or challenge during Marty's introduction, such as a skeptical question from a staff member that forces him to assert his vision for the Globe.
Consider adding a visual element that symbolizes the tension in the newsroom, such as a clock ticking down, to emphasize the urgency of their work.
Incorporate a moment where Marty reacts to something unexpected in the meeting, showcasing his adaptability and setting the tone for his leadership style.

Robert McKee's focus on conflict and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

How can I create a moment of conflict during Marty's introduction to enhance his character's assertiveness?
What visual symbols can I use to convey urgency in the newsroom setting?
How can I depict Marty's adaptability in response to unexpected challenges during the meeting?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a backstory element for Ben that reveals his past experiences and how they shape his current leadership style, creating a richer character.
Smooth the transition between the newsroom and conference room by including a brief moment of reflection from Marty as he prepares to address the editors, highlighting his internal stakes.
Introduce a thematic element related to accountability or investigative journalism in the dialogue, perhaps through a comment from Robby that hints at the challenges ahead.

Linda Seger's expertise in character and theme development makes her suggestions valuable for deepening the scene's emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What backstory elements can I incorporate for Ben to enrich his character and leadership style?
How can I create a reflective moment for Marty to enhance the transition between settings?
What thematic dialogue can I include to foreshadow the challenges of accountability in journalism?

Suggestion by Syd Field

Introduce a clear inciting incident, such as a sudden announcement or a pressing issue that Marty must address, to create immediate stakes.
Layer the dialogue with subtext, allowing characters to hint at their true feelings about the changes at the Globe, particularly regarding Marty's leadership.
Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating unique elements of the Globe's newsroom that reflect its history and the weight of the stories they cover.

Syd Field's emphasis on structure and inciting incidents makes his suggestions crucial for ensuring the scene effectively propels the narrative forward.

Questions for AI

What inciting incident can I introduce to create immediate stakes for Marty in this scene?
How can I add subtext to the dialogue to reveal characters' true feelings about the changes at the Globe?
What unique visual elements can I include to reflect the Globe's history and the significance of their work?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character, sets the tone for the newsroom environment, and hints at potential conflicts and developments within the team. However, it lacks significant emotional impact and high stakes.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character in a newsroom setting and setting the stage for future interactions is well-executed. The scene effectively establishes the core elements of the story and the dynamics within the team.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on introducing Marty Baron and hinting at potential storylines within the newsroom. While it moves the story forward by introducing a new character, it lacks significant development or conflict.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges of leadership in a newsroom setting, with authentic character interactions and a focus on journalistic integrity.

Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined, with distinct personalities and roles within the newsroom. Marty Baron is introduced as a new, enigmatic figure, while other characters like Ben and Robby provide context and depth to the team dynamics.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints at potential character changes, especially with the introduction of Marty Baron and the shifting dynamics within the newsroom.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dynamics of the newsroom and establish his authority as the new editor. This reflects his desire for respect and acceptance in his new role.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to lead a successful meeting with the editors and set a positive tone for his leadership. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining the trust and cooperation of his team.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on introducing characters and setting the tone for future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external challenges that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character introductions and team dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential plotlines within the newsroom environment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between traditional journalistic values and the pressure to produce sensational stories. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in integrity and accuracy in reporting.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The emotional impact of the scene is limited, as it primarily focuses on professional interactions and introductions.

Dialogue: 7.8

The dialogue in the scene is professional and informative, reflecting the setting of a newsroom meeting. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, subtle power dynamics, and high-stakes setting.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the newsroom environment, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay set in a newsroom, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a newsroom setting, with clear character introductions and interactions.

16 INT. GLOBE, LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER 16

The meeting is wrapping up.
11/26/14 12.

SPORTS EDITOR
...and it looks like Pedro’s gonna
be out until September 1st. Jimmy
says he’ll be back this year, but
the doc didn’t seem so sure.

BEN
When’s the Pats opener?

Laughter. Except Marty.

MARTY
Is that everyone?

HELEN
Yes, that’s it.

MARTY
Great, thank you. Uh, did everyone
read Eileen McNamara’s column this
weekend?

The room reacts. Huh? Editors look at EILEEN MCNAMARA, 50s.

HELEN
That’s the Geoghan case?

MARTY
Yes, what’s the folo on that?

BEN
It’s a column, what kind of folo
were you thinking?

MARTY
Well, apparently this priest
molested kids in six different
parishes over the last thirty years
and the attorney for the victims,
Mr...

EILEEN
Garabedian.

MARTY
Thanks, Eileen. Mr. Garabedian says
Cardinal Law found out about it
fifteen years ago and did nothing.

CANELLOS
I think that attorney’s a bit of a
crank. And the Church dismissed the
claim.
11/26/14 13.

EILEEN
He said, she said.

MARTY
Whether Mr. Garabedian is a crank or
not, he says he has documents that
prove the Cardinal knew.

BEN
As I understand it, those documents
are under seal.

Silence. No one knows what to do. Robby watches.

MARTY
Okay, but the fact remains, we have
a Boston priest abused 80 kids,
we’ve got a lawyer who says he has
proof Law knew about it, and we’ve
written all of...
(checking his notes)
...two stories on this in the last
six months?
(then)
This strikes me as an essential
story for a local paper. At the
very least, we should be going after
those documents.

CANELLOS
How would you like to do that?

MARTY
Well, I don’t know what the laws are
here, but in Florida we would go to
court.

Robby raises an eyebrow. In fact, the whole room does.

BEN
You want to sue the church?

MARTY
Technically we wouldn’t sue the
Church. We would file a motion to
lift the seal on those documents.

BEN
The church will read that as us
suing them. So will everybody else.

MARTY
Good to know.
11/26/14 14.

Off Robby, intrigued --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Inquisitive, Concerned

Summary In a large conference room at the Globe newspaper office, a light-hearted meeting among staff takes a serious turn when Marty raises concerns about Eileen McNamara's column on a priest's alleged abuse of children. He advocates for investigating the church's inaction and suggests pursuing legal documents to uncover the Cardinal's knowledge of the situation. This prompts a debate among colleagues, with some expressing skepticism about the attorney's credibility and the risks of suing the church. The scene concludes with Robby intrigued by Marty's bold proposal.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Clear establishment of conflict
Relevant and compelling theme

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of significant character development

General Critique

The scene effectively transitions from a light-hearted atmosphere to a serious discussion about the church's misconduct, showcasing the contrast in tone. However, the shift could be more pronounced to emphasize the gravity of the topic being introduced.
Marty's character is established as someone who is serious and focused on the investigation, but the dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight. Adding a personal stake or a sense of urgency to his words could enhance the impact of his suggestions.
The dialogue among the characters feels somewhat expository, particularly when discussing the documents and the church's actions. While it's important to convey information, consider weaving in more subtext or conflict to make the conversation feel more dynamic and engaging.
The reactions of the other characters to Marty's proposal could be more varied. Currently, they seem to respond with a mix of skepticism and intrigue, but adding a character who is more vehemently opposed or supportive could create a richer dialogue and highlight the stakes involved.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from more visual cues or actions that reflect the tension in the room. For example, characters could fidget, exchange glances, or show physical reactions to the gravity of the conversation, which would enhance the emotional stakes.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate it. For instance, when Marty says, 'This strikes me as an essential story for a local paper,' it feels more like a statement of fact rather than a passionate plea. Consider infusing more urgency into Marty's dialogue to reflect the gravity of the situation.
The reactions of the other characters, particularly Ben and Canellos, could be more dynamic. Their dismissive attitudes towards Garabedian's claims could be portrayed with more visceral reactions, perhaps through body language or interruptions that convey their skepticism more forcefully.
The scene's pacing feels uneven. The transition from light-hearted banter about sports to the serious topic of abuse could be more jarring to emphasize the gravity of the subject matter. A more abrupt shift in tone could heighten the emotional stakes.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and ability to create tension through character interactions, making him a fitting choice for critiquing this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the tension in Marty's dialogue to better reflect the urgency of the story?
What techniques can I use to make the reactions of Ben and Canellos more dynamic and engaging?
How can I create a more effective tonal shift between the light-hearted sports discussion and the serious topic of abuse?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of introducing the conflict regarding the church's involvement, but it could benefit from deeper character motivations. For example, what drives Marty to push for this story? Adding a personal stake for him could enhance the emotional weight of his argument.
The dialogue could be more layered. For instance, when Eileen says, 'He said, she said,' it feels dismissive. Instead, consider having her express a more nuanced view that reflects her internal conflict about the church's authority versus the victims' plight.
The scene lacks a clear visual motif that ties the characters' discussions to the larger themes of the story. Incorporating visual elements that symbolize the church's power or the victims' suffering could deepen the audience's engagement.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and thematic depth, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional resonance of this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I use to deepen Marty's character motivation in this scene?
How can I make Eileen's dialogue more nuanced to reflect her internal conflict?
What visual motifs could I incorporate to enhance the thematic depth of this scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene presents a clear conflict, but it lacks a strong dramatic arc. Consider structuring the dialogue to build tension towards a climax, perhaps by having Marty face increasing resistance from Ben and Canellos as he pushes for action.
The stakes could be raised further. What are the potential consequences if they do not pursue this story? Clarifying the risks involved could heighten the urgency of Marty's proposal.
The ending of the scene feels somewhat flat. Instead of simply leaving the room with intrigue, consider a more definitive moment that encapsulates the tension, such as a character's emotional reaction or a powerful line that lingers.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

How can I create a stronger dramatic arc within the dialogue of this scene?
What specific stakes can I introduce to emphasize the urgency of pursuing the story?
What kind of ending could provide a more impactful conclusion to this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Marty reflects on the implications of the church's actions personally, perhaps by referencing a past experience or a moral dilemma, to deepen his character and the audience's connection to the story.
Introduce a character who is more emotionally invested in the church's actions, either positively or negatively, to create a more polarized discussion that can drive the narrative forward.
Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups on characters' faces during key moments of realization or tension, to enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue.
Revise the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing characters to imply their feelings about the church and the investigation rather than stating them outright. This can create a more engaging and layered conversation.
Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat or a cliffhanger that leaves the audience eager to see how the characters will proceed with Marty's bold suggestion.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Marty's dialogue to include more urgency and emotional weight. For example, instead of stating the facts, have him express frustration or anger about the church's inaction.
Enhance the reactions of Ben and Canellos by incorporating physicality—perhaps Ben leans forward in his chair, visibly agitated, while Canellos rolls his eyes or interrupts Marty.
Create a more abrupt tonal shift by having a character abruptly change the subject back to sports, creating a jarring contrast that emphasizes the seriousness of Marty's topic.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I revise to make Marty's dialogue more urgent?
How can I incorporate physicality into Ben and Canellos' reactions to enhance their skepticism?
What techniques can I use to create a more jarring tonal shift in the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a backstory element to Marty's character that reveals why this story matters to him personally, perhaps referencing a past experience with the church or a victim.
Revise Eileen's line to reflect a more complex view, such as, 'It's not just a he said, she said; it's about lives ruined and a system that protects itself.' This adds depth to her character and the discussion.
Incorporate visual elements, such as a newspaper clipping or a photo of a victim, that could be present in the conference room, serving as a constant reminder of the stakes involved.

Linda Seger's focus on character motivation and thematic depth makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of backstory could I give Marty to enhance his motivation in this scene?
How can I revise Eileen's dialogue to reflect a more complex perspective?
What visual elements could I introduce to deepen the thematic resonance of this scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Structure the dialogue to build towards a climax, perhaps by having Marty face increasing resistance from Ben and Canellos, culminating in a heated exchange that highlights the stakes.
Clarify the potential consequences of inaction by having Marty articulate what could happen if they don't pursue the story, such as the continued abuse of children.
End the scene with a powerful line from Marty that encapsulates the urgency of the situation, such as, 'If we don’t act now, we’re complicit in their silence.' This leaves the audience with a strong emotional impact.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and dramatic tension makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

How can I structure the dialogue to build tension towards a climax?
What specific consequences can I articulate to emphasize the urgency of pursuing the story?
What impactful line could I use to conclude the scene on a powerful note?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a compelling conflict and raises important ethical questions. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, driving the plot forward.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth in the face of powerful institutions is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively introduces this theme and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, introducing a key investigative thread that will likely drive the narrative forward. The conflict and stakes are clearly established.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on the internal conflicts and ethical considerations of pursuing a controversial story. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear. The scene sets up potential character arcs and conflicts that will unfold as the story progresses.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and transformation as the characters navigate the challenges ahead.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to push for investigative journalism and uncover the truth behind the priest abuse scandal. This reflects his desire for justice and integrity in reporting.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince his colleagues to pursue the story and lift the seal on the documents related to the priest abuse case. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing resistance from the church and potential legal implications.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between journalistic integrity and potential repercussions from powerful institutions is palpable. The scene sets up a high-stakes situation that will test the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces resistance from his colleagues and potential legal consequences in pursuing the controversial story. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the decision to pursue a controversial story that could have far-reaching consequences. The scene sets up a tense and risky situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key investigative thread and raising important questions that will drive future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected ethical dilemmas and conflicting viewpoints that arise during the discussion. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will proceed.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of investigative journalism and the potential consequences of challenging powerful institutions like the church. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of truth and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension and moral dilemma, but the emotional impact is somewhat subdued compared to more personal or intimate moments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and serves to reveal character dynamics and conflicting viewpoints. It drives the scene forward and raises important questions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense discussions, conflicting viewpoints, and ethical dilemmas that drive the narrative forward. The audience is drawn into the characters' debates and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense as the characters debate the ethical implications of pursuing the story. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a screenplay. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven sequence in a drama screenplay. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

17 INT. GLOBE, BEN’S OFFICE - LATER 17

Ben and Robby walk into Ben’s office.

ROBBY
Gutsy call for the first day.

BEN
That’s one word for it.

ROBBY
How do you think it’s gonna play
down front?

BEN
I think Gilman’s gonna shit a brick.

Knock. Knock. Mike’s at the door.

MIKE
Hey.

BEN
Door.

Mike shuts the door, looks at Robby.

MIKE
How’d it go?

ROBBY
Baron wants to sue for the sealed
docs in the Geoghan case.

MIKE
He wants to sue the church? That’s
great.

BEN
We covered Geoghan when the story
broke three years ago. Baron was
still in Miami.

ROBBY
(needling Ben)
I think he was at the Times then.

BEN
He wasn’t here.

MIKE
You think the suit has a chance?
11/26/14 15.

ROBBY
Depends on the judge.

BEN
And what parish he belongs to.

Ben’s phone RINGS. Ben picks it up.

BEN (CONT’D)
Bradlee. Yeah. Okay.
(hanging up, to Robby)
Baron wants to talk to us.

ROBBY
Us?

Off Robby, surprised --

18 INT. GLOBE, MARTY’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 18

Ben and Robby enter. Marty’s on the phone.

MARTY (INTO PHONE)
Okay, thank you. Yes. Okay, thanks.

Marty hangs up as they sit.

MARTY (CONT’D)
I set up a meeting for tomorrow with
outside counsel...

BEN
Jon Albano?

MARTY
Yeah.

BEN
Who’s the Judge on this case?

MARTY
Uh, Constance Sweeney.

BEN
Tough.

MARTY
Why’s that?

BEN
Good Catholic girl.

Marty pushes on.
11/26/14 16.

MARTY
Judging from what I’ve read, it
doesn’t seem like we’ve done a
thorough investigation of the
Geoghan case. Is that right?

BEN
No it’s not. We looked hard at
Geoghan. David Armstrong for Metro
and Michael Paulson for Religion.

Marty isn’t impressed.

MARTY
Okay, but, uh, just so I understand,
beyond our daily coverage, we
haven’t committed any long term
investigative resources to the
question of whether or not Cardinal
Law knew about this?

BEN
No, we haven’t.

MARTY
(to Robby)
And that’s the kind of thing your
team does?

ROBBY
Spotlight? Well, yeah, but we’re
still prospecting the Boston PD
story I told you about.

MARTY
Could you set it aside?

ROBBY
We could.

BEN
Marty, in the past, Spotlight has
had success in large part because
they pick their own projects.

MARTY
Would you consider picking this one?

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intriguing, Professional

Summary In a tense meeting at the Globe, Ben and Robby discuss the implications of a lawsuit from Baron regarding sealed documents in the Geoghan case. Joined by Mike, they contemplate the potential outcomes while receiving a call from Baron requesting a meeting. Transitioning to Marty's office, they face scrutiny over their investigation's thoroughness. Marty challenges Ben to delve deeper into Cardinal Law's knowledge of the abuse, suggesting the Spotlight team take on this critical project, leaving Ben and Robby to weigh the gravity of the request.

Strengths

Strong dialogue
Introduction of new character with impact
Plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the tension and stakes surrounding the investigation into the Geoghan case, particularly through the dialogue between Ben, Robby, and Mike. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight of the situation. For instance, instead of stating 'Baron wants to sue for the sealed docs in the Geoghan case,' consider incorporating more emotional reactions or personal stakes that reflect the gravity of the situation.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly when transitioning from Ben's office to Marty's office. The dialogue flows quickly, which can make it challenging for the audience to fully absorb the implications of the conversation. Slowing down the pacing slightly, perhaps by adding pauses or reactions, could help emphasize the seriousness of the discussion.
While the scene introduces important characters and their roles, it could benefit from more visual descriptions to ground the audience in the setting. For example, describing the cluttered nature of Ben's office or the expressions on the characters' faces during the conversation could enhance the scene's emotional impact.
The dialogue is functional but lacks a distinct voice for each character. While Ben, Robby, and Mike have different roles, their speech patterns are somewhat similar. Adding unique phrases or mannerisms for each character could help differentiate them and make the dialogue feel more authentic.
The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Marty's request for the Spotlight team to consider the investigation. This could be strengthened by including a moment of reflection or hesitation from Robby and Ben, showcasing their internal conflict about taking on such a sensitive and potentially dangerous story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the tension of the situation, particularly with Ben's dry humor and Robby's needling. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Robby says, 'Gutsy call for the first day,' it hints at the stakes but could be more layered to reflect his true feelings about the risks involved.
Marty's character is introduced as someone who is assertive and focused, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so intent on pursuing the Geoghan case? Adding a line that hints at his personal stake or a past experience could deepen his character.
The pacing feels slightly rushed. The transition from Ben's office to Marty's office could use a moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the gravity of the situation they are discussing.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scenes.

Questions for AI

How can I add more subtext to Robby's line about the 'gutsy call' to reflect deeper character motivations?
What techniques can I use to clarify Marty's motivations in this scene without resorting to exposition?
How can I improve the pacing between the transition from Ben's office to Marty's office to enhance the scene's impact?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively sets up the stakes regarding the lawsuit against the church, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. Each character should have a distinct emotional response to the news of the lawsuit, which would help the audience connect with their motivations.
Marty's push for a deeper investigation is compelling, but the scene lacks a sense of urgency. Adding a line that emphasizes the potential consequences of inaction could heighten the tension.
The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. For example, when Ben says, 'Good Catholic girl,' it could be expanded to reflect his personal feelings about the judge, adding depth to his character.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional depth.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to enhance the emotional responses of Ben, Robby, and Marty to the news of the lawsuit?
How can I create a greater sense of urgency in Marty's push for a deeper investigation?
What techniques can I use to make the dialogue more dynamic and reflective of each character's personality?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The scene has a solid foundation, but it could benefit from more rapid-fire exchanges to create a sense of urgency and tension. The dialogue should feel like a conversation that builds momentum.
Consider using interruptions or overlapping dialogue to reflect the chaotic nature of a newsroom. This would enhance the realism and energy of the scene.
Marty's character could be portrayed as more assertive. Instead of asking if they could set aside the Boston PD story, he could make a more definitive statement about prioritizing the Geoghan case, showcasing his leadership.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's energy.

Questions for AI

How can I structure the dialogue to create a more rapid-fire exchange that builds tension?
What techniques can I use to incorporate interruptions or overlapping dialogue to enhance the realism of the newsroom setting?
How can I portray Marty's character as more assertive in his approach to prioritizing the Geoghan case?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey the emotional stakes of the investigation. For example, characters could express their fears or doubts about the repercussions of suing the church.
Slow down the pacing by adding pauses or reactions to key lines, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of the conversation.
Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and characters' expressions to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Differentiate the characters' voices by giving each one unique phrases or speech patterns that reflect their personalities and backgrounds.
Add a moment of reflection or hesitation at the end of the scene to emphasize the gravity of Marty's request and the potential consequences of their decision.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add a line where Robby reflects on the risks of the lawsuit, perhaps hinting at past experiences that make him wary, to deepen the subtext.
Include a moment where Marty expresses a personal connection to the Geoghan case, which would clarify his motivations and make him more relatable.
Consider inserting a visual cue, such as a clock ticking or a newspaper headline, to emphasize the urgency of their discussion as they transition from Ben's office to Marty's.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character motivation makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to hint at Robby's past experiences that make him wary of the lawsuit?
How can I create a personal connection for Marty regarding the Geoghan case that feels organic?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the sense of urgency in the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate distinct emotional reactions from each character regarding the lawsuit, such as Ben's skepticism, Robby's intrigue, and Marty's determination, to create a more engaging dynamic.
Add a line that highlights the potential consequences of not investigating the Geoghan case, which would elevate the stakes and urgency of the conversation.
Expand on Ben's comment about the judge being a 'Good Catholic girl' to reflect his personal feelings, perhaps by adding a line about how that could influence the case.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional arcs and character dynamics makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to differentiate the emotional responses of Ben, Robby, and Marty to the lawsuit?
How can I effectively convey the potential consequences of inaction in Marty's dialogue?
What techniques can I use to deepen Ben's comment about the judge to reflect his personal feelings?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue to create more rapid exchanges, allowing characters to interrupt each other and build tension, reflecting the fast-paced nature of a newsroom.
Incorporate overlapping dialogue to create a sense of chaos and urgency, making the scene feel more dynamic and realistic.
Reframe Marty's approach to the Geoghan case by having him assertively prioritize it over the Boston PD story, showcasing his leadership and decisiveness.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in fast-paced dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's energy.

Questions for AI

How can I structure the dialogue to create rapid exchanges that build tension effectively?
What techniques can I use to incorporate overlapping dialogue to enhance the scene's energy?
How can I portray Marty's leadership more assertively in his dialogue regarding the Geoghan case?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character, establishes a serious and determined tone, and sets up a major investigative plotline. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the potential for conflict and high stakes.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character who challenges the status quo of the investigative team adds depth to the story. It opens up new possibilities for exploration and conflict.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as Marty Baron introduces a new direction for the investigation. It raises the stakes and sets up potential conflicts with the church and other characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on investigative journalism and the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Marty Baron standing out as a determined and focused individual. The interactions between the characters reveal their dynamics and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Marty Baron's introduction marks a significant change in the dynamics of the investigative team. His challenge to pursue a new angle on the story sets the stage for character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain the integrity and reputation of their investigative team, Spotlight, while navigating new challenges and pressures.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the Geoghan case and uncover the truth about Cardinal Law's involvement.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict level is moderate in this scene, with the introduction of a new challenge for the investigative team. The potential legal action against the church raises the stakes and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's investigative efforts and create suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with the potential legal action against the church and the challenge of investigating a sensitive topic. The characters' reputations and the truth itself are on the line.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new plotline and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets up future developments and conflicts that will drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the characters' decisions that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between journalistic integrity and the pressure to prioritize certain stories over others for the sake of the newspaper's reputation.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with a focus on determination and concern. The seriousness of the topic adds depth to the characters' motivations and actions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It sets the tone for future interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the fast-paced dialogue, intriguing plot developments, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains tension and momentum, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and advances the plot, fitting the genre of a journalistic drama.

19 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - LATER 19

Mike, Sacha, Matt all working. Sacha on the phone.
11/26/14 17.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
I don’t know if he’s writing about
you but I will let him know you
called. Okay. Bye.

Sacha hangs up as Robby enters.

MIKE
Hey, how’d it go?

ROBBY
Okay. Baron wants us to scrub the
Geoghan case.

MIKE
That’s great. MATTY
Didn’t we cover Geoghan?

ROBBY (CONT’D)
There’s a lawyer alleging Cardinal
Law knew about it.

SACHA
Mitch Garabedian, right? I covered
him at the courthouse.

ROBBY
Can you get to him?

SACHA
I only interviewed him once. He’s
kind of a character.

MIKE
I like characters. I’ll take him.

ROBBY
He’s yours. Also, we should talk to
the lawyer who repped the victims in
the Porter case. Eric MacLeish.

MATT
That guy was always on TV.

SACHA
The Porter case? Remind me?

MIKE
Father Porter, similar story,
molested dozens of kids in Fall
River about ten years ago.

MATT
So we’re dropping the Boston PD?
11/26/14 18.

MIKE
I vote yes.

ROBBY
No, we’re just setting it aside for
now. I don’t need to tell you guys,
we need to be more discreet than
usual. Everybody’s gonna be
interested in this, not just the
Herald. I don’t want the Chancery
getting wind of this before we know
what we have.

MATT
Good luck with that.

They reach for phones and computers, Robby leaves them to it.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Professional, Intriguing, Informative

Summary In the Spotlight office, Mike, Sacha, and Matt receive urgent news from Robby about the need to scrub the Geoghan case due to allegations against Cardinal Law. Sacha shares her prior experience with lawyer Mitch Garabedian, prompting Mike to volunteer for the interview. The team decides to focus on the Geoghan case and set aside the Boston PD investigation, with Robby emphasizing the importance of discretion given the sensitive nature of the story. The scene captures the tense atmosphere of investigative journalism as the team prepares to delve deeper into the case.

Strengths

Clear and engaging dialogue
Smooth plot progression
Establishment of investigative team dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Subtle conflict

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the urgency and gravity of the investigation into the Geoghan case, highlighting the stakes involved with the mention of Cardinal Law's alleged knowledge. However, the dialogue could benefit from more tension and emotional weight, as the characters are discussing serious allegations that have significant implications for victims and the church.
The character dynamics are clear, but the scene lacks a strong emotional arc. While the characters are engaged in a professional discussion, there is an opportunity to deepen their personal stakes in the story. Adding moments of reflection or personal anecdotes could enhance the emotional resonance.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. The dialogue moves quickly from one point to another without allowing for pauses that could build suspense or allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation. Consider incorporating more beats or reactions from the characters to emphasize their concerns and the weight of their task.
The use of jargon and specific references (like 'scrub the Geoghan case') may alienate viewers who are not familiar with the context. While it is important to maintain authenticity, consider balancing technical language with more accessible explanations to ensure clarity for all audience members.
The scene ends somewhat abruptly after Robby's warning about discretion. While it sets up the next steps, it could benefit from a stronger closing line or moment that encapsulates the team's resolve or apprehension about the investigation ahead.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate it. For instance, when Robby says, 'Baron wants us to scrub the Geoghan case,' it feels flat. Consider injecting more urgency or emotional weight into this line to reflect the gravity of the situation.
The characters' reactions to the news about Cardinal Law could be more visceral. Mike's response, 'That's great,' feels dismissive given the serious implications of the case. A more nuanced reaction could better convey the stakes involved.
The scene could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Sacha mentions Garabedian being 'kind of a character,' it could be an opportunity to explore her feelings about the case or her past interactions with him, adding depth to her character.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him ideal for critiquing the dialogue and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in Robby's line about scrubbing the Geoghan case?
What techniques can I use to create more subtext in dialogue, particularly in scenes involving serious topics?
How can I better convey the urgency of the situation through character reactions?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the investigative nature of the Spotlight team, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. For instance, how does this moment impact Mike, Sacha, and Matt's development as characters? Their motivations should be more pronounced.
The conflict regarding the decision to drop the Boston PD investigation is introduced but not fully explored. This could be a pivotal moment for the characters, and the scene should reflect the tension and stakes involved in that decision.
The pacing of the scene feels rushed. The characters quickly move from one topic to another without fully exploring the implications of each point. Slowing down the dialogue to allow for more reflection could enhance the scene's impact.

Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better illustrate the character arcs of Mike, Sacha, and Matt in this scene?
What techniques can I use to deepen the conflict surrounding the decision to drop the Boston PD investigation?
How can I adjust the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more impactful moments?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic question that drives the narrative forward. What is at stake for each character in this moment? Establishing a strong dramatic question could heighten tension and engagement.
The stakes of the investigation into Cardinal Law are mentioned but not fully realized in the characters' dialogue. The scene should reflect the potential consequences of their actions, both personally and professionally.
The transition from discussing Garabedian to the decision to set aside the Boston PD investigation feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.

McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the narrative drive and stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What is the dramatic question that should be driving this scene, and how can I make it clearer?
How can I better articulate the stakes involved in the investigation into Cardinal Law?
What techniques can I use to create smoother transitions between topics in dialogue?

General Suggestions

Incorporate a moment of silence or a shared look among the characters after Robby delivers the news about Cardinal Law. This could emphasize the weight of the situation and allow the audience to feel the gravity of their task.
Add a line or two where one of the characters expresses personal stakes in the investigation, perhaps referencing a past experience or a victim they met. This would help to humanize the story and create a stronger emotional connection.
Consider slowing down the dialogue in certain areas to allow for more dramatic pauses. This can help build tension and give the audience time to process the implications of what is being discussed.
Introduce a brief flashback or a visual cue that highlights the impact of the abuse on victims, perhaps through a quick cutaway or a character's memory. This would ground the investigation in the real-world consequences of the church's actions.
End the scene with a more definitive statement or action that sets the tone for the investigation, such as a character making a determined vow to uncover the truth or a visual of them preparing to dive into the research, reinforcing their commitment to the story.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Robby's line about scrubbing the Geoghan case to reflect a sense of urgency or dread, perhaps by adding a qualifier that indicates the gravity of the situation.
Encourage Mike to express a more complex reaction to the news about Cardinal Law, perhaps by showing his internal conflict or concern for the victims.
Add a moment where Sacha reflects on her past interactions with Garabedian, which could provide insight into her character and the challenges they face.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help enhance the emotional impact and depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of dialogue that convey urgency and emotional weight?
How can I create a moment of internal conflict for Mike that feels authentic?
What techniques can I use to develop Sacha's character through her dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the character arcs by adding lines that reflect Mike, Sacha, and Matt's personal stakes in the investigation, perhaps through their past experiences or motivations.
Expand on the conflict regarding the Boston PD investigation by having characters express their concerns or fears about dropping it, which could heighten the tension.
Slow down the pacing by inserting pauses or reflective moments after key lines, allowing characters to process the implications of their decisions.

Seger's focus on character development and conflict resolution can guide improvements in the scene's emotional depth and pacing.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively illustrate character motivations in dialogue?
What are some ways to heighten tension in a scene through character conflict?
How can I incorporate pauses or reflective moments to enhance pacing?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Establish a clear dramatic question at the beginning of the scene that reflects the stakes of the investigation, such as 'What will happen if we uncover the truth about Cardinal Law?'
Articulate the stakes of the investigation more clearly in the dialogue, perhaps by having characters discuss the potential fallout from their actions.
Create smoother transitions between topics by using linking phrases or questions that connect the characters' thoughts and maintain narrative flow.

McKee's expertise in dramatic structure and narrative flow can help refine the scene's tension and coherence.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to establish a dramatic question in a scene?
How can I articulate stakes in dialogue without being overly expository?
What techniques can I use to create seamless transitions in dialogue?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a new investigative angle while maintaining a serious and professional tone. It introduces key characters and their roles in the investigation, creating intrigue and anticipation for the unfolding story.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of shifting focus to a new investigative angle while setting aside a previous case adds depth to the storyline. The scene effectively conveys the importance of discretion and thoroughness in investigative journalism.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses smoothly as the investigative team decides to pursue a new lead, setting aside a previous case. The introduction of key elements such as the lawyer alleging Cardinal Law's knowledge of abuse adds complexity and intrigue to the storyline.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the investigative journalism genre, focusing on the ethical challenges and personal dynamics of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with each member of the investigative team showcasing their roles and expertise. The scene sets up potential character development as they delve into a new investigation.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the groundwork is laid for potential development as the investigative team delves into a new and challenging investigation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the Geoghan and Porter cases, while also maintaining discretion and professionalism in their reporting.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the allegations against Cardinal Law and the Boston PD, while also navigating the challenges of potential interference from other parties.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, revolving around the investigative team's decision to pursue a new lead while setting aside a previous case. The tension lies in the need for discretion and thoroughness in their investigation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that test their resolve and ethics. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their investigations.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the investigative team decides to pursue allegations against a cardinal, potentially uncovering a scandal with far-reaching implications. The need for discretion and thoroughness adds to the intensity of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new investigative angle and setting aside a previous case. It establishes key plot elements and character dynamics that will drive future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting allegiances and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the complexities of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between journalistic integrity and the need for discretion in sensitive investigations. The characters must weigh the importance of uncovering the truth against the potential consequences of their reporting.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate in this scene, focusing more on the professional and investigative aspects rather than emotional depth. However, the seriousness of the subject matter adds weight to the storyline.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and informative, driving the plot forward and establishing the investigative team's approach to the new story. It effectively conveys the seriousness of the subject matter and the team's dedication to uncovering the truth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is drawn into the investigative process and the personal dynamics of the team.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The quick exchanges and shifting dynamics keep the narrative moving forward at a brisk pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a well-defined conflict driving the action.

20 EXT. SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE, SOUTHIE - NIGHT 20

The quiet street dips down, disappearing into the harbour.
Sacha and Hansi get out of their car, cross the street.

21 INT. SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE, DINING ROOM - NIGHT 21

A cozy dining room. Sacha, her GRANDMOTHER and her husband
HANSI finish dinner. Sacha’s grandmother wears a gold cross.

SACHA
When are you leaving, Nana?

NANA
The bus is picking us up in the
church parking lot at nine o’clock.
We have forty people going.

SACHA
Is Father Dominic going?

NANA
No. He said, he’s very unlucky. But
luck has nothing to do with it.

Hansi can’t help but smile.

SACHA
Nana won a hundred and sixty dollars
last time.

HANSI
Wow.
11/26/14 19.

22 INT. SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT 22

Hansi and Sacha wash dishes. They talk quietly.

HANSI
You gonna tell her?

SACHA
We don’t even know if there’s a
story yet.

HANSI
“Globe sues church?” There’s gonna
be a story.

Sacha continues rinsing, glances at the small, porcelain
Virgin Mary on the window sill above the sink.

23 INT. GLOBE, LARGE PUBLISHER’S FOYER - DAY 23

Marty ascends a large, open air staircase in the upscale
business side of the building. He steps off, heads down the
hall then stops, looks around. Lost in his own building.

A YOUNG EMPLOYEE walks past.

MARTY
Excuse me, do you know where the
Publisher’s office is?

The employee points. Marty heads that direction.

24 INT. GLOBE, PUBLISHER’S OFFICE - DAY 24

RICHARD GILMAN, 50s, Brooks Brothers suit, finishes a call.
Marty is sitting on a couch in large, plush office opposite.

GILMAN (INTO PHONE)
Thanks, Tom. Will do.
(hangs up, to Marty)
How are you, Marty? Settling in?

MARTY
Yes, I think so.

GILMAN
Good. What can I do for you?

MARTY
I’d like to challenge the protective
order in the Geoghan case.

GILMAN
You want to sue the Catholic Church?
11/26/14 20.

MARTY
We’re just filing a motion. But yes.

GILMAN
You think it’s that important?

MARTY
Yes. I do.

GILMAN
Because, obviously, the Church will
fight us very hard on this. Which
won’t go unnoticed by our subscriber
base. 53% of them are Catholic.

MARTY
Uh, I think they’ll be interested.

Gilman considers for a long moment, looks unsettled.

GILMAN
Okay.

Marty nods, gets up to go.

GILMAN (CONT’D)
Marty? Lake Street will probably
contact you about a face to face
with the Cardinal. It’s customary.

MARTY
They already have. It’s set up for
next week.

GILMAN
I wouldn’t mention this.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Tense, Intriguing

Summary Sacha and Hansi visit Sacha's grandmother in South Boston, sharing a warm dinner where they discuss her upcoming church trip. Hansi encourages Sacha to share a potential story about the church, but Sacha hesitates. The scene shifts to Marty at the Globe, where he seeks Richard Gilman's support to challenge a protective order in the Geoghan case, aiming to sue the Catholic Church. Despite Gilman's concerns about backlash from the church community, he ultimately agrees to back Marty's initiative.

Strengths

Compelling dialogue
High-stakes conflict
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited visual action
Reliance on dialogue for tension

General Critique

The scene effectively contrasts the personal and professional lives of the characters, showcasing Sacha's familial ties and the weight of the investigation looming over her. This juxtaposition adds depth to Sacha's character, making her more relatable and human.
The dialogue between Sacha and her grandmother is warm and engaging, providing a glimpse into their relationship. However, the transition from this intimate family moment to the serious topic of the church investigation feels abrupt. The scene could benefit from a smoother transition that connects Sacha's personal life to her professional challenges.
Hansi's character is introduced but lacks depth in this scene. While he provides a supportive role, his motivations and feelings about the church investigation are not explored. Adding a line or two that reveals his perspective could enhance his character and the dynamics between the three characters.
Marty's scene with Gilman is crucial for establishing the stakes of the investigation, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the previous scene. The pacing shifts dramatically from a cozy family dinner to a tense legal discussion. A brief interlude or a visual cue could help bridge this gap and maintain narrative flow.
The dialogue in Gilman's office is functional but lacks emotional weight. While it conveys the necessary information, it could be enriched with subtext or tension to reflect the gravity of the situation. For instance, Gilman's hesitance could be more pronounced, showcasing his internal conflict about the church's influence.

Expert Critiques

Critique by John Truby

The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Sacha's personal life and the serious nature of her work at the Globe. Sacha's interaction with her grandmother adds depth to her character, showcasing her familial ties and the warmth of her home life.
However, the transition from the cozy dinner scene to the serious discussion about the church feels abrupt. The dialogue about the church's potential wrongdoing could be more seamlessly integrated into the domestic setting to enhance the emotional weight.
Hansi's role is somewhat passive in this scene. He could be given more agency or a stronger reaction to Sacha's hesitance about discussing the story with her grandmother, which would add tension and conflict.

John Truby is known for his focus on character development and story structure, making him suitable for analyzing the emotional dynamics and transitions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better integrate the themes of family and journalism in this scene to create a more cohesive emotional arc?
What techniques can I use to enhance Hansi's character and make his role more impactful in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing stakes with Marty's intention to challenge the protective order. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. For instance, Gilman's skepticism about suing the church could be heightened to create more tension.
The pacing feels uneven; the first half of the scene is light-hearted, while the second half shifts to a serious tone. This could be jarring for the audience. A gradual build-up to the serious discussion would create a smoother transition.
Marty's determination is clear, but his motivations could be more explicitly stated. Why does he feel so strongly about this case? Adding a line or two that reveals his personal connection to the issue could deepen the audience's investment.

Linda Seger specializes in screenplay structure and character motivation, making her insights valuable for enhancing dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to build tension in dialogue, particularly in scenes that shift from light-hearted to serious?
How can I clarify Marty's motivations in this scene to enhance audience engagement?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene captures a strong sense of place with the cozy setting of Sacha's grandmother's house, which contrasts nicely with the heavy subject matter. This juxtaposition is effective in highlighting the personal stakes involved.
However, the scene lacks a clear dramatic question that propels the narrative forward. What is at stake for Sacha if she chooses to discuss the church's actions with her grandmother? Establishing this would create a stronger narrative drive.
The dialogue is functional but could benefit from subtext. For example, Sacha's hesitance to share information about the church could be layered with her own fears or doubts about the investigation, adding complexity to her character.

Robert McKee is renowned for his expertise in storytelling and dramatic structure, making him well-suited to critique the narrative elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a dramatic question in this scene to enhance narrative tension?
What techniques can I use to incorporate subtext into the dialogue between Sacha and Hansi?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Sacha reflects on her grandmother's faith and how it contrasts with the investigation, creating a thematic link between her personal and professional life.
Introduce Hansi's character more fully by including a line that hints at his thoughts on the church or the investigation, which could add complexity to the family dynamic.
Incorporate a visual or auditory cue that signifies the transition from the intimate family dinner to the serious discussion about the church, such as a clock ticking or a distant church bell, to enhance the narrative flow.
Enhance the tension in Gilman's office by having him express more concern about the potential backlash from the church, perhaps referencing past experiences or the stakes involved, to create a more compelling conflict.
Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by showing Sacha's internal struggle as she prepares to dive deeper into the investigation, linking her personal life with her professional responsibilities.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by John Truby

Consider adding a moment where Sacha reflects on her grandmother's faith and how it contrasts with the dark realities of the church's actions. This could deepen the emotional stakes.
Give Hansi a more active role in the conversation about the church. Perhaps he could express concern or curiosity, prompting Sacha to reconsider her hesitance.

John Truby's focus on character depth and emotional arcs makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to deepen the emotional stakes in a scene that juxtaposes personal and professional conflicts?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Revise Gilman's dialogue to reflect more skepticism and concern about the implications of suing the church. This could heighten the tension and stakes of the conversation.
Introduce a line from Marty that reveals a personal connection to the church or the abuse scandal, which would clarify his motivations and make his determination more relatable.

Linda Seger's expertise in dialogue and character motivation can help refine the scene's emotional and narrative clarity.

Questions for AI

How can I revise dialogue to create more tension and conflict in a scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear dramatic question related to Sacha's decision to discuss the church's actions with her grandmother. This could be something like, 'What will happen if my grandmother finds out the truth?'
Layer the dialogue with subtext by having Sacha express her fears about the investigation indirectly, perhaps through anecdotes or memories related to her grandmother's faith.

Robert McKee's focus on dramatic structure and subtext makes his suggestions crucial for improving the scene's narrative drive.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques for introducing a dramatic question in a scene to enhance narrative tension?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a high-stakes conflict and introduces a pivotal decision that will drive the plot forward. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' motivations clearly.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of challenging a powerful institution like the Catholic Church through investigative journalism is compelling and thought-provoking. It raises important ethical questions and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as Marty makes a bold decision that will have far-reaching consequences. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of journalistic integrity and the challenges of uncovering the truth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds originality to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Marty's determination and Gilman's skepticism creating a dynamic tension. Their interactions reveal their conflicting perspectives and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Marty undergoes a significant change in this scene, from a newcomer to a bold advocate for investigative journalism. His decision marks a turning point in his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Sacha's internal goal in this scene is to gather information about a potential story involving the church and the Globe. This reflects her desire to uncover important news stories and make a difference through her work as a journalist.

External Goal: 9

Marty's external goal is to challenge the protective order in the Geoghan case, which involves suing the Catholic Church. This reflects his immediate challenge of standing up for justice and holding powerful institutions accountable.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as Marty challenges the Catholic Church and faces resistance from within his own organization. The stakes are significant, adding tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Marty facing resistance from Gilman and potential backlash from the Catholic Church. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of Marty's decision to challenge the protective order.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Marty's decision to challenge the Catholic Church could have profound consequences for both the newspaper and the community. The risk is significant.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict and decision that will shape future events. It sets up new challenges and developments for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events involving Marty's decision to challenge the protective order and the potential consequences of his actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between seeking the truth and facing opposition from powerful institutions. Marty's belief in the importance of challenging the church's protective order clashes with Gilman's concerns about subscriber base and potential backlash.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern and determination, as Marty's decision resonates emotionally with the audience. The ethical dilemma adds depth to the characters' motivations.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It drives the scene forward and builds tension.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its focus on character dynamics, subtle conflicts, and the unfolding of a potential news story that adds intrigue and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions in a way that maintains tension and momentum.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot and character development.

24A INT. GLOBE - DAY 24A

Matt walks down a row of cubicles, disappears down a spiral
staircase.

24B INT. BOSTON GLOBE LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS 24B

Matt descends the staircase and arrives at the front desk.

MATT
Hey Lisa. Could you pull all the
relevant clips on that for me?

He hands her a sheet of paper. She looks at it. Reacts.

LISA
Yeah. This is for Spotlight?
11/26/14 21.

MATT
Just drop them off when they’re
ready, thanks.

Matt walks off.

25 INT. MITCHELL GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE - DAY 25

Mike steps off an elevator and into a DUMP of an office. He
eyes a small reception desk covered with FILE BOXES.

MIKE
Hello. Hello?

Mike peeks through an open door... a small office, crammed
FLOOR TO CEILING with BOXES, each with GEOGHAN written on it.

PARALEGAL
Can I help you?

Mike turns. A PARALEGAL pokes her head out of a cubicle.

MIKE
Oh. Hi. I’m Mike Rezendes from the
Boston Globe. I’m here to see
Mitchell Garabedian.

PARALEGAL
He’s on a call. Please have a seat.

Mike grabs a seat, checks his watch. He hears YELLING coming
from behind a closed door. Garabedian?

26 INT. ONE INTERNATIONAL PLACE, LOBBY - DAY 26

Robby and Sacha stride across an enormous, marble and stone
lobby, a STARK CONTRAST to Garabedian’s digs.

27 OMITTED 27

28 INT. GREENBERG TRAURIG, CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 28

ERIC MACLEISH, 40s, good looks, quick with a story and a
smile, walks into the posh room, finds Sacha and Robby.

ERIC MACLEISH
The famous Walter Robinson in my
conference room.

MacLeish and Robby shake hands.
11/26/14 22.

ROBBY
Good to see you again, Eric. Sacha
Pfeiffer, Eric MacLeish.

ERIC MACLEISH
Nice to meet you. Do you play golf?

SACHA
(caught off guard)
Uh, no.

ERIC MACLEISH
Good. Your colleague took some money
off me at a charity event last year.

ROBBY
Lucky putt. I actually had my eyes
closed.

MacLeish smiles. Chummy.

ERIC MACLEISH
So, how can I help you?

ROBBY
You’re familiar with the Geoghan
case?

ERIC MACLEISH
Sure. Eighty plaintiffs. All
individual cases, Garabedian must be
swimming.

ROBBY
And the allegations against Cardinal
Law?

MacLeish considers the question.

ERIC MACLEISH
Look, it’s tricky. You need to
understand these are shitty cases.
The statute of limitations is only 3
years and most of these victims
don’t come forward until long after
that.

SACHA
Why is that?
11/26/14 23.

ERIC MACLEISH
They’re kids. Shame. Guilt. And
they come from tough neighborhoods,
nobody wants to admit this kind of
thing. So you’re screwed on the
time limit and even if you argue
your way around that, the charitable
immunity statute caps damages at
twenty grand.

SACHA
Twenty grand for molesting a child?

ERIC MACLEISH
That’s the way the system works.
The Church is tough. So your best
shot is to try these cases in the
press like I did on Porter. But
most victims want nothing to do with
being on TV. And Mitch isn’t
exactly a people person.

ROBBY
So if Garabedian can’t get these
victims to talk to the press...

ERIC MACLEISH
Then he has a long road ahead of
him. My guess? He doesn’t have
anything on Law.

SACHA
You think he’s bluffing?

ERIC MACLEISH
I think he’s grandstanding to cut a
better deal.

ROBBY
Seems a bit reckless.

ERIC MACLEISH
Have you met Mitch Garabedian?

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Informative, Professional

Summary In a tense sequence of events, Matt requests Lisa to gather clips for the Spotlight investigation at the Boston Globe, highlighting the urgency of their work. Meanwhile, Mike waits in Mitchell Garabedian's chaotic office, hearing the commotion of a phone call, which sets a serious tone for the challenges ahead. The scene shifts to a polished conference room where Robby and Sacha meet with Eric MacLeish, who articulates the complexities of the Geoghan case and the societal and legal barriers that prevent victims from coming forward. The emotional weight of the discussion underscores the unresolved conflicts surrounding abuse and the legal system's shortcomings.

Strengths

Detailed exposition of legal complexities
Effective establishment of key conflicts and obstacles
Realistic dialogue that conveys professional tone

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth in character interactions

General Critique

The scene effectively contrasts the chaotic environment of Garabedian's office with the polished setting of the conference room, highlighting the disparity between the two worlds. This visual contrast serves to emphasize the challenges faced by those seeking justice against the Church.
The dialogue is informative and reveals critical information about the legal challenges surrounding the Geoghan case. However, it could benefit from more emotional weight. The characters discuss heavy topics like child abuse and legal limitations, but the dialogue feels somewhat clinical. Adding personal anecdotes or emotional reactions could deepen the audience's connection to the characters and the gravity of the situation.
While the scene introduces Eric MacLeish as a character, it doesn't fully establish his motivations or background. A brief mention of his past experiences or a hint at his personal stakes in the case could make him a more compelling character and provide context for his opinions.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from Matt's request to Lisa to the meeting with MacLeish could be smoother. Consider using a visual or auditory cue to bridge these moments, enhancing the flow of the narrative.
The scene ends on a somewhat ambiguous note regarding Garabedian's capabilities and the potential for the case against Cardinal Law. While ambiguity can be effective, it may leave the audience wanting more clarity about the stakes involved. A stronger closing line or moment could reinforce the urgency of the investigation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate it. For instance, when Mike says, 'I’m here to see Mitchell Garabedian,' it feels too straightforward. Consider adding a layer of subtext or urgency to his tone to reflect the gravity of the situation.
The setting of Garabedian's office is described as a 'dump,' which is effective in establishing the chaotic nature of the legal environment surrounding the case. However, it could be enhanced by showing Mike's reaction to the disarray, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys his discomfort.
The introduction of Eric MacLeish is somewhat abrupt. It would be beneficial to build anticipation for his character by hinting at his reputation or the stakes involved in meeting him before he enters the scene.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Mike's dialogue to reflect the urgency of the investigation?
What techniques can I use to show Mike's internal conflict or discomfort in Garabedian's chaotic office?
How can I build anticipation for Eric MacLeish's entrance to make it more impactful?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively transitions between different locations, but the pacing could be improved. The shift from Matt's interaction with Lisa to Mike's arrival at Garabedian's office feels abrupt. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects these two environments.
The dialogue with Eric MacLeish provides important exposition, but it could be more engaging. Instead of simply stating facts about the cases, consider incorporating anecdotes or personal experiences that illustrate the challenges faced by the victims and the lawyers.
The emotional stakes in this scene could be heightened. While the dialogue discusses serious issues, the characters' emotional responses are somewhat muted. Adding moments of frustration, anger, or empathy could deepen the audience's connection to the characters and their mission.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and pacing of the scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to improve the pacing between the transitions of different locations in the scene?
How can I incorporate personal anecdotes into Eric MacLeish's dialogue to make it more engaging?
What strategies can I employ to heighten the emotional stakes for the characters in this scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there are discussions about the Geoghan case, the stakes are not fully articulated. It would be beneficial to clarify what Mike, Sacha, and Robby stand to gain or lose by pursuing this investigation.
The character of Eric MacLeish is introduced as knowledgeable but somewhat passive. To create a more dynamic interaction, consider giving him a more active role in the conversation, perhaps challenging Robby and Sacha's assumptions or pushing back against their inquiries.
The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of conflict. While there are discussions about the challenges of the cases, the tension between the characters is not fully realized. Adding moments of disagreement or differing opinions could create a more engaging dynamic.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making him well-suited to critique the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I clarify the stakes for Mike, Sacha, and Robby in this scene to create a clearer dramatic arc?
What strategies can I use to make Eric MacLeish a more active participant in the conversation?
How can I introduce stronger conflict between the characters to enhance the tension in this scene?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more emotional dialogue or personal stories from the characters to enhance the gravity of the subject matter and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
Provide a brief backstory or context for Eric MacLeish to establish his credibility and motivations, making him a more relatable and engaging character.
Consider adding a visual or auditory transition between the scenes to improve pacing and create a smoother narrative flow.
Strengthen the ending of the scene by including a definitive statement or moment that underscores the urgency and stakes of the investigation, leaving the audience with a clearer sense of direction.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's dialogue to include more urgency or subtext, perhaps by having him express frustration about the delays in the investigation.
Show Mike's reaction to the disarray in Garabedian's office through a physical action, such as him hesitating before sitting down or grimacing at the clutter.
Build anticipation for Eric MacLeish by mentioning his reputation in the legal community before he enters, perhaps through a brief conversation between Robby and Sacha.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character interaction makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific changes can I make to Mike's dialogue to enhance its urgency?
How can I visually represent Mike's discomfort in Garabedian's office?
What details can I include in the dialogue between Robby and Sacha to hint at MacLeish's reputation?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a brief moment of reflection for Matt after his conversation with Lisa, perhaps showing his determination or anxiety about the investigation.
Incorporate a personal anecdote from Eric MacLeish that illustrates the challenges faced by victims, making the dialogue more engaging.
Introduce moments of emotional response from the characters, such as frustration or empathy, during the discussion about the cases to deepen the audience's connection.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional depth and pacing makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I add to enhance Matt's emotional state after his conversation with Lisa?
How can I craft an engaging anecdote for Eric MacLeish that highlights the challenges of the cases?
What emotional responses can I incorporate into the dialogue to strengthen the characters' connections to the investigation?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Clarify the stakes for Mike, Sacha, and Robby by explicitly stating what they hope to achieve with the investigation and what they stand to lose.
Give Eric MacLeish a more active role in the conversation by having him challenge the assumptions of Robby and Sacha, creating a more dynamic interaction.
Introduce moments of disagreement or differing opinions among the characters to heighten the tension and conflict in the scene.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and dramatic structure makes his suggestions essential for creating a more engaging and dynamic scene.

Questions for AI

How can I clearly articulate the stakes for the characters in this scene?
What specific lines can I give Eric MacLeish to make him more active in the conversation?
What types of disagreements can I introduce to enhance the conflict between the characters?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the investigative journalism aspect of the story, introducing key characters and establishing the high stakes involved in pursuing the truth.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of investigating abuse within the church is compelling and sets the stage for a deep dive into the legal and ethical dilemmas surrounding the issue.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing key conflicts and obstacles that the characters must navigate in their pursuit of the truth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces complex legal and ethical issues in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the story.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal their motivations and concerns, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters' perspectives and approaches to the legal cases may shift slightly as they grapple with the challenges ahead, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather information and make progress on the investigation they are working on. This reflects their deeper need for justice and truth.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to interview a key figure in their investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in gathering evidence and building their case.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, particularly regarding the legal challenges faced by the characters in pursuing the truth about abuse within the church.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with legal and ethical challenges complicating the protagonist's investigation. The uncertainty about the outcome adds tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in pursuing legal action against the church and exposing abuse add tension and urgency to the scene, highlighting the risks and potential consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, characters, and obstacles that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of their investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between seeking justice within the legal system and using the media to expose wrongdoing. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the most effective way to achieve their goals.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

While the scene is more focused on conveying information and setting up conflicts, there is an underlying sense of concern and urgency that adds emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is informative and realistic, reflecting the professional nature of the characters' work and the complexities of the legal cases they are discussing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces new information, raises questions, and builds tension through character interactions. The dialogue is sharp and reveals character motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue with action, building tension gradually, and revealing information at a steady pace. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue tags and scene descriptions. The visual elements are well integrated into the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character introductions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

29 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE - LATER 29

Mike, still waiting, checks his watch. He hears more YELLING
behind the door. Suddenly the door opens. A SHORT MAN exits.

Mike looks at the paralegal, points: “Is that him?” She
shakes her head, walks off screen. Mike watches her go.
Then, impatient, he stands, walks into --
11/26/14 24.

30 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE, CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS 30

A small boardroom. MITCHELL GARABEDIAN, thin, 50s, sits at a
table buried in paperwork. He’s abrasive, to say the least.

MIKE
Hi.

GARABEDIAN
Who are you?

MIKE
Mike Rezendes from the Boston Globe.
I had an appointment with you about
an hour ago.

GARABEDIAN
I can’t talk to you, I’m very busy.
(calling to reception)
Sharon?!

MIKE
Sharon went out for coffee, she said
she’d be right back, I’m following
up on an article...

GARABEDIAN
The one in the Phoenix?

MIKE
No. In the Globe.

GARABEDIAN
Did you see the one in the Phoenix?

MIKE
No, I didn’t.

GARABEDIAN
I thought it was very good. I have a
copy here somewhere.

He starts to dig through the heap of papers.

MIKE
That’s okay. I’ll track it down. I’m
actually following up on a column
that Eileen McNamara wrote for the
Globe about your suit.

GARABEDIAN
Suits. There are eighty-four of
them, it’s not a class action. You
should get your facts straight.
11/26/14 25.

True to word. Garabedian is a bit of crank.

MIKE
You’re right. I should. I’m just
trying to get some background
information on the Geoghan case...

GARABEDIAN
You’re not recording this are you?

MIKE
No, I wouldn’t do that without
asking.

GARABEDIAN
(brusque)
I can’t show you the Church
documents if that’s what you’re
after, they’re under seal.

MIKE
I know that.

GARABEDIAN
Do you know they’ve tried to bring
me before the Massachusetts Board of
Bar Overseers three times? They’re
watching me very closely.

MIKE
The Church?

GARABEDIAN
Yes, the Church. They’d like to get
me disbarred. In fact, put that
away.
(off Mike’s pad)
Put it away! I don’t want you
recording this in any way, shape or
form. Not on paper, not on tape,
nothing. In fact, I probably
shouldn’t even be speaking to you.

MIKE
Look, Mr. Garabedian, I know there
are things you can’t tell me. But I
also know that there’s a story here.
And I think it’s an important story.

GARABEDIAN
I already talked to the Phoenix.
11/26/14 26.

MIKE
Yeah, and there’s a reason I didn’t
see it, nobody reads the Phoenix
anymore. They’re broke, they don’t
have any power. The Globe does.
And if we cover this story,
everybody will hear about it.

GARABEDIAN
The Church thinks in centuries, Mr.
Rezendes. You think your paper has
the resources to take that on?

MIKE
Yeah, I do. But if you don’t mind
me asking, do you?

Mike’s question is non-threatening, but Garabedian reacts.
He stands, walking Mike to the door...

GARABEDIAN
I don’t have the time to talk to
you, Mr. Rezendes, I’m very busy.
(calling out)
Sharon!

But before he can push Mike out the door, Mike turns back --

MIKE
Can I at least talk to some of your
clients? The victims? I’d like to
do that.

GARABEDIAN
Call me tomorrow. I need to think
about it.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Abrasive, Inquisitive

Summary Mike Rezendes arrives at Mitchell Garabedian's office seeking information about the church-related lawsuits, particularly the Geoghan case. Despite his persistence, Garabedian remains evasive and defensive, expressing concerns about the church's influence and his own legal troubles. The conversation is tense, with Mike growing frustrated as Garabedian refuses to fully cooperate, only agreeing to consider Mike's request to speak with victims. The scene ends with uncertainty as Garabedian's reluctance leaves Mike's inquiries unresolved.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Character dynamics
Plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Lack of resolution in the scene

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the tension between Mike and Garabedian, showcasing Garabedian's abrasive personality and the challenges Mike faces in getting information. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the conflict. For instance, Garabedian's reluctance to share information could be underscored by hints of his own fears or past experiences with the Church, which would add depth to his character.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit uneven. While the initial exchanges are quick and sharp, the latter part drags slightly as Garabedian's defensiveness becomes repetitive. Streamlining some of the dialogue could maintain the tension and urgency throughout the scene.
The visual elements are somewhat lacking in description. Adding more sensory details about the office environment—such as the clutter, the atmosphere, or even Garabedian's physical demeanor—could help ground the audience in the setting and enhance the emotional stakes of the conversation.
Mike's character comes across as determined and resourceful, but his motivations could be clearer. A brief internal monologue or a line that reveals why this story matters to him personally could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
The ending feels abrupt. While it leaves the door open for future conversations, it might benefit from a more definitive moment that underscores the stakes of the investigation, perhaps by having Mike express a sense of urgency or frustration before leaving.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Mike and Garabedian is sharp but could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Garabedian says, 'I can’t talk to you, I’m very busy,' it feels a bit on-the-nose. A more nuanced response could reveal his character's defensiveness without stating it outright.
Garabedian's abrasive nature is established, but the scene could use more tension-building moments. For example, Mike's impatience could be shown through physical actions, like pacing or fidgeting, to heighten the stakes of the conversation.
The scene lacks a clear objective for Mike. While he wants to talk to victims, it would be more compelling if he had a specific angle or piece of information he was trying to uncover, which would give the dialogue more direction.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Garabedian's dialogue to enhance his character's defensiveness?
What specific actions can I add to Mike's character to visually represent his impatience and urgency in this scene?
How can I clarify Mike's objective in this scene to create a stronger narrative drive?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the conflict between Mike and Garabedian, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional arc. Consider adding a moment where Mike reveals a personal stake in the story, which would deepen the audience's investment.
Garabedian's character is interesting, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so defensive? Adding a line or two that hints at his past experiences with the Church could provide context for his behavior.
The pacing feels a bit rushed. Allowing for pauses in the dialogue could create a more natural rhythm and give the audience time to absorb the tension between the characters.

Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth and emotional resonance of this scene.

Questions for AI

What personal stakes can I introduce for Mike to create a stronger emotional connection in this scene?
How can I clarify Garabedian's motivations to enhance his character's depth?
What specific pauses or beats can I incorporate into the dialogue to improve the pacing?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene does a good job of establishing stakes, but it could be improved by introducing a ticking clock element. Perhaps Mike is under pressure to get information before a deadline, which would heighten the urgency.
Garabedian's brusque demeanor is effective, but consider giving him a moment of vulnerability that could create a more complex character. This could be a fleeting expression or a line that hints at his own struggles with the Church.
The scene could benefit from a stronger climax. As it stands, the ending feels a bit flat. Consider having Mike leave with a piece of information or a lead that propels the story forward.

McKee is renowned for his expertise in story structure and dramatic tension, making him well-suited to critique the pacing and stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a ticking clock element to increase the urgency of Mike's mission in this scene?
What moment of vulnerability can I give Garabedian to add complexity to his character?
What kind of climax can I create at the end of this scene to ensure it feels impactful and propels the story forward?

General Suggestions

Incorporate subtext in Garabedian's dialogue to reveal his fears or past experiences with the Church, which would add complexity to his character.
Streamline the dialogue to avoid repetition and maintain a consistent pace, ensuring that the tension remains high throughout the scene.
Enhance the visual descriptions of the office environment to create a more immersive experience for the audience, using sensory details to convey the atmosphere.
Add a line or internal thought from Mike that clarifies his personal stakes in the story, helping the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
Consider revising the ending to include a moment that emphasizes the urgency of the investigation, perhaps through Mike's reaction or a poignant line that encapsulates the stakes involved.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Garabedian's lines to include more subtext, allowing his defensiveness to emerge through implication rather than direct statements.
Incorporate physical actions for Mike that reflect his impatience, such as tapping his foot or glancing at his watch frequently.
Clarify Mike's objective by giving him a specific piece of information he hopes to uncover, which will guide the dialogue.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext that could enhance Garabedian's dialogue?
How can I visually represent Mike's impatience without relying solely on dialogue?
What specific information can I give Mike to clarify his objective in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Mike reveals a personal connection to the story, such as a family member affected by abuse, to deepen the emotional stakes.
Include a line or two from Garabedian that hints at his past experiences with the Church, providing context for his defensiveness.
Allow for natural pauses in the dialogue to create a more realistic rhythm and give the audience time to absorb the tension.

Seger's expertise in emotional arcs and character depth makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What personal connection can I create for Mike to enhance the emotional stakes?
How can I effectively hint at Garabedian's past experiences to add depth to his character?
What specific pauses can I incorporate into the dialogue to improve its natural flow?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a ticking clock element by having Mike mention a deadline for the story, increasing the urgency of his conversation with Garabedian.
Create a moment of vulnerability for Garabedian, perhaps by having him briefly reflect on the toll the Church's actions have taken on him personally.
Strengthen the climax of the scene by having Mike leave with a lead or piece of information that propels the investigation forward.

McKee's focus on structure and tension makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the dramatic impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of deadline can I introduce to heighten the urgency in this scene?
How can I effectively portray a moment of vulnerability for Garabedian?
What specific lead or piece of information can I give Mike to ensure the scene ends on a strong note?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up the conflict and tension between the characters, advancing the plot and revealing the challenges in uncovering the truth.

Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth is effectively portrayed, emphasizing the importance of thorough research and persistence.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Mike seeks information from Garabedian, setting the stage for further developments in the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists and sources. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Mike and Garabedian are well-defined, with contrasting personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth and pursue an important story. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get information from Garabedian about the Geoghan case and potentially talk to the victims. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining access to sensitive information and sources.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Mike and Garabedian adds intensity to the scene, highlighting the challenges faced in pursuing the investigation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Garabedian's reluctance to cooperate and the protagonist's determination to uncover the truth creating a compelling conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of uncovering institutional abuse and holding powerful institutions accountable heighten the tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key information and raising important questions, driving the investigation towards its next phase.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's belief in the power of the press to uncover important stories and Garabedian's skepticism about the impact of media coverage on the Church's actions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and urgency, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, reflecting the tension between the characters and the high stakes of the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense interactions between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the moral dilemmas presented.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest throughout the dialogue-heavy exchanges.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.

31 INT. GLOBE, LIBRARY - DAY 31

A Button is pushed, CONTROL PANEL lights up.

A rotating library clip file comes to stop.

A few old newspaper clips are pulled.

A folder from the LARGE PHOTO clip file is pulled.

A Nexis search on a computer screen.

A Micro Fiche search on another screen.

A PRINTER spits out the Micro Fiche article.
11/26/14 27.

The PRINT OUT out is added to a STACK OF ARTICLES and dropped
into a file marked Porter.

32 INT. GLOBE, HALLWAY - LATER 32

CLOSE ON the same file. Moving.

REVEAL the folder is now one of many on a METAL CART that an
intern (WANDA) wheels down the hall.

33 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - LATER 33

A desk covered with old newspaper clips, Matt and Sacha read.
A knock... Wanda in the door. With the metal cart.

WANDA
I got more clips from the library.

MATT
Leave ‘em right there.

Wanda the intern unloads them beside Matt’s desk.

WANDA
You guys doing a story on the
Church?

MATT
No. We are not doing a story on the
Church.

Wanda blanches, leaves. Robby pours some coffee.

SACHA
Matt, you find anything on this guy
Phil Saviano?

MATT
No. Who is he?

SACHA
He’s part of a victims’
organization. Kurkjian ran a story
on him just after the Porter case.

ROBBY
There’s a victims’ organization?

SACHA
Yeah, it’s called SNAP, Survivors
Network of those Abused by Priests.

MATT
Crummy acronym.
11/26/14 28.

SACHA
You want me to track him down?

ROBBY
Yeah. Bring him in. How much longer
do you need to get through the
clips?

SACHA
A few days. There’s a lot and
Lisa’s still sending stuff up. Most
of it is on Porter.

MATT
Hey guys... I think I got another
priest.

Robby and Sacha turn. Matt stares down at a clip.

MATT (CONT’D)
Liam Barrett. Molested some kids in
Philly then was moved to Boston, did
the same thing then was moved again.

SACHA
Really? Sounds like Geoghan.

ROBBY
Is that one of our clips?

MATT
Yeah. Byline’s Diego Ribadeneira,
1997. Must’ve been back when he was
working religion.

ROBBY
Was there any folo?

MATT
Not much. One short piece. Looks
like the Church settled the case.
(then)
Don’t you know Jim Sullivan?

ROBBY
Yeah, why?

MATT
Looks like the Church brought him in
to help out.

Matt shows Robby the clip. Robby reads, surprised.
11/26/14 29.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Inquisitive, Informative

Summary In the Globe's library, a control panel activates, retrieving old newspaper articles related to a file marked 'Porter.' Intern Wanda brings a cart of clips to the Spotlight office, where Matt and Sacha are investigating a potential story about Phil Saviano and the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP). As they review the clips, Matt uncovers troubling information about a priest, Liam Barrett, who has a history of molestation and was shuffled by the Church, leading to a deeper investigation. Tension arises as Wanda inquires about their story, but Matt dismisses her, keeping the focus on their serious investigation.

Strengths

Detailed investigative process
Realistic newsroom setting
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the investigative process of the Spotlight team, showcasing their dedication to uncovering the truth about the Church's abuse cases. However, the pacing feels a bit slow due to the heavy reliance on exposition and procedural elements, which may disengage the audience.
The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys necessary information, it could benefit from more character-driven interactions that reveal the personal stakes involved in the investigation. For instance, exploring the characters' feelings about the Church or their motivations for pursuing this story could add layers to the scene.
Wanda's brief appearance serves as a plot device to introduce the topic of the Church, but her character feels underdeveloped. Giving her a more distinct personality or a stronger reaction to the subject matter could enhance the scene's emotional impact.
The transition between the library and the Spotlight office is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition that connects the two locations could help maintain the flow of the narrative and reinforce the continuity of the investigation.
The scene introduces Liam Barrett as a new character of interest, but it doesn't provide enough context about his significance or the implications of his actions. A brief mention of the consequences of his behavior or how it ties into the larger narrative would strengthen the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively uses the mundane setting of the Globe's library to contrast the gravity of the investigation. However, the dialogue lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate the stakes. For instance, when Matt discovers the clip about Liam Barrett, the revelation feels understated. A more dramatic delivery could enhance the impact.
The character interactions are somewhat flat. For example, Matt's line about the Church's victims organization feels like an exposition dump rather than a natural conversation. It would be more engaging if the characters reacted more emotionally to the information being uncovered.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. The transitions between the library, hallway, and Spotlight office feel abrupt. Consider using a more fluid transition that builds anticipation for the discoveries being made.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and ability to create tension through character interactions, making him a fitting choice for critiquing this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more impactful and engaging, particularly when Matt reveals the information about Liam Barrett?
What techniques can I use to create a more dramatic tension in the scene, especially during the character interactions?
How can I improve the pacing and transitions between different locations in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the investigative nature of the characters' work, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For instance, we don't see much of Sacha's emotional investment in the story, which could add depth to her character.
The introduction of SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) is crucial, but it feels like an afterthought. More context about the organization and its significance could enhance the audience's understanding of the stakes involved.
The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While the characters are uncovering information, there isn't a sense of urgency or personal stakes that would make the audience care more about their discoveries.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Sacha's character in this scene to reflect her emotional investment in the investigation?
What additional context can I provide about SNAP to emphasize its importance in the story?
How can I create a clearer emotional arc in this scene to engage the audience more effectively?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene sets up an important plot point with the discovery of Liam Barrett, but it lacks a strong dramatic question that propels the narrative forward. What is at stake for the characters in this moment? Clarifying this could heighten the tension.
The use of the intern, Wanda, feels underutilized. She could serve as a catalyst for the main characters' actions or decisions, adding another layer to the scene. Consider giving her a more active role in the dialogue.
The scene could benefit from a stronger climax. The moment when Matt discovers the clip about Liam Barrett should feel like a turning point, but it currently lacks the necessary buildup and payoff.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic storytelling, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the narrative drive of this scene.

Questions for AI

What dramatic question can I introduce to create a stronger sense of urgency in this scene?
How can I better utilize Wanda's character to enhance the dynamics of the scene?
What techniques can I use to build up to a more impactful climax when Matt discovers the clip about Liam Barrett?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict among the characters as they sift through the clips. This could be a disagreement about the direction of the investigation or differing opinions on how to approach the Church, which would heighten the stakes.
Incorporate more character-driven dialogue that reveals the personal motivations of Matt, Sacha, and Robby. For example, they could share anecdotes or express their feelings about the Church's actions, making the investigation feel more personal and urgent.
Develop Wanda's character further by giving her a line or two that reflects her perspective on the Church or the investigation. This could provide a fresh viewpoint and add depth to the scene.
Enhance the transition between the library and the Spotlight office by including a brief moment that connects the two settings, such as a character reflecting on the significance of the clips they are reviewing.
Provide more context about Liam Barrett's past actions and their relevance to the current investigation. This could be done through a quick flashback or a more detailed discussion among the characters about the implications of his behavior.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more tension and emotional stakes, especially when Matt reveals the information about Liam Barrett. Consider using shorter, punchier lines to create a sense of urgency.
Add reactions from the characters that reflect their emotional responses to the information being uncovered. For example, when discussing SNAP, have Sacha express her concern or anger about the Church's actions.
Smooth out the transitions between locations by incorporating visual cues or dialogue that connects the scenes, building anticipation for the discoveries.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to enhance the emotional stakes in this scene?
How can I incorporate character reactions to make the dialogue feel more natural and engaging?
What visual cues can I use to create smoother transitions between the different locations in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Sacha's character by including a moment where she reflects on the implications of the Church's actions, showing her emotional investment in the story.
Provide more context about SNAP, perhaps through a brief exchange that highlights its significance and the challenges faced by victims, making the stakes clearer for the audience.
Create a more defined emotional arc by introducing a moment of realization or urgency among the characters as they uncover the information, prompting them to take immediate action.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional storytelling provides valuable insights for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate Sacha's emotional reflections to deepen her character in this scene?
What specific dialogue can I add to provide more context about SNAP and its importance?
What techniques can I use to create a stronger emotional arc in this scene to engage the audience?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear dramatic question that highlights what is at stake for the characters in this scene, driving the narrative forward.
Give Wanda a more active role in the dialogue, perhaps by asking questions or expressing her own concerns about the investigation, which could add depth to the scene.
Build up to Matt's discovery of Liam Barrett with more tension, perhaps by having the characters discuss the implications of their findings before the reveal, creating a stronger payoff.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and dramatic tension makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the narrative flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

What dramatic question can I introduce to create a stronger narrative drive in this scene?
How can I better integrate Wanda's character into the dialogue to enhance the dynamics?
What techniques can I use to build tension leading up to Matt's discovery of Liam Barrett for a more impactful reveal?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, informative, and progresses the plot by introducing new leads and potential story angles. It effectively sets the tone for the investigative work ahead.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into the Church abuse scandal through investigative journalism is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively sets up the groundwork for the team's research and potential story development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the introduction of new leads and the exploration of past cases related to the Church abuse scandal. The scene sets up future developments and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on the uncovering of abuse cases involving priests. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are portrayed realistically within the newsroom setting, each contributing to the investigative process in their unique ways. Their interactions and dialogue enhance the scene's authenticity.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle character developments as the team delves deeper into the Church abuse scandal, showcasing their dedication and determination to uncover the truth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover information about potential abuse cases involving priests. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and truth in their investigative journalism work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather more information on the victims' organization and potential abuse cases to further their investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge of uncovering the truth behind the Porter case and related stories.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying conflict related to the Church abuse scandal, the scene primarily focuses on the investigative process and information gathering, resulting in a moderate conflict level.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges in uncovering information and dealing with the Church's attempts to cover up abuse cases. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the team delves into sensitive and potentially dangerous territory with their investigation into the Church abuse scandal.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new leads and potential story angles related to the Church abuse scandal. It sets the stage for future developments within the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation, such as the discovery of new abuse cases and the Church's involvement. The audience is kept on their toes as the characters uncover more information.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between the protagonist's pursuit of justice and truth against the Church's attempts to cover up abuse cases. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the power of investigative journalism and the importance of exposing wrongdoing.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene lacks significant emotional impact, focusing more on the procedural aspects of investigative journalism. However, there is a sense of curiosity and concern among the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is informative, engaging, and reflective of the characters' roles within the newsroom. It effectively conveys the investigative nature of the scene and sets up future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it builds suspense and intrigue through the characters' investigative work and the unfolding of new information. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm of investigative research and character interactions. The scene builds tension and suspense through well-timed reveals and discoveries.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of actions and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of investigative research and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

34 EXT. FENWAY PARK - NIGHT 34

Establishing. From up above, a game in progress.

34A INT. FENWAY PARK - NIGHT 34A

Mike and Matt sit with Ben and Steve Kurkjian at the game. A
called third strike and the crowd groans.

BEN
Jesus. Has anybody but Manny gotten
the ball out of the infield?

Matt, who’s been scoring the game, checks.

MATT
Nope.

MIKE
I don’t know why you bother with
that thing.

MATT
It distracts me from the game.

KURKJIAN
Know what else is good for that?

Kurkjian holds up an empty beer cup. Matt stands.

MATT
Good idea. My round. I’ll be back.
Anybody want food?

MIKE
Hot dog.

Matt heads off. Ben grabs some peanuts, turns to Mike.

BEN
You guys making any progress?

MIKE
Absolutely. It’s a good story.

BEN
Why? Cause you’re another lapsed
Catholic pissed off at the Church?

MIKE
We’ve got some good stuff.

BEN
Like what?
11/26/14 30.

Mike glances over at Kurkjian.

KURKJIAN
I’m just watching the game. Omerta.

MIKE
We got another priest, Liam Barrett.

KURKJIAN
We reported on him.
(off Mike’s look)
We did, I’m just saying.

MIKE
Okay, but the guy was shuffled from
parish to parish every few years,
just like Geoghan and Porter. I
think there’s a pattern.

Ben looks at Kurkjian, who’s not impressed.

BEN
Sounds thin. What else you got?

MIKE
Sacha found this guy from a victims’
organization, Phil Saviano.

KURKJIAN
From SNAP? Oh boy. We reported on
him too.

MIKE
I thought you were watching the
game, Steve?

KURKJIAN
That guy’s pretty banged up, Mike.

BEN
We ran a couple stories on him, the
guy would not stop writing letters.

KURKJIAN
He wants a holy war.

MIKE
So he’s not worth taking to?

BEN
Where are you on Garabedian?

MIKE
I’m working on it.
11/26/14 31.

BEN
Robby said MacLeish thinks he’s
bluffing.

MIKE
I think there’s something there,
Ben.

BEN
Get me something solid or I'm taking
you off it. I don’t want us chasing
our tails on this.

Off Mike --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Inquisitive, Skeptical

Summary At Fenway Park during a night game, Mike, Matt, Ben, and Steve Kurkjian discuss their investigation into the Church amidst the lively atmosphere. As the crowd reacts to a called third strike, the conversation turns tense when Ben expresses skepticism about their findings, particularly regarding a priest named Liam Barrett. While Matt steps away for food, Ben pressures Mike for solid evidence, leaving the investigation's future uncertain as Mike defends the importance of their leads.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Effective plot progression
Realistic character interactions

Weaknesses

Repetitive references to past reporting
Limited emotional depth

General Critique

The scene effectively uses the setting of Fenway Park to create a casual atmosphere that contrasts with the serious subject matter of the investigation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more tension to reflect the stakes of their investigation into the Church. The casual banter feels somewhat disconnected from the gravity of the topic they are discussing.
The characters' interactions are somewhat predictable, with Mike defending their investigation and Ben expressing skepticism. This dynamic is common in investigative narratives, but it could be enhanced by introducing more conflict or differing opinions among the characters to create a more engaging dialogue.
The use of sports metaphors and references to the game is clever, but it risks overshadowing the main narrative. While it sets a relaxed tone, it may dilute the urgency of their investigation. The dialogue should balance the lightheartedness of the setting with the seriousness of their work.
The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or progression. While it establishes the characters' camaraderie, it doesn't advance the plot significantly or deepen the audience's understanding of the stakes involved in their investigation. A more defined goal or revelation could enhance the scene's impact.
The dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly when Mike lists the names and organizations they are investigating. This could be streamlined or integrated more naturally into the conversation to avoid feeling like a checklist of information.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat expository, particularly when Ben questions Mike about their progress. Instead of directly stating their findings, consider using subtext to convey the tension and stakes involved in their investigation.
Mike's line about being a 'lapsed Catholic' could be more impactful if it were delivered with a stronger emotional weight. Perhaps he could reflect on a personal experience that ties into the investigation, making it more relatable.
The scene's setting at Fenway Park is a great choice, but the baseball game should serve as a metaphor for the investigation. For example, you could draw parallels between the game and the challenges they face in uncovering the truth.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in the dialogue between Mike and Ben to create more tension?
What techniques can I use to make Mike's emotional connection to the investigation more evident?
How can I better integrate the baseball game as a metaphor for the investigation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there is tension between Mike and Ben, it doesn't escalate in a way that feels satisfying. Consider introducing a moment of revelation or conflict that raises the stakes.
The character dynamics could be more pronounced. For instance, Ben's skepticism could be rooted in a personal experience with the Church, which would add depth to his character and make the conflict more engaging.
The pacing feels uneven; the scene starts with a light tone but shifts to serious discussions abruptly. A smoother transition would help maintain the audience's engagement.

Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's dramatic elements.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create a more pronounced dramatic arc in this scene?
How can I deepen Ben's character to enhance the conflict with Mike?
What strategies can I employ to improve the pacing and transitions within the scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene could benefit from a stronger inciting incident. While the conversation about the investigation is important, it lacks a clear catalyst that propels the characters into action.
Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict that forces Mike to confront his doubts or fears about the investigation. This could create a more compelling character arc.
The stakes need to be clearer. What happens if they fail to uncover the truth? Establishing the consequences of inaction would heighten the urgency of their discussion.

McKee is an expert in story structure and character arcs, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a stronger inciting incident to propel the characters into action?
What specific moment of tension can I add to Mike's character arc in this scene?
How can I clarify the stakes to enhance the urgency of the investigation?

General Suggestions

Introduce a moment of tension or conflict among the characters that reflects the seriousness of their investigation. For example, have Ben express frustration over the lack of concrete evidence, prompting a more heated exchange with Mike.
Consider incorporating a revelation or new lead during the conversation that raises the stakes for the characters, making the audience feel the urgency of their investigation.
Use the setting of Fenway Park to create a metaphor that ties back to their investigation. For instance, compare the unpredictability of the game to the challenges they face in uncovering the truth about the Church.
Enhance the emotional stakes by having one of the characters express personal feelings about the Church or their investigation, which could lead to a more profound discussion and character development.
Streamline the dialogue to make it feel more organic. Instead of listing names and organizations, have characters react to the information in a way that reveals their personalities and motivations.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more subtext. For example, instead of Mike stating they have a good story, he could hint at the emotional toll the investigation is taking on him, creating a more layered conversation.
Incorporate a flashback or a brief anecdote from Mike that connects his past with the Church to the current investigation, adding depth to his character.
Use the baseball game as a metaphor for the investigation. For instance, when Mike mentions the 'pattern,' he could compare it to a player's batting average, illustrating the recurring issues they are uncovering.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character depth makes his suggestions particularly relevant for this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to incorporate flashbacks into dialogue without disrupting the flow?
How can I use metaphors effectively in dialogue to enhance character development?
What techniques can I use to create layered conversations that reveal character motivations?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment of revelation where Mike uncovers a new lead or piece of evidence during the conversation, raising the stakes and propelling the narrative forward.
Deepen Ben's character by giving him a personal stake in the investigation, perhaps through a family member affected by the Church's actions, which would add emotional weight to his skepticism.
Smooth the transition between the light-hearted banter and the serious discussion by incorporating a moment of tension, such as a critical play in the game that mirrors their investigation.

Seger's focus on character development and dramatic structure makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a moment of revelation in dialogue without it feeling forced?
What are some ways to create a backstory for Ben that enhances his character in this scene?
How can I create smoother transitions between different tones in a scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Add an inciting incident, such as a phone call or a news alert that interrupts their conversation, prompting Mike to take immediate action regarding the investigation.
Create a moment where Mike expresses his doubts about the investigation, allowing for a character arc that shows his growth as he gains confidence through the conversation.
Clearly establish the stakes by having Ben outline the potential consequences of failing to uncover the truth, emphasizing the urgency of their work.

McKee's expertise in narrative structure and character arcs provides essential insights for enhancing the scene's overall effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to introduce an inciting incident in a dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I show character growth through dialogue without resorting to exposition?
What techniques can I use to clearly establish stakes in a conversation?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively sets up the investigative angle of the story, introducing key elements and conflicts while maintaining a serious and inquisitive tone.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering patterns of abuse within the Catholic Church is compelling and drives the investigative journalism aspect of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the journalists discuss new leads and potential sources, setting up future developments in the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the investigative genre by blending it with the backdrop of a baseball game. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal their dedication to the investigation.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, but it sets the stage for future growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover a pattern of abuse within the Catholic Church and bring justice to the victims. This reflects his deeper desire for truth and justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather solid evidence on a potential case involving a priest. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in proving his theory.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the journalists' skepticism and the need for solid evidence drives the tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging the protagonist's findings and beliefs. The uncertainty adds depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the journalists pursue a story that could have far-reaching implications for the Catholic Church and the victims of abuse.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new leads and conflicts, setting up the next phase of the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelations about the investigation. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in uncovering the truth and seeking justice, while others are skeptical or dismissive of his findings. This challenges his values and worldview.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with a focus on the investigative process rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the journalists' banter and serious discussions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, subtle conflicts, and the mystery surrounding the investigation. The characters' interactions draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene engaging.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.

37 EXT. WOLLASTON GOLF CLUB, 8TH TEE, MILTON, MA - DAY 37

JIM SULLIVAN, 50s, lines up a tee shot. Smacks it. ROBBY
and TWO OTHER GOLFERS watch as Jim talks to his ball...

JIM
Stay away from that trap.

ROBBY
You couldn’t reach that trap in a
million years, partner.

One of the other golfers (PAUL) tees up his ball.

JIM
I’ve reached that trap before.

ROBBY
Yeah. Now Paul, maybe.

The group laughs.

38 EXT. WOLLASTON GOLF CLUB, 8TH HOLE FAIRWAY - DAY 38

Robby and Jim walk down the fairway. Robby checks the card.

JIM
How we doing?

ROBBY
We’re good. We’re two up.

JIM
Good.
(then)
How’s the new editor working out?
11/26/14 32.

ROBBY
Well, he doesn’t like baseball. But
he seems like a smart guy.

JIM
Yeah, I just read an article about
him. Said he’s the first Jewish
editor at the Globe.

ROBBY
Must have been a slow news day.

JIM
He got a family?

ROBBY
No, he’s not married.

JIM
Divorced?

ROBBY
Don’t think so.

JIM
So the new editor of the Boston
Globe is an unmarried man of the
Jewish faith who hates baseball?

Robby half smiles, shrugs.

JIM (CONT’D)
They should have given it to Ben.
He’s a Bradlee for crying out loud.

ROBBY
He didn’t raise his hand fast
enough.
(then)
By the way, I was reading about this
priest, Father Barrett. Said you
were involved in the case.

Jim reacts, surprised.

JIM
Barrett, yeah. Bad egg. Lake
Street asked for help, I pitched in.

ROBBY
The victim said Cardinal Law knew
about Barrett when he came from
Philly.
11/26/14 33.

JIM
You know I can’t talk about the
case, Robby.

ROBBY
Off the record?

JIM
Off the record, I can’t talk about
it. Is this related to the lawsuit?

Now Robby hides his surprise. He stops.

ROBBY
You heard about that?

JIM
Look, I don’t know this guy Baron or
what his agenda is and frankly I
don’t care, I just don’t want you
taking a bullet for him.

Jim heads off toward his ball. Off Robby, processing.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Light-hearted, Informative

Summary During a casual round of golf at Wollaston Golf Club, Jim Sullivan engages in lighthearted banter with his friends Robby and Paul. As they walk down the fairway, the conversation shifts from golf to more serious topics, including Robby's new editor and a sensitive case involving a priest named Father Barrett. Jim becomes reluctant to discuss the case, indicating a conflict between his professional obligations and personal concerns. The scene ends with Jim walking away, leaving Robby to contemplate the implications of their conversation.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character interactions
Subtle plot development

Weaknesses

Limited character change
Minimal conflict escalation

General Critique

The scene effectively uses the setting of a golf course to create a relaxed atmosphere that contrasts with the serious subject matter of the conversation. This juxtaposition can enhance the tension as the characters discuss sensitive topics while engaging in a leisurely activity.
The dialogue flows naturally, showcasing the camaraderie between Robby and Jim. However, the transition from light banter to serious discussion about Father Barrett feels abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain the scene's pacing and emotional tone.
Jim's reluctance to discuss the case is clear, but his motivations could be further explored. Adding a line or two that hints at his personal stakes or fears regarding the lawsuit could deepen his character and make the audience more invested in his perspective.
The scene ends on a note of uncertainty, with Robby processing Jim's warning. While this creates intrigue, it might benefit from a stronger emotional reaction from Robby to emphasize the weight of Jim's words and the implications for their investigation.
The humor in the opening exchanges is effective, but it risks undermining the gravity of the subsequent conversation. Balancing the comedic elements with the serious undertones of the investigation could enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is witty and captures the camaraderie between Robby and Jim, but it lacks tension. The conversation about the new editor feels like filler and distracts from the more serious topic of Father Barrett. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain focus on the investigation.
Jim's reluctance to discuss the case is clear, but the stakes could be raised. Instead of just stating he can't talk, he could express fear or concern about repercussions, which would add depth to his character and the situation.
The humor in the scene is effective, but it might undermine the gravity of the subject matter. Balancing the light banter with more serious undertones could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and ability to create tension through subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I maintain the humor in the dialogue while also increasing the tension surrounding the investigation into Father Barrett?
What techniques can I use to ensure that the stakes are clear in Jim's reluctance to discuss the case?
How can I better balance the light-hearted banter with the serious themes of the investigation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes character relationships, but it could benefit from a clearer narrative purpose. What is the main takeaway from this interaction? It feels somewhat disconnected from the larger investigation narrative.
Jim's surprise at Robby's mention of the lawsuit indicates he is aware of the stakes, but this could be emphasized more. Perhaps he could express concern for Robby's safety or hint at the potential fallout from the investigation.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. The transition from light banter to serious topics feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that signals a shift in tone.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the narrative coherence of this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I employ to ensure that each scene has a clear narrative purpose that ties back to the main investigation?
How can I enhance Jim's character to reflect the stakes involved in the investigation more clearly?
What pacing techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between light-hearted and serious moments in the scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear conflict that drives the narrative forward. While there is some tension regarding Jim's reluctance to discuss the case, it doesn't escalate into a compelling conflict that engages the audience.
Robby's character could be more proactive in this scene. Instead of just asking questions, he could push harder for answers, showing his determination and the urgency of the investigation.
The stakes are not sufficiently raised. The audience needs to feel the weight of the investigation and the potential consequences for the characters involved. Consider adding a moment where Jim expresses fear or concern about the implications of the lawsuit.

Robert McKee is a renowned expert on storytelling and conflict, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the dramatic tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more compelling conflict in this scene that engages the audience and drives the narrative forward?
What actions can I give Robby to make him more proactive in pursuing information from Jim?
How can I effectively raise the stakes in this scene to emphasize the seriousness of the investigation?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a change in body language when the conversation shifts from golf to the serious topic of Father Barrett. This can signal to the audience that the tone is changing.
Incorporate a line where Jim reflects on the consequences of the lawsuit or his past experiences with the Church, which could provide more depth to his character and motivations.
Enhance Robby's emotional response to Jim's warning at the end of the scene. A line that conveys his concern or determination could strengthen the narrative and set up the stakes for the investigation.
Maintain the humor but ensure it serves to build character rather than distract from the main conflict. Perhaps use humor to highlight the absurdity of the situation rather than as a standalone element.
Consider using visual cues, such as Jim's body language or facial expressions, to convey his discomfort with the topic of discussion, which could add layers to the dialogue and enhance the tension.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to keep the humor but ensure it serves the investigation's narrative. For example, after Jim's joke about the editor, Robby could quickly pivot back to the serious topic of Barrett, creating a sharper contrast.
Add a moment where Jim expresses his fear of repercussions from discussing the case, which would heighten the tension and stakes.
Consider using visual cues, such as Jim's body language or facial expressions, to indicate his discomfort with the topic, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to ensure the humor supports the investigation's narrative?
How can I visually represent Jim's discomfort to enhance the emotional impact of the scene?
What techniques can I use to create a sharper contrast between humor and seriousness in the dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the narrative purpose of the scene by ensuring that Jim's reluctance to discuss the case ties back to the larger investigation. Perhaps he could hint at the consequences of speaking out.
Enhance Jim's character by adding a line where he expresses concern for Robby's safety, which would deepen the stakes and emotional connection.
Smooth the pacing by incorporating a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that indicates a shift from light banter to serious discussion, allowing the audience to adjust to the change in tone.

Linda Seger's focus on narrative purpose and character development provides valuable insights for enhancing the scene's coherence.

Questions for AI

How can I ensure that Jim's reluctance is clearly tied to the larger investigation narrative?
What specific lines can I add to enhance Jim's character and express concern for Robby's safety?
What pacing techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the light-hearted and serious moments in the scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a more compelling conflict by having Robby push harder for answers, perhaps by challenging Jim's evasiveness or expressing urgency about the investigation.
Raise the stakes by adding a moment where Jim explicitly states the potential consequences of the lawsuit, making it clear that there are real dangers involved.
Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or emotional cue that emphasizes the weight of the investigation, such as a close-up of Robby's concerned expression as Jim walks away.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and storytelling is essential for enhancing the dramatic tension and engagement in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific actions can I give Robby to create a more compelling conflict in this scene?
How can I effectively raise the stakes to emphasize the seriousness of the investigation?
What visual or emotional cues can I use to leave a lasting impact at the end of the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances serious and light-hearted tones, introduces a crucial plot point, and delves into the personal lives of the characters. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information while maintaining the audience's interest.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around character interactions on a golf course, blending personal conversations with a hint of a larger plot development. The scene effectively sets the stage for future revelations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through subtle hints about a priest abuse case, adding depth to the overall narrative. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments while maintaining a focus on character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by incorporating elements of golf and personal relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed through their conversations and interactions, showcasing their personalities and relationships. The scene allows for character growth and sets the stage for future arcs.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on character interactions and setting up future developments. However, subtle shifts in perspectives and relationships can be observed.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of professionalism and composure while discussing sensitive topics with his friend. This reflects his desire to uphold his reputation and integrity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about a sensitive case involving a priest and a lawsuit. This reflects his investigative nature and commitment to uncovering the truth.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict regarding the priest abuse case, the scene primarily focuses on character interactions and personal conversations. The conflict serves as a background element for future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and challenges that keep the audience engaged. The uncertainty of the characters' motives adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the introduction of the priest abuse case hints at significant consequences and conflicts to come. The scene sets the stage for higher stakes in future developments.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a key plot point and setting up future conflicts. It provides essential information while maintaining the audience's interest.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and twists in the conversation. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will react.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's loyalty to his friend and his duty to uncover the truth. It challenges his beliefs about trust and integrity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the personal conversations and hints at larger conflicts. It sets the stage for future emotional moments and character growth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, blending serious discussions with light-hearted banter effectively. It reveals important information while also providing insight into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and intriguing plot developments. The characters' interactions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue and action to maintain tension and momentum. The rhythm of the conversation adds to the scene's effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, making the scene easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven sequence, allowing for natural character development and plot progression.

39 INT. BARBARA’S CAR, WOLLASTON PARKING LOT - LATER 39

Robby gets in. She pulls off.

BARBARA
How’d you play?

ROBBY
Not too bad. Shoulda left my putter
at home.

BARBARA
How’s Jimmy?

ROBBY
Good. He brought up the suit.

BARBARA
Really? What’d he say?

ROBBY
He was thrilled about it.

BARBARA
It’s not a surprise, Robby. The
Church does a lot a good in this
town.

Robby nods, but something about that doesn’t sit right.
11/26/14 34.

40 EXT. MATT CARROLL’S HOUSE, WEST ROXBURY - SUNDAY MORNING 40

Matt, in coat and tie, shepherds his family out the door and
into a minivan. His wife and daughter wear DRESSES, his sons
are in BLUE BLAZERS and KHAKIS -- clearly en route to church.

PRIEST (PRELAP)
The other day I was on the world
wide web. Anything you want to
know. It’s right there.

41 INT. CHURCH, SOUTHIE - DAY 41

Sunday mass. Full house. A PRIEST mid homily. In back, FIND
Sacha, her husband, HANSI, and her GRANDMOTHER.

PRIEST
Now as a priest, I admit, this makes
me a little nervous. Should I be
worried about job security?

Sacha watches her grandmother laugh with the congregation.

42 EXT. CHURCH/INT. DINER, SOUTH BOSTON - DAY 42

CONGREGANTS milling outside a church.

PRIEST (O.C.)
I don’t think so. You see knowledge
is one thing. But faith is another.

FIND Marty, sitting in a diner across the street, eating
breakfast and reading. He glances at the church.

42A EXT. OLD HARBOR, DORCHESTER - DAY 42A

Mike, in running gear, runs along the water.

43 OMITTED 43

44 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - LATER 44

Mike walks through the mostly empty newsroom.

45 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - DAY 45

Mike walks in, grabs a gym bag by his desk, pulls out a towel
when he spots... Robby. Sitting in his office. Working.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Contemplative

Summary After a round of golf, Robby gets into Barbara's car, where they discuss his performance and his conversation with Jimmy about a suit. While Barbara expresses her belief in the Church's positive influence on the community, Robby reveals discomfort with her views, hinting at deeper issues. The scene captures the tension between their differing perspectives, ending with Robby nodding in response to Barbara, reflecting his mixed feelings.

Strengths

Layered character dynamics
Exploration of moral dilemmas
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of overt conflict
Slow pacing in some parts

General Critique

The scene effectively captures a moment of casual conversation between Robby and Barbara, which serves to humanize the characters amidst the serious themes of the screenplay. However, the dialogue feels somewhat superficial and lacks depth, especially considering the weight of the subject matter they are dealing with. The mention of the Church doing good in the town contrasts sharply with the ongoing investigation into its abuses, but this tension could be explored more explicitly in their exchange.
Robby's internal conflict is hinted at when he nods but feels uneasy about Barbara's comment. This is a good start, but the scene could benefit from more explicit emotional cues or reactions from Robby to convey his discomfort. The audience should feel the weight of his internal struggle regarding the Church's reputation versus the investigation's implications.
The pacing of the scene is relatively slow, which can work for building tension, but it may also risk losing the audience's engagement. The transition from the golf game to this car ride feels abrupt, and the connection between the two scenes could be strengthened to maintain narrative flow.
The setting of the car is a good choice for an intimate conversation, but it could be enhanced with more visual details or actions that reflect the characters' emotions. For example, showing Robby fidgeting with something in the car or Barbara's expressions could add layers to their interaction.
The dialogue could be more dynamic. While it serves its purpose, it feels somewhat expository. Instead of simply stating facts, the characters could engage in a more nuanced discussion that reveals their differing perspectives on the Church and the ongoing investigation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat expository, particularly when Barbara states, 'The Church does a lot of good in this town.' This line could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of the characters' feelings about the Church, especially given the context of the investigation.
Robby's internal conflict is hinted at but not fully explored. His nodding in response to Barbara's statement suggests agreement, yet his unease is not clearly articulated. This could be an opportunity for a more dynamic exchange that reveals his true feelings.
The scene lacks tension. While there is a hint of conflict in Robby's discomfort, it doesn't escalate or lead to a more significant confrontation or revelation. Consider adding a moment where Robby challenges Barbara's perspective or expresses his doubts more explicitly.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character conflict, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make Robby's internal conflict more palpable in this scene? What specific actions or dialogue could convey his unease about the Church more effectively?
What techniques can I use to create more tension in a scene that primarily consists of dialogue between two characters?
How can I balance exposition with character development in dialogue without making it feel forced?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene serves as a transition but lacks a clear purpose in advancing the plot. While it provides context about Robby's relationship with Barbara and his feelings about the Church, it doesn't propel the narrative forward or deepen the stakes of the investigation.
Barbara's character feels underdeveloped. Her perspective on the Church could be more fleshed out to create a more compelling dynamic with Robby. What personal experiences shape her views? This could add depth to their conversation.
The setting in the car is visually static. Consider incorporating more visual elements or actions that reflect the emotional undercurrents of their conversation, such as Robby fidgeting or Barbara's expressions changing as they discuss sensitive topics.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the narrative and character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to ensure that a transitional scene also serves to deepen character relationships and advance the plot?
How can I develop Barbara's character further in this scene to create a more engaging dynamic with Robby?
What visual elements can I incorporate into a car scene to enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic question or conflict that engages the audience. While Robby’s discomfort is noted, it doesn’t lead to a moment of revelation or decision that would heighten the stakes.
The dialogue could benefit from subtext. For example, when Barbara expresses her belief in the Church's good, Robby's response could hint at his deeper concerns without stating them outright, creating a more layered conversation.
The pacing feels slow. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. Each line should serve a purpose, either revealing character or advancing the plot.

Robert McKee is an expert in storytelling and structure, making him well-suited to critique the dramatic elements and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a dramatic question in this scene to create more engagement for the audience?
What are some techniques for incorporating subtext into dialogue to enhance character interactions?
How can I improve the pacing of this scene while ensuring that the dialogue remains impactful?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue. For instance, have Robby challenge Barbara's view of the Church's goodness, leading to a more heated or emotional exchange that reflects his internal conflict.
Incorporate physical actions or reactions that illustrate Robby's discomfort with Barbara's comments. This could be as simple as him looking away or gripping the seat tightly, which would visually convey his unease.
Enhance the pacing by interspersing the dialogue with brief moments of silence or reflection, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of what is being discussed.
Explore the setting further by including sounds or sights from the parking lot that might contrast with the serious nature of their conversation, such as children playing or church bells ringing, to create a more vivid atmosphere.
Consider revising the dialogue to include more conflict or disagreement between Robby and Barbara, which could serve to deepen their characters and highlight the complexities of their views on the Church.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Barbara's line about the Church to reflect a more complex view, perhaps by having her acknowledge the Church's flaws while still believing in its positive impact. This could create a more engaging dialogue.
Add a moment where Robby explicitly challenges Barbara's view, perhaps by recalling a specific incident related to the investigation that contradicts her statement. This would heighten the tension and deepen their relationship.
Consider using pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to create a more dynamic exchange, allowing Robby's discomfort to manifest in his speech patterns.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character conflict can help enhance the emotional depth and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of dialogue that effectively convey complex character beliefs without feeling overly expository?
How can I structure a scene to allow for more dynamic character interactions through dialogue and action?
What techniques can I use to show a character's internal conflict through their speech patterns?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the purpose of the scene by ensuring it ties directly into the larger narrative. Perhaps include a line where Robby expresses a specific concern about the Church that relates to the investigation.
Develop Barbara's character by adding a personal anecdote or experience that informs her belief in the Church's good. This could create a more compelling dynamic with Robby.
Incorporate visual elements that reflect the emotional tone of the scene, such as Robby glancing out the window or Barbara's hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as they discuss sensitive topics.

Linda Seger's focus on story structure and character development can provide actionable insights for improving the narrative and character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I ensure that each scene contributes to the overall narrative arc while also developing character relationships?
What are some effective ways to introduce personal anecdotes in dialogue to deepen character development?
How can I use visual storytelling to enhance the emotional impact of a scene that primarily consists of dialogue?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear dramatic question in the scene, such as Robby grappling with whether to confront Barbara about her views on the Church. This could create a more engaging conflict.
Enhance the subtext in the dialogue by having Robby respond to Barbara's comments with ambiguity, hinting at his true feelings without directly stating them. This would create a more layered conversation.
Tighten the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace, ensuring that each line serves to either reveal character or advance the plot. Consider cutting any redundant lines that do not contribute to the scene's purpose.

Robert McKee's expertise in storytelling and structure can help refine the dramatic elements and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques for introducing a dramatic question in a scene to engage the audience more effectively?
How can I incorporate subtext into dialogue to create more depth in character interactions?
What strategies can I use to tighten dialogue and improve pacing without losing the emotional impact of the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up multiple layers of conflict and intrigue, balancing personal relationships with professional responsibilities.

Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring the intersection of faith, justice, and personal beliefs is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through character interactions and discussions, laying the groundwork for future revelations and conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the themes of religion, community, and personal beliefs, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' internal struggles and external conflicts are well-developed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in character perspectives, the scene focuses more on setting up future changes and revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile his feelings about the Church's influence in the town and his personal beliefs. He is grappling with conflicting emotions about the Church's role in the community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate social interactions and conversations with other characters, such as Barbara and Jimmy, while also dealing with the influence of the Church in the town.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is more internal and subtle, revolving around moral dilemmas and personal beliefs rather than overt confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' beliefs, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of uncovering truths about the Church's actions and the personal beliefs of the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene lays the groundwork for future plot developments and revelations, moving the story forward in a meaningful way.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and the introduction of conflicting beliefs and values.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between knowledge and faith, as highlighted by the Priest's dialogue about the world wide web and job security. This conflict challenges the characters' beliefs and values, particularly Sacha and her grandmother.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of introspection and moral questioning, resonating with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is meaningful and reflective of the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the exploration of complex themes, and the vivid depiction of the setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and character development to unfold naturally.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that facilitate easy visualization of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that transitions smoothly between different locations and characters, maintaining a consistent narrative flow.

46 INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 46

Robby’s looking over some of the clips Matt pulled.
11/26/14 35.

MIKE
Hey. Shouldn’t you be golfing?

Robby looks up. Mike’s in the door, towel around his neck.

ROBBY
Golfing’s not a verb. And I
couldn’t get a tee time today.

MIKE
Is that what they call it? A tee
time?

ROBBY
They also call it a leisure
activity. You should try it, Mike.

MIKE
I run.

ROBBY
You run to work.

Mike shrugs, true. He eyes the clips on Robby’s desk.

MIKE
So what are you doing here today?

ROBBY
Looking at clips. On Saviano.

MIKE
Ben and Steve think he’s a dead end.
They gave me a bunch of crap about
it at the game.

ROBBY
Yeah, Ben emailed me.

MIKE
He did?

ROBBY
Yeah. He said we should let it go.

MIKE
What do you wanna do?

ROBBY
Bring Saviano in.

MIKE
So just ignore those guys?
11/26/14 36.

ROBBY
I think we have to start ignoring
everybody on this one.

MIKE
I’m good with that.
(then)
You think Baron has any idea what’s
coming down the Pike?

ROBBY
No. I don’t think he cares either.

MIKE
That’s refreshing.

ROBBY
Yeah. Unless he’s wrong.

Mike registers this.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Skeptical, Resolute, Casual

Summary In Robby's office, he reviews clips on Saviano while Mike enters, joking about Robby's absence from golfing. They discuss the skepticism of their colleagues, Ben and Steve, who believe pursuing Saviano is futile. Despite this, Robby is resolute in his decision to bring Saviano in, and Mike supports him, questioning whether Baron is aware of the situation. The scene blends light humor with professional determination, ending with uncertainty about Baron's stance.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character dynamics
Plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of character development

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and banter between Mike and Robby, showcasing their personalities and the tension within the newsroom regarding the investigation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict and stakes surrounding their investigation into Saviano.
Robby's determination to pursue Saviano despite pushback from Ben and Steve adds a layer of tension, but the scene lacks a clear emotional arc. The stakes feel somewhat muted; it would be more engaging if the characters expressed their frustrations or fears more vividly, making the audience feel the weight of their decision.
The humor in the dialogue is a nice touch, but it sometimes undercuts the seriousness of the investigation. Balancing the light-hearted banter with moments of gravity could enhance the emotional impact of the scene, especially given the sensitive subject matter they are dealing with.
The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, but it could benefit from a stronger visual description to set the tone. Describing the cluttered office, the atmosphere, or Robby's demeanor could help ground the audience in the setting and mood.
The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Adding interruptions, overlapping dialogue, or physical actions could create a more engaging rhythm and reflect the urgency of their investigation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the tension between Robby and Mike regarding their investigation into Saviano. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the stakes. For instance, when Robby says, 'I think we have to start ignoring everybody on this one,' it could be more impactful if he expressed a specific reason for this decision, perhaps referencing past failures or the urgency of the situation.
The humor in the banter about golfing is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the gravity of their investigation. Consider balancing the lightheartedness with more serious undertones that reflect the weight of their work.
Mike's line, 'That’s refreshing,' after Robby mentions Baron not caring, could be expanded to show Mike's frustration with the lack of support from their superiors, which would deepen the conflict.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the tension and stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the stakes in the dialogue between Robby and Mike to reflect the urgency of their investigation?
What techniques can I use to balance humor and seriousness in a scene that deals with a sensitive subject matter?
How can I better illustrate Mike's frustration with Baron in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of showcasing the camaraderie between Robby and Mike, but it lacks emotional depth. Adding a moment where Robby reflects on the implications of their investigation could provide a more personal connection to the story.
The dialogue feels somewhat expository. Instead of having Robby state that he is looking at clips on Saviano, consider showing him reacting to a specific clip that reveals something shocking or pivotal, which could create a more dynamic interaction.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual element. Perhaps include details about the cluttered desk or the atmosphere in the office to reflect the chaos of their investigation.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional resonance of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate emotional depth into Robby's character in this scene?
What are some effective ways to show rather than tell in dialogue, particularly regarding the investigation?
How can I enhance the visual storytelling in this scene to reflect the tension of the investigation?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue is witty but could be more purposeful. Each line should drive the plot forward or reveal character motivations. For example, when Mike asks, 'So what are you doing here today?' it could be rephrased to reflect his concern about the investigation's direction.
Robby's determination to bring Saviano in is clear, but the scene could benefit from a moment of doubt or conflict within him, which would make his resolve more compelling.
The scene feels somewhat static. Consider incorporating action or movement, such as Mike pacing or Robby rifling through clips, to create a more dynamic visual experience.

William Goldman is celebrated for his sharp dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an ideal expert for critiquing the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more purposeful in this scene to enhance character motivations?
What techniques can I use to show internal conflict in Robby regarding the investigation?
How can I incorporate movement or action to make this scene feel more dynamic?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Mike expresses his doubts or fears about pursuing Saviano, which would heighten the stakes and create a more compelling conflict between him and Robby.
Incorporate more physical actions or visual cues that reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, Robby could be pacing or fidgeting with the clips, indicating his anxiety about the investigation.
Enhance the dialogue with subtext that hints at the larger implications of their investigation. For instance, they could reference past failures or the potential fallout from pursuing Saviano, which would add depth to their conversation.
Introduce a moment of tension where Mike questions Robby's judgment or commitment to the investigation, leading to a more heated exchange that reveals their differing perspectives on the story.
Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook or cliffhanger that propels the narrative forward, such as a sudden realization or a new piece of information that changes their approach to the investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Revise Robby's line about ignoring everyone to include a specific reference to past failures or the urgency of their investigation, which would heighten the stakes.
Consider adding a moment where Mike expresses his frustration with Baron more explicitly, perhaps by recalling a past incident where they were let down.
Balance the humor with a more serious reflection on the implications of their work, perhaps by having Robby mention a victim or a specific case that weighs on him.

Robert McKee's focus on story structure and character motivations makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific past failures could I reference to enhance the stakes in Robby's dialogue?
How can I effectively illustrate Mike's frustration with Baron in a way that resonates with the audience?
What are some examples of balancing humor and seriousness in dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Robby reflects on the implications of their investigation, perhaps by recalling a victim's story or expressing concern about the Church's influence.
Show Robby reacting to a specific clip that reveals something shocking about Saviano, which would create a more dynamic interaction and avoid expository dialogue.
Incorporate visual elements that reflect the chaos of their investigation, such as cluttered desks or a busy newsroom atmosphere, to enhance the setting.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and emotional arcs makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What specific victim's story could I reference to add emotional depth to Robby's character?
How can I create a more dynamic interaction through visual storytelling in this scene?
What are some effective ways to show the chaotic atmosphere of the newsroom?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise Mike's line about what Robby is doing to reflect his concern for the investigation's direction, making it more purposeful.
Introduce a moment of doubt or conflict within Robby regarding the decision to pursue Saviano, which would make his determination more compelling.
Incorporate action or movement, such as Mike pacing or Robby rifling through clips, to create a more dynamic visual experience and break the static nature of the scene.

William Goldman's focus on sharp dialogue and character-driven storytelling makes his suggestions valuable for improving the scene's dialogue and pacing.

Questions for AI

How can I rephrase Mike's line to make it more purposeful and reflective of his character?
What internal conflicts could I introduce for Robby to enhance his character's determination?
What techniques can I use to incorporate movement and action into this scene effectively?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a conflict between characters and advances the plot by introducing a new direction for the investigation. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' motivations clearly.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of conflicting perspectives within the investigative team is well-developed in this scene, adding complexity to the story and setting up future conflicts.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the characters decide to pursue leads despite opposition. It sets up a new direction for the investigation and raises the stakes for the team.

Originality: 7

The scene presents a familiar workplace setting but introduces originality through the characters' interactions and conflicts, which feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Robby and Mike are well-defined in this scene, with their differing approaches to the investigation highlighted effectively. Their motivations and personalities shine through in their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Both Robby and Mike show a commitment to their investigative work, but their core personalities remain consistent in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and decision-making authority in the face of opposition from his colleagues.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to pursue the investigation on Saviano despite opposition from his colleagues.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between characters regarding the direction of the investigation is central to this scene, adding tension and drama to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and drive the narrative forward, with Robby facing resistance from his colleagues.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised as Robby and Mike decide to pursue leads that others have dismissed, risking their credibility and potentially uncovering explosive information.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new lead and setting up a potential conflict within the team. It propels the investigation into a new phase.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and conflicts, but the decision-making dilemma adds a layer of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between following the opinions of others (Ben and Steve) or trusting one's instincts and pursuing a lead independently.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is emotionally charged due to the characters' determination, the emotional impact is not as high as in more intense moments of the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing the characters' conflicting viewpoints and adding depth to their relationship. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience invested.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, character conflicts, and the tension between following others' opinions and trusting one's instincts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics through dialogue and actions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy office setting, with clear character introductions and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven workplace scene, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative.

47 EXT. LAKE STREET, CARDINAL’S RESIDENCE - DAY 47

An Audi A4 pulls up in a large parking lot. Marty gets out,
looks up at the Cardinal’s MASSIVE LAKE STREET MANSION.

CARDINAL LAW (PRELAP)
I’ve always been fascinated with the
newspaper business.

48 INT. LAKE STREET, CARDINAL LAW’S PRIVATE STUDY - DAY 48

Mahogany bookshelves, leather furniture. CARDINAL LAW,
large, 50s, wears a collar and sits across from Marty.

CARDINAL LAW
I used to sit in on lectures with
the Nieman fellows when I was at
Harvard.

MARTY
I, uh, read you were an editor once.

Law chuckles.

CARDINAL LAW
Yes. A very long time ago. The
Mississippi Register. Small,
diocesan newspaper, but for a 30-
year-old pastor it was a big
responsibility. Too much at times.

MARTY
How so?
11/26/14 37.

CARDINAL LAW
I was close with the Evers brothers,
we took a stand on civil rights.
Our readership was not pleased.
They saw me as a meddling outsider.

MARTY
I can imagine.

CARDINAL LAW
Tough seat to sit in, especially in
a small town. I think you’ll find
Boston’s a small town too, Marty, in
many ways. But if I can be of any
help, don’t hesitate to ask. I find
that this city flourishes when its
great institutions work together.

MARTY
Uh, thank you. Personally I’m of
the opinion that for the paper to
best perform its function it needs
to, uh, stand alone.

Law reacts, surprised -- the rebuff almost feels unwarranted.

CARDINAL LAW
Of course, but my offer stands.

A KNOCK on the door.

CARDINAL LAW (CONT’D)
Come in.

A SECRETARY slips in with a WRAPPED GIFT.

CARDINAL LAW (CONT’D)
Oh. Thank you, Maureen. A little
gift, Marty. Think of it as A
Cardinal’s guide to Boston.

Law hands the gift to Marty. Who looks at it. Bemused.

49 INT. MARTY’S CAR (PARKED), LAKE STREET - LATER 49

Marty gets into to his car. He sits, unwraps the gift. A
thick book, THE CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. Off Marty--

49A INT. GLOBE, LOBBY - DAY 49A

A MAN (SAVIANO) carrying a LARGE BOX walks up to reception.

SAVIANO
I’m here to see Sacha Pfeiffer?
11/26/14 38.

GUARD
Name?

SAVIANO
Phil Saviano.

GUARD
Okay, just a minute.

The guard picks up the phone, calls upstairs.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Informative

Summary Marty visits Cardinal Law's mansion and engages in a tense conversation about the independence of the newspaper, surprising Cardinal Law with his stance. Cardinal Law shares his past experiences in journalism and civil rights, but their differing views create an underlying conflict. A secretary delivers a wrapped gift, revealing a book titled 'The Catechism of the Catholic Church,' symbolizing Cardinal Law's influence. The scene shifts focus as Saviano arrives at the Globe to see Sacha Pfeiffer.

Strengths

Nuanced character interactions
Engaging dialogue
Intriguing setup for future plot developments

Weaknesses

Lack of intense emotional impact
Limited conflict escalation

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the power dynamics between Marty and Cardinal Law, showcasing Law's authority and influence in Boston. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the tension. For instance, Marty's response to Law's offer could be more assertive, emphasizing the independence of the press without sounding overly polite.
Cardinal Law's character is introduced well, but his motivations and the implications of his past experiences could be explored further. The mention of civil rights is intriguing but feels somewhat disconnected from the main conversation. A more direct connection between his past and the current situation could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
The gift exchange at the end of the scene feels somewhat abrupt and lacks emotional weight. While it serves as a symbolic gesture, the scene could benefit from a more explicit reaction from Marty to the gift, which could reveal his feelings about the Church and its influence.
The transition from the private study to Marty's car is a bit jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations, allowing the audience to process the conversation before moving on.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the dialogue could be more dynamic. Some lines feel expository and could be rephrased to sound more natural and engaging. For example, instead of 'I can imagine,' Marty could express a more personal connection to the topic, enhancing his character development.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Marty and Cardinal Law feels somewhat expository. While it provides background, it lacks the tension that could elevate the stakes of their conversation. For instance, when Cardinal Law discusses his past with civil rights, it could be more impactful if he expressed a personal conflict or regret about his decisions, rather than simply recounting history.
Marty's response to Cardinal Law's offer of help is polite but lacks emotional weight. This could be an opportunity for Marty to express his skepticism about the Church's influence more passionately, which would create a stronger dramatic contrast between the two characters.
The scene's pacing could be improved. The transition from the conversation to the gift feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of the conversation before introducing the gift.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character conflict, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the tension in the dialogue between Marty and Cardinal Law to make their differing perspectives more impactful?
What techniques can I use to convey Marty's skepticism about the Church's influence more vividly in his dialogue?
How can I create a smoother transition between the conversation and the introduction of the gift to maintain the scene's emotional flow?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the power dynamics between Marty and Cardinal Law, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, consider using the setting of the Cardinal's mansion to reflect his power and influence, perhaps by describing the opulence in more detail to contrast with Marty's more humble background.
Cardinal Law's character could be fleshed out further. His motivations and internal conflicts are hinted at but not fully explored. Adding a moment where he reveals a personal stake in the conversation could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
The gift of the Catechism feels somewhat cliché. It might be more effective if it were something more personal or symbolic of their conversation, which could add layers to their interaction.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and visual storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth and visual impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What visual elements can I incorporate to better reflect the power dynamics between Marty and Cardinal Law in this scene?
How can I deepen Cardinal Law's character by revealing more about his motivations or internal conflicts during this conversation?
What alternative gift could Cardinal Law give that would be more symbolic and impactful in the context of their discussion?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there is a conversation, it doesn't build toward a climax or a significant turning point. Consider introducing a conflict or revelation that forces Marty to confront Cardinal Law more directly.
The stakes of the conversation could be heightened. What does Marty stand to lose or gain from this interaction? Clarifying this could add urgency to their dialogue.
The scene could benefit from a stronger emotional payoff. The moment when Marty receives the gift should resonate more with the audience, perhaps by tying it back to his personal journey or the larger themes of the story.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for ensuring the scene has a strong narrative drive.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer dramatic arc in this scene to build tension and lead to a significant turning point?
What specific stakes can I introduce to make Marty's interaction with Cardinal Law feel more urgent and impactful?
How can I enhance the emotional resonance of the moment when Marty receives the gift to tie it back to his character arc?

General Suggestions

Consider revising Marty's dialogue to be more assertive and confident in his stance on journalistic independence, which would create a stronger contrast with Cardinal Law's perspective.
Explore Cardinal Law's motivations further by connecting his past experiences with civil rights to the current investigation, perhaps by having him make a more direct comparison to the Church's current stance on abuse.
Enhance the emotional impact of the gift exchange by including a moment of reflection from Marty after receiving the Catechism, allowing the audience to see his internal conflict regarding the Church.
Add a brief moment of silence or a visual cue between the end of the conversation and Marty's departure to create a smoother transition to the next scene.
Revise some of the dialogue to make it feel more organic and less expository, focusing on how the characters would naturally speak in such a tense situation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional conflict. For example, have Marty challenge Cardinal Law's views more directly, perhaps by referencing specific instances of the Church's failures.
Add a moment of silence or a visual cue after Cardinal Law's offer to help, allowing the weight of the conversation to settle before introducing the gift.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character conflict can help refine the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I revise to create more subtext in the dialogue between Marty and Cardinal Law?
How can I effectively use silence or visual cues to enhance the emotional impact of the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Enhance the description of the Cardinal's mansion to reflect his power and influence, perhaps by detailing the decor or the atmosphere in the room.
Consider giving Cardinal Law a personal stake in the conversation, such as a past experience that relates to the current issues, to add depth to his character.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and visual storytelling can enhance the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What specific details can I add to the setting to better reflect Cardinal Law's power and influence?
How can I incorporate a personal stake for Cardinal Law that ties into the themes of the story?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a conflict or revelation during the conversation that forces Marty to confront Cardinal Law more directly, raising the stakes of their interaction.
Tie the gift of the Catechism back to Marty's personal journey or the larger themes of the story to create a stronger emotional payoff.

Robert McKee's insights into dramatic structure can help ensure the scene has a strong narrative drive and emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What kind of conflict or revelation can I introduce to heighten the stakes in Marty's conversation with Cardinal Law?
How can I connect the gift of the Catechism to Marty's character arc or the overarching themes of the story?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, providing insight into Cardinal Law's character and setting up potential future conflicts. The dialogue is engaging and informative, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Cardinal Law's past and his offer to assist Marty adds layers to the narrative, hinting at future collaborations or conflicts. It deepens the understanding of the characters and their motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Cardinal Law offers his assistance to Marty, potentially leading to alliances or tensions in the future. The scene sets up intriguing possibilities for the storyline to unfold.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the newspaper industry and explores themes of independence and collaboration in a nuanced way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Marty and Cardinal Law are well-developed in this scene, with Cardinal Law's background and offer adding complexity to his persona. Their interactions reveal insights into their personalities and potential dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, Cardinal Law's offer to assist Marty hints at potential shifts in their relationship dynamics in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and belief in the paper's autonomy. This reflects his desire for the paper to have a strong, independent voice and not be influenced by external forces.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a professional relationship with Cardinal Law and potentially gain his support or guidance. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the complex dynamics of the newspaper industry and seeking mentorship from a powerful figure.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying tension in Cardinal Law's offer to assist Marty, the scene primarily focuses on establishing a potential alliance. The conflict is more nuanced and subtle.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged in the outcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, with Cardinal Law's offer adding complexity to Marty's position at the Boston Globe. The potential alliances or conflicts could have significant implications.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Cardinal Law as a potential ally or adversary for Marty, setting up future plot developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected rebuff from the protagonist towards Cardinal Law, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between independence and collaboration. The protagonist's belief in the paper's autonomy clashes with Cardinal Law's emphasis on institutions working together for the greater good.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of respect and reflection, but the emotional impact is not intense. It sets the stage for future emotional developments between the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and informative, reflecting the serious tone of the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' thoughts and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and subtle power dynamics between the characters. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for moments of tension and reflection to build effectively.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards and effectively conveys the dialogue and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven sequence, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.

50 INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE - DAY 50

The entire team sits in Robby’s small sitting area facing
PHIL SAVIANO. Phil is mid-40s, thin and twitchy. He’s got a
medium sized BOX in front if him. He rifles through some
papers on his lap.

SAVIANO
So am I the first survivor you’ve
talked to?

ROBBY
Yes, Phil. You are.

SAVIANO
Okay, well, first of all, let me say
thank you for having me in today. I
want you to know that you have the
full cooperation of my organization,
SNAP.

SACHA
How many members are there in your
organization, Phil?

SAVIANO
We had eleven at our last chapter
meeting. No ten. Karen just moved.

ROBBY
There was a woman in your group?

SAVIANO
Of course there was a woman. They
don’t discriminate, not when it
comes to abuse. And this has
nothing to do with being gay. What
this is, is priests using the collar
to rape kids. Kids. Boys and girls.

He reaches into a file, pulls a PHOTO of himself as a kid.
11/26/14 39.

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
I was eleven. I was preyed upon by
Father David Holley in Worcester.
And I don’t mean prayed for. I mean
preyed upon. Are any of you
Catholic?

The whole team looks at each other. Good question.

MATT
I was raised Catholic but now I go
to my wife’s Presbyterian church.

SACHA
I’m lapsed but I go to church with
my grandmother sometimes.

ROBBY
It’s safe to say we were all raised
Catholic but now...

MIKE
Not so much.

SAVIANO
Okay. Well, let me tell you, when
you’re a poor kid from a poor
family, religion counts for a lot.
And when a priest pays attention to
you it’s a big deal. He asks you to
collect the hymnals or take out the
trash, you feel special. It’s like
God asking for help. And maybe it’s
a little weird when he tells you a
dirty joke but now you got a secret
together so you go along. Then he
shows you a porno mag, and you go
along. And you go along, and you go
along, until one day he asks you to
jerk him off or give him a blow job.
And so you go along with that too.
Because you feel trapped. Because
he has groomed you. How do you say
no to God, right?

This lands.

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
See, it’s important to understand
that this is not just physical
abuse, it’s spiritual abuse too.
When priest does this to you, he
robs you of your faith.
(MORE)
11/26/14 40.

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
So you reach for the bottle or the
needle or if those don’t work, you
jump off a bridge. That’s why we
call ourselves survivors.

The team stares, gobsmacked. Phil pulls a book from the box.

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
Have you read Jason Berry’s book?
He wrote about the Gauthe case in
Louisiana?

ROBBY SACHA
We’re not familiar. That’s G-U...

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
G-A-U-T-H-E. And talk to Richard
Sipe. He worked in one of the
Church’s ‘treatment’ centers, he’s
an ex-priest, married a nun.
(pulling out a file)
Here, this is his testimony from the
Kos case.

SACHA
Phil, what’s a treatment center?

SAVIANO
It’s where they send priests when
they get caught. This is all right
here in the box, I sent it all to
you guys five years ago.

ROBBY
To the Globe? Who’d you send it to?

SAVIANO
I don’t wanna say who, but they said
they weren’t interested.

MATT
But Phil, we did run a couple of
stories on you. I saw them in the
clips.

SAVIANO
Yeah but to be completely frank, it
wasn’t enough!

Robby and Mike trade a look as Phil takes a PACKET out of the
box overflowing with tattered clips, articles and data CDs.
11/26/14 41.

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
You guys gotta understand, this is
big. It’s not just Boston, it’s the
whole country, the whole world. And
it goes right up to the Vatican.

MIKE
Do you have any proof of that, Phil?

SAVIANO
No, not yet, but think about it,
there are so many of them, how else
could they have hidden it for so
long?

MIKE
So many what?

SAVIANO
Priests! I know of thirteen right
here in Boston.

ROBBY
You know of thirteen priests who
have molested children in Boston?

SAVIANO
Yeah. Why do you keep repeating
everything I say?

ROBBY
I just like to clarify things.

SAVIANO
Maybe you should have clarified it
five years ago when I sent you all
this stuff! It’s all right here.

Phil’s sudden anger catches the room off guard. He stares at
the box, tries to pull himself together.

SAVIANO (CONT’D)
May I use your bathroom?

MATT
Yeah. Sure, Phil. Come on.

Matt leads Phil out. A beat. Mike quickly starts shuffling
through the packet.

SACHA
What do you think?
11/26/14 42.

ROBBY
He’s got an agenda, that’s for sure.

MIKE SACHA
You think? He’s obviously been through a
lot.

SACHA
But he’s smart and if he’s right
about thirteen priests...

ROBBY
Might be a big ‘if’ with this guy.
(then to Sacha)
Run background on him and follow up
with some of the other survivors in
his group.

MIKE
I’ll track down this ex-priest Sipe.

ROBBY
Okay. But stay on Garabedian,
that’s more important.

MIKE
Garabedian’s a pain in the ass.

ROBBY
You can be a pain in the ass,
Michael.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Emotional, Informative

Summary In Robby's office, the team meets Phil Saviano, a survivor of priest abuse and a member of SNAP. Phil shares his traumatic experiences and the grooming tactics used by priests, expressing frustration over the Globe's previous disinterest in his information. As he discusses the spiritual and physical abuse he endured, the team reflects on their own Catholic backgrounds. Tension rises when Phil leaves for the bathroom, prompting the team to debate his credibility and the implications of his claims.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Some repetition in dialogue

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the gravity of Phil Saviano's experiences and the broader implications of the abuse scandal. His emotional recounting of his past is powerful and serves to engage the audience's empathy. However, the pacing could be improved; some moments feel rushed, particularly when transitioning between dialogue and emotional beats.
The dialogue is generally strong, but there are instances where it feels overly expository. For example, when Saviano explains the grooming process, it could be more impactful if shown through a flashback or a more subtle recounting rather than a straightforward explanation. This would allow the audience to experience the trauma rather than just hear about it.
The characters' reactions to Saviano's story are crucial, yet they could be more varied. While they are visibly affected, adding more nuanced reactions—such as physical discomfort, silence, or even a moment of shared vulnerability—could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
The conflict between Saviano's urgency and the team's skepticism is present but could be heightened. The team’s initial disbelief and subsequent discussions about Saviano's credibility could be more pronounced, creating a stronger tension that reflects the real-life challenges journalists face when dealing with sensitive subjects.
The scene ends with a somewhat abrupt transition to the team's discussion after Saviano leaves. A more gradual shift, perhaps with a lingering shot on Saviano's empty chair or the box of documents, could emphasize the weight of what was just shared and the responsibility the team now feels.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, particularly Phil Saviano's lines about the grooming process and the spiritual abuse he suffered. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in the characters' interactions. For instance, Robby's insistence on clarifying Saviano's statements could be seen as a lack of trust or an attempt to control the narrative, which could be explored further.
The pacing is effective, but the emotional weight of Saviano's testimony could be heightened by allowing for more pauses after his revelations. This would give the audience time to absorb the gravity of his experiences.
The scene's setting in Robby's office is appropriate, but consider using visual elements to reflect the tension and seriousness of the subject matter. For example, the clutter in the office could symbolize the overwhelming nature of the investigation.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Robby's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict regarding the Church and the investigation?
What techniques can I use to create more impactful pauses in dialogue to enhance emotional moments, particularly after Saviano's revelations?
How can I visually represent the tension in Robby's office to better reflect the serious nature of the conversation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively introduces Phil Saviano and his organization, SNAP, but it could benefit from a clearer character arc for Saviano. As he shares his story, consider how his emotional journey unfolds throughout the scene. Is he seeking validation, justice, or something else?
The team’s reactions to Saviano's story are crucial. While they are initially gobsmacked, their emotional responses could be more varied. For instance, Mike's skepticism could be contrasted with Sacha's empathy, creating a richer dynamic.
The stakes are high in this scene, but they could be made clearer. What does the team stand to lose or gain by pursuing this story? Establishing these stakes early on will heighten the tension.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and emotional dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I develop Phil Saviano's character arc throughout this scene to show his emotional journey more clearly?
What strategies can I use to create more varied emotional responses from the team members during Saviano's testimony?
How can I clarify the stakes for the team in this scene to enhance the tension and urgency of their investigation?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong dramatic structure, with Saviano's testimony serving as the inciting incident that propels the narrative forward. However, the conflict could be intensified by introducing a counterpoint to Saviano's perspective, perhaps through a skeptical team member who challenges his claims.
The dialogue is engaging, but it could be more concise in places. For example, Saviano's explanation of the grooming process could be streamlined to maintain momentum while still delivering the emotional impact.
The scene's climax occurs when Saviano reveals the extent of the abuse, but the resolution feels a bit rushed. Consider extending the discussion after he leaves to explore the team's reactions and decisions moving forward.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his feedback particularly relevant for enhancing the conflict and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a counterpoint to Saviano's perspective to heighten the conflict within the scene?
What techniques can I use to streamline Saviano's dialogue while preserving its emotional weight?
How can I extend the discussion after Saviano leaves to better explore the team's reactions and decisions?

General Suggestions

Consider incorporating flashbacks or visual storytelling elements to illustrate Saviano's experiences, making the emotional weight more palpable for the audience.
Enhance the characters' reactions to Saviano's revelations by including more varied emotional responses, such as silence, discomfort, or even moments of connection among the team members.
Strengthen the conflict by allowing the team to express more skepticism or concern about Saviano's claims, which would create a more dynamic interaction and reflect the complexities of investigative journalism.
Slow down the pacing during key emotional moments to allow the audience to fully absorb the gravity of Saviano's story and its implications.
Rework the ending of the scene to create a more impactful transition, perhaps by lingering on the aftermath of Saviano's departure to emphasize the weight of the information shared.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate more subtext into Robby's dialogue by having him express skepticism about Saviano's claims indirectly, perhaps through rhetorical questions or dismissive comments that reveal his internal struggle.
Add pauses after key revelations from Saviano to allow the weight of his words to resonate with the audience and the characters.
Use visual elements, such as the clutter in Robby's office, to symbolize the overwhelming nature of the investigation and the emotional burden on the characters.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext makes him well-suited to provide actionable suggestions for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific examples of subtext can I use in Robby's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict?
How can I effectively implement pauses in the dialogue to enhance emotional moments?
What visual metaphors can I use in Robby's office to symbolize the investigation's complexity?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Phil Saviano's character arc by showing his vulnerability and motivations more clearly, perhaps by including a moment where he reflects on his past or expresses his hopes for the future.
Create more varied emotional responses from the team by having them react differently to Saviano's story, showcasing their individual backgrounds and beliefs about the Church.
Clarify the stakes for the team by explicitly stating what they stand to gain or lose by pursuing this story, which will heighten the tension and urgency.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and stakes makes her suggestions valuable for deepening the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show Phil Saviano's vulnerability and motivations in this scene?
What techniques can I use to create distinct emotional responses from each team member during Saviano's testimony?
How can I clearly articulate the stakes for the team to enhance the scene's tension?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a skeptical team member who challenges Saviano's claims, creating a counterpoint that heightens the conflict and adds depth to the discussion.
Streamline Saviano's dialogue by focusing on the most impactful elements of his story, ensuring that each line serves to advance the narrative.
Extend the discussion after Saviano leaves to explore the team's reactions and decisions, allowing for a more thorough examination of their emotional and professional stakes.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic structure and conflict makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the tension and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a skeptical character to challenge Saviano's perspective?
What specific lines can I cut or modify to streamline Saviano's dialogue without losing its emotional impact?
How can I structure the team's discussion after Saviano leaves to fully explore their reactions and decisions?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful and emotionally charged, shedding light on a sensitive topic with depth and authenticity. It effectively conveys the gravity of the situation and sets the stage for further investigation and revelations.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the survivors' testimony and the broader implications of abuse within the Church is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the storyline and raises important ethical and moral questions.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Phil Saviano's revelations prompt the team to reevaluate their approach and delve deeper into the investigation. It introduces new leads and challenges, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the abuse scandal within the Catholic Church, shedding light on the psychological manipulation and spiritual trauma experienced by survivors. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and show vulnerability and empathy in response to Phil Saviano's testimony. Their reactions and interactions reveal layers of their personalities and deepen the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Phil Saviano's testimony prompts a shift in the team's perspective and approach, leading to introspection and reevaluation of their beliefs and actions. It marks a turning point in their investigation and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the abuse scandal within the Catholic Church and to validate the experiences of survivors like Phil Saviano. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the claims made by Phil Saviano and gather evidence to support his allegations. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the complexities of the abuse scandal and the resistance they face from various sources.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, stemming from the survivors' traumatic experiences and the team's moral dilemma in uncovering the truth. It sets the stage for deeper investigations and ethical challenges.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Phil Saviano challenges the characters' beliefs and motivations. His confrontational attitude creates a sense of conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the team grapples with the gravity of the abuse allegations, the potential impact on the Church, and the survivors' quest for justice. It underscores the moral imperative and risks involved in pursuing the truth.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new leads, deepening the investigation, and raising the stakes. It sets the stage for further revelations and challenges, propelling the narrative towards a critical juncture.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and revelations from Phil Saviano. The shifting dynamics between the characters add to the unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the values of faith and the reality of abuse. Phil Saviano's testimony challenges the characters' beliefs in the sanctity of the Church and raises questions about the moral responsibility of religious institutions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking sadness, shock, and empathy towards the survivors' plight. It resonates with the audience on a deep level, highlighting the human cost of abuse and the survivors' resilience.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is poignant, authentic, and impactful, capturing the emotional weight of the survivors' stories. It effectively conveys the trauma and struggles faced by the characters, enhancing the scene's depth and resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, emotional depth, and the revelation of crucial information about the investigation. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of emotional impact and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The visual elements are well-defined.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals key information about the investigation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.

52 EXT. STATE STREET, BOSTON - DAY 52

Garabedian walks down State Street. Mike falls in with him.

MIKE
Mitch, what a surprise. How are you?

GARABEDIAN
I’m fine, Mr. Rezendes.

The light changes and Garabedian walks. Mike tags along.

MIKE
Good. You know, I never heard back
from you. I left you a couple
messages.

GARABEDIAN
I’ve been very busy. I don’t have
time for calls.
11/26/14 43.

MIKE
Jeez, I’m sure you don’t. Listen,
Mitch, lemme talk to a couple of
your victims... You can sit in on
the interview, if you’re not happy
you can kill it.

GARABEDIAN
I spoke to my clients, they don’t
want to be in the press. I’m sorry.

Garabedian walks into --

53 INT. GARABEDIAN’S BUILDING, LOBBY - CONTINUOUS 53

A shitty lobby, Mike follows Mitch in, continues --

MIKE
I get that but I don’t need to name
names, Mitch.

GARABEDIAN
I don’t believe you, Mr. Rezendes.

Mitch walks to the elevator, presses the button.

MIKE
Yeah, I’m sure you don’t.

GARABEDIAN
I don’t.

The elevator opens. Mitch walks on. Mike follows him into --

54 INT. GARABEDIAN’S BUILDING, ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS 54

The doors close. It’s cramped, but Mike keeps going.

MIKE
Listen, Mitch, I’m not writing a
profile here. I’m working on
something bigger.

GARABEDIAN
Bigger, what does that mean?

MIKE
I’m not supposed to tell you this,
but I’m digging around for
Spotlight.

This registers with Mitch.
11/26/14 44.

GARABEDIAN
Spotlight’s on this?

MIKE
Yeah, we’re looking into it. But I
need some help, Mitch. You gotta
let me talk to some of these
victims. Please.

GARABEDIAN
(beat, then)
Come back tomorrow. 9:30am.

MIKE
Thank you.

Doors open. Garabedian walks out. Mike smiles. Got him.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Tense, Confrontational

Summary In a tense encounter on State Street in Boston, journalist Mike Rezendes confronts attorney Mitch Garabedian, urging him to allow interviews with abuse victims for a larger investigation. Garabedian, protective of his clients' anonymity, initially resists but becomes intrigued when Mike mentions the Spotlight investigation. After a heated discussion in the lobby and elevator, Garabedian reluctantly agrees to meet Mike the following day, marking a small victory for the journalist.

Strengths

Strong character dynamics
Tension-filled dialogue
High stakes and conflict

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of resolution in the scene

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the tension between Mike and Garabedian, showcasing their conflicting priorities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. Currently, the exchanges feel somewhat straightforward and could be enriched with underlying motivations or frustrations that reveal more about their characters.
The setting transitions from the street to the elevator, which is a good choice for maintaining the momentum of the conversation. However, the cramped space of the elevator could be used more effectively to heighten the tension. Consider incorporating physical actions or reactions that reflect their discomfort or urgency, such as Mike leaning in closer or Garabedian avoiding eye contact.
Garabedian's character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he is portrayed as resistant, adding layers to his character could make him more relatable. Perhaps he has personal stakes in the situation that make him hesitant to cooperate, which could be hinted at through his dialogue or body language.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the dialogue could be tightened to create a more dynamic rhythm. Some lines feel repetitive, particularly Garabedian's insistence that his clients don't want to be in the press. Streamlining this could enhance the flow and keep the audience engaged.
The scene concludes on a positive note for Mike, which is effective in showing his determination. However, it might be more impactful if there were a hint of Garabedian's internal conflict as he agrees to the meeting. This could foreshadow future complications in their relationship and add depth to the narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively utilizes subtext through the dialogue between Mike and Garabedian. Rather than stating their intentions outright, their conversation reveals the underlying tension and stakes without heavy exposition.
However, the scene can benefit from sharper, more concise dialogue. For instance, Mike's line, 'I get that but I don’t need to name names, Mitch,' could be tightened to something like, 'I understand, but I won’t name names,' emphasizing urgency and the stakes involved.
Garabedian's responses feel somewhat formulaic. He should exhibit a more distinct personality that reflects his struggles and motivations, perhaps through a unique quirk in his speech or demeanor, to make him a more compelling character.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a suitable critic for a scene that relies heavily on conversations to convey conflict.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue between Mike and Garabedian be made more impactful while still maintaining the underlying tension?
What specific changes can be made to Garabedian's character to better reflect his internal conflicts and motivations in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of advancing the plot by moving Mike closer to his goal of interviewing victims. However, it lacks a clear emotional arc for Mike—while he is persistent, his emotions could be more fleshed out to reflect the high stakes of his investigation.
The setting transitions from the street to the elevator, but the emotional resonance of these locations isn't fully explored. The cramped elevator could symbolize the pressure Mike feels; this could be highlighted with visuals or dialogue that reflect that tension.
The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of urgency. Perhaps Mike could receive a call or message during their conversation that raises the stakes even further, prompting him to push harder.

Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for strengthening the character motivations in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can Mike's emotional journey in this scene be enhanced to reflect the high stakes of his investigation?
What visual or dialogue elements can be added to emphasize the pressure and urgency of the situation in both the street and the elevator?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene establishes a clear conflict between Mike's urgency and Garabedian's reluctance, which is commendable. However, it lacks a definitive moment of choice that could heighten the stakes. A moment where Garabedian almost relents but then pulls back could create tension.
The dialogue is functional but could be elevated with more dramatic stakes. For example, introducing a time constraint or a threat related to the investigation could add urgency.
The pacing feels slightly off; it could be improved by tightening the transitions between dialogue exchanges to maintain momentum, particularly as they move into the elevator.

McKee's expertise in story structure and dramatic tension makes him a fitting choice to critique a scene that hinges on character conflict and dialogue.

Questions for AI

What moments of choice can be introduced in this scene to heighten the tension between Mike and Garabedian?
How can the pacing of the scene be adjusted to improve the flow of dialogue and maintain momentum, especially during the transition to the elevator?

General Suggestions

Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal deeper motivations and emotions. For example, Mike could express frustration not just with Garabedian's refusal, but also with the broader implications of the abuse cases, making the stakes feel higher.
Utilize the cramped elevator setting to create a sense of urgency and tension. Consider adding physical actions that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as Mike's body language becoming more assertive as he presses for information.
Develop Garabedian's character further by hinting at his personal stakes or fears regarding the victims and the press. This could be done through a brief flashback or a line that reveals his past experiences with the Church or abuse cases.
Tighten the dialogue to eliminate repetitive lines and enhance the pacing. Focus on making each line count, ensuring that every exchange propels the story forward or deepens character relationships.
End the scene with a more ambiguous note regarding Garabedian's agreement. Perhaps he hesitates before confirming the meeting, suggesting that he is grappling with his own fears or doubts about the investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Rewrite dialogue to be more succinct and impactful. Focus on Mike's urgency and Garabedian's reluctance using sharp, quick exchanges.
Infuse Garabedian's lines with more of his personality or background, perhaps referencing a personal experience that informs his current behavior, to create a more dynamic character.

Mamet's skill in crafting memorable dialogue and character depth makes him an ideal expert for improving the verbal exchanges in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some specific examples of dialogue that could be rewritten to emphasize urgency and tension?
How can Garabedian's backstory be subtly integrated into his dialogue to enhance his character development?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Mike's emotional stakes more clearly, allowing the audience to connect with his motivations for pursuing the story.
Incorporate visual elements that reflect the cramped feeling of the elevator, perhaps through camera angles that emphasize the pressure Mike feels in this confined space.

Seger's focus on emotional arcs makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing character depth in this critical scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can be used to visually represent Mike's emotional state in the elevator?
How can Mike's backstory or emotional stakes be woven into the dialogue to create a deeper connection with the audience?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a potential setback for Mike during the conversation, such as Garabedian receiving a call from one of his clients, raising the stakes and tension further.
Tighten the pacing by reducing unnecessary pauses in the dialogue, ensuring that the exchanges maintain a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.

McKee's expertise in escalating tension and conflict makes his suggestions critical for ensuring the scene is engaging and impactful.

Questions for AI

What specific setback can be introduced in this scene to raise the stakes for Mike and make the conflict more dynamic?
How can dialogue pacing be adjusted to create a more thrilling exchange between Mike and Garabedian?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character dynamics and conflict. It effectively sets up the importance of the investigation and the challenges faced by the journalists.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the pivotal moment where Mike seeks permission to interview victims, setting the stage for a deeper dive into the investigation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as Mike pushes for access to key information, highlighting the obstacles and risks involved in pursuing the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to investigative journalism, highlighting the ethical dilemmas and challenges faced by journalists in pursuit of a story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Mike and Garabedian are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicting interests that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it sets up potential shifts in Mike's approach and Garabedian's stance in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to gain access to the victims of a potential scandal for his investigative work. This reflects his desire for truth and justice, as well as his determination to uncover the story.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Garabedian to allow him to interview the victims. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in obtaining crucial information for his investigation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Mike and Garabedian is intense and drives the scene, highlighting the high stakes and challenges faced by the journalists.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Garabedian presents a significant obstacle to the protagonist's goals through his commitment to client confidentiality. The audience is left unsure of how the negotiation will play out, adding to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the scene as Mike attempts to secure crucial interviews that could make or break the investigation, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the need for access to victims and the challenges faced by the journalists in pursuing the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters, the unexpected agreement reached at the end, and the revelation of the protagonist's true intentions. The audience is kept on their toes wondering how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's pursuit of truth and justice and Garabedian's commitment to client confidentiality and privacy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of transparency and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of determination and urgency, but the emotional impact is more subdued compared to other scenes in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and negotiation between Mike and Garabedian, adding depth to their characters and the overall conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense negotiation between the protagonist and Garabedian, the high stakes involved in the investigation, and the dynamic character interactions. The dialogue drives the scene forward and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency throughout the interaction between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of events keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven investigative drama, with a clear progression of events and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.

55A EXT. CAFE FRANCESCA, SOUTH END - DAY 55A

Sacha walks up to a small cafe in the South end.

56 INT. CAFE FRANCESCA, SOUTH END - DAY 56

A small, bohemian cafe, mostly men. JOE CROWLEY, 42, heavy,
boyish face, sits alone WATCHING the door. NERVOUS as shit.
The door opens. Sacha walks in, pauses, looking around...

JOE CROWLEY
Ms. Pfeiffer?

SACHA
Joe?

He stands, almost knocking over his coffee. He starts to
straighten the messy table, clean the crumbs all over it.

JOE CROWLEY SACHA
Shoot. Sorry. No, that’s okay, no problem.

JOE CROWLEY
Uh... please sit. Is this table
okay? I had a muffin while I was
waiting. Two actually. I eat when
I’m nervous.

SACHA
I do that too.
(then)
I hope I’m not late. Phil said one.

JOE CROWLEY
No, you’re fine. I got here early.
About an hour.
11/26/14 45.

SACHA
Would you mind if I took some of
notes? Would that be alright?

57 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE, CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 57

Mike and Garabedian sit with 25-year-old PATRICK MCSORLEY.
McSorley is good looking but ragged. Not outwardly nervous,
but he’s got a high-pitched voice and an ADDICT’S ITCH.

MIKE
You don’t mind if I take some notes,
do you?

PATRICK MCSORELY
You gonna use my name?

GARABEDIAN
No.

MIKE
Not if you don’t want me to.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
I just had a kid. He’s only one but
I’m not sure I want him to know
about this.

MIKE
Yeah. I get it.

GARABEDIAN
You can stop this interview any time
you want, Patrick.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Okay. Go ‘head with your notes.

MIKE
Where did you live when it first
happened?

PATRICK MCSORLEY
In the projects, over in Hyde Park.

MIKE
Over by the Stop & Shop?

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Yeah, you know it?

MIKE
Yeah, I drove a cab for years. Opens
early, bad coffee, right?
11/26/14 46.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Yeah, I guess.

McSorley isn’t having it.

MIKE
How old were you? When it happened.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
I was twelve. My dad had just
killed himself.

MIKE
Jeez.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
He was a real piece of shit. And my
mom, she wasn’t so stable to begin
with.

MIKE
What do mean?

PATRICK MCSORLEY
I mean she was nuts. GARABEDIAN
She was schizophrenic.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Same shit.

MIKE
So how did you meet Geoghan?

PATRICK MCSORLEY
My sister saw him in the Dunkin’
Donuts. She tells him about my old
man and he rushed right over.

Patrick nervously itches at his arm as we CUT TO --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Nervous, Informative, Intense

Summary Sacha arrives at Cafe Francesca to meet Joe Crowley, who is visibly anxious and fidgeting with his coffee. They exchange pleasantries, with Joe apologizing for the mess and revealing his habit of eating muffins to cope with his nerves. Sacha asks to take notes during their conversation, indicating the importance of their meeting. The scene captures Joe's clumsiness and anxiety, contrasted with Sacha's calm demeanor, as they establish a rapport before delving into a more serious discussion.

Strengths

Intense character interactions
Informative dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some nervousness in character interactions may be repetitive

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere through Joe Crowley's nervous demeanor and the cluttered table, which visually represents his anxiety. This is a strong choice that helps the audience empathize with his character.
The dialogue between Sacha and Joe is natural and relatable, particularly the exchange about eating when nervous. This adds a layer of humanity to both characters, making them more relatable to the audience.
However, the scene lacks a clear dramatic tension or conflict. While Joe's nervousness is palpable, there is no immediate stakes or urgency that propels the scene forward. The audience may feel a sense of stagnation as the conversation unfolds without a clear direction.
The transition to the next scene with Mike and Garabedian feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the two interviews, it could benefit from a smoother transition that ties the two scenes together thematically or emotionally.
The scene could also benefit from more visual storytelling. While the dialogue is engaging, incorporating more visual cues or actions that reflect the characters' emotions could enhance the scene's impact. For example, showing Joe fidgeting with his coffee cup or Sacha's body language could add depth to their interactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Sacha and Joe Crowley feels natural, but it lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate the stakes. For instance, Joe's nervousness could be more pronounced through his actions, such as fidgeting with his coffee cup or avoiding eye contact, which would visually convey his anxiety.
The scene could benefit from more subtext. While Joe expresses his nervousness, the dialogue could hint at deeper issues or stakes related to the abuse scandal, perhaps through Joe's choice of words or the way he reacts to Sacha's questions.
The setting of the cafe is a good choice for a meeting, but it could be utilized more effectively to reflect the emotional weight of their conversation. Consider adding sensory details that evoke the atmosphere, such as the sounds of clinking cups or hushed conversations, to create a more immersive experience.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and emotional dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Joe's dialogue to reflect his deeper fears or concerns about the abuse scandal?
What specific actions can I incorporate to visually represent Joe's nervousness and anxiety during the meeting with Sacha?
How can I use the cafe setting to create a more immersive atmosphere that reflects the emotional weight of the conversation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively introduces Joe Crowley, but it could delve deeper into his backstory or motivations. Adding a line or two about his past experiences with the Church or his reasons for meeting Sacha would provide context and depth to his character.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow, particularly in the initial exchanges. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged, perhaps by cutting unnecessary pleasantries.
The transition from Sacha's arrival to the conversation could be smoother. A brief moment of hesitation or a shared glance could heighten the tension and anticipation before they begin discussing the serious topic at hand.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and pacing, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth and flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific backstory elements can I incorporate into Joe's dialogue to provide more depth to his character?
How can I tighten the dialogue to improve the pacing of the scene while maintaining the natural flow of conversation?
What visual cues can I use to enhance the transition from Sacha's arrival to the serious discussion, creating a more impactful moment?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there is a conversation happening, it doesn't build toward a specific goal or conflict that propels the narrative forward. Consider introducing a specific objective for Sacha in this meeting, such as obtaining crucial information or gauging Joe's willingness to speak out.
The emotional stakes could be heightened. Joe's nervousness is a good start, but exploring what he stands to lose or gain by speaking with Sacha would add urgency to the scene. This could be achieved through more pointed questions from Sacha that challenge Joe's hesitations.
The scene could benefit from a stronger conclusion that leaves the audience wanting more. Instead of a simple transition to the next scene, consider ending with a moment of revelation or a cliffhanger that hints at the gravity of Joe's story.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the narrative drive of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific objectives can I give Sacha in her meeting with Joe to create a clearer dramatic arc?
How can I explore Joe's emotional stakes to heighten the tension and urgency of the conversation?
What kind of conclusion can I craft for this scene that leaves the audience eager to see what happens next?

General Suggestions

Introduce a specific reason for Sacha's meeting with Joe that raises the stakes. For example, perhaps Joe has crucial information that could impact the investigation, creating a sense of urgency.
Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict during their conversation. This could be a moment where Joe hesitates to share something important, prompting Sacha to push him for more information.
Enhance the visual storytelling by including more physical actions or reactions from the characters. This could involve Joe's nervous habits or Sacha's focused demeanor as she takes notes, which would help convey their emotional states without relying solely on dialogue.
Create a more seamless transition to the next scene by incorporating a line or action that connects Joe's nervousness to the gravity of the investigation, perhaps hinting at the weight of the information he holds.
Consider using subtext in their dialogue to hint at deeper issues or fears, which could add layers to their interaction and keep the audience engaged.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate more physical actions from Joe that reflect his nervousness, such as tapping his fingers on the table or glancing around the cafe, to visually convey his anxiety.
Add layers of subtext to the dialogue by having Joe use ambiguous language that hints at his deeper fears about the Church or the consequences of their conversation.
Enhance the sensory details of the cafe setting to create a more immersive atmosphere, such as describing the smell of coffee or the sounds of patrons, to reflect the emotional weight of their discussion.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext makes him well-suited to provide actionable suggestions for enhancing the emotional dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate physical actions into Joe's character to visually represent his nervousness?
What specific lines can I revise to add subtext and ambiguity to Joe's dialogue?
What sensory details can I include to enhance the cafe setting and create a more immersive experience?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a line or two that hints at Joe's past experiences with the Church, providing context for his nervousness and motivations for meeting Sacha.
Tighten the dialogue by cutting unnecessary pleasantries and focusing on the essential elements of their conversation to maintain a brisk pace.
Create a moment of shared hesitation or eye contact between Sacha and Joe before diving into the serious discussion, heightening the tension and anticipation.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and pacing makes her suggestions valuable for improving the depth and flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to Joe's dialogue to provide context for his character's motivations?
How can I identify and cut unnecessary dialogue to improve the pacing of the scene?
What visual cues can I use to enhance the moment of tension before Sacha and Joe begin their serious discussion?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Establish a clear objective for Sacha in this meeting, such as obtaining critical information about the Church or gauging Joe's willingness to speak out, to create a more defined dramatic arc.
Explore Joe's emotional stakes by having Sacha ask pointed questions that challenge his hesitations and reveal what he stands to lose or gain by sharing his story.
Craft a stronger conclusion for the scene that leaves the audience with a sense of urgency or a cliffhanger, hinting at the gravity of Joe's experiences.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and dramatic tension makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the narrative drive of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific objectives can I give Sacha to create a clearer dramatic arc in her meeting with Joe?
How can I explore Joe's emotional stakes to heighten the tension and urgency of their conversation?
What kind of ending can I create for this scene that leaves the audience eager for the next part of the story?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the subject matter while providing informative dialogue and character interactions.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating abuse by priests is compelling and drives the scene forward with a sense of urgency and importance.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as the characters delve deeper into the sensitive topic, uncovering details about the abuse and the impact on the victims.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as Joe Crowley's nervousness and Patrick McSorley's backstory, adding depth and authenticity to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, showcasing their nervousness, intensity, and determination to uncover the truth.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes as they confront the difficult subject matter and strive to uncover the truth.

Internal Goal: 8

Sacha's internal goal in this scene is to make a good impression and gather information. This reflects her desire to succeed in her task and her need for validation and approval.

External Goal: 7

Sacha's external goal is to gather information from Joe Crowley. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her investigation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the sensitive nature of the topic and the characters' struggles to reveal the truth while navigating their emotions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external challenges that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes involve exposing the truth about abuse by priests and seeking justice for the victims, highlighting the importance of the investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the abuse and the characters' determination to seek justice.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' nervousness and the subtle hints at hidden motives and secrets.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between honesty and deception. Joe Crowley's nervousness and Sacha's investigative approach challenge their beliefs and values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and concern for the characters involved in the investigation, drawing the audience into the emotional depth of the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is informative, intense, and reveals the emotional depth of the characters involved in the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the naturalistic dialogue, character dynamics, and subtle tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest through naturalistic dialogue and character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for character introductions and dialogue exchanges, effectively setting up the narrative.

58 INT. CAFE FRANCESCA, SOUTH END - DAY 58

Joe talks very fast. He takes a big gulp of water.

JOE CROWLEY
...and there was this nun, Sister
Barbara, she ran this group for kids
from troubled families.

SACHA
Where was that?
11/26/14 47.

JOE CROWLEY
St. Ambrose in Dorchester. She’s
the one who introduced me to Father
Shanley. He was a street priest,
long hair, very hip. He invited me
to his apartment in Back Bay.

SACHA
Where in Back Bay?

JOE CROWLEY
Beacon Street. Are you from here?

SACHA
I grew up in Ohio but my mom’s from
Southie.

JOE CROWLEY
So you get it. I’d never even been
to Back Bay.

SACHA
What happened on that first visit?

JOE CROWLEY
Well, he was very nice at first,
very casual, very funny. And I
think he could tell I was gay
because he showed me this mobile he
had, like over a baby’s crib? But
with different words. Homosexual,
bisexual, transsexual...

SACHA
Did you know you were gay at the
time, Joe?

JOE CROWLEY
Yes, but that wasn’t information I
was sharing with anybody. Not in
Dorchester.

SACHA
Right. So, what happened when he
showed you the mobile?

JOE CROWLEY
Well, I was a little freaked out and
I guess he could tell so he said,
you know what will help is if we
play strip poker. Of course I lost.
And things went on from there.
11/26/14 48.

SACHA
What happened specifically?

JOE CROWLEY
Specifically, he molested me.

SASHA
Joe, I think the language here is
going to be very important. We
can’t sanitize this, just saying
molest isn’t enough. People need to
know what actually happened.

Joe sits back, getting it as the waiter serves two coffees.

JOE CROWLEY
Maybe we should get these to go.

59 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE, CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 59

Mike sits with McSorley and Garabedian.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Geoghan shows up and my mom, she’s
thrilled. I mean this was like God
showing up, you know?

MIKE
Sure. So what happened then?

PATRICK MCSORLEY
You really want to hear this shit?

MIKE
Yeah, Patrick. I do.

Patrick is struggling a bit. But he continues.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
He offers to take me to get ice
cream. He’s a priest, I’m a kid, so
I go.

MIKE
Sure.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
So we’re driving home and he starts
patting my leg and then... his hand
just slides up and he grabs my dick.
I just froze up, I was fucking
petrified. I couldn’t move. I
didn’t know what to do, I was just a
little kid.
(MORE)
11/26/14 49.

PATRICK MCSORLEY (CONT'D)
(then)
I never even touched my freakin’ ice
cream, it just melted down my arm.

MIKE
Did you see him again after that?

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Yeah.

GARABEDIAN
Alright, it’s good. Let’s stop
there for now...

McSorley stares down at his hands. Trembling. Then he
itches his arm. This time, Mike notes the HEROIN TRACKS.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Intense, Serious, Emotional

Summary In a tense scene at Cafe Francesca, Joe Crowley shares his painful past with Father Shanley, a priest who introduced him to a world of sexuality before later molesting him. As Joe struggles to articulate his trauma, Sacha pushes for clarity, emphasizing the need for explicit language to address the gravity of the abuse. The emotional weight of the conversation leads Joe to suggest they take their coffees to go, reflecting his desire to escape the discomfort of the topic.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Intense dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Heavy subject matter
Emotional intensity may be overwhelming for some viewers

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and gravity of Joe Crowley's experiences, but it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. While Joe's recounting of events is impactful, the dialogue could be enhanced with more internal conflict or reflection from Joe, allowing the audience to connect more profoundly with his trauma.
Sacha's role as the interviewer is crucial, yet her responses could be more varied to reflect her emotional engagement. Instead of simply prompting Joe for details, she could express her own reactions to his story, which would add layers to their interaction and emphasize the weight of what Joe is sharing.
The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in Joe's recounting of his experiences. Slowing down the dialogue and allowing for pauses could create a more contemplative atmosphere, giving the audience time to absorb the gravity of the subject matter.
The transition from Joe's detailed recollection to the suggestion of taking the coffees to go feels abrupt. This shift could be better integrated to maintain the emotional flow of the scene. Perhaps Joe could express discomfort or a desire to escape the conversation before suggesting to leave, which would enhance the realism of his reaction.
The use of explicit language is mentioned as important, but the scene could further explore the implications of this. Sacha's insistence on using clear language could be expanded to include a discussion about the societal tendency to sanitize such topics, adding depth to the dialogue and reinforcing the theme of transparency in reporting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is fast-paced, which effectively conveys Joe's nervousness and the urgency of the conversation. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Joe mentions Father Shanley showing him the mobile, it could be more impactful if he hesitated or showed discomfort, hinting at the manipulation without stating it outright.
Sacha's role as the interviewer is strong, but her questions could be more probing. Instead of simply asking 'What happened specifically?' she could ask about Joe's feelings during the encounter, which would deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
The transition from the lighter conversation about the mobile to the serious topic of molestation feels abrupt. A more gradual shift in tone could enhance the impact of Joe's revelation.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue-heavy nature of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Joe's dialogue to enhance the emotional weight of his experiences?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between light-hearted and serious topics in dialogue?
How can Sacha's character be developed further through her questioning style in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the gravity of Joe's experience, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional arc. Joe's initial nervousness should evolve into a more profound emotional revelation as he recounts his trauma.
Sacha's insistence on using explicit language is crucial, but it could be framed as a moment of empowerment for Joe. This could be highlighted by showing Joe's internal struggle with the language he uses to describe his experience.
The scene ends with Joe suggesting they should get the coffees to go, which feels like a missed opportunity to emphasize the weight of what he just shared. A more reflective moment could enhance the emotional impact.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a stronger emotional arc for Joe throughout this scene?
What techniques can I use to show Joe's internal struggle with the language he uses to describe his trauma?
How can I craft a more impactful ending that reflects the gravity of Joe's revelation?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The rapid-fire dialogue is engaging, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Consider slowing down the pace at key moments to allow the weight of Joe's experiences to resonate.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, incorporating physical reactions from Sacha as Joe recounts his story could enhance the emotional stakes.
While the dialogue is strong, it could be more dynamic. Introducing interruptions or overlapping dialogue could create a more realistic and engaging conversation.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice to critique the dialogue and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I balance the rapid pace of dialogue with moments that allow for emotional reflection?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the storytelling in this scene?
How can I use interruptions or overlapping dialogue to create a more dynamic conversation?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or reflective dialogue for Joe to convey his emotional state during the recollection of his experiences. This could help the audience empathize with his trauma more deeply.
Enhance Sacha's character by incorporating her emotional reactions to Joe's story, which would create a more dynamic interaction and highlight the impact of Joe's experiences on both characters.
Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for pauses and moments of reflection, giving the audience time to process the weight of the conversation.
Integrate the suggestion to take the coffees to go more smoothly by having Joe express discomfort or a desire to change the subject before making the suggestion, maintaining the emotional flow.
Expand on Sacha's insistence on using explicit language by including a brief discussion about the societal implications of sanitizing such topics, reinforcing the importance of transparency in journalism.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Introduce more subtext in Joe's dialogue by having him hesitate or show discomfort when discussing the mobile, hinting at the manipulation without stating it outright.
Encourage Sacha to ask more probing questions that delve into Joe's feelings during the encounter, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.
Create a smoother transition between the lighter conversation and the serious topic of molestation by gradually shifting the tone.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext can help elevate the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific examples of subtext can I incorporate into Joe's dialogue?
How can I structure Sacha's questions to elicit deeper emotional responses from Joe?
What techniques can I use to ensure a gradual tonal shift in the dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop a stronger emotional arc for Joe by showing his nervousness evolve into a profound emotional revelation as he recounts his trauma.
Frame Sacha's insistence on explicit language as a moment of empowerment for Joe, highlighting his internal struggle with the language he uses.
End the scene with a more reflective moment for Joe, allowing the weight of his revelation to linger before suggesting they get the coffees to go.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional arcs and character development can enhance the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively illustrate Joe's emotional evolution throughout the scene?
What techniques can I use to convey Joe's internal struggle with the language he uses?
How can I craft a more reflective ending that emphasizes the gravity of Joe's experience?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Slow down the pace of dialogue at key moments to allow the weight of Joe's experiences to resonate with the audience.
Incorporate physical reactions from Sacha as Joe recounts his story to enhance the emotional stakes.
Introduce interruptions or overlapping dialogue to create a more dynamic and realistic conversation.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue pacing and character interaction can help create a more engaging and impactful scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments should I slow down to allow for emotional reflection?
How can I visually depict Sacha's reactions to Joe's story to enhance the scene?
What techniques can I use to effectively incorporate interruptions or overlapping dialogue?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is powerful and emotionally charged, shedding light on the dark realities of abuse survivors. It effectively conveys the weight of the characters' experiences and the difficulty of sharing such traumatic events.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into the traumatic experiences of abuse survivors is crucial in highlighting the emotional toll and challenges they face in sharing their stories.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on revealing the survivors' traumatic experiences, adding depth to the investigation and shedding light on the emotional impact of abuse.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to discussing sensitive topics like abuse and sexuality, with authentic character reactions and dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly the survivors sharing their stories, are portrayed with depth and emotion, allowing the audience to connect with their experiences.

Character Changes: 8

The survivors sharing their stories undergo emotional changes as they recount their traumatic experiences, revealing their resilience and strength.

Internal Goal: 8

Joe's internal goal in this scene is to confront and share his traumatic experience with Sacha, revealing his struggles with his sexuality and the abuse he faced.

External Goal: 7

The external goal for Joe is to recount his experience with Father Shanley to Sacha, seeking understanding and validation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene stems from the survivors' traumatic experiences and the emotional struggle to share their stories, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Joe confronts his past trauma and struggles to share his story.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the survivors' emotional trauma and the importance of uncovering the truth behind the abuse cases.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the investigation into abuse cases and highlighting the emotional impact on survivors, adding complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the raw and unexpected revelations made by Joe about his past.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the societal norms and expectations regarding sexuality and abuse, challenging Joe's beliefs and values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the survivors' experiences and highlighting the trauma they have endured.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is intense and emotional, effectively conveying the survivors' experiences and the challenges they face in sharing their stories.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional content and the unfolding of a personal story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation, effectively building tension and emotional depth.

60 EXT. TITUS SPARROW PARK, SOUTH END - DAY 60

Sacha and Crowley walk through Peter’s Park. We can see the
Cathedral in the distance. Crowley’s a little less nervous.

JOE CROWLEY
He said it was a way to make me more
comfortable with my body.

SACHA
And what happened next.

JOE CROWLEY
...he took off his clothes and said
I’ve been depressed, maybe you can
cheer me up and give me a blow job.
Classy guy.

SACHA
And did you?

JOE CROWLEY
Yeah. I know what you must be
thinking, why I would ever do that
with some creepy guy thirty years
older than me. But you have to
understand, this was the first time
in my life that someone told me it
was okay to be gay. And he was a
priest.

SACHA
So you had oral sex. Did you have
intercourse as well?
11/26/14 50.

JOE CROWLEY
Yes. Not then, but later. It
really messed me up. I’m sober now
but that was the beginning of it
all. It’s very confusing, you know,
to be introduced to sex like that
and then to be attracted to men...

Joe tears up a bit. He stops, wipes his eyes.

JOE CROWLEY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I knew I was gonna SACHA
do this. I’m sorry. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay,
Joe. It’s okay.

Joe notices the kids on the church playground.

JOE CROWLEY (CONT’D)
And of course there’s a church right
here. And a playground.

Joe laughs nervously.

SACHA
Joe, did you ever tell anyone?

JOE CROWLEY
Like who, a priest?

61 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE, CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT 61

It’s dark now. Mike’s writing up some notes as McSorley puts
on his coat. Mike stands as McSorley heads for the door.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Can I use your phone?

GARABEDIAN
Yeah, you know where it is.

McSorley nods in thanks. Then turns to Mike.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
You can use my name if you want.

MIKE
Thanks, Patrick.

PATRICK MCSORLEY
Don’t thank me, just get that
asshole, will you?

He exits. Mike lets out a breath. It’s a lot, even for him.
11/26/14 51.

GARABEDIAN
He’s one of the lucky ones.
(off Mike’s look)
He’s still alive.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Intense, Emotional, Serious

Summary In Peter's Park, Sacha and Crowley engage in a heartfelt conversation about Crowley's past sexual experiences with a priest. As Crowley shares his emotional turmoil and confusion regarding his sexuality, he grapples with the irony of being near a church and playground. Sacha offers support, encouraging Crowley to express his feelings, but the scene ends with Crowley questioning whether he could have confided in anyone about his struggles, leaving his internal conflict unresolved.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Raw honesty in storytelling

Weaknesses

Limited impact on main plot progression
Lack of external conflict

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Joe Crowley's experiences, allowing the audience to empathize with his trauma. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety in conveying the gravity of the situation. While the explicit language is necessary to address the seriousness of the abuse, some lines feel overly direct and could be softened to enhance the emotional impact.
The setting of Peter's Park, with the Cathedral in the distance, serves as a poignant backdrop that contrasts the innocence of childhood (the playground) with the darkness of Joe's experiences. However, the scene could further explore this juxtaposition through visual storytelling, perhaps by incorporating more sensory details or reactions from passersby to emphasize the irony of the location.
Joe's emotional breakdown is a powerful moment, but the transition into it feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to his tears could enhance the authenticity of his emotional journey. Consider adding a moment of silence or a physical gesture that signifies his internal struggle before he breaks down.
Sacha's role as a supportive figure is crucial, but her responses could be more varied to reflect her emotional engagement. Instead of consistently prompting Joe with questions, she could share her own reactions or reflections, creating a more dynamic interaction that deepens their connection.
The dialogue about Joe's experiences with the priest is impactful, but it risks sensationalizing the trauma. Striking a balance between honesty and sensitivity is essential. Consider incorporating more introspective moments where Joe reflects on how these experiences shaped his identity, rather than solely recounting events.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Linda Seger

The emotional weight of Joe Crowley's confession is palpable, but the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, instead of just stating that Joe is tearing up, consider showing him looking away from Sacha, perhaps at the playground, to emphasize his internal conflict.
Sacha's role as a listener is crucial, but her questions could be more probing to deepen the emotional impact. For example, instead of simply asking if Joe had intercourse, she could ask how those experiences shaped his view of intimacy and trust.
The dialogue is strong, but the pacing feels rushed. Allowing for pauses after Joe's revelations could give the audience time to absorb the gravity of his experiences.

Linda Seger is known for her expertise in character development and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for this emotionally charged scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the visual storytelling in this scene to better convey Joe's emotional state?
What techniques can I use to create more tension in the dialogue between Sacha and Joe?
How can I effectively incorporate pauses in dialogue to allow for emotional weight without losing momentum?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively builds tension through Joe's confession, but it lacks a clear dramatic arc. Consider introducing a specific goal for Joe in this conversation, such as seeking validation or understanding from Sacha.
The stakes could be raised by incorporating a moment where Joe fears judgment from Sacha, which would heighten the emotional stakes and create a more dynamic interaction.
The juxtaposition of the church and playground in the background is powerful, but it could be more explicitly tied to Joe's feelings. Perhaps he could comment on the irony of the setting, which would deepen the thematic resonance.

Robert McKee is a master of story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific goals should Joe have in this scene to create a clearer dramatic arc?
How can I heighten the emotional stakes in Joe's conversation with Sacha?
What are some ways to better connect the setting to Joe's internal conflict?

Critique by Shonda Rhimes

The dialogue is authentic, but it could be more layered. Consider adding subtext to Joe's lines, where he might say one thing but mean another, reflecting his struggle with shame and acceptance.
Sacha's responses could be more empathetic, perhaps sharing a personal anecdote that mirrors Joe's experience, which would create a stronger bond between them.
The scene could benefit from a more dynamic physicality. For instance, as Joe becomes emotional, Sacha could reach out to him, creating a moment of connection that visually represents their growing trust.

Shonda Rhimes is known for her character-driven narratives and emotional depth, making her insights particularly relevant for this intimate scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into Joe's dialogue to reflect his internal struggles?
What personal anecdotes could Sacha share to create a deeper connection with Joe?
How can I use physicality to enhance the emotional connection between Joe and Sacha?

General Suggestions

Introduce more sensory details in the setting to enhance the emotional atmosphere, such as the sounds of children playing or the visual contrast between the park and the Cathedral.
Gradually build up to Joe's emotional breakdown by incorporating physical cues or moments of hesitation before he tears up, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his emotions more profoundly.
Vary Sacha's responses to Joe's revelations, allowing her to express empathy or share her own thoughts, which can create a more engaging dialogue and deepen their relationship.
Consider softening some of the explicit language while maintaining the gravity of the subject matter, allowing for a more nuanced exploration of Joe's trauma.
Incorporate moments of introspection for Joe, where he reflects on the long-term effects of his experiences, providing a deeper understanding of his emotional state and journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate visual elements that reflect Joe's emotional turmoil, such as him glancing at the playground while speaking about his past.
Encourage Sacha to ask more probing questions that delve into Joe's feelings about intimacy and trust, rather than just the physical acts.
Allow for pauses in the dialogue after significant revelations to let the weight of Joe's experiences resonate with the audience.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional storytelling makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific visual elements can I use to enhance Joe's emotional state?
How can I craft Sacha's questions to deepen the exploration of Joe's feelings?
What techniques can I employ to effectively use pauses in dialogue?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Define a clear goal for Joe in this scene, such as seeking validation or understanding from Sacha, to create a more compelling dramatic arc.
Introduce a moment of fear or vulnerability for Joe regarding Sacha's judgment, which would heighten the emotional stakes.
Make the connection between the church and playground more explicit in Joe's dialogue to deepen the thematic resonance.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and tension makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What specific goal should Joe pursue in this scene to enhance the dramatic arc?
How can I create a moment of vulnerability for Joe to raise the emotional stakes?
What dialogue can I add to better connect the setting to Joe's feelings?

Suggestion by Shonda Rhimes

Layer Joe's dialogue with subtext to reflect his internal struggles, allowing him to express vulnerability while masking deeper feelings of shame.
Have Sacha share a personal story that resonates with Joe's experience, fostering a deeper emotional connection between them.
Encourage physical gestures, such as Sacha reaching out to Joe as he becomes emotional, to visually represent their growing trust.

Shonda Rhimes' focus on character depth and emotional connection makes her suggestions particularly relevant for this intimate scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively incorporate subtext into Joe's dialogue?
What personal story could Sacha share to strengthen her connection with Joe?
What physical gestures can I use to enhance the emotional connection between Joe and Sacha?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is emotionally charged, delving into a sensitive and impactful topic with depth and complexity. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the survivor's story.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the survivor's past abuse by a priest in a candid and raw manner is powerful and thought-provoking. It sheds light on the lasting effects of such trauma and the complexities of coming to terms with it.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the survivor's narrative, deepening the understanding of their experiences and the emotional journey they have been through. It adds depth to the overall story arc.

Originality: 9

The scene tackles a sensitive topic of sexual abuse and confusion around sexuality in a candid and honest manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to its originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, especially the survivor of abuse, are well-developed and portrayed with depth and authenticity. Their emotional struggles and inner conflicts are palpable, making them highly engaging.

Character Changes: 8

The survivor undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, opening up about their past trauma and confronting the impact it has had on their life. This vulnerability and honesty mark a pivotal moment of change for the character.

Internal Goal: 8

Joe Crowley's internal goal is to come to terms with his past trauma and confusion regarding his sexuality. He seeks understanding and acceptance from Sacha.

External Goal: 6

Joe Crowley's external goal is to share his story and seek validation and support from Sacha.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene's conflict lies in the survivor's internal struggles, emotional turmoil, and the difficult revelations they share. It creates a sense of tension and emotional weight, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is more internal and emotional, as Joe grapples with his past experiences and societal expectations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are high on an emotional level, as the survivor bravely shares their traumatic experiences and confronts the lasting impact of abuse. It highlights the personal and psychological stakes involved in the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the main investigative plot forward, it adds depth and emotional resonance to the narrative by exploring the survivor's story and shedding light on the broader themes of abuse and trauma.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional revelations and the unexpected honesty of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the societal norms and religious beliefs that clash with Joe's personal experiences and struggles with his sexuality. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and reflection in the audience. The survivor's story is deeply moving and resonates on a profound emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and impactful, effectively conveying the survivor's emotional turmoil and the complexity of their experiences. It adds depth to the character interactions and enhances the emotional resonance of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, sensitive subject matter, and the vulnerability of the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene allows for emotional beats to land effectively, building tension and empathy for the characters.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a conversational structure that allows for a deep exploration of the characters' emotions and experiences.

61A INT. KITCHEN, SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER’S APARTMENT - DAY 61A

Sacha sits at the table looking through her notes. Her
grandmother is at the stove cooking.

Sacha notices something in her notes, stands and takes out
her cell. She walks out while she dials.

SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER
Would you like a cup of tea, Sacha?

SACHA
I’m fine, Nana. Thanks.

Sacha walks into --

61B INT. DINING ROOM, SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
61B

Sacha on her phone, looking over her notes.

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
Hello?

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
Hi Joe, it’s Sacha Pfeiffer.

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
Hi Sacha. How are you?

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
I’m good, thanks. Listen, Joe,
there’s one thing that I wanted to
follow up on. You talked to Phil
Saviano about all this, right?

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
Yeah. I went to a couple SNAP
meetings.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
Right. And did Phil ever suggest
doing anything about it?

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
No. The meetings weren’t really
about that. I mean, a couple of
them had gone to a lawyer but I
didn’t think it was worth it.
11/26/14 52.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
Why not?

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
There were so many forms to fill
out, it was overwhelming. And he
said he could get only get me a
small settlement.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
Who said that?

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
The lawyer.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
So you did go to see a lawyer?

Sacha takes out her pen, starts taking notes.

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
Yeah, but I didn’t end up using him,
so I didn’t think it was important.
I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hide
anything.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
No, I know, Joe. Do you remember
his name? The lawyer?

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
No. But maybe Phil would know. The
guy was on TV a lot during the
Porter case. He was handsome.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
Was it Eric MacLeish?

JOE CROWLEY (OVER THE PHONE)
Yeah, that’s it. MacLeish. I
thought he was very handsome.

Off Sacha --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Informative

Summary In her grandmother's kitchen, Sacha reviews her notes and steps outside to call Joe Crowley about legal options for abuse victims. During the tense conversation, Joe shares his overwhelming experience with SNAP meetings and mentions a lawyer named Eric MacLeish, whom he found attractive. Sacha diligently takes notes, determined to gather crucial information despite Joe's hesitance, as the scene captures the serious atmosphere of her investigation.

Strengths

Emotional depth of Joe Crowley's story
Sacha's empathetic investigative approach
Revealing legal challenges faced by abuse survivors

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be more dynamic
Conflict could be heightened for increased tension

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of Sacha's investigation, showcasing her determination to gather information. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to reflect the gravity of the subject matter. While Sacha's professionalism is evident, incorporating her emotional stakes or personal reflections could enhance the scene's impact.
The transition between the kitchen and dining room is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and provide a clearer visual context for the audience. Consider adding a brief description of the environment in the dining room to ground the viewer.
Joe's dialogue, while informative, feels somewhat flat and could be more engaging. His nervousness and the weight of his past experiences should be more palpable in his speech. Adding hesitations or emotional reactions could make his character more relatable and the conversation more dynamic.
The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the emotional weight of the conversation. For instance, showing Sacha's physical reactions or the environment's atmosphere could help convey the tension and seriousness of the topic being discussed.
The ending of the scene feels a bit abrupt. While it effectively sets up the next steps in Sacha's investigation, it could benefit from a more reflective moment for Sacha, perhaps indicating her thoughts on Joe's revelations or the implications of what she has learned.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate it. For instance, Sacha's lines are straightforward and lack subtext, which could create a more engaging dynamic with Joe. Consider adding layers to their conversation that hint at Sacha's urgency and Joe's reluctance.
The setting transitions from the kitchen to the dining room, which is effective, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Sacha's internal conflict about the investigation could be more pronounced, perhaps through her physical actions or expressions as she speaks on the phone.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, showing Sacha's grandmother cooking could serve as a contrast to the heavy conversation about abuse, emphasizing the normalcy of life juxtaposed with the gravity of the topic being discussed.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and emotional dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into Sacha's dialogue to reflect her internal conflict about the investigation?
What visual elements could I add to enhance the emotional weight of the scene without relying solely on dialogue?
How can I create a more dynamic interaction between Sacha and Joe that reflects their differing perspectives on the situation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively sets up a critical moment in Sacha's investigation, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic arc. The stakes feel low during the phone call; consider introducing a sense of urgency or a ticking clock that emphasizes the importance of the information being exchanged.
Sacha's character could be developed further through her reactions during the call. How does she feel about Joe's hesitance? Adding small physical reactions or expressions could convey her frustration or determination more vividly.
The dialogue could be more engaging by incorporating more emotional resonance. For instance, when Joe mentions the overwhelming forms, Sacha could respond with empathy, reflecting her understanding of the trauma involved.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic arc and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to raise the stakes in this scene and create a sense of urgency?
How can I better convey Sacha's emotional state during the phone call to enhance her character development?
What specific dialogue changes could add emotional depth to Joe's recounting of his experience?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear conflict that drives the narrative forward. While Sacha is seeking information, the stakes of her inquiry are not fully realized. Consider introducing a moment where Joe's answers lead to a revelation that complicates Sacha's investigation.
The pacing of the scene feels slow due to the straightforward nature of the dialogue. To maintain audience engagement, consider interspersing moments of tension or uncertainty, perhaps through Sacha's internal thoughts or flashbacks that relate to the conversation.
The emotional impact of the scene could be amplified by contrasting Sacha's professional demeanor with her personal feelings about the investigation. This could be achieved through brief reflections or memories that surface during her conversation with Joe.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making his perspective valuable for identifying ways to enhance the scene's dramatic tension and emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a moment of revelation in Joe's responses that raises the stakes for Sacha's investigation?
What pacing techniques can I employ to keep the audience engaged during this dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I effectively contrast Sacha's professional and personal emotions to enhance the scene's impact?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more emotional depth into Sacha's dialogue to reflect her personal investment in the investigation. This could involve her expressing concern for Joe or her frustration with the legal process.
Enhance the transition between the kitchen and dining room by adding a brief description of the dining room's atmosphere or Sacha's actions as she moves from one space to another.
Add more emotional nuance to Joe's dialogue. Consider including pauses, stutters, or emotional reactions that reflect his discomfort discussing his past, making the conversation feel more authentic.
Include visual elements that emphasize the emotional stakes of the conversation, such as Sacha's body language or the setting's ambiance, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Consider ending the scene with a moment of reflection for Sacha, perhaps showing her processing the information she has just received, which would add depth and set the stage for her next actions.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Sacha's dialogue to include more subtext, perhaps by having her ask questions that imply her urgency without stating it outright. For example, instead of asking if Joe remembers the lawyer's name, she could express concern about the implications of not pursuing legal action.
Incorporate visual storytelling elements, such as Sacha's grandmother's cooking, to create a contrast between the domestic scene and the heavy conversation. Perhaps show Sacha glancing at her grandmother, reflecting on the innocence of her upbringing versus the gravity of the topic.
Add physicality to Sacha's actions as she speaks on the phone. For instance, she could pace or fidget with her notes, which would visually convey her anxiety and determination.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and visual storytelling makes him well-suited to provide actionable suggestions for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtextual dialogue that could enhance Sacha's character in this scene?
How can I visually represent the contrast between Sacha's domestic life and the serious nature of her investigation?
What specific actions can I give Sacha to convey her emotional state during the phone call?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a ticking clock element to the scene, such as Sacha needing to gather information before a deadline, which would heighten the urgency of her conversation with Joe.
Develop Sacha's character further by showing her emotional reactions during the call. For example, when Joe expresses his hesitance, Sacha could visibly react, perhaps with a sigh or a moment of frustration, to convey her investment in the investigation.
Enhance the emotional resonance of the dialogue by having Sacha express empathy towards Joe's situation, perhaps by sharing a brief personal anecdote that relates to his feelings of being overwhelmed.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and dramatic arcs makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and urgency of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to introduce urgency into this scene without altering the core dialogue?
How can I visually represent Sacha's emotional state during the phone call to enhance her character development?
What dialogue changes could make Sacha's empathy towards Joe more apparent?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Create a moment of revelation in Joe's responses that complicates Sacha's investigation. For example, if Joe mentions a detail that suggests a larger cover-up, it could shift the focus of the conversation and raise the stakes.
Incorporate moments of tension or uncertainty in the pacing of the scene. For instance, after Joe shares a piece of information, allow for a beat of silence where Sacha processes what he said before responding.
Contrast Sacha's professional demeanor with her personal feelings by including brief flashbacks or internal thoughts that surface during her conversation with Joe, highlighting the emotional weight of the investigation.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and pacing makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the dramatic tension and emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a moment of revelation in Joe's dialogue that raises the stakes for Sacha's investigation?
What pacing techniques can I use to create tension during this dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I incorporate Sacha's internal thoughts or flashbacks to enhance the emotional impact of her conversation with Joe?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight and investigative nature of the story, providing crucial information while maintaining a reflective tone. However, it could benefit from more dynamic dialogue and heightened conflict.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the legal hurdles faced by abuse survivors within the Catholic Church is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. It sheds light on the complexities of seeking justice in such cases.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing new information about legal proceedings related to abuse cases, deepening the investigation and setting the stage for further developments. However, it could benefit from more tension and urgency.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigation genre by emphasizing the emotional impact of seeking justice. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Sacha's determination and empathy shine through in her interactions with Joe Crowley, showcasing her commitment to uncovering the truth. Joe Crowley's emotional vulnerability adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Sacha's understanding of the legal challenges faced by abuse survivors deepens, influencing her investigative approach. Joe Crowley's emotional journey reveals his vulnerability and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Sacha's internal goal in this scene is to gather information about a potential legal action related to the Porter case. This reflects her deeper need for justice and closure for the victims.

External Goal: 7

Sacha's external goal is to follow up on information about a lawyer involved in the Porter case. This reflects the immediate challenge of obtaining crucial details for her investigation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the legal barriers and emotional struggles of abuse survivors. While there is tension in Joe Crowley's story, it could be heightened to increase engagement.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Joe's reluctance and lack of information pose challenges for Sacha's investigation. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the scene delves into the legal complexities and emotional impact of abuse cases within the Catholic Church, highlighting the importance of seeking justice for survivors.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about legal proceedings and survivor experiences, advancing the investigation and setting the stage for further revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Joe's unexpected revelations and Sacha's evolving strategy to gather information. The audience is kept on edge about the outcome of her investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of pursuing legal action for victims of abuse. Joe's reluctance due to the complexity of the process challenges Sacha's belief in seeking justice.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes empathy and reflection through Joe Crowley's emotional recounting of his experiences, resonating with the audience and highlighting the gravity of the subject matter.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys important information about legal processes and survivor experiences. However, it could be more dynamic and engaging to enhance the scene's impact.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful dialogue and the gradual reveal of crucial information. The emotional stakes keep the audience invested in Sacha's investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension through the phone conversation and Sacha's note-taking. It maintains a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to industry standards with proper scene headings and character cues. It effectively conveys the flow of the conversation.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with seamless transitions between locations and characters. It maintains the expected format for a dialogue-driven investigative scene.

62AA INT. GLOBE, CANTEEN - NIGHT 62AA

Robby getting a coffee, paying. Matt enters.

MATT
Hey.

ROBBY
Hey.
11/26/14 53.

Matt heads for the Peanut M&Ms as Robby pays.

MATT
I was just in the newsroom, Judge
Sweeney set a date for the hearing.

ROBBY
When?

MATT
Two weeks. Canellos started a pool.
Ten bucks to get in.

ROBBY
Anyone picking the Globe?

MATT
He’s only taking bets on how fast
Sweeney rules against us.

Robby’s phone rings.

ROBBY
Huh.

He heads into the hall --

62A INT. GLOBE - LATER 62A

Robby picks up.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Robby.

SACHA (OVER THE PHONE)
Hi, it’s me. Did you get my message?

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
I did. Looks like Father Shanley
could be our fourth priest.

SACHA (OVER THE PHONE)
I think he is.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Did you follow up on MacLeish?

SACHA (OVER THE PHONE)
I just talked to Phil. He said
MacLeish dealt with a number of
these cases.
11/26/14 54.

62B INT. NANA’S HOUSE - LATER 62B

Sacha is alone at the dining room table.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Guess he forgot to mention that.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
I’m gonna go to the courthouse
tomorrow to see if I can find any
cases he settled against the church.

ROBBY (OVER THE PHONE)
Call me after you do. Good work.

Robby hangs up. Sacha sits there, spent, the day and the
story LANDING on her. Hard.

63 INT. GLOBE, BEN’S OFFICE - NIGHT 63

Ben packs up. A KNOCK. He turns, finds Robby with his bag.

ROBBY
You wanted to chat?

BEN
I’m late for a dinner. Walk me out.

64 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS 64

Ben and Robby walk. Robby sees Marty in his office, working.

ROBBY
Does he ever go home?

BEN
Apparently not. I got guys who
won’t leave ‘til he does, he’s
wearing out the goddamn newsroom.

Robby smiles.

BEN (CONT’D)
Where are we on Geoghan?

ROBBY
Following up with more victims. I
want to expand the investigation.

BEN
Why?
11/26/14 55.

ROBBY
We got a fourth priest. There might
be as many as thirteen.

BEN
Thirteen? Who’s your source?

ROBBY
Phil Saviano.

Ben stops.

BEN
Christ, Robby, I told Mike --

ROBBY
I know. I think Saviano might be
legit, Ben.

BEN
You wanna elaborate on that?

ROBBY
No. Not yet. Just feels like this
is stacking up. That’s my gut.

Robby doesn’t embellish. The case is turning.

BEN
Okay.

ROBBY
Good. Thanks.

Robby walks off. Ben watches him go... then heads out --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Intriguing

Summary In the Globe's canteen, Robby learns from Matt about a hearing date set by Judge Sweeney and a betting pool initiated by Canellos. After a phone call with Sacha regarding Father Shanley and MacLeish's past cases, Robby meets Ben to discuss the investigation into Geoghan and the potential for more victims. Despite Ben's skepticism, Robby remains determined to follow his instincts about the case's significance, highlighting the tension and seriousness surrounding their investigation.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-building
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Some predictable plot points

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and anticipation regarding the investigation into the church, particularly with the mention of Judge Sweeney setting a date for the hearing. This adds a sense of urgency to the narrative, which is crucial for maintaining audience engagement.
The dialogue between Robby and Matt is natural and flows well, capturing the camaraderie and shared concerns of the characters. However, the humor regarding the betting pool could be enhanced to provide a more vivid contrast to the serious subject matter they are dealing with.
Sacha's phone call adds depth to her character, showing her dedication and the emotional toll the investigation is taking on her. However, the transition between her conversation and Robby's interaction could be smoother to maintain narrative continuity.
The scene shifts between locations (the canteen, Sacha's house, and Ben's office) effectively, but the transitions could be more visually distinct to help the audience follow the changes in setting without confusion.
Robby's instinct about the investigation stacking up is a strong moment, but it could benefit from a bit more context or foreshadowing earlier in the script to make this gut feeling feel more earned and impactful.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and subtext that could elevate it. For instance, when Robby and Matt discuss the betting pool, it feels more like exposition than a natural conversation. Consider how to infuse more tension or stakes into their banter.
Robby's phone call with Sacha is a pivotal moment, but it could benefit from more dramatic weight. The stakes of their investigation should be palpable, yet the conversation feels somewhat routine. How can we heighten the urgency of their findings?
The transition between locations (from the canteen to Sacha's house) is abrupt. It would be more effective to create a smoother flow that maintains the emotional momentum of the scene.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scenes in this screenplay.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue between Robby and Matt to make it feel more dynamic and layered?
What techniques can I use to increase the dramatic tension in the phone call between Robby and Sacha?
What are some effective ways to transition between scenes while maintaining emotional continuity?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of advancing the plot, but it could delve deeper into character motivations. For example, what drives Robby to push for more victims? Exploring his internal conflict could add depth.
Sacha's emotional state is briefly touched upon, but it could be more pronounced. The weight of the investigation should be reflected in her demeanor and dialogue, making her struggle more relatable.
The stakes of the investigation are mentioned but not fully realized in this scene. Consider how to visually represent the gravity of their findings, perhaps through Sacha's reactions or Robby's determination.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character motivations and emotional depth.

Questions for AI

How can I better convey Robby's internal motivations in this scene?
What are some ways to visually represent Sacha's emotional state during the phone call?
How can I raise the stakes of the investigation in this scene to make it feel more urgent?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The pacing of the scene could be improved. The dialogue feels a bit too leisurely for the urgency of the situation. Consider tightening the exchanges to create a sense of immediacy.
While the scene contains important information, it risks feeling like a data dump. How can we weave in character reactions to the news about Father Shanley and the hearing date to make it more engaging?
The visual elements are somewhat lacking. The setting of the canteen could be used more effectively to reflect the characters' emotional states. For instance, how can the environment enhance the tension of their conversation?

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and ability to blend character and plot seamlessly, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the pacing and engagement of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to tighten the pacing of the dialogue in this scene?
How can I incorporate character reactions to the news to avoid a data dump?
What visual elements can I add to the canteen setting to enhance the emotional stakes of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or emotional weight after the phone call with Sacha, perhaps showing Robby's reaction to the gravity of the information discussed. This could deepen the audience's connection to the characters' struggles.
Enhance the humor in the dialogue about the betting pool to provide a more pronounced contrast to the serious themes of the investigation. This could help balance the tone and keep the audience engaged.
Clarify the transitions between scenes by using visual cues or brief establishing shots that indicate the change in location, helping the audience to follow the narrative flow more easily.
Incorporate a line or two that hints at the potential consequences of expanding the investigation, which could heighten the stakes and create more tension as the characters navigate their next steps.
Consider expanding on Robby's gut feeling about the investigation stacking up by including a specific detail or anecdote that supports his intuition, making it feel more grounded and credible.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue between Robby and Matt to include more subtext and tension. Perhaps they could reference past failures or successes in their investigation, adding layers to their conversation.
In the phone call with Sacha, introduce a moment of hesitation or urgency that reflects the gravity of their findings. This could be achieved through a more frantic tone or interruptions.
Create a more seamless transition between the canteen and Sacha's house by incorporating a visual motif or a line of dialogue that connects the two locations emotionally.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing can help refine the interactions in this scene for greater impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext I can incorporate into Robby and Matt's dialogue?
How can I effectively convey urgency in Sacha's phone call without losing clarity?
What visual motifs could serve as a bridge between the canteen and Sacha's house?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Deepen Robby's character by adding a line that reveals his personal stakes in the investigation, perhaps referencing a past experience that motivates him.
Enhance Sacha's emotional journey by showing her physical reactions during the phone call, such as fidgeting with her notes or pausing to collect herself before responding.
Incorporate a visual element that symbolizes the weight of their investigation, such as a clock ticking in the background or a crowded canteen that contrasts with their serious conversation.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional resonance can enhance the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to reveal character motivations through dialogue?
How can I visually represent Sacha's emotional state during the phone call?
What symbols could effectively convey the weight of the investigation in this scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Tighten the dialogue to create a faster pace, perhaps by cutting unnecessary filler words and focusing on the urgency of their conversation.
Weave in character reactions to the news about Father Shanley, allowing Robby and Sacha to express their shock or determination, making the information feel more impactful.
Utilize the canteen setting to reflect the tension of the scene, perhaps by showing other patrons reacting to the conversation or the noise of the environment contrasting with their serious discussion.

Aaron Sorkin's mastery of dialogue and pacing can help elevate the urgency and engagement of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to tighten dialogue for a faster pace?
How can I effectively incorporate character reactions to enhance the impact of the news?
What elements of the canteen setting can I use to reflect the emotional stakes of the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets the stage for further revelations in the investigation. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience engaged, while the character dynamics add depth to the unfolding story.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth in the face of powerful institutions is compelling and well-realized in this scene. The complexities of the subject matter are handled with nuance and depth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new leads, conflicts, and character dynamics that drive the narrative forward. The stakes are raised as the investigation deepens.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on the personal and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding layers to the unfolding story. The interactions between the characters reveal their individual strengths and vulnerabilities.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in character dynamics and perspectives, the scene primarily focuses on advancing the investigation rather than deep character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal in this scene is to uncover more information about the priest abuse scandal and expand the investigation. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and truth.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to follow up with more victims and expand the investigation into the priest abuse scandal. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in uncovering the truth and seeking justice.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the struggle to uncover the truth about abuse cases to the tension between characters with differing perspectives. These conflicts drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and ethical dilemmas that challenge the characters' decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the implications of their investigation and the potential impact on powerful institutions. The risks and consequences are palpable.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new leads, conflicts, and revelations that propel the investigation into new territory. It sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation plot and the conflicting viewpoints of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between uncovering the truth and protecting sources. Robby's belief in the legitimacy of his source, Phil Saviano, challenges Ben's caution and skepticism.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension and intrigue to empathy for the survivors of abuse. The emotional impact adds depth to the storytelling.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, realistic, and serves to deepen character relationships and drive the plot forward. It effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense atmosphere, realistic dialogue, and the unfolding investigation plot.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and progression of the investigation plot.

65 INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT, EAST BOSTON - NIGHT 65

Mike opens the fridge when his phone RINGS. He picks up.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Hello.

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE)
Mr. Rezendes?

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Yeah. Who’s this?

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE)
It’s Richard Sipe.
11/26/14 56.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Oh, hey Richard, thanks for calling.
Phil Saviano gave me your name, can
I ask you a few questions?

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE)
Of course.

Mike reaches for his bag, pulls out his pad and a pen.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Great. So Phil said you worked at
one of the church’s treatment
centers in Baltimore...

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE)
Yes, that’s right. The Seton
Psychiatric Institute. It was run
by the Daughters of Charity.

MIKE
And when was that, Richard?

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE)
Well, I started my psychotherapy
fellowship there in 1965 and I was
there for five years, but I spent
the next thirty studying abusive
priests and their victims.

MIKE
Really? That’s been your sole
focus?

SIPE
Look, Mike, the church wants us to
believe that it’s just a few bad
apples, but it’s a much bigger
problem than that.

MIKE
How much bigger?

SIPE
Well, based on the research, I would
classify it as a recognizable
psychiatric phenomenon.

As Mike starts scribbling, sucked back in...

MIKE
That’s big.
11/26/14 57.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Informative

Summary In a serious and investigative phone call at his East Boston apartment, Mike speaks with Richard Sipe, a seasoned expert on the issue of abusive priests. Sipe shares his extensive background and reveals that the problem is far more widespread than isolated incidents, highlighting the systemic nature of abuse within the church. As Mike takes notes, the gravity of Sipe's revelations deepens his commitment to uncovering the truth, setting the stage for further investigation.

Strengths

Informative dialogue
Engaging exploration of the investigation
Revealing crucial background information

Weaknesses

Lack of direct conflict
Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and importance as Mike engages with Richard Sipe, a key character who can provide crucial insights into the abuse scandal. The dialogue is straightforward and serves to convey essential information without unnecessary embellishments, which is fitting for the investigative tone of the screenplay.
However, the scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the emotional weight of the conversation. Currently, it relies heavily on dialogue, which may lead to a lack of visual engagement for the audience. Incorporating Mike's physical reactions, such as his expressions or movements, could help convey his emotional state and the gravity of the information being discussed.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened further. For instance, the exchange about Sipe's background could be streamlined to maintain momentum. While it's important to establish Sipe's credibility, the details about his fellowship and years of study could be condensed to keep the focus on the implications of his findings.
The dialogue is informative, but it lacks a sense of dramatic tension. Adding a moment of hesitation or a more emotional response from Mike could heighten the stakes of the conversation. For example, Mike could express disbelief or concern about the implications of Sipe's claims, which would make the audience feel the weight of the revelations more acutely.
Lastly, the scene ends somewhat abruptly after Sipe's statement about the issue being a 'recognizable psychiatric phenomenon.' A stronger closing line or a moment of reflection from Mike could provide a more impactful conclusion, emphasizing the significance of the information and setting the stage for the next developments in the investigation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue is functional but lacks the punch that Mamet is known for. For instance, Mike's line, 'Oh, hey Richard, thanks for calling,' feels too casual for the gravity of the conversation about abuse. Consider tightening the dialogue to reflect urgency and tension.
The scene could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Sipe mentions, 'the church wants us to believe that it’s just a few bad apples,' it could be more impactful if Mike reacts with a moment of silence or a physical response that shows his emotional investment in the topic.
The setting of Mike's apartment is underutilized. It could reflect his mental state more vividly. Perhaps include details that show his isolation or the weight of the investigation, such as cluttered notes or a dimly lit room.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character-driven narratives can help elevate the emotional stakes and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Mike's dialogue with Sipe to convey deeper emotional stakes?
What specific actions can Mike take during the phone call to visually represent his urgency and concern?
How can I better utilize the setting of Mike's apartment to reflect his internal conflict?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene serves as an exposition dump, which can be a bit dry. While Sipe's background is important, consider weaving in more dramatic elements or personal stakes for Mike to keep the audience engaged.
The pacing feels uneven. The transition from casual conversation to serious revelations could be smoother. Perhaps include a moment where Mike pauses to process Sipe's information before moving on.
Sipe's character could be fleshed out more. Adding a line or two that hints at his personal connection to the issue could create a stronger emotional resonance.

Seger's focus on character development and narrative structure can help create a more engaging and emotionally resonant scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to avoid exposition dumps while still conveying necessary background information?
How can I improve the pacing of the scene to maintain audience engagement?
What additional details can I add to Sipe's character to enhance his emotional connection to the story?

Critique by Robert McKee

The stakes in this scene are not clearly defined. While the conversation is informative, it lacks a sense of urgency that would compel the audience to care about the outcome of Mike's inquiries.
Consider introducing a ticking clock element. For example, if Mike is under pressure to gather information quickly, this could heighten the tension and make the conversation feel more critical.
The emotional arc of the scene is flat. There should be a clear progression in Mike's emotional state as he learns more about the abuse, which could be reflected in his dialogue and actions.

McKee's expertise in story structure and character arcs can help enhance the dramatic tension and emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to create a sense of urgency for Mike?
What specific elements can I introduce to create a ticking clock scenario?
How can I structure the emotional arc of the scene to reflect Mike's growing concern and urgency?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more visual cues to reflect Mike's emotional state during the phone call, such as his facial expressions or body language, to enhance audience engagement.
Streamline the dialogue regarding Sipe's background to maintain pacing while still establishing his credibility.
Introduce a moment of dramatic tension by having Mike react emotionally to Sipe's claims, which would heighten the stakes of the conversation.
Consider adding a stronger closing line or moment of reflection for Mike at the end of the scene to emphasize the significance of Sipe's revelations and create a more impactful conclusion.
Explore the use of sound design or background elements in Mike's apartment to create a more immersive atmosphere during the phone call, reflecting the gravity of the conversation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's dialogue to be more concise and impactful. For example, instead of a casual greeting, have him express immediate concern about the information Sipe might provide.
Incorporate physical actions that reflect Mike's emotional state, such as pacing or fidgeting with a pen, to visually convey his anxiety and urgency.
Enhance the setting by adding details that reflect Mike's isolation, such as a cluttered desk filled with notes and articles about the abuse, to create a more immersive atmosphere.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and character actions can help create a more engaging and emotionally charged scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of impactful dialogue that convey urgency without being overly dramatic?
How can I visually represent Mike's emotional state through his actions during the phone call?
What specific details can I add to the setting to enhance the mood of the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Integrate dramatic elements into the exposition by having Mike react emotionally to Sipe's revelations, perhaps showing disbelief or anger at the church's actions.
Smooth the pacing by including a moment of silence or reflection after Sipe shares critical information, allowing the weight of the conversation to settle.
Develop Sipe's character by adding a personal anecdote about his experiences with abusive priests, which could deepen the emotional impact of the conversation.

Seger's emphasis on character depth and pacing can help create a more dynamic and engaging scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively integrate emotional reactions into exposition-heavy dialogue?
What techniques can I use to create a moment of reflection that enhances the pacing of the scene?
What kind of personal anecdotes could Sipe share to make his character more relatable and impactful?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Clarify the stakes by explicitly stating what Mike stands to gain or lose from this conversation with Sipe, perhaps by referencing a deadline or a critical piece of information needed for the investigation.
Introduce a ticking clock element by having Mike mention a looming deadline for the story, which would heighten the urgency of the conversation.
Structure the emotional arc by showing Mike's initial skepticism turning into concern and urgency as Sipe reveals the broader implications of the abuse, culminating in a moment of determination to pursue the story.

McKee's focus on stakes and emotional arcs can help enhance the dramatic tension and engagement in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to clarify stakes in a dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I introduce a ticking clock element without feeling forced or contrived?
What techniques can I use to create a clear emotional arc for Mike throughout the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, informative, and sets the stage for further revelations in the investigation. It is engaging and thought-provoking, providing crucial information about the scope of the abuse within the church.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of delving into the research of an expert on abusive priests adds depth and credibility to the investigation. It highlights the systemic nature of the abuse and sets the stage for further exploration.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing new information and expanding the scope of the investigation. It adds layers to the story and sets up future conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the topic of church abuse by focusing on the conversation between Mike and Richard Sipe. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are engaging and serve the purpose of advancing the investigation. Mike's curiosity and Richard Sipe's expertise create a dynamic interaction that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, the information provided by Richard Sipe may lead to a shift in perspective for the characters involved in the investigation.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal in this scene is to gather information about abusive priests and their victims. This reflects his deeper need to uncover the truth and expose the church's wrongdoing.

External Goal: 7

Mike's external goal in this scene is to conduct an interview with Richard Sipe and gather information for his investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in uncovering the truth about the church's cover-up.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is no direct conflict in the scene, there is an underlying tension surrounding the revelations about the extent of the abuse within the church.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the conflicting viewpoints of Mike and Richard Sipe, creating a sense of uncertainty and challenge for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of uncovering the truth behind the church abuse scandal are emphasized in this scene, as the characters delve deeper into the research and implications of the abuse.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new information and expanding the scope of the investigation. It sets the stage for future developments and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the church's cover-up and the conflicting viewpoints presented by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the church's narrative of 'a few bad apples' and Richard Sipe's assertion that it is a much bigger problem. This challenges Mike's beliefs about the church and its actions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern and curiosity in the audience, as the gravity of the church abuse scandal is revealed through Richard Sipe's insights.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is informative, engaging, and reveals crucial details about the church abuse scandal. It effectively conveys the seriousness of the subject matter and the expertise of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conversation between Mike and Richard Sipe, which keeps the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through the dialogue-driven interaction between the characters.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is standard for a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven scene in a drama screenplay, with clear back-and-forth between the characters.

66 INT. GLOBE, CAFETERIA - LATE MORNING 66

Eileen reads the paper, drinks a diet coke. Kurkjian sits
nearby, working on a story and some eggs. Matt joins.

MATT
Hey Mac, if I needed historical data
on a priest, parishes he’d been
assigned to, where would I find it?

EILEEN
For Geoghan? It’s all in the clips.
Lisa has the source material.

MATT
Yeah, what if it was another priest?
One that hadn’t been in the papers.

EILEEN
You’re looking at another priest?

KURKJIAN
Who’re you looking at?

Kurkjian looks over. Matt tries to focus on Eileen.

MATT
Any ideas?

EILEEN
Come on Matt, you’re not going to
tell me?

Matt stares at her. Then pulls back.

MATT
I gotta get to a meeting. Thanks
Mac.

Matt beats a hasty retreat. Eileen and Kurkjian trade a
look. Huh.

67 INT. GLOBE, LIBRARY - LATER 67

A HAND pulls a BOOK off a reference shelf. FIND LISA TUITE,
handing Matt the 2001 CATHOLIC CHURCH DIRECTORY.

LISA TUITE
The Archdiocese puts out an annual
directory, every priest and parish.

MATT
This is great. Do these go back any
further than ‘98?
11/26/14 58.

LISA TUITE
Oh yeah. They go back to the 80’s
in the Mez. Beyond that, you gotta
go to the BPL.

MATT
In the Mez. Thanks, Lisa.

68 INT. GLOBE, LONG HALLWAY - DAY 68

Robby and Mike walk down the hall. Mike debriefs him, a
little manic, not unaffected by what he’s picked up.

MIKE
He said they all target the same
kinda kid. Low income family,
absentee father, broken home...

They walk into --

69 INT. GLOBE, PRESSES - CONTINUOUS 69

It’s early. The presses are relatively quiet.

MIKE
And guys like Geoghan go after boys
not cause they prefer them, but
cause they’re more ashamed, less
likely to talk. These guys are
predators, Robby. Sipe says he saw
dozens of them at Seton in the 60’s.
He called it a “a phenomenon.”

ROBBY
Why didn’t he go public?

MIKE
He did, but the church has made a
huge effort to discredit him. Smear
campaigns, public statements by
prominent bishops. It’s just like
Saviano said. And Garabedian.

ROBBY
You getting anywhere with him?

MIKE
More victims.

ROBBY
You can’t empty his pockets?
11/26/14 59.

MIKE
I’ll get him. I just need more
time.

ROBBY
Come on, Mike, you gotta get him.

MIKE
I’ll get him, I’ll get him.

They open a door, walk into --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Inquisitive

Summary In the Globe's cafeteria, Eileen reads the paper while Kurkjian works on a story. Matt approaches them, seeking historical data on a priest, hinting at a secretive investigation. Eileen directs him to Lisa for the information. Later, in the library, Lisa provides Matt with the 2001 Catholic Church Directory and mentions older directories at the Boston Public Library. Meanwhile, Robby and Mike discuss predator targeting patterns, emphasizing the need for more evidence against the church's discrediting tactics. The scene is marked by tension and urgency as Matt deflects questions and Mike feels pressured to gather information.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Realistic portrayal of investigative journalism
Emotional depth of the characters

Weaknesses

Limited character interactions
Lack of visual variety in settings

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the urgency and investigative nature of the newsroom, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. The dialogue feels somewhat functional and lacks the tension that could elevate the stakes of the investigation. Adding more internal conflict or urgency in the characters' voices could enhance the scene's impact.
The transitions between locations (cafeteria, library, hallway, presses) are somewhat abrupt. While it reflects the fast-paced environment of a newsroom, smoother transitions or a more cohesive narrative thread connecting these locations could help maintain the audience's engagement.
The dialogue, while informative, sometimes feels expository. For instance, when Eileen and Kurkjian inquire about Matt's interest in another priest, it could be more subtle. Instead of directly asking, they could express concern or curiosity in a way that feels more organic to their characters.
The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it presents information about the investigation, it doesn't show how this information affects the characters personally. Incorporating moments of reflection or emotional responses to the gravity of their findings could deepen the audience's connection to the characters and the story.
The pacing is quick, which is appropriate for a newsroom setting, but it may leave the audience feeling rushed. Allowing for brief pauses or moments of silence after significant revelations could give the audience time to absorb the weight of the information being discussed.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat expository, particularly when Matt asks Eileen about historical data on priests. It could benefit from more subtext and tension. For instance, instead of directly asking about the data, Matt could express a personal stake in the information, which would add depth to his inquiry.
Eileen's response is straightforward, but it lacks emotional weight. Given the gravity of the subject matter, her tone could reflect more urgency or concern, especially if she senses Matt's hesitance to share what he's investigating.
The scene transitions from the cafeteria to the library, which is effective, but the shift could be more dynamic. Perhaps include a moment where Matt's urgency is palpable, creating a sense of rising tension as he seeks information.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue-heavy aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Matt's dialogue with Eileen to create more tension?
What techniques can I use to convey urgency in Eileen's tone when discussing sensitive topics?
How can I make the transition between the cafeteria and the library feel more impactful?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of moving the plot forward, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For example, Matt's motivations for seeking information about another priest should be clearer. What drives him? Is it personal, professional, or a mix of both?
Eileen's character could be fleshed out more. What are her stakes in this investigation? Does she have a personal connection to the church or the victims? Adding layers to her character would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
The pacing feels a bit rushed, especially when Matt leaves abruptly. This could be an opportunity to explore his internal conflict further, perhaps through a moment of hesitation before he exits.

Seger specializes in character development and structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I clarify Matt's motivations in this scene to enhance character depth?
What strategies can I use to develop Eileen's character and her connection to the investigation?
How can I slow down the pacing to allow for more character exploration without losing momentum?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue could be more rapid-fire and engaging. Sorkin's style often involves characters speaking over each other, which creates a sense of urgency and excitement. Consider having Kurkjian interject more during Matt's conversation with Eileen to heighten the stakes.
The scene lacks a strong dramatic question. What is at stake for Matt in this moment? Clarifying this could create a more compelling narrative drive.
The transition from the cafeteria to the library could be more visually dynamic. Perhaps include a moment where Matt is seen rushing through the newsroom, showcasing the chaos and urgency of the investigation.

Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and strong narrative drive, making him an ideal expert to critique the pacing and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate overlapping dialogue to create a more dynamic interaction between characters?
What dramatic question can I introduce to heighten the stakes for Matt in this scene?
How can I visually represent the urgency of the investigation during the transition to the library?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Matt reflects on the implications of his investigation, perhaps showing a flash of concern or doubt about the impact of uncovering such sensitive information.
Introduce a moment of tension or conflict between characters, such as differing opinions on how to approach the investigation or the ethical implications of their work, to create more dramatic stakes.
Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. Characters could express their feelings about the investigation indirectly, allowing the audience to infer their emotional states rather than stating them outright.
Use visual storytelling to convey the atmosphere of the newsroom. For example, describe the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria or the quiet intensity of the library to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Consider ending the scene with a cliffhanger or a moment of revelation that propels the story forward, such as a new lead or a shocking piece of information that raises the stakes for the characters.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Matt's dialogue to include more subtext, perhaps by hinting at a personal connection to the priest he's investigating, which would add depth to his inquiry.
Adjust Eileen's tone to reflect a sense of urgency or concern, perhaps by having her ask probing questions about Matt's interest in another priest.
Create a more dynamic transition by incorporating a moment where Matt's urgency is palpable, such as him glancing at his watch or receiving a text that prompts him to hurry.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext that could enhance Matt's dialogue?
How can I effectively convey urgency in Eileen's responses?
What techniques can I use to create a more dynamic transition between scenes?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Matt's motivations for seeking information about the priest, perhaps by including a line that hints at a personal connection or a past experience that drives his inquiry.
Develop Eileen's character by adding a line or two that reveals her personal stakes in the investigation, which would enhance the emotional weight of her dialogue.
Slow down the pacing slightly by allowing Matt a moment of hesitation before he leaves, which could provide insight into his internal conflict.

Seger's focus on character development and emotional stakes makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively clarify Matt's motivations in this scene?
What are some ways to deepen Eileen's character and her connection to the investigation?
How can I create a moment of hesitation for Matt that adds depth without slowing the scene too much?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate overlapping dialogue to create a more engaging and fast-paced interaction between Matt, Eileen, and Kurkjian, which would heighten the urgency of the investigation.
Introduce a strong dramatic question that clarifies what is at stake for Matt in this moment, driving the narrative forward.
Make the transition to the library visually dynamic by showing Matt rushing through the newsroom, perhaps interacting with other characters or dodging obstacles to emphasize the chaos.

Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for creating a more dynamic and engaging scene.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques for writing overlapping dialogue that maintains clarity?
How can I formulate a strong dramatic question that raises the stakes for Matt?
What visual elements can I include to enhance the sense of urgency during the transition to the library?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the investigative nature of the story, the emotional weight of the subject matter, and the determination of the characters. It sets up important plot points and progresses the story while maintaining a serious and intense tone.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigative journalism and uncovering the truth about abuse within the Church is compelling and well-executed in this scene. It sets up important themes and conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the investigation into the priest and building suspense. It introduces new information, raises questions, and sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the Catholic Church scandal and investigative journalism, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with their motivations, emotions, and conflicts clearly portrayed. Their interactions reveal their dedication to the investigation and the impact of the subject matter on them.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and motivations throughout the scene, influenced by the information they uncover and the challenges they face. These changes contribute to their development and the progression of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover information about a priest that has not been in the papers, reflecting a desire for truth and justice.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gather historical data on priests and uncover information about potential abuse cases.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters grapple with the weight of the information they uncover and the challenges they face in pursuing the truth.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that keep the audience engaged and uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes as the characters delve deeper into the investigation, risking their reputations, relationships, and safety in pursuit of the truth about abuse within the Church.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new leads, deepening the investigation, and setting up future developments. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the characters' reactions to new information.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical implications of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth in the face of powerful institutions like the Catholic Church.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking feelings of concern, determination, and curiosity in the audience. The subject matter and the characters' reactions contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, capturing the urgency and seriousness of the investigation. It conveys important information while also revealing the personalities of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, realistic dialogue, and the sense of urgency in uncovering information.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest in the investigation.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy investigative journalism scene, with a clear progression of information and character interactions.

70 INT. GLOBE, BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS 70

A dank basement, low fluorescents and rows of old books on
cheap tin bookshelves. Robby and Mike react to the smell.

MIKE
Jeez, what the hell is that smell?

MATT (O.C.)
There’s a dead rat in the corner.

Mike and Robby find Matt beside a HUGE STACK OF BOOKS.

ROBBY
What do we got?

MATT
Church directories. It’s every
priest in Massachusetts, what parish
they’re assigned to...

MIKE
These are official?

Mike and Robby grab directories, flipping through.

MATT
Yeah. I figured they could help us
track down the priests Saviano
mentioned, maybe find more victims.

ROBBY
(reads, squinting)
Can we turn on some more lights?

MATT
I couldn’t find the switch. You
wanna borrow my glasses?

ROBBY
No, I’m good.
11/26/14 60.

MIKE
(off a directory)
1983, John Geoghan... St. Brendan’s
in Dorchester. So we can see where
any priest was in any given year.

MATT
(flips through another)
Exactly. I got him here at... huh.

ROBBY
What?

MATT
1980, the year he was pulled from
JP. It says he’s on sick leave.

MIKE
Come on. It actually says that?

Matt shows Mike. Robby urgently searches the directories.

ROBBY
Where’s 1991?

Robby finds the 1991 Directory and opens it. He searches...

ROBBY (CONT’D)
Barrett... Barrett... Liam Barrett..
I can’t read this. Can you look up
Liam Barrett?
(handing it to Mike)
1991’s the year they pulled him out
of Charlestown.

MIKE
(reading)
Barrett, Liam. Sick leave.

He shows them. We see the designation. SICK LEAVE.

MIKE (CONT’D)
It’s an official designation.

ROBBY
Let’s get these upstairs. And Matt,
let’s check the priests Saviano gave
us.

They start to collect the directories. Robby’s cell RINGS.

ROBBY (INTO THE PHONE) (CONT’D)
Robby.
11/26/14 61.

SACHA (OVER THE PHONE)
Hey, I’m down at the courthouse.

71 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, RECORDS ROOM - DAY 71

Sacha makes notes on a pad, a couple of files to one side.

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
Something’s not right here.

A COURT CLERK (MARK) walks over.

COURT CLERK (MARK)
There’s nothing on Shanley either,
Sacha.

SACHA
Okay, thanks.
(into phone)
We need to talk to MacLeish again.

ROBBY (OVER THE PHONE)
Really. Why?

SACHA (INTO PHONE)
There’s nothing here. There aren’t
any records...

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Intriguing

Summary In a dimly lit basement, Robby, Mike, and Matt sift through old church directories, uncovering troubling records of priests John Geoghan and Liam Barrett, who were on 'sick leave' during critical years, hinting at potential cover-ups. As they piece together the timeline, Robby receives a call from Sacha at the courthouse, who reports missing records related to their investigation, intensifying their urgency to uncover the truth.

Strengths

Effective plot advancement
Engaging dialogue
Intriguing new element introduced

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Minimal emotional impact

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes a tense and investigative atmosphere, which is crucial for the unfolding narrative. The dank basement setting and the characters' reactions to the smell create a vivid sensory experience that immerses the audience in the environment.
The dialogue is natural and reflects the camaraderie and urgency among the characters. The banter about the dead rat and the glasses adds a touch of humor, which helps to lighten the otherwise serious tone of the investigation.
The discovery of the church directories serves as a pivotal moment in the investigation, providing a tangible lead that can propel the story forward. The characters' excitement and urgency in flipping through the directories effectively convey the significance of their findings.
However, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the state of the directories or the specific details of the basement could further immerse the audience in the setting.
The transition between the basement scene and Sacha's phone call could be smoother. The abrupt shift to Sacha at the courthouse feels disjointed and could be better integrated to maintain narrative flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and tension that could elevate it. For instance, when Mike reacts to the smell with 'Jeez, what the hell is that smell?' it feels too casual for the gravity of the situation. A more visceral reaction could enhance the stakes.
The humor introduced by Matt's line about the dead rat is a nice touch, but it could be more integrated into the scene's overall tone. The juxtaposition of humor and the serious investigation could be more pronounced to create a richer emotional landscape.
The physicality of the scene is somewhat lacking. The characters are merely flipping through directories without much movement or interaction with their environment. Adding more physical actions, such as them moving around the basement, could create a more dynamic scene.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of tension in storytelling, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more impactful and tense, especially in moments of discovery?
What techniques can I use to better integrate humor into a serious scene without undermining its gravity?
How can I enhance the physicality of the scene to make it more visually engaging?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the setting and the stakes of the investigation, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For example, how does the discovery of these directories affect each character emotionally? Adding internal thoughts or reactions could enhance their depth.
The transition between the basement scene and Sacha's phone call feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.
While the discovery of the directories is significant, the scene could emphasize the implications of what they find. For instance, after discovering the 'sick leave' designations, a moment of realization or shock could heighten the tension.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and narrative structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen the emotional impact of the characters' discoveries in this scene?
What are effective ways to transition between scenes while maintaining narrative flow?
How can I emphasize the implications of the discoveries made by the characters?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a clear goal: to uncover information about the priests. However, the stakes could be raised further. What are the consequences if they fail to find this information? Establishing a sense of urgency could enhance the tension.
The dialogue serves the plot but lacks subtext. Characters should have hidden agendas or conflicts that can be revealed through their interactions. For example, Robby's insistence on finding more information could hint at personal stakes or fears.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. The discovery of the directories is a pivotal moment, but it feels rushed. Allowing for a moment of reflection or discussion after each significant find could build suspense.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the stakes and pacing of this investigative scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to create a greater sense of urgency?
What techniques can I use to incorporate subtext into the dialogue between characters?
How can I adjust the pacing to allow for more suspense during key discoveries?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more descriptive elements about the basement and the directories to create a stronger visual impact. For example, describe the dust on the shelves or the faded covers of the directories.
Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating a moment of reflection or concern from the characters about the implications of their findings. This could deepen the audience's connection to the characters and the gravity of the investigation.
To improve the transition to Sacha's scene, consider including a line of dialogue or a visual cue that links the two locations, such as Robby mentioning the need to follow up with Sacha after they gather the directories.
Explore the possibility of adding a moment of tension or conflict within the basement scene, such as a disagreement about the direction of the investigation or the urgency of their findings, to heighten the stakes.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's initial reaction to the smell to be more visceral, perhaps by describing a physical reaction or a more intense exclamation.
Integrate humor more seamlessly by having Matt's line about the dead rat lead to a moment of levity that contrasts with the seriousness of their task, perhaps by having Robby make a sarcastic remark.
Add more physical actions, such as the characters moving around the basement, bumping into shelves, or reacting to the cramped space, to create a more dynamic atmosphere.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and physicality makes him well-suited to suggest improvements in these areas.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of visceral reactions in dialogue that could enhance the emotional impact?
How can I create a balance between humor and seriousness in a scene without losing the audience's engagement?
What specific actions can I incorporate to make the characters' movements more engaging in a confined space?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate internal thoughts or reactions from Mike and Robby as they discover the directories to deepen their emotional connection to the investigation.
Create a smoother transition to Sacha's phone call by including a line that hints at the urgency of their findings, perhaps by having Robby express concern about the implications.
After discovering the 'sick leave' designations, allow for a moment of silence or a shocked reaction from the characters to emphasize the weight of their discovery.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and narrative flow makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively convey a character's internal thoughts during a pivotal moment in a scene?
What techniques can I use to create smoother transitions between scenes while maintaining narrative tension?
How can I visually represent the emotional weight of a discovery in a scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a sense of urgency by having Robby express concern about the time-sensitive nature of their investigation, perhaps referencing a deadline or a potential lead that could slip away.
Add subtext to the dialogue by having Robby and Mike hint at personal stakes related to the investigation, such as past experiences with the Church or personal connections to victims.
Slow down the pacing after significant discoveries by allowing the characters to discuss the implications of their findings, creating a moment of reflection before moving on.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and tension makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the stakes and pacing of this investigative scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to introduce urgency into a scene without making it feel forced?
How can I weave subtext into dialogue to reveal deeper character motivations?
What techniques can I use to adjust pacing for dramatic effect during key moments of discovery?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, introduces new crucial information, and advances the plot effectively. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important details about the investigation.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using official church directories to track down priests involved in abuse cases is innovative and adds a new dimension to the investigation, increasing the stakes for the team.

Plot: 9

The plot is significantly advanced in this scene as the team uncovers crucial information that could lead to more evidence and victims. It sets up the next steps in the investigation effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative genre by focusing on the discovery of official documents and the characters' reactions to the information they uncover. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are focused on the task at hand, with each playing a specific role in the discovery of the directories. Their interactions reveal their dedication to the investigation.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on the discovery of new information rather than personal growth or development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover information about the priests mentioned by Saviano and potentially find more victims. This reflects their deeper need for justice and truth in the investigation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to track down the priests mentioned by Saviano and gather evidence to support their investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in uncovering the truth.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is a sense of urgency and tension in the scene, the conflict is more internal as the team grapples with the implications of the new information they have discovered.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as the lack of records and potential cover-up, creates a sense of challenge and uncertainty for the characters, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the team uncovers crucial information that could have far-reaching implications for their investigation and the victims involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key element that will drive the investigation and potentially lead to more revelations and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected discoveries and revelations made by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' pursuit of justice and the potential cover-up of information related to the priests. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the integrity of the system and the importance of transparency in their investigation.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a moderate emotional response from the audience, particularly as the team realizes the significance of the directories in their investigation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is informative and engaging, driving the scene forward and providing key information about the investigation. It showcases the team's determination and commitment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, the characters' dynamic interactions, and the important information they uncover.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' discoveries.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advances the narrative.

72 INT. GREENBERG TRAURIG, CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING 72

Robby and Sacha have been waiting. Macleish enters.

ERIC MACLEISH
Thanks for waiting, so sorry guys, I
got stuck on a call. What’s up?

SACHA
Mr. MacLeish, are you familiar with
a priest named Paul Shanley?

MacLeish looks at her. Surprised. He sits back.

ERIC MACLEISH
Yes, I’m familiar with him.

SACHA
Have you settled cases against
Father Shanley?

ERIC MACLEISH
As I’m sure you can understand, I
can’t discuss that.
11/26/14 62.

ROBBY
What about Father Ronald Paquin?

ERIC MACLEISH
I can’t discuss that either. Come
on, guys.

SACHA
We understand you’ve settled several
cases against each of them.

ERIC MACLEISH
Even if I’d been involved in those
cases, the settlements would be
confidential. I could be disbarred
for acknowledging their existence.

Robby’s not backing down. MacLeish shakes his head.

ERIC MACLEISH (CONT’D)
Look, I told you, these are tough
cases. Most of these folks just
want some acknowledgement of what
happened. We got them a sit-down
with the bishop and a little dough.
It was the best they could hope for.

ROBBY
It was certainly the best the priest
could hope for.

ERIC MACLEISH
No, the Church promised to take the
priests out of circulation.

ROBBY
And did you follow up on that?

ERIC MACLEISH
(done with this)
You guys need anything else?

SACHA
Yes. Why aren’t there any records?
I was just down at the courthouse,
why aren’t there any records of
these settlements?

MacLeish pauses. Hesitant, now not so sure of himself.

ERIC MACLEISH
We dealt directly with the Church.
We’d draw up a demand letter and
we’d send it to the chancery.
11/26/14 63.

SACHA
You never filed anything in court?

ERIC MACLEISH
It was a private mediation.

So that’s a no. Jesus. Sacha and Robby react.

ROBBY
So this is just you and the
archdiocese’s lawyers in a room?

ERIC MACLEISH
Correct.

SACHA
Anyone else?

ERIC MACLEISH
Occasionally, the Church would bring
in another defense attorney to help
out.

ROBBY
You have any names?

ERIC MACLEISH
(stonewalling him)
No. No I don’t.

73 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT - LATE AFTERNOON 73

Ben sits with the gang.

BEN
So this was all under the table?

SACHA
There’s no paper trail at all. The
victim has to sign a confidentiality
agreement to get the settlement.
The lawyer takes his third and the
Church sweeps it under the rug.

MIKE
Jeez. It’s a freakin’ racket.

BEN
It’s more complicated than that.
MacLeish has got a duty to his
clients to get the best deal he can.
11/26/14 64.

SACHA
Sure, but how many victims do you
represent and profit from before you
say something?

MIKE
Garabedian would say none. That’s
why he’s taking these cases to
court. Because he wants people to
know about this.

SACHA
I agree. And, legal ethics aside,
Ben, operating the way MacLeish has
all but guarantees the abuse stays
under wraps.

BEN
Yeah.
(then)
Did MacLeish confirm all of
Saviano’s priests?

ROBBY
No. He’s limited by the
confidentiality agreement.

SACHA
But he’s clearly settled cases
against a number of them. Phil’s
put me in touch with some of the
other victims, I’m pretty confident
all of his priests are going to
check out.

BEN
So it’s thirteen priests?

SACHA ROBBY
Yeah. Looks that way.

BEN (CONT’D)
Holy Shit. Okay. Keep going.

Off Ben --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Confrontational, Inquisitive

Summary In a tense meeting at Greenberg Traurig, Robby and Sacha confront attorney Eric MacLeish about undisclosed settlements involving priests Paul Shanley and Ronald Paquin. MacLeish, defensive and evasive, refuses to divulge details due to confidentiality concerns, revealing that the settlements were handled privately with the Church and lack formal documentation. The scene highlights the conflict between the pursuit of justice for abuse victims and the legal protections for the accused, leaving Robby and Sacha frustrated and with more questions than answers.

Strengths

Compelling dialogue
Ethical complexity
Plot advancement

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Robby, Sacha, and Eric MacLeish. The stakes are clear as they confront MacLeish about the settlements, and the use of direct questions creates a sense of urgency. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Some lines feel overly expository, which can slow down the momentum. Consider tightening the exchanges to maintain a brisk pace.
MacLeish's character comes across as evasive, which is effective in creating tension. However, his motivations could be more clearly defined. Why is he so reluctant to share information? Adding a line or two that hints at his internal conflict or fear of repercussions could deepen his character and make the scene more engaging.
The scene transitions from the conference room to the Spotlight office smoothly, but the emotional weight of the revelations could be emphasized more. After the confrontation with MacLeish, the characters should have a moment to process the implications of what they've learned. This could be achieved through a brief pause in dialogue or a visual cue that highlights their shock or determination.
The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be more impactful. For instance, when Sacha states, 'There’s no paper trail at all,' it could be enhanced by a more visceral reaction from Robby or Mike, emphasizing the gravity of the situation. This would help to convey the emotional stakes involved in their investigation.
The scene ends on a strong note with Ben's reaction to the number of priests involved, but it could benefit from a more explicit emotional response from Sacha and Robby. Their expressions of disbelief or determination could serve to heighten the tension and set the stage for the next steps in their investigation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and direct, which is a strength. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Sacha asks about the lack of records, it feels very straightforward. Adding layers to her inquiry could create tension. Perhaps she could express frustration or disbelief in a more nuanced way, hinting at her emotional investment in the case.
Robby's persistence is commendable, but it could be more dynamic. Instead of just asking questions, he could show more emotional stakes, perhaps by revealing personal connections to the victims or the case itself. This would deepen the audience's investment in his character.
MacLeish's character comes off as evasive, but there could be moments where he shows vulnerability or conflict about his role. This would make him a more complex character rather than just a barrier to the protagonists' goals.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy nature of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Sacha's dialogue to enhance the emotional stakes of the scene?
What techniques can I use to show Robby's emotional investment in the case without overtly stating it?
How can I make MacLeish a more complex character while still maintaining his role as an obstacle for Robby and Sacha?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension through the questioning of MacLeish, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic arc. Consider establishing a stronger goal for Robby and Sacha at the beginning of the scene, which could create a more compelling narrative drive.
The stakes feel somewhat low in this scene. While the lack of records is significant, emphasizing the potential consequences of this information could heighten the urgency. For example, what happens if they can't uncover the truth? How does this affect the victims?
The transition from the conference room to the Globe's Spotlight office feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a reaction shot could help bridge the two locations and maintain the emotional continuity.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic arc and stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to establish a clearer goal for Robby and Sacha at the beginning of the scene?
How can I emphasize the stakes of the investigation to create a greater sense of urgency?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the conference room and the Spotlight office?

Critique by Shonda Rhimes

The dialogue is functional, but it lacks the emotional resonance that could make it more impactful. Consider adding moments where Sacha or Robby express their personal stakes in the investigation, which would make their confrontation with MacLeish more compelling.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. There are moments where the dialogue feels too rapid, which can detract from the tension. Allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the emotional weight of the conversation.
MacLeish's responses are too predictable. Introducing an unexpected twist in his answers could create a more engaging dynamic and keep the audience on their toes.

Shonda Rhimes is known for her character-driven storytelling and emotional depth, making her perspective valuable for enhancing the emotional stakes and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I infuse more emotional resonance into the dialogue to enhance the impact of the scene?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing of the dialogue to build tension?
How can I introduce unexpected elements in MacLeish's responses to create a more engaging dynamic?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to enhance the pacing and maintain tension. Remove any lines that feel overly expository or redundant.
Add depth to MacLeish's character by including hints of his internal conflict or fear of repercussions for discussing the settlements.
Incorporate a moment of reflection after the confrontation with MacLeish to allow the characters to process the implications of their findings.
Enhance the emotional impact of key lines by including more visceral reactions from Robby and Mike, particularly when discussing the lack of a paper trail.
Provide a more explicit emotional response from Sacha and Robby at the end of the scene to emphasize the gravity of the situation and set up the next steps in their investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate subtext into Sacha's dialogue by having her express disbelief or frustration through her tone and body language, rather than just asking direct questions.
Add emotional stakes for Robby by having him reveal a personal connection to the victims, perhaps through a brief anecdote or a moment of vulnerability.
Introduce moments of conflict for MacLeish, where he shows hesitation or internal struggle about his role in the settlements, making him a more layered character.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help elevate the emotional depth and complexity of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext that could enhance Sacha's dialogue?
How can I effectively reveal Robby's personal connection to the victims without detracting from the main focus of the scene?
What are some techniques to portray MacLeish's internal conflict without making him seem weak?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Establish a clear goal for Robby and Sacha at the start of the scene, such as uncovering specific information about the settlements that could lead to a larger story.
Highlight the potential consequences of not uncovering the truth, perhaps by referencing the victims' ongoing struggles or the Church's influence in the community.
Create a smoother transition to the Spotlight office by including a brief moment of reflection from Robby or Sacha, emphasizing their emotional state after the meeting.

Linda Seger's focus on story structure and character development can enhance the scene's dramatic arc and emotional continuity.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to articulate Robby and Sacha's goal at the beginning of the scene?
How can I effectively convey the consequences of their investigation to heighten the stakes?
What techniques can I use to create a more seamless transition between locations?

Suggestion by Shonda Rhimes

Infuse emotional resonance into the dialogue by having Sacha or Robby share personal stakes or motivations related to the investigation, making their confrontation with MacLeish more impactful.
Slow down the pacing of the dialogue by incorporating pauses for reactions, allowing the weight of the conversation to settle with the characters and the audience.
Introduce an unexpected twist in MacLeish's responses, such as a hint of remorse or a surprising admission, to keep the audience engaged and heighten the tension.

Shonda Rhimes' expertise in character-driven storytelling and emotional depth can help enhance the scene's impact and engagement.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively incorporate personal stakes into the dialogue to enhance emotional resonance?
What techniques can I use to slow down the pacing of the dialogue without losing momentum?
What are some unexpected twists I could introduce in MacLeish's responses to create a more engaging dynamic?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with intense dialogue and a focus on the ethical implications of legal settlements in abuse cases. It moves the plot forward significantly and sets up further conflict and investigation.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the hidden world of legal settlements in abuse cases is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. It raises ethical and moral questions that drive the story forward.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, revealing crucial information about the legal dealings surrounding abuse cases. It sets the stage for further investigation and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on legal proceedings and ethical dilemmas, presenting a nuanced portrayal of lawyers' responsibilities and the challenges of seeking justice. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear in this scene. Their interactions reveal their dedication to uncovering the truth and the challenges they face in doing so.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the characters' resolve and determination to pursue the truth, setting the stage for potential growth in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the truth about the settlements and hold the Church accountable for their actions. This reflects his desire for justice and truth.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather evidence and information about the settlements to expose the Church's cover-up. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating legal obstacles and confidentiality agreements.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around ethical dilemmas and the struggle to uncover hidden truths. It sets up further external conflicts as the investigation progresses.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with legal obstacles, moral dilemmas, and conflicting motivations creating tension and uncertainty for the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters grapple with ethical dilemmas, legal obstacles, and the pursuit of justice. The outcome of their investigation could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about legal settlements and the challenges faced by journalists. It sets up new leads and conflicts for further exploration.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, moral dilemmas, and unexpected revelations about the legal proceedings. The audience is kept on edge by the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around legal ethics, confidentiality, and the moral responsibility of lawyers to their clients and society. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, but the emotional impact is more intellectual than visceral. It prompts reflection on the complexities of the subject matter.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and drives the scene forward. It effectively conveys the tension and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, moral dilemmas, and the suspense of uncovering hidden truths. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conflicts.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy legal drama, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dialogue-heavy legal drama, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.

75 INT. COPLEY SQUARE BALLROOM, ATRIUM - NIGHT 75

CLOSE ON a woman scanning a list of names on clipboard.

WOMAN
I’m sorry, what was it again?
11/26/14 65.

REVEAL Marty standing next to her at the base of wide
staircase. Several such women are checking off attendees.

MARTY
Uh, Baron? B-A-R-O-N.

WOMAN
I’m sorry, I don’t see you here.

PETE CONLEY (O.C.)
It’s okay, Kim, I can vouch for him.

Marty turns, finds PETE CONLEY, 60s, Irish wealth and power.
He extends a hand.

PETE CONLEY (CONT’D)
Pete Conley, I’m on the board of
Catholic Charities. Welcome to
Boston, Mr. Baron.

MARTY
Uh, thank you.

PETE CONLEY
I appreciate you joining us. We’re
very proud of the work we do here in
Boston.
(then)
The Cardinal said you had a nice
visit.

MARTY
Uh, yes. We did.

PETER CONLEY
He’s an extraordinary man. I’m glad
you had a chance to chat.

75A INT. COPLEY SQUARE BALLROOM - MOMENTS LATER 75A

Marty walks into the party, not knowing a soul. He stands
alone, taking it in.

ROBBY
Enjoying yourself?

Marty turns. Robby’s there. Slacks and a blazer.

MARTY
Uh, to be honest, these events
aren’t really my strong suit.
(then)
Are you involved with the charity?
11/26/14 66.

ROBBY
Not directly. Several of my friends
are. We all went to BC High
together. That’s the school across
the street from the Globe.

MARTY
It’s hard to miss.

ROBBY
Yeah. Hard to get away from too,
apparently.

Marty smiles.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
The Cardinal’s in the corner if
you’re so inclined.

Robby nods. Indeed, there’s the Cardinal and he’s talking to
Pete Conley and few others.

MARTY
We’ve met.

ROBBY
Did he mention the suit?

MARTY
No, but he did give me a copy of the
Catechism.

ROBBY
(laughs)
Yeah, the Cardinal’s not known for
his subtlety. During the Porter
investigation, he literally called
down the power of God on the Globe.

MARTY
How did that play out?

ROBBY
A week later our editor broke his
leg skiing.

Marty reacts to Robby’s line.

WAITER
Shrimp toast, gentlemen?

Robby takes a shrimp.
11/26/14 67.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Formal, Informative, Light-hearted

Summary At a charity event in the lavish Copley Square Ballroom, Marty struggles to gain entry until powerful figure Pete Conley vouches for him. Once inside, Marty feels out of place but finds comfort in a conversation with Robby, who shares insights and humorous anecdotes about the Cardinal and the charity's connections. The scene captures the awkwardness and light humor of navigating social dynamics, culminating in a moment of camaraderie over shrimp toast.

Strengths

Effective character introductions
Insight into social dynamics
Establishes setting and tone

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Limited emotional impact
Minimal character development

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the social dynamics and power structures within the Boston community, particularly in relation to the Catholic Church. The introduction of Pete Conley as a powerful figure adds weight to the setting and highlights the connections between the church and influential individuals.
Marty's discomfort in the social setting is palpable, which helps to humanize him and makes the audience empathize with his character. This internal conflict is a strong element that could be further explored to deepen his character development.
The dialogue is engaging and serves to reveal character relationships and the stakes involved in the investigation. However, some lines, such as 'The Cardinal said you had a nice visit,' feel a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtlety to enhance the realism of the interactions.
The humor introduced through Robby's comments about the Cardinal adds a light touch to an otherwise serious narrative, but it risks undermining the gravity of the investigation. Balancing humor with the serious themes of the story is crucial to maintain the overall tone.
The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining narrative momentum. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening some of the dialogue exchanges to keep the audience engaged and to avoid any potential lulls in the action.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The opening moment where Marty struggles to get his name checked off the list is a strong way to establish his outsider status at the event, but the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the tension.
Marty's interaction with Pete Conley serves to introduce a powerful character, but the exchange lacks a sense of immediate conflict. Consider adding a hint of underlying tension or stakes related to the church's influence.
The dialogue between Marty and Robby feels natural, but it also skews towards exposition. The audience learns about the Cardinal's reputation through dialogue rather than action or subtle hints, which may reduce engagement.

McKee's expertise in story structure and character development can help strengthen the dramatic elements of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue between Marty and Conley more impactful in terms of character development?
What techniques can be used to heighten tension in a scene where a character feels out of place?
Are there ways to incorporate visual storytelling elements to show the power dynamics at play between the characters?

Critique by Linda Seger

The character introductions are effective, but they could be made more dynamic by showcasing their motivations and conflicts more clearly.
Marty's discomfort at the event is a relatable element, yet it could be portrayed more vividly. Consider adding non-verbal cues or internal thoughts to better express his emotions.
Robby's comments about the Cardinal's past actions are humorous but could diminish the gravity of the investigation. This might weaken the narrative's overall tension.

Seger's expertise in character arcs and motivation will help enhance the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to visually depict Marty's discomfort at the charity event beyond dialogue?
How can I balance humor with the serious themes of the story without undermining them?
What strategies can be applied to develop character motivations in this setting?

Critique by Shane Black

The banter between characters is light and adds levity, but it feels disconnected from the overarching theme of the investigation. Consider integrating stakes into their exchanges.
While the scene sets a social backdrop, it lacks tension or conflict that propels the narrative forward. Adding a subplot or unexpected element could create more intrigue.
The waiter offering shrimp toast is a nice touch, but it may come off as a distraction. It could be used to enhance the setting, but it should serve the story rather than detract from it.

Black's expertise in witty dialogue and subplots can help to balance humor with narrative tension.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate a subplot into this scene to create more narrative tension?
What techniques can I use to ensure that banter between characters propels the story rather than pauses it?
Could the waiter character serve a more significant role in the scene to emphasize themes of distraction and social expectations?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Marty to further illustrate his discomfort and the weight of the situation he is stepping into. This could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
Revise some of the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. For example, instead of directly stating the Cardinal's opinion of Marty, show it through their interactions or through indirect comments from other characters.
Incorporate more visual elements that reflect the atmosphere of the charity event, such as descriptions of the decor, the mood of the attendees, or the sounds of the event, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Consider using subtext in the dialogue to convey underlying tensions or motivations, particularly in the exchanges between Marty and Pete Conley. This can add depth to the interactions and keep the audience engaged in deciphering the true meanings behind the words.
To maintain the balance between humor and seriousness, ensure that any comedic elements serve to enhance the narrative rather than distract from the central themes. This could involve using humor to highlight the absurdity of the situation rather than as a standalone joke.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Rework the dialogue to include subtext that hints at the underlying power struggle between Marty and Pete Conley, perhaps by having Conley make a veiled threat or sly comment.
Add a moment where Marty observes the guests' interactions to visually depict his outsider status, perhaps with a reaction shot that illustrates his discomfort and the event's opulence.
Consider inserting a brief flashback or internal monologue from Marty, reflecting on the stakes of his investigation as he navigates this social environment.

McKee's focus on dramatic structure can enhance the tension within the scene.

Questions for AI

In what ways can adding flashbacks or internal monologues enhance character depth in social situations?
How can visual storytelling complement dialogue to convey character dynamics more effectively?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Enhance Marty's internal conflict by incorporating physical reactions or demeanor that reflect his discomfort at the event, such as fidgeting or scanning the room anxiously.
Introduce a subtle conflict between Marty and someone else at the event that foreshadows the challenges he will face in the investigation, thus elevating the stakes.
Reframe Robby's dialogue to serve dual purposes: providing information while also reflecting his own motivations or fears regarding the church.

Seger's emphasis on character development will help deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can physical actions complement dialogue to portray emotional states more effectively?
What are effective ways to foreshadow future conflicts in a scene without overt exposition?

Suggestion by Shane Black

Infuse the dialogue with a touch of tension or mystery by having characters exchange cryptic remarks about the church or the Cardinal that hint at deeper issues.
Introduce an unexpected encounter between Marty and a character from his past, complicating his current mission and adding layers to the narrative.
Modify the waiter scene to serve a purpose beyond mere humor; perhaps he overhears a conversation that provides critical insight into the church's influence.

Black's expertise in dialogue and character interactions can help sharpen the focus of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create layers of complexity in dialogue that maintain humor while revealing character motivations?
What strategies can I use to introduce unexpected encounters that enhance the narrative?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively introduces new characters, sets the tone for Marty's discomfort in social situations, and hints at underlying power dynamics within the Catholic community. However, it lacks significant conflict or emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Marty navigating a charity event and interacting with influential figures in the Catholic community is intriguing. It adds depth to the storyline and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses on Marty's social discomfort and the introduction of new characters. While it provides necessary background information, it lacks significant progression.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the clash between secular and religious values, using humor and wit to explore the dynamics of a high-class social event.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Marty and Pete Conley, are well-defined and their interactions reveal insights into their personalities. The scene effectively sets up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, primarily focusing on Marty's discomfort and introduction to new characters. It sets the stage for potential growth in Marty's character.

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the unfamiliar social environment and make a good impression on the influential individuals present. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation in a new setting.

External Goal: 7.5

Marty's external goal is to network and establish connections with the attendees at the charity event. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of fitting into a new social circle and potentially furthering his career.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, primarily revolving around Marty's discomfort in social settings. There is a lack of intense conflict or tension.

Opposition: 6.5

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with underlying power dynamics and conflicting values creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character introductions and social dynamics. There is a lack of immediate high-stakes conflict or tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters and providing background information on the Catholic community. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and twists in the dialogue, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the power dynamics and values of the Catholic Church, as represented by the Cardinal and Pete Conley. Marty's more secular worldview may clash with the traditional beliefs and practices of the Church.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mild emotional response due to Marty's awkwardness and the introduction of new characters. However, it lacks significant emotional depth or impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is informative and serves the purpose of introducing characters and establishing relationships. It could be more engaging with added depth and subtext.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the underlying tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, with a good balance of dialogue and action.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven sequence in a screenplay, with clear character introductions, interactions, and development.

76 INT. ARMENIAN DINER, DOWNTOWN BOSTON - NIGHT 76

CLOSE ON a bowl of soup. HANDS reach for it... REVEAL
Garabedian and Mike having dinner. Mike’s going over notes.

MIKE
You said there was a victim who
filed a criminal complaint?

GARABEDIAN
There were a few, but the judge
sealed the case records after
friends of the Church stepped in.
The Church has a lot of friends.

MIKE
Like Eric MacLeish?

Garabedian sees he understands. Garabedian’s impressed.

GARABEDIAN
Let’s just say, he’s not part of the
solution. You follow what I’m
saying?

MIKE
Sure.

Mike jots down some notes. Garabedian watches him.

GARABEDIAN
You work hard, Mr. Rezendes. Are
you married?

MIKE
Yeah.

GARABEDIAN
And your wife doesn’t mind you
working all the time?

MIKE
Yeah, she does.

GARABEDIAN
See. That’s why I never got
married. I’m too busy, what I do is
too important.

Garabedian salts his soup.

GARABEDIAN (CONT’D)
Your new editor, he’s a Jew right?
11/26/14 68.

MIKE
Uh, that’s right.

GARABEDIAN
He comes in, suddenly everybody is
interested in the Church. You know
why? Because it takes an outsider.
Like me. I’m Armenian. How many
Armenians do you know in Boston?

MIKE
Steve Kurkjian, works at the Globe.

GARABEDIAN
That’s two! You should get a prize
or something. What are you, Italian?

MIKE
Portuguese.

GARABEDIAN
From where?

MIKE
East Boston.

GARABEDIAN
You don’t sound like it.

Mike shrugs. Garabedian shakes his head, chuckles.

GARABEDIAN (CONT’D)
This city, these people, making the
rest of us feel like we don’t
belong. But they’re no better than
us. Look how they treat their
children.
(wiping his mouth)
Mark my words, Mr. Rezendes, if it
takes a village to raise a child, it
takes a village to abuse one.

Garabedian eats. Mike ponders. Oddly moved.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Intense

Summary In a dimly lit Armenian diner in downtown Boston, Mike and Garabedian engage in a deep conversation over dinner. Mike reviews notes on a sealed criminal case linked to the Church, while Garabedian sheds light on the Church's influence and the complicity of figures like Eric MacLeish. Their discussion shifts to personal matters, revealing Mike's struggles with his marriage and Garabedian's choice to remain single for his work. As they reflect on societal issues surrounding child abuse, the tension between the Church's power and the pursuit of truth becomes evident. The scene concludes with Mike contemplating Garabedian's poignant insights, feeling a mix of frustration and connection.

Strengths

Compelling dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development
Plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited visual elements
Heavy exposition

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere through the intimate setting of the diner, which contrasts with the heavy subject matter being discussed. The use of close-ups, particularly on the bowl of soup, draws the audience into the personal nature of the conversation, emphasizing the emotional weight of the dialogue.
Garabedian's character is well-developed through his dialogue, showcasing his cynicism and the burden of his work. His comments about the Church and the societal dynamics in Boston provide depth to his character and highlight the themes of complicity and outsider perspectives. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension and stakes of their conversation.
The exchange about Mike's marital status adds a personal touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the main focus of the scene. While it serves to humanize Mike, it could be more tightly integrated with the overarching themes of the investigation and the emotional toll it takes on those involved.
Garabedian's metaphor about the village is powerful and resonates with the themes of community complicity in abuse. However, it could be more impactful if it were delivered with greater emotional intensity or urgency, perhaps by incorporating a personal anecdote or a more visceral reaction to the topic.
The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened to maintain momentum. Some lines feel slightly repetitive or could be streamlined to enhance the flow of the conversation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Mike and Garabedian is sharp and reveals character motivations effectively. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Garabedian mentions that he never got married because his work is too important, it hints at a deeper emotional conflict that could be explored further. What does this say about his personal sacrifices? This could be a moment to deepen his character.
Garabedian's line about the Church having friends is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing Mike's reaction more vividly. Is he shocked, resigned, or angry? This would add layers to their dynamic and the stakes of their conversation.
The setting of the Armenian diner is a great choice, but it could be used more effectively to reflect the themes of belonging and exclusion that Garabedian discusses. Perhaps incorporating more sensory details about the diner could enhance the atmosphere.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Garabedian's dialogue to reveal deeper emotional conflicts?
What are some effective ways to show Mike's emotional reactions to Garabedian's statements?
How can I use the setting of the diner to reflect the themes of belonging and exclusion more effectively?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension through the conversation about the Church's influence, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic arc. Consider establishing a more defined goal for Mike in this scene. Is he trying to convince Garabedian to share more information, or is he seeking validation for his own suspicions?
Garabedian's comment about the Church's friends is a strong moment, but it could be more impactful if it directly ties into Mike's investigation. Perhaps Mike could respond with a question that connects Garabedian's insight to a specific lead or case they are discussing.
The emotional tone is mostly serious, but introducing a moment of levity or irony could provide a contrast that highlights the gravity of their conversation. This could be achieved through a humorous observation about the diner or their situation.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic arc and emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific goal should Mike have in this scene to create a clearer dramatic arc?
How can I connect Garabedian's insights more directly to Mike's investigation?
What are some ways to introduce a moment of levity or irony to contrast the serious tone of the scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong setup with the diner setting and the characters' interactions, but it lacks a clear conflict that escalates. While Garabedian's insights are valuable, consider introducing a moment where Mike challenges him or vice versa, creating a more dynamic exchange.
Garabedian's statement about the village raising a child is poignant, but it could be tied back to the investigation more explicitly. How does this philosophy relate to the systemic issues they are uncovering? This could serve as a thematic anchor for the scene.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain momentum, especially during moments where Mike is taking notes. This could create a sense of urgency that reflects the gravity of their discussion.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's dynamics and thematic depth.

Questions for AI

What specific conflict can I introduce between Mike and Garabedian to create a more dynamic exchange?
How can I tie Garabedian's philosophy about the village back to the investigation they are conducting?
What are some effective techniques to tighten the dialogue and maintain momentum in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to create tension and deepen the stakes of the conversation. For example, Garabedian could hint at personal experiences that shaped his views on the Church, making his insights feel more urgent.
Integrate Mike's marital status more closely with the investigation's emotional toll. Perhaps he could reflect on how his work affects his relationship, drawing a parallel between his personal life and the broader themes of neglect and abuse.
Enhance Garabedian's metaphor about the village by incorporating a personal story or a more emotional delivery. This could help to underscore the gravity of the situation and make the audience feel the weight of his words.
Tighten the dialogue to improve pacing. Review each line for redundancy and consider whether every line serves the scene's purpose. Aim for concise exchanges that maintain the tension and urgency of the investigation.
Explore the use of visual storytelling elements, such as the diner setting, to reflect the emotional state of the characters. For instance, the contrast between the warmth of the diner and the coldness of their conversation could be emphasized through visual cues.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add more subtext to Garabedian's dialogue by exploring his emotional conflicts regarding his work and personal life. This could be done through pauses, hesitations, or even a flashback to a moment that shaped his views.
Enhance Mike's reactions to Garabedian's statements by incorporating physical responses or facial expressions that reflect his internal struggle or realization.
Incorporate sensory details about the diner, such as the smell of the food or the sounds of other patrons, to create a more immersive atmosphere that reflects the themes of belonging.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show Garabedian's emotional conflicts through his dialogue?
What are some techniques to visually represent Mike's internal reactions during their conversation?
How can sensory details enhance the thematic elements of the diner setting?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Mike's goal in the scene to create a more defined dramatic arc. This could involve him trying to extract specific information from Garabedian or seeking validation for his suspicions about the Church.
Make Garabedian's insights more relevant to Mike's investigation by having Mike respond with a question that connects the dots between their conversation and the cases they are discussing.
Introduce a moment of levity or irony, perhaps through a humorous observation about the diner or their situation, to provide contrast to the serious tone.

Linda Seger's focus on story structure and character motivation can help clarify the scene's purpose and enhance its emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific goal should Mike have in this scene to enhance the dramatic arc?
How can I make Garabedian's insights more relevant to Mike's investigation?
What are some effective ways to introduce humor into this serious conversation?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear conflict between Mike and Garabedian to create a more dynamic exchange. This could involve Mike challenging Garabedian's views or vice versa, adding tension to their conversation.
Tie Garabedian's philosophy about the village directly to the systemic issues they are uncovering in their investigation, reinforcing the thematic elements of the scene.
Tighten the dialogue to maintain momentum, especially during moments where Mike is taking notes. This could involve cutting unnecessary lines or making the exchanges more concise.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and pacing can help create a more engaging and thematically rich scene.

Questions for AI

What specific conflict can I introduce to enhance the dynamics between Mike and Garabedian?
How can I connect Garabedian's philosophy to the investigation they are conducting?
What techniques can I use to tighten the dialogue and improve the pacing of the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the gravity of the subject matter, maintains a consistent tone, and advances the plot significantly. The dialogue is impactful and reveals crucial information about the characters and their motivations.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exposing abuse within the Church through investigative journalism is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively explores the complexities of the issue and the challenges faced by those seeking justice.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing crucial information about the characters, their relationships, and the overarching investigation. It sets the stage for future revelations and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the themes of power and corruption within the Church. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo emotional and psychological changes in the scene, as they confront painful truths and make difficult decisions. These changes drive the narrative and deepen the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the sealed case records and the Church's involvement. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and integrity in his work.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the Church's cover-up and expose the truth to the public. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in uncovering the corruption within the Church.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the characters' personal struggles to the larger societal issues at play. The tension is palpable and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles in their investigation that add to the suspense and intrigue.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters grapple with issues of abuse, complicity, and justice. The outcome of their investigations could have far-reaching consequences for individuals and institutions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward significantly, introducing new information, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and twists in the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in justice and integrity versus the Church's power and influence. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into sensitive subject matter with empathy and authenticity. The characters' struggles and revelations resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, poignant, and drives the scene forward. It effectively conveys the emotions, conflicts, and revelations of the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and the tension between the characters. The audience is drawn into the mystery and conflict of the investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of tension-building moments and character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with a good balance of dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven investigative drama, with a clear focus on character interactions and revelations.

77 INT. COPLEY SQUARE BALLROOM, ATRIUM - NIGHT 77

Robby crosses the room, joins Jim Sullivan at the bar.

JIM
There he is.

They two men shake.
11/26/14 69.

JIM (CONT’D)
Wanna beer?

ROBBY
Love one.

Jim nods to the bartender.

JIM
You here with Barbara?

ROBBY
No. She hates these things.

JIM
Karen too. Smart ladies.

The bartender sets down two beers. Robby hands one to Jim.

ROBBY
Sláinte.

JIM
I just met your new editor, seems
like a decent fella.

ROBBY
I think he is.
(then)
I had an interesting conversation
with Eric MacLeish yesterday. Turns
out he’s been settling abuse cases
with the archdiocese for years.

JIM
You really wanna talk about this
here?

ROBBY
You said you helped out on Father
Barrett as a favor, that was a one-
off?

Jim doesn’t say anything. Robby DARKENS.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
How many of these cases have you
been involved with, Jim?

JIM
You know I can’t answer that, Robby.
It’s unethical.
11/26/14 70.

ROBBY
Is that all it is?

Jim stares Robby down. He drinks.

JIM
So this is the Robby Robinson I’ve
always heard about but never met.

ROBBY
Listen to me, Jimmy. You want to be
on the right side of this.

JIM
You’re talking about the Church,
Robby. Look around. These are good
people who’ve done a lot of good for
this city.
(then)
Enjoy the party.

Jim smiles, heads into the party, leaving Robby alone at the
bar. Robby glances over at Marty, still on the edge of the
party. So this is what it feels like to be on the outside...

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Confrontational

Summary At a lively ballroom event, Robby confronts Jim Sullivan about the Church's handling of abuse cases, leading to a tense exchange. While Robby presses for transparency, Jim defends the Church's contributions and refuses to share details, citing ethical concerns. The conversation escalates, leaving Robby feeling isolated as Jim ultimately walks away, highlighting the unresolved conflict and moral urgency surrounding the issue.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Ethical complexity
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited physical action
Heavy exposition

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Robby and Jim, highlighting the ethical dilemmas surrounding the Church's abuse cases. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. While Jim's reluctance to discuss the cases is clear, Robby's motivations could be more explicitly stated to enhance the stakes of their conversation.
The setting of the Copley Square Ballroom is visually rich, but the scene could use more descriptive elements to convey the atmosphere. Adding sensory details about the sounds, sights, and feelings of the party could immerse the audience further into the environment, contrasting the festive mood with the serious conversation about abuse.
Robby's isolation at the bar is a strong visual cue, but the emotional weight of this moment could be amplified. Consider incorporating internal monologue or flashbacks that illustrate Robby's past experiences with the Church or his motivations for pursuing the truth, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
The dialogue flows well, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Robby's insistence on being on the 'right side.' This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a moral lecture. Subtlety in dialogue can often convey deeper meaning without overtly stating it.
The scene ends with Robby feeling isolated, which is a powerful moment. However, it could be enhanced by showing his internal struggle more vividly. Perhaps a brief reflection on his feelings about the Church or his role in the investigation could provide a more poignant conclusion.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the tension between Robby and Jim, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Robby presses Jim about his involvement with the Church, Jim's evasiveness could be heightened with more indirect responses that hint at deeper conflicts.
Robby's line, 'You want to be on the right side of this,' is powerful but could be made more impactful by showing more of his emotional stakes. What does being on the right side mean to him personally? This could be conveyed through a brief flash of memory or a more visceral reaction.
The setting of the ballroom is rich with potential for contrast. The opulence of the event juxtaposed with the serious nature of their conversation about abuse cases could be emphasized further. Perhaps include more sensory details about the party that highlight this contrast.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting expert to critique the dialogue-heavy nature of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Robby's dialogue with Jim to create a deeper emotional impact?
What techniques can I use to visually contrast the opulence of the ballroom with the gravity of the conversation about abuse?
How can I incorporate a flashback or memory into Robby's dialogue to deepen his emotional stakes?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic arc. Consider establishing a stronger goal for Robby in this conversation. What does he hope to achieve by confronting Jim? This could clarify the stakes.
Jim's character feels somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. Adding layers to his motivations—perhaps he has personal stakes in the Church's reputation—could create a more compelling conflict.
The ending, where Robby feels isolated, is poignant but could be strengthened by showing a physical reaction or a more explicit internal conflict. How does this moment affect his resolve moving forward?

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I use to clarify Robby's goals in this scene to enhance the dramatic arc?
How can I add depth to Jim's character to create a more complex conflict with Robby?
What techniques can I employ to visually or physically represent Robby's internal conflict at the end of the scene?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging, but it could be even more dynamic. Consider incorporating rapid-fire exchanges or interruptions to heighten the tension between Robby and Jim. This would reflect the urgency of their conversation.
Robby's character could be more proactive in this scene. Instead of waiting for Jim to respond, he could interject with more assertive statements that push Jim to reveal more information.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual motif. Perhaps the drinks they are sharing could symbolize the duality of their conversation—one representing camaraderie and the other representing the weight of their discussion.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's energy and engagement.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more dynamic dialogue exchange between Robby and Jim to reflect the urgency of their conversation?
What actions can I give Robby to make him more proactive in this scene?
How can I use visual motifs, such as the drinks, to symbolize the themes of camaraderie and conflict in their conversation?

General Suggestions

Add more sensory details to the setting to create a vivid atmosphere that contrasts the festive nature of the event with the serious conversation about abuse.
Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to deepen the conflict between Robby and Jim, allowing their motivations and emotions to be felt rather than explicitly stated.
Consider including internal monologue or flashbacks for Robby to provide context for his motivations and feelings about the Church, enhancing his character development.
Revise some of the dialogue to sound more natural and less preachy, allowing the characters' emotions and stakes to come through more subtly.
Strengthen the ending by showing Robby's internal struggle more vividly, perhaps through a brief reflection on his feelings about the Church and his role in the investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more indirect responses from Jim that hint at his internal conflict regarding the Church, creating a richer subtext.
Incorporate sensory details about the ballroom to emphasize the contrast between the festive atmosphere and the serious nature of their conversation.
Consider adding a brief flashback or memory for Robby that connects his personal stakes to the conversation, enhancing emotional depth.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext can help elevate the emotional stakes and depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific sensory details can I include to enhance the contrast between the ballroom setting and the conversation?
How can I effectively integrate a flashback into the dialogue without disrupting the flow of the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Robby's goal in the conversation by having him articulate what he hopes to achieve, which will strengthen the dramatic arc.
Add complexity to Jim's character by revealing personal stakes or motivations that make his reluctance to discuss the Church more relatable.
Show Robby's physical reaction to his isolation at the end of the scene, perhaps through body language or a moment of reflection, to deepen the emotional impact.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and dramatic structure can help create a more compelling narrative in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to reveal Jim's personal stakes in the Church's reputation during the conversation?
How can I visually represent Robby's emotional state at the end of the scene to enhance the audience's connection to his character?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue to include more rapid exchanges or interruptions to create a sense of urgency and tension between Robby and Jim.
Make Robby more assertive in his questioning, pushing Jim to reveal more information and driving the conversation forward.
Introduce a visual motif, such as the drinks they share, to symbolize the duality of their relationship and the weight of their conversation.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can enhance the scene's energy and engagement.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create a more dynamic dialogue exchange that reflects the urgency of the situation?
How can I visually symbolize the themes of camaraderie and conflict through the drinks shared between Robby and Jim?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and raises important ethical questions, showcasing the complexity of the characters' motivations and the high stakes involved in their investigation.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exposing abuse within the Church is compelling and thought-provoking, offering a nuanced exploration of the ethical implications of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as key revelations about the characters' involvement in abuse cases and their moral dilemmas are uncovered. The conflict between Robby and Jim adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of moral dilemmas and ethical choices. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations are effectively portrayed, adding layers of complexity to the scene. Robby's determination and Jim's ethical struggles create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 9

Robby and Jim both undergo internal changes as they confront their ethical dilemmas and the implications of their actions, leading to a shift in their perspectives and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the truth and hold those responsible for abuse cases accountable. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and integrity.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to confront Jim about his involvement in abuse cases and potentially expose the truth. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating ethical dilemmas and maintaining integrity in a social setting.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Robby and Jim, as well as the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, creates a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of exposing abuse within the Church, as well as the personal and professional risks faced by the characters, heighten the tension and drama of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the story by revealing crucial information about the characters' involvement in abuse cases and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral ambiguity. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing values of justice and loyalty. Robby believes in uncovering the truth and holding wrongdoers accountable, while Jim values loyalty to the Church and maintaining the status quo.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to concern, as the characters grapple with difficult decisions and ethical challenges.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and moral dilemmas effectively. It drives the scene forward and enhances the tension between Robby and Jim.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue and emotional stakes. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic confrontation between the characters.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.

78 INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE - DAY 78

Matt, Sacha and Mike are crammed in Robby’s office, Matt
downloading the team on the directories.

MATT
I’ve been through a lot of these.
‘Sick leave’ isn’t the only
designation they use when they take
one of these priests out of
circulation. They use a slew of
terms - ‘absent on leave,’
‘unassigned,’ ‘emergency response.’

MIKE
They got a name for everything,
these guys.

SACHA
Except rape.

A phone rings in the Spotlight office. Mike exits to get it.

MATT
And they move parishes way more
frequently than other priests. When
I was a kid, a priest moved after
seven or eight years. These guys,
it’s two to three tops.
11/26/14 71.

SACHA
Did they use these designations for
all of Saviano’s priests?

MATT
Yeah. It’s a pretty clear pattern.

As Robby considers this, Mike calls from Spotlight --

MIKE
Guys, I’ve got Sipe.

79 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 79

The team is HUDDLED around a SPEAKERPHONE.

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
I think if you want to understand
the crisis, you need to start with
the celibacy requirement. That was
my first major finding: only 50% of
the clergy are celibate.

They share a look. 50%? Can that be true?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE) (CONT’D)
Now, most of them are having sex
with other adults. But this creates
a culture of secrecy, that tolerates
and even protects pedophiles.

SACHA
So you believe the church is aware
of the extent of this ‘crisis?’

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
Absolutely. After the first major
scandal in Louisiana, Tom Doyle, the
Secretary Canonist for the Papal
Nuncio, coauthored a report warning
pedophile priests were a billion-
dollar liability. That was in 1985.

MIKE
1985?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
That’s right.

MIKE
Who saw this document? Anyone in
the Catholic hierarchy?
11/26/14 72.

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
Sure. Doyle tried to introduce the
report at the National Conference of
Catholic Bishops. In fact, Cardinal
Law initially helped to fund the
report, but then he backed out and
they shelved it.

REZENDEZ
(to Sacha and Matt)
Are you kidding me?

ROBBY
Richard, Robby here. We think we
have thirteen priests in Boston that
fit this pattern, which would be a
very big story. Does that sound
right to you? In terms of scale?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
No. Not really. It sounds low. My
estimates suggest six percent act
out sexually with minors.

MIKE
Six percent of what?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
Six percent of all priests.

Holy shit. Robby turns to the team.

ROBBY
How many priests do we have in
Boston?

MATT
About fifteen hundred. One percent
is fifteen... six percent is ninety.

ROBBY SACHA
Ninety priests? Is that possible?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
From a metric standpoint, that would
be in line with my findings.

The team looks at each other. FLOORED. A beat, then --

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE) (CONT’D)
Hello?
11/26/14 73.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Shocking, Serious, Informative

Summary In Robby's office, Matt briefs Sacha and Mike on the church's tactics to conceal priests from scrutiny, revealing a pattern of frequent relocations. During a call with Sipe, they learn that only 50% of clergy adhere to celibacy, fostering a culture that protects abusers. Sipe cites a 1985 report warning about the financial risks posed by pedophile priests and estimates that six percent of priests in Boston could be offenders, potentially totaling ninety. The team is left in stunned disbelief as they grapple with the shocking implications of this information.

Strengths

Revealing crucial information
Building tension and intrigue
Strong performances

Weaknesses

Potential overload of information for some viewers

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as the team uncovers shocking information about the Catholic Church's handling of abuse cases. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' growing realization of the scale of the problem, which is crucial for the narrative's progression.
The use of the speakerphone adds a layer of immediacy and allows for a dynamic exchange of information. However, the transition between the two locations (Robby's office and the Spotlight office) could be more fluid to maintain the scene's momentum.
The emotional weight of the revelations is palpable, particularly with the characters' reactions to the statistics shared by Sipe. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues or physical reactions from the characters to enhance the emotional impact of the shocking statistics.
The pacing is generally effective, but the scene could be tightened by reducing some of the dialogue that reiterates points already made. For instance, the repeated questioning about the celibacy requirement could be streamlined to maintain focus on the shocking statistics.
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Sipe's final line, which is effective for building suspense. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection or a decision-making moment from the team before the scene concludes, emphasizing the gravity of the information they've just received.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and serves to reveal the characters' motivations and the gravity of the situation. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Sacha says, 'Except rape,' it’s a powerful line, but it could be enhanced by showing her emotional reaction or a moment of silence afterward to let the weight of her words sink in.
The pacing is effective, but the transition from Matt's briefing to the phone call with Sipe feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment where the team reflects on Matt's findings before Mike exits, which would heighten the tension and anticipation for the call.
The use of the speakerphone is a clever device, but it might be more impactful if we could see the reactions of the team as they listen to Sipe. This could be achieved through close-ups or reactions shots that emphasize their shock and disbelief.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting expert to critique the dialogue and emotional weight of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Sacha's line about rape to make it more impactful?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between Matt's briefing and Mike's phone call?
How can I visually represent the team's reactions to Sipe's shocking revelations to heighten the emotional stakes?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension as the team uncovers the extent of the Church's issues, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. Each character should have a moment of personal reflection or reaction to the shocking statistics presented by Sipe.
While the information is crucial, consider integrating more character-driven moments. For example, how does this revelation affect Matt, Sacha, and Mike personally? Adding a line or two about their feelings could deepen the audience's connection to them.
The stakes are high, but the scene could be improved by explicitly stating what the implications of these findings are for the investigation. A line from Robby summarizing the potential fallout could clarify the urgency.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to incorporate personal reflections from Matt, Sacha, and Mike regarding the shocking statistics presented by Sipe?
How can I clarify the implications of the findings for the investigation within the dialogue?
What techniques can I use to ensure that the emotional arc of the scene is clear and impactful?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging and informative, but it could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating rapid-fire exchanges or interruptions to create a sense of urgency and excitement as the team processes the information.
The scene could benefit from a stronger opening hook. Starting with a compelling line or a moment of action could draw the audience in more effectively.
While the content is heavy, balancing the gravity with moments of levity or camaraderie among the team could make the scene more relatable and engaging.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character interactions, making him an ideal expert to critique the pacing and dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more dynamic dialogue exchange to enhance the urgency of the scene?
What are some effective ways to start the scene with a stronger hook?
How can I incorporate moments of levity or camaraderie among the team without undermining the seriousness of the subject matter?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more physical reactions from the characters as they process the shocking information. This could include facial expressions, body language, or even moments of silence that emphasize the weight of the revelations.
Streamline the dialogue to avoid redundancy. Focus on the most impactful lines that drive the narrative forward and reveal character motivations or emotions.
Enhance the transition between Robby's office and the Spotlight office by using visual cues or sound effects that connect the two locations, making the scene feel more cohesive.
Incorporate a brief moment of reflection or a decision-making dialogue among the team after Sipe's shocking statistics to highlight their emotional state and the urgency of their investigation.
Consider using a visual motif or recurring element (like a specific object in the office) to symbolize the weight of the information they are uncovering, which could add depth to the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add a moment of silence or a reaction shot after Sacha's line about rape to emphasize its weight.
Include a brief pause or reflection from the team after Matt's briefing before Mike exits to take the call, enhancing the tension.
Incorporate close-ups of the team's faces as they listen to Sipe, capturing their shock and disbelief.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and emotional weight makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to visually represent the team's reactions to Sipe's revelations?
How can I enhance the emotional impact of Sacha's line about rape through visual storytelling?
What techniques can I use to create a more dramatic pause in the dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Integrate personal reflections from each character after Sipe's revelations to deepen the emotional connection.
Have Robby summarize the implications of the findings in a line that highlights the urgency of their investigation.
Consider adding a moment where the team discusses their next steps, reinforcing the stakes involved.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs provides actionable suggestions for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show the characters' personal stakes in the revelations presented by Sipe?
What are some ways to clarify the implications of their findings within the dialogue?
How can I ensure that the emotional arc of the scene is clear and resonates with the audience?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue to include rapid-fire exchanges or interruptions to create a sense of urgency.
Start the scene with a compelling line or action that hooks the audience immediately.
Incorporate moments of camaraderie or humor among the team to balance the heavy subject matter.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in fast-paced dialogue and character dynamics offers valuable insights for enhancing the scene's engagement.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques for writing rapid-fire dialogue that maintains clarity?
How can I create a strong opening hook that draws the audience into the scene?
What are some effective ways to introduce levity without undermining the seriousness of the topic?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, revealing crucial information that significantly advances the investigation and adds depth to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of uncovering the truth behind the Church's cover-up of abuse is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is significantly advanced through the revelation of the extent of the crisis, setting the stage for further investigation and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on a controversial and sensitive topic with authenticity and depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and compelling, adding to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are deeply involved in the scene, reacting to the shocking information and showcasing their dedication to uncovering the truth.

Character Changes: 9

The characters experience a shift in perspective and understanding due to the shocking information revealed, leading to personal growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the extent of sexual abuse within the Catholic Church. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to break the story about the priests involved in sexual abuse and expose the church's cover-up. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in investigating and reporting on a sensitive and controversial topic.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict arises from the revelation of the Church's complicity in covering up abuse, creating tension and raising the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and moral dilemmas that test their resolve and integrity.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters realize the extent of the crisis and the challenges they face in exposing the truth.

Story Forward: 10

The scene significantly moves the story forward by uncovering crucial information that propels the investigation and deepens the conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it reveals shocking information about the extent of sexual abuse within the Catholic Church, challenging the characters' beliefs and expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the church's reputation and the truth about the abuse scandals. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the integrity of religious institutions and the importance of holding them accountable.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.4

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly shock and concern, as the characters grapple with the magnitude of the crisis.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the seriousness of the situation and driving the investigation forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling and suspenseful investigation into a controversial topic, with sharp dialogue and tense interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with a sense of urgency and tension that drives the plot forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.

80 INT. GLOBE, BEN’S OFFICE - DAY 80

Ben eats lunch, Robby and Mike download him. Ben’s shocked.

BEN
Ninety fucking priests? In Boston?

ROBBY
That’s what he said.

BEN
If there were ninety of these
bastards people would know.

MIKE
Maybe they do.

BEN
And no one said a thing?

MIKE
Good Germans?

BEN
I don’t think that’s a comparison
you want to make publicly.

ROBBY
MacLeish knew and said nothing.

BEN
That’s thirteen priests, big
difference between thirteen and
ninety. Where’s this guy Sipe
getting his numbers?

MIKE
He’s studied this for thirty years,
he’s a trained psychotherapist --

BEN
Okay, but we need something more
than a metric from some hippy ex-
priest who’s shacking up with a nun.

MIKE
So we’ll track down more victims,
we’ll get more priests. Then we can
check them against the directories.

BEN
That’s a shitload of victims.
11/26/14 74.

MIKE
We’ll get them.

BEN
How long’s it gonna take?

Mike shrugs. Robby considers. Then...

ROBBY
Too long.

Robby gets up, moves for the door. Maybe with an idea.

BEN
Meeting over?

ROBBY
For now.

81 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - MOMENTS LATER 81

Robby walks through the newsroom. Mike catches up to him.

MIKE
What do you got?

ROBBY
What if we work backwards?

MIKE
What do you mean? From what?

ROBBY
The directories. We’ve been using
them to confirm bad priests. What
if we do it the other way around?

MIKE
(getting it)
Use the directories to identify bad
priests?

ROBBY
Yeah, exactly. We search by
designation, we look for any priest
on ‘sick leave’ or ‘unnassigned’ --

MIKE
Or for priests who moved around a
lot...

ROBBY
Yeah.
11/26/14 75.

MIKE
That’s gonna take a load of time.

ROBBY
Not if we’re all on it.

MIKE
You too?

ROBBY
Generally, that’s what all means.

MIKE
Yeah, generally.

That’s the plan. Robby looks set. Off Mike, we --

Genres: Drama, Investigative, Thriller
Tone: Shocking, Intense, Serious

Summary In Ben's office at the Globe, Ben is taken aback when Robby and Mike reveal a source's claim of ninety priests involved in misconduct in Boston. Skeptical of such a staggering number going unnoticed, Ben questions the credibility of the source, Sipe. Robby suggests a new investigative strategy using directories to identify potentially problematic priests, which Mike supports. The scene captures the tension and urgency of their discussion as they resolve to pursue this new lead collaboratively.

Strengths

Revealing crucial information
Introducing a new investigative strategy
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development in this particular scene

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the shock and disbelief of the characters regarding the number of priests involved in misconduct. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to convey the gravity of the situation. The characters are reacting to a serious issue, yet their exchanges feel somewhat casual, which may undermine the weight of the revelation.
The pacing of the scene is brisk, which is appropriate for the urgency of the investigation. However, it might be helpful to slow down at key moments to allow the audience to absorb the implications of the information being discussed. For instance, after Ben's line about the number of priests, a brief pause could emphasize the shock before moving on.
The dialogue is functional but lacks distinct character voices. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality and background. For example, Ben's skepticism could be highlighted with more biting sarcasm, while Mike's determination could be expressed through more passionate language.
The transition from Ben's office to the newsroom feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations, reinforcing the weight of the conversation they just had. This would also enhance the emotional continuity of the scene.
The use of 'Good Germans' as a reference is a powerful metaphor, but it could be expanded upon. This line could lead to a deeper discussion about complicity and silence within the community, which would add layers to the characters' motivations and the overall narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the urgency of the situation, particularly Ben's disbelief at the number of priests involved. However, the use of profanity ('Ninety fucking priests?') feels a bit forced and could be toned down to maintain a more serious tone.
Ben's skepticism is well-portrayed, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his emotional reaction to the news. Perhaps a physical reaction, like him putting down his sandwich or leaning back in his chair, could add depth.
Robby's suggestion to work backwards is a strong plot point, but it could be clearer. The transition from the shock of the numbers to the new strategy feels abrupt. A brief moment of silence or a shared look among the characters could emphasize the gravity of the situation before moving on.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional reactions of the characters, particularly Ben, to make the stakes feel higher?
What techniques can I use to make the transition between the shock of the news and the new strategy feel smoother?
How can I maintain the seriousness of the dialogue while still allowing for moments of levity?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations, particularly through Ben's skepticism and Robby's determination. However, it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. Consider showing how the characters' feelings evolve from shock to determination.
The pacing is slightly uneven; while the dialogue is engaging, the scene could use a moment of reflection after the shocking revelation. This would allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before moving on to the new plan.
Robby's idea to work backwards is a clever twist, but it could be more impactful if it were introduced with a bit more buildup. Perhaps have Mike express doubt before Robby presents his idea, creating a moment of tension that resolves with the new plan.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create a clearer emotional arc for the characters in this scene?
How can I incorporate a moment of reflection to enhance the pacing and impact of the scene?
What strategies can I employ to build up Robby's idea more effectively?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging and reflects the urgency of the investigation, but it could be tightened further. Consider cutting any redundant phrases to keep the pace brisk and maintain tension.
The interplay between characters is strong, but there could be more subtext in their exchanges. For example, Ben's skepticism could be layered with a hint of fear about the implications of the findings.
The scene could benefit from a visual element that underscores the gravity of the situation. Perhaps a shot of the newsroom bustling in the background while they discuss the shocking numbers could contrast their serious conversation with the chaotic environment.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an ideal expert for critiquing the dialogue and dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the dialogue to enhance the pacing and urgency of the scene?
What techniques can I use to add subtext to the characters' exchanges, particularly Ben's skepticism?
How can I incorporate visual elements to enhance the emotional weight of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue after the shocking revelation about the ninety priests to allow the weight of the information to settle in for both the characters and the audience.
Enhance character differentiation in dialogue by giving each character a distinct voice. This could involve varying sentence structure, word choice, or even incorporating personal anecdotes that reflect their backgrounds.
Explore the implications of the 'Good Germans' reference further. Perhaps have a character express a personal connection to the issue, which could deepen the emotional stakes and highlight the moral complexities involved.
Incorporate a brief moment of reflection or a visual transition between Ben's office and the newsroom to create a smoother flow and maintain emotional continuity.
Consider adding a line or two that reflects on the potential impact of their findings on the community, which would ground the scene in the larger societal context and heighten the stakes of their investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Consider revising Ben's initial reaction to the news to include a physical response, such as him putting down his lunch or leaning back in disbelief, to add depth to his character.
Add a moment of silence or a shared look among the characters after the shocking revelation to emphasize the gravity of the situation before transitioning to Robby's new strategy.
Tone down the profanity to maintain a serious tone while still conveying the shock of the situation.

David Mamet's expertise in character-driven dialogue and emotional depth makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific actions can I incorporate to enhance Ben's emotional reaction to the shocking news?
How can I effectively create a moment of silence that transitions smoothly into the next part of the scene?
What alternatives to profanity can I use to convey shock without undermining the seriousness of the dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment of reflection after the shocking revelation to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before moving on to the new plan.
Create a clearer emotional arc by showing how the characters' feelings evolve from shock to determination, perhaps through their body language or facial expressions.
Build up Robby's idea to work backwards by having Mike express doubt first, creating tension that resolves with Robby's suggestion.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional arcs and pacing makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create a moment of reflection that enhances the emotional impact of the scene?
How can I visually represent the characters' emotional evolution throughout the scene?
What strategies can I employ to build tension before introducing Robby's idea?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Tighten the dialogue by cutting redundant phrases to keep the pace brisk and maintain tension throughout the scene.
Layer Ben's skepticism with subtext by hinting at his fear of the implications of the findings, perhaps through his tone or choice of words.
Incorporate a visual element that underscores the gravity of the situation, such as a shot of the bustling newsroom contrasting with their serious conversation.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and visual storytelling makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's dynamics.

Questions for AI

What specific phrases can I cut to tighten the dialogue and enhance the pacing?
How can I effectively convey subtext in Ben's skepticism to add depth to his character?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the emotional weight of the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and crucial to the plot's progression. It introduces a new investigative angle and raises the stakes significantly.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using directories to identify abusive priests is innovative and adds depth to the investigation. It shows a strategic shift in the team's approach.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is significantly advanced in this scene through the revelation of shocking statistics and the introduction of a new investigative strategy. It raises the stakes and sets up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative genre by focusing on a sensitive and timely topic, while also presenting complex moral dilemmas and character dynamics.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are driven by determination and a sense of urgency in this scene. Their interactions reveal their commitment to uncovering the truth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the determination and commitment of the characters are reinforced, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth and hold accountable those responsible for the abuse. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and integrity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate and track down more victims and priests involved in the abuse scandal. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in uncovering the truth.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the shocking statistics revealed and the challenges the team faces in their investigation. It adds tension and urgency to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges in uncovering the truth and holding accountable those responsible for the abuse.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene due to the shocking statistics revealed, the challenges faced in the investigation, and the determination of the team to uncover the truth.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new information, a strategic shift in the investigation, and raising the stakes. It sets up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' decisions and the evolving investigation process that keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral responsibility of individuals to speak out against wrongdoing, even in the face of societal pressure or fear of consequences. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes concern, determination, and shock in the audience. The gravity of the situation and the characters' resolve contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, focused, and drives the investigation forward. It effectively conveys the intensity of the situation and the characters' resolve.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and momentum, while allowing for character interactions and plot revelations to unfold naturally.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advances the plot and character development.

82 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT - LATER 82

CLOSE ON a ruler moving down a directory. It stops at a
designation: Sick Leave. PAN TO the name of a priest.
MAHAN. A pen circles it and we --

CUT TO another ruler scanning a directory. It stops.
Unassigned. PAN TO the name of another priest. KEANE. The
name is circled and we --

CUT TO another ruler scanning. Sick Leave. PAQUIN.

REVEAL Sacha, moving a ruler down a directory. CUT TO --

ABOVE Mike, scanning a directory with a ruler. CUT TO --

CLOSE ON Robby. Squinting at a directory. CUT TO --

Matt, hunched over a computer, entering data. CUT TO --

CLOSE ON an excel spreadsheet. A date, a priest’s name, then
the designation are typed into a column. CUT TO --

More names and designations, logged year by year, into the
spreadsheet. CUT TO --

82A INT. SACHA’S HOUSE - NIGHT 82A

Sacha at her desk at home, scanning a directory. It’s late.

84 INT. SANTARPIO’S, EAST BOSTON - NIGHT 84

Mike sits in the pizza joint, marking up a directory, two
others beside him. A waiter delivers a pizza and a beer.
Without looking up, Mike reaches for the beer, keeps working.
11/26/14 76.

84A EXT. PORTER SQUARE T-STOP, CAMBRIDGE, MA - MORNING 84A

Sacha waits for the T, working on a directory.

84B INT. GLOBE, LIBRARY - DAY 84B

From the crow’s nest above, we see Mike and Matt at the table
in the library, stacks of directories between them.

84BB INT. GLOBE, CAFETERIA - DAY 84BB

Robby sits alone in cafeteria, working on a directory.

84C EXT. BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY, DOWNTOWN BOSTON - DAY 84C

Sacha walks up the grand steps, enters the massive library.

84D INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT - DAY 84D

CLOSE ON the spreadsheet. More names are entered. We scan
down the growing list of priests...

84F INT. GLOBE, LIBRARY - NIGHT 84F

Mike in a back aisle, works on the directories.

85A INT. BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY, READING ROOM - EARLY EVENING 85A

A beautiful, mostly empty reading room, green banker’s lamps
everywhere. Sacha works late, directories all around her.

86 INT. MATT CARROLL’S HOUSE, WEST ROXBURY - NIGHT 86

Matt sits at a desk at home, hunched over a directory,
scanning it with a ruler. He pauses... leans in further.

CLOSE ON a directory entry. O’Sullivan. Treatment Center,
276 Pelton Street, West Roxbury.

MATT
Holy shit.

Matt PALES, then takes off his glasses and leaves the house.

87 EXT. MATT CARROLL’S HOUSE, WEST ROXBURY - CONTINUOUS 87

Matt heads across the lawn, down the sidewalk. He crosses
the street, rounds the corner, turning onto Pelton Street.

He picks up his pace, checking house numbers. Finally, he
stops at A CLASSIC, TWO STORY VICTORIAN HOUSE. Number 276.

MATT
No freakin’ way.
11/26/14 77.

88 INT. MATT CARROLL’S HOUSE, KITCHEN - LATER 88

Matt sits on the kitchen floor in front of the refrigerator,
taping a note to the door. We push in over his shoulder...

“Kids. Stay away from this house at 276 Pelton Street. And
stay away from the men who live inside it.”

Beside the note is a B&W photo of the house down the street.

Genres: Drama, Investigative, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Serious

Summary In a tense scene set across various locations in Boston, characters Sacha, Mike, and Matt are deeply engaged in researching directories for priests, revealing unsettling designations like 'Sick Leave' and 'Unassigned.' As Matt uncovers a troubling entry that leads him to a Victorian house, he is visibly shocked by what he finds. The scene culminates with Matt taking precautionary measures by taping a warning note on his refrigerator, highlighting his protective instincts for his children amidst the foreboding atmosphere.

Strengths

Intense investigative atmosphere
Meticulous attention to detail
Shocking revelations
Emotional impact

Weaknesses

Limited character development in the scene

General Critique

The scene effectively utilizes a montage format to convey the relentless dedication of the Spotlight team as they sift through directories, which adds a sense of urgency and determination to their investigation. However, the transitions between locations could benefit from more narrative cohesion to maintain the viewer's engagement and understanding of the characters' emotional states during these repetitive tasks.
The use of close-ups on the directories and spreadsheets emphasizes the gravity of the information being uncovered, but the scene lacks emotional depth. While it's clear that the team is focused, there is little exploration of their internal reactions to the shocking discoveries they are making. This could create a stronger connection with the audience.
The dialogue is minimal, which is appropriate for a scene focused on research, but it might be beneficial to include snippets of conversations or internal thoughts that reveal the characters' feelings about what they are uncovering. This would add layers to the scene and highlight the emotional stakes involved in their investigation.
The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven, as it jumps from one character to another without a clear rhythm. A more deliberate pacing could enhance the tension and anticipation as the characters make their discoveries, particularly when Matt uncovers the alarming connection to the treatment center.
Matt's reaction upon discovering the entry in the directory is impactful, but it could be further developed to illustrate the weight of the discovery. A brief moment of reflection or an internal monologue could amplify the emotional resonance of this moment, making it more poignant for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively uses visual storytelling to convey the investigative process, with the repetitive action of rulers scanning directories symbolizing the meticulous nature of journalism. However, it lacks a strong emotional hook that could engage the audience more deeply. For instance, while we see the characters working hard, we don't feel the weight of their discoveries until Matt's shocking realization at the end.
The transition between locations is somewhat abrupt. While it showcases the team's dedication, it could benefit from smoother transitions that maintain narrative flow and build tension as they uncover more about the priests.
The dialogue is minimal, which is appropriate for a scene focused on action and discovery, but it could be enhanced by including snippets of internal thoughts or brief conversations that reveal the characters' emotional states or motivations.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a suitable choice for analyzing the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more emotional depth into a scene that primarily focuses on action, like the one where the characters are scanning directories?
What techniques can I use to create smoother transitions between different locations in a montage sequence?
How can I effectively convey a character's internal thoughts without relying heavily on dialogue?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a commendable job of showing the investigative process, but it could benefit from clearer stakes. What are the consequences of their findings? Establishing a sense of urgency or danger could heighten the tension.
While the montage effectively illustrates the team's dedication, it may come off as repetitive. Each character's contribution should feel distinct and add to the overall narrative arc. For example, Sacha's work at home could include a moment of doubt or a personal connection to the story that adds depth.
The final moment with Matt discovering the treatment center is powerful, but it could be enhanced by foreshadowing earlier in the scene. Perhaps a brief moment of hesitation or a flashback could connect his personal life to the investigation.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and the importance of stakes in storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to raise the stakes in a scene focused on investigative work?
How can I ensure that each character's contribution in a montage feels unique and impactful?
What techniques can I use to foreshadow significant discoveries in a way that builds anticipation?

Critique by David Mamet

The scene's structure is solid, but it could benefit from sharper dialogue or internal monologues that reflect the characters' frustrations or motivations. This would add layers to their actions and make the audience more invested.
The visual elements are strong, but the pacing could be adjusted. The scene feels a bit long; consider tightening the cuts between characters to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.
The final reveal with Matt is effective, but it could be more impactful if it were preceded by a moment of tension or conflict that leads to his discovery, making it feel like a climax rather than a sudden realization.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and structure of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate sharper dialogue or internal monologues to enhance character depth in a scene focused on action?
What are some techniques for tightening the pacing in a montage sequence to maintain audience engagement?
How can I build tension leading up to a significant reveal to make it feel more climactic?

General Suggestions

Consider incorporating brief snippets of dialogue or internal thoughts from the characters while they work, to provide insight into their emotional responses to the information they are uncovering.
Enhance the transitions between locations by using visual motifs or thematic elements that connect the characters' experiences, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
Add a moment of pause or reflection after significant discoveries, particularly for Matt, to emphasize the emotional impact of the findings and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
Experiment with varying the pacing of the montage to build tension, especially leading up to Matt's discovery, to heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
Consider using visual cues, such as changes in lighting or camera angles, to reflect the emotional weight of the discoveries, thereby enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment of internal conflict for one of the characters, perhaps Sacha, as she reflects on the implications of their findings while scanning directories. This could add emotional weight to the scene.
Consider using voiceover to convey snippets of the characters' thoughts or feelings as they work, which could enhance the audience's connection to their struggles.
Create a more gradual transition between locations, perhaps by using a visual motif or sound cue that links the different settings together.

Robert McKee's focus on emotional engagement and narrative structure makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to incorporate voiceover in a scene to convey character thoughts without disrupting the flow?
How can I visually link different locations in a montage to create a cohesive narrative?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment of tension or urgency, such as a deadline for their investigation, to raise the stakes and make the audience more invested in the outcome.
Incorporate distinct character moments within the montage, such as Sacha receiving a call that connects her personally to the story, which would deepen her character arc.
Foreshadow Matt's discovery by including a brief moment earlier in the scene where he hesitates or reacts to a name he sees, hinting at the significance of the treatment center.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and stakes makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively raise the stakes in a scene focused on investigative work to enhance tension?
What are some ways to create distinct character moments in a montage that contribute to character development?

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include sharper, more impactful lines that reflect the characters' frustrations or motivations, particularly during the montage.
Tighten the pacing by reducing the length of some cuts between characters, ensuring that each moment feels essential to the narrative.
Build tension leading up to Matt's discovery by including a moment where he expresses doubt or concern about the investigation, making his realization feel like a culmination of that tension.

David Mamet's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the flow and impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create sharper dialogue that reflects character motivations in a montage scene?
How can I effectively build tension leading up to a significant discovery to enhance its impact?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong focus on investigative elements and building tension. The meticulous attention to detail and the shocking discoveries elevate the intensity and intrigue, making it a compelling and pivotal moment in the story.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of uncovering hidden truths through investigative journalism is executed with precision and depth in this scene. The systematic approach to researching directories and the shocking revelations about the priests involved in misconduct create a compelling narrative that drives the story forward.

Plot: 9.2

The plot in this scene is crucial as it uncovers significant information about the priests and their misconduct, deepening the investigation and raising the stakes for the characters. The revelations propel the story forward and set the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to investigative storytelling, focusing on the meticulous process of uncovering information and the potential consequences of exposing the truth.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

While the focus is more on the investigative process than individual character development, the scene showcases the dedication and determination of the characters involved in uncovering the truth. Their commitment to the investigation and the emotional impact of the discoveries add depth to their roles.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, the emotional impact and revelations experienced by the characters lay the groundwork for potential shifts in their perspectives and motivations as the investigation progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the priests and their designations, which reflects their desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the priests and their locations, reflecting the immediate challenge of uncovering potential wrongdoing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, driven by the tension of uncovering disturbing information about the priests and the implications of their actions. The investigative process itself creates internal and external conflicts for the characters, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face challenges in uncovering the truth and potentially facing backlash for their investigation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters uncover shocking revelations about the priests' misconduct, leading to increased urgency and determination in their investigative efforts. The implications of the discoveries raise the stakes for the characters and the overall story.

Story Forward: 10

The scene effectively moves the story forward by uncovering crucial information about the priests involved in misconduct, deepening the investigation and raising the stakes for the characters. The discoveries propel the narrative towards further developments and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the potential consequences of the characters' investigation and the unexpected discoveries they make.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' pursuit of justice and the potential consequences of exposing the truth, which challenges their beliefs about morality and ethics.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking shock, concern, and determination in the characters and the audience. The revelations about the priests' misconduct and the characters' reactions heighten the emotional intensity, drawing viewers into the gravity of the situation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue serves the investigative nature of the scene, providing essential information about the priests and their designations. While not heavily focused on character interactions, the dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and gravity of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful tone, as characters work diligently to uncover the truth about the priests.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' investigative process.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions of locations and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format, moving between different locations and characters to advance the investigation narrative effectively.

90 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - DAY 90

CLOSE ON a COMPUTER SCREEN. We’re scrolling through the
EXCEL SPREADSHEET. Dozens of problematic priests.

REVEAL Mike, Sacha and Matt huddled around the computer.
Sacha reads from a large printout. Matt checks it against a
short list on a computer screen.

SACHA
Talbot. MATT
Yep.

SACHA
Tivnan. MATT
Yep.

SACHA
Toma. MATT
Yep.

SACHA
Turnbull. MATT
Yep.

SACHA
Walsh. MATT
Yep.

SACHA
Welsh. MATT
Yep.

MIKE
Is that it?

SACHA
That’s it. MATT
That’s it.

Mike looks at the screen.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Holy Shit.
11/26/14 78.

MATT
Robby?

Robby looks up from his desk. He walks over to join them.

SACHA
Three off Sipe’s estimate. That’s
incredible.

ROBBY
How many?

MATT
Eighty-seven.

MIKE
Eighty-seven priests. In Boston.

ROBBY
Call MacLeish. I wanna talk to him.

Robby takes the PRINTOUT, walks into --

91 INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 91

Robby shuts his door, picks up his phone and dials. It
rings. A secretary picks up.

SECRETARY (OVER THE PHONE)
Jim Sullivan’s office.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Walter Robinson for Jim Sullivan.
Tell him it’s important.

A beat, then we hear --

JIM (OVER THE PHONE)
Hey Robby. Everything okay?

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
I need you to tell me something,
Jim. Could it be ninety priests?

JIM (OVER THE PHONE)
What?

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Could it be as high as ninety?

JIM (OVER THE PHONE)
Jesus, Robby.
11/26/14 79.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
I need to know, Jim. I wouldn’t be
asking if it wasn’t important.

Silence.

JIM (OVER THE PHONE)
You gotta stop this, Robby.

Click. Robby darkens. Then sees Sacha in the doorway.

SACHA
MacLeish’s assistant said he’s all
booked up, he can’t see us.

ROBBY
The hell he can’t.

Robby exits. Sacha quickly follows. Off Mike and Matt --

92 INT. ONE INTERNATIONAL PLACE, LOBBY - EARLY EVENING 92

Eric MacLeish and a colleague get off an elevator, head out.
MacLeish sees Robby and Sacha sitting in the lobby, waiting
for him. As they stand, MacLeish turns to his colleague.

MACLEISH
You know what, I’ll catch up with
you, okay?

The colleague heads off.

MACLEISH (CONT’D)
Hey guys, I’m really sorry, I am, I
don’t have any time to talk right
now, but if you call my assistant --

SACHA
Mr. MacLeish, we have reason to
believe that there have been
allegations against as many as 87
priests in Boston.

ERIC MACLEISH
I can’t talk about that.

SACHA
Does that number sound right to you?

ERIC MACLEISH
You gotta be... I don’t have time
for this crap.
11/26/14 80.

He starts to move but Robby steps in his way, angrier than
Sacha’s ever seen.

ROBBY
Eric, how many priests did you
settle?

ERIC MACLEISH
You know I can’t tell you, Robby.

ROBBY
You’re gonna give me their names.
And the names of their victims.

ERIC MACLEISH
Are you threatening me?

A beat. Robby controls himself, turns calm. Professional.

ROBBY
We’ve got two stories here. We’ve
got a story about degenerate clergy
and we’ve got a story about a bunch
of lawyers turning child abuse into
a cottage industry. Now, which
story do you want us to write?
Cause we’re writing one of them.

MacLeish recedes. Robby’s got him.

ERIC MACLEISH
I already sent you a list of names.

ROBBY
What are you talking about? To
whom?

ERIC MACLEISH
The Globe. Years ago. After the
Porter case, I got plenty of calls.
I had 20 priests in Boston but I
couldn’t go after them without
press. So I sent you guys a list of
names and you buried it.

ROBBY
I want those names tomorrow.

ERIC MACLEISH
Check your goddamn clips, Robby.

Robby turns and leaves. Sacha follows. They walk a bit.
11/26/14 81.

SACHA
We didn’t find anything in the
clips.

ROBBY
Yeah. Big surprise.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Serious

Summary In a tense scene set in the Globe's Spotlight office and later in the lobby of One International Place, journalists Mike, Sacha, and Matt analyze an Excel spreadsheet revealing allegations against eighty-seven priests in Boston. Robby joins them and contacts MacLeish for more information. After a fraught phone call with Jim Sullivan, Robby discovers the number may rise to ninety. He confronts MacLeish, demanding details about the priests and a hidden list of names, but MacLeish remains evasive. The scene culminates in frustration as Robby and Sacha walk away, unresolved and determined to uncover the truth.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing crucial information
Building tension and suspense

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as the Spotlight team uncovers the staggering number of priests involved in misconduct. The use of an Excel spreadsheet as a visual element is a strong choice, as it symbolizes the meticulous research and data-driven approach of investigative journalism.
The dialogue is sharp and concise, effectively conveying the gravity of the situation. The characters' reactions to the numbers are believable and reflect the emotional weight of their findings. However, the transition from the initial discovery to Robby's phone call could be smoother to maintain the flow of tension.
Robby's confrontation with MacLeish is a pivotal moment in the scene, showcasing the moral complexities of the investigation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Robby is assertive, there could be a deeper exploration of his internal conflict regarding the ethical implications of their work.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the abruptness of Robby's phone call to Jim Sullivan feels slightly disjointed. It might help to include a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of the information they just uncovered before shifting to the phone call.
The scene ends with a strong sense of urgency as Robby demands names from MacLeish, but it could be enhanced by a more explicit emotional reaction from the team after the confrontation. This would help to underscore the stakes involved and the personal toll the investigation is taking on them.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the punch that Mamet is known for. For instance, when Robby says, 'I want those names tomorrow,' it feels straightforward but could benefit from a more layered subtext or tension.
The stakes are high, yet the emotional weight could be enhanced. Robby's confrontation with MacLeish is pivotal, but it feels somewhat flat. Adding more urgency or desperation in Robby's tone could elevate the scene.
The scene transitions from the Spotlight office to the lobby, but the emotional shift isn't fully realized. The tension in the office should carry over into the lobby, making the confrontation with MacLeish feel more climactic.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes him a fitting choice to critique the emotional and verbal dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I infuse more subtext into Robby's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict during the confrontation with MacLeish?
What techniques can I use to heighten the emotional stakes in a scene where characters are discussing sensitive topics like abuse?
How can I ensure that the tension built in one location carries over effectively into another setting?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds on the investigation's momentum, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. For example, Robby's transformation from calm to confrontational could be more pronounced.
The stakes are clear, but the motivations behind each character's actions could be more fleshed out. Why is MacLeish so evasive? Exploring his backstory or fears could add depth.
The pacing feels rushed, especially during the transition from the office to the lobby. Slowing down the moment when Robby confronts MacLeish could allow for a more impactful exchange.

Seger's focus on character development and story structure makes her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I employ to deepen character motivations in a scene where the stakes are high but the characters are somewhat one-dimensional?
How can I effectively slow down the pacing in a scene to allow for more dramatic tension without losing audience engagement?
What techniques can I use to illustrate character arcs more clearly in a high-stakes confrontation?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is functional but lacks the rhythmic quality that Sorkin is known for. The exchanges could be sharper and more engaging, with characters interrupting each other to create a sense of urgency.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, instead of just stating the number of priests, showing the characters' reactions to the spreadsheet could add emotional weight.
Robby's confrontation with MacLeish is a critical moment, but it could be more dynamic. Incorporating physicality or movement could enhance the tension and make the dialogue feel more alive.

Sorkin's mastery of dialogue and character interaction makes him an ideal expert to critique the conversational dynamics and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create more dynamic dialogue that reflects the urgency of the situation while maintaining character integrity?
What visual storytelling techniques can I use to convey emotional reactions to data rather than just stating it?
How can I incorporate physicality into a confrontation scene to enhance the dramatic tension?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared look among the team after they confirm the number of priests. This could heighten the emotional impact and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Enhance the dialogue between Robby and MacLeish by incorporating more subtext that reveals Robby's internal struggle with the ethical implications of their investigation. This could add depth to his character and make the confrontation more compelling.
Smooth out the transition between the discovery of the spreadsheet and Robby's phone call by including a moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of their findings before moving to the next action.
Consider including a visual element that shows the team’s physical environment, such as cluttered desks or stacks of papers, to reinforce the chaotic nature of their investigation and the pressure they are under.
After the confrontation with MacLeish, include a moment where the team discusses their next steps or expresses their emotional reactions to the confrontation. This would provide closure to the scene and reinforce the stakes of their investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Robby's dialogue to include more layered subtext, perhaps by having him express frustration or desperation in a more nuanced way during his confrontation with MacLeish.
Enhance the emotional stakes by showing Robby's internal conflict through his body language and tone, making the confrontation feel more urgent.
Ensure that the tension from the Spotlight office carries over into the lobby by maintaining a consistent emotional tone throughout the transition.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and emotional tension provides actionable insights for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to convey internal conflict through dialogue and body language in a high-stakes confrontation?
How can I maintain emotional continuity between scenes to ensure that the tension feels consistent?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify character motivations by adding a line or two that hints at MacLeish's fears or past experiences, making his evasiveness more understandable.
Slow down the pacing during the confrontation with MacLeish to allow for a more dramatic exchange, perhaps by inserting pauses or reactions between lines.
Highlight Robby's character arc by showing a moment of vulnerability before he confronts MacLeish, making his anger feel more justified.

Seger's expertise in character development and pacing offers valuable strategies for deepening the scene's emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques to reveal character motivations subtly within dialogue?
How can I effectively use pacing to enhance dramatic tension in a confrontation scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue to include more interruptions and rapid exchanges, creating a sense of urgency and engagement between characters.
Incorporate visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of characters' reactions to the spreadsheet, to enhance emotional impact.
Add physical movement during the confrontation, such as Robby stepping closer to MacLeish, to create a more dynamic and tense atmosphere.

Sorkin's focus on dialogue and visual storytelling provides practical suggestions for making the scene more engaging and dynamic.

Questions for AI

How can I structure dialogue to create a more engaging and rhythmic flow in a high-stakes scene?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance emotional storytelling in a dialogue-heavy scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, intense, and crucial to the plot's development. It effectively conveys the gravity of the situation and the determination of the characters. The confrontation between Robby and MacLeish adds depth and tension to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exposing abuse within the Church and the legal complexities surrounding it is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively explores the clash between journalistic integrity and legal constraints.

Plot: 9.3

The plot is significantly advanced in this scene, with key revelations and confrontations driving the narrative forward. The scene adds layers of complexity to the story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to investigative journalism and ethical dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The scene showcases their determination, resilience, and ethical dilemmas. The confrontation between Robby and MacLeish reveals their conflicting perspectives.

Character Changes: 9

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations, values, and conflicts. The confrontation between Robby and MacLeish reveals their contrasting principles.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the scandal and hold those responsible accountable. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and integrity.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information from MacLeish and confront him about the allegations against the priests. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their investigation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations and ethical dilemmas driving the narrative. The clash between the journalists and the legal system creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters confront the truth about abuse within the Church and the legal system's complicity. The outcome of their investigation could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and power shifts between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's pursuit of truth and justice against the backdrop of corruption and cover-ups. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the system and the importance of exposing the truth.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, determination, and moral outrage. The revelations and confrontations elicit strong emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 9.1

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and impactful. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters. The dialogue drives the scene forward and reveals crucial information.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and moral dilemmas presented.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the standard screenplay format.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a screenplay.

93 INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT, EAST BOSTON - NIGHT 93

Mike boils hot dogs on the stove.

MIKE
Richard, do you still go to mass?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
No, I haven’t been to church for
some time now. But I still consider
myself a Catholic.

MIKE
How does that work?

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
The Church is an institution, Mike,
made of men. It’s passing. My
faith is in the eternal. I try to
separate the two.

MIKE
Sounds tricky.

Mike’s shakes his pen, out of ink. He crosses to his backpack
by the front door. He reaches in, digs around.

SIPE (ON SPEAKERPHONE)
It is. Especially since the Church
continues to go after me. It takes
a toll, Mike.

SIPE (CONT’D)
They’ll try to silence anyone who
speaks out. I’m sure they’ll come
after you and your team soon enough.

MIKE
And how do you think they’ll do
that? Hello? ...Richard?

Mike checks his phone. Disconnected. Huh. Suddenly,
there’s a loud KNOCK on the door. Mike JUMPS.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Who is it?
11/26/14 82.

BEN (O.C.)
The Archbishop of Canterbury.

Mike opens the door. Ben’s there with a PIZZA BOX.

BEN (CONT’D)
I had dinner at Santarpio’s, had
some leftovers.

He hands Mike the pizza.

MIKE
Ah, you’re the freakin’ best. You
want a beer?

BEN
Yeah.

Ben enters, takes in Mike’s apartment. Mike grabs two beers.

Jesus. How much longer you gonna be
in this shithole?

MIKE
Working on it.

BEN
She’s a good girl, Mike.

MIKE
Yeah, she is. We’ll figure it out. I
haven’t had a lot of time lately.
(then)
I was just on the phone with Sipe
actually.

BEN
Have you met this guy in person yet?

MIKE
No, but his knowledge of this is on
a whole other level.

Ben frowns, skeptical. Mike hands him a beer. They sit.
Mike opens the pizza box, digs in.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Oh man, I’m starving.

BEN
So, where are we on the ninety?

MIKE
Close.
11/26/14 83.

BEN
How close?

MIKE
We’re close.

BEN
Just answer the question, will you?

Mike clocks this.

MIKE
We got 87 names. We’re trying to get
confirmation. I think we will.
(then, off Ben)
Something bugging you?

BEN
Just surprising, that’s all.

MIKE
Yeah, it is. For everyone.

93A EXT. MIKE’S APARTMENT BUILDING, HALLWAY - NIGHT 93A

Ben walks out of Mike’s apartment, heads up the stairs when
Mike opens his door, calls after him.

MIKE
Hey. Ben, I forgot to ask, Phil
Saviano said he sent a bunch of info
to the Globe years ago. You have
any idea to who?

BEN
(irked)
No. Why?

MIKE
Just curious. I wanted to see if
there were any other leads you guys
didn’t run out?

BEN
(pissed off)
Saviano was a fucking train wreck
five years ago, Mike. We didn’t miss
anything. This story needed
Spotlight.

Mike’s taken aback.

MIKE
Yeah. I know. Just following up.
11/26/14 84.

Nothing more to say.

BEN
Good night.

Ben walks off. Mike watches him go.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Skeptical, Reflective

Summary In Mike's cluttered East Boston apartment, he engages in a serious phone conversation with Richard Sipe about faith and the Church's suppression of dissent. The call is abruptly cut off, leading to a visit from Ben, who brings pizza. As they discuss their investigation, Mike's probing questions about past leads concerning Phil Saviano spark frustration in Ben, resulting in a heated exchange. The scene ends with Ben leaving upset, highlighting the strain in their partnership amidst the weighty subject matter.

Strengths

Effective tension and skepticism
Compelling character dynamics
Revealing crucial information

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the investigation, particularly through the dialogue between Mike and Sipe. However, the transition from the phone call to Ben's arrival feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
Mike's character is well-developed through his actions and dialogue, particularly his casual demeanor while boiling hot dogs and discussing serious topics. This juxtaposition adds depth to his character, but it could be further emphasized by showing more of his internal conflict regarding the investigation and its implications.
The dialogue between Mike and Ben is realistic and captures the frustration of investigative journalism. However, Ben's skepticism could be portrayed with more nuance. Instead of simply being irked, perhaps he could express concern for Mike's well-being or the potential fallout from the investigation, adding layers to their relationship.
The scene's pacing is generally good, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Mike mentions Saviano, Ben's reaction feels a bit one-dimensional. Adding a hint of personal history or a deeper emotional response could enrich their interaction and provide context for their current dynamic.
The visual elements, such as Mike's apartment and the pizza, effectively ground the scene in reality. However, more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the smell of the pizza or the clutter in Mike's apartment could create a more vivid setting that reflects his state of mind.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Mike and Sipe is engaging, but it could be tightened to enhance the tension. For instance, Mike's line 'Sounds tricky' feels a bit too casual given the gravity of the conversation about the Church's actions.
The scene's pacing slows down when Mike is searching for his pen. This moment could be more dynamic; perhaps he could be multitasking, reflecting his chaotic life as a journalist.
Ben's entrance with the pizza is a nice touch of realism, but it could serve a stronger narrative purpose. Consider having Ben bring up a specific lead or piece of information that ties back to their investigation.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him ideal for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scenes.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more impactful while maintaining the characters' personalities?
What techniques can I use to keep the pacing tight during moments of mundane action, like searching for a pen?
How can I ensure that every character's entrance serves a narrative purpose?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the investigation, but it could benefit from deeper character exploration. For example, Mike's personal stakes in the story could be more pronounced.
Ben's skepticism about the investigation is a crucial conflict, but it could be heightened. Perhaps he could express more frustration or urgency about the findings to reflect the stakes involved.
The use of the pizza as a prop is clever, but it could symbolize more than just a meal. Consider having it represent comfort amidst chaos, perhaps by having Mike reflect on how little time he has for himself.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and thematic depth, making her insights valuable for enhancing emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to deepen Mike's character and his personal stakes in the investigation?
How can I heighten the conflict between Mike and Ben to reflect the urgency of their findings?
What symbolic meanings can I incorporate into props like the pizza to enhance the scene's emotional depth?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there is tension, it doesn't escalate to a climax or resolution. Consider introducing a moment where Mike's findings lead to a significant revelation or decision.
The stakes could be raised by having Mike express more urgency about the investigation's implications. This would create a stronger emotional pull for the audience.
The abrupt disconnection of the phone call feels a bit contrived. It could be more impactful if it were tied to the narrative, perhaps indicating the Church's interference in their investigation.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more defined dramatic arc within this scene?
What techniques can I use to raise the stakes and urgency in Mike's dialogue?
How can I make the phone disconnection feel more organic and tied to the narrative?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Mike after the phone call with Sipe, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle with the weight of the investigation.
Enhance the transition between the phone call and Ben's arrival by incorporating a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes Mike's contemplation before the interruption.
Deepen Ben's character by giving him a line that reflects his concern for Mike's emotional state or the potential consequences of their investigation, rather than just expressing irritation.
Introduce more subtext in the dialogue, particularly in the exchange about Saviano, to hint at past experiences or tensions that could inform their current relationship.
Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as describing the sounds of the boiling hot dogs or the ambiance of Mike's apartment, to better immerse the audience in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's dialogue to be more concise and impactful, perhaps changing 'Sounds tricky' to something that reflects his concern more directly.
Consider removing the moment where Mike searches for his pen or integrating it into a more dynamic action, like him pacing while on the phone.
Have Ben's pizza delivery include a specific lead or piece of information that ties back to their investigation, enhancing the narrative flow.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing can help tighten the scene and enhance its impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of concise dialogue that convey urgency and concern?
How can I integrate mundane actions into more dynamic sequences?
What types of information could Ben bring that would enhance the narrative?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a line or two that reveals Mike's personal stakes in the investigation, perhaps reflecting on how it affects his life outside of work.
Enhance Ben's skepticism by having him express more frustration or urgency about the findings, possibly by referencing past failures in the investigation.
Use the pizza as a symbol of comfort amidst chaos, perhaps by having Mike reflect on how little time he has for personal life while eating.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and thematic elements can help enrich the emotional landscape of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to reveal a character's personal stakes in a story?
How can I enhance the emotional stakes in Ben's dialogue?
What symbolic meanings can I incorporate into everyday objects to deepen the narrative?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment where Mike's findings lead to a significant revelation or decision, creating a clear dramatic arc.
Have Mike express more urgency about the investigation's implications, perhaps by referencing the potential impact on victims or the community.
Make the phone disconnection feel more organic by tying it to the narrative, such as suggesting the Church's interference in their investigation.

Robert McKee's insights into story structure and dramatic tension can help elevate the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques to create a clear dramatic arc in a dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I effectively convey urgency in a character's dialogue?
What narrative elements can I use to make a disconnection feel more organic?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines personal moments with crucial investigative revelations, maintaining tension and skepticism throughout.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering the truth behind the number of priests involved in misconduct is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the revelation of the number of priests involved, adding depth to the investigation and raising the stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of faith and institutionalized religion, presenting nuanced characters and authentic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and beliefs adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personal struggles and interactions add layers to the scene, showcasing their complexities and emotional depth.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience internal conflicts and revelations, leading to subtle changes in their perspectives and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate his faith and beliefs in the face of external challenges and pressure from the Church. This reflects his deeper need for spiritual fulfillment and his fear of being silenced or persecuted for his beliefs.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to uncover the truth and confirm the information they have gathered. This reflects the immediate challenge of completing their investigation and publishing the story.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the characters' skepticism, personal struggles, and the shocking revelations, creating tension and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and external challenges creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the shocking revelation of the number of priests involved in misconduct, raising the urgency and importance of the investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and deepening the investigation, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected arrival of Ben and the tension in the conversation between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between institutionalized religion and personal faith. Sipe's belief in the eternal contrasts with the Church as an institution made of men, challenging the protagonist's views on organized religion.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern, reflection, and urgency, resonating with the characters' emotional journeys.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, skepticism, and reflection, enhancing the scene's emotional impact and investigative nature.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, subtle tension, and the introduction of external challenges that drive the plot forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through a balance of dialogue and action.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of the conversation.

94 INT. GLOBE, MARTY’S OFFICE - DAY 94

CLOSE ON an EMAILED LIST of Priests and victims.

BEN (O.C.)
This is unbelievable.

MARTY
When did you get this?

ROBBY
MacLeish emailed the list this
morning. He settled cases against
forty-five priests.

REVEAL Marty and Ben across the table from Robby and the rest
of the Spotlight team. Marty pages through the printout.

MARTY
Where are we on Law? Anything that
shows he had knowledge of this?

BEN
We’re still working Garabedian. But
nothing concrete.

Marty considers this. Then he turns to Robby.

MARTY
I keep thinking about that
conversation we had the other night.
You said Law called down the power
of God when we reported on Porter.

BEN
That’s just Law being Law.

MARTY
Okay, but I checked the clips,
Porter wasn’t even in the Boston
Archdiocese. He was in Fall River.
So, why the extreme reaction?

ROBBY
(realizing)
Law had to know.
(MORE)
11/26/14 85.

ROBBY (CONT'D)
That’s why he had the reaction. He
knew there were others.

MARTY
I think that’s the bigger story.

The team reacts. Robby watches.

MIKE
Bigger than fifty priests?

MARTY
If it came from the top down, yes.

SACHA
But the numbers clearly indicate
senior clergy were involved.

MARTY
That’s all they do, indicate.

MIKE
You’re telling me we run a ROBBY
story about fifty pedophile (stepping in)
priests in Boston -- Mike--

MARTY (CONT’D)
We’ll get into the same cat fight
you got into on Porter, which made a
lot of noise but changed things not
one bit. We need to focus on the
institution not the individual
priests. Practice and policy. Show
me the Church manipulated the system
so that these guys wouldn’t have to
face charges. Show me they put
those same priests back into
parishes, time and time again. Show
me this was systemic, that it came
from the top down.

Beat. Pretty fucking clear.

BEN
Sounds like we’re going after Law?

MARTY
We’re going after the system.

94B INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT - LATER 94B

The team enters together, heads for their desks. Robby talks
to Sacha.
11/26/14 86.

ROBBY
Make a list of all the victims we
have and start reaching out. Pull
Matt in if you need help.

SACHA
Okay.

ROBBY
(to Mike)
When you are going to Springfield?

MIKE
Hearing is Monday.

Robby nods, heads into --

94C INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 94C

Robby settles in. Starts to check e-mails.

MATT
Robby? You got a second?

Robby looks up, Matt’s in the door.

ROBBY
Yeah.

MATT
I, uh, got one of those treatment
centers a block from my house.
(then)
We got neighbors with kids. I know
our work is confidential but I feel
like I should tell ‘em.

ROBBY
We’ll tell ‘em soon.

Matt hesitates. Then nods and exits.

95-99 SUMMER VICTIM MONTAGE 95-99

In a series of quick cuts, we see --

-- Sacha (and Matt) out and about in JP, Dorchester, Mission
Hill, trying to find victims. They knock on some doors
and get no answer, they knock on others to find that
victims have moved, it’s tough to track folks down.

-- Sacha (and Matt) manage to track victims down, but face
obstacles. Obstructionist family members, reticent
victims...
11/26/14 87.

-- Finally, Sacha (and Matt) actually are let in. We see
shot after shot of them entering houses, some new, some
where they were previously denied. They’re getting the
story...

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Intriguing

Summary In Marty's office at the Globe, the Spotlight team reviews a list of priests and victims, revealing that MacLeish settled cases against forty-five priests. Marty emphasizes the need to investigate systemic issues within the Church, prompting a discussion about Cardinal Law's potential knowledge of the abuse. The team agrees to focus on the larger institutional narrative rather than individual cases. Robby and Sacha are assigned to reach out to victims, while Matt expresses personal concerns about the implications of their investigation on his neighborhood. The scene ends with the team preparing for the next steps in their inquiry.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing crucial information
Building tension and urgency

Weaknesses

Potential lack of character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as the Spotlight team grapples with the implications of the emailed list of priests and victims. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' motivations and the gravity of their investigation. However, the pacing could be improved; the scene feels a bit rushed, especially when transitioning between characters' reactions and the unfolding discussion. This could lead to a loss of emotional impact.
Marty's character is well-defined as a leader who pushes for a systemic investigation rather than focusing on individual cases. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Marty says, 'Show me the Church manipulated the system,' it could be more powerful if he expressed personal stakes or emotional weight behind this statement, perhaps referencing a victim or a specific case that resonates with him.
The conflict between Mike and Marty regarding the focus of the investigation is compelling, but it could be heightened by incorporating more physicality or visual cues. For example, showing Mike's frustration through body language or facial expressions could enhance the tension and make the stakes feel more immediate.
The transition to the montage feels abrupt. While montages can be effective for conveying a passage of time and the team's efforts, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection or a concluding line from the team before the montage begins. This would provide a smoother transition and reinforce the emotional stakes of their work.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the punch that Mamet is known for. For instance, when Marty says, 'I think that’s the bigger story,' it could be more impactful with sharper, more concise language that conveys urgency and tension.
The scene could benefit from more subtext in the characters' interactions. For example, Ben's skepticism could be portrayed through more than just dialogue; his body language and facial expressions could reflect his internal conflict about the gravity of the situation.
The pacing feels a bit uneven. The transition from the shocking revelation of the list to the discussion about Cardinal Law could be tightened to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext makes him a valuable resource for enhancing the emotional weight and sharpness of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in the dialogue between Marty and Ben to reflect their differing views on the Church's accountability?
What techniques can I use to tighten the pacing in this scene while maintaining the gravity of the subject matter?
Can you suggest ways to make the dialogue more impactful, similar to Mamet's style?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension around the investigation, but it could benefit from clearer stakes. For instance, what are the consequences if they fail to uncover the truth about Cardinal Law?
Marty's character arc could be more pronounced in this scene. His determination to focus on the systemic issues rather than individual cases should be highlighted through his actions and decisions, not just his words.
The emotional tone is serious, but there could be moments of levity or camaraderie among the team to balance the heaviness of the subject matter, making the characters more relatable.

Seger's focus on character development and emotional stakes can help deepen the impact of the scene and enhance the audience's connection to the characters.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to clarify the stakes for the characters in this scene, particularly regarding their investigation into Cardinal Law?
How can I better showcase Marty's character arc in this scene to emphasize his commitment to uncovering systemic issues?
Can you suggest moments of levity that could be integrated into this serious scene without undermining its gravity?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene presents a clear conflict, but the stakes could be raised further. For example, what specific repercussions do the characters face if they fail to expose the Church's systemic issues?
The dialogue is informative but could be more dramatic. Consider incorporating more conflict between the characters, particularly between Mike and Robby, to heighten the tension.
The transition to the montage feels abrupt. A smoother transition that connects the discussion in the office to the action in the montage would enhance the flow of the narrative.

McKee's expertise in story structure and dramatic tension can provide insights into enhancing the conflict and flow of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to create a greater sense of urgency for the characters?
What techniques can I use to inject more drama into the dialogue, particularly in the interactions between Mike and Robby?
Can you suggest ways to create a smoother transition from the dialogue-heavy scene to the montage that follows?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared look among the team after they realize the implications of the list. This could heighten the emotional weight of the discovery.
Incorporate more visual elements that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as close-ups of their faces during key moments of realization or tension.
Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reveals personal stakes for the characters, particularly for Marty, to deepen the audience's connection to their mission.
Before transitioning to the montage, include a line that encapsulates the team's resolve or determination, reinforcing the urgency of their investigation and providing a clearer narrative flow.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to be more concise and impactful. For example, instead of 'I think that’s the bigger story,' consider a more direct statement like, 'This is the story that matters.'
Incorporate more physicality into the characters' interactions. For instance, have Ben lean back in his chair, arms crossed, to visually represent his skepticism.
Tighten the pacing by cutting unnecessary dialogue or exposition, allowing the characters' reactions to drive the scene forward.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and physicality can help create a more dynamic and engaging scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I revise to make the dialogue sharper and more impactful?
How can I visually represent Ben's skepticism through his body language?
What elements can I cut to improve the pacing of this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the stakes by adding a line that outlines the potential consequences of their investigation, such as public backlash or legal repercussions.
Highlight Marty's character arc by showing him taking decisive action, such as assigning specific tasks to team members that reflect his commitment to uncovering the truth.
Introduce a moment of camaraderie among the team, perhaps through a shared joke or a brief moment of levity, to balance the serious tone.

Seger's emphasis on character development and emotional stakes can enhance the depth and relatability of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to clarify the stakes for the characters?
How can I show Marty's commitment to the investigation through his actions?
What kind of light-hearted moment could I include to provide balance in this scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Raise the stakes by explicitly stating the potential fallout if they fail to expose the Church's systemic issues, such as the risk of more victims being harmed.
Inject more drama into the dialogue by having Mike challenge Robby's approach, creating a more heated exchange that reflects their differing perspectives.
Create a smoother transition to the montage by adding a line that connects the discussion in the office to the action, such as, 'We need to get out there and start talking to victims.'

McKee's focus on dramatic tension and narrative flow can help create a more compelling and cohesive scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to raise the stakes in this scene?
How can I create a more dramatic exchange between Mike and Robby?
What line can I use to transition smoothly from the dialogue to the montage?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and crucial in advancing the plot by revealing the depth of the corruption within the Church. The dialogue is impactful and sets the tone for the team's investigative journey.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of delving into the systemic cover-up of child abuse within the Church is compelling and drives the narrative forward with a sense of urgency and importance.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the team uncovers crucial information that shifts their focus from individual priests to the institutional corruption within the Church.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on investigative journalism and the uncovering of institutional corruption. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are driven by a sense of justice and determination to expose the truth, showcasing their commitment to the investigation and the emotional weight of their discoveries.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a shift in focus from individual priests to the systemic issue, showcasing their growth and evolving understanding of the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to uncover the systemic corruption within the Church and show how it came from the top down. This reflects his desire for justice and truth, as well as his fear of being silenced or ignored.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate and expose the cover-up of abuse by senior clergy within the Church. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in gathering evidence and building a case against the institution.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the team's desire to expose the truth and the obstacles they face in doing so creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the characters' goals and beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of exposing the systemic abuse within the Church add urgency and importance to the scene, highlighting the risks and challenges faced by the team.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information that reshapes the team's investigation and sets the stage for further revelations.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelations about the extent of the corruption within the Church.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between exposing the truth and protecting the reputation of the Church. Marty and his team believe in the importance of revealing the systemic abuse, while others may prioritize maintaining the status quo.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the revelation of the extent of the abuse and the team's determination to uncover the truth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, revealing key information about the investigation and highlighting the team's evolving understanding of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is drawn into the investigation and the characters' quest for justice.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and action sequences that keep the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format for dialogue and scene descriptions, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic investigative sequence, with a clear focus on the characters' goals and conflicts.

100 INT. RUNDOWN HOUSE, DORCHESTER - DAY 100

Sacha sits with the middle-aged-man.

MIDDLE-AGED-MAN
The Bishop came over the house. He
said nothing like this had ever
happened before, they asked us not
to press charges.

SACHA
And what did your mother do?

MIDDLE-AGED-MAN
My mother? She put out freakin’
cookies.

Sacha blinks.

103A INT. DUSSOURD APARTMENT, JAMAICA PLAIN - DAY (FORMERLY 102)
103A

A small apartment. MARYETTA DUSSOURD, 57, wears a gold cross.

DUSSOURD
There was a lot of pressure to keep
quiet.

She struggles. Matt across from her, prods...

MATT
From the Church?

DUSSOURD
Yeah, from the Church... but not
just the Church. From my friends,
from the other parishioners...

101 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - EARLY EVENING 101

CLOSE ON a spreadsheet, going up on the wall. Names of
priests, dates, reports...

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE)
Well, many of the priests I treated
were psychosexually stunted....

REVEAL Sacha putting up the list of 15 priests on the
corkboard as Matt walks over 3x5 CARDS with VICTIM’S STORIES.
In the foreground, Mike talks on the phone to Sipe.
11/26/14 88.

SIPE (OVER THE PHONE) (CONT’D)
...on the emotional level of a
twelve or thirteen year old.

MIKE
Jeez.

103 INT. COFFEE SHOP, HINGHAM - DAY 103

Sacha sits with the a COP, 40s, African-American.

COP
Sure, the chief knew, everybody
knew. But nobody wants to cuff a
priest.

SACHA
What about the prosecutor?

COP
I shouldn’t talk about this shit.

SACHA
I think you should actually.

Sacha waits, stares him down.

103a EXT. JAMAICA PLAIN - DAY 103a

Sacha talks to a painter on a ladder.

SACHA
Do you know a Father Hurley or a
Father Gale?

MAN
I do.

103aa EXT. TWO DECKER, DORCHESTER - DAY 103aa

A man yells at Matt from his porch.

MAN
You get out of here before I MATT
kick the shit out of you, Sorry to bother you. Sorry
alright? to bother you....

MAN
You leave me alone, leave my brother
alone, you hear me goddammit?
11/26/14 89.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Intense, Serious, Confrontational

Summary In this tense scene, Sacha interviews a middle-aged man who recounts a bishop's visit urging silence about a troubling incident, while his mother copes by baking cookies, underscoring the absurdity of the situation. Maryetta Dussourd reveals the societal pressure to remain silent about the church's actions. Meanwhile, Sacha and Matt compile victim stories and discuss the psychological state of priests, with a cop confirming the police's reluctance to act against them. The scene culminates in Matt facing hostility from a local man, highlighting the community's defensiveness and the ongoing conflict surrounding the investigation.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Compelling character dynamics
Revealing crucial information

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be too confrontational or heavy-handed

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the testimonies being shared, particularly through the middle-aged man's anecdote about the bishop's visit and his mother's reaction. This juxtaposition of serious subject matter with the absurdity of baking cookies adds a layer of dark humor that can resonate with the audience, highlighting the denial and coping mechanisms of those affected.
The transition between the middle-aged man's story and Maryetta Dussourd's testimony is smooth, maintaining the thematic focus on the pressure to remain silent. However, the dialogue could benefit from more depth in Maryetta's character to enhance her emotional impact. As it stands, her lines feel somewhat generic and could be more personalized to reflect her unique experience.
The use of phone calls and spreadsheets in the Spotlight office provides a nice contrast to the personal testimonies, emphasizing the investigative nature of the story. However, the scene could benefit from more visual variety to keep the audience engaged. The current structure relies heavily on dialogue, which, while important, could be complemented with more dynamic visuals or actions that reflect the characters' emotional states.
The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, the line 'I shouldn’t talk about this shit' from the cop feels a bit too casual given the gravity of the subject matter. A more nuanced expression of his reluctance could enhance the tension and seriousness of the conversation.
The scene ends with a confrontation between Matt and the man on the porch, which effectively raises the stakes and tension. However, it might be beneficial to provide a clearer motivation for Matt's presence there. Why is he approaching this man specifically? Adding a line or two to clarify his intent could strengthen the narrative flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and impactful, particularly the line about the mother baking cookies, which juxtaposes the gravity of the situation with a mundane action. However, the scene could benefit from more tension in the exchanges between Sacha and the middle-aged man. The stakes feel low in this moment, and adding a sense of urgency or emotional weight could enhance the impact.
The transition from the middle-aged man to Maryetta Dussourd feels abrupt. Consider adding a visual or auditory cue that connects these two moments, perhaps a lingering shot on Sacha's reaction to the man's story before cutting to Maryetta.
The use of the spreadsheet in the Spotlight office is effective in showing the investigative process, but it could be more visually dynamic. Instead of just a close-up, consider incorporating shots of the team interacting with the spreadsheet, discussing findings, and reacting to the information.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of tension in storytelling, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I increase the tension in the dialogue between Sacha and the middle-aged man to better reflect the gravity of the situation?
What visual techniques could I use to create a smoother transition between the middle-aged man's story and Maryetta Dussourd's interview?
How can I make the investigative process in the Spotlight office more visually engaging while maintaining clarity?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively highlights the pressure victims face from both the Church and their communities, which is crucial for the narrative. However, the emotional depth of Maryetta Dussourd's struggle could be further explored. Consider adding a moment where she reflects on the personal impact of this pressure, perhaps through a flashback or a poignant memory.
The character of the cop in the coffee shop scene feels underdeveloped. His reluctance to speak could be expanded upon to show his internal conflict, perhaps through a brief backstory or a hint of his own experiences with the Church.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by interspersing moments of silence or hesitation, allowing the weight of the revelations to sink in for both the characters and the audience.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Maryetta Dussourd's emotional journey in this scene to better convey the impact of the Church's pressure?
What techniques can I use to develop the cop's character further, making his reluctance to speak more relatable?
How can I effectively incorporate pauses or moments of silence to enhance the emotional weight of the dialogue?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene does a good job of establishing the stakes involved in the investigation, particularly through the middle-aged man's story. However, the conflict could be heightened by showing Sacha's emotional response to the man's revelation. This would create a more personal connection to the story and emphasize the stakes for her as a journalist.
The transition between the interviews could be more thematically linked. Consider using a recurring motif or visual element that ties the stories together, reinforcing the overarching theme of silence and complicity.
The dialogue in the coffee shop scene is functional but lacks dramatic tension. Explore ways to make the cop's reluctance more palpable, perhaps by showing his fear or guilt about discussing the Church's actions.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the conflict and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance Sacha's emotional response to the middle-aged man's story to create a stronger connection to the audience?
What thematic elements can I incorporate to create a more cohesive transition between the interviews?
How can I increase the dramatic tension in the dialogue between Sacha and the cop to better reflect the stakes of the investigation?

General Suggestions

Consider deepening Maryetta Dussourd's character by adding specific details about her experience or emotions related to the church's pressure. This could make her testimony more impactful and relatable.
Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of the characters' faces during emotional moments or reactions to the testimonies, to enhance the audience's connection to the characters.
Revise the cop's dialogue to reflect a more serious tone that matches the gravity of the situation. This could involve rephrasing his reluctance to speak about the church's involvement in a way that conveys his internal conflict.
Clarify Matt's motivation for confronting the man on the porch by adding a line that indicates what he hopes to achieve or learn from the interaction, which would provide more context for the audience.
Consider using a more varied pacing in the scene, alternating between quick exchanges and slower, more reflective moments to maintain engagement and emphasize the emotional weight of the testimonies.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add a moment of hesitation or emotional weight in the dialogue between Sacha and the middle-aged man, perhaps by having Sacha react more visibly to the absurdity of the cookies in contrast to the gravity of the situation.
Incorporate a visual cue, such as a lingering shot of Sacha's face after the middle-aged man's story, before transitioning to Maryetta Dussourd, to create a smoother narrative flow.
Make the investigative process in the Spotlight office more dynamic by including shots of the team actively discussing the spreadsheet, perhaps with close-ups of their reactions to specific names or stories.

David Mamet's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific actions can I include to enhance Sacha's emotional response during her interview with the middle-aged man?
How can I visually connect the two interviews to create a more cohesive narrative flow?
What techniques can I use to make the investigative process more engaging while maintaining clarity?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Explore Maryetta Dussourd's emotional journey by adding a moment where she reflects on her past experiences with the Church, perhaps through a brief flashback or a poignant memory that illustrates her internal struggle.
Develop the cop's character by providing a hint of his own experiences with the Church, which could make his reluctance to speak more relatable and impactful.
Incorporate pauses or moments of silence in the dialogue to allow the weight of the revelations to resonate with both the characters and the audience.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and emotional storytelling provides valuable insights for deepening the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively convey Maryetta's internal struggle to enhance her character's emotional depth?
What backstory elements can I introduce for the cop to make his character more relatable?
How can I use silence or pauses in the dialogue to enhance the emotional weight of the scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Enhance Sacha's emotional response to the middle-aged man's story by showing her internal conflict or shock, which would create a stronger connection to the audience and emphasize the stakes for her as a journalist.
Use a recurring visual motif, such as a specific object or image, to thematically link the interviews and reinforce the overarching theme of silence and complicity.
Increase the dramatic tension in the coffee shop scene by showing the cop's fear or guilt about discussing the Church's actions, perhaps through his body language or hesitations.

Robert McKee's focus on story structure and dramatic tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the conflict and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific actions can I include to enhance Sacha's emotional response during her interview with the middle-aged man?
How can I create a thematic link between the interviews to reinforce the narrative's central themes?
What techniques can I use to heighten the dramatic tension in the dialogue between Sacha and the cop?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and crucial for the plot development, showcasing the determination of the characters to uncover the truth behind the abuse scandal.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exposing systemic abuse within the Church is powerful and drives the scene's intensity, setting the stage for the larger investigation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the team uncovers new information and faces resistance, adding depth to the overarching story of the abuse scandal.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the investigation of a Church scandal, focusing on the personal and moral implications for the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions and reactions reveal their determination, empathy, and resilience in the face of challenging revelations, enhancing the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional and moral growth as they confront the harsh realities of abuse and corruption, deepening their resolve to uncover the truth.

Internal Goal: 8

Sacha's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the Church scandal and bring justice to the victims. This reflects her deeper desire for justice and truth in the face of corruption and abuse of power.

External Goal: 7

Sacha's external goal is to gather information from various sources and build a case against the priests involved in the scandal. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in uncovering the truth and holding the perpetrators accountable.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between the victims' experiences, the Church's attempts to cover up abuse, and the team's pursuit of the truth creates a tense and compelling atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations, adding complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of exposing widespread abuse, confronting powerful institutions, and seeking justice for victims intensify the scene's impact and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the investigation and reveals crucial information, propelling the narrative forward with new leads and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and revelations from the characters, adding layers of complexity and intrigue to the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between the Church's authority and the pursuit of justice. It challenges Sacha's beliefs in the integrity of religious institutions and the importance of standing up for the truth.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions through the victims' stories and the team's determination, drawing the audience into the gravity of the investigation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the emotional turmoil of the victims and the team's unwavering commitment to seeking the truth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome of the investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the investigation.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and effectively guiding the reader through the various locations and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and advancing the plot through a series of interconnected conversations and actions.

104 EXT. TWO FAMILY HOUSE - MALDEN, MA - LATE AFTERNOON 104

Sacha walks up to a door. The knock. A kindly looking OLDER
MAN (RONALD PAQUIN) in a checkered shirt answers the door.

SACHA
Hi, I’m looking for Ronald Paquin.

RONALD PAQUIN
Yes?

Sacha blinks, surprised.

SACHA
You’re... Father Paquin?

FATHER PAQUIN
Yes, that’s right.

SACHA
(rapid, tense)
My name is Sacha Pfeiffer, I, I’m a
reporter with the Boston Globe.

FATHER PAQUIN
Okay.

Sacha, awkward, reaches for her pad.

SACHA
Could I ask you a few questions?

FATHER PAQUIN
Go ahead, dear.

Sacha starts recording.

SACHA
We’ve talked to several men who knew
you when they were boys at St. John
the Baptist in Haverhill? They told
us you molested them? Is that true?

FATHER PAQUIN
...Sure. I fooled around. But I
never felt gratified myself.

Sacha almost hides her shock.

SACHA
Right, uh, but you admit that you
molested boys at St. John the
Baptist?
11/26/14 90.

FATHER PAQUIN
Yes, yes, but as I said, I never got
any pleasure from it. That’s
important to understand.

SACHA
Right. Can you tell me where and
how you, uh, fooled around with
these boys.

FATHER PAQUIN
I want to be clear, I never raped
anyone. There’s a difference. I
should know.

SACHA
How would you know?

FATHER PAQUIN
I was raped.

SACHA
...I’m sorry... who raped you?

JANE PAQUIN (O.C.)
Ronny? Who’re you talking to? FATHER PAQUIN
It’s okay, Jane.

SACHA (CONT’D)
Father Paquin, who raped you?

Paquin’s sister, JANE PAQUIN, 50s, comes to the door.

JANE PAQUIN
Who are you? SACHA
Sacha Pfeiffer, I’m with the
Globe--

JANE PAQUIN
Please get off my porch. FATHER PAQUIN
I can speak for myself, Jane.

JANE PAQUIN
Get inside the house, Ronald. SACHA
I just have a few more--

JANE PAQUIN
Get inside, Ronnie. SACHA
I’m sorry, who are you?

JANE PAQUIN
I’m his sister, and I don’t SACHA
want you coming back here. Ms. Paquin --
11/26/14 91.

But Jane SLAMS the door. Sacha stands there for a moment,
STUNNED. Then she turns, quickly heads down the walkway,
scribbling notes. She pauses as she reaches the sidewalk,
finishing up. Two CHILDREN ride past on bikes. She’s VISIBLY
SHAKEN by the encounter.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Shocking, Awkward, Stunned

Summary In a tense encounter at Ronald Paquin's home, reporter Sacha Pfeiffer confronts the priest about allegations of molestation. Paquin admits to inappropriate behavior but complicates the narrative by revealing he was raped. The interview takes a turn when his sister, Jane, fiercely defends him, demanding Sacha leave. The confrontation ends abruptly with Jane slamming the door, leaving Sacha visibly shaken and questioning the complexities of the situation.

Strengths

Tense and shocking confrontation
Emotional impact on characters
Revealing crucial information

Weaknesses

Awkwardness in interactions
Limited resolution in the scene

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and discomfort of interviewing an accused priest, showcasing Sacha's professionalism and the gravity of the situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight. For instance, Sacha's initial shock at Father Paquin's admission could be more pronounced through her body language or internal thoughts, rather than just her dialogue.
Father Paquin's character is intriguing, but his responses could be more nuanced. His admission of molestation followed by the claim of not feeling gratified feels somewhat detached. This could be an opportunity to explore his psychological state further, perhaps through a flashback or a more detailed explanation of his past experiences, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
The introduction of Jane Paquin adds an interesting layer of conflict, but her abruptness could be softened to create a more complex dynamic. Instead of simply demanding Sacha leave, she could express concern for her brother in a way that reveals her protective instincts, making her character more relatable and less antagonistic.
The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during the exchange between Sacha and Father Paquin. Allowing for pauses or moments of silence could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the conversation. This would also allow Sacha's emotional response to develop more organically.
The visual elements are effective, particularly the contrast between Sacha's professional demeanor and the unsettling nature of the conversation. However, incorporating more sensory details—such as the sounds of the neighborhood or the physical environment—could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience further into the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is direct and confrontational, which is effective in establishing the tension between Sacha and Father Paquin. However, the pacing could be improved. Sacha's rapid-fire questioning feels rushed, which may detract from the gravity of the subject matter. Consider allowing pauses for dramatic effect, especially after Paquin's admissions.
Father Paquin's responses are chillingly casual, which adds to the discomfort. However, his line about never feeling gratified could be expanded to explore his mindset further. This could provide deeper insight into his character and the psychological complexities of abusers.
The interruption by Jane Paquin is a strong moment that heightens the tension, but it could be more impactful if Jane's motivations were clearer. Is she protective, ashamed, or something else? A brief moment of hesitation or conflict in her demeanor could add depth.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him an ideal expert for critiquing the dialogue and character dynamics in this tense scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the pacing of the dialogue to better reflect the tension in this scene?
What techniques can I use to deepen Father Paquin's character and his psychological state during the interview?
How can I clarify Jane Paquin's motivations in her interruption to make her character more compelling?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Sacha and Father Paquin, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Sacha. Her initial shock could be contrasted with a more determined resolve as the scene progresses.
The stakes are high, but they could be made clearer. What does Sacha stand to gain or lose from this interview? Adding a line that reflects her personal investment in the story could heighten the emotional stakes.
The ending, where Sacha is visibly shaken, is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing her internal conflict. Perhaps a brief flashback or a line of internal dialogue could illustrate why this encounter affects her so deeply.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and stakes of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer emotional arc for Sacha throughout the scene?
What techniques can I use to raise the stakes for Sacha during her confrontation with Father Paquin?
How can I visually or narratively depict Sacha's internal conflict at the end of the scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong conflict, but it could benefit from a clearer setup that establishes Sacha's motivations before she knocks on the door. This would provide context for her urgency and the weight of her questions.
The dialogue is impactful, but the scene could use more subtext. For instance, Sacha could ask questions that imply deeper issues without stating them outright, allowing the audience to infer the gravity of the situation.
The physicality of the scene is important. Consider incorporating more visual elements that reflect Sacha's emotional state, such as her body language or the environment around her, to enhance the tension.

Robert McKee is an expert in storytelling and structure, making him well-suited to critique the scene's conflict, setup, and use of subtext.

Questions for AI

How can I better establish Sacha's motivations before the confrontation to enhance the scene's setup?
What are some techniques for incorporating subtext into the dialogue to deepen the audience's understanding of the situation?
How can I use visual storytelling to reflect Sacha's emotional state during the interview?

General Suggestions

Consider adding internal monologue or descriptive action to convey Sacha's emotional state more vividly during the interview, allowing the audience to connect with her experience.
Explore Father Paquin's character further by providing more context for his actions and feelings. This could involve a brief flashback or a more detailed explanation of his past trauma.
Develop Jane Paquin's character by giving her a more complex motivation for her protective behavior. This could involve her expressing concern for her brother's well-being rather than simply being confrontational.
Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more dramatic pauses, which can enhance the tension and give the audience time to process the implications of the conversation.
Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of children playing nearby or the physical sensations Sacha experiences during the interview.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Introduce pauses in Sacha's questioning to allow the weight of Father Paquin's admissions to sink in, enhancing the dramatic tension.
Expand on Father Paquin's psychological state by adding a line or two that reflects his internal conflict or justification for his actions.
Clarify Jane Paquin's motivations by adding a moment of hesitation or conflict in her demeanor before she interrupts.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific techniques can I use to create impactful pauses in dialogue?
How can I effectively convey Father Paquin's internal conflict without overt exposition?
What are some ways to visually represent Jane Paquin's motivations in her interruption?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Sacha's emotional arc by showing her initial shock transitioning into determination as the interview progresses.
Add a line that reflects Sacha's personal investment in the story, raising the stakes for her during the confrontation.
Incorporate a brief flashback or internal dialogue at the end to illustrate Sacha's internal conflict and why this encounter affects her.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional stakes can enhance the depth of Sacha's character in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show Sacha's emotional transition throughout the scene?
What are some ways to raise the stakes for Sacha in her confrontation with Father Paquin?
How can I integrate a flashback or internal dialogue without disrupting the scene's flow?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Establish Sacha's motivations more clearly before the confrontation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with a colleague.
Incorporate subtext into the dialogue by having Sacha ask questions that imply deeper issues without stating them outright.
Enhance the physicality of the scene by using Sacha's body language and the environment to reflect her emotional state.

Robert McKee's expertise in storytelling structure and subtext can help create a more compelling and layered scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to establish a character's motivations in a brief setup?
How can I incorporate subtext into dialogue to create a richer narrative experience?
What visual elements can I use to reflect a character's emotional state in a scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly impactful, with a strong emotional and conflict-driven narrative that keeps the audience engaged. The shocking revelations and tense interactions contribute to a compelling storyline.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of confronting a priest accused of abuse adds depth to the narrative, shedding light on the difficult conversations and revelations faced by investigative journalists. The scene explores themes of accountability and truth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is driven forward by the confrontation with Father Paquin, revealing crucial information about the abuse scandal. The scene adds layers to the overarching story and sets up further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene tackles a sensitive and controversial topic with authenticity and depth, presenting a fresh perspective on the issue of child abuse within the Catholic Church.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Sacha and Father Paquin, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting emotions and motivations. The interactions between the characters drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The confrontation with Father Paquin leads to a shift in Sacha's perspective and understanding of the abuse scandal, impacting her emotionally and professionally. Father Paquin's revelations also hint at internal struggles and complexities.

Internal Goal: 9

Sacha's internal goal is to uncover the truth about the allegations of child molestation against Father Paquin. This reflects her deeper desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 8

Sacha's external goal is to get Father Paquin to admit to the allegations of molestation and gather information for her investigative report.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations and shocking revelations driving the narrative forward. The emotional stakes are raised, adding depth to the storyline.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and emotional barriers between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the confrontation with Father Paquin uncovers shocking truths about the abuse scandal and challenges the characters' beliefs and values. The personal and professional risks are heightened.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the abuse scandal and setting up further investigations. The confrontation with Father Paquin adds depth to the narrative and propels the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the moral values of truth and accountability versus the protection of reputation and denial of wrongdoing.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong reactions from the audience through tense and shocking moments. The personal revelations and confrontations create a powerful emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense and impactful, capturing the emotional intensity of the confrontation. The exchanges between Sacha and Father Paquin reveal important details and add depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, emotional stakes, and the conflict between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest throughout.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.

105 INT. HAMPDEN SUPERIOR COURT, COURTROOM, SPRINGFIELD, MA - DAY
105

Mike watching the Globe’s lawyer, JON ALBANO, 50s, white
beard and moustache, present to JUDGE CONSTANCE SWEENEY, 40s.

JUDGE SWEENEY
Could you please clarify the Globe’s
position for me, Mr. Albano?

The courtroom’s empty, Garabedian at one desk, WILSON D.
ROGERS JR., 60s, the Church’s lawyer, at another.

ALBANO
Yes, Judge Sweeney. Our argument to
make these documents public rests
mainly on 1st amendment grounds. We
also have a number of other relevant
arguments. After all, your honor,
this was a discretionary order...

JUDGE SWEENEY
Yes, Mr. Albano, it was made at the
Judge’s discretion...

Mike FIGHTS TEDIUM... until a REPORTER slides in next to him.

HERALD REPORTER (JOE QUIMBY)
Hey Mike.

MIKE
Hey Joe.

HERALD REPORTER
What’s a Spotlight reporter doing in
Springfield?

Mike doesn’t answer.

HERALD REPORTER (CONT’D)
Your man Albano’s sledding uphill.
You really think you have a shot at
winning this thing?

MIKE
You want me to comment for the
Herald?
11/26/14 92.

QUIMBY
(writing on his pad)
“Globe reporter would not comment
but did not seem hopeful.”

Mike settles in. Gonna be a long day.

106 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE/ROBBY’S OFFICE - DAY 106

Sacha downloads Robby. We see a large map of Boston on a
desk, neighborhoods circled, writing and Post-its noting
priests and victims.

SACHA
He didn’t try to hide it at all, he
had this odd rationalization for it.
Like it was normal to fool around
with little boys.

Nearby, we see Matt adding 3x5 victim cards to the wall. On
the wall, 19 OF ROUGHLY 50 PRIESTS have cards. [N.B.: The
priests (and victims) should be grouped by neighborhood].

SACHA (CONT’D)
I’d really like to go back. I think
he’d talk to us.

ROBBY
We will. Just not yet... Let’s
stay focused on victims right now.

MATT
Sacha, where’d they send Father
Talbot again?

SACHA
I think it was Cheverus? MATT
Yeah, that’s right.

ROBBY
Father Talbot? From BC High?

SACHA
Yeah. You know him?

ROBBY
He was there when I was. We have a
victim?

MATT
Yeah. He lives in Providence.

Matt hands him the card. Robby stares down at the name.
11/26/14 93.

108 INT. HAMPDEN SUPERIOR COURT, COURTROOM - DAY 108

Mike is still listing.

ALBANO
There’s nothing personal in these
documents, your honor, they concern
how the Cardinal is handling--

JUDGE SWEENEY
Say the Archdiocese.

ALBANO
Er, excuse me?

JUDGE SWEENEY
You don’t get to tag the Cardinal
with everything, Mr. Albano. Say
the Archdiocese.

Albano looks flustered.

WILSON D. ROGERS JR.
Judge Sweeney, the Globe isn’t a
party to this case, they just want
to sell papers. If Mr. Garabedian
hadn’t smeared the Cardinal’s good
name, we wouldn’t even be here.

GARABEDIAN
Your honor, I object to the use of
the word smear.

JUDGE SWEENEY
Duly noted, Mr. Garabedian.

Garabedian, angry, mutters under his breath. Mike catches it.

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Tense, Serious, Professional

Summary In the Hampden Superior Court, Jon Albano argues for the public release of documents related to the Archdiocese, facing scrutiny from Judge Constance Sweeney and opposition from the Church's lawyer, Wilson D. Rogers Jr. The atmosphere is charged as Garabedian, representing the victims, objects to accusations of sensationalism. Meanwhile, Mike observes the proceedings and engages with reporter Joe Quimby about the Globe's chances in the case. The scene highlights the escalating conflict over accountability and justice, culminating in a tense courtroom dynamic.

Strengths

Strong focus on the legal battle
Tension and seriousness effectively portrayed
Sharp dialogue and well-defined characters

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of significant character changes

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension of a courtroom setting, particularly through the interactions between the lawyers and the judge. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and maintain the audience's engagement. Some lines feel repetitive, particularly in the exchanges between Albano and Judge Sweeney, which could be streamlined to convey the same information more succinctly.
The introduction of the Herald reporter, Joe Quimby, adds a layer of external pressure on Mike, but the interaction lacks depth. It would benefit from more subtext or a hint of rivalry to elevate the stakes of the courtroom scene. As it stands, it feels somewhat like filler rather than a meaningful contribution to the narrative.
The transition between the courtroom and the Spotlight office is abrupt. While it serves to show the parallel efforts of the team, the shift could be smoother. Consider using a visual or auditory cue to bridge the two locations, such as a voiceover from Mike reflecting on the courtroom proceedings as the scene shifts to the office.
In the Spotlight office, the dialogue among Sacha, Robby, and Matt is informative but could be more dynamic. The characters are discussing serious topics, yet the tone remains somewhat flat. Infusing more emotional weight or urgency into their conversation could enhance the scene's impact, especially given the gravity of the subject matter.
The visual elements in the Spotlight office, such as the map and victim cards, are effective in illustrating the investigation's scope. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the environment and the characters' emotional states. This would help the audience connect more deeply with the characters' struggles.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in the courtroom scene feels somewhat procedural and lacks the sharpness that could elevate the tension. For instance, when Judge Sweeney asks for clarification, it could be an opportunity for a more dramatic exchange that highlights the stakes involved.
Mike's interaction with the Herald reporter, Joe Quimby, could be more dynamic. Instead of a simple exchange, consider adding subtext that reveals Mike's internal conflict about the case and his doubts about their chances.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, instead of just stating that Mike is 'fighting tedium,' show it through his body language or actions, such as him fidgeting with a pen or glancing at the clock.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of tension in storytelling, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and pacing in this courtroom scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue between Judge Sweeney and Albano to create more tension and urgency?
What techniques can I use to convey Mike's internal conflict visually rather than through dialogue?
How can I incorporate subtext into the exchange between Mike and Joe Quimby to deepen their characters?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Mike. While he is present in the courtroom, his emotional stakes are not fully explored. Consider adding a moment where he reflects on the implications of the case for the victims.
The introduction of the Church's lawyer, Wilson D. Rogers Jr., could be more impactful. Instead of merely stating his presence, give him a line that encapsulates his character's motivations or arrogance, which would contrast with the Globe's position.
The transition between the courtroom and the Spotlight office feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better develop Mike's emotional journey in this scene to make his stakes clearer?
What kind of dialogue could I give Wilson D. Rogers Jr. to establish his character more effectively?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the courtroom and the Spotlight office?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a strong inciting incident that propels the narrative forward. While the courtroom setting is significant, there should be a moment that raises the stakes for the characters involved.
The conflict between the Globe's lawyer and the Church's lawyer could be heightened. Consider adding a moment where Albano counters Rogers' claims with a powerful statement that underscores the moral implications of the case.
The pacing feels uneven, particularly in the courtroom. The dialogue could be tightened to maintain tension and keep the audience engaged throughout the scene.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making his perspective crucial for ensuring that the scene effectively drives the narrative forward.

Questions for AI

What could serve as a strong inciting incident in this courtroom scene to raise the stakes?
How can I enhance the conflict between Albano and Rogers to make their exchange more impactful?
What specific dialogue edits can I make to improve the pacing of the courtroom interactions?

General Suggestions

Revise the dialogue between Albano and Judge Sweeney to eliminate redundancy and enhance clarity. Focus on making each line count to maintain the courtroom's tension.
Deepen the interaction between Mike and Joe Quimby by adding subtext or a hint of competition, which could raise the stakes and provide insight into Mike's state of mind.
Create a smoother transition between the courtroom and the Spotlight office by incorporating a voiceover or a visual cue that connects the two scenes thematically.
Infuse the dialogue in the Spotlight office with more urgency and emotional weight, reflecting the seriousness of their investigation and the impact on the victims involved.
Enhance the descriptive elements in the Spotlight office scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to visualize the environment and feel the characters' emotional struggles.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue between Judge Sweeney and Albano to include more dramatic tension, perhaps by having Sweeney challenge Albano's arguments more aggressively.
Add a moment where Mike visibly reacts to the courtroom proceedings, such as clenching his fists or leaning forward, to convey his emotional investment in the case.
Incorporate visual elements that reflect the tension in the courtroom, such as close-ups of the characters' faces during key moments of the dialogue.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension can help refine the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I write to create more dramatic tension in the dialogue?
How can I visually represent Mike's emotional investment in the case during the courtroom scene?
What visual storytelling techniques can I use to enhance the atmosphere of the courtroom?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Mike's emotional arc by including a moment of reflection or a flashback that connects him personally to the case, enhancing his stakes.
Give Wilson D. Rogers Jr. a memorable line that encapsulates his character's motivations, perhaps a dismissive remark about the Globe's intentions.
Create a more seamless transition between the courtroom and the Spotlight office by using a visual motif or a voiceover that connects the two settings.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs can enhance the depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of personal reflection could I include for Mike to deepen his emotional connection to the case?
What line could I give Rogers that would effectively establish his character's motivations?
How can I visually connect the courtroom and the Spotlight office to maintain narrative flow?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear inciting incident in the courtroom, such as a surprising revelation from Albano that shifts the dynamics of the case.
Heighten the conflict between Albano and Rogers by having Albano deliver a powerful rebuttal to Rogers' claims, emphasizing the moral stakes involved.
Tighten the pacing of the dialogue by cutting unnecessary lines and focusing on the most impactful exchanges to maintain audience engagement.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and conflict can help ensure that the scene effectively propels the narrative forward.

Questions for AI

What could serve as an effective inciting incident in this courtroom scene?
How can I craft a powerful rebuttal for Albano that underscores the moral implications of the case?
What specific lines can I cut or revise to improve the pacing of the courtroom dialogue?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on the legal battle and the interactions between the lawyers. It effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the situation.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the legal battle in court is well-developed and effectively portrayed. It adds depth to the overall narrative and highlights the challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the legal battle and the arguments presented by the lawyers. It moves the story forward and adds complexity to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the legal drama genre by focusing on the ethical implications of investigative journalism and the clash between media and religious institutions. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are grounded in realistic motivations.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly the lawyers, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. Their interactions add depth to the conflict and drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the lawyers reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the legal battle and uphold the values of investigative journalism, despite facing opposition from the Church and legal system.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the legal battle and have the documents made public, which reflects the immediate challenge of facing off against the Church's lawyer in court.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Globe's lawyer and the Church's lawyer is central to the scene, creating tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and power struggles between the characters that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the legal battle and the pursuit of justice add intensity to the scene, showcasing the importance of the outcome for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by highlighting the legal battle and the challenges faced by the characters. It sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the legal arguments and the shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of freedom of the press and the Church's desire to protect its reputation. This challenges Mike's beliefs in the importance of investigative journalism and holding powerful institutions accountable.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and seriousness, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced as in other scenes with more personal interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and focused, highlighting the arguments presented by the lawyers and the tension in the courtroom. It adds to the overall realism of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes legal battle, the conflict between the characters, and the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through well-paced dialogue exchanges and character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a courtroom drama, with clear dialogue exchanges and a focus on the legal arguments being presented.

109 EXT. HAMPDEN SUPERIOR COURT, SPRINGFIELD, MA - LATER 109

Garabedian sits on the courthouse steps, eating a packed
lunch out of tupperware. Simmering.

MIKE
How you doing, Mitch?

Mike walks up, sits down.

GARABEDIAN
I’m fine.

MIKE
(pushing him)
He’s tough, that Wilson Rogers.
11/26/14 94.

GARABEDIAN
He’s smug. And he’s sloppy.

MIKE
He doesn’t seem sloppy.

GARABEDIAN
You don’t know the half of it.
Trust me.

MIKE
What’s the half of it?
(then)
Tell me the half of it, Mitch.

Garabedian looks at him, wrestling with something.

GARABEDIAN
Off the record.

MIKE
Off the record.

GARABEDIAN
Three years ago, I get a call from
an ex-Priest. Anthony Benzevich.
He was at Blessed Sacrament back in
‘62 and he saw Geoghan taking little
boys up to the Rectory bedroom.
Benzevich was appalled, he told the
Bishop. And the Bishop threatened
to reassign him. To South America.

MIKE
Jeez.

GARABEDIAN
Yeah. So, fast-forward 35 years,
Benzevich reads Geoghan’s been
charged with molesting more than a
hundred kids. Benzevich feels
guilty, he calls me.

MIKE
You have testimony from a priest
telling his superiors about Geoghan
in 62’?

GARABEDIAN
No, I do not. Because when I call
Benzevich in to give a deposition,
he shows up with a lawyer.
11/26/14 95.

MIKE
Wilson Rogers.

GARABEDIAN
Suddenly, Father Benzevich has a
foggy memory. Can’t remember
anything. He’s useless. So I go
back to work, I forget about it,
whatever. Until about a year ago. I
find an article about a priest who
warned church officials about
Geoghan.

MIKE
(stunned)
Benzevich went to the press.

GARABEDIAN
Local paper, Patriot Ledger, nobody
saw it. But now I got Benzevich on
record, so I file a motion to depose
him a second time. And Wilson
Rogers, that smug son of a bitch, he
files a motion opposing my motion.
And that’s when I have him!

MIKE
Have him how?

GARABEDIAN
Rogers opposes my motion. So I gotta
make an argument as to why I’m
allowed to depose Father Benzevich a
second time. But now, I’m allowed
to attach exhibits. You follow what
I’m saying?

MIKE
The sealed documents...

GARABEDIAN
Yes, I can use the sealed documents
I’ve gotten in discovery, Mr.
Rezendes, the same documents your
paper is currently suing for.

MIKE
You’re shitting me.

GARABEDIAN
No, I am not shitting you. So I
pull out the 14 most damning docs
and I attach them to my motion. And
they prove everything.
(MORE)
11/26/14 96.

GARABEDIAN (CONT'D)
About the Church, about the bishops,
about Law...

MIKE
And it’s all public? Because your
motion to oppose Rogers’ motion...

GARABEDIAN
...is public. That’s correct. Now
you’re paying attention.

MIKE
(head spinning)
So I can just walk into the
courthouse right now and get those
documents?

GARABEDIAN
No. You cannot. Because the
documents are not there.

MIKE
But you just said they’re public.

GARABEDIAN
I know I did. But this is Boston.
And the Church doesn’t want them to
be found. So they are not there.

MIKE
Mitch, are you telling me that the
Catholic Church had legal documents
removed from the courthouse?

Mitch collects his things, turns to Mike. With clarity.

GARABEDIAN
Look, I’m not crazy, I’m not
paranoid, I’m experienced. Check
the docket, you’ll see. They control
everything. Everything.

Mitch exits. Mike watches him go, UNNERVED. Is Mitch right?
And was that just the mother of all tips? A beat... then
Mike grabs his stuff and runs towards his car.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Revealing, Conspiratorial

Summary On the steps of Hampden Superior Court, Mitch Garabedian expresses frustration over the Catholic Church's legal maneuvers while discussing a past encounter with ex-priest Anthony Benzevich, who reported misconduct but was ignored. Garabedian reveals his attempts to depose Benzevich, who now has a foggy memory, and his discovery of sealed documents containing incriminating evidence against the Church. Despite opposition from lawyer Wilson Rogers, Garabedian files a motion to depose Benzevich again, but warns Mike that the Church likely removed the documents. The scene concludes with Mike feeling uneasy about the Church's influence over the legal proceedings.

Strengths

Revealing crucial information
Building tension and suspense
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Complexity of legal proceedings may be challenging for some viewers to follow

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Mike and Garabedian, revealing critical information about the Church's influence and the legal battle surrounding the case. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening some of the dialogue to maintain a more urgent tone, especially as the stakes are high.
Garabedian's character is well-developed through his frustration and determination, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the emotional weight of his revelations. For instance, showing his body language or facial expressions could add depth to his character and the gravity of the situation.
The dialogue is informative, but at times it feels overly expository. While it's important to convey the backstory, consider breaking up the exposition with more dynamic interactions or reactions from Mike to keep the audience engaged.
The setting of the courthouse steps is appropriate, but it could be more vividly described to create a stronger atmosphere. Adding sensory details about the environment could help immerse the audience in the scene and reflect the tension of the legal proceedings.
The ending leaves the audience with a sense of urgency, but it could be enhanced by showing Mike's immediate reaction to the information. Instead of just having him run towards his car, consider including a moment of reflection or a decision-making process that highlights the weight of what he has just learned.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Mike and Garabedian is sharp and engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Garabedian says, 'He’s smug. And he’s sloppy,' it feels a bit on-the-nose. Consider having him express this through a story or anecdote that illustrates his point without stating it outright.
The pacing of the scene is effective, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Garabedian's simmering frustration is palpable, yet it could be more pronounced through his body language and facial expressions. Perhaps include a moment where he hesitates before revealing critical information, building tension.
The scene ends with Mike feeling unnerved, which is a strong emotional note. However, it could be more impactful if we see a physical reaction from him, such as a moment of hesitation before he runs to his car, emphasizing the weight of the revelation.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and emphasis on subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy exchanges in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Garabedian's dialogue to make it feel less direct?
What techniques can I use to visually convey Mike's emotional state at the end of the scene?
How can I enhance the tension in the scene without relying solely on dialogue?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension around the legal battle, but it could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. What is the central theme you want to convey through this exchange? Consider emphasizing the moral implications of the Church's actions more explicitly.
Garabedian's character is compelling, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so invested in this case? Adding a line or two that hints at his personal connection to the victims could deepen the audience's understanding of his drive.
The transition from the courthouse to Mike's realization feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment where Mike reflects on Garabedian's words before he rushes off, allowing the audience to process the gravity of the information.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the thematic depth and character motivations in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to clarify a character's motivations in a dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I better integrate thematic elements into the dialogue without being overt?
What techniques can I use to create smoother transitions between emotional beats in a scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong setup with the courthouse setting, but it lacks a clear dramatic arc. Consider introducing a specific goal for Mike in this scene beyond just gathering information. What does he stand to lose or gain?
Garabedian's revelation about the documents is a pivotal moment, but it could be framed more dramatically. Perhaps introduce a ticking clock element, such as a deadline for the court case, to heighten the urgency of their conversation.
The dialogue is informative, but it could be more dynamic. Consider interspersing action beats that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as Garabedian's body language as he reveals critical information, to create a more engaging rhythm.

Robert McKee is renowned for his expertise in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer dramatic arc within a dialogue-heavy scene?
What are some effective ways to introduce urgency into a conversation without losing focus on the dialogue?
How can I incorporate action beats to enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to enhance the pacing and urgency of the scene, ensuring that each line serves to heighten tension or develop character.
Incorporate more visual elements and body language to convey the emotional stakes of the conversation, particularly Garabedian's frustration and determination.
Break up the exposition with more dynamic interactions or reactions from Mike to maintain audience engagement and avoid feeling overly informative.
Enhance the setting description to create a more immersive atmosphere that reflects the tension of the legal proceedings and the weight of the conversation.
Add a moment of reflection or decision-making for Mike at the end of the scene to emphasize the significance of the information he has just received and its potential impact on the investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Garabedian's dialogue to include more subtext. Instead of stating that Rogers is 'smug' and 'sloppy,' have Garabedian recount a specific incident that illustrates these traits, allowing the audience to infer his feelings.
Enhance Garabedian's physicality during the scene. Show him fidgeting with his lunch or tapping his foot as he wrestles with the information he’s about to share, building tension.
Add a moment where Mike pauses before running to his car, perhaps looking back at the courthouse, to emphasize the weight of Garabedian's revelations.

David Mamet's focus on subtext and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the dialogue and emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext in dialogue that effectively convey character emotions?
How can I visually represent a character's internal struggle during a conversation?
What techniques can I use to create impactful pauses in dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Garabedian's motivations by adding a line that hints at his personal connection to the victims, such as a brief mention of a case he lost or a victim he knew.
Emphasize the theme of accountability by having Mike reflect on the implications of Garabedian's words before he rushes off, perhaps voicing a concern about the Church's influence.
Smooth the transition from Garabedian's revelation to Mike's realization by including a moment of silence or a close-up shot of Mike's face as he processes the information.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and thematic storytelling makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional and thematic depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively convey a character's backstory in a single line of dialogue?
What are some techniques for highlighting thematic elements in a scene without being overt?
How can I create a more impactful transition between emotional beats in a scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a specific goal for Mike in this scene, such as needing to gather evidence before a court deadline, to create a clearer dramatic arc.
Add a ticking clock element to the conversation, perhaps by having Mike glance at his watch or mention an upcoming court date, to heighten the urgency of their discussion.
Incorporate action beats that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as Garabedian's clenched fists or Mike's pacing, to create a more dynamic rhythm in the dialogue.

Robert McKee's focus on dramatic structure and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's overall impact and engagement.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to establish a character's goal in a dialogue-heavy scene?
How can I introduce urgency into a conversation without losing focus on the dialogue?
What techniques can I use to incorporate action beats that enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension and intrigue as crucial information is revealed. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience on edge.

Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of exposing the Church's cover-ups and manipulations is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of the investigative process and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Plot: 9.3

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with major revelations about the Church's actions and the characters' strategies to uncover the truth. The stakes are raised, setting the stage for further conflict and resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the legal drama genre by delving into the complexities of child abuse cases within the Catholic Church. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the scene. Each character's actions and reactions contribute to the tension and drama of the moment.

Character Changes: 9

While there are no explicit character changes in this scene, the revelations and conflicts experienced by the characters contribute to their growth and development throughout the narrative.

Internal Goal: 9

Garabedian's internal goal in this scene is to expose the corruption and cover-up within the Catholic Church regarding child abuse cases. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 8

Garabedian's external goal is to gather evidence to support his case against the Church and Wilson Rogers. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in proving his claims.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.4

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, professional, and ethical dilemmas for the characters. The power struggle between the Church and the journalists adds to the high stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Garabedian facing resistance from the Church and Wilson Rogers in his pursuit of justice.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as the characters confront the powerful forces of the Church and grapple with the implications of their discoveries. The risks and consequences are palpable.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the story by uncovering key information, raising the stakes, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It propels the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable as new information is revealed, and the power dynamics between characters shift unexpectedly.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between truth and power. Garabedian's pursuit of justice challenges the Church's authority and control over information.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, ranging from shock to outrage to empathy for the characters. The revelations and confrontations heighten the emotional intensity.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals crucial information about the characters and the unfolding story. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and the revelation of crucial information.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through rapid-fire dialogue and escalating stakes.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of screenplay writing, with proper scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama, with a clear progression of events and dialogue that advances the plot.

110 EXT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, DOWNTOWN BOSTON - LATER 110

Mike gets out of his car, runs across same street into the
courthouse.
11/26/14 97.

111 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, RECORDS ROOM - DAY 111

A mousy looking CLERK #2 (O’BRIAN) pushes a BINDER across a
help desk to... Mike. Who starts going through the file.

CLERK #2 (O’BRIAN)
Docket entry #49 in the Geoghan
case.
(then)
We’re closing in ten minutes.

CLOSE ON DOCKET ENTRY #49: Plaintiff’s opposition to
Reverend Anthony Benzevich’s Motion for Protective Order.
Dated APR 2, 2001. And a list of 14 exhibits.

Mike, excited, opens the file, finds the motion and a FOLDER,
EXHIBITS A - N. Mike opens it. It’s empty. HOLY SHIT.

112 INT. ROBBY’S HOUSE, ROBBY’S HOME OFFICE - EARLY EVENING 112

Robby stands, searching through bookshelves... until he finds
a BC HIGH YEARBOOK. He flips to the faculty page, homing in
on a PHOTO... FATHER JAMES TALBOT. A beat. His phone RINGS.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Robby.

MIKE (OVER THE PHONE)
Hey, it’s me. You’re not gonna
believe it.

113 EXT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, DOWNTOWN BOSTON - SAME TIME113

Mike is walking out of the courthouse.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Garabedian gave me a tip, some of
the sealed docs are already public.
They’re part of a motion he filed.
He said they’re the best of the
bunch, we don’t have to wait for
Sweeney’s ruling.

INTERCUT THE TWO SCENES

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
So we can get them?

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Yeah, but they’re not there! I
already talked to Albano, he said
all we have to do is file a motion
and Sweeney will order Mitch to
refile the docs.
11/26/14 98.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
And you think these documents are...

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
He said these 14 docs are all we
need. They’re huge, Robby.

ROBBY
Okay. I’ll call Ben. Good work.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Excited, Frustrated

Summary In a tense scene at the Suffolk County Courthouse, Mike rushes into the records room searching for crucial documents related to the Geoghan case. He is shocked to find a key folder empty, heightening the urgency of his investigation. Meanwhile, Robby discovers a photo of Father James Talbot while looking through a yearbook at home. Mike calls Robby to share a tip about sealed documents that have become public, discussing their next steps to obtain them despite the setback. The scene concludes with Robby agreeing to contact Ben to pursue the necessary documents.

Strengths

Effective pacing
Tension-building
Revealing crucial information

Weaknesses

Empty folder revelation could be cliche

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension by placing Mike in a race against time, which is a common trope in investigative journalism narratives. However, the urgency could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the courthouse or the atmosphere of impending closure, to immerse the audience further.
The dialogue between Mike and Robby is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys critical information, it could benefit from more subtext or personal stakes to enhance the connection between the characters and the gravity of their discovery.
The transition between the courthouse and Robby's home office feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's momentum and keep the audience engaged. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that links the two locations more cohesively.
The introduction of the clerk, O'Brian, is minimal and does not add much to the scene. Providing a brief moment that showcases O'Brian's character or attitude could add depth to the interaction and make the setting feel more populated and realistic.
The revelation of the empty folder is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by showing Mike's physical reaction more vividly. Instead of just stating 'HOLY SHIT,' consider describing his body language or facial expressions to convey his shock and frustration more effectively.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively builds tension with Mike's urgency as he rushes into the courthouse, but it could benefit from sharper dialogue. For instance, the exchange between Mike and the clerk could be more dynamic, perhaps with the clerk exhibiting a bit of impatience or skepticism about Mike's intentions.
The moment when Mike discovers the empty folder is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal reaction. Instead of just 'HOLY SHIT,' consider a brief flashback or a visual cue that illustrates the stakes of this discovery.
The intercutting between Mike and Robby is a good technique to maintain tension, but the dialogue could be more concise. Each character should have a clear goal in their conversation, which could be emphasized through more pointed questions and answers.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of tension in storytelling, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue between Mike and the clerk more engaging and reflective of their personalities?
What techniques can I use to visually represent Mike's internal conflict when he discovers the empty folder?
How can I ensure that the intercutting between Mike and Robby maintains tension without becoming confusing?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of advancing the plot by revealing critical information about the sealed documents, but it lacks emotional depth. Consider adding a moment where Mike reflects on the implications of what he's uncovering, perhaps through a brief internal monologue.
The stakes are high, but the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. How does Mike feel about the potential consequences of these documents? Adding a layer of personal investment could enhance audience engagement.
Robby's reaction to Mike's news is somewhat muted. It would be more impactful if Robby expressed a mix of excitement and concern, highlighting the gravity of the situation.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to incorporate internal monologues to deepen character emotions in this scene?
How can I better illustrate the emotional stakes for Mike regarding the documents he discovers?
What techniques can I use to show Robby's emotional response to Mike's news more vividly?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a clear goal for Mike, which is to obtain the documents, but it could benefit from a stronger conflict. The empty folder is a setback, but consider introducing an additional obstacle, such as a rival journalist or a more obstructive clerk.
The pacing is generally good, but the transition between the courthouse and Robby's house feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative.
The stakes of the documents could be made clearer. Perhaps include a line from Mike that articulates why these documents are crucial, which would help the audience understand their significance.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the dramatic tension and clarity of stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce an additional obstacle for Mike in this scene to heighten the conflict?
What are some effective ways to create smoother transitions between scenes to maintain narrative flow?
How can I clarify the stakes of the documents in Mike's dialogue to enhance audience understanding?

General Suggestions

Add sensory details to the courthouse setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience, such as the echo of footsteps or the ticking of a clock as time runs out.
Infuse the dialogue with emotional stakes by having Mike express his frustration or fear about the implications of the missing documents, which would deepen the audience's investment in the characters' journey.
Consider using a visual transition, such as a shot of Mike's determined face as he leaves the courthouse, followed by a cut to Robby at home, to create a more fluid connection between the two scenes.
Develop O'Brian's character slightly by giving him a memorable line or reaction that reflects the tension of the situation, making the interaction feel more dynamic.
Enhance the moment of discovery by describing Mike's physical reaction to the empty folder, such as a gasp or a moment of disbelief, to convey the emotional weight of the situation more powerfully.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue between Mike and the clerk to include more tension, perhaps by having the clerk question Mike's urgency or intentions.
Add a visual cue or flashback to illustrate Mike's internal stakes when he discovers the empty folder, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
Make the dialogue in the intercutting more concise and goal-oriented, ensuring each character's motivations are clear.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension can help refine the interactions in this scene for greater impact.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to enhance the tension between Mike and the clerk?
How can I visually represent Mike's internal conflict in a way that resonates with the audience?
What strategies can I use to ensure the intercutting dialogue remains clear and impactful?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate an internal monologue for Mike that reflects on the implications of the documents he is seeking, adding emotional depth to the scene.
Clarify Mike's emotional stakes by including a line that expresses his concern about the potential fallout from the documents.
Enhance Robby's reaction to Mike's news by having him express a mix of excitement and apprehension, emphasizing the gravity of the situation.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional arcs can guide the enhancement of character depth and audience engagement in this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to effectively incorporate internal monologues into the dialogue?
How can I articulate Mike's emotional stakes regarding the documents in a way that resonates with the audience?
What specific lines can I add to Robby's dialogue to better convey his emotional response?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a rival journalist or a more obstructive clerk to create additional conflict for Mike as he seeks the documents.
Smooth the transition between the courthouse and Robby's house by adding a brief moment that connects the two locations, such as Mike reflecting on the importance of the documents as he leaves.
Include a line in Mike's dialogue that explicitly states why the documents are crucial, helping the audience grasp their significance.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and structure can help elevate the dramatic tension and clarity of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a rival journalist to heighten the conflict in this scene?
What are some techniques for creating smoother transitions between scenes to maintain narrative flow?
How can I clarify the stakes of the documents in Mike's dialogue to enhance audience understanding?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of advancing the investigation by revealing important information. The tension and excitement build up effectively, keeping the audience engaged.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering hidden documents to expose the truth adds depth to the investigation storyline. It showcases the dedication and persistence of the journalists in pursuing justice.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the characters make a breakthrough in their investigation. The discovery of the sealed documents raises the stakes and propels the story towards a crucial turning point.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to legal drama, focusing on the characters' determination to uncover hidden documents. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the plot forward.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are well-developed, reflecting their individual motivations and the collective goal of uncovering the truth. Each character's role contributes to the progression of the investigation.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' perspectives and motivations are further developed as they confront new challenges and revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover crucial documents that will help their case. This reflects their desire for justice and truth.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to obtain the sealed documents that will strengthen their case. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their legal battle.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the implications of the discovered documents and the ethical decisions they must make. The tension arises from the urgency to act on the new information.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face challenges in obtaining the documents and navigating the legal system.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters uncover key evidence that could expose widespread corruption and abuse within the Church. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial plot point that will drive future events. It sets the stage for further investigation and confrontations with the Church.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected discoveries and the challenges they face in obtaining the documents.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the pursuit of justice and the legal system's bureaucracy. The characters are challenging the system to uncover the truth.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from excitement to frustration, as the characters navigate the complexities of their investigation. The audience is drawn into the high-stakes nature of the discovery.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and serves the purpose of conveying important information while also revealing the characters' emotions and intentions. It effectively drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and the characters' determination to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on the characters' goals.

114 EXT. GLOBE, PARKING LOT - EARLY MORNING 114

Marty gets out of his car and walks toward the building. It’s
a beautiful September morning.

115 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - MOMENTS LATER 115

It’s pretty empty. Marty walks in, heads toward his office,
but slows when SOMETHING on a TV catches his attention. He
walks to the TV, joins A YOUNG REPORTER already watching.

MARTY
What happened?

YOUNG REPORTER
They’re saying it’s a prop plane but
that’s not a prop plane.

We glimpse the TV. The World Trade Center. On fire.

MARTY
Tell Linda to get every reporter we
have in here now.

116 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - DAY 116

CLOSE ON a TV. Cardinal Law addressing a large group of
reporters, citizens in front of the Cathedral.

CARDINAL LAW (REAL FOOTAGE)
You pray for the injured, and those
who survived. You pray, too, for
the nation, that our response might
reflect our best ideals and God’s
teaching as it is found in
Christianity and Islam as well.

REVEAL a group watching TV in the corner of the newsroom, Ben
front and center. Robby, Matt, Sacha are off to the side.

BEN
Not bad. Who’s there?
11/26/14 99.

FEMALE EDITOR
Paulson.

Ben starts to move, an editor at his side.

BEN
I wanna talk to him when he’s back.
(to Robby)
Did Rezendes find a way to get to
Florida?

ROBBY
They just opened the airport in
Providence, he’s on his way there
now.

News to Sacha and Matt.

CANELLOS
Ben, I’m gonna need more people on
Massport.

BEN
I’ll give you three of my guys.
Robby, put your team on that too.

ROBBY
Got it.

BEN
And Robby, everything else stops.

ROBBY
Understood.

Ben heads off.

MATT
Why’s Mike going to Florida?

ROBBY
Flight school. It’s where they
learned to fly.

SACHA
Robby, I’ve got a lot of victim
interviews set up this week.

ROBBY
You’re gonna have to cancel ‘em.

SACHA
That’s going to be hard.
11/26/14 100.

MATT
This is nuts. Two days ago, I told
my wife we gotta be working the
biggest story on the planet....

Robby nods as we PAN to Reception. Linda and several others
taking calls.

LINDA
Boston Globe. We have no RECEPTIONIST 1
knowledge of additional Boston Globe. One second
threats. please.

RECEPTIONIST 2
Yes, if you have a tip I’ll transfer
you to the metro desk.

Off the RINGING PHONES --

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Serious, Urgent

Summary On a September morning, Marty arrives at the Globe newsroom to find a TV broadcasting the World Trade Center on fire. He quickly calls for all reporters as the team, led by Ben, strategizes on how to cover the unfolding crisis. Amidst the chaos, reporters express concerns about the story's magnitude and the need to cancel prior commitments. The scene captures the urgency and tension in the newsroom as they scramble to respond to the breaking news, with ringing phones indicating the high demand for information.

Strengths

Realistic portrayal of a newsroom environment during a crisis
Strong sense of urgency and tension
Effective character reactions and interactions

Weaknesses

Limited exploration of individual character arcs
Dialogue could be more dynamic

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of a newsroom responding to a major breaking news event, which is crucial for setting the tone of the story. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional weight of the previous scene regarding the church's abuse scandal could be better connected to the gravity of the events unfolding on September 11, 2001.
The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys the necessary information, it could benefit from more character-driven interactions that reveal the personal stakes for the reporters involved. For instance, how does this news impact their ongoing investigation into the church? Adding layers to their reactions could enhance the scene's emotional resonance.
The pacing of the scene is quick, which is appropriate for a breaking news scenario, but it may leave viewers feeling detached from the characters. Slowing down at key moments to allow characters to express their feelings or concerns could create a stronger connection with the audience.
The use of real footage of Cardinal Law is a powerful choice, but it could be more impactful if the characters' reactions to his words were more pronounced. This could serve to juxtapose their ongoing investigation with the church's public image, highlighting the tension between the two narratives.
The scene introduces several characters and their roles in the newsroom, but it could benefit from clearer character dynamics. For example, how do Robby, Matt, and Sacha feel about the shift in focus from their investigation to the breaking news? Establishing their emotional stakes would add depth to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of breaking news, which is crucial for maintaining tension. However, the transition from Marty's calm arrival to the frantic atmosphere in the newsroom could be more pronounced. For instance, adding a moment where Marty processes the gravity of the situation before he calls for reporters could enhance the dramatic impact.
Marty's character is established as a decisive leader, but the dialogue could be sharpened to reflect his emotional state more vividly. Instead of simply instructing Linda to gather reporters, perhaps he could express concern or urgency in his tone, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
The dialogue among the reporters feels somewhat functional. While it serves the plot, it lacks the emotional weight that could elevate the stakes. For example, when Sacha expresses concern about canceling victim interviews, it could be framed with more personal stakes, perhaps referencing a specific victim's story that resonates with her.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in Marty's dialogue when he calls for reporters? What specific language could convey urgency and concern?
What techniques can I use to create a more pronounced transition from Marty's calm arrival to the chaos of the newsroom?
How can I deepen the interactions among the reporters to reflect their emotional investment in the story?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the setting and the urgency of the news, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, describing the expressions and body language of the reporters as they react to the news could add depth to the scene.
The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. For example, instead of simply stating facts, characters could express their personal stakes or fears regarding the unfolding events, which would make the dialogue more engaging.
The pacing of the scene is quick, which is appropriate for breaking news, but it might be helpful to slow down slightly during key moments, such as when Marty first sees the news on TV. This could allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and dialogue, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional and narrative depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific visual details can I add to enhance the emotional impact of the reporters' reactions?
How can I make the dialogue more dynamic and reflective of the characters' personal stakes in the story?
What techniques can I use to balance the pacing of the scene while maintaining the urgency of breaking news?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene captures the urgency of a newsroom effectively, but the dialogue could be more punchy and memorable. For instance, instead of stating that Mike is going to Florida for flight school, it could be framed in a way that highlights the absurdity of the situation amidst a national tragedy.
The interactions among the characters feel somewhat standard. Adding unique character quirks or humor could make the dialogue more engaging and memorable. For example, if one character had a humorous take on the chaos, it could provide a moment of levity amidst the tension.
The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of conflict. While there is urgency, the stakes could be raised by introducing a competing news outlet or a deadline that adds pressure to the Globe's coverage.

William Goldman is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's engagement and conflict.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more punchy and memorable, particularly regarding Mike's trip to Florida?
What unique character quirks or humor can I incorporate to enhance the interactions among the reporters?
What elements of conflict can I introduce to raise the stakes in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that connects the urgency of the breaking news to the ongoing investigation into the church. This could help maintain narrative continuity and deepen the emotional stakes.
Incorporate more character-driven dialogue that reveals the personal impact of the news on the reporters. This could include their fears, frustrations, or motivations related to both the breaking news and their investigation.
Allow for a moment of silence or a pause after the initial shock of the news is revealed. This could give characters a chance to process the gravity of the situation and create a more poignant emotional impact.
Enhance the reactions of the characters to Cardinal Law's address. This could involve facial expressions, body language, or brief exchanges that highlight their skepticism or anger towards the church's public statements.
Clarify the relationships and dynamics between the characters in the newsroom. This could involve adding small moments of camaraderie or tension that reflect their shared history and the weight of the story they are covering.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Add a moment where Marty pauses to absorb the news before calling for reporters, perhaps reflecting on the implications of the event. This could be a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that shows his concern.
Revise Marty's dialogue to include emotional weight, such as expressing worry for the victims or the nation, which would deepen the audience's connection to him.
Incorporate personal stakes into Sacha's dialogue about canceling interviews, perhaps referencing a specific victim she feels a connection to, which would enhance the emotional stakes.

Robert McKee's focus on character depth and emotional stakes makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific internal thoughts can I give Marty to enhance his emotional response to the news?
How can I revise Sacha's dialogue to reflect her personal investment in the victim interviews?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Include more visual storytelling by describing the reporters' body language and expressions as they react to the news, which would add depth to the scene.
Revise the dialogue to include personal stakes or fears from the characters, making it more engaging and reflective of their emotional investment.
Consider slowing down the pacing during key moments, such as when Marty first sees the news, to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.

Linda Seger's expertise in visual storytelling and character dialogue makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional depth.

Questions for AI

What specific visual details can I add to enhance the emotional impact of the reporters' reactions?
How can I revise the dialogue to reflect the characters' personal stakes in the unfolding events?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise the dialogue to make it more punchy and memorable, particularly regarding Mike's trip to Florida. Consider framing it in a way that highlights the absurdity of the situation.
Introduce unique character quirks or humor in the dialogue to make the interactions among the reporters more engaging and memorable.
Raise the stakes by introducing a competing news outlet or a deadline that adds pressure to the Globe's coverage, creating a stronger sense of conflict.

William Goldman's focus on sharp dialogue and character-driven storytelling makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's engagement and conflict.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more punchy and memorable, particularly regarding Mike's trip to Florida?
What unique character quirks or humor can I incorporate to enhance the interactions among the reporters?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the urgency and tension of breaking news, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the immediate reactions and actions of journalists in response to breaking news is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the characters' response to breaking news, driving the narrative forward and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to covering a major news event, focusing on the behind-the-scenes actions of journalists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in response to the breaking news are authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience a shift in focus and urgency due to the breaking news, leading to potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to mobilize his team and cover the breaking news effectively. This reflects his need to be a competent leader in a crisis.

External Goal: 9

Marty's external goal is to coordinate the news coverage of the World Trade Center attack and ensure his team is on top of the story. This reflects the immediate challenge of reporting on a major event.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict arises from the urgency of the breaking news and the characters' need to respond quickly and decisively.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges of covering a major news event and making difficult decisions under pressure.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the impact of breaking news and the need to respond effectively in a fast-paced environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major event and setting up future investigations and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events and decisions made by the characters in response to the breaking news.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the need for accurate reporting and the emotional impact of the tragedy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the role of journalism in society.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern and determination in the characters, resonating with the audience's emotions.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, with characters reacting realistically to the unfolding events.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and realistic dialogue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the sense of urgency.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a newsroom drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.

117 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE, CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 117

Garabedian works at his desk. The phone rings, he picks up.

GARABEDIAN (INTO PHONE)
Mitchell Garabedian.

118 INT. MIKE’S CAR (MOVING), I-95 - DAY 118

Mike speeds frantically down I-95 towards Providence, phone
to his ear. It’s ringing.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Mitch, it’s Mike, I’ve been trying
to reach you...

GARABEDIAN (OVER THE PHONE)
I don’t have time to talk to you,
Mr. Rezendes.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Did you refile those documents yet?

GARABEDIAN (OVER THE PHONE)
No, I just got the order, it takes
time.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Okay, great. Can you to hold off on
refiling them?
11/26/14 101.

GARABEDIAN MIKE
Hold off? I have to go to Florida, once
you refile, they’re public,
other newspapers will be able
to get a hold of...

GARABEDIAN (INTO PHONE)
Other newspapers are not my concern.
I received a judicial order, I told
you the Church is watching me...

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Mitch, please, I just need a few
weeks.

GARABEDIAN (INTO PHONE)
I can’t make any promises. Goodbye.

Garabedian hangs up.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Mitch? Mitch! Shit!

119 EXT. T-STOP, BOSTON - DAY 119

The season has changed. The leaves are all but gone. Sacha
emerges from the subway, crosses the street.

120 INT. BAR, JAMAICA PLAIN - SAME TIME 120

A relatively empty bar. ON TV, we see CNN coverage of the US
BOMBING IN AFGHANISTAN. Phil Saviano sits in a booth across
from Sacha. Phil’s on the edge.

SAVIANO
Look, I get it, no one wants to read
about kids getting raped by priests.
Especially now. But you asked a lot
of people to relive some very
painful experiences and then you
disappear!

SACHA
Phil, you know why we were SAVIANO
taken off the story. It’s been six weeks since
9/11.

SACHA
I realize that and we’re going to
get back to it.

SAVIANO
When? You’re doing the same SACHA
thing you guys did last time-- ...no...
11/26/14 102.

SAVIANO
--you’re dropping us! Maybe I
should tell the Herald that story!

SACHA
Okay, Phil. You can do that, it’ll
undo all the work we’ve done. But I
can’t stop you.

Phil looks away, but quiets.

SACHA (CONT’D)
Listen to me. I am here because I
care. We are not going away. We
are not going away. We are going to
tell this story and we’re going to
tell it right. We just need more
time, that’s all we’re asking for.

PHIL
Why bother asking? You’re gonna do
what you want anyway. You always do.

He gets up and leaves.

SACHA
Phil. Phil...

But he’s gone. Off Sacha --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Serious, Confrontational

Summary In this tense scene, Garabedian receives a frantic call from Mike, who is desperate to delay the refiled documents related to a sensitive Church case. Garabedian, bound by a judicial order, cannot comply, leading to a heated exchange before he hangs up. Meanwhile, Sacha meets Phil Saviano in a bar, where Phil expresses his frustration over the stalled progress on their abuse story. Despite Sacha's reassurances, Phil feels abandoned and leaves in anger, highlighting the emotional strain and urgency surrounding their investigation.

Strengths

Emotional intensity
Character dynamics
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Potential lack of resolution in the confrontation

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and tension through the phone conversation between Mike and Garabedian. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. The stakes are high, but the exchange feels somewhat flat. Adding more emotional weight to Mike's desperation or Garabedian's frustration could enhance the scene's impact.
The transition from Mike's frantic car ride to the conversation with Garabedian is visually engaging, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the environment outside Mike's car or his physical state (e.g., gripping the steering wheel, sweating) would help immerse the audience in his anxiety.
Sacha's confrontation with Saviano in the bar is a strong emotional counterpoint to Mike's scene, but the pacing feels rushed. The dialogue between Sacha and Saviano could be expanded to allow for a deeper exploration of their relationship and the emotional stakes involved. This would create a more satisfying contrast between the two scenes.
The dialogue in the bar scene, while realistic, sometimes lacks clarity. For instance, when Saviano accuses Sacha of dropping the story, it could be clearer what specific actions or inactions he is referring to. This would help the audience understand the gravity of the situation and the history between the characters.
The scene ends abruptly with Saviano leaving, which can be effective for dramatic tension, but it may leave the audience wanting more resolution. A brief moment of reflection from Sacha after Saviano leaves could provide insight into her emotional state and the weight of the situation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and subtext that Mamet is known for. For instance, Mike's urgency could be heightened through more layered dialogue that reveals his desperation without stating it outright.
Garabedian's response to Mike feels somewhat flat. Instead of simply stating he can't hold off, he could express more emotional weight regarding the pressure he faces from the Church, which would add depth to his character.
The scene transitions abruptly from the phone call to Sacha and Phil in the bar. This could be smoothed out with a more deliberate visual or thematic connection between the two locations, perhaps by echoing the tension from the phone call in Phil's dialogue.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character interaction can help elevate the emotional stakes and subtext in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Mike's dialogue to reflect his urgency without making it overt?
What techniques can I use to convey Garabedian's emotional state more effectively in his responses?
How can I create a smoother transition between the phone call and the subsequent scene in the bar?

Critique by Linda Seger

The stakes in this scene are clear, but they could be raised further. For example, Mike could articulate the potential consequences of the documents being released more vividly, which would heighten the tension.
Sacha's conversation with Phil feels somewhat reactive rather than proactive. It would be beneficial to show her taking more initiative in addressing Phil's concerns, perhaps by proposing a specific plan to reassure him.
The emotional arc of the scene could be strengthened by showing more of Mike's internal struggle as he drives. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could enhance the audience's connection to his character.

Seger's focus on character arcs and emotional stakes can help deepen the impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific language can I use to raise the stakes in Mike's conversation with Garabedian?
How can I rewrite Sacha's dialogue to make her more proactive in her conversation with Phil?
What visual elements can I incorporate to better convey Mike's internal struggle during his drive?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic question that propels the narrative forward. What is Mike's ultimate goal in this conversation? Clarifying this could add urgency to his dialogue.
Garabedian's character could be more fleshed out. His motivations for adhering to the judicial order could be explored further, perhaps through a brief flashback or a line that hints at his past experiences with the Church.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The phone call is quick and frantic, but the transition to Sacha and Phil's conversation slows down the momentum. Consider ways to maintain tension throughout the scene.

McKee's expertise in story structure and character motivation can help clarify the scene's purpose and enhance its dramatic impact.

Questions for AI

What dramatic question can I introduce to give Mike's conversation with Garabedian more urgency?
How can I incorporate Garabedian's backstory to enhance his character's motivations?
What techniques can I use to maintain a consistent pacing throughout the scene?

General Suggestions

Enhance the emotional stakes in the phone conversation by incorporating more visceral reactions from both Mike and Garabedian. For example, Mike could express frustration through his tone or body language, while Garabedian could show signs of stress or fear regarding the Church's influence.
Add sensory details to Mike's car scene to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds of the road, the feel of the steering wheel, or the tension in his muscles as he drives, which would heighten the urgency of the moment.
Expand the dialogue between Sacha and Saviano to delve deeper into their emotional connection and the implications of the story. This could involve Sacha sharing her own struggles or fears, making the conversation more impactful.
Clarify the dialogue in the bar scene to ensure that the audience understands the stakes and history between Sacha and Saviano. This could involve adding a line or two that references past interactions or specific events that have led to this moment.
Consider adding a reflective moment for Sacha after Saviano leaves, allowing her to process the conversation and the challenges ahead. This could serve to deepen her character and provide a moment of vulnerability that resonates with the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's dialogue to include more subtext, perhaps by having him reference past experiences or fears that would make his urgency more palpable.
Add a line for Garabedian that reflects his internal conflict about the Church's pressure, such as a brief mention of a past incident that haunts him.
Create a visual motif that connects the phone call to the bar scene, such as a shot of the leaves falling, symbolizing the urgency of time running out.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and visual storytelling can help create a more engaging and layered scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into Mike's dialogue to enhance his urgency?
What kind of past incident could I reference for Garabedian to deepen his character?
What visual motifs could effectively connect the two scenes?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Have Mike articulate the potential fallout of the documents being released in a more vivid way, perhaps by mentioning specific rival newspapers that could exploit the information.
Rewrite Sacha's dialogue to include a specific plan for how they will continue the investigation, which would demonstrate her commitment and reassure Phil.
Include a moment where Mike reflects on the stakes of the situation while driving, perhaps through a voiceover or a brief flashback that highlights his motivations.

Seger's emphasis on character development and emotional stakes can help create a more compelling narrative.

Questions for AI

What specific fallout can I mention to raise the stakes in Mike's conversation?
How can I rewrite Sacha's dialogue to make her more proactive?
What kind of reflection or flashback would effectively convey Mike's motivations?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear dramatic question in Mike's conversation, such as, 'What happens if we lose this opportunity?' to drive the urgency of the scene.
Add a line or two that hints at Garabedian's past experiences with the Church, perhaps referencing a specific case that went wrong.
Consider tightening the pacing by intercutting between Mike's frantic driving and Sacha's conversation with Phil, maintaining tension throughout.

McKee's focus on dramatic structure and character motivation can help clarify the scene's purpose and enhance its impact.

Questions for AI

What dramatic question can I introduce to enhance the urgency of Mike's conversation?
How can I hint at Garabedian's past experiences to deepen his character?
What editing techniques can I use to maintain tension throughout the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and conflict between the characters, driving the narrative forward with a sense of urgency and determination.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the challenges and obstacles faced in investigative journalism, highlighting the perseverance and dedication required to uncover the truth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the confrontation between Sacha and Phil, showcasing the obstacles and conflicts that the investigative team must overcome in their pursuit of justice.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of investigative journalism and ethical dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sacha and Phil are well-developed in this scene, with distinct personalities and motivations driving their interactions. Their emotional depth adds layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Sacha experiences a shift in her determination and resolve, while Phil's frustration and skepticism are highlighted, showcasing subtle character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince Garabedian to hold off on refiling the documents to give him more time to investigate the story. This reflects Mike's deeper need to uncover the truth and expose the wrongdoing of the Church.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to delay the refiling of the documents to prevent other newspapers from getting hold of them before he can fully investigate the story. This reflects the immediate challenge Mike is facing in balancing the need for time with the pressure to act quickly.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Sacha and Phil is intense and drives the emotional core of the scene, adding depth to the narrative and highlighting the challenges faced by the investigative team.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and decisions.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of uncovering the truth about the abuse cases and the obstacles faced by the investigative team add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges and obstacles faced by the investigative team, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters, keeping the audience unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's commitment to uncovering the truth and the external pressures to act quickly and consider the consequences of his actions. This challenges Mike's beliefs in journalistic integrity and the importance of thorough investigation.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of frustration, determination, and conflict in the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Sacha and Phil, showcasing their differing perspectives and the emotional stakes involved in their conversation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and sharp dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' decisions and conflicts.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' dilemmas and decisions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.

121 INT. GLOBE, MARTY’S OFFICE - EVENING 121

Marty’s working at his computer. Ben knocks.

BEN
Marty, you gotta a second?

MARTY
Sure.

Marty turns as Ben walks in.

BEN
Robby’s itching to get his team back
on the church story. At this point,
I think we’re covered on 9/11.

MARTY
Okay. Sounds right.

Ben starts to leave when --
11/26/14 103.

MARTY (CONT’D)
Ben.
(then)
I, uh, wanted to say thank you for
taking the lead on 9/11. All the
politics at Logan and Massport, I
wasn’t the person to do it. You’ve
done an excellent job over the last
six weeks.

Ben is completely caught off guard.

BEN
Oh. Well... thanks.
(awkward, exiting)
Good night.

MARTY
Good night.

122 INT. HOLIDAY INN, HOTEL ROOM, MIAMI, FL - LATER 122

A crappy hotel room. ESPN on TV, a suitcase, clothes, papers
everywhere. Mike takes a burrito out of the hotel microwave,
tries to pick it up when his phone RINGS. He grabs the phone.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Hey.

ROBBY (OVER THE PHONE)
How’s South Beach?

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
I’m in Boynton Beach. Remarkably
different place. What’s up?

ROBBY (OVER THE PHONE)
Mitch Garabedian called me today.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
Why’d he call you?

ROBBY (OVER THE PHONE)
Because he knew you’d yell at him.
He refiled the docs.

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
(yelling)
What? Robby, those docs are public
now, we gotta get them before anyone
else does...
11/26/14 104.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Serious, Urgent

Summary In this scene, Marty expresses gratitude to Ben for his leadership on the 9/11 coverage, surprising Ben with his praise. Meanwhile, Mike, in a messy hotel room in Miami, receives an urgent call from Robby about refiled documents, prompting a need for immediate action. The scene contrasts the tidy office environment with Mike's chaotic surroundings, highlighting the emotional tones of gratitude and urgency.

Strengths

Tension-filled dialogue
Urgency and high stakes
Plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively transitions from the tension of the previous scene to a more subdued moment in Marty's office, which helps to create a contrast in pacing. However, the emotional weight of the previous scene could be better reflected in Marty's demeanor. He seems too calm given the urgency of the situation regarding the church story.
Marty's gratitude towards Ben feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a deeper emotional connection. While it serves to acknowledge Ben's hard work, it could be enhanced by including more specific examples of the challenges Ben faced during the 9/11 coverage, which would add depth to their relationship.
The dialogue between Marty and Ben is functional but lacks subtext. Adding layers to their conversation could reveal more about their characters and the stakes involved. For instance, Ben's reaction to Marty's praise could include hints of his own insecurities or doubts about his performance.
The transition to Mike's hotel room is jarring. The shift from the Globe to a hotel room in Miami could benefit from a more gradual transition or a visual cue that connects the two locations, such as a split screen or a voiceover that bridges the scenes.
Mike's reaction to Robby's news about the refiled documents is appropriately urgent, but the dialogue could be more dynamic. Instead of just yelling, Mike could express his frustration in a way that reveals more about his character, perhaps by referencing past experiences or the implications of the documents.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures a moment of transition, as Marty acknowledges Ben's leadership during a critical time. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks dramatic tension. For instance, Marty's thank you could be more layered, revealing his own insecurities about leadership rather than just expressing gratitude.
Ben's surprise at Marty's praise is a nice touch, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal conflict about the pressures of the job. This would add depth to both characters and make their interaction more engaging.
The transition to Mike's hotel room feels abrupt. It would benefit from a stronger visual or thematic link between the two locations to maintain narrative flow.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the emotional depth and narrative flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen the emotional stakes in Marty's thank you to Ben to make it more impactful?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the two locations in this scene?
How can I better convey Ben's internal conflict regarding his leadership role in this moment?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the urgency of returning to the church story, but it could benefit from more dramatic stakes. What are the potential consequences of not pursuing the story immediately? This could heighten the tension.
Marty's character could be further developed by showing his struggle with the decision to shift focus back to the church story. This could be done through internal monologue or a flashback to previous challenges he faced with the church.
The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext. Adding layers to their conversation could reveal more about their relationship and the pressures they face.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and dramatic structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional and narrative depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to raise the stakes in this scene regarding the church story?
How can I incorporate internal conflict for Marty to enhance his character development?
What techniques can I use to add subtext to the dialogue between Marty and Ben?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene is straightforward but lacks a sense of urgency that could make it more compelling. Consider adding a ticking clock element, such as a deadline for the church story that pressures the characters.
Mike's transition to the hotel room feels disconnected from the previous scene. It would be more effective to establish a clear reason for Mike's urgency in the phone call with Robby, perhaps by hinting at a looming deadline or a competitive threat.
The dialogue could be punchier. For example, instead of 'What’s up?' from Robby, a more engaging line could set the tone for the urgency of the situation.

William Goldman is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and urgency in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a sense of urgency in this scene to make it more compelling?
What specific dialogue changes can I make to enhance the tension in the conversation between Mike and Robby?
How can I better connect Mike's hotel scene with the previous scene to maintain narrative continuity?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Marty reflects on the weight of the church story before discussing it with Ben, which would enhance the emotional stakes.
Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Marty and Ben to reveal their characters' vulnerabilities and the pressures they face.
Use a visual or auditory cue to transition smoothly from the Globe to Mike's hotel room, maintaining the narrative flow.
Enhance Mike's dialogue to include more character-driven reactions, perhaps by referencing previous challenges or expressing his concerns about the implications of the refiled documents.
Explore the possibility of including a brief moment of reflection for Ben after Marty's praise, which could add depth to his character and the dynamics of their working relationship.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Revise Marty's dialogue to include a moment of vulnerability, perhaps expressing his fears about the church story or his own leadership capabilities.
Add a visual motif that connects Marty's office to Mike's hotel room, such as a shared newspaper headline or a phone call that bridges the two scenes.
Consider incorporating a moment of hesitation from Ben before he leaves, indicating his own doubts about the shift in focus.

Robert McKee's focus on character depth and narrative structure makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to visually connect Marty's office and Mike's hotel room to enhance narrative flow?
How can I incorporate vulnerability into Marty's character to deepen his emotional arc?
What techniques can I use to show Ben's internal conflict more clearly in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a subplot or a ticking clock element that emphasizes the urgency of returning to the church story, such as a deadline for publication or a competing news outlet.
Incorporate a brief internal monologue for Marty that reflects his thoughts on the church story, revealing his fears or motivations.
Enhance the dialogue with subtext that hints at the underlying tensions between the characters, perhaps through their body language or tone.

Linda Seger's expertise in character arcs and dramatic tension makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the stakes and emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a ticking clock element to raise the stakes in this scene?
What are some techniques for writing internal monologues that reveal character motivations?
How can I add subtext to the dialogue to create tension between Marty and Ben?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise Robby's opening line to something more engaging that reflects the urgency of the situation, such as 'We need to move fast; Garabedian just refiled those documents.'
Create a stronger connection between Mike's urgency in the phone call and the events leading up to it, perhaps by referencing a recent development in the investigation.
Consider adding a moment of tension in Mike's hotel room, such as a knock at the door or a phone call that interrupts his thoughts, to heighten the sense of urgency.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions valuable for improving the scene's engagement and urgency.

Questions for AI

What are some engaging ways to rewrite Robby's opening line to convey urgency?
How can I better connect Mike's urgency in the phone call to the events of the previous scene?
What techniques can I use to create tension in Mike's hotel room that enhances the urgency of the moment?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the urgency and tension surrounding the investigation, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see the outcome.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering the truth behind the Church abuse scandal is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the revelation of the refiled documents, adding depth to the investigation and raising the stakes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to workplace dynamics and professional relationships, focusing on the nuances of gratitude and acknowledgment in a corporate setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions add depth to the scene, showcasing their dedication to the investigation and the challenges they face.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' determination and dedication are reinforced.

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to express gratitude towards Ben for taking the lead on a challenging project. This reflects Marty's need for validation and recognition, as well as his desire to maintain positive relationships with his colleagues.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to discuss work-related matters with Ben and address the progress on a specific project. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges Marty is facing in his professional life.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' goals and the obstacles they face creates a sense of tension and urgency.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, with underlying power dynamics and unspoken tensions between Marty and Ben. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of obtaining the refiled documents before others do add intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial development in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional turn in Marty's gratitude towards Ben. The shift in power dynamics adds a layer of complexity to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Marty's acknowledgment of his limitations and Ben's unexpected gratitude. This challenges Marty's beliefs about his own capabilities and the dynamics of power within the workplace.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes feelings of concern and frustration, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, driving the scene forward with impactful exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the naturalistic dialogue and emotional depth of the characters. The subtle tension and unspoken emotions keep the audience invested in the interaction between Marty and Ben.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a gradual reveal of Marty's internal struggles and Ben's unexpected response.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

123 INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE/SPOTLIGHT - SAME TIME 123

Robby sitting in his chair.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
I know, wrap up what you’re doing
and catch the first flight you can.

MIKE (OVER THE PHONE)
I’ll book a flight, go straight to
the courthouse tomorrow.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Good. Call me when you get it.

Robby hangs up. Sacha is in his door, putting on her coat.

SACHA
Robby, I’d like to let Phil Saviano
know that we are back on it.

ROBBY
Good idea. Go have dinner with
Hansi. Might be the last time for a
while.

SACHA
Okay.

Sacha hesitates, then grabs a clip off her desk.

SACHA (CONT’D)
Robby, after we saw MacLeish, I
started going back through the
clips... and I had a little time
last week finally, so, uh...
(she hands him the clip)
I found that. It’s from ‘93.

Robby looks down. We see the clip. “LAWYER FOR PORTER
VICTIMS SAYS 20 OTHER PRIESTS IN AREA ARE ACCUSED.”

Robby’s face CHANGES. Sacha waits, expecting a response.

ROBBY
That it?

Robby’s abrupt tone catches Sacha by surprise.

SACHA
Yeah. That’s it.

ROBBY
Good night.
11/26/14 105.

SACHA
Okay. Good night.

Sacha takes a beat, then leaves, a bit confused and hurt.
Robby looks down at the clip. Off Robby --

124 INT. MATT CARROLL’S HOUSE, BEDROOM, WEST ROXBURY, MA - NIGHT
124

Matt sits up in bed. Checks the clock. 4am. Can’t sleep.

125 INT. MATT CARROLL’S HOUSE, KITCHEN - LATER 125

Matt walks in, takes two aspirin. He eyes a 9/11 BUMPER
STICKER on the fridge. His gaze drifts down to the photo of
the house on Pelton Street. Matt frowns... realizing he’s
back on the church.

126 EXT. MODERN RESTAURANT, PROVIDENCE, RI - DAY 126

A wide shot. A well dressed, good looking MAN checking his
blackberry.

Robby walks in, introduces himself to the man. PRELAP --

127 INT. MODERN RESTAURANT, PROVIDENCE, RI - LATER 127

Robby and the man, KEVIN, 40s, sit at a table. We’re in a
long shot. We see them talking. Kevin is friendly, amiable.

KEVIN
So, I was probably a few years after
you, right?

ROBBY
More than a few.

KEVIN
(laughing)
Well after BC High, I came down to
Providence, played hockey for the
Friars.

ROBBY
You must’ve been pretty good.

KEVIN
No, rode the bench in college. But
I loved the city, never left. We
just had our third kid. And I still
get my Globe, for the record.

ROBBY
Good to know.
11/26/14 106.

Kevin smiles. Robby nods. Takes a beat. Then dives in.

ROBBY (CONT’D)
Look, Kevin, that’s actually why I’m
here. I need ask you some questions
about Father Talbot.

Kevin’s face tightens, his eyes intense. Robby waits.

KEVIN
How’d you find out? I guess that
doesn’t matter.
(shakes his head)
I never even told my wife.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Tense

Summary In this scene, Robby is on the phone urging Mike to rush to the courthouse while Sacha enters, determined to update Phil Saviano on their renewed efforts. She presents Robby with a 1993 news clip about priest accusations, but his abrupt dismissal leaves her feeling confused and hurt. The scene shifts to Matt Carroll, who struggles with insomnia and reflects on his past with the church, before transitioning to Robby meeting Kevin at a restaurant to discuss Father Talbot, where the mood shifts as the topic arises.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth
Revealing character interactions

Weaknesses

Abrupt tone of Robby towards Sacha

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and tension, particularly through Robby's phone call with Mike and Sacha's desire to reconnect with Phil Saviano. However, the abruptness of Robby's response to Sacha feels jarring and could benefit from more context or emotional depth to explain his reaction.
Sacha's character is presented as proactive and engaged, but her interaction with Robby leaves her feeling confused and hurt. This emotional response is important, yet it could be more explicitly articulated through dialogue or internal thoughts to enhance the audience's connection to her character.
The transition from Robby's office to Matt's bedroom is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show the ripple effects of the investigation on the team, a smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Robby could help maintain narrative flow.
The visual elements in the scene, such as the clip from '93, are effective in conveying the weight of the investigation. However, more descriptive language could enhance the imagery and emotional impact of the moment when Robby sees the clip.
The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain level of subtext that could elevate the scene. For instance, Robby's terse response to Sacha could hint at his own internal struggles or pressures, adding layers to his character.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat flat and lacks the sharpness that can create tension. For example, Robby's abrupt response to Sacha when she hands him the clip could be more impactful if it conveyed a deeper emotional reaction to the information.
Sacha's hesitation before handing over the clip suggests an internal conflict, but it could be more pronounced. Perhaps she could express her concerns about the implications of the clip more explicitly, which would heighten the stakes.
Robby's abrupt dismissal of Sacha's findings feels dismissive and could be reworked to show more of his internal struggle. Is he overwhelmed? Is he angry? This could add depth to his character.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in Robby's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict regarding the church story?
What techniques can I use to make Sacha's hesitation more impactful in the context of the scene?
How can I create a more dynamic interaction between Robby and Sacha that reflects the tension of their investigation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there is a sense of urgency, it could benefit from a more defined conflict between Robby and Sacha regarding the importance of the clip.
Sacha's character could be developed further. What are her motivations for wanting to inform Phil Saviano? Adding a line or two about her emotional investment in the story could deepen her character.
The transition from Sacha's office to Matt's bedroom feels abrupt. Consider adding a visual or thematic bridge that connects the two locations, emphasizing the weight of the investigation on the team.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to create a clearer dramatic arc in this scene that emphasizes the conflict between Robby and Sacha?
How can I better develop Sacha's character to reflect her emotional investment in the investigation?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between Sacha's office and Matt's bedroom?

Critique by Robert McKee

The stakes in this scene could be raised. While there is urgency, the audience needs to feel the weight of what is at risk if they fail to act on the information in the clip.
Robby's reaction to the clip is underwhelming. Consider having him express a stronger emotional response that reflects the gravity of the situation, which would help to engage the audience more.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. The dialogue feels rushed, and allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of the clip.

Robert McKee is an expert in storytelling and structure, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the stakes and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to emphasize the urgency of the investigation?
What are some ways to enhance Robby's emotional reaction to the clip to better engage the audience?
How can I adjust the pacing of the dialogue to create more tension and allow for character reactions?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a line or two of internal monologue for Sacha after Robby's abrupt response to better convey her emotional state and the impact of the interaction on her.
Enhance the transition between scenes by including a brief moment of reflection from Robby, perhaps showing his internal conflict or stress about the investigation, which would provide a smoother narrative flow.
Incorporate more descriptive language when Robby looks at the clip to emphasize its significance and the emotional weight it carries for both him and the investigation.
Add subtext to the dialogue, particularly in Robby's responses, to reveal more about his character's state of mind and the pressures he faces, which could create a richer emotional landscape.
Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for a more nuanced exchange between Robby and Sacha, which could deepen their relationship and highlight the stakes of their investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Robby's dialogue to include a more nuanced emotional response to Sacha's clip. For example, instead of simply saying 'That it?', he could express disbelief or frustration, which would add depth to his character.
Enhance Sacha's internal conflict by having her articulate her concerns about the implications of the clip. This could be done through a line like, 'This could change everything, Robby. We need to take it seriously.'
Consider adding a moment where Robby reflects on the weight of the investigation before dismissing Sacha, which would create a more complex character dynamic.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to Robby's dialogue to convey a deeper emotional response?
How can I structure Sacha's dialogue to better express her concerns about the implications of the clip?
What techniques can I use to show Robby's internal conflict before he dismisses Sacha?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a clear conflict between Robby and Sacha regarding the importance of the clip. Perhaps Sacha could argue that the information is crucial, while Robby is more focused on immediate tasks.
Develop Sacha's character by adding a line that reveals her personal stake in the investigation, such as a connection to a victim or a past experience that drives her commitment.
Create a visual or thematic bridge between Sacha's office and Matt's bedroom, such as a shot of the city at night that reflects the weight of their investigation.

Linda Seger's focus on story structure and character development can enhance the emotional and narrative depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more defined conflict between Robby and Sacha regarding the importance of the clip?
What lines can I add to Sacha's dialogue to better reflect her personal stake in the investigation?
What visual elements can I incorporate to create a smoother transition between Sacha's office and Matt's bedroom?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Raise the stakes by having Robby articulate what is at risk if they fail to act on the information in the clip. This could be a line about the potential for more victims or the church's continued cover-up.
Enhance Robby's emotional reaction to the clip by having him express anger or frustration, which would engage the audience and highlight the urgency of the situation.
Adjust the pacing of the dialogue by incorporating pauses or reactions, allowing the audience to absorb the implications of the clip and the weight of the investigation.

Robert McKee's expertise in storytelling can help elevate the stakes and pacing of this scene, making it more compelling.

Questions for AI

What lines can I add to raise the stakes and emphasize the urgency of the investigation?
How can I enhance Robby's emotional reaction to the clip to better engage the audience?
What pacing techniques can I use to create more tension and allow for character reactions?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue, setting the stage for a deeper exploration of the church scandal. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating the church scandal and confronting past secrets is compelling and drives the narrative forward with a sense of urgency and importance.

Plot: 8.5

The plot unfolds with significant revelations and character interactions that deepen the investigation into the church scandal. The scene moves the story forward while adding layers of complexity.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to investigative journalism and explores complex moral dilemmas with authenticity.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their reactions to the unfolding events add depth to the scene. The emotional impact of the revelations is felt through their interactions.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional shifts and revelations that impact their perspectives and motivations, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the truth about the priest scandal and bring justice to the victims. This reflects his desire for justice and integrity in his work.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to gather information from Kevin about Father Talbot. This reflects the immediate challenge of uncovering the truth and confronting difficult subjects.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from confronting past secrets to dealing with the emotional toll of the investigation. The tension is palpable throughout.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters delve into a sensitive and dangerous investigation, confronting powerful institutions and facing personal risks. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by uncovering crucial information and deepening the investigation into the church scandal. It sets the stage for further revelations and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and revelations from the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the pursuit of truth and the protection of personal secrets. Kevin's reluctance to share information challenges Robby's belief in transparency and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene carries a high emotional impact, as characters grapple with dark revelations and personal stakes. The audience is drawn into the emotional turmoil of the investigation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the scene forward with intensity. It reveals key information and emotions, adding layers to the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense interactions between characters and the unfolding mystery of the priest scandal.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic investigative sequence, building tension and revealing new information.

129 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER 129

Mike, still carrying his bags from the plane, emerges from an
elevator, hurries down the hall, nearly knocking people out
of the way. He arrives at the Records Room and slams up
against the glass just as the clerk (O’BRIAN) LOCKS the door.

MIKE
Hey, hey, I need to get in there.

CLERK O’BRIAN
We’re closed.

MIKE
Come on, let me in, five minutes,
come on.

CLERK O’BRIAN
I’m sorry, we’re closed!

MIKE
Come on, five minutes!

But the clerk leaves. Mike bangs the door in frustration.

130 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, HALLWAY - MORNING 130

The elevator door opens and Clerk O’Brian walks out with
coffee and a copy of the Globe. He approaches the door and
stops.

Mike sits on the floor, waiting. O’Brian eyes him. A beat,
then he unlocks the door. Mike follows him into --

131 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, RECORDS ROOM - MORNING 131

O’Brian walks in. Mike fills out a form at the ‘application
for records’ table. He turns to the desk, hands the form to
Clerk O’Brian, who reads it.
11/26/14 107.

CLERK O’BRIAN
This is the Geoghan case?

MIKE
Yeah. That’s right.

CLERK O’BRIAN
Those records are sealed.

MIKE
No, that’s a public motion, those
records are public. Look, I work
for the Globe.

Mike shows his credentials.

CLERK O’BRIAN
Good for you.

MIKE
Can I talk to your supervisor?

CLERK O’BRIAN
He’s not in today.

Mike, frustrated, eyes the CROSS the clerk is wearing.

MIKE
What about a judge? You gotta have
a judge who handles these issues.

The clerk eyes Mike.

CLERK O’BRIAN
Sixth floor.

132 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, JUDGE’S CHAMBERS - LATER 132

Mike walks in. Sees a receptionist.

MIKE
I’d like to see Judge Volterra
please. It’s urgent.

RECEPTIONIST
Judge is in court until 3:30.

MIKE
There’s no other judge on duty?

RECEPTIONIST
Would you like to have a seat?

Her look says it all.
11/26/14 108.

MIKE
Yeah. Sure. I’ll take a seat.

Mike sits. Frustrated and anxious. We PRELAP --

JACK DUNN (PRELAP)
We understand the nature of the
allegations against Father Talbot.

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Anxious, Frustrated, Tense

Summary In a tense scene at the Suffolk County Courthouse, Mike rushes to access sealed records related to the Geoghan case but faces bureaucratic obstacles. Initially denied entry by Clerk O'Brian, he eventually gains access to the Records Room, only to be informed that the records are sealed and he must seek a judge's approval. After learning that Judge Volterra is unavailable, Mike is left frustrated and anxious, waiting for his chance to proceed.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of urgency and frustration
High stakes and tension
Clear obstacle for the protagonist

Weaknesses

Limited character interactions
Focus on one character's struggle

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys Mike's urgency and frustration, which is crucial for building tension in the narrative. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the dialogue and actions to create a more dynamic flow. For instance, instead of having Mike repeatedly plead with the clerk, consider incorporating more physical actions or reactions that reflect his desperation, such as pacing or checking his watch.
The dialogue between Mike and Clerk O'Brian feels somewhat repetitive. While it emphasizes Mike's urgency, it could benefit from more variation in phrasing or additional context that highlights the stakes of the situation. This would help maintain the audience's engagement and avoid redundancy.
The transition from the hallway to the records room is clear, but the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting. Describing the atmosphere of the courthouse, the sounds of footsteps, or the visual clutter of the records room would enhance the scene's realism and urgency.
The introduction of the receptionist in the judge's chambers is a good way to show the bureaucratic obstacles Mike faces, but her dialogue could be more engaging. Instead of simply stating the judge's unavailability, she could express empathy or frustration, which would add depth to her character and the situation.
The pre-lap of Jack Dunn's dialogue is an interesting choice, but it feels disconnected from the current scene. It would be more effective if it tied directly into Mike's situation, perhaps hinting at the broader implications of the investigation or the urgency of the records he seeks.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively captures Mike's urgency and frustration, which is essential for building tension. However, the dialogue could be tightened to reflect Mamet's style of sharp, concise exchanges. For instance, Mike's repeated pleas to O'Brian could be more impactful if they were more succinct, emphasizing his desperation without redundancy.
The physicality of Mike's actions, such as banging on the door, is a strong choice that conveys his emotional state. However, consider adding a moment where he pauses to collect himself before the clerk arrives, which could heighten the tension and show his internal struggle.
The introduction of the judge's unavailability adds to the frustration, but it could be enhanced by showing Mike's reaction more vividly. Perhaps a brief flashback or a thought bubble could illustrate what is at stake if he doesn't get access to the records.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and emotional tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make Mike's dialogue more impactful while maintaining the urgency of the scene?
What techniques can I use to visually represent Mike's internal struggle in this moment?
How can I incorporate flashbacks or thought bubbles effectively in a screenplay?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing stakes, but it could benefit from a clearer sense of what Mike stands to lose if he doesn't gain access to the records. Adding a line or two about the implications of the Geoghan case could deepen the audience's investment in his urgency.
The pacing is effective, but consider varying the rhythm of the dialogue to reflect the tension. For example, after Mike's initial plea, a beat of silence could amplify the tension before O'Brian responds.
The setting of the courthouse is appropriate, but it could be described in more detail to enhance the atmosphere. Adding sensory details about the sounds, smells, or sights of the courthouse could immerse the audience further.

Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the stakes and emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to convey the stakes of a situation in a screenplay?
How can I vary the rhythm of dialogue to enhance tension in a scene?
What sensory details can I include to create a more immersive setting?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The scene captures a sense of urgency, but the dialogue could be more dynamic. Sorkin often uses rapid-fire exchanges to build tension; consider having Mike and O'Brian engage in a back-and-forth that escalates the conflict.
The moment where Mike sits on the floor waiting could be expanded to show his frustration more vividly. Perhaps he could mutter to himself or reflect on the importance of the records, which would add depth to his character.
The transition to the judge's chambers feels abrupt. A brief moment of Mike's internal thoughts or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations more smoothly.

Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the dialogue and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create more dynamic dialogue exchanges to build tension?
What techniques can I use to show a character's internal thoughts without relying on voiceover?
How can I improve transitions between scenes to maintain narrative flow?

General Suggestions

Introduce more physicality in Mike's actions to convey his urgency, such as him checking his watch or pacing while waiting.
Vary the dialogue to avoid repetition; consider adding more context or stakes to Mike's pleas to the clerk.
Incorporate sensory details to enhance the setting, such as the sounds and sights of the courthouse, to create a more immersive experience.
Give the receptionist a more engaging response that reflects the tension of the situation, perhaps showing empathy for Mike's urgency.
Ensure that the pre-lap dialogue connects more directly to Mike's current predicament, reinforcing the stakes of his investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's dialogue to be more concise, focusing on key phrases that convey urgency without repetition. For example, instead of 'Come on, five minutes!' consider a sharper line like 'Just five minutes, please!'
Introduce a moment of hesitation for Mike before he confronts O'Brian, allowing the audience to feel his internal conflict and heightening the tension.
Incorporate a brief flashback or thought bubble that illustrates the stakes of the Geoghan case, giving the audience insight into why this moment is critical for Mike.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of concise dialogue that effectively convey urgency?
How can I visually represent a character's internal conflict in a screenplay?
What are effective ways to incorporate flashbacks or thought bubbles in a screenplay?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a line or two that explicitly states the stakes for Mike regarding the Geoghan case, such as the potential impact on victims or the urgency of the investigation.
Introduce a beat of silence after Mike's initial plea to O'Brian to amplify the tension before he receives a response.
Enhance the setting description of the courthouse by including sensory details, such as the echo of footsteps or the smell of old paper, to create a more immersive atmosphere.

Seger's focus on character development and stakes makes her suggestions valuable for deepening the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to convey stakes in a screenplay?
How can I use pauses in dialogue to enhance tension?
What sensory details can I include to create a more vivid setting?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue between Mike and O'Brian to create a more dynamic back-and-forth exchange that escalates the conflict, reflecting Sorkin's style.
Expand the moment where Mike sits on the floor to include his internal thoughts or frustrations, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
Smooth the transition to the judge's chambers by adding a brief moment of Mike's reflection or a visual cue that connects the two locations.

Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's energy and flow.

Questions for AI

How can I create more dynamic dialogue exchanges to build tension?
What techniques can I use to show a character's internal thoughts without relying on voiceover?
How can I improve transitions between scenes to maintain narrative flow?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and frustration through Mike's actions and interactions, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the struggle to obtain crucial information, adding depth to the narrative and raising the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly as Mike faces a critical challenge in his investigation, setting the stage for future revelations and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a courthouse but adds originality through the protagonist's determination and the conflict with the clerk. The dialogue feels authentic and adds to the tension of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Mike, are well-portrayed in their determination and frustration, adding depth to their motivations and actions.

Character Changes: 7

Mike undergoes a change in his approach and determination as he faces the challenge of accessing the sealed records, showcasing his growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover information related to the Geoghan case. This reflects his need for justice and truth, as well as his fear of being blocked or denied access to crucial information.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gain access to the sealed records related to the Geoghan case. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in obtaining information for his work at the Globe.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with Mike facing significant obstacles in his quest for information, creating tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the clerk and the legal system acting as obstacles to the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Mike struggles to access vital information that could impact the investigation and uncover the truth, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial obstacle for the protagonist and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of the protagonist's quest for information is uncertain, adding tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in transparency and the clerk's adherence to rules and regulations. This challenges the protagonist's values of truth and justice.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes emotions of frustration and urgency in the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, driving the scene forward and highlighting the characters' emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and the protagonist's determination to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict that keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the standard format for a screenplay, making it easy to visualize the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation in a legal setting, building tension and conflict effectively.

133 INT. BC HIGH, PRESIDENT KEMEZA’S OFFICE, DORCHESTER - DAY 133

Robby, Sacha sit with PRESIDENT BILL KEMEZA, 50s, SPOKESMAN
JACK DUNN, 40, and Pete Conley, the swell we met earlier.

JACK DUNN
I’m just not sure what you want from
President Kemeza. Talbot taught
here long before Bill took over.

SACHA
Of course. We just want to know if
it’s possible that the faculty, the
President, the Board, that no one
knew what was going on at the time.

JACK DUNN
I graduated in 1979 and I had no
idea about any of this, so if you’re
suggesting that Father Gibbons and
Father Callahan --

ROBBY
Gibbons and Callahan ran this place
like the navy, Jack, you really
think they didn’t know?

JACK DUNN
It’s a big school, Robby, you know
that. You’re talking about seven
alleged victims over eight years.

ROBBY
Seven that we know about.

JACK DUNN PRESIDENT KAMEZA
This is ridiculous. You’re Jack. Jack --
reaching for a story here, we
can’t possible know if...

PRESIDENT KAMEZA
Jack. If I had been President back
then, I would have known.

Conley looks at him, sharp.
11/26/14 109.

JACK DUNN PRESIDENT KAMEZA
Bill, I’m not sure that’s Why do you think they sent *
relevant -- Talbot up to Cheverus? You *
know they wanted him out of
town.

PETER CONLEY
(to Robby, direct)
Robby, as well-intentioned as Bill’s
remarks are, I’m hoping maybe we can
keep this between us until we all
get on the same page.

ROBBY
Is that why we’re here, to get on
the same page?

PETER CONLEY
No, we’re here because you’re an
important alumnus, Robby, and a
friend.

JACK DUNN
Exactly. We know you care about
this school as much as we do.

Robby contains his anger.

ROBBY
Did you play a sport here, Jack?

JACK DUNN
(confused)
Yeah. Football. Why?

ROBBY
I ran track.
(then)
I went to Providence yesterday, to
talk to one of Talbot’s victims, he
played hockey here. He’s one of the
better ones, has a wife, kids, good
job. Ten minutes into the
conversation guy breaks down,
couldn’t stop crying. Said he could
never figure out why Father Talbot
picked him.
(beat, to Jack)
Father Talbot coached the hockey
team. So, I guess we just got lucky,
you and me.

Off Sacha, watching him.
11/26/14 110.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Confrontational, Emotional

Summary In President Kemeza's office, Robby and Sacha confront Kemeza, Jack Dunn, and Pete Conley about the school's alleged ignorance regarding Father Talbot's misconduct. Tensions escalate as Robby reveals a personal connection to one of Talbot's victims, challenging Dunn's defense of the administration's lack of awareness. The discussion highlights conflicting views on accountability and the emotional weight of the allegations, ultimately leaving the matter unresolved.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Tension-filled confrontations
Revealing important information

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be further developed for added impact

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Robby, Sacha, and the representatives from BC High. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, particularly when Jack Dunn deflects questions. This could be tightened to maintain a more consistent tension throughout the scene.
Robby's emotional connection to the story is evident, especially when he recounts his conversation with one of Talbot's victims. This personal touch adds depth to his character, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal struggle or anger in his delivery, rather than just stating facts.
The dialogue is realistic and captures the evasiveness of the school officials, but it occasionally veers into exposition-heavy territory. For instance, the back-and-forth about who knew what could be streamlined to avoid redundancy and keep the focus on the emotional stakes.
The introduction of President Kemeza and the dynamic between him and Dunn is intriguing, but their motivations could be clearer. Why is Kemeza so defensive? A hint of his personal stakes or history with Talbot could add layers to the conflict.
The scene ends on a strong note with Robby's emotional revelation, but it could benefit from a more pronounced reaction from Sacha. Her perspective is crucial, and her emotional response could serve to heighten the impact of Robby's story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and confrontational, which is a strength. Robby's line about Talbot coaching the hockey team is particularly impactful, as it personalizes the issue and highlights the emotional stakes involved. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext; characters like Jack Dunn and President Kemeza seem to be stating their positions rather than engaging in a deeper conflict. For instance, Dunn's defense feels somewhat flat and could use more emotional weight to convey his internal struggle about the allegations.
The pacing of the scene is uneven. The back-and-forth between Robby and Dunn is engaging, but the introduction of Conley feels abrupt. His role as a mediator could be more clearly defined earlier in the scene to enhance the flow.
The stakes could be raised further. While the allegations against Father Talbot are serious, the scene lacks a sense of urgency that would compel the audience to feel the weight of the situation. Adding a ticking clock element or a more immediate consequence could heighten the tension.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into the dialogue between Robby and Dunn to enhance the emotional stakes?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing of the scene, especially with the introduction of Conley?
How can I create a greater sense of urgency in this scene to make the stakes feel higher?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the conflict between the journalists and the school representatives, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. Robby is passionate, but we need to see more of his vulnerability or personal stakes in the story to make him relatable. This could be achieved through a brief flashback or a mention of his own experiences with the Church.
The motivations of Jack Dunn and President Kemeza could be more fleshed out. Right now, they come off as defensive without a clear reason for their resistance. Adding a line or two that hints at their personal stakes or fears could add depth to their characters.
The scene could also use a stronger emotional climax. The moment when Robby shares the story of the victim is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing the reactions of the other characters more vividly. For example, a moment of silence or a physical reaction from Kemeza could amplify the emotional impact.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of the characters in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Robby's character arc to make his motivations more relatable to the audience?
What specific lines could I add to Dunn and Kemeza's dialogue to clarify their motivations and fears?
How can I enhance the emotional climax of the scene to make it more impactful?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging and has a natural rhythm, but it could be tightened further. Some lines feel repetitive, particularly in the exchanges between Robby and Dunn. Streamlining their arguments could create a more dynamic back-and-forth.
The stakes of the conversation could be made clearer. While the allegations are serious, the scene could benefit from a more explicit statement of what is at risk if the truth is not uncovered. This would help the audience understand the urgency behind Robby's questioning.
The scene could also use more visual storytelling. Right now, it relies heavily on dialogue. Incorporating actions or reactions that visually represent the tension—like Robby leaning forward or Kemeza crossing his arms—could enhance the dramatic impact.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and ability to convey stakes through conversation, making his perspective valuable for refining the dialogue and visual storytelling in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I cut or modify to tighten the dialogue between Robby and Dunn?
How can I more explicitly convey the stakes of the conversation to the audience?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the tension in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive statements and maintain a brisk pace. Focus on the most impactful lines that reveal character and advance the plot.
Enhance Robby's emotional delivery by incorporating physical reactions or internal thoughts that reflect his anger and frustration. This could make his confrontation with Dunn more compelling.
Clarify the motivations of Kemeza and Dunn. Adding a line or two that hints at their personal stakes in the situation could deepen the audience's understanding of their characters.
Incorporate Sacha's emotional response to Robby's story. This could be a subtle nod or a more overt reaction that emphasizes the weight of what they are discussing.
Consider using visual cues or staging to reflect the tension in the room. For example, positioning characters in a way that visually represents their power dynamics could enhance the scene's impact.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Introduce more subtext in the dialogue by having characters imply their true feelings rather than stating them outright. For example, instead of Dunn simply denying knowledge, he could express a personal fear of being implicated.
Rework the pacing by ensuring that each character's entrance and exit feels motivated and necessary. Consider having Conley enter earlier to establish his role as a mediator.
Add a ticking clock element to the scene, such as a deadline for the investigation or a looming press conference, to create a sense of urgency.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext that could be added to Dunn's dialogue to enhance his character?
How can I better integrate Conley's character into the scene to improve pacing?
What kind of deadline could I introduce to raise the stakes in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate a brief flashback or a line from Robby that reveals his personal connection to the story, making his passion more relatable.
Add a line or two that hints at Dunn and Kemeza's personal stakes in the situation, such as their own experiences with the Church or fears of backlash.
Enhance the emotional climax by including a moment of silence or a physical reaction from Kemeza after Robby's story about the victim.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs provides valuable insights for enhancing the depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of personal connection could I give Robby to deepen his character?
What specific lines could I add to Dunn and Kemeza's dialogue to clarify their motivations?
How can I visually represent the emotional impact of Robby's story in the scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Tighten the dialogue by cutting repetitive lines and ensuring each character's argument is concise and impactful.
Clarify the stakes of the conversation by having Robby explicitly state what is at risk if the truth about Talbot is not uncovered.
Incorporate visual storytelling elements, such as character movements or reactions, to enhance the dramatic tension in the scene.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for refining the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I cut to tighten the dialogue between Robby and Dunn?
How can I explicitly convey the stakes of the conversation to the audience?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the tension in this scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the seriousness and emotional weight of the subject matter, maintaining tension and revealing important information. However, some elements could be further developed to enhance the impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating abuse by priests and confronting those involved is compelling and drives the scene forward. The focus on revealing hidden truths adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with revelations about the school's knowledge of abuse and the emotional impact on the victims. The conflict between the investigative team and the school representatives adds layers to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the investigative genre by focusing on the moral dilemmas and personal connections of the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and character motivations adds depth to the familiar theme of uncovering scandals.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal their dedication to uncovering the truth and the emotional toll of their investigation.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience emotional shifts and revelations in this scene, deepening their commitment to the investigation and highlighting the personal stakes involved.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the truth about the abuse scandal and seek justice for the victims. This reflects his deep sense of morality and desire to right wrongs.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to gather information and evidence to expose the wrongdoing of the faculty members involved in the scandal. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in investigating the case.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between the investigative team and the school representatives, as well as the emotional conflict stemming from the victims' stories, creates a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' true intentions and loyalties.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters confront the truth about abuse by priests and face resistance from those implicated. The emotional and ethical implications raise the stakes even further.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the school's knowledge of abuse and the impact on the victims. It sets the stage for further investigation and confrontations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances and hidden motives of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, responsibility, and accountability. The characters debate whether the school's leadership was aware of the abuse and how they should handle the situation, challenging their beliefs about authority and integrity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, particularly through the victims' stories and the confrontations with the school representatives. The raw emotion and empathy evoked contribute to the scene's power.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and emotion of the scene effectively. The confrontational exchanges and emotional revelations enhance the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting viewpoints, and emotional intensity of the characters. The dialogue is sharp and reveals hidden agendas, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and confrontations that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's intensity.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay dialogue and scene descriptions, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven investigative scene, with clear character motivations and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building suspense.

134 EXT. BC HIGH, DORCHESTER, MA - DAY 134

Robby and Sacha walk from BC High back to the Globe.

SACHA
Does Jack Dunn work for the school?

ROBBY
No. He’s PR for Boston College. They
call him when they need help.

SACHA
And Pete Conley? Why was he there?

ROBBY
Good question. Pete’s a big alum.
But I called Bill directly and I
asked for a sit-down, I never
mentioned anybody else.

SACHA
It’s like everybody already knows
the story.

This hits Robby. He pauses, looks back at BC High.

ROBBY
Yeah, except us. And we work right
there.

135 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, JUDGE’S CHAMBERS - LATER 135

Mike is still waiting. A JUDGE enters. Mike stands.

MIKE
Judge Volterra?

JUDGE VOLTERRA
Yes?

MIKE
Hi, I’m Mike Rezendes from the
Boston Globe. I’m having some
trouble accessing some public
records down in the records room. I
was wondering if I could have a word
with you?

136 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, JUDGE’S CHAMBERS - LATER 136

JUDGE VIERI VOLTERRA stares down at Mike’s request.
11/26/14 111.

JUDGE VOLTERRA
These exhibits you’re after, Mr.
Rezendes, they’re very sensitive
records.

MIKE
All due respect, your honor, that’s
not the question here. The records
are public.

JUDGE VOLTERRA
Maybe so, but tell me, where is the
editorial responsibility in
publishing records of this nature?

MIKE
Where’s the editorial responsibility
in not publishing them?

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Tense, Inquisitive

Summary Robby and Sacha walk from BC High to the Globe, feeling out of the loop about a story involving Jack Dunn and Pete Conley. Meanwhile, Mike Rezendes confronts Judge Volterra at the Suffolk County Courthouse, seeking access to sensitive public records. The judge questions the ethics of publishing such information, while Mike argues for journalistic transparency. The scene captures the tension and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, ending with uncertainty about Mike's request.

Strengths

Exploration of ethical dilemmas
Tension-filled dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of visual action

General Critique

The scene effectively transitions from the previous conversation between Robby and Sacha to Mike's urgent situation at the courthouse, maintaining narrative momentum. However, the abrupt shift in location and focus could benefit from a smoother transition to enhance coherence.
Robby's realization that everyone seems to know the story except them is a strong emotional beat, but it could be further emphasized with more internal conflict or frustration. This moment could serve as a catalyst for their determination to uncover the truth, but it feels somewhat understated.
The dialogue between Robby and Sacha is functional but lacks depth. While it conveys necessary information, it could be enriched with subtext or emotional weight to better reflect their growing frustration and urgency in the investigation.
Mike's interaction with Judge Volterra introduces a critical conflict regarding journalistic ethics and the public's right to know. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to heighten the tension. The judge's skepticism about editorial responsibility is a compelling point, but Mike's response feels somewhat flat and could be more impassioned to reflect the stakes involved.
The scene's pacing is uneven; the transition from Robby and Sacha's conversation to Mike's waiting could be more dynamic. Consider intercutting their dialogue with Mike's anxious waiting to create a sense of urgency and parallel tension.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Robby and Sacha is functional but lacks the sharpness and tension that Mamet is known for. For instance, Sacha's line about everyone knowing the story could be more impactful if it were delivered with a sense of urgency or frustration, perhaps reflecting her growing impatience with the investigation.
Robby's realization that they are out of the loop feels like a missed opportunity for a more dramatic moment. Instead of a simple pause, there could be a physical reaction or a more visceral expression of frustration that would heighten the stakes.
The transition to Mike's scene in the courthouse feels abrupt. A more seamless connection between the two scenes could enhance the narrative flow, perhaps by paralleling their frustrations or building on the theme of being out of the loop.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension can help elevate the emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue between Robby and Sacha to create more tension and urgency?
What techniques can I use to make Robby's realization more dramatic and impactful?
How can I create a smoother transition between Robby's scene and Mike's scene to maintain narrative flow?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively sets up the theme of accountability, but it could benefit from deeper character exploration. For example, Sacha's feelings about being out of the loop could be expanded to show her personal stakes in the investigation.
Robby's character could be more fleshed out in this moment. What personal experiences or motivations drive his frustration? Adding a line or two that hints at his past could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
The judge's scene lacks a sense of urgency that could be enhanced by showing Mike's emotional state more vividly. How does he feel about the potential implications of the records he seeks?

Seger's focus on character development and emotional stakes can help enrich the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to deepen Sacha's character and her emotional stakes in this scene?
How can I better convey Robby's motivations and frustrations to create a stronger connection with the audience?
What strategies can I employ to heighten the urgency in Mike's scene with the judge?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Sorkin often uses rapid-fire exchanges to build tension; consider having Robby and Sacha interrupt each other or speak over one another to reflect their urgency.
The stakes in the courthouse scene could be raised by incorporating more back-and-forth dialogue between Mike and the judge. This could create a more engaging conflict and showcase Mike's determination.
The scene could benefit from a stronger emotional arc. For instance, Mike's frustration could escalate throughout the conversation with the judge, leading to a more climactic moment.

Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing can help create a more engaging and dynamic scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue between Robby and Sacha more dynamic and engaging?
What techniques can I use to create a more intense back-and-forth between Mike and the judge?
How can I structure Mike's emotional arc in the courthouse scene to build to a more climactic moment?

General Suggestions

Enhance the emotional stakes for Robby and Sacha by incorporating more of their internal thoughts or feelings about being out of the loop. This could be achieved through a brief moment of reflection or a more expressive dialogue exchange.
Consider adding a visual element that symbolizes their frustration or urgency, such as a shot of them walking faster or glancing at their watches, to visually convey their mounting pressure.
Revise Mike's dialogue with Judge Volterra to include a more passionate defense of journalistic integrity. This could involve a personal anecdote or a rhetorical question that underscores the importance of transparency in the face of institutional secrecy.
To improve the pacing, intercut between Robby and Sacha's conversation and Mike's waiting, perhaps showing Mike's growing impatience as he overhears snippets of their conversation, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
Explore the dynamics of the relationships between the characters more deeply. For instance, Sacha's concern about the implications of their investigation could be highlighted through her body language or tone, adding layers to her character.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Sacha's line to reflect more urgency, perhaps by adding a rhetorical question that emphasizes her frustration with the lack of information.
Incorporate a physical reaction from Robby when he realizes they are out of the loop, such as a clenched fist or a frustrated gesture, to heighten the emotional impact.
Consider adding a brief moment where Robby and Sacha exchange a look of determination before transitioning to Mike's scene, reinforcing their commitment to uncovering the truth.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and physicality can enhance the emotional stakes in the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to enhance Sacha's urgency?
How can I effectively convey Robby's frustration through physical actions?
What visual cues can I use to connect Robby and Sacha's determination to Mike's urgency?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a line for Sacha that reveals her personal connection to the story, perhaps mentioning a friend or family member affected by the church's actions, to deepen her emotional stakes.
Include a moment where Robby reflects on his past experiences with the church or similar situations, providing context for his frustration and making him more relatable.
In Mike's scene, show his emotional state more vividly—perhaps through internal monologue or a brief flashback that highlights the stakes of the records he seeks.

Seger's emphasis on character depth can help create a more emotionally resonant scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively reveal Sacha's personal connection to the story?
What techniques can I use to provide context for Robby's frustrations?
How can I incorporate Mike's emotional state to heighten the stakes in his scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue between Robby and Sacha to include quicker exchanges, allowing them to interrupt each other and reflect their urgency.
Create a more intense dialogue exchange between Mike and the judge, where Mike's frustration builds as the judge questions his motives, leading to a more dramatic climax.
Consider ending Mike's scene with a strong emotional beat, such as a moment of realization or determination that propels him into action.

Sorkin's expertise in dialogue pacing can create a more engaging and dynamic scene.

Questions for AI

What specific changes can I make to the dialogue to create a faster pace?
How can I structure the dialogue between Mike and the judge to build tension?
What emotional beats can I incorporate at the end of Mike's scene to enhance its impact?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation while exploring complex themes of journalistic integrity and accountability.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene is strong, highlighting the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists and the importance of transparency in reporting.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters navigate the challenges of accessing sensitive records and grapple with the implications of publishing them.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on journalistic ethics and legal challenges, with authentic character interactions that reflect the complexities of truth-seeking.

Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, each grappling with their own moral compass and professional responsibilities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo internal struggles and moral dilemmas, leading to subtle changes in their perspectives and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the story they are investigating and to understand why certain information is being withheld.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to access public records for their investigation and to navigate the legal obstacles in their way.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' desire for transparency and the ethical considerations of publishing sensitive records creates a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with legal and ethical challenges that create conflict and drive the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the decision to publish sensitive records and the potential consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges and dilemmas for the characters to navigate.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the legal obstacles and ethical challenges the characters face, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between editorial responsibility and the public's right to know, challenging the characters' beliefs about transparency and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of urgency and moral dilemma, resonating with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and ethical debates between the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, ethical dilemmas, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay writing, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for investigative journalism narratives, with clear progression and conflict resolution.

137 INT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, RECORDS ROOM - DAY 137

Clerk O’Brian drops the file in front of Mike, who dives in.
His face says it all. HOLY SHIT. A beat, then Mike grabs
the files, starts to rush out.

CLERK O’BRIAN
You can’t take those. You need to
make copies.

MIKE
Yeah, I’m going to the copy room.

CLERK O’BRIAN
It closed at four.

Mike stops, fucked. He digs into his pocket, counts bills.

MIKE
I’ll give you 83 bucks to use yours.

138 EXT. SUFFOLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE, DOWNTOWN BOSTON - TWILIGHT 138

Mike, already on his cell phone, hurries across the street
toward and catches a cab.

MIKE
Hey, Cabbie! Hey, hey, hey!

Mike gets in cab.

MIKE (CONT’D)
I’m going to the Boston Globe on
Morrisey Boulevard. Don't take 93.
Take Dorchester Avenue.
(MORE)
11/26/14 112.

MIKE (CONT’D)
(into phone)
Robby, it’s incredible!

138A EXT. STATE STREET, BOSTON - MOMENTS LATER 138A

Mike’s cab moves up State Street.

MIKE (V.O.)
Law knew about Geoghan for years, no
question! There’s a letter to Law
from a woman, Margaret Gallant, who
lived in Jamaica Plain in the early
80’s when Geoghan was there. Listen
to this...

139 EXT. KING’S CHAPEL, TREMONT STREET, BOSTON - MOMENTS LATER 139

Mike’s cab whisks past the old King’s Chapel.

MIKE (V.O.)
(reading)
“Our family is rooted in the Church,
our desire is to protect the Holy
Orders...”

140B EXT. MONSIGNOR REYNOLD’S WAY, SOUTH END - MOMENTS LATER 140B

Mike’s cab passes the Cathedral of the Holy Cross.

MIKE (V.O.)
“...even in the midst of our agony
over the seven boys in our family...

140C EXT. PLAYGROUND BY THE CATHEDRAL - MOMENTS LATER 140C

Patrick McSorley plays with his kid on the playground.

MIKE (V.O.)
...who have been violated.” Seven,
Robby! Seven boys!

141 EXT. WEST 4TH STREET BRIDGE, BOSTON - LATER 141

The cab crosses over the bridge into Dorchester.

MIKE (V.O.)
“It was suggested we keep silent. We
did not question the Authority of
the Church two years ago...

142 EXT. OLD COLONY ROAD, DORCHESTER - LATER 142

The cab is stuck on Old Colony Road. It turns into a TRAFFIC
CIRCLE, past St. Monica’s church and onto Columbia Road.
11/26/14 113.

MIKE (V.O.)
...but since Father Geoghan is still
in his parish...” She sent it to
Law and Law did shit!

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Intense, Shocking, Urgent

Summary In the Suffolk County Courthouse's records room, Mike discovers shocking files about the Church's knowledge of abuse cases involving Father Geoghan. After a tense exchange with Clerk O’Brian, who initially prevents him from taking the files, Mike negotiates to use the copier and rushes out to share his findings with Robby over the phone. As he reads a damning letter during a cab ride through Boston, the urgency of his investigation intensifies, revealing the Church's complicity in the cover-up.

Strengths

Revealing crucial information
Building tension effectively
Conveying urgency and desperation

Weaknesses

Possible lack of character development in supporting roles

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys Mike's urgency and excitement as he uncovers crucial information about the Church's knowledge of abuse cases. The use of visual elements, such as the cab ride through Boston, adds a dynamic quality to the narrative, allowing the audience to feel the tension and urgency of the moment.
The dialogue is sharp and concise, particularly Mike's interactions with Clerk O'Brian and his phone call with Robby. This keeps the pace brisk and maintains the tension, which is essential in a scene that revolves around a significant revelation.
However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. While Mike's excitement is palpable, there is little exploration of the emotional weight of the information he is uncovering. Adding a moment of reflection or a brief internal monologue could enhance the audience's connection to Mike's character and the gravity of the situation.
The transition between locations is smooth, but the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, sights, and even smells of the courthouse and the streets of Boston could enhance the atmosphere and make the scene more vivid.
The pacing is generally effective, but the abruptness of Mike's offer to Clerk O'Brian could be softened. A brief moment of hesitation or frustration before he offers money might make the scene feel more realistic and relatable.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the urgency of the situation, particularly Mike's frantic attempts to secure the documents. However, the stakes could be heightened further by emphasizing the emotional weight of the information Mike uncovers. For instance, when Mike reads the letter, it could be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection from him, showcasing how this information impacts him personally and professionally.
The pacing is effective, but the transition from the courthouse to the cab could be more dynamic. Consider using a more vivid description of the cab ride to convey Mike's mounting anxiety and excitement, perhaps by incorporating his physical reactions or thoughts as he processes the gravity of the information he's just discovered.
The use of voiceover is a strong choice, but it could be enhanced by interspersing Mike's reading with visual cues that reflect the content of the letter. For example, as he mentions the 'seven boys,' we could see a quick montage of images that represent the victims or the community affected, adding a layer of emotional resonance.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and rhythm of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional impact of Mike's discovery in this scene? What specific actions or reflections could I include?
What techniques can I use to create a more dynamic transition between the courthouse and the cab ride?
How can I effectively integrate visual elements with Mike's voiceover to deepen the audience's emotional connection to the story?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension as Mike races against time to secure the documents. However, it could benefit from a clearer sense of the stakes involved. What will happen if Mike fails to get these documents? Adding a line or two that highlights the potential consequences could raise the urgency even further.
The character of Clerk O'Brian serves as a good obstacle for Mike, but consider giving him a bit more personality. Perhaps he could express some skepticism about Mike's intentions or the importance of the documents, adding another layer of conflict.
The scene's setting in the courthouse is appropriate, but it could be more vividly described to enhance the atmosphere. Consider incorporating sensory details that evoke the tension of the legal environment, such as the sounds of the courthouse or the oppressive nature of the bureaucracy.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the stakes and character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to clarify the stakes for Mike in this scene?
How can I develop Clerk O'Brian's character to create more conflict in the scene?
What sensory details can I incorporate to enhance the atmosphere of the courthouse setting?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is functional, but it could be more engaging. Consider adding some witty banter or quick exchanges between Mike and Clerk O'Brian to lighten the tension while still maintaining urgency. This could make the scene feel more dynamic and keep the audience engaged.
The transition from the courthouse to the cab feels a bit abrupt. You might want to include a moment where Mike reflects on the significance of what he just found before he rushes out, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional state.
The voiceover is a great tool, but it could be more impactful if it included Mike's internal conflict. As he reads the letter, he could express doubt or frustration about the Church's actions, which would add depth to his character and the narrative.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more engaging dialogue between Mike and Clerk O'Brian to enhance the scene's dynamics?
What internal reflections can I add for Mike before he leaves the courthouse to deepen his emotional connection to the discovery?
How can I use Mike's voiceover to express his internal conflict regarding the Church's actions while reading the letter?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Mike as he reads the letter, reflecting on the implications of the Church's actions and how it affects the victims. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the courthouse, the bustling streets of Boston, or the feeling of urgency in the air as Mike rushes to uncover the truth.
Soften the transition when Mike offers money to Clerk O'Brian by including a moment of frustration or desperation. This could make his character feel more relatable and grounded in the reality of the situation.
Explore the emotional weight of the information Mike is uncovering. Perhaps include a moment where he pauses to consider the impact of the Church's negligence on the victims, which could enhance the scene's emotional depth.
Ensure that the pacing remains tight, but consider allowing for a brief pause or beat after Mike reads the letter to emphasize its significance before he rushes out. This could heighten the tension and anticipation for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate a moment of reflection for Mike after he discovers the letter, perhaps showing him grappling with the implications of the Church's knowledge of abuse.
Enhance the cab ride with vivid descriptions of Mike's physical reactions and thoughts, emphasizing his urgency and excitement.
Add visual elements that correspond with Mike's voiceover, creating a montage that illustrates the impact of the letter's content.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing can help refine the emotional depth and visual storytelling in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments of reflection can I include for Mike to deepen his emotional journey?
How can I effectively describe Mike's physical reactions during the cab ride to convey urgency?
What types of visuals would best complement Mike's voiceover to enhance the emotional weight of the scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add lines that clarify the stakes for Mike, emphasizing what he stands to lose if he fails to secure the documents.
Develop Clerk O'Brian's character by giving him a skeptical or cautious attitude towards Mike's urgency, creating more tension.
Include sensory details in the courthouse setting to evoke the atmosphere and enhance the tension of the scene.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and stakes will help elevate the scene's tension and engagement.

Questions for AI

What lines can I add to clarify the stakes for Mike in this scene?
How can I create a more complex character for Clerk O'Brian to increase conflict?
What sensory details would best enhance the courthouse atmosphere?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Introduce witty banter or quick exchanges between Mike and Clerk O'Brian to create a more engaging dialogue.
Include a moment for Mike to reflect on the significance of his discovery before rushing out of the courthouse.
Use Mike's voiceover to express his internal conflict regarding the Church's actions, adding depth to his character.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and character-driven storytelling will help make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate engaging dialogue between Mike and Clerk O'Brian to enhance the scene?
What internal reflections can I add for Mike to deepen his emotional connection to the discovery?
How can I express Mike's internal conflict in his voiceover while reading the letter?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, revealing crucial information and building tension effectively.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of uncovering hidden truths and the urgency of the investigation are well portrayed.

Plot: 9.2

The plot advances significantly with the revelations about the Church's knowledge of abuse and the race to obtain crucial documents.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on investigative journalism and scandal exposure, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Mike, are driven by a sense of urgency and desperation, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Mike experiences a significant shift in urgency and determination as he uncovers crucial information.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal is to uncover information about a scandal involving the Church and protect the victims. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and truth.

External Goal: 7

Mike's external goal is to gather evidence and information from the courthouse records to expose the scandal to the Boston Globe.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

There is a high level of conflict, both internal and external, driving the urgency of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as the closed copy room and the need for money, creates obstacles for the protagonist and adds conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters race against time to uncover crucial documents that could change the course of their investigation.

Story Forward: 10

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key information and setting up the next steps in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of whether Mike will successfully gather the evidence he needs, adding tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire to protect the Church's reputation and the need for justice for the victims. This challenges Mike's beliefs in the integrity of institutions and the importance of truth.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially frustration and shock, from the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is intense and focused on conveying crucial information and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the fast-paced action, high stakes, and the protagonist's determination to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and dynamic, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story along effectively.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical investigative thriller format, with a clear goal, obstacles, and a sense of urgency.

142A EXT. COLUMBIA STREET, DORCHESTER - SAME TIME 142A

The cab drives down by the water.

MIKE (V.O.)
Here’s another one to Law, same
year. Listen to this...
(reading)
“A word on the recent assignment of
Father John Geoghan...”

144 EXT. BOSTON GLOBE - EVENING 144

The cab pulls up. Mike jumps out, pays the driver, hustles
inside.

MIKE (V.O.)
“...as an associate at Saint Julia’s
in Weston. Father Geoghan...”

145 INT. GLOBE, LOBBY - LATER 145

Mike races in through the glass doors, then hustles up the
escalator...

MIKE (V.O.)
“...has a history of homosexual
involvement with young boys. I
understand his recent departure from
Saint Brendan's may be related to
this problem...”

147 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - NIGHT 147

The whole team sits around as Mike finishes reading.

MIKE
“I wonder if Father Geoghan should
not be reduced to weekend work while
receiving therapy. You know how
grateful I am to you for your
constant concern, sincerely yours in
our Lord, Most Reverend John M.
D'Arcy, Auxiliary Bishop of Boston.
December 7, 1984.”

MATT
An auxiliary bishop wrote that?
11/26/14 114.

We see the letters, both addressed to Law. The team reels.

SACHA
It’s incredible. He broke ranks.
When did Gallant write her letter?

MIKE
1984.

SACHA
And Law just ignored her.

MATT
How do you ignore that freakin’
letter?!

MIKE
We’ve got him. You can’t read those
letters and think anything else.
It’s proof.

ROBBY
Yeah. It is. This is good work.

MIKE
Should we take it up to Ben?

ROBBY
No, not yet.

MIKE
Why not? We got Law. This is it.

ROBBY
No, this is Law covering for one
priest. There’s another 90 out
there.

MIKE
Yeah, and we can print that story
when we get it but we gotta go with
this now.

ROBBY
I’m not gonna rush the story, Mike.

MIKE
We don’t have a choice, if we don’t
run to press, somebody else is gonna
find those letters and butcher the
story! Joe Quimby from the Herald
was at the freakin’ courthouse!
11/26/14 115.

ROBBY
So we’ll write a holding story and
we’ll keep an eye on the Herald.

MIKE
(losing it)
Keep our eye on the Herald? They
run this and they get it wrong, the
Church will bury it! We gotta do
this now!

MATTY MIKE
Mike -- What? Why are we hesitating!
Baron told us to get Law!

ROBBY
Baron told us to get the system. We
need the full scope, that’s the only
thing that will put an end to this.

MIKE
Then let’s take it up to Ben, let
him decide!

ROBBY
We’ll take it to Ben when I say it’s
time.

MIKE
It’s time, Robby. They knew and they
let it happen! To kids! This
coulda been you, it coulda been me,
it could have been any one of us.
We gotta nail these scumbags, show
people that no one can get away with
this! Not a priest or a Cardinal or
a fricking Pope!

Robby, Sacha, and Matt are still. Mike looks around the room,
out of breath, adrenaline draining. Robby is pissed.

ROBBY
You finished?

MIKE
Yeah. I am. This is bullshit.

Mike leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Intense, Urgent, Emotional

Summary In a tense scene at the Boston Globe, Mike arrives after reading a letter detailing Father John Geoghan's misconduct and urges his team to publish the story immediately. The team is shocked to learn that auxiliary bishop John M. D'Arcy had warned about Geoghan, but Cardinal Law ignored the warnings. Mike's insistence on swift action clashes with Robby's call for a more thorough investigation, leading to a heated argument. The scene culminates in Mike storming out in frustration, highlighting the internal conflict over how to address the Church's cover-up.

Strengths

Intense and emotional dialogue
High stakes and urgency
Character conflict and moral dilemmas

Weaknesses

Limited character development within the scene
Some repetitive arguments

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the escalating conflict between Mike and Robby, showcasing their differing priorities in the investigation. Mike's urgency contrasts sharply with Robby's more measured approach, which adds depth to their characters and highlights the stakes of their work.
The use of Mike's voiceover while he reads the letter adds a layer of urgency and allows the audience to grasp the gravity of the information being uncovered. However, the transition from the cab to the Spotlight office could be smoother to maintain the momentum of the scene.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the emotional weight of the situation, particularly Mike's passionate outburst about the implications of the letters. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact, especially during the argument between Mike and Robby.
The scene effectively conveys the frustration and urgency of investigative journalism, but it could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, showing the physical reactions of the team members as they process the information could heighten the tension.
The ending, with Mike storming out, is powerful and leaves a strong impression. However, it might be more impactful if there were a brief moment of silence or reflection from the remaining team members before the scene ends, emphasizing the weight of the revelation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively captures the urgency and tension of the moment, particularly through Mike's frantic actions and dialogue. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the dramatic stakes. For instance, Mike's repeated insistence on urgency could be more impactful if it were less verbose and more visceral.
Robby's response to Mike's urgency feels somewhat passive. Given the gravity of the situation, it would be more compelling if Robby displayed a stronger emotional reaction to the letters, perhaps reflecting on his own experiences or the implications of the findings.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Mike's thoughts, but it could be more integrated with the visual elements. Instead of having Mike read the letters in voiceover, consider showing him reading them aloud in the office, allowing for immediate reactions from the team.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of dramatic tension, making him a fitting choice for critiquing a scene that hinges on character conflict and urgency.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the dialogue between Mike and Robby to increase the tension without losing the essence of their conflict?
What are some techniques to better integrate voiceover with visual storytelling in this scene?
How can Robby's character be developed further in this scene to reflect the emotional weight of the findings?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of building tension, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. Mike's frustration is palpable, but Robby's calm demeanor contrasts sharply. This could be an opportunity to show Robby's internal struggle or doubts about the investigation.
The stakes are high, but the scene could emphasize the potential consequences of inaction more explicitly. Perhaps Mike could reference specific examples of how the Church has evaded accountability in the past, which would heighten the urgency of their decision.
The pacing of the scene is quick, which works well for the urgency, but consider allowing for a brief moment of silence after Mike's outburst. This could give the audience a moment to absorb the weight of what has been revealed.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to show Robby's internal conflict in this scene without detracting from Mike's urgency?
How can I better illustrate the potential consequences of inaction regarding the Church's cover-up in the dialogue?
What techniques can I use to create a moment of silence that enhances the emotional impact of Mike's outburst?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging, but it could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating more back-and-forth exchanges that reflect the characters' differing perspectives. This would create a more engaging rhythm and heighten the tension.
Mike's emotional outburst is powerful, but it could be even more impactful if it were juxtaposed with a calm, rational response from Robby. This contrast would emphasize the stakes and the urgency of the situation.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling elements. For example, showing the team’s physical reactions to the letters as Mike reads them could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice for critiquing a scene focused on intense character interactions.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more dynamic dialogue exchange between Mike and Robby that reflects their differing perspectives?
What are some effective ways to visually represent the team's reactions to the letters being read?
How can I enhance the contrast between Mike's emotional outburst and Robby's calm demeanor to heighten the stakes?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief visual montage of the team members' reactions as Mike reads the letter, which could enhance the emotional impact and show the gravity of the situation.
Tighten the dialogue, especially during the argument between Mike and Robby, to make their points more concise and impactful. This will help maintain the scene's pacing and urgency.
Incorporate more physicality into the characters' actions to reflect their emotional states. For example, showing Mike pacing or clenching his fists could visually convey his frustration.
Explore the possibility of including a moment of silence or a shared look among the team after Mike leaves, which could underscore the seriousness of their findings and the weight of their responsibility.
Ensure that the transitions between locations (from the cab to the office) are seamless to maintain the scene's momentum and urgency.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Mike's dialogue to be more concise and impactful, focusing on the urgency of the situation without excessive repetition.
Enhance Robby's emotional response to the letters, perhaps by incorporating a personal anecdote that connects him to the issue at hand.
Consider showing Mike reading the letters aloud in the office, allowing for immediate reactions from the team to create a more dynamic scene.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can be revised to tighten Mike's dialogue and increase its impact?
How can I incorporate a personal anecdote from Robby that connects him emotionally to the findings?
What visual elements can I add to show the team's reactions as Mike reads the letters aloud?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Robby's character arc further by showing his internal conflict regarding the investigation, perhaps through a moment of doubt or reflection.
Explicitly reference the potential consequences of inaction in Mike's dialogue to heighten the urgency of their decision.
Allow for a brief moment of silence after Mike's outburst to let the weight of the revelation sink in for both the characters and the audience.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional stakes makes her suggestions valuable for deepening the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to visually represent Robby's internal conflict in this scene?
How can I incorporate specific examples of the Church's evasion of accountability into Mike's dialogue?
What techniques can I use to create a moment of silence that enhances the emotional impact of the scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate more dynamic back-and-forth dialogue between Mike and Robby to reflect their differing perspectives and create a more engaging rhythm.
Juxtapose Mike's emotional outburst with a calm, rational response from Robby to emphasize the stakes and urgency of the situation.
Add visual storytelling elements that show the team's physical reactions to the letters as Mike reads them, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the intensity of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a more dynamic dialogue exchange that reflects the tension between Mike and Robby?
What visual elements can I incorporate to show the team's reactions to the letters being read?
How can I enhance the contrast between Mike's emotional outburst and Robby's calm demeanor to heighten the stakes?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful and gripping, effectively conveying the high stakes and emotional intensity of the characters. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward with a sense of urgency.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the ethical dilemma faced by journalists in exposing sensitive information, is compelling and thought-provoking. It delves into the complexities of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overarching narrative of the investigation into the Church's misconduct. It raises the stakes and sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on the moral implications of exposing a scandal within the Catholic Church. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting viewpoints add depth to the scene. The emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas faced by the characters are palpable, enhancing the audience's engagement.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, the emotional turmoil and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters contribute to their growth and development throughout the narrative.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to expose the truth and hold those responsible for the abuse of children accountable. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and protection of the vulnerable.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to publish a story about the scandal involving Father Geoghan and Cardinal Law. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing the need for urgency with the need for thorough investigation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, stemming from the characters' differing perspectives on how to proceed with the investigation. The clash of ideals and the high stakes drive the emotional tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional conflicts between the characters. The audience is unsure of how the situation will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with the decision to expose the Church's wrongdoing, knowing the potential repercussions and the impact it will have on the victims and the institution.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about the Church's cover-up and the team's internal conflicts. It sets the stage for future revelations and confrontations.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting viewpoints and unexpected emotional outbursts from the characters. The audience is unsure of how the situation will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in immediate action and exposure of the truth versus his editor's belief in a more comprehensive approach to uncovering the full scope of the scandal. This challenges the protagonist's values of justice and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking anger, frustration, and determination in the audience. The characters' impassioned arguments and the gravity of the situation resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the emotional intensity of the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and the ethical debates they are engaged in.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and moral dilemma faced by the characters. The urgency of the situation keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, mirroring the urgency of the characters' mission. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions clearly described.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic investigative journalism narrative, building tension and conflict as the characters debate their next steps.

149 INT. SACHA’S HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT 149

Sacha and Hansi have just finished dinner. Hansi’s cleaning
off the table as Sacha loads the dishwasher.
11/26/14 116.

She tries to slide the upper rack into the dishwasher. It’s
jammed. She tries again. It won’t go. She jiggles the rack,
tries a third time... she SNAPS, slamming the rack hard,
sending the dirty glasses crashing into each other.

She looks up... Hansi is just staring at her. Whoa.

HANSI
You okay?

Before she can answer, there’s a KNOCK on the door. Hansi
walks over, opens the door. It’s Mike.

MIKE
Hey, Hansi.

HANSI
Hard day at work, Mike?

150 EXT. SACHA’S HOUSE, BACK PORCH - LATER 150

Sacha walks onto the porch with two beers, hands one to Mike.

MIKE
Thanks. I dunno why I got so pissed
off. I mean I think Robby’s wrong
but...

SACHA
You care about the story, Mike. We
all do.

Mike takes a drink.

SACHA (CONT’D)
I stopped going to church with my
Nana. It was just too hard. I’d be
sitting there and I would start
thinking about Joe Crowley or
someone else and I’d just get so
angry.

MIKE
Did you tell her why?

SACHA
She goes to church three times a
week, Mike.

Mike considers this. Shakes his head.

MIKE
Really pisses me off.
(then)
(MORE)
11/26/14 117.

MIKE (CONT'D)
You know, I actually liked going to
mass when I was a kid.

SACHA
Why’d you stop?

MIKE
Typical shit.
(then)
But the weird thing is, I think
there was a part of me that figured
one day, maybe I’d go back. I was
holding on to that.

Sacha watches him, not expecting this.

MIKE (CONT’D)
And when I read those letters,
something just cracked.

SACHA
That’s a shitty feeling.

MIKE
Yeah. It’s a shitty feeling.

Off the two of them, a little lost...

Genres: Drama
Tone: Reflective, Emotional, Intimate

Summary After dinner, Sacha struggles with the dishwasher, leading to a moment of frustration that catches Hansi's attention. A knock at the door introduces Mike, who engages in a heartfelt conversation with Sacha on the back porch. They delve into their feelings about a recent conflict involving Robby and church, revealing their emotional struggles and reflections on the past. The scene captures a tense yet introspective atmosphere, culminating in a shared sense of vulnerability and confusion between Sacha and Mike.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low external conflict

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of the characters, particularly Sacha and Mike, as they grapple with their feelings about the church and the investigation. However, the transition from Sacha's frustration with the dishwasher to the deeper conversation with Mike feels somewhat abrupt. The initial action of Sacha struggling with the dishwasher serves as a metaphor for her internal conflict, but it could be more seamlessly integrated into the dialogue that follows.
The dialogue between Sacha and Mike is authentic and relatable, showcasing their shared frustrations and personal histories with the church. However, the pacing could be improved. The scene feels slightly drawn out in parts, particularly during the dialogue about their past experiences with church. Tightening the dialogue could enhance the emotional impact and maintain the audience's engagement.
While the scene does a good job of revealing character backstory, it could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the atmosphere. The setting of the kitchen and porch is underutilized; incorporating more sensory details about the environment could help ground the scene and make it more immersive for the audience.
The emotional stakes are present, but the scene could be elevated by incorporating more subtext. For instance, Sacha's anger and Mike's disillusionment could be contrasted with moments of silence or hesitation, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their shared experiences without explicitly stating everything. This would add depth to their conversation and make the emotional revelations more impactful.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Linda Seger

The emotional tension in this scene is palpable, particularly with Sacha's frustration manifesting in her struggle with the dishwasher. However, the transition from her domestic struggle to the serious conversation with Mike feels abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother transition that connects her emotional state to the conversation about the church and their investigation.
Sacha's dialogue about her Nana and church attendance is poignant, but it could be enhanced by showing more of her internal conflict. Perhaps a brief flashback or a more vivid description of her feelings during church could deepen the audience's understanding of her anger.
Mike's admission about his childhood connection to the church is a strong moment, but it could be more impactful if he elaborated on what specifically he liked about it. This would create a stronger contrast with his current feelings.

Linda Seger is known for her expertise in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a smoother transition between Sacha's frustration with the dishwasher and her serious conversation with Mike?
What techniques can I use to show Sacha's internal conflict regarding her church attendance more vividly?
How can I enhance Mike's backstory about his childhood connection to the church to make his current feelings more impactful?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures a moment of personal conflict amidst a larger societal issue, which is commendable. However, the stakes could be raised further. What are the consequences of their emotional struggles on the investigation? Making this connection clearer would heighten the tension.
The dialogue is natural, but it could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating subtext where Sacha and Mike are not just discussing their feelings but also hinting at their fears about the investigation's implications. This would add layers to their conversation.
The scene lacks a clear turning point. While Mike expresses frustration, there is no significant shift in their relationship or understanding. Introducing a moment where one character challenges the other could create a more compelling dynamic.

Robert McKee is a renowned screenwriting guru known for his focus on story structure and character dynamics, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the conflict and stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to connect Sacha and Mike's personal struggles with the larger investigation?
What techniques can I use to incorporate subtext into their dialogue to add depth to their conversation?
How can I introduce a clear turning point in this scene to enhance the dynamic between Sacha and Mike?

Critique by Syd Field

The scene does a good job of establishing character emotions, but it could benefit from a clearer setup and payoff. The dishwasher incident serves as a setup for Sacha's emotional state, but the payoff in her conversation with Mike feels disconnected. Strengthening this connection would enhance the scene's coherence.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial frustration with the dishwasher is quick, while the conversation with Mike drags slightly. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout.
While the scene is intimate, it could use more visual elements to enhance the storytelling. Describing the kitchen environment or the way Sacha and Mike interact physically could add depth to their emotional exchange.

Syd Field is a pioneer in screenwriting structure and character development, making his insights particularly relevant for improving the coherence and visual storytelling in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a stronger connection between the setup of Sacha's frustration with the dishwasher and the payoff in her conversation with Mike?
What strategies can I use to tighten the dialogue and improve the pacing of this scene?
How can I incorporate more visual elements to enhance the emotional storytelling in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a pause after Sacha slams the dishwasher rack to emphasize the tension before Mike arrives. This could heighten the emotional stakes and allow the audience to absorb Sacha's frustration.
Tighten the dialogue by removing any repetitive phrases or filler words. For example, instead of 'I dunno why I got so pissed off,' Mike could say, 'I don't know why I got so angry.' This would make the dialogue feel more natural and concise.
Incorporate more visual and sensory details about the kitchen and porch setting. Describe the sounds of the dishwasher, the smell of dinner, or the ambiance of the evening to create a more vivid scene.
Introduce more subtext in the dialogue. For example, instead of explicitly stating their feelings about the church, allow the characters to hint at their emotions through their actions and reactions, creating a more nuanced conversation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Sacha reflects on her feelings about the church while struggling with the dishwasher, perhaps recalling a specific incident that triggers her anger.
Incorporate a brief flashback or vivid imagery when Sacha talks about her Nana and church attendance to deepen the emotional impact.
Encourage Mike to elaborate on what he enjoyed about attending mass as a child, creating a stronger contrast with his current feelings.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional resonance makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific techniques can I use to create a reflective moment for Sacha while she struggles with the dishwasher?
How can I effectively incorporate flashbacks or imagery to enhance Sacha's dialogue about her church attendance?
What are some ways to encourage Mike to share more about his childhood experiences with the church?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment where Sacha and Mike's conversation shifts from personal feelings to the implications of their investigation, raising the stakes.
Revise the dialogue to include subtext, allowing Sacha and Mike to hint at their fears about the investigation while discussing their feelings.
Create a moment where one character challenges the other, leading to a significant shift in their relationship or understanding.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and character dynamics makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the conflict and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively raise the stakes in the conversation between Sacha and Mike to connect their personal struggles with the investigation?
What are some techniques to incorporate subtext into their dialogue to add depth to their conversation?
How can I create a moment of challenge between Sacha and Mike to enhance their dynamic?

Suggestion by Syd Field

Strengthen the connection between Sacha's frustration with the dishwasher and her emotional state by having her voice her thoughts about the church during the struggle.
Tighten the dialogue in the conversation with Mike to maintain a consistent rhythm and pacing throughout the scene.
Incorporate more visual elements, such as the kitchen's atmosphere or physical interactions between Sacha and Mike, to enhance the emotional storytelling.

Syd Field's emphasis on structure and visual storytelling makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the coherence and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific strategies can I use to create a stronger connection between Sacha's dishwasher frustration and her conversation with Mike?
How can I tighten the dialogue to improve the pacing of this scene?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the emotional storytelling in this scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the internal conflicts and emotional depth of the characters, creating a poignant and introspective moment that resonates with the audience. The dialogue is raw and authentic, capturing the characters' vulnerability and inner turmoil.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' crisis of faith and emotional turmoil adds depth and complexity to the narrative. It provides insight into the characters' motivations and internal conflicts, enriching the overall story.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional exploration than plot progression, it contributes to the overarching narrative by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and authentic portrayal of personal struggles and emotional turmoil, particularly in the context of religion and faith. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively develops the characters of Mike and Sacha, revealing their vulnerabilities, regrets, and internal conflicts. Their interactions and dialogue showcase their emotional depth and complexity, making them relatable and compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Both Mike and Sacha undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with their faith, regrets, and disillusionment. Their introspective conversations and reflections showcase their growth and internal struggles, adding depth to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Sacha's internal goal in this scene is to confront her emotions and frustrations, particularly regarding her past experiences with church and her anger towards certain individuals. This reflects her deeper needs for closure and emotional release.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to comfort and support Mike, who is struggling with his own emotions and beliefs. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating complex interpersonal relationships and providing emotional support.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is internal conflict and emotional tension within the characters, the scene focuses more on introspection and personal struggles rather than external conflict. The conflict is subtle but impactful in highlighting the characters' emotional journeys.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, with the characters facing internal conflicts and emotional challenges that add depth and complexity to their interactions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate their personal struggles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' crisis of faith, regrets, and emotional turmoil. While the personal stakes are high for the characters, the scene does not involve external threats or immediate danger.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the plot in terms of external events, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and emotional journeys. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected emotional revelations and the shifting dynamics of their relationships. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will navigate their personal struggles.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' beliefs and experiences with religion, specifically their struggles with faith, anger, and emotional turmoil. This challenges their values and worldviews, leading to introspective conversations.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into the characters' vulnerabilities, regrets, and emotional turmoil. It creates a poignant and introspective atmosphere, resonating with viewers on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and authentic, capturing the characters' inner turmoil and emotional struggles. It conveys a sense of vulnerability and introspection, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the audience's connection to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable character interactions, and realistic dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' personal struggles and conflicts, creating a compelling and immersive experience.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of emotional tension and introspective conversations. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's effectiveness and emotional impact.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events, starting with a tense moment in the kitchen and transitioning to a heartfelt conversation on the porch. The structure effectively builds emotional tension and depth.

151 INT. FAIRMONT HOTEL, OAK ROOM, DOWNTOWN BOSTON - NIGHT 151

The posh bar of one of Boston’s oldest hotels. Robby is at
the bar, a glass of red wine in front of him.

PETER CONLEY
Looks like a long day.

ROBBY
Hey Pete.

PETER CONLEY
I’m sorry to make it longer. Brian?

Peter Conley sits, nods to the barman: ‘the usual.’

ROBBY
Anyone ever said no to a drink with
you, Pete?

PETER CONLEY
Sure. The trick is to keep asking.
(raising his glass)
For Boston.
11/26/14 118.

ROBBY
For Boston.
(drinks, then)
So, you here for the Cardinal?

PETER CONLEY
No, no, I wouldn’t presume to speak
for the Cardinal.
(then)
You gotta a lot of people here who
respect you, Robby, respect your
work.

ROBBY
Good to know.

PETER CONLEY
It’s ‘cause you care about this
place. It’s why you do what you do,
it’s who you are. But people need
the Church more than ever right now.
You can feel it. And the Cardinal
may not be perfect but we can’t
throw out all the good he’s doing
over a few bad apples.

Robby lets this sink in. Nods as if in agreement.

PETER CONLEY (CONT’D)
I’m bringing this up with you
because I know this is Baron’s idea.
His agenda. And I gotta tell you,
honest to God, I don’t think he
cares about this city the way we do.
How could he?

Robby looks at Conley. A long beat.

ROBBY
This is how it happens, isn’t it,
Pete?

PETER CONLEY
What’s that?

ROBBY
A guy leans on a guy and suddenly
the whole town just looks the other
way.

Stung. Pete downs his drink. Gets up.
11/26/14 119.

PETER CONLEY
Robby, look. Marty Baron is just
trying to make his mark. He’ll be
here for a couple years and he’s
gonna move on. Just like he did in
New York and Miami. Where you gonna
go?

He starts to go.

ROBBY
Pete?
(Pete turns)
When we do run the story, I’m gonna
need a comment from the Cardinal.

Conley takes it. Then smiles.

PETER CONLEY
We’ll talk again later. Good night,
Robby.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Reflective, Confrontational

Summary In the Oak Room of the Fairmont Hotel, Robby and Peter Conley engage in a tense discussion about the Church's influence and the implications of their reporting. Conley expresses skepticism about Marty Baron's agenda, while Robby reflects on the culture of complicity surrounding powerful figures. The conversation highlights their differing views on the Church's leadership and ends with Robby requesting a comment from the Cardinal, leaving him contemplative as Conley departs.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Complex character dynamics
Exploration of ethical dilemmas

Weaknesses

Limited physical action
Relatively static setting

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Robby and Peter Conley, highlighting the underlying conflict regarding the Church's influence and the pressures faced by journalists. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. While the conversation touches on important themes, it feels somewhat surface-level and could explore the characters' motivations and fears more intricately.
Robby's character is established as someone who is aware of the moral complexities of the situation, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict. The dialogue hints at his frustration with the Church's power, yet it lacks a strong emotional anchor that would make his stance more compelling. Adding a moment of vulnerability or a personal anecdote could enhance his character development.
Peter Conley's dialogue serves to represent the Church's perspective, but it risks coming off as overly expository. Instead of directly stating his views, consider incorporating more nuanced language that reveals his motivations and the stakes involved. This would create a more engaging dynamic between him and Robby, allowing the audience to infer the tension rather than having it explicitly stated.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit uneven. The initial banter is light, but as the conversation shifts to serious topics, the transition could be smoother. Consider using pauses or physical actions to reflect the weight of the conversation, allowing the audience to feel the shift in tone more organically.
The setting of the Oak Room is a strong choice, as it adds a layer of sophistication and history to the conversation. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the bar. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the visual elements of the surroundings could enhance the immersion and provide a richer backdrop for the dialogue.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Robby and Peter Conley is engaging but could benefit from sharper, more concise exchanges. For instance, Conley's line about needing the Church more than ever could be trimmed to heighten tension and urgency.
Robby's response to Conley's assertion about the Cardinal's goodness feels somewhat passive. A more active rebuttal could strengthen Robby's character as a determined journalist.
The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there is tension, it doesn't escalate significantly. Consider introducing a more pressing conflict or a revelation that forces Robby to confront his beliefs more directly.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of dramatic structure, making him ideal for critiquing the dialogue and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue between Robby and Peter Conley more dynamic and impactful?
What techniques can I use to ensure that the scene has a clear dramatic arc?
How can I better showcase Robby's determination and conflict with Conley's perspective?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the stakes regarding the Church's influence, but it could delve deeper into Robby's internal conflict. What personal stakes does he have in this conversation?
Peter Conley's character serves as a mouthpiece for the Church's perspective, but he could be more nuanced. Adding layers to his character would create a more compelling debate.
The setting of the Fairmont Hotel is rich with potential symbolism. Consider using the opulence of the setting to contrast with the serious nature of their conversation about the Church's failings.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and thematic depth, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional and thematic layers of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Robby's internal conflict in this scene?
What strategies can I use to add complexity to Peter Conley's character?
How can I better utilize the setting of the Fairmont Hotel to enhance the scene's themes?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The pacing of the scene could be improved. The dialogue feels a bit slow; consider quickening the exchanges to create a more urgent atmosphere.
Robby's line about how this is how it happens could be more impactful with a stronger emotional delivery. Explore how this realization affects him personally.
The scene ends somewhat abruptly. Consider adding a final line or action that leaves the audience with a lingering sense of tension or anticipation.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the pacing and emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to increase the pacing of the dialogue in this scene?
How can I enhance the emotional weight of Robby's realization about complicity?
What kind of closing line or action could effectively heighten the scene's tension?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal the characters' true feelings and motivations without stating them outright. This will create a more engaging and layered conversation.
Add a moment of vulnerability for Robby, perhaps by referencing a personal experience that connects him to the Church's impact on the community. This will deepen his character and make his conflict more relatable.
Revise Peter Conley's dialogue to be less expository and more nuanced, allowing the audience to infer his motivations and the stakes involved in the conversation.
Smooth the pacing by using pauses or physical actions to reflect the emotional weight of the conversation, helping the audience transition with the characters from light banter to serious discussion.
Enhance the setting by including sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the Oak Room, such as the sounds of clinking glasses or the warmth of the bar, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to be more succinct, focusing on key phrases that convey tension without unnecessary exposition.
Have Robby challenge Conley's views more directly, perhaps by referencing specific instances of the Church's failures to ground his argument.
Introduce a moment of revelation or conflict that escalates the stakes, such as a new piece of information about the Cardinal that Robby has just learned.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I revise to make the dialogue more impactful?
How can I incorporate a new piece of information to heighten the stakes in this scene?
What techniques can I use to ensure that Robby's character is more assertive in this conversation?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a flashback or a brief internal monologue for Robby that reveals his personal connection to the Church's issues, deepening his character.
Develop Peter Conley's character by giving him a personal stake in the Church's reputation, perhaps through a family connection or past experience.
Use the opulent setting of the Fairmont Hotel to create visual contrasts, such as showing the bar's luxury juxtaposed with the serious conversation about moral failings.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and thematic resonance makes her suggestions valuable for enriching the emotional landscape of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively incorporate a flashback or internal monologue for Robby?
What backstory can I give Peter Conley to make him a more complex character?
What visual elements can I use to enhance the contrast between the setting and the conversation?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue to create a faster rhythm, perhaps by breaking up longer exchanges into shorter, punchier lines.
Encourage Robby to express his frustration more vividly, perhaps through body language or a change in tone that reflects his emotional state.
Consider adding a final line that hints at the impending conflict or consequences of their conversation, leaving the audience eager for what comes next.

Aaron Sorkin's mastery of dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly useful for enhancing the scene's urgency and emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What specific changes can I make to the dialogue to increase its pace?
How can I effectively convey Robby's emotional state through his actions or tone?
What kind of final line could effectively set up future conflict in the story?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension, reflection, and confrontation, setting the stage for significant developments in the plot. The dialogue is sharp and thought-provoking, revealing the conflicting perspectives of the characters and adding depth to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of journalistic integrity, institutional power, and personal ethics is central to the scene, providing a rich foundation for character development and narrative tension.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the characters navigate moral dilemmas and power struggles. The scene sets up key conflicts and foreshadows future revelations.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of corruption and loyalty, with authentic character actions and dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the scene. The interactions between Robby and Peter Conley reveal layers of complexity and internal conflict.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Robby and Peter Conley hint at internal struggles and potential shifts in beliefs, setting the stage for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the moral dilemma of exposing corruption within the Church while balancing his loyalty to the city and his relationships.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to gather information and support for the upcoming story about the Cardinal and the Church corruption.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between journalistic duty, loyalty to institutions, and personal beliefs creates a tense atmosphere in the scene, driving the narrative forward and highlighting the stakes involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of journalistic integrity, institutional power, and personal ethics. The decisions made by the characters in this scene have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, deepening character relationships, and foreshadowing future revelations. It sets up important plot points and adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and moral choices faced by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to the city and the Church's power dynamics. It challenges Robby's beliefs about justice and integrity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to reflection, adding depth to the character dynamics and setting up emotional arcs for future developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the conflicting ideologies of the characters. It drives the scene forward and adds tension to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension between characters, moral dilemmas, and the unfolding of the corruption storyline.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively through dialogue and character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven dramatic scene in a screenplay.

153 INT. GLOBE, ROBBY’S OFFICE/SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - DAY 153

Robby, Mike, Sacha and Matt sit working. It’s dark, quiet,
serious. A beat, then Robby’s phone RINGS. He answers.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Robby. What? No shit, when? Okay.
(hangs up, calls out)
Hey.

The team looks towards Robby’s office as he walks in.

MIKE
What’s up?

ROBBY
Sweeney ruled in our favor. She
ruled to unseal the documents.

MIKE
Jeez...

The group sits stunned.

154 INT. GLOBE, MARTY’S OFFICE - EARLY EVENING 154

Marty, Ben, Robby, and Canellos (the Metro editor we met
earlier) sit with the Globe lawyer, Albano.
11/26/14 120.

ALBANO
The Church already filed an appeal.
But the trial court’s ruling is
generally upheld in these matters.

MARTY
And when would we get the documents?

ALBANO
Probably takes Cohen a few weeks to
rule, then there’ll be a redaction
process... I’d say they’ll be made
public mid-January.

MARTY
Okay. Thanks, John. And nice work.

Albano exits.

CANELLOS
Metro should run something, Marty.

ROBBY
We can’t run this big.

CANELLOS
Why wouldn’t we? It’s a major First
Amendment victory. Not to mention,
an Irish Catholic judge rules
against the church? That’s a hell
of a precedent.

ROBBY
(to Ben)
We don’t want the Herald going too
deep on this.

MARTY
Why’s that?

ROBBY
You’re gonna have to step out,
Peter.

CANELLOS
I’m not stepping out.

Robby picks up a FOLDER OF DOCUMENTS on the table beside him.
He places it in front of Marty. Marty picks it up.

BEN
Peter.

Marching orders. Canellos exits, not happy.
11/26/14 121.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Tense, Stunned

Summary Robby receives shocking news that Judge Sweeney has ruled to unseal documents related to a case involving the Church, leading to a tense meeting with his team. As they discuss the implications and timeline for the documents, Canellos pushes for a story, but Robby insists on caution, resulting in a conflict that culminates in Canellos being ordered to leave the meeting, highlighting a division in their approach.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of tension and seriousness
Clear plot progression
Realistic character reactions

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Moderate conflict level

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and tension with the news of the ruling in favor of unsealing documents. However, the emotional impact could be heightened by including more character reactions beyond just stunned silence. For instance, showing Mike's immediate thoughts or Sacha's concerns could add depth to their responses.
The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain dynamism. The characters' exchanges feel somewhat flat, especially in a moment that should be charged with excitement or anxiety. Adding more subtext or emotional weight to their lines could enhance the scene's impact.
The transition from Robby's phone call to the meeting with Marty and the others feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this transition, allowing the audience to absorb the significance of the ruling before moving into the next setting.
The conflict between Robby and Canellos is introduced but not fully explored. While it establishes tension, it could benefit from more context or stakes. Why is Robby so adamant about not running the story? What are the potential consequences? This would make the conflict more engaging.
The scene ends on a somewhat unresolved note with Canellos leaving unhappy. While this adds to the tension, it might be more effective to provide a clearer sense of direction or resolution for Robby and the team, indicating how they plan to move forward with the information they've just received.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the moment with Robby's phone call, but it could benefit from sharper dialogue. For instance, Robby's line 'Sweeney ruled in our favor' lacks the punch that could elevate the stakes. Consider having Robby express more disbelief or excitement to reflect the gravity of the ruling.
The transition from Robby's office to Marty's office feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could enhance the emotional weight of the news before moving to the next setting.
The conflict between Robby and Canellos is a strong moment, but it could be heightened. Canellos' insistence on running the story could be more aggressive, showcasing the pressure from the Metro side against Robby's caution.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of tension in storytelling, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make Robby's reaction to the ruling more impactful in terms of dialogue?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between scenes while maintaining tension?
How can I better illustrate the conflict between Robby and Canellos to heighten the stakes?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the stakes with the ruling, but it could delve deeper into the emotional responses of the characters. For example, how does this ruling affect each character personally? Adding a line or two that reflects their individual stakes could enhance the emotional depth.
Robby's insistence on not running the story could be more clearly motivated. What specific fears or past experiences drive his caution? Providing a hint of his backstory could make his stance more relatable.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. Consider allowing for a moment of silence or a reaction shot after the ruling is announced to let the weight of the news sink in for the audience.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show the emotional stakes for each character in this scene?
How can I clarify Robby's motivations for not wanting to run the story without lengthy exposition?
What techniques can I use to slow down the pacing at key moments to enhance emotional impact?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene presents a clear conflict, but it could benefit from a stronger dramatic arc. The stakes are high with the ruling, but the characters' reactions could escalate the tension further. Consider introducing a ticking clock element, such as a deadline for when the documents must be published.
The dialogue, while functional, lacks subtext. Characters should be saying more than what is on the surface. For instance, Canellos' insistence on running the story could hint at his own ambitions or fears about the Church's influence.
The scene could use more visual storytelling. Instead of just dialogue, consider incorporating actions that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as Robby pacing or Sacha fidgeting, to visually convey their anxiety.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's conflict and emotional stakes.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a ticking clock element to raise the stakes in this scene?
What are some techniques for adding subtext to the dialogue to enhance character depth?
How can I incorporate visual storytelling elements to reflect the characters' emotional states?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more varied character reactions to the news of the ruling. Consider adding a moment where each character expresses their thoughts or feelings, which would create a richer emotional landscape.
Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional resonance. For example, characters could express their fears or hopes regarding the implications of the ruling, making the stakes feel more personal.
Add a brief moment of reflection after Robby's phone call before transitioning to the meeting. This could be a visual of the team processing the news or a quick exchange that highlights their collective anxiety.
Expand on the conflict between Robby and Canellos by providing more context for Robby's reluctance to run the story. This could involve a brief flashback or a line that hints at past experiences that inform his caution.
Consider ending the scene with a stronger sense of direction for the team. Perhaps Robby could outline a plan of action or express a determination to investigate further, giving the audience a clearer idea of what comes next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Robby's line to something more impactful, such as, 'You won't believe this—Sweeney just ruled in our favor!' to convey urgency and disbelief.
Add a brief moment of silence or a visual cue, like a close-up of the team's shocked faces, before transitioning to Marty's office to emphasize the weight of the news.
Enhance Canellos' character by making his insistence on running the story more aggressive, perhaps by having him raise his voice or slam his hand on the table.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of impactful dialogue that convey urgency?
How can I visually represent the emotional weight of news in a scene?
What are effective ways to show a character's aggression in dialogue?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate a line from each character reflecting their personal stakes regarding the ruling. For example, Mike could express excitement about the potential for justice, while Sacha might voice concern about the Church's reaction.
Add a line of dialogue that hints at Robby's backstory, such as a past experience with the Church that makes him cautious, to deepen his character.
Allow for a moment of silence after the ruling is announced, perhaps with a close-up shot of each character's face to capture their reactions.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional storytelling makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show a character's personal stakes in a scene?
How can I hint at a character's backstory without lengthy exposition?
What techniques can I use to create impactful silence in a scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a ticking clock element by having a deadline for when the documents must be published, raising the stakes for the characters.
Revise the dialogue to include more subtext, such as Canellos hinting at his own ambitions when he insists on running the story.
Incorporate visual storytelling by showing Robby pacing or Sacha fidgeting, reflecting their anxiety and urgency in the moment.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and dramatic tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's conflict and emotional stakes.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a deadline to raise stakes in a scene?
What are some techniques for adding subtext to dialogue?
How can I visually convey a character's emotional state through their actions?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the gravity of the court ruling and the impact it will have on the investigation, creating a sense of urgency and anticipation.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unsealing important documents adds depth to the investigation and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the court ruling, setting the stage for future developments in the investigation.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of journalistic integrity and ethical dilemmas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the court ruling, showcasing their dedication to the investigation and their individual perspectives.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the team's reactions hint at potential shifts in their dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the legal and ethical challenges presented by the court ruling and the potential publication of sensitive documents. This reflects their deeper desire for journalistic integrity and the pursuit of truth.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to decide how to handle the court ruling and the potential publication of the documents. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in their work as journalists.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict surrounding the decision on how to proceed with the unsealed documents.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and ethical dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the team grapples with the decision on how to handle the unsealed documents and their implications for the investigation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key plot development with the court ruling.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected twists and turns in the characters' decisions and the unfolding of the legal and ethical challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between journalistic freedom and responsibility, as well as the power dynamics between the newspaper and other media outlets.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a sense of anticipation and tension, but the emotional impact is not overwhelming.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the seriousness of the situation and the team's reactions to the court ruling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with ethical dilemmas and conflicting motivations, keeping the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through well-timed dialogue and character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.

155 INT. GLOBE, MARTY’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 155

CLOSE ON the letters. Reveal Marty and Ben reading, STUNNED.

MARTY
When did you --

ROBBY
A couple of weeks ago.

BEN
A couple of weeks?

ROBBY
Yeah.

BEN
And you’re telling us now?

MARTY
These are substantial. They clearly
show that Law was negligent.

Ben and Marty stare at Robby. A beat, then --

ROBBY
I need more time. I want to keep
digging.

BEN
For what? This is the goddamn story.

ROBBY
It’s not the whole story.

BEN
(dismissive)
Tough shit. We’re on a clock now.
Even if we don’t run Sweeney’s
ruling, another paper could find
these letters and fuck the story.

ROBBY
Agreed. But we run the letters
alone, Law apologizes, says it’s a
one time thing, he can bury it.

MARTY
How? These clearly show he knew and
did nothing.

ROBBY
Look, I’m close to stories on 70
priests.
(MORE)
11/26/14 122.

ROBBY (CONT'D)
We nail that along with those
letters, it’s proof that this is
bigger than Law. It’s the whole
system.

Marty considers.

MARTY
You have multiple sources confirming
the 70 priests?

ROBBY
On some. I can get more.

BEN
Too risky. If we’re not buttoned up
on every single one of them, the
Church’ll pick us apart.

Robby’s up against it. He plays his hand.

ROBBY
I think I can get someone from the
other side of the aisle.

BEN
Someone inside the Church?

ROBBY
Yeah, a lawyer.

MARTY
Will he go on the record?

ROBBY
Deep background. But he’s a solid
source.

Marty considers. A beat, then Ben steps in.

BEN
Rezendes needs time to write up the
story. We don’t want to drop this
at Christmas, not after 9/11. We
could run it just after New Year’s,
before the rest of the documents are
released.

MARTY
Okay. Tell Canellos to bury the
ruling in Metro.
(then, to Robby)
You’ve got six weeks.
11/26/14 123.

Robby nods, gets up and leaves. Ben follows him into --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Serious, Urgent

Summary In Marty's office at the Globe, Marty and Ben are taken aback by letters revealing negligence by Law. Robby, who discovered the letters weeks ago, argues for more time to investigate, believing the story is larger than just the letters. Ben, frustrated by the urgency of the situation, pushes for immediate publication to prevent competitors from breaking the story. Despite the tension, Marty ultimately gives Robby a six-week deadline to gather more evidence before they proceed with publication.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Sharp dialogue
Ethical dilemmas

Weaknesses

Risk of rushing the story
Potential lack of thorough investigation

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the investigation, particularly through the dialogue between Robby, Marty, and Ben. However, the pacing feels slightly rushed, especially with the revelation of the letters. A more gradual build-up to the stakes could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
Robby's character is portrayed as cautious and strategic, which is consistent with his previous actions. However, his insistence on needing more time could benefit from a clearer motivation. Why does he feel that additional time is crucial? Providing a specific example or a personal stake could deepen the audience's understanding of his urgency.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the high stakes of the situation, but it occasionally veers into exposition-heavy territory. For instance, when Robby mentions the 70 priests, it feels like a plot point being delivered rather than a natural part of the conversation. Integrating this information more organically could enhance the realism of the dialogue.
Ben's dismissive attitude towards Robby's concerns is effective in showcasing the pressure the team is under, but it could be more nuanced. Adding a moment where Ben acknowledges Robby's perspective, even if he ultimately disagrees, could create a more complex dynamic between the characters.
The scene ends with a clear resolution regarding the timeline for the story, which is good for narrative clarity. However, it might benefit from a more emotional or dramatic closing line that encapsulates the weight of the decision made, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of urgency.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the urgency of the situation, particularly in Robby's insistence on needing more time. However, the stakes could be heightened further by incorporating more subtext in the exchanges. For instance, when Ben says, 'Tough shit. We’re on a clock now,' it could be more impactful if he expressed a personal stake in the story, perhaps revealing a past connection to the Church or a victim.
Robby's character is portrayed as cautious, but the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. His desire to dig deeper is commendable, but it feels somewhat detached. Adding a moment where Robby reflects on the personal implications of the story could enhance his motivation and make the audience more invested in his struggle.
The pacing of the scene is effective, but consider breaking up the dialogue with some visual elements that reflect the tension in the room. For example, showing the letters in close-up as they discuss them could emphasize their weight and significance.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in the dialogue between Robby and Ben to reflect their personal stakes in the story?
What visual elements could I incorporate to heighten the tension in this scene?
How can I better illustrate Robby's emotional journey throughout this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The conflict between Robby and Ben is compelling, but it could be strengthened by clarifying their motivations. Ben's urgency is clear, but what drives Robby’s need for more time? Is it fear of backlash, a sense of responsibility, or something more personal? Making this clearer would deepen the audience's understanding of the stakes.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual representation of the letters themselves. Perhaps a moment where the camera lingers on the letters as they discuss them could symbolize the weight of the evidence and the potential consequences of their decisions.
Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after a particularly impactful line, such as when Marty states, 'These clearly show he knew and did nothing.' This could allow the gravity of the situation to sink in for both the characters and the audience.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the motivations and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to clarify the motivations of Robby and Ben in this scene?
How can I visually represent the significance of the letters to enhance the emotional weight of the scene?
What are some effective ways to incorporate pauses or moments of silence to heighten tension in dialogue?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging, but it could be even more dynamic. Consider incorporating rapid-fire exchanges or interruptions that reflect the urgency and high stakes of the situation. This would create a more intense atmosphere and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.
Robby's proposal to get a lawyer from inside the Church is a pivotal moment. It could be emphasized more dramatically, perhaps with a visual cue or a shift in the camera angle to highlight the significance of this potential source.
The scene could benefit from a stronger emotional payoff at the end. After Robby leaves, perhaps show a moment of shared concern between Ben and Marty, indicating the weight of the decision they just made. This would reinforce the gravity of their situation and the potential consequences of their actions.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice to critique the dialogue dynamics and emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create more dynamic and rapid-fire dialogue exchanges to enhance the urgency of this scene?
What visual techniques can I use to emphasize the significance of Robby's proposal about the lawyer?
How can I craft a stronger emotional moment at the end of the scene to reflect the weight of their decisions?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of reflection for Robby before he insists on needing more time. This could involve him recalling a past experience that informs his cautious approach, thereby deepening his character.
Introduce a visual element that emphasizes the gravity of the letters, such as a close-up shot of the letters themselves or the characters' reactions to them, to enhance the emotional impact of the revelation.
Incorporate a brief exchange that highlights the personal stakes for each character involved in the investigation. This could help the audience connect more deeply with their motivations and the urgency of the situation.
Revise the dialogue to reduce exposition and instead weave in the necessary information through character interactions. This could involve characters referencing past conversations or experiences that naturally lead to the current discussion.
End the scene with a more dramatic or poignant line that encapsulates the weight of the decision made, perhaps reflecting on the potential consequences of their actions, to leave the audience with a strong emotional resonance.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, particularly in Ben's lines, to reveal personal stakes related to the Church or the victims.
Add a moment where Robby reflects on the personal implications of the story, enhancing his emotional arc.
Include visual elements that emphasize the letters' significance, such as close-ups or reactions from the characters as they read.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character motivation can help enhance the emotional depth and stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to incorporate subtext into dialogue to reveal character motivations?
How can I visually represent the emotional weight of the letters in this scene?
What techniques can I use to illustrate a character's emotional journey effectively?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the motivations of Robby and Ben by adding internal thoughts or flashbacks that reveal their personal connections to the story.
Use a visual representation of the letters, such as a close-up shot, to symbolize their significance and the weight of the evidence.
Incorporate pauses or moments of silence after impactful lines to allow the gravity of the situation to resonate with the audience.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and story structure can provide actionable suggestions to deepen the emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively reveal character motivations through internal thoughts or flashbacks?
What visual techniques can I use to symbolize the significance of the letters?
How can I use pauses in dialogue to enhance emotional impact?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the dialogue to include rapid-fire exchanges that reflect the urgency of the situation, creating a more intense atmosphere.
Highlight the significance of Robby's proposal about the lawyer with a visual cue or a shift in camera focus.
Craft a stronger emotional moment at the end of the scene, showing shared concern between Ben and Marty to reinforce the gravity of their decision.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing can help elevate the intensity and emotional resonance of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create rapid-fire dialogue exchanges that enhance urgency?
How can I visually emphasize pivotal moments in dialogue to heighten their significance?
What are some effective ways to create emotional payoffs at the end of a scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, setting up a crucial decision-making moment for the characters. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the plot forward while revealing the complexities of investigative journalism.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing the immediate impact of breaking a story with the need for comprehensive investigation is central to the scene. It explores the complexities of journalistic ethics and the pursuit of truth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the characters grapple with a crucial decision that will shape the direction of their investigation. The conflict and stakes are heightened, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to investigative journalism and the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the narrative forward.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with distinct motivations and perspectives. Their interactions reveal their individual strengths and weaknesses, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The scene prompts character growth and development, particularly in Robby's approach to the investigation. His willingness to dig deeper and seek alternative sources demonstrates a shift in his perspective.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the full extent of the scandal involving the priests and the Church. He wants to expose the systemic issue, not just individual cases.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to publish the story about the negligent behavior of Law and the Church before other newspapers do.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both internally among the team members and externally in their decision-making process. The high stakes and moral dilemmas create a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals among the characters that create tension and drive the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the ethical implications of publishing sensitive information that could have far-reaching consequences. The decision they make will shape the course of their investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key decision point that will impact the investigation's direction. It sets the stage for future developments and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected turns in the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the need for thorough investigation and the pressure to publish quickly. Robby wants to dig deeper, while Ben is focused on the immediate story.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frustration to determination, as the characters grapple with difficult choices. The personal stakes and ethical considerations add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and serves to highlight the conflicting viewpoints of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflict between characters, and the sense of urgency in the dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and moving the story forward at a brisk pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper use of dialogue and action lines.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic, dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay.

156 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM OUTSIDE MARTY’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 156

Ben and Robby walk out.

BEN
Tell Mike I want a draft before
Christmas. And we need a response
from Lake Street. Who does PR for
the Cardinal? Still John Walsh?

ROBBY
No, somebody new, Donna Morrisey,
she came from TV, she’s young.

BEN
Good, get a quote, we need something
from Law to appear even-handed.

ROBBY
Got it.

BEN
And Robby? Next time give me a
goddamn heads up?

Ben exits. Robby takes it on the chin then walks off. As he
does, we hear a child’s voice start into SILENT NIGHT...

157 INVESTIGATION/WRITING MONTAGE 157

As a second child joins in, we see a SERIES OF SHOTS...

157A MIKE’S COMPUTER. 41 days until deadline. The very 157A
start of the story. FIND Mike in SPOTLIGHT, pecking out
the story on his COMPUTER. Matt, coat and briefcase,
walks out...

157I Sacha with Phil, Crowley and another guy at a shitty 157I
DINER, sad Christmas decor. Sacha doesn’t eat, she
writes on a pad.

157Fa MIKE’S COMPUTER. 21 days until deadline. The story 157Fa
is further along...

157Fb Matt drives down the street in HIS CAR, eyes on an old 157Fb
man, putting down salt on the front walk of the
TREATMENT CENTER.

157E In BEN’S OFFICE, Mike watches Ben and Robby read the 157E
story. Cross outs. He hands it back to Mike.
Not there yet.
11/26/14 124.

157F A SMALL HYDE PARK LIVING ROOM. A man in 40s cries, 157F
talking to Sacha. A Christmas tree in the background.

157J MIKE’S COMPUTER. 8 days until deadline. More edits on 157J
the story. FIND Mike in his APARTMENT. Editing. A beer
by the computer...

157Ja An E-MAIL to Robby from Ben: ‘Where are we on your 157Ja
source? It’s time.’ Find Robby IN HIS OFFICE, staring
at the computer.

157M A night mass at an EAST BOSTON CHURCH. 157M

As the children’s choir finishes Silent Night, we FIND
Mike, in the doorway, standing there. Watching. Cut to --

161 EXT. SULLIVAN HOUSE, BROOKLINE - NIGHT 161

The door of a pretty colonial, a wreath still up. A hand
knocks. The door opens. A pretty woman (JIM’S WIFE) smiles.

JIM’S WIFE
Robby. What a nice surprise.

REVEAL Robby at the door. He walks into --

162 INT. SULLIVAN HOUSE, JIM’S HOME OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 162

Jim sits at on a leather couch watching golf. Through a
door, we see a Christmas tree. His wife and Robby walk in.

JIM’S WIFE
Look who I found outside.

Jim looks up, less than happy to see Robby standing there.

JIM
Hon, give us a minute, will you?

Jim’s wife looks surprised.

JIM’S WIFE
Sure.

ROBBY
Good to see you, Karen.

She leaves. Jim turns off the TV,

JIM
What’s up?

Robby pulls out a list, hands it to Jim.
11/26/14 125.

ROBBY
I’m out of time, Jim. We’ve got
cover-up stories on 70 priests, but
the boss isn’t gonna run it unless I
get confirmation from your side.

Jim turns off the TV, looks it over.

JIM
Are you out of your mind?

ROBBY
Come on. This is our town, Jimmy.
We all knew something was going on
and no one did a thing. We gotta
put an end to it.

JIM
Don’t tell me what I gotta do!
Yeah, I helped defend these
scumbags, but that’s my job, Robby.
I was doing my job!

ROBBY
Yeah. You and everyone else.

Jim stands, hands Robby the list.

JIM
Get out of my house.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Serious

Summary In a bustling newsroom, Ben and Robby discuss the urgency of drafting a report before Christmas and the new PR contact, Donna Morrisey. After Ben's assertive instructions, Robby reflects on the criticism he received. The scene transitions into a montage showcasing various characters, including Mike and Sacha, as they work on the investigation, accompanied by a children's choir singing 'Silent Night.' The tension escalates when Robby confronts Jim about cover-up stories involving priests, leading to a heated exchange where Jim refuses to cooperate, ultimately asking Robby to leave his home.

Strengths

Intense emotional conflict
Revealing crucial information
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

General Critique

The scene effectively transitions from a tense meeting to a montage, which helps to convey the urgency of the investigation. However, the dialogue between Ben and Robby feels somewhat perfunctory and lacks emotional depth. While it serves its purpose in moving the plot forward, it could benefit from more subtext or tension to reflect the high stakes of their investigation.
The introduction of Donna Morrisey as the new PR contact is a good plot point, but it feels a bit rushed. The audience may not fully grasp her significance or the implications of her being 'young and from TV.' This could be an opportunity to explore the dynamics of media relations with the Church more deeply.
The montage that follows is visually engaging, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more emotional beats or character reflections. The juxtap of the children's choir singing 'Silent Night' with the serious nature of the investigation is a strong choice, but the montage could delve deeper into the characters' emotional states during this time.
The scene ends with Robby taking criticism from Ben, which is a nice touch, but it could be more impactful if we saw Robby's internal struggle or frustration more clearly. This would help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the urgency of the investigation with Ben's directive to Robby about needing a draft before Christmas. However, the stakes could be heightened by showing more of Robby's internal conflict regarding the pressure from Ben and the moral implications of their work.
Robby's response to Ben's criticism feels somewhat passive. A stronger reaction could add depth to his character, showcasing his frustration and the weight of the responsibility he carries.
The transition into the montage is abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother segue that connects the emotional weight of the conversation with the montage's visual storytelling.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the emotional stakes and character arcs in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance Robby's internal conflict in this scene to better reflect the stakes of the investigation?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition from dialogue to montage without losing the emotional impact?
How can I show more of Ben's character through his interactions with Robby in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The dialogue between Ben and Robby is functional but lacks subtext. Adding layers to their conversation could reveal more about their relationship and the pressures they face from the Church.
Robby's character could be further developed by showing his emotional response to Ben's demands. This would create a more relatable and complex character.
The montage that follows feels disconnected from the preceding dialogue. It would be more impactful if the visuals reflected the emotional tone established in the conversation.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and dialogue, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and relational dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to incorporate subtext into the dialogue between Ben and Robby to enhance their relationship dynamics?
How can I visually connect the montage to the emotional themes discussed in the dialogue?
What techniques can I use to deepen Robby's character in this scene?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the transition to the montage. It could benefit from a more deliberate build-up that maintains tension.
Robby's line about getting a quote from the new PR contact feels a bit expository. Finding a more natural way to convey this information would enhance the dialogue's authenticity.
The use of 'Silent Night' in the montage is a poignant choice, but it could be more effectively integrated into the narrative to underscore the emotional weight of the investigation.

William Goldman is renowned for his expertise in dialogue and pacing, making him well-suited to critique the flow and authenticity of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I improve the pacing of this scene to maintain tension throughout?
What are some strategies for delivering exposition more naturally in dialogue?
How can I better integrate the song 'Silent Night' into the narrative to enhance its emotional impact?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional weight to the dialogue between Ben and Robby. Perhaps include a moment where Robby expresses his own fears or doubts about the investigation, which would create a more relatable character arc.
Expand on the introduction of Donna Morrisey. A brief line about her background or her approach to PR could add depth and set the stage for future interactions.
In the montage, include brief moments of reflection from the characters as they work. For example, show Mike pausing to think about the implications of what he's writing, or Sacha looking up from her notes with a pained expression. This would enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
End the scene with a stronger visual or emotional hook. Instead of just Robby walking off, consider a moment where he looks back at the newsroom, conflicted about the weight of the story they are pursuing, which would leave the audience with a lingering sense of tension.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Add a moment where Robby visibly struggles with the weight of Ben's demands, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys his stress.
Consider incorporating a moment of hesitation or defiance from Robby when Ben criticizes him, showcasing his emotional investment in the story and the moral implications of their work.
Create a more seamless transition into the montage by using a visual cue or a line of dialogue that connects the urgency of the conversation to the subsequent scenes.

Robert McKee's focus on character arcs and emotional stakes makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific internal conflict can I show for Robby to highlight the stakes of the investigation?
How can I depict Robby's emotional investment in a way that resonates with the audience?
What visual cues can I use to create a smoother transition into the montage?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Infuse the dialogue with subtext by having Robby express his concerns about the Church's influence indirectly, allowing the audience to infer the deeper implications of their work.
Show Robby's emotional response to Ben's demands through a physical action, such as clenching his fists or taking a deep breath, to convey his internal struggle.
Enhance the montage by including visuals that reflect the emotional weight of the investigation, such as close-ups of Robby's face as he types or Sacha's focused expression as she writes.

Linda Seger's expertise in character and dialogue development makes her suggestions valuable for enriching the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal deeper character motivations?
What physical actions can I use to convey Robby's emotional state without relying solely on dialogue?
How can I visually represent the emotional themes of the investigation in the montage?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise the pacing of the scene by adding pauses or beats that allow the weight of the conversation to resonate with the audience before transitioning to the montage.
Rework Robby's line about the PR contact to feel more organic, perhaps by having him mention it in the context of their ongoing investigation rather than as a standalone piece of information.
Consider using the children's choir as a thematic element throughout the montage, tying it back to the emotional stakes of the story and the innocence of the victims.

William Goldman's focus on pacing and dialogue authenticity makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the flow and impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to improve the pacing and tension in this scene?
How can I make Robby's dialogue feel more organic and less expository?
In what ways can I thematically connect the children's choir to the overall narrative?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, emotionally charged, and pivotal in advancing the plot. It effectively conveys the internal struggle of the characters and sets the stage for significant revelations.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exposing a cover-up within the Church and the moral dilemma faced by the characters is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the narrative and raises important ethical questions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of crucial information and the escalation of conflict. It propels the story forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the investigative journalism genre by focusing on the personal and moral struggles of the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations are effectively portrayed. The scene allows for character growth and reveals layers of complexity within each individual.

Character Changes: 8

The scene prompts significant character growth and internal conflict, particularly for Robby, as he grapples with his moral compass and professional obligations.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal is to uncover the truth and expose the cover-up stories on priests, reflecting his desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 7.5

Robby's external goal is to get confirmation from Jim's side to run the cover-up stories on priests, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in getting the information needed for the story.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, moral, and professional stakes. It heightens the emotional tension and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Robby and Jim is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the conflict in the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, involving the exposure of a cover-up within the Church, personal relationships, and professional integrity. The characters face significant consequences for their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up future plot developments. It marks a turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional outbursts and moral conflicts that arise between the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the moral dilemma of exposing the truth versus loyalty to one's job and community. Robby's belief in justice clashes with Jim's defense of the priests as part of his job.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking empathy and tension in the audience. The characters' struggles and the weight of their decisions resonate strongly, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the inner turmoil of the characters. It drives the conflict forward and adds depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflicts, moral dilemmas, and high stakes, keeping the audience invested in the characters' choices and actions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Robby and Jim.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic confrontation between the characters.

163 EXT. SULLIVAN HOUSE, BROOKLINE - MOMENTS LATER 163

Robby walks out of the house, toward his car.

JIM
Hey!

Robby turns, finds Sullivan.

JIM (CONT’D)
You come to my home and lay this
shit on me!
(then)
You’re right, Robby, we all knew
something was going to on. So where
were you? What took you so long?!

This lands with Robby. No answer.

ROBBY
I don’t know, Jimmy.

Jim shakes his head, looks like he might slug Robby.
11/26/14 126.

JIM
Give me the list.

Jim holds out his hand. Robby hands him the list. Jim eyes
the first page, flips to the second. He checks the names...
then flips back. He looks at Robby. Holds out a hand for a
pen. Robby gives him one.

Jim leans on the roof of Robby’s car. Marks up the list,
then hands it back to Robby. Nothing more to say, Jim turns
and walks away. Robby looks down at the list. Reacts.

THE ENTIRE first page is CIRCLED. And the second.

163A EXT. GLOBE - DAY (FORMERLY 171A, ALREADY SHOT) 163A

The Globe Building. Snow falls.

MIKE (INTO PHONE, PRELAP)
Larry, we’re going to press in six
hours.

164 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - DAY 164

Mike and Matt work the phones.

MATT (INTO PHONE)
Donna Morrisey said she’d call us
with a quote from Law hours ago.

MIKE (INTO PHONE) MATT (INTO PHONE)
That’s what I thought. Okay, When did you talk to her? *
Larry. Yeah. That’s good to know. *
Thanks, Pete.

They hang up. Mike walks to the coffee machine.

MIKE
Anything?

MATT
Conley said Donna Morrisey should
have called, he just left Lake
Street.

MIKE
Yeah. Rasky said the same thing.

MATT
This is ridiculous. You’d think
they want to get out ahead of this.
11/26/14 127.

MIKE
They’d be idiots not to. I’d love
to see their faces when they read
this.

Both of them wait.

MATT
You know, Sunday’s the Feast of the
Epiphany.

MIKE
Seems appropriate.

The phone rings. Mike grabs it.

MIKE (INTO PHONE) (CONT’D)
Mike Rezendes. Hi Donna. Thanks for
calling. I just had a few questions
if you have a minute....

Mike listens. Matt waits.

MIKE (CONT’D)
What? I just hung up with Larry
Rasky...

He listens, then grabs a pad and starts writing furiously.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Frustrated, Serious

Summary Robby leaves the Sullivan house and is confronted by Jim, who is frustrated with Robby's delayed response to a serious situation. Jim demands a list from Robby, marking significant pages before walking away, leaving Robby to ponder the implications. The scene shifts to the Globe building, where Mike and Matt are racing against a press deadline, discussing the urgency of gathering quotes and information amidst the tension.

Strengths

Revealing crucial information
Building tension
Setting up future conflicts

Weaknesses

Lack of deep emotional exploration
Some character interactions could be more nuanced

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Robby and Jim, showcasing the emotional weight of their conversation. Jim's anger is palpable, and Robby's subdued response highlights his internal conflict. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Jim's accusation could include a more personal element that ties back to their history, making the confrontation feel even more impactful.
The physical action of Jim marking up the list adds a visual element that emphasizes the gravity of the situation. However, the scene could be enhanced by including more sensory details, such as the coldness of the air or the sound of snow crunching underfoot, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
Robby's silence after Jim's accusation is powerful, but it may leave the audience wanting more insight into his thoughts. A brief internal monologue or a flashback could provide context for Robby's hesitation and guilt, enriching the character's depth.
The transition to the Globe building feels abrupt. While it effectively moves the story forward, a smoother transition could help maintain the emotional weight of the previous confrontation. Consider adding a moment of reflection for Robby before shifting scenes, allowing the audience to process the tension.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Robby and Jim is sharp and confrontational, which is effective in conveying the tension between them. However, Jim's anger feels somewhat abrupt; it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
Robby's response, 'I don’t know, Jimmy,' lacks conviction. This moment could be more powerful if Robby expressed a deeper sense of regret or guilt, perhaps by recalling a specific moment when he could have acted sooner.
The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly Jim leaning on the car, which adds a layer of intimidation. However, consider adding more visual cues to show Robby's internal struggle, perhaps through his body language or facial expressions.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him ideal for critiquing the tension and dialogue in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional build-up in Jim's confrontation with Robby to make it feel more organic?
What specific actions or expressions could Robby display to convey a deeper sense of regret in his response to Jim?
How can I incorporate more visual storytelling elements to reflect Robby's internal conflict during this confrontation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The stakes in this scene are high, but they could be made clearer. What exactly does Jim want from Robby beyond the list? Clarifying Jim's motivations could heighten the tension.
Robby's passivity in this scene contrasts with the urgency of the situation. It might be more compelling if he actively defends his actions or tries to explain his delay, rather than simply accepting Jim's anger.
The transition from Jim's confrontation to the Globe office feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment of reflection for Robby after Jim leaves, which could deepen the emotional resonance before moving to the next scene.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the stakes and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific motivations could I give Jim to clarify his demands from Robby and raise the stakes in this confrontation?
How can I make Robby's response more active to reflect the urgency of the situation and his own internal conflict?
What kind of reflective moment could I include for Robby after Jim leaves to enhance the emotional depth before transitioning to the next scene?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is functional but could be elevated with more subtext. For instance, Jim's anger could hint at deeper frustrations with the Church or their shared history, adding layers to the confrontation.
Robby's character could be more dynamic. Instead of simply handing over the list, he could challenge Jim's assumptions or express his own frustrations about the situation, creating a more engaging back-and-forth.
The pacing of the scene is good, but consider using pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to heighten the tension and reflect the emotional stakes of their conversation.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced, dialogue-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into Jim's dialogue to reveal deeper frustrations and enhance the confrontation's emotional weight?
What specific challenges could Robby present to Jim's assumptions to create a more dynamic exchange between them?
How can I effectively use pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to increase tension and reflect the emotional stakes of the scene?

General Suggestions

Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more personal stakes or history between Robby and Jim to heighten the emotional impact of their confrontation.
Add sensory details to the scene, such as the cold air or the sound of snow, to create a more immersive atmosphere and enhance the visual storytelling.
Consider including a brief internal monologue or flashback for Robby to provide insight into his feelings of guilt or conflict, deepening his character development.
Smooth the transition to the Globe building by including a moment of reflection for Robby, allowing the audience to process the emotional weight of the previous scene before moving on.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Consider rewriting Jim's initial line to include a specific reference to a past event that highlights his frustration, which would ground his anger in shared history.
Enhance Robby's response by having him articulate a specific regret or missed opportunity, which would add depth to his character and the stakes of the scene.
Add a moment where Robby physically reacts to Jim's anger, such as flinching or stepping back, to visually represent the tension and his internal conflict.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the emotional impact and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific past event could I reference in Jim's dialogue to ground his frustration and make it more impactful?
How can I articulate Robby's regret in a way that adds depth to his character and the stakes of the scene?
What physical reactions could I incorporate for Robby to visually represent the tension in this confrontation?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Jim's motivations by having him express a specific concern about the Church or their community, which would raise the stakes and make his anger more relatable.
Have Robby actively defend his actions or express his own frustrations about the situation, which would create a more engaging dynamic between the characters.
Include a reflective moment for Robby after Jim leaves, perhaps showing him grappling with the implications of their conversation before transitioning to the next scene.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and story structure can enhance the emotional stakes and clarity of motivations in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific concerns could I give Jim to clarify his motivations and raise the stakes in this confrontation?
How can I make Robby's response more active to reflect the urgency of the situation and his own internal conflict?
What kind of reflective moment could I include for Robby after Jim leaves to enhance the emotional depth before transitioning to the next scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Infuse Jim's dialogue with subtext that hints at his deeper frustrations with the Church, which would add layers to the confrontation.
Have Robby challenge Jim's assumptions about the situation, creating a more dynamic and engaging exchange that reflects their complex relationship.
Use pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to heighten tension, allowing the weight of their conversation to resonate more deeply with the audience.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue-driven storytelling can help elevate the exchanges between characters and enhance the overall tension of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into Jim's dialogue to reveal deeper frustrations and enhance the confrontation's emotional weight?
What specific challenges could Robby present to Jim's assumptions to create a more dynamic exchange between them?
How can I effectively use pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to increase tension and reflect the emotional stakes of the scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals crucial information, but could benefit from more dynamic character interactions and deeper emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering sensitive information and facing resistance from various parties is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene with the revelation of crucial information and the confrontation between characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to a confrontational moment, with authentic character reactions and dialogue that feel genuine and impactful.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear, but there is room for deeper exploration of their emotional struggles and growth.

Character Changes: 8

There is some character development, particularly in Robby's confrontation with Jim, but more significant changes could enhance the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Robby's internal goal in this scene is to confront his own guilt and shame for not acting sooner. It reflects his deeper need for redemption and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Robby's external goal is to hand over a list to Jim and face the consequences of his actions. It reflects the immediate challenge of owning up to his mistakes.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between characters and the resistance they face in uncovering sensitive information adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and motivations driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters uncover sensitive information and face resistance, impacting their careers and the reputation of powerful figures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the raw emotions and unexpected reactions from the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty and truth. Jim expects loyalty from Robby, while Robby struggles with the truth of his inaction.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a moderate emotional response due to the tense and frustrated atmosphere, but could benefit from deeper emotional exploration of the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, but could benefit from more nuanced exchanges to enhance character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict and high stakes between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the impact of the dialogue and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a confrontational moment, building tension and emotional stakes effectively.

165 INT. GLOBE, MARTY’S OFFICE - DAY 165

Marty sits reading copy. He crosses something out. Ben,
Robby and Sacha sit opposite Marty.

BEN
What?

MARTY
Another adjective.

Mike and Matt roll in.

ROBBY
Anything?

MIKE
Law just turned us down.

BEN
Jesus Christ.

MIKE
I just got off the phone with Donna
Morrisey. She said, quote:
(MORE)
11/26/14 128.

MIKE (CONT'D)
(off his pad)
“We don’t even want to know what the
questions are.” End quote.

ROBBY
She really said that?

MIKE
(slight smile)
Yeah.

BEN
(to Marty)
That oughta do it.

MARTY
(writing)
“The Church had no interest in
knowing what the Globe’s questions
would be.”
(hands it to Mike)
Work it in somewhere before the
jump.
(to the team)
Anything else?

ROBBY
Matt wants to put the letters online
so readers can see it for
themselves.

MATT
We can run the URL at the bottom of
the article. It’s pretty
straightforward.

No one really knows what that means.

MARTY
Okay.

MATT
We also put the Spotlight tip line
at the end of the story so people
can call in. Goes directly to our
office.

SACHA
Matt and I will be in in the morning
in case we get any calls.

BEN
I’m more concerned about the phones
at reception.
(MORE)
11/26/14 129.

BEN (CONT'D)
After we ran the Porter story, the
message center was tied up for
weeks. It was a real problem.

MATT
And we had picketers. Lots of them.

MARTY
I’ll talk to Gilman about security
and the phones.
(to Robby)
How’s it coming on the folo story?

Robby looks to Sacha.

SACHA
We’ve nailed down multiple stories
on seventy priests.

MARTY
All seventy?

SACHA
Yeah. And with the confirmation
from Robby’s source, we’re ready to
go. We can have a draft next week.

MARTY
Robby, that source of yours, is this
someone we could revisit?

ROBBY
Might be tough.

BEN
But he has no problem helping the
church protect dozens of dirty
priests. Guy’s a scumbag.

Matt glances at Robby. Who’s looking at Ben.

MATT
He’s a lawyer, he’s doing his job.

MIKE
He a shill for the Church.

BEN
He knew and did nothing.

MIKE
He coulda said something about this
years ago. Maybe saved some lives.
11/26/14 130.

ROBBY
What about us?

BEN
What’s that supposed to mean?

ROBBY
We had all the pieces. Why didn’t
we get it sooner?

BEN
We didn’t have all the pieces.

ROBBY
We had Saviano, we had Barrett, we
had Geoghan. We had the directories
in the basement.

BEN
You know what? We got it now.

MIKE
Robby, this story needed Spotlight.

ROBBY
Spotlight’s been around since 1970.

BEN
So what? We didn’t know the scope
of this. No one did. This started
with one goddamn priest, Robby.

Robby looks at Sacha. A beat.

ROBBY
MacLeish sent us a letter on 20
priests, years ago. Sacha found the
clip.

MIKE
Are you freaking kidding me? 20
priests?

BEN
When?

SACHA
Just after Porter. December of ‘93.

ROBBY
We buried the story in Metro. No
folo. Sacha found the clip.
11/26/14 131.

BEN
That was you. You were Metro.

ROBBY
Yeah, that was me. I’d just taken
over. I don’t remember it at all.
But yeah.

The room quiets. Gut punch. Ben shakes his head.

MARTY
Uh, can I say something?

They turn to him.

MARTY (CONT’D)
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that
we spend most of our time stumbling
around in the dark. Suddenly a
light gets turned on, and there’s
fair share of blame to go around.
(then)
I can’t speak to what happened
before I arrived but all of you have
done some very good reporting here,
reporting that I believe is going to
have an immediate and considerable
impact on our readers.
(then)
For me, this kind of story is why we
do this.

The team takes this in.

MARTY (CONT’D)
Having said that, Cardinal Law and
the Catholic community are going to
have a very strong response to this.
So if you need to take a moment,
you’ve earned it. But I will need
you back here Monday morning focused
and ready to do your job.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Tense

Summary In Marty's office at the Globe, the team confronts the repercussions of their investigation into the Church. With Cardinal Law refusing to answer questions, they strategize on how to present their findings, including launching a tip line. Tensions rise as Robby critiques their past reporting and the missed opportunities to connect the dots on the abuse scandal. Marty attempts to unify the team, acknowledging their hard work while preparing them for the backlash they may face from the Church. The scene captures a tense and reflective atmosphere as the team grapples with the gravity of their findings.

Strengths

Strong character dynamics
Emotional depth
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly expository

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the investigation, particularly through the dialogue between the characters. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, with some exchanges dragging on without adding significant new information or emotional weight.
The conflict between Robby and Ben is compelling, but it could benefit from clearer stakes. While they argue about missed opportunities, the scene lacks a sense of urgency that would heighten the emotional stakes of their disagreement. The audience needs to feel the weight of their past mistakes more acutely.
Marty's role as a mediator is well-established, but his dialogue could be more impactful. His comments about stumbling in the dark and the need for focus are important, yet they come off as somewhat generic. More specific language or a personal anecdote could enhance his authority and connection to the team.
The introduction of the letters and their implications is crucial, but the scene could do more to visually emphasize their significance. A close-up shot of the letters or a moment where a character physically reacts to them could heighten their importance and create a stronger visual narrative.
The dialogue is generally strong, but there are moments where it feels overly expository. For instance, when characters reiterate information that has already been established, it can slow down the momentum. Streamlining these exchanges would help maintain the scene's pace.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue is sharp and reflects the tension within the team, particularly between Robby and Ben. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Robby questions why they didn't connect the dots sooner, it feels like a direct confrontation rather than a nuanced exploration of guilt and responsibility.
Marty's role as a mediator is clear, but his lines could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating that they have done good reporting, he could use a metaphor or a more vivid image to convey the weight of their findings.
The pacing of the scene is effective, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Consider adding a moment of silence or a physical action that emphasizes the gravity of their discoveries, such as a character physically reacting to the news.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Robby's confrontation with Ben to enhance the emotional depth of the scene?
What metaphors or vivid imagery could I use in Marty's dialogue to make his mediation more impactful?
How can I create a moment of silence or a physical action that emphasizes the gravity of their discoveries?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. For example, Robby's frustration about past missed opportunities could be tied more closely to his character's journey throughout the script.
The stakes are high, but the scene could clarify what is at risk if they fail to act on the information they have. This would help the audience understand the urgency behind their discussions.
While the dialogue is engaging, consider varying the rhythm. Some lines could be shorter or interrupted to reflect the urgency and emotional turmoil of the characters.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and stakes.

Questions for AI

How can I better tie Robby's frustration about past missed opportunities to his character arc throughout the script?
What specific stakes can I clarify to emphasize the urgency of their discussions?
How can I vary the rhythm of the dialogue to reflect the urgency and emotional turmoil of the characters?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is strong, but it could be even more dynamic. Consider incorporating overlapping dialogue to reflect the chaos and urgency of the situation, especially when tensions rise between Robby and Ben.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual element. For instance, showing the physical documents or letters they are discussing could add a layer of urgency and tangibility to their conversation.
While the emotional stakes are present, the scene could use a more pronounced climax. Perhaps a character could stand up or raise their voice, breaking the tension in a way that forces everyone to confront the reality of their situation.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced, overlapping dialogue and strong visual storytelling, making him an ideal expert for critiquing this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate overlapping dialogue to enhance the dynamic nature of the scene?
What visual elements can I add to make the discussion about the documents more tangible and urgent?
How can I create a more pronounced climax in the scene to heighten the emotional stakes?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate redundancy and keep the pace brisk. Focus on the most impactful lines that drive the narrative forward.
Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating more visceral reactions from the characters regarding their past mistakes. This could involve flashbacks or more intense dialogue that reflects their regret and urgency.
Give Marty a more distinct voice by incorporating specific language or anecdotes that reflect his leadership style and personal investment in the story. This will help solidify his role as a guiding force in the team.
Visually emphasize the letters' significance by including a moment where a character physically interacts with them, such as holding them up or pointing out key phrases. This can create a stronger visual connection to the narrative.
Introduce a ticking clock element to the scene, such as a deadline for publication or an impending response from the Church, to heighten the tension and urgency of the characters' discussions.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Robby's confrontation with Ben to include more subtext, perhaps by having Robby express his frustration in a more indirect way, allowing for a deeper exploration of guilt.
Enhance Marty's dialogue with a metaphor that encapsulates the weight of their findings, such as comparing their investigation to a light illuminating a dark room.
Add a moment where a character physically reacts to the news, such as a gasp or a moment of silence, to emphasize the gravity of their discoveries.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext can help elevate the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to convey subtext in dialogue without making it overt?
Can you suggest metaphors that would resonate with the themes of investigation and revelation?
How can I create a physical reaction that feels authentic to the characters and the situation?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Robby's character arc by tying his frustration to a specific moment in the past that haunts him, making his current feelings more relatable.
Explicitly state the stakes involved in their investigation, perhaps by having a character mention the potential fallout if they don't act quickly.
Introduce varied dialogue rhythms by incorporating shorter, punchier lines during moments of heightened tension to reflect urgency.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and stakes will help strengthen the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively tie Robby's past experiences to his current frustrations to enhance his character arc?
What specific stakes can I introduce to make the urgency of their situation clearer?
What techniques can I use to vary dialogue rhythms effectively in a tense scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate overlapping dialogue during the argument between Robby and Ben to create a sense of urgency and chaos.
Add visual elements, such as showing the letters or documents they are discussing, to ground the conversation in a tangible reality.
Create a more pronounced climax by having a character physically stand up or raise their voice, forcing the team to confront the reality of their situation.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and visual storytelling can help make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to write overlapping dialogue that feels natural and enhances the scene's urgency?
How can I visually represent the documents in a way that adds to the tension of the conversation?
What techniques can I use to build to a climax in a dialogue-heavy scene?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character dynamics, emotional depth, and the weight of the story's impact. The dialogue is sharp, the tension is palpable, and the stakes are high, making it a compelling and pivotal moment in the screenplay.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around the team's realization of missed opportunities in their investigation, the ethical dilemmas they face, and the looming confrontation with the Church. It delves deep into the core themes of journalism, responsibility, and the pursuit of truth.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene advances the overarching narrative by revealing new information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts. It adds layers to the investigation and sets the stage for the team's next steps.

Originality: 8.5

The scene offers a fresh perspective on investigative journalism and the challenges faced by journalists in uncovering sensitive information. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities, conflicting motivations, and emotional depth. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and internal struggles, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

The scene prompts reflection and growth in the characters, particularly in Robby, who confronts his past decisions and the missed opportunities in their investigation. The realization of their mistakes leads to internal changes and a renewed sense of purpose.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure the success of the investigative story and uphold the integrity of journalism. This reflects their deeper desire for truth and justice.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to publish a groundbreaking story that exposes the truth about the Catholic Church's involvement in a scandal. This reflects the immediate challenge they face in uncovering and reporting on sensitive information.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.2

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with internal conflicts among the team members, ethical dilemmas, and the looming confrontation with powerful institutions. The tension is palpable, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing moral dilemmas, ethical challenges, and internal conflicts. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the team grapples with the ethical implications of their investigation, the potential backlash from the Church, and the personal sacrifices they may have to make. The outcome of their choices could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing new information, deepening the investigation, and setting up future conflicts. It propels the narrative towards a crucial turning point and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and conflicts that arise among the characters. The shifting dynamics and moral dilemmas add a layer of unpredictability to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical responsibility of journalists to uncover and report the truth, even if it means facing backlash or opposition from powerful institutions like the Church. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of investigative journalism and holding institutions accountable.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting a range of emotions from the characters and the audience. The weight of the revelations, the moral dilemmas, and the personal reflections create a deeply emotional and resonant moment in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, realistic, and impactful. It conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and moral dilemmas effectively, driving the narrative forward and revealing key aspects of their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, realistic dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The tension and urgency of the newsroom environment keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' conversations and decisions. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven scene in a screenplay. It effectively conveys the pacing and rhythm of the dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the newsroom environment. It builds suspense and highlights the characters' motivations and conflicts.

165A EXT. GLOBE - NIGHT (FORMERLY 171A, ALREADY SHOT) 165A

The building is dark, save for the PRESS ROOM. Through the
window, we see the presses. Running.

166 INT. GLOBE, BEN’S OFFICE - NIGHT (FORMERLY 166A) 166

Ben, coat on, sits alone in his office.

MARTY (O.C.)
Leaving?
11/26/14 132.

Ben looks up. Marty’s in the door. Ben stands.

BEN
Yeah.

Ben walks out into --

166A EXT. GLOBE NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS (FORMERLY 166B) 166A

Ben and Marty walk across the quiet press room.

MARTY
I just got a call from the Cardinal.

BEN
Really. Why?

MARTY
He wanted to tell me personally that
he had decided not to comment. He
said he wanted to, uh, extend me
that courtesy.

BEN
Jesus, the balls on that guy.
What’d you say?

MARTY
I told him he was making a mistake.
And that we were going to run the
story.

BEN
Damn right we’re gonna run it.

166B INT. GLOBE, PRESSES - NIGHT 166B

The papers run...

167 INT. SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE, DINING ROOM = NIGHT 167

Old, delicate hands move slowly over copy. Find Sacha’s
Grandmother reading an early edition of the paper. Upset.

Sacha, sitting nearby, watches her. But there’s no emotion,
no empathy. She’s blank, empty. Nothing left to feel...

SACHA’S GRANDMOTHER
Sacha, can I have a drink of water?

SACHA
Sure, Nana.

Sacha gets up, walks into the kitchen.
11/26/14 133.

167A INT. GLOBE, LOADING DOCKS - NIGHT 167A

Bundles of papers fly down CIRCULAR CHUTES into the trucks.
INSIDE THE TRUCKS, men grab the bundles, and stack them.

168 INT. GARABEDIAN’S OFFICE, CONFERENCE ROOM = NIGHT 168

REVEAL Mitch standing behind his desk, at the window. He
reads another early edition. Then folds it up and hands it
back to Mike... who’s standing in front of the desk.

GARABEDIAN
Can I keep this?

MIKE
Sure. I thought you should see it
first.

GARABEDIAN
Thank you for bringing it by. Now I
have some clients I have to attend
to.

Mitch goes back to work. Same old Mitch. Mike walks out.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Tense, Serious, Confrontational

Summary In a dimly lit newspaper building, Ben prepares to leave his office when Marty informs him that the Cardinal has chosen not to comment on an upcoming story. Despite this, Ben supports Marty's decision to proceed with publication, highlighting their commitment to journalistic integrity. Meanwhile, Sacha's grandmother is distressed by the early edition of the paper, while Sacha remains emotionally detached. The scene captures the tension between authority and the press, culminating in the urgency of the story's release as bundles of papers are loaded into trucks.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Ethical dilemmas
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the publication of the story, particularly through the dialogue between Marty and Ben. However, the emotional weight of the moment could be enhanced by providing more internal conflict for the characters, especially Sacha, who appears emotionally detached. This detachment could be explored further to show the toll the investigation has taken on her.
The transition from the Globe newsroom to Sacha's grandmother's house feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the professional world of journalism with the personal impact of the story, the emotional connection between Sacha and her grandmother could be deepened. This would help the audience understand Sacha's emotional state better and why she is blank and empty.
The visual elements, such as the dark building contrasted with the illuminated press room, are strong and create a sense of foreboding. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. For example, describing the sounds of the presses or the atmosphere in the loading docks could enhance the urgency of the moment.
The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the Globe to Sacha's grandmother's house. Slowing down the moment when Sacha interacts with her grandmother could allow for a more poignant exploration of their relationship and the emotional weight of the story they are about to publish.
Mitch's brief interaction with Mike at the end of the scene feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional core of the preceding moments. While it serves to show Mitch's professionalism, it could be more impactful if it tied back to the emotional stakes of the story, perhaps by having Mitch express concern or solidarity with Mike regarding the implications of the article.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Marty and Ben is sharp and to the point, which is a strength. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Ben says, 'Jesus, the balls on that guy,' it could be enhanced by showing more of Ben's internal conflict about the Church's power rather than just his outrage.
Sacha's emotional detachment while watching her grandmother read the paper is compelling, but it could be deepened. Perhaps a flashback or a brief memory could illustrate why she feels so numb, connecting her personal stakes to the broader story.
The transition from the Globe's press room to Sacha's grandmother's house feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow and emphasize the impact of the story on different characters.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into the dialogue between Marty and Ben to reflect their internal conflicts?
What techniques can I use to deepen Sacha's emotional response to her grandmother's distress?
How can I create a more seamless transition between the Globe's press room and Sacha's grandmother's house?

Critique by Linda Seger

The stakes in this scene are high, but they could be made clearer. For instance, when Marty insists on running the story despite the Cardinal's refusal to comment, it would be beneficial to articulate the potential consequences of this decision more explicitly.
Sacha's emotional state is crucial to the narrative, yet it feels underexplored. Adding a line or two that hints at her personal connection to the story could enhance the audience's understanding of her detachment.
The visual elements, such as the dark building contrasted with the illuminated press room, are effective. However, consider using more visual metaphors to symbolize the weight of the story they are about to publish.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the stakes and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I clarify the stakes of running the story in Marty's conversation with Ben?
What specific lines could I add to Sacha's dialogue to better convey her emotional connection to the story?
What visual metaphors could enhance the symbolism of the press room and the impending publication?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively builds tension, but it could benefit from a stronger dramatic arc. Consider introducing a moment of doubt or hesitation from Ben that could create a more dynamic conflict between him and Marty.
Mitch's reaction to the early edition of the paper feels somewhat passive. It would be more impactful if he expressed a stronger emotional response to the story, reflecting the gravity of the situation.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the montage could be more tightly edited to maintain the urgency. Each shot should serve to heighten the tension leading up to the publication.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the conflict and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a moment of doubt or hesitation from Ben to create a more dynamic conflict?
What specific emotional responses could Mitch have to the early edition to reflect the gravity of the situation?
What editing techniques can I use to tighten the montage and enhance the urgency of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of internal reflection for Sacha as she watches her grandmother read the paper. This could provide insight into her emotional state and the weight of the story they are about to publish.
Enhance the transition between the Globe newsroom and Sacha's grandmother's house by including a brief moment of Sacha's thoughts or feelings about the story, which would help bridge the two settings more effectively.
Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describing the sounds of the presses, the smell of ink, or the cold air outside could help immerse the audience in the scene.
Slow down the pacing during Sacha's interaction with her grandmother to allow for a more meaningful exchange. This could involve a brief dialogue that reveals their relationship and the impact of the story on their family.
Consider having Mitch express a more personal reaction to the story when he receives the early edition from Mike. This could help tie his character back into the emotional stakes of the investigation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add a line of dialogue where Ben expresses a deeper concern about the repercussions of running the story, perhaps hinting at his own past experiences with powerful figures.
Incorporate a brief flashback or memory for Sacha that illustrates her emotional connection to the story, perhaps a moment from her childhood that ties into the themes of the investigation.
Consider using a visual transition, such as a slow zoom out from the press room to Sacha's grandmother's house, to create a more fluid connection between the two locations.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character depth makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of past experiences could I reference for Ben to deepen his character?
How can I effectively incorporate a flashback for Sacha without disrupting the flow of the scene?
What visual techniques can I use to enhance the transition between the press room and Sacha's grandmother's house?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the stakes by having Marty articulate the potential fallout from running the story, perhaps mentioning the Church's influence or the risk of backlash from the community.
Add a line for Sacha that hints at her personal connection to the story, such as a memory of her own experiences with the Church, to deepen her emotional response.
Use visual metaphors, such as shadows or reflections, to symbolize the weight of the story and the moral implications of their work.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and stakes makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines could I add to clarify the stakes in Marty's dialogue?
How can I effectively hint at Sacha's personal connection to the story?
What visual metaphors could I incorporate to symbolize the weight of the story?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment where Ben hesitates or questions the decision to run the story, creating a more dynamic conflict with Marty that reflects the gravity of their choice.
Enhance Mitch's emotional response to the early edition by having him express concern for the victims or frustration with the Church's actions, making his character more active in the narrative.
Tighten the montage by ensuring each shot directly contributes to building tension, perhaps by showing the reactions of various characters to the impending publication.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic structure and character arcs makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the conflict and pacing of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a moment of hesitation for Ben that adds depth to his character?
What specific emotional responses could I give Mitch to make him more active in the narrative?
What editing strategies can I employ to ensure the montage builds tension effectively?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict, setting up a crucial moment in the narrative. The emotional weight and high stakes add depth to the story.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of journalistic integrity and the responsibility to report on sensitive issues is effectively explored. The scene delves into the ethical complexities of investigative journalism.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the team grapples with the decision to publish a controversial story. The conflict and resolution drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the classic conflict between truth and power, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and situation.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' motivations and conflicts are well-developed, adding depth to the scene. The interactions reveal their ethical dilemmas and personal convictions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no drastic character changes in this scene, the characters' convictions and relationships are tested, setting the stage for potential growth in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uphold journalistic integrity and report the truth, even in the face of opposition.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to publish a controversial story despite pushback from powerful figures.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters' differing opinions and the high stakes of the decision to publish the story creates intense drama. The tension is palpable.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with powerful figures trying to suppress the truth and the protagonist standing up for journalistic integrity.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident as the characters face the decision to publish a controversial story that could have far-reaching consequences. The ethical and personal risks are substantial.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a crucial decision point and setting up the publication of a significant story. It advances the narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decisions made by the characters and the tension between truth and power.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the values of truth and power. The protagonist believes in the importance of reporting the truth, while powerful figures try to suppress the story for their own benefit.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is significant, as the characters grapple with moral dilemmas and personal convictions. The scene evokes a sense of urgency and ethical responsibility.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation. It reveals the characters' emotions and conflicting viewpoints.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemma, and intense dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining a sense of urgency throughout.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting follows the standard format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, building tension and conflict effectively.

169 INT. GARABEDIAN OFFICE, HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS. 169

Mike walks back toward the elevator. He presses the button,
waits, hears children laughing. He peers into --

170 INT. GARABEDIAN OFFICE, SMALL WAITING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 170

A MOTHER sits with TWO YOUNG CHILDREN, ten and eight, playing
innocently. The mother, distraught, fingers ROSARY BEADS.
It’s reminiscent of our open.

GARABEDIAN
Both boys were abused. Jamaica
Plain. Two weeks ago.

In the HALLWAY, Garabedian stands behind Mike.

GARABEDIAN (CONT’D)
Keep doing your work, Mr. Rezendes.

He goes in. Mike just stands there, GUTTED. Off Mike, his
reflection playing on the window, CUT TO --

172A EXT. GLOBE - NIGHT 172A

The GREEN AND GOLD TRUCKS roll out from the Globe. We see
headlights, a car waits for the trucks to pass.

PUSH IN... and we see it’s Robby behind the wheel. CUT INTO --
11/26/14 134.

172B INT. ROBBY’S CAR - SAME TIME 172B

Robby sits in his car watching the trucks roll out.

A173 EXT. BOSTON - DAWN A173

The SPARKLING BOSTON SKYLINE. The City on the Hill.

173 EXT. WEST ROXBURY, BOSTON - EARLY MORNING 173

A welcome mat. A copy of the Globe is slapped down. We see
the HEADLINE: Church Allowed Abuse by Priest for Years.

Reveal Matt walking away from the door. We see it’s the
treatment center near his house.

174 INT. GLOBE, HALLWAY - EARLY MORNING 174

We’re behind Sacha as she walks down the hall. She opens the
firehose box, grabs a key. Unlocks the door to Spotlight.

174A INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT - EARLY MORNING 174A

Sacha enters, turns on the lights, takes off her coat. Matt
enters.

MATT
Hey.

SACHA
Morning.

MATT
How’d you sleep?

SACHA
Not very well. You?

MATT
I haven’t slept well for months.
I’ve actually started writing.

SACHA
Writing?

MATT
Yeah, I’m working on a book. Gives
me something else to focus on.

SACHA
That’s great. What kind of book?

MATT
Horror.
11/26/14 135.

Sacha reacts, the irony not lost on her. The phone RINGS.
The tip line. They both stare. At last, Matt picks up.

MATT (INTO PHONE) (CONT’D)
Spotlight. Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Can I get your name please?

He grabs a pen. As he and Sacha trade a look, CUT TO --

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Reflective

Summary In a somber scene, Mike grapples with the emotional toll of child abuse cases as he encounters a distraught mother and her children in a waiting room. Garabedian urges him to persist in his work, leaving Mike feeling overwhelmed. Meanwhile, Matt and Sacha share a moment of connection over their sleeplessness and Matt's new horror writing project, highlighting their internal struggles. The scene captures the stark contrast between the innocence of children playing and the gravity of the abuse being discussed, culminating in Matt answering a tip line call that signals the continuation of their investigative efforts.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Plot progression
Character development

Weaknesses

Potential for pacing issues in dialogue-heavy sections

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the investigation, particularly through Mike's reaction to the news of the boys' abuse. However, the transition from the waiting room to the subsequent scenes feels abrupt. The emotional impact could be heightened by lingering on Mike's reaction a bit longer before cutting away.
The juxtaposition of the innocent laughter of the children with the mother's distress is powerful, but it could be further emphasized through more descriptive visuals or dialogue that highlights the contrast. This would deepen the audience's emotional engagement with the gravity of the situation.
The dialogue from Garabedian is succinct but lacks depth. While it conveys the necessary information, it could benefit from a more personal touch or a moment of reflection that underscores the horror of the situation, enhancing the emotional stakes.
The transition to Robby in the car feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional core of the previous moment. While it serves to show the broader implications of the story, it might be more effective to include a brief moment of reflection from Mike before shifting to Robby, creating a smoother narrative flow.
The introduction of Matt's subplot about writing a horror book is intriguing but feels slightly out of place in this context. While it adds a layer to his character, it could be better integrated into the scene's emotional arc or tied back to the main narrative more clearly.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the investigation, particularly through Mike's reaction to the mother and her children. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the impact. For instance, Garabedian's line could be more direct, emphasizing the urgency of the situation without unnecessary exposition.
The juxtaposition of the innocent children playing and the mother's distress is powerful, but it could be further emphasized through Mike's internal conflict. Consider adding a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights his emotional turmoil.
The transition from Mike's gut-wrenching moment to Robby in the car feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him ideal for critiquing emotional scenes.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional impact of Mike's internal conflict in this scene?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between Mike's emotional moment and Robby's scene in the car?
How can I tighten Garabedian's dialogue to make it more impactful?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively conveys the gravity of the situation, but it could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. What is the central theme you want to convey in this moment? Is it the innocence of childhood juxtaposed with the horrors of abuse? Clarifying this could strengthen the scene.
The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the children playing and the mother's distress. However, consider using more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the moment. What does the waiting room smell like? What sounds accompany the children's laughter?
Mike's reaction is pivotal, but it could be more explicit. Instead of just standing there 'gutted,' consider showing a physical reaction, like him clenching his fists or taking a deep breath, to convey his emotional state more vividly.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing thematic elements.

Questions for AI

What central theme should I focus on to enhance the emotional depth of this scene?
How can I incorporate sensory details to create a more immersive experience for the audience?
What physical actions can I give Mike to better express his emotional turmoil in this moment?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong emotional core, but it lacks a clear dramatic arc. Consider introducing a moment of tension or conflict that Mike must confront as he processes the information about the boys' abuse. This could heighten the stakes and make his emotional response more compelling.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. The transition from the emotional moment to Robby's car feels rushed. Consider extending Mike's moment of reflection before cutting to Robby, allowing the audience to fully absorb the weight of the situation.
Garabedian's encouragement to Mike feels somewhat generic. It could be more impactful if it were personalized, perhaps referencing Mike's previous work or the importance of his role in bringing the truth to light.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic storytelling, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's dramatic elements.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a moment of tension or conflict for Mike to enhance the dramatic arc of this scene?
What pacing techniques can I use to allow the audience to fully absorb Mike's emotional response?
How can I personalize Garabedian's encouragement to make it more impactful for Mike?

General Suggestions

Consider extending Mike's moment of reflection after Garabedian's statement to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of the news. This could involve a brief internal monologue or visual cues that show his turmoil.
Enhance the contrast between the children's laughter and the mother's distress by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the children playing juxtaposed with the mother's quiet sobs or the clinking of her rosary beads.
Revise Garabedian's dialogue to include a more personal or emotional element, perhaps reflecting on the broader implications of the abuse or expressing empathy for the victims, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
Create a smoother transition between Mike's emotional moment and Robby's scene by including a brief moment where Mike acknowledges the weight of the situation before cutting to Robby, perhaps with a visual of him looking back at the waiting room.
If Matt's subplot about writing a horror book is to remain, consider tying it back to the main narrative by having him reflect on how the horror of the real-life events they are covering influences his writing, creating a thematic connection.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Garabedian's dialogue to be more concise and impactful, perhaps changing it to something like, 'Two boys were abused. We need to act.' This would heighten the urgency.
Add a brief internal monologue for Mike that reflects his emotional state, such as a thought about the innocence of childhood being shattered.
Create a more fluid transition by using a visual cue, like Mike's reflection in the window, to symbolize his internal struggle before cutting to Robby.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character motivation can help refine the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of concise dialogue that convey urgency in dramatic scenes?
How can I effectively write an internal monologue that enhances a character's emotional depth?
What visual cues can I use to symbolize a character's internal struggle?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the central theme of the scene by emphasizing the contrast between innocence and horror. Perhaps add a line of dialogue from the mother that reflects her despair, enhancing the thematic focus.
Incorporate sensory details, such as the smell of disinfectant in the waiting room or the sound of the children's laughter echoing, to create a more immersive experience.
Show Mike's emotional turmoil through physical actions, like him gripping the elevator button tightly or taking a moment to collect himself before moving on.

Linda Seger's focus on thematic elements and sensory immersion can enhance the scene's emotional depth.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively convey a central theme through dialogue and action?
What sensory details can I include to enhance the atmosphere of a scene?
What physical actions can I use to express a character's emotional state more vividly?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment of tension for Mike, such as a brief confrontation with Garabedian about the implications of the abuse, to create a more compelling dramatic arc.
Slow down the pacing by allowing Mike a moment of reflection before transitioning to Robby. Perhaps show him taking a deep breath or looking away to gather his thoughts.
Personalize Garabedian's encouragement by referencing Mike's past successes or the importance of his role in the investigation, making it feel more significant.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic storytelling can help enhance the scene's emotional and narrative depth.

Questions for AI

How can I create a moment of tension that enhances the dramatic arc of a scene?
What pacing techniques can I use to allow for deeper emotional reflection?
How can I personalize dialogue to make it more impactful for character relationships?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the investigation while moving the plot forward and setting up future conflicts.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigative journalism and the pursuit of truth in the face of adversity is effectively portrayed. The scene delves into the complexities of uncovering abuse within the Church.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with key revelations about abuse cases and the characters' reactions driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the investigative genre by focusing on the emotional impact of the cases on the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and motivations are well-developed, adding depth to the scene. Their interactions reveal their dedication to the investigation and the personal toll it takes.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in response to the revelations and conflicts in the scene, deepening their development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the emotional toll of the abuse cases he is investigating. It reflects his deeper need for justice, his fear of failure, and his desire to make a difference.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue investigating the abuse cases and uncover the truth. It reflects the immediate challenge of facing powerful institutions and seeking justice for the victims.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of internal and external conflict in the scene, as the characters grapple with the weight of their investigation and the resistance they face.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges from powerful institutions and their own internal conflicts.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters uncover disturbing truths about abuse within the Church and face resistance in their pursuit of justice.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, setting up future conflicts, and deepening the characters' arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional reactions of the characters and the twists in the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the pursuit of truth and justice against the protection of powerful institutions and the status quo. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the system and his values of integrity and accountability.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of distress, determination, and anxiety in the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the characters' distress, determination, and the gravity of the situation they are facing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the suspense of the investigation, and the subtle interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of introspection with moments of action, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.

175 EXT. GLOBE, FRONT PARKING LOT - MORNING 175

The small visitor’s lot at the Globe entrance is empty, save
for MIKE’S CAR. Idling. Robby’s car enters, pulls up next
to Mike’s. Robby looks across at Mike. The two men connect.

Mike and Robby get out of their cars.

ROBBY
You do know it’s Sunday, right?

MIKE
I couldn’t get a tee time.

Robby smiles. Mike notes the SECURITY GUARDS at the entrance.

MIKE (CONT’D)
No picketers.

ROBBY
Probably still at church.

They walk in. Warriors returning home.

177 INT. GLOBE, NEWSROOM - EARLY MORNING 177

Mike and Robby walk into the newsroom. It’s QUIET. Mike and
Robby share a CONFUSED look as they reach the desk. LINDA,
the operator, and two others sit by the phones. BORED.

ROBBY
Hey Linda.

MIKE
It’s quiet, huh?

LINDA
Yeah. Easiest overtime I ever made,
phone hasn’t rung once. Marty sent
two of mine down to Spotlight.

Mike and Robby trade a look. Spotlight? They start moving.
11/26/14 136.

LINDA (CONT’D)
(calls out after them)
Great article guys.

ROBBY MIKE
Thank you. Thanks.

They hustle through the empty newsroom, heading downstairs.
We hold on Marty, in his office. Working. As always.

178 INT. GLOBE, HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 178

Robby and Mike charge from the stairwell. They quickly walk
down the corridor with purpose. As they do, we hear...

A MURMUR. Buzzing. And RINGING PHONES. Mike and Robby
trade a look, pick up the pace. As they approach Spotlight,
the murmur GROWS. We hear more phones... and VOICES...

Mike and Robby get to the door. We HOLD ON them for a second
as they stand in the doorway, looking into --

179 INT. GLOBE, SPOTLIGHT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 179

Chaos. Sacha and Matt and two INTERNS answering phones.
Overwhelmed. An intern cups a phone, turns to Matt --

INTERN
I got another Shanley victim. SACHA
I’ll take it.
(to Robby)
The phones have been ringing
all morning.

Sacha takes the call. Nearby, Matt’s on the phone, marking
up the board... it has tons of new names, phone numbers.

MATTY (INTO THE PHONE) SACHA (INTO THE PHONE)
Uh huh, yeah. I know it’s This is Sacha Pfeiffer. Yes,
tough to talk about. thank you for calling. Who am
I speaking with?

Mike and Robby stare. Matt spots them.

MATT (INTO PHONE)
Hold one minute please.
(to Mike)
Mike, could you grab that?

Mike moves for his desk, grabs the phone.

MATT (CONT’D)
They’re almost all victims, Robby.
11/26/14 137.

This lands on Robby. A beat. Then he moves to his desk.
Passing Mike, already picking up a phone...

MIKE (INTO PHONE)
This is Spotlight.

Robby moves to his desk. He watches the team answering
phones, working. A beat. Then he grabs a phone.

ROBBY (INTO PHONE)
Spotlight.

FADE TO BLACK.

A CARD APPEARS.

Over the course of 2002, the Spotlight team published
close to 600 stories about the scandal.
The card fades. ANOTHER CARD APPEARS.

249 priests and brothers were publicly accused of
sexual abuse within the Boston Archdiocese.
The number of survivors in Boston is estimated to be
well over 1,000.
The card fades. ANOTHER CARD APPEARS.

In December 2002, Cardinal Law resigned from the
Boston Archdiocese.
He was re-assigned to the Basilica di Santa Maria
Maggiore in Rome, one of the highest ranking Roman
Catholic churches in the world.
The card fades. ANOTHER CARD APPEARS.

Major abuse scandals have been uncovered in the
following places:
11/26/14 138.

Anchorage AK, Fairbanks AK, St. Michael AK, Stebbins
AK, Mobile AL, Phoenix AZ, Tucson AZ, Yuma AZ, Los
Angeles CA, Los Gatos CA, Monterey CA, Oakland CA,
Orange CA, Sacramento CA, San Bernardino CA, San
Diego CA, Santa Barbara CA, Santa Rosa CA, Stockton
CA, Denver CO, Bridgeport CT, Hartford CT, Wilmington
DE, Miami FL, Palm Beach FL, Marietta GA, Savannah
GA, Honolulu HI, Davenport IA, Dubuque IA, Farmington
IA, Grand Mound IA, Chicago IL, Joliet IL, Peoria IL,
Indianapolis IN, Conway Springs KS, Kansas City KS,
Anchorage KY, Covington KY, Louisville KY, New
Orleans LA, Fall River MA, Springfield MA, Wellesley
MA, Worcester MA, Baltimore MD, Portland ME, Detroit
MI, Grand Rapids MI, Collegeville MN, Greenbush MN,
Onamia MN, St.Paul/Minneapolis MN, Cape Girardeau MO,
Hannibal MO, Kansas City MO, St. Louis MO, Jackson
MS, Billings MT, Helena MT, St. Ignatius MT, Raleigh
NC, Fargo ND, Lincoln NE, Omaha NE, Manchester NH,
Camden NJ, Mendham NJ, Gallup NM, Santa Fe NM, Albany
NY, Brooklyn NY, Goshen NY, New York NY, Rochester
NY, Rockville Centre NY, Cincinnati OH, Cleveland OH,
Toledo OH, Baker OR, Portland OR, Altoona PA,
Philadelphia PA, Pittsburgh PA, Scranton PA, East
Greenwich RI, Providence RI, Charleston SC, Marty
Indian School SD, Rosebud Reservation SD, Memphis TN,
Nashville TN, Dallas TX, El Paso TX, Fort Worth TX,
San Antonio TX, Richmond VA, Burlington VT, Briscoe
Memorial, WA, Seattle WA, Spokane WA, Yakima WA,
Milwaukee WI, St. Francis WI
11/26/14 139.

Berazategui Argentina, Buenos Aires Argentina, Morón
Argentina, Paraná Argentina, Pilar Argentina, Quilmes
Argentina, Salta Argentina, Adelaide Australia,
Ballarat Australia, Bass Hill Australia, Bathurst
Australia, Bindoon Australia, Canberra Australia,
Dandenong Australia, Goulburn Australia, Hobart
Australia, Lancefield Australia, Melbourne Australia,
Mildura Australia, Mittagong Australia, Morisset
Australia, Mount Isa Australia, Neerkol Australia,
Newcastle Australia, Perth Australia, Sydney
Australia, Toowoomba Australia, Wagga Wagga
Australia, Wollongong Australia, Hollabrunn Austria,
Bruges Belgium, Flawinne Belgium, Ottré Belgium,
Arapiraca Brazil, Franca Brazil, Mariana Brazil, Rio
de Janeiro Brazil, Antigonish Canada, Chatham Canada,
Igloolik Canada, Sherbrooke Canada, St. John's
Canada, Wilno Canada, Cottolengo Chile, Maipú Chile,
Melipilla Chile, Quilicura Chile, Santiago Chile,
Medellín Colombia, Rab Croatia, Santo Domingo
Dominican Republic, London England, Manchester
England, Middlesbrough England, Preston England,
Reading England, Caen France, Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne
France, Berlin Germany, Munich Germany, Riekhofen
Germany, Ollur India, Curracloe Ireland, Dublin
Ireland, Gortahork Ireland, Kilnacrott Ireland,
Letterfrack Ireland, Lota Ireland, Monageer Ireland,
Wexford Ireland, Nairobi Kenya, Ngong Kenya, Ciudad
de México México, Cuacnopalan México, San Luis Potosí
México, Auckland New Zealand, Christchurch New
Zealand, Feilding New Zealand, Hamilton New Zealand,
Masterton New Zealand, Silverstream New Zealand,
Akute Nigeria, Kircubbin Northern Ireland, Trondheim
Norway, Ayacucho Peru, Chimbote Peru, Bontoc
Philippines, Cebu City Philippines, Manila
Philippines, Naval Philippines, Tubay Philippines,
Poznan Poland, Edinburgh Scotland, Rufisque Senegal,
Bo Sierra Leone, Brits South Africa, Cape Town South
Africa, Comillas Spain, Grenada Spain, Soni Tanzania,
Mérida Venezuela
FADE OUT.

Genres: Drama, Investigative Journalism
Tone: Serious, Intense, Chaotic

Summary On a quiet Sunday morning, Mike and Robby arrive at the Globe, noting the absence of picketers. They find the newsroom dull, but upon entering the Spotlight office, they are met with chaos as the team is inundated with calls from victims of a scandal. The scene shifts from light-hearted banter to urgent action as Mike and Robby join their colleagues in managing the overwhelming situation, highlighting the gravity of the crisis.

Strengths

Realistic portrayal of investigative journalism
Intense and chaotic atmosphere
Strong character interactions

Weaknesses

Potential for overwhelming the audience with information and emotions

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of the Spotlight team's work, contrasting the quiet start of the day with the overwhelming influx of calls from victims. This juxtaposition creates a strong emotional impact, emphasizing the gravity of the situation they are dealing with.
The dialogue is natural and reflects the camaraderie between Mike and Robby, which helps to establish their characters and their relationship. However, the initial exchange about it being Sunday feels somewhat forced and could be streamlined to maintain the scene's momentum.
The transition from the quiet newsroom to the chaotic Spotlight office is well-executed, using sound design (the ringing phones and murmurs) to build tension. However, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the reader's understanding of the environment and the characters' emotions.
The pacing of the scene is effective, but it could be improved by varying the sentence structure in the action lines. Some sentences are quite long and could be broken up for better readability and impact.
The ending with Robby picking up the phone is a strong choice, as it symbolizes the team's commitment to their work. However, the fade to black could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of silence or a poignant line of dialogue that encapsulates the weight of their task.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the Spotlight team's work, particularly through the contrast between the quiet newsroom and the chaos in the Spotlight office. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; for instance, Robby's line about it being Sunday feels a bit flat and could be infused with more character-specific humor or sarcasm to deepen their camaraderie.
The visual transition from the quiet newsroom to the chaotic Spotlight office is strong, but it could benefit from more sensory details. What do the characters see, hear, or feel as they move from one environment to another? Adding these elements could enhance the emotional stakes.
The scene ends abruptly with Robby answering the phone. While this creates a sense of immediacy, it might be more impactful to include a brief moment of reflection or a shared look between Mike and Robby before diving into the chaos, emphasizing their shared commitment to the investigation.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a fitting choice for analyzing the dynamics and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue between Mike and Robby to better reflect their personalities and relationship?
What sensory details could I add to the transition from the quiet newsroom to the Spotlight office to heighten the emotional impact?
Would it be effective to include a moment of reflection before the chaos begins, and if so, how could I structure that?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of establishing the stakes of the investigation, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for the characters. For instance, how does the quiet morning contrast with the emotional weight of the calls they are about to receive? Exploring this could deepen audience engagement.
The use of secondary characters like Linda is effective, but her line about the phones not ringing could be expanded to reflect her emotional state or perspective on the situation. This would add depth to her character and the overall atmosphere.
The chaos in the Spotlight office is well-portrayed, but it might be helpful to show a specific victim's story or a poignant moment during the phone calls to ground the urgency in a personal narrative.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer emotional arc for Mike and Robby in this scene?
What additional lines or actions could I give to Linda to enhance her character and the atmosphere of the newsroom?
Can you suggest a way to incorporate a specific victim's story during the phone calls to add emotional weight to the chaos?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene captures the urgency of the investigation well, but the dialogue could be sharper. For example, Robby's line about it being Sunday could be more pointed or witty, reflecting his character's personality and the gravity of their work.
The transition from the quiet newsroom to the chaos of the Spotlight office is effective, but it could be enhanced by showing the characters' reactions to the chaos. How do Mike and Robby feel as they step into the fray? Their internal reactions could add layers to the scene.
The ending feels a bit abrupt. Consider adding a line or two that encapsulates the gravity of the situation before fading to black, perhaps a line from Mike or Robby that reflects their determination or concern.

William Goldman is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the dialogue and emotional resonance in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to sharpen the dialogue between Mike and Robby to reflect their personalities more vividly?
How can I show Mike and Robby's internal reactions as they enter the chaotic Spotlight office?
What kind of line could I add at the end to encapsulate the gravity of the situation before fading to black?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue between Mike and Robby at the beginning to make it feel more organic and less like an exposition dump about the day of the week.
Add more sensory details to the scene, such as the sounds of the newsroom, the expressions on the characters' faces, and the physical environment, to immerse the reader in the moment.
Vary the sentence structure in the action lines to create a more dynamic reading experience. Shorter sentences can heighten tension, while longer ones can provide necessary detail.
Incorporate a moment of reflection or a significant line of dialogue before the fade to black to leave the audience with a stronger emotional takeaway.
Consider showing more of the characters' reactions to the chaos in the Spotlight office, perhaps through brief internal thoughts or expressions, to deepen the emotional connection with the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Revise Robby's line about it being Sunday to include a humorous or sarcastic twist that reflects his character's personality, enhancing their camaraderie.
Incorporate sensory details during the transition from the newsroom to the Spotlight office, such as the sound of ringing phones or the frantic energy of the team, to heighten the emotional stakes.
Add a brief moment of reflection between Mike and Robby before they enter the Spotlight office, emphasizing their shared commitment to the investigation.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific humorous or sarcastic lines could I use for Robby to enhance his character?
Can you provide examples of sensory details that would effectively convey the transition from quiet to chaos?
How can I structure a moment of reflection between Mike and Robby to emphasize their partnership?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop a clearer emotional arc for Mike and Robby by showing their internal thoughts or feelings about the quiet morning and the impending chaos.
Expand Linda's dialogue to reflect her emotional state regarding the lack of calls, perhaps hinting at her own concerns about the investigation.
Introduce a specific victim's story during the phone calls to ground the urgency in a personal narrative, making the stakes more relatable.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs provides valuable insights for deepening the scene's emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create a clearer emotional arc for Mike and Robby in this scene?
How can I enhance Linda's character through her dialogue to reflect the atmosphere of the newsroom?
What kind of victim's story could I incorporate to add emotional weight to the phone calls?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise Robby's dialogue to make it sharper and more reflective of his character's personality, perhaps by adding a witty remark about the situation.
Show Mike and Robby's reactions as they enter the Spotlight office, perhaps through their body language or expressions, to convey their feelings about the chaos.
Add a line at the end of the scene that encapsulates the gravity of the situation, perhaps reflecting Mike or Robby's determination to uncover the truth.

William Goldman's expertise in dialogue and character-driven storytelling makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of witty dialogue that could enhance Robby's character?
How can I effectively convey Mike and Robby's internal reactions to the chaos in the Spotlight office?
What kind of line could I add at the end to emphasize the seriousness of their work?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional impact of the investigation, with strong dialogue and character interactions. The chaotic tone adds to the sense of urgency and importance.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the overwhelming response to the investigation and the team's commitment to uncovering the truth is well-executed. The scene effectively captures the essence of investigative journalism.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the team receiving crucial information and facing the challenge of handling a large volume of calls from abuse victims. The scene moves the story forward and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on investigative journalism and the challenges faced by journalists in uncovering scandals. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reflect their dedication to the investigation. Each character's role in the team is highlighted, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters experience a shift in their focus and determination as they are faced with the overwhelming response to their investigation. This scene marks a turning point in their commitment to uncovering the truth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth and report on the scandal they are investigating. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and accountability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to follow up on leads and investigate the scandal further. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their journalistic work.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene arises from the overwhelming number of calls and the pressure to handle the information effectively. The internal conflict within the team adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles in their investigation. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the team grapples with the responsibility of handling a large volume of calls from abuse victims and the urgency of their investigation. The outcome will have a significant impact on the community.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new information, escalating the stakes, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and challenges for the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between truth and power. The characters are faced with the challenge of exposing the scandal despite potential backlash from powerful institutions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the team deals with the heartbreaking stories of abuse victims and the weight of their responsibility to expose the truth. The emotional depth adds resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is impactful and realistic, conveying the urgency and emotional weight of the situation. The conversations between the characters drive the scene forward and reveal their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a compelling mystery and introduces high stakes for the characters. The dialogue and action keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the story moving forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that flows naturally.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic investigative sequence, building tension and intrigue as the characters delve deeper into the scandal.

Spotlight

Overview

Unique Selling Point

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Story Facts

Script Level Analysis

Screenplay Insights

Story Critique

Characters

Emotional Analysis

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Themes

Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Other Analyses

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Engine: Gemini

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Executive Summary

Engine: GPT4

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Robby - Score: 84/100

Role

Personality

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Scene Impact 9/10

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9