Take the Tour

Bad Boy

A dog caught in the clutches of a serial killer must find a way to protect the latest victim and escape his own captivity.

See other logline suggestions

Overview

Unique Selling Point

This script offers a unique perspective by placing a dog, Gary, at the center of the story. Through Gary's eyes, the audience experiences a journey of resilience, loyalty, and the power of companionship. The script's originality is enhanced by its atmospheric and evocative writing style, which creates a sense of intimacy and emotional connection with the characters. This script stands out from others in its genre by exploring themes of isolation, redemption, and the dark side of human nature through the lens of a dog's perspective. It will captivate its target audience with its compelling storytelling, relatable characters, and the heartfelt bond between Gary and his owner, Cameron.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

This rating is from a single AI engine based on structure, character, tone, and emotional engagement.

Gemini
Consider

See Details in P/C/R/HR Section

Story Facts

Genres: Thriller, Drama, Horror, Mystery, Comedy, Adventure

Setting: Contemporary, Indiana, USA

Themes: Survival, Companionship, Trauma and Healing, Isolation and Loneliness, Betrayal

Conflict & Stakes: The primary conflicts in this story revolve around Gary's struggle to survive and protect those he cares about, as well as the conflict between Cameron's violent tendencies and Gary's loyalty. The stakes are high as Gary and Kat's lives are in danger, and their actions could have a significant impact on their own safety and the safety of others.

Mood: Suspenseful and somber

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: The unique hook of this screenplay is the perspective of the dog, Gary, as he navigates through various challenges and forms a bond with Kat.
Major Twist: A major twist in the screenplay is the revelation of Cameron's violent tendencies and the danger he poses to Gary and Kat.
Distinctive Setting: The distinctive setting of the cornfield and the farm adds to the suspense and creates a visually striking backdrop for the story.

Comparable Scripts: A Dog's Purpose, Marley & Me, Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, Old Yeller, Lassie

Script Level Analysis

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

> Go to Screenplay Insights

Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

> Go to Story Critique

Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

> Go to Characters

Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

> Go to Emotional Analysis

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

> Go to Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

> Go to Themes

Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

> Go to Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart

Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.

The screenplay demonstrates strengths in emotional impact, plot, and character development. However, improvements are needed in dialogue, originality, and formatting. The writer's style leans towards being conceptual, and with refinement, the screenplay has the potential to captivate audiences.

Go to Scene Analysis

Key Strengths

The screenplay ranks highest in emotional impact, with a percentile ranking of 96.93. This indicates that the story has a strong ability to evoke emotions in the audience, which is a key strength.
The plot of the screenplay is another key strength, with a percentile ranking of 92.98. This suggests that the story is engaging and well-structured, keeping the audience hooked.
The characters in the screenplay also receive a high percentile ranking of 85.96, indicating that they are well-developed and relatable, adding depth to the story.

Areas for Improvement

The dialogue in the screenplay has a low percentile ranking of 11.40, suggesting that it may need improvement. The writer could focus on making the dialogue more engaging, natural, and impactful.
The external goal score of 20.65 and the originality score of 6.52 are relatively low, indicating that the screenplay may lack a unique and compelling concept. The writer could work on developing a more original and captivating premise.
The formatting score of 51.09 and engagement score of 30.43 are areas where the screenplay could be improved. The writer should pay attention to proper formatting and find ways to increase audience engagement throughout the story.

Writer Style

Based on the percentile patterns, it can be inferred that the writer's potential style and strengths lie in character development and emotional storytelling. The high rankings in charactersrating and emotional_impact suggest a focus on creating well-rounded characters and evoking strong emotions in the audience.

Balancing Elements

To balance the screenplay more effectively, the writer can work on improving the dialogue (dialoguerating) to match the strengths in other areas such as plot and characters.
The writer should also strive to enhance the originality (originality_score) and external goal (external_goal_score) elements to create a more unique and compelling story.
Balancing the formatting (formatting_score) and engagement (engagement_score) elements will help in creating a screenplay that is both visually appealing and keeps the audience engaged.

Intuition Level

Based on the percentile rankings, the writer leans more towards being conceptual. The high rankings in plotrating and conceptrating, along with the lower rankings in dialoguerating and charactersrating, suggest a focus on conceptualizing and structuring the story.

Overall Assessment

The screenplay shows great potential in terms of emotional impact, plot, and character development. However, improvements are needed in dialogue, originality, and formatting to elevate the overall quality. With refinement, the screenplay has the potential to captivate audiences.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Scene Overall	8.9	98	Good Will Hunting: 8.8	Silence of the lambs: 8.9
Scene Emotional Impact	8.9	97	12 years a slave: 8.8	Schindler's List: 8.9
Scene Plot	8.6	96	Dune Part Two: 8.5	John wick: 8.6
Scene Formatting	9.00	92	Baby Driver: 8.98	Severance: 9.00
Scene High Stakes	8.8	92	Enemy of the State: 8.7	the dark knight rises: 8.8
Scene Character Changes	7.7	90	The King's speech: 7.6	the black list (TV): 7.7
Scene Pacing	8.57	87	Battlefield Earth: 8.55	Bad Boy: 8.57
Scene Conflict Level	8.3	82	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.2	Bad Boy: 8.3
Scene Story Forward	8.5	76	Deadpool & wolverine : 8.4	Casablanca: 8.5
Script Structure	8.26	75	Mr Robot: 8.25	Bad Boy: 8.26
Scene Characters	8.6	74	Parasite: 8.5	Casablanca: 8.6
Script Conflict	7.90	71	Argo: 7.80	Blade Runner: 7.90
Script Theme	8.40	66	Memento: 8.30	Titanic: 8.40
Script Structure	8.00	63	Promising young woman: 7.90	Knives Out: 8.00
Script Premise	8.10	54	American Fiction: 8.00	glass Onion Knives Out : 8.10
Script Originality	8.00	54	Argo: 7.90	groundhog day: 8.00
Overall Script	8.00	37	Mo: 7.90	fight Club: 8.00
Script Characters	7.80	30	American Fiction: 7.70	Easy A: 7.80
Scene Concept	8.0	30	Poor Things: 7.9	a few good men: 8.0
Script Visual Impact	7.40	28	Anora: 7.30	Boyz n the hood: 7.40
Script Emotional Impact	7.20	14	Inception: 7.10	Her: 7.20
Scene External Goal	7.00	12	A real pain : 6.98	Everything Everywhere All at Once: 7.00
Scene Internal Goal	7.95	7	Queens Gambit: 7.93	Silence of the lambs: 7.95
Scene Engagement	8.38	6	Severance: 8.31	Bad Boy: 8.38
Scene Dialogue	7.1	5	Midsommar: 7.0	Pan's Labyrinth: 7.1
Scene Unpredictability	6.76	5	Donnie Darko: 6.69	Bad Boy: 6.76
Scene Originality	5.67	0	-	Bad Boy: 5.67

Other Analyses

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

> Go to Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

> Go to Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

> Go to Memorable Lines

Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

> Go to Tropes

World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

> Go to World Building

Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

> Go to Correlations

Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

> Go to Loglines

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

> Go to Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

> Go to Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

> Go to Memorable Lines

Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

> Go to Tropes

World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

> Go to World Building

Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

> Go to Correlations

Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

> Go to Loglines

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

Bad Boy is a unique and suspenseful thriller told from a dog's perspective, offering a fresh and engaging approach to the genre. The screenplay has several strengths, including its captivating opening and ending, suspenseful atmosphere, and emotional connection between the dog and the victims. However, some areas could be improved, such as pacing, character motivations, and further exploration of the animal abuse theme. Overall, Bad Boy has the potential to be a compelling and thought-provoking film with a distinct voice and perspective.

Strengths

Unique perspective: The story is told from the dog's point of view, offering a fresh and engaging approach to a dark thriller. high
Strong opening and ending: The screenplay begins with a captivating hook and concludes with a satisfying resolution that leaves a lasting impact. high ( Scene 1 Scene 39 )
Suspenseful atmosphere: The screenplay effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. high
Character development: Despite being told from the dog's perspective, the screenplay subtly reveals the complexities of Cameron's character and his troubled past. medium
Emotional connection: The bond between Gary and the victims, particularly Kat, creates an emotional core that resonates with the audience. medium

Areas of Improvement

Pacing: Certain sections of the screenplay could be tightened to maintain a consistent and engaging pace. medium
Character motivations: While Cameron's troubled past is hinted at, further exploration of his motivations would provide greater depth and understanding of his actions. medium
Kat's backstory: Providing more insight into Kat's life and personality would strengthen the audience's connection to her character. low

MissingElements

Exploration of animal abuse theme: The dog's perspective offers a unique opportunity to delve deeper into the theme of animal abuse and its impact on both animals and humans. medium

NotablePoints

Symbolism: The rose-colored sneakers serve as a recurring symbol of the victims and Cameron's twisted obsession. medium ( Scene 15 Scene 17 Scene 37 )
Subtle humor: The dog's perspective allows for moments of subtle humor that provide a welcome contrast to the dark subject matter. low

;

Screenplay Insights:

Overall Grade: 8.00

Characters: 7.8, The screenplay showcases effective character development, particularly in the portrayal of Gary, the dog. Gary's arc is compelling and emotionally resonant, demonstrating significant growth and transformation throughout the story. However, the screenplay could benefit from further development of the antagonist, Cameron, and a more nuanced exploration of Kat's character. See More

Premise: 8.1, The screenplay presents an intriguing and clear premise that has the potential to engage the audience throughout the narrative. It effectively introduces the central conflict and sets up a compelling character arc for the protagonist, Gary. However, some minor refinements could enhance the premise's originality and strengthen its impact on the overall plot. See More

Structure: 8.0, The screenplay features a well-structured plot that effectively builds tension and captivates the audience. The narrative clarity and pacing are commendable, but the execution of certain scenes could be refined to enhance dramatic impact and character development. Overall, the screenplay has a solid foundation with great potential for a gripping storytelling experience. See More

Theme: 8.4, The screenplay's thematic exploration is deeply resonant and emotionally engaging, showcasing the power of loyalty, resilience, and the complexities of human nature. The themes are interwoven with the narrative, with each scene contributing to their development and delivery. The screenplay effectively conveys its messages, prompting contemplation and reflection on the nature of companionship and the consequences of one's actions. However, there are areas where the integration of themes and messages could be further refined and strengthened to enhance the overall thematic impact. See More

Visual Impact: 7.4, The screenplay features a compelling blend of poignant and harrowing visual imagery. It crafts a distinct visual language that effectively captures the emotional turmoil and psychological struggles of its characters. The descriptions are vivid and evocative, immersing the reader in the scenes and enhancing their connection to the narrative. However, there are areas where the visual imagery could be further strengthened and refined to elevate its overall impact. See More

Emotional Impact: 7.2, The screenplay effectively draws out a range of emotions, particularly through the character of Gary. The dog's journey evokes strong feelings of empathy and protectiveness, creating a deep emotional connection with the audience. The film has the potential to deliver a profound emotional impact if it further explores and expands on these emotional elements. See More

Conflict: 7.9, The screenplay presents conflict and stakes with varying effectiveness. While certain scenes successfully create tension and engage the audience, others lack clarity or fail to fully capitalize on the dramatic potential. Refining the narrative's core conflicts, elevating the stakes, and ensuring a satisfying resolution can enhance the screenplay's impact and keep viewers on the edge of their seats. See More

Originality: 8.0, This screenplay showcases a unique and compelling blend of elements that sets it apart from others in the genre. Its exploration of themes related to trauma and the sacrifices made for survival is both poignant and thought-provoking. See More

Summary In this feature screenplay, Gary, a dog, goes through a series of ups and downs in his life. After surviving a serious car accident that leaves his family injured, Gary is brought to the Greenwood Animal Shelter where he encounters Cameron, an overweight and lonely man who takes an interest in him. Despite Gary's initial hesitation, Cameron adopts him and brings him into his neglected home. As Gary settles into his new life, he forms a bond with Cameron and finds comfort and love in their companionship. Gary also discovers a dark secret about Cameron, who becomes involved in criminal activities and holds a woman named Kat captive in his basement. Despite the danger, Gary shows loyalty and compassion towards Kat, acting as her only source of comfort. Throughout the story, Gary navigates various challenges and confrontations with Randy, Cameron's suspicious neighbor, and the police. As the tension escalates, Gary and Kat hatch a plan to escape Cameron's control. With Gary's determination and bravery, they manage to outsmart and evade Cameron, ultimately finding safety and freedom. The screenplay explores themes of loyalty, love, and the power of companionship, as Gary demonstrates unwavering devotion to those he cares about.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents a gripping and suspenseful plotline that revolves around the complex relationship between Gary, a loyal dog, and Cameron, his troubled owner. The story effectively builds tension by intertwining elements of trauma, violence, and danger, keeping the audience engaged throughout. The characters are well-developed and relatable, each with their own unique motivations and struggles. The screenplay successfully explores themes of redemption, companionship, and the consequences of one's actions. However, the pacing could be improved, especially in the middle section, to maintain a consistent level of intensity. Additionally, the ending feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from a more thorough resolution to fully satisfy the audience's expectations.

Suggestions:

Consider expanding the middle section of the screenplay to further develop the characters and conflicts. This will allow for a more gradual buildup of tension and create a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
Explore alternative endings that provide a more satisfying resolution to the plot. This could involve exploring the consequences of Cameron's actions in greater depth or finding a way to give Gary a more fulfilling conclusion.
Incorporate more flashbacks or backstory to provide a richer context for the characters' motivations and actions. This will enhance the audience's understanding of their past experiences and add depth to their emotional journeys.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively introduces the main characters and establishes the central conflict. The scene in the Toyota RAV4 creates a sense of unease and foreshadows the danger that lies ahead. The introduction of Cameron as a seemingly compassionate shelter worker adds intrigue to his character and sets up the potential for a complex relationship with Gary. However, the pacing could be improved by streamlining the dialogue and transitions to create a more cohesive and engaging opening.

Suggestions:

Tighten the dialogue in the opening scene to make it more concise and impactful. Avoid unnecessary exposition and focus on establishing the characters and their motivations.
Smooth out the transitions between scenes to create a more seamless flow for the audience. This can be done through the use of visual cues, sound effects, or subtle character actions.
Consider adding a brief backstory or prologue that provides additional context for Cameron's character. This could help the audience understand his motivations and make his actions more relatable.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay successfully builds tension and explores the complex relationship between Gary and Cameron. The scenes in Cameron's house and the discovery of the woman in the basement add layers of suspense and danger to the plot. However, the pacing could be improved by reducing some of the repetitive dialogue and actions. Additionally, expanding on the interactions between Gary and Kat would strengthen their connection and make their eventual escape more emotionally impactful.

Suggestions:

Trim down the dialogue in the middle section to make it more concise and focused. Avoid unnecessary repetitions and focus on advancing the plot and developing the characters.
Expand on the interactions between Gary and Kat to deepen their emotional connection. This could involve adding scenes where they communicate non-verbally or share moments of vulnerability.
Consider introducing additional obstacles or challenges during Gary and Kat's escape attempt to increase the tension and raise the stakes.

Ending The ending of the screenplay provides a satisfying resolution to the central conflict and the characters' arcs. The confrontation between Cameron, Gary, and Kat is intense and emotionally charged. The revelation of Cameron's past trauma adds depth to his character and makes his actions more understandable. However, the pacing could be improved by slowing down the final scenes to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of the resolution. Additionally, exploring the long-term consequences of Gary and Kat's actions could provide a more complete ending to the story.

Suggestions:

Slow down the pacing of the final scenes to allow the audience to fully experience the emotional impact of the resolution.
Explore the long-term consequences of Gary and Kat's actions. This could involve showing their recovery process or the impact their experience has on their future lives.
Consider adding an epilogue that provides a glimpse into the characters' lives after the events of the screenplay. This could offer a sense of closure and provide a satisfying conclusion to the story.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Gary
Description Gary, a dog, exhibits human-like understanding and complex decision-making abilities, especially when he rescues Kat from the harvester despite being drugged. While animals can be intelligent, the level of Gary's comprehension and actions seem unrealistic.
( Scene 1 Scene 38 )
Character Cameron
Description Cameron's reaction to Gary turning against him seems out of place. He expresses sadness and apologizes, which contradicts his previously cold and calculated behavior as a serial killer.
( Scene 38 )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The reason for the break-in at Cameron's house is unclear and never fully explained. It's hinted that Randy might be involved, but the purpose and outcome of the break-in remain ambiguous.
( Scene 15 )
Description The significance of the woman's shoe found in the woods is not fully explored. It's implied to be connected to one of Cameron's victims, but the connection remains vague.
( Scene 12 )

PlotHoles

Description The soundproofing in the basement is inconsistently effective. While Kat's screams and banging are muffled, the sound of the pipe and Gary's barking manage to reach the upper levels of the house, alerting both Cameron and Randy.
( Scene 11 Scene 21 Scene 23 )
Description The officer's decision to leave without investigating further after seeing the cut on Cameron's face and Gary's distress seems illogical. Given the suspicious circumstances and the ongoing search for missing women, a more thorough investigation would be expected.
( Scene 34 )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description Kat's extensive dialogue while trapped in the basement, particularly her explanation of her childhood dog bite experience, feels unnatural and overly expositional given her dire situation.
( Scene 31 )

Redundancies

Element Scenes of Gary playing fetch
( Scene 1 Scene 20 Scene 23 Scene 26 )
Suggestion The repeated scenes of Gary playing fetch could be streamlined to avoid redundancy. Perhaps the fetch scenes could be intercut with scenes of Kat in the basement to increase tension.
Element Cameron's comforting of Gary
( Scene 5 Scene 11 Scene 15 Scene 17 Scene 19 Scene 30 Scene 36 )
Suggestion The repetitive scenes of Cameron comforting Gary could be reduced to maintain the impact of these moments and avoid predictability.

🧠 Character Therapy: Let your character open up to an AI therapist and reveal hidden depths.

The model has recently changed. Don't try to compare scores between revisions yet.

Gary - Score: 97/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESFJ
Enneagram: 2 - The Helper

Scenes

Strongest: #39
Weakest: #18

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 10/10

Loyal and loving dog with a heroic spirit.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Emotionally scarred but deep-seated loyalty drives him.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 10/10

Gary evolves from a loyal pet to a courageous protector.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Though Gary doesn't speak, his actions convey a wealth of emotion.

Behavior And Choices 10/10

Gary's choices reflect his loyalty and protective instincts.

Relationship Dynamics 10/10

Gary’s relationships highlight his loyalty and growth.

Scene Impact 10/10

Gary consistently alters the direction and emotional tone of scenes.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Gary serves as the heart of the story, symbolizing loyalty.

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Gary's personal journey intertwines with themes of loss and loyalty.

Emotional Resonance 10/10

Strong emotional connections driven by Gary's journey.

Foundational Definition

Score: 10

Gary is a 9-year-old terrier mix with a loving heart. As the story's protagonist, he embodies loyalty, courage, and a strong sense of family. Even after losing his human companion, Asher, he maintains an optimistic spirit. His foundational traits include a deep love for his boy, a protective nature, and an instinct to help those in distress, which shapes his actions throughout the screenplay.

Values And Beliefs: Loyalty to his humans, protecting those he loves, and the pursuit of companionship.

Strengths And Skills: Heightened senses, loyalty, determination, and problem-solving skills.

Suggestions

Show more moments of Gary's interaction with his memories of Asher to deepen his emotional backstory.
Highlight how Gary's instincts guide his actions during tense scenes.

Follow-up Questions

How did Gary adapt to the loss of Asher and what drives his need to protect Kat?
What are the specific defining moments in Gary's early life that established his loyalty?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Gary experiences emotional scars from the car accident that took Asher's life. The trauma of losing a loved one shapes his behavior throughout the screenplay, leading him to protect others. This emotional depth is echoed in his relationship with Kat, as he embarks on a mission to save her, reflecting both his loyalty and grief.

Character Wound: Loss of Asher and subsequent trauma related to abandonment.

Character Flaws: Overly trusting, which sometimes puts him in danger.

Suggestions

Explore flashback sequences of Gary with Asher to illustrate his emotional complexity.
Show how Gary copes or reacts when he senses a threat to Kat, making it clear he must overcome his past trauma.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events reinforce Gary's need to protect others?
How does Gary's past trauma from the accident inform his current behavior towards Cameron?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 10

Gary's journey reflects a transformation from loss to agency. Initially reeling from Asher’s death, he grows into a protector for Kat. The turning point is when he witnesses her distress—this catalyzes his shift from passive mourning to active heroism. By the end of the story, he fully embraces his role as a protector.

Polarity Changes: Gary transitions from grieving and passive to assertively protecting Kat.

Transformation Triggers: The moments leading to Asher's accident and the new relationship with Kat inspire his protective instincts.

Suggestions

Clarify the moment when Gary decides to take action for Kat's sake to create a stronger motivational arc.
Highlight specific scenes where Gary's instincts conflict with his past trauma.

Follow-up Questions

What does Gary's protective instinct towards Kat signify in relation to his relationship with Asher?
How do the events of the screenplay affect Gary's understanding of friendship and loyalty?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Gary's voice is conveyed through his actions—his barking, movements, and instincts provide a unique narrative without spoken words. This silent portrayal enriches the emotional landscape, showing his loyalty, fear, and determination without verbal dialogue.

Unique Voice: None; Gary communicates through body language and expressive actions.

Suggestions

Consider internal monologues to explore Gary's thoughts during critical moments.
Enhance the physicality of Gary’s actions to give more volume to his silent 'voice.'

Follow-up Questions

What would Gary express if given the chance to voice his thoughts?
How do Gary’s actions in tense situations reflect his personality?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 10

Gary is driven by a strong instinct to protect those he loves, leading him to make courageous decisions. Throughout the screenplay, his choices are reactive to his emotional wounds, guiding him on a path from grief to action. His behavior transitions from passive grieving to inspiring heroics when he embraces his role as a protector.

Motivations: To protect his loved ones and fulfill the role of a good companion.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires companionship and love; needs to learn to cope with loss and trauma.

Suggestions

Illustrate more of Gary's internal struggles during tense moments to deepen his character.
Expand on how Gary's decisions are influenced by his memories of Asher.

Follow-up Questions

What are the pivotal moments that shape Gary's choices?
How does Gary's behavior change when he feels threatened versus when he feels safe?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 10

Gary's journey is deeply intertwined with his relationships, primarily with Asher and later with Kat. His loyalty to Asher sets the foundation for his protectiveness over Kat, showcasing his deep-seated values. These dynamics reveal new facets of his character, particularly his ability to love and protect despite previous losses.

Suggestions

Emphasize the evolution of Gary’s bond with Kat and how it parallels his relationship with Asher.
Show moments of vulnerability between Gary and Kat that deepen their connection.

Follow-up Questions

How does Gary's relationship with Kat help him heal from losing Asher?
What moments demonstrate the growth of trust between Gary and Kat?

Scene Impact

Score: 10

Every time Gary appears, he shifts the scene’s emotional tone—whether through moments of joy, tension, or sorrow. His determination in stressful situations often drives the narrative forward, from the opening scene with his playful antics to his fierce protectiveness when facing danger.

Suggestions

Create a few more scenes that showcase Gary's unique perspective throughout different emotional circumstances.
Include moments that highlight Gary as a source of comfort during character lows.

Follow-up Questions

What are the key moments where Gary’s actions change the course of a scene?
How do Gary's interactions with other characters shift their arcs?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

Gary’s role as the protagonist is executed through his interactions and experiences, symbolizing unconditional love and loyalty. He navigates through betrayal and loss, ultimately embodying how love can persist through tragedy. His deeply emotional journey brings the narrative’s core themes to life, reflecting the importance of companionship and the power of protection.

Symbolic Role: Represents loyalty, family, and the emotional core of the narrative.

Suggestions

Fortify moments where Gary’s actions symbolize broader themes, such as loyalty and redemption.
Consider how scenes could further amplify his symbolic significance to the narrative.

Follow-up Questions

What symbols within the screenplay align with Gary’s journey and purpose?
How can the portrayal of Gary enhance the audience's connection to the central themes?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 10

Gary's narrative arc not only drives the plot but also encapsulates the screenplay's central themes—loss, loyalty, and heroism. His evolution from a grieving pet to a fierce protector helps illuminate the resilience of love and the capacity to heal. This integration enhances the overall emotional depth and resonance of the screenplay.

Suggestions

Integrate more cross-sections of Gary's plot with thematic elements for deeper resonance.
Highlight specific moments where Gary's experiences become metaphors for overcoming adversity.

Follow-up Questions

What does Gary's journey express about the nature of love and loss?
How does Gary's transformation reflect the themes of redemption in the narrative?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 10

Gary’s character effectively evokes profound emotional responses, from heart-wrenching sadness during his loss of Asher to exhilarating relief when he saves Kat. His struggles and triumphs engage the audience deeply, making them invested in his journey as he battles grief and trauma, ultimately leading to a satisfying emotional arc.

Emotional Impact: Elicits deep sympathy and connection from the audience, particularly through moments of loss.

Suggestions

Leverage key emotional beats to maximize audience engagement with Gary.
Add layers to emotional responses by showing Gary’s internal thought process during critical moments.

Follow-up Questions

How can Gary's emotional struggles parallel the experiences of the audience?
What key emotional beats in Gary's journey resonate most strongly with viewers?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfj

Gary exhibits strong social and emotional connections, typical of ESFJ traits, emphasizing his loyalty and drive to protect those he loves.

Confidence: 75%

Suggestions

Explore the sociable nature of Gary more in scenes that showcase his interactions.
Consider how different situations might lead Gary to express different aspects of his ESFJ traits.

Follow-up Questions

How does Gary’s sociability affect his connection with Kat?
What might challenge Gary's extroverted nature in difficult situations?

Enneagram: 2 - the helper

Gary’s motivation to help others, coupled with his protectiveness, aligns with the traits of an Enneagram Type 2. He acts selflessly and seeks to support those he loves.

Confidence: 80%

Suggestions

Highlight more scenes that showcase Gary as the quintessential 'Helper' in varied contexts.
Explore Gary's potential struggle with feeling unneeded if he cannot assist others.

Follow-up Questions

What instances illustrate Gary’s Helper tendencies in his relationships?
How might Gary's identity as a Helper affect his interactions with individuals in distress?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (39)

Gary rallies his strength to rescue Kat from the harvester as he overcomes his immobilization.

Why: This scene is a powerful culmination of Gary's journey, showcasing his growth, courage, and loyalty in a moment of high emotional stakes.

Weakest Scene (18)

Gary sits alone in the utility closet while Cameron prepares for bed, reflecting on his loneliness.

Why: This scene lacks external conflict or emotional interaction, making it feel flat and disconnected from the narrative momentum.

Suggestions:

Inject emotional tension into this scene by revealing Gary's thoughts through internal dialogue or memories of Asher.
Show how Gary’s presence could comfort or influence Cameron during vulnerable moments.

Cameron - Score: 86/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ISFJ
Enneagram: Type 6 (The Loyalist)

Scenes

Strongest: #30
Weakest: #12

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Cameron embodies a twisted sense of loyalty.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Cameron wrestles with deep emotional scars that warp his reality.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Cameron's journey represents a downward spiral into madness, culminating in his violent confrontation with Kat.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Cameron's dialogue oscillates between warmth and menace, reflecting his conflicted nature.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Cameron's choices are driven by fear and a desperate need for control.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Cameron's relationships are rooted in control and misguided affection.

Scene Impact 9/10

Cameron's presence often escalates tension within scenes.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Cameron serves as the primary antagonist, driving the central conflict.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Cameron's journey encapsulates themes of trauma, obsession, and morality.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Cameron elicits a blend of empathy and horror.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Cameron is portrayed as a deeply troubled individual with a traumatic background, having lost his previous dog and seemingly having a psychological break that leads him to commit violent acts. His character is driven by a misguided sense of love and loyalty to the idea of being a 'good boy', which he constantly conveys to both Gary and Kat. This twisted perception shapes his actions throughout the screenplay, leading to morally reprehensible behavior disguised as a protective instinct.

Values And Beliefs: Misguided loyalty, the desire for love and acceptance, possession versus autonomy.

Strengths And Skills: Charismatic, resourceful with tools and home improvement skills, possesses knowledge of animals.

Suggestions

Explore Cameron's backstory further to provide depth to his motivations.
Demonstrate moments of vulnerability to evoke more empathy from the audience.

Follow-up Questions

What specific traumatic experiences shaped Cameron's outlook on love and companionship?
How can Cameron's skills as a handyman be integrated more meaningfully into the plot?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Cameron exhibits significant emotional wounds stemming from loss and isolation, which influence his obsessive attachment to his dog and the lengths he is willing to go to protect him. His flaws include a violent temper and a deluded sense of what it means to be a 'mate'. These internal conflicts manifest in his treatment of Kat, reflecting his twisted perception of control and care.

Character Wound: Attachment trauma from losing his previous dog, leading to a fear of abandonment.

Character Flaws: Violent tendencies, obsessive behavior, delusions of love.

Suggestions

Introduce flashbacks to highlight pivotal moments in Cameron's past.
Develop dialogue that shows his inner turmoil and conflicts more clearly.

Follow-up Questions

What techniques can be employed to show Cameron's inner conflict without excessive exposition?
How do Cameron's violent outbursts relate to his backstory?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 7

Cameron begins with a façade of normalcy, presenting himself as a loving dog owner. However, as the plot progresses, his deeply rooted issues surface, and he transforms into a dangerous antagonist willing to harm others in his misguided quest for control and affection. His failures with Gary and Kat lead to an ultimate breakdown instead of a redemptive arc, highlighting his inability to cope with reality.

Polarity Changes: Cameron transitions from a seemingly benign dog owner to a violent antagonist.

Transformation Triggers: Gary's escape and his interactions with Kat trigger his violent reactions.

Suggestions

Clarify the events that specifically trigger Cameron's breakdown for the audience.
Introduce redemption moments that ultimately fail to ensure his descent.

Follow-up Questions

What critical moments should further illustrate Cameron's regression?
Should there be a moment of realization for Cameron that could impact his trajectory?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Cameron's speech reflects his attempts to maintain a loving facade while betraying deeper, darker feelings. His frequent reassurance to Gary and Kat contrasts sharply with his actions, showcasing the disparity between intention and reality. As his character unravels, his words become more erratic and threatening, adding to the tension of the plot.

Unique Voice: He often uses diminutives and terms of endearment ('good boy'), which juxtapose his violent actions.

Suggestions

Incorporate more subtext into Cameron's dialogue to reflect his internal struggle.
Use specific phrases consistently to symbolize his attachment to the 'good boy' ideal.

Follow-up Questions

How can Cameron's speech patterns evolve to show his descent into madness?
What specific phrases would best represent his twisted worldview?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Cameron's choices ultimately lead him down a dark path, driven by his fear of losing Gary and his delusional need to be seen as a good owner. His actions escalate from minor possessiveness to outright violence, indicating a character who refuses to face his issues and instead externalizes his pain through harmful behaviors.

Motivations: Protecting Gary at all costs, stemming from past loss.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires validation and love; needs to confront his trauma and seek help.

Suggestions

Introduce moments where Cameron's choices are challenged to create meaningful conflict.
Provide insights into his thought processes to help the audience understand his motivations.

Follow-up Questions

What events could serve as catalysts for Cameron to confront his choices?
Should there be consequences for his actions that affect his sense of identity?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

His relationship with Gary is one of obsession and possessiveness, while with Kat it oscillates between caring and threatening. Cameron's interactions reveal a character desperate to maintain his grip on his loved ones, which ultimately leads to conflict. His twisted sense of love directly impacts how he engages with others, creating tension and suspense.

Suggestions

Foreshadow the deterioration of Cameron’s relationships through earlier interactions.
Develop more dialogue that reveals his insecurities regarding his relationships.

Follow-up Questions

What weaknesses in Cameron's relationship with Gary could signify his unraveling?
How can his dynamic with Kat be deepened to show more complexity?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Scenes involving Cameron typically pivot on conflict; whether he's confronting Kat or overstepping boundaries with Gary, he consistently introduces a menacing atmosphere. His actions significantly shift the emotional tone of scenes, leaving his victims in peril and the audience on edge.

Suggestions

Ensure Cameron’s actions are always purposeful to heighten tension.
Create contrasting moments where Cameron's calmness directly leads into chaos.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes would benefit from amplifying Cameron's menacing presence?
How can his actions influence the emotional state of the audience?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

As the antagonist, Cameron embodies the narrative's dark themes, acting as a foil to the protagonists, particularly Gary. His narrative role amplifies the tension and highlights the consequences of his actions on both himself and those around him. Cameron's descent into violence serves not only as a plot device but as a cautionary tale of love gone wrong.

Symbolic Role: Cameron represents the dangers of unchecked psychological trauma and obsession.

Suggestions

Reinforce Cameron’s symbolic role by tying in more thematic elements in his scenes.
Consider moments that might further complicate his role as an antagonist.

Follow-up Questions

Should Cameron’s motivations be explicitly connected to the main themes of the screenplay?
What moments could serve to destabilize or redefine Cameron’s role?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

His actions directly correlate with overarching themes of the screenplay, such as the impacts of trauma and the conflicting nature of love. Cameron’s blind pursuit of his ideals leads to moral decay, creating a narrative that critiques the dark side of attachment and the risks inherent in relationships defined by obsession.

Suggestions

Integrate more thematic flashbacks to emphasize Cameron’s mental state.
Create intertwining narratives that connect the main themes to Cameron's motivations.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Cameron’s arc tie into the screenplay’s central themes?
What key moments should better illustrate the themes surrounding trauma and love?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Cameron’s journey invokes a complex emotional response, oscillating between empathy and horror. His tragic obsession resonates as deeply relatable while simultaneously pushing the boundaries of audience comfort, creating a compelling emotional impact throughout the screenplay.

Emotional Impact: Cameron’s actions elicit feelings of dread and repulsion as well as pity.

Suggestions

Ensure moments of vulnerability are emphasized to bolster audience empathy.
Highlight consequences of Cameron's actions to enhance viewer discomfort.

Follow-up Questions

How can Cameron’s darker moments be balanced with more humanizing traits?
What specific actions amplify the emotional resonance of his character?

Personality Types

MBTI: isfj

Cameron demonstrates protectiveness and warmth in his interactions, especially with Gary, while exhibiting an introverted and somewhat obsessive nature, suggesting ISFJ traits.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: infj (60%)

Suggestions

Explore his introverted instincts more deeply to reflect on his internal struggles.
Consider dramatic moments that can unravel his ISFJ tendencies.

Follow-up Questions

Which aspects of Cameron's character align most closely with the ISFJ type?
What shifts in his personality might reflect INJF traits?

Enneagram: type 6 (the loyalist)

Cameron exhibits loyalty to Gary while demonstrating fearfulness and anxiety around loss, aligning with behaviors typical of a Type 6.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: type 4 (the individualist) (50%)

Suggestions

Investigate deeper fears that might illuminate Cameron's loyalty to Gary.
Include interactions that highlight his individualistic tendencies.

Follow-up Questions

What elements of Cameron’s character display strong Type 6 characteristics?
How can moments of individuality add depth to his character?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (30)

A scene detailing Cameron’s interaction with Gary after violent events.

Why: This moment captures Cameron's conflicting emotions, showcasing his duality effectively and creating a strong emotional impact.

Weakest Scene (12)

The scene where Cameron cleans up after the disturbance at home lacks clarity in showing his emotional state post-violence.

Why: This scene feels disconnected from Cameron's escalating madness, missing a chance to deepen viewer understanding of his psyche.

Suggestions:

Include narrative elements that reveal Cameron's regret or guilt.
Elevate the emotional stakes during cleanup to enhance the scene’s weight.

Kat - Score: 84/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ISTP
Enneagram: Type 6 - The Loyalist

Scenes

Strongest: #40
Weakest: #18

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 7/10

Kat evolves from distrustful to reliant on Gary.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Kat's past trauma complicates her choices and relationships.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Kat undergoes a significant transformation from distrust to agency.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Kat's dialogue reflects her initial sarcasm and skepticism.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Kat's choices stem from survival instincts shaped by her trauma.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Kat's relationships evolve from distrust to interdependence.

Scene Impact 8/10

Kat's actions significantly influence the plot trajectory.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Kat fulfills the role of a survivor evolving into a protector.

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Kat’s journey intertwines with themes of trust and survival.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Kat evokes strong emotional responses through her struggles.

Foundational Definition

Score: 7

Kat is portrayed as a complex character who begins the story as a somewhat cynical and distrustful individual, having had a negative experience with dogs in her childhood. This experience has shaped her belief that dogs cannot be trusted, influencing her initial reluctance to connect with Gary. As the story progresses, her values shift from distrust to reliance on Gary for survival, marking a significant transformation in her worldview.

Values And Beliefs: Distrust of dogs, belief in self-preservation, willingness to fight for survival.

Strengths And Skills: Resilience, resourcefulness, ability to quickly devise plans for escape.

Suggestions

Further develop Kat's backstory regarding her childhood experience with dogs to enhance her initial distrust.
Show moments that hint at her growing attachment to Gary before the climax.

Follow-up Questions

What are Kat's motivations for ultimately deciding to help Gary?
How does her distrust of dogs influence her relationship with him through the film?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Kat's emotional depth is revealed through her struggle with trust and her traumatic experience with dogs in her past. This emotional wound surfaces when she is faced with dire situations. Her determination to survive amidst fear adds layers to her character, making her relatable and rooted in reality. This complexity influences her behavior towards both Cameron and Gary throughout the screenplay.

Character Wound: Childhood trauma from a pit bull attack.

Character Flaws: Distrustfulness, initial selfishness in survival.

Suggestions

Delve deeper into her internal conflict between her fear of dogs and her growing attachment to Gary.
Provide flashbacks that illustrate her traumatic experience to build sympathy and understanding.

Follow-up Questions

How does Kat's wound affect her immediate choices when encountering Gary?
What strategies does she use to cope with her fear during high-pressure situations?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Kat's development is marked by her increasing reliance on Gary as she transitions from seeing him as an obstacle to viewing him as an ally. The turning points in her arc revolve around her realization that she needs to trust and work with Gary to survive, culminating in her aggressive attempts to escape and her final decision to save him. This reflects a profound shift in her character from fear to action.

Polarity Changes: Shift from isolation and distrust to finding a partner in Gary and ultimately becoming an agent of her own escape.

Transformation Triggers: Her interactions with Gary and the fight against Cameron trigger her evolution.

Suggestions

Highlight critical moments where Kat chooses to trust in Gary versus her instincts.
Include supportive relationships that can push her reluctant nature to evolve further.

Follow-up Questions

What could have prompted Kat to accept help from Gary sooner?
How does she reconcile her traumatic past with her present perceptions of Gary?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Kat's speech is characterized by a cynical view of the world, emphasizing her initial reluctance to engage with Gary. As the story progresses, her dialogue becomes more earnest, especially in her interactions with Gary, indicating her gradual emotional opening. The evolution of her language structure reflects her changing relationship with him and the shifting stakes of her situation.

Unique Voice: Her tone can be sarcastic and defiant, indicative of her survivalist mentality.

Suggestions

Craft pivotal lines that symbolize her changing feelings towards Gary.
Develop moments where her voice softens or becomes more emotional towards instances of vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

What phrases or expressions can encapsulate her growth?
How can her dialogue more effectively convey her internal conflict?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Kat's actions throughout the screenplay are often driven by her need to survive and escape, reflecting her practical nature. However, her decisions also show moments of compassion and her gradual acceptance of Gary's role in her life. Each choice highlights her internal struggle with trust, culminating in her determination to free Gary as well as herself.

Motivations: Survival and ultimately freeing herself from Cameron's grasp.

Desires Vs Needs: Externally, she seeks freedom from captivity; internally, she needs to confront her fear of dogs and allow trust back into her life.

Suggestions

Show a moment where Kat wrestles with the decision to either leave Gary or take him with her.
Include situations where her instincts conflict with emerging trust towards Gary.

Follow-up Questions

How do Kat's choices reflect her character growth?
What is she willing to sacrifice to save both herself and Gary?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Initially, Kat mistrusts Gary and is wary of forming a bond due to her past. However, as the story unfolds, she recognizes Gary's loyalty and bravery, allowing their relationship to develop into one of mutual dependence. The dynamic between them illustrates the theme of trust building over time and through shared experiences, culminating in a powerful partnership against Cameron.

Suggestions

Create more emotionally charged moments between Kat and Gary to solidify their bond.
Introduce minor characters that can reflect Kat's growth in relationships.

Follow-up Questions

How might Kat's relationship with Gary influence her interactions with other characters?
What specific events bring Kat and Gary closer together?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Kat’s presence drives several key scenes, particularly those involving her attempts to escape Cameron's grasp. Her eventual bond with Gary serves to pivot the story's direction toward cooperation in the face of danger. Her decisions fundamentally shape the underlying tension and urgency throughout the screenplay while also serving as a catalyst for Gary's personal growth.

Suggestions

Enhance scenes where Kat makes critical decisions that influence the stakes for both her and Gary.
Cultivate moments that contrast her earlier solitude with newfound teamwork.

Follow-up Questions

What are the most pivotal scenes that showcase Kat's impact on the narrative?
How does she change the stakes for herself and others around her?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Kat maintains the role of a protagonist fighting for her autonomy and survival. Initially acting defensively due to her past, she grows into a character that embraces trust, ultimately embodying resilience and proving that one's past does not define their future. Her role shifts toward not just protecting herself but also willingly standing up for Gary, marking her transformation into a protector.

Symbolic Role: Kat symbolizes the struggle of overcoming trauma and learning to trust.

Suggestions

Further develop her role as a protector to amplify her climatic actions.
Show parallels between her relationship with Gary and her ability to help others.

Follow-up Questions

How does Kat’s struggle resonate with the audience’s experiences?
What does she learn about protection that affects her character arc?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 10

Kat's experiences and journey serve as a vehicle for exploring the themes of trust, the effects of trauma, and the importance of companionship. Her initial reluctance and eventual acceptance of Gary underscore the idea that vulnerability can lead to strength and partnership. Her evolution supports the overarching narrative regarding the need for connection in times of peril.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where her growing trust in Gary directly influences thematic elements.
Integrate discussions or thoughts that illuminate her views on trust and companionship.

Follow-up Questions

What thematic elements are encapsulated within Kat’s relationship with Gary?
How does her idea of trust evolve in a dangerous environment and how does it affect the narrative?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Kat's journey resonates strongly with the audience due to her relatable struggles with trust and survival. Her interactions with Gary and Cameron create emotional highs and lows that keep viewers invested in her character. The stakes of her journey contribute to palpable tension, especially in scenes where she faces direct threats, fostering a strong emotional bond with viewers hoping for her success.

Emotional Impact: Kat evoked tension and sympathy as a flawed yet determined survivor.

Suggestions

Focus on crafting scenes that deepen the emotional stakes of her journey.
Use her dialogue to express internal conflict to enhance audience engagement.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes elicit the strongest emotional responses related to Kat?
How can her emotional state contribute to the plot momentum?

Personality Types

MBTI: istp

Kat's pragmatic approach to her situation and her acute survival instincts suggest an ISTP personality type, valuing practicality and independence.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: isfp (60%)

Suggestions

Explore Kat's actions to reveal more of her instinctual and observational skills.
Show her emotional responses to deepen her character's inner life.

Follow-up Questions

How do Kat’s choices reflect an ISTP's typical traits?
In what situations might she appear more ISFP than ISTP?

Enneagram: type 6 - the loyalist

Her journey reflects the fears and needs associated with a Type 6, showing her struggle for security and trust.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: type 8 - the challenger (50%)

Suggestions

Clarify her responses to threats to show her loyalty and protective instincts.
Use her background to explore her anxious nature that propels her decisions.

Follow-up Questions

How does her behavior align with the characteristics of a Type 6?
What moments illustrate her Type 8 tendencies?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (40)

In the barn scene, Kat experiences peak tension as she fights against Cameron, ultimately reflecting her determination and growth.

Why: This scene showcases her resilience and unwillingness to give up, making it a highlight for her character arc.

Weakest Scene (18)

Kat is seen struggling internally in this scene, which lacks dramatic tension despite her physical predicament.

Why: Her vulnerability isn't effectively showcased, making it less impactful for her character development.

Suggestions:

Introduce internal monologue elements to enhance her emotional struggles.
Create interactions with Gary that highlight their growing bond.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Survival (80%)

The screenplay explores the theme of survival through the experiences of Gary, the dog, as he navigates various dangerous situations and tries to protect himself and others.

Survival is a prominent theme in the screenplay as it focuses on the characters' efforts to stay alive and overcome challenges. Gary's survival instincts are tested as he faces accidents, captivity, and dangerous encounters. The theme is also reflected in Cameron's actions as he resorts to extreme measures to ensure his own survival.

Strengthening Survival:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme

Companionship (70%)

The screenplay explores the theme of companionship through the bond between Gary and Cameron, as well as the relationships between other characters and their pets.

Companionship is a significant theme in the screenplay as it highlights the importance of human-animal relationships. Gary's connection with Cameron provides emotional support and comfort to both characters. The theme is also evident in the interactions between other characters and their pets, emphasizing the role of companionship in their lives.

Trauma and Healing (60%)

The screenplay delves into the theme of trauma and healing through the experiences of Gary, Cameron, and Kat, who have all endured traumatic events and struggle to find healing and recovery.

Trauma and healing are explored in the screenplay as the characters grapple with the aftermath of accidents, abuse, and captivity. Gary, Cameron, and Kat all carry emotional scars and seek healing in different ways. The theme highlights the resilience of the characters and their journey towards finding solace and moving forward.

Isolation and Loneliness (50%)

The screenplay touches on the theme of isolation and loneliness through the experiences of Gary, Cameron, and other characters who feel disconnected and yearn for connection.

Isolation and loneliness are present in the screenplay as characters like Gary, Cameron, and Kat struggle with feelings of being alone and disconnected from others. The theme explores the human need for connection and the emotional toll of isolation, highlighting the characters' longing for companionship and belonging.

Betrayal (40%)

The screenplay explores the theme of betrayal through the actions of Cameron, who betrays the trust of others, including Gary and Kat.

Betrayal is a theme in the screenplay as Cameron's actions reveal his betrayal of trust towards Gary and Kat. The theme explores the consequences of betrayal and the impact it has on relationships and characters' lives. It also raises questions about loyalty and the boundaries of trust.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."

Scene by Scene Emotions

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goals evolved throughout the script, reflecting their deeper needs for companionship, safety, security, stimulation, and a sense of purpose.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals evolved throughout the script, reflecting their immediate circumstances and challenges, such as finding shelter, obtaining food, investigating mysteries, and ensuring safety.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict involves the clash between the protagonist's values of freedom, autonomy, and self-preservation and the antagonists' values of control, power, and abuse. This conflict intertwines with the protagonist's journey as they navigate their beliefs and values while facing and overcoming oppression.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's internal goals and their journey to achieve those goals contribute to their character development by challenging and evolving their beliefs, values, and desires. Through their experiences, the protagonist develops resilience, trust, compassion, and a sense of agency.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's internal and external goals provide a narrative structure that propels the story forward and creates tension and conflict. Their evolving goals shape the protagonist's actions, decisions, and relationships with other characters, driving the narrative and creating engaging plot developments.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The protagonist's goals and the overarching philosophical conflict deepen the screenplay's themes of companionship, trust, safety, freedom, and the search for meaning. These elements explore the complexities of human nature and the profound impact of relationships, power dynamics, and personal growth.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Tragic Accident in the Cornfield	Tense, Heartbreaking, Suspenseful	9	8	9	7	8	7	8	6	9	7	10	9	8	10	7	9	9	9	8
2 - A Glimmer of Hope	Terrified, Lonely, Hopeful	8	7	7	7	8	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	9
3 - Hesitant Dog	Hopeful, Heartwarming, Melancholic	8	7	7	5	8	7	8	7	5	7	6	7	6	9	7	7	8	9	9
4 - Carrying Gary Home	Melancholic, Hopeful	8	7	7	6	8	7	8	7	5	7	4	6	7	8	6	8	8	9	9
5 - A Gentle Gesture	Overwhelmed, Frightened, Comforting, Hopeful	9	8	7	6	9	7	8	7	4	6	5	6	7	9	6	9	8	9	8
6 - Gary's Adventure in the Woods	Tentative, Curious, Caution, Excitement	8	8	7	6	8	5	8	7	6	8	5	7	7	6	6	9	8	9	8
7 - Gary's Surprise and Cameron's Care	Tense, Hopeful, Melancholic	8	7	7	6	9	7	8	7	6	8	5	7	7	7	6	9	9	9	8
8 - Comforting Dreams	Heartwarming, Melancholic, Hopeful	9	8	8	3	9	7	8	6	6	7	6	8	4	9	7	7	9	9	8
9 - A Trip to Lowe's	Heartwarming, Light-hearted, Melancholic	9	8	8	6	9	7	8	7	6	6	6	8	7	8	7	8	8	9	9
10 - Break-in and Suspicion	Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Emotional	9	8	8	3	9	7	8	7	8	7	8	8	6	9	7	7	8	9	8
11 - A Disturbing Discovery	Suspenseful, Intense, Terrifying, Heartbreaking	9	8	9	6	8	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	10	7	9	9	9	8
12 - The Harvester's Encounter	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	8	7	7	8	9	6	9	9	7	8	7	9	8	9	8
13 - Suspicion and Tension	Suspenseful, Mysterious, Tense	9	8	9	6	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	8
14 - Gary Discovers Something Sinister in the Basement	Suspenseful, Dark, Intense	9	9	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	7	9	9	8	9	7	9	8	9	9
15 - A Surprising Discovery	Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	6	9	9	7	10	7	9	8	9	8
16 - A Dog's Love for Plants	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	5	9	9	6	9	8	9	8	9	8
17 - Flirtatious Encounter at the Garden Center	Dark, Suspenseful, Intense	9	8	9	4	9	9	8	7	9	6	10	8	7	10	7	6	9	9	8
18 - Growing Suspicion	Suspenseful, Dark, Intense, Emotional	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	6	9	9	7	9	8	8	8	9	9
19 - Gary is Left Alone	Tense, Suspenseful, Dark	9	8	9	3	8	8	8	7	9	4	9	9	5	8	7	7	9	9	8
20 - Gary Discovers Kat's Predicament	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	8	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	9	7	8	9	9	9
21 - Confrontation in the Basement	Tense, Suspenseful, Disturbing	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	9	10	9	8	10	7	9	9	9	8
22 - Concern and Comfort	Suspenseful, Dark, Intense	9	8	9	3	9	9	0	5	9	4	10	9	6	10	8	7	7	9	8
23 - Desperate Escape	Suspenseful, Dark, Disturbing	9	8	9	6	8	8	8	7	9	6	9	9	7	9	7	9	9	9	8
24 - Suspense and Frustration	Suspenseful, Dark, Disturbing	9	8	9	5	8	7	7	6	9	8	9	8	7	9	7	8	9	9	8
25 - Escape Attempt	Suspenseful, Dark, Disturbing	9	8	9	4	9	8	8	7	9	6	10	9	7	9	8	9	9	9	8
26 - Desperate Escape	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	9	7	9	9	9	8
27 - A Tense Encounter	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	9	9	6	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	9	7	9	9	9	8
28 - A Horrifying Discovery	Suspenseful, Disturbing, Intense	9	8	9	7	9	8	8	9	9	9	10	9	8	9	8	9	9	9	8
29 - Comfort in the Closet	Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional	9	9	8	7	9	7	8	6	8	3	9	8	5	9	7	9	8	9	9
30 - Keeping Gary Safe	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	4	9	8	8	7	9	7	10	9	6	9	7	7	8	9	8
31 - Salmon Training	Tense, Suspenseful, Dark	9	9	8	6	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	9	7	8	9	9	9
32 - Gary's Fascination with Cameron's Keys	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	3	9	8	8	6	9	7	10	9	6	9	7	7	9	9	8
33 - Tense Confrontation in the Basement	Tense, Suspenseful, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	9	8	9	9	9	8
34 - Suspicion on the Porch	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	5	9	8	8	7	9	7	9	9	6	9	8	7	9	9	8
35 - A Close Call	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	9	8	9	9	9	8
36 - Escape Plan Revealed	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	9	8	9	9	9	8
37 - Gary Protects Kat	Tense, Suspenseful, Dark	9	8	9	8	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	8	10	7	9	9	9	9
38 - Sorrowful Confrontation	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	9	7	9	9	9	8
39 - Desperate Escape	Intense, Suspenseful, Terrifying	9	8	9	7	9	8	8	9	10	8	10	9	7	9	7	9	9	9	8
40 - Escape and Rescue	Intense, Suspenseful, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	9	8	9	10	8	10	9	7	9	7	9	9	9	9
41 - Isolation and Hope	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark, Terrifying	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	10	7	9	9	9	8
42 - A Glimmer of Hope	Suspenseful, Intense, Dark	9	8	9	6	9	8	8	7	9	6	10	9	7	9	8	9	8	9	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Strong emotional impact
Compelling characters
Effective use of a dog as a central character
Intense atmosphere

Scene Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Limited exploration of themes
Relatively low stakes
Possible excessive violence
Lack of clarity in some character motivations

Suggestions

Explore the themes and stakes in more depth
Develop dialogues to enhance character dynamics and depth
Avoid excessive use of violent scenes that may be disturbing for some viewers
Write dialogues that are more impactful and memorable
Ensure that character motivations are well-defined and clear to the audience

World Building

Physical environment: The physical environment in the screenplay includes various settings such as a rural cornfield, an animal shelter, a suburban neighborhood, a worn and neglected house, a well-maintained kitchen and backyard, a typical suburban home, a garden center, a bedroom and hallway, an abandoned farmhouse, a utility closet, a basement, a farm, a garden center checkout, a typical suburban neighborhood, a kitchen in the morning, a typical living room, a Lowe's Home Improvement/Garden Center, a suburban neighborhood at night, a kitchen and utility closet, a suburban neighborhood, a bedroom and a vent, a suburban neighborhood, a utility closet at night, a backyard and a kitchen, a typical suburban home with a unique basement, and a suburban neighborhood with a living room, backyard, and basement.
Culture: The cultural elements in the screenplay include the characters' casual conversation, the presence of people surrendering and adopting animals at the animal shelter, the presence of a dog and the societal structure of neighbors living in close proximity in the suburban neighborhood, the presence of a dog and the societal structure of a close-knit community in the suburban neighborhood, and the idea of taking care of plants and the societal structure implied through the interaction between the characters at the garden center.
Society: The societal structures in the screenplay are not explicitly mentioned or explored in most scenes. However, there are hints of a close-knit community in the suburban neighborhoods and the presence of animal control and paramedics in certain scenes.
Technology: The technological aspects in the screenplay include the use of a radio, A/C vents, an iPhone, a 37” Vizio television, a doggy door, a carabiner of keys, a locked door, a flashlight, an electric collar, and a carabiner of keys with a built-in electric shock device.
Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions in various ways. For example, the tranquility and normalcy of the rural cornfield scene contribute to the sudden tragedy that occurs. The presence of a dog and the societal structure of neighbors living in close proximity influence the interactions and relationships between characters in the suburban neighborhood scenes. The confinement and neglect of the worn and neglected house shape the behavior and emotions of the characters. The familiarity and domesticity of the well-maintained kitchen and backyard scene contrast with the potential danger in the woods, creating tension and mystery. The suspense and tension in the utility closet scene drive the actions of the characters. The close-knit community and the presence of a missing woman influence the atmosphere and actions in the suburban neighborhood scenes. The confinement and desperation of the basement scenes affect the characters' behavior and choices. The nostalgia and emotional connection to the farm shape the protagonist's actions and motivations. The care of plants and the societal structure of the garden center influence the characters' interactions and choices. The mundane and ordinary setting of the garden center checkout scene reflects the characters' everyday lives. The tension and unease in the suburban neighborhood scenes influence the characters' actions and decisions. The confinement and vulnerability of the utility closet scene affect the characters' emotions and interactions. The confined and oppressive space of the basement scenes shape the characters' behavior and choices. The isolation and vulnerability of the cornfield scene influence the characters' actions and emotions. The tension and danger in the barn and cornfield scenes drive the characters' actions and decisions. The urgency and danger in the farm scene affect the characters' behavior and choices. The confinement and longing for connection in the animal shelter scene shape the characters' emotions and interactions.
Narrative contribution: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology contribute to the narrative of the screenplay by establishing the settings, creating atmosphere and tension, driving the characters' actions and decisions, and providing opportunities for conflict and resolution. The various world elements help to establish the tone and mood of each scene, create a sense of place and time, and enhance the overall storytelling.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes such as isolation, confinement, vulnerability, danger, community, domesticity, mystery, and the human-animal connection. The physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technological aspects reflect and reinforce these thematic elements, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by its focus on solitude and isolation, emotional depth, and the power of companionship. The writing style is simple, yet evocative and atmospheric, drawing the reader into the characters' inner worlds.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a sense of intimacy and emotional connection with the characters. The focus on solitude and isolation highlights the characters' longing for companionship and belonging, while the emotional depth provides a nuanced understanding of their struggles and resilience.
Best Representation Scene	1 - Tragic Accident in the Cornfield
Best Scene Explanation	Scene 1 is the best representative of the writer's voice because it effectively combines simple, evocative language with a focus on solitude and isolation to create a powerful and atmospheric opening to the screenplay.

Style and Similarities

The writing style of the entire screenplay is characterized by its ability to create emotional connections, explore themes of love and belonging, and capture authentic emotions and realistic dialogue.

Style Similarities:

Writer	Explanation
John Green	The screenplay shares similarities with John Green's writing style in terms of creating emotional connections and exploring themes of love and belonging.
Greta Gerwig	The screenplay shares similarities with Greta Gerwig's writing style in terms of realistic dialogue and capturing authentic emotions.

Other Similarities: The screenplay also exhibits similarities with other screenwriters/authors in terms of descriptive language, focus on rural settings and characters, use of suspenseful and mysterious elements, and exploration of psychological horror and twisted relationships.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade	There is a strong positive correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade in this screenplay. Scenes with higher Emotional Impact tend to have higher Overall Grades.
Correlation between Conflict and High Stakes	There is a moderate positive correlation between Conflict and High Stakes in this screenplay. Scenes with higher Conflict tend to have higher High Stakes.
Correlation between Dialogue and Character Changes	There is a moderate positive correlation between Dialogue and Character Changes in this screenplay. Scenes with more Dialogue tend to have more Character Changes.
Correlation between Tone and Emotional Impact	There is a weak positive correlation between Tone and Emotional Impact in this screenplay. Scenes with more positive or hopeful Tone tend to have higher Emotional Impact.
Correlation between Tone and Conflict	There is a weak positive correlation between Tone and Conflict in this screenplay. Scenes with more positive or hopeful Tone tend to have higher Conflict.
Correlation between Tone and High Stakes	There is a weak positive correlation between Tone and High Stakes in this screenplay. Scenes with more positive or hopeful Tone tend to have higher High Stakes.
Correlation between Tone and Move Story Forward	There is a weak positive correlation between Tone and Move Story Forward in this screenplay. Scenes with more positive or hopeful Tone tend to move the story forward more.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The overall writing style of this screenplay is effective in creating tension, suspense, and emotional depth. The writer demonstrates a strong command of descriptive language, concise dialogue, and impactful narrative direction. The scenes analyzed showcase the writer's ability to engage the reader and create vivid and immersive atmospheres. However, there are areas for improvement in terms of character development, exploring different genres and tones, and further refining the writer's unique voice and style.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development

While the scenes effectively convey emotions and actions, there is room for further development of the characters. This can be achieved through exercises that focus on exploring the characters' backgrounds, motivations, and relationships.

Exploring Different Genres and Tones

The writer shows proficiency in creating tension and suspense, but exploring different genres and tones can help expand their storytelling abilities and enhance their versatility as a screenwriter.

Refining Unique Voice and Style

The writer demonstrates a strong command of craft, but further refining their unique voice and style can help them stand out and create a distinct identity in their writing.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Book	Save the Cat! Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody	This book provides insights and exercises for improving storytelling, character development, and plot structure, which can enhance the writer's overall craft.
Course	Screenwriting Masterclass by Aaron Sorkin	This course offers valuable lessons and techniques from a renowned screenwriter, providing the writer with additional tools to enhance their screenwriting skills.
Exercise	Write a scene with a different genre or tonePractice In SceneProv	Exploring different genres and tones can help the writer expand their storytelling abilities, experiment with different styles, and further develop their craft.

Additional Notes: Overall, the writer demonstrates strong technical proficiency and an ability to create engaging and impactful scenes. Continuing to explore different techniques, genres, and exercises can further enhance their skills and contribute to their growth as a screenwriter.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Car Accident	A serious accident occurs when a tow truck crashes into the family's car.	The car accident trope is a common plot device used to create tension and propel the story forward. It often serves as a catalyst for character development and plot twists. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Crash' (2004), where multiple characters' lives intersect through a series of car accidents.
Rescue Dog	Gary, the dog, is brought into the animal shelter and no one seems to want him until Cameron comes along.	The rescue dog trope is often used to create empathy for the character and highlight the importance of adoption and giving animals a second chance. It can be seen in movies like 'Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey' (1993), where the main characters are rescue animals on a journey to find their owners.
Reluctant Pet Adoption	Gary is hesitant to get into Cameron's truck and takes a step back when Cameron tries to pick him up.	The reluctant pet adoption trope is often used to show the initial resistance or hesitation of a character to take on the responsibility of caring for a pet. It can be seen in movies like 'Marley & Me' (2008), where the main character is initially reluctant to adopt a mischievous dog but eventually forms a deep bond with him.
Neglected House	Cameron's house is described as having worn hardwood floors, stained ceiling, and a dusty TV.	The neglected house trope is often used to set a gloomy or desolate atmosphere and reflect the emotional state of the characters. It can be seen in movies like 'The Others' (2001), where a neglected house becomes the setting for supernatural events and psychological tension.
Mysterious Discovery	Gary discovers a rose-colored adidas woman's sneaker in the woods.	The mysterious discovery trope is often used to introduce a plot twist or create intrigue. It can be seen in movies like 'Gone Girl' (2014), where the discovery of a mysterious object leads to a series of unexpected events and revelations.
Nightmare Sequence	Cameron has a nightmare and screams, waking up Gary.	The nightmare sequence trope is often used to reveal a character's fears, traumas, or subconscious desires. It can be seen in movies like 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' (1984), where characters experience terrifying nightmares that become a central part of the plot.
Comforting Animal	Gary lies down on Cameron's chest and comforts him after he has a nightmare.	The comforting animal trope is often used to show the emotional support and bond between a human and an animal. It can be seen in movies like 'The Secret Life of Pets' (2016), where a dog provides comfort and companionship to a character going through a difficult time.
Break-In	Someone breaks into Cameron's house while they are out.	The break-in trope is often used to create suspense and introduce a threat or antagonist. It can be seen in movies like 'Panic Room' (2002), where a mother and daughter are trapped in their own home by intruders.
Locked Door	Gary tries to open the locked door to reach Cameron in the basement.	The locked door trope is often used to create tension and prevent a character from reaching their goal or escaping a dangerous situation. It can be seen in movies like 'The Shining' (1980), where a character is trapped in a room with a locked door and no means of escape.
Animal Intuition	Gary senses something is wrong and tries to alert Cameron by barking and pawing at the locked door.	The animal intuition trope is often used to show that animals have a heightened sense of danger or can sense supernatural phenomena. It can be seen in movies like 'Cujo' (1983), where a dog senses a threat and tries to protect its owner.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
29	Cameron: I’m never gonna let them put us back in a cage. Ever.
15	Cameron: All I wanted was to be a good boy.
11	Cameron: Who am I?
39	Gary: Because, unlike Cameron, he’s a fucking good boy.
40	Cameron: I’m a good boy. A good boy.

Some Loglines to consider:

A dog caught in the clutches of a serial killer must find a way to protect the latest victim and escape his own captivity.
Told from a dog's perspective, this suspenseful thriller follows a loyal companion as he uncovers the dark secrets of his seemingly ordinary owner.
When a dog witnesses his owner's disturbing behavior, he must overcome his own limitations to save the life of a kidnapped woman and expose the truth.
A rescue dog with a traumatic past finds himself in the care of a seemingly kind man, only to discover a horrifying secret hidden in the basement.
Trapped in a deadly game of fetch, a dog must use his instincts and intelligence to outsmart a serial killer and become the hero he was always meant to be.

Help & FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

Start with the executive summary to get a bird's eye view.
After that, the high-level menu will offer insights into the story, themes, and characters.
The scene-by-scene analysis will demonstrate how each scene performs across various criteria, summarized in the column headings.
Click on any scene title to view the full analysis, including critiques and suggestions for improvement.
'Other Analyses' provides various insights into your writing and different perspectives, although it might not lead to significant rewrites of your script.

Click on the Print Analysis link in the left menu. You can then print to PDF or save it as PDF.

Click the Scene Analysis link on the left menu. Next to each scene title you can click "improve". In the improve page you can select any scene from your script to work on.

Yes. You own the rights to your script. We do not claim any ownership of your script. We're simply using it to generate the analysis.

No. We do not use your script to train our AI. The AI uses your script to generate the analysis and nothing else.

SceneProv is a game that helps you improve your craft.
You can play it for free. If you have scripts analyzed, the AI might recommend exercises from SceneProv to help you improve your writing. Go to the craft tab to see what it recommended.
Let the AI take a turn when you're blocked or you want to riff on a scene. Each scene you create in SceneProv gets graded at the end.

The maximum length of a screenplay is 160 pages.

Unfortunately it's a known issue for the time being. Fixing this is on the roadmap.

If you're having trouble uploading your script, please email us at 'help@scriptreader.ai'

The goal of ScriptReader.ai is not 100% comprehension, but rather to assist you in improving your script and craft. The valuable insights should still be many. ScriptReader.ai is a tool with a bit of getting used to. We're trying to make the learning curve as easy as possible. If you have any suggestions, please email us at suggestions@scriptreader.ai

Two common issues are:
- The email might have gone to your spam folder or is hidden in an email thread.
- The process might still be ongoing. Register/Login with the email you used during upload and look at the status. It sometimes takes as long as a couple hours. If it's been longer than that email us at help@scriptreader.ai

EXT. CORNFIELD - NIGHT

We’re floating over a field of Indiana corn. Swaying in the
breeze. But we don’t hear the rustling.

Don’t hear any other sounds.

Just panting.

Filling our ears. Rhythmic.

We float over more corn until we come to a TOYOTA RAV4
following a CROP TRACTOR along a two-lane highway.

We float through the windshield...

INT. TOYOTA RAV4 - NIGHT

...past JEANNIE (39) and VICTOR (38) in the front and ASHER
(12, Captain America shirt) in the backseat. We land on...

A DOG in the cargo area. Terrier mix. Black and tan wiry
coat. Chin resting on the seat back. Saliva drips from his
tongue.

Panting.

This is GARY (9, weathered nylon collar). 45lbs. The hero of
our movie.

His golden eyes are trained on a TENNIS BALL in Asher’s hand.

Jeannie and Victor are bickering, but we don’t hear it. Don’t
care about any of it.

We’re just focused on that ball.

Panting.

Asher tosses the ball into the back. Gary leaps for it.
Catches it in his mouth.

His panting replaced by the sounds inside the car... Country
radio. The whistle of the A/C vents. Our ears attuned to it
all.

JEANNIE
I’m telling you, I can make it.
2.

Jeannie cranes her neck, trying to see oncoming traffic
around the spiked wheels of the tractor’s cultivator.

VICTOR
Just wait.

JEANNIE
He’s going 28.

VICTOR
He’ll turn off before Shelbyville.

Gary drops the ball back in Asher’s hand. Asher gives him a
pat. Gary loves this game, almost as much as he loves Asher.

More panting.

Asher tosses the ball back to him. He leaps. Misses. Tumbles
into bags of groceri es.

Doesn’t care. Rummages for the ball.

VICTOR
Asher, careful with the dog.

ASHER
He likes it.

Gary brings the ball back to him. He certainly does.

More panting.

Jeannie steers towards the center lane.

VICTOR
Honey --

JEANNIE
I got it.

Jeannie commits. Pulls out. Right into an oncoming MINIVAN.
HONKKKKKKK.

VICTOR
JEANNIE!

Jeannie jerks the RAV4 back into the right lane. The minivan
whips past.

That was close.

JEA NNIE
Everyone okay?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
3.

They all nod.

Gary’s eyes are still fixed on the ball in Asher’s hand.

Panting.

Louder now. Really getting worked up.

Jeannie follows the tractor through a curve. The tractor
comes to a stop.

JEANNIE
Great. Now we’re going zero.

VICTOR
We’ll get home when we get home.

Jeannie nods. He’s right.

The DRIVER gets out of the tractor and heads to a gate. He
starts unlatching it.

Gary stares at the ball.

Panting.

PA NTING.

Suddenly...

He goes silent.

Ears rise. Hearing something. Something the others can’t. He
turns. Looks out the rear window...

Something on the other side of the curve. Impossible to see
around the corn. And then...

HEADLIGHTS burst into frame.

A TOW TRUCK going 60mph.

No time for the others to turn around.

THE TRUCK HITS US.

Black.

A long beat.

HISSING.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
4.

A SMOKING RADIATOR

Shredded apart by the cultivator’s wheels.

We pan across a graveyard of parts... A drive axle. A hood. A
splintered window.

A paw.

Stepping across broken glass.

Gary limps past the wreckage of the RAV4. Hurt, but somehow
alive.

He sniffs the air, searching for something. Suddenly turns.
Picking up a scent. There. Up ahead in the ditch...

That blue Captain America shirt peaking through the tall
grass.

Gary hobbles over to Asher. He’s lying face down. Gary nudges
him over with his nose. Asher’s face is scratched and dirty.

Gary li cks him.

He doesn’t move.

Gary barks.

No response.

He stares down at Asher.

A long beat.

Gary spots that tennis ball still clutched in his hand. He
grabs it in his mouth. Lies down next to him. Rests his chin
on the lifeless boy.

Pants.

Red and white light strobes across Gary’s face. An ambulance
approaching. But we don’t hear the siren. Just panting.

Cut to black.

Silence.

A beat.

Then...

Toenails clawing at linoleum.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
5.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Heartbreaking, Suspenseful

Summary In this scene, a family drives through a cornfield at night in a Toyota RAV4. Their dog, Gary, is fixated on a tennis ball while the family members bicker. Jeannie almost causes an accident but avoids it. However, a tow truck crashes into their car, resulting in a serious accident. Gary, injured but alive, finds Asher, the young boy in the family, lying motionless. Gary rests his chin on Asher's body, ending the scene on a somber note.

Strengths

Effective use of silence to build tension
Emotional impact
Engaging writing

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene opens with a focus on Gary's panting, which creates a sense of suspense and anticipation. However, the reader is not given any context or background information about the situation, which makes it difficult to understand what is happening or why the dog is panting so heavily.
The descriptions of the family members bickering and Asher playing with the tennis ball are not particularly engaging or relevant to the main storyline. These details could be omitted or condensed to create a more streamlined and focused scene.
The scene lacks a clear inciting incident or event that sets the plot in motion. The crash is mentioned briefly at the end, but it is not described in detail or given enough weight to create a sense of urgency or impact.
The dialogue between Jeannie and Victor is stilted and unnatural. It does not provide any insight into their characters or relationships.
The scene transitions abruptly from the family's conversation to Gary's discovery of Asher, which can be jarring for the reader.
The ending of the scene is anticlimactic and does not leave the reader with a clear sense of what will happen next.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with a stronger hook that establishes the setting, characters, and conflict more clearly.
Provide more background information about the family and their relationship with Gary.
Add more tension and suspense to the scene by building up to the crash more gradually.
Use more vivid and sensory language to describe the crash and its aftermath.
Rewrite the dialogue between Jeannie and Victor to make it more natural and engaging.
Add a stronger inciting incident or event that sets the plot in motion.
Create a more satisfying ending to the scene that leaves the reader with a clear sense of what will happen next.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes tension and creates an emotional connection with the audience through the use of silence, panting, and the sudden accident. The writing is engaging and the scene leaves a lasting impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog as the hero and the use of silence to build suspense are innovative and intriguing. However, the concept could be further developed to explore the emotional journey of the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-structured and gripping. The scene introduces the main characters, establishes their relationships, and sets up the tragic accident that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar, the writer's use of descriptive language and attention to sensory details adds a fresh and engaging element to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively and their relationships are established through their interactions. The audience feels a connection to Gary, the dog, and his bond with Asher.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not much character development in this scene, the accident marks a significant change in the characters' lives and sets them on a new path.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Gary's internal goal is to play fetch with the tennis ball and enjoy the company of Asher. This reflects his desire for companionship and joy.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to retrieve the tennis ball that Asher throws for him. This reflects the immediate circumstance of playing fetch and having fun.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Jeannie and Victor argue about whether to pass the tractor. The impending danger of the accident adds to the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The characters face the obstacle of the slow-moving tractor and the potential danger of oncoming traffic. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters' lives are put in danger by the accident. The audience is invested in the outcome and the survival of Gary and Asher.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the characters, establishing their relationships, and setting up the central conflict of the accident.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it starts off with a calm and ordinary situation, but then takes a sudden and unexpected turn with the car accident. The reader is left unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, anxiety, and heartbreak. The audience feels deeply for the characters, especially Gary and Asher.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal in this scene, but it effectively conveys the tension between Jeannie and Victor. The focus is more on the actions and emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it starts with a peaceful and serene atmosphere, which is then abruptly disrupted by the car accident. The reader is immediately drawn into the scene and invested in the characters' well-being.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by starting off slow and peaceful, then gradually building tension and suspense leading up to the car accident. The rhythm of the scene matches the emotional beats of the story.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then transitions to the interior of the car, where the main action takes place. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.

INT. GREENWOOD ANIMAL SHELTER - DAY

Gary is led down a hallway on a leash by a pair of KHAKI
PANTS. Gary limps on his front leg, which is now in a blue
CAST.

KHAKIS
C’mon, buddy. This way.

Khakis pulls him through a door into the

KENNEL AREA

BARKING! Everywhere. Pouring out of the cages around us. Gary
looks terrified.

KHAKIS
I know, I know. It’s okay. C’mon.

Khakis leads Gary into a bottom kennel. Shuts a nd latches the
gate behind him.

KHAKIS
Thatta pup.

Gary backs into a corner. Shaking. He watches as another pair
of legs appears next to khakis. These in jeans.

JEANS
Surrender?

KHAKIS
Crash. Near Deer Valley. Poor guy
lost his whole family.

JEANS
Name?

KHAKIS
They didn’t give me one.

JEANS
Age?

KHAKIS
Vet said eight, maybe nine. He’s
got a fracture in his front leg.
(beat)
What are his chances?

JEANS
We’ll do what we can.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
6.

Jeans hangs a clipboard on the cage and heads off with
khakis.

Gary listens to the cacophony of barks.

Trembles.

THE NEXT DAY

Gary hasn’t moved. A bowl of kibble sits in front of him.
He’s not hungry.

He watches pairs of legs pass his cage.

No one stops.

ANOTHER DAY

Gary paws at his cast, trying to pull it off.

A family leads a German shepherd past on a leash.

ANOTHER DAY

A pair of HANDS points an iPhone int o the cage at us.

HANDS
Smile.

Gary looks at the phone, scared.

HANDS
Just one good picture? Please?

ANOTHER DAY

Gary rests his chin on his paws, watching more legs pass by.

And then --

ASHER walks up to his cage in that Captain America shirt.

Asher?!

Excitement pours out of Gary. He leaps up, losing control of
his tail.

Asher wraps his fingers around the gate. Smiles in at Gary.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
7.

ASHER
What’s wrong with him?

Gary blinks.

It’s not Asher. It’s a PONYTAILED GIRL (11) in a blue shirt.
She stares at his leg.

PONYTAILED GIRL
Mom...what’s wrong with him?

A pair of yoga leggings appears next to her.

YOGA LEGGINGS
C’mon.

Yoga leggings ushers the girl off.

Gary watches them leave.

ANOTHER DAY

Gary stares at his food, still not interested.

A pitbull is led off on a leash.

ANOTHER DAY

Gary paws at his cast. God it’s itchy.

Jeans leads a pair of brown Carhartt work boots past his
cage.

JEANS
Just got him in. Husky, rotty mix.
Stunning blue eyes. Lucky you came
when you did, folks have been
calling about him all morning.

Jeans and boots disappear.

A beat.

The boots return, stopping in front of Gary’s crate. Then...

A FACE lowers down into view. Round and warm with a mustache.
This is CAMERON (44). Overweight. Buzz cut. Wire glasses that
magnify his lonely eyes.

He studies Gar y. Jeans appears next to him.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
8.

CAMERON
What happened to his leg?

JEANS
Car accident. He’s been through a
lot.

This seems to resonate with Cameron. He stares at Gary. Gary
stares back.

JEANS
You wanna see that husky?

Genres: Drama
Tone: Terrified, Lonely, Hopeful

Summary Gary, a scared and lonely dog with a cast on his leg, is brought into the Greenwood Animal Shelter. Despite being alone and unwanted, Cameron, an overweight and lonely man, shows interest in Gary. As Cameron asks about Gary's leg, Jeans reveals that he was in a car accident. This scene portrays a sad and lonely tone, but there is a glimmer of hope as Cameron connects with Gary through tail wagging and hand licking.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of emotions
Engaging pacing and tone
Empathy-inducing characters

Weaknesses

Lack of deep exploration of themes
Relatively low stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It mostly consists of Gary being in the animal shelter, being ignored by potential adopters, and then being noticed by Cameron. While this sets up the relationship between Gary and Cameron, it doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters in any significant way.
The dialogue is minimal and doesn't provide much insight into the characters or their motivations. The characters simply state facts about Gary's condition and his history, which could be conveyed more effectively through action or description.
The pacing of the scene is slow and repetitive. Gary is shown in the same kennel, watching people pass by, over and over again. This repetition becomes tedious and doesn't add much to the story.
The scene lacks tension or conflict. There is no obstacle or challenge that Gary or Cameron faces, which makes it difficult to engage with the scene on an emotional level.
The writing style is somewhat dry and clinical. The descriptions of the shelter and the people who pass by are factual and lack any emotional resonance.

General Suggestions

Consider adding a specific goal or objective for Gary or Cameron in the scene. This could give the scene a sense of purpose and direction.
Expand the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' thoughts and feelings. This could help the audience connect with the characters and understand their motivations.
Vary the pacing of the scene by alternating between moments of action and moments of reflection. This could create a more engaging and dynamic scene.
Introduce an obstacle or conflict that Gary or Cameron must face. This could create tension and suspense and make the scene more emotionally engaging.
Use more vivid and evocative language to describe the setting and the characters. This could help create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays Gary's emotions and creates a sense of empathy for his situation. The pacing and tone are well-executed, keeping the audience engaged.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the emotions and experiences of a dog in an animal shelter is interesting and provides a fresh perspective. However, it is not entirely unique as similar concepts have been explored in other films and stories.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses on Gary's journey in the animal shelter and his longing for companionship. It effectively establishes the setting and introduces potential conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of an animal shelter is familiar, the specific interactions and emotions depicted are authentic and fresh. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and realistic.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene, particularly Gary and Cameron, are well-developed and evoke empathy from the audience. Their interactions and emotions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Gary's interactions with different people and his longing for companionship hint at potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a home and be adopted. This reflects their deeper need for love, companionship, and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to catch the attention of potential adopters and find a loving family. This reflects the immediate circumstances of being in a shelter and the challenge of standing out among other animals.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Gary struggles with his emotions and longing for companionship. There is also a hint of external conflict with the mention of the car accident that caused Gary's injuries.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of standing out among other animals and finding a loving family. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing on Gary's emotional well-being and his desire for companionship. However, the potential for higher stakes is established with the mention of the car accident and the loss of Gary's family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Gary's journey in the animal shelter and setting up potential conflicts and character arcs. It establishes the central conflict of Gary's loneliness and longing for companionship.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces various potential adopters and creates uncertainty about whether the protagonist will find a home.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the value of giving animals a second chance and the reality of limited resources and space in the shelter. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the inherent worth and deservingness of all animals.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene successfully evokes emotions of sadness, curiosity, and concern for Gary's well-being. The audience is likely to feel a connection with the character and empathize with his situation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in this scene effectively conveys the emotions and thoughts of the characters. It is simple and realistic, reflecting the situation and the characters' state of mind.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of empathy and emotional connection with the protagonist, presents a clear conflict and goal, and leaves the reader/viewer curious about the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of anticipation and emotional investment in the protagonist's journey.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the protagonist, and presents the conflict and potential resolution.

EXT. GREENWOOD ANIMAL SHELTER - DAY

Sunlight blasts us in the eyes.

Gary limps out of the shelter. Squints. Seeing sun for the
first time in days.

Cameron leads him on a leash over to a red 2003 Chevy S-10
pickup. An Indianap olis Colts horseshoe on the rear window.
He opens the passenger door.

Gary steps back.

CAMERON
Come on, boy.

Cameron pats the passenger seat. Gary doesn’t move.

CAMERON
It’s okay. C’mon.

Cameron goes to pick up Gary. Gary takes another step back,
his eyes fixed on the truck.

CAMERON
The truck? Is that it? We don’t
like the truck?

Gary definitely doesn’t.

CAMERON
It’s like four miles to the house.

Gary stares u p at him.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Hopeful, Heartwarming, Melancholic

Summary Gary, a hesitant dog, and Cameron, a man, leave the animal shelter. Gary is unsure about getting into Cameron's truck and takes a step back when Cameron tries to pick him up. The scene takes place outside the Greenwood Animal Shelter on a sunny day. The tone is tense and uncertain as Gary hesitates. Cameron tries to coax Gary into the truck, asking if they don't like the truck. The conflict of Gary's hesitation is not resolved in this scene. The scene ends with Gary staring up at Cameron.

Strengths

Emotional impact
Character development
Establishing empathy for Gary

Weaknesses

Limited conflict
Dialogue could be more nuanced

General Critique

The scene is slow and doesn't advance the plot. It is also not clear what the purpose of the scene is. Is it to show that Gary is scared of the truck? Is it to show that Cameron is a kind-hearted person? These things could be conveyed more efficiently in a shorter scene.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk.
The scene lacks visual interest. The setting is described in a very basic way, and there is no action to keep the reader engaged.

General Suggestions

Cut the scene entirely. The information it conveys could be conveyed more efficiently in a shorter scene.
If you want to keep the scene, rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and add some visual interest to the setting.
Consider adding some action to the scene, such as Gary running away from the truck or Cameron chasing him.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the emotional connection between the audience and Gary, the dog. It creates a sense of empathy and anticipation for Gary's future. The dialogue and actions of the characters are engaging and contribute to the overall tone and theme of the scene.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a dog searching for a new home is relatable and has the potential for emotional impact. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets up the narrative arc for Gary's journey.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Gary's interaction with Cameron and his hesitation to enter the truck. It creates tension and curiosity about Gary's past and future. The plot serves as a catalyst for Gary's character development and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of a character being hesitant to get in a vehicle is a familiar one, and the actions and dialogue of the characters are not particularly unique or fresh. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Gary and Cameron, are well-developed and evoke empathy from the audience. Gary's loyalty and resilience are showcased, while Cameron's patience and understanding create a connection with the audience. The characters' actions and dialogue contribute to the overall tone and theme of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets up the potential for Gary's character development and growth throughout the story. Gary's journey to find a new home and his interactions with different characters may lead to transformative experiences.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear or discomfort towards the truck and get in it. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security, as well as his desire to trust and rely on his companion, Cameron.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get in the truck and go to the house. This reflects the immediate circumstance of needing transportation and shelter.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, primarily revolving around Gary's hesitation to enter the truck. However, the potential conflicts and challenges that Gary may face in finding a new home create anticipation and interest for the audience.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist's fear or discomfort towards the truck creates a small obstacle or opposition that adds tension and uncertainty to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively moderate. While Gary's future and well-being are at stake, there is no immediate danger or life-threatening situation. However, the emotional investment and attachment the audience has towards Gary create a sense of importance and urgency.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Cameron as a potential adopter for Gary. It establishes a new chapter in Gary's journey and sets up future conflicts and resolutions. The scene also provides essential information about Gary's past and his current situation.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience doesn't know if the protagonist will overcome his fear and get in the truck. However, the overall outcome is still somewhat expected.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through the portrayal of Gary's vulnerability and the bond between Gary and Asher. The audience is likely to feel a mix of hope, sadness, and anticipation for Gary's future.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It provides insight into Gary's past experiences and his hesitation to trust. The dialogue also establishes Cameron as a compassionate and patient individual. However, there could be more depth and complexity in the dialogue to enhance the scene further.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable situation and creates tension through the protagonist's hesitation and the uncertainty of whether he will get in the truck. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the protagonist's hesitation and the repetition of actions and dialogue. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by character actions and dialogue in a logical sequence.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

Cameron carries Gary along the side of the highway.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
9.

FURTHER DOWN THE HIGHWAY

Gary stands in the ditch, watching Cameron catch his breath.

CAMERON
Okay, up we go.

Cameron picks Gary back up. He walks on.

CAMERON
I coulda had a husky with really
cool eyes, ya know? Probably
would’ve loved ridin’ in trucks.

EXT. CAMERON’S HOME - DAY

Cameron carries Gary up to a single-story with vinyl siding
and dented garage door. The only thing that’s been cared for
is the lawn, which is impeccable.

He sets Gary on the porch. Unclips a CARABINER OF KEYS from
his jeans. Flips through them to find his door key.

Gary watches wind chimes clink and clang. Then, something
else catches his attention. Past the chimes, in the window of
the house next door --

A PAIR OF EYES.

Staring directly at Gary through the blinds. Bloodshot.
Unblinking.

Gary doesn’t like them. He whimpers. Backs up.

Cameron opens the door.

CAMERON
C’mon, boy.

Gary looks back at the window. The eyes are gone.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Hopeful

Summary Cameron carries Gary along the highway and up to his home. Along the way, Cameron talks about wanting a husky. Gary gets scared by bloodshot eyes in the window of the house next door. Cameron sets Gary on the porch and opens the door. The scene ends with Gary looking back at the window, finding the eyes gone, and Cameron opening the door.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Engaging concept

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Low conflict

General Critique

The dialogue is a bit clunky and unnatural. For example, Cameron's line, "I coulda had a husky with really cool eyes, ya know?" is not very believable.
The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
The character of Cameron is not very well developed. We don't really learn much about him or his motivations.
The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose. It's not clear what the writer is trying to achieve with this scene.
The pacing is a bit slow. The scene could be more engaging if it moved along more quickly.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
Develop the character of Cameron by giving him more backstory and motivations.
Give the scene a clear purpose. What is the writer trying to achieve with this scene?
Speed up the pacing by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the emotional struggle of Gary and creates a sense of anticipation for his character development.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a dog's hesitation to trust and adapt to a new owner is relatable and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Gary's hesitation to get into the truck, which creates tension and anticipation for his character arc.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the suburban setting and the protagonist's goal of finding shelter are familiar elements, the presence of the mysterious eyes in the neighboring house adds a unique and intriguing aspect to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene effectively portrays Gary's character and his emotional journey, as well as introduces Cameron as a potential caregiver.

Character Changes: 7

Gary's hesitation and eventual decision to trust Cameron showcases a significant character change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Cameron wants to take care of Gary and ensure his safety. This reflects Cameron's deeper need for companionship and his desire to protect and provide for others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to bring Gary to his home and find shelter. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing, such as being on the highway and needing a safe place to stay.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is relatively low, as it mainly focuses on Gary's internal struggle.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is no direct conflict or obstacle, the presence of the mysterious eyes creates a sense of opposition and potential danger for the protagonist and Gary.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, as it mainly focuses on Gary's emotional journey.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Cameron as a potential caregiver for Gary.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the presence of the eyes in the neighboring house adds an element of mystery and suspense. The reader is unsure of what will happen next and how it will impact the protagonist and Gary.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and emotional connection with Gary's hesitation and vulnerability.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal in this scene, but it effectively conveys Cameron's attempts to coax Gary into the truck.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and suspense with the presence of the eyes in the neighboring house. The reader is curious to know more about this mysterious character and their connection to the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The actions and dialogue are paced in a way that keeps the reader engaged and wanting to know more.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot of the highway, then transitions to Cameron's home. The actions and dialogue are presented in a clear and logical sequence.

INT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Gary tentatively enters. Peers into the living room. Worn
hardwood floors. Popcorn ceiling stained from a leaking roof.
Dusty 37” Vizio. A red Lowe’s Home Improvem ent vest and
toolbelt hanging up in the hall.

He looks at it all, overwhelmed. Spots a

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
10.

UTILITY CLOSET

Washer and dryer off to one side. Enough room for Gary on the
other.

Gary limps in and lies down next to the washer. Stares up at
Cameron. Starts shaking. Cameron watches the frightened pup.

CAMERON
We need dinner.

MOMENTS LATER

Gary hasn’t moved. He lies in the utility closet, pawing at
his cast.

Cameron sets a dog bowl down in front of him. The bowl reads
BOOMER. It’s full of shredded CH ICKEN.
CAMERON
Sorry ‘bout the bowl.

Gary ignores the food.

Cameron sits down next to him. Grabs some chicken. Holds it
out. As he does, we notice his pinky finger is missing.

Gary sniffs the chicken. It’s still a no.

CAMERON
I know. It’s been a lot, huh? Just
take as long as ya need.

Cameron leans against the wall, rests his hand on the floor
in front of Gary. Waits.

Gary stares up at him.

HOURS LATER

Camer on snores against the wall, that chicken still in his
hand.

Gary watches him in the darkness. His eyes shift from Cameron
to the chicken.

Cameron.

Chicken.

Cameron.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
11.

Chicken.

Gary licks his lips. Man that chicken smells good.

He inches towards it, keeping an eye on Cameron. Starts
eating the chicken. Cameron stirs. Smiles at Gary.

CAMERON
That’s a good boy.

Gary licks Cameron’s hand clean.

CAMERON
Rotisseries are two for one at
Kroger, so you eat as much as you
want, kay?

Cameron grabs more chicken. Hand-feeds Gary.

MORNING

Gary’s eyes flicker open in the morning sun. H e’s staring at
his bowl. It’s been refilled with kibble. A water bowl next
to it.

Blankets have been tucked in around him to form a makeshift
dog bed in the utility closet.

A CLUNK comes from across the hallway.

It’s Cameron tightening a LEAKING PIPE under the bathroom
sink. He turns on the sink. Checks the leak. Good enough.

He closes the cabinets. Shakes his head. Damn old house.

Sees Gary watching him.

CAMERON
Mornin’, boy.

Cameron flips off the light and approaches.

CAMERON
I gotta run an errand. You gonna be
okay here for a bit?

Cameron crouches down in front of Gary. Scratches behind his
ears. Gary’s eyes grow heavy. That feels good.

CAMERON
Keep an eye on the place, a’right?
You’re in charge.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
12.

Cameron kisses Gary on the top of the head. Leaves. Gary
listens to him lock the front door.

A silent beat.

Gary looks around the house.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Overwhelmed, Frightened, Comforting, Hopeful

Summary Gary enters Cameron's worn and neglected house, where he is offered shredded chicken but initially refuses to eat. Cameron patiently waits until Gary finally starts eating. In the morning, Gary wakes up to find his bowl refilled with kibble and blankets tucked around him. Cameron fixes a leaking pipe in the bathroom and leaves Gary alone in the house.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of emotions
Establishing a potential heartwarming relationship
Evoking empathy towards the characters

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene is well-written and effectively conveys the sense of loneliness and isolation that both Gary and Cameron feel.
The dialogue is natural and believable, and the characters are well-developed. However, the scene could be more visually interesting.
The description of the house is a bit too vague, and it would be helpful to have a more specific sense of the setting.
The scene could also benefit from some more action. The characters are mostly just sitting around and talking, and there is not much to visually engage the reader.
Additionally, the scene could be more suspenseful. There is a sense of danger lurking in the background, but it is not fully explored.

General Suggestions

Add more descriptive details to the setting, such as the color of the walls, the type of furniture, and the layout of the house.
Include more action in the scene, such as Gary exploring the house or Cameron interacting with him.
Increase the sense of suspense by having Gary or Cameron discover something unsettling or by having them hear a strange noise.
Consider adding a conflict between Gary and Cameron, such as Gary being afraid of something in the house or Cameron being frustrated with Gary's behavior.
End the scene on a cliffhanger, such as Gary discovering a hidden room or Cameron receiving a mysterious phone call.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the emotional journey of Gary as he transitions from fear and hesitation to comfort and trust. It also introduces the character of Cameron and sets up the potential for a heartwarming relationship between him and Gary.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog finding a new home and forming a bond with its owner is a familiar but emotionally resonant theme. The scene effectively explores the initial challenges and fears faced by Gary in his new environment.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on Gary's introduction to his new home and owner. While it doesn't introduce any major conflicts or twists, it sets up the potential for future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist overcoming fear and learning to trust is familiar, the specific details and interactions between the characters add authenticity and freshness to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene introduces two main characters, Gary and Cameron. Gary is portrayed as a fearful and hesitant dog, while Cameron is shown as a patient and caring individual. Their interactions and the potential for their relationship to develop make them compelling characters.

Character Changes: 7

The scene showcases a subtle change in Gary's character as he gradually overcomes his fear and begins to trust Cameron. This sets up the potential for further character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear and trust Cameron, the person who has taken him in. This reflects the protagonist's deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to eat the chicken that Cameron has offered him. This reflects the immediate circumstance of hunger and the challenge of trusting someone new.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The level of conflict in the scene is relatively low. The main conflict is Gary's initial fear and hesitation, which is gradually resolved through Cameron's patience and care.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not strong, as the main obstacle is the protagonist's fear and mistrust, which is gradually overcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low. The main focus is on Gary's emotional journey and the potential for a heartwarming relationship with Cameron.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Gary's new home and introducing the character of Cameron. It sets up the potential for future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it is unclear whether the protagonist will choose to eat the chicken or not, and whether he will ultimately trust Cameron.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response by portraying Gary's fear and vulnerability, as well as Cameron's kindness and understanding. The audience is likely to feel empathy towards Gary and hope for his future happiness.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters. It focuses more on actions and gestures rather than extensive verbal exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of anticipation and emotional connection between the characters, as well as a desire to see the protagonist overcome his fear and trust Cameron.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of tension and anticipation to build, as well as moments of quiet reflection.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, spacing, and capitalization.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue.

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Gary enters, tentative.

Sniffs.

His nose leads him to the breakfast nook.

He hops up onto the bench. Sniffs a plate of toast crust.
Eats the crust. Continues on...

Sniffs his way to a framed photo of a BORDER COLLIE on a
shelf. A faded leat her dog collar with “BOOMER” on the tag is
wrapped around the photo.

Gary intently sniffs the WHITE HAIRS on the collar. Learning
all about Boomer.

Gary looks down into the corner and spots a basket of dog
toys. A kong, a rope tug, tennis balls.

Next to it, there’s a DOGGY DOOR.

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

Gary pushes through the doggy door. Steps out onto the porch.
Looks around the yard. Manicured grass. Met iculous
landscaping.

Limps over to a bush. Pees on it.

As he does, he sniffs the air.

Smelling something in the wind.

Something interesting.

Gary continues along the fence line, following the scent to a
WOODEN GATE at the back of the property. Paws have dug up the
soil underneath it. No doubt the work of Gary’s predecessor.

Gary sticks his nose under the gate. Sniffs. The scent is out
there.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
13.

He pushes his way under. Gets stuck on his shoulder blades.
Tries to free himself. Pulls the gate up in the process.

CLANG.

The latch unhooks. Gate creaks open.

Gary noses out to the

WOODS

Gary puts his nose down. Crunches his way through the leaves
behind Cameron’s house.

He follows the scent to a hickory tree. Sniffs it. Full of
smells. Not the one he’s tracking. Moves on.

Deeper into the woods...

Ther e. Under the leaves. He’s right on top of it now.

Gary digs.

The scent grows stronger. Feeds his excitement. Pulls up...

A TURD.

From a raccoon. Maybe a possum. He smells it. Nudges it
around with his paw. Then, yep, he eats it.

Dogs be dogs.

As Gary does his thing with the turd, we PULL BACK to see
that his digging has uncovered something else...

A single, rose-colored adidas woman’s sneaker.

That’s odd.

Gary spots it, too. He approaches, cautious. Sniffs. Paws at
it. It doesn’t seem like a threat. Actually seems kind of
interesting.

He grabs it in his mouth as a SHADOW falls over Gary. Gary
turns to see --

A towering bearded man in a trucker hat silhouetted against
the sun. This is RANDY (53). He stares down at Gary with
bloodshot eyes.

It’s the neighbor we saw earlier. Gary’s directly b ehind his
fence line.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
14.

RANDY
Drop it.

Randy takes a step forward. Gary backs up.

Another step.

Gary TAKES OFF with the shoe in his mouth.

Randy gives chase.

Gary sprints back through the gate. Doesn’t break stride.
Hits the doggy door at full speed.

Genres: Drama, Adventure
Tone: Tentative, Curious, Caution, Excitement

Summary Gary, a curious dog, explores the kitchen and backyard before discovering a sneaker in the woods. Randy, the neighbor, confronts Gary and tells him to drop the sneaker. Gary takes off with the shoe in his mouth, with Randy giving chase. Eventually, Gary manages to escape and returns to the house through the doggy door.

Strengths

Engaging exploration of Gary's character
Intriguing setup for potential conflicts and mysteries

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene starts off with Gary entering the kitchen, but there is no clear motivation or objective for him being there. It seems random and without purpose.
The actions of Gary sniffing the toast crust and the framed photo of the border collie don't add much to the understanding of his character or the overall story. These actions feel disconnected from the larger narrative.
The discovery of the basket of dog toys and the doggy door also feel random and don't contribute to the advancement of the scene or the story.
The interaction with the wooden gate and getting stuck on his shoulder blades also feels unnecessary and doesn't drive the scene forward.
The moment where Gary finds a turd and eats it seems out of place and doesn't serve a clear purpose. It feels like a distraction from the main story.
The introduction of the rose-colored adidas woman's sneaker adds an element of mystery and intrigue, but it is not fully explored in this scene and doesn't contribute to the overall narrative.
The appearance of Randy, the neighbor, feels abrupt and the interaction between him and Gary is not fully developed. It is unclear why Gary is frightened by Randy and why Randy wants him to drop the shoe.
The scene ends with Gary running back inside through the doggy door, but it lacks a clear resolution or conclusion to the events that unfolded.
Overall, this scene lacks a clear objective and purpose. It introduces various elements and actions that don't contribute to the advancement of the story, making it feel disjointed and unfocused.

General Suggestions

Clarify the objective of Gary entering the kitchen and give him a clear motivation for being there.
Make sure that the actions of Gary, such as sniffing the toast crust and the framed photo, have a clear purpose and contribute to the understanding of his character or the advancement of the story.
Consider removing or reworking the discovery of the dog toys, the doggy door, and the interaction with the wooden gate to make sure they serve a purpose in the scene and the overall narrative.
Find a way to integrate the turd and the rose-colored adidas woman's sneaker into the scene in a way that adds meaning and contributes to the larger story.
Develop the interaction between Gary and Randy to create tension and conflict that drives the scene forward.
Provide a clear resolution or conclusion to the events of the scene to give it a sense of closure and purpose.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written and engaging, with a good balance of tension and curiosity. It effectively introduces Gary's character and sets up potential conflicts and mysteries.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog exploring his new home and discovering a mysterious scent adds intrigue and sets up potential storylines.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses on Gary's exploration and discovery, which adds depth to his character and sets up potential conflicts and mysteries.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a dog exploring its surroundings is familiar, the specific details and objects encountered, such as the framed photo, dog toys, and the mysterious shoe, add a fresh and intriguing element. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue is believable and true to a dog's behavior.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene, particularly Gary and Randy, are well-defined and engaging. Gary's curiosity and Randy's mysterious presence create intrigue.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on Gary's exploration and discovery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to explore and satisfy his curiosity about the scents and objects he encounters. This reflects his deeper need for stimulation, adventure, and a sense of purpose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid getting caught by Randy and to protect the shoe he found. This reflects the immediate challenge of escaping from a potentially threatening situation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Gary and Randy when Gary grabs the shoe and Randy gives chase, but it is not a high-stakes conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the threat of being caught by Randy. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, as it primarily focuses on Gary's exploration and discovery.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing potential conflicts and mysteries, as well as establishing Gary's character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the discovery of the shoe and the encounter with Randy. These elements create tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes curiosity and intrigue, but does not have a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in this scene is minimal, but it effectively conveys Gary's exploration and Randy's presence.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a sense of mystery and adventure through the protagonist's exploration and encounters. The reader is drawn into the story and wants to know what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the protagonist explores and encounters various objects and scents. The pacing creates a sense of anticipation and keeps the reader engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and organized.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot in the kitchen, transitions to the backyard, and then moves into the woods. The actions and descriptions are clear and easy to follow.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Gary’s toenails skid across the floor. He slams into the
cabinets.

Gary gets up. Shakes himself off.

The door handle RATTLES.

Rattle, rattle, rattle.

A silent beat.

The flap on the doggy door RISES. Randy stares in at Gary,
eyeing the shoe hanging from his mouth.

He reaches an arm through the doggy door. Then another.
Pulling himself towards Gary.

Gary backs up. Whines.

Randy squeezes and twists. An impossibly tight fit.
Determined to get in.

Determined to get that shoe back.

Closer and closer...

He just keeps coming.

Almost inside the house.

SLAM.

A truck door s huts, startling Gary.

He looks through the living room and out the far window to
see that Chevy S-10 back in the driveway.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
15.

Cameron’s home.

Gary turns back to the doggy door.

Randy is gone.

Gary sits there.

Panting.

Then, he turns and carries the shoe off. Back to the

UTILITY CLOSET

He drops it. It falls into the heap of blankets.

Cameron enters, fumbling to get his carabiner of keys out of
the door.

CAMERON
Hey buddy.

Cameron crouches in front of Gary with a shopping bag.

CAMERON
You do okay here by yourself?

He pets Gary, not not icing the shoe.

CAMERON
Picked something up for ya.

Cameron pulls a ventilated dog KNEE BRACE out of the bag.

Gary sniffs it.

Cameron heads into the hallway and grabs a pair of gardening
shears out of his toolbelt. He returns and cuts off Gary’s
cast. Peels the bandaging and plaster away.

CAMERON
Good riddance to that itchy thing.

He slides the new brace over Gary’s leg. Velcros it in place.

Gary looks at the brace. Moves his leg. It feels good.

Really good.

He looks up at Cameron, surprised. Cameron beams back.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
16.

A TING TING TING sound echoes up from the A/C VENT next to
them. Gary startles. Cameron sighs...a common noise in this
old house.

CAMERON
It’s okay, boy. It’s just the water
heater.

Cameron grabs his toolbelt. He opens a warped hallway door.
Gary listens as he descends a set of stairs into the
basement.

Gary approaches the A/C vent. Cautiously noses up to the
brown grille.

Listens to that TING TING TIN G echo up from the basement.

Then, the noise stops.

A beat.

Footsteps come back up the stairs.

Cameron reappears with his toolbelt. But he’s brought
something else up from the basement, too. A vacuum-sealed
freezer bag of SALMON.

He holds it up.

CAMERON
You like fish?

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Hopeful, Melancholic

Summary In this scene, Gary, a dog, is in the kitchen when Randy, another dog, tries to get in through the doggy door to retrieve a shoe. Gary backs up and whines as Randy struggles to get inside. Suddenly, a loud noise startles Gary, and when he looks back, Randy is gone. Gary then carries the shoe to the utility closet. Cameron, Gary's owner, enters and crouches in front of Gary, not noticing the shoe. He pets Gary and surprises him with a new knee brace, cutting off his cast. The scene ends with Cameron bringing up a vacuum-sealed freezer bag of salmon from the basement and asking Gary if he likes fish.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of Gary's emotions
Introduction of Cameron as a caring character
Subtle character changes

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Lack of high stakes
Limited conflict

General Critique

The writing in this scene is generally clear and concise, but there are a few areas where it could be improved.
For example, the description of Gary's reaction to the truck door slamming is a bit too brief and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of his emotional state.
Additionally, the dialogue between Cameron and Gary is a bit stilted and unnatural.
Finally, the scene ends rather abruptly, leaving the reader with a sense of unfinished business.
The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to get to know the characters or the setting.
The action is too predictable and doesn't create any suspense or tension.
The dialogue is bland and doesn't reveal anything about the characters' personalities.
The ending is abrupt and doesn't leave the reader with a sense of closure.

General Suggestions

Expand the description of Gary's reaction to the truck door slamming to give the reader a better sense of his emotional state.
Rewrite the dialogue between Cameron and Gary to make it more natural and conversational.
Add a few more details to the setting to help the reader visualize the scene.
Add some more conflict or tension to the scene to make it more engaging.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending that leaves the reader with a sense of closure.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays Gary's emotions and the tension between him and Randy. It also introduces Cameron as a caring and patient character. However, the scene could benefit from more development in terms of conflict and emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a dog's journey from the shelter to a new home is relatable and engaging. The introduction of the knee brace adds a unique element to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Gary's transition and his initial hesitation towards Cameron and the truck. It could be further developed to create more tension and anticipation.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a dog trying to get inside a house is not entirely unique, the specific actions and reactions of the characters add freshness to the familiar scenario. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, especially Gary and Cameron. Gary's hesitations and eventual trust in Cameron are portrayed effectively. Cameron's patience and care for Gary make him a likable character.

Character Changes: 7

Gary undergoes a subtle change from hesitation to acceptance in this scene. It could be further emphasized to create a more significant character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel safe and secure in his home. This reflects his deeper need for protection and comfort.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to protect his home from Randy, the dog, who is trying to get inside. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict between Gary and Randy adds tension to the scene, but it could be heightened to create a more engaging conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as Randy, the dog, poses a significant obstacle to the protagonist's goal of protecting his home. The reader is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome this opposition.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on Gary's emotional journey. It could benefit from higher stakes to create more tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showing Gary's transition to his new home and introducing Cameron as a caring character. However, it could have a stronger impact on the overall story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the reader does not know how the protagonist will successfully protect his home from Randy. The actions and reactions of the characters keep the reader guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions through Gary's hesitations and eventual acceptance. However, it could have a stronger emotional impact with more development.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal in this scene, with most of the communication happening through actions and gestures. It could benefit from more meaningful exchanges between Gary and Cameron.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates suspense and anticipation through its concise and impactful writing. The reader is invested in the protagonist's goal of protecting his home.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and invested in the outcome.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is clear and easy to read.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively builds tension and suspense through the progression of events.

INT. UTILITY CLOSET - EVENING

Gary devours a salmon fillet in his dog bowl. It’s the
greatest thing he’s ever tasted.

He licks his bowl clean . Looks up at Cameron who’s eating
salmon on the couch and watching the Colts game.

Gary hops up next to him. Stares at Cameron as he eats,
hoping he might drop some.

CAMERON
What? This is mine. You had yours
already.

Gary: So?

Cameron forks the last piece. Gives it to Gary. He scratches
behind his ears as he watches the Colts run the ball.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
17.

CAMERON
(nods to TV)
See this kid? That’s J.T. Elliott.
He runs a four three. We like him
cuz he’s got two German Shepherds.
(adds)
And cuz he runs a four three.

Gary rests his head on Cameron’s lap. His eyes grow heavy as
Cameron scratches.

CAMERON
Maybe I call you Elliott?

He can call him whatever he likes, as long as he keeps
scratching.

Gary can’t hold his eyes open any longer. He closes them.

Black.

Sil ence.

A long beat.

A SHRIEK.

LATER

Gary opens his eyes. He’s still on the couch. The TV is on
but Cameron is gone.

Another SHRIEK. Followed by a CRASH. Coming from Cameron’s
bedroom.

Gary gets up. Passes the TV. A picture of a NURSE (32) is on
the local news. We catch the chyron --

SEARCH FOR SHELBYVILLE WOMAN CONTINUES

Gary crosses the hallway, heads into

CAMERON’S BEDROOM

A LAMP lies on the floor. COVERS pulled off the bed. PILLOWS
scattered everywhere.

And in the middle of the bed...Cameron. Covered in sweat.
Tossing and turning. He mumbles in his sleep --

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
18.

CAMERON
Please... Let me out... I’ll be
good this time... please!

He SHRIEKS.

Gary hops up onto the bed.

He stands there, watching Cameron have his nightmare. Seeing
someone who’s suffered trauma. Relating to the feeling.

Or maybe he’s just a dog.

Either way, Gary lies down. Rests his chin on Cameron’s
chest.

CAMERON
Please... please...

Cameron trails off. Begins to settle down. Gary’s presence
comforting.

Gary stares out the window. Watches a SQUIRREL scamper across
the fence. Right past --

RANDY.

Staring in at Gary from his kitchen window. Gary looks again.

He’s gone.

The squirrel runs back across the fence, but Gary pays it no
attention. His eyes trained on Randy’s window.

MORNING

Cameron groans, stirs awake. Cracks a sleepy eye. Spots Gary
lying on his chest.

A happy sight.

CAMERON
Hey buddy.

Cameron scratches behind his ears. Gary melts.

CAMERON
That’s the spot, huh?

It sure is.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
19.

CAMERON
Whatta ya think...wanna come to
work with me today?

He’s not thinking about anything except how good those
scratches feel.

That TING TING TING of the water heater faintly fills the
room. Cameron groans: You gotta be kiddin’ me.

He wills himself out of bed. Grabs his toolbelt. Heads
downstairs.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Heartwarming, Melancholic, Hopeful

Summary In this warm and comforting scene, Gary, a dog, eats salmon while watching Cameron eat on the couch. Cameron gives Gary the last piece of salmon and talks about a football player named J.T. Elliott. Gary falls asleep on Cameron's lap, but wakes up when Cameron has a nightmare and screams. Gary watches and then lies down on Cameron's chest to comfort him. Cameron wakes up and scratches Gary's ears. He asks Gary if he wants to go to work with him, and Gary is happy and excited.

Strengths

Effective emotional connection between characters
Establishment of potential conflicts and challenges
Heartwarming tone

Weaknesses

Lack of standout dialogue or memorable lines

General Critique

Scene 8 opens with Gary eating salmon, which is a continuation of the previous scene where Cameron brought up a vacuum-sealed freezer bag of salmon from the basement. This creates a smooth transition between the two scenes and establishes that Gary enjoys the food.
Cameron and Gary's interaction on the couch is heartwarming and shows the bond they have formed. Cameron's gestures of affection, such as scratching Gary's ears and giving him the last piece of salmon, demonstrate his care for the dog.
The introduction of the football player, J.T. Elliott, and Cameron's mention of his German Shepherds is a subtle foreshadowing of Cameron's past and his desire for a companion animal. It also hints at his interest in football and his admiration for those who excel in the sport.
Gary falling asleep on Cameron's lap is a tender moment that further strengthens their connection. It suggests that Gary feels safe and comfortable in Cameron's presence.
The sudden shriek and crash coming from Cameron's bedroom creates a sense of suspense and unease. The audience is left wondering what has happened and why Cameron is screaming.
Gary's reaction to Cameron's nightmare is touching and shows his empathy for his owner. He hops up onto the bed and lies down on Cameron's chest, providing comfort and support.
The shot of Gary staring out the window and watching a squirrel scamper across the fence, past Randy, is a clever way to show that Gary is aware of his surroundings and may be suspicious of Randy.
The morning scene, where Cameron wakes up and finds Gary lying on his chest, is a peaceful and温馨 one. It reinforces the bond between them and suggests that they have a close and affectionate relationship.
Overall, Scene 8 is a well-written and engaging scene that develops the relationship between Gary and Cameron, introduces elements of foreshadowing, and creates a sense of suspense and unease.

General Suggestions

To enhance the emotional impact of the scene, consider adding more dialogue or gestures that convey Cameron's feelings toward Gary. For instance, he could express how much he cares for Gary or how grateful he is for his companionship.
Explore Cameron's nightmare further. What is he dreaming about? What does it reveal about his past or his fears? Providing more context and detail could add depth to his character and make the scene more emotionally resonant.
Consider adding more visual elements to the scene, such as close-ups of Gary's facial expressions or shots of the surroundings. This could help convey the characters' emotions and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Expand on the interaction between Gary and Randy. Why is Randy staring at Gary from his kitchen window? What does this suggest about their relationship? Adding more details or dialogue could build tension and intrigue.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the bond between Gary and Cameron, evokes empathy for both characters, and sets up potential conflicts and emotional arcs.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog finding a new home and providing emotional support to a traumatized owner is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 8

The plot introduces the main characters, their relationship, and hints at potential conflicts and challenges they may face.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations and actions are familiar and there are no fresh approaches to them. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic and believable.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Gary and Cameron are well-developed and their emotional connection is established effectively.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the potential for character growth and development is established.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to receive attention and affection from Cameron. This reflects Gary's deeper need for love and companionship.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get some of the salmon that Cameron is eating. This reflects the immediate circumstance of Gary being hungry and wanting food.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is minimal in this scene, but the potential for conflicts and challenges is established.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a small obstacle (Cameron not initially giving Gary more salmon), it is not a major challenge and the audience can anticipate a positive outcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the potential for higher stakes is established.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the bond between Gary and Cameron and hinting at potential conflicts and challenges.

Unpredictability: 4

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in tone and the introduction of a mysterious character (Randy) at the end. This adds a sense of intrigue and raises questions about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes empathy and emotional connection, particularly through the portrayal of Cameron's trauma and Gary's comforting presence.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is simple and straightforward, but lacks standout moments or memorable lines.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it depicts a relatable and heartwarming moment between the characters. The reader is drawn into the scene through the characters' actions and emotions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a sense of rhythm and flow. The actions and dialogue are well-paced, allowing the reader to easily follow the progression of events.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to read.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear setting and introduces the characters and their actions in a logical sequence.

EXT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - DAY

Cameron leads Gary down the driveway, zipping up his Lowe’s
vest.

Gary eyes Randy’s house. The shades are all drawn. Impossible
to see in. Then movement... One of the shades snapping
closed.

They were being watched.

Cameron doesn’t notice. He opens the passenger door of his
truck. Gary stops.

CAMERON
Still?

Gary looks up at Cameron. Still.

Cameron pulls a Ziploc of shredded salmon out of his pocket.
Pours it onto the passenger seat. He walks around the truck
and gets in the dri ver’s side.

Gary eyes the salmon.

INT. CAMERON’S TRUCK - DAY

Cameron starts the engine. Gary is now next to him on the
passenger seat, gobbling up the salmon.

CAMERON
(smiles)
Thatta boy.

Cameron scratches behind his ears. Reaches over, shuts the
door.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
20.

INT. LOWE’S HOME IMPROVEMENT/GARDEN CENTER - DAY

Gary’s leash is tied to a shelf of pool supplies in the back.
He lies next to a water bowl, watching Cameron stack bags of
chlorine with a tattooed co-worker in a STRAW HAT (38).

STRAW HAT
You asked Debbie about this?

CAMERON
‘Course. She was cool with it.

STRAW HAT
Seems that way.

Straw Hat nods to the MANAGER near the registers, who looks
about as uncool as you can look about any situation.

CAMERON
What am I supposed to do, leave him
alone all day in a new house? No
way.

STRAW HAT
He’s got your other one to play
with.

Cameron clenches his jaw, uncomfortable. Straw Hat clocks
this.

STRAW HAT
No... What? What happened?

CAMERON
Cancer.

STRAW HAT
Fuck man. I’m so sorry. He was like
super young wasn’t he...

A CRUNCHING fills our ears, drowning out the conversation.

Gary turns to see a shopper eating a peanut butter wafer
energy bar as she studies a row of plants. This is KAT (28,
overalls, blonde bob).

Gary smells the peanut butter and gets up. He heads over, his
leash just long enough to reach her.

He sits next to her, pants.

KAT
Dude, seriously?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
21.

More panting.

KAT
Beat it. Get outta here. Your
breath stinks.

Gary doesn’t move.

KAT
What?

She follows his gaze to the energy bar.

KAT
This is mine. Get lost, dude. Go.

He’s still not moving. Kat sighs. Pulls off a piece. Tosses
it over his head.

He turns around, gobbles it off the floor. How good is peanut
butter?

He comes right back. Sits next to her.

KAT
Really?

Cameron approaches, grabs Gary’s leash.

CAMERO N
Buddy, no. Leave her alone.

Cameron looks up at Kat. Smiles.

CAMERON
Sorry about him. He’s friendly if
you want to pet him.

KAT
Not a dog person.

CAMERON
You’re kidding.

She’s not.

CAMERON
Can I help you find anything?

KAT
(re: plants)
I need something bulletproof.
Completely unkillable.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
22.

CAMERON
Chinese evergreen. They’re made for
folks like you. Aisle five. C’mon,
I’ll show ya.

As Cameron leads her off, he eyes her Waffle House name tag.

CAMERON
A Kat that hates dogs?

KAT
Don’t like cats either.

Gary watches Kat head off. Licks the crumbs off his lips.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Heartwarming, Light-hearted, Melancholic

Summary Gary and Cameron visit Lowe's Home Improvement/Garden Center. Cameron gives Gary some shredded salmon and they meet Kat, a dog hater. Gary tries to get Kat's peanut butter energy bar but Cameron pulls him away. Cameron then helps Kat find a bulletproof plant.

Strengths

Heartwarming interactions between Gary and Cameron
Effective portrayal of emotions and connections
Engaging introduction of a new character

Weaknesses

Lack of memorable dialogue
Relatively low conflict level

General Critique

The scene is well written and engaging. It effectively introduces the character of Kat and sets up their relationship with Cameron and Gary. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:
The transition from the previous scene to this one is a bit abrupt. It would be helpful to provide a brief description of what happens after Cameron leaves the house in the previous scene and before he and Gary arrive at Lowe's in this scene.
The dialogue between Cameron and the co-worker in the STRAW HAT is a bit forced and unnatural. It would be more effective if it were more casual and conversational.
The description of Gary eating the peanut butter wafer energy bar is a bit too detailed. It would be more effective to simply state that he eats it quickly and eagerly.
The scene ends a bit abruptly. It would be helpful to provide a brief description of what happens after Cameron and Kat leave Lowe's.
I would suggest adding a bit more detail to the description of Lowe's. This would help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.

General Suggestions

Add a brief description of what happens after Cameron leaves the house in the previous scene and before he and Gary arrive at Lowe's in this scene.
Revise the dialogue between Cameron and the co-worker in the STRAW HAT to make it more casual and conversational.
Simplify the description of Gary eating the peanut butter wafer energy bar.
Add a brief description of what happens after Cameron and Kat leave Lowe's.
Add a bit more detail to the description of Lowe's.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-written and engaging, with a mix of emotional moments and light-hearted interactions. It effectively introduces a new character and sets up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog being rescued and finding a new home is familiar but still resonates with audiences. The scene introduces unique elements such as the dog's hesitation to get in the truck and the interaction with the neighbor's dog.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Cameron rescuing Gary from the animal shelter and bringing him home. It sets up potential conflicts and character development for both Gary and Cameron.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Gary and Cameron, are well-developed and relatable. Their interactions and emotions are portrayed effectively, creating a strong connection with the audience.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential growth and development for both Gary and Cameron in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to take care of his dog and ensure its well-being. This reflects his deeper need for companionship and his fear of losing his dog due to cancer.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assist a customer in finding a plant at the Lowe's Home Improvement/Garden Center. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his job and the challenge of meeting customer needs.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the main focus being on the introduction of the new character and the dog's adjustment to his new home. However, potential conflicts are set up for future development.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing challenges in taking care of his dog and meeting customer needs.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing on the dog's well-being and his adjustment to his new home. However, the potential for emotional growth and healing adds depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and establishing the bond between Gary and Cameron. It also sets up potential conflicts and character arcs for future development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the watcher in Randy's house and the interaction between Gary and Kat at the Lowe's Home Improvement/Garden Center.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including sympathy for Gary's past experiences, hope for his future, and a sense of warmth and connection between Gary and Cameron.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is natural and helps to reveal the characters' personalities and emotions. However, there are no particularly memorable or impactful lines.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and tension with the drawn shades of Randy's house, as well as the interaction between the characters and their dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and flow, allowing for the development of tension and the introduction of new elements.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, spacing, and punctuation.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

EXT. HIGHWAY - EVENING

Cameron drives.

Gary has his head out the window, drinking in the scents from
the cornfield. Tongue flapping in the wind.

Being a dog again.

Happy again.

EXT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - EVENING

Gary still has his head out the window as Cameron pulls into
the driveway. Gary looks at the house.

The front door is open.

Cameron sees it, too. He looks concerned. Grabs his toolbelt
off the seat. Pulls out those shears.

INT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Cameron enters, clutching the shears, trying to be brave.
Gary follows him in.

CAMERON
Hello?

The house has been rifled through -- drawers pulled out,
clothes strewn on the floor.

Someone was looking for something.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
23.

CAMERON
(to Gary)
Stay.

Cameron heads into the basement to check downstairs. Gary
doesn’t like any of this. Ducks into the

UTILITY CLOSET

Wedges himself in the corner. Tucks his tail between his
legs. Spots that WOMAN’S SNEAKER lying in the blankets.

He grabs it in his mouth. Comforting.

Cameron comes back upstairs. He closes the front door. Locks
it. Takes a breath.

CAMERON
It’s okay, boy. They’re gone. W e’re
okay.

Trying to convince himself as much as Gary.

His eyes land on that shoe in Gary’s mouth.

CAMERON
Where in the world did you find
that?

Cameron grabs it. Holds it up.

As Cameron studies the shoe, Gary’s focus shifts past it, out
the window to Randy’s house...

RANDY STARES THROUGH THE BLINDS.

Watching Cameron holding the shoe.

Gary barks.

Barks again.

Cameron follows Gary’s gaze out the window.

Randy ’s gone.

CAMERON
What’s wrong, boy?

Off Gary, watching the house next door, uneasy --

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
24.

Genres: Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Emotional

Summary Cameron and Gary return home to find their house broken into. While investigating, Gary discovers a woman's sneaker in the utility closet. Cameron notices Randy watching them through the blinds, raising concerns about his involvement in the break-in or potential threat to their safety. Tension and unease fill the air as Gary barks at Randy, prompting Cameron to follow his gaze and see Randy watching from next door.

Strengths

Building suspense and mystery
Creating emotional connection between characters
Establishing potential conflicts and threats

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue

General Critique

The scene doesn't advance the plot or character development in any meaningful way. It's a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk.
The pacing is slow and the scene drags on for too long.
The scene is too focused on telling and not showing. The writer tells us that Gary is uneasy, but we don't see any evidence of this in his behavior.
The scene lacks conflict. There's no tension or suspense, and the reader is left feeling bored and unengaged.

General Suggestions

Cut the scene entirely.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
Tighten the pacing by cutting out unnecessary details and dialogue.
Show Gary's uneasiness through his behavior, rather than just telling us about it.
Add conflict to the scene by introducing a threat or obstacle that Gary and Cameron must overcome.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates suspense and mystery through the break-in and the presence of the neighbor. It also establishes an emotional connection between Gary and Cameron, as well as hints at a potential character arc for Cameron.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a break-in and the introduction of a potential antagonist adds intrigue and tension to the story. The scene also sets up the relationship between Gary and Cameron, which could be explored further in the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the break-in and the discovery of the woman's sneaker. It raises questions and creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations and actions are familiar and predictable, and the dialogue is straightforward and conventional.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Gary and Cameron are well-developed and their emotional connection is established effectively. The presence of Randy adds a layer of mystery and potential conflict.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets up the potential for growth and development for both Gary and Cameron in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to remain calm and composed despite the unsettling situation. This reflects his deeper need for security and stability, as well as his fear of losing control or being vulnerable.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the break-in and ensure the safety of his home. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, as well as his desire to protect his property and loved ones.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the break-in and the potential threat posed by Randy. It creates tension and raises the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the break-in and the neighbor's suspicious behavior present obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters face a potential threat and must navigate the aftermath of the break-in. The safety and well-being of Gary and Cameron are at risk.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the break-in and establishing the relationship between Gary and Cameron. It raises questions and creates anticipation for what will happen next.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know the full extent of the break-in or the neighbor's involvement.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes emotions of anxiety, concern, and comfort through the actions and reactions of the characters. The bond between Gary and Cameron is particularly touching.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves its purpose in conveying the emotions and reactions of the characters.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions about the break-in and the neighbor's suspicious behavior.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The quick transitions and concise dialogue contribute to a sense of urgency.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gary lies on the bed. Cameron brushes his teeth in the
background.

But Gary’s focus isn’t on Cameron. It’s trained out the
window on Randy’s house. Looking for any movement.

Cameron spits. Turns off the bathroom light.

Climbs into bed.

He kisses Gary on the head. Kills the bedroom light.

Darkness.

All we see is Gary’s eyes.

Fixated next door.

LATER

Middle of the night. Gary’s fallen asl eep.

His ears suddenly perk up.

Hearing something. Something we didn’t. He looks out the
window. Scans Randy’s house for movement. Nothing.

A quiet beat. Then a

BANG.

Coming from inside the house. Inside Gary’s house.

He looks at the bed...

Cameron is gone.

Another beat. Then --

The sound of GLASS SHATTERING out in the hallway.

Gary leaps off the bed. Crosses to the closed bedroom door.
Paws at it, concerne d.

It’s not budging.

A CRASH comes from the other side of the door.

Gary puts his nose to the ground. Peers under the crack.
Catches a glimpse of

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
25.

CAMERON BEING THROWN INTO THE WALL WITH A BLOODY FACE.

He tumbles out of view.

Someone’s beating the shit out of his owner!

Gary barks.

He paws the door. It doesn’t budge.

Another CRASH in the hallway.

Gary whines.

More pawing. This time, one of his paws slips down the door,
clipping the door handle.

Clang.

It moves, but not enough to unlatch.

He swipes his paw again.

Clang.

The latch clears the strike plat e this time, but then latches
again.

Oh to have opposable thumbs.

Gary swipes with both paws.

Clang.

This time his dewclaw CATCHES on the handle, pulling the door
with it.

It unlatches. CREAKS open.

Gary pushes his way into the

HALLWAY

It’s eerily quiet.

A picture frame lies shattered on the ground.

Beyond it, more picture frames smashed on the floor. The
console table lies on its side. A shattered lamp FL ICKERS.

Gary sniffs.

Smelling something. Ahead of him on the floor --

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
26.

Drops of blood.

And then MUFFLED CRIES.

Coming up through the A/C vent.

Gary approaches the vent. Ears raised. Listens.

The cries are coming from Cameron. His owner is in trouble.

Gary pushes his snout against the brown grille covering the
vent. It’s loose. He pushes harder, pulling one end out of
the drywall. Manages to nose past the grille.

Pushes his head into

THE VENT

It’s dark in here. A sliver of l ight coming from below us.

Gary looks down towards the light.

He’s seeing through the A/C duct straight down into the
basement.

His view is obscured by another grille, but he can make out
the cracked concrete floor.

Cameron’s cries are louder down here.

Gary turns his head. Trying a new angle. Looking for Cameron.

Spots a chest freezer. Turns his head again. More concrete
floor.

And then finally --

CAMER ON.

There he is.

Sitting on a metal chair.

Scratches on his neck and face.

Sobbing.

Gary shifts around to get a better view, and that’s when
something odd comes into focus --

There’s something under Cameron on the chair.

No, someone.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
27.

He’s sitting on the lap of a WOMAN (37).

A gag tied around her mouth. Her face filled with cuts and
terror.

She holds Cameron as he sobs.

Cameron brushes her mussy blonde hair off her forehead.
Whispers...

CAMERON
Who am I?

Cameron gently pulls down her gag.

CAMERON
Who am I?

WOMAN
(terrified)
You’re a good boy. You’re a good
boy.

More tears run down Cameron’s face. Those words meaning
everything to him.

As th e woman holds Cameron, the tag on Gary’s collar CLANGS
against the side of the vent.

She looks up. Meets eyes with Gary through the slats.

She stares at Gary with pleading eyes: help me.

And then those SHEARS explode through her throat.

Cameron’s driven them into the back of her neck and out the
front.

She tries to scream, but can’t.

Cameron sits there on her lap, watching her squirm. Not with
pleasure, but with sorrow and disappointment.

She tumbles off the chair. Crawls away from Cameron. Towards
the corner. Grabbing a 2x4 piece of wood on her way. Bangs it
against a BRASS PIPE.

Ting. Ting. Ting.

This has been the source of the sou nd.

Her last futile pleas for help.

And then she goes still.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
28.

We PUSH IN on Gary as he eyes Cameron. Impossible to tell if
Gary understands anything he’s seeing.

Or maybe he understands everything he’s seeing.

His tag hits the side of the vent again. Clang. Cameron looks
up.

Gary is gone.

Off Cameron, curious --

UTILITY CLOSET

Gary pulls his head out of the vent.

Listens to Cameron’s Carhartt boots making their way up
stairs.

They appear in front of Gary. Cameron lo oks down at him, then
over at the open bedroom door.

CAMERON
How’d you get out?

Cameron spots Gary’s tail tucked between his legs. He gives
Gary a warm smile.

CAMERON
It’s okay, bud.

He crouches down. Scratches behind his ears.

CAMERON
Everything’s okay.

Gary melts. His eyes grow heavy. Powerless to his spot.

CAMERON
Yeah. That’s a good boy.

His tail slowly starts to untuck.

Cameron stands. Reaches up to the t op shelf of the closet.
Pulls down one of those red Lowe’s shopping baskets full of
CLEANING SUPPLIES... bleach, plastic gloves, gardening tarp.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Terrifying, Heartbreaking

Summary Gary, a loyal and curious dog, lies in bed watching his owner, Cameron's house through the window. He hears a noise and sees the house empty. Suddenly, a loud bang and shattering glass awaken him. Gary tries to open the locked door and hears Cameron being thrown into the wall. He manages to unlatch the door and finds a shattered picture frame and console table in the hallway. Following the smell of blood and muffled cries, Gary discovers Cameron sitting with a gagged and tied-up woman in the basement. Cameron kills her, unaware that Gary is watching. Cameron finds Gary hiding in the utility closet, pets him, and reassures him. The scene ends with Gary's tail slowly untucking.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Creating a sense of danger and urgency
Evoking strong emotions
Effective use of silence and minimal dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue

General Critique

The pacing of the scene is excellent, building tension and suspense effectively.
The use of flashbacks to show Gary's memories of the family is a nice touch that helps to humanize him and make the reader care about his fate.
The scene does a good job of conveying the sense of danger and urgency that Gary is facing, as well as his determination to protect his family.
There are several plot holes in this scene. For example, it's unclear why the tow truck driver would crash into the family's car, and why they would choose to drive through a cornfield at night.
The dialogue is a bit clunky in places, and some of the lines feel unnatural.
The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any of the important information.
The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and unsatisfying.
It is unclear what Gary's motivation is for protecting his family. Is he simply loyal to them, or does he have a deeper connection to them?
The scene could be more visually interesting if it included more varied camera angles and shots.

General Suggestions

Add more details to the setting to help the reader visualize the scene.
Develop Gary's character more by giving him a backstory and motivations.
Use more sensory details to help the reader experience the scene more fully.
Vary the sentence structure and length to create a more dynamic and engaging read.
Proofread the scene carefully to eliminate any errors in grammar and spelling.
Consider adding a twist to the ending of the scene to make it more surprising and memorable.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in building tension and creating a sense of danger. The emotional impact is strong, and the stakes are high as the protagonist's life is in danger. The scene also moves the story forward and introduces a significant plot development.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a break-in and the protagonist's desperate attempt to save his owner is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively utilizes suspense and horror elements to create a thrilling and intense atmosphere.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-structured and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The break-in and the protagonist's efforts to rescue his owner create a high level of tension and suspense.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist trying to save their owner is not entirely unique, the specific actions and details in the scene, such as the protagonist using their paws to try and open the door, add a fresh approach to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and actions are believable. The protagonist's loyalty and bravery are showcased, while the antagonist's cruelty and violence create a sense of danger.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in the scene as he transforms from a loyal and obedient pet to a brave and determined protector. His actions and reactions showcase his growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect and save his owner, Cameron. This reflects his deeper need for loyalty, love, and a sense of purpose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the bedroom and reach Cameron, who is in danger. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and life-threatening. The protagonist is faced with the challenge of saving his owner from a violent intruder, creating a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces the obstacle of a closed and locked door, preventing them from reaching their owner. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high as the protagonist's life is in danger and he must save his owner from a violent intruder. The tension and suspense are heightened by the life-or-death situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development and raising the stakes for the protagonist. It sets up future conflicts and establishes the danger the characters are facing.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected events, such as the sound of glass shattering and the protagonist's owner being attacked. The audience doesn't know how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and anxiety. The audience is deeply invested in the protagonist's struggle to save his owner, and the brutal violence adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful. The protagonist's actions and the antagonist's silence contribute to the suspense and tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and urgency, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The protagonist's actions and the escalating danger hold the audience's attention.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively builds tension and suspense, starting with the protagonist's focus on Randy's house and escalating with the sound of glass shattering and the protagonist's attempts to reach Cameron.

INT. HALLWAY - LATER THAT NIGHT

Cameron cleans up broken glass and pieces of lamp.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
29.

Gary watches from the other end of the hall, still a little
uneasy. He’s next to a broken picture frame. The picture is
of a TEENAGE CAMERON. His FATHER (43, balding) and MOTHER
(39, petite, blonde pixie cut) have their arms around him in
front of a Christmas tree.

Cameron picks up the photo. A warm memory. He delicately
removes it from the broken glass. Precious to him.

INT. GARAGE - LATER THAT NIG HT

Gary watches Cameron load a human-shaped COCOON of gardening
tarp into the bed of his Chevy. Cameron crosses over to a
work bench. Grabs that rose-colored sneaker.

He tucks the sneaker inside the cocoon next to A SECOND ROSE-
COLORED SNEAKER. A complete pair.

Cameron opens the passenger door of the truck. Smiles at
Gary.

CAMERON
C’mon, we’re goin’ for a ride.

Gary brightens. He likes the truck.

INT. CA MERON’S TRUCK - NIGHT

Gary has his head out the window, tongue flapping in the
wind.

Cameron wipes blood from his face with his sleeve.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

Cameron pulls the truck up to an abandoned farmhouse with a
collapsed roof. A rotting BARN sits in the back.

Both buildings have been completely neglected. Oddly, the
landscaping has not. The grass, hedges, vegetable
garden...all carefully cared for.

Cameron gets out of the truck. Gary follows him. They walk
along the edge of a CORNFIELD.

Gary sniffs the air.

Something odd out here.

Gary follows Cameron to a ‘98 Case COMBINE HARVESTER. Cameron
gets in the cab. Pats his leg.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
30.

CAMERON
Up we go.

Gary climbs up next to him.

HARVESTER

Cameron pulls out his carabiner of keys. Fishes for the right
one. Cranks the engine.

It hiccups and stalls.

Cranks the engine again.

VRRM! Diesel POURS from the smoke stacks.

CAMERON
Stay here.

Cameron gets out. Shuts the door.

Gary listens to the harvester idle.

He sniffs the cab. Follows his nose to the seat. Then, under
the seat.

Paws at something...

Wedged in the corner.

Hooks his claws on it.

Pulls out a DOGGY BONE. Half chewed.

Scoops it up into his mouth.

The door CLUNKS open. Cameron climbs back inside. He flips on
the overhead FLOODLIGHTS. Shifts the harvester into gear.

Drives it forward. Into the cornfield.

Cameron starts the header.

The BLADES of the header begin sucking up downed corn. The
harvester rattles and shakes as the corn is CHEWED UP and the
chaff is blown out the back.

Gary sits next to Cameron’s seat, bone in his mouth, taking
it all in.

He squints through the dusty window at the small patch of
light in front of them.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
31.

Spots a BUNNY race past.

And then something else up ahead...

That HUMAN-SHAPED COCOON. Lying right in their path.

Cameron accelerates the header blades to full RPM.

They HIT the cocoon.

The harvester SHAKES and BUCKS. The GEARS SCREAM OUT.

Gary looks concerned, Cameron does not.

Routine for him.

He reaches a hand down. Strokes Gary’s head, comforting.

Out the rear window, a RED SLUDGE sprays into the cornf ield.

And then the harvester settles. The squealing ends. The spray
stops.

Cameron turns the harvester around. Drives back towards the
farmhouse.

Suddenly, the engine SEIZES and dies.

CAMERON
Goddamnit.

Cameron cranks the engine over. No response. Cranks again.
Nothing. He opens the door and climbs out.

CAMERON
(to Gary)
Let’s go, bud.

Gary climbs down after him. Cameron and Gary head back to the
truck, lea ving the harvester sitting in the field.

Leaving the dog bone lying in the cab.

We push in on the bone. Getting a close look at it.

Not like any doggy bone we’ve seen before.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary In this tense and mysterious scene, Cameron cleans up broken glass in a hallway while Gary watches. Cameron delicately removes a photo of his family from the broken glass. He then loads a human-shaped cocoon into his truck, along with a pair of rose-colored sneakers. Cameron and Gary go for a ride in the truck, with Gary sticking his head out the window while Cameron wipes blood from his face. They eventually arrive at an abandoned farmhouse with a collapsed roof and a rotting barn. Walking along the edge of a cornfield, Gary sniffs the air. Cameron gets in a combine harvester and Gary climbs up next to him. As Cameron starts the harvester and drives it into the cornfield, they unexpectedly hit the human-shaped cocoon, causing the harvester to shake and buck. Despite the chaos, Cameron remains calm. The harvester sprays red sludge into the cornfield before the engine seizes and dies. Cameron and Gary leave the harvester in the field and return to the truck, leaving the dog bone lying in the cab.

Strengths

Strong suspense and tension
Compelling use of a dog as a central character
Effective atmosphere and setting

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be further developed

General Critique

The scene is too long and could be shortened by removing unnecessary details and dialogue.
The dialogue is a bit too on the nose and could be more natural.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot and could be cut without losing anything important.

General Suggestions

Cut the scene down to about half its length.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural.
Add a more significant plot point to the scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, with a strong sense of danger and mystery. The unique use of a dog as a central character adds an interesting dynamic to the story. The scene is well-written and engaging, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog being involved in a dangerous and mysterious situation is intriguing and adds a unique element to the story. The scene effectively builds suspense and keeps the audience guessing about what will happen next.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and keeps the audience engaged. The introduction of the abandoned farmhouse and the harvester adds a sense of mystery and danger. The scene moves the story forward and leaves the audience wanting to know more.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and actions are familiar (e.g., cleaning up broken glass, loading items into a truck), the specific details and the use of a combine harvester add a fresh twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and emotions are believable. Gary, the dog, is a compelling and sympathetic character. Cameron's actions and reactions add to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the events and actions of the characters contribute to their development and the overall story arc.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Cameron is trying to find closure or resolution regarding his past, as indicated by his sentimental attachment to the photo of his family and his delicate handling of it.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to operate the combine harvester and clear the cornfield. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the neglected farm and suggests a desire for productivity and progress.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing danger and uncertainty. The tension and suspense are effectively built throughout the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are challenges and obstacles present (e.g., broken glass, engine trouble), they are not particularly difficult to overcome and the outcome is somewhat predictable.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing danger and uncertainty. The audience is invested in the outcome and wants to know what will happen next.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and raising questions for the audience. It adds to the overall suspense and mystery of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the abandoned farmhouse, neglected barn, and the use of a combine harvester. The outcome of the protagonist's actions is uncertain, adding tension to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with feelings of fear, anxiety, and suspense. The bond between Gary and Cameron adds an emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. It is concise and realistic, adding to the overall tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a visually interesting setting and introduces a sense of mystery and anticipation. The actions of the characters and the use of descriptive language create a compelling atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of action and reflection. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and maintains the audience's interest.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and character names in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their actions, and progresses with a clear sequence of events.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gary lies on the bed, watching Cameron’s bloody flannel
tumble around in the washer out in the hall.

Cameron enters, toweling off from a shower.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
32.

CAMERON
G’night, boy.

He kisses Gary on the head like he always does, then crawls
into bed.

CLICK. The lights go out.

Gary watches Cameron’s bloody clothes circle. Listening to
the clink and clang of the buttons.

Processing.

He finally shuts his eyes, soothed by the sound.

EXT. BACKYARD - MORNING

Gary sniffs around a bush. Finds his spot. Lifts his leg.
Does his business. As he pees...

Creek!

The rear gate swings open.

That’s odd.

Gary lowers his leg. Approaches the gate, curious. Gazes out
at the woods.

HUSHED VOICE
Go on.

Gary looks up. Randy stares at him from his side of the
fence.

Gary BARKS.

Randy holds up his hands. He’s weathered but tough like his
Cummins trucker hat. He talks in hushed tones.

RANDY
Shhh. Easy. I’m not gonna hurt ya.

Gary cocks his head, curious.

RANDY
Go on now. Get.

Gary studies Rand y.

RANDY
You gotta go. Understand?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
33.

Gary doesn’t.

RANDY
Get out of here. It’s not safe for
you to--

SLAM! A screen door slams shut behind them.

Cameron is on the back porch. He smiles at Randy.

CAMERON
Mornin’, Randy.

Randy gives him a polite nod but his eyes say something else:
I’m onto you.

RANDY
Mornin’.

CAMERON
Everything alright?

RANDY
Your gate was open.

Randy pulls it closed.

RANDY
Figured you wouldn’t want your dog
gettin’ out.

CAMERON
Must’v e blown open. I sure
appreciate that. C’mon boy.

Cameron pats his leg. Gary trots over to him. Cameron goes to
head inside. Stops.

CAMERON
By the way...had a break in
yesterday. Strangest thing. They
didn’t take a cent. You didn’t
happen to see anything did you?

Randy stares at Cameron, understanding the subtext: I’m onto
you, too.

CAMERON
Probably just kids. I’ll be sure to
take a look at that latch.

Ca meron heads inside. Randy watches, concerned, as Gary
follows him.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
34.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Mysterious, Tense

Summary Gary watches his boyfriend's bloody shirt in the washing machine while Cameron showers. Later, Gary finds the back gate open and encounters Randy, who tells him to leave. Cameron joins them and lies about a break-in. Randy suspects Cameron's involvement and watches as Gary follows him back inside.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Effective use of foreshadowing
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene doesn't have a clear purpose or direction. It's not clear what the writer is trying to achieve with this scene.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way real people talk.
The characters are not well-developed. We don't know much about Gary or Cameron, so it's hard to care about them.
The setting is not well-described. We don't know where we are or what the surroundings are like.
The action is slow and boring. Nothing really happens in the scene.
The pacing is off. The scene starts slowly and then suddenly speeds up at the end.

General Suggestions

Give the scene a clear purpose or direction. What do you want to achieve with this scene?
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
Develop the characters more. Give them more depth and backstory.
Describe the setting in more detail. Help the reader to visualize the surroundings.
Add more action to the scene. Make things happen.
Adjust the pacing of the scene. Start with a hook and then keep the action moving.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the use of foreshadowing and the introduction of a potential danger. The audience is left on edge, wondering what will happen next.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a loyal dog sensing danger and trying to protect its owner is a familiar but effective trope. The scene adds a twist by having the dog witness a disturbing event and become aware of a potential threat.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Gary's discovery of a break-in and his attempt to protect Cameron. The tension and suspense are heightened as the audience wonders what will happen to both characters.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a potential threat to the protagonist's safety is a familiar one, the writer adds a fresh approach by introducing the character of Randy and creating a sense of mystery and suspicion around him. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Gary and Cameron are well-developed and their relationship is established. Gary's loyalty and protective instincts are showcased, while Cameron's vulnerability and potential danger are hinted at.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Gary's perception of the world and his role as a protector is reinforced.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel safe and secure in his own home. This reflects his deeper need for stability and protection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand the reason behind the open gate and the presence of Randy. This reflects the immediate challenge of a potential threat to his safety and the security of his home.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Gary senses a potential threat and tries to protect Cameron. The tension and suspense are heightened by the unknown nature of the threat.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with a potential threat to his safety and the security of his home. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the true intentions of the character Randy.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Gary senses a potential danger to Cameron. The audience is left wondering what will happen next and if the characters will be able to protect themselves.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential threat and raising the stakes for the characters. It adds to the overall suspense and mystery of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the character of Randy and his suspicious behavior, leaving the audience uncertain about his intentions and the potential danger he poses to the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between trust and suspicion. The protagonist, Cameron, trusts Randy and assumes that the open gate was just an accident. However, Randy's actions and demeanor suggest that he is suspicious of Cameron and may have ulterior motives.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and concern for the characters. The audience is emotionally invested in Gary's loyalty and Cameron's safety.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective. It conveys the necessary information and adds to the tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a potential threat to the protagonist's safety and creates suspense through the interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the actions and dialogue of the characters.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot of the bedroom, followed by a series of actions and dialogue that build tension and conflict, and ends with a cliffhanger moment.

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

Gary finishes a bowl of kibble. Looks up --

Cameron snores on the couch in front of SportsCenter.

Over in the hallway, the basement door is open. Our first
look at the back side of it. It’s no ordinary door. Three
inches thick and covered in soundproofing with a steel
deadbolt.

Gary’s eyes drift to the staircase beyond it.

INT. BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Click. Clack. Click. Clack.

G ary descends the stairs. The walls are lined with SOUNDPROOF
INSULATION. Far newer than anything else in the house.

Gary stops on the last stair. He sniffs.

It smells weird.

He peers into the darkness. No windows. Just concrete walls,
all around us. Impossible to see anything down here.

At least for a moment. Gary’s eyes begin to adjust and so do
ours. Like someone raised the brightness 10%.

The power of the canine retina.

Gary moves forward. Past the chest freezer. Under the vent.

Comes to a patch of concrete stained red. A puddle of blood
was here.

He looks further into the basement --

Another red stain. And another. And another.

They’re all over the basement.

Gary spots something stuck in a crack in the concrete.

Approaches.

Paws at it. Pulls up a

FINGERNAIL.

Painted rose.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
35.

A HAND REACHES OUT AND GRABS GARY.

Gary jumps! Crashes into a stack of 2x4 boards in the corner.
Spins around.

Cameron approaches.

CAMERON
It’s me, buddy.

Gary looks up at Cameron, uneasy.

Cameron crouches down. Holds out his hand for Gary to sniff.

CAMERON
You’re not scared of me.

Cameron scratches behind his ears. Gary slowly begins to
soften.

CAMERON
Yeah, that’s a good pup.

We linger on Gary’s eyes, stud ying Cameron. Trying to piece
it all together...

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Intense

Summary Gary the dog finishes his breakfast and notices Cameron sleeping on the couch. He investigates the open basement door and finds a dark, soundproofed room with bloodstains on the floor. Gary also discovers a fingernail painted rose. Cameron grabs hold of him, but Gary calms down. Cameron tries to reassure Gary that he's not scared of him, but Gary remains uneasy, unsure of what is happening.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Engaging concept

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene effectively sets a creepy and suspenseful tone with the introduction of the basement door and the description of its soundproofing and steel deadbolt.
The use of sensory details, such as the smell of the basement and Gary's adjustment to the darkness, helps to immerse the reader in the scene.
The discovery of bloodstains and a fingernail painted rose adds to the intrigue and sets up the mystery of what is happening in the basement.
The interaction between Gary and Cameron is unsettling, with Gary initially being uneasy and Cameron trying to reassure him. This builds tension and raises questions about Cameron's true intentions.
The scene ends on a cliffhanger, with Gary's lingering suspicion and attempt to piece things together. This leaves the reader wanting to know more and creates anticipation for the next scene.

General Suggestions

Consider adding more specific details to enhance the visual imagery of the basement and its contents.
Provide more context or hints about what might be happening in the basement to further engage the reader's curiosity.
Explore ways to deepen the conflict between Gary and Cameron to increase tension and suspense.
Consider adding dialogue or inner thoughts to further develop Gary's perspective and give the reader insight into his emotions and suspicions.
Think about pacing and the balance of information revealed in this scene. How much should be explicitly stated versus left for later reveals?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a suspenseful and intense atmosphere, with strong emotional impact and high stakes. The concept, plot, characters, dialogue, and theme are all well-executed and contribute to the overall quality of the scene.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring a dark and mysterious basement, with the dog as the main perspective, is unique and engaging. It adds tension and suspense to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the dog's exploration of the basement and the discovery of disturbing elements. It is well-paced and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its depiction of the unique basement and the presence of blood stains and a painted fingernail. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Gary and Cameron, are well-developed and their actions and emotions drive the scene. Their relationship and the dog's loyalty add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Gary experiences a shift in his perception of Cameron, from initial unease to eventual trust. Cameron's actions also reveal a darker side to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to investigate the basement and uncover the source of the strange smells and blood stains. This reflects their curiosity and desire for answers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to explore the basement and potentially find something significant or alarming. This reflects the immediate challenge of the mysterious basement and its potential dangers.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and suspenseful, with the discovery of disturbing elements in the basement and the dog's uncertainty about Cameron's actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces the challenge of exploring the basement and potentially encountering danger. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the discovery of disturbing elements and the dog's uncertainty about Cameron's intentions. It creates a sense of danger and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the basement and Cameron's actions. It adds to the overall suspense and mystery of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it presents a series of mysterious elements, such as the blood stains and the fingernail, that create uncertainty and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, tension, and confusion, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience. The dog's loyalty and Cameron's actions add to the emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal in this scene, but it effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It adds to the suspense and tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions that captivate the audience's attention. The suspenseful atmosphere and the protagonist's curiosity contribute to the engagement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense, allowing the audience to feel the protagonist's curiosity and anticipation.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through its progression.

EXT. FARM - DAY

Gary sits under the shade of the harvester, panting.

Cameron talks with a MECHANIC (55, overalls) near the engine
compartment.

MECHANIC
Never seen a cylinder head crack
like this. Whatta ya been chewin’
up, concrete?

CAMERON
Must’ve hit a rock.

MECHANIC
Big fuckin’ rock, tell ya that.

The wind shifts. Gary sniffs the air, smelling something.

So mething familiar.

It’s coming from the barn. He gets up. Follows his nose.

CAMERON
How long to get a new one?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
36.

MECHANIC
Hard to say. Probably a few weeks.

CAMERON
Weeks?

MECHANIC
What’s the rush? Don’t look like
you’ve harvested out here in a
decade.

CAMERON
It was my dad’s rig. He’d want it to
be...

The conversation fades away as Gary slips into

THE BARN

As abandoned as the rest of this farm. Gary sniffs past a
fallen beam, around pallets. Heads over to a row of GOAT
CAGES.

He enters one. Looks around the cage. A thin layer of hay on
the concrete. Markings etched in the wood on the far wall.

Stick figures.

As if carved by a child.

The rusted gate of the cage CLANGS behind him, startling him.
It’s Cameron.

CAMERON
Whatta ya doin’, bud?

Cameron looks around the cage, uneasy.

CAMERON
Spent a lot of time in here. Mom
said I was misbehavin’, but I
wasn’t tryin’ to. I really wasn’t.

He shakes his head.

CAMERON
All I wanted was to be a good boy.

He looks down at Gary, softens.

CAMERON
Just like you.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
37.

He crouches in front of Gary. Scratches behind his ears.

CAMERON
You’re a good boy. You know that?

Cameron stares intensely into Gary’s eyes.

CAMERON
I need you to know that.

All Gary knows is how good that feels. Cameron smiles at him.

CAMERON
C’mon, let’s get outta here.

Cameron stands. Gary follows him out of the cage. As they
make their way to the barn doors, Gary suddenly stops.

There’s that smell agai n.

He follows his nose over to an old HARVESTER HEADER. Sniffs
around the blades. Past dirt and leaves and small rocks...

And there.

Caught in one of the blades.

A clump of white fur.

Fur that Gary has seen before.

COLLIE FUR.

Cameron whistles from the barn doors.

CAMERON
C’mon Elliott! Time to go!

Gary looks at the fur, then to Cameron.

He follows Cameron out.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional

Summary Gary follows his nose to a barn on a sunny farm and finds a row of goat cages. Inside one of the cages, Cameron reveals that he spent a lot of time there as a child, always trying to be a good boy. They leave the cage, but Gary's nose leads him to an old harvester header where he discovers a clump of white fur caught in the blades. Gary looks at the fur, then at Cameron, before following him out of the barn.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Emotional impact
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue

General Critique

The scene is well-written and effectively builds tension and suspense. The dialogue is natural and believable, and the characters are well-developed.
The pacing of the scene is a bit slow, and some of the dialogue could be cut to make the scene more concise.
The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and could be expanded to provide a more satisfying conclusion.

General Suggestions

Consider cutting some of the dialogue between Cameron and the mechanic to make the scene more concise.
Expand the ending of the scene to provide a more satisfying conclusion. For example, you could have Gary bark at Cameron, or have Cameron react in a more emotional way to the clump of fur.
Add some more details to the setting to make it more vivid and believable. For example, you could describe the barn in more detail, or mention the sounds of animals in the background.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged. The emotional impact is heightened by the presence of Gary and the revelation of Cameron's troubled past. The scene also moves the story forward by introducing a potential conflict and raising questions about Cameron's actions.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog, Gary, being involved in a suspenseful and intense situation adds a unique and compelling element to the scene. The discovery of the clump of collie fur hints at a dark secret, creating intrigue and setting up future plot developments.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Cameron's troubled past and the discovery of the clump of collie fur, which raises questions about his actions and motivations. The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and themes are familiar, the specific details and character interactions bring a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Cameron and Gary, are well-developed and evoke strong emotions from the audience. Cameron's troubled past and his relationship with Gary add depth and complexity to his character. Gary's loyalty and connection with Cameron make him a sympathetic and engaging character.

Character Changes: 8

Cameron experiences a subtle change in this scene as he opens up to Gary and reveals his troubled past. The presence of Gary provides comfort and support, leading to a potential transformation in Cameron's character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and connect with his past, specifically his relationship with his father and the farm. It reflects his deeper need for validation, acceptance, and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to fix the harvester and continue working on the farm. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing, such as the cracked cylinder head and the need for a new one.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts. The internal conflict within Cameron, stemming from his troubled past, creates tension and suspense. The discovery of the clump of collie fur raises questions and adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a small obstacle (the cracked cylinder head), it is not the main focus of the scene and the audience is not left in suspense about its outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the audience becomes aware of Cameron's troubled past and the potential danger he poses. The discovery of the clump of collie fur hints at a dark secret, raising the stakes and creating a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential conflict and raising questions about Cameron's actions and motivations. The discovery of the clump of collie fur adds intrigue and sets up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a mystery element with the clump of white fur, leaving the audience curious about its significance and how it will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the presence of Gary and the revelation of Cameron's troubled past. The emotional impact is heightened by the intense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. It is concise and impactful, adding to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery (the smell and the fur) and creates emotional tension through the protagonist's connection to the farm and his past.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue and descriptive narrative, creating a sense of tension and curiosity.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the story.

INT. GARDEN CENTER - DAY

Gary’s back in his spot next to the pool supplies. His head
is on his paws, bored, as he watches pairs of legs cross in
front of him.

CAMERON (O.S.)
How much did you water them?

KAT (O.S.)
I didn’t.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
38.

He looks over to see Cameron approaching with Kat.

Holy shit it’s the peanut butter lady.

Gary perks up. His tail starts to wag.

CAMERON
At all?

Kat nods. Cameron tries to hide his horror.

CAMERON
Plants are like all living things.
They just want a little love.
That’s all they want.

KAT
I need something that doesn’t
require any love. Can barely take
care of myself.

Cameron nods.

CAMERON
I think we’re gonna ne ed to go
artificial. Wait here, I’ll see
what we’ve got in the back...

Cameron heads off. Kat looks down. Gary’s sitting next to her
side.

He pants.

KAT
Amazing. You again.

Gary stares up at her.

KAT
I don’t have any food for you.

Gary doesn’t believe her.

KAT
C’mon, man. Just leave me alone.

He cocks his head, doesn’t understand.

KAT
Go bother someone else.

But he likes her.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
39.

KAT
I’m just gonna ignore you.

That’s okay. He doesn’t mind. He sits there, smiling up at
her. Panting.

Kat rolls her eyes.

Cameron returns, clutching an artificial plant.

CAMERON
Good news, you can’t kill this
baby. Bad news, I’ve only got one
in stock.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary In a garden center, Gary the dog eagerly waits for customers. Cameron and Kat approach, discussing plant care. Kat confesses she hasn't watered the plants, leading Cameron to suggest artificial plants. Kat selects one, but Gary, the persistent dog, sits beside her, panting. Despite Kat's attempts to ignore him, Gary remains by her side.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Compelling plot progression

Weaknesses

None identified

General Critique

The dialogue is a bit unnatural and expository. For example, Cameron says "Plants are like all living things. They just want a little love. That’s all they want." This line feels forced and could be more concise.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot in any way. It's just a filler scene that shows Gary and Cameron interacting with Kat. While it's important to establish relationships between characters, this scene doesn't do much to further the plot.
The scene is a bit slow and doesn't have much tension or conflict. It's just a lot of talking and not much action.
The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose or goal. It's not clear what the characters are trying to achieve or what the stakes are.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and less expository.
Add some tension or conflict to the scene to make it more engaging.
Give the scene a clear purpose or goal to make it more focused.
Consider cutting the scene if it doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters in a meaningful way.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating a suspenseful and intense atmosphere, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The disturbing nature of the events adds to the overall impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog being involved in uncovering a dark secret and forming a bond with its owner is unique and intriguing. It adds depth to the story and creates a strong emotional connection.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience engaged throughout. The series of events leading to the discovery of the dark secret is compelling and suspenseful.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar, the writer adds a unique voice and humor to the dialogue and narrative description. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Gary and Cameron, are well-defined and their relationship is explored in a meaningful way. Their actions and reactions to the events are believable and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Both Gary and Cameron undergo changes in their relationship and perception of each other as they navigate the unsettling events together. This adds depth to their characters and enhances the overall story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a plant that doesn't require much love or care, reflecting her desire for something low-maintenance and her belief that she can barely take care of herself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find an artificial plant, reflecting the immediate circumstance of needing a low-maintenance option.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and suspenseful, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome. The presence of the dark secret adds a layer of tension.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is not strong, as there are no significant obstacles or conflicts that the protagonist needs to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters are faced with a disturbing discovery and must navigate dangerous situations. The audience is invested in the outcome and the safety of the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by uncovering a dark secret and deepening the bond between Gary and Cameron. It adds to the overall plot progression and raises the stakes.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected humor and the dynamic between the characters is not immediately clear.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, ranging from fear and suspense to empathy and concern for the characters. The bond between Gary and Cameron adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It is natural and realistic, adding to the authenticity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces humor, creates curiosity about the characters' interactions, and presents relatable situations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue and action, creating a natural flow of conversation and movement.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene description.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.

INT. GARDEN CENTER/CHECKOUT - MOMENTS LATER

Gary watches as Cameron rings Kat up at a register.

CAMERON
Warehouse has been kinda slow but
ya should have th e others next
week.

He bags up her plant. Hands it to her with a smile.

CAMERON
And try to take care of yourself
more than your plants? We all need
love.

Kat just needs her plant.

KAT
Thanks.

Cameron watches her head off. As she disappears, his
expression turns dark.

He hits a button on the register. Her information starts
printing:

Katherine Wilkins
718 North Willow Road
Hill Valley, Indiana 46217
317555874 0

He tears off the page and slips it into his pocket. Like he’s
done this before.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
40.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Dark, Suspenseful, Intense

Summary Gary and Cameron interact with Kat at the checkout line of a garden center. Cameron provides her with his number, jokingly commenting on her plant care skills. After Kat leaves, Cameron's expression turns dark and he prints out her receipt/contact information, slipping it into his pocket.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Exploring dark themes
Creating emotional impact

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue focus

General Critique

The scene is short and doesn't do much to advance the plot or develop the characters.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and the characters' motivations are unclear.
The scene ends abruptly, leaving the reader with more questions than answers.
The scene seems to be a setup for something that happens later in the story, but it doesn't provide enough context or information to make the reader invested in what's going to happen next.
Cameron's behavior is suspicious, but it's not clear why. Is he simply a creepy guy? Is he involved in something sinister? The scene doesn't provide enough information to make a judgment.
Kat's reaction to Cameron is also unclear. She seems to be uncomfortable with him, but it's not clear why. Is she simply a shy person? Is she afraid of him? The scene doesn't provide enough information to make a judgment.

General Suggestions

Expand the scene to include more character development and plot advancement.
Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
Provide more context and information to help the reader understand the characters' motivations and the significance of the scene.
Consider cutting the scene if it doesn't add anything meaningful to the story.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating tension and suspense, with a strong emotional impact. It delves into dark themes and showcases the complex relationship between the characters.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which involves the discovery of Cameron's disturbing actions and the loyalty of Gary, is intriguing and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and filled with suspense. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats, wondering what will happen next.

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations and dialogue are familiar and do not offer any fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is average.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Cameron and Gary, are well-developed and their actions and emotions are compelling.

Character Changes: 9

Cameron undergoes a significant change in the scene, revealing his dark side and committing a violent act. This has a profound impact on the audience's perception of his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to obtain the plant she purchased and leave the garden center. This reflects her desire for solitude and her focus on taking care of her plants.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to purchase a plant. It reflects the immediate circumstance of being in a garden center and her need for a new plant.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and suspenseful, with high stakes and a sense of danger.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The cashier's secretive actions create a small obstacle for the protagonist, but the audience is unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the discovery of Cameron's violent actions and the potential danger to Gary and others.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Cameron's actions and motivations, as well as deepening the bond between Gary and Cameron.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the cashier's dark expression and secretive actions create a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly fear, tension, and empathy.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, but it is not the primary focus.

Engagement: 6

This scene is engaging because it reveals a subtle shift in the cashier's behavior and raises questions about his intentions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective because it moves at a steady pace, allowing for the necessary tension and suspense to build.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly indented, uses standard font and spacing, and includes scene numbers.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

VRRT. Gary lies on the bed, watching Cameron use a DRILL to
unscrew the bedroom door handle.

He digs around in a Lowe’s shopping bag. Pulls out a ROUND
DOOR HANDLE.

VRRT. VRRT. He mounts the new handle. Doggy proof.

He switches on the TV on the dresser. Turns up the volume.

Smiles at Gary.

CAMERON
Be good while I’m gone, ‘kay?

He kisses Gary on the top of the head.

Closes the door.

The latch CLICKS.

Gary climbs to the window. Peers out the blinds.

Cameron gets in his truck and drives off. Randy sits in the
dark next door with an old DSLR, snapping photos of Cameron.

Behind Gary, a picture of the woman in the basement appears
on the NEWS with the chyron:

MISSING WOMAN TAKEN FROM HOME

Her photo is added to a collage of other missing women. ALL
WITH SHORT BLONDE HAIR. ALL PETITE.

All re miniscent of Cameron’s mother in that photo.

Just like Kat.

MORNING

A chorus of robins wakes Gary at the foot of the bed. He
looks behind him.

Cameron is back. Asleep.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Intense, Emotional

Summary Gary watches as Cameron installs a new doggy proof door handle on the bedroom door. Randy takes photos of Cameron from next door. A news report shows photos of missing women resembling Cameron's mother and Kat. Gary wakes up to find Cameron asleep in bed, leaving the viewer uncertain about what happened during the night.

Strengths

Suspenseful tone
Strong emotional impact
Engaging plot
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

Possible graphic violence
Some elements may be disturbing for sensitive viewers

General Critique

The scene is very short and doesn't do much to advance the plot or develop the characters.
It's not clear what the purpose of the scene is. Is it to show that Cameron is a good dog owner? Is it to foreshadow that Cameron is dangerous?
The scene could be more visually interesting. For example, you could show Gary looking out the window and watching Cameron leave or you could show Cameron kissing Gary on the head.
The dialogue could be more natural. For example, Cameron could say, "Be good while I'm gone" instead of "Be good while I’m gone, ‘kay?"

General Suggestions

Expand the scene to include more action and dialogue.
Make the purpose of the scene clearer.
Add more visual details to the scene.
Revise the dialogue to make it more natural.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its suspenseful and intense tone. The emotional impact is strong, and the plot moves forward significantly, revealing crucial information about Cameron's dark secret.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a seemingly ordinary man with a hidden dark side is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The scene effectively introduces the concept and builds anticipation for future revelations.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and filled with suspense. It keeps the audience guessing about Cameron's true nature and the mystery surrounding the missing women. The scene reveals important plot points and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. The bond between Cameron and Gary is particularly strong and adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Cameron undergoes a significant character change in the scene, revealing his true nature and the extent of his darkness. This change adds complexity to his character and raises questions about his past actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to ensure his own safety and protect himself from potential danger.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to keep himself safe while his caretaker is away.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. There is external conflict between Cameron and Randy, as well as internal conflict within Cameron himself. The stakes are high, with the revelation of Cameron's involvement in the missing women cases.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces the potential danger of the missing woman but it is not yet clear how it will affect him.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of Cameron's involvement in the missing women cases and the danger he poses to those around him. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information about Cameron's involvement in the missing women cases. It raises the stakes and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the missing woman and raises questions about her connection to the protagonist's caretaker.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including fear, anxiety, and sadness. The bond between Cameron and Gary also elicits a sense of comfort and hope amidst the darkness.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is concise and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and advancing the plot. It effectively reveals information about the characters' past and their current predicament.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and raises questions about the protagonist's safety and the missing woman.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the protagonist's actions and the introduction of the missing woman.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

Gary eats a bowl of kibble. Cameron enters, zipping up his
Lowe’s vest. Crouches down in front of Gary.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
41.

CAMERON
Can’t take you with me today,
buddy. Debbie’s gonna write me up
if I bring you in one more time.

He pets Gary.

CAMERON
I know, she sucks. You’ll be
a’right here on your own, though.
I’ll be back before ya know it.

He kisses Gary on the top of the head. He snags his carabiner
of keys from a hook above the breakfast nook and heads off.

Gary watches him leave.

He stands there in the kitchen.

Alone.

Hi s eyes land on that basket of toys in the corner.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary In this scene, Gary eats kibble in the kitchen while Cameron enters wearing his Lowe's vest. Cameron tells Gary that he cannot bring him to work anymore because Debbie will write him up. After petting Gary and kissing him on the head, Cameron leaves for work. Gary watches him leave and stands alone in the kitchen. His eyes land on a basket of toys in the corner, highlighting his loneliness. The scene ends with Gary being left alone in the kitchen.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Effective use of visuals to convey emotions
Intriguing plot twists

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Lack of impactful lines

General Critique

The scene is not very visually interesting. It is mostly just Gary eating and Cameron leaving.
The dialogue is a bit forced and unnatural.
The scene does not really advance the plot or develop the characters.
The scene could be more suspenseful by adding some hints about the danger that Gary and Cameron are in.
The scene could be more emotional by having Gary and Cameron interact more.

General Suggestions

Add some more visually interesting elements to the scene, such as a thunderstorm or a fire.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
Add some more conflict to the scene, such as having Cameron and Gary argue or having Gary get into trouble.
Add some more suspense to the scene by having Gary and Cameron hear a noise or see something strange.
Have Gary and Cameron interact more emotionally, such as by having them hug or talk about their feelings.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog witnessing a dark secret in his owner's basement adds intrigue and raises questions about Cameron's true nature.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds gradually, revealing hints of a hidden past and a potentially dangerous situation. It keeps the audience invested and eager to learn more.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. The situation of a character being left alone is a familiar one, and the actions and dialogue of the characters are not particularly unique or fresh.

Character Development

Characters: 8

Gary and Cameron are well-developed characters with a complex dynamic. Their interactions and the way they respond to the unfolding events add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Gary experiences a shift in his perception of Cameron, from a loving owner to someone potentially involved in dark activities. This change adds complexity to their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with being left alone. It reflects his need for companionship and his fear of being abandoned.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to leave the kitchen and find something to do. It reflects the immediate circumstance of being left alone and the challenge of finding entertainment or occupation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high, with the discovery of the woman in the basement and the implication of Cameron's involvement in her death. It creates a sense of danger and raises the stakes.

Opposition: 4

The opposition in this scene is minimal. The protagonist faces the challenge of being left alone, but there is no significant obstacle or conflict that creates tension or uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the discovery of the woman in the basement and the implication of Cameron's involvement. Gary's safety and the resolution of the mystery are at stake.

Story Forward: 9

The scene reveals crucial information about Cameron's secret activities and deepens the mystery surrounding the story. It propels the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the reader doesn't know how the protagonist will react to being left alone. However, the overall outcome is still somewhat expected.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and confusion, as the audience empathizes with Gary and shares his unease about the situation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters. It could benefit from more impactful lines.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of anticipation and curiosity about what will happen next. The reader is invested in the protagonist's emotions and wants to know how he will cope with being left alone.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a sense of quiet and introspection. The rhythm of the scene is slow and deliberate, reflecting the protagonist's emotions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, introduces the characters and their actions, and ends with a moment of reflection.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Silence. Then...

A TENNIS BALL bounces down the hallway. Gary bolts into
frame, chasing after it. His leg clearly feeling much better.

GARY PLAYS FETCH WITH HIMSELF

Catching the ball in his mouth, then flinging it free again.

--Sending couch cushions flying.

--Knocking pictures off the wall.

--Tipping lamps over.

We FIND HIM standing in the living room. Panting. Tennis ball
in his mouth. Furniture a mess.

He drops the ball on the floor.

Taps it with his paw. As if wanting it to do something on its
own. It doesn’t. He stares down at it, glumly.

It’s just not the same playing alone.

Bang.

Gary’s ears rise.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
42.

What was that?

He looks around, scanning the living room. Doesn’t see
anything.

He BARKS.

Nothing.

He listens. A long beat. Then --

CLANG!

The mailbox slot SLAMS OPEN and a handful of letters falls
in. The slot closes.

Gary relaxes.

Just the mailman.

LATER

Gary sleeps, curled up on a couch cushion he knocked off.

Bang.

Gary jerks awake. He could’ve been asleep five minutes or
five hours. Either way, there’s that sound again. Or was he
just dreaming it?

His ears rise. Listens.

Bang.

Definitely not dreaming it.

Bang.

Bang.

Gary gets to his feet, heads into

THE HALLWAY

Bang.

It’s coming from the basement door.

Gary approaches, sits down in front of the door. Stares at
it.

Bang.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
43.

Bang.

A long beat, then -- THE DOOR HANDLE RATTLES.

Gary cocks his head, studying the handle.

RattleRattleRattleRattleRattleRattle

Gary BARKS.

The rattling stops.

A long beat.

Gary BARKS.

No response.

Gary turns, heads into the utility closet. Sticks his head
past that grille into

THE VENT

Looks down into the basement at that cracked floor.

He BARKS.

A long beat.

Then FOOTSTEPS...coming down the stairs.

A FACE s teps into view below him --

ASHER.

His Asher. In that Captain America shirt. He stares up at
Gary through the vent.

ASHER
Help...

Gary blinks.

It’s not Asher. It’s Kat. The peanut butter lady. In a blue
hoodie streaked with dirt. A WELT below her left eye.

KAT
Help me.

Gary smiles at his friend.

KAT
Go get help. Help! You understand?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
44.

Gary cocks his head. He doesn’t.

Kat looks around for something more useful than Gary.

She grabs that metal chair. THRASHES it against the concrete
wall. Hoping someone without a tail might hear.

KAT
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loud on Gary’s ears but --

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary In this scene, Gary the dog is playing fetch with himself, causing chaos in the living room. He suddenly stops and becomes disappointed when he stares at the tennis ball. Gary hears a noise and investigates, finding the mailbox slot opening and closing. Later, he is woken up by the same noise and follows it to the rattling basement door. Gary barks, and the rattling stops. Peering into the vent, he sees Kat, the peanut butter lady, with a welt under her eye. Kat pleads for help, and Gary looks confused.

Strengths

Building suspense
Creating a sense of fear and tension
Revealing shocking and unexpected twists

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue

General Critique

The scene starts with Gary playing fetch with himself, which is a bit repetitive and doesn't add much to the story. It would be more interesting to see him interacting with another character or doing something more purposeful.
The scene then cuts to Gary sleeping and being woken up by a noise. This part of the scene is a bit confusing, as it's not clear what the noise is or where it's coming from. It would be helpful to provide more context and make it clear what's happening.
The scene then cuts to Gary barking at the basement door and then looking into the vent. This part of the scene is also a bit confusing, as it's not clear what Gary is looking for or what he's trying to do. It would be helpful to provide more context and make it clear what's happening.
The scene then cuts to Kat appearing in the vent and asking Gary for help. This part of the scene is a bit too convenient, as it's not clear why Kat would be in the vent or why she would expect Gary to be able to help her. It would be more believable if there was some kind of explanation for why Kat is in the vent and why she thinks Gary can help her.
The scene then ends with Gary barking at the basement door, which doesn't really resolve anything. It would be more satisfying if the scene ended with Gary actually doing something to help Kat.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with Gary interacting with another character or doing something more purposeful.
Make it clear what the noise is that wakes Gary up and where it's coming from.
Provide more context for why Kat is in the vent and why she thinks Gary can help her.
End the scene with Gary actually doing something to help Kat.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of suspense and tension. The use of sound and visual cues, such as the banging noises and the rattling door handle, adds to the overall atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. The revelation of the woman in the basement and Cameron's violent actions towards her further heighten the intensity of the scene.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog being the witness to a series of disturbing events adds a unique perspective to the story. The scene effectively utilizes the dog's heightened senses and instincts to create tension and drive the plot forward.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and full of suspense. The discovery of the woman in the basement and Cameron's violent actions create a sense of danger and raise questions about his true nature. The scene also introduces the mystery of the missing women and the connection to Cameron.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a dog investigating strange noises is not entirely unique, the specific actions and reactions of the protagonist, as well as the introduction of the character Kat, add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Gary and Cameron, are well-developed and their actions and reactions are consistent with their established personalities. Gary's loyalty and concern for Cameron are evident, while Cameron's violent and unpredictable behavior adds to the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Cameron undergoes a significant change in the scene, revealing his violent and unpredictable nature. This revelation adds depth to his character and raises questions about his true motivations and intentions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and respond to the strange noises and the distress call from Kat. This reflects Gary's desire to protect and help others, as well as his curiosity and bravery.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the source of the strange noises and help Kat. This reflects the immediate challenge of a potential threat or danger in the house.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. There is the external conflict between Gary and the unknown threat in the basement, as well as the internal conflict within Cameron as he grapples with his violent impulses. The conflict between Gary's loyalty to Cameron and his growing unease adds another layer of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of investigating the strange noises and potentially rescuing Kat. The audience is unsure of how Gary will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, as the safety and well-being of both Gary and the woman in the basement are at risk. The violent actions of Cameron and the unknown threat in the basement create a sense of imminent danger and raise the stakes for all involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new mysteries and raising the stakes for the characters. The discovery of the woman in the basement and Cameron's violent actions add new layers of complexity to the plot and deepen the sense of danger and urgency.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the strange noises and the appearance of Kat. The audience is unsure of what will happen next and how Gary will respond.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, primarily fear and tension. The shocking revelation of the woman in the basement and Cameron's violent actions create a sense of dread and unease. The bond between Gary and Cameron also elicits empathy and concern for their well-being.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective. The use of short, tense exchanges between characters adds to the overall atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. The lack of dialogue in certain moments, such as when Gary is watching Cameron in the basement, enhances the sense of suspense.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery and suspense through the protagonist's actions and reactions. The reader is invested in finding out what is causing the strange noises and who Kat is.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and wanting to know what happens next.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, builds tension through escalating events, and ends with a cliffhanger.

EXT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - SAME TIME

-- barely audible out here. The insulated basement doing its
job.

The chirps from the robins are louder than Kat.

I NT. VENT - SAME TIME

Kat drops the chair. Collapses to the ground amongst the
blood stains.

Screams.

Frustration and helplessness and terror pouring out.

And then another sound. Behind Gary. Keys in the doorway.
Cameron returning home from work.

Gary pulls his head out of the vent.

UTILITY CLOSET

He turns around just as Cameron enters and takes in the mess
he made playing fetch.

CAMERON
What in the world? Buddy...! You
missed me that much?!

He crouches in front of Gary. Pets him.

CAMERON
Yeah, I missed you, too. Look what
I got...

Cameron reaches into a plastic bag. Pulls out a DOG BOWL with
ELLIOTT on the side. Gary sniffs it.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
45.

A distant SCREAM echoes up from the A/C VENT next to them.

Cameron studies the vent, smile fading.

He gets up. Crosses to the basement door and unlocks it with
his carabiner of keys. He heads downstairs, shutting it
behind him.

Gary sticks his head back past that grille into

THE VENT

To see Cameron descend the stairs. He comes to a stop on the
final step. Looks down at Kat.

She stares back, trying to ge t a read on her captor.
Impossible to do.

A tense beat.

He moves towards her.

She backpedals into the corner. Grabs one of those boards.
Clutches it like a weapon.

Cameron passes her.

Grabs the chair instead. Places it in the center of the room.
Turns to Kat.

CAMERON
Have a seat.

Kat doesn’t move.

CAMERON
It’s okay.

He pats the chair. Kat stands. Eyes the staircase. Too far.
He’d get her before she reached i t.

She cautiously heads for the chair. Sits, her eyes glued on
Cameron.

He smiles at her. Gently takes the board from her hand and
puts it on the floor. Then, he sits on her lap. Wraps her
arms around him.

Kat sits there, holding Cameron, weirded the fuck out.

He whispers something in her ear that Gary can’t hear.

She mumbles something back.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
46.

CAMERON
Louder.

KAT
(wtf?)
You’re a good boy.

Cameron nods.

CAMERON
Again.

KAT
You’re a good boy.

Kat glances at that board next to the chair. She reaches
down, fingers dancing around over top of it. Just out of
reach.

CAMERON
Who am I?

KAT
You’re a good boy. You’re a good
boy.

Cameron’s eyes start to fill with tears as Kat’s fingers
connect with the board. She snatches it up and SWINGS.

BASHING it into the side of Cameron’s head.

Cameron tumbles off the chair.

Gary barks. Concerned for Cameron. Or Kat. Maybe both.

Kat doesn’t hesitate. She SPRINTS for the staircase. HURDLES
up the steps when --

CAMERON’S HAND LATCHES ONTO HER ANKLE.

She screams, trying to kick free, but Cameron’s too strong.

He DRAGS her back down the stairs. Pulls her into the
basement. She flails against his grip.

CAMERON
Stop it. STOP IT.

He strikes her across the face. Kat crumples to the floor.

Gary barks. This time, definitely for Kat.

Cameron stares down at her. Shakes his head.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
47.

CAMERON
I asked you to stop. I can’t be a
good boy if you’re causin’ trouble.

Cameron heads upstairs, rubbing the side of his head.

CAMERON
No dinner tonight.

Gary looks at Kat, concerned, then pulls his head out of the
vent.

UTILITY CLOSET

He turns around to see Cameron locking the basement door.
Cameron spots Gary, brightens.

CAMERON
You must be starving.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Disturbing

Summary Kat, held captive in the basement of Cameron's house, hides in a vent when she hears him returning home. Cameron finds his dog in the utility closet and then confronts Kat in the basement. He tries to assert control over her, but she hesitates. Eventually, she complies and Cameron sits on her lap. He whispers something in her ear and she responds by repeatedly telling him he is a good boy. This angers Cameron, leading him to strike her across the face. He then locks her in the basement, denying her dinner.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Effective portrayal of character's actions

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The dialogue in the scene is repetitive at times, especially with Kat repeating "You're a good boy." multiple times.
The way that Cameron's demeanor changes when he learns that Kat knows his secret is abrupt and somewhat confusing.
The scene lacks tension or conflict. There is no immediate threat to Kat or Gary, and Cameron's actions seem somewhat random.
The scene ends abruptly with Cameron locking Kat in the basement and depriving her of dinner. This could be a good opportunity to build tension and suspense, but it is not fully exploited.
The scene lacks a clear purpose or goal. It is not clear what Cameron's intentions are or what he hopes to achieve by keeping Kat locked in the basement.

General Suggestions

Add more variation to the dialogue, using different words and phrases to express similar ideas.
Consider exploring Cameron's motivations and inner conflict more fully. What drives him to keep Kat captive?
Raise the stakes of the scene by introducing a more immediate threat to Kat or Gary. This could be a physical threat from Cameron or something else entirely.
Consider adding a twist or unexpected element to the scene to keep the audience engaged.
Give the scene a clear purpose or goal. What does Cameron hope to achieve by locking Kat in the basement? What are the consequences if he fails?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, with strong emotional impact and a disturbing portrayal of the character's actions.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the dark and twisted mind of a disturbed individual is intriguing and effectively executed in the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is intense and gripping, with a clear progression of events that keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 6

This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and realistic, contributing to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their actions and emotions are portrayed effectively, creating a strong connection with the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Cameron undergoes a significant change, revealing his dark and twisted nature.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape from her captor, Cameron. This reflects her deeper need for freedom, safety, and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically resist and fight back against Cameron's control and abuse. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing, as she tries to protect herself and regain her freedom.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and suspenseful, with high stakes and a sense of danger.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a powerful and abusive captor who is determined to control and harm her. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with the life of Kat in danger and the revelation of Cameron's disturbing actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the character of Cameron and his actions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as the protagonist fighting back against her captor and the cliffhanger moment at the end where she is dragged back into the basement.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Cameron's twisted belief that he can be a 'good boy' by controlling and abusing others, and the protagonist's belief in the inherent value of freedom, autonomy, and self-determination. This conflict challenges and directly opposes the protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, terror, and confusion, creating a powerful emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and anticipation through the actions and reactions of the characters. The reader is invested in the protagonist's struggle for survival and wants to know what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the actions and reactions of the characters. The pacing is well-balanced, allowing for moments of quiet anticipation and explosive action.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting to clearly convey the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by a series of action and dialogue beats that build tension and suspense, and ends with a cliffhanger moment.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Gary finishes eating in his ne w bowl. As he licks his lips,
he looks over at the basement door.

Studies it, concerned.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Cameron pets Gary while watching the Colts game and drinking
a PBR.

Just a man and his dog and the game and --

Ting. Ting. Ting.

That pipe banging.

Coming from downstairs.

Gary lifts his head up. Looks over at the basement door.
Cameron turns up the volume on the TV, drowning it out.

CAMERON
Her e we go, boy...fourth and goal.

Cameron scratches behind Gary’s ears, lulling him back down.

The Colts hike the ball.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
48.

Genres: Thriller, Horror, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Intense

Summary Gary finishes eating in his new bowl and looks over at the basement door with concern. In the living room, Cameron pets Gary while watching the Colts game and drinking a PBR. They hear a pipe banging sound coming from downstairs. Gary lifts his head up and looks at the basement door. Cameron turns up the volume on the TV to drown out the noise. Cameron scratches behind Gary's ears and the Colts hike the ball.

Strengths

Creating tension and suspense
Exploring dark and psychological themes
Strong emotional impact

Weaknesses

Possible graphic violence and disturbing content

General Critique

The scene is too short and doesn't provide enough information to the reader.
The dialogue is minimal and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationship.
The action is repetitive and doesn't create any tension or suspense.
The scene doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.

General Suggestions

Expand the scene by adding more dialogue and action.
Make the dialogue more revealing of the characters and their relationship.
Add some tension or suspense to the scene by creating a conflict between the characters or by introducing a threat.
Use the scene to advance the plot or develop the characters in some way.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, with strong emotional impact and high stakes. The plot is engaging and moves the story forward, while the characters are well-developed and undergo significant changes. The dialogue is impactful and contributes to the overall tone and theme of the scene.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a captive woman in a basement, with a loyal dog as a witness, creates a sense of danger and mystery. The scene effectively explores the psychological dynamics between the characters and the dark secrets hidden in the basement.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and suspenseful, with the discovery of the captive woman in the basement and the revelation of Cameron's dark actions. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and raising questions about the characters' motivations and past.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations and actions are familiar and do not offer any fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is average.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the overall tone and theme of the scene. Cameron's transformation from a seemingly normal person to a disturbed individual is particularly impactful, while Gary's loyalty and protective instincts add emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Cameron undergoes a significant character change in the scene, transitioning from a seemingly normal person to a disturbed and violent individual. This change is shocking and adds to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Internal Goal: 0

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or evident. It is unclear what their deeper needs, fears, or desires are.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to watch the Colts game and enjoy a drink with his dog. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges of wanting to relax and enjoy a leisure activity.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. There is the external conflict of the captive woman trying to escape and the internal conflict within Cameron as he struggles with his dark impulses. The conflict drives the tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 4

The opposition in this scene is minimal. The sound of the pipe banging creates a small obstacle, but it is not difficult to overcome and does not create much tension.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with a captive woman's life at risk and the revelation of Cameron's dark actions. The audience is invested in the outcome and the resolution of the conflicts presented.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and raising questions about the characters' motivations and past. It adds depth and complexity to the overall narrative, keeping the audience engaged and eager to know what happens next.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because of the sound of the pipe banging. It creates a sense of mystery and raises questions about what might be happening in the basement.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and confusion. The audience is emotionally invested in the characters and their fates, particularly the captive woman and Gary. The emotional impact adds depth and intensity to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals important information about the characters' motivations and past. It effectively conveys the tension and fear present in the scene, while also providing insight into the characters' psychological states.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable and familiar situation of a man enjoying a game with his dog. The sound of the pipe banging adds a sense of mystery and anticipation.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a sense of relaxation and anticipation. The slow and steady actions of the characters, combined with the sound of the pipe banging, maintain a steady rhythm.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to read.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves to specific locations within the house. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gary sleeps at Cameron’s feet. Gary’s ears suddenly rise. He
lifts his head up.

Ting. Ting. Ting.

The faint sound of that pipe banging again.

He gets up.

Heads through the open bedroom door.

INT. VENT - MOMENTS LATER

Gary pushes his head into the vent. Peers down at --

Kat banging one of those 2x4s into that brass pipe. Not the
first person to try this. Maybe not even the second.

KAT
He lp!!! Somebody! Can’t you fucking
hear me?!?!

They can’t.

But Gary can.

He gives a soft bark.

Kat stops her banging and looks up. Meets eyes with Gary.

KAT
Great. You again. You gonna get me
outta here?

Gary studies her.

KAT
Go get help. HELP. HELP.

He cocks his head, trying to understand what she’s asking.

A long beat.

Then --

He pulls his head out of the vent.

Kat looks surprised.

We STAY ON Kat, listening to his toenails click clack on the
wood floor above her.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
49.

Gary going somewhere.

The toenails stop.

Kat listens.

No sound.

Then...the toenails start up again.

Coming closer. Coming back. Kat stares up at the vent as --

Gary pushes his head back through. He’s brought something
with him. Something in his mouth --

THAT TENNIS BALL.

Gary drops it through the vent.

Clang.

It hits the vent cover above Kat, and rolls into the corner.

Gary smiles, just trying to be a good boy and bring her what
she wants.

Which he’s pretty sure is a tennis ball.

KAT
That’s great. Fuckin’ great. He’s
gonna kill me. You understand
that?!

He doesn’t. Not yet, at least.

Kat slides down the wall and slumps onto the floor.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Disturbing

Summary Gary, a dog, wakes up to the sound of a banging pipe. He investigates and finds Kat trapped in a vent, banging on the pipe. Gary barks to get her attention and then leaves. He returns with a tennis ball, trying to help Kat. Frustrated and worried about being caught, Kat slides down the wall and sits on the floor. The scene ends with Kat feeling frustrated and worried, still trapped in the vent.

Strengths

Effective suspense and tension
Unique perspective of a dog
Dark and disturbing tone

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene is quite unrealistic, as it's unlikely that a dog would be able to understand what a person is saying, let alone retrieve a tennis ball for them.
Gary's behavior is not consistent with his previous characterization. In earlier scenes, he is depicted as a loyal and affectionate dog, but in this scene he seems to be more interested in playing with the tennis ball than helping Kat.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, especially Kat's lines.
The scene lacks tension and suspense. The reader is not really invested in Kat's plight or in Gary's ability to help her.
The scene ends abruptly, without any resolution or sense of closure.

General Suggestions

Rework the scene to make it more realistic. Perhaps Gary could be trained to retrieve objects, or Kat could find a way to communicate with him more effectively.
Develop Gary's character more. Make him more complex and relatable.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging.
Add more tension and suspense to the scene. Make the reader feel like Kat is in real danger and that Gary is her only hope of escape.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Resolve the conflict between Kat and her captor, and give Gary a clear purpose in the story.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

This scene is highly effective in creating suspense and tension through its dark and disturbing tone. The use of the dog's perspective adds a unique and intriguing element to the storytelling. The scene also raises important questions about the character of Cameron and his involvement in the mysterious events.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog witnessing and being involved in a series of dark and disturbing events is intriguing and adds a unique layer to the story. The use of the tennis ball as a symbol of innocence and loyalty is also a compelling concept.

Plot: 9

The plot of this scene is highly engaging and suspenseful. It raises questions about the true nature of Cameron and his involvement in the mysterious events. The discovery of the captive woman in the basement adds a new layer of intrigue and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a person trapped in a vent is not entirely unique, the use of a dog as the protagonist and the specific action of bringing a tennis ball to the trapped person adds a fresh and unexpected element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene, particularly Cameron and Gary, are well-developed and intriguing. Cameron's dark and disturbing actions create a sense of unease and mystery, while Gary's loyalty and innocence add a contrasting element.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Cameron undergoes a significant change in this scene, revealing his dark and disturbing nature. This change adds depth and complexity to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and help the person trapped in the vent. This reflects their deeper desire to be helpful and compassionate.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to bring a tennis ball to the person trapped in the vent. This reflects the immediate challenge of trying to provide comfort or distraction to the trapped person.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense and suspenseful. The discovery of the captive woman in the basement and the revelation of Cameron's dark actions create a sense of danger and urgency.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The trapped person's desperate plea for help creates a small obstacle for the protagonist, but it is not clear how they will overcome it.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in this scene are high, as the captive woman's life is in danger and the true nature of Cameron is revealed. The suspense and tension are heightened by the high stakes.

Story Forward: 9

This scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Cameron's true nature and the captive woman in the basement. It raises new questions and increases the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how the protagonist will respond to the trapped person's plea for help. The introduction of the tennis ball adds an unexpected element.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

This scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and confusion. The dark and disturbing actions of Cameron and the peril faced by the captive woman create a sense of unease and emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in this scene effectively conveys the tension and fear experienced by the characters. It also reveals important information about their motivations and relationships. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and curiosity. The audience is invested in the protagonist's actions and wants to know if they will be able to help the trapped person.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and suspense. The short and concise action lines and dialogue keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by a series of short and concise action lines and dialogue.

EXT. CAMERON’S NEIGHBORHOOD - MORNING

Cameron walks Gary. As Gary stops to sniff a bush, we see

A POLICE CAR

Approaching behind them.

Cameron sees it, too. He keeps his head down as the car pulls
up next to them and follows beside them for an uncomfortable
beat.

It drives on.

Up ahead, another cruiser idles down the street the other
way.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
50.

Searching the neighborhood.

Cameron tugs Gary’s leash.

CAMERON
Let’s go, boy.

They turn and head back to the house.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Gary sits at the window, watching Cameron in his Lowe’s vest
get in his truck and head to work.

The house falls silent.

A beat. Then --

Rattlerattlerattle.

Gary turns.

The basement door handle is rattling around.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR

Kat is crouched at the top of the stairwell, trying to pick
the lock with an EARRING. She gets the post wedged into the
lock. Grips the ring.

Turns.

The post SNAPS.

KAT
Fuck!

She punches the door.

INT. BASEMENT - DAY

Kat comes back down the stairs.

She hears a metal clang and looks up. Gary stares down at
her, his tag clanging against the vent.

Another tennis ball in his mouth.

KAT
Seriously, dude?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
51.

He drops it.

Clang.

It hits the vent cover and rolls into the corner next to the
other.

KAT
Is that all you do?

Gary whines: play with me.

KAT
Great job. Real helpful.

He stares at her. Waiting for her to throw it back. Finally
realizes she’s not going to. Pulls his head out of the vent.

We STAY ON Kat studying the tennis balls. Something striking
her.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Disturbing

Summary Cameron walks his dog Gary in the neighborhood and notices a police car following them. Back home, Kat tries to pick the lock on the basement door with an earring but fails and punches it in frustration. She then goes down to the basement and finds Gary with tennis balls, sparking an idea.

Strengths

Effective suspense
Strong emotional impact
Unique perspective of the dog as a witness

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene is too passive with not much happening. Consider having your character take action or make a decision that furthers the plot.
There is very little character development or dialogue in this scene. Consider adding some to make your characters more well-rounded.
The scene is very one-dimensional and doesn't offer much in the way of conflict or resolution.
The ending of the scene is abrupt and doesn't leave the reader with a clear sense of what's going to happen next.
The scene doesn't contribute much to the overall story and could be cut without losing anything important.
The scene relies too heavily on exposition and doesn't give the reader enough room to imagine what's happening.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural.
The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to get invested in the characters or the story.

General Suggestions

Consider starting the scene with something that grabs the reader's attention, such as a startling event or a cliffhanger.
Try to give your characters more depth by adding some details about their motivations and relationships.
Think about adding some conflict to the scene, such as a disagreement or a physical altercation.
Consider ending the scene with a twist or a hook that will make the reader want to keep reading.
Think about what the scene is contributing to the overall story and make sure that it's essential.
Try to use more vivid language and sensory details to bring the scene to life.
Work on making the dialogue more natural and believable.
Consider expanding the scene to give the reader more time to get to know the characters and the story.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating suspense and a sense of unease. The dark and disturbing tone is consistent throughout, and the use of the dog as a witness adds an interesting perspective. The scene is well-written and keeps the audience engaged.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a man keeping a woman captive in his basement is a familiar one in the thriller genre, but the addition of the dog as a witness adds a unique twist. The scene effectively explores the psychological state of the main character and the power dynamics between him and the captive woman.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The tension builds as the basement door rattles and the captive woman tries to escape. The scene also reveals important information about the main character's actions and motivations.

Originality: 5

This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their actions and motivations are clear. The main character is portrayed as disturbed and dangerous, while the captive woman is shown as desperate and resourceful. The dog adds an interesting dynamic to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The main character undergoes a change in this scene, as his actions become more violent and disturbing. The captive woman also experiences a change as she becomes more desperate and determined to escape. The dog does not undergo a significant change.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Cameron wants to avoid any trouble or confrontation with the police.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to walk his dog and return home safely.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the plot forward. The main character's actions create a sense of danger and suspense, while the captive woman's attempts to escape create tension. The conflict between the characters is both physical and psychological.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the presence of the police car and the rattling of the basement door handle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the captive woman's life is in danger and her attempts to escape are met with violence. The main character's actions also have consequences for his own safety and well-being. The scene creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the main character and his actions. It also raises questions about the captive woman and her potential role in the story. The scene creates anticipation for what will happen next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know what will happen when the police car approaches and when the basement door handle rattles.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including fear, suspense, and disgust. The actions of the main character and the desperate situation of the captive woman create a sense of unease and tension. The use of the dog as a witness adds an emotional element.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective. The main character's dialogue reveals his disturbed state of mind, while the captive woman's dialogue shows her fear and desperation. The dog does not have any dialogue but communicates through actions and reactions.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and suspense through the presence of the police car and the rattling of the basement door handle.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of suspense and tension through the concise and straightforward writing style.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation and spacing.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action lines.

INT. UTILITY CLOSET - MOMENTS LATER

Gary naps against th e washing machine.

Clang.

His ears perk up.

Clang.

It’s coming from the vent. He noses his head back into

THE VENT

He looks down at a pair of dirty Converse. Kat’s shoes. She’s
on her tippy toes on that metal chair.

The vent is rattling back and forth.

Clang. Clang. Clang.

The vent cover swings open. The tennis balls bounce to the
floor.

Kat’s head pokes into view. She peers up at Gary. He stares
down at he r. Getting a full look at each other’s faces for
the first time since Kat was taken.

If the vent were bigger, Kat could crawl right through it.
But it’s not.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
52.

She points a finger at him.

KAT
Stay.

Gary watches as Kat climbs off the chair.

She picks one of the tennis balls off the floor. Carries it
to the corner. Reaches under the water heater to a pile of
WET SOOT.

She drags her finger through the soot, then across the tennis
ball.

Writing a message:

help basement
Kat climbs back on the chair. Holds the ball up.

KAT
You want the ball?

Gary perks up. Very much so.

She lines it up. Throws it to Gary. It clangs against the
side of the vent. Way short.

Falls back down to her.

Gary keeps his eyes glued on the ball.

Kat gives it another toss. It clangs into the vent. Gary
snaps at it.

Short again.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Disturbing

Summary Gary wakes up from a nap and hears a noise coming from the vent. He sees Kat trying to open the vent and tennis balls fall out. Kat writes a message on a tennis ball and throws it to Gary. Despite multiple attempts, Gary fails to catch the ball. The scene ends with Gary still trying to catch the tennis ball.

Strengths

Intense suspense
Strong character development
Effective use of tension and fear

Weaknesses

Possible excessive violence
Lack of clarity in some character motivations

General Critique

The scene is very well-written and engaging. It is clear that the writer has a strong understanding of the characters and their motivations.
The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting some of the dialogue and action.
The scene could be more visually interesting. The writer could add some more descriptive language to help the reader visualize the setting and the characters.
The scene could be more emotionally impactful. The writer could add some more moments of tension and suspense.

General Suggestions

Cut some of the dialogue and action. The scene could be shortened by about 10%.
Add some more descriptive language to help the reader visualize the setting and the characters. For example, the writer could describe the utility closet in more detail, including the washing machine, the water heater, and the pile of wet soot.
Add some more moments of tension and suspense. For example, the writer could have Kat drop the tennis ball down the vent, causing Gary to panic and try to get it back. Or, the writer could have Cameron come home unexpectedly, forcing Kat to hide in the vent.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating tension and fear through its suspenseful tone and disturbing actions. It keeps the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog and a captive woman communicating through a vent is unique and adds an intriguing layer to the story. It creates a sense of hope and connection amidst the darkness.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and intense, with the revelation of Kat's captivity and the interaction between the characters. It keeps the audience invested and eager to know what will happen next.

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of characters communicating through a vent is a familiar trope, and the actions and dialogue of the characters are not particularly unique or fresh.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Gary, Kat, and Cameron, are well-developed and evoke strong emotions from the audience. Their actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Gary experiences a change in perception and understanding as he realizes the plight of Kat and becomes involved in her escape attempt. This adds depth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to communicate with Kat and establish a connection. This reflects Gary's deeper need for companionship and his fear of being alone.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to retrieve the tennis ball thrown by Kat. This reflects the immediate challenge of trying to communicate and interact with Kat despite the limitations of their situation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving the captivity of Kat, the power dynamics between the characters, and the suspense of their interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a small obstacle of the tennis ball not reaching Gary, the audience is unsure of how the interaction between Gary and Kat will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with Kat's life hanging in the balance and the potential danger posed by Cameron. The audience is invested in the outcome and the characters' survival.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing important information about Kat's captivity, deepening the suspense and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how successful Gary and Kat will be in their attempts to communicate and connect. The outcome of their interaction is uncertain.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and empathy for the characters. It creates a sense of unease and discomfort in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It adds depth to their interactions and enhances the suspenseful atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates suspense and curiosity through the characters' actions and limited dialogue. The audience is invested in seeing how Gary and Kat will communicate and interact within the constraints of their situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and anticipation. The concise and descriptive writing style helps to create a fast-paced rhythm.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by a series of actions and dialogue.

EXT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - DAY

The distant CLANG of that vent.

Clang.

Clang.

Clang.

INT. BASEMENT - SAME TIME

Kat throws the ball over and over again.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
53.

Short each time.

Saliva drips from Gary’s jowls. He whines. Adjusts his
position.

All he needs is a chance.

If Kat could just get closer to the vent. She looks around.
Spots those 2x4 pieces of wood.

She gets down. Grabs the boards. Stacks them onto the chair.
Four boards high. Looks unstable, but her only shot.

She climbs up. Steps onto the boards.

They shift beneath her.

She fights to gain her balance . Holds the ball up towards
Gary.

KAT
Watch.

Gary’s never watched anything more in his life.

KAT
One... two...

Gary tracks the ball as Kat moves it up and down to the
count.

KAT
...three!

She throws.

The boards give out.

Kat falls to the floor.

Her left ankle snaps as it his concrete.

She screams.

Clutches her foot, withering in pain. Grits her teeth.

Tries to breathe.

Doesn’t want to look, but she does. Her foot pointing out the
wrong way.

Fuckfuckfuck.

Knows what she has to do.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
54.

Sets it.

Shrieks.

But we don’t hear it. Don’t hear anything except a high-
pitched WHINE filling our ears.

Kat collapses to the ground. Head swimming. Stares up at a
blurry ceiling and blurry vent and blurry Gary...

Holding something in his mouth.

Something yellow.

Vision starting to clear. Sound coming back. Gary coming into
focus with the tennis ball in his mouth. Panting.

He caught it.

KAT
Go.

Gary stares down at Kat.

KAT
Go...get outta here.

Gary doesn’t move.

KAT
Go!

A long beat. Gary finally pulls his head out of the vent with
the ball.

Kat shuts her eyes, weathering another wave of pain.

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.

She opens her eyes.

The tennis ball bounces on the floor beside her. She looks
up.

Gary is back.

KAT
No, no, no...

Gary: yes, yes, yes. He pants, excited. Just like how we met
him in the opening. Ready to play more fetch.

Certain he’s being a good boy by bringing the ball back.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
55.

The tennis ball rolls to a stop next to Kat. She lies there,
defeated.

Gary stares at her, ears up. Panting.

Throw it.

She doesn’t.

He finally lies down, resting his head on the vent.

It’s okay, he’ll wait.

LATER

A RUSTLING sound.

Gary’s eyes open. Below him, Kat rummages through that
freezer. Her weight on her good leg.

Digs past pie crusts, packs of AA batteries...

She pulls out a vacuum-sealed bag of sa lmon. Gary perks up.
She tosses it aside.

Finds a box of HOT POCKETS. Opens it up. Pulls one out.
Manages to bite off a piece.

Chews.

Like eating plywood. But at least it’s something.

She sits down with the box, cringes as she stretches her hurt
leg out in front of her.

She takes another bite of Hot Pocket. Chews. Stops.

Starts to cough.

A piece stuck in her throat. Coughs more, struggling to get
it ou t.

Gary gets to his feet.

He barks.

And barks and barks and barks.

Kat finally convulses forward, like she’s about to puke.

Coughs the piece up.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
56.

She catches her breath. Looks up at Gary who continues to
bark above her. In a total frenzy.

On Kat, studying Gary. Learning something big.

She starts coughing again.

Gary continues to spiral above her.

Barking louder.

Kat coughs harder. Clutches her throat. Gary’s in a full
panic now. He pulls his head out of the vent.

Kat stops coughing. Stares up at the vent.

KAT
That’s it. C’mon...

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary Kat, trapped in the basement, attempts to escape by stacking wooden boards on a chair but falls and breaks her ankle. Despite the pain, she manages to set her ankle and screams for help. Gary, the loyal dog, retrieves the tennis ball and eventually realizes Kat's distress when she coughs on a piece of Hot Pocket. Gary barks frantically, prompting Kat to cough harder. In a moment of hope, Gary pulls her out of the vent by her shirt, offering a chance for survival in her desperate situation.

Strengths

Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Compelling characters

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene is too long and could be cut down to make it more impactful.
The dialogue is repetitive and could be streamlined.
The action is not clear and could be described more vividly.
The ending of the scene is abrupt and could be more satisfying.
The scene is missing a clear conflict and resolution.

General Suggestions

Cut the scene down to focus on the most important moments.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.
Describe the action more vividly to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending by resolving the conflict in a way that is both satisfying and believable.
Add a clear conflict and resolution to the scene to give it a more structured and cohesive feel.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with a strong sense of tension and suspense. The use of the dog as a central character adds an interesting dynamic and creates empathy for the characters involved.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of captivity and escape is well-executed in this scene, with the dog playing a crucial role in helping the captive character. The use of the tennis ball as a symbol of hope and connection is also a unique and effective concept.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is focused on the captive character's attempt to escape and the dog's efforts to help her. The tension and suspense are maintained throughout, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of the protagonist being trapped in a basement is not entirely unique, the use of a tennis ball as a means of communication with the dog adds a fresh approach to the familiar scenario. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their motivations and actions are clear. The dog's loyalty and determination, as well as the captive character's desperation and resilience, make them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

The captive character undergoes a significant change in her mindset and determination to escape. The dog also demonstrates growth and resilience in his efforts to help her.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to communicate with the dog and gain its trust. This reflects her deeper need for companionship and connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find food to eat and alleviate her hunger. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing in the basement.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with the captive character's life at risk and the dog's determination to help her. The tension and suspense are maintained throughout, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces physical and emotional obstacles in her attempts to communicate with the dog and find food.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the captive character's life at risk and the dog's determination to save her. The audience is on edge and invested in the outcome.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the plot of the captive character's escape and deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how the protagonist's attempts to communicate with the dog will go.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits strong emotions of fear, tension, and empathy for the characters. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome and feels a sense of relief and hope when the dog successfully helps the captive character.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective. It conveys the necessary information and emotions without being overly verbose. The use of silence and actions also adds to the tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates suspense and emotional investment through the protagonist's struggle and the dog's actions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension through the protagonist's actions and the dog's reactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action lines.

INT. LIVING ROOM - S AME TIME

Gary barks into the empty living room. As if there’s someone
that could help.

But there isn’t.

He’s alone.

Or is he?

We RACK FOCUS past Gary, out the window to

RANDY.

Watching Gary through the blinds next door.

Gary sees him, too. Approaches the window. Continues to bark.

The blinds suddenly flip shut.

A beat. Then...

Gary spots Randy heading through his kitchen. Towards the
backyard.

Gary takes off through the house.

INT. BASEMENT - SAME TIME

Kat listens to Gary’s toenails racing across the floor.

C’mon... c’mon...

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
57.

EXT. BACKYARD - SAME TIME

Gary bursts out of the doggy door. Stands on the patio.
Barks.

Randy appears in the yard next door.

RANDY
What’s wrong? Huh?

He unlatches Cameron’s gate. Cautiously enters the yard,
looking around for any sign of Cameron. Then turns his eyes
back to the distressed Gary.

RANDY
What happened? What is it?

Gary continues to bark.

Randy approaches the door.

RANDY
Someone in there?

More ba rking. Gary heads back inside through the doggy door.

Randy crouches down. Opens the flap. Peers inside.

RANDY
Hello...?

BASEMENT

Kat looks up at the vent. Did she just hear something?

She limps to the chair. Painfully pulls herself onto it.
Stands. Cranes her neck to the vent. Listens. Ever so
faintly, echoing across the sheet metal --

RANDY (O.S.)
Hello? Anyone in there?

Kat nearly falls off the chair.

KA T
Help! HELP ME!

She pounds on the side of the vent with her fist.

KAT
HELP!!!!!!!!

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
58.

BACKYARD

Randy can hear the faint sounds of Kat banging out here.

RANDY
Jesus christ. I knew it...

Randy pulls off his jacket.

KITCHEN

Gary watches as Randy pushes his head through the flap. Then
starts to squeeze his shoulders through. Just like before.

Kat continues to scream and bang downstairs.

RANDY
I hear ya. Keep yelling! Keep
yelling!

BASEMENT

Kat hears Randy’s words. Starts to cry. Relief washing ov er
her.

KAT
Down here! I’m down here!

Kat bangs on the vent.

KITCHEN

Randy grits his teeth, fights to squeeze through the doggy
door. Kat’s bangs driving him forward.

He gets one shoulder through.

Then the next.

Looks up at Gary.

Only something is wrong... His face is no longer determined.
It’s screwed up in pain.

His eyes filled with fear.

He opens his mouth to speak. But instead of words

Blood.

Trickles down his chin.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
59.

The door swings open, revealing

THOSE SHEARS STICKING OUT OF RANDY’S BACK.

Cameron stands in the doorway behind him. Randy flails,
trying to reach the shears to pull them out, but he can’t.
The door is blocking his reach.

Randy tries to scream. Can’t do that either. Just silent
gasps as he kicks his legs.

Gary whimpers, ducks under the kitchen table. He doesn’t like
this at all.

Cameron stares at Randy stuck in the doggy door.

CAMERON
You shoulda stayed on your side.

He sadly watches as Randy bleeds out.

But Gary’s eyes aren’t on Randy. They’re trained on Cameron.
For the first time, looking at his owner not with love but
with fear.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary In this scene, Gary barks for help but realizes he's alone. He spots Randy watching him through the blinds and approaches the window, but the blinds shut. Gary sees Randy heading towards the backyard and chases after him. In the basement, Kat hears Gary's toenails racing across the floor. Gary bursts out of the doggy door into the backyard and barks at Randy. Randy tries to help and asks what's wrong, but Gary runs back inside. Randy crouches down and opens the doggy door flap, only to hear Kat scream for help. Realizing someone is trapped, Randy starts squeezing through the doggy door. However, Cameron suddenly appears and impales Randy with shears. Gary hides under the kitchen table in fear while Cameron watches Randy bleed out. The scene ends with Gary looking at Cameron with fear.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Intriguing concept
Strong emotional impact

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene is well-written and suspenseful. The action is clear and easy to follow, and the characters are well-developed. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.
First, the scene could be more concise. It is currently 59 lines long, and some of the dialogue could be cut without losing any of the meaning. For example, the following lines could be removed:
```
RANDY What’s wrong? Huh?
RANDY What happened? What is it?
RANDY Someone in there?
RANDY Hello...?
```
Second, the scene could be more visually interesting. The action is all taking place in one location, and there is not much variation in the camera angles. To make the scene more visually interesting, the director could use different camera angles, lighting, and composition.
Finally, the scene could be more emotionally impactful. The audience should feel a sense of dread and suspense as they watch Randy being killed. To make the scene more emotionally impactful, the director could use sound effects, music, and editing to create a more immersive and emotionally charged experience.

General Suggestions

Cut some of the dialogue to make the scene more concise.
Use different camera angles, lighting, and composition to make the scene more visually interesting.
Use sound effects, music, and editing to create a more immersive and emotionally charged experience.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly suspenseful and intense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The revelation of the captive in the basement adds a new layer of mystery and danger. The use of the dog as a key character adds emotional depth and tension.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a hidden captive in the basement and the dog's involvement in discovering her is intriguing and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience guessing about the true nature of the characters and their motivations. The discovery of the captive adds a new twist to the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist in danger and seeking help is familiar, the specific details and actions of the characters add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions and motivations are clear. The dog's loyalty and fear towards his owner adds complexity to the relationship.

Character Changes: 8

The dog's perception of his owner changes from love to fear, adding complexity to their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find help and escape from the unknown threat. This reflects Gary's deeper need for safety, security, and companionship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get Randy's attention and communicate that something is wrong. It reflects the immediate circumstance of being in danger and needing assistance.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the captive desperately seeking help and the dog torn between loyalty and fear.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a dangerous and unknown threat. The audience doesn't know how the situation will go, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the captive's life is in danger and the dog's loyalty is tested.

Story Forward: 9

The scene reveals new information about the captive and raises questions about the true nature of the characters, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as Randy watching Gary through the blinds and later getting attacked. The audience doesn't know how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, desperation, and relief. The audience is deeply invested in the fate of the captive and the dog.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and advancing the plot. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immediately presents a mystery and danger, keeping the audience curious about what will happen next. The concise and impactful writing style adds to the engagement.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The concise and impactful writing style helps maintain a fast pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and clear.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, and builds tension through escalating actions.

INT. BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Kat stands on that chair, staring up at the vent.

KAT
Hello?!

A long, silent beat.

KAT
HELLO?!

Then --

CLUNK.

The basement door unlocks. Kat climbs down. Rushes to the
stairs. Almost forgets about her ankle. Adrenaline ta king
over.

Looks up at the door, hopeful, as

A human-shaped cocoon of gardening tarp TUMBLES TOWARDS HER.

She dives out of the way as the cocoon crashes into the far
wall. She looks over at the jumble of tarps... Randy’s DEAD
EYES peering out at her.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
60.

She opens her mouth to scream, but nothing comes out.

The door upstairs shuts and locks. Those Carhartt boots
descend the staircase.

Cameron appears. Stares at Kat. Then his attention shifts
past her to the chest freezer.

VENT

Gary watches from above as Cameron empties the freezer.
Pulling out the salmon, the pie crusts, the batteries.

Stacks it all on the floor.

He grabs the corners of the cocoon. Hois ts Randy in. Pushes
him down. The lid won’t close. Tries another angle. Still not
going.

Cameron grabs Randy’s leg. BREAKS it. Grabs the other. BREAKS
that one, too. Heaves them down.

The lid closes. A temporary holding spot.

Cameron turns to see Kat looking at him, horrified.

CAMERON
No, no, it’s okay.

He sits down beside her on the floor.

CAMERON
I’m just tryin’ to make this work.
Thought it would last time. Really
did. It was so sad...what happened.

He rests his head on her shoulder. Grabs her hand and puts it
on his head.

CAMERON
You want this to work, right?

Kat nods, freaked the fuck out.

CAMERON
(softly)
Who am I?

Tears fill Kat’s eyes.

KAT
You’re a good boy.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
61.

As she holds him, she eyes the CARABINER OF KEYS clipped to
his belt loop.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Suspenseful, Disturbing, Intense

Summary Kat hears a sound and looks up at the vent, calling out for someone. The basement door unlocks and she rushes to the stairs. As she climbs, a human-shaped cocoon of gardening tarp tumbles toward her, revealing Randy's dead eyes. Cameron appears, emptying the chest freezer and breaking Randy's legs to fit him inside. He sits beside Kat, asking if she wants this to work. Kat nods, holding him as she eyes the carabiner of keys on his belt loop, suggesting a plan to escape.

Strengths

Intense suspense
Strong emotional impact
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

None

General Critique

The dialogue in this scene is sparse and unnatural. The characters speak in fragments and one-word sentences, which makes the scene feel choppy and disjointed.
The scene lacks a clear goal or conflict. It's not clear what Kat and Cameron are trying to accomplish, or what's at stake for them.
The pacing of the scene is too slow. There are long stretches of inactivity, which makes the scene feel dull and tedious.
The scene lacks any sense of tension or suspense. The audience is never really invested in what's happening, and the outcome of the scene is never in doubt.
The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying. It feels like the writer ran out of ideas and just decided to end the scene without any real resolution.

General Suggestions

Add more dialogue to the scene to make it feel more natural and engaging. Have the characters talk about their feelings, their goals, and what's at stake for them.
Give the scene a clear goal or conflict. What do Kat and Cameron want to accomplish? What's preventing them from achieving their goals?
Speed up the pacing of the scene by cutting out the unnecessary dialogue and action. Keep the scene moving forward so that the audience stays engaged.
Add some tension or suspense to the scene. Make the audience feel like something is at stake, and that the outcome of the scene is in doubt.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Resolve the conflict, and leave the audience with a sense of closure.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly suspenseful and intense, with a strong sense of fear and horror. The actions and dialogue of the characters create a disturbing atmosphere that keeps the audience on edge.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a woman being held captive in a basement by a deranged man is a familiar one in the thriller and horror genres. However, the inclusion of the loyal dog as a helper and the use of tennis balls as a means of communication add unique elements to the concept.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Kat's attempt to escape from the basement and Cameron's disturbing actions. The tension and suspense build as Kat tries to communicate with Gary and find a way out.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist trying to escape from a dangerous situation is familiar, the specific details and actions in the scene, such as the use of a cocoon of gardening tarp and breaking the antagonist's legs, add a fresh and unique element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Kat and Cameron, are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the suspense and horror of the scene. Kat's fear and desperation are palpable, while Cameron's disturbing behavior adds to the sense of danger.

Character Changes: 8

Kat undergoes a significant change in the scene as she goes from being trapped and helpless to finding the strength to fight for her freedom. Cameron's character remains consistent in his disturbing behavior.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape from the dangerous situation she is in. This reflects her deeper need for safety and her fear of being harmed.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the antagonist and to find a way to escape the basement. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with Kat desperately trying to escape and Cameron exerting control over her. The physical and psychological violence adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a dangerous antagonist who is actively trying to capture and harm her. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene as Kat's life is in danger and she is desperate to escape. The audience is on edge, fearing for her safety.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by showing Kat's attempt to escape and the escalating danger she faces. It also reveals more about Cameron's twisted personality.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected actions and events, such as the cocoon of gardening tarp tumbling towards the protagonist and the antagonist breaking the legs of another character. These elements keep the audience guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and horror. The audience is deeply invested in Kat's struggle to escape and feels her desperation and terror.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the fear and tension of the situation. The interaction between Kat and Cameron reveals their twisted dynamic and adds to the disturbing atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and fear through its intense and impactful moments. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's struggle to survive and escape.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and suspense. The short and impactful sentences, as well as the quick succession of events, keep the reader engaged and on edge.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise action lines, and dialogue.

INT. UTILITY CLOSET - NIGHT

Gary lies next to the washing machine, watching Cameron get
ready for bed. Cameron peers out the bedroom door.

CAMERON
C’mon bud, bed time.

But Gary doesn’t move. His tail tucked between his legs.

CAMERON
Aww, buddy...

Cameron approaches. Squats down in front of Gary.

CAMERON
You didn’t like what happened
today, huh?

He definitely didn’t.

CAMERON
Yeah, me neither. But they’d have
come for us otherwise. Put both you
and I back in a cage. I had to
protect us. You understand?

Cameron reaches a hand out to Gary. Starts scratching behind
his ears.

CAMERON
I’m never gonna let them put us
back in a cage. Ever.

Gary’s eyes start to grow heavy, but we ANGLE ON his tail.

It stays tucked.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional

Summary In a utility closet at night, Cameron tries to comfort Gary after they are forced to put down another dog. Despite Cameron's reassurances, Gary remains upset and refuses to move. Cameron promises to never let them be put back in a cage again. Gary lies next to the washing machine with his tail tucked between his legs while Cameron scratches behind his ears. As Gary's eyes grow heavy, his tail remains tucked.

Strengths

Effective tension and suspense
Emotional connection with characters
Strong portrayal of loyalty and protection

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene is well-written and effectively conveys the bond between Gary and Cameron. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.
First, the dialogue could be more natural. The characters speak in a very formal way that doesn't feel like real conversation. For example, Cameron says, "I had to protect us. You understand?" This could be simplified to "I had to protect us. Do you understand?"
Second, the scene could be more visually interesting. There is a lot of dialogue, but not a lot of action. Adding some more physicality to the scene would help to make it more engaging. For example, Cameron could pace back and forth while he talks to Gary, or Gary could curl up on Cameron's lap.
Finally, the scene could be more emotionally resonant. The audience should feel the bond between Gary and Cameron, and they should be invested in their story. Adding some more emotional depth to the scene would help to achieve this. For example, Cameron could talk about how much he loves Gary, or Gary could show how much he trusts Cameron.
Overall, the scene is well-written and has a lot of potential. With a few minor tweaks, it could be even better.

General Suggestions

Make the dialogue more natural.
Add some more physicality to the scene.
Add some more emotional depth to the scene.
Consider having Gary do something more active, such as playing with a toy or following Cameron around.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates tension and suspense through the dog's behavior and the captive character's desperate situation. The emotional impact is high, and the stakes are raised with the introduction of a potential threat. The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. The concept of loyalty and protection is central to the scene, and it moves the story forward by revealing the captive character's attempt to escape.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of loyalty and protection is effectively portrayed through the dog's actions and the owner's reassurance. The scene introduces the captive character and her desperate attempt to escape, adding depth to the story. The concept is crucial in establishing the emotional connection between the characters and driving the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the captive character's escape attempt is foiled, raising the stakes and increasing tension. The scene also deepens the emotional bond between the dog and its owner, adding complexity to their relationship. The plot is important in building suspense and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character comforting their pet is not entirely unique, the specific dynamics and emotions portrayed in this scene feel authentic and relatable. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and evoke empathy from the audience. The dog's loyalty and protective instincts are endearing, while the captive character's desperation and fear are palpable. The owner's reassurance and determination to protect both himself and the dog add depth to his character. The characters' interactions and emotions drive the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The captive character experiences a change in her perception of the owner. Initially fearful and uncertain, she starts to see him as a potential ally and protector. The owner's determination to keep them both safe also showcases his character growth. The dog's loyalty remains consistent throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reassure his dog, Gary, and make him feel safe and loved. This reflects the protagonist's deeper need for companionship, connection, and protection.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to comfort his dog and help him understand why certain events occurred. It reflects the immediate circumstances of the protagonist and his dog being in a potentially dangerous situation and the need to ensure their safety.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the captive character's desperate attempt to escape and the potential threat introduced by the owner's actions. The tension and suspense are heightened as the captive character's escape is foiled, and the stakes are raised. The conflict drives the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 3

The opposition in this scene is minimal. The protagonist's dog is initially resistant to going to bed, but there is no significant obstacle or conflict that the protagonist needs to overcome. The focus is primarily on the emotional connection between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the captive character's life is in danger, and the dog's loyalty is tested. The potential threat adds to the tension and raises the stakes further. The audience is invested in the characters' survival and well-being.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the captive character's escape attempt and the potential threat. It deepens the emotional bond between the characters and raises the stakes. The audience gains insight into the owner's protective nature and the captive character's resilience.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is somewhat predictable because it follows a familiar scenario of a character comforting their pet. However, the specific emotions and dynamics portrayed in the scene add a level of unpredictability and emotional depth.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene. The focus is primarily on the emotional connection between the protagonist and his dog.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and empathy in the audience. The dog's loyalty and the captive character's desperate situation create an emotional connection. The emotional impact is heightened by the minimal dialogue and the characters' actions. The audience is invested in the characters' well-being and the outcome of their situation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. The owner's reassurance to the dog and his explanation of their situation effectively communicate their bond and the need for protection. The captive character's lack of dialogue adds to the tension and fear she experiences.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of emotional connection and vulnerability between the characters. The dialogue and actions are relatable and evoke empathy from the audience. The scene holds the audience's attention and elicits an emotional response.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the emotional moments to breathe. The dialogue and actions are given appropriate time and space, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability. The pacing enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear establishing shot and then focuses on the dialogue and actions of the characters. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end, effectively conveying the emotional arc of the protagonist and his dog.

INT. BACKYARD - DAY

Gary lies in the grass watching Cameron dig a small TRENCH
just beyond the fence line with a shovel.

Cameron finishes and pulls out a spool of ELECTRIC CABLE.

He starts lying it in the trench, covering it with dirt.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
62.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Cameron sits on the floor next to Gary in his Lowe’s vest. He
holds an ELECTRIC COLLAR in his hand. Tests it by pressing a
button on an app on his phone.

VRRRT!!!

It shocks Cameron so much he drops the collar.

CAMERON
Shit.

He checks the intensity setting on the app: forty milliamps.

Dials it way back. Tests it again.

Vrrt.

Better.

He goes to fasten the ELECTRIC COLLAR onto Gary. Gary
re sists. Fidgets.

CAMERON
I know. I’m sorry, buddy. But that
gate was wide open.

He manages to get it on. Pets Gary lovingly.

CAMERON
I can’t lose you, too.

He kisses Gary on the head. Stands. Grabs his carabiner of
keys off that hook.

CAMERON
Be good, boy.

Gary watches Cameron leave.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary Cameron finishes digging a trench in the backyard and lays electric cable in it. In the kitchen, he tests an electric collar on himself before putting it on Gary. Despite Gary's reluctance, Cameron insists on using the collar to ensure his safety. Cameron expresses his fear of losing Gary and kisses him on the head before leaving. The scene is tense and emotional as Cameron takes measures to protect his beloved pet. Ultimately, Cameron leaves Gary alone in the backyard with the electric collar on.

Strengths

Strong suspense and tension
Effective use of the dog as a witness
Disturbing actions of the antagonist

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose and stakes. It is unclear what Cameron is doing and why it is significant.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It feels like the characters are speaking for the audience's benefit, rather than for each other.
The scene does not advance the plot. It is a static moment that does not contribute to the overall narrative.
The scene is too short. It does not have enough time to develop the characters or the situation.
The scene is not visually interesting. It is set in a mundane location and the action is repetitive.

General Suggestions

Give Cameron a clear purpose for digging the trench. Is he trying to bury something? Is he preparing for a future event?
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. Have the characters talk to each other in a way that reflects their relationship.
Add some conflict to the scene. Have Cameron and Gary argue about something. This will create tension and make the scene more interesting.
Expand the scene to give it more time to develop. Add more dialogue and action to make the scene more engaging.
Consider adding some visual interest to the scene. This could be done by changing the setting, adding props, or using different lighting.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

This scene is highly effective in creating suspense and tension. The use of the dog as a witness to the events adds an extra layer of emotion and stakes. The actions of the antagonist are disturbing and create a sense of fear and unease.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a captive trying to escape and the use of a dog as a witness is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively utilizes these concepts to create suspense and drive the plot forward.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the captive's attempt to escape and the antagonist's actions to prevent it. The tension and suspense are well-developed, and the plot moves forward at a fast pace.

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is low. There are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is average.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene are well-defined and their actions and motivations are clear. The captive's desperation and fear, as well as the antagonist's disturbing behavior, create strong emotional reactions.

Character Changes: 8

The captive undergoes a significant change in this scene as she goes from being defeated and resigned to fighting for her freedom. This change is driven by her desperation and the presence of the dog.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his dog, Gary. This reflects his deeper need for companionship and his fear of losing someone he cares about.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure the electric collar onto Gary to prevent him from escaping through the open gate.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense and high-stakes. The captive's struggle to escape and the antagonist's efforts to keep her captive create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While the protagonist faces resistance from his dog, it is not a major obstacle that creates high tension or uncertainty.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in this scene are extremely high as the captive's life is in danger and her desperate attempt to escape could have severe consequences.

Story Forward: 9

This scene moves the story forward by showing the captive's attempt to escape and the antagonist's actions to prevent it. It raises the stakes and increases the tension.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the reader does not know how the protagonist will secure the electric collar onto Gary and whether Gary will resist or not.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and desperation. The actions and situations depicted are disturbing and create a visceral response in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in this scene is minimal but effective. It conveys the necessary information and emotions without being overly verbose.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and raises questions about the outcome. The reader is invested in the protagonist's goal of protecting his dog.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and keeping the reader engaged in the protagonist's actions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It transitions smoothly between the backyard and the kitchen, and the actions and dialogue flow logically.

INT. VENT - DAY

Gary peers down into the basement. Spots Kat slumped next to
the freezer. Cameron’s given her that BOOMER dog bowl with
leftover chicken Gary didn’t eat. She ignores it, staring at
the far wall.

Numb.

She hears Gary above her and looks up. Sees the red light on
his collar.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
63.

KAT
You’re stuck here now, too, huh?

Gary rests his chin on the vent. Kat eyes him.

KAT
Never understood it...why everyone
loves you guys. My neighbors had
this pitbull when I was growing up.
Big mother fucker. Twice the size
of you. Used to bark at me on the
way to school. Such an asshole.

Gary listens.

KAT
I was so scared of him I’d run past
his fence. ‘Till one day he got
out. Chased me down. Had to g et
twelve stitches in my hand.

Kat shakes her head.

KAT
I don’t care how cute any of you
are, I don’t trust you. No offense.

Gary stares at Kat, none taken.

KAT
I shouldn’t have to apologize for
that, right?

Gary can’t offer her an answer. Only compassionate eyes.

She sighs: I can’t believe I’m talking to a dog.

She looks around the basement.

KAT
I’m running out of time.

Talking to herself now more than Gary.

She peers up at Gary. The only friend she has in this place.
Her only chance out of it.

KAT
I need you to get me his keys. His
keys.

Gary cocks his head.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
64.

KAT
I know. I know. You don’t
understand.

Kat looks over at the freezer. An idea forming...

She hobbles over. Opens the freezer. Reaches her hand past
those tarps.

Starts feeling around Randy’s body.

Pulls her hand back out. She’s holding Randy’s HOUSE KEYS.

She holds the keys up to the vent. JINGLES them back and
forth.

KAT
Keys. I need his keys.

Gary yawns. His eyes grow heavy. He couldn’t care less abo ut
the keys.

Kat jingles them harder.

KAT
Look at me. Keys! Keys!

Gary looks about ready to take a nap. Kat looks around. Needs
a new tactic.

She spots that pile of freezer food on the ground next to
her.

She grabs one of those bags of salmon. Rips it open. Gags at
the smell of warm fish.

Gary has the opposite reaction.

His eyes spring open. He licks his lips.

Kat limps to the chair. Pulls herself onto it. Holds the fish
up to the vent.

KAT
Is this what you want?

Gary can’t remember ever wanting anything more in his life.

KAT
Come on then. You gotta get closer.

Gary squeezes lower into the vent. Down...down...down.

As far as he can.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
65.

Kat pulls off a piece of salmon. She JINGLES the keys in
front of Gary, then throws the fish.

A short throw, but it doesn’t matter. No chance Gary’s
missing it.

He lunges forward. Snatches the salmon. Gobbles it up with
one bite.

KAT
Again.

Another jingle. Another piece of salmon.

Training Gary.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary Gary finds Kat in the basement, unresponsive and distrustful of dogs. Despite her fear, Gary shows compassion and understanding. Kat realizes she needs Randy's keys to escape and uses a piece of salmon to entice Gary to retrieve them. In the end, Kat successfully trains Gary to retrieve the keys using salmon as a reward.

Strengths

Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
Compelling use of a dog as a central character
Strong emotional connection with the audience

Weaknesses

Dialogue could benefit from more depth and complexity

General Critique

The scene is well-written, with clear and concise dialogue. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.
First, the scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
Second, the scene could be more visually interesting. It could be improved by adding more variety to the camera angles and by using more lighting effects.
Third, the scene could be more emotionally engaging. It could be improved by adding more conflict and by giving the characters more depth.
Finally, the scene could be more suspenseful. It could be improved by adding more tension and by building up to a more dramatic climax.

General Suggestions

Cut out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
Add more variety to the camera angles and use more lighting effects.
Add more conflict and give the characters more depth.
Add more tension and build up to a more dramatic climax.
Try to make the scene more emotionally engaging by adding more personal stakes for the characters.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with a strong sense of tension and suspense. The use of the dog as a central character adds a unique and compelling element to the story. The scene effectively conveys the desperation and hope of the captive woman and the dog's determination to help her escape.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a captive woman communicating with a dog and using unconventional tools for escape is innovative and intriguing. It adds depth and complexity to the story and creates a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the captive woman's attempt to communicate with the dog and escape from the basement. It is well-paced and keeps the audience engaged with its twists and turns.

Originality: 6

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly the captive woman and the dog, are well-developed and evoke strong emotions from the audience. Their interactions and the dog's determination to help the woman create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

The captive woman experiences a shift in her perspective and hope as she realizes the dog can help her escape. The dog also undergoes a change as he becomes more determined to assist the woman.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gain Gary's trust and convince him to help her. This reflects her deeper need for companionship and assistance in her desperate situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to obtain Randy's keys. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces of needing to escape the basement.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. The captive woman's struggle to escape and the dog's determination to help her create a sense of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of convincing Gary to help her. The audience is unsure of how Gary will respond to her requests.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene as the captive woman's life is in danger and her only hope for escape lies with the dog. The audience is on the edge of their seats, fearing for her safety.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by advancing the captive woman's escape plan and deepening the bond between her and the dog.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected actions and choices by the characters. The audience is unsure of how the interaction between the protagonist and Gary will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, including fear, desperation, and hope. The audience is deeply invested in the captive woman's plight and the dog's efforts to help her.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It is concise and impactful, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and creates tension through the interaction between the characters. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the scene.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene moving at a brisk pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the characters' goals, and builds tension.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Gary sits behind Cameron as he makes spaghetti. But Gary’s
focus isn’t on the food.

It’s on that carabiner of keys jingling on Cameron’s belt
loop.

Jingle.

Jingle jingle.

Suddenly more interesting to Gary.

Cameron plates his spaghetti. He unclips his keys and hangs
them above the breakfast nook. Heads into the living room.

We STAY ON those keys. Jingling on their hook. Gary stares at
them. His ears raised.

He licks his lips. A Pavlovian response.

He hops up on the nook. Approaches the keys. Sn iffs them.

The keys stop jingling.

A long beat. Gary waits for them to do something.

They don’t.

He heads off. Down the hallway.

PRELAP: A DIESEL ENGINE cranks over.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
66.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary In this suspenseful and curious scene, Gary becomes fixated on the carabiner of keys jingling on Cameron's belt loop. He watches as Cameron plates his spaghetti and hangs the keys above the breakfast nook. Gary stares at the keys, licks his lips, and hops up on the nook to approach them. He sniffs the keys, but they stop jingling and do nothing. Disappointed, Gary heads off down the hallway, leaving the audience wondering about his fascination with the keys. The scene ends with the sound of a diesel engine cranking over, adding to the suspense.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Well-defined characters

Weaknesses

Possible reliance on cliched thriller elements

General Critique

The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to understand the characters or the situation.
The dialogue is unnatural and doesn't sound like the way real people talk.
The action is confusing and it's not clear what's happening.
The scene doesn't move the plot forward and it feels like a waste of time.

General Suggestions

Expand the scene and give the reader more time to understand the characters and the situation.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
Clarify the action and make it clear what's happening.
Cut the scene if it doesn't move the plot forward.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly suspenseful and intense, with a dark tone that keeps the audience on edge. The use of the carabiner of keys adds intrigue and tension to the plot. The scene effectively conveys the fear and desperation of the characters, creating a strong emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog playing a crucial role in the escape of a captive adds an interesting dynamic to the story. The use of the carabiner of keys as a plot device is innovative and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience engaged with its suspenseful and intense moments. The scene moves the story forward by revealing the captive's attempt to escape and the dog's involvement in the process.

Originality: 3

The level of originality in this scene is low. It depicts a common situation of temptation and self-control.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. The dog, Gary, is a central character and his compassion and understanding towards the captive, Kat, adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Kat undergoes a change as she goes from being defeated and in pain to finding hope and determination to escape. This change adds depth to her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Gary's internal goal in this scene is to resist the temptation of the keys and maintain self-control. It reflects his deeper need for discipline and his fear of succumbing to his desires.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, it can be inferred that he is trying to resist the temptation of the keys and avoid giving in to his desires.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the captive trying to escape and the dog playing a crucial role in the process. The presence of the antagonist, Cameron, adds to the conflict and tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces the challenge of resisting temptation.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in this scene as the captive is desperate to escape and the dog's involvement puts both of their lives at risk. The presence of the antagonist adds to the intensity of the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the captive's attempt to escape and the dog's involvement in the process. It adds momentum to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know if the protagonist will give in to his desires or resist the temptation.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and desperation. The audience is deeply invested in the characters' plight and feels their struggle.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It is concise and impactful, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it creates suspense and curiosity through the protagonist's actions and the jingling keys.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear descriptions and actions.

EXT. FARM - DAY

Gary lies in the shade under Cameron’s truck, chewing on that
odd-looking bone.

Out in the cornfield, Cameron is trying to start the combine
with its fresh cylinder head. It won’t fire. The mechanic
waves him off.

MECHANIC
Wait. Wait. Hang on...

The mechanic leans his head into the engine compartment.
Makes an adjustment.

MECHANIC
A’right, try ‘er again.

Cameron cranks the ignition. This t ime the engine ROARS TO
LIFE. Exhaust pours from the smokestacks.

Cameron shifts the combine into reverse.

Backs up through the cornfield. Parks it next to the barn.

Ready for use.

INT. CAMERON’S TRUCK - NIGHT

Cameron and Gary ride back from the farm. “Bad Moon Rising”
by CCR plays on the radio.

Cameron drums his fingers on the steering wheel, in a good
mood. He lowers the window for Gary.

Gary doesn’t p ut his head out this time. He keeps his eyes on
Cameron instead.

LATER

Cameron turns onto his street. Gary perks up, curious. Seeing
something up ahead. Red and blue lights flickering across his
face. Rotate to reveal...

A POLICE CRUISER parked in front of Randy’s house. Two
OFFICERS peer through Randy’s windows.

Cameron sees them, too.

Shit shit shit.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
67.

He hits the garage opener and pulls around the cruiser.
Drives into the garage.

Avoiding eye contact with the officers.

Cameron closes the garage door and leaps out of the truck,
snagging his TOOLBELT on the way.

Gary follows him into

THE HALLWAY

Cameron unclips his carabiner of keys. Unlocks the basement
door.

Storms downstairs.

BASEMENT

He finds Kat cowering in the corner. Stomps towards her.

She EXPLODE S upwards, SLASHING at his face with the BOTTLE
OPENER on Randy’s keys. A planned attack.

SLICES into his cheek.

Continues to slash. Desperate. Maybe now or never.

CAMERON
Goddammit. Stop! STOP!

He throws her into the far wall. The keys go flying. Her head
SMACKS the water heater. Stuns her.

CAMERON
I said stop!

A BARK comes from behind Cameron. Gary has come down the
steps and is not a fan of what’s happ ening to his friend Kat.

Cameron ignores him. More pressing things...

He pulls a roll of DUCT TAPE from his toolbelt. Tapes over
Kat’s mouth.

Grabs ZIP TIES. Ties her wrists to that brass pipe. As he
does, Kat looks around, dazed. Spots something next to the
freezer... A tennis ball.

That tennis ball.

With her message.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
68.

The DOORBELL rings.

Cameron jabs a finger at Kat.

CAMERON
Not a sound.

Cameron heads back upstairs, wiping blood off his cheek.

CAMERON
C’mon, boy.

Gary watches Kat struggling against the zip ties. Trying to
reach that tennis ball with her foot.

She manages to kick it. It rolls over and comes to a stop in
front of Gary. She pleads through the duct tape: take it.

CAMERON
(calls down)
I said c’mon.

Gary looks u p at Cameron, then back to Kat.

Kat pleads again: take it.

Gary grabs the tennis ball in his mouth.

Carries it upstairs.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary Cameron successfully starts the combine on the farm with the mechanic's help. Later, Cameron and Gary hear 'Bad Moon Rising' on the radio and rush to avoid police officers at Randy's house. Cameron finds Kat in his basement, where she attacks him with a bottle opener. Cameron overpowers her, restrains her, and warns her to stay quiet. The scene ends with Gary carrying a tennis ball with a message upstairs.

Strengths

Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
Compelling use of a dog as a main character
Strong emotional impact

Weaknesses

Theme could be further developed

General Critique

The scene starts off with Gary lying under Cameron's truck, chewing on a bone. This is a nice, peaceful image that sets a calm tone for the scene. However, the tone quickly changes when the mechanic tells Cameron to wait and then makes an adjustment to the engine. This creates a sense of suspense and anticipation, as the reader wonders what is going to happen next.
The suspense continues to build as Cameron cranks the ignition and the engine roars to life. The reader is now on the edge of their seat, wondering what Cameron is going to do next. Will he drive away? Will he confront the police officers? The tension is palpable.
The scene reaches its climax when Cameron sees the police cruiser parked in front of Randy's house. He knows that he is in trouble, and he tries to avoid eye contact with the officers. However, it is too late. The officers have already seen him, and they are closing in.
Cameron drives into the garage and closes the door, hoping to hide from the police. However, Kat is hiding in the basement, and she hears him enter. She attacks him with a bottle opener, and a bloody fight ensues. The reader is left wondering who will win the fight and what will happen next.

General Suggestions

The scene could be more effective if it were shorter. Some of the details, such as the mechanic making an adjustment to the engine, could be cut without losing anything important.
The scene could also be more focused. The beginning of the scene focuses on Gary, but the focus then shifts to Cameron and the police officers. The scene would be more effective if it focused on a single character or storyline.
The dialogue in the scene could be more natural. Some of the lines, such as "I said stop!" and "Not a sound," sound forced and unnatural.
The ending of the scene is anticlimactic. The reader is left wondering what will happen next, but there is no sense of resolution. The scene would be more satisfying if it ended with a clear resolution or cliffhanger.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with a strong sense of tension and suspense. The use of the dog as a main character adds a unique and compelling element to the story. The scene effectively conveys the fear and desperation of the characters, creating a sense of urgency and emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dog playing a crucial role in the escape from captivity is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The psychological manipulation and power dynamics between the characters also contribute to the concept's strength.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience engaged throughout the scene. The tension and conflict between the characters drive the story forward and create a sense of anticipation.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters add authenticity and freshness to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their motivations and actions are clear. The audience can empathize with their fear and desperation, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

The character of Kat undergoes a significant change from being trapped and fearful to finding the courage to escape. This change adds depth to her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and his friend Kat from the police officers. This reflects his deeper need for safety and his fear of getting caught.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to hide Kat from the police officers. This reflects the immediate challenge of avoiding arrest.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and drives the scene forward. The power dynamics and struggle for control create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges from both Kat's attack and the presence of the police officers. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as the characters are trapped and in danger. Their lives are at risk, adding a sense of urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by showing the characters' escape from captivity and their increasing desperation. It adds momentum to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as the attack from Kat and the presence of the police officers.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anxiety, and desperation. The audience is emotionally invested in the characters' plight.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. It is concise and impactful, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's actions and the outcome of the conflict.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The quick and concise action lines and dialogue keep the scene moving at a fast pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and builds tension.

EXT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - NIGHT

An OFFICER (43, ex-military) waits on Cameron’s porch. Rings
the doorbell again.

OFFICER
(calls)
Greenwood PD.

Cameron opens the door. Smiles. Tries to hide the cut on his
cheek with his hand.

CAMERON
Evening officer.

OFFICER
Sorry to bother you. We’re doing a
welfare check on your neighbor, Mr.
Reeves, but he isn’t answering.

Gary appears next to Cameron with that tennis ball. Stares up
at the officer.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
69.

We see help peeking out between Gary’s teeth.
Neither men notice.

OFFICER
Can you tell me the last time you
saw Mr. Reeves?

CAMERON
Not quite sure actually. He keeps
to himself.

OFFICER
Have you noticed anything unusual?

CAMERON
Next door? No. But, like I
said...don’t see much of him.
Should I be worried?

OFFICER
He didn’t show up for church. There
was some concern.

Gary drops the tennis ball.

We TRACK with t he ball as it rolls away... and away... and
away... down the hall and comes to a stop near the bathroom.

Impossible to see from the door.

OFFICER
Do you know if he had any health
issues?

Gary BARKS at the officer.

CAMERON
Shhh, boy.

But Gary doesn’t shh. He barks again and again. As if he
knows this officer can help. As if he knows the officer is
Kat’s only chance.

Or he’s just a dog who barks at people a t the door.

Either way, Gary’s gotten the officer’s attention.

CAMERON
Quit it.

The officer studies Gary, then the cut on Cameron’s face.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
70.

Something not feeling right.

The officer peers into the house.

OFFICER
Sir, are you alone in the house?

CAMERON
I am.

OFFICER
Do you mind if I take a quick look
around?

A long beat.

CAMERON
(smiles)
Of course.

Cameron pulls the door open. The officer clicks on his
flashlight. Enters.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary An officer from the Greenwood PD visits Cameron's house at night, concerned about his neighbor Mr. Reeves. Cameron, with a cut on his cheek, tries to hide it as the officer asks about Mr. Reeves and any unusual activities. Gary, Cameron's dog, barks and drops a tennis ball, catching the officer's attention. Sensing something amiss, the officer asks if Cameron is alone and is allowed to enter the house for a quick look around, resolving the officer's concerns.

Strengths

Tension-building
Effective use of the dog as a character
Emotional investment

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene starts with an officer at Cameron's porch, asking about his neighbor, Mr. Reeves. Cameron tries to hide a cut on his cheek, which could be a sign of a struggle or an injury sustained while trying to subdue Kat. However, this detail is not fully explored or explained in the scene.
Gary appears with a tennis ball in his mouth, which is the same ball that Kat used to write a message on in the previous scene. This is a significant detail as it could potentially lead the officer to Kat's location in the basement.
The officer asks Cameron about the last time he saw Mr. Reeves and if he has noticed anything unusual. Cameron's response is vague and evasive, which could raise suspicion. However, the officer does not press further.
Gary barks at the officer, which could be interpreted as a sign of aggression or protectiveness. Cameron tries to calm Gary down, but the dog continues to bark, possibly alerting the officer to something amiss.
The officer asks if Cameron is alone in the house, and Cameron replies that he is. This is a crucial moment as it gives the officer an opportunity to search the house for Mr. Reeves or any other suspicious activity.
Cameron allows the officer to take a quick look around, which could potentially lead to the discovery of Kat in the basement. However, the scene ends before we see the outcome of the search.
The scene is well-written and effectively builds tension and suspense. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.
The dialogue could be more natural and less stilted. For example, the officer's lines could be more conversational and less formal.
The pacing could be slowed down a bit to allow the tension to build more gradually.
The ending could be more impactful. For example, the officer could actually find Kat in the basement, or Cameron could make a move to attack the officer.

General Suggestions

Add more details to Cameron's description of the cut on his cheek.
Have the officer question Cameron more closely about his neighbor.
Have Gary bark more aggressively at the officer.
Have Cameron hesitate before allowing the officer to search the house.
Have the officer find something suspicious during the search.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and less stilted.
Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow the tension to build more gradually.
Give the scene a more impactful ending.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The use of the dog as a key character adds an interesting dynamic and creates emotional investment. The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and fear of the situation. The scene also introduces a potential turning point in the story with the officer's arrival.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a captive woman trying to escape with the help of a dog is intriguing and creates a unique dynamic. The scene effectively utilizes this concept to build suspense and create emotional stakes.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the captive woman's desperate attempt to get the attention of the officer and escape. The tension is heightened by the presence of the dog, who acts as a catalyst for the events. The plot moves forward significantly with the officer's arrival and the potential for rescue.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low, as it follows a familiar setup of a protagonist interacting with a police officer during a welfare check. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and dialogue effectively convey their emotions and motivations. The dog's loyalty and determination to help the captive woman create empathy and investment in his character. The officer's unknowing involvement adds an additional layer of tension.

Character Changes: 8

The captive woman experiences a shift in her perception of dogs, going from distrust to relying on the dog for help. This change in attitude and dependence on the dog showcases her desperation and the direness of her situation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to hide the cut on his cheek and maintain a calm demeanor in front of the officer. This reflects his fear of being discovered or suspected of something.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cooperate with the officer and provide any information he can about the missing neighbor. This reflects the immediate circumstance of the welfare check and the challenge of potentially having to reveal information he may be hiding.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. The captive woman is in a life-or-death situation, trying to escape from her captor. The officer's presence adds an additional layer of conflict as he unknowingly becomes involved in the dangerous situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the officer's questions and suspicions create a small obstacle for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the captive woman's life is in danger and her only hope for rescue lies with the officer. The tension and suspense are heightened by the presence of the dog, who acts as a lifeline for the woman.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the officer's involvement and the potential for the captive woman's rescue. It raises the stakes and sets up a potential turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it hints at the possibility of the protagonist hiding something, but the true nature of the mystery is not revealed.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and desperation. The audience is invested in the captive woman's plight and feels a sense of relief and hope when the dog tries to get the officer's attention.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful. It effectively conveys the urgency and fear of the situation, as well as the officer's suspicion. The lack of dialogue from the captive woman adds to the tension and desperation of her situation.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions about the missing neighbor, as well as the protagonist's potential involvement.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the reader's interest, with a balance of dialogue and character actions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.

INT. CAMERON’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

The officer scans the living room with his flashlight.

CAMERON
Hope you can’t get arrested for a
dirty house, cuz I’ll be going to
jail.

The officer heads down the hallway. As he does, Cameron
reaches into his toolbelt.

Pulls out the shears.

We FLOAT DOWN to the officer’s boots making their way across
the wood floor, and then continue down THROUGH THE FLOOR
into

THE BASEMENT

Where Kat is ziptied to the pipe, listening to the CREEK of
the wood.

He’s directly over top of her.

She SCREAMS through the t ape and BEATS her hands against the
pipe.

Clang. Clang. Clang.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
71.

HALLWAY

The officer shines his light into the kitchen. Impossible to
hear the clangs up here.

Or is it?

The officer turns around. Shines his light on the warped
basement door.

In the background, we notice Cameron is now standing a lot
closer to the officer than we last saw him.

The officer approaches the door. Crouches down in front of
it.

Cameron is closer again.

The officer leans forward. Brings his e ar to the handle.
Listens intently.

Cameron is right behind the officer.

Gary watches from the living room as Cameron draws the shears
from behind his back. Squeezes the handle. Goes to swing --

Bark!

The officer looks over at Gary panting in the living room.

Then his attention shifts to the hallway.

Cameron is back by the front door. The shears on the console
table.

The officer stands. Approaches Camero n.

OFFICER
Thanks for your time.

CAMERON
(smiles)
Always happy to help you boys in
blue.

OFFICER
If you see Mr. Reeves, have him
give us a call?

CAMERON
Absolutely.

The officer leans down. Picks something up.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
72.

THE TENNIS BALL.

OFFICER
Think I found what your dog wanted.

He holds it out for Gary. Cameron spots the letters written
on the ball.

He snatches it from the officer.

CAMERON
(explaining)
You don’t want to touch his toys.
So much slobber.

Cameron wipes his thumb across the ball. SMEARS THE MESSAGE.

The officer studies Cameron.

OFFICER
You should take a look at that
cheek.

The officer leaves. Cameron shuts the door. Looks down at the
smeared message on that tennis ball.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary An officer searches Cameron's house for Mr. Reeves, while Cameron hides shears and Kat, zip-tied in the basement, screams. Cameron attempts to attack the officer but is interrupted by Gary's bark. The officer finds a tennis ball, but Cameron wipes off the message before it can be read. The officer leaves without discovering the hidden message.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Strong character development
Effective use of limited dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be further developed to enhance character dynamics

General Critique

The scene starts off well, with the officer questioning Cameron and Gary alerting the officer to Kat's presence in the basement. However, the scene loses focus when Cameron retrieves the shears and prepares to attack the officer.
The action becomes confusing and unclear, with the officer seemingly unaware of Cameron's intentions despite the obvious signs (Cameron getting closer, drawing the shears).
The sudden shift in Cameron's position and the officer's lack of reaction strain credulity and make the scene feel unrealistic.
The dialogue between Cameron and the officer is stilted and unnatural, with Cameron's response to the officer's thanks for his time being particularly awkward.
The scene ends abruptly with the officer finding the tennis ball and Cameron wiping off the message, leaving the reader with more questions than answers.

General Suggestions

Consider revising the scene to make Cameron's attack on the officer more believable. For example, you could have the officer distracted by something else, such as a noise coming from the basement.
Clarify the officer's actions and reactions throughout the scene. For example, have him notice Cameron's movements and respond accordingly.
Rework the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. For example, have Cameron give a more genuine response to the officer's thanks.
Consider adding more tension to the scene by having the officer come closer to discovering Kat or by having Cameron make a more overt move to attack him.
Provide a clearer resolution to the scene. For example, have the officer discover Kat and arrest Cameron, or have Gary intervene to prevent Cameron from attacking the officer.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in building tension and creating a sense of fear and unease. The actions and dialogue of the characters contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere and keep the audience engaged.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a captive woman trying to escape from her captor while relying on a dog for help is intriguing and adds a unique element to the scene. The use of the tennis ball as a means of communication is also clever.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Kat's desperate attempts to escape and Cameron's efforts to maintain control. The tension and conflict between the characters drive the narrative forward and keep the audience on edge.

Originality: 6

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and dialogue are consistent with their motivations and personalities. Kat's determination and resilience, Cameron's unpredictability and violence, and Gary's loyalty and intelligence are all effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Kat undergoes a change in her perception of dogs, from initially distrusting them due to a traumatic experience to relying on Gary for help. This change is significant in her character arc and adds depth to her development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect Kat, who is ziptied in the basement. This reflects Cameron's deeper need to keep his loved ones safe and his fear of harm coming to them.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to distract the officer and prevent him from discovering Kat in the basement. This reflects the immediate challenge of avoiding detection and potential arrest.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, with Kat trying to escape and Cameron trying to maintain control. The physical and psychological struggle between the characters creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of distracting the officer and preventing him from discovering Kat in the basement. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with Kat's life and freedom at risk. The constant threat of violence and the unpredictable nature of Cameron create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes. It also reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about whether the officer will discover Kat in the basement and what actions the protagonist will take to prevent it.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anxiety, and empathy for Kat's plight. The audience is emotionally invested in her escape and feels the danger she is facing.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is concise and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. The limited dialogue adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and suspense through its descriptive language and character actions. The reader is invested in the protagonist's goal of protecting Kat and is curious to see how they will succeed.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and suspense. The concise and impactful dialogue and descriptive language keep the reader engaged and eager to know what happens next.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.

INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT

Kat yanks against the zip ties with all her weight. They bite
into her wrists, but she keeps tugging until...

Snap.

The ties break. She rips the tape off her mouth. Pulls
herself to her feet. Turns around. Cameron is there at the
bottom of the stairs. Gary is next to him.

Cameron holds that tennis ball.

CAMERON
Do you kno w what they would’ve done
to me if they found this?

Cameron STRIKES her in a flash of rage. She collapses to the
ground.

Gary BARKS.

And barks.

And barks.

Cameron turns to him.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
73.

CAMERON
Shhhh, buddy. It’s okay.

Cameron approaches Gary. Gary takes a step back.

CAMERON
Hey. Hey. It’s alright.

He crouches down in front of Gary.

As he does, Kat looks at the CARABINER OF KEYS jingling from
his belt loop right in front of her. Then her eyes drift over
to the pouch of salmon near the freezer...an idea forming.

CAMERON
Everything’s okay.

Cameron scratches behind Gary’s ears. But this ti me, Gary’s
eyes don’t grow heavy. They stay wide open, focused on
Cameron. Distrusting.

CAMERON
You almost got us in big trouble
today. I love you but you gotta
listen to me, ‘kay?

Cameron stands and sees that Kat is now in the corner. What
he doesn’t see is her wiping salmon off her hand behind her
back.

He stares at her, no longer filled with hope but with
disappointment. Knowing what he has to do.

C AMERON
C’mon, boy.

Cameron heads for the staircase.

Gary glances at Kat, then dutifully follows Cameron. As they
head upstairs, we ANGLE ON: Cameron’s carabiner. It shimmers,
greasy.

Tiny pieces of salmon stuck in the keychain.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary In a tense and confrontational scene set in a basement at night, Kat manages to escape her restraints and confronts Cameron and Gary. Cameron strikes her, but Gary barks in distrust. Cameron calms Gary and approaches Kat, who distracts him with salmon and seizes his keys. As Cameron and Gary leave, they remain unaware of Kat's plan to escape, which becomes evident through the salmon smeared on Cameron's carabiner.

Strengths

Intense suspense
Strong emotional impact
Well-defined characters

Weaknesses

Limited exploration of themes

General Critique

The scene is too long and could be shortened to make it more impactful.
The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural.
The action is a bit repetitive.
The ending is a bit anticlimactic.

General Suggestions

Cut down on the dialogue and make it more natural.
Vary the action to make it more interesting.
Add a more impactful ending.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with strong emotional impact and high stakes. The tension between the characters and the unexpected twists make it a compelling and memorable scene.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and escape is well-executed, with the use of the tennis ball as a key element. The scene effectively builds suspense and keeps the audience on edge.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience engaged. The scene advances the story by revealing the true nature of Cameron and his intentions, while also providing a glimpse of Kat's resourcefulness and determination to escape.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character trying to escape captivity is a familiar one, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their actions and motivations are clear. The scene showcases the complex relationship between Cameron, Kat, and Gary, and their interactions drive the tension and conflict.

Character Changes: 8

Cameron's true nature is revealed, showing a darker side to his character. Kat also shows resilience and resourcefulness in her escape attempts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape and survive. This reflects her deeper need for freedom and her fear of being harmed or controlled.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by Cameron and Gary. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing of being captured and harmed.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cameron and Kat is intense and drives the scene. The stakes are high, with Kat's life at risk and Gary caught in the middle.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of escaping from Cameron and Gary. The audience is unsure of how she will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high, with Kat's life in danger and the tension between the characters escalating. The audience is on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the characters and their motivations. It also sets up further conflict and raises the stakes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the protagonist breaking free from the zip ties and the dog's reaction to Cameron's actions. These elements create uncertainty and keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, distrust, and disappointment. The audience is invested in the characters' fates and feels the tension and danger.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters. It is concise and impactful, adding to the suspense and intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immediately presents a high-stakes situation and creates a sense of suspense and urgency. The actions and dialogue of the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency. The quick and concise dialogue, as well as the actions of the characters, keep the scene moving at a fast pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and builds suspense.

INT. UTILITY CLOSET - NIGHT

Gary sits next to the washer.

Cameron rummages around on the shelf above him. Pulls down
that Lowe’s SHOPPING BASKET filled with the bleach and the
gl oves and the tarp.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
74.

Cameron sets the basket by the locked basement door.
Preparing for what’s to come.

He heads over to the console table.

Grabs those shears.

A CAR DOOR SHUTS outside, catching his attention. He crosses
to the window.

OUTSIDE: That police cruiser is still parked in front of
Randy’s house. The lights are off. The officers are inside.
One talks on the radio.

Cameron sighs. Shit.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Cameron t osses the shears on the counter. Fishes a PBR out of
the fridge.

He hangs his carabiner on its hook.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Cameron sits on the couch, sipping his beer, glancing out the
window at that police cruiser.

Waiting.

Gary lies down in the utility closet. Rests his head on his
paws. Closes his eyes.

LATER

A car engine starts outside, waking Gary.

He crosses to the window. Watches the POLICE CRUI SER RACE OFF
towards some emergency, lights flashing.

Gary turns around.

Cameron didn’t hear. He’s asleep, snoring on the couch.

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Gary laps at his water bowl. Finishes drinking. Sniffs the
air as he dribbles water onto the floor.

Something catching his attention.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
75.

He follows his nose to the breakfast nook. Hops up on it.
Looks up at that

CARABINER OF KEYS.

The tiny bits of salmon tantalizing his nose.

He cranes his neck.

Starts licking.

The keys jingle as he licks them and licks them and licks
them and...

CLANG!

The keys fall to the floor.

Gary hops down. Continues licking. Making sure he gets it
all. As he does, we RACK FOCUS to that BOTTLE OPENER sawing a
NOTCH into the bottom the basement door.

Then a pair of EYES stare through the notch, watching Gary.

It’s Kat. Lying on her stomach, face on the floor.

She whispers to him.

KAT
Good dog.

Gary sees her. She points at the keys. Five feet away from
her. Devastatingly close.

KAT
The keys.

Gary cocks his head. Just stares at her. Kat pushes a piece
of salmon through the notch.

KAT
Just like before. Remember?

Gary makes a beeline for the fish and scarfs it up.

KAT
That’s it. Now the keys. The keys.
Remember?

She points furiously back at the keys. Her energy excites
Gary. He gives a little bark.

KAT
Shhh!

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
76.

She peers into the living room. Has just enough of an angle
to see Cameron’s feet. He continues to snore.

Kat turns back to Gary.

KAT
The keys.

More frantic pointing. Gary turns around. Heads for the keys.

KAT
Yes. That’s it!

...and straight past them. Disappearing around the corner.

Shit.

STAIRCASE

Kat lies there on her stomach. Looking around for Gary.

KAT
Hey.

She scans to the left, the right.

KAT
Hey!

But he’s gone.

She pulls herself up. Drops the salmon. Hopelessness washing
over her.

And then...

A jingle.

Kat looks back under the door. Sees --

HAL LWAY

A FURRY PAW batting around the keys.

Kat frantically rips off a piece of salmon.

KAT
Yes. Yes. Good dog!

She pushes it through the notch. Gary approaches. Eats the
fish.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
77.

KAT
The keys...

Kat points at the keys, but she doesn’t have to. Gary’s
already heading that way, a connection formed in his brain
between the sound and the food.

Gary bats the keys with his paw. Jingle. They slide closer to
Kat.

Four feet away.

Gary goes to get his reward. Gobbles up the fish.

KAT
Again.

Gary paws at the keys.

Jingle.

Three feet.

Gary eats his fish.

Kat eyes Cameron in the living room. His feet are still
there. Still snoring.

Jingle.

Two feet.

Fish.

Kat stares at the keys. They’re so close.

KAT
C’mon... c’mon...

Jingle.

One foot.

Right in front of Kat now. As Gary eats his fish, she pushes
her finger through the notch. Straining. Her fingertip
dancing next to the keys.

Jingle.

Gary SLIDES them over. Paw and finger connected by the
carabiner for a moment.

He did it.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
78.

But that happy sight is overshadowed by another sight...

Over in the living room, CAMERON’S LEGS ARE GONE.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

Kat pulls the carabiner through the notch.

THE STAIRCASE

She sits bolt upright. Clutching the keys. Eyes wide. Heart
racing. Holding her breath as she listens to those Carhartt
boots approaching.

Creek. Creek. Creek.

Kat looks down. They’re right on the other side of the door.

CAMERON (O.S.)
(groggy)
Whatta ya been eatin’ boy?

The boots continue past the door. A BATHROOM FAN clicks on. A
TOILET SEAT clunks up. She listens as Cameron starts to pee.

Now or never.

She fumbles through the keys on the carabiner. Tries one. No
good. Another.

Click.

The deadbolt unlocks.

She turns the handle. The door CREAKS as she opens it.

HALLWAY

Gary looks surprised to see Kat surfacing from the basement.
She puts her finger to her mouth. Shhh.

He stares at her for a beat, then turns and heads into the
kitchen. As if saying

Follow me.

Or he’s just hungry.

Either way, Kat shuts the basement door and hobbles after
him.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
79.

Passes the hall bath. On the other side of the cracked door,
we can hear Cameron finishing up.

Kat keeps moving. Into

THE KITCHEN

Gary waits for Kat. As soon as she enters, he turns and noses
through the doggy door.

Kat limps after him. Quietly opens the door. Slips out to --

THE BACKYARD

Latches the door behind her.

She limps across the backyard, gritting her teeth. Gary by
her side.

They get to the back gate. Kat unlatches it and swings it
open.

Greeted with a happy sight.

THE WOODS

Acres and acres of trees. As vast as the basement was
confined.

Freedom.

Kat runs for it. Her Converse tearing through the leaves.
Adrenaline masking the stabbing pain in her ankle.

Not wasting a second to look back.

BEEEEEP.

What was that? Doesn’t matter. She keeps moving.

BEEEEEP.

It’s coming from behind her. She glances ove r her shoulder.
And there’s Gary.

Standing just inside the gate. Just inside the visible fence.
He tries to pass it, but --

BEEEEEP.

His collar goes off, shocking him. Gary barks.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
80.

He’s stuck there.

Shit.

She stares at Gary. Knows he’s just as much a captive as her.
But what does she care? He’s a dog. She doesn’t even like
dogs.

Leave him.

Everything in her body telling her to run.

But she doesn’t.

Continues to stare at Gary. He cocks his head. Stares back at
her in only the way a dog can.

Even Kat not immune to it.

KAT
Fuck.

She glances at the house. No sign of Cameron.

Limps back to Gary.

Crouches in front of him. Grabs his collar. Fights to
unfasten it. The metal buckle’s stuck.

She shoots a glance up at the house. Still no sign of
Cameron.

Recommits to the collar. Finally gets it loose.

Grabs it with both hands. Pulls it over Gary’s neck.

SCREAMS!!!

Falls to the ground. Her hands latched onto the metal
contacts.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

She tries to let go of the collar but her hands won’t open.
Current racing through her body.

The beep finally stops as those Carhartt boots LAND beside
her.

Cameron.

Staring down at her. That collar app open on his phone. He
shakes his head.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
81.

CAMERON
(re: collar)
Can’t believe they let these go up
to eighty milliamps. I’d never put
that much into a dog.

He presses and holds a button on the app.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

Kat SCREAMS!

Gary barks.

And barks.

And barks.

But Cameron doesn’t let up.

...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

He watches, disappointed, as Kat thrashes on the ground.
Fighting to open her hands.

Kat’s eyes roll back in her head, then...

She goes still.

....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

He lets go of the button.

Kat lies there unconscious.

He studies her for a long beat. Then, something steals his
attention. A SOUND coming from behind him.

Low and deep and rhythmic.

Like a sickly outboard motor. Only it’s not a motor.

It’s Gary.

Head low. Eyes fixed on Cameron.

Growling.

A side of Gary we’ve never seen before. Taking Cameron by
surprise.

Cameron crouches in front of Gary. Reaches a hand out to
scratch behind his ears.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
82.

CAMERON
It’s okay, boy.

But this time, it’s not okay. He messed with Kat, and Gary
didn’t like that.

His growling grows.

Cameron hovers his hand there, looking into Gary’s eyes. The
eyes of a dog he no longer has control of.

And it breaks Cameron’s heart.

CAMERON
(nods)
Okay. Okay.

He pulls his hand back. Reaches into his pocket and grabs a
DOGGY BISCUIT. Sets it on the ground in front of Gary.

Cameron pick s Kat up and carries her towards the house.

Gary watches them head off, his attention on Kat. Concerned
for his friend.

He follows them into the house. Snapping up that treat on his
way.

Can’t pass up food.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary While Cameron sleeps on the couch, Gary discovers the keys to the basement door and pushes them towards Kat, who is trapped inside. Kat uses a piece of salmon to coax Gary into retrieving the keys, but Cameron wakes up and catches them. He shocks Kat with her dog's collar, immobilizing her. However, Gary becomes aggressive and protective of Kat after Cameron shocks her, causing Cameron to retreat. Kat falls unconscious from the electric shock, and Gary follows Cameron and Kat into the house with a protective stance.

Strengths

Intense suspense
Strong emotional impact
Compelling concept

Weaknesses

Lack of standout dialogue
Limited memorable lines

General Critique

The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could use some tightening. There are a few moments where the action could be more fluid and the dialogue could be more natural.
The scene starts with Gary sitting next to the washer and Cameron rummaging around on the shelf above him. This action is a bit confusing and it's not clear what Cameron is looking for. It would be more helpful to start the scene with Cameron already holding the basket of supplies that he needs for the basement.
The dialogue between Cameron and Gary is stilted and unnatural. It would be more believable if Cameron spoke to Gary in a more affectionate and playful tone.
The scene ends with Gary following Cameron into the house. This action is a bit abrupt and it would be more satisfying if there was a more elaborate payoff to the scene.
Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, but it could use some tightening and some more natural dialogue.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with Cameron already holding the basket of supplies that he needs for the basement.
Make the dialogue between Cameron and Gary more affectionate and playful.
Add a more elaborate payoff to the scene, such as having Cameron and Gary find something unexpected in the basement.
Tighten up the scene by cutting out any unnecessary dialogue or action.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. It effectively conveys the fear and desperation of the characters, creating a strong emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a captive trying to escape with the help of a dog is compelling and adds an interesting dynamic to the scene. The use of the electric collar as a means of control increases the stakes and tension.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Kat's attempt to escape from Cameron's house. It is filled with obstacles and suspenseful moments, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 8

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of the protagonist's escape attempt and the use of a dog as a key player in the plot. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Kat and Gary, are well-developed and evoke strong emotions from the audience. Their actions and reactions are believable and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Kat undergoes a significant change in the scene, from a state of hopelessness to determination and resilience. Her trust in Gary and her willingness to fight for her freedom demonstrate her character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape and find freedom. This reflects their desire to break free from their captor and the oppressive situation they are in.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to unlock the basement door and escape. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and their need to overcome it in order to achieve their internal goal of freedom.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, with Kat desperately trying to escape and Cameron trying to maintain control. The presence of the police adds an additional layer of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces obstacles and challenges in their escape attempt. The captor's control and the presence of the dog create a sense of opposition and conflict, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as Kat's life and freedom are at risk. The presence of the police and the constant threat of Cameron add to the sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Kat's escape attempt and increasing the tension between her and Cameron. It also introduces the element of the electric collar, which becomes a crucial plot point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the dog's involvement in the escape attempt and the captor's use of a collar to control the protagonist. These twists and turns keep the audience guessing and add to the tension of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the captor and the protagonist. The captor values control and power, while the protagonist values freedom and autonomy. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as they must navigate the captor's attempts to control them.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, particularly fear, anxiety, and empathy for the characters. The intense moments and high stakes create a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. It is concise and impactful, but there are few standout lines or memorable exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and anticipation. The reader is invested in the protagonist's escape attempt and is eager to see if they will succeed. The use of a dog as a key player adds an element of unpredictability and emotional connection.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and suspense. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining the reader's engagement and building anticipation.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation. The scene is easy to read and understand, allowing the reader to visualize the events clearly.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of character actions and dialogue. The pacing and progression of events are well-executed, building tension and suspense.

INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Gary follows Cameron down the hallway. Panting.

Panting quite a lot, actually.

His heart racing.

Gary’s POV: The overhead lights turn fuzzy.

He follows Cameron into

THE GARA GE

It’s not just the lights that are fuzzy in here. Everything
is.

Cameron puts Kat in the bed of his truck. Turns around to
face Gary. His face is blurry, but we can still make out the
tears in his eyes.

Gary loses his balance. His hind legs start to give out.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
83.

He looks up at Cameron, confused.

CAMERON
I’m so sorry, boy. I hate that I
have to do this again.

Gary takes another step. And collapses. As he hits the
concrete, everything goes BLACK.

Blackness.

Silence.

A long beat.

Then...

A rustling sound.

CORN.

Swaying in the breeze.

The image we started with. Only now we’re seeing it from a
different angle.

We’re on the ground.

Genres: Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary Gary follows Cameron into the garage where the lights are fuzzy. Cameron puts Kat in the truck and faces Gary, causing him to lose his balance and collapse. The scene transitions to a black screen and silence, followed by the sound of rustling and an image of swaying corn from a different angle. The emotional tone is somber and sorrowful as Cameron apologizes to Gary and expresses his dislike for having to do something again.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Engaging plot

Weaknesses

Limited memorable dialogue
Lack of unique phrases

General Critique

The scene is very short and doesn't seem to have a clear purpose. What is the point of showing Gary collapsing on the floor?
The dialogue is very repetitive and doesn't add much to the scene.
The description of the hallway and garage is very vague and doesn't help the reader to visualize the setting.
The transition to the cornfield at the end of the scene is abrupt and confusing.

General Suggestions

Consider cutting this scene or expanding it to give it a clearer purpose.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more concise and engaging.
Provide more specific details about the hallway and garage, such as the color of the walls, the type of lighting, and the objects that are in the room.
Consider adding a transition shot between the garage and the cornfield to make the transition less jarring.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its suspenseful and intense moments. The emotional impact is strong, and the conflict level is high, creating a sense of urgency and desperation. The scene effectively moves the story forward and introduces new obstacles for the characters.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around Cameron's attempt to escape from the police and protect Kat. It explores themes of loyalty, sacrifice, and survival. The use of the dog, Gary, as a companion and helper adds an interesting dynamic to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed and filled with suspenseful moments. It introduces new obstacles and challenges for the characters, driving the story forward. The pacing is effective, keeping the audience engaged and eager to know what happens next.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the physical collapse of the protagonist is a familiar situation, the use of fuzzy lights and blurry surroundings adds a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their actions and emotions are believable. Cameron's determination to protect Kat and Gary's loyalty and bravery create strong emotional connections with the audience. Kat's desperation and fear add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Cameron experiences a shift in his determination and willingness to protect Kat, as he resorts to violence and deception. This change in his character adds complexity and raises questions about his morality.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand why Cameron is apologizing and why he has to do something again. It reflects Gary's need for clarity and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to stay on his feet and maintain his balance. It reflects the immediate challenge of physical weakness and collapse.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict level in the scene is high, with Cameron trying to escape from the police, protect Kat, and avoid being discovered. The tension and danger are palpable, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces physical weakness and collapse. The audience is unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with Cameron risking his freedom and safety to protect Kat. The potential consequences of being caught by the police add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new obstacles and challenges for the characters. It raises the stakes and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the sudden collapse of the protagonist and the transition to a different perspective create a sense of surprise and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including fear, tension, and empathy. The characters' struggles and the high stakes of the situation contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. It is concise and impactful, but there are limited opportunities for memorable lines or unique phrases.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates suspense and mystery through the protagonist's collapse and the blurry surroundings. The reader is compelled to find out what happens next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and suspense. The concise and fragmented sentences maintain a fast pace.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location description, followed by character actions and dialogue, and ends with a descriptive image.

EXT. CORNFIELD - NIGHT

Gary lies in the di rt. His eyes flickering open. Unable to
move. Unable to do anything except watch that corn sway back
and forth.

Peaceful.

Until...

An ENGINE ROARS to life in the distance.

Gary strains. Turns his head towards the noise. Is greeted by

A ROTTING FACE RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

Randy. His head peeking out of that cocoon of tarps.

Beyond Randy is Kat’s limp body, lying in the dirt.

And beyond that...

The HARVESTER.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
84.

Sitting in the dark. Rumbling. An angry monster in the
shadows.

HARVESTER

Cameron sits in the cab. Gary’s collar on the dash. He’s
crying. This is killing him.

He wipes his eyes on his sleeve, steeling himself.

Flips on the overhead floodlights. Stares out at his three
incapacitated targets. Shifts into gear.

Drives forward.

CORNFIELD

Gary squints into the floodlights. Impossible to see. Doesn’t
need to. Knows he only has a few seconds.

So does Kat.

He tries to pull himself up, but his muscles don’t respond.
The sedative still coursing through his body.

WWWHHRRRRRRRR!!!

Those STEEL BLADES spin to life. Shredding apart downed corn
as they approach.

HARVESTER

Cameron accelerates the blades to full RPM.

Flips off the floodlights.

He can’t watch this time.

CORNFIELD

Gary whines. Continues fighting to move hi s legs. It’s no
use.

Rests his head back down in the dirt.

Looking at Kat in her blue hoodie. Only it’s not Kat that he
sees.

It’s a boy.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
85.

His boy.

Asher. Lying there in his Captain America shirt. How Gary
found him the night of the crash.

He blinks and it’s Kat again. He stares at her. About to lose
another human he cares about.

Can’t let that happen.

Recommits. Somehow, impossibly, summons the strength to pull
himself up.

Stands.

WWWWWWWHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Those steel blades are five feet away.

He grabs Kat’s hoodie in his mouth. Sinks his claws into th e
dirt. PULLS BACKWARDS.

In short bursts. Tugging Kat slowly across the field. Racing
those blades. So many of them.

Not going to make it.

Pulls faster.

Frantic.

HARVESTER

Cameron grips the wheel as the combine starts to SHAKE AND
BUCK. The gears SCREAM.

Out the rear window, RED SLUDGE sprays into the cornfield.

He doesn’t look. Can’t look.

Another best friend gone.

CORNFIELD

Only he isn’t.

Gary lets go of Ka t’s hoodie beside a row of corn. They made
it.

Gary did it.

Because, unlike Cameron, he’s a fucking good boy.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
86.

He’s the best boy.

He licks her face. She doesn’t move.

Keeps licking.

Covering her face in slobber.

Her eyes flicker open. Confused and scared. She takes in her
surroundings...

Kat’s POV: The corn. The combine chewing Randy apart. A furry
snout staring down at her.

Gary BARKS. As if to say: we gotta go.

And he’s right.

That diesel engine throttles back.

HARVESTER

Cameron shuts the header off. Sits there i n his misery.

Listens to the engine idle.

Something catches his eye. Something in the rearview
mirror...

Movement.

Gary and Kat running off.

Shit.

Cameron leaps to his feet. Throws the door open. He skips the
steps. Jumps straight down into the --

CORNFIELD

Lands on the dirt. Pulls out those SHEARS.

Runs.

UP AHEAD: Kat grits her teeth, limping along on her ankle.
Gary barks at her, trying to get her to go f aster. Already at
full speed.

Cameron’s closing fast.

They’ll never make it in the open. Gary seems to know this.
Spots that BARN up ahead.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
87.

He barks. Takes off for it, slipping through one of the
broken doors.

Kat limps in after him.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Terrifying

Summary Gary lies paralyzed in a cornfield, watching a harvester approach. With Randy's rotting face next to him and Kat's limp body nearby, Gary summons strength and saves Kat from the harvester's blades. They run towards a barn as Cameron, armed with shears, pursues them. Gary and Kat manage to escape into the barn, while Cameron gives chase.

Strengths

Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene begins with a powerful image of Gary lying paralyzed in a cornfield, watching a harvester approach. However, the introduction of Randy's rotting face next to him feels unnecessary and detracts from the emotional impact of the moment.
The dialogue between Cameron and Gary is brief and lacking in emotional depth. It could be expanded to provide more insight into their relationship and motivations.
The description of the harvester's blades shredding corn is effective in creating a sense of danger, but it could be further enhanced by using more vivid sensory details.
The scene cuts to Cameron in the harvester, but his actions and emotions are not clearly described. More detail could be added to convey his character and inner conflict.
The scene ends with Gary summoning the strength to pull Kat away from the blades. This moment is powerful and emotionally resonant, but it could be further developed by exploring the emotional connection between Gary and Kat.
Overall, the scene has a strong premise and some effective moments, but it could benefit from additional development and refinement to enhance the emotional impact and character depth.

General Suggestions

Consider removing Randy's rotting face from the opening image to maintain the focus on Gary's vulnerability and the impending danger.
Expand the dialogue between Cameron and Gary to establish their relationship and motivations. Explore Cameron's complex emotions as he faces the consequences of his actions, and Gary's unwavering loyalty.
Enhance the description of the harvester's blades by using more visceral language that conveys the sense of destruction and danger they pose.
Add more detail to Cameron's actions and emotions in the harvester. Describe his physical movements, facial expressions, and inner thoughts to convey his desperation and regret.
Explore the emotional connection between Gary and Kat by showing how Gary's actions are motivated by his care and protectiveness towards her.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or catharsis after Gary saves Kat, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional impact and significance of his actions.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with a strong sense of tension and danger. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and evokes a range of emotions.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' desperate attempt to escape from their captor and the harvester in the cornfield. It is executed with high stakes and intense action.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is focused on the characters' escape and their struggle against the antagonist. It is filled with suspenseful moments and unexpected twists.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of characters being chased by a harvester is not entirely unique, the specific details and the emotional stakes involved add freshness to the situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed. Their actions and reactions drive the tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo changes in their actions and mindset as they fight for survival. They display bravery, determination, and a will to protect each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to save Kat, the person he cares about, from being killed by the harvester. This reflects his deeper need for connection and his fear of losing loved ones.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the harvester and reach safety. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The conflict in the scene is intense and life-threatening. The characters are pitted against their captor and the harvester, creating a sense of constant danger and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces the imminent threat of the harvester and the pursuit of the antagonist. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the characters' lives are in immediate danger. The threat of the harvester and the captor creates a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' escape attempt and their increasing desperation. It raises the stakes and sets up the climax of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the protagonist's internal struggle and the harvester's presence. The audience is unsure of how the characters will escape the danger.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including fear, desperation, and hope. The characters' struggles and the high stakes contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with a clear goal and obstacles. The intense descriptions and the characters' emotional journey keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The action and dialogue are well-paced, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and builds tension through action and dialogue.

INT. BARN - NIGHT

Gary leads Kat past the pallets and the old header. Down that
row of animal cages.

Takes her into the far cage just as --

CLANG.

The barn doors swing open and Cameron steps inside. He scans
the barn, shears shimmering in the moonlight.

Whistles.

CAMERON
C’mon, boy. Where are ya?

Gary hunkers low with Kat in the far cage, ignoring Cameron.

Cameron moves deeper into the barn. Past the pallets. Comes
to the row of cages. Eyes them.

He approaches the first cage. Swings open the metal gate.

CLANG.

No Gary or Kat.

CAMERON
You remember what it was like, boy?
Seeing the world through a gate?

He moves to another cage. Swings open the gate. CLANG. Empty.

CAMERON
Wondering if you were ever gonna
get out? If anyone even remembered
you were there??

CLANG. Another cage. Getting closer.

CAMERON
Got so hungry I would’ve done
anything to break free...and I did.

Cameron traces the stump where his pinky finger used to be
across the latch of the next gate.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
88.

CAMERON
All we wanted was love and they put
us in a cage.

CLANG.

CAMERON
I love you too much to let them do
that to you again.

Kat spots Cameron approaching the cage next to her. She looks
for Gary.

He’s gone.

WTF?

She scans the barn for him.

Spots a pair of eyes staring at her through a SMALL GAP under
the back wall.

It’s Gary standing OUTSIDE THE BARN. He’s crawled out through
the gap.

Big enough for Gar y, too small for her.

CLANG.

Cameron’s in the adjacent cage. Time’s up. No other option.

She BOLTS for that opening.

Cameron sees her. Gives chase. Ten feet behind. Closing.

Kat dives to the dirt. Claws her way under the wall.

OUTSIDE THE BARN

Gary barks as she pulls herself forward. The jagged wood of
the wall BITING into her back. Doesn’t care. Squeezing.
Kicking. Willing herself through. When --

She SC REAMS.

INSIDE THE BARN

Cameron’s SUNK THE SHEARS INTO HER CALF. Grabs her legs.

Kat kicks them free.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
89.

OUTSIDE THE BARN

Pulls herself out. Struggles to her feet. Falls. Blinding
pain.

Two bad legs now.

Pulls herself up again. Pushes forward. Pure survival.

Hobbles after Gary.

Blood runs down her leg, staining her Converse. She doesn’t
look down. Doesn’t look back. Keeps her eyes forward.

On Gary.

Leading her into the

CORNFIELD

Twisting and turning through the rows.

Deeper and deeper.

Kat finally collapses. Ca n’t go anymore. Hiding the only
option now.

She checks her leg. It’s not good. Covered in blood and not
stopping. She pulls off her hoodie. Starts to tie it above
the wound.

Gary doubles back. Stands next to her.

Panting.

Kat grabs his muzzle.

KAT
Shhh.

Gary quiets.

A distant WHISTLE rings out.

CAMERON

Heads through the cornfield. Flashlight in one hand. Shears
in the other.

CAMERON
C’mon boy. Where’d ya go?

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
90.

He whistles again.

GARY AND KAT

Gary’s ears rise, but he stays by Kat’s side. Not going
anywhere. Listening to Cameron whistle and whistle and
whistle. And then

Silence.

Gary and Kat sit there for a long beat. Listening to the
rustling of the corn in the breeze.

No other sounds.

Eerie.

And then...

SOMETHING EXPLODES OUT AT THEM.

Gary BARKS.

Just one of those BUNNIES racing through the cornfield.

But Gary’s b ark gave them away. A beam of light hits Kat in
the face.

Cameron’s found them.

Kat leaps to her feet, but it’s too late. He grabs her.
Throws her to the ground. Her head hits the dirt.

She looks up, dazed. Cameron is on top of her. Pinning her
down.

CAMERON
I’m a good boy. A good boy.

As he draws the shears, a low, guttural SOUND comes from
behind him.

Cameron turns to see

Gary.

Head low. Fangs bared.

Gr owling.

A growl we haven’t heard from him. Animalistic. Instinctual.
Something coded not just into Gary, but all Garys. A need to
protect their human.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
91.

Gary has to protect his human.

And his human is not Cameron. Has never been.

He EXPLODES forward. SINKS HIS FANGS into Cameron’s arm.
Cameron SCREAMS as Gary rips him to the ground.

Gary proceeds to maul Cameron. Systematically tearing him
apart. It’s the most horrific and cathartic mauling of a
serial-killing, dog-murdering asshole you’ve ever seen.

By the time Gary is done, Cameron is a blubbering, bloody
mess. Neck shredded. Face bitten apart. Missing an eye.

Gary backs up. No joy from that. Only duty.

He stands in front of Kat protectively. She looks shocked.

The weight of what Gary just did for her sinking in.

Cameron tries to speak to Gary, his neck gurgling and
bubbling. Can’t get any words out.

Kat crawls over to Cameron. Digs his phone ou t of his pocket.

Dials 911.

As she places the call, she turns back to Gary. Studies him.
His muzzle stained red. Concern filling her face.

KAT
You gotta go.

Gary doesn’t move.

KAT
Go. You can’t be here when they
show up. Go on! Get the hell outta
here!

He doesn’t move. Kat tosses a rock at him.

KAT
GO!!!

More rocks. Gary looks confused, but turns. Heads off into
the cornfield.

Kat watches him leave.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
92.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary Gary leads Kat to hide from Cameron in a barn at night. Cameron enters the barn and taunts them, but Kat spots Gary outside and realizes he has escaped. Cameron catches Kat, but she manages to kick him off and crawl out of the barn. Kat hobbles after Gary into a cornfield, with Cameron following them. Gary attacks Cameron and saves Kat. Kat calls 911 and tells Gary to leave, which he reluctantly does.

Strengths

Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
Strong emotional impact
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be further developed

General Critique

The scene is well-written and suspenseful. The action is clear and easy to follow, and the characters are well-developed. The final confrontation between Gary and Cameron is particularly well-done.
However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. First, the dialogue could be more natural. The characters often speak in a formal way that doesn't feel like real conversation.
Second, the scene could be more concise. There are a few moments where the action drags and could be cut without losing anything important.
Finally, the ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. It would be more satisfying if there were a more clear resolution to the conflict between Gary and Cameron.

General Suggestions

To improve the dialogue, the writer could try to use more contractions and informal language. This would make the characters feel more like real people.
To make the scene more concise, the writer could cut out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This would make the scene move more quickly and keep the audience engaged.
To improve the ending of the scene, the writer could add a more clear resolution to the conflict between Gary and Cameron. This could be done by having Gary kill Cameron or by having Cameron escape and be arrested later.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly intense and suspenseful, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The stakes are high, and the conflict between the characters is palpable. The emotional impact is strong, with moments of fear and desperation. The scene effectively moves the story forward and showcases significant character changes.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the final confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonist, with the loyal dog playing a crucial role. It effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is highly engaging and intense. It showcases the protagonist's struggle to escape and the antagonist's relentless pursuit. The plot twists and turns, keeping the audience guessing and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 6

This scene has a moderate level of originality. While the concept of a chase and escape is familiar, the specific details and actions of the characters are unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The protagonist's determination to survive and protect her dog is evident, while the antagonist's sadistic nature is portrayed effectively. The loyal and protective nature of the dog adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes significant character changes in the scene, from a state of defeat and pain to a state of determination and resilience. The dog also showcases its protective nature and loyalty, highlighting its character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is survival. She is trying to escape from the antagonist and protect herself. This reflects her deeper need for freedom and safety.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade capture by the antagonist. She is trying to outrun him and find a hiding place. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing and the danger she is in.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant. It is both physical and psychological, with the protagonist fighting for her life and the antagonist relentlessly pursuing her.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong. The protagonist is faced with the challenge of evading the antagonist and the audience is unsure of the outcome. The opposition creates suspense and raises the stakes.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the protagonist's life on the line and the dog's loyalty being tested. The intense conflict and the presence of the antagonist add to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as the protagonist escapes from the antagonist and continues her journey. It sets up the final act and raises the stakes for the climax.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's actions and the antagonist's pursuit create a sense of uncertainty. The audience doesn't know if the protagonist will be able to escape or if the antagonist will catch her.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the antagonist, who believes in controlling and imprisoning others, and the protagonist, who believes in freedom and self-preservation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values and forces her to fight for her own autonomy.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and desperation. The audience is emotionally invested in the protagonist's struggle and the dog's loyalty, creating a powerful impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. It is concise and impactful, adding to the intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and danger. The fast-paced action and the protagonist's struggle for survival keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The fast-paced action and the quick progression of events keep the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It has a clear beginning, middle, and end, with a buildup of tension and a resolution.

EXT. FARM - NIGHT

The barn is surrounded by POLICE CRUISERS and AMBULANCES.
Paramedics load Cameron into the back of an ambulance. Still
alive. Destined for another cage.

Beside him, Kat gets her leg attended to, surrounded by
concerned FAMILY.

We PULL BACK to find

Gary.

Watching the scene from under the harvester.

On his own again.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

Gary noses around a ditch as cars whip past in the
bac kground.

He finds a beer bottle. A plastic bag. Suddenly perks up.
Sniffs the air.

Picking up the scent of something. Something really
interesting.

Follows his nose over to

A STYROFOAM BOX.

Long John Silver’s logo on the lid.

Jackpot.

He noses it open. Starts to lick up the scraps of fish.
Behind him, an ANIMAL CONTROL truck pulls to a stop.

PRELAP: Barking.

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark, Terrifying

Summary In this scene, Cameron is arrested and loaded into an ambulance while Kat is being tended to by paramedics. Gary watches from afar, feeling isolated. Later, he discovers a discarded meal from Long John Silver's and begins to eat it. As he eats, an animal control truck arrives, hinting at a potential conflict. The scene takes place at a farm at night and then on a highway during the day. It highlights Gary's isolation from his family and society, with a somber and reflective tone. However, there is a hint of hope as Gary finds sustenance in the discarded food.

Strengths

Intense suspense
Emotional impact
Strong character development
Gripping plot

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The opening of this scene is strong, with a clear and concise description of the setting and the action taking place. The use of the word "surrounded" creates a sense of urgency and helps to establish the stakes for Gary.
The contrast between Cameron being loaded into the ambulance and Kat being attended to by paramedics highlights the different fates that have befallen them. This is a powerful moment that underscores the consequences of Cameron's actions.
The use of the word "alone" to describe Gary is particularly effective, as it conveys his sense of isolation and vulnerability.
The following scene, in which Gary finds a discarded meal from Long John Silver's, provides a brief moment of respite before the arrival of the animal control truck.
The ending of the scene, with Gary barking at the animal control truck, is a cliffhanger that leaves the reader wondering what will happen to him next.

General Suggestions

To enhance the emotional impact of the opening, consider adding a few more details about the paramedics' actions as they load Cameron into the ambulance. This could help to create a stronger sense of urgency and convey the gravity of the situation.
Consider expanding on the moment when Gary finds the discarded meal from Long John Silver's. This could be an opportunity to explore Gary's character further and to provide some insight into his emotional state at this point in the story.
To make the ending of the scene even more suspenseful, consider adding a few more lines of dialogue between Gary and the animal control officer. This could help to build tension and create a sense of anticipation for what is to come.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating suspense, tension, and fear. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and delivers a powerful emotional impact.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the protagonist's desperate attempt to escape from a dangerous situation with the help of their loyal dog. It is executed with intensity and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and fast-paced, with the protagonist and their dog facing multiple obstacles and dangers. It keeps the audience invested in the outcome and drives the story forward.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist searching for food is familiar, the specific details such as finding a Styrofoam box with fish scraps add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue is believable.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly the protagonist and their dog, are well-developed and evoke strong emotions from the audience. Their actions and reactions are believable and contribute to the tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in the scene, from a state of fear and helplessness to a determined and resourceful survivor. The dog also displays loyalty and bravery throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find something interesting and satisfying, as shown by his excitement when he finds the Styrofoam box with scraps of fish.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to satisfy his hunger by finding food, as shown by his actions of finding the beer bottle, plastic bag, and eventually the Styrofoam box with fish scraps.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, with the protagonist and their dog facing physical and emotional challenges. The presence of the antagonist adds to the conflict and raises the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of satisfying his hunger while being potentially threatened by the animal control truck.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the protagonist's life and the life of their dog on the line. The presence of the antagonist and the constant danger create a sense of urgency and fear.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the protagonist's escape attempt and their growing resilience. It also introduces new challenges and raises the stakes for the upcoming events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the protagonist will react to the animal control truck and whether he will be able to satisfy his hunger.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, including fear, tension, and empathy. The intense moments and the bond between the protagonist and their dog create a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective. It conveys the urgency and fear of the situation, as well as the emotional bond between the protagonist and their dog.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a clear goal for the protagonist, builds tension through the introduction of the animal control truck, and creates anticipation through concise and descriptive language.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through the introduction of the animal control truck.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by clearly establishing the setting, introducing the protagonist's internal and external goals, and building tension through the introduction of the animal control truck.

INT. GREENWOOD ANIMAL SHELTER/KENNEL AREA - DAY

Gary stares out at us from behind a gate.

He’s in the top kennel this time. Listening to the cacophony
of barks around him.

He watches a FAMILY walk past below him. They don’t stop.
It’s as if he’s not even there.

Different view, same life.

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun
93.

He rests his head on his paws. Closes his eyes. Tries to
sleep.

Clang.

Clang. Clang. Clang.

Gary opens his eyes. Someone’s fumbling with his latch. They
finally get it unlocked. Open the gate.

A long beat.

A WORKER (32) pokes his head up, holding an iPhone.

WORKER
Alright...picture time. Smile.

The worker sticks the phone in Gary’s face and snaps a few
photos.

He pulls the camera back down. As he does, we REVEAL --

KAT.

Standing at the other end of the hallway.

Holding a tennis ball.

Gary and her meet eyes.

As Gary starts to lose control of his tail...

BLACK.

END

8FLiX.com 2023 BLACK LIST DATABASE 20240201 © Travis Braun

Genres: Thriller, Horror
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Dark

Summary Gary, a dog at the animal shelter, feels invisible as potential adopters pass by his kennel. However, when a worker comes to take his picture, a woman named Kat appears with a tennis ball. As Gary and Kat lock eyes, Gary's tail starts to wag, offering a glimmer of hope amidst his struggle to find a home.

Strengths

Intense suspense
Compelling characters
Emotional resonance

Weaknesses

Some violent scenes may be disturbing for some viewers

General Critique

The scene is a bit too short and doesn't give the reader much time to connect with the characters or the situation.
The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural.
The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and leaves the reader feeling unsatisfied.

General Suggestions

Expand the scene to give the reader more time to connect with the characters and the situation.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging.
Add a more satisfying ending to the scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating tension and suspense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The use of the dog as a central character adds an emotional and unique element to the scene. The dialogue and actions of the characters are compelling and drive the plot forward.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a woman trapped in a basement, trying to escape with the help of a loyal dog, is engaging and creates a sense of urgency. The use of the dog as a key player in the story adds depth and emotional resonance.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-structured and keeps the audience engaged throughout. The escalating conflict and the characters' actions and decisions drive the story forward and create suspense.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of an animal shelter is familiar, the specific details and the focus on the protagonist's emotions add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their actions and motivations are clear. The audience can empathize with their struggles and feel invested in their journey.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo changes in their beliefs and actions throughout the scene. Kat learns to trust the dog and relies on him for help, while Cameron's actions become increasingly violent and desperate.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to be noticed and chosen by a family. This reflects their deeper need for love, belonging, and a sense of purpose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a positive impression on potential adopters. This reflects the immediate circumstance of being in a shelter and the challenge of standing out among other animals.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the plot forward. The characters are faced with life-or-death situations and must make difficult choices.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces the challenge of standing out among other animals and the uncertainty of whether they will be chosen by a family.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters' lives at risk and the constant threat of danger. The audience is invested in the outcome and feels the tension throughout.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and challenges for the characters. It raises the stakes and sets up the next stage of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know if the protagonist will be chosen by the family or what will happen when they meet the other character, Kat.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including fear, tension, and empathy. The use of the dog as a central character adds an emotional layer to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and driving the plot forward. It is concise and impactful, adding depth to the scenes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of empathy for the protagonist and leaves the audience wanting to know what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of anticipation and building tension as the protagonist's gate is unlocked and they meet Kat.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise action lines, and dialogue formatted correctly.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, and ends with a cliffhanger.

Bad Boy

Overview

Unique Selling Point

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Story Facts

Script Level Analysis

Screenplay Insights

Story Critique

Characters

Emotional Analysis

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Themes

Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Other Analyses

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Consider

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Gary - Score: 97/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 10/10

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 10/10

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Behavior And Choices 10/10

Relationship Dynamics 10/10

Scene Impact 10/10

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Emotional Resonance 10/10

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

MBTI: esfj