Labyrinth

Overview

Unique Selling Point

This captivating fantasy adventure script blends whimsical humor with heart-stopping thrills, creating an immersive experience that will enchant audiences of all ages. Through a young girl's courageous journey to save her baby brother from the clutches of a malevolent Goblin King, the script explores profound themes of family, friendship, and self-discovery. With an imaginative world filled with unforgettable characters, a unique blend of fantasy and reality, and a compelling narrative told through a distinctive and evocative voice, this script stands out as an exceptional and unforgettable piece of storytelling.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines’ ratings to compare.

Gemini
Consider

Claude
Recommend

See Details in P/C/R/HR Section

Story Facts

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Drama, Comedy, Family, Musical, Romance

Setting: Contemporary, A mix of fantasy realms, suburban neighborhoods, and labyrinthine mazes

Themes: Coming of age, The power of imagination, The dangers of temptation, The importance of friendship, The transformative power of love, The search for identity

Conflict & Stakes: Sarah's quest to save her brother from the clutches of Jareth, the Goblin King, while navigating a series of challenges and betrayals

Mood: Whimsical and fantastical with moments of tension and emotional depth

Standout Features:

Innovative Setting: The blend of fantasy realms, suburban neighborhoods, and labyrinthine mazes creates a visually captivating world for the story
Unique Characters: The diverse and memorable characters, from the enigmatic Goblin King to the gentle giant Ludo, offer a rich tapestry of personalities
Genre Blending: The screenplay seamlessly blends elements of fantasy, adventure, and drama to create a compelling and immersive narrative

Comparable Scripts: Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, Pan's Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, The Dark Crystal, Spirited Away, Coraline, Harry Potter

Script Level Analysis

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

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Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

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Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

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Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

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Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

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Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

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Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

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Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart

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The screenplay exhibits exceptional originality and a captivating concept, but could benefit from strengthening the plot, character development, and emotional impact to fully realize its potential.

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Key Strengths

**Originality:** The screenplay exhibits exceptional originality, ranking in the top 90%, indicating a fresh and distinctive approach to the story and characters.
**Concept Rating:** With a high percentile of 90.65%, the concept of the screenplay is highly engaging and intriguing, capturing the reader's attention and establishing a solid foundation for the narrative.
**Internal Goal Score:** The internal goal of the protagonist is well-defined and compelling, scoring an impressive 78.79%, driving the character's motivations and creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Areas for Improvement

**Plot Rating:** The plot development could benefit from further refinement, currently ranking in the 28th percentile. Enhancing the pacing, introducing unexpected twists, or exploring alternative plotlines could elevate the screenplay's overall impact.
**Character Rating:** While the internal goal of the protagonist is strong, the overall character development could be strengthened. Exploring the characters' backstories, motivations, and relationships in more depth could enhance their depth and relatability.
**Emotional Impact:** The screenplay's emotional impact, currently ranked at 39.84%, has room for improvement. Heightening the stakes, intensifying the conflicts, and evoking stronger emotional responses from the characters could amplify the screenplay's resonance with the audience.

Writer Style

The percentile patterns suggest a **conceptually driven** writer. The high rankings in concept rating, originality, and structure indicate a focus on crafting a unique and well-structured narrative framework.

Balancing Elements

To enhance the screenplay's overall impact, the writer could consider balancing the strong concept and originality with a more engaging plot and well-developed characters.
Strengthening the emotional impact through heightened stakes and character conflicts could complement the screenplay's originality and conceptual strengths.
Polishing the dialogue and refining the character development could further elevate the screenplay's overall execution and audience engagement.

Intuition Level

Conceptual

Overall Assessment

The screenplay showcases a strong foundation with exceptional originality and a compelling concept. By addressing the areas for improvement, particularly in plot development and character depth, the writer can unlock the full potential of this promising narrative.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Script Conflict	8.60	96	Some like it hot : 8.50	Terminator 2: 8.60
Scene Originality	8.93	88	Lucifer: 8.91	Labyrinth : 8.93
Scene Unpredictability	7.86	85	Enemy of the State: 7.85	face/off: 7.86
Scene Concept	8.4	84	The King's speech: 8.3	fight Club: 8.4
Scene Engagement	9.00	81	The Addams Family: 8.99	fight Club: 9.00
Scene Internal Goal	8.18	80	a few good men: 8.17	Knives Out: 8.18
Script Premise	8.60	75	The Fabelmans: 8.50	a few good men: 8.60
Overall Script	8.29	75	Belfast : 8.25	the dark knight rises: 8.29
Script Theme	8.50	74	V for Vendetta: 8.40	face/off: 8.50
Scene External Goal	7.45	71	Blade Runner: 7.44	Labyrinth : 7.45
Script Structure	8.21	68	Green Book: 8.20	Labyrinth : 8.21
Script Emotional Impact	8.00	67	Argo: 7.90	the 5th element: 8.00
Scene Formatting	8.21	61	Knives Out: 8.20	Labyrinth : 8.21
Script Characters	8.10	61	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.00	Erin Brokovich: 8.10
Scene Pacing	8.29	55	Knives Out: 8.27	a few good men: 8.29
Script Structure	7.90	54	Dune Part Two: 7.80	Black mirror 304: 7.90
Scene High Stakes	7.4	47	Women talking: 7.3	True Blood: 7.4
Scene Conflict Level	7.4	42	Promising young woman: 7.3	Vice: 7.4
Scene Story Forward	8.0	41	Silicon Valley: 7.9	severance (TV): 8.0
Scene Overall	8.3	40	The Umbrella Academy: 8.2	fight Club: 8.3
Scene Character Changes	6.7	32	Narcos Pilot: 6.6	Her: 6.7
Scene Emotional Impact	7.5	28	The Wolf of Wall Street: 7.4	Labyrinth : 7.5
Scene Plot	7.7	27	Hot Fuzz: 7.6	fight Club: 7.7
Script Originality	7.70	26	September 5: 7.60	a few good men: 7.70
Scene Characters	8.0	18	Narcos Pilot: 7.9	Knives Out: 8.0
Script Visual Impact	7.10	14	Triangle of sadness: 7.00	Labyrinth : 7.10
Scene Dialogue	7.3	11	Stranger Things: 7.2	Rambo: 7.3

Other Analyses

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

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Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

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World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

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Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

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Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

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Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

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Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

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World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

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Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

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Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

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Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

Labyrinth presents a visually captivating fantasy world with memorable creature designs and a strong opening that establishes Sarah's character and the stakes of her journey. However, the screenplay suffers from uneven pacing, underdeveloped themes, and a lack of depth in certain character arcs, particularly Jareth's. With some revisions to address these issues, Labyrinth has the potential to be a compelling and engaging fantasy film.

Strengths

Strong opening that immediately establishes the fantasy world and Sarah's character. The labyrinth's visual description is captivating and sets the stage for a fantastical adventure. high ( Scene 1 Scene 6 )
Effective use of Sarah's room as a reflection of her inner world and character development. The details and symbolism within the room provide insight into her personality and desires. medium ( Scene 2 )
Creative and memorable creature designs, each with unique personalities and quirks. Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus are particularly well-developed and add humor and heart to the story. high ( Scene 3 Scene 14 Scene 20 )
The labyrinth itself is a character, presenting challenges and obstacles that force Sarah to grow and learn. The various sections of the labyrinth, such as the False Alarms and the Escher Room, are imaginative and visually engaging. high ( Scene 11 Scene 22 Scene 26 )
Satisfying conclusion that emphasizes Sarah's growth and maturity. Her rejection of Jareth's offer and her return to reality demonstrate her newfound self-awareness and responsibility. high ( Scene 27 )

Areas of Improvement

The pacing of the screenplay is uneven, with some scenes feeling rushed while others drag. The middle section, particularly within the labyrinth, could benefit from tighter editing and a clearer sense of urgency. high
The ballroom scene, while visually impressive, feels somewhat indulgent and slows down the momentum of the story. Its purpose in Sarah's character arc could be clarified. medium ( Scene 22 )
The Wild Things sequence, while entertaining, feels disconnected from the main narrative and could be trimmed or removed to maintain focus on Sarah's journey. medium ( Scene 17 )
Jareth's motivations and character arc could be explored in more depth. His transformation into a goblin at the end feels abrupt and lacks emotional resonance. medium
The screenplay could benefit from a stronger thematic throughline. While there are hints of themes related to growing up, responsibility, and the power of imagination, these could be more explicitly developed and woven into the narrative. medium

MissingElements

Further exploration of Sarah's relationship with her stepmother and the reasons behind her resentment would add depth to her character and motivations. medium
More backstory on Jareth and the Goblin Kingdom would enrich the fantasy world and provide context for his actions. low
A clearer sense of the stakes involved in Sarah's quest. While the threat of Freddie being turned into a goblin is present, the consequences of failure could be emphasized to heighten the tension. low

NotablePoints

The use of mirrors as a recurring motif throughout the screenplay is intriguing and could be further explored to enhance the themes of self-reflection and identity. medium ( Scene 22 )
The screenplay's blend of humor, fantasy, and adventure creates a unique tone that appeals to both children and adults. high

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Labyrinth' is a well-crafted fantasy adventure that blends imaginative world-building, engaging characters, and a compelling narrative. The story follows Sarah, a teenage girl, as she navigates the fantastical Labyrinth to rescue her baby brother from the Goblin King, Jareth. The screenplay features strong visual elements, such as the introduction of the Labyrinth and the Escher-inspired castle, as well as the development of a diverse supporting cast that enhances the journey. While there are a few areas that could be improved, such as the pacing and integration of certain subplots, the overall narrative is engaging and the final confrontation between Sarah and Jareth provides a satisfying resolution. The screenplay's unique blend of fantasy, coming-of-age themes, and moral ambiguity make it a strong contender for adaptation.

Strengths

The opening sequence establishes the fantastical world of the Labyrinth in a visually striking and evocative manner, immediately drawing the audience into the story. The introduction of Hoggle and the worm provide engaging characters and humor that balance the more ominous elements. The transition to the Escher-like architecture of the castle is a remarkable visual feat that heightens the sense of challenge and wonder. high ( Scene 1 (LABYRINTH) Scene 6 (EXT. LABYRINTH - DAY) Scene 11 (EXT. CORRIDOR 3 - DAY) )
The introduction of the supporting characters - Didymus, Ludo, and Ambrosius - adds depth and richness to the narrative. Their individual personalities and skills complement Sarah's journey, highlighting the importance of teamwork and friendship. The sequences featuring these characters are well-developed, entertaining, and integral to the overall story. high ( Scene 10 (EXT. FOREST GATE - DAY) Scene 20 (EXT. CLEARING - DAY) Scene 24 (EXT. GOBLIN TOWN - NIGHT) )
The ballroom sequence is a visually stunning and thematically complex set piece that explores the allure and danger of Jareth's world. The surreal, decadent atmosphere and the interplay between Sarah and her reflections/Jareth add layers of psychological depth to the story. high ( Scene 22 (INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT) )

Areas of Improvement

The sequences in the Forbidden Forest and the encounter with the Wild Things feel a bit uneven in pacing and could be tightened to maintain the narrative momentum. Some of the interactions and dialogue in these scenes could be streamlined to better serve the overall story. medium ( Scene 16 (EXT. FORBIDDEN FOREST - DAY) Scene 17 (EXT. FOREST - DAY) )
The sequences involving Hoggle's struggle in the hole and the junk city detour feel a bit detached from the main narrative. While these scenes provide character development and obstacles for Sarah, they could be streamlined or better integrated to maintain the pacing and tension of the overall story. medium ( Scene 18 (INT. HOLE - DAY) Scene 19 (EXT. JUNK CITY - NIGHT) )

MissingElements

The final confrontation between Sarah and Jareth, while dramatic and impactful, could be further developed to provide a more substantial emotional payoff. Exploring Jareth's motivations and the deeper significance of his offer to Sarah could elevate the climax and make it more resonant. medium ( Scene 26 (INT. JARETH'S QUARTERS - NIGHT) Scene 27 (INT. JARETH'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT) )

NotablePoints

The early character development of Sarah and her relationship with her family provides a strong foundation for the story. The contrast between Sarah's imaginative world and her frustration with her domestic responsibilities establishes her as a relatable and sympathetic protagonist. high ( Scene 2 (INT. SARAH'S ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 3 (INT. NURSERY - NIGHT) )
The interactions between Hoggle and Jareth, as well as Hoggle's internal conflict, add depth and moral ambiguity to the story. Hoggle's struggle between self-preservation and loyalty to Sarah creates a compelling character arc that resonates throughout the narrative. high ( Scene 9 (INT. CORRIDOR 2 - DAY) Scene 18 (INT. HOLE - DAY) )
The final confrontation between Sarah and Jareth, and the transformation of Jareth into a goblin, provides a satisfying and unexpected resolution to the story. This subversion of the traditional power dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist adds a layer of depth and complexity to the narrative. high ( Scene 26 (INT. JARETH'S QUARTERS - NIGHT) Scene 27 (INT. JARETH'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT) )

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Screenplay Insights:

Overall Grade: 8.29

Characters: 8.1, The screenplay provides depth and complexity to its characters, particularly Sarah, who undergoes a significant transformation throughout her journey, evolving from a vulnerable teenager to a courageous and determined young woman. However, the development of Jareth could be further explored to enhance his character arc and motivations. See More

Premise: 8.6, The screenplay's premise effectively establishes a compelling and clear foundation for a fantasy adventure, particularly with its unique blend of coming-of-age themes and dark fairytale elements. However, there is potential for enhancing the initial hook by emphasizing the stakes and emotional depth of Sarah's journey, further solidifying audience investment from the beginning. See More

Structure: 7.9, This screenplay exhibits a strong overall structure with a plot that unfolds in a compelling and engaging manner. The narrative effectively employs traditional narrative structure while incorporating elements of fantasy and adventure. However, certain aspects of the plot's execution and character development could be refined to enhance its storytelling dynamics and emotional impact. See More

Theme: 8.5, The screenplay effectively explores themes of imagination, self-discovery, and the power of courage. These themes are seamlessly integrated into the narrative and resonate deeply with the audience through relatable characters and compelling emotional journeys. See More

Visual Impact: 7.1, This whimsical and imaginative screenplay features a range of visually compelling scenes that effectively support the narrative and create a captivating cinematic experience. The visual imagery effectively communicates the shifting emotions and challenges faced by the protagonist, Sarah, and the fantastical world she navigates. See More

Emotional Impact: 8.0, The screenplay successfully captivates viewers with a magical and imaginative journey, effectively eliciting emotional responses through its captivating storyline and intriguing characters. However, there are opportunities to enhance the script's emotional depth by refining character motivations, exploring the emotional consequences of key decisions, and incorporating nuanced emotional beats. See More

Conflict: 8.6, The screenplay effectively establishes a compelling central conflict and high stakes for the protagonist, Sarah, driving the narrative forward and engaging the audience. However, there are opportunities to deepen the conflict, heighten the stakes, and refine their resolution for a more impactful and satisfying screenplay. See More

Originality: 7.7, The screenplay displays originality in crafting a fantastical world and characters that draw inspiration from classic fairy tale elements while introducing unique twists that set it apart. The narrative pushes boundaries through its imaginative settings, surreal encounters, and a compelling protagonist who undergoes a transformative journey. See More

Summary Sarah, a struggling actress with a turbulent family life, is pulled into a fantastical adventure when she enters a labyrinth to save her baby brother from the Goblin King, Jareth. Along the way, she befriends quirky allies like Hoggle, Ludo, and Didymus, all while facing challenges and deception in the labyrinth. Eventually, Sarah confronts Jareth in a climactic showdown, ultimately choosing love and family over the superficial allure of power and control. In the end, Sarah and Freddie find peace and unity as they emerge from the labyrinth, signaling a hopeful new chapter in their lives.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The story is imaginative and entertaining, with a strong female protagonist and a well-developed antagonist. The use of fantasy elements adds a unique and whimsical touch to the plot. The pacing is good, and the story keeps the reader engaged throughout. However, the plot can be predictable at times, and some of the supporting characters could be more developed. Additionally, the motivations of the antagonist could be explored in more depth to provide a more nuanced understanding of their character.

Suggestions: - Add more depth and complexity to the supporting characters to make them more memorable and relatable. - Explore the motivations of the antagonist in more depth to provide a more nuanced understanding of their character. - Consider adding unexpected twists and turns to the plot to keep the reader guessing.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay is strong, with a clear introduction of the main character, Sarah, and her world. The use of fantasy elements is effective in creating a sense of wonder and excitement. The pacing is good, and the story quickly draws the reader into the action. However, the motivations of the antagonist, Jareth, could be introduced earlier to provide a clearer understanding of his role in the story.

Suggestions: - Introduce the motivations of the antagonist, Jareth, earlier in the story to provide a clearer understanding of his role. - Consider adding more details to the setting to make it more vivid and immersive.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay is well-paced and engaging, with Sarah facing a series of challenges as she tries to rescue her brother. The use of fantasy elements is creative and imaginative, and the supporting characters are well-developed and provide valuable assistance to Sarah. However, the plot can be predictable at times, and some of the conflicts could be more challenging to provide a greater sense of suspense.

Suggestions: - Add more challenging conflicts to provide a greater sense of suspense. - Consider introducing unexpected twists and turns to keep the reader guessing.

Ending The ending of the screenplay is satisfying, with Sarah overcoming the antagonist and rescuing her brother. The resolution is clear and concise, and the use of fantasy elements is effective in creating a sense of wonder and closure. However, the ending could be more impactful if there were a greater sense of emotional catharsis for Sarah. Additionally, the motivations of the antagonist could be explored in more depth to provide a more nuanced understanding of their defeat.

Suggestions: - Explore the motivations of the antagonist in more depth to provide a more nuanced understanding of their defeat. - Consider adding a greater sense of emotional catharsis for Sarah in the ending.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Hoggle
Description Hoggle's character arc fluctuates between self-serving cowardice and genuine support for Sarah. While his internal conflict adds depth, his sudden shifts in allegiance could benefit from more gradual development and clearer motivations.
( Scene 7 Scene 15 Scene 20 )
Character Jareth
Description Jareth's transformation into a sniveling goblin after Sarah rejects him seems a bit abrupt. Given his powerful and confident persona throughout the story, a more nuanced or symbolic representation of his defeat might be more fitting.
( Scene 26 (INT. JARETH'S CHAMBERS – NIGHT) )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The scale and appearance of the labyrinth seem to differ between the opening aerial view and the scenes where Sarah first enters. The initial vastness and complexity are not entirely consistent with the more manageable and defined sections Sarah navigates.
( Scene 1 (EXT. LABYRINTH – DAY) Scene 6 (EXT. LABYRINTH – DAY) )

PlotHoles

Description The transition between the dreamlike ballroom scene and the junk city feels somewhat disjointed. While it's implied that the ballroom is a fabricated illusion, the sudden shift in setting could be smoother with a clearer explanation or visual connection between the two environments.
( Scene 22 (INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT) Scene 23 (EXT. JUNK CITY – NIGHT) )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description The Wise One's overly verbose and esoteric dialogue, while humorous, might not be entirely believable as a means of practical guidance for Sarah. A balance between his eccentricity and providing useful information could enhance the scene's purpose.
( Scene 11 (INT. CORRIDOR 3 – DAY) )

Redundancies

Element Sarah's frustration and self-pity
( Scene 1 (EXT. GLADE – DAY) Scene 2 (INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT) Scene 17 (EXT. FOREST – DAY) )
Suggestion While Sarah's emotional journey is important, her repeated expressions of frustration and self-pity could be streamlined to avoid redundancy and maintain a dynamic character arc. Exploring alternative ways to convey her struggles might add depth and variety to her emotional responses.

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Sarah - Score: 86/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFP
Enneagram: 4w3

Scenes

Strongest: #28
Weakest: #10

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

A young girl embodying bravery and creativity.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

A girl with emotional wounds and internal conflicts.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Sarah evolves significantly through her journey.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Her dialogue reflects youthful exuberance and dramatic flair.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Sarah's behavior is driven by her motivations to save Freddie.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Her relationships highlight themes of loyalty and betrayal.

Scene Impact 9/10

Sarah's presence is key to driving the narrative forward.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Sarah embodies the hero's journey archetype.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Sarah's journey reflects themes of courage and self-discovery.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Her emotional journey engages and resonates strongly.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Sarah is a young girl navigating the complexities of childhood and the challenges of growing up. She values imagination, creativity, and loyalty, especially towards her baby brother, Freddie. Her foundational traits of bravery and determination shape her journey through the labyrinth, where she confronts fears and insecurities while seeking to rescue her brother.

Values And Beliefs: Imagination, Loyalty to family, Courage

Strengths And Skills: Creativity, Bravery, Problem-solving

Suggestions

Highlight moments in the screenplay that reflect her imaginative nature.
Consider adding backstory elements that show her relationships with family.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events in her childhood shaped her values?
How does Sarah's relationship with her brother influence her decisions?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Sarah struggles with feelings of abandonment and the desire for acceptance, especially as she deals with her stepmother and her life circumstances. This emotional wound manifests in her journey as she overcomes obstacles in the labyrinth that mirror her personal conflicts. Her flaws are seen in impulsiveness and feelings of inadequacy, particularly when confronted by authority like Jareth.

Character Wound: Fear of abandonment and desire for acceptance.

Character Flaws: Impulsiveness, Insecurity

Suggestions

Explore deeper flashbacks to her life with her parents.
Create scenes that display her vulnerability to enhance audience connection.

Follow-up Questions

What events caused Sarah to feel abandoned?
How do her feelings of inadequacy affect her interactions with others?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Sarah transitions from a passive character to an active one, realizing her inner strength and capability to protect her loved ones. Her conflict with Jareth marks a critical point in her development, showcasing her courage as she stands up to him to reclaim her brother.

Polarity Changes: Starts as a frustrated child, grows to embrace her responsibility.

Transformation Triggers: Confrontation with Jareth, the need to save Freddie.

Suggestions

Emphasize her internal realizations during moments of conflict.
Show the consequences of her decisions more clearly to mark her growth.

Follow-up Questions

What are Sarah’s key turning points in her journey?
How does her view of herself change from beginning to end?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Sarah's speech patterns highlight her youthful perspective, often laced with dramatic flair and a sense of inspiration. Her dialogue changes as she becomes more assertive in her roles, particularly when demanding her desires and expressing her determination to save Freddie.

Unique Voice: Dramatic, often whimsical, with a unique blend of innocence and sass.

Suggestions

Incorporate more unique phrases or mannerisms to make her voice distinctive.
Balance her dialogue between whimsy and seriousness for emotional impact.

Follow-up Questions

How does her dialogue evolve as her character matures?
Are there specific lines that showcase her character growth?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Sarah's actions throughout the screenplay are primarily driven by her unwavering commitment to rescue Freddie. Each choice she makes, whether confrontational or thoughtful, reflects her dedication and growth, showcasing her evolving understanding of bravery and authority.

Motivations: To rescue her brother and confront her fears.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to escape family pressures; needs to grow into responsibility.

Suggestions

Highlight the consequences of her decisions to portray her journey effectively.
Include conflicted moments where she doubts her choices.

Follow-up Questions

What choices lead to her most significant character developments?
How does she reconcile her desires with her responsibilities?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Sarah's connection with her brother Freddie is central to her development. This relationship drives her mission, while her interactions with Jareth bring in elements of conflict and temptation. Her evolving friendship with Hoggle and Didymus underscores her growth and adaptability.

Suggestions

Deepen her connection with Freddie through emotional moments.
Show the evolution of her friendship with Hoggle and Didymus.

Follow-up Questions

How do her relationships influence her decisions?
What do her interactions with Jareth reveal about her character?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Sarah's actions not only affect her own path but also resonate throughout the labyrinth. Her fearless confrontations with both allies and enemies determine the tone and direction of each scene she participates in, making her an essential catalyst for change.

Suggestions

Maximize tension in scenes where she confronts Jareth.
Highlight moments where her bravery leads to key plot developments.

Follow-up Questions

In what scenes does Sarah's impact have the most significance?
How can her interactions enhance dramatic tension in pivotal moments?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

Sarah's role as the protagonist drives the narrative, representing the transformation from innocence to maturity. Her journey through the labyrinth is symbolic of all children's struggle growing up, culminating in her ultimate confrontation with Jareth and reclamation of her brother.

Symbolic Role: The innocent child becoming a responsible hero.

Suggestions

Consider reinforcing her heroic actions earlier in the screenplay.
Create situations that emphasize her struggles contrasting her role.

Follow-up Questions

How does her journey align with classic hero’s journey archetypes?
What specific actions solidify her role as the protagonist?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

The integration of Sarah's personal growth mirrors the larger themes of bravery and responsibility throughout the screenplay. Her conflict with authority, symbolized by Jareth, serves to challenge her understanding of freedom, love, and choice.

Suggestions

Clarify how her emotional journey ties into the screenplay's central themes.
Emphasize her external conflicts that parallel internal growth.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sarah's journey challenge or uphold the story's central messages?
What moments strongly convey the thematic stakes for her character?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Sarah's emotional highs and lows throughout the narrative captivate audiences, particularly her determination in the face of fears. Scenes of vulnerability balanced with moments of courage create a complex response in viewers, fostering a deep connection.

Emotional Impact: Evokes sympathy and motivation in the audience.

Suggestions

Include more scenes that highlight her emotional struggles for impact.
Create stronger parallels between her journey and audience experiences.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes resonate most emotionally with the audience?
How can her experiences evoke sympathy and motivation more effectively?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfp

Sarah's imaginative, enthusiastic nature aligns with the ENFP personality type, known for their creativity and strong values.

Confidence: 85%

Suggestions

Explore her spontaneous decisions further to emphasize this type.
Highlight her values more distinctly to fit the ENFP profile.

Follow-up Questions

How might her ENFP traits affect her dynamic with Jareth?
Are there moments where her personality type is particularly evident?

Enneagram: 4w3

Sarah's individualistic nature and artistic inclination suggest a 4w3 type, indicating a desire for uniqueness and success.

Confidence: 80%

Suggestions

Feature her drive for success through her actions more prominently.
Incorporate scenes highlighting her emotional depth and creativity.

Follow-up Questions

What actions demonstrate her unique blend of 4 and 3 traits?
How do her motivations align with the challenges she faces in the labyrinth?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (28)

In the climactic confrontation with Jareth, Sarah confidently asserts her own choices while protecting her brother Freddie.

Why: This scene showcases her growth, her inner strength, and solidifies her transformation throughout the screenplay.

Weakest Scene (10)

During the nursery scene where she feels frustrated with her home life, she expresses her emotional turmoil without clear impetus for growth.

Why: Although it shows her emotions, it lacks dynamic interaction or consequential actions that move the narrative forward.

Suggestions:

Add more engaging interactions that depict her emotional landscape.
Include a turning point in thought or realization within the scene.

Hoggle - Score: 74/100

Role

Supporting Character

Personality

MBTI: ISFJ
Enneagram: Type 6 (The Loyalist)

Scenes

Strongest: #26
Weakest: #13

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 7/10

Hoggle is a cowardly yet loyal creature shaped by his life in the labyrinth.

Complexity And Depth 6/10

Hoggle's internal conflicts stem from fear and a desire for respect.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Hoggle experiences a significant arc from cowardice to loyalty.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Hoggle's dialogue oscillates between humor and sincerity.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Hoggle's choices largely emanate from his fear but shift as he grows.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Hoggle's relationships reveal depth and evoke sympathy.

Scene Impact 8/10

Hoggle's presence brings both humor and gravity to scenes.

Role Fulfillment 7/10

Hoggle fulfills the archetype of the reluctant hero.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Hoggle's journey ties into themes of fear, loyalty, and growth.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Hoggle skillfully elicits sympathy and hope from the audience.

Foundational Definition

Score: 7

Hoggle is introduced as a minor character in the labyrinth, displaying a somewhat cowardly demeanor but also a sharp wit. Despite his cowardice, he shows moments of bravery, especially when he ultimately aids Sarah in her quest. His identity is tied closely to his relationship with the labyrinth and its inhabitants, oscillating between self-serving behavior and a reluctant heroism that emerges as the story progresses. His backstory hints at a past filled with servitude and fear, influencing his values of self-preservation over confrontation.

Values And Beliefs: Self-preservation, Loyalty to friends

Strengths And Skills: Wit and humor, Ability to navigate the labyrinth

Suggestions

Expand on Hoggle's background to establish deeper motivations.
Create more scenes illustrating his internal struggle between cowardice and bravery.

Follow-up Questions

What experiences shaped Hoggle's view of the labyrinth as a dangerous place?
How does Hoggle's perception of loyalty evolve throughout the story?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 6

Hoggle grapples with internal conflicts related to his fear of Jareth and the goblins versus his desire to do right by Sarah. His emotional wound stems from a lifetime of being disregarded and treated as inferior, which leads him to often prioritize his safety over standing up for others. This complexity reveals a character who is not merely comic relief but someone capable of growth and valor when it matters most.

Character Wound: Fear of rejection and inferiority

Character Flaws: Cowardice, Self-serving tendencies

Suggestions

Include moments that reveal Hoggle's vulnerabilities and insecurities.
Create scenarios that challenge him directly, forcing him to choose between self-preservation and friendship.

Follow-up Questions

What specific interactions trigger Hoggle's cowardice?
How can Hoggle's growth be depicted without compromising his established character traits?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Throughout the narrative, Hoggle's journey mirrors the classic hero's arc, undergoing a transformation that sees him moving from a state of self-preservation towards one of friendship and courage. His interactions with Sarah act as catalysts for change, providing him with opportunities to confront his fears. Hoggle's loyalty ultimately redefines him, as he realizes the importance of supporting others over succumbing to his basest instincts.

Polarity Changes: He starts as a self-serving character but evolves into a supportive ally for Sarah, especially in crucial moments.

Transformation Triggers: Key events such as Sarah's reliance on him and his own moments of fear when faced with goblins push him towards growth.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Hoggle’s decisions to help Sarah could be further emphasized to clarify his transformation.
Introduce a pivotal moment that forces Hoggle to save Sarah directly, showcasing his loyalty.

Follow-up Questions

What additional challenges could Hoggle face to further demonstrate his transition?
How does Hoggle's relationship with Sarah influence his decisions throughout the narrative?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Hoggle’s speech patterns—characterized by a blend of humor and self-deprecation—serve to underline both his cowardice and his earnestness. His interactions are often laced with a comedic tone, allowing him to emerge as a lovable and relatable character, while also showcasing his emotional struggles. The evolution of his dialogue contributes to a deeper connection with the audience as Hoggle transitions from fearful to courageous.

Unique Voice: Hoggle possesses a distinct mix of sarcasm, wit, and vulnerability, reflecting his layered identity.

Suggestions

Incorporate deeper emotional undertones in Hoggle’s dialogue as he confronts fears.
Provide more opportunities for Hoggle to express his insecurities through speech.

Follow-up Questions

How can Hoggle's use of humor be enhanced to create a stronger emotional connection?
What specific phrases or dialogue can highlight his changing perspective?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Hoggle’s actions throughout the screenplay are deeply influenced by his motivations and growing sense of loyalty. Initially, he avoids risking himself, but over time, interactions with Sarah galvanize him into making braver choices. His decisions, however flawed, culminate in significant moments that contribute to the story's climax, revealing the character's journey from coward to ally.

Motivations: Initially motivated by self-preservation, Hoggle later acts from loyalty and friendship.

Desires Vs Needs: While Hoggle desires safety, he ultimately needs to confront his fears to help others.

Suggestions

Clarify pivotal moments where Hoggle must choose between safety and loyalty.
Show internal reasoning for Hoggle's behavioral shifts in critical situations.

Follow-up Questions

How might Hoggle's past experiences influence his present choices?
What scenarios best highlight his evolving motivations?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Hoggle's dynamics predominantly revolve around his interactions with Sarah, Didymus, and the Goblins. His relationship with Sarah serves as a major catalyst for change, inviting him to step outside his comfort zone and act bravely. Didymus's camaraderie adds a layer of mutual respect that Hoggle initially lacked in his life. These relationships not only help to shape his character arc but also drive the narrative forward, lending weight to his evolution through friendship.

Suggestions

Flesh out Hoggle's interactions with Didymus to enhance their allyship.
Explore how Hoggle's relationship with Sarah can evolve, allowing for moments of vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

How could Hoggle's cowardice affect his relationships with other characters?
What moments would serve to deepen Hoggle's connection with Sarah?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Hoggle's actions in various scenes introduce comic relief and emotional depth simultaneously. He often serves as the voice of reason within absurd circumstances, reflecting his growing depth as a character. His decisions—whether driven by fear or newfound courage—impact the flow of the narrative, either adding levity or intensifying the situation for others. His scenes are critical in balancing the film’s tone, providing poignant moments that engage the audience’s empathy.

Suggestions

Dramatize Hoggle's internal conflict during key scenes to maximize emotional impact.
Highlight interactions where Hoggle’s decisions lead directly to pivotal scene outcomes.

Follow-up Questions

What are the most impactful moments that showcase Hoggle's development?
How can Hoggle's comedic nature pivot to more serious tones effectively?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 7

As a supporting character, Hoggle embodies the archetypal 'reluctant hero,' providing both wisdom and comic relief. His initial reluctance to assist Sarah highlights the struggle between self-preservation and loyalty that many characters face. Hoggle’s role grows as he becomes more than a sidekick; he evolves into an essential part of Sarah’s journey, offering guidance while also illustrating vulnerability. His narrative arc showcases the complexity of courage in the face of fear.

Symbolic Role: Hoggle acts as both a guide and a counterbalance to Sarah’s bravery.

Suggestions

Examine Hoggle’s conflicting emotions to enhance their tension leading to climactic moments.
Subvert expectations in scenes where Hoggle displays unexpected bravery, heightening his character arc.

Follow-up Questions

How can Hoggle's role be expanded to emphasize significant contributions to the plot?
What specific events could change or elevate Hoggle's narrative significance?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Hoggle's character encapsulates central themes involving the struggles between fear and bravery, highlighting the importance of loyalty and friendship. His journey intertwines with Sarah's, as both characters manage their fears while aiming to confront Jareth, the antagonist. Hoggle’s evolution is a testament to the potential for growth when faced with adversity, serving as a powerful narrative device to illustrate these themes of self-discovery and courage.

Suggestions

Expand thematic dialogues that emphasize Hoggle's fears and desires.
Include scenarios that more deeply challenge Hoggle’s views on loyalty and bravery.

Follow-up Questions

How does Hoggle’s journey reflect broader themes in the screenplay?
In what ways does Hoggle’s growth resonate with the story's central ideas?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Hoggle's character communicates emotional resonance by embodying the fears that many experience in unfamiliar circumstances. His struggle against cowardice in the face of danger allows the audience to connect deeply with his journey. The duality of his comedic moments fused with heartfelt growth makes for an engaging character who holds significant emotional weight in the landscape of the screenplay, ultimately culminating in a feeling of triumph as he overcomes his fears.

Emotional Impact: Hoggle evokes sympathy through his cowardice and eventual bravery amidst challenges.

Suggestions

Increase the stakes in Hoggle's challenging moments to heighten emotional tension.
Utilize flashbacks or conversations about his past to deepen audience empathies.

Follow-up Questions

What qualities make Hoggle relatable to the audience's own fears?
What turning points can be emphasized to strengthen the emotional payoff in Hoggle's story?

Personality Types

MBTI: isfj

Hoggle displays characteristics of an ISFJ, particularly in his loyalty to Sarah despite his fears and his deeply caring nature revealed through his eventual bravery.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: esfj (25%)

Suggestions

Utilize Hoggle's ISFJ traits to illustrate his nurturing and protective tendencies.
Depict instances where Hoggle’s sense of duty drives his actions.

Follow-up Questions

How can Hoggle’s nurturing qualities manifest in his interactions with other characters?
What scenarios could further highlight Hoggle's ISFJ traits through external conflicts?

Enneagram: type 6 (the loyalist)

Hoggle strongly embodies traits of a Type 6, demonstrating loyalty to others yet grappling with deep-seated fears and insecurity throughout the story.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 9 (the peacemaker) (20%)

Suggestions

Show more background moments that illuminate Hoggle’s loyalty fears.
Include interactions that highlight his characteristics as a peacemaker when faced with conflict.

Follow-up Questions

How can Hoggle’s fears add to the tension in crucial scenes?
What challenges could activate more Type 6 responses in Hoggle's character?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (26)

Hoggle's impassioned defense of Sarah shows his growth and loyalty.

Why: This stands out because it reveals Hoggle's inner strength and commitment to his friends, turning his character arc into a powerful emotional moment.

Weakest Scene (13)

Hoggle's feeble attempts to express bravery dim his character’s impact as he struggles with self-pity.

Why: This scene could weaken Hoggle by leaning too heavily on comic relief without showcasing growth or leadership.

Suggestions:

Rework Hoggle’s dialogue and reactions to lend more gravity or insight into his fear.
Introduce a moment of clarity or resolve for Hoggle that allows for more character depth.

Ludo - Score: 74/100

Role

Supportive Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ISFJ
Enneagram: Type 2: The Helper

Scenes

Strongest: #14

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Loyal, gentle giant with a history of being bullied.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Emotionally wounded by bullying, but seeks acceptance.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 5/10

Ludo exhibits purposeful stasis as he is consistently supportive but lacks personal growth throughout the narrative.

Dialogue And Voice 6/10

Ludo speaks simply and directly, reflecting his innocence and straightforward nature.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Ludo's actions consistently stem from a place of compassion and protectiveness.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Ludo forms key supportive relationships, especially with Sarah, which highlight his loyalty and courage.

Scene Impact 7/10

Ludo's presence often brings warmth and emotional grounding to scenes.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Ludo serves as a supportive character who embodies the spirit of friendship.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Ludo's journey intertwines with themes of friendship and loyalty.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Creates a strong emotional bond with the audience through vulnerability.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Ludo is a large, fuzzy creature who embodies loyalty and gentleness, despite his formidable size. His backstory indicates that he has been subjected to bullying by goblins, showcasing his vulnerability. Ludo’s basic identity is rooted in his role as a protector of those weaker than himself, particularly Sarah, whom he quickly aligns with. His innocent nature and desire for friendship anchor him firmly in the story as a kind-hearted ally who provides emotional and physical support.

Values And Beliefs: Friendship, Protecting the innocent, Helping others

Strengths And Skills: Physical strength, Loyalty, Compassion

Suggestions

Explore Ludo's backstory further to highlight his vulnerability.
Show more moments where Ludo's strength is both a blessing and a curse.

Follow-up Questions

What experiences shaped Ludo's belief in the power of friendship?
How does Ludo's innocence affect his interactions with others in the labyrinth?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Ludo possesses a deep sadness from his past experiences, particularly related to how others view him due to his size and appearance. His emotional wound stems from feeling misunderstood and bullied by the goblins, which influences his behavior and choices throughout the narrative. This vulnerability makes him more relatable to the audience and showcases his struggle for acceptance and companionship.

Character Wound: Feeling misunderstood and bullied by goblins.

Character Flaws: Naivety, Overly trusting

Suggestions

Include flashbacks or discussions about his experiences with the goblins.
Demonstrate moments where Ludo's naivety leads to conflict or misunderstanding.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ludo's past affect his ability to trust new friends?
What triggers Ludo's emotional responses when he faces danger?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 5

Ludo remains a steadfast ally, providing support and assistance to Sarah without undergoing significant personal growth. While he is loyal and brave, he maintains his role as a protector throughout the story rather than experiencing a clear arc of transformation. His support steadies the group, but it doesn't push his own character development.

Suggestions

Introduce a moment where Ludo is challenged to face a fear or personal struggle.
Allow Ludo to make a choice that showcases his growth and determination.

Follow-up Questions

What could trigger Ludo to take a more active role in decision-making?
How could Ludo confront his past fears during the journey?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 6

Ludo's dialogue is marked by a child-like simplicity that emphasizes his gentleness and purity. He tends to repeat phrases and communicates his intentions clearly, which adds to his charm. Despite the simplicity, his words carry weight in the emotional context of the scenes. Tension may arise in scenes where his naivety contrasts starkly with the harsh realities of the labyrinth.

Unique Voice: Repetitive and straightforward speech pattern, often expressing simple desires.

Suggestions

Incorporate more varied expressions of his thoughts and emotions.
Create moments where Ludo tries to articulate complex ideas or feelings.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ludo's speech reflect his emotional state at different points in the story?
What instances challenge Ludo's straightforward communication style?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Throughout the screenplay, Ludo makes choices that prioritize the safety and well-being of his friends, often putting himself in harm's way. His loyalty is potent as he actively participates in fights to defend Sarah and Didymus. However, his protective instinct sometimes blinds him to danger, showcasing a potential flaw in his character.

Motivations: To protect and befriend Sarah and support her quest.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to be loved and accepted; needs to be seen for his true self beyond appearances.

Suggestions

Show a moment where Ludo faces a difficult choice between self-preservation and protecting friends.
Explore Ludo’s reactions in various group dynamics, emphasizing his protective traits.

Follow-up Questions

What specific incidents highlight Ludo's protective instincts?
How do other characters react to Ludo's behaviors and decisions?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Ludo's relationships are centered around his bond with Sarah, where he acts as a gentle giant. His connection with Didymus also reveals a camaraderie built on mutual respect and loyalty. These ties deepen the emotional stakes of the story and illuminate Ludo's character as a loving, brave companion.

Suggestions

Develop Ludo's individual relationship with Didymus further to showcase their camaraderie.
Include more dialogue detailing Ludo's responses to Sarah’s plights to deepen emotional connections.

Follow-up Questions

What moments best showcase the depth of Ludo's loyalty to Sarah?
How does Ludo’s relationship with Didymus evolve throughout the screenplay?

Scene Impact

Score: 7

Ludo introduces a layer of emotional richness in scenes through his gentle demeanor and protective instincts. He often serves as a counterbalance to tense moments, lightening the atmosphere with his innocence and unwavering support. His reactions also amplify the stakes when the group faces danger, contributing to the overall tension and resolution of scenes.

Suggestions

Amplify Ludo's emotional responses to key scenes to enhance audience connection.
Introduce moments where Ludo's actions directly shift the emotional tone of a scene.

Follow-up Questions

In what scenes does Ludo provide critical emotional support?
How does Ludo influence the group dynamics during moments of conflict?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As a supporting protagonist, Ludo epitomizes loyalty and friendship throughout the screenplay. His character supports Sarah's journey, providing both emotional grounding and physical support in times of danger. Ludo’s symbolic representation of innocence contrasts with the darker elements of the labyrinth, suggesting that pure heart and loyalty can overcome adversity.

Symbolic Role: Represents innocence and the importance of companionship.

Suggestions

Explore the symbolic contrast between Ludo's innocence and the darkness of the labyrinth in greater depth.
Highlight Ludo's impact on the plot's progression through his unique contributions and choices.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Ludo’s role challenge the stereotypes surrounding physical strength?
What significance does Ludo’s innocence give to the overarching story?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Ludo embodies the themes of friendship and acceptance within the labyrinth's treacherous environment. His unwavering support for Sarah highlights the importance of loyalty and emotional connection in overcoming obstacles. As a creature often underestimated, he battles against both external and internal conflicts, reaffirming the narrative's emphasis on finding strength in vulnerability.

Suggestions

Deepen Ludo’s involvement in pivotal moments to reinforce narrative themes.
Draw parallels between Ludo’s journey and Sarah’s growth, emphasizing shared themes.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ludo's presence amplify the screenplay's exploration of friendship?
What specific actions taken by Ludo contribute most significantly to thematic development?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Ludo's character draws strong emotional responses from the audience due to his gentle nature and the contrast with the harsh realities of the labyrinth. His vulnerabilities resonate deeply, allowing viewers to empathize with his desire for companionship while rooting for his strength in protecting others. Ludo's interactions with Sarah create a heartfelt emotional core in the narrative.

Emotional Impact: Ludo evokes sympathy and warmth, creating a bond with the audience.

Suggestions

Heighten emotional stakes through Ludo’s reactions in critical scenes.
Focus on moments that showcase Ludo’s desire for acceptance to enhance audience empathy.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes best evoke emotional responses tied to Ludo’s character?
How do Ludo’s interactions reinforce his emotional connection with the audience?

Personality Types

MBTI: isfj

Ludo's loyalty, consideration for others, and desire for companionship align with ISFJ traits.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: esfj (70%)

Suggestions

Utilize Ludo's nurturing side to enhance his relationships with other characters.
Showcase situations where Ludo's loyalty is tested to reveal growth opportunities.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Ludo display typical ISFJ traits within the narrative?
How might Ludo's emotional intelligence affect his interactions with others?

Enneagram: type 2: the helper

Ludo embodies the traits of a Helper through his selfless support and desire to protect others.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 9: the peacemaker (65%)

Suggestions

Incorporate scenes where Ludo assists others, highlighting his Helper nature.
Allow Ludo to confront conflicts that challenge his desire for peace and friendship.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ludo's type influence his role in the group?
What tension arises from Ludo's desire to please and help others?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (14)

Ludo helps rescue and comfort Sarah in a crucial moment, showcasing his loyalty and strength.

Why: This scene establishes the emotional core of Ludo's character and cements his role as a protector.

Weakest Scene (0)

Ludo's introductions are somewhat overshadowed by the main action.

Why: His gentle nature takes a backseat as Sarah's journey is prioritized.

Suggestions:

Enrich Ludo’s entrance to enhance audience emotional connection.
Ensure his motivations are clearly established to bolster early impact.

Jareth - Score: 82/100

Aliases

King of the Goblins

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENTJ
Enneagram: 3 - The Achiever

Scenes

Strongest: #26
Weakest: #4

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Charming yet manipulative ruler of the labyrinth.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Arrogant ruler grappling with control and emotional depth.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Jareth's arc revolves around his attempts to retain power and control over Sarah and the labyrinth.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Jareth's dialogue is characterized by charm, wit, and a condescending tone.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Jareth's behavior is largely driven by his desire for power and control.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Jareth's relationships are primarily defined by power struggles and manipulation.

Scene Impact 9/10

Jareth's presence is pivotal to the tension and conflict throughout key scenes.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Jareth serves as the main antagonist, embodying the labyrinth's challenges.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Jareth's character intersects with the themes of agency and temptation.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Evokes tension and sympathy through manipulation.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Jareth is introduced as a charming yet manipulative figure who rules over the labyrinth and its inhabitants. He embodies both allure and danger, drawing in characters with his beauty and wit while simultaneously presenting a formidable challenge. His backstory as the Goblin King suggests a deep connection to the labyrinth, symbolizing control and the mesmerizing pull he has on those who venture into his realm.

Values And Beliefs: Power, control, the nature of reality versus illusion

Strengths And Skills: Charisma, cunning intelligence, magical abilities

Suggestions

Explore Jareth's motivations more deeply, especially regarding his dominion over the labyrinth and his obsession with Sarah.
Develop scenes that reveal Jareth's past and why he became the Goblin King, adding layers to his character.

Follow-up Questions

What drives Jareth to toy with the emotions and fates of others?
Is there more to his character beyond being merely a villain?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Jareth's complex nature is showcased through his emotional struggles and desire for control. As a character, he displays flaws such as arrogance and a sense of entitlement, believing that he deserves what he desires without regard for others. Internal conflicts arise from his penchant for manipulation and the consequences that could come from underestimating his opponents or overstepping boundaries.

Character Wound: Fear of being abandoned or unloved due to his nature as a ruler

Character Flaws: Arrogance, cruelty, obsession with power

Suggestions

Introduce backstory elements that hint at insecurities or abandonment issues.
Provide moments of vulnerability to humanize him and create empathy from the audience.

Follow-up Questions

Can Jareth's arrogance lead to his downfall in the story?
How do his emotional wounds influence his actions toward Sarah?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Jareth's journey features moments of power and glamor but culminates in his demoralization when Sarah asserts her will against him. He experiences a significant shift as he realizes he may not have the control he believed he possessed. His failure to secure Sarah as his queen serves as a critical moment of transformation, revealing his vulnerability in the face of true agency.

Polarity Changes: From confident antagonist to vulnerable when faced with Sarah's rejection

Transformation Triggers: Sarah's resistance to his manipulations and her assertion of independence

Suggestions

Emphasize the contrast between Jareth’s confidence and his surprise at Sarah’s defiance.
Create a more defined climax where Jareth’s internal conflict reaches its peak.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments lead to his realization of being undermined?
How does the power shift impact Jareth's identity?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Jareth's lines are crafted to both enchant and intimidate. His speech reflects his commanding presence and ability to manipulate situations to his favor. The disparity between the allure of his words and the reality of his intentions creates a fascinating tension in his interactions with Sarah and others. As the screenplay progresses, his tone shifts from inviting to desperate as he realizes he is losing control.

Unique Voice: Seductive, eloquent, often with a mocking undertone

Suggestions

Introduce more playful banter to highlight his charm and cunning.
Include moments where his facade cracks through dialogue to reveal frustration or anger.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jareth's way of speaking influence Sarah's perception of him?
What distinct phrases could deepen the lore surrounding his character?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Jareth's actions reveal his manipulative tendencies as he tests Sarah's resolve. His attempts to enthrall those within his realm, particularly Sarah, showcase his fear of being outmaneuvered or abandoned. His decisions ultimately lead to confrontation—an inherent contradiction of wanting to be loved for who he is while controlling others through fear and allure.

Motivations: To dominate Sarah and secure her submission as a queen.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires power over the labyrinth; needs genuine connection and acceptance.

Suggestions

Highlight decision points where Jareth’s motivations clash with his need for validation.
Show how his choices create more enemies than allies in his pursuit of power.

Follow-up Questions

What choices could have led Jareth down a different path?
How do his motivations manifest in his relationships with other characters?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Jareth's interactions with Sarah provide a complex dynamic of allure and antagonism. He attempts to seduce her to gain her loyalty while also revealing his darker tendencies. His relationship with his goblin subjects shows a different side, one of detachment and disdain. This contrast emphasizes his role as both a ruler and a foil to Sarah's growth, showcasing the consequences of manipulation versus empowerment.

Suggestions

Deepen the antagonistic relationship dynamics with more confrontational moments.
Create interactions with his goblin subjects that reveal his complexity as a ruler.

Follow-up Questions

What does Jareth's relationship with Sarah reveal about his character?
How does his dynamic with goblins differ from that with human characters?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Jareth's appearances directly challenge Sarah's journey, injecting both charm and conflict into her quest. His ability to manipulate the environment and others shapes the labyrinth's perception and reflects the theme of reality versus illusion. Each time Jareth is on screen, he raises the stakes for Sarah, whether through confrontation or seduction, enhancing the emotional weight of the overall narrative.

Suggestions

Introduce scenarios where Jareth's presence is felt even in his absence to heighten anticipation.
Focus on scenes where his actions precipitate significant change in other characters' arcs.

Follow-up Questions

How do Jareth's actions within scenes reflect upon the labyrinth as a whole?
What scenes could emphasize his ability to manipulate not just characters, but settings as well?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

As the Goblin King, Jareth’s narrative role is clear—he serves as the primary obstacle to Sarah’s quest. His charm masks a more sinister control that encapsulates the dangers of giving in to temptation. Jareth symbolizes the trials one faces in growing up and making difficult choices, reinforcing the screenplay’s themes of maturity and agency.

Symbolic Role: Represents temptation, power, and the consequences of desire.

Suggestions

Explore moments where Jareth's role could either be expanded or countered by other characters.
Experiment with subversion of his role in scenes to keep viewers guessing.

Follow-up Questions

How can Jareth's role be contrasted with that of other antagonists to highlight his uniqueness?
Which symbols could further enhance Jareth's thematic role in the story?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Through Jareth, the screenplay explores the tensions between control and freedom. His desire to ensnare Sarah represents broader themes of temptation, with the labyrinth itself acting as a metaphor for life’s challenges. Jareth’s relationship with Sarah underscores the importance of autonomy, especially in the face of manipulative power structures.

Suggestions

Integrate more thematic dialogue to reinforce Jareth's role within the central themes.
Utilize Jareth in scenes that explore the consequences of submission versus resistance.

Follow-up Questions

How can Jareth’s actions illuminate the central themes of choice and self-determination?
What scenes can deepen the thematic connection between Jareth's desires and Sarah's growth?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Jareth effectively evokes a range of emotions from the audience, particularly through his charming yet dangerous persona. His manipulation of Sarah stirs feelings of sympathy for her plight while simultaneously creating tension as it challenges her independence. Jareth’s transformation by the story's end resonates emotionally, as the audience observes the consequences of his choices and desires.

Emotional Impact: Tension, sympathy, intrigue

Suggestions

Emphasize Jareth’s emotional responses to deepen audience engagement during key scenes.
Consider using more moments where Jareth shows vulnerability to amplify emotional stakes.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes elicit the strongest emotional responses from viewers regarding Jareth?
How can Jareth's initial charm be used strategically to enhance emotional tension?

Personality Types

MBTI: entj

Jareth displays key traits of a natural leader, exhibiting charisma and a commanding presence while being strategic in his approach to manipulation.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: intj (70%)

Suggestions

Utilize MBTI insights to explore Jareth’s strategic thinking and how it influences his interactions.
Consider crafting dialogue that showcases his confidence to further emphasize his ENTJ traits.

Follow-up Questions

How do Jareth's ENTJ traits manifest in his interactions with Sarah?
What implications do his MBTI characteristics have on his relationships with other characters?

Enneagram: 3 - the achiever

Jareth's desire for power and status mirrors the achiever's need for success and validation, demonstrating an acute awareness of his image.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: 8 - the challenger (60%)

Suggestions

Incorporate Enneagram insights to explore Jareth’s motivations relating to identity and competition.
Develop scenes that show his need for admiration influencing his decisions.

Follow-up Questions

How do Jareth's traits as an Achiever influence his pursuit of power over Sarah?
What moments reveal his struggles with vulnerability and authenticity as a Challenger?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (26)

Jareth's moments in the Escher Rotunda capture his ultimate confrontation with Sarah.

Why: This scene showcases his full range of powers, emotions, and psychological games.

Weakest Scene (4)

In Jareth's scene where he tries to soothe Freddie, his effect feels less impactful than others.

Why: His authority is undermined by Freddie's innocence, diminishing Jareth's sinister aura.

Suggestions:

Rework this scene to enhance Jareth's control, perhaps by intertwining it with more threatening undertones.
Create a stronger juxtaposition between his captivating charm and Freddie’s reaction.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Coming of age (25%)

Sarah's journey to rescue her brother forces her to face her fears, confront her flaws, and mature into a more responsible and brave individual.

The film explores the challenges and triumphs of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, emphasizing the importance of self-reliance, courage, and determination.

Strengthening Coming of age:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc - Scene Multiple Scenes	Emphasize Sarah's transformation throughout the journey. Highlight her moments of vulnerability, self-reflection, and resilience as she navigates challenges and confronts her inner conflicts.
Dialogue - Scene 4	Add dialogue for Zakar where he offers words of encouragement or guidance to Sarah, further establishing the mentor-mentee dynamic and highlighting Sarah's growth.
Action - Scene 14	Expand Ludo's role in the torture scene. Show him actively intervening, using his strength to free the creature from the goblins, highlighting his courageous and compassionate nature.
Visual - Scene 22	Enhance the mirror scene by adding a visual element that reflects Sarah's inner turmoil and the duality of her experience. Consider using distorted, fragmented reflections or surreal imagery to convey her emotional state.
Story Arc - Scene 26	Explore the theme of self-acceptance and self-discovery more explicitly in the climax. Have Sarah confront Jareth and explicitly express her realization that she doesn't need him to define her worth or identity.

The power of imagination (20%)

The labyrinth is a realm of fantasy and imagination, where reality and illusion blur. Sarah must navigate this surreal world, relying on her creativity and belief in the impossible.

The film celebrates the limitless potential of the imagination, encouraging viewers to embrace their own fantasies and dreams.

The dangers of temptation (15%)

Jareth offers Sarah power and glamour, tempting her to abandon her quest. However, Sarah ultimately resists these temptations, realizing that true happiness lies in protecting her loved ones and following her own path.

The film warns against the perils of succumbing to superficial desires, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing values and relationships.

The importance of friendship (15%)

Sarah, Hoggle, Ludo, and Didymus form an unlikely alliance, overcoming obstacles together and relying on each other's strengths.

The film celebrates the power of friendship, showcasing how it can provide support, courage, and resilience in times of adversity.

The transformative power of love (10%)

Sarah's love for her brother drives her to face her fears and overcome all obstacles. Her unwavering determination and devotion inspire those around her, ultimately saving Freddie and defeating Jareth.

The film emphasizes the transformative power of love, demonstrating how it can empower individuals to overcome challenges and achieve the impossible.

The search for identity (10%)

Sarah's journey through the labyrinth is also a journey of self-discovery. She learns to embrace her individuality, confront her insecurities, and ultimately find her own path.

The film explores the complexities of identity formation, encouraging viewers to embrace their unique strengths and perspectives.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."

Scene by Scene Emotions

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goals evolved from seeking escape to proving her courage and protecting her loved ones
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals evolved from making it to rehearsal on time to rescuing her brother from the Goblin King
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay revolves around fantasy vs reality, autonomy vs control, and fear vs courage

Character Development Contribution: The evolving internal and external goals challenge the protagonist's beliefs, pushing her to grow, seek independence, and demonstrate bravery

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive the protagonist's journey through the labyrinth, creating tension and urgency in the narrative structure

Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of fantasy, autonomy, fear, and courage deepens the thematic exploration of identity, power dynamics, and overcoming adversity

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - The Labyrinth: A Girl's Journey	Whimsical, Melodramatic, Playful	8	8	7	9	9	5	8	7	6	7	4	7	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
2 - Sarah's Missing Bear	Angry, Resentful, Defiant, Melancholic	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	6	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
3 - Baby Blues and Unexpected Visitors	Whimsical, Melancholic, Mysterious	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	6	7	6	8	8	7	7	9	8	8	8
4 - Jareth's Arrival	Mysterious, Whimsical, Suspenseful, Humorous	8	8	7	9	7	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	9	7	7	9	8	8	8
5 - Sarah's Fight for Freddie	Hysterical, Desperate, Gleeful, Macabre	9	9	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	8
6 - Sarah and Hoggle's Encounter	Whimsical, Mysterious, Suspenseful, Sarcastic	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	8
7 - Navigating the Labyrinth	Whimsical, Mysterious, Suspenseful	8	8	7	9	7	6	8	7	8	7	7	8	8	7	6	9	8	8	8
8 - Confusion in the Labyrinth	Determined, Mysterious, Tense	8	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	8	7	8	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
9 - Confrontation in the Corridor	Mysterious, Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Whimsical	9	9	8	9	8	7	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	8.5	8	8
10 - The Wise One's Shortcut	Whimsical, Surreal, Light-hearted	8	9	7	9	8	5	8	7.5	6	8	6	7	8	6	9	9	8	8	8
11 - Goblin Pursuit	Whimsical, Mysterious, Suspenseful	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	8	8
12 - Escape from the Slashing Machine	Whimsical, Thrilling, Humorous	8	8	7	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	7	6	9	8	8	8
13 - The Picture Gallery	Mysterious, Suspenseful, Whimsical	9	9	8	9	7	6	8	9	8	8	9	9	8	7	7	9	9	9	9
14 - Sarah Rescues Ludo	Distressed, Compassionate, Sarcastic, Nauseated	8	8	8	9	8	7	9	8	8	8	8	8	8	9	7	9	8	9	9
15 - The Talking Doorknockers	Whimsical, Playful, Mysterious	8	9	7	9	8	5	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	5	8	9	8	8	8
16 - The Impatient Departure	Mysterious, Suspenseful, Dark	8	9	8	9	7	7	8	7	8	7	9	9	7	7	6	9	8	8	8
17 - A Dance with the Wild Things	Whimsical, Playful, Surreal, Energetic	8	9	7	9	8	4	8	7	3	7	2	5	9	6	6	9	8	8	8
18 - Hoggle's Betrayal	Dark, Menacing, Suspenseful, Desperate	8	8	9	9	8	7	8	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	9	9	9
19 - Rescue from the Wild Things	Whimsical, Playful, Mysterious	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7.5	6	8	6	7	8	7	7	9	8.5	8	8
20 - The Bridge Encounter	Whimsical, Chivalrous, Light-hearted, Surreal	8	8	7	9	9	7	9	8	6	8	6	8	8	6	8	9	8	8	8
21 - The Enchanting Forest	Enchanting, Whimsical, Melancholic	9	9	8	9	8	7	8	7	5	7	6	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
22 - The Enchanting and Sinister Ballroom Dance	Enchanting, Mysterious, Sensual, Dreamlike	9	9	8	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	8	8	7	9	8	8	8
23 - Sarah's Escape from the Junk Woman	Triumphant, Mysterious, Dark, Whimsical	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	7	8	8	7	9	8	8	8
24 - Goblin Attack	Action-packed, Tense, Dramatic, Heroic	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	6	9	9	8	8
25 - Castle Infiltration and Goblin Chase	Action-packed, Suspenseful, Dramatic	9	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	9	8	8
26 - The Escher Rotunda	Whimsical, Intense, Surreal, Emotional	9	9	9	9	9	9	9	8	8	8	9	9	9	9	8	9	9	9	9
27 - Sarah's Triumph	Intense, Emotional, Confrontational, Defiant, Surreal	9	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	9	9	9	9
28 - Freddie's Return	Magical, Whimsical, Heartwarming, Mysterious	9	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	6	7	7	7	7	9	7	9	8	9	9

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Emotional depth
Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Intriguing concept
Compelling character dynamics

Scene Weaknesses

Limited character development for minor characters
Some cliched elements in family dynamics
Limited character development for secondary characters
Some dialogue may feel repetitive or predictable
Limited impact on main plotline

Suggestions

Consider exploring the backstories of minor characters to add depth to their motivations and actions.
Look for ways to subvert or twist cliched family dynamic elements to keep them fresh and engaging.
Find opportunities to give secondary characters more meaningful moments and arcs to build a richer world.
Take another pass at dialogue to tighten it up and make it more impactful.
Consider ways to raise the stakes and increase the impact of the main plotline on the characters and world.

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a surreal and fantastical world that blends elements of reality and fairy tales. The scenes transition between idyllic glades and labyrinthine corridors, with a constant sense of wonder and mystery. The labyrinth itself is a complex and ever-changing environment, filled with hidden paths, strange creatures, and shifting walls.
Culture: The world is steeped in a sense of folklore and myth, with references to goblins, fairies, and magical rituals. The characters interact with these elements in various ways, from fear and superstition to curiosity and acceptance. The presence of a wise mentor figure in the form of the Wise One suggests a respect for traditional wisdom and knowledge.
Society: The societal structure appears to be hierarchical, with characters like Jareth holding power over others. The goblins are portrayed as minions of Jareth, while the other characters form a kind of fellowship seeking to achieve a common goal.
Technology: Technology is minimal in this world, with a focus on the magical and the supernatural. The few instances of technology, such as the storm blowing open a window or the use of a music box, are often portrayed as disruptive or unsettling.
Characters influence: The unique physical environment shapes the characters' experiences by constantly challenging their expectations and assumptions. The fantastical elements, such as the talking worm and the Wild Things, force the characters to question their perceptions and adapt to the ever-changing circumstances.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative by creating a sense of suspense and uncertainty. The labyrinthine setting keeps the characters and the audience guessing about what might happen next, while the magical elements introduce an element of the unknown and unpredictable. The societal structure and power dynamics also add tension to the narrative, as the characters must navigate a world where power is not always distributed fairly.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes such as the power of imagination, the importance of perseverance, and the nature of good and evil. The labyrinth can be seen as a metaphor for the journey of life, with its many challenges and rewards. The magical elements represent the power of imagination and creativity, while the societal structure and power dynamics raise questions about the nature of authority and the role of the individual in society.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of whimsy, playfulness, and vivid imagination. The dialogue is rich with wordplay, and the narrative description is infused with a sense of wonder and adventure.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a unique and engaging world that captivates the reader's imagination. The whimsical and playful tone adds a lightheartedness to the story, while the vivid imagery brings the fantastical elements to life.
Best Representation Scene	16 - The Impatient Departure
Best Scene Explanation	This scene is the best representation of the writer's voice because it combines all the elements that define the writer's style. The dialogue is witty and playful, and the narrative description is rich with vivid imagery and a sense of wonder. The scene also highlights the writer's ability to create a unique and engaging world that captivates the reader's imagination.

Style and Similarities

The overall writing style of the screenplay exhibits a blend of fantasy, humor, and emotional depth. It incorporates elements of magical realism, whimsical dialogue, and fantastical world-building. The stories emphasize the power of imagination, the complexities of human nature, and the importance of friendship and loyalty.

Style Similarities:

Writer	Explanation
Guillermo del Toro	Guillermo del Toro's influence is evident throughout the screenplay. His signature style of dark fantasy, surreal imagery, and character-driven narratives is prevalent in multiple scenes. The imaginative world-building, fantastical elements, and exploration of darker themes resonate with del Toro's body of work.
Neil Gaiman	Neil Gaiman's whimsical storytelling and imaginative worlds are also reflected in several scenes. The blend of fantasy, reality, and self-discovery aligns with his writing style. Complex characters, philosophical themes, and the exploration of human emotions are consistent with Gaiman's approach to narrative.
Terry Gilliam	Terry Gilliam's influence is noticeable in scenes characterized by whimsical humor, surreal settings, and quirky characters. The use of fantastical elements, unique dialogue, and imaginative world-building is reminiscent of Gilliam's distinctive style in films like 'Time Bandits' and 'Brazil'.

Other Similarities: The screenplay also incorporates elements from other notable writers, such as Jim Henson, Wes Anderson, and Richard Curtis. These influences contribute to the overall richness and diversity of the writing style, creating a tapestry of imaginative storytelling.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Dialogue Correlates Negatively with Tone	Scenes with high dialogue scores tend to have lower tone scores, while scenes with lower dialogue scores tend to have higher tone scores. This suggests that the author may rely on dialogue to establish emotional context, but that scenes that carry emotional weight may be more powerful when they use less dialogue.
Emotional Impact Correlates Strongly with Multiple Factors	Emotional impact is strongly correlated with concept, plot, characters, and dialogue. This indicates that the author is able to create emotional impact through a combination of compelling story elements and effective writing.
Character Changes are Less Common in Scenes with High Emotional Impact	Character changes are less likely to occur in scenes with high emotional impact. This suggests that the author may use emotional impact to maintain character consistency, rather than using it as a catalyst for character development.
Conflict Strongly Correlates with Character Changes	Scenes with high conflict scores also tend to have high character change scores. This indicates that the author is using conflict as a means of developing the characters.
Memorable Scenes Across Multiple Metrics	Scenes 16, 26, and 27 stand out as having high scores across multiple metrics, including overall grade, concept, plot, characters, dialogue, emotional impact, and character changes. These scenes likely represent the author's best work and may provide valuable insights into their writing style.
Whimsical Tone Often Accompanies High Character Change	Scenes with whimsical tones tend to have higher character change scores than scenes with other tones. This suggests that the author may use whimsical scenes as opportunities for character development.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay showcases the writer's unique voice and storytelling style, blending fantasy and reality in engaging and imaginative ways. The scenes effectively establish central conflicts, explore character dynamics, and balance humor, tension, and supernatural elements. The writing style is characterized by vivid descriptions, witty dialogue, and an immersive world-building. Overall, the screenplay demonstrates strong storytelling skills and a foundation for further development and refinement.

Key Improvement Areas

Narrative Structure and Character Development

Multiple scenes suggest opportunities to enhance narrative structure, character arcs, and emotional depth. Strengthening these aspects will elevate the screenplay's overall impact.

Dialogue and Conflict

Some scenes highlight the need for more dynamic and authentic dialogue to drive conflict and character interactions. Refining dialogue and conflict elements will enhance the screenplay's emotional resonance and tension.

Scene Pacing and Tension

A few scenes could benefit from improved pacing and tension-building techniques. Mastering these elements will create a more engaging and immersive reading experience.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read 'Save the Cat' by Blake Snyder	This book provides valuable insights into crafting compelling stories, structuring scenes effectively, and developing engaging characters.
Exercise	Practice writing dialogue between characters with contrasting motivations and beliefsPractice In SceneProv	This exercise helps enhance conflict, emotional depth, and character dynamics in dialogue.
Video	Watch films with strong scene pacing and tension-building techniques	Studying visual storytelling techniques can provide valuable lessons on creating immersive and engaging scenes.

Additional Notes: The writer has a strong foundation in storytelling and world-building. With continued refinement in narrative structure, character development, dialogue, and scene pacing, this screenplay has the potential to become a compelling and memorable piece of work.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Hero's Journey	Sarah embarks on a quest to save her brother from the Goblin King, Jareth.	The Hero's Journey is a common narrative structure in which a protagonist goes on a journey to achieve a goal.
Damsel in Distress	Sarah is kidnapped by Jareth and must be rescued by her friends.	The Damsel in Distress is a female character who is in need of rescue by a male hero.
Evil Queen	Jareth is a powerful and evil king who wants to keep Sarah as his queen.	The Evil Queen is a female character who is evil and often tries to harm the protagonist.
Talking Animals	Sarah befriends a dog named Merlin and a worm who helps her on her quest.	Talking Animals are animals who can talk and interact with humans.
Magic	Jareth uses magic to trap Sarah and her friends.	Magic is a supernatural force that can be used to perform extraordinary feats.
Time Limit	Sarah has 13 hours to save her brother before he becomes a goblin.	A Time Limit is a deadline that the protagonist must meet in order to achieve their goal.
The Chosen One	Sarah is the only one who can save her brother from Jareth.	The Chosen One is a character who is destined to save the day.
The Labyrinth	Sarah must navigate a dangerous labyrinth to reach Jareth's castle.	The Labyrinth is a maze-like structure that is difficult to navigate.
The Quest	Sarah must complete a series of tasks in order to reach Jareth's castle.	The Quest is a journey undertaken by the protagonist in order to achieve a goal.
The Hero's Return	Sarah returns home after defeating Jareth and saving her brother.	The Hero's Return is the moment when the protagonist returns home after completing their quest.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
4	Jareth: I've been known by many names... but the one I prefer is Jareth, King of the Goblins!!!
5	Sarah: Give him back, you monster! Give him back!
20	Sir Didymus: I have sworn with my life-blood, no one shall pass this way without my permission.
25	Hoggle: Thash right. Jareth owes me sumthin'... an' I'm here ta collect...
27	Sarah: I wouldn't want you if you were the last goblin on earth!

Some Loglines to consider:

A babysitter must journey through a mystical labyrinth to save her brother from becoming a goblin.
A teenage girl must rescue her younger brother from a Goblin King before it's too late.
With only 13 hours to save her brother from becoming a goblin, a babysitter must face her fears and confront a mystical labyrinth.
Join Sarah on a magical adventure through the labyrinth as she battles goblins and faces off against the Goblin King.
A babysitter's routine job turns into a heroic quest to save her brother from the clutches of the Goblin King in this mystical adventure.

Help & FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

Start with the executive summary to get a bird's eye view.
After that, the high-level menu will offer insights into the story, themes, and characters.
The scene-by-scene analysis will demonstrate how each scene performs across various criteria, summarized in the column headings.
Click on any scene title to view the full analysis, including critiques and suggestions for improvement.
'Other Analyses' provides various insights into your writing and different perspectives, although it might not lead to significant rewrites of your script.

Click on the Print Analysis link in the left menu. You can then print to PDF or save it as PDF.

Click the Scene Analysis link on the left menu. Next to each scene title you can click "improve". In the improve page you can select any scene from your script to work on.

Yes. You own the rights to your script. We do not claim any ownership of your script. We're simply using it to generate the analysis.

No. We do not use your script to train our AI. The AI uses your script to generate the analysis and nothing else.

SceneProv is a game that helps you improve your craft.
You can play it for free. If you have scripts analyzed, the AI might recommend exercises from SceneProv to help you improve your writing. Go to the craft tab to see what it recommended.
Let the AI take a turn when you're blocked or you want to riff on a scene. Each scene you create in SceneProv gets graded at the end.

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LABYRINTH

by

Terry Jones
FADE IN ON:

EXT. SKY – DAY

A WHITE BIRD soaring. The sky is a glorious explosion of blue and
mauve and lavender. The setting sun washes the clouds with a
delicate pink tint. The bird swoops and spirals and we are right
there with him. Then suddenly, below us, an extraordinary sight
appears.

EXT. LABYRINTH – DAY

It is the labyrinth, an enormous maze of incredible mandala like
intricacy. From our magnificent vantage point, WE ARE BARELY ABLE TO
MAKE OUT its details: the twisting walls interrupted here and there
by lush forest, the complex web of waterways, the forbidding castle
at the core. It is vast and magical, frightening and compelling at
the same time. We would love to linger, perhaps fly lower and get a
better look at this wondrous place, but the bird flies on

EXT. GLADE – DAY

It is an idyllic setting, warm and inviting. The late afternoon sun
washes everything with a pink glow. Between the water and a line of
lush fruit trees is a flower-strewn glade. A FIGURE emerges from the
trees and walks toward the water. It is a YOUNG WOMAN dressed in a
flowing white dress that swirls around her in the breeze. The pink
light burnishes her hair and causes a gold circlet she wears on her
head to glow. She is breathtaking, a vision of innocence and grace.
She stops to pick a flower and then turns suddenly as if she has
heard something.

GIRL
Is it you?

She takes a few hurried steps and then stops, smiling shyly

GIRL
Your Highness!

The Girl curtsies deeply and then looks up through lowered lashes,
the shy smile still dancing on her lips. And then WE PULL BACK TO
REVEAL a crown perched on a head of tight curls. WE ARE LOOKING
THROUGH the crown at the girl as she rises slowly, then looks boldly
at the PRINCE.

GIRL
Do not be swayed by my pleasure at the sight
of you, my lord. For though my father, the
Duke, has promised you my hand, I cannot
consent to be yours until the evil that
stalks our land from highest hill to deepest
dale is...

Suddenly the Girl stops speaking, a look of stunned confusion on her
face.
GIRL
... from highest hill to deepest dale...
(her brow furrows in
concentration and then)
Damn!

She burrows one hand into the deep sleeve of her gown and pulls out
a
rolled-up soft-cover book. She rifles through the pages.

The Prince is not a Prince at all, but a SHEEPDOG wearing a tin foil
crown. He thinks his work is over and it's time to play and he
lunges happily towards the Girl who isn't a Prince ss or even a
duchess, but 15-year-old SARAH.

Sarah is knocked over by the playful Dog. Beneath the gown which WE
CAN NOW SEE is homemade and not very grand at all, WE SEE faded
jeans and running shoes.

SARAH
Get off me, you monster!!

The Dog grabs the book out of her hand and runs away with it, hoping
to be chased. Sarah doesn't follow, she just sits up and pulls the
grass out of her tangled hair and sighs with frustration. The Dog
comes back over to Sarah, its tail wagging hopefully.

SARAH
If you value your mangy life, Merlin, you'll
hand it over.

The Dog obediently drops the book.

THE BOOK

On the cover it says, "MEANDER'S QUEEN" a play in three acts by
Robin Zakar. Sarah reaches for it and we hear a clock tower begin to
chime.

Sarah leaps to her feet.

SARAH
Oh no, Merlin! We're really late! Why does
everything have to happen to me!!!?

MERLIN prances around her happily, his foil crown in his mouth.
Sarah pulls it out of his mouth and throws it in a nearby trash
basket. He rushes after it and peers into the basket, wanting to
fetch.

SARAH
It's all your fault, you miserable mutt!!

She hikes up her dress and runs into the trees. Merlin whimpers and
tags along behind her.
EXT. THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TREES – DAY

Sarah comes bursting through the trees and runs down a hill toward
the street. WE PULL BACK and WE CAN SEE an enormous steel mill on
the other side of the river. And now WE NOTICE that the light isn't
pink any more but sort of dull and hazy, and the idyllic glade is
barely a suburban park, and this is just an ordinary day in a very
ordinary place.

EXT. AN OLD RAMBLING HOUSE – DUSK

Sarah runs up a path to an older, rambling house. She goes through
the front door, Merlin hot on her heels, and neither one of them
sees the beautiful snow-white bird that lands in a tree beside the
path.

INT. INSIDE THE ROUSE – EVENING

Sarah bursts through the front door and makes a beeline for the
stairs. She almost makes it. SARAH'S MOTHER appears in the hallway.

MOTHER
Sarah, where have you been?!!!

Sarah abruptly stops and changes to an elegantly graceful ascension
of the stairs.

SARAH
(in an affected voice)
I can't talk to you now. I'm in rehearsal.

She continues grandly on and heads for her room.

MOTHER
You were supposed to be home an hour ago to
baby-sit for Freddie! Don't we at least
deserve an explanation?

Sarah stops and leans over the railing. She speaks with a
melodramatic solemnity.

SARAH
As Meander's Queen, I've been... meandering.
Dither me not about explanations.

With that she turns and heads for her room. On the door is a sign
that says: "Admittance by Invitation Only." SARAH'S FATHER comes
into the hall.

FATHER
What's that all about?

MOTHER
It's a part in a play,
(raising her voice)
... but that's no reason to...

Sarah turns in her doorway. She calls down.
SARAH
Chasten not your Queen, Peasant!

She dramatically sweeps into her room.

Genres: Fantasy, Drama, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Melodramatic, Playful

Summary In an idyllic glade, Sarah practices a play, but her playful dog Merlin interrupts her. She rushes off to rehearsal, leaving the peaceful setting for a suburban neighborhood. Despite her late arrival home, Sarah excuses herself to her parents, claiming she was rehearsing. As she heads upstairs, she continues to act out her role, ignoring her mother's request to babysit her brother.

Strengths

Whimsical tone
Engaging characters
Witty dialogue

Weaknesses

Mild conflict
Low emotional impact

General Critique

The scene opens with a stunning aerial view of the labyrinth, setting a magical and intriguing tone for the story.
The transition to Sarah practicing her play with her dog, Merlin, adds a touch of whimsy and introduces the character in a relatable way.
The dialogue between Sarah and her dog, as well as her interactions with her parents, establishes her character as imaginative and slightly dramatic.
The scene effectively sets up Sarah's world before transitioning into the more fantastical elements of the story.
The use of visual cues, such as the circlet and the homemade gown, helps to establish Sarah's character and her connection to the play she is rehearsing.
The introduction of the snow-white bird at the end hints at a deeper magical element that will come into play later in the story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to Sarah's character by exploring her motivations and desires beyond her involvement in the play.
Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging for the audience.
Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing of the fantastical elements to come earlier in the scene to build anticipation.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to enhance the setting and immerse the audience in Sarah's world.
Explore ways to visually represent Sarah's internal struggles or conflicts to add depth to her character.
Consider incorporating more visual cues or symbolism to foreshadow future events and themes in the story.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah slams the door and leans against it, playing the scene.

FATHER (V.O.)
Sarah, that's no way to talk to your mother!

SARAH
(mumbles to herself)
She's not my mother.

Sarah takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She can hear
footsteps and SOMEONE comes to the other side of the door.

Sarah ignores her STEPMOTHER and kicks off her running shoes.

With a practiced gesture Sarah removes her jeans while leaving her
gown in place.

STEPMOTHER (V.O.)
Sarah, when I tell you to be home at five, I
expect you to be home at five.

Sarah quickly shifts to her Stepmother's attitude – hands on hips,
and silently mimes her words.

SARAH
Yes, Madame!

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

STEPMOTHER
And don't "Yes Madame" me!

FATHER
Is she all right?

STEPMOTHER
(frustrated)
Of course she's all right! I left the
Bernsteins' number on the kitchen table...
Freddie might be coming down with a cold so
call us if he seems even the least bit
uncomfortable...

SARAH (V.O.)
(sighs)
Yes, Mother.

STEPMOTHER
Oh! I give up!

She hurries down the stairs.
FATHER
We'll see you later, baby. And remember...

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah speaks along with him, mimicking.

SARAH & FATHER (V.O.)
Don't open the door to strangers.

We hear him leave. Sarah waits a beat and then turns and opens her
bedroom door.

SARAH
And don't call me baby!
(she slams the door shut;
mimicking her parents)
Precious little Freddie might be coming down
with a cold...

She sighs and looks around. This is really her world, her retreat,
and she knows and controls every inch of it. The shelves are filled
with an orderly array of childhood dolls and toys. The books are
lined up neatly in the bookcase and if we could see them up close we
would see that they were placed in alphabetical order – and
according to the year they were acquired. She walks over to her
dresser. She checks herself out in the mirror above the chest of
drawers and adjusts the golden circlet which has been knocked askew
by her run. She then stops for a moment and looks at the photographs
on the dresser. One of her Father, her Mother and herself as a
Little Girl. Another picture of her Mother in a newspaper clipping
is taped to the mirror. The headline says, "Linda Williams a Smash
in New Play." A cover of a Playbill is also tacked on to the mirror.
It says Best of Both Worlds starring Linda Williams. Sarah then
reverently opens a music box – the kind with a twirling dancer
inside – and to the strains of an unbearably tinny version of
"Greensleeves" she begins to rehearse.

SARAH
Do not be swayed by my pleasure at the sight
of you, my Lord...

Suddenly, something stops her cold.

SARAH
(yelling angrily)
Someone has been in my room!

Through the mirror WE SEE what she sees: an empty space on one of
the shelves. She swirls around and rushes out the door.

INT. THE HALLWAY – NIGHT

Sarah bursts out of her room.

SARAH
Where's Lancelot?
She stomps down the hallway.

SARAH
Where's my bear?!!

INT. NURSERY – NIGHT

Sarah enters Freddie's room. She searches the nursery.

SARAH
Nobody listens to a thing I say.

She opens a toy box and rifles through it.

SARAH
How many times have I told them to stay out
of my room...

She gets to the crib and looks down. FREDDIE is wide awake, gurgling
at Lancelot, Sarah's tattered old teddy bear.

SARAH
And you, you can just give me back my bear!

She yanks it out of the crib and leaves. Freddie looks hurt and his
face starts to cloud up.

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah is curled up on her bed, cuddling her bear. Merlin sits beside
her. She looks at the dog.

SARAH
You're the only one who understands me,
Merlin.

He licks her face. She gets up and holds the bear out in front of
her.

SARAH
Do not be swayed by my pleasure at the sight
of you, my lord...

She is interrupted by Freddie's cries.

SARAH
Go to sleep, Freddie!

The cries get louder. Sarah sighs and repeats her favorite litany.

SARAH
Why does everything have to happen to me?

Genres: Drama, Family, Fantasy
Tone: Angry, Resentful, Defiant, Melancholic

Summary Sarah confronts her stepmother about her missing bear, only to be ignored. She discovers her baby brother has taken it and retrieves it. Despite reuniting with her beloved toy, she still feels misunderstood.

Strengths

Strong character development
Effective establishment of themes and conflicts
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements in family dynamics
Potential for more nuanced exploration of fantasy elements

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, jumping between Sarah's interactions with her stepmother, searching for her bear, and rehearsing lines from a play.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with Sarah's interactions with her stepmother coming across as melodramatic.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection with the characters, making it difficult for the audience to empathize with Sarah's frustrations.
The transition between Sarah's anger over her missing bear to her rehearsing lines from a play is abrupt and disjointed.
The scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in portraying Sarah's emotions and relationships with her family members.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on one central conflict or theme in the scene to give it a clear direction and purpose.
Work on developing more natural and authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and relationships.
Add more emotional depth to Sarah's interactions with her family members to make her frustrations and conflicts more relatable.
Smooth out the transitions between different moments in the scene to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative flow.
Consider incorporating more visual and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in Sarah's world.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. NURSERY – NIGHT

Sarah enters and approaches the howling infant.

SARAH
I don't need this.

She pulls the blanket up over him and attempts to tuck him in.

SARAH
There, isn't that nice...

But Freddie doesn't think so. He pushes the blanket off and howls
even louder. Sarah sees one of his toys on the floor and picks it up
and gives it to him. She speaks through gritted teeth.

SARAH
Want your nice toy?

But Freddie doesn't. He flings the toy across the room. Sarah bends
over the crib and speaks softly.

SARAH
You know, Freddie, I heard that the only
thing to do with a baby who won't stop crying
is to get some goblins to come over and teach
him a lesson...

Freddie lowers his screams to a whimper, but a loud whimper.

SARAH
How would you like that, kid? A nasty evil
goblin...

Freddie is quiet for a moment, almost as if he is considering. Then
he really howls. Sarah sighs and picks him up. She begins to pace
back and forth, and starts to hum. Freddie goes back to a mere
whimper.

SARAH
Oh, you like that, do you?

She begins to hum even louder and more melodically as she places the
baby back into the crib. She then begins one of the moat macabre
lullabies you could ever imagine. She sings of how scary the dark
is, how "the shadows on the wall like to eat you when you're small"
and how "a baby doesn't stand a chance when the Goblins start their
dance." She throws herself into her performance; adding to it a wild
dance that has her whirling around the room, leaping into the air,
making strange shadows on the wall. Finally, the dance ends when too
many crazed pirouettes result in her stumbling against Freddie's
dresser. She staggers a bit and then the lights blink as a crack of
thunder is heard, followed by a flash of lightning.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Little Freddie is wailing. He hasn't understood a thing that Sarah
has sung but he can sense that something is wrong.
SARAH
Ah, c'mon, Freddie. It was just a song.

They are interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Sarah reacts with
a gasp of surprise. Freddie, for some inexplicable reason, is
suddenly quiet.

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

Sarah approaches the front door with some trepidation. She starts to
open it, then realizes what she is doing. She fastens the chain and
only then opens the door.

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

SARAH'S POV

Through the door opening Sarah can see a very elegantly dressed,
quite good-looking MAN of an indeterminate age. He has a worldly
air, or is it other-worldly? Before he can speak a flash of
lightning illuminates his face. He is a mesmerizing sight and Sarah
can't help but gawk.

MAN
Excuse me, is this the home of Sarah
Williams... Sarah Williams, the actress?

Sarah's jaw drops.

SARAH
That's me.

MAN
Allow me to introduce myself...
(he holds out his hand)
I'm Robin Zaker.

Sarah squeals with delight.

SARAH
You wrote the play!

He smiles.

SARAH
Just a second.

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

Sarah's hand hesitates over the chain for just a moment, and then
she unfastens it and opens the door. Zakar enters and extends his
hand.

ZAKAR
It is an honour, Miss Williams. I understand
you make a delightful Queen Meander.
SARAH
Well, we've just started rehearsal, but how
did you know?

ZAKAR
I was passing through this part of the
country and heard that it was going to be
done here. This is the first amateur
production of the play, which of course is
delightful for me.

SARAH
You know we were supposed to open tonight,
but we got delayed. The firemen had to use
the hall.

ZAKAR
Yes, I know, that's why I wanted to stop by
to see you.

They are interrupted by a particularly loud crash from upstairs. And
then Freddie begins to howl.

SARAH
That's my brother...

There is another crash and Sarah starts up the stairs.

SARAH
I'll be right back!

Zakar watches her run up the stairs. He glances around and then
walks right to the liquor cabinet and takes out a bottle.

INT. NURSERY – NIGHT

Freddie in standing in his crib crying his eyes out. Sarah rushes in
and sees that the storm has blown open the basement window and it is
crashing against the wall. She rushes to close it. Freddie's screams
are piteous.

SARAH
Oh, Freddie...

There is more thunder, and then lightning flashes across the
darkened room.

ZAKAR (V.O.)
Perhaps I can soothe him...

Sarah gasps and whirls around. Zakar is framed in the doorway. He
has a drink in his hand. Sarah holds the baby close.

SARAH
You shouldn't be up here!

ZAKAR
(smoothly)
I just wanted to help...
Sarah rushes by him, still clutching the baby.

Genres: Fantasy, Drama, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Melancholic, Mysterious

Summary Sarah Williams, a struggling actress, is interrupted while trying to calm her crying baby brother by the arrival of renowned playwright, Robin Zakar. Sarah's frustration and anxiety escalate as she navigates the demands of her infant and the unexpected social encounter.

Strengths

Innovative use of fantasy elements
Engaging dialogue
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too whimsical for some audiences

General Critique

The scene starts with Sarah trying to calm her crying brother, Freddie, by using threats of goblins, which seems out of character for her playful and imaginative nature established in previous scenes.
The transition from Sarah's playful lullaby to the sudden appearance of Zakar feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow.
The dialogue between Sarah and Zakar feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity in their interaction.
The introduction of Zakar's character and his immediate intrusion into Sarah's home could be better developed to create a more organic and believable interaction.
The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or resolution, leaving the audience with a sense of confusion and disconnect.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising Sarah's approach to calming Freddie to align more with her established character traits, perhaps using her creativity and imagination in a more positive way.
Work on creating a smoother transition between Sarah's interaction with Freddie and the introduction of Zakar, allowing for a more seamless progression of events.
Focus on developing more authentic and meaningful dialogue between Sarah and Zakar to enhance their interaction and make it more engaging for the audience.
Take time to build Zakar's character and his relationship with Sarah in a more organic and believable manner, adding depth and complexity to their dynamic.
Ensure the scene has a clear emotional arc and resolution, providing a sense of closure or development for the characters and the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Sarah comes out of the nursery and hurries down the stairs. Zakar
follows. Freddie is still crying.

SARAH
Maybe you'd better leave...

She gets to the bottom of the stairs. Freddie whimpers. Zakar is
making her very nervous.

SARAH
... I, uh, don't think I care to talk to you
about the play.

He is right behind her, almost too close.

ZAKAR
Neither do I.

Sarah is shocked and disturbed by this.

SARAH
What!

Zakar reaches over and smoothes Freddie's hair.

ZAKAR
I'm more concerned about the baby, of course.

Sarah pulls Freddie out of his reach.

SARAH
Freddie's just fine.

But he isn't. He's still crying. Zakar reaches into his pocket and
pulls out a coin. Be runs it over his fingers right in front of
Freddie's face. The baby stops crying.

ZAKAR
There, isn't that better?

SARAH
(nervously)
Uh, sure... but you really have to leave...

Zakar ignores her and heads into the living room.

ZAKAR
I'm not just a playwright, as you can see...
bring him in here and I'll do some other
tricks for him...

SARAH
No! You've got to...
But he is already in the living room. She follows, still holding the
baby.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Zakar is sitting on the sofa, looking very comfortable. Sarah stands
in the doorway, not sure what to do. Reluctantly, she goes and sits
down across from him.

ZAKAR
Now watch this, Freddie...

He reaches into his breast pocket and tugs on the handkerchief
there. It comes out followed by many others, all different colours.
Sarah rolls her eyes. This is not that exciting a trick. Freddie
isn't impressed, either. In fact he starts to cry again.

ZAKAR
So you're going to be like that, are you,
Freddie? Well, you know what that means?

He leans across the table and Sarah pulls the baby closer.

ZAKAR
It's time to call the goblins!

SARAH
What?!!

Sarah is surprised to hear this, to say the least. It echoes her
silly threat to Freddie earlier.

ZAKAR
Yes. That's what we do with bad babies... we
send for the goblins!!

And with that he reaches into yet another pocket and pulls out a
poorly made, very silly-looking goblin hand puppet. Sarah laughs
with relief. Zakar, his hand in the puppet, talks in a high-pitched,
unconvincing goblin voice.

ZAKAR
You like goblins, don't'cha, Freddie?
(singsong)
But I bet your sister doesn't...

Sarah rolls her eyes at this, and then gasps. Because for one very
strange moment, the puppet keeps bouncing, but both of Zakar's hands
are visible! And then the puppet seems to move away from the table,
and disappear! Freddie claps his hands with delight. Sarah jumps out
of her chair.

SARAH
Where is it?!!!

Zakar points to a large cabinet against the wall.

ZAKAR
It's in there.
SARAH
Impossible!

ZAKAR
See for yourself.

Sarah hesitates for a moment, and then places Freddie carefully on
the rug. She then marches over to the cabinet and throws open the
door.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The puppet, grinning wildly from inside the cabinet.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah gasps and involuntarily slams the door. She whirls around to
face Zakar.

SARAH
How did you do that?!!

Zakar leans back into the sofa.

ZAKAR
Magic.

SARAH
Oh sure...

She nods, skeptically. She can't see – but WE CAN DEFINITELY SEE –
the cabinet door slowly open behind her, and out of it comes a tiny,
fierce-looking GOBLIN! This is not a puppet, but a living creature
that moves quickly out of sight with an exaggerated tiptoe. Sarah is
busy with another problem. She doesn't see Freddie!

SARAH
Where's Freddie?!!

Zakar shrugs. In a panic, Sarah begins to look around this room. She
calls for Freddie and, as she passes in front of the living room
doorway, WE CAN SEE something scurry across the hallway. Sarah stops
and listens.

SARAH
Freddie?

But it wasn't a baby she heard. Behind her there is more scurrying
as CREATURES begin to appear from various parts of the room. We hear
faint snickering. She turns to Zakar, terrified.

SARAH
Where is he?!!

Zakar points to the chair Sarah was sitting in. She is behind the
chair and can't see anything. But when she comes around in front of
it she sees Freddie comfortably ensconced in the cushions. And he's
playing with the goblin puppet! Sarah reaches over and grabs the
puppet out of his hands. She flings it across the room and scoops up
the baby.

SARAH
Who are you?!!!

Zakar throws back his head and laughs, then suddenly leaps off the
sofa and lands very close to her.

ZAKAR
I've been known by many names... but the one
I prefer is Jareth, King of the Goblins!!!

Sarah holds Freddie close and backs away.

SARAH
I don't believe this!

Amidst thunder and lightning Jareth flings his arms up into the air,
and he is suddenly dressed in strange, medieval garb, a cloak
swirling around him. And what's worse, much, much worse, is that
suddenly GOBLINS are everywhere! Popping out of drawers, from under
chairs, swinging off the chandeliers. Sarah turns and runs out of
the room.

Genres: Fantasy, Drama, Comedy
Tone: Mysterious, Whimsical, Suspenseful, Humorous

Summary Zakar follows Sarah downstairs and into the living room, ignoring her attempts to make him leave. He uses a coin and a goblin hand puppet to entertain Freddie. Sarah is startled by the puppet's movements and discovers a goblin in a cabinet. When she turns around, she witnesses Zakar transform into Jareth, King of the Goblins, and goblins emerge throughout the room, prompting Sarah to flee.

Strengths

Intriguing concept
Engaging dialogue
Blend of genres

Weaknesses

Slightly predictable reveal of Jareth as the Goblin King

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the transition from Sarah's interaction with Zakar in the nursery to them being in the living room.
The dialogue between Sarah and Zakar feels a bit forced and unnatural, especially when Zakar reveals his true identity as Jareth, King of the Goblins.
The introduction of goblins and magical elements feels abrupt and could benefit from more foreshadowing or buildup.
The pacing of the scene is a bit rushed, with Sarah's reactions to the magical occurrences not given enough time to develop.
The visual descriptions could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between the nursery and living room scenes to improve the flow of the narrative.
Work on refining the dialogue between Sarah and Zakar to make it more natural and engaging.
Introduce the magical elements and goblins gradually throughout the script to build anticipation and create a more cohesive storyline.
Allow for more moments of tension and suspense to develop Sarah's reactions to the supernatural events.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

It's worse in here! The Goblins are pouring down the stairs, some
slide down the bannister! Sarah tries running into another room, but
is soon back, followed by a DOZEN MORE! She barely makes it to the
front door and struggles to open it with the baby in her arms. The
Goblins pull her back and laugh wildly. They fling her right into
Jareth's arms. He scoops Freddie up and whirls away from her. Sarah
tries to grab the baby back but the Goblins get between them.

SARAH
(hysterical)
Give him back, you monster! Give him back!

Jareth only laughs and starts to swirl gracefully. Freddie laughs
with delight and Sarah struggles to reach him. With a superhuman
effort she pushes through the mass of creatures and grabs onto
Jareth's fluttering cloak. It's like being caught up in a whirlwind
of incredible force.

SARAH
(screaming)
I... won't... let... you... take... him!

But it's too late. Sarah's feet leave the ground and she is pulled
with them and the whole mass of Goblins. Jareth and Freddie swirl up
through where the ceiling would have been, up into the blackness.
There's a QUICK MONTAGE OF SHOTS Jareth's laughing face; Sarah,
desperate as her fingers are losing their grip; Freddie, who's
having a great time; Goblins, all gleeful; then – Jareth's garment
pulls out of Sarah's grip. She falls OUT OF FRAME, a silent scream
on her face.

Genres: Fantasy, Drama, Adventure
Tone: Hysterical, Desperate, Gleeful, Macabre

Summary Sarah desperately tries to save her baby from the Goblins and Jareth, but is pulled into the darkness with them.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Innovative fantasy elements
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Slightly chaotic pacing
Some elements may be confusing for the audience

General Critique

The scene is filled with tension and suspense, which is effective in creating a sense of urgency and danger.
The visual of Goblins pouring down the stairs and sliding down the bannister adds to the chaotic and eerie atmosphere of the scene.
Sarah's desperation to save her baby brother is palpable, but there could be more emotional depth and internal conflict portrayed in her character.
The interaction between Sarah and Jareth is intense, but there could be more development in their dynamic to enhance the impact of their confrontation.
The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining the momentum and escalating the stakes effectively.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue for Sarah to showcase her emotional turmoil and determination to save her brother.
Explore the relationship between Sarah and Jareth further to add complexity and depth to their interaction.
Enhance the visual elements of the scene to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or realization for Sarah before she is pulled away, to add depth to her character arc.
Ensure the transition to the next scene maintains the tension and suspense established in this scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. LABYRINTH – DAY

A WIDE PEACEFUL SHOT

The sky is pink, and the white bird swoops by us as WE TILT DOWN TO
SEE the exterior wall of the labyrinth. It is a high masonry wall
that extends off in either direction. Along the wall are various
ornamental bushes and there is a small figure of a dwarf, his back
to us, peeing into a tiny pond. It looks for all the world like one
of those ornamental garden sculptures. But it isn't. This is HOGGLE.
In a CLOSER SHOT, which is quite discreet, Hoggle finishes peeing,
and goes over to a particularly lush shrub. A few butterfly-like
creatures, flower fairies, flit around the bushes.

HOGGLE
An' how's me pride an' joy!

He leans forward to sniff one of the magnificent blossoms, sighing
with pleasure as he does. But before he can indulge he is stopped by
the whistling sound of a falling object. Sarah falls from the sky
and lands right on his prize shrub! Incensed, he screams with fury.

HOGGLE
What is this? Look what you done! You
murderer!

Sarah struggles out of the broken shrub.

SARAH
What are you saying, you horrible little
man?!

HOGGLE
I ain't horrible, I'm Hoggle. And just look!
You've destroyed me prize blossoms!

He realizes the extent of the damage to his prize specimen.

HOGGLE
I'll get ya for it, you big oaf!

And he picks up a spray can and goes after Sarah. But she's had
enough. After the nightmarish kidnapping of Freddie and a drop from
the deepest space, this guy is child's play. She reaches out and
pulls the can from Hoggle's hands. She then grabs him by the shirt-
front and practically lifts him off the ground.

SARAH
Oh no you don't! If anyone's getting anything
around here, it's me... now where' my
brother?!!

HOGGLE
I ain't sayin' nothin' 'til ye let me go!

Sarah sighs and lets go.

SARAH
I'm sorry. But this just hasn't been my day.
Hoggle looks at his crushed shrub again.

HOGGLE
Ye ain't the only one.

Sarah ignores him and stares at the massive wall behind them.

SARAH
And I don't understand any of this!

Hoggle shakes his head and sighs.

HOGGLE
Now where have I heard that before.

SARAH
What do you mean?

HOGGLE
I mean, everyone who comes here thinkin' they
can make it through the labyrinth says
sumthin' like...
(mimicking Sarah in a
whiny, high pitch)
... I don't understand this, whatever am I
doing here, how will I ever get home...

SARAH
What makes you think I'm here to get through
a labyrinth?

Hoggle shakes his head again.

HOGGLE
Can't think of any reason why you'd be
standin' here in front o' this gate if you
weren't.

Sarah doesn't understand what he is talking about but when she looks
up she can't believe her eyes.

ANOTHER ANGLE

A huge gate where just a moment ago there nothing but smooth,
endless wall. Sarah gulps in disbelief. Then the huge wooden doors
fly open and a terrified CREATURE runs out, full speed, screaming
for his life. Right behind him come TWO MENACING GOBLINS riding on
strange BEASTS. They are armed and dangerous looking. They quickly
catch up with the creature and drag him, screaming piteously, back
through the gate. Before the gates close Sarah can see MORE GOBLINS,
what seems like hundreds of them. Some are mounted, most of them are
armed. And beyond them a walled passageway seems to go on forever.
Then the wooden doors slam shut.

SARAH
Oh, no! Not more goblins!
HOGGLE
That's Jareth's goblin army, and that other
poor fool musta been caught meanderin' where
he had no business.

SARAH
What will they do to him?

HOGGLE
I don't like to think about things like that.

Sarah shudders.

SARAH
I wonder if things can get any worse?

Hoggle sighs knowingly.

HOGGLE
He's taken sumthin' o' yours, ain't he?

Sarah is clearly surprised.

HOGGLE
Jareth, our high an' mighty king...

Sarah nods, excited that someone has a grasp of the situation.

HOGGLE
Bet he's gone and taken sumthin' you love.

SARAH
(shrugging)
Close. He's got my baby brother.

Hoggle laughs derisively.

HOGGLE
Baby snatchin'! That's low.

SARAH
So I've just got to do something!

HOGGLE
Like what?

SARAH
Get Freddie back, of course!

HOGGLE
Then ya'd have ta make it through the
labyrinth, 'cause Jareth's castle is at its
very center.

Sarah looks at the gates and gulps.

SARAH
Is it difficult?

Hoggle snorts with derision.
HOGGLE
Is me prize shrub crushed into oblivion?

Sarah is reaching the breaking point.

SARAH
Look, I'm sorry about your bush! But it's not
like I asked to have some weirdo come and
take my baby brother and then drop me out of
the sky!

HOGGLE
Well, I didn't ask for some overgrown flower
fairy to drop on me prized possession,
neither!

SARAH
Oh, this is ridiculous!

And she stalks off to the gate, mumbling all the way.

SARAH
(to herself)
... standing here wasting time talking to
some weird guy who should be living under a
bridge...

She is almost at the gate when she freezes with fear. Through the
gate she can hear the cheers and jeers of the Goblins, and what
might be the wailing of their poor captive. There's no way she wants
to risk facing that horrific crew. Hoggle has come up behind her and
as she backs away from the gate she bumps into him. She shrieks and
whirls around.

HOGGLE
That ain't the only way in, ya know!

Sarah is very relieved to hear this.

SARAH
It's not?!

HOGGLE
Course it ain't. There's many a route in...
just only one way out.

SARAH
Well show me one! I've got to find my
brother!

Hoggle sighs impatiently. Be fingers a belt that he wears, rattling
it in an obvious manner. It in hung with every kind of watch and
bracelet and ring you can imagine.

HOGGLE
Information like that has a price...

Sarah, taken aback by the amount of loot he's acquired.
SARAH
I could give you this...

She takes the gold circlet off her head. Hoggle isn't interested.

HOGGLE
I had sumthin' o' this caliber in mind...

He takes her hand and WE SEE that she is wearing a beautiful ruby
ring. Sarah shakes her head vehemently.

SARAH
No. My mother gave me that.

Hoggle eyes it greedily.

HOGGLE
She could give ya another...

SARAH
No, she couldn't.
(sadness crosses her face
suddenly)
She lives real far away...

The sadness disappears just as suddenly. She holds out the circlet.

SARAH
This is all you get.

He grabs the circlet and bites it.

HOGGLE
Bah! It's paste!

Something catches Sarah's eye. It is one of the tiny FLOWER FAIRIES.
She leans over for a better look.

SARAH
No it's not, it's plastic.

Hoggle's eyes light up at that and he grunts with satisfaction as he
strings the circlet onto his belt. Sarah reaches out her hand to the
Fairy.

SARAH
What a beautiful little thing...

Hoggle reaches for the spray can.

HOGGLE
Let me at it!

Sarah is enraged.

SARAH
You murderer! How can you kill such beautiful
creatures?!!
Just then the Fairy gives Sarah a vicious bite. She shakes it off
her hand and cries out in pain.

SARAH
It bit me!

Hoggle quickly sprays the offending Fairy and it falls to the earth,
screaming all the way.

HOGGLE
Of course it bit ya! There's nuthin' more
vicious than a flower fairy. Any fool knows
that!

Sarah sucks on her wounded hand and tries not to cry.

HOGGLE
(sighs)
But you don't know nuthin', do ya?

A tear trickles down Sarah's cheek. Hoggle sighs.

HOGGLE
I got a feelin' I'm gonna regret this.
(he stalks off)
Come with me an' I'll show ya a way in.

Sarah hurries after him. As they walk along the endless wall Hoggle
looks at the circlet and polishes it on his sleeve.

HOGGLE
(thrilled)
Plastic!

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Drama
Tone: Whimsical, Mysterious, Suspenseful, Sarcastic

Summary Sarah, accused of destroying Hoggle's shrub, demands to know her brother's whereabouts. Hoggle, guarding the labyrinth's secrets, offers help in exchange for payment. Despite initial reluctance, Sarah pays Hoggle with her circlet, prompting him to reveal flower fairies' hostility and offer guidance into the labyrinth.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Introduction of fantastical elements
Establishment of stakes and conflict

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements in character interactions
Slightly predictable plot progression

General Critique

The scene opens with a peaceful shot of the labyrinth, but the transition to Hoggle peeing into a pond feels jarring and unnecessary. This moment could be skipped or handled differently to maintain the tone of the scene.
The dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle feels a bit forced and lacks depth. The interaction could be more nuanced to reveal more about their characters and motivations.
The introduction of the goblin army and the terrified creature running out of the gate adds an element of danger and suspense, but the transition from this intense moment to Sarah's relief at hearing there are other ways into the labyrinth feels abrupt.
The exchange between Sarah and Hoggle regarding the price for information could be more engaging and dynamic. The tension between them could be heightened to make the scene more compelling.
The scene ends with Sarah giving Hoggle her plastic circlet, which feels anticlimactic. The resolution of this interaction could be more impactful and leave the audience wanting to see what happens next.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the opening of the scene to maintain the peaceful tone before introducing the conflict with Hoggle.
Develop the dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle to reveal more about their characters and create a more engaging interaction.
Enhance the transition from the intense moment with the goblin army to Sarah's relief at hearing about other ways into the labyrinth to maintain the tension.
Heighten the tension in the exchange between Sarah and Hoggle to make the scene more dynamic and compelling.
Revise the resolution of the scene to make it more impactful and leave the audience eager to see what happens next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. LABYRINTH – DAY

Another part of the wall. Hoggle pushes a bush aside and shows Sarah
a tiny door. She looks at it dubiously.

HOGGLE
This'll take ya into the maze, that's the
first part of the labyrinth...

SARAH
The first part! What comes after that?

Hoggle gets down on his knees and starts to crawl through the door.

HOGGLE
Then there's the Garden Maze, then the
Forbidden Forest...

SARAH
That sounds inviting...

He is through the door. He is still talking but Sarah can't hear
him. She quickly tries to follow.
SARAH
Wait! Wait! I can't hear you...

INT. LABYRINTH – DAY

Hoggle is through the door.

HOGGLE
... then comes the castle...

Sarah's head appears.

HOGGLE
... that's surely where Jareth's keepin' the
babe...

He looks down at Sarah, she is through the door to her waist and
straining to get the rest of herself through. Hoggle sighs and grabs
her hand. With a groan he tugs on her and pulls her through the
doorway. She lands flat on her face.

HOGGLE
Ya don't seem ta be able ta do nuthin'
without my help, do ya?

He chuckles and Sarah gives him a look that could kill as she gets
up and dusts herself off. She looks around and the environment seems
rather benign. The brick walls are open to the sky, here and there a
flower peeks through a crack.

SARAH
Oh, I think I can handle it. In fact, this
place doesn't seem so bad at all.

And with that, she jauntily heads down the nearest corridor.

INT. CORRIDOR 1 – DAY

Sarah turns a corner and comes face to face with a FACE. It is huge
and grotesque and protrudes out of the wall.

FACE #1
Go back! Go back before it's too late!

Sarah screams and backs away from it, moving further down the
corridor. She backs into something and whirls around. It is ANOTHER
FACE.

FACE #2
Turn back while you still can!!

Sarah turns and runs back the way she came.

SARAH
Hoggle!
INT. LABYRINTH – DAY

Hoggle is still standing by the door, an amused smile on his face.
Sarah comes rushing toward him.

SARAH
Oh, I'm so glad you're still here! They were
horrible...

HOGGLE
You don't mean the False Alarms, do ya?

He shakes his head and goes off in the direction that Sarah just
came from.

HOGGLE
If ya gonna let a little thing like them
scare ya, Missy, ya haven't a hope o' makin'
it to the castle.

Sarah quickly follows.

SARAH
False alarms?

INT. CORRIDOR 1 – DAY

The corridor of faces. Hoggle enters and the Faces start in on their
routine. Sarah comes up behind him, shuddering at the ghastly sight.

FACE #1
This is the path of no return!

FACE #2
Beware! Beware!

HOGGLE
Just ignore 'em.

SARAH
Are you sure?

Hoggle sighs and turns to the NEXT FACE.

FACE #3
Abandon all hope...

HOGGLE
Oh, shut up, will ya?

Sarah is wide-eyed at Hoggle's defiance.

FACE #3
But I was just getting to the best part!

HOGGLE
All right. But don't expect us to pay any
attention.
FACE #3
(winks at Sarah)
You're going to love this... Abandon all hope
ye who enter here, for this is the road to
destruction!!!

HOGGLE
(bored)
Very nice...

Sarah is dumbstruck. Hoggle takes her hand and yanks her along.

FACE #3
Come back any time... I mean, you're doomed,
doomed!

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Whimsical, Mysterious, Suspenseful

Summary Hoggle leads Sarah through a labyrinthine maze, where they encounter grotesque faces lining the corridors. Despite the warnings of the faces, Hoggle encourages Sarah to ignore them, dismissing them as false alarms. Sarah initially hesitant, becomes more confident as Hoggle provides reassurance, and they continue through the labyrinth.

Strengths

Engaging concept of False Alarms
Mysterious and whimsical tone
Dynamic between Sarah and Hoggle

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel repetitive or predictable

General Critique

The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining the suspense and intrigue of the labyrinth setting.
The dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle effectively conveys the information about the different parts of the labyrinth, adding depth to the world-building.
The introduction of the Faces adds a creepy and mysterious element to the scene, enhancing the tension and setting the tone for the challenges Sarah will face in the labyrinth.
Hoggle's character is well-developed through his interactions with Sarah, showcasing his mischievous yet helpful nature.
The visual descriptions of the environment, such as the brick walls open to the sky and the flowers peeking through cracks, create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal conflict or emotional depth for Sarah as she navigates the labyrinth, to further engage the audience with her journey.
Explore the dynamic between Sarah and Hoggle further, delving into their evolving relationship as they progress through the labyrinth.
Intensify the sense of danger and suspense in the scene by incorporating more obstacles or challenges for Sarah to overcome.
Enhance the visual elements of the Faces to make them even more eerie and unsettling, heightening the sense of foreboding in the labyrinth.
Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing of future events in the labyrinth to build anticipation and intrigue for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CORRIDOR 2 – DAY

Hoggle and Sarah continuing down a similar corridor.

HOGGLE
Ya see, things aren't always what they appear
to be around here, Missy...

SARAH
(shrugging)
Whatever. All I'm interested in is getting my
brother back from that creep.

She starts to look around for something.

HOGGLE
I admire yer determination, but it takes
more'n that to beat Jareth.

Sarah picks up a rock.

SARAH
Well, maybe I'm beginning to get the hang of
this labyrinth business.

She takes the rock and uses it to mark an X on the floor.

SARAH
See, now I'll know which way we came in case
I get lost.

HOGGLE
(sighs)
Missy, goin' back the way ya came is par fer
the course around here, what ya want to do is
go forward.

SARAH
Look, Hoggle! I've got to find Freddie and I
don't need you to discourage me!
HOGGLE
And I don't need to be wastin' me time goin'
around in circles with you!

SARAH
That's fine with me!
(she starts off)
I know you're only after my ring, anyway!

She turns a corner and Hoggle looks after her, hurt and pity
crossing his face. He takes a few steps in her direction and an
officious little creature, a BRICKKEEPER, emerges from the brickwork
of the floor, takes out the cobblestone that Sarah marked, and
replaces it with the marked side hidden. It looks up at Hoggle.

BRICKKEEPER
Some people got no respect for property!

Hoggle sticks his tongue out at the creature just as it goes back
into its hole.

EXT. AERIAL SHOT – DAY

The white bird flies over the maze and WE SEE Sarah marching along.
She thinks she's going forward but she's heading right for Hoggle.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Determined, Mysterious, Tense

Summary Hoggle warns Sarah about the deceiving nature of the labyrinth, but she ignores his advice and marks her path with a rock. Unbeknownst to her, a Brickkeeper replaces the marked cobblestone upside down, leading her astray.

Strengths

Compelling character dynamics
Tension and suspense
Engaging world-building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more concise
Hoggle's motivations could be clearer

General Critique

The dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle feels a bit on the nose and could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in their interaction.
The dynamic between Sarah and Hoggle is interesting, but it could be further developed to create more depth in their relationship.
The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes involved in Sarah's mission to rescue her brother.
The visual elements of the scene could be enhanced to create a more immersive and engaging atmosphere within the labyrinth.
The conflict between Sarah's determination and Hoggle's skepticism could be heightened to add more dramatic tension to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle to make their interaction more engaging and dynamic.
Intensify the sense of urgency and danger in the scene to reflect the high stakes of Sarah's mission to rescue her brother.
Enhance the visual elements of the labyrinth to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting for the characters to navigate.
Further develop the relationship between Sarah and Hoggle to add depth and complexity to their interactions.
Explore ways to heighten the conflict between Sarah's determination and Hoggle's skepticism to increase the dramatic tension in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CORRIDOR 2 – DAY

Sarah emerges into the corridor and comes face to face with Hoggle.

SARAH
But...

She whirls around to look behind her, then back at Hoggle again.

SARAH
... but you were just behind me! I'm sure of
it!

Hoggle shakes his head as she runs by him and looks down at the
floor.

SARAH
My mark! It was right here!

Hoggle comes up beside her.

HOGGLE
I told ya, Missy. Things aren't what they
appear to be around here...

JARETH (V.O.)
Except when they are.
ANOTHER ANGLE

Jareth, in all his glory. Sarah and Hoggle whirl around and both
gasp with surprise and fear.

JARETH
We meet again... Sarah.

SARAH
Where's Freddie?!! What have you done with
him!?

She starts to rush toward Jareth but Hoggle holds her back.

JARETH
Nothing... yet.

He walks toward them and they automatically step backwards. He looks
down at Hoggle.

JARETH
And what have we here... Hoghead, isn't it?

Hoggle is humiliated.

HOGGLE
Me name's Hoggle.

JARETH
Ah, yes. Now I remember.
(he moves closer to
Hoggle)
You're the greedy little coward who lives
outside the gate. Shouldn't you be back there
minding your own business... Hedgehog?

He chucks Hoggle under the chin, and is quite rough about it. Hoggle
fumes silently. Sarah doesn't like this.

SARAH
Why, why don't you pick on someone your own
size?

He looks her up and down.

JARETH
Whom did you have in mind?

Sarah tries to brazen it out.

SARAH
I don't have time for any games. I want
Freddie, and I want him now!

Jareth throws back his head and laughs.

JARETH
Ah, Freddie. An adorable little imp. I'm
really growing rather fond of him.
SARAH
Where is he?!!

JARETH
He's in my castle, and seems to be enjoying
himself immensely.

He ambles toward them and they can't help themselves, they both step
backwards.

JARETH
In fact, he likes being with goblins so much,
I'm considering turning him into one.

Sarah thinks this is crazy.

SARAH
You can't do that!

JARETH
(grinning)
Oh yes I can.

Sarah looks down at Hoggle and speaks under her breath.

SARAH
Can he?

Hoggle nods glumly.

JARETH
But let's make it interesting. I won't do it
for... thirteen hours. If you make it to the
castle before then you might be able to save
him. If not, well, I think little Freddie
will mike an adorable goblin Prince , don't
you?

He laughs and holds up both hands and WE SEE that they are empty. He
then closes them and when he opens them again there is a gold watch
in one hand. He throws it to Sarah, but Hoggle intercepts it and
eyes it greedily. Annoyed, Sarah snatches it out of his hand. She
looks at it and sees that it has 13 hours marked on it. When she
looks up again, Jareth is gone.

WORM (V.O.)
Well, good riddance to bad rubbish!

Sarah and Hoggle both jump and then look at where the voice is
coming from. It is a little WORM, poking its head out of a hole in
the brickwork.

WORM
That's what the missus always says, she does.
Why the last time she found that one around
here she sent him packing.

SARAH
Jareth?!
WORM
She don't take to his kind of nonsense,
that's for sure. Now, how about a nice cup of
tea? The missus has a kettle on.

Sarah looks down at Hoggle, who shrugs. She then looks up at the
worm and gives him a beaming smile.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Drama
Tone: Mysterious, Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Whimsical

Summary Sarah encounters Hoggle amidst confusion. Jareth appears, threatening Freddie's transformation unless she reaches his castle within 13 hours. Sarah receives a gold watch marking the countdown. A talking worm invites them for tea, offering respite amidst the urgency.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
High stakes
Strong character dynamics
Mysterious and suspenseful tone

Weaknesses

Some cliched fantasy elements
Limited character development for minor characters

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Sarah encounters Hoggle and Jareth in the labyrinth, creating a sense of urgency and danger.
The dialogue between Sarah, Hoggle, and Jareth is engaging and reveals the dynamics between the characters, showcasing Sarah's determination, Hoggle's reluctance, and Jareth's manipulative nature.
The visual elements, such as the appearance of Jareth and the interaction between the characters, enhance the atmosphere of the scene and contribute to the overall tone.
The introduction of the Worm adds a quirky and whimsical element to the scene, providing a brief moment of comic relief amidst the tension.
The scene effectively sets up the stakes for Sarah's mission to save her brother and establishes the obstacles she will face in the labyrinth.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more physical actions or gestures to enhance the interactions between the characters and make the scene more dynamic.
Explore opportunities to further develop the relationship between Sarah and Hoggle, as well as the power dynamic between Sarah and Jareth.
Ensure that the pacing of the scene is consistent to maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged throughout.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the labyrinth setting and enhance the atmosphere of suspense and danger.
Continue to build on the themes of trust, betrayal, and perseverance that are present in the scene to deepen the emotional impact of Sarah's journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CORRIDOR 2 – DAY

Sarah and Hoggle are sitting on the floor.

SARAH
Do you think Jareth will give Freddie back if
I make it on time?

HOGGLE
It's hard to say, Missy. But if I were you,
I'd worry 'bout first things first.

SARAH
What do you mean?

HOGGLE
I means ya got ta find the castle before ya
can go savin' the babe and I mean ta see that
ya do!

Sarah is thrilled and leans over and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

SARAH
Oh, Hoggle! Thank you, thank you so much!

Hoggle gets all flustered and tries to act gruff.

HOGGLE
Seems to me I could be gettin' that ring from
ya after all if I plays me cards right.

Sarah regards him affectionately.

SARAH
I know you don't mean that. You're helping me
because you're really nice.

HOGGLE
I ain't nice! I just likes the way ya stood
up ta him is all.
(he is thoughtful for a
moment; almost to himself)
Too bad more've us haven't had the guts to do
the same.

The worm reappears.

WORM
How about a biscuit? The missus just took a
fresh batch out of the oven.
SARAH
Thanks, but we really don't have any time.
We've got to get to the castle.

HOGGLE
Ya wouldn't happen to know a shortcut, would
ya?

WORM
Well, you might try taking that first left.

Sarah and Hoggle look down the corridor.

SARAH
But there isn't any left turn.

Just then a strange FIGURE seems to come through the left wall and
walks toward them. He is dressed in long flowing robes and wears a
hat shaped like a bird.

WORM
See, there's a left turn right there, where
that Wise One just came in.

SARAH
A Wise One! Maybe he knows the best way to
the castle!

HOGGLE
I wouldn't bet on it.

But Sarah is excited about the possibility of getting more help.

SARAH
Excuse me, Sir. Could you tell us the best
way to get to the castle?

WISE ONE
The best way to the castle, hmmm. I'm glad
you asked that question.

To Sarah's and Hoggle's surprise, the hat joins into the
conversation.

HAT
Now you've done it, gone and asked him a
question. We'll be here all day!

WISE ONE
A castle, or fortress, or as it is sometimes
known, a stronghold or citadel – or, that
which has a turret and barbican, but usually
not a portcullis...

HAT
What did I tell you? There's no stopping him
now.
WISE ONE
... often there is a rampart or bulwark, and
then a parapet – perchance an actual vallum
or counterscarp...

HAT
Shut up down there!

WISE ONE
... and for entrenchment; a moat, drawbridge
and sally-port...

Sarah looks at Hoggle.

SARAH
This was not one of my better ideas.

HAT
Well, I told you that, didn't I? But nobody
ever listens to me!

He looks down at the still mumbling Wise One.

HAT
Enough! Nobody cares!!

The Wise One blinks and looks at Sarah and Hoggle.

WISE ONE
Did one of you say something?

Sarah thinks quickly.

SARAH
Oh, no. We never talk to strangers.

WISE ONE
That's very wise. An idea worth savoring.

Hoggle nudges him.

HOGGLE
Yeah, but keep it under your hat!

Hoggle thinks this is hilarious. The hat doesn't.

HAT
Ve-ry funny!

The Wise One continues on his way.

WISE ONE
The stranger, hmm. I'm glad you brought that
up. The stranger; one not indigenous, also
known as the alien, or one from beyond the
sea...

HAT
(hysterical)
I quit! I can't take it anymore!
And then they are gone, passing through the righthand wall as if it
wasn't there. Sarah watches after them, stunned.

SARAH
How did he do that?!!

HOGGLE
And how can we make sure he doesn't come
back?

Sarah gives him a look and turns to the worm.

WORM
Just go over to that bit of wall there and
walk right through it. The important thing is
to forget what you think you know. It doesn't
apply around here.

Sarah and Hoggle walk down to the part of the wall where the Wise
One entered. Once there, they can see that a section of the wall is
actually a passageway-width behind the rest of the wall. Sarah yells
back to the worm.

SARAH
Thank you! And tell the missus we're sorry we
missed her biscuits!

And then they walk through the wall and are gone.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Surreal, Light-hearted

Summary Sarah and Hoggle meet the Worm, who offers information on a shortcut. After encountering the long-winded Wise One, they are guided by the Worm to walk through the wall, leading them to the shortcut to the castle.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Whimsical elements
Engaging character interactions

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion with the surreal elements
Lack of intense conflict or emotional depth

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the time constraint Sarah is under to save her brother from Jareth.
The dialogue between Sarah, Hoggle, and the Wise One feels overly verbose and meandering, detracting from the sense of urgency in the scene.
The introduction of the Wise One and the Hat adds unnecessary complexity and confusion to the scene, taking away from the main objective of finding the castle.
The humor injected by the Hat and the Wise One feels out of place and disrupts the serious tone of the scene, which should be focused on Sarah's mission to save her brother.
The interaction with the worm and the Wise One could be streamlined to maintain a sense of urgency and keep the focus on Sarah's goal.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Increase the sense of urgency by having Sarah and Hoggle more actively searching for the castle and encountering obstacles along the way.
Simplify the dialogue between the characters to focus on the main objective of finding the castle within the time limit.
Consider removing the Wise One and the Hat to streamline the scene and maintain a clear focus on Sarah's mission.
Ensure that the humor in the scene aligns with the overall tone and urgency of the situation, avoiding distractions from the main goal.
Focus on Sarah's determination and resourcefulness in navigating the labyrinth to find the castle, emphasizing the stakes of saving her brother.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CORRIDOR 3 – DAY

Sarah and Hoggle appear through the wall and Sarah laughs with
delight. Hoggle wasn't as pleased with the experience and feels the
wall as if testing to see if it really happened. Sarah sees that
they are in a corridor where the walls are crumbling and she climbs
up to the top of one and looks over.

ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S POV – THE TURRETS OF THE CASTLE

SARAH
(excited)
I can see the castle! It doesn't look far at
all!

Hoggle is still feeling around the wall, trying to figure out how
they got there. Sarah jumps down and starts to run down the
corridor.

SARAH
Come on, Hoggle. Let's go!

Hoggle sees her retreating figure and hurries after her.
INT. CASTLE – DAY

Jareth's great hall. He stands by a window and looks out over the
labyrinth – from this vantage point he can see clear across it the
hovels that surround the castle walls, the arid plain that leads to
the dense forest, encircling that, the complex maze. He seems lost
in thought. The white bird enters the window and lands on his
shoulder. Behind him Freddie is having a grand time. His slippery
crawl is too much for the Goblins that scurry about, trying to mind
him. Meanwhile, a particularly stupid looking GOBLIN begins to
approach Jareth. He saunters across the room and is stopped short by
a FEMALE GOBLIN. She grabs hold of his shirt and hisses a warning.

FEMALE GOBLIN
Remember! It's bow and scrape... bow and
scrape...

The stupid Goblin nods and she lets him go. He then continues his
approach to Jareth, only this time he does a little bow and then
scrapes his foot across the floor, then repeats the action.

STUPID GOBLIN
(to himself)
Bow 'n scrape... bow 'n scrape...

Jareth turns and sees the Goblin.

JARETH
Well, what is it?

The Goblin can't answer and do his bow-and-scrape at the same time
so continues his painfully slow approach.

STUPID GOBLIN
... bow 'n scrape... bow 'n scrape...

Annoyed, Jareth walks over to the Goblin and lifts him up by his
shirt front. The Goblin is still bowing.

JARETH
I said, what is it?!!!

STUPID GOBLIN
Th... the girl and Hoggle, sire. Th...
they're halfway th.... through th... the
maze.

Jareth drops the Goblin hard on the floor. Freddie sees this and
laughs with delight. Jareth walks over and scoops the baby up in his
arms. He then carries him over to the window. He calls over to an
ARMED GOBLIN by the door.

JARETH
I think it's time they had some company.

ARMED GOBLIN
Yes, Sir!

He then salutes, causing his visor to close on his face, then
stumbles around looking for the door. Jareth shakes his head.
JARETH
You'll make a much better goblin than that,
won't you, Freddie!

Freddie's response is to clap his sticky baby's hand on to Jareth's
face. Jareth, pretending he doesn't mind, carefully removes it. He
then looks down to the courtyard below.

EXT. CASTLE – DAY

JARETH'S POV

ARMED GOBLINS are pouring out of the castle.

EXT. CORRIDOR 4 – DAY

Sarah and Hoggle are striding down a corridor. They are about to
come to a corner.

SARAH
Are you sure Jareth can turn Freddie into a
goblin? I mean, that's really weird...

They turn the corner and Hoggle stops short. Sarah becomes alarmed.

SARAH
What is it?

Hoggle gestures for her to be quiet and then we can hear what he
hears – marching. They look back the way they came.

ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S AND HOGGLE'S POV

A BATTALION OF ARMED Goblins, marching right towards them!

ANOTHER ANGLE

They look at each other, then turn and run. Hoggle tries to get
through the wall the way the worm showed them.

HOGGLE
(quoting the worm)
Just forget what you think you know and...

He smacks headlong into the wall. He stops to rub his nose and Sarah
flies by him.

SARAH
Come on!
INT. CASTLE – DAY

Freddie is now sitting on the lap of a GOBLIN, happily bopping it on
the nose. Jareth snaps his fingers and a group of sleepy MUSICIANS
in the corner stumble over themselves to pick up their instruments.
They begin to play and Jareth looks out the window and begins a
song. He sings about the labyrinth; what it is – his domain, and
what it is to others – a test, a proving-ground, not for the faint
of heart.

INT. MAZE MONTAGE – DAY

While Jareth sings, Sarah and Hoggle try to escape from the Goblins.
They get a lead on them for a while and come to another corridor
with crumbling walls. They scamper up to get a look at their
position and see dust rising from several parts of the maze. The
Goblins are everywhere.

In another corridor, they are stopped in their tracks by DOZENS OF
LITTLE FUZZY CREATURES who scurry towards them out of the way of the
oncoming Goblins. They turn and run back the way they came and as
they do WALL CREATURES chatter nervously and then disappear into the
cracks between the bricks.

In a corridor with very short walls they are able to see the tips of
spears on either side of them, going in the opposite direction.

They enter a corridor with several arches curving over it, forming
small, intermittent bridges. Thinking they are safe, they stop for a
breath, and soon realize that a battalion is right behind them. They
scurry up the walls, and as the song comes to an end, they each lie
across an arch hopefully out of sight of the Goblins below.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Musical
Tone: Whimsical, Mysterious, Suspenseful

Summary Sarah and Hoggle navigate through a crumbling corridor and labyrinthine maze while evading armed Goblins sent by Jareth. Tensions escalate as the Goblins relentlessly pursue them, forcing them to seek refuge on arches in a corridor, hoping to remain undetected.

Strengths

Intriguing fantasy elements
Engaging musical interlude
High stakes and tension

Weaknesses

Some elements may be confusing for the audience without prior context

General Critique

The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining the tension and urgency of Sarah and Hoggle's situation.
The visual descriptions of the crumbling corridor and the castle's great hall are vivid and help set the tone for the scene.
The interaction between Jareth and the Goblins adds depth to the world-building and showcases Jareth's power and control over his subjects.
The introduction of the armed Goblins marching towards Sarah and Hoggle creates a sense of imminent danger and raises the stakes for the characters.
The use of music and song by Jareth to underscore the action in the maze montage adds a dynamic element to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Sarah and Hoggle as they navigate the maze and encounter the Goblins to deepen their characterization.
Explore the possibility of incorporating more dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle during their escape to further develop their relationship and teamwork.
Enhance the sense of urgency and peril by increasing the obstacles and challenges faced by Sarah and Hoggle in the maze, creating a more intense and suspenseful sequence.
Provide a clearer resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to leave the audience eagerly anticipating the next development in the story.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the maze environment and enhance the atmosphere of tension and danger.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. ARCHED CORRIDOR – DAY

Sarah and Hoggle huddle above the corridor on their arches as TWO
GOBLINS bring up the rear.

GOBLIN #1
I can kill better than you can.

GOBLIN #2
But I'm better at maiming. Everybody says so.

And they are gone. Shaken, Sarah and Hoggle slide down from their
hiding places.

SARAH
Do you think they're gone?

HOGGLE
Sure they are. Goblins ain't known fer their
intelligence, ya know. They has as much
trouble findin' their way through the maze as
you do.

He folds his arms and leans against the wall.
SARAH
I'm not sure, but I think you just called me
stupid...

Suddenly Hoggle yells and disappears. He has accidentally leaned on
another secret wall opening. Sarah quickly follows.

INT. CORRIDOR 5 – DAY

Hoggle and Sarah are now in the long circular corridor that divides
the maze from the beginning of the second ring of the labyrinth –
the Garden Maze.

HOGGLE
(excited)
I think I know where we are!

SARAH
That'll be a nice change.

He ignores her and looks around excitedly.

HOGGLE
This place is the end o' the maze! That means
we're near the entrance ta the second ring o'
the labyrinth.

SARAH
The second ring? What's that?

Hoggle starts down the corridor.

HOGGLE
(happily)
The Garden Maze!

SARAH
(gloomy)
Sounds like a great place... what's it like?

HOGGLE
Don't know, I ain't never made it this far
before.

He is skipping happily down the corridor when Sarah hears something.
It is a strange clanking sound.

SARAH
(frightened)
Hoggle! What's that sound?!!

Hoggle stops skipping and sighs.

HOGGLE
Now don't go gettin' all girly on me, Missy,
now that we's finally safe...

SARAH
So you think we're safe, do you?
HOGGLE
(annoyed)
Didn't I just say so?!!

SARAH
Then tell me what you think of that.

Sarah points behind them where the clanking noise is coming from. It
is now much louder. Hoggle comes over to her and takes a better
look. He screams.

ANOTHER ANGLE

THEIR POV – A SLASHING MACHINE

Is coming right towards them. (A slashing wall is made up of rows of
furiously spinning knives, and chopping cleavers, and has brushes
along the bottom to clean up whatever it encounters in its path.)
And there is no way around it because it completely fills the
corridor.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Hoggle desperately tries to walk through the wall the way they came
in, but it is to no avail. He just keeps smashing his face. Sarah
starts to run for it.

SARAH
Come on!

Hoggle follows, every so often trying, and failing, to get through
the wall.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah, who is far ahead of Hoggle, comes to a door! And hanging on a
hook next to it is a bunch of keys. She looks back at Hoggle.

SARAH
Hoggle, hurry!

ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S POV

Hoggle running toward her, and making slow but steady progress
toward them both – the slashing machine.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah fumbles with the keys, furiously trying key after key in the
door but to no avail. She is terrified.

SARAH
None of the keys work!
Desperate, she starts banging on the door. Hoggle is just a few
yards away from her.

HOGGLE
Why don't you just try it?

He then tries once more to walk through the wall. Sarah tries the
knob and sure enough, it opens. She is delighted. What she doesn't
see is Hoggle suddenly disappearing through the floor.

SARAH
It's open! Hog...

She turns around and he is gone! And the slashing machine is just a
few yards away! She screams and, in her terror, falls backwards
through the door. It slams shut just as the slashing machine reaches
it WE CAN SEE that FOUR GOBLINS in sanitation workers' uniforms have
been pushing the machine all along. They grunt and strain, cranking
the wheels that turn the knives and pushing all at the same time.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Thrilling, Humorous

Summary Sarah and Hoggle, while hiding from goblins, stumble upon a secret wall opening leading to the Garden Maze. They encounter a menacing slashing machine blocking their path. Hoggle, attempting to walk through a wall, disappears. Sarah, terrified, finds keys to a nearby door and falls through it just as the slashing machine closes in.

Strengths

Engaging concept
High stakes
Dynamic character interactions

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be more impactful
Some predictable elements

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Sarah and Hoggle hide from the Goblins in the arched corridor.
The dialogue between the Goblins adds a touch of humor to the scene, but it could be further developed to enhance the dynamic between the characters.
The sudden disappearance of Hoggle adds an element of surprise and sets up the next sequence of events well.
The introduction of the slashing machine as a new obstacle adds to the sense of danger and urgency in the scene.
The visual descriptions of the slashing machine and the keys hanging next to the door are vivid and help to create a clear image of the setting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to the dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle to further explore their relationship and motivations.
Provide more insight into Sarah's emotions and thoughts as she faces the escalating challenges in the labyrinth.
Explore the possibility of incorporating more physical actions or reactions from the characters to heighten the tension and suspense.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or realization for Sarah as she navigates the obstacles, to showcase her growth and determination.
Ensure a smooth transition between the different elements of the scene to maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative flow.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. PICTURE GALLERY – DAY

Sarah emerges into a large room. The walls are covered with large
paintings in ornate gilt frames. She is a bit stunned by the clone
call with the slashing machine as she approaches the first painting.

SARAH
(to herself)
What in the world...

She stops short in front of the first painting and cannot believe
her eyes. It is a painting of the watch with 13 hours on it. The
hour hand is on the 9. Sarah fumbles into her pocket and finds the
watch that Jareth gave her. It also has the hour hand on the 9.

SARAH
Only 9 hours left!

The next picture is of a baby surrounded by gruesome Goblins. On
closer inspection, the baby is obviously Freddie. She chokes back a
sob and runs over to the next one, it is a picture of a rotunda with
staircases going off in all different directions on different planes
of gravity. It is an Escher room, and a closer look shows a GOBLIN
happily standing on the ceiling. She shakes her head and goes by the
next painting and gasps involuntarily. It is a compelling portrait
of Jareth, and she moves even closer. Then she shakes herself out of
it.

ANOTHER ANGLE

THE PORTRAIT'S POV

Sarah wills herself away and moves on, and we hear the sound of
Jareth's breathing.
ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah is nervous and eagerly looks for a way out. She rushes by
another painting, giving it merely a glance. But something makes her
go back for a better look. It is of a lovely, manicured hedge maze.
In the distance WE CAN SEE the turrets of Jareth's castle. And in
the sky nearby flies a beautiful WHITE BIRD. And then Sarah is
amazed by what she sees. A closer look at the painting reveals that
the white bird is flying! It moves over the hedges and WE SEE a
FIGURE waving.

SARAH
Hoggle!

Sarah, disturbed, backs away from the painting. And then, because it
really is as wonderful as it is scary, she goes back for another
look and over her shoulder WE CAN SEE Hoggle waving and we hear his
tiny voice.

HOGGLE
Missy! Over here! This is the way to the
castle!

And Sarah strains to hear, and leans toward the painting, stretching
her hand out and touching the painting, which makes it turn into a
shimmering wall that her hand goes right through. And then she
disappears right through the painting.

ANOTHER ANGLE – THE GALLERY

And Jareth's portrait is now blank.

EXT. HEDGE MAZE – DAY

Sarah rushes up to Hoggle and throws her arms around him.

SARAH
What happened to you? I was afraid I'd never
see you again!

HOGGLE
Ya know that trick with the wall? Damn, if it
don't work with the floor, as well!

Sarah laughs and hugs him again.

INT. HEDGE MAZE – DAY

Sarah and Hoggle have been walking through the maze a long time.
They are tired and bedraggled. Sarah pulls the watch out of her
pocket and sighs.

SARAH
An hour's gone by and I don't think we're
more than four feet from where we started.
HOGGLE
That's 'cause ya won't do what I tells ya.
It's clear as day we should be goin' this
way...

He turns a corner and walks smack into a hedge dead end. He howls in
pain and Sarah sighs and follows him.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Hoggle disentangling himself from the hedge.

SARAH
Got any more suggestions?

Before Hoggle can answer they are interrupted by a terrible gut-
wrenching scream. It is positively unearthly. Sarah whirls around.

SARAH
It sounds like it came from over there!

Hoggle points in the opposite direction.

HOGGLE
Then let's go this way.

Sarah frowns at him as the scream begins again.

SARAH
Hoggle! It sounds like someone's being hurt!

HOGGLE
Exactly why we should be headin' in the
othermost direction!

Sarah shakes her head in disgust and runs off as the screams become
more unbearable.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah, running through the hedge maze. Driven by the sound of the
screams, she has an unconscious ability to find her way through.
Hoggle, trying to keep up with her, keeps running into dead ends.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah emerging from the maze. She is stopped in her tracks by what
she sees and quickly covers her mouth to prevent herself from
screaming. Hoggle emerges a moment later, barely pauses before he
heads right back into the maze.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Mysterious, Suspenseful, Whimsical

Summary Sarah discovers paintings depicting her watch, Freddie, an Escher room, Jareth, and a hedge maze with Hoggle. She touches the hedge maze painting, and it turns into a shimmering wall she walks through. She reunites with Hoggle in the hedge maze, but they become lost. They hear a scream and go in separate directions to investigate. Sarah eventually finds her way through the maze, but she is horrified by what she sees.

Strengths

Intriguing setting
High stakes
Compelling plot progression
Well-defined characters

Weaknesses

Some predictable character interactions
Limited character development for secondary characters

General Critique

The scene in the picture gallery serves as a pivotal moment for Sarah as she discovers important clues about her time limit and Freddie's whereabouts. However, the transition from the previous scene with the slashing machine to the gallery feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a smoother connection.
The emotional impact of Sarah realizing she only has 9 hours left to save Freddie could be heightened by focusing on her reaction and internal turmoil. This would add depth to her character and engage the audience more effectively.
The paintings in the gallery provide crucial information for Sarah's journey, but the descriptions could be more vivid and detailed to create a stronger visual impact for the audience. This would enhance the sense of mystery and urgency surrounding Freddie's situation.
The interaction between Sarah and Hoggle in the hedge maze could be further developed to showcase their dynamic and build on their relationship. Adding more dialogue and actions that reveal their personalities and motivations would enrich the scene.
The introduction of the gut-wrenching scream adds a new layer of tension and suspense to the scene, but the resolution of this cliffhanger could be more impactful. Building up the anticipation and delivering a satisfying payoff would keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the transition between the previous scene and the picture gallery to create a smoother flow of events and maintain the audience's engagement.
Focus on Sarah's emotional journey and reactions as she discovers the paintings in the gallery, emphasizing the stakes and urgency of her mission to save Freddie.
Enhance the descriptions of the paintings in the gallery to evoke a sense of mystery and intrigue, drawing the audience further into the story.
Develop the interaction between Sarah and Hoggle in the hedge maze to deepen their characters and strengthen their bond, adding depth to their relationship.
Build up the suspense surrounding the gut-wrenching scream and its resolution to create a more impactful and satisfying climax for the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. CLEARING – DAY

SARAH'S POV

FOUR GOBLINS are torturing a huge CREATURE (LUDO) that they have
hung by his ankle from a tree limb. They have also taken pains to
bind the creature, who it is obvious could take an most of them and
win in a fairer fight. He is about nine feet tall, powerfully built,
and his screams of frustrated agony are truly unbearable. The
Goblins have devised a unique method of harassing him. They all
carry long sticks which have small, fierce, biting CREATURES on the
end of them. The Goblins bat their sticks at Ludo, who bellows and
tries to swat back. Since he is tied, the NIPPERS are free to bite
him whenever they get near.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah, distraught, peeking out from behind a hedge.

SARAH
The poor thing!

Hoggle peeks out from behind Sarah, then quickly ducks back. Sarah
looks for a way to stop the torture. She picks up a rock and
carefully aims it at the nearest Goblin. It hits his head and knocks
his helmet visor over his eyes. Blinded, the Goblin lurches around,
swinging his nipper stick at the other three.

BLINDED GOBLIN
Hey! Who turned out the lights?

The other goblins see a new target and poke their nipper sticks
towards him. He takes off and runs blindly into the hedge maze. The
other three chase him, carrying the nipper sticks upright no that WE
CAN SEE their progress in the background.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah desperately tries to untie the huge knot that holds Ludo
suspended upside down. She can't undo it and yells for Hoggle

SARAH
Get out here, you coward!

Hoggle appears from behind his hedge. He hesitates, then pulls a
dagger from his belt and joins Sarah. He cuts through the rope in
one hack, and Ludo falls to the ground with a thud.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The nipper sticks start yammering away as they see Sarah and Hoggle
freeing Ludo over the top of the hedge. The Goblin chase stops and
they head back to the clearing. Hoggle dives for the bushes but a
determined Sarah stays and pulls off the ropes. When Ludo is free,
he picks up a huge log. As the four Goblins come roaring back into
the clearing, Ludo waves the log over his head. The Goblin charge
immediately shifts into a Goblin retreat, the nipper sticks yipping
in fear.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Ludo puts down the log and sits, his big shaggy head hanging down.
He taken one hand and wipes away a tear.

LUDO
Ludo... hurt.

Sarah's heart breaks. This thing is the ultimate stuffed animal.

SARAH
Is that your name? Ludo?

He nods and wipes away another tear.

LUDO
Goblins... mean to Ludo.

SARAH
Oh, I know! They were terribly mean to you.
(she moves closer and pats
his arm)
But it's all right now.

Ludo sniffs and then breaks into the most endearing big dumb smile
you have ever seen.

LUDO
Friend!

SARAH
That's right, Ludo! I'm your friend. I'm
Sarah.

LUDO
Sarah... friend!

Hoggle has come out from hiding during this exchange. He finds the
whole scene a bit nauseating. And an unnecessary nuisance. If
there's one thing he doesn't want, it's competition for Sarah.

HOGGLE
I think I'm about ta be sick.

They ignore him and Ludo grins for all he's worth as Sarah beams up
at him. Hoggle pulls her over to one side.

HOGGLE
I hope yer not thinkin' o' lettin' the beast
traipse along, Missy. He'll just slow us up.
SARAH
Are you kidding?! He'll be a great help! The
goblins are scared of him because he's so
fierce...

Just then Ludo shyly offers Sarah a flower that he has just picked
for her. She takes it and smiles at him.

HOGGLE
(sarcastically)
I sees what ya mean.

Sarah shrugs and gives Ludo a pat. Hoggle sighs with frustration.

HOGGLE
I just thinks we was doin' fine on our own.

SARAH
And we can do even better with Ludo.
(turns to Ludo)
You want to help me save my baby brother,
don't you, Ludo?

LUDO
Save... baby. Good!

Sarah nods with satisfaction and strides into the hedge maze. Ludo
right behind her. Hoggle follows, clearly unhappy.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Distressed, Compassionate, Sarcastic, Nauseated

Summary Sarah witnesses goblins torturing Ludo. She intervenes by throwing a rock, blinding a goblin and causing the goblins to chase her instead of Ludo. Hoggle cuts the rope holding Ludo, freeing him; Ludo scares the goblins away. Sarah befriends Ludo and convinces him to help save her brother. The three enter the hedge maze together.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building
Fantastical elements

Weaknesses

Hoggle's reluctance could be further explored
Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys the cruelty of the goblins towards Ludo through the use of the nipper creatures and the way they torment him while he is tied up.
The tension and suspense in the scene are well-executed, especially when Sarah tries to untie Ludo and the goblins start to notice their actions.
The emotional connection between Sarah and Ludo is heartwarming and adds depth to their relationship, showing Sarah's compassion and Ludo's vulnerability.
Hoggle's reluctance to help initially and his sarcastic comments create conflict and add to the dynamic between the characters.
The scene effectively sets up the partnership between Sarah, Ludo, and Hoggle as they prepare to continue their journey together.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more physical descriptions of the characters' actions and expressions to enhance the visual impact of the scene.
Explore deeper into Ludo's backstory and emotions to further develop his character and create a stronger bond with the audience.
Introduce more dialogue between Sarah, Ludo, and Hoggle to showcase their personalities and motivations, adding depth to their interactions.
Enhance the pacing of the scene by balancing the moments of tension with moments of emotional connection and character development.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and create a more vivid and engaging scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. FOREST GATE – DAY

Sarah, Hoggle and Ludo come out of the hedge maze and see a wall
with two Sarah-sized doors in it.

HOGGLE
This is it, the entrance ta the Forbidden
Forest. All we gotta do is pick a door...

SARAH
What difference does it make? Let's just go!

Ludo quickly steps between Sarah and the doors.

LUDO
One door... good. One door... bad.

HOGGLE
Well, that's great news.
(to Ludo)
Don't suppose ya know which is which?

Sarah skirts around Ludo and goes up to the doors for a closer look
at them.

LUDO
One door... good. One door...
HOGGLE
All right, ya walkin' mountain! Ya made ya
point.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah ignores the bickering behind her and examines the doors. Each
one has a DOOR KNOCKER on it. Both Knockers are carved into faces,
except one has the ring going through its ears and the other has it
stuck in its mouth.

SARAH
(to herself)
I guess once you choose a door... all you
have to do is knock.

The Knocker with the ring through its ears speaks.

KNOCKER #1
Are you addressing me?

Sarah jumps back, stunned.

SARAH
You can talk!

KNOCKER #1
What? What? You'll have to speak up!!

KNOCKER #2
Mmffn... grnth... sminvl...

Sarah turns to the other Knocker.

SARAH
You too!

KNOCKER #2
... gmft... bmble...

Sarah shakes her head in amazement.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The boys are still at it.

HOGGLE
If yer so smart why not show us another way
inta the forest?

LUDO
Ludo... not... know.
HOGGLE
That figures, don't it?
(he turns his back on
Ludo, fuming)
Why the Missy wants an overgrown hill o' hair
fer a friend is beyond me.

Ludo tries to make Hoggle feel better and pats him on the shoulder.
Hoggle shakes his hand off with a growl.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah is excited.

SARAH
I love it! Talking doors!!
(to Knocker #1)
Are you the right door to the forest?

KNOCKER #1
It doesn't do to ask me. For some reason I
can't hear a thing.

Sarah turns to Knocker #1.

KNOCKER #1
No use asking him, either. All he does is
mumble.

Knocker #2 gets very excited.

KNOCKER #2
Thgt... vrnf... lcl...

SARAH
I get it! You can't talk with that ring in
your mouth!

She removes the ring and looks at the face triumphantly.

SARAH
Now, tell me which one of you is the right
door to the forest.

KNOCKER #2
Oh, I am. No question about it.

SARAH
Great! How do we get you to open up?

KNOCKER #2
One merely has to knock.

SARAH
Of course, why didn't I think of that.

She tries to get the ring back in its mouth.
KNOCKER #2
Oh no you don't, young lady! I've had just
about enough of that awful thing, thank you
very much!

SARAH
But how are we supposed to get through this
door if you won't let me knock on it?

KNOCKER #2
Well, I really couldn't say now, could I?

Sarah throws up her hands in disgust.

KNOCKER #1
Oh do speak up, both of you? I can't hear a
thing!

ANOTHER ANGLE

Hoggle and Ludo are still at it.

HOGGLE
(conspiratorially)
Ya know... even if she does get the door
open, ya won't be able ta fit through. Why
not make it easy on us all and take a hike?

LUDO
Ludo... Stay!

Hoggle is disgusted.

HOGGLE
Yer quite the speechifier, ain't ya?

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah suddenly gives Knocker #2 an evil grin.

SARAH
Are you sure there isn't anything I can do to
change your mind?

KNOCKER #2
Absolutely not! My lips are sealed!

SARAH
That's what I thought!

The Knocker presses its lips firmly together. Sarah deftly squeezes
its nose shut. It sputters for air and finally has to open its mouth
before it suffocates. Sarah shoves the ring in with a gleeful cry of
triumph. She knocks, and the door swings open.

SARAH
Let's go!
She goes through the door and Hoggle and Ludo race to follow. They
both try to get through the door at the same time and get into such
a tangle that the door closes before they can straighten themselves
out.

HOGGLE
Now you've done it!

In a frenzy, Hoggle starts banging on both doors.

HOGGLE
Missy! Missy, wait!

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Playful, Mysterious

Summary Sarah, Hoggle, and Ludo search for the entrance to the forest, encountering talking doorknockers. Sarah, tries to open the doors, confronting an obstinate knocker. She eventually tricks the knocker into opening the door, leaving Hoggle and Ludo trapped outside.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Innovative concept
Character interactions

Weaknesses

Lack of deep emotional impact
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the previous events in the labyrinth. The banter between the characters, especially Hoggle and Ludo, detracts from the gravity of the situation.
The dialogue between Sarah and the door knockers feels a bit forced and could be more engaging. The interactions with the knockers could be more dynamic and impactful.
The conflict between Hoggle and Ludo over Sarah's decision to enter the door is not fully explored or resolved, leaving their dynamic feeling unresolved.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the magical and mysterious atmosphere of the labyrinth. Setting the scene with more vivid imagery could help immerse the audience in the fantastical world.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by tightening the dialogue and focusing on the key moments of decision-making and action.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Increase the sense of urgency and tension by emphasizing the stakes of choosing the right door and entering the Forbidden Forest.
Revise the dialogue between Sarah and the door knockers to make it more engaging and impactful. Consider adding more depth to the interaction to create a sense of mystery and intrigue.
Further explore the conflict between Hoggle and Ludo to add depth to their characters and relationships. Resolve their differences in a meaningful way to show character growth.
Enhance the visual descriptions of the scene to create a more immersive and magical setting. Use vivid imagery to transport the audience into the fantastical world of the labyrinth.
Streamline the dialogue and focus on the key moments of decision-making and action to improve the pacing of the scene. Cut any unnecessary banter or distractions to keep the audience engaged.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. FORBIDDEN FOREST – DAY

Sarah on the other side of the door. Except on this side, there is
no door, just a long expanse of wall. The forest is very dark, and
as its name suggests, very forbidding. Sarah can hear Hoggle
calling, but it is very faint.

SARAH
(scared)
Hoggle?

EXT. FOREST GATE – DAY

Hoggle is beating on the doors with such a frenzy that the other
door swings open.

HOGGLE
I'm coming...

He rushes through the door and disappears. We can tell from his
voice that he is falling down a deep hole.

HOGGLE
(echoed)
... Miiiiiiiiissy!

We hear a huge splash. Then that door shuts and Ludo is all alone.

LUDO
Sarah... gone. Hoggle... gone.

He is sad and confused. A FIGURE emerges from the hedge maze and
begins to walk along the wall, away from Ludo. It is the Wise One.
Ludo brightens and chases after them.

LUDO
Wait!

The Wise One stops and the hat looks Ludo up and down.

HAT
This ought to be a good one!

LUDO
Ludo... need... door!
WISE ONE
You have need of a door, do you? Ah, yes. A
very useful thing, the door; also known as a
portal or threshold – and that which gives
access, a gate or gangway...

He continues walking and Ludo walks with him, listening intently.

WISE ONE
... also an entrance or entry, often
accompanied by a propylaeum...

HAT
(sighs)
If only I had hands I could cover my ears...
that is, if I had ears...

WISE ONE
... not to be confused with a window, or
fenestration...

EXT. FOREST – DAY

Sarah has waited long enough.

SARAH
Hoggle, Ludo... where are you?

She reaches into her pocket and looks at the watch. The hour hand is
on the 7.

SARAH
(whispers)
Oh, Freddie!
(she shoves the watch back
into her pocket)
Well, you guys are going to have to catch up
with me 'cause I can't wait.

Then determined, she strides off.

INT. HOLE – DAY

Hoggle is in a pool at the bottom of a deep hole in the ground.
There is a ledge just above him and he splashes violently trying to
reach it.

HOGGLE
Somebody help me! I can't swim!

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Mysterious, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary On one side of the door in the Forest is a long expanse of wall instead of another door. Hoggle falls down a hole, and Ludo seeks a door from the Wise One, who offers esoteric explanations. Meanwhile, Sarah grows impatient and decides to leave without waiting for them.

Strengths

Engaging concept of magical doors and creatures
Building tension and suspense
Advancing the plot significantly

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The transition from Sarah being on the other side of the door to Hoggle falling down a deep hole feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of smooth continuity in the scene.
The dialogue between Ludo and the Wise One feels a bit forced and overly explanatory. It could be more engaging and natural.
The emotional impact of Sarah being left alone in the forest and Hoggle falling into a pool is not fully explored. There is an opportunity to delve deeper into the characters' feelings and reactions.
The pacing of the scene could be improved to build more tension and suspense as Sarah realizes she is alone and makes the decision to move forward.
The scene lacks a clear resolution or sense of direction, leaving the audience somewhat confused about the characters' next steps.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Sarah being on the other side of the door and Hoggle falling down the hole to improve the flow of the scene.
Try to make the dialogue between Ludo and the Wise One more engaging and natural by focusing on the characters' personalities and motivations.
Explore the emotional depth of Sarah being left alone and Hoggle's predicament to create a more impactful and resonant moment for the audience.
Work on pacing the scene to build tension and suspense as Sarah makes the decision to move forward without Hoggle and Ludo.
Provide a clearer sense of direction or purpose for the characters in the scene to give the audience a better understanding of their motivations and goals.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. FOREST – DAY

Sarah is in a very thick, creepy part of the woods. She is clearly
lost. She gets herself tangled in a thorn bush, and struggles with
it to get herself free. Finally she does, and then, frustrated, sits
down on the ground.
SARAH
Why does everything have to happen to me?

But there's no time to think about that because she hears the sound
of a driving drum rhythm and then a wild-looking, spindly, leering
LITTLE CREATURE comes scampering through the trees and into the
clearing; and then ANOTHER, and ANOTHER and ANOTHER. Sarah is
terrified as they approach her, but then not so terrified because
the creatures aren't doing anything except dancing; wild, loose-
limbed, frenzied dancing. Sarah laughs, and can't help but be taken
in by the wild spectacle. And then they begin to encircle her, still
moving to the wild rhythm.

SARAH
(laughing, moving)
What are you?

WILD THING #1
We're Wild Things, baby! Wild!

WILD THING #2
Wild and free!

WILD THING #3
Get down!

And then more Wild Things appear, and these produce instruments. As
and turn the drum rhythm into a frenzied upbeat number.

WILD THING #1
You call that wild! I'll show you wild!

And then he does an amazing thing, to say the least. He takes his
head off and rolls it along his arms from hand to hand like a
juggler, then tosses it high in the air and deftly catches it on his
shoulders. Sarah gasps and tries to get sway but another Wild Thing
pushes her back into the middle of the melee.

WILD THING #2
Cut me some slack and move on back!

And they do, and, moving to the pounding rhythm, he takes his eyes
out of his head and waves them at Sarah. He then tosses them on the
ground as if they were a pair of dice. They land at Sarah's feet
looking straight up.

WILD THING #2
Snake eyes!

Sarah is fascinated and repelled. And the beat gets hotter and the
frenzy more frenzied and she can't help getting a little wild
herself. She begins to really dance.

WILD THING #3
That's it, baby, get wild and free! But
you'll never be as wild as me!

And to prove it he takes his head off and begins to dribble it like
a basketball. Wild Thing #1 leans over to Sarah and whispers
conspiratorily.
WILD THING #1
I wouldn't call that really wild, would you?

SARAH
Well, it's... uh... sort of...

WILD THING #1
I'd call this wild...

And he takes off his head, puts it on the ground as if it were a
golf ball, and then removes a leg and uses it as a golf club. The
head goes flying, right to Sarah. Sarah catches the head, then tries
to get it back to its body but the body dances into the middle of
all the other Wild Things and she can't find it. So there's Sarah,
running around like a chicken with two heads when suddenly the ears
start to flap and the head flies out of her hand. A Wild Thing grabs
her hand and turns her around.

WILD THING #2
That was wild, baby.
(he starts to dance)
Now how 'bout gettin' wild with me?

But Sarah has had enough.

SARAH
I think I'll sit this one out...

WILD THING #1
Not with us you don't...

WILD THING #2
'Cause we're wild!

And then they're all over her, like a bunch of hyper puppies, and
it's really too much.

SARAH
Enough! I've got to find the castle!

WILD THING #2
Well, why didn't you say so, baby!

WILD THING #3
That's a wild idea!

And then his head flies off and he has to quickly grab it and put it
back and meanwhile the others start pushing and pulling on Sarah and
propel her into the woods.

WILD THING #1
They got some wild goings on at the castle,
baby!

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Playful, Surreal, Energetic

Summary Sarah encounters a group of wild creatures in the woods who dance around her and invite her to join them. She initially fears them but becomes fascinated by their antics. However, when one creature takes things too far and removes his own head, Sarah has had enough and tells them to stop. The creatures are disappointed but propel her into the woods, telling her there are wild goings on at the castle.

Strengths

Creative world-building
Eccentric and entertaining characters
Whimsical and surreal atmosphere

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Limited impact on main plotline

General Critique

The scene starts with Sarah getting tangled in a thorn bush, which adds a moment of physical struggle but doesn't seem to serve a clear purpose in the overall narrative.
The introduction of the Wild Things and their frenzied dancing adds a whimsical and surreal element to the scene, but the transition from Sarah being terrified to joining in the dance feels a bit abrupt and could be better developed.
The dialogue and actions of the Wild Things are creative and engaging, but the scene could benefit from more clarity on how this encounter with the creatures contributes to Sarah's journey or the overall plot.
The scene lacks a clear resolution or transition to the next plot point, leaving the reader wondering about the significance of the Wild Things and how Sarah's interaction with them will impact her quest to find the castle.
Overall, while the scene introduces an intriguing and fantastical element with the Wild Things, it could be strengthened by better integration into the larger narrative and a clearer connection to Sarah's character development.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revisiting the purpose of Sarah getting tangled in the thorn bush and ensure it serves a meaningful function in advancing the plot or developing her character.
Provide more context or foreshadowing for the appearance of the Wild Things to make their introduction feel more cohesive with the overall story.
Clarify the significance of Sarah's interaction with the Wild Things and how it contributes to her journey or growth as a character.
Create a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene to connect the encounter with the Wild Things to the next plot point in a more seamless manner.
Work on integrating the whimsical elements of the scene with the larger narrative arc to ensure that the fantastical elements enhance the story rather than distract from it.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. HOLE – DAY

Hoggle is holding on to the ledge with his fingertips. He doesn't
have the strength to hold on much longer and he looks down at the
water in mortal terror. He begins to slip just as a door opens in
the sheer rock and Jareth enters, accompanied by Goblins.

JARETH
Well, what have we here... if it isn't little
Piggle!

Hoggle screams and slips into the water. He tries to struggle back
to the ledge but the Goblins push at him with poles, laughing
maniacally.

JARETH
Did the girl decide she doesn't need you, now
that she has that beast?

HOGGLE
(angry)
She wouldn't do nuthin' like that!

Jareth leans over the water, laughing.

JARETH
Don't you know she could never care for a
repulsive thing like you!

Hoggle splashes and tries to stay afloat.

HOGGLE
She does care! Me 'n Sarah is friends!

JARETH
Only until something better comes along...
and I've definitely got something better in
mind!

HOGGLE
Don't you hurt her!

Hoggle grabs on to the ledge and the gleeful Goblins push him back
down into the water.

JARETH
What I do to her is my business... and it is
inevitable.

He grabs Hoggle by the shirt front and lifts him out of the water.

JARETH
You can be with me or against me.

HOGGLE
(terrified)
Wh... what do I gotta do?
JARETH
I doubt if she can make it to the castle in
time...

He leans down and speaks directly into Hoggle's face.

JARETH
But just in case, I want you to deliver her
to me.

HOGGLE
Never! I'd rather die!

Jareth sneers scornfully.

JARETH
Then so you shall.

He drops Hoggle back into the water. The Goblins shriek with
delight. Hoggle goes under and comes up sputtering.

HOGGLE
Wait!

Jareth was about to leave. He turns back to Hoggle, a look of
amusement on his face.

HOGGLE
I gotta know what... what you'll do to her!

He splashes pathetically in a desperate attempt to stay above water.

JARETH
I will do what ever amuses me...

He reaches into his cloak and brings out a perfect peach.

JARETH
All you have to do is give her this.

He tosses Hoggle the peach. Hoggle catches it and immediately the
water starts to recede.

JARETH
You've made a very wise decision.

He leaves, followed by the Goblins.

HOGGLE
I didn't decide nuthin'!

Hoggle stares forlornly at the peach, and soon the water is gone and
he is sitting on cold, damp ground.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Dark, Menacing, Suspenseful, Desperate

Summary Hoggle, dangling from a cliff, is taunted by Jareth who offers him a choice: help him deliver Sarah to the castle, or die. Hoggle reluctantly agrees and is given a peach to give to Sarah.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Complex character dynamics
High stakes
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic
Limited physical action

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution for Hoggle's predicament. It would be beneficial to show whether he is able to climb out of the water or if he remains stuck.
The dialogue between Jareth and Hoggle feels somewhat cliched and lacks depth. Adding more complexity to their interaction could enhance the tension and emotional impact of the scene.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting. Details about the surroundings, the water, and the actions of the Goblins could enhance the reader's experience.
The transition between Jareth's menacing presence and the sudden appearance of the peach feels a bit abrupt. Adding a smoother transition or foreshadowing could improve the flow of the scene.
The emotional stakes for Hoggle could be heightened to make his decision to give Sarah the peach more impactful. Exploring his internal conflict and fear of Jareth's power could add depth to his character.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider showing the outcome of Hoggle's struggle in the water to provide closure to his predicament.
Revise the dialogue between Jareth and Hoggle to add layers of complexity and emotional depth to their interaction.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the scene.
Smooth out the transition between Jareth's threats and the introduction of the peach to improve the pacing and coherence of the scene.
Explore Hoggle's internal conflict and fear of Jareth to increase the emotional impact of his decision to give Sarah the peach.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. FOREST – DAY

The Wild Things are leading Sarah on a rocky path. She stumbles
along but they couldn't care less.

SARAH
Are you sure this is the way to the castle?

WILD THING #1
Oh, did you say "the castle"?

WILD THING #2
I thought she said hassle!

WILD THING #3
I thought she said rassle!

WILD THING #1
Rassle! That's a wild idea!

He leaps on Sarah and she flings him off.

SARAH
OK, guys, fun's over.

She starts to leave and they pull her back.

WILD THING #2
Over! It's just begun!

And then the musicians are back and the dancing gets wilder than
ever. The Wild Things totally surround Sarah, and though they aren't
hurting her, they are definitely not letting her out. What they do
is start throwing their heads at each other and switching them.

WILD THINGS #1, 2 & 3
Now this is really wild!

ANOTHER ANGLE

A door opens in a nearby boulder and Ludo appears. In the background
WE CAN SEE and hear the Wise One as he wanders off.

WISE ONE
... very often preceded by a porch, or
portico, also verandah, and followed by a
vestibule, otherwise known as an antechamber
or foyer...

HAT
Why me?!!

The door closes. Ludo sees Sarah in the middle of this weirdness and
is just a bit confused. Sarah sees him amidst the flying heads and
cries out in relief.

SARAH
Ludo!
LUDO
Sarah... not... want... castle?

SARAH
Are you kidding?!! Get me out of here!!!

Ludo approaches the Wild Things and grabs a head before it reaches
its target and calmly tosses it into the trees.

WILD THING #3
Hey, big fella! That's a little too wild...

But there's no time to talk because Ludo calmly catches the other
heads and tosses them away. The bodies go scurrying after their
heads, followed by the Musicians. Sarah is free.

SARAH
Oh, Ludo! I'm so glad you're here!

She gives him a kiss and he beams.

SARAH
Where's Hoggle?

LUDO
Hoggle... in... bad... door.

SARAH
We've got to find him! Do you think we can?

Ludo is very confident. He spent a lot of time with the Wise One.

LUDO
Ludo... knows... doors...

He ambles off with Sarah following.

LUDO
Also... portal... or entrance...

INT. HOLE – DAY

Hoggle is more depressed than ever. The peach is nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly Ludo's head appears above.

LUDO
Hoggle... all... wet.

Hoggle almost jumps out of his skin and then is totally outraged.

HOGGLE
Ain't that the clever observation, ya feeble
excuse fer a thinkin' creature!

Sarah appears from behind Ludo.

SARAH
Be nice, Hoggle. Or we won't get you out.
Hoggle's face lights up and all thoughts of anger are forgotten.

HOGGLE
Missy!

INT. FOREST – DAY

Sarah, Hoggle and Ludo march through thick, overgrown forest. They
do not know that they are being spied on by Jareth's Goblins.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Playful, Mysterious

Summary Sarah follows the Wild Things into a dance and is rescued by Ludo when the Wild Things start throwing their heads at her. Ludo and Sarah reunite with Hoggle and march through the forest, unaware that they are being watched by Jareth's Goblins.

Strengths

Whimsical atmosphere
Engaging character interactions
Mysterious forest setting

Weaknesses

Slightly confusing elements with the Wild Things' behavior

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or stakes, considering the previous events in the script. Sarah's tone and actions don't reflect the gravity of the situation, as she seems more annoyed than desperate to find the castle.
The dialogue between Sarah and the Wild Things feels forced and lacks depth. It doesn't add much to the scene or develop the characters further.
The transition from the Wild Things dancing to Ludo appearing feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a missed opportunity to build tension or suspense in this moment.
Hoggle's interaction with Ludo and Sarah lacks emotional depth. His sudden shift from depression to joy feels rushed and not fully explored.
The presence of Jareth's Goblins spying on the trio is mentioned but not utilized effectively to create tension or foreshadow future conflicts.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more urgency and emotional depth to Sarah's actions and dialogue to reflect the high stakes of finding Hoggle and continuing their journey to the castle.
Rewrite the dialogue between Sarah and the Wild Things to make it more meaningful and impactful, possibly revealing more about Sarah's character or the challenges they face.
Smooth out the transition between the Wild Things dancing and Ludo's appearance to create a more seamless flow of events.
Develop Hoggle's emotional arc more gradually and authentically, showing his internal struggle and growth as he interacts with Sarah and Ludo.
Utilize the presence of Jareth's Goblins more effectively to build suspense and foreshadow future conflicts, adding layers to the scene and setting up the next plot developments.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CLEARING – DAY

The threesome emerge into a clearing and see that they have come to
a wide fissure that goes off in either direction as far as the eye
can see. It is spanned by a rickety bridge held by two thick wooden
posts on either side of the gap. Sarah eyes the bridge warily.

SARAH
It doesn't look too strong but we don't have
much choice...

Suddenly they are interrupted by a high-pitched, but powerful voice.

VOICE (V.O.)
Halt! Halt or be slain forthwith!

At first they don't see a thing and look around for the source of
the voice. Then, the imposing 18 inch high figure of DIDYMUS,
resplendent in rakish hat and swashbuckling sword, emerges from
behind one of the posts and stands in front of the bridge. Ludo and
Sarah are dumbstruck. Hoggle, however, is not at a loss for words.

HOGGLE
Out of our way, ya wretched little rodent...

Didymus looks directly at Hoggle.

DIDYMUS
You, sir, shall be the first to feel the
point of my sword!

Hoggle snorts with derision and Sarah tries a more sensible
approach.

SARAH
Please, we really have to cross this bridge.
It's a matter of life and death!

Didymus shrugs elegantly.

DIDYMUS
Under any other circumstances I would hasten
to oblige you, fair damsel, for your mission
sounds a worthy one.

SARAH
Oh, it is!
DIDYMUS
But I am sworn. Without my permission, none
may pass.

Sarah throws up her hands and Hoggle mumbles under his breath. It
appears to be up to Ludo to break the deadlock. He lifts Didymus up
into the air and moves him to one side. They then start to walk
toward the bridge and Didymus chases them, brandishing his sword.

DIDYMUS
You dishonor me, varlets! En garde!

To his chagrin they ignore him and keep walking.

DIDYMUS
Rapscallions! Duel... or die!

This gets their attention and they turn to look at him, annoyed.

HOGGLE
What is this weasel babblin' about?

It is too much for Didymus. He flings himself at Hoggle with a
mighty war cry. Hoggle tries to run for it but Didymus is right
behind him, administering more than a few pinpricks in embarrassing
places. Hoggle dives behind a bush and Didymus sniffs at his
cowardice. He comes back and faces Ludo.

DIDYMUS
It is you I want, rogue of rogues. You who
dealt me the gravest affront!

And with that he jabs Ludo in the foot! Ludo is stunned, and
howling, begins to hop on his good foot. Didymus, his head thrown
back for a triumphant yell, goes after Ludo with his sword flashing
and there is nothing for Ludo to do but pick up a branch and defend
himself. It is the most mismatched duel in the history of chivalrous
absurdity Didymus moving at an incredible speed, parrying the mighty
swipes of Ludo's branch with great skill – and no small amount of
difficulty. And Ludo fending off the incessant pinpricks of the
little sword, leaping about with surprising agility – and at a rate
that exhausts him totally. Finally, the two of them, breathing
heavily, lower their weapons. And, to everyone's surprise, Didymus
throws down his sword.

DIDYMUS
I no longer wish to slay you, for you are a
truly noble knight.

Then Didymus strides up to him and, craning his neck, attempts to
look Ludo in the eyes.

DIDYMUS
Destroy me if you will.

Ludo quickly drops his branch in response. The whole thing has upset
his gentle nature terribly. Didymus then holds out a tiny paw.
DIDYMUS
Never have I met my match in battle, yet you,
noble knight, have fought me to a standstill.

Ludo kneels and tentatively takes Didymus' paw into his own huge
hand.

DIDYMUS
Let us be brothers henceforth, and fight for
the right as one!

Sarah cheers and Hoggle, unimpressed, rubs his sore rear. Ludo
smiles from ear to ear.

LUDO
Ludo... get... brother!

Then he and Didymus exchange the ritual kiss on each cheek, which in
their case is not easily accomplished. Sarah then turns practical.

SARAH
Well, now that that's settled let's get
going.

She heads for the bridge but Didymus blocks her way.

DIDYMUS
You forget my sacred vow, my lady. I cannot
let you pass.

Sarah is incensed.

SARAH
But you said Ludo was your brother! How can
you refuse him?!!

DIDYMUS
I have taken an oath. I must defend it to the
death.

Hoggle, enraged, turns on Ludo.

HOGGLE
Some brother he turned out ta be!

LUDO
Brother... good!

HOGGLE
Well, if he's so good, why won't he let us
get on with our business?

Ludo scratches his head. He has no idea. Sarah sits down beside the
crestfallen Didymus.

SARAH
OK, let's handle this thing logically. What
exactly have you sworn?

Didymus brandishes his sword.
DIDYMUS
I have sworn with my life-blood, no one shall
pass this way without my permission.

SARAH
Then may we... have your permission?

Didymus is stunned. Hoggle and Ludo barely breathe. Slowly Didymus
looks all around and then, with a courage greater than any he has
ever had to call on before, he says it.

DIDYMUS
Yes.

And the sky doesn't fall, and the earth doesn't heave, and
everything is exactly as it should be.

SARAH
Thank you.

Didymus breathes a sigh of relief and steps aside to let them pass.
Ludo is the first one to go over and that is unfortunate. Because
the rickety bridge collapses under his weight. Sarah and Hoggle jump
back on the ground near Didymus just in time and poor Ludo swings
over the deep fissure, hanging on to one of the ropes that held the
bridge. With a mighty effort he hoists himself up on to the opposite
side and looks forlornly over at the others.

SARAH
Oh no!

Sarah crumples to the ground, and stares miserably at the broken
bridge.

HOGGLE
Now see what ya done, ya mush-brained
mammoth!

DIDYMUS
I, Sir Didymus, take responsibility for the
actions of my brother, my lady. Lash out at
me if you must.

SARAH
I'm not mad at Ludo, Sir Didymus. I'm just
upset because time is running out and I have
to rescue my baby brother.

Didymus is struck to the very roots of his chivalry.

DIDYMUS
You mean to rescue a child?!!

SARAH
The goblin king took him, and I've only
got...

She takes out the watch. The hour hand is on the 5.
SARAH
... five hours to get him back.

Didymus yells across to Ludo.

DIDYMUS
Is this your quest, too, my brother?

LUDO
Save... baby.

Didymus is overwhelmed.

DIDYMUS
Then I shall join you, lady. I am at your
service, upon my sword.

He bows low before Sarah and she smiles.

SARAH
I happily accept your fealty, Sir Didymus.

Hoggle frowns with displeasure at this latest development.

HOGGLE
This is all well an' good, Missy. But we
still got one little problem.

They all look across the fissure at Ludo.

LUDO
Ludo... friends.

HOGGLE
Yes, yes. We're friends. Very nice. What's
that got ta do with us gettin' over there
without a bridge?

LUDO
Rocks... friends.

HOGGLE
We're wastin' our time, Missy. Let's you an'
me go find another...

He is interrupted by Ludo bellowing, which is followed by a
sympathetic rumbling. Suddenly rocks pile in from both directions
until there is a pile in the fissure high enough for them to walk
across.

LUDO
Rocks... friends!

SARAH
(laughing)
They sure are, Ludo!

She skips happily across followed by a sullen Hoggle. Didymus
whistles and is quickly joined by a tail-wagging SHEEPDOG. Sarah
gasps, he is the spitting image of her own Merlin.
SARAH
It's...

DIDYMUS
Ambrosius! My noble steed.

Sarah laughs and shrugs. Nothing surprises her in the labyrinth.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Comedy
Tone: Whimsical, Chivalrous, Light-hearted, Surreal

Summary Sarah, Hoggle, and Ludo encounter the diminutive guardian Didymus, who blocks their path until he is defeated by Ludo, who becomes his brother. Despite the bridge collapsing beneath Ludo's weight, they find a way across with the help of his summoned rocks. Joined by a sheepdog resembling Sarah's own, they proceed on their journey.

Strengths

Character dynamics
Humor
Fantastical elements
Unity theme

Weaknesses

Predictable resolution
Slight lack of high stakes

General Critique

The scene introduces a new character, Didymus, in an interesting and comedic way, adding depth to the story.
The dialogue and interactions between the characters are engaging and help to move the scene forward.
The conflict between Didymus and the trio adds tension and humor to the scene.
The resolution of the conflict with Didymus allowing them to pass is a bit abrupt and could be developed further.
The collapse of the bridge under Ludo's weight adds a sense of urgency and danger to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider expanding on Didymus' character and backstory to make his decision to let them pass more impactful.
Develop the interaction between Sarah, Hoggle, Ludo, and Didymus to deepen their relationships and motivations.
Add more emotional depth to Sarah's reaction to the bridge collapsing, showing her determination to rescue her brother.
Explore the dynamics between the characters further, especially Hoggle's reluctance and Didymus' sense of duty.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or bonding between the characters after overcoming the bridge obstacle.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

The edge of the forest. From here you can see the castle in the
distance, just across the dry, cracked plain. The sky is full of
stars. Sarah, Hoggle, Ludo and Didymus are sitting around a fire.

DIDYMUS
What will you do after we save the child, my
lady?

SARAH
Take him home, of course! That is, if I can
figure out how.

DIDYMUS
What is your kingdom like? Do you have many
knights to defend your honor?

SARAH
Not even one.

DIDYMUS
It cannot be! What bitter place is this that
does such dishonor to my lady?

SARAH
It's a place where... where nobody really
sees me.

LUDO
Ludo... see... Sarah!

SARAH
(laughs)
I know you do, Ludo.
(she turns to Didymus)
And thanks to you, Sir Didymus, I finally
have a knight.

He bows graciously. Hoggle, who has been watching this scene, feels
rejected and miserable. He gets up and wanders away from the fire.
After a moment, Sarah follows him.

SARAH
Don't you feel like resting?

HOGGLE
I ain't tired.

SARAH
Me neither. What I am is hungry.
Hoggle winces but Sarah doesn't notice. Sarah looks back at Ludo and
Didymus. Ludo lies on his back snoring loudly. Didymus dozes against
Ambrosius' side.

SARAH
They're both wonderful, aren't they?

HOGGLE
They're alright.

SARAH
They're more than that! They're loyal and
strong... and with their help I'm going to
beat Jareth!

Hoggle shakes his head sadly. Sarah speaks as an afterthought.

SARAH
And yours, too, of course.

HOGGLE
I ain't no fighter...

She shrugs that off and wanders away to look out at the castle.
Hoggle goes through agony for a moment, and then makes a decision.

HOGGLE
Missy... if you're hungry...

He holds out the peach that Jareth gave him the world's most
delicious looking peach.

SARAH
Oh, great!

She happily taken the peach and bites. It takes everything Hoggle
has to not put his hands over his ears. She takes another bite and
then stumbles.

SARAH
(laughing)
Everything's dancing...

She looks up at the sky, exhilarated.

SARAH
Even the stars are dancing!

Hoggle turns and walks back to the fire. Sarah stumbles about as she
gazes happily at the sky.

INT. CASTLE – NIGHT

Freddie is leading the Goblins on a merry chase. He crawls around
the room, pulling things off shelves. A GOBLIN is on his hands and
knees in front of Jareth polishing his boots. Jareth kicks the
Goblin and sends him flying across the room. This makes Freddie
laugh and he pulls a book off the shelf and throws it. It hits a
Goblin on the head. Jareth scoops up Freddie and puts him in his
cradle. He sits down next to him.

JARETH
Little goblin-to-be, I have something to
amuse you.

He waves his hands in front of Freddie and suddenly beautiful
crystalline balls appear in them. He runs them over his fingers like
so many coins, their molten light so dazzling that Freddie kicks up
his legs with excitement. And WE CAN SEE that at the end of his
pajamas are two wizened goblin feet! Jareth laughs and flings the
balls into the air and they turn into bubbles, beautiful,
mesmerizing bubbles.

JARETH
Soon, little one. Very, very soon...

And they both watch the bubbles as they fly out the window and over
the labyrinth, coldly beautiful against the darkening sky.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Sarah's hand opens slowly and the half-eaten peach falls to the
ground. She stares out into the sky, mesmerized. The bubbles are
approaching; dazzling, dancing bubbles. And then she hears music,
haunting, spell-casting music. The bubbles come closer and WE CAN
SEE that each one contains a TWIRLING DANCER, a Dancer just like the
one in Sarah's music box. She gets up and follows them.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Hoggle watching from the woods.

HOGGLE
Damn you, Jareth!
(he turns and begins to
walk away)
And damn me too!

ANOTHER ANGLE

A bubble, with Sarah inside it, floating through the sky. She
appears enchanted, and she begins to twirl, just like the other
Dancers.

EXT. BALLROOM – NIGHT

A giant bubble, with a magnificent ballroom inside it. Tiny bubbles
rush to join it. In one of them is Sarah.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Enchanting, Whimsical, Melancholic

Summary Sarah and her companions gather by a campfire. Sarah expresses her gratitude for their support. Hoggle feels neglected and wanders away. Sarah eats a peach and is captivated by dancing bubbles in the sky. She follows the bubbles, leaving Hoggle behind.

Strengths

Enchanting atmosphere
Emotional depth
Magical elements

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue
Some pacing issues

General Critique

The transition from the previous scene to this one feels a bit abrupt and disjointed. It might be helpful to have a smoother transition to connect the two scenes more seamlessly.
The dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle lacks depth and emotional resonance. It would be beneficial to explore their relationship further and add more meaningful interactions between them.
The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, especially considering the looming threat of Jareth and the mission to save Freddie. Adding more suspense and stakes could enhance the scene.
The introduction of the dancing bubbles and mesmerizing music feels a bit out of place and disconnected from the overall narrative. It might be beneficial to tie this element more closely to the main plot or character development.
Hoggle's internal conflict and decision to offer Sarah the peach could be more clearly portrayed and developed. His inner turmoil and eventual choice could add depth to his character and the overall story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow and better connection between the events.
Enhance the dialogue between Sarah and Hoggle to deepen their relationship and add emotional depth to their interactions.
Introduce more tension and urgency into the scene to reflect the looming threat of Jareth and the mission to save Freddie.
Integrate the dancing bubbles and mesmerizing music more cohesively into the narrative to ensure they serve a clear purpose in the story.
Develop Hoggle's internal conflict and decision-making process more explicitly to add complexity to his character and enhance the scene's impact.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT

The music changes and now Sarah is inside the ballroom. It is a
magnificent spectacle with all the beauty and decadence of an 118th
Century Venetian ball. Magnificently dressed Dancers swirl to the
music in an incredibly opulent setting. But when you look closer you
sense decay just beneath the surface; things are threadbare, faded.
The GUESTS wear masks that are elegant parodies of goblin faces,
giving them all a slightly sinister look. And there is something
very provocative about all of them; the women have bare shoulders
and daring decolletage, many of the men have their shirts open to
the waist. Some of them lounge against the wall indolently and there
is the feeling that the party has been going on all night. In this
setting Sarah is the picture of innocence. Two women snickering
behind their fans as Sarah approaches, and she is suddenly terribly
self-conscious. How plain She feels amidst all this! She looks into
one of the many mirrors that line the ballroom and sighs at her
image. Then suddenly she sees something in the mirror that makes her
gasp.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The mirror, and in it the reflection of a resplendent Jareth dancing
with a particularly exotic-looking WOMAN. Sarah whirls around,
trying to get another glimpse of Jareth. She is so intent on trying
to see him that she doesn't notice that she is being stared at
brazenly by a YOUNG MAN leaning against the wall. He moves next to
her and whispers something into her ear. She hurries away, shocked;
and the YOUNG MAN throws back his head and laughs. And Jareth sees
the whole thing.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah is approached by a MIDDLE-AGED MAN who has a box hanging at
waist height from a ribbon around his neck. It looks like Sarah's
music box. She looks down at it with interest and he throws open the
cover. But there is no dancer inside, instead there is a stick
carved like a snake. It shoots out at Sarah and she cries out and
backs away. All the people around her laugh and she moves hurriedly
on. Jareth, who is dancing with an even more beautiful woman than
before, watches Sarah.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah is looking for Jareth. She spots him and sees him whisper
something to his partner who smiles knowingly from beneath her mask
and licks her lips. Sarah blushes and turns away and finds herself
looking into another mirror. But in the reflection, Jareth isn't
with a partner. He is standing alone, the DANCERS a whirling blur
around him, and he is looking straight at her. Sarah, whirling
around to face the crowd and she sees Jareth with yet a THIRD
BEAUTY. And then she realizes that it is herself! In a trance-like
state she moves through the crowd to get a better look.
ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S POV

She is whirling in Jareth's arms, and she is the most beautiful
woman at the ball. Jareth smiles down at her and the attraction
between them is palpable.

JARETH
You look like a queen.

Sarah looks up at him, thrilled by his words.

SARAH
I... I feel like... I... don't know what I
feel...

JARETH
(smiling)
Don't you?

And he whirls her around dizzyingly, so dizzyingly that she swoons
in his arms. He catches her before she can fall very far, tightening
his grip around her waist.

SARAH
Are we... are we in a bubble?

JARETH
Yes, we are. A dream bubble... where your
dreams can come true.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Our Sarah is being jostled by the crowd. She stumbles and almost
falls on top of a COUPLE on a bench. The WOMAN is sprawled across
the lap of the MAN who wears a mask with a very phallic nose. Sarah
backs away from them, frightened.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Jareth and Sarah, dancing. She is smiling up at him, he has never
looked more handsome. There is something more open about him, as if
he, too, is caught up in the moment. He nuzzles her hair with his
lips and whispers in her ear.

JARETH
(whispering)
My Queen!

Then he begins a song. A song that tells Sarah he will give her
everything she wants, even things she doesn't know she wants. A song
that says forget it all; all the restrictions, all the
powerlessness. Forget and stay in the dream.
ANOTHER ANGLE

Our Sarah watches, mesmerized. But every time she tries to get
closer to Jareth and Sarah she in jostled by a lascivious ADMIRER,
pushed out of the way by WOMEN laughingly being chased by MEN. She
stumbles against a wall and a door opens. Inside, pillow feathers
are flying and she can't make out what the several people are doing.
A WOMAN comes up to the doorway, winks at Sarah, and closes the
door.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Jareth finishes the song and Sarah looks up at him, smiling. He
moves his face closer to hers and she closes her eyes. His face
comes closer, and closer.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Our Sarah shrinks back from what she is seeing. She turns and runs,
pushing herself though the languid crowd, right into the bubble
itself.

EXT. BALL – NIGHT

Sarah comes crashing through the bubble and the whole ballroom
crumbles. In seconds it resembles nothing so much as a junkyard.

EXT JUNK CITY – NIGHT

Sarah runs through the streets of a part-market, part-junkyard.
There are piles of rubble and junk everywhere, and between them are
tents from which people hawk objects of all kinds. Some of them
approach Sarah and she pushes them away, sobbing.

ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S POV – A RED TENT

And standing in front of it is an OLD WOMAN stooped over from the
objects piled high on her back. She beckons to Sarah and pulls the
tent flap aside.

JUNK WOMAN
'Ere it is, Dearie. All the fings you want,
all the fings you need.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The flap opens wider and inside the tent WE CAN SEE Sarah's room!
ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah gasps at the sight and runs headlong into the tent. She trips
over the threshold and lands face down on her bed.

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah sits up on the bed and looks around the room. She shakes her
head and laughs.

SARAH
What a dream!

She gets up and stretches, then walks over to the mirror. She smiles
at her reflection.

SARAH
Yep, you've got quite an imagination, kid,
Just what a great actress needs.

She walks over to the bed and picks up Lancelot the bear.

SARAH
How about a midnight snack, Sir Lance...

She goes over to the door and opens it.

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, Adventure
Tone: Enchanting, Mysterious, Sensual, Dreamlike

Summary Sarah enters a grand ballroom, feeling out of place. Despite Jareth's presence and whispered compliments, a strange encounter with a man and a snake music box leaves her feeling uneasy. Witnessing her reflection dancing with Jareth, Sarah is jostled by the crowd and pushed away. Her attempt to join Jareth causes the ballroom to crumble, revealing a junkyard as Sarah seeks refuge in a tent.

Strengths

Effective world-building
Compelling atmosphere
Intriguing character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too ambiguous for clarity

General Critique

The scene in the ballroom is visually stunning and sets a captivating atmosphere with its opulent setting and decadent characters. However, the transition from the previous scene to the ballroom could be smoother to enhance the flow of the story.
The introduction of the Young Man and the Middle-Aged Man with the music box adds intrigue and tension to the scene, but their interactions with Sarah could be more impactful to heighten the suspense.
The mirror reflections of Jareth dancing with different women, including Sarah herself, create a sense of mystery and allure. This element could be further developed to deepen the connection between Sarah and Jareth.
The song that Jareth sings to Sarah is a pivotal moment in the scene, but the impact of the song could be heightened by incorporating more emotional depth and symbolism to convey the allure of the dream bubble.
The transition from the ballroom crumbling to Sarah running through the junk city is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to the ballroom to enhance the continuity of the story.
Develop the interactions with the Young Man and Middle-Aged Man to increase tension and intrigue in the scene.
Expand on the mirror reflections of Jareth dancing with different women to deepen the connection between Sarah and Jareth.
Enhance the emotional depth and symbolism in Jareth's song to Sarah to convey the allure of the dream bubble more effectively.
Improve the transition from the ballroom crumbling to Sarah running through the junk city to maintain the narrative flow and engagement of the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. JUNK CITY – NIGHT

SARAH'S POV – THE MARKET / JUNKYARD TEEMING WITH ACTIVITY

The JUNK WOMAN peers in.

JUNK WOMAN
'Aven't you got everythin' you need, Dearie?

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah screams and slams the door. She buries her face in the bear.

SARAH
It is just a dream!

She takes a deep breath and goes to the door again. She opens it
very slowly.

EXT. JUNK CITY – NIGHT

SARAH'S POV – THE SAME TEEMING ACTIVITY

The Junk Woman peers in again.

JUNK WOMAN
Best to stay in there, where it's safe,
Dearie. Don't know what might 'appen to you
out 'ere.
INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah clams the door again and rushes over to the window. A GROUP OF
REVELLERS peer in at her and laugh. She quickly pulls the curtains
closed and walks back to the center of the room. She stands
clutching the bear, then looks up at her reflection in the mirror.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah's reflection. Herself as a very old woman, clutching a teddy
bear.

OLD SARAH
Best to stay in here where it's safe. Don't
know what might happen to you out there.

Sarah steps back from the mirror and suddenly the floor becomes a
sea of mud and all the objects in the room come falling down on her.
As she tries to rise out of the muck more objects land on and around
her and pull her down.

SARAH
Help! Somebody help me!

EXT. JUNK CITY – NIGHT

Ludo and Didymus desperately searching for Sarah, Didymus riding his
dog.

INT. TAVERN TENT – NIGHT

Hoggle sits at a bar, drowning his sorrows. A JUNK MAN/BARTENDER
works behind the bar. Hoggle slams his cup down.

HOGGLE
Another!

The Bartender holds out his hand greedily. Hoggle pulls a treasure
off his belt and slams it on the bar. The Bartender pours.

EXT. JUNK CITY – NIGHT

Didymus and Ludo approach the red tent. They spy the Junk Woman.

DIDYMUS
Did you see a noble maiden pass this way?

JUNK WOMAN
A noble maiden, eh? What would she be doin'
in a place like this?

DIDYMUS
She's on a rescue mission...

The Junk Woman finds this hilarious.
JUNK WOMAN
A rescue mission, ha! You're in the wrong
place, for sure! The only fings we cares
about rescuin' around 'ere is our worldly
goods!

She takes an oil lamp off her back and shines it on her sleeve for
emphasis.

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah is drowning in a sea of junk. She hears Didymus and cries out
hopefully.

SARAH
Didymus, in here! Help me!

The door opens and the Junk Woman peers inside.

JUNK WOMAN
Don't worry, Dearie. I sent 'im away!

Sarah groans.

JUNK WOMAN
Knew you wouldn't want to be leavin' your
nice fings for no rescue mission.

SARAH
Oh my god! Freddie!

JUNK WOMAN
Freddie? Is that one of them dolls over
there... or that nice teddy?

Sarah struggles for the door in the sea of junk.

SARAH
No! He's my brother! And I've got to save
him!

She continues pushing through the junk.

JUNK WOMAN
No you don't, Dearie. You can stay right 'ere
with all your pretty fings...

Sarah knows what her choice has to be.

SARAH
I know I can.
(joyous)
But I don't want to!

She lifts herself out of the junk with a mighty heave and stands in
the doorway. She looks down at the Junk Woman triumphantly.

SARAH
Now get out of my way!
EXT. JUNK CITY – NIGHT

Sarah runs out of the tent, a look of triumph on her face.

The Junk Woman pulls something off her own pile and holds it out to
Sarah.

JUNK WOMAN
Wait, Dearie! Look at this!

She holds out Sarah's music box, opens it, and the little Dancer
twirls inside.

SARAH
(grinning)
Keep it!

And she is off. As Sarah goes the CAMERA LINGERS on the Junk Woman.
And we begin to move around to her other side and even though we had
just seen her from all sides, we now see something very, very
different. Where the other side of the woman should be WE SEE a
cross-section of her, with Jareth inside. His head is beneath the
pile of junk and his hand is inside her head making it laugh. He is
the puppeteer operating the Junk Lady, as indeed, she has been
operated. Jareth is mad.

JARETH
Damn.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Drama
Tone: Triumphant, Mysterious, Dark, Whimsical

Summary Sarah, trapped by the Junk Woman, breaks free and confronts her, revealing Jareth's disguise. Sarah escapes, leaving Jareth behind.

Strengths

Revelation of Jareth's control over the Junk Woman
Sarah's triumph over temptation
Emotional depth and tension

Weaknesses

Some elements may be confusing without prior context

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Sarah's room to the Junk City without a clear connection or transition, which can be disorienting for the audience.
The dialogue between Sarah and the Junk Woman feels forced and lacks depth, making the interaction less engaging for the audience.
The visual elements of Sarah drowning in a sea of junk and the sudden appearance of Didymus and Ludo searching for her lack coherence and may confuse the audience.
The revelation of Jareth controlling the Junk Woman from within feels contrived and out of place, detracting from the overall narrative flow.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with moments of high tension followed by lulls in action, making it challenging to maintain audience engagement.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Sarah's room and the Junk City to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the dialogue between Sarah and the Junk Woman to add depth and authenticity to their interaction.
Clarify the visual elements and character actions to ensure they align with the overall narrative and maintain audience understanding.
Reconsider the reveal of Jareth controlling the Junk Woman to ensure it feels organic and integral to the story.
Work on pacing the scene to maintain a consistent level of tension and engagement throughout.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. CASTLE GATE – NIGHT

Ludo and Didymus sit forlornly at the gate. Sarah appears out of the
night.

DIDYMUS
My lady!

Ludo leaps to his feet.

LUDO
Sarah... safe!

Sarah rushes into his arms.

DIDYMUS
Is Hoggle not with you?

Sarah pulls away from Ludo.

SARAH
Hoggle made his choice, he's... not part of
the mission anymore.

DIDYMUS
(angry)
The coward!

LUDO
Hoggle... good!
Sarah shrugs, and smiles at him.

SARAH
Maybe. But there's no time to discuss it.
We've got a baby to rescue, remember!

She leads them through the gates.

EXT. GOBLIN TOWN – NIGHT

Streets full of hovels encircle the castle. This is where the
Goblins live. As Sarah, Ludo and Hoggle walk through the dark, eerie
streets they are met by the slamming of shutters and the
extinguishing of lights.

DIDYMUS
Methinks they are expecting us, my lady.

A CHILD GOBLIN peers at them from an open doorway. A FEMALE GOBLIN
sees him and drags him inside and slams the door.

SARAH
(grimly)
Methinks you're right!

INT. TAVERN – NIGHT

Hoggle is still at it. He pulls his belt off his body and WE SEE
that the only treasure left is Sarah's plastic circlet. He slowly
pulls it off and stares at it. The Bartender approaches, his eyes
lighting up at the eight of this treasure.

BARTENDER
Another?

Hoggle hesitates, then hands the circlet over. The Bartender bites
it and his face lights up with glee.

BARTENDER
Plastic!

He goes to get the drink and Hoggle puts his face down on the bar
and sobs.

ANOTHER ANGLE

At the other end of the bar sits the Wise One. The hat looks over at
Hoggle and shakes his head knowingly.

HAT
Drinkin' to forget, eh, buddy?

Hoggle looks up.
WISE ONE
To forget, ah yes. To suffer a mental lapse,
to obliterate from one's consciousness, to
suffer amnesia, a blank or fugue, to drink
the waters of Lethe...

HOGGLE
(drunkenly)
What's Lethe...

WISE ONE
The waters of forgetfulness. They remove from
our minds what is too painful to remember...

Hoggle looks thoughtfully at the drink in his hand.

WISE ONE
... but with the memory goes our wisdom, or
knowledge, that which brings us
understanding, also enlightenment...

But there is no one to continue benefitting from the Wise One's
pearls. Hoggle is gone.

HAT
You can cool it down there... he's gone...

WISE ONE
... a grasp of things, a depth or profundity
of thought...

The hat sighs and looks over at the Bartender who is still admiring
his plastic treasure.

HAT
Another one over here... and make it a
double...

EXT. GOBLIN TOWN – NIGHT

Sarah, Ludo and Didymus emerge into the vast courtyard outside the
castle. It in eerily quiet. Too quiet.

SARAH
We're going to make it!

Didymus sniffs the air.

DIDYMUS
I am less than sure...

They are interrupted by a high-pitched shriek as a GOBLIN jumps on
Ludo's back. Then the courtyard is filled with Goblins, what seems
like the whole army, coming right at them. Didymus fends off the
vanguard party with his sword and Ludo punches out the ones that get
by him. Didymus unswords a GOBLIN and his weapon goes flying. Sarah
picks it up and does some parrying of her own. But there are too
many of them. The threesome turn and run.
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT

Jareth stands by the window, watching the battle. The white bird
sits on his shoulder. Jareth looks over at Freddie who stands
holding on to the side of the cradle. Jareth smiles and turns back
to the melee below. The bird flies out the window.

EXT. GOBLIN TOWN – NIGHT

Sarah, Ludo and Didymus race down the streets. The Goblins are in
hot pursuit.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

They come careening around a corner and it seems that they have
escaped their pursuers. The sound of the Goblins seems to be getting
farther away.

SARAH
I think we lost them.

They turn and see that, unfortunately they have come full circle and
are right back in the courtyard. Ludo climbs part way up a wall and
looks over the streets.

DIDYMUS
What do you see, my brother?

Ludo gulps. What he sees is the Goblin army coming down every street
right towards them.

LUDO
Ludo... see... trouble!

And then the trouble arrives and Sarah and Didymus are heavily into
swordplay. Ludo tries clumsily to get down and is tormented by
Goblins who prick at him with their spears. Sarah looks up and sees
his predicament. She gets an idea.

SARAH
Call the rocks, Ludo! Call the rocks!

Ludo makes a heroic effort and gets to the top of the wall.

He then throws his head back and bellows.

EXT. GOBLIN TOWN – NIGHT

An enormous rumbling is heard and soon the streets are filled with
boulders, all careening towards Ludo. They knock Goblins out of
their path like so many bowling pins.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Action-packed, Tense, Dramatic, Heroic

Summary Ludo and Didymus wait for Sarah at the castle gates and learn Hoggle abandoned them. Inside Goblin Town, Hoggle drinks to forget while the Wise One warns of the dangers. Sarah, Didymus, and Ludo are attacked by the Goblin army in the courtyard. Ludo summons rocks to save them, allowing their escape.

Strengths

Engaging action sequences
Strong character dynamics
Magical elements enhance the fantasy setting

Weaknesses

Lack of standout dialogue moments
Some predictable plot developments

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, leaving the audience slightly disoriented as to how the characters ended up at the castle gate.
The dialogue between the characters feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, especially in the interaction between Sarah, Ludo, and Didymus.
The introduction of the Child Goblin and Female Goblin could be more impactful to show the tension and anticipation in Goblin Town.
Hoggle's emotional turmoil and decision to drink away his sorrows could be portrayed with more depth and nuance to evoke empathy from the audience.
The Wise One's dialogue, while insightful, feels slightly disconnected from the main action and could be integrated more seamlessly into the scene.
The sudden appearance of the Goblin army and the ensuing battle feels rushed and lacks a buildup of tension and stakes.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief recap or transition at the beginning of the scene to clarify how the characters arrived at the castle gate.
Develop the dialogue between the characters to reveal more about their emotions, motivations, and relationships.
Enhance the introduction of the Goblins in Goblin Town to create a more suspenseful and ominous atmosphere.
Expand on Hoggle's internal conflict and decision to drink, showing the audience the depth of his emotions and struggles.
Integrate the Wise One's wisdom more organically into the scene to provide insight and guidance to the characters.
Build up the tension and stakes leading to the confrontation with the Goblin army to create a more impactful and engaging climax.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. COURTYARD – NIGHT

Sarah and Didymus fight bravely. Ludo keeps bellowing and throwing
off the occasional Goblin that is stupid enough to jump on him. Soon
the rocks reach the courtyard and form a barrier between the
threesome and their attackers. Ludo reaches down and lifts Sarah and
Didymus on to the wall. They jump and disappear into the castle
enclave.

INT. CASTLE – NIGHT

A door opens in a dark part of the castle. Ludo, Sarah and Didymus
enter. They look around and quickly tip-toe down a dark corridor.
They turn a corner and see some Goblins marching their way. They
duck out of sight.

EXT. CASTLE – NIGHT

The main entrance to the castle. TWO GOBLIN GUARDS stand outside the
large wooden doors. The results of the threesome's escape can be
heard in the distance. A FIGURE staggers out of the dark, singing
drunkenly. It is Hoggle.

HOGGLE
"... it's so cold in the night with no gold
to keep me warm..."

He trips over his feet as he approaches the Guard.

GUARD
Who goes there?

Hoggle "... so cold, oh so cold..."

GUARD #2
Don't worry about him. He's on Jareth's
payroll now.

Hoggle falls to the ground, then picks himself up.

HOGGLE
Thash right. Jareth owes me sumthin'... an'
I'm here ta collect...

They laugh at him, then step aside and let him enter.

INT. CASTLE – NIGHT

A GROUP OF GOBLINS stand in a circle in a corridor. They torment a
tiny, fuzzy yapping CREATURE with their nipper sticks. The creature
gets away from them and goes scurrying down the corridor. The
Goblins laugh. It turns a corner and starts yapping for all it's
worth.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah, Ludo and Didymus pressed against the wall, trying to not be
noticed. Unfortunately the little creature has no sympathy for their
plight. It stands at their feet, making a ruckus.
SARAH
(whispering)
Shut up, you little monster!

Ludo bends down to pet it in the hopes of quieting it.

LUDO
Nice... thing...

But the creature doesn't want a pet. It sinks its teeth into Ludo's
hand. Ludo howls.

DIDYMUS
I fear that this means trouble.

The Goblins yell and start running down the corridor.

SARAH
Run for it!

They are off, the creature and the Goblins at their heels.

INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

The three are running for all they're worth. Sarah pulls the watch
out of her pocket. It is on the 12.

SARAH
Only a half hour left! We've got to find
Freddie!

ANOTHER ANGLE

Yet ANOTHER GROUP OF GOBLINS running right toward them. They stop in
their tracks and start running in the opposite direction.

INT. INNER COURTYARD – NIGHT

The three come careening into the long narrow inner courtyard.
Balconies look down on it from the floor above. Opposite them is a
large ornate door. They have a lead on the Goblins chasing them, but
not for long.

ANOTHER ANGLE

On one of the balconies a particularly repulsive little Goblin
laughs sadistically. The three look up and see the Goblin with his
hands on a huge lever. He pushes it down gleefully and the floor
opens up in front of the threesome. It appears to be a bottomless
pit, too wide to leap across. Horrified they look behind them and
see the Goblins gaining on them. And they're throwing spears!
Suddenly there is a triumphant yell from the balcony opposite the
repulsive Goblin, and then a FIGURE leaps off it swinging on a rope.

SARAH
Hoggle!
It certainly is! He wrestles with the hideous Goblin and in the
struggle it falls screaming into the pit. Hoggle then grabs the
lever and it is not a second too soon. The pursuing Goblins are
entering the courtyard.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The floor closes and the three run to the door. An enraged PURSUER
aims a spear at Hoggle. He is hit. Sarah screams as Ludo struggles
with the door. It won't budge and he begins to smash his body
against it.

ANOTHER ANGLE

A seemingly half-dead Hoggle staggers to his feet and throws his
body on the lever. He appears to faint from the strain but the
weight of his body pushes the lever and the floor opens again.

ANOTHER ANGLE

The enraged Goblins are stopped in their tracks by the yawning pit.
They hurl spears at the threesome but it is to no avail. Ludo
smashes down the door and they run in.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Action-packed, Suspenseful, Dramatic

Summary Sarah, Didymus, and Ludo fight off Goblins in the castle courtyard and stealthily enter. Hoggle's drunken antics distract guards. Despite encountering a creature that alerts Goblins, the trio navigates the corridors. Hoggle's battle with a Goblin and opening of a pit saves them from pursuing Goblins. Through Hoggle's heroic actions, the group finds a way into the castle.

Strengths

Intense action sequences
Emotional depth
Creative use of magical elements

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements in character interactions

General Critique

The scene is action-packed and full of tension, which is great for keeping the audience engaged.
The introduction of Hoggle adds an element of surprise and excitement to the scene.
The use of the lever and the bottomless pit adds a sense of danger and urgency to the situation.
The teamwork between Sarah, Ludo, Didymus, and Hoggle is well portrayed, showing their determination to overcome obstacles together.
The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action and suspense.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more descriptive language to enhance the visuals of the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Provide more insight into the characters' emotions and thoughts during the intense moments to deepen the audience's connection with them.
Explore the dynamics between the characters further to add depth to their relationships and interactions.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or resolution after the intense action to give the audience a breather and allow the characters to process what just happened.
Ensure that the resolution of the scene ties back to the overall story arc and sets up the next sequence effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. JARETH'S QUARTERS – NIGHT

Sarah, Didymus, and Ludo carrying Hoggle enter the room where we
have seen Jareth and Freddie. They lock the door behind them. No one
is there and Freddie's cradle is rocking, as if someone had removed
him only moments before. Ludo places Hoggle down and Sarah looks
feverishly around the room. She spots a door.

SARAH
That's the only way he could have gone!

She runs to the door and Ludo and Didymus follow.

SARAH
No. I have to face him alone!

DIDYMUS
But, my lady...

He is interrupted by the sound of Goblins in pursuit. They start
trying to smash down the door. Ludo runs to it and presses his body
against it. Hoggle moans and Didymus and Sarah run to his side.

HOGGLE
I don't expect ya to fergive me, Missy,
but...

She puts her finger to his lips.

SARAH
Forgive you for what? Saving our lives?
HOGGLE
But, I betrayed ya, I gave ya that damned
peach...

SARAH
Ssh! You did the only thing you could do...

She looks down at his empty belt.

SARAH
... and I see you lost all your treasures in
the process.

HOGGLE
I don't care if I never sees another treasure
again!

SARAH
(smiles)
Here. Just in case you change your mind.

She slips off her mother's ring and presses it into Hoggle's hand.
He is overwhelmed and Sarah smiles at his pleasure.

HOGGLE
And Jareth said ya could never love me.

SARAH
Jareth doesn't know everything.

She leaps to her feet and Hoggle moans.

SARAH
Take care of him, Didymus.

DIDYMUS
I'll guard the valiant Hoggle with my life!

The Goblins give the door a particularly loud smash and Ludo presses
against the door even harder.

LUDO
Ludo... too!

She runs to the other door and stops to look back at them.

SARAH
No maiden could have wished for nobler
knights.

And she is gone.

ESCHER ROTUNDA – NIGHT

Sarah enters an overwhelming room with many staircases, balconies
and doorways at different heights and at all kinds of strange angles
that obviously have no relation to what we know as gravity. Her
knees buckling from vertigo. Then she gasps.
ANOTHER ANGLE

Jareth is sitting on the wall with all the ease of a fly.

JARETH
I've been expecting you.

Sarah stumbles and falls into the room, ending up on the ceiling.
She tries to adjust to being upside down.

SARAH
Where's Freddie?!!!

She has to look down and sideways to see Jareth and it is clearly
grueling.

JARETH
He's right there.

And he points to one of the stairways that juts out at a right angle
from the wall. Freddie is climbing up the stairs happily, but from
Sarah's point of view it looks like he will fall when he gets to the
top.

SARAH
(screaming)
Freddie! No!!!

Freddie gets to the top but doesn't fall, instead he ends up
crawling up the wall. Sarah sighs with relief and closes her eyes.
This sends her reeling and she ends up in one of the archways. She
tries to orient herself but there is no up, no down, no sideways.
And the baby is about to crawl off a balcony! Sarah screams and
Jareth laughs. He begins a song that tells Sarah she never really
understood what was gain on. Nothing is what it appears to be, not
even things like "up" and "down."

ANOTHER ANGLE

Freddie in the most precarious-looking situation yet, at the top of
a staircase. He hesitates to crawl down, and to lure him, Jareth
creates a ball out of thin air and throws it to the baby. Of course,
it bounces up. And all the while his song is taunting Sarah. She
turns away from him and looks into the large mirror framed in the
archway. She sees endless SarahS. And while she's looking, the first
reflection runs to the left, the reflection behind that to the
right, and so on all the way down the line. And Sarah's still
standing there! She falls backwards and ends up standing on the
floor, watching Freddie chase his ball across the ceiling. Jareth
dances on the wall now as he is about to finish his song. And there
is Freddie on one of the balconies facing out of the rotunda. If he
falls off that, he'll really fall! Sarah runs up the opposite wall
and finds that there is sheer space between her and the baby. The
only way to reach him is to jump. She looks at Jareth who grins at
her, then at Freddie who is teetering on the edge. As Jareth comes
to the end of the song there is nothing to do but jump. She looks at
Jareth and can't repress a grin of her own.
SARAH
Like the man said, "nothing is what it
appears to be!"

She jumps.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure
Tone: Whimsical, Intense, Surreal, Emotional

Summary Sarah enters Jareth's quarters with Didymus, Ludo and Hoggle, and they find it empty. Sarah spots a door and runs to it, but Didymus tries to stop her. The sound of Goblins interrupts him, and they start trying to smash down the door. Sarah puts her finger to Hoggle's lips and tells him she forgives him. She slips off her mother's ring and presses it into Hoggle's hand. Sarah tells Didymus to take care of Hoggle, and she runs to the other door. Sarah enters an overwhelming room with many staircases, balconies, and doorways at different heights and at all kinds of strange angles. Jareth is sitting on the wall and tells Sarah he has been expecting her. Sarah stumbles and falls into the room, ending up on the ceiling. Jareth points to Freddie, who is climbing up the stairs happily. Sarah screams, but Freddie doesn't fall and instead crawls up the wall. Sarah sighs with relief and closes her eyes, but she ends up in one of the archways and sees Freddie about to crawl off a balcony! Sarah screams again, and Jareth laughs. He begins a song that tells Sarah she never really understood what was going on. Nothing is what it appears to be, not even things like "up" and "down." Freddie is teetering on the edge of a balcony and Sarah knows she must save him. She looks at Jareth who grins at her, then at Freddie who is teetering on the edge. She takes a deep breath and jumps to save Freddie.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Intriguing concept
High stakes

Weaknesses

Complexity of Escher room may be confusing for some viewers

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from the previous one without a clear connection or smooth transition, which can be disorienting for the audience.
The dialogue between the characters feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, especially in such a crucial moment of the story.
The emotional impact of Sarah forgiving Hoggle and giving him her mother's ring is not fully explored or conveyed effectively.
The visual description of the Escher Rotunda is intriguing but may be challenging to translate onto the screen effectively.
The tension and suspense of the scene could be heightened with more atmospheric details and character reactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition or bridge between the previous scene and this one to maintain continuity.
Take time to develop the dialogue between the characters, especially Sarah and Hoggle, to deepen their emotional connection and the impact of their interactions.
Explore the emotional weight of Sarah forgiving Hoggle and giving him her mother's ring, allowing the moment to resonate with the audience.
Simplify the visual description of the Escher Rotunda to ensure it can be effectively portrayed on screen without overwhelming the audience.
Enhance the tension and suspense of the scene by adding more atmospheric details, character reactions, and pacing to build anticipation and engagement.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. JARETH'S CHAMBERS – NIGHT

Sarah falls right on to a magnificent huge bed. Opposite her Jareth
sits in a chair. Freddie, wrapped in a blanket, is gurgling on his
lap. Sarah reaches into her pocket and pulls out the watch. It is a
few minutes before 13. Jareth stands up.

JARETH
There's still time.

He gestures to a clock on the wall that shows the same time as her
watch. He places Freddie into a cradle and comes over to the bed. He
looks down at her.

JARETH
Besides, I'm no longer interested in having a
little goblin prince. I've decided I'd much
rather have a queen.

He looks into her eyes for a moment. Sarah doesn't look away.
Instead, she slowly eases herself off the bed and stands facing him.

SARAH
(archly)
A queen? Have you chosen anyone I know.

She glides by him and walks to the window. Jareth chuckles
appreciatively.

JARETH
You've come a long way, little girl.

Sarah looks out at the labyrinth.

SARAH
I certainly have.

She turns to face him.

JARETH
Yes, I can see it in your eyes.
(he moves closer to her)
No one else has ever made it this far in the
labyrinth, no one else has ever been
worthy...

He takes her hand and brings it to his lips. She smiles down at him.

SARAH
What's your offer.
Jareth stands quickly and looks at her. She certainly has come a
long way!

JARETH
Why, everything... you'll rule by my side.

SARAH
Everything? The chance to spend my life
surrounded by repulsive goblins... the chance
to torment innocent creatures...

JARETH
(shaking his head)
... the chance to never have a care in the
world, to never have to do anything that you
don't want to do.

Sarah looks at him.

SARAH
Anything else?

JARETH
(smiling)
Why, me. Of course.

Sarah surreptitiously eyes the clock. There is about a minute left.
She glides away from the window and tries to position herself closer
to Freddie.

SARAH
And what if I'm not interested?

Jareth reacts with surprise for a moment, then shakes his head.

JARETH
Impossible. I know you, I know what you
want...

SARAH
Well, I've got news for you, Jareth.

She makes a beeline for the cradle.

SARAH
I don't want you!

She's almost at the cradle but Jareth grabs her arm and stops her.

SARAH
(shocked, enraged)
Why, you miserable creep!

Jareth has hold of her arms but she breaks away and hauls off and
punches him in the jaw. Jareth steps back, stunned. Sarah scoops up
the screaming Freddie.

SARAH
How could you do this to an innocent baby?!!
Jareth stands rubbing his jaw, snivelling, stunned.

JARETH
You hit me!

Sarah, Freddie in her arms, goes right up to him.

SARAH
And I'd like to do more... you, you...!

She is furious and wants to hit him again badly. Since she has the
baby in her arms she makes do with kicking him hard in the shin.
Jareth howls and grabs his leg.

SARAH
I wouldn't want you if you were the last...
goblin on earth!

The white bird flies through the window and lands on Sarah's
shoulder. Jareth puts his hands on his ears.

JARETH
Don't say that!

But it is too late, he starts shrinking.

JARETH
Look at me!
(whining)
How could you do this to me!

Before Sarah's eyes Jareth turns into an undersized, ineffective,
snivelling little GOBLIN. The features are those of a goblin, but
still recognizably Jareth.

INT. CASTLE – NIGHT

Jareth's quarters, where Didymus tends Hoggle and Ludo still blocks
the door.

JARETH (V.O.)
(whiney scream)
Why does everything have to happen to me!

They look at each other and suddenly Ludo realizes that the Goblins
are no longer trying to break down the door. The three start to
laugh.

HOGGLE
(proudly)
She did it!

They cheer.
INT. JARETH'S CHAMBERS – NIGHT

Jareth, the bratty little Goblin, is throwing a tantrum.

JARETH
Nobody ever cares about what I want!

The walls and floor shake so from his pounding fists and feet that a
crack opens up right in front of Sarah's feet. She looks at the
clock and the minute hand moves to the 13. She looks at Freddie.
There's nothing to do but jump into the void. The clock begins to
strike.

SARAH
OK, Freddie. Time to go bye-bye!

She jumps.

EXT. SKY – NIGHT

Sarah and Freddie spinning through the dark, starry sky. The
striking of the clock continues.

ANOTHER ANGLE

CLOSE ON SARAH AND FREDDIE

Sarah pulls him closer, lovingly. And they go on spinning.

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Drama
Tone: Intense, Emotional, Confrontational, Defiant, Surreal

Summary Sarah confronts Jareth in his chambers, rejecting his offer to be his queen. She punches him in the jaw, kicks him in the shin, and he shrinks into a small goblin. Sarah and Freddie escape through a crack in the floor as the clock strikes thirteen.

Strengths

Emotional intensity
Character development
Confrontational dialogue
Surreal elements
Resolution of conflict

Weaknesses

Slightly predictable resolution with Jareth's transformation

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution to the conflict between Sarah and Jareth. It feels rushed and the transformation of Jareth into a goblin happens too abruptly.
The dialogue between Sarah and Jareth could be more impactful and emotionally charged to convey the intensity of their confrontation.
The physical actions of Sarah, such as punching and kicking Jareth, could be more descriptive and detailed to enhance the tension and drama of the scene.
The transition from Jareth's chambers to the castle where Didymus tends to Hoggle and Ludo blocks the door feels disjointed and could be smoother.
The climax of the scene, where Sarah jumps into the void with Freddie, lacks a sense of urgency and suspense that should accompany such a pivotal moment.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Extend the confrontation between Sarah and Jareth to build more tension and emotion before Sarah's final decision to jump into the void.
Provide more context or backstory to explain Jareth's sudden transformation into a goblin and make it more believable.
Enhance the physical descriptions of Sarah's actions and reactions to make the scene more vivid and engaging for the reader.
Consider revising the transition between Jareth's chambers and the castle to create a smoother flow between the two settings.
Add more suspense and urgency to the climax of the scene by heightening the stakes and emphasizing the gravity of Sarah's decision to jump.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. NURSERY – NIGHT

Sarah is lying face down on the floor. She comes to slowly and tries
to sit up. Groaning, she rubs her head where it bumped on the corner
of the open drawer. She tries to focus, blinking her eyes.

ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S POV

Her eyes slowly focus on Freddie's crib. When she can see, she
gasps. Freddie's not there! The side of the crib is down and the
baby is nowhere to be seen.

SARAH
Freddie!

She leaps to her feet woozily. Still rubbing her head she staggers
out into the hallway.

INT. RAILWAY – NIGHT

Sarah looks down the hallway and suddenly her face breaks out into a
delighted grin.
ANOTHER ANGLE

SARAH'S POV

Little Freddie is crawling slowly, but determinedly, into Sarah's
room. When he gets to her bed he uses all his strength to pull
himself up on to his feet by holding on to the bedspread. Be then
holds his hand out, trying to reach something.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sarah makes her way toward her room, delight and wonder on her face.

INT. SARAH'S ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah stands in the doorway looking down at Freddie.

SARAH
(softly)
That's quite a journey you took, Freddie.

Freddie looks up at her and makes a sound. He continues straining,
and WE SEE that what he is reaching for is Lancelot, Sarah's bear.
Sarah smiles, and lifts Freddie up. She sits on the bed, Freddie on
her lap, and hands him the bear.

SARAH
Here. It's yours.

Freddie takes it happily.

SARAH
(smiling)
You earned it.

She kisses his head and rocks him gently. Then she gazes out the
window at the stars.

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

The light shines from Sarah's window. The white bird flutters down
from the starry sky. It perches in the tree beside the path.

THE END

Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Family
Tone: Magical, Whimsical, Heartwarming, Mysterious

Summary Sarah, after regaining consciousness, reunites with a relieved Freddie. She gives him Lancelot, and as they share a tender moment, a white bird descends from the starry sky to perch on a nearby tree, bringing a sense of peace to the scene.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Magical elements
Family dynamics

Weaknesses

Some elements may be predictable
Limited focus on secondary characters

General Critique

The transition from Sarah waking up on the floor to finding Freddie crawling into her room is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
The emotional impact of Sarah realizing Freddie is missing and then finding him could be heightened by adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Sarah.
The dialogue between Sarah and Freddie is minimal and could be expanded to show more of their bond and connection.
The scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension considering the gravity of the situation with Freddie missing, which could be improved to engage the audience more effectively.
The ending with the white bird perching in the tree feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the scene and could be integrated more seamlessly.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of panic or desperation from Sarah when she first realizes Freddie is missing to increase the emotional intensity of the scene.
Expand on the interaction between Sarah and Freddie to showcase their relationship and the relief Sarah feels upon finding him.
Incorporate more visual cues or actions to convey Sarah's emotions and the significance of Freddie's return, such as a close-up of their reunion or Sarah holding Freddie tightly.
Introduce a subtle element of suspense or mystery to keep the audience engaged, perhaps by hinting at the reason behind Freddie's disappearance or adding a sense of foreboding.
Find a way to tie in the presence of the white bird at the end of the scene to the overall narrative or themes of the screenplay for a more cohesive conclusion.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Labyrinth

Overview

Unique Selling Point

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Story Facts

Script Level Analysis

Screenplay Insights

Story Critique

Characters

Emotional Analysis

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Themes

Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Other Analyses

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Engine: Gemini

Consider

Executive Summary

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Sarah - Score: 86/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Scene Impact 9/10

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 10

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions