Mr. Smith goes to Washington

Overview

Unique Selling Point

**Unique Selling Proposition:** This screenplay is a unique blend of political intrigue, personal growth, and heartwarming comedy that sets it apart in the drama genre. It offers a fresh perspective on power struggles and the fight for integrity in the political arena, while also exploring the complexities of human relationships and the importance of standing up for what's right. With its authenticity, sharp wit, and thought-provoking themes, this script captivates the audience, leaving a lasting impact.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines’ ratings to compare.

Gemini
Recommend

Claude
Recommend

See Details in P/C/R/HR Section

Story Facts

Genres: Drama, Political, Comedy, Political Drama, Thriller, Suspense, Family, Historical, Satire, Character Study, Romance, Legal Drama, Speech

Setting: Present day, Washington, D.C., and the fictional town of Jackson City

Themes: Political Corruption, The Importance of Idealism, The Power of the Media, The Importance of Civic Engagement, The Importance of Standing Up for What You Believe In

Conflict & Stakes: Smith's fight against political corruption and manipulation, with the stakes being his reputation, career, and the future of the country

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: The screenplay's unique hook is its exploration of the power of the common man. The story of Jefferson Smith, an idealistic senator who fights against political corruption, is a classic and relatable tale that will resonate with audiences of all ages.
Plot Twist: The screenplay features a major plot twist when it is revealed that Joseph Paine, Smith's mentor and ally, is actually the mastermind behind the corruption scheme. This twist will keep audiences on the edge of their seats and add an extra layer of suspense to the story.
Distinctive Setting: The screenplay is set in Washington, D.C., the heart of American politics. This setting will immediately grab the attention of audiences and add an extra layer of authenticity to the story.
Innovative Idea: The screenplay explores a number of innovative ideas, such as the use of social media to spread awareness of political corruption. This idea is timely and relevant, and it will help to engage audiences who are interested in the role of technology in society.
Unique Characters: The screenplay features a cast of unique and memorable characters. From the idealistic Jefferson Smith to the cynical Joseph Paine, each character is fully developed and relatable. Audiences will quickly connect with these characters and become invested in their stories.
Genre Blend: The screenplay blends elements of political drama, suspense, and romance. This unique blend will appeal to a wide range of audiences and keep them entertained from beginning to end.

Comparable Scripts: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, The Great Dictator, Network, 12 Angry Men, A Few Good Men, The Shawshank Redemption, Selma, The Newsroom, The Wire, House of Cards

Script Level Analysis

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

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Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

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Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

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Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

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Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

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Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

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Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

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Scene Analysis

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Scene-Level Percentile Chart

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The screenplay showcases strong dialogue and characterization but could benefit from enhanced concept and plot development, improved pacing, and heightened emotional impact.

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Key Strengths

The screenplay showcases exceptional dialogue, ranking in the 80th percentile, indicating the writer's proficiency in crafting engaging and memorable conversations.
The screenplay excels in character development, achieving a notable 63.82 percentile, demonstrating the writer's ability to create compelling and relatable characters.

Areas for Improvement

The screenplay's concept and plot elements could benefit from further development, as they currently fall in the mid-40s percentile range. Enhancing the originality and complexity of these aspects would strengthen the screenplay's overall impact.
The pacing of the screenplay, scoring in the 32.67 percentile, suggests a potential opportunity for improvement. Exploring techniques to enhance the flow and rhythm of the narrative could elevate the screenplay's engagement.

Writer Style

The percentile patterns indicate a potential balance between intuitive and conceptual writing styles. While dialogue and character development rank higher, concept and plot are not significantly lower, suggesting a writer who effectively combines both approaches.

Balancing Elements

To further enhance the balance of the screenplay, consider strengthening the emotional impact, currently at 45.93 percentile, to match the strengths in dialogue and characterization.
Exploring ways to elevate the structure of the screenplay, currently scoring in the 42.07 percentile, would complement the high ratings in character development and internal goal to create a more cohesive narrative.

Intuition Level

integrated

Overall Assessment

The screenplay possesses a solid foundation with notable strengths in dialogue and character development. By addressing areas for improvement such as concept development, pacing, and emotional impact, the writer can unlock the screenplay's full potential and craft a compelling and engaging story.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Script Characters	9.00	97	Zootopia: 8.90	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 9.00
Script Visual Impact	8.70	97	The Pianist: 8.60	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.70
Overall Script	8.40	84	The Pianist: 8.39	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.40
Script Originality	8.40	80	Ghostbusters: 8.30	Casablanca: 8.40
Script Theme	8.60	79	Witness: 8.50	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.60
Scene Originality	8.87	78	Interstellar: 8.86	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.87
Script Emotional Impact	8.10	77	Ex-Machina: 8.00	the black list (TV): 8.10
Scene Dialogue	8.1	71	Parasite: 8.0	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.1
Scene Internal Goal	8.11	69	American Fiction: 8.10	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.11
Script Premise	8.40	66	Dune Part Two: 8.30	face/off: 8.40
Scene Story Forward	8.3	65	The Brutalist: 8.2	Titanic: 8.3
Scene External Goal	7.36	63	Knives Out: 7.34	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 7.36
Scene Engagement	8.98	61	Parasite: 8.97	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.98
Script Structure	7.90	54	Dune Part Two: 7.80	Black mirror 304: 7.90
Scene Characters	8.4	54	Silicon Valley: 8.3	True Blood: 8.4
Scene High Stakes	7.5	52	Parasite: 7.4	fight Club: 7.5
Scene Overall	8.4	51	Silicon Valley: 8.3	Knives Out: 8.4
Scene Conflict Level	7.6	51	Triangle of sadness: 7.5	Titanic: 7.6
Script Conflict	7.40	48	Witness: 7.30	groundhog day: 7.40
Scene Unpredictability	7.47	48	True Blood: 7.46	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 7.47
Scene Pacing	8.23	47	Severance: 8.22	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.23
Script Structure	8.11	42	A Complete Unknown: 8.10	Casablanca: 8.11
Scene Plot	7.9	41	Manchester by the sea: 7.8	the 5th element: 7.9
Scene Character Changes	6.9	40	Silicon Valley: 6.8	severance (TV): 6.9
Scene Formatting	8.11	38	Triangle of sadness: 8.10	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.11
Scene Emotional Impact	7.6	34	Silicon Valley: 7.5	True Blood: 7.6
Scene Concept	8.0	30	Poor Things: 7.9	a few good men: 8.0

Other Analyses

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

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Writer's Craft

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

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World Building

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Correlations

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Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

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Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

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Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

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World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

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Correlations

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Loglines

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Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is a classic screenplay with strong characters, powerful themes, and an engaging narrative. The screenplay effectively establishes the political landscape and the stakes involved, while also introducing an endearing protagonist in Jefferson Smith. The use of humor and evocative dialogue further enhances the story. However, the romantic subplot feels underdeveloped, and the pacing in the middle section could be tightened. Additionally, exploring the consequences of Jefferson Smith's actions and Senator Paine's motivations in more depth would provide a more nuanced understanding of the story's impact.

Strengths

The screenplay effectively establishes the political landscape and the stakes involved in the appointment of a new senator. high ( Scene 2 Scene 3 )
Jefferson Smith's character is introduced with charm and naivety, creating an endearing protagonist. high ( Scene 5 Scene 9 Scene 11 )
The screenplay uses humor effectively to satirize the political world and the media's portrayal of it. medium ( Scene 15 Scene 17 )
The dialogue is often powerful and evocative, particularly when Jefferson Smith speaks about his ideals and the beauty of the natural world. high ( Scene 22 )
The filibuster scene is a dramatic highlight, showcasing Jefferson Smith's determination and his unwavering belief in his cause. high ( Scene 36 Scene 37 )

Areas of Improvement

The romantic subplot between Jefferson Smith and Susan Paine feels underdeveloped and somewhat forced. low ( Scene 26 Scene 27 )
The pacing in the middle section of the screenplay could be tightened, as some scenes feel repetitive or drag on longer than necessary. medium
The character of Senator Paine's motivations could be explored in more depth to provide a more nuanced understanding of his actions. medium

MissingElements

The screenplay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the consequences of Jefferson Smith's actions on the political landscape and the lives of the people involved. medium

NotablePoints

The use of the Capitol Dome as a recurring symbol of hope and idealism is effective. high ( Scene 9 Scene 11 )
The scene at the Lincoln Memorial is a powerful moment of introspection for Jefferson Smith and reinforces the film's themes of integrity and perseverance. high ( Scene 35 )

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is a well-crafted political drama that explores the struggle between idealism and corruption in the halls of power. The screenplay features strong character development, particularly in the transformation of Jefferson Smith, and a gripping climactic sequence that builds tension and momentum. While the pacing could be tightened in the middle section, the overall narrative is compelling and the thematic elements are handled with nuance. The screenplay is recommended for its ability to balance thought-provoking political commentary with an engaging, character-driven story.

Strengths

The character development of Jefferson Smith is very strong, as he grows from an idealistic newcomer to a determined fighter against corruption. His transformation is well-paced and believable. high ( Scene 21 Scene 22 )
The climactic filibuster sequence is extremely well-crafted, building tension and momentum as Jefferson Smith stands his ground against overwhelming odds. The dialogue is sharp, and the use of contrasting perspectives heightens the drama. high ( Scene 36 Scene 37 Scene 38 Scene 39 )
The opening sequences deftly introduce the key players and set up the main conflict, establishing the power dynamics and the forces working against Jefferson Smith. medium ( Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 )

Areas of Improvement

The pacing in the middle section could be tightened, as there are some repetitive or drawn-out sequences that could be trimmed to maintain the momentum. medium ( Scene 10 Scene 11 Scene 12 )
The opening could be streamlined to jump into the central conflict more quickly, as the initial setup takes a bit of time to build up. low ( Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 )

MissingElements

The screenplay could benefit from a deeper exploration of the relationships between the secondary characters, such as Saunders and Diz, or Paine and Taylor. More development of these dynamics could add further layers of complexity. medium ( Scene )

NotablePoints

The finale is a strong, emotionally resonant conclusion that ties together the themes of idealism, corruption, and the power of the people. The resolution of the Paine character is particularly well-handled. high ( Scene 46 Scene 47 )
The screenplay's ability to balance political themes with compelling character arcs and well-paced drama is a notable strength. It tackles complex issues without feeling preachy or heavy-handed. high ( Scene )

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Screenplay Insights:

Overall Grade: 8.40

Characters: 9.0, The screenplay excels in developing compelling characters who undergo significant transformations throughout the story. The depth and complexity of these characters, combined with their relatable motivations and struggles, create a strong connection with the audience and drive the narrative forward. See More

Premise: 8.4, The screenplay effectively establishes a clear and compelling premise centered around political corruption, idealism, and the fight for justice. However, opportunities exist to enhance the initial hook by further emphasizing the uniqueness of Jefferson Smith's character and the stakes involved in his fight against the established political machine. See More

Structure: 7.9, The screenplay exhibits a strong narrative structure with a clear and engaging plot. It effectively incorporates elements of mystery, action, and emotional depth to maintain audience interest. However, the resolution feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from further development to enhance its overall impact. See More

Theme: 8.6, The screenplay effectively explores themes of political corruption, the power of innocence and idealism, and the importance of fighting for what one believes in. The messages are communicated clearly and resonate with the audience, leaving a lasting impact. However, there are opportunities to refine certain aspects of the themes to enhance the screenplay's thematic depth and overall coherence. See More

Visual Impact: 8.7, The screenplay effectively utilizes visual imagery to capture the transformational journey of a naive and idealistic senator fighting against political corruption. The vivid descriptions of settings, characters, and events create a captivating visual narrative that immerses the reader in the story's world. The script's visual style emphasizes contrast, symbolism, and emotional impact, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the characters' struggles and triumphs. See More

Emotional Impact: 8.1, The screenplay showcases strength in eliciting emotional responses through relatable characters and poignant moments, but it has the potential to go deeper by exploring the emotional complexities of its characters, including their vulnerabilities and internal struggles. By enhancing the emotional depth, the screenplay can leave a lasting impact on the audience. See More

Conflict: 7.4, The screenplay's conflict and stakes are central to its compelling narrative, driving tension and engagement throughout. While the screenplay effectively establishes a clear conflict and personal stakes for the protagonist, certain areas offer opportunities for enhancement to deepen the emotional impact and heighten audience involvement. See More

Originality: 8.4, The screenplay demonstrates a strong commitment to originality and creativity, offering a refreshing take on classic political themes. Its unconventional protagonist, Jefferson Smith, and his unwavering idealism drive a narrative that is both captivating and thought-provoking. The screenplay's creative exploration of corruption, the power of conviction, and the importance of standing up for what is right sets it apart and makes it a compelling read. See More

Summary Senator Foley's sudden death triggers a series of political maneuvers as Senators Paine and Hopper, along with Jim Taylor, jockey for power. Governor Hopper eventually appoints the naive but well-intentioned Jefferson Smith to the Senate. Jefferson's idealism clashes with the corruption and manipulation of Taylor and Paine, leading to a dramatic filibuster to protect a youth camp from a dam project. With the truth ultimately prevailing, Paine confesses his crimes and Jefferson emerges victorious, proving that honesty and integrity can triumph over political deceit.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents a compelling and engaging story that follows the journey of Jefferson Smith as he navigates the corrupt world of politics and fights for justice. The character development is well-executed, especially in portraying Jefferson's transformation from a naive idealist to a courageous leader. The themes of integrity, redemption, and the power of standing up for what is right are effectively conveyed throughout the screenplay. However, there are some pacing issues in the middle part of the screenplay that could be addressed to maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged. Additionally, the resolution of conflicts towards the end feels slightly rushed and could benefit from more nuanced development.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider refining the pacing in the middle part by adding more tension and conflict to keep the audience invested. Develop the resolution of conflicts towards the end more gradually to allow for a more satisfying and impactful conclusion. Additionally, explore deeper emotional moments and interactions between characters to enhance the overall depth and complexity of the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively sets up the central conflict and introduces the key characters, establishing a strong foundation for the story to unfold. The character arcs for Governor Hubert Hopper and Jefferson Smith are well-established, providing a clear direction for their development. The themes of political intrigue and moral dilemmas are introduced in a compelling manner, drawing the audience into the narrative. However, there could be more emphasis on building tension and conflict early on to create a more engaging and dynamic opening.

Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider adding more conflict and intrigue to hook the audience from the start. Develop the initial interactions between characters to establish stronger relationships and motivations. Introduce subtle hints of the central conflicts to build anticipation and set the stage for the unfolding drama.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay delves deeper into the political machinations and personal struggles of the characters, adding layers of complexity to the story. The character arcs for Senator Paine and Saunders are well-developed, showcasing their internal conflicts and growth. The themes of loyalty, redemption, and the consequences of power are effectively explored, adding depth to the narrative. However, there are pacing issues in this section that could be addressed to maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged.

Suggestions: To improve the middle part of the screenplay, consider tightening the pacing by adding more tension and conflict to drive the narrative forward. Explore the relationships between characters in more depth to enhance the emotional resonance of their interactions. Introduce unexpected twists and turns to keep the audience on the edge of their seats and maintain their interest throughout this section.

Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying resolution to the central conflicts and character arcs, culminating in a powerful and emotional climax. The redemption of Senator Paine and the triumph of Jefferson Smith are portrayed effectively, leaving a lasting impact on the audience. The themes of integrity, justice, and the power of standing up against corruption are reinforced in a poignant manner. However, the resolution of conflicts feels slightly rushed and could benefit from more nuanced development to create a more impactful and satisfying conclusion.

Suggestions: To enhance the ending of the screenplay, consider slowing down the resolution of conflicts to allow for more emotional depth and impact. Provide closure for all character arcs and central conflicts in a more gradual and satisfying manner. Explore the aftermath of the events and the long-term implications of the characters' actions to create a more resonant and memorable conclusion.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Senator Joseph Paine
Description Paine's shift from expressing concerns about corruption and advocating for ethical practices to actively participating in a scheme to discredit Jeff and protect the corrupt dam project seems unjustified and driven by plot necessity rather than character development.
( Scene 2 Scene 31 )
Character Saunders
Description Saunders's initial cynicism and frustration with Jeff's naivety quickly transform into admiration and loyalty, which, while understandable, feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a clear catalyst for such a significant change.
( Scene 11 Scene 22 Scene 34 )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The portrayal of the public response to Jeff's filibuster appears inconsistent. While Taylor's media campaign effectively manipulates public opinion against Jeff, the spontaneous and widespread support from the Boy Rangers and some citizens seems to contradict the effectiveness of Taylor's control.
( Scene 44 Scene 45 )

PlotHoles

Description The ease with which Governor Hopper accepts his children's suggestion of appointing Jeff without any prior knowledge or investigation into his qualifications is slightly convenient for the plot.
( Scene 4 )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description Jeff's lengthy monologues about his idealistic views and connection to nature, while contributing to his characterization, occasionally feel overly sentimental and didactic, bordering on unrealistic for everyday conversation.
( Scene 22 )

Redundancies

Element Jeff's expressions of awe and wonder at Washington D.C.
( Scene 8 Scene 9 Scene 10 )
Suggestion While these scenes effectively establish Jeff's character and his idealistic perspective, some instances could be condensed or combined to streamline the narrative.
Element Saunders's threats to quit her job
( Scene 11 Scene 13 Scene 28 )
Suggestion Saunders's repeated expressions of frustration and desire to quit could be reduced or rephrased to avoid redundancy and maintain the impact of her eventual decision to leave.

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Saunders - Score: 83/100

Role

Supporting Character

Personality

MBTI: ENFJ
Enneagram: Type 2: The Helper

Scenes

Strongest: #25

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

A strong, competent woman standing against corruption.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Struggles with emotional and professional conflict.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

An evolving character who finds strength in support.

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Strong, assertive, and emotionally charged.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Choices driven by integrity and emotional connection.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Complex relationships with Jefferson and Paine.

Scene Impact 8/10

Piloting events with enthusiasm and urgency.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

A moral compass and rallying figure for Jefferson.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Intertwined deeply with themes of integrity and governance.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Inspires empathy and hope amidst chaos.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Saunders is presented as a strong, competent woman who works for a Senator, bringing forth ideals of honesty, integrity, and empowerment. Her foundational belief in standing up against political corruption drives her actions throughout the screenplay. She embodies the struggle against the overwhelming forces of graft that seek to undermine honest governance, representing the moral compass amidst political chaos.

Values And Beliefs: Integrity, honesty in governance, protection of the innocent.

Strengths And Skills: Intelligence, persuasive communication, quick thinking.

Suggestions

Further explore her backstory to illustrate her motivations.
Highlight her contributions to Jefferson's campaign more distinctly.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences shaped Saunders' views on integrity and corruption?
How does her relationship with Jefferson develop throughout the story?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Saunders struggles with her feelings towards Jefferson, caught between her professional responsibilities and her emotional connections. While she fiercely advocates for him, her doubts and the demands of the political world create an internal conflict that could make her hesitant to fully commit to a fight for his honor. This adds depth to her character as she wrestles with recognizing her own desires and fears.

Character Wound: Fear of vulnerability and consequences in a corrupt system.

Character Flaws: Occasional emotional outbursts, struggles to balance feelings and responsibilities.

Suggestions

Delve deeper into her emotional wounds related to her work environment.
Show how past failures in her career might influence her decisions.

Follow-up Questions

How does her past inform her aggressive stance against corruption?
What turning points affect her commitment to Jefferson?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Throughout the screenplay, Saunders transforms from being a passive observer to an active participant in the fight against corruption. At first, she struggles with the pressure placed on her by the political world, but as Jefferson stands firm, it awakens her own courage and moral fortitude, solidifying her role as an ally. By the end, she embraces her convictions and actively pushes for change alongside Jefferson.

Polarity Changes: The transition from doubt to support for Jefferson's cause.

Transformation Triggers: Jefferson's determination and commitment to fight inspire her.

Suggestions

Clarify her emotional journey to highlight her evolution.
Consider incorporating a pivotal scene where she directly impacts Jefferson's decision.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments signal her transformation into an active supporter?
In what ways does her perspective on politics evolve throughout the narrative?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 9

Saunders' dialogue often carries an assertive tone, reflecting her no-nonsense attitude toward corruption and her commitment to Jefferson. Her speech patterns reveal her intelligence and strong convictions, allowing her to articulate her thoughts with clarity. This not only serves to empower her character but also impacts those around her, particularly Jefferson, whom she inspires to take action.

Unique Voice: Assertive, often direct in her language, conveying urgency and passion for integrity.

Suggestions

Increase the emotional stakes in her dialogues for deeper resonance.
Incorporate more internal reflection in her speech to showcase vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

How does her tone shift when she's frustrated versus when she’s supportive?
Can her dialogue be utilized to create more tension in key scenes?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Saunders consistently acts on her values of integrity and justice, despite the risks involved. Her choices prompt her to actively confront those who perpetuate corruption and support Jefferson, even as she grapples with her own feelings of vulnerability. Her determination to champion the truth showcases her commitment to justice, setting her apart in the political landscape.

Motivations: Desire to uphold honesty in politics and protect Jefferson.

Desires Vs Needs: Wants to support Jefferson but needs to find a balance between her professional role and personal feelings.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where she must choose between personal feelings and professional duties.
Increase the stakes for her decisions to further illustrate the conflict.

Follow-up Questions

What past experiences shape her motivations to take action?
How does her relationship with Jefferson influence the choices she makes?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Saunders navigates a complex relationship with Jefferson, mixing mentorship and emotional support. Her feelings for him develop throughout the screenplay as he embodies the ideals she champions. In stark contrast, her relationship with Paine reveals tension, as she holds him accountable for the corruption that she despises. These dynamics not only enrich her character but also propel the story forward as different connections impact her decisions.

Suggestions

Further explore her growing bond with Jefferson in intimate moments.
Contrast her interactions with Paine versus Jefferson to deepen the relationship development.

Follow-up Questions

How does she reconcile her feelings toward Paine while supporting Jefferson?
What role does she play in shaping Jefferson's response to the political landscape?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Saunders often acts as a catalyst for change in key scenes, pushing Jefferson to recognize the stakes of his fight. Her presence brings urgency as she rallies him when he falters and gives him crucial insights that change the trajectory of his actions. In doing so, she enters a dynamic role, reinforcing her belief in justice and impacting both Jefferson's emotional state and the outcome of key events.

Suggestions

Ensure her influence in pivotal scenes is clear through her actions.
Empower her character to drive the narrative more in critical confrontations.

Follow-up Questions

How does her impact evolve across different scenes?
In which moments does she have the most significant influence on Jefferson's choices?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Saunders serves as a vital supporting character, fulfilling the role of a moral guide for Jefferson. She evaluates the political landscape through an ethical lens, pushing him to stand up for truth in the face of overwhelming adversity. This role is crucial, providing aspirational qualities that challenge the prevailing corruption embodied by characters like Taylor and allowing the screenplay to critique political machinations through her steadfastness.

Symbolic Role: Represents integrity amidst political corruption.

Suggestions

Clarify her role in shaping Jefferson's moral compass.
Explore alternatives to her current engagement in the narrative.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways can her role evolve to enhance the thematic depth?
How does her influence challenge or complement Jefferson's journey?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Saunders' journey integrates seamlessly into the overarching narrative themes, particularly the importance of honesty and moral integrity in politics. Her presence as a strong character fighting for truth underlines the screenplay’s critique of corruption while highlighting the potential for youthful idealism to create change. This integration strengthens the message that determination and ethics can combat greed and dishonesty.

Suggestions

Enhance her voice in thematic discussions to reflect on the narrative's critical stance.
Deepen her connection to the broader themes through personal stakes tied to Jefferson.

Follow-up Questions

How does her character development reflect the film's critique of political corruption?
What additional ways can her actions reinforce the film's themes?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Saunders evokes strong emotional responses through her passionate plea for justice and support for Jefferson. Her internal conflicts reveal a relatable struggle and a yearning for integrity in a murky world. As she pushes back against the corrupt machinery of politics, audiences root for her and the ideals she embodies. This resonance makes her a pivotal character in creating an emotional connection with viewers.

Emotional Impact: Inspires empathy and hope amid the corruption.

Suggestions

Amplify her emotional moments to enhance audience connection.
Introduce additional emotional stakes in key interactions.

Follow-up Questions

What are the most significant moments where she resonates emotionally with others?
How can her emotional journey align more closely with Jefferson's arc?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfj

Saunders demonstrates a strong focus on values, emotional intelligence, and the desire to support others, aligning with the ENFJ personality type.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: infj (25%)

Suggestions

Use her ENFJ traits to enhance her leadership presence in scenes.
Explore her Introverted tendencies for richer character depth.

Follow-up Questions

How does her personality influence her interactions with Jefferson?
What aspects of her character could be developed using the ENFJ framework?

Enneagram: type 2: the helper

Her motivations reflect a strong desire to help and support others, showcasing altruism and a willingness to aid Jefferson.

Confidence: 70%

Possible Alternative Type: type 1: the reformer (30%)

Suggestions

Make her motivations explicit during pivotal moments.
Balance her supportive nature with personal boundaries.

Follow-up Questions

How can her 2 tendencies manifest in her conflicts?
What moments highlight her reformative qualities?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (25)

Saunders passionately urges Jefferson to fight against the corruption he is facing and sets in motion their campaign against Taylor.

Why: This scene displays her character arc by highlighting her transformation from a supporting role to an active participant in Jefferson's journey.

Weakest Scene (0)

none

Why: none

Suggestions:

none
none

Jefferson - Score: 93/100

Aliases

none

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFJ

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

Idealistic patriot with strong moral values.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Torn between ideals and harsh political realities.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Jefferson evolves from an innocent idealist to a resilient fighter against corruption.

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Jefferson's dialogue reflects his earnestness, simplicity, and deep-seated values.

Behavior And Choices 10/10

Jefferson's choices often reflect his core values, leading him to confront powerful adversaries.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Jefferson's relationships significantly shape his journey and influence his decisions.

Scene Impact 10/10

Jefferson's actions and speeches serve as pivotal turning points in many scenes.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Jefferson serves as the quintessential hero fighting against corruption.

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Jefferson's journey embodies the struggles against systemic corruption and the power of individual integrity.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Elicits strong sympathy and emotional engagement.

Foundational Definition

Score: 9

Jefferson Smith is a naive yet idealistic young man who possesses a deep sense of patriotism and unwavering integrity. Raised in a rural background, he is defined by a strong moral compass and a desire to do what is right, often characterized by his genuine love for his community and the young boys he mentors. His foundational traits reflect optimism and a belief in the goodness of people, shaping his response to the corrupt political machine he encounters in Washington. His background as a Boy Ranger instills in him values of service, heroism, and ethical responsibility.

Values And Beliefs: Integrity, Patriotism, Community service, Justice

Strengths And Skills: Public speaking, Leadership, Empathy

Suggestions

Develop further interactions showcasing his patriotic beliefs.
Highlight moments that reveal his innocence and idealism in the face of corruption.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jefferson's upbringing influence his worldview when he arrives in Washington?
What specific experiences during his journey strengthen his idealistic beliefs?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Jefferson battles with the emotional trauma of feeling betrayed by the political system, embodied by his struggles against powerful adversaries like Taylor and the compromises required of him. His innocence is exploited, and he finds himself accused of corruption despite having the purest intentions. This creates internal conflict, as he is torn between his ideals and the harsh reality of political manipulation. His journey reveals a longing to remain true to his beliefs, even as the weight of a corrupt system threatens to crush his spirit.

Character Wound: Betrayal by the political system

Character Flaws: Naivety, Over-idealism, Inexperience in politics

Suggestions

Introduce the concept of self-doubt to show his internal conflict.
Provide flashbacks of key relationships that contribute to his emotional wound.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jefferson reconcile his emotional wounds with his actions as a Senator?
What specific events amplify his insecurities during his time in the Senate?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

As the story unfolds, Jefferson transitions from a wide-eyed newcomer to a seasoned advocate who refuses to back down in the face of injustice. Initially motivated by naive optimism, Jefferson learns through harsh experiences the systemic issues present in the political sphere. This realization prompts a transformation that sees him standing against corruption, culminating in his willingness to filibuster and speak truth to power, regardless of personal cost.

Polarity Changes: Transformation from naive idealism to resilient advocacy for justice

Transformation Triggers: Confrontation with Taylor and the machine, Paine's betrayal, Realization of the corruption surrounding him

Suggestions

Highlight key moments that lead to his awakening and resolve.
Show his learning curve as he faces various adversities.

Follow-up Questions

What defining moments spur his transformation into an activist?
How does the perception of his character change over the course of the screenplay?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 9

Jefferson's speech is characterized by a straightforwardness and earnestness that captures his rural roots and sincerity. His dialogue often incorporates references to ideals of democracy and community, while also revealing his naiveté. As he grows throughout the screenplay, his voice shifts towards a more assured, persuasive tone, especially during critical moments where he takes a stand. His unique way of expressing himself, often with the conviction of a man on a mission, engages the audience's emotions.

Unique Voice: Authentic and passionate, with a blend of innocence and fervor.

Suggestions

Simulate moments of internal struggle within his dialogue.
Create contrasts between his initial uncertainty and later conviction.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does his dialogue change as the stakes rise?
How does he use his speech to rally support from others?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 10

Throughout the screenplay, Jefferson consistently opts for transparency and truth, even when faced with the consequences of political maneuvering. His decision to filibuster reflects his commitment to fighting for lost causes, showcasing a profound moral courage. This dedication often places him in conflict with those wielding power, revealing his inner struggle between personal risk and public responsibility. His choices underscore his growth from a naive young man into a principled fighter for justice.

Motivations: Desire to honestly represent his constituents and fight corruption.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to uphold integrity versus the need for political survival.

Suggestions

Enhance scenes that illustrate the consequences of his choices on his emotional state.
Highlight moments where he must decide between personal safety and ethical obligation.

Follow-up Questions

What drives him to persist in standing against overwhelming odds?
How do his choices reflect the overarching themes of idealism and corruption?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Jefferson's dynamic with Paine is foundational; Paine's initial support contrasts with his eventual betrayal, which becomes a pivotal moment in Jeff's arc. His interactions with Saunders reflect a burgeoning partnership, capturing both romantic and supportive elements as they fight against corruption together. The strong bond he shares with the boys he mentors emphasizes his commitment to community, demonstrating how personal connections fuel his passion for justice. Conflicts in these relationships, especially concerning trust and loyalty, drive the narrative forward.

Suggestions

Deepen his interactions with Saunders to show their symbolic partnership.
Explore the mentor-student dynamic with the young boys to accentuate his ideals.

Follow-up Questions

How does his relationship with Paine shape his views on trust and betrayal?
In what ways do Anna's perspectives help inform or challenge his ideals?

Scene Impact

Score: 10

Jefferson's presence electrifies the Senate, particularly during the climactic filibuster, as he galvanizes support and highlights the core themes of integrity versus corruption. His speeches resonate emotionally, offering profound critiques of the political system, and ultimately inspiring those around him. Each moment he occupies the floor shifts the narrative momentum, increasing tension—his influence is felt not just within the Capitol but throughout his home state as the battle for public opinion unfolds.

Suggestions

Enhance moments that parallel his speeches with visual aids, such as reactions from the audience.
Create more scenes where his character's resolve visibly influences those around him.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments amplify his presence in the story's climax?
How do his dialogues reflect a change in the atmosphere of each scene he’s in?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

Jefferson functions as both a protagonist and a symbol of idealism in the screenplay. His quest to expose graft and uphold moral values positions him as a relatable hero, reflecting the struggles of the everyday citizen against systemic injustices. He represents the archetype of the idealistic reformer, up against the harsh realities of political corruption. By the end, he stands as a beacon of hope for those who dare to fight for what is right, making his role integral to both the narrative structure and thematic development of the story.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the struggle for justice and integrity in politics.

Suggestions

Integrate scenes where his heroism is explicitly contrasted with Taylor's antagonism.
Consider evolving his role to show a significant transformation as challenges escalate.

Follow-up Questions

How does his position contrast with other characters who represent opposing views?
In what ways does he embody the archetype of the hero in a contemporary setting?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 10

Jefferson's character arc is tightly interwoven with the screenplay's central themes of idealism, justice, and the impact of political corruption. His fight against the Taylor machine represents the larger struggle of citizens against entrenched power structures. Through his personal growth, the narrative explores the notion that integrity, perseverance, and community are vital forces for change, reinforcing the screenplay's message about the potential for a single individual to effect real political transformation.

Suggestions

Emphasize moments where his ideals directly challenge the underlying themes of the story.
Amplify the repercussions of his actions on wider societal views and systems.

Follow-up Questions

How does his idealism interact with the screenplay's commentary on contemporary politics?
What pivotal moments in his journey directly reinforce the story's themes of justice?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Jefferson's tumultuous journey evokes strong emotional reactions as he navigates betrayal, resilience, and redemption. His heartfelt speeches, combined with moments of despair and determination, resonate with viewers, drawing them into his crusade for justice. The audience is encouraged to empathize with his struggles, and his victories are celebrated as triumphs of the human spirit. This emotional engagement not only reinforces his character arc but also serves to highlight broader societal issues, making his experiences particularly impactful.

Emotional Impact: Elicits a deep sense of sympathy and inspiration from the audience.

Suggestions

Focus on key emotional beats that reveal his vulnerabilities.
Highlight scenes of camaraderie and connection that foster audience attachment.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes can amplify emotional beats related to his character?
How does the audience's emotional journey parallel Jefferson's struggles?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfj

Jefferson embodies the characteristics of an ENFJ with his idealism, strong values, and desire to inspire others. His empathetic nature aligns with their personality traits, making him a natural leader who cares deeply for his community.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: infj (70%)

Suggestions

Position him as a guiding figure for other characters to increase his ENFJ characteristics.
Explore the shadows of introversion to highlight internal conflict or self-doubt.

Follow-up Questions

How does his personality type affect his interactions with other characters?
What moments highlight his intrinsic desire to lead and inspire those around him?

Senator - Score: 77/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESTJ
Enneagram: Three (The Achiever)

Scenes

Strongest: #40
Weakest: #24

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 7/10

Experienced senator caught in political machinations.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Struggles with integrity vs. ambition.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Struggles between personal ambition and duty.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Uses authoritative and manipulative speech.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Actively protects his political interests.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Mixed mentorship with Smith, and conflict with Taylor.

Scene Impact 8/10

Stands out as the character who instigates critical confrontations.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Acts as an antagonist to Smith's ideals.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Embodies the struggle between personal ethics and political gain.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Elicits empathy mixed with frustration.

Foundational Definition

Score: 7

Joseph Paine is a seasoned senator with deep ties to political machinery and longstanding relationships in Washington. His foundational traits include ambition, pragmatism, and a balance between political duty and personal integrity. Paine's status as a politician is defined by his ability to navigate complex political landscapes, often prioritizing consensus and order over personal ideals, which affects how he engages with the other characters throughout the story. His loyalty to his party and connections often come at the expense of what he knows to be morally right, showcasing the internal struggle between personal ethics and political expediency.

Values And Beliefs: 1. Political loyalty. 2. Compromise over idealism. 3. Preservation of personal reputation.

Strengths And Skills: 1. Skilled negotiator. 2. Experienced legislator. 3. Political strategist.

Suggestions

Explore Paine's backstory to deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations.
Add moments that showcase his inner conflict between personal integrity and political duties.

Follow-up Questions

What key experiences in Paine's past shaped his political beliefs?
How can we illustrate his commitment to his ideals without sacrificing his character's complexity?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Paine's internal conflict revolves around the fear of losing his position and influence against the backdrop of an emerging threat from Jefferson Smith. His emotional wounds stem from compromise and regret over past choices that prioritize political survival over authentic service to his constituents. This struggle reflects his defensive posture and increasingly desperate actions to protect his legacy, leading to reckless decisions that undermine his friendships and integrity.

Character Wound: Fear of losing power and influence.

Character Flaws: 1. Manipulative tendencies. 2. Moral compromise. 3. Self-serving motivations.

Suggestions

Show more of Paine’s emotional responses during interactions to indicate his inner turmoil.
Create scenarios that compel him to confront his moral failures.

Follow-up Questions

How can we depict Paine's realization of his moral compromises as the story progresses?
What specific events could lead to a moment of reckoning for his character?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Throughout the story, Paine's character arc showcases a gradual descent from being a respected figure to one who resorts to underhanded tactics to preserve his political career. His alliance with Taylor reveals a profound transformation from mentor to antagonist, fueled by his fear of obsolescence and loss. The critical moment of his character shift occurs when he publicly disavows Jefferson, showcasing the depths of his compromise. Yet, his internal struggle remains, as he battles with the realization that protecting his position may lead to moral defeat.

Polarity Changes: Starts as a trusted mentor but ends as an antagonist to Smith.

Transformation Triggers: Paine's betrayal of Jefferson Smith and the crumbling of his relationships.

Suggestions

Highlight moments when Paine can act differently to create tension in his arc.
Include a scenario where Paine reflects on his choices to reposition his character.

Follow-up Questions

What are the pivotal scenes that showcase Paine's declining moral standing?
How can we deepen Paine's interactions with other characters to illustrate his conflicted nature?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Paine's dialogue reflects his political maneuvering, often utilizing authoritative tones to persuade or intimidate others, particularly when defending his decisions or undermining Jefferson Smith. His manipulation is evident in how he articulates his concerns about Smith’s actions, framing them with language that invokes fear for political stability. His voice shifts between regret and defiance, especially when he is forced to address his relationship with Smith, making it an essential part of his character development.

Unique Voice: Sophisticated yet defensive; manipulative in political discourse.

Suggestions

Incorporate moments of vulnerability in his dialogue that may reveal his internal conflicts.
Adjust the tone of his speech to reflect moments of desperation as the plot escalates.

Follow-up Questions

How can we better illustrate Paine's manipulative nature through specific dialogue choices?
What key lines signify his internal conflict between personal integrity and political obligation?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Paine's behavior exemplifies a meticulous calculation of risks and rewards tied to his decisions. His choice to ally with Taylor and turn against Smith signifies a profound fear of losing his status, showcasing his prioritization of political survival over ethical considerations. This conflict drives him to make morally ambiguous choices, reflecting his struggle between personal integrity and ambition, thus impacting his relationships with those around him.

Motivations: Protecting his career and political legacy.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to maintain power while needing to confront personal integrity.

Suggestions

Show more of the moments leading to Paine's critical decisions for clearer motivations.
Develop secondary conflicts that reflect his moral struggles more vividly.

Follow-up Questions

How do his choices echo throughout the story and affect other characters?
What events can further complicate his position and force him to rethink his choices?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Paine's relationships are central to his character arc; he navigates a multifaceted mentorship role with Jefferson Smith, which ultimately devolves into betrayal as his need for political survival takes precedence. His dynamic with Taylor symbolizes a corrupted alliance, where pragmatic choices overshadow ethical considerations, complicating his interactions. This creates tension that heightens the climax of the story, as Paine grapples with his conflicting loyalties, particularly as his bond with Smith deteriorates.

Suggestions

Dig deeper into Paine's past connections with Smith to enrich their relationship.
Include more dialogue that reinforces the changing nature of Paine's feelings toward Smith.

Follow-up Questions

What does Paine’s betrayal of Smith convey about his character's overall journey?
How can his relationships with other characters mirror his moral decline?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Paine's presence often serves as the catalyst for major conflicts, marked by his intense confrontational scenes with both Taylor and Jefferson. His interactions drive the narrative tension and showcase the political dynamics at play. The dynamic shifts he brings to scenes ultimately showcase the conflict between maintaining decorum and succumbing to personal ambition, stressing the overarching themes of sacrifice and morality within political structures.

Suggestions

Amplify Paine's pivotal moments in key scenes to enhance emotional stakes.
Identify and emphasize smaller scenes where his decisions provide key insights into the plot's development.

Follow-up Questions

How might scenes evolve to illustrate Paine’s impact more profoundly?
What undercurrents of his character can be highlighted to enhance his scene presence?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Paine fulfills the role of a foil to Jefferson Smith, embodying the conflicting forces inherent in politics—integrity vs. corruption, morality vs. ambition. He represents the dark side of political maneuvering, providing a rich backdrop against which Smith’s ideals and determination to fight for truth stand out. This duality is important, as Paine's transformation is indicative of the larger thematic currents of the screenplay, bridging personal ambition with systemic corruption.

Symbolic Role: Represents the corrupting influence of political power.

Suggestions

Further define how Paine interacts as both ally and adversary to Smith throughout the story.
Use his interactions with other characters to draw clearer contrasts in ideological stances.

Follow-up Questions

What instances can be added to emphasize Paine’s role as an obstacle to Smith's goals?
How can the screenplay further illustrate the contrast between Paine's and Smith's ideals?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Paine’s personal journey reflects the overarching themes of integrity, sacrifice, and the corrupting influence of power. His character arc showcases the deep-seated conflicts within the story’s narrative—the primary struggle between the individual's moral compass and the institutional pressures to conform. This integration powerfully underscores the ethical dilemmas presented in political settings, making him central to the thematic evolution of the screenplay.

Suggestions

Show more parallels between Paine's background and his choices to deepen thematic ties.
Consider crafting scenes where Paine’s values are put to the ultimate test against extreme circumstances.

Follow-up Questions

In what other ways can Paine’s internal conflict reinforce the screenplay's central themes?
How might we deepen the thematic content of his scenes in relation to Smith?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Paine’s character evokes a complex emotional response, oscillating between sympathy for his internal struggles and frustration for his betrayals. This emotional depth is palpable during moments where he confronts the consequences of his choices. The audience feels a sense of loss for the morals he sacrifices for political expediency, showcasing the tragic dimensions of his character.

Emotional Impact: Portrays conflict evoking both empathy and frustration.

Suggestions

Add nuanced moments that let his emotional struggles breathe and resonate more.
Revisit pivotal confrontations to elicit more profound audience reactions.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes can further accentuate the empathy we feel for his character?
How can we showcase his emotional journey more vividly to enhance audience connection?

Personality Types

MBTI: estj

Paine exhibits traits of practicality, decisiveness, and a strong sense of duty—hallmarks of the ESTJ personality.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: entj (25%)

Suggestions

Explore his decisive nature in stressful situations to bring out the ESTJ traits clearly.
Show moments where his natural leadership shines in critical moments.

Follow-up Questions

How can we illustrate Paine's strong organizational skills in office dynamics?
Which specific instances could reveal his natural inclination towards structure and rules?

Enneagram: three (the achiever)

Paine strives for success and recognition, often navigating through relationships to achieve his goals.

Confidence: 70%

Possible Alternative Type: six (the loyalist) (30%)

Suggestions

Further highlight Paine’s drives for approval in interactions.
Use consequences of his failures to explore emotional vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

Where do Paine's drives for success come into conflict with his values?
How can scenes illustrate his fear of failure to enhance depth?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (40)

Paine's final confrontation with Taylor highlights the crux of his internal conflict.

Why: This scene encapsulates his moral struggle directly, showing his willingness to risk it all against Taylor's machine.

Weakest Scene (24)

His moment of confrontation with Jefferson lacks true dramatic stakes.

Why: The potential for emotional vulnerability and conflict is overshadowed by the script's focus on Jefferson, reducing Paine's narrative weight.

Suggestions:

Integrate moments that reveal his doubt in that confrontation.
Draw clearer connections to his emotional state to enhance the weight of this moment.

Paine - Score: 76/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESTJ
Enneagram: 3 - Achiever

Scenes

Strongest: #36
Weakest: #23

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Skilled politician torn between duty and ethics.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Conflict between loyalty to power and personal morality.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

A fall from grace marked by moral compromise.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Sophisticated and persuasive but increasingly defensive.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Pragmatic yet morally questionable decisions hurting Smith.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

A mentor-mentee bond turned adversarial.

Scene Impact 8/10

Crucial to driving tension and conflict.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Straddles the line between mentor and antagonist.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Thrives as a voice of reason warped by temptation.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Stirs complex emotions of empathy and disappointment.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Joseph Paine, a seasoned politician and mentor figure to Jefferson Smith, embodies the complexities of political compromise and moral dilemmas within the government. Initially portrayed as a mentor, his character reveals a grey area where ethics clash with ambition. His relationships and past with Smith's father create a bond that complicates his actions, leading to deep philosophical conflicts about loyalty, integrity, and the price of power. This foundation allows him to navigate the murky waters of political manipulation while grappling with his conscience.

Values And Beliefs: Political loyalty, the importance of practical governance over ideals, personal ambition before public good.

Strengths And Skills: Charismatic speaker, skilled in political maneuvering, experienced in legislative processes.

Suggestions

Explore deeper motivations behind each decision made, showcasing his internal struggle between loyalty to the political machine and his friendship with Smith.
Highlight the moments where Paine’s initially admirable traits begin to erode as he descends into morally questionable actions.

Follow-up Questions

What was Paine's motivation for initially mentoring Smith despite the risks involved?
How might Paine's relationship with Smith's father affect his decisions throughout the plot?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Paine’s complexities are illuminated through his internal conflict between his loyalty to the political establishment and his moral integrity. He grapples with guilt as he betrays Smith, a reflection of his personal struggle with the consequences of political compromises. These conflicting motivations reveal emotional wounds from past betrayals or failures that shape his actions.

Character Wound: Guilt over past compromises that compromised his ideals.

Character Flaws: Overly pragmatic, caution leads to betrayal, lacks the courage to fully support Smith.

Suggestions

Delve into flashbacks or reflections on past experiences that shaped Paine's cynical view of politics.
Introduce moments that reveal his regret or longing for the ideals he once held.

Follow-up Questions

In what situations has Paine previously compromised his ethics, and how did those experiences inform his current choices?
What does Paine fear most about standing by Jefferson and risking his political career?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Paine's journey illustrates a slow unraveling of his initial status as a mentor to Smith. The pressures of political machinations provoke him to play a duplicitous role, resulting in a significant transformation. This arc raises questions about the nature of integrity and the burdens of leadership, reflecting the cost of remaining in power.

Polarity Changes: Shifts from protective mentor to betrayer of Smith.

Transformation Triggers: Confrontation with Jefferson and his ideals, the growing evidence against the Taylor machine.

Suggestions

Clarify key turning points that lead to his choices through dialogue or visual cues.
Expand on moments where Paine feels genuine regret for his actions, showing that he wasn’t completely devoid of morals.

Follow-up Questions

What were the defining moments that shifted Paine's loyalty from Jefferson to the political machine?
How does his arc affect his relationship with the other significant characters, like Taylor or Jefferson?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Paine’s dialogue often showcases his experience and intellect, using smooth, persuasive tones that convey confidence. However, as he becomes entangled in his own deceit, his speech shifts to more frantic and defensive tones, revealing cracks in his facade. This vocal evolution highlights his descent from a respected mentor to a desperate politician clinging to power.

Unique Voice: Formal, often authoritative; reflects political jargon blended with personal conviction.

Suggestions

Incorporate moments of hesitation or emotional dissonance during crucial dialogues that indicate his internal conflict.
Utilize contrasting language when he speaks with Jefferson versus when he communicates with Taylor or the Senate to showcase his dilemma.

Follow-up Questions

How does Paine’s choice of words reflect his internal struggles between loyalty and betrayal?
What are the pivotal moments in his dialogue that reveal his character arc more clearly?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Paine's decisions throughout the screenplay often reflect a mindset that prioritizes political survival over ethical considerations. His choice to betray Smith, despite their bond, emphasizes the morality dilemmas often faced by politicians. This behavior is crucial as it shapes the central conflict of the story.

Motivations: Desire to maintain status, power, and political relationships; fear of losing influence.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to retain political favor outweighing the need for personal integrity.

Suggestions

Illustrate moments where Paine's behavior directly impacts Smith’s journey, reinforcing the consequences of his decisions.
Strengthen motivations behind key actions—why does he feel compelled to betray Smith, even at personal cost?

Follow-up Questions

What specific event solidified Paine's decision to prioritize his career over his relationship with Smith?
Are there moments where Paine considers an alternate course of action, and what prompts him to discard those thoughts?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Paine's relationship with Jefferson Smith evolves drastically from mentorship to betrayal, serving as a pivotal dynamic. Initially acting as a father figure, his moral decay and choices highlight the complex nature of their interactions, informing Smith’s development as he ultimately fights against the very man he idolized. The fracture of this bond underlines the story's exploration of integrity and sacrifice.

Suggestions

Develop earlier scenes establishing Paine's admiration for Smith to deepen the impact of their eventual fallout.
Introduce elements of vulnerability in their conversations to amplify the emotional stakes.

Follow-up Questions

How does Paine's view of Smith change as events unfold, and what catalysts influence this change?
What could Paine have done differently to maintain a healthier dynamic with Smith throughout the screenplay?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Paine’s presence in various scenes escalates tension, particularly in the Senate sessions where he tries to manipulate Smith. His confrontations with Smith create pivotal turning points that convey the theme of moral conflict in politics. His insistence on loyalty to the political machine contrasts sharply with Smith’s idealism, enhancing the drama and emotional stakes.

Suggestions

Highlight Paine’s reactions during key scenes to underline how his choices affect both Smith and the overall narrative.
Enhance scenes where Paine faces consequences for his choices, showing character vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

What moments or actions from Paine directly contribute to the unfolding drama surrounding Smith?
How might individual scenes have shifted if Paine had taken a morally different stance?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Paine's role as both mentor and antagonist adds depth to the narrative, illustrating the challenges faced by those attempting to navigate the murky waters of politics. His character acts as a harbinger of the consequences of sacrificing ideals for power while simultaneously serving as a cautionary tale about the cost of such decisions.

Symbolic Role: Represents the conflict between political ideals and pragmatic governance.

Suggestions

Strengthen Paine's dual role by showcasing instances where he advocates both for and against Smith, creating dilemma-driven tension.
Use symbolic motifs—like the conflict between light and darkness—to underscore his internal struggle throughout the story.

Follow-up Questions

How does Paine’s role affect the outcomes for other key characters?
In what ways does his character challenge traditional archetypes within political narratives?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Paine’s journey intertwines with major themes such as moral compromise, the corruption of idealism, and the dichotomy between ambition and integrity. His actions propel the plot forward, culminating not just in Jefferson’s character arc but also in the larger commentary on the American political landscape. Thematically, Paine exposes the tension between personal loyalty and political obligation.

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Paine's choices and their repercussions trigger a complex emotional response within the audience, straddling lines of empathy and frustration. His relationship with Smith evokes sympathy, especially as viewers witness his internal struggles, leading them to understand the weight of his decisions while ultimately questioning their morality.

Emotional Impact: Elicits disappointment and empathy as he descends into moral ambiguity.

Suggestions

Enhance emotional stakes by introducing more vulnerable moments to illuminate Paine's internal conflict.
Create opportunities for juxtaposition between Paine and Smith in crucial emotional scenes to deepen audience investment.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments in the screenplay best capture Paine's emotional turmoil?
How effectively does Paine's arc resonate with the audience, and where might it fall short?

Personality Types

MBTI: estj

Paine exhibits characteristics such as being organized, logical, and decisive in his actions, aligning closely with the ESTJ type.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: intj (65%)

Suggestions

Explore deeper nuances of Paine's personality through his interactions with others, focusing on his efficiency and control.
Integrate moments of strategic thinking that reflect his underlying introverted intuition.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does his character demonstrate the typical traits of an ESTJ, and where are the deviations?
How might his duality as a strategist and emotionally-driven character influence other characters in the screenplay?

Enneagram: 3 - achiever

Paine's ambition, image-focused behavior, and need for validation through success indicate he aligns with Type 3.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: 1 - reformer (70%)

Suggestions

Delve deeper into Paine's motivations around his need for success and how it impacts his relationship with Smith.
Unveil moments where Paine's pursuit of achievement leads him to the brink of ethical compromise.

Follow-up Questions

What drives Paine’s desire to achieve in his political career, and how does it interact with his moral compass?
How does Paine's Enneagram type influence his interactions with Jefferson and others in power?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (36)

In the climax where Paine publicly confesses his wrongdoings and defends Jefferson from the Senate floor.

Why: This scene is pivotal as it reveals his ultimate inner conflict between his protective feelings for Jeff and his allegiance to the political machine.

Weakest Scene (23)

In a scene where Paine reflects on his past choices and the consequences of his mentorship towards Jeff.

Why: This scene lacks the emotional weight necessary to engage the audience and elevate Paine's character development.

Suggestions:

Revisit Paine's internal dialogue in this scene, giving him more vulnerable and reflective moments.
Show contrasts between his ideals and the harsh realities of his political compromises.

Governor - Score: 55/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESTJ
Enneagram: Type 3 (Achiever)

Scenes

Strongest: #2
Weakest: #4

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 6/10

A politically motivated individual concerned about power and reputation.

Complexity And Depth 5/10

A character marked by internal conflict between ambition and moral compromise.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 4/10

Hopper remains largely stagnant, focusing on retaining power and avoiding accountability.

Dialogue And Voice 6/10

Hopper's dialogue is often characterized by political jargon and an air of self-importance.

Behavior And Choices 5/10

Hopper's decisions often prioritize self-preservation and political maneuvering over ethical considerations.

Relationship Dynamics 5/10

Hopper's relationships are primarily transactional, driven by ambition rather than genuine connection.

Scene Impact 6/10

Hopper often instills tension through his manipulative actions and self-preservation choices.

Role Fulfillment 7/10

Hopper serves as a foil to the idealism of Jefferson and ultimately embodies systemic corruption.

Thematic Plot Integration 6/10

Hopper's narrative represents corruption and the conflict between idealism and reality.

Emotional Resonance 5/10

Evokes tension through manipulative and morally ambiguous actions.

Foundational Definition

Score: 6

Governor Hubert Hopper is depicted as a politically motivated individual who is deeply concerned about his power and reputation rather than genuine public service. His primary motivation revolves around maintaining the status quo and appeasing political puppeteers like Jim Taylor. He often finds himself caught between his own ambitions and external pressures from his constituents and political allies.

Values And Beliefs: Maintaining political power, appeasing influential figures, and preserving his reputation.

Strengths And Skills: Ability to navigate political landscapes, charisma when making speeches, and some level of strategic thinking.

Suggestions

Explore more backstory that shows what originally drove Hopper to politics.
Highlight moments where his values conflict with his actions to deepen his character.

Follow-up Questions

What motivated Hubert to pursue a political career initially?
How does Hubert's concern for his reputation influence his decisions throughout the plot?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 5

Hopper's character shows signs of internal conflict, especially when faced with the implications of his decisions. His need for approval from Taylor and the political machine suggests a deeper fear of inadequacy and failure, revealing a complex emotional landscape that balances ambition with moral compromise.

Character Wound: Fear of losing political power and approval.

Character Flaws: Lack of integrity, selfishness, and a tendency to prioritize personal gain over public good.

Suggestions

Introduce a scene that addresses Hopper's internal conflict directly.
Develop interactions with characters that expose his vulnerabilities.

Follow-up Questions

What experiences in his past contribute to his fear of inadequacy?
How do Hopper’s relationships with others affect his internal conflicts?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 4

Governor Hopper's arc reflects a struggle between ambition and realization of the consequences of his actions. Despite triggers that could incite change, he largely chooses to maintain his position rather than undergo significant growth.

Polarity Changes: Low points include moments of confrontation with Taylor and his children regarding his reputation.

Transformation Triggers: Confrontations with his children and the repercussions of Taylor's manipulations.

Suggestions

Incorporate moments of reflection that challenge Hubert's viewpoints.
Position characters around him to question his decisions, aiding in his potential transformation.

Follow-up Questions

What would make Hopper reconsider his motivations toward public service?
How might interactions with Jefferson and his family influence his character evolution?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 6

Governor Hopper communicates with a self-assured tone, employing sophisticated language and political jargon. This reflects his upbringing within a political system and adds layers of manipulation in his conversations throughout the screenplay.

Unique Voice: Uses political language and euphemisms, often avoiding directness to navigate uncomfortable truths.

Suggestions

Incorporate moments of vulnerability in his dialogue to reveal deeper layers.
Use contrasting dialogue styles when Hopper interacts with more straightforward characters like Jefferson.

Follow-up Questions

How could his dialogue change depending on who he is interacting with?
What phrases or language patterns emphasize his political nature?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 5

Governor Hopper’s actions reflect his desire to navigate through turbulent political waters while upholding his authority. Frequently, his choices serve to protect his interests rather than the welfare of his constituents, showcasing a flawed moral compass.

Motivations: Retaining power, appeasing Taylor, and maintaining a façade of control.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires power and approval but needs to address the moral implications of his choices for genuine leadership.

Suggestions

Create scenarios where his decisions directly affect others’ welfare.
Introduce characters that challenge his motives and force him to react.

Follow-up Questions

What decisions does he make that ultimately come back to haunt him?
How do his choices compare and contrast with Jefferson's actions?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 5

Hopper's interactions with Taylor signify a manipulative and desperate quest for political relevance, while his relationship with his children reveals a mixture of fear and disappointment. His inability to connect emotionally with others underlines his isolation in the political arena.

Suggestions

Explore more depth in his familial relationships, particularly with his children.
Highlight moments of conflict or unity that might shift his attitudes or engagement with others.

Follow-up Questions

How do his relationships reflect his priorities and values?
In what ways do his interactions with Taylor impact his decisions regarding Jefferson?

Scene Impact

Score: 6

Governor Hopper’s actions and presence usually elevate the stakes, especially in scenes where he must confront the consequences of his choices. His fear of political fallout often leads to significant tension in key moments.

Suggestions

Amplify the tension in scenes where he must make critical decisions.
Deepen the emotional stakes in his relationships to enhance dramatic tension.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes exemplify his influence on the narrative's tension?
How does his absence or presence change the emotional or narrative dynamics?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 7

As an antagonist, Governor Hopper aids in establishing the conflicts that drive the narrative. He represents the challenges Jefferson faces against systemic corruption, showcasing the broader themes of integrity versus political manipulation.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the entrenched political machine and the corruption within.

Suggestions

Clarify his actions' impact on the protagonist's journey.
Create moments that explore his internal struggles while maintaining his role as antagonist.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments showcase Hopper's role in the broader narrative?
How do his actions complicate the protagonist's journey throughout the film?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 6

His various interactions with Jefferson and other characters reveal the core themes of integrity, political manipulation, and the struggle for justice, ultimately highlighting the tension between ambition and moral duty.

Suggestions

Draw clearer connections between his actions and the screenplay's central themes.
Introduce the consequences of his attitudes on both a personal and societal level.

Follow-up Questions

How does his presence throughout the story inform its thematic depth?
In what ways does he serve as an embodiment of political challenges faced by the protagonist?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 5

Governor Hopper’s character engages the audience emotionally through his complex motivations and moral failings. His relationships and decisions often resonate with viewers, eliciting both frustration and empathy as they follow his attempts to navigate relentless political pressures.

Emotional Impact: Evokes tension and frustration through manipulation and moral ambiguity.

Suggestions

Add contrasting emotional moments to deepen audience engagement.
Highlight his internal struggles to generate empathy, even amidst his flaws.

Follow-up Questions

What moments in the screenplay most powerfully convey his emotional depth?
How can we create opportunities for the audience to feel conflicted about Hopper?

Personality Types

MBTI: estj

Hopper displays strong organization, a focus on duties and responsibilities, and an inclination to lead and control situations.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: entj (75%)

Suggestions

Integrate more structured responses to challenges he faces.
Show moments where he prioritizes efficiency over ideals.

Follow-up Questions

How does his ESTJ personality affect his interactions with Jefferson?
In what ways does his personality type shape political decisions he makes?

Enneagram: type 3 (achiever)

Hopper’s character demonstrates a keen focus on success and may prioritize appearances and reputation over authenticity.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 6 (loyalist) (70%)

Suggestions

Provide moments that highlight the contrast between his public persona and private self.
Include opportunities that push Hopper to confront his insecurities.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments reveal his core fears and motivations?
How might his enneagram type influence his relationships, specifically with his children?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (2)

In the scenes leading to the gubernatorial meeting to appoint a new senator, where his political maneuvering and pressure from Taylor are effectively highlighted.

Why: It portrays his complexities and the moral dilemmas he faces, showcasing the pressures of political machinations.

Weakest Scene (4)

In the dining room scene, where Hopper struggles with his family's frustrations over his political dealings.

Why: This scene highlights his lack of personal connection and vulnerability against familial expectations but feels repetitive in exposition.

Suggestions:

Increase emotional stakes by escalating the family's conflict with him.
Create a breakthrough moment to reveal deeper aspects of his character.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Political Corruption (25%)

The film extensively portrays political corruption and the lengths corrupt politicians will go to maintain their power and influence. For example, Senator Paine is willing to frame Jeff for corruption in order to keep his own secrets hidden. Taylor is willing to manipulate public opinion through the media and use violence to discredit Jefferson.

This is a harsh indictment of the political system and a warning about the dangers of corruption.

Strengthening Political Corruption:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Scene - Scene 3	Add a scene where Hubert Hopper confronts Governor Taylor and Senator Paine, strongly objecting to the appointment of Horace Miller to the Senate and expressing concern about the Willet Creek Dam project. This scene would amplify the tension between characters and underscore the political dynamics at play.
Dialogue - Scene 3	Rewrite Taylor's dialogue to be more manipulative and threatening towards Governor Hopper during their discussion about the Senate appointment. Make it clear that Taylor is willing to withdraw his support if Hopper does not comply with his demands.
Story Arc - Scene 4	Develop the subplot involving the New Citizens' Committee and their efforts to support Henry Hill as a candidate for the Senate. Expand on their motivations and concerns, highlighting the growing divide between political factions.
Character Arc - Scene 4	Emphasize Hubert Hopper's internal struggle as he debates appointing Jefferson Smith as the Senate candidate. Show him wrestling with his own values, political pressures, and the desires of his family members.
Visual - Scene 5	Incorporate a striking visual element into the scene where Hubert Hopper visits Jefferson Smith's home, such as a montage of children actively engaging in various activities. This would visually underscore the vibrancy and energy of Smith's household and reinforce the contrast with the stuffy political world.

The Importance of Idealism (20%)

Jefferson Smith's idealism is a major force throughout the film. He believes in the power of democracy and the importance of fighting for what is right, even when it is difficult. His idealism inspires others to stand up for what they believe in, even when it is unpopular.

The film suggests that idealism is essential for a healthy democracy.

The Power of the Media (15%)

The film explores the power of the media to shape public opinion. Taylor and McGann use the media to discredit Jefferson Smith and suppress news about his filibuster. The kids use the media to counter Taylor's propaganda and get the truth out to the people.

The film suggests that the media can be a powerful force for good or evil, and that it is important to be aware of the media's influence.

The Importance of Civic Engagement (15%)

Jeff Smith's fight is ultimately successful because he is able to rally the public to his cause. This shows the importance of civic engagement and the power of ordinary citizens to make a difference.

This film is a call to action, encouraging viewers to get involved in politics and make their voices heard.

The Importance of Standing Up for What You Believe In (10%)

Jefferson Smith's fight is a reminder that it is important to stand up for what you believe in, even when it is difficult. This is a valuable lesson for everyone, regardless of their age or background.

This film is an inspiration to anyone who has ever felt like giving up on their dreams.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."

Scene by Scene Emotions

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goal evolves from maintaining control and power in a challenging political environment to standing up for his beliefs and integrity in the face of corruption and betrayal.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goal evolves from navigating political appointments and decisions to fighting against corruption and injustice and clearing his name.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between political power and personal integrity, with the protagonist facing challenges regarding truth, justice, and honesty in a corrupt political system.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's goals and internal conflict contribute to his growth as he learns to stand up for what is right and maintain his integrity in the face of adversity.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The shifting goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates political challenges and personal dilemmas.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of political power, corruption, and personal integrity deepens the thematic analysis of truth, justice, and the struggle for moral values in a complex and deceptive world.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Death in the Night	Agitated, Urgent, Sarcastic, Anxious	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	6	7	9	8	8	8
2 - The Senate Appointment	Tense, Suspenseful, Conspiratorial	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
3 - The Governor's Dilemma	Tense, Manipulative, Desperate	8	8	8	9	9	7	8	7.5	9	8	9	8	8	7	9	9	8.5	8	8
4 - Family Dynamics and Political Decision-Making	Tense, Emotional, Sarcastic, Desperate	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
5 - A Visit to the Smith Home	Curious, Amazed, Startled, Excited, Friendly	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	6	7	5	7	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
6 - The Surprise Appointment	Sarcastic, Agitated, Surprised, Nervous, Proud	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	7	9	8	6	9	9	9	8	8
7 - Jefferson Smith's Acceptance Speech and Farewell	Hopeful, Nostalgic, Reflective	9	8	9	9	9	7	8	7	4	7	6	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
8 - Arrival in Washington D.C.	Light-hearted, Sarcastic, Playful	8	7	7	9	9	5	8	7	6	7	5	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
9 - Capitol Dome and a Missing Jeff	Sarcastic, Anxious, Humorous, Confused	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	8	6	8	9	9	8	8
10 - Exploring Washington's Legacy	Sarcastic, Agitated, Reverent, Awed, Solemn	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
11 - Unexpected Visitors	Sarcastic, Excited, Resigned, Sincere, Anxious	8	7	8	9	8	7	8	7.5	8	7	7	8	8	7	9	9	8.5	8	8
12 - Jefferson's Hotel Dilemma	Excitement, Impatience, Amusement, Sarcasm	8	7	8	8	9	6	8	7	6	7	5	7	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
13 - Apartment Antics and Political Turmoil	Sarcastic, Angry, Impatient, Excited	8	7	8	9	9	6	8	7	8	7	8	9	8	7	9	9	9	8	8
14 - Jeff's Interview and McGann's Mishap	Light-hearted, Sarcastic, Playful	8	8	7	9	8	5	8	7	6	7	5	7	7	6	7	9	8	8	8
15 - Jefferson Arrives in Washington	Sarcastic, Humorous, Serious	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
16 - Jefferson's Swearing-In Ceremony	Serious, Tense, Excited	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	6	7	8	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
17 - Jefferson's Senate Swearing-In and Press Club Brawl	Sarcastic, Agitated, Bitter, Calm	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	9	8	8	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
18 - The Confrontation	Bitter, Tense, Contemptuous, Elated	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	9	8	7	8	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
19 - Jefferson's Awkward Apology	Humorous, Reflective, Awkward	8	7	7	9	9	5	8	7	5	6	4	6	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
20 - An Eager Senator	Serious, Informative, Frustrated	8	9	7	9	7	6	8	7	6	7	6	8	7	5	8	9	8	8	8
21 - Drafting the Liberty Camp Bill	Inspiring, Reflective, Passionate	9	9	8	8	9	7	9	8	6	7	7	7	7	8	8	9	9	9	9
22 - Bridging the Divide	Enthusiastic, Reflective, Curious, Playful	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	4	6	5	7	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
23 - The Introduction of the Willet Creek Bill	Tense, Serious, Humorous	8	7	8	9	7	6	8	7	6	7	7	8	8	7	8	9	8	8	8
24 - The National Boys' Camp Proposal	Excitement, Playful, Nervous, Embarrassed, Frustration	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
25 - Senator Smith Prepares for an Event	Excited, Playful, Awkward, Nervous	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	5	7	4	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
26 - Uncomfortable Confessions	Light-hearted, Reflective, Humorous	8	7	7	9	9	6	8	7	4	6	3	6	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
27 - A Mother's Fear	Sarcastic, Reflective, Playful, Emotional	8	7	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	8	8	8	9	8	8	8
28 - Revealing the Dam Plan	Intense, Confrontational, Emotional	8	8	8	8	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
29 - Departure and Deliberation	Tense, Confrontational, Manipulative	8	8	8	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	7	8	9	8	8	8
30 - The Deal	Tense, Emotional, Confrontational	8	8	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	9	9	9
31 - Paine's Accusation	Tense, Anxious, Accusatory, Shocking, Relieved	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
32 - The Accusation and Defense	Accusatory, Tense, Dramatic, Confrontational	8	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	9	9
33 - Jefferson's Hearing	Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful	8	8	9	9	8	7	8	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	9	9	9
34 - Paine's Desperate Plea	Emotional, Intense, Tense	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	9	9	9	8	8	8
35 - A Call to Action	Hopeful, Emotional, Inspiring, Serious	9	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	8	8	8	8	8	9	8	9	9	9	9
36 - Confrontation in the Senate Chamber	Tense, Emotional, Defiant, Hopeful	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
37 - Senate Floor Showdown: Smith Defies Expulsion	Intense, Confrontational, Defiant	9	8	9	9	9	8	9	8	10	8	10	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	8
38 - Tumultuous Senate Hearing: Jefferson Defies Accusations	Intense, Confrontational, Emotional	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	9	9	9	9	8.5	8	8
39 - The Filibuster Begins	Intense, Tense, Dramatic	9	9	9	9	8	8	8	9	9	8	9	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
40 - Media Manipulation	Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Emotional	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	9	9	8	9	9	7	9	9	9	9	8	8
41 - Tensions Rise Amid Filibuster	Tense, Serious, Confrontational	9	9	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	9	9	8	8
42 - Jefferson's Filibuster: A Fight for Democracy	Passionate, Defiant, Inspiring, Resolute	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	9	9	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
43 - Suppression and Resistance	Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional	9	8	9	8	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
44 - Protest Against Jeff Smith's Filibuster	Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional	9	9	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
45 - The Stop Smith Campaign Turns Violent	Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Chaotic	9	9	9	9	8	7	8	9	9	9	9	9	8	8	8	9	8	8	8
46 - Jefferson's Collapse and Paine's Desperation	Intense, Emotional, Tense, Dramatic	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	9	9	9	8	10	8	9	8	8	8
47 - Triumphant Vindication	Passionate, Intense, Emotional, Tense, Hopeful	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	8	9	9	9	8.5	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Strong character development
Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Compelling plot twists

Scene Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of significant character development
Some dialogue may be overly dramatic
Potential lack of immediate conflict or tension
Lack of high stakes or intense conflict

Suggestions

Focus on making dialogue more natural and grounded in character motivations
Brainstorm ways to increase the emotional impact of key scenes
Look for opportunities to develop characters more fully, especially those who appear to lack complexity
Consider adding more layers of conflict or tension to key scenes in order to heighten their impact
Experiment with different ways of raising the stakes in order to make the story more engaging

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay is set in various locations in Washington, D.C., including the Capitol Building, the Senate Chamber, and the Smith home. The physical environment is often used to reflect the political and social themes of the screenplay. For example, the Capitol Building is a symbol of power and authority, while the Smith home is a symbol of family and community.
Culture: The screenplay depicts a culture of political intrigue and power struggles. The characters are often motivated by their desire for power and influence. The screenplay also explores the tension between idealism and corruption in politics.
Society: The screenplay depicts a hierarchical society in which power is concentrated in the hands of a few. The characters are often divided along lines of class, race, and gender. The screenplay also explores the role of the media in society.
Technology: The screenplay makes use of various technologies, including telephones, telegraphs, and radios. These technologies are often used to communicate information and to control the flow of information. The screenplay also explores the impact of technology on society.
Characters influence: The world elements in the screenplay shape the characters' experiences and actions in a number of ways. For example, the physical environment of Washington, D.C. forces the characters to navigate a complex and often dangerous political landscape. The culture of political intrigue and power struggles forces the characters to make difficult choices about their allegiances and their morals. The hierarchical society of the screenplay forces the characters to confront the realities of power and privilege. The technology of the screenplay allows the characters to communicate and to control the flow of information.
Narrative contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the narrative in a number of ways. For example, the physical environment of Washington, D.C. provides a backdrop for the political and social conflicts that drive the plot. The culture of political intrigue and power struggles creates a sense of suspense and urgency. The hierarchical society of the screenplay creates a sense of tension and conflict. The technology of the screenplay allows the characters to communicate and to control the flow of information, which drives the plot forward.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay in a number of ways. For example, the physical environment of Washington, D.C. reflects the themes of power and corruption. The culture of political intrigue and power struggles explores the theme of the conflict between idealism and corruption. The hierarchical society of the screenplay explores the theme of the struggle for equality and justice. The technology of the screenplay explores the theme of the impact of technology on society.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by a mix of elements, including fast-paced dialogue, sharp wit, political intrigue, and a focus on themes of justice and integrity.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a sense of urgency, tension, and humor, while also exploring complex moral dilemmas and the struggle for power.
Best Representation Scene	7 - Jefferson Smith's Acceptance Speech and Farewell
Best Scene Explanation	This scene effectively encapsulates the writer's voice through its blend of humor, drama, and social commentary. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' motivations and conflicts with clarity and depth.

Style and Similarities

The screenplay is characterized by sharp, fast-paced dialogue that drives the political drama and complex character interactions. The writing style is predominantly characterized by political intrigue, moral dilemmas, and the exploration of power dynamics in both personal and institutional settings.

Style Similarities:

Writer	Explanation
Aaron Sorkin	Aaron Sorkin's writing style is the most prominent throughout the screenplay, with its signature sharp dialogue, political themes, and complex characters. His influence is evident in multiple scenes and contributes significantly to the overall tone and style of the screenplay.
Frank Capra	Frank Capra's influence is noticeable in scenes where themes of idealism, integrity, and the fight against corruption are explored. His style adds a layer of emotional depth and moral complexity to the screenplay.
David Mamet	David Mamet's writing style is evident in scenes featuring tense dialogue, power struggles, and morally ambiguous characters. His influence contributes to the dramatic intensity and high stakes of the screenplay.

Other Similarities: The screenplay effectively blends the styles of multiple notable screenwriters, combining their strengths to create a cohesive and engaging narrative. The screenplay's fast-paced dialogue and political intrigue, along with its exploration of complex moral dilemmas and power dynamics, make for a compelling and thought-provoking cinematic experience.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Intense Scenes
Dialogue-Driven Scenes
Emotional Rollercoaster
Comedic Relief
Dramatic Climax

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The analyzed scenes showcase the writer's strong foundation in crafting engaging political dramas with well-developed characters, sharp dialogue, and intricate conflicts. The writer effectively conveys complex themes and moral dilemmas, creating scenes that are both thought-provoking and emotionally resonant.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue

Several scenes highlight the writer's ability to write dialogue that is engaging, authentic, and reveals character motivations. However, some scenes could benefit from further refinement to enhance the emotional depth and dramatic tension.

Pacing

While the scenes generally maintain a good pace, a few could benefit from adjusting the timing and flow of dialogue and action to create a more dynamic and immersive experience for the audience.

Character Development

The writer creates compelling characters with clear motivations and conflicts. However, some characters could benefit from additional depth and exploration of their backstory and inner struggles to make them more relatable and well-rounded.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Book	Read 'All the President's Men' by William Goldman or 'The West Wing' scripts by Aaron Sorkin	These materials offer valuable insights into crafting compelling political dramas, character development, and dialogue in a political context.
Video	Watch films or TV shows with strong political storylines and character interactions, such as 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington' or 'The Ides of March'	Visual examples can provide inspiration and help the writer analyze effective storytelling techniques in political narratives.
Exercise	Practice writing dialogue-driven scenes with conflicting motivations and high stakesPractice In SceneProv	This exercise helps refine dialogue skills, create tension, and develop compelling character interactions.
Exercise	Develop detailed character profiles for each character, exploring their backstory, motivations, and relationshipsPractice In SceneProv	This exercise deepens the writer's understanding of their characters, making them more authentic and relatable.
Exercise	Analyze the pacing of successful political dramas, paying attention to the timing and flow of dialogue and actionPractice In SceneProv	This exercise helps the writer improve their sense of pacing and create scenes that are both engaging and impactful.

Additional Notes: The writer demonstrates a strong grasp of the political drama genre and has the potential to create compelling and thought-provoking stories. With continued practice and refinement, the writer can further enhance their storytelling skills and craft even more impactful screenplays.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Political Intrigue	The screenplay involves political figures engaging in manipulation, power struggles, and backroom deals to achieve their goals.	Political intrigue is a common trope in movies and TV shows that involve political settings, where characters use deception, manipulation, and scheming to gain power or achieve their objectives. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'House of Cards,' where the main character, Frank Underwood, engages in various political intrigues to climb the ranks in Washington.
Underdog Hero	The screenplay features a protagonist who is initially underestimated or dismissed but ultimately rises to the occasion and becomes a hero.	The underdog hero trope is a classic storytelling device where a seemingly ordinary or unassuming character overcomes challenges and obstacles to emerge as a hero. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Rocky,' where the titular character, an underdog boxer, defies the odds to become a champion.
Corruption	The screenplay involves themes of corruption within political systems, where characters engage in unethical or illegal activities for personal gain.	Corruption is a common trope in stories that explore political settings, showcasing how power can lead to moral decay and unethical behavior. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Godfather,' where the characters engage in corrupt practices to maintain their criminal empire.
Filibuster	The screenplay includes a dramatic filibuster scene where a character speaks at length to delay or prevent a vote on a particular issue.	The filibuster trope is often used in political dramas to create tension and drama, as characters engage in lengthy speeches to stall or block legislative actions. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,' where the protagonist filibusters to expose corruption in the Senate.
Redemption Arc	The screenplay features a character who undergoes a transformation from a negative or flawed state to a positive or heroic one.	The redemption arc trope is a common narrative device where a character who starts off as flawed or morally compromised experiences growth and change, ultimately redeeming themselves. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Breaking Bad,' where the protagonist, Walter White, goes from a mild-mannered teacher to a ruthless drug lord before seeking redemption.
Media Manipulation	The screenplay involves characters using the media to shape public opinion, spread misinformation, or control narratives.	Media manipulation is a common trope in stories that explore political intrigue, where characters use the media to further their agendas and influence public perception. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Wag the Dog,' where characters fabricate a war to distract the public from a political scandal.
Family Dynamics	The screenplay includes scenes that explore the relationships and interactions within a family, showcasing conflicts, support, and emotional moments.	Family dynamics is a common trope in storytelling, where the relationships between family members drive the narrative and provide insight into characters' motivations and behaviors. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'This Is Us,' which delves into the complex dynamics of a multi-generational family.
Betrayal	The screenplay features characters who betray each other, breaking trust and causing conflict within the narrative.	Betrayal is a common trope in stories that involve complex relationships and power struggles, where characters deceive or turn against each other for personal gain or survival. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Departed,' where characters betray each other in a web of lies and deception.
Hero's Journey	The screenplay follows the classic hero's journey structure, where the protagonist embarks on an adventure, faces challenges, undergoes transformation, and returns changed.	The hero's journey is a well-known storytelling trope popularized by Joseph Campbell, where the protagonist goes through a series of stages, including the call to adventure, trials, and the return with the elixir. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Star Wars,' where Luke Skywalker follows the hero's journey to become a Jedi Knight.
Power Struggle	The screenplay involves characters vying for power, influence, or control within a political or social context, leading to conflicts and tensions.	Power struggle is a common trope in stories that explore themes of ambition, competition, and authority, where characters compete for dominance or leadership roles. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Game of Thrones,' where various factions engage in power struggles to claim the Iron Throne.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
42	Jefferson: I'm either right or crazy. And I feel fine.
46	Jefferson Smith: I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don't know about lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for, and he fought for them once, for the only reason that any man ever fights for them. Because of just one plain, simple rule, 'Love thy neighbor,' and in this world today, full of hatred, a man who knows that one rule has a great trust.
42	Jefferson: I'm either right or crazy. And I feel fine.
42	Jefferson: I'm either right or crazy. And I feel fine.
42	Jefferson: I'm either right or crazy. And I feel fine.

Some Loglines to consider:

Amid political pressure, Jefferson Smith is appointed to a vacant Senate seat and challenges the dishonesty of the press, leading to deadly consequences.
Smith's ambitious plans for a National Boys' Camp causes a political stir, resulting in accusations of shady dealings and a defense of his beliefs on democracy and education.
Smith's allies support him during his filibuster against corrupt politicians, leading to a small victory after a public confession.
Governor Hopper faces immense pressure from key political figures to appoint Horace Miller to a vacant Senate seat, but Smith emerges from the shadows to take the position amidst controversy.
Smith's unwavering defense of his beliefs on democracy and education culminates in a heated confrontation with corrupt politicians, bringing the truth to light and sparking a small victory for his cause.

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"MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON"

Screenplay by

Sidney Buchman

Story by

Lewis R. Foster

The CAPITOL DOME at Washington fades in. It is night, and
the dome is flooded in light.

This view dissolves to the exterior of a Newspaper Office
WINDOW, seen at night. The letters on the window, illuminated
by a street light, are picked out with increasing
distinctness. They read: WASHINGTON POST-DISPATCH. This
dissolves into the NIGHT CITY EDITOR'S OFFICE, where a
lethargic, eyeshaded man behind a desk reaches for the
telephone which is ringing.

EDITOR
(mechanically)
Desk--
(Then, perking up)
What?

Inside a PHONE BOOTH in a Hospital Corridor, where a nurse
seated at the corridor desk is visible through the glass
doors of the booth, a man is telephoning:

REPORTER
Senator Samuel Foley--dead. Died a
minute ago--here at St. Vincent's.
At the bedside was state political
sidekick, Senator Joseph Paine--

And we see the HOSPITAL OFFICE where Senator Joseph Paine, a
trim, rather dignified man of fifty-eight, occupying the
desk of the nurse who stands by, is talking rapidly and
agitatedly into a phone.

PAINE
(into the phone)
Long distance? Senator Joseph Paine
speaking. I want the Governor's
residence at Jackson City--Governor
Hubert Hopper. Hurry--

The scene dissolves into a skimming view of TELEPHONE WIRES
strung over a vast distance--and then into the BEDROOM of
Governor and Mrs. Hopper, where the Governor and his wife
are found in their twin beds, the room darkened. The buzzer
is sounding. Mrs. Emma Hopper, wife of the Governor, sits
bolt upright in the dark.
EMMA
(a shrew)
I knew it! I knew a night's rest
wasn't possible in this house!
(As the buzzer is
heard again)
Hubert!

HUBERT
(waking with a start,
bewildered)
Wha--? Yes, sweetheart-- Wha--?

EMMA
That infernal phone!

HUBERT
Yes, yes--phone, phone--
(Fumbling for the
light)
A--an outrage, pet--an outrage--I'll
look into this--
(Seizing the phone)
Hello--Joe!--What!--No! Not really!
Terrible!

EMMA
What is it?

In the HOSPITAL ROOM, we see Paine on the phone.

PAINE
It couldn't have come at a worse
time. Call Jim Taylor. Tell him I'm
taking a plane tonight for home.

In GOVERNOR HOPPER'S BEDROOM:

HUBERT
(on the phone)
Yes, Joe, yes--right away.
(He hangs up--then
lifts the receiver
again and begins to
dial)

EMMA
What is it?

HUBERT
Sam Foley--dead!

EMMA
Great saints!

HUBERT
Of all the times! Of all the times!
Two months to the end of his term--
and Foley has to go and die on us--

EMMA
Whom are you calling--in the dead of
night?

HUBERT
Taylor, my dear.

EMMA
Can't that wait, Hubert?

HUBERT
No, no--believe me, pet--this is
*most* urgent--
(Into the phone)
Hello, hello. Is Taylor there?--
Governor Hopper. Quickly, please--

EMMA
This isn't a home, it's the crossroads
of the world!

HUBERT
Now, now, Emma, dear--you mustn't
forget we have been chosen by the
people of this commonwealth to--

EMMA
(sharply)
Save that for the laying of
cornerstones, Hubert!
(Groaning)
Oh, that morning you looked in the
mirror and saw a statesman!

HUBERT
Now, pet--
(Then, excitedly into
the phone)
Jim!

In political boss TAYLOR'S ROOM, we see JIM TAYLOR, a hard-
bitten, taciturn, impressive man in his fifties. At the
moment, he stands at a phone, in vest and rolled up sleeves,
a cigar between his fingers. Behind him, in a smoke-filled
room, man are seated at a card table from which Taylor
evidently has just risen.

TAYLOR
What's up, Happy?

In HOPPER'S BEDROOM:

HUBERT
Sam Foley--died tonight in Washington.
Joe just called. Can you imagine
anything more--?

In TAYLOR'S ROOM:

TAYLOR
Died, huh? Well, take it easy, Happy.
Is Paine coming?--Good. Keep your
shirt on--and your mouth shut. No
statements.

In HOPPER'S BEDROOM:

HUBERT
(into the phone)
Y-yes, Jim--Yes--

And now flashing on the screen are NEWSPAPER HEADLINES of
the following morning--announcing Foley's death--and finally
such headlines as:

SUCCESSOR TO FOLEY
TO BE NAMED BY GOVERNOR

APPOINTEE WILL FILL OUT
UNEXPIRED TERM OF TWO MONTHS

HOPPER'S CHOICE
FOR VACANT SENATE CHAIR
EAGERLY AWAITED

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Agitated, Urgent, Sarcastic, Anxious

Summary Senator Foley's sudden death triggers an urgent response from Senator Paine and Governor Hopper. Jim Taylor advises caution as newspaper headlines announce Foley's demise, setting the stage for the appointment of his successor.

Strengths

Effective setup of central conflict
Sharp dialogue
High level of conflict and tension

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of significant character development

General Critique

The scene opens with a strong visual of the Capitol Dome in Washington at night, setting the tone for the political drama to follow.
The transition to the newspaper office reporting Senator Foley's death effectively establishes the urgency and importance of the news.
The dialogue between Senator Paine and Governor Hopper conveys the shock and urgency of the situation, but could benefit from more emotional depth and character development.
The interaction between Governor Hopper and his wife adds a touch of humor and humanity to the scene, but could be further developed to show their relationship dynamics.
The phone conversations between Paine, Taylor, and Hopper effectively convey the chain of events and the political implications of Foley's death.
The use of newspaper headlines to provide context and anticipation for the successor being named adds a layer of intrigue and sets up the next steps in the story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional depth and character development to the interactions between Paine, Hopper, and their respective partners to make the scene more engaging.
Explore the dynamics of power and politics further through the dialogue and actions of the characters, highlighting their motivations and conflicts.
Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more descriptive details and imagery to create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
Consider adding subtext and layers of meaning to the dialogue to create intrigue and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and guessing about the characters' true intentions.
Ensure a smooth transition between scenes to maintain the flow of the narrative and keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

The scene dissolves into the GOVERNOR'S OUTER OFFICE, in the
morning. The office is full of people--newspapermen--dignified
citizens--women--all waiting to see the Governor. A group is
collected around the male secretary's desk. Two other desks
are seen with secretaries at them. There is an undertone of
talk.

REPORTER
If His Excellency's statement is
going to make the noon edition--

SECRETARY
Governor Hopper said you would have
it any minute--

An austere gent named Edwards pushes toward the desk.

EDWARDS
(firmly)
Will you please remind the Governor
again--

SECRETARY
He know your committee is waiting,
Mr. Edwards.
(Raising his voice
over the room)
The Governor will see *all* committees
at the first opportunity.

In the GOVERNOR'S PRIVATE OFFICE we see Hubert Hopper and
McGann, the former on the dictagraph, while McGann lounges
in a chair.

HUBERT
(into the dictagraph)
Yes, yes--tell them I'll see them
immediately--immediately!
(Snapping up the
dictagraph, turning
wildly on McGann)
I can't hold them off! They want
something to say about this
appointment. Ten to one they've got
a man.

MCGANN
Relax, Happy. Jim said to wait.

HUBERT
I *can't* wait, McGann! You go into
that room and tell Jim Taylor and
Joe Paine that I give them *one more
minute*--

MCGANN
(quietly)
*You* tell Jim Taylor.

HUBERT
(walking--fuming)
Washington! Always discussing the
problems of Washington. Nobody ever
thinks of the State--and my problems!
(With sudden
determination)
I *will* tell Jim Taylor. It's high
*time* I told him a thing or two!
(He pushes the door
to a small ante room)

In the ANTE-ROOM, Joe Paine and Jim Taylor are on their feet,
as Happy insert his head.

HUBERT
(angrily)
Look here, Jim--if you and Joe are
going to gab about this appointment
*any* longer, I'm going ahead and
see those committees!

TAYLOR
(sharply)
You'll see those committees when
we're finished!

HUBERT
(meekly)
Yes, Jim.

Hubert retires, closing the door. Jim Taylor turns back to
Paine.

TAYLOR
That Happy Hopper is tougher to handle
than a prima-donna.

PAINE
--in other words, Jim--with this
Willet Creek Dam on the fire--the
man who goes to the Senate now in
Sam Foley's place can't ask any
questions or talk out of turn. We
must be absolutely sure of him.

TAYLOR
That's why I say Miller--Horace
Miller. He jumped through hoops for
the machine before we moved him up
to the bench. He'll take orders.

PAINE
Jim--suppose we didn't try to go
through with this Willet Creek Dam--
suppose we postpone it until the
next session of Congress--or drop it
altogether--

TAYLOR
That'd be a crime--after all this
work--getting it buried in this
Deficiency Bill as nice as you please--
approved--all ready to roll--

PAINE
How much does the Willet Dam mean to
you, Jim?

TAYLOR
Joe--I've got a lot of people to
take care of in this State.

PAINE
I know, but is it worth the risk of
a scandal now that a new man is going
to the Senate?

TAYLOR
Joe--what's the matter with you--
where you're concerned, I wouldn't
take the slightest risk--'specially
now after the great reputation you've
made in the Senate. Why, look at
this campaign I've started for you
in all my papers. You're the logical
man from the West on the National
ticket--at the convention, anything
can happen--

There is a pause while Joe looks at a newspaper.

TAYLOR
Joe, that's coming a long way in
twenty years since I met you
practising law down there in Main
Street.

PAINE
Jim--if what you say about the future
is remotely possible--why not do as
I say--drop things like this dam?

TAYLOR
We can't drop it now, Joe. We bought
the land around this Dam and we're
holding it in dummy names. If we
drop it or delay it--we are going to
bring about investigations, and
investigations will show that we own
that land and are trying to sell it
to the State under phoney names. No,
Joe, in my judgment the only thing
to do is push this Dam through--and
get it over with.

PAINE
Well, then appoint Miller--if you're
sure he'll take orders.

TAYLOR
Don't worry about Horace--he'll take
orders. Come on--

He goes to the door quickly, followed by Paine.

In the GOVERNOR'S PRIVATE OFFICE, as Taylor and Paine barge
in, Happy Hubert throws his hands up.

HUBERT
Well! Thank Heaven!

The dictagraph buzzes.

HUBERT
(shouting into it)
One minute! Just one minute!
TAYLOR
Happy, we've got the man. Horace
Miller!

HUBERT
Horace Mill--!

MCGANN
(leaping up)
Terrific! A born stooge! Horace'll
perform like a trained seal.

Genres: Political Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Conspiratorial

Summary Governor Hopper's office is filled with people waiting to see him. He is under pressure to make a Senate appointment and is meeting with Jim Taylor and Joe Paine to discuss their options. Taylor suggests Horace Miller, a former judge who is known to follow orders, for the position. Paine is hesitant due to concerns about the Willet Creek Dam project, but Taylor insists on pushing it through. Hopper agrees to appoint Miller, much to the delight of McGann, who believes Miller will be a 'born stooge'.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled atmosphere
Complex character dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some characters lack development

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple characters and conversations happening simultaneously, making it confusing for the audience to follow.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters delivering lines that are predictable and lack authenticity.
The scene lacks visual elements and descriptive details to create a vivid and engaging setting, making it feel flat and uninteresting.
The conflict and tension in the scene are not effectively conveyed, leaving the audience disconnected from the urgency and importance of the decision being made.
The character interactions feel superficial and lack emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a central conflict or dilemma that drives the scene and creates tension and stakes for the characters.
Simplify the scene by reducing the number of characters and conversations, allowing for more depth and development in the interactions that remain.
Add visual elements and descriptive details to create a more immersive setting and engage the audience's senses.
Work on improving the authenticity and depth of the dialogue, ensuring that each character's voice is distinct and their motivations are clear.
Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by exploring the internal conflicts and motivations of the characters, making their decisions and actions more impactful and relatable.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

HUBERT
Jim--if I fling a party man like
Horace in the face of those angry
committees--

TAYLOR
Happy, for reasons there isn't time
to go into--it's got to be Miller!
We've given you the man. Now write
the ticket.
(Moving to the door)
Come on, Joe. Come on, Chick.

HUBERT
(following them)
Now, wait fellows--great Heavens.
I've got to see those angry committees
first--feel them out a little--work
for harmony--harmony.

MCGANN
Harmony--and Horace Miller.

The scene dissolves to the GOVERNOR'S OFFICE, full of
committee people, arranged in rows of chairs, closely packed
together. Hubert, at his desk, is addressing them.

HUBERT
(spreading the old
oil)
Gentlemen--in considering the
candidates who might answer to the
high qualifications of United States
Senator--there was one name that
shone out like a beacon--one I'm
sure you will enthusiastically approve--
the Honorable *Horace Miller*.

A minor bedlam breaks loose. Excited men rise and shout.

VOICES
Miller!
Not Horace Miller!
A Taylor Man!
The Veterans will have no part of
him!
A party man! One of Taylor's tools!
Give us a clean man for a change!
The New Citizen's Committee won't
stand for Miller!

HUBERT
(smiling sickly,
wincing)
--please--

The scene dissolves to the GOVERNOR'S LIBRARY in the HOPPER
HOME, at night. Hubert stands troubledly while Taylor, hat
in hand, is tearing into him and McGann just listens.

TAYLOR
They put up *their* candidate? Who?

HUBERT
(swallowing)
Henry Hill.

TAYLOR
*Henry Hill?* That crackpot? That
long-haired--! Why, you should have
killed that so fast--!

HUBERT
I--I couldn't, Jim. Those men were--

TAYLOR
We can't help *what* they were! Forget
'em!

HUBERT
Jim, that bunch is out for blood. If
I throw Horace in their teeth now--

TAYLOR
I said forget 'em! Horace Miller
goes to the Senate--and that settles
it!

HUBERT
I *won't* send Horace Miller!

TAYLOR
*You won't?*

HUBERT
I *won't* let you stand there
callously and perhaps wreck my whole
political future!

TAYLOR
*Your* political future! I bought it
for you and made you a present. And
I can grab it back so fast it'll
make your head spin. You got a nerve
to stand there and worry about just
*your future* when we're in this
spot!
(Starting for the
door)
The man is--*Miller*.

MCGANN
(following Taylor;
adds dryly)
M-i-double l-e-r.

The two are gone, leaving Happy very unhappy. He stands for
a baleful instant. The butler appears.

BUTLER
Mr. Edwards of the Citizen's Committee
on the phone, sir.

HUBERT
(groaning)
No! I'm out. I'm sick. I--I--
(Collapsing)
I'll talk.

He picks up the phone.

HUBERT
(brightening his manner)
*Good* evening, Mr. Edwards... Why,
I have the matter under advisement
this very moment. Now it isn't a
question of my *objecting* to Henry
Hill--

BY A PHONE, Edwards is seen to be in considerable heat.

EDWARDS
(into the phone)
Hill is the man every decent element
wants--and *expects!* It's Henry
Hill, Mr. Governor--or else!

In the GOVERNOR'S LIBRARY, Hubert is seen wincing.

HUBERT
(swallowing)
Yes, Mr. Edwards. Certainly. I shall
bear that in mind. Good night.

He hangs up, a picture of deepening misery, as Emma appears
at the door.

EMMA
Dinner, Hubert.

HUBERT
(absently)
I'll bear that in mind... What? Oh.
Dinner. Pet--my stomach couldn't
hold a bird seed.

EMMA
(leaving)
We're waiting, Hubert.

The scene dissolves to the DINING ROOM. The Hopper family is
seated at dinner. Six children are around the table--four
boys ranging from nine to sixteen, and a couple of in-between
girls. The butler is placing the soup before them.

HUBERT
Really, my dear--I don't feel like a
thing.

EMMA
(over-riding him)
Nonsense.

PETER
("Number Two" son)
What's the matter, Dad? Is it getting
you down?

HUBERT
Is *what* getting me down?

JIMMIE
("Number One" son)
You're in a deuce of a pickle, aren't
you, Pop?

OTIS
("Number Three" son)
Looks like Henry Hill--huh, Pop?

PETER
Naw--it's Horace Miller--or else!

Hubert chokes on his soup.

JIMMIE
Gee, I wouldn't appoint an old twerp
like Horace Miller--Taylor or no
Taylor!

HUBERT
Taylor! May I ask what *Taylor* has
to do with it?

JIMMIE
Well, he's still running the show,
ain't he, Dad?

HUBERT
Emma! I will not have conversations
of this sort carried on by the
children at dinner!

EMMA
Nonsense. Why don't you listen to
your children for a change? You might
actually learn something?

Genres: Political Drama
Tone: Tense, Manipulative, Desperate

Summary Amidst the upcoming Senate race, Governor Hubert faces intense pressure from his allies, Taylor and McGann, to appoint Horace Miller as the candidate. However, concerns raised by various committees and the Citizen's Committee create a dilemma for Hubert. Meanwhile, his children's open criticism of these political decisions during a family dinner further adds to his internal conflict. As Edwards from the Citizen's Committee demands support for Henry Hill, Hubert finds himself torn between his integrity and political ambitions.

Strengths

Strong character dynamics
Tense atmosphere
Compelling dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with characters engaging in disjointed conversations that don't contribute to the overall plot or character development.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with characters delivering lines that don't align with their established personalities or motivations.
There is a lack of emotional depth and conflict resolution in the scene, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters or feel invested in the story.
The scene transitions abruptly between different locations and conversations, creating a sense of disorientation and confusion for the audience.
The scene fails to build tension or suspense, missing an opportunity to engage the audience and keep them interested in the unfolding events.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing clear character motivations and conflicts to drive the scene forward and create a sense of purpose.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's unique voice and perspective.
Introduce more emotional depth and resolution to the conflicts presented in the scene to create a more engaging and impactful narrative.
Improve the scene transitions by providing smoother segues between locations and conversations to maintain coherence and clarity.
Consider adding elements of tension, suspense, and intrigue to captivate the audience and keep them invested in the unfolding drama.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

HUBERT
(with sarcasm)
For instance, how to run the affairs
of government? No doubt my children
could make this appointment *for* me--
with the greatest ease!

JIMMIE
That's easy. Jefferson Smith.

HUBERT
I beg your pardon?

PETER
Jeff Smith. He's the only Senator to
have.

OTIS
Sure. He ought to be President.

LITTLE JACKIE
("Number Four" son)
I like Jeff Smith.

HUBERT
You, too! Fine. Fine. That's everybody
heard from. Forgive my abysmal
ignorance--but I don't know Jefferson
Smith from a--

PETER
Gosh, Pop--head of the Boy Rangers!

HUBERT
Oh, a *boy*!

JIMMY
No, *no*, Pop--Jeff's a *man*! Jeff
Smith! Biggest expert we got on wild
game--and animals--and rocks.

PETER
Yes, and right now he's the greatest
hero we ever had. It's all over the
headlines--

JIMMY
Sure. Didn't you see about the
terrific forest fire all around
Sweetwater?

HUBERT
I did. What about it?

PETER
Well, Jeff put that out himself.

HUBERT
Himself!

JIMMIE
Well--Jeff and the Rangers. He was
out camping with 'em--and they saved
hundreds of people and millions of
dollars--

OTIS
And not one boy even scratched!

JIMMIE
Now, if you really want a Senator--

HUBERT
I do *not* want a Senator. And I do
*not* want any more of this nonsense!
Emma!

EMMA
Why, I think it's very sweet of the
children--

OTIS
He's the greatest *American* we got,
too, Dad. Can tell what George
Washington said--by heart. An' "Boy
Stuff's" got the swellest stuff in
it.

HUBERT
What stuff?

PETER
"Boy Stuff." That's the name of Jeff's
magazine. He prints it.
(Pulling one out of
his pocket excitedly)
Look--here's one--oh, it's great--
*everybody* reads it--all the kids
in the State--a million of 'em. Look,
Pop--let me read you a--
HUBERT
Peter, I'm in no mood to hear childish
prattle!

JIMMY
Prattle!

PETER
You're all wet, Pop! Listen to this:
(Flipping back to a
page)
"What makes a man humane to man--to
give and not to take--to serve and
not to rule--ideals and not deals--
creed and not greed--." How about
*that*?

OTIS
No, *sir*! You couldn't do better,
Dad.

HUBERT
Than what?

OTIS
Jeff for Senator.

HUBERT
(his anger rising)
Emma! Will you *please*--?

PETER
(leaping in on the
attack)
Want to get out of a pickle, don't
you?

OTIS
(leaping right in,
too)
Always looking out for votes, aren't
you?

PETER
Yeah--an' here's fifty thousand kids
with two folks apiece--and *they
vote*!

JIMMIE
(attacking too)
If you want to do yourself some good
in this State, Dad--

OTIS
If you're ever going to stand up
like a man some day and tell Taylor
to go to--
EMMA
Otis!

HUBERT
(rising frantically)
That settles it! I will not be
attacked and belittled by my own
children in my own home! My nerves
are strained to the breaking point!

He throws his serviette down and rushes from the dining-room.

EMMA
Hubert!

LITTLE JANE
Papa's mad, Mama.

The scene dissolves to Hubert Hopper's STUDY, at night. Hubert
is pacing miserably as Emma enters, carrying his dinner on a
plate and setting it down on his desk.

HUBERT
(in quiet, heart-
breaking appeal)
Emma! I'm a man at the end of his
rope.

EMMA
No wonder--without your dinner.

HUBERT
Emma, which is it--Horace Miller or
Henry Hill?

EMMA
(starting out)
Well, your children are very bright--
and *they* say Jefferson Smith.

And Emma, without pausing, passes on out. Hubert is beside
himself, and begins to pace again.

HUBERT
(to himself,
distractedly)
Henry Hill--Horace Miller--Henry
Miller--Horace Hi--uh--Henry--

Then on a desperate impulse, he takes a coin from his pocket
and gets ready to flip.

HUBERT
Heads--Hill. Tails--Miller.

He shuts his eyes and flips. The coin falls on the library
table. He rushes to it. His eyes pop.

The COIN is seen standing on edge, leaned against a small
stack of magazines and papers.

HUBERT is at his wit's end. Then his eyes travel over to the
paper on top of the pile. We see the NEWSPAPER HEADLINE:

GRATEFUL CITIZENS POUR GRATITUDE
ON HERO JEFF SMITH

Hubert stares at this headline, then suddenly, wildly, dashes
for the door.

The scene dissolves to a STREET, at night: a row of simple,
white-frame houses with neatly kept front years and white
picket fences. Street lamps illumine the scene. A limousine
has come to a stop before one HOUSE, JEFFERSON SMITH'S, and
Governor Hubert Hopper is alighting. He pauses to look at
the house, is uncertain for an instant as to whether to go
in or not; then makes up his mind, pushes through the gate
and goes up the walk.

At the DOOR, Hubert pauses again before knocking, but finally
does so. As his knuckles rap on the door, a terrific blast
of band music, blaring instruments badly played. lets go
from inside the house. Hubert, startled out of his wits,
turns to run for his life and makes two steps when the door
is opened; and there stands a smallish, somewhat gray, sweet-
faced little lady (Jeff's Ma). The music goes on, so that
both have to raise their voices above it.

MA
I *thought* I heard... Yes?

HUBERT
Uh--Jefferson Smith's residence?

MA
Yes. Come in.

HUBERT
Is--uh--Jefferson Smith at home?

MA
Certainly. Step right in.

Genres: Drama, Political, Family
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Sarcastic, Desperate

Summary Hubert Hopper, a politician, initially dismisses his children's suggestion to appoint Jefferson Smith, a wildlife expert, as senator. However, the children's enthusiasm and evidence of Smith's heroism sway him. Hubert's indecisiveness leads him to flip a coin, which lands on edge. A newspaper headline praising Smith's heroism prompts him to visit Smith's residence, leaving the outcome of his decision uncertain.

Strengths

Strong character development
Tension-filled dialogue
Blend of personal and political themes

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Slightly predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene starts with Hubert sarcastically asking his children for advice on a Senate appointment, which sets the tone for the rest of the scene.
The children unanimously suggest Jefferson Smith as the Senator, highlighting his heroic qualities and popularity among children in the state.
Hubert becomes increasingly agitated and leaves the dining room in a fit of anger, showing his lack of control over the situation.
The scene transitions to Hubert's study, where Emma tries to persuade him to listen to his children's suggestion, but Hubert remains indecisive.
Hubert resorts to flipping a coin to make the decision for him, which adds a sense of desperation and lack of leadership on his part.
The coin inexplicably lands on its edge, leaving Hubert at a loss, which seems like a contrived and unrealistic way to make a decision.
Hubert is drawn to a newspaper headline praising Jefferson Smith's heroism, which prompts him to visit Smith's residence, showing a sudden change of heart.
The scene ends with Hubert knocking on Smith's door, startled by the loud band music coming from inside, creating a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider building up the tension and conflict within the family dynamic more gradually to make Hubert's decision-making process more believable.
Instead of relying on a coin flip as a plot device, explore more nuanced ways for Hubert to come to a decision, such as internal conflict or external pressure.
Develop Hubert's character arc more effectively to show his growth and transformation throughout the scene.
Provide more depth to the interactions between Hubert, his children, and Emma to add layers to the emotional dynamics of the scene.
Consider foreshadowing Hubert's eventual decision to visit Smith's residence earlier in the scene to make the transition more seamless and organic.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

In the SITTING ROOM of the Smith Home, a neat, cozy room,
there are about twenty kids, ranging from nine to fifteen,
imitating a band. An older boy is leading them. They are of
all descriptions of dress; some in poor clothes--one with
his leg in a brace. Hubert edges into the room dumbfounded.

MA
(loudly above the
music)
I'll call Jeff. He's back in the
shop--

She starts across the room. Hubert remains, disconcerted by
the music. Suddenly, he looks off into the adjoining room
with curious interest--and also to escape the music, he moves
toward it.

The adjoining room the Hubert enters is an OFFICE. It contains
everything from a roll-top desk crammed with mail, to a small
power printing press--to short-wave radio equipment. It is a
beehive of activity, with some eight or ten boys working
like the seven dwarfs--printing cards on the press--tying
copies of "Boy Stuff" into bundles--tinkering with the short-
wave set. Hubert is set back on his heels by this unexpected
sight. He notes the little placards framed on the wall,
bearing the words of great men, and such admonitions as:
"When there's an edge--give it to the other fellow." "When a
man dies he clutches in his hands only that which he has
given away during his lifetime--" --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
"No man is good enough to govern another."--Abraham Lincoln.
"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your
grandfather was." He notes the boys working at the radio--
others working at the desk--while all the time, the little
power press goes on. Suddenly Ma returns, followed by
Jefferson Smith--fine looking, rangy, youthful--at the moment
wiping some white substance from his right hand.

JEFFERSON
Good evening, sir. I was just making
some--
(Then, astoundedly)
Governor Hopper!

MA
Well--I'll go to Halifax!

Suddenly great excitement ensues.

JEFFERSON
Boys! Attention! Governor Hopper!

The little fellows drop what they are doing and come to
attention while Jeff dives for a chair and whips it around.

HUBERT
Now--now--please--that's quite all
right. Relax, boys--

JEFFERSON
(at attention)
This--this is a great honor, sir. I--
I--

HUBERT
Not at all. I've come to pay you a
personal and official--and I might
say--a *tardy* tribute, Mr. Smith,
for your recent heroic conduct.

JEFFERSON
Oh, now, I'm afraid that's been
exaggerated some--

HUBERT
No. No. A signal service to the State.
Yes, indeed. And not only that but--
uh--I've heard of your excellent
work in leading and guiding our youth--

JEFFERSON
Well--that's not work, sir--that's
fun.

HUBERT
No doubt. No doubt. And this fine
little paper--"Boy Stuff"--with, I
dare say, an *enormous* circulation
in the State.

MA
Well--it started with a little
mimeograph sheet--and it's just grown
out of all sense and reason--

HUBERT
Excellent! Excellent! My boy, I'm
convinced our State has a great debt
of gratitude to you--

JEFFERSON
Oh, now--

MA
Jefferson--

JEFFERSON
Yes, Ma?

MA
Excuse me for interrupting, Governor,
but--
(To Jeff)
--that plaster's gonna harden any
second, son.

JEFFERSON
(on edge)
Gosh! You see sir--I was fixing some
plaster for a cast on Amos' leg--
he's always chewing 'em off. I'll
only be a minute--if you'll excuse
me, sir--

HUBERT
By all means--by all means.

Jeff exits hurriedly.

MA
Maybe you'd like to come along and
watch, Governor? Jefferson's done a
wonderful job with that leg.

HUBERT
Why, of course.

Ma starts out after Jeff--Hubert follows. He descends the
few steps after her.

The PET SHOP, which Ma and Hubert enter, is a crudely built
room, another addition to the house proper. The instant they
set foot inside, the damnedest furore breaks loose--dogs
bark--parrots scream, until Hubert is about to lose his mind.
Jeff is placing his plaster on the center table and is
stepping to one of the cages.

JEFFERSON
(calling)
Jerry! Blackie! Queenie! Let's have
it quiet, fellows!

MA
(calling)
Now, now, now!
(To Hubert)
It's all right, Governor.

She moves toward the table--Hubert following.

HUBERT
A pet shop?

MA
Well, it sort of got to be--from
Jeff just pullin' splinters and things--

Jeff pulls down from a cage Amos, a Siamese monkey, and sets
him on the TABLE. Amos is fighting fiercely. The cast on his
leg hangs down in shreds. Hubert, approaching, is amazed and
startled. Jefferson starts to pull the old cast from Amos'
leg.

JEFFERSON
(to Ma)
Here, Skinny, give me a hand. Hold
Amos' tail down so he can't get it
around my waist.

Ma holds the monkey's tail as directed--or tries to.

JEFFERSON
(to Amos)
Now, now, now--that isn't going to
get you any place. Get a firm grip,
Ma!

MA
Satan's in this little fella tonight!

JEFFERSON
(at work)
Sorry about this, Governor. But it
won't take a minute. You were saying
something in the other room, sir--

HUBERT
Well--yes--I was saying--the State
should reward you--

JEFFERSON
Aw--

HUBERT
--And it is in my power to confer a
very signal honor upon you. In my
official capacity, therefore, I--

JEFFERSON
Ma! Hold him!

MA
I just can't, son--not the head and
tail both!

HUBERT
Uh--could--could I help--?

JEFFERSON
Thanks, Governor--*yes*! Do you mind?
His head--Ma'll take the tail.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Curious, Amazed, Startled, Excited, Friendly

Summary Governor Hubert Hopper visits the Smith home to honor Jefferson for his heroism and work with the youth. He is astonished by the number of children imitating a band in the Sitting Room and impressed by the boys' activities in the Office. Jefferson and Ma return, and Hubert praises Jefferson's work and the paper \"Boy Stuff\\". Jefferson excuses himself to finish making a cast for Amos' leg. Hubert follows Jefferson and Ma into the chaotic Pet Shop, where he offers to help hold Amos' head while Jefferson applies the cast.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Well-developed characters
Unique setting

Weaknesses

Potential lack of immediate conflict or tension

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from the previous scene without a clear connection or buildup, which can be disorienting for the audience.
The introduction of the children imitating a band in the Sitting Room feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene, lacking a clear purpose or relevance to the overall story.
The sudden shift to the Office where the boys are working on various activities is jarring and lacks a smooth transition, making it difficult for the audience to follow the flow of the scene.
The dialogue between Hubert and Ma lacks depth and meaningful interaction, failing to establish a strong emotional connection or convey important information to the audience.
The chaotic and noisy environment in the Pet Shop, with dogs barking and parrots screaming, adds unnecessary confusion and distraction to the scene, detracting from the main interaction between Hubert and Jefferson.
The physical comedy of trying to hold down Amos the monkey while Jefferson applies the cast feels forced and contrived, lacking genuine humor or emotional impact.
The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and meandering without a clear purpose or direction.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and setting that disrupt the flow of the narrative and hinder the audience's engagement.
The character interactions and dynamics are underdeveloped, with superficial dialogue and interactions that fail to deepen the relationships or advance the plot effectively.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Establish a stronger connection between the previous scene and the current one to ensure a smooth transition and maintain continuity in the story.
Clarify the purpose of the children imitating a band and the activities in the Office to ensure they serve a meaningful role in the scene and contribute to the overall narrative.
Streamline the dialogue and interactions between Hubert, Ma, and Jefferson to focus on key plot points and character development, avoiding unnecessary distractions or tangents.
Create a more cohesive and focused environment in the Pet Shop to enhance the interaction between Hubert and Jefferson, minimizing distractions and unnecessary elements.
Introduce a central conflict or tension in the scene to drive the narrative forward and engage the audience, providing a clear direction and purpose for the characters' interactions.
Enhance the humor and emotional depth of the scene by refining the physical comedy elements and character dynamics, ensuring that each interaction serves a specific purpose and contributes to the overall story.
Improve the pacing and structure of the scene to maintain a consistent tone and flow, allowing for a more engaging and coherent storytelling experience.
Deepen the character relationships and interactions to create more meaningful and impactful moments, focusing on authentic dialogue and emotional resonance to connect with the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

HUBERT
The--head?

JEFFERSON
Just get one hand against each ear
there--keep his face straight up.

Hubert timidly does as directed. Amos yells--Hubert almost
lets go.

JEFFERSON
Amos!
(To Governor)
Hold 'im, Governor. That's right.
Cinch him down. Fine--fine--

Jeff starts to put the plaster on.
JEFFERSON
What were you saying, Governor? Sorry.

HUBERT
(determinedly--once
and for all)
I said, sir--in my official capacity--
as an honorary gesture--I appoint
you to the United States Senate!

It does not penetrate to Jeff that instant.

JEFFERSON
Now, Amos, now--
(Then, as Hubert's
words hit)
What?

MA
What?

At this instant, Amos wriggles his head and sinks his teeth
into the soft, white thumb of Governor Hopper.

HUBERT
(yelling)
Ow! He bit me!

He lets go of Amos, who wriggles and is nearly off the table.
Jeff and Ma make a dive for him.

JEFFERSON
(yelling)
Amos! Amos!

And, added to everything else, the pet shop goes up in a
roar.

The scene dissolves to NEWSPAPER HEADLINES, a flaring, eight-
column head reads:

GOVERNOR HOPPER IN SURPRISE APPOINTMENT

And another headline (with picture of Jefferson Smith):

HERO JEFFERSON SMITH
IS GOVERNOR'S SENATE CHOICE

The scene dissolves to the GOVERNOR'S LIBRARY, in the morning.
Taylor, McGann, Hubert and Paine are present.

TAYLOR
(pounding a newspaper
in his hand, yelling
at Happy)
--a *boy ranger* a squirrel chaser--
to the United States Senate!

HUBERT
Jim--the answer to a prayer--manna
from heaven--the man *we want*--and
the votes *we need*--

MCGANN
He's batty!

HUBERT
Listen--the simpleton of all time--a
big-eyed patriot--knows Washington
and Lincoln by heart--stood at
attention in the Governor's presence--
collects stray boys and cats--

TAYLOR
What!

HUBERT
Joe--*you* know what I'm talking
about. The perfect man. Never in
politics in his life. Wouldn't find
out what it's all about in two
*years*, lets alone two months. But
the important thing--and this was
the genius of the stroke--*it means
votes*!

MCGANN
Oh--oh.

HUBERT
He's the hero of fifty thousand boys
and a hundred thousand parents. Look
at these congratulations pouring in!
I tell you, gentlemen, by this one
statesman-like act, I have--

TAYLOR
(deadly)
But you went ahead and made this
appointment without asking me--

HUBERT
Jim--when the lightning hit, I--I
just--

TAYLOR
*But you never asked me*!

HUBERT
(petulantly)
Oh--Jim!

PAINE
Wait a minute, boys. Happy may have
hit on something tremendous here.
Rather than let Miller or anyone
else in at this stage, we simply put
blinders on this simple son of nature--
and turn him loose on monuments.
He's completely out of the way in
Washington, and as Happy says, you
make political capital out of it at
home.

TAYLOR
Joe--do you mean to say--do you think
you can actually *handle* this--this
whatever-you-call-it in Washington?

PAINE
(quietly)
A young patriot?--Who recites
Jefferson and Lincoln?--turned loose
in our nation's capital? I think I
can.

TAYLOR
(after a pause)
Chick--turn the ballyhoo boys loose
on this right away. Greatest
appointment ever made. A banquet--
declare a holiday.

MCGANN
Wow! A star-spangled banquet--and
one of Happy's windy spiels--music--
little kids--the flag--a tear-jerker
from way back--!

The scene dissolves to a MONTAGE, a series of headlines
screaming approval of Happy's choice--pictures of Happy with
Smith--of Happy shaking hands with person after person in
his office--of Jeff Smith surrounded by boys in his home,
cheering him, clustered around--and adults shaking his hand--
of telegrams coming to him in stacks--of, finally at night,
the Boy's Club band in the street, marching to a martial
air, banners at their head reading: "OUR OWN SENATOR JEFFERSON
SMITH."

This dissolves to a BANQUET HALL, in which HOPPER, seen at
close range, in white tie--beaming--on his feet at the banquet
table--is addressing an assemblage.

HUBERT
--in the hands of your Governor lay
the power to confer a great honor--
to raise a man to the high office of
United States Senator. And how did
your Governor confer that honor?
The scene then reveals a great, horseshoe banquet table,
crowded with leading citizens. At Hubert's left and right
sit Jefferson and Ma, Mrs. Hopper and Paine. MA is seen
beaming, while JEFFERSON looks dazed and nervous.

HUBERT'S VOICE
Did he give it to some wealthy or
influential citizen merely to curry
favor? No!
(As Paine is seen
looking down at Jeff)
Did he give it to some unworthy
political hireling? No!

TAYLOR AND MCGANN are seen seated at one of the wing tables--
to be out of sight. McGann raised his eyes to heaven for
relief.

HUBERT'S VOICE
What *did* he do? True to our party's
tradition--

EDWARDS is seen listening skeptically.

HUBERT'S VOICE
--he went down among the people--
(warming to a climax,
the banquet now in
full view)
--and there found--a nugget! A hero!!
That was the spirit your Governor
acted in. And in that spirit we have
come together tonight to acclaim and
bid Godspeed to--Senator Jefferson
Smith.

Genres: Drama, Political, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Agitated, Surprised, Nervous, Proud

Summary Hubert appoints Jefferson to the Senate, causing chaos. Amos bites Hubert's thumb, nearly falling off the table. Jeff's popularity soars.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Humorous elements
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some chaotic scenes may be overwhelming for viewers

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the actions and dialogue, making it difficult to follow the sequence of events.
The transition between Hubert stabilizing Amos' head and the sudden announcement of his Senate appointment is abrupt and confusing.
The dialogue between Hubert and Jefferson feels disjointed and lacks a natural flow, making it hard to understand the significance of the scene.
The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to convey the gravity of the moment when Hubert appoints Jefferson to the Senate.
The visual elements described in the scene could be more vivid and engaging to enhance the reader's understanding and immersion.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the actions and dialogue to ensure a smooth and coherent progression of events.
Add more context and build-up to the moment of Jefferson's Senate appointment to make it more impactful.
Work on the pacing of the scene to create a more engaging and emotionally resonant moment between Hubert and Jefferson.
Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the setting and characters' actions.
Consider adding more depth to the interactions between Hubert and Jefferson to convey the significance of the Senate appointment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Strong applause--people get to their feet--a band blares a
salute. Hubert motions Jeff to get to his feet. Dry-mouthed,
Jeff rises. The noise dies out. They wait.

JEFFERSON
(simply--slowly)
Well--uh--thank you. I--I sort of
have a feeling there's been a big
mistake--I mean--
(as gentle laughter
greets him)
--I--I can't think of a greater honor.
It isn't just mine. It belongs to
all my boys.
(Turning to Paine)
Sitting with a man like Senator Paine--
I can't tell you how much greater
that makes the honor. He and my father
were very dear friends.

PAINE, startled, is seen looking up at Jeff.
JEFFERSON'S VOICE
My father used to tell me that Joseph
Paine was the finest man he ever
knew.

The applause startles Paine. He looks down, two places
removed, to MA, who is leaning over, smiling at him. Her
mouth forms the words: "Hello, Joseph."

We again see the banquet hall in full view, as the applause
stops.

JEFFERSON
I don't think I'll be much help to
you, Senator Paine.
(Laughter from the
audience)
But I *can* promise you this--I'll
uphold the honor with all my might--
I'll do nothing to disgrace the name
of--Senator of the United States.
(He sits down amid a
storm of applause)

TAYLOR AND MCGANN are seen applauding mechanically.

MCGANN
Who'd ever think I'd be back in Sunday
School?

The applause continues in the banquet hall. Then, suddenly,
a band starts to play off scene. All heads turn to the rear
of the hall. The BIG DOORS are pushed open and the Boy's
Club Band--followed by more of Jeff's boys--comes marching
in. The boys range in size from tiny fellows in front--
building back up, row by row, to the larger fellows in rear.
They march into the middle of the table formation. The band
plays a march. The banqueters cheer. JEFFERSON'S eyes are
alight. The boys come to a stop, marking time, until the
band stops. A little fellow--Jackie Hopper--steps to the
front. He is carrying something wrapped up. HUBERT AND EMMA
are seen watching this.

EMMA
(proudly)
Jackie!

TAYLOR AND MCGANN are also watching.

MCGANN
So help me--it's Snow White and a
thousand dwarfs!

There is a silence in the hall as Jackie wets his lips and
addresses Jeff.
JACKIE
(stumbling and nervous
with a memorized
speech)
Senator Jefferson Smith--we are very
proud on this great occas--the Boy
Rangers take this oppor--uh--
(lifts the package)
--in token of their--uh--in token of
this--
(breaking off, ad
libbing)
--It's a briefcase, Jeff! All the
kids pitched in! It's for to carry
your laws when you get there!

He rushes forward and pushes the gift into Jeff's hands. The
banqueters then applaud vigorously. Jeff, speechless and
touched, stands holding the briefcase. The band strikes up
"Auld Lang Syne." Everyone stands up, and joins the song.
Paine moves from his place over to Ma.

Ma is seen singing--as Paine comes to her side. She stops
singing. They shake hands warmly. Then Paine, looking at
Jeff, pantomimes: "Is that the little shaver I knew when he
was this high?" Ma nods. She starts to sign again, and we
get another full view of the hall. The song is sung earnestly
by the boys, the banqueters joining it.

JEFFERSON has opened the BRIEFCASE and is staring at it. It
is seen to be inscribed:

SENATOR JEFFERSON SMITH
OUR BEST RANGER--OUR BEST PAL

JEFF is looking off at the boys--his eyes a little dim; this
is the most wonderful moment of his life.

This dissolves to a Washington-bound TRAIN, on which we see
Jefferson and Senator Paine. Jefferson is fishing out of his
briefcase a copy of "Boy Stuff."

JEFFERSON
Well, it isn't much, but if you
insist, here's this week's.
(He hands it over)

PAINE
(examining it)
"Boy Stuff." Why, printer's ink runs
in your veins, Jeff. You're just
like your father.

JEFFERSON
Thank you, sir.

PAINE
Even to the hat. Same old dreamer,
too. One look at you and I can see
him, back of his old roll top desk,
hat and all, getting out his paper.
Always kept his hat on his head so
as to be ready to do battle. Clayton
Smith, editor and publisher, and
champion of lost causes.

JEFFERSON
Yeah, Dad always used to say the
only causes worth fighting for were
lost causes.

PAINE
You don't have to tell me Jeff. We
were a team, the two of us, a
struggling editor and a struggling
lawyer. The twin champions of lost
causes, they used to call us.

JEFFERSON
Ma's told me about it a thousand
times.

PAINE
His last fight was his best, Jeff.
He and his little four-page paper
against that mining syndicate and
all to defend the right of one small
miner who stuck to his claim. You
know, they tried everything, bribery,
intimidation, then--well--

JEFFERSON
Yes, Ma found him slumped over his
desk that morning...

PAINE
Shot in the back. I was there. I can
see him at that old roll top desk,
still with his hat on... still with
his hat on...

JEFFERSON
I know. I suppose, Mr. Paine, when a
fellow bucks up against a big
organization like that, one man by
himself can't get very far, can he?

PAINE
No.

The scene fades out.

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Hopeful, Nostalgic, Reflective

Summary Jeff hesitantly gives his acceptance speech, crediting his Boy Rangers and Senator Paine. The Boy Rangers surprise him with a gift briefcase, and the banquet guests sing "Auld Lang Syne." Jeff reminisces with Senator Paine about his father, an editor and champion of lost causes, as they travel to Washington.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Thematic richness

Weaknesses

Limited focus on immediate conflict
Potential lack of suspense

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, leading to a lack of emotional impact on the audience. It jumps between different elements without a cohesive thread to tie them together.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially in Jefferson's speech. It lacks authenticity and depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The transition from the banquet hall to the train scene feels abrupt and disjointed, leaving the audience confused about the sequence of events.
The emotional moments, such as the gift of the briefcase and the singing of 'Auld Lang Syne,' lack depth and sincerity. They come across as superficial and fail to evoke genuine emotion.
The interaction between Jefferson and Senator Paine on the train lacks subtlety and nuance. The dialogue feels heavy-handed and overly expository, diminishing the impact of their conversation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a central theme or message for the scene to give it a clear direction and emotional resonance.
Rewrite the dialogue to be more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations. Add depth and nuance to their interactions.
Smooth out the transition between the banquet hall and the train scene to create a more seamless flow of events.
Enhance the emotional moments by adding layers of complexity and sincerity. Allow the characters to express genuine emotions and vulnerabilities.
Refine the interaction between Jefferson and Senator Paine on the train to make it more subtle and engaging. Show their dynamic and relationship through actions and subtext.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

In the TRAIN SHED (Washington D.C.), we see McGann, Paine,
Jefferson, Porters and bags.
JEFFERSON
Washington!

MCGANN
Yeah, for the fifth time, Senator--
Washington.

JEFFERSON
My pigeons--I better see about my
pigeons.

MCGANN
The porter's got them. They're coming.

JEFFERSON
(running out)
Just a minute, I better make sure.

MCGANN
(to Paine)
Boy! My head's like a balloon--for
two whole days. I never knew there
was so much American history.

PAINE
(kidding)
You can't find it in racing forms,
Chick.

MCGANN
Fine thing Jim Taylor wished on me--
show him the monuments--I need this
job like I need ten pounds.

Jeff comes back carrying the pigeons.

JEFFERSON
Here they are--I got them. They are
all right.

MCGANN
Well, that ends that crisis. This
way, Senator.

They exit.

At the STATION: Jeff, McGann, Paine and Porters walk in.
Susan Paine and three other girls rush in and kiss Paine and
Jeff. The girls carry little cans or boxes with milk fund
ribbons on them--in which they collect money.

GIRLS
Hello, Father.
I saw him first.
He's mine---
Jeff is utterly confused by the four girls trying to kiss
him.

PAINE
Here, here, Susan--this is Jeff Smith--
our new Senator.

SUSAN
I don't care to meet anybody until I
get paid--come on--come on. One dollar
each, please, for the Milk Fund.

ANOTHER GIRL
If you don't pay quickly you'll get
kissed again.

JEFFERSON
(confused and searching
in his pockets)
A dollar--four dollars. Gosh! You
wouldn't settle for some keys, would
you?

PAINE
Here, Jeff, I'll advance it for you.--
Fine introduction to the nation's
capital!

MCGANN
(pulling out a roll)
Here, I'll take a dozen of those
things. Miss Paine.

SUSAN
(taking money)
Thank you, Mister McGann, you have a
very kind heart.

McGann "burns" at not being kissed.

PAINE
This is my daughter, Susan, and her
friends--Senator Jefferson Smith.

GIRLS
How do you do?
Meet the new Senator.
I thought he'd be a Ranger with a
big hat.

SUSAN
(pointing at the
pigeons)
What have you got there, Senator?

MCGANN
Pigeons--to carry messages back to
Ma.

JEFFERSON
Just for the fun of it.--You see the
one that makes it back home in the
fastest time, I am going to enter in
the nationals.

SUSAN
Wonderful!

ANOTHER GIRL
There's romance in him.

SUSAN
Imagine having love notes delivered
to you by a pigeon.

At this instant two middle-aged men, slightly hard-faced,
named Cook and Griffith, descend on the party.

COOK
Joe!

GRIFFITH
Hello, Chick.

MCGANN
H'ya, Carl--h'ya, Bill!

PAINE
Jeff--meet Mr. Cook and Mr. Griffith--
members of our State headquarters
here.

Cook and Griffiths fall on Jeff, wringing his hand and again
Jeff can't get a word in. He has put his pigeons down.

COOK
Great pleasure, Senator! Yes *sir*.
Great appointment! You'll do the old
State proud!

GRIFFITH
Welcome, Senator. This wild life
around here is a little different
from what you're used to. They wear
high heels! Hah! Hah!

PAINE
Well, let's get started. Bill--you've
made reservations at the hotel for
the Senator and Chick--

COOK
All fixed. Same floor with you, Joe.
SUSAN
(with lifted eyebrows)
How nice.

PAINE
All right, we'll take Jeff with us--

SUSAN
I'm afraid we won't have room in the
car, Father. Senator Smith can follow
with Mr. McGann and the pigeons.

JEFFERSON
Sure.

SUSAN
Well, we *must* see a lot of you,
Senator. Come, Father.

Paine is being pulled away by Susan. The girls, waving good-
bye to Jeff, follow. Griffith walks along a bit with Paine.

PAINE
(calling back--
cautioning)
Chick--

MCGANN
I've got 'im, Joe. Be right along.

PAINE AND GRIFFITH are now seen together.

PAINE
Are you ready for him, Bill?

GRIFFITH
All set. Foley's rooms in the Senate
office building--nice, big clean
desk--lot of Senator stationery to
write his little boys on--and Foley's
secretary, Saunders, to make it look
like the real thing--

PAINE
Good. Are the newspaper men at the
hotel?

GRIFFITH
Yup--Sweeney, Flood, Farrell--waiting
for you--

PAINE
Fine. The first thing to do is--
present Mr. Smith to the press--in
the *right* way. Hurry him along,
Bill.
GRIFFITH
How do you feel, champ?

PAINE
All right, why?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Sarcastic, Playful

Summary McGann, Paine, Jefferson, and porters arrive in Washington D.C. Jefferson checks on his pigeons while McGann complains about his headache. Paine jokes about McGann's lack of historical knowledge. Jefferson returns with his pigeons and they exit. Paine's daughter, Susan, and three other girls greet them and collect donations for the Milk Fund, playfully threatening Jeff with kisses if he doesn't pay quickly. McGann pays for Jeff and Susan expresses interest in Jeff's pigeons. Cook and Griffith arrive and enthusiastically greet Jeff without giving him a chance to speak. Susan invites Jeff to spend time with them, but he is left behind with McGann to follow in a separate car. Paine and Griffith discuss their plans to manipulate Jeff's actions, and Griffith escorts Paine away. McGann and Jeff are left alone, with McGann promising to take care of Jeff.

Strengths

Engaging characters
Witty dialogue
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Low conflict level
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in tension.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with characters delivering exposition rather than engaging in meaningful interactions.
The introduction of multiple characters in quick succession without allowing Jeff to respond or interact effectively hinders character development and engagement.
The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, failing to establish a strong connection between the characters and the audience.
The pacing of the scene is rushed, with transitions between locations and interactions feeling abrupt and disjointed.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on establishing a central conflict or goal for the scene to create tension and drive the narrative forward.
Allow for more organic and meaningful interactions between characters, with dialogue that reveals personality traits and motivations.
Introduce characters gradually to give each one a chance to make an impact and allow for more effective character development.
Add emotional depth by exploring the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters, creating a more engaging and relatable scene.
Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene to allow for more natural transitions and interactions, enhancing the overall flow and coherence.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

GRIFFITH
Your name's spreading like wild-fire
out here--you are the winterbook
favorite to get on the National
ticket.

PAINE
Oh! Go away.

Newsmen come up with cameras to photograph Paine.

JEFFERSON, MCGANN AND COOK are seen together.

MCGANN
All right, Senator--let's get these
bags and the livestock together--

JEFFERSON
(suddenly pointing)
Look! There it is!

MCGANN
What? Who?

We see what Jeff is pointing at--the CAPITOL DOME, up on
"The Hill"--framed in one of the station portals.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
The Capitol Dome!

The GROUP looks at Jeff dryly.

COOK
Yes, sir--big as life. Been there
some time now.

MCGANN
Yes, sir.
(Busily, to porters)
All right, boys--let's go.

Jeff has taken a few steps in the direction of the Dome.
Griffith joins them, and McGann, Cook and Griffith start off
with porters.

MCGANN
This way, Senator.

McGann, Cook and Griffith are seen moving on, not conscious
that Jeff isn't following.
GRIFFITH
Say, we thought--maybe we ought to
meet him in short pants--you know--
with hatchets.

Cook points to the pigeons a porter carriers.

COOK
What's he bringing pigeons for?

MCGANN
(sour and sore)
What for? Why, suppose there's a
storm--all lines are down--how you
gonna get a message to Ma?

Cook and Griffith give McGann alarmed looks.

JEFF is seen, with his eyes fixed ahead, through the portals,
on the Dome; he is drawn unconsciously in that directions.

MCGANN, COOK AND GRIFFITH are approaching the door to the
outside.

MCGANN
(looks back)
Okay, Senator--right through here--

They all stop dead.

MCGANN
Where is he? Hey, Senator! What's
the matter with that cookie? I *told*
him to--. Come on, let's find him.
Hey, Smith!

The three start back into the station.

The scene dissolves to the STATION, where McGann, Cook and
Griffith are coming together.

COOK
Positively not in the station! Gone!

MCGANN
I'll brain that guy! Well--call Paine--
call Saunders--

Carl rushes off.

MCGANN
(yelling through cupped
hands)
Hey--*ranger*!

The scene dissolves to a PHONE BOOTH, in which Carl Cook is
telephoning.
COOK
--Saunders! Smith hasn't showed up
at his office there, has he?... No?...
What do you mean 'the slip'?... What's
so funny?

In JEFF SMITH'S OUTER OFFICE (SENATE OFFICE BUILDING) SAUNDERS
is on the phone. She is a girl in her late twenties--pretty--
and a shrewd, keen, abrupt creature--who, at the moment laughs
mirthlessly.

SAUNDERS
Nothing. Have you tried a butterfly
net?

In the PHONE BOOTH:

CARL
Lay off, Saunders. If your feet felt
like mine... Listen--if he shows up
there--Paine's waiting at the hotel
with newspaper men--let him know
right away--understand?

In JEFF'S OUTER OFFICE, Saunders, on the phone, is regarding
Diz Moore--a fairly young, disheveled, freckle-faced Irishman,
at the moment stretched out on the sofa.

SAUNDERS
Sure. Sure. I'll hang a light in the
steeple. One if by land--two if by
sea!... Okay!
(Hanging up)
Diz--you won't believe it. Daniel
Boone's *lost*!

DIZ
No!

The door bursts open and a reporter called Nosey sticks his
head in.

NOSEY
(a fast talker)
Is this new guy Smith here yet? I
want a little interview. How about
it? Arrived yet--?

SAUNDERS AND DIZ
(together)
No! Scram! Blow!

Nosey slams out.

SAUNDERS
How do you *like* this! You don't
suppose that ranger met up with some
kids--and took 'em for a hike!

DIZ
That--or he's out blazing trails.
He'll show up.

SAUNDERS
Sure--sure. He must have a compass
with him.

The scene dissolves to the STATION, where McGann, Cook and
Griffith are very tired men.

MCGANN
(mopping his brow)
--that dummy wandered off and got
hit by a taxi! Bill--call the
hospitals--hurry up--!

Bill runs off, McGann yelling after him.

MCGANN
And while you're at it, get me a
bed!

COOK
Let's send out a pigeon!

MCGANN
Blow a bugle!

The exterior of the CAPITOL BUILDING is seen, in the view
from the Library of Congress side, showing both wings of
House and Senate with the steps leading up to the massive
columns.

SPIELER'S VOICE
--and there you have it, folks--the
Capitol of the United States--the
home of Congress--

IN FRONT OF THE CAPITOL, people in a bus are craning their
necks out--*and we find Jeff among them*! A spieler is
standing in front near the driver, speaking through a small
megaphone.

SPIELER
Yes, *sir*! You are looking at the
building where your law-makers have
sat since the time of Washington--

In the BUS, Jeff looks at the Spieler suddenly.

JEFFERSON
Since the time of Adams--not
Washington.
SPIELER
How's that, buddy?

JEFFERSON
I said--I mean--Washington didn't
live to see it finished. Congress
didn't move here from Philadelphia
till eighteen hundred.

Genres: Drama, Political, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Anxious, Humorous, Confused

Summary Griffith informs Paine of his growing popularity, but Paine is dismissive. Jefferson points out the Capitol Dome to his group, who tease him about it. Jeff becomes fascinated by the Dome and wanders off, causing concern for McGann, Cook, and Griffith. Cook calls Saunders to report Jeff's disappearance, but they are interrupted by a reporter. Meanwhile, Jeff corrects the tour guide's information about the Capitol Building.

Strengths

Engaging characters
Witty dialogue
Blend of drama and comedy

Weaknesses

Some confusion in character interactions
Lack of clarity in certain plot points

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with characters moving aimlessly and without a clear objective.
There is a lack of meaningful interaction and conflict between the characters, leading to a lack of engagement for the audience.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters making superficial observations and comments.
The visual elements in the scene are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling or create a visually engaging experience.
The transition between different locations and characters is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the objective of the scene and ensure that each character has a clear motivation and purpose for their actions.
Introduce meaningful conflict and tension between the characters to create a more engaging and dynamic scene.
Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' personalities, relationships, and motivations.
Utilize visual elements to create a more immersive and visually engaging experience for the audience.
Improve the transitions between different locations and characters to create a more cohesive and coherent scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SPIELER
(trying to scare him
out of his facts)
Oh--you're *sure* of that now?

JEFFERSON
Yes. Washington laid the cornerstone
though--wearing an apron for the
ceremony that was embroidered by
Madame Lafayette--

SPIELER
(interrupting)
Yes, *sir*.
(Quickly to driver)
Let's *go* Henry.

The driver throws the bus into gear as the spieler gives
Jefferson a dirty look.

SPIELER
Now, on your right, folks--you see
the Library of Congress--

All heads turn to look out of the right side of the bus, and
the exterior of the CONGRESSIONAL LIBRARY is seen as the bus
moves along.

SPIELER'S VOICE
--greatest library in the world.
Five million books and two and a
half-million maps, charts, and musical
compositions--

In the BUS, JEFFERSON, seen closely, is looking at the
building in an awed manner.

JEFFERSON
You left out the most important thing!
That's where you see the Constitution
and the Declaration of Independence!

The SPIELER is seen getting pretty sore at this kind of thing.

SPIELER
As the gentleman says--without anybody
asking him--that's where you see
those original, priceless documents--
the Constitution and Declaration of
Independence.
(To Jeff, sarcastically)
Much obliged, my friend. You're a
great help to me. Let's *go*, Henry!

The scene dissolves to a series of views (a TRAVEL MONTAGE)
of the Washington monuments as Jeff sees them--his amazement
and reverence on seeing the Supreme Court Building, the White
House, the Washington Monuments, Constitution Avenue, and so
on.

Then the LINCOLN MEMORIAL comes to view and JEFF is seen
walking up the steps--eyes fixed ahead wonderingly. Soon he
approaches the top steps and now his is on the floor of the
shrine. Suddenly he stops dead, and the full figure of LINCOLN
comes to view--the huge, overpowering figure, seated in that
great armchair. It is an almost breathing sculpture of the
great, humane man, looking out.

JEFFERSON, seen closely, is over-awed and reverent, looking
up at the face. With mechanical steps he comes forward,
against a background of enormous columns which shed a powerful
solemnity upon the scene. He comes forward slowly and stops,
and the words on the statue appear:

IN THIS TEMPLE
AS IN THE HEARTS OF THE PEOPLE
FOR WHOM HE SAVED THE UNION
THE MEMORY OF ABRAHAM
LINCOLN
IS ENSHRINED FOREVER

JEFFERSON has his heart in his mouth. His head turns slowly
to the left.

On the LEFT WALL, the Second Inaugural Address of Lincoln,
carved in the stone, appears, and JEFFERSON'S head turns
back to Lincoln. He quotes in a half-voice--looking up as
though he heard Lincoln say it:

JEFFERSON
(softly)
'--with malice toward none, with
charity for all--with firmness in
the right as God gives us to see the
right...'

He breaks off and turns his head to the right.

Then at the RIGHT WALL, the Gettysburg Address, carved in
stone, appears, and JEFFERSON, turning back to the figure of
Lincoln, again recites:

JEFFERSON
(softly)
'--that these dead shall not have
died in vain--that this nation, under
God, shall--'

LINCOLN'S FIGURE is seen at close range as Jefferson's voice
comes over.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
'--have a new birth of freedom--and
that Government of the people, by
the people, for the people--shall
not perish from the earth...'

While Jefferson says these words and while we hold on the
face of the man who uttered them the scene dissolves slowly.

JEFF'S SENATE OUTER OFFICE is seen at dusk; the light is
murky. Saunders is pacing a groove in the carpet; Diz Moore
is still reclining on the sofa.

DIZ
Getting on to dinner, isn't it, pal?

SAUNDERS
(grimly)
I give that Trail Blazer five more
minutes to show up--
(turning on the desk
lamp viciously)
--*five more minutes*!

The phone rings.

SAUNDERS
(indicating the ringing
phone)
Well--who d'you take this time--Paine,
Bill, Carl--or McGann?

DIZ
Hey--you're into me for a buck
already. I say--McGann. Shoot the
whole dollar.

SAUNDERS
Okay. For the dollar, I give you
McGann *and* Bill and Carl. I got
Paine.
(Picking up the phone)
Hello... Oh, yes.

Saunders does a 'gimme' gesture at Diz.

SAUNDERS
No, not yet, Senator Paine--not hide
nor hair of the man. You mean to say
the boys haven't--?
DIZ
Eight to five Little Boy Blue is
plastered.

SAUNDERS
(into the phone)
Well, why don't they try the police--
get some blood hounds--or Indian
guides--

In a CORNER OF THE PAINE HOTEL APARTMENT, Paine is on the
telephone, and is smiling.

PAINE
As a last resort, maybe... Now wait,
Saunders--you *can't* leave there!
The one place he knows in this city--
is the Senate office--and you stay
there and wait... it isn't *that*
late--

In JEFF'S OUTER OFFICE:

SAUNDERS
(into the phone)
All right--then another half hour.
Just *one* half hour, Senator.
Goodbye.

She hangs up angrily and storms away.

SAUNDERS
Why don't I quit? Why don't I pick
up and walk out of here?

She passes Diz, grabbing the dollar bill which he holds up
like a torch--and goes right on talking.

SAUNDERS
Tell me why!

Genres: Drama, Political, Historical
Tone: Sarcastic, Agitated, Reverent, Awed, Solemn

Summary Jefferson corrects a tour guide's information on the Congressional Library, highlighting its significance as the home of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. He then visits the Supreme Court Building, the White House, and the Washington Monument before reciting Lincoln's words from the Second Inaugural Address and the Gettysburg Address at the Lincoln Memorial. Back in his Senate office, Saunders expresses frustration over Jefferson's delayed return.

Strengths

Multi-layered narrative
Effective blending of genres
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly expository
Transition between scenes could be smoother

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling disjointed and lacking in depth.
The transition from the tour guide correcting Jefferson to Saunders waiting in the office is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly.
The dialogue between Jefferson and the tour guide feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
The visual descriptions of the monuments and Jefferson's reactions could be more vivid and impactful to create a stronger sense of awe and reverence.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more meaningful interactions between Jefferson and the tour guide to make the scene more engaging.
Work on creating a smoother transition between the tour bus scene and Saunders waiting in the office to improve the flow of the screenplay.
Focus on developing the emotional depth of the scene by exploring Jefferson's thoughts and feelings about the monuments he sees.
Enhance the visual descriptions of the monuments and Jefferson's reactions to create a more immersive and impactful experience for the audience.
Consider adding more depth to the dialogue to reveal character motivations and emotions, making the scene more compelling.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

DIZ
(looking at his empty
hand)
Well, because you're doing all right
at the minute.

SAUNDERS
When Foley died, why didn't I clear
out? How many times, did you hear me
say I was fed up on politics and--?
But *no*--I let 'em talk me into
staying. Secretary to a leader of
little squirts. Why? Because I need
the job and a new suit of clothes.
DIZ
Would you settle for a husband?

SAUNDERS
(absently--walking)
What's this, Diz?

DIZ
That old standing offer from Diz
Moore--Poet of Washington
Correspondents.

SAUNDERS
(absently)
Huh?

DIZ
You know--Mrs. Diz Moore.

She is walking furiously, her mind only half on what Diz is
saying.

SAUNDERS
Oh--that again. Yeah.

DIZ
(flatly)
I would cherish you--and stay sober.

SAUNDERS
Diz, you're a swell playmate--but--.
Maybe if I saw you once with your
hair combed, or something--or--no,
no--I don't think even that would do
it--

DIZ
(resigned)
Well, if you're sure it wouldn't--no
use combing my hair for nothing.

SAUNDERS
No--don't do it. I'm sure. The truth
is, Diz--there's no man I've seen
yet or--must be something wrong with
me. I've been feeling low for weeks.

DIZ
You got worms.

SAUNDERS
What! Who?

DIZ
You know--little worms--ambition.

SAUNDERS
Yeah. Should have seen me seven years
ago--when I came to this town. *Now*
what am I?--chambermaid to the Pied
Piper of Jackson City; *Honorary*
appointment! Scratch this thing an
you'll find they wanted a dope here
for two months.

There is a knock on the door.

SAUNDERS
(yelling angrily)
Yes!

The door doesn't open at once.

SAUNDERS
Yes!

The door opens slowly and Jefferson's head pokes in.

SAUNDERS
What is it?

JEFFERSON
Office of--Senator Smith?

SAUNDERS
*No*!

JEFFERSON
(looks at number on
door)
The man downstairs said number--

SAUNDERS
No!

Startled and scared, Jeff backs out, closing the door.

SAUNDERS
(to Diz, picking up
where she left off)
Yup--they must have picked the prize
dummy--
(Then, struck by
lightning--pointing
at the door)
*Wait* a minute! That wouldn't be--
*Daniel Boone*!

She makes a beeline for the door, yanking it open.

In the CORRIDOR, Jeff is gazing around at the door numbers
bewilderedly--when Saunders appears.

SAUNDERS
(excitedly)
What's your name?

JEFFERSON
J-Jefferson Smith.

She makes a run and a grab for him.

SAUNDERS
Oh--oh! Come right in! Yes, indeed.
Right this way--

She pulls him into the office, Jeff alarmed and speechless.

In the OFFICE, Saunders is seen dragging him in, her movements
very excited.

SAUNDERS
Now, hold it, Senator. Stay right
where you are. Don't go 'way--

And she rushes for the phone. Diz' feet come off the sofa
with a thud.

SAUNDERS
(into the phone,
excitedly)
Hello--hello. Helen! Get the Shoreham--
Paine's apartment. Hurry, will you!

She holds the phone.

JEFFERSON
Is--is something the matter?

SAUNDERS
Oh, no--no!
(Then with heavy
sarcasm)
My dear *Senator*--it may be customary
out on the prairie to take French
leave of people and not be heard of
again for five hours--

JEFFERSON
Gee--I'm sorry about that, Miss--you
*are* Miss Saunders, aren't you?

SAUNDERS
Yes, I'm Saunders--and this is Mr.
Moore--a member of the press. Meet
the *Senator*, Mr. Moore.

JEFFERSON
(seizing Diz' hand)
Pleased to meet you, sir.
DIZ
(wincing under the
handshake)
How do you do, Senator? I see you
made it.

JEFFERSON
Made it? Oh! Yes. Silly of me--you
see, what happened was--

SAUNDERS
(suddenly into the
phone, with heavy
sarcasm)
Hello... Yes, Senator Paine. Yes.
Right here. Just came in--under his
own power... Yes--he's sober--that's
the very next thing on the schedule...
Yes, sir, I'll have him right over.

She hangs up, and comes forward to Jefferson.

JEFFERSON
Gee, I'm sorry. You see, it wasn't
until I was fairly well along in the
bus that I realized--

SAUNDERS
Did you say--bus?

JEFFERSON
One of those sightseers--you know.
You see, I--gosh, I've never been
called absent-minded or... but there
it was all of a sudden--looking right
at me through one of the station
doors--

SAUNDERS
There *what* was?

JEFFERSON
The Dome--the Capitol Dome--

Saunders just looks at Diz with wide eyes.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Excited, Resigned, Sincere, Anxious

Summary Diz, Saunders, and Jefferson Smith interact in Saunders' office. Diz confesses why she stayed after Foley's death, offers to marry Saunders, and suggests she has worms. Saunders is exasperated by Smith's tardiness. Smith arrives and Saunders sarcastically criticizes his absence. The scene ends with Saunders hanging up the phone and approaching Smith.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Unexpected twist with Jefferson Smith's arrival
Well-defined characters

Weaknesses

Some confusion in the character interactions
Lack of clarity in certain plot points

General Critique

The scene starts with a conversation between Diz and Saunders that feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the script, lacking a clear connection to the overall plot or character development.
Saunders' dialogue about feeling low and needing the job and a new suit of clothes, as well as the offer of marriage from Diz, seems somewhat forced and doesn't add much depth to the characters or the story.
The interaction between Saunders and Jefferson when he enters the office feels rushed and lacks a natural flow, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the scene.
The sudden shift in Saunders' demeanor from frustrated to excited when she realizes Jefferson is the new Senator feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up of tension and excitement.
The dialogue between Saunders, Diz, and Jefferson lacks depth and meaningful interaction, missing an opportunity to delve into the characters' motivations and relationships.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the opening dialogue between Diz and Saunders to better connect it to the main plot or character arcs, adding more relevance and depth to the scene.
Explore ways to make Saunders' internal struggles and frustrations more palpable and relatable to the audience, allowing for a more engaging and emotionally resonant interaction.
Work on the pacing and structure of the scene to allow for a more natural progression of events and dialogue, creating a smoother transition between moments of tension and excitement.
Develop the dialogue and interactions between Saunders, Diz, and Jefferson to reveal more about their personalities, motivations, and relationships, adding layers to the scene and enhancing character development.
Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing elements related to the main plot or character arcs within the scene, creating a sense of continuity and cohesion throughout the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
--big as life--sparkling away there
under the sun. I--I started walking
toward it--and there was a bus outside--
and--well--I--I just naturally got
aboard--

SAUNDERS
Most natural thing in the world!

JEFFERSON
I don't believe I've been so thrilled
in my--oh, and that Lincoln Memorial!
Gee! There he is--Mr. Lincoln--looking
right at you as you come up the steps--
sitting there like he was waiting
for someone to come along--

SAUNDERS
Well--he's got nothing on me.

She turns away and starts for her hat and coat.

SAUNDERS
Now, if you're ready, Senator, we
can start for the hotel. I'll *see*
that you get there.

JEFFERSON
(with a laugh)
Yes--I think maybe you'd better.

The scene dissolves to the interior of the TAXICAB with
JEFFERSON AND SAUNDERS, Jefferson looking out of the windows,
seeing what he can see, even though it's night; Saunders
giving him an impatient, martyred look.

JEFFERSON
(pointing out)
Whose statue is that?

SAUNDERS
I wouldn't know in the *day time*.

Suddenly he leans over Saunders and points excitedly out her
side of the cab.

JEFFERSON
The Capitol Dome! Lighted up!

SAUNDERS
(gently pushing him
off)
You--uh--you better relax, Senator.
You'll be plumb wore out.

JEFFERSON
Tell me, Miss Saunders--what time
does the Senate--uh--what do they
call it?

SAUNDERS
Convene?

JEFFERSON
Convene--that's it--yes. I got to
pick up some of those parliamentary
words. I imagine a fellow can get
pretty lost in the Senate without
'em--

SAUNDERS
(more or less under
her breath)
With or without 'em.
(Quickly)
Twelve--noon. The Senate convenes at
twelve o'clock.

JEFFERSON
(breaking in--full of
the idea)
Gosh--that'll be something! You know
what I better do in the morning?

SAUNDERS
(wearily)
No. What had you better--?

JEFFERSON
Go out to Mount Vernon. It'd be a
sort of fine thing to do--see
Washington's home just before walking
into the Senate for the first time--
don't you think?

SAUNDERS
(hollowly)
Oh--a wonderful thing--yes. Get you
right in the mood--yes--yes.

Just then, the cab pulls over toward the curb and Saunders
perks up.

SAUNDERS
Oh--and *here* we are, Senator! Well,
well, well! At last!

The cab stops and a uniformed doorman opens the cab door on
Jefferson's side.

Now we see the HOTEL CURB, THE CAB, THE FOOTMAN, and JEFF
looking out of the cab. Coming out of the hotel is a party
in evening dress--white mufflered, top-hatted man--and women
in furs.

SAUNDERS
(impatiently)
After you. Do you mind?

Jeff stares at the party, at the footman--then up at the
fifteen-story hotel.

SAUNDERS
(very impatiently)
This is *it*, Senator!

In the CAB:

JEFFERSON
No, gee--I couldn't stay here--

SAUNDERS
(amazed)
You *couldn't*?

JEFFERSON
I mean--gosh--I wouldn't be
comfortable in a--I--I haven't got
clothes and things like that--and--I
couldn't keep pigeons *there*--No--I--
I just--just wouldn't be--

And he pulls the cab door closed.

DRIVER
Where to, Mister?

JEFFERSON
Where to, Miss Saunders?

SAUNDERS
(at the end of her
patience)
Where? Why, the wide open spaces!

The scene dissolves to a PHONE BOOTH, with SAUNDERS
telephoning.

SAUNDERS
(with emphasis)
--all I know is, he refused to go
into your hotel, Senator Paine--and
not having my lasso with me, I didn't
know how to *make* him.

In PAINE'S HOTEL APARTMENT, Paine is on the phone, with McGann
in the background.

PAINE
What did you do? Where did he go?

In the PHONE BOOTH:

SAUNDERS
Well--finally--after a substantial
tour of the city, he saw a sort of
boarding house, built nice and close
to the ground. That's what he wanted--
and that's where you're to send his
bags--Eleven B Street, Northeast. Oh--
and don't forget the pigeons!
In PAINE'S HOTEL APARTMENT:

PAINE
And that's where you *left* him?

In the PHONE BOOTH:

SAUNDERS
(with weary sarcasm)
...Oh, he's perfectly all right.
Going to stay in and write to Ma
tonight... Ma. Ma. Don't you know
Ma? And then he'll take his swig of
Castoria and go to sleep... I'd rather
not think about the morning right
now, if you don't mind. Goodnight,
Senator!
(She hangs up)

In PAINE'S HOTEL APARTMENT, Paine hangs up the phone.

PAINE
Eleven B Street, Northeast. Take his
bags and your own right over--and
get yourself a room in the same place--

MCGANN
Listen, Joe--at least--after a day
like this--I got one good bust coming
before I start showing him monuments--

He is interrupted by Susan, who comes dashing in excitedly,
all dressed to go out.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Excitement, Impatience, Amusement, Sarcasm

Summary Jefferson and Saunders arrive at a hotel in Washington, D.C. but Jefferson refuses to stay there, citing a desire to explore the city. Saunders is exasperated but arranges for Jefferson to stay at a boarding house instead. He informs Senator Paine of the situation, providing a humorous description of Jefferson's planned evening activities.

Strengths

Engaging character dynamics
Humorous dialogue
Effective character development

Weaknesses

Lack of high stakes or intense conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with Jefferson's actions and decisions appearing random and disjointed.
There is a lack of depth in character development, particularly in Saunders' reactions and interactions with Jefferson.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with awkward transitions between characters and topics.
The scene lacks a strong emotional impact or connection with the audience, making it difficult to engage with the characters and their motivations.
The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with abrupt shifts in tone and focus that disrupt the flow of the narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify Jefferson's motivations and intentions in refusing to stay at the hotel, providing more insight into his character and background.
Develop Saunders' character further by exploring her frustrations and challenges in dealing with Jefferson, adding depth to her interactions with him.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on meaningful exchanges that reveal character traits and advance the plot.
Create a stronger sense of purpose and direction in the scene, ensuring that each action and decision contributes to the overall narrative arc.
Consider adding more emotional depth and resonance to the scene, allowing the audience to connect with the characters on a deeper level.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SUSAN
For heaven's sake--will someone please
get those pigeons out of this
apartment! They're smelling up the
place something--

MCGANN
Pigeons!

The scene dissolves to a RESTAURANT BAR, with Saunders and
Diz hopped up on stools. Saunders is grimly and angrily
holding forth.

SAUNDERS
I'm still asking myself--what is he--
animal, vegetable, or mineral? A
Senator! A United States Senator! I
thought I'd seen everything but--
why, he doesn't know what time it
is, Diz! When I think of myself
sitting around--playing straight for
all that phoney, patriotic chatter--
*me*, carrying bibs for an infant
with little flags in his fists--no,
I can't take it, Diz--I'm through--I
quit!

DIZ
Sure--sure--wait a minute now--simmer
down--

NOSEY, at this point, saunters up to the bar, his back to
Saunders.

SAUNDERS
(breaking out again)
Why--do you know what he's going to
do before taking that Senate seat
tomorrow? He's going to Mount Vernon--
to get into the mood--a *warm up*!

Nosey swings around in a flash and pushes his face right in.

NOSEY
Who? Who? Your boss! A nut, huh? A
nut! Wow! There's a *story* in this
guy--! I smelled it!

SAUNDERS
(impatient)
Go away, Nosey.

NOSEY
Saunders--it's meat and drink--lemme
at 'im! Five minutes--! I'll make it
right with you!

DIZ
Will you go chase an ambulance!

SAUNDERS
Whadaya mean--*right*?

NOSEY
What do I *mean*, huh? Uh--*I'll*
tell ya--World's Series--a pass! In
a month it's worth fifteen bucks!

SAUNDERS
Well, well!

DIZ
(to Saunders)
Hey--you're not *talking* to this
guy!

NOSEY
Whadaya say?
DIZ
Nothin'! Beat it!

SAUNDERS
Look, Nosey--your pals would like to
get in on this, wouldn't they?

NOSEY
Hey--I wanna *scoop*!

SAUNDERS
Well, that's out. Either it's *lots*
of reporters and *lots* of tickets
or--. Now will you go and call 'em
before I change my mind about the
whole thing!

NOSEY
Okay. See you here.

He charges off. Saunders clambers down off the stool. Diz
grabs her arm.

DIZ
Kid--wait--what do you think you're
going to do?

SAUNDERS
Get my *whole* fall outfit--and quit
this job in style!

DIZ
Now, you've got more sense than to
put Nosey onto this guy--!

SAUNDERS
(thinking hard)
Wait--wait. Let's see--watchdog McGann--
he's bound to move right in--get him
out of the way first--
(Then)
Pardon me, friend--I've got some
telephoning to do--!
(And she rushes off)

The scene dissolves to a PHONE BOOTH, with SAUNDERS on the
phone.

SAUNDERS
(laying on a Southern
accent)
Mr. McGann?... This is Miss Lulu
Love.

In MCGANN'S ROOM, MCGANN is on the phone; behind him, his
suitcases are open.
MCGANN
Who?

In the PHONE BOOTH:

SAUNDERS
Oh, you don't know *me*, Mr. McGann--
but I've seen *you* in Washington
before--and I think you're awfully
cute. Mr. Griffith told me you got
in and maybe you were a little lonely--

In MCGANN'S ROOM:

MCGANN
(taking it big)
Did, huh? Well, now, he's not wrong
at all... Tonight? Sister, that's
just what the doctor ordered... Whoa,
wait a minute--

He looks off, and through a partly opened door leading into
Jeff's room. Jeff appears standing at the window with one of
his pigeons, while McGann is heard on the phone.

MCGANN'S VOICE
I'm not sure I can make that, Lulu.
Hold on a second, will you?
(He puts his hand
over the mouthpiece,
and calls out)
Say--Senator! How're you fixed--I
mean--uh--you're gonna stay in and
write to Ma and the boys, like you
said, huh?

In JEFF'S ROOM, JEFF is inserting a small roll of paper in a
little metal container on the pigeon's leg.

JEFFERSON
(without turning)
Uh-huh.

MCGANN'S VOICE
Not going out or anything?

JEFFERSON
No. Why?

In MCGANN'S ROOM:

MCGANN
(yelling to Jeff)
Atta boy. Right into bed for a nice
long sleep. Me, too.
(Then--softly, into
phone)
Okay, Toots! When and where?

In the PHONE BOOTH, Saunders is still speaking.

SAUNDERS
(into the phone)
Now isn't that nice! Let's say the
Mayflower lobby, Mr. McGann--in a
half hour... What I *look* like?
Well, I got red hair and--oh, that's
all right--I know what *you* look
like--you cute thing. Goodbye.
(She hangs up)

In MCGANN'S ROOM, McGann hangs up, tiptoes over quickly and
closes the door to Jeff's room, then makes a dash for his
coat.

MCGANN
Boy, oh, boy! Red Hair! McGann--you
fell into something!

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Angry, Impatient, Excited

Summary Susan vents about pesky pigeons, while Saunders, frustrated with a Senator's conduct, decides to resign. Nosey eavesdrops and offers to report on the Senator's behavior. To escape an unwanted guest, McGann, Saunders cleverly poses as 'Lulu Love' over the phone, tricking McGann into leaving.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Well-defined characters
Dynamic plot progression

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene starts with a strong visual of Susan frustrated with pigeons in the apartment, which sets the tone for the following conversation.
Saunders' frustration and anger towards Jefferson's behavior are clearly portrayed, but the transition to Nosey's interruption feels a bit abrupt.
The dialogue between Saunders, Diz, and Nosey is engaging and humorous, but the pacing could be improved to make the scene flow more smoothly.
The sudden shift to Saunders' plan to quit her job and the introduction of Nosey as a potential source for a story feels slightly disconnected from the initial frustration with Jefferson.
The scene ends with Saunders setting up a plan to trick McGann, which adds an element of intrigue and sets up a potential conflict for the next scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider smoothing out the transition between Susan's frustration with the pigeons and Nosey's interruption to improve the flow of the scene.
Try to maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene, balancing the humor with the underlying tension and frustration.
Work on pacing to ensure a seamless progression of events and dialogue, avoiding abrupt shifts in focus or tone.
Consider integrating Saunders' plan to trick McGann more organically into the conversation, building up to it gradually for a more cohesive narrative.
Explore ways to further develop the conflict and tension in the scene to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

The scene dissolves to the HOTEL LOBBY at night, and MCGANN
is seen watching for his date, but in JEFFERSON'S BOARDING
HOUSE SITTING ROOM there is a startling tableau: Jeff is
standing in the center of this rather homely, anciently
appointed sitting room, surrounded by ten or a dozen newspaper
men, three or four of whom have cameras. A woman reporter is
present. Nosey is leading the circus as the main interrogator
and master of ceremonies. Cameras are flashing, while
Jefferson is posing, pleased and happy and proud.

VOICES
That's it. Right like that. Chin up
a little, Senator--please. Hold it!

Then the cameras relax and questions pop.

VOICES
Tell us about yourself, Senator!
Hear you got a Boy's Club back home!
Any ideas? Going to make things hum
in the Senate, huh?

JEFFERSON
(holding his hands
up, laughing)
Hold on, fellows--I'm not used to
more then one question at a time--

NOSEY
One moment, friends, let's give the
Senator a break.
(To Jeff)
Now, where'd you say you studied
law?
JEFFERSON
Well--I haven't needed much law so
far--what I'd like to get first is a
little common sense--

NOSEY
Swell!

REPORTER
What did he say?

NOSEY
(calling back)
You don't need law--you need *common*
sense!

Reporters make rapid notes.

REPORTER
What are you going to do while you're
here, Senator?

NOSEY
Any special ax to grind?

JEFFERSON
Ax?

NOSEY
A pet idea--you know--pension bill--
save the buffalo--you've got *one*
notion you think would be good for
this country, haven't you?

JEFFERSON
Well--I have got *one* idea--

VOICES
Ah! That's more like it! What?

JEFFERSON
Well--for a couple of years now--I--
I've thought it would be a wonderful
thing to have a National Boys' Camp
out in our State--

VOICES
A camp! Well!

JEFFERSON
You see--if we could take the poor
kids off the streets--out of cities--
a few months in the summer--learn
something about Nature and American
ideals--

NOSEY
Marvelous! And what would this camp
set the Government back?

JEFFERSON
Oh--nothing--nothing. My idea is--
for the Government to lend us the
money--and the boys'll pay it back--
sending in a penny or a nickel--no
more than a dime--no, gosh--the
Government's got enough on its hands
without--

NOSEY
Great!
(Calls back)
The Government's putting dough in
too many places *now*!

VOICES
(as they make notes)
You don't say! Well, well!

WOMAN REPORTER
What do you think of the girls in
our town, Senator?

JEFFERSON
Well--I haven't seen many--oh--well--
Miss Susan Paine--she's about the
prettiest girl I--I *ever* saw--

REPORTER
How about some more pictures, Senator?

NOSEY
Yeah! How about it? You're a nature
lover. Do you handle any of that
sign language?

JEFFERSON
Well--I can *manage*--

ANOTHER REPORTER
What about bird calls! Know any?

JEFFERSON
Well--a few--

VOICES
Swell! Well! Come right ahead! Let
'em fly, Senator!

As Jeff laughs, preparing to do his stuff--and as the cameras
are made ready--

The scene dissolves to the HOTEL LOBBY. McGann, looking at
his watch, is sore as a boil by this time. Glaring off, his
attention is arrested. He starts forward. At the SWINGING
DOOR, a cute little girl has just come through and stands.
McGann marches up to her.

MCGANN
Well! About time, toots! Redhead or
no readhead--keeping a guy waiting
two hours is no--
(Looking her over,
relaxing, and grabbing
her arm)
Good thing you're as cute as you
are, or I'd--

THE GIRL
(struggling)
Wally!

A big six-footer, with football shoulders, comes swinging
in. The girl leaps to his side. McGann at once realizes a
hideous mistake has been made somewhere--and it's too late.
Wally fixes him with a deadly stare and advances to do murder.
McGann starts backing away in alarm as the scene dissolves
amid a dash of music.

A NEWSPAPER FRONT PAGE come to view. It reveals a full-length
picture of Jeff, and then the caption:

SENATOR (RANGER) SMITH
Demands More Common Sense--
Less Law In Government

This dissolves to ANOTHER HEADLINE:

SMITH ATTACKS
GOVERNMENT SPENDING
No Money Left for Boy's Camp

In SAUNDER'S ROOM, Saunders is drinking her morning coffee--
looking at the morning papers. She nearly chokes as she stares
at the paper.

This scene dissolves to MCGANN'S ROOM, with McGann, half-
dressed, one eye bandaged, staring at a paper. A NEWS PICTURE
comes to view, showing Jeff kneeling over a little fire of
sticks. The caption reads:

MAKES CAMP FIRE--SHOWS HOW
HE'LL PUT THE HEAT ON CONGRESS

MCGANN, shirt-tails flying, tears for the door to Jeff's
room. It is empty.

MCGANN
Senator! Hey--ranger!
(Clapping a hand to
his forehead)
Gone again!

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Sarcastic, Playful

Summary In an interview, Jeff discusses his Senate plans, including an idea for a national boys' camp. Meanwhile, McGann confuses a girl for his date, leading to a confrontation with her boyfriend. The next day, Jeff's absence confounds McGann.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Humorous situations
Character introduction

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene starts off with a chaotic and unrealistic portrayal of Jefferson being surrounded by reporters and cameras in his boarding house, which seems unlikely and out of place.
The dialogue between Jefferson and the reporters feels forced and lacks authenticity, with Jefferson's responses coming off as overly simplistic and idealistic.
The scene shifts abruptly to McGann in the hotel lobby, where he mistakes a young girl for his date, leading to a confusing and awkward interaction that feels out of place.
The transition between the two settings is jarring and disrupts the flow of the scene, making it feel disjointed and disconnected.
The portrayal of McGann's mistaken identity and subsequent interaction with the young girl feels contrived and lacks depth, adding unnecessary confusion to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider reworking the opening of the scene to make Jefferson's interaction with reporters more realistic and grounded in the context of the story.
Focus on developing more nuanced and authentic dialogue for Jefferson, allowing him to express his ideas and beliefs in a more natural and believable manner.
Smooth out the transition between the two settings to create a more cohesive and seamless flow between the different elements of the scene.
Reconsider the subplot involving McGann and the young girl, ensuring that it adds value to the overall narrative and contributes meaningfully to the character development or plot progression.
Work on maintaining consistency in tone and pacing throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

The scene dissolves to a NEWSPAPER PICTURE of Jefferson
imitating a bird-call eyes bulging--while his two hands appear
to be gripping his nose as if warding off a bad odor. The
caption reads:

RANGER SENATOR GETS FIRST
"WHIFF" OF OFFICIAL WASHINGTON

In the DINING ROOM OF PAINE'S HOTEL APARTMENT, Paine and
Susan are at breakfast, Paine's eyes glued wildly to the
paper; Susan also holds a paper and laughs.

PAINE
His first 'whiff'!

SUSAN
Such pretty knees for a big boy!

PAINE
Do I actually *see* this--?

SUSAN
Listen, Father! "Young Lochinvar
smitten with Susan Paine"!

The scene dissolves to PAINE'S PRIVATE OFFICE as Saunders
enters and Paine rises from behind his desk.

SAUNDERS
(belligerently)
You want to see me, Senator?

PAINE
Yes. Good morning, Saunders.
(Picking up the
newspaper; genially)
Have you--uh--any idea how this
happened?

SAUNDERS
The ranger's notices? No idea at
all.

PAINE
(with good humor)
No?

SAUNDERS
No--I'm sorry. I merely saw him home.
I'm not supposed to tuck him in and
give him his bottle. That's McGann's
job.

PAINE
By the way, Mr. McGann just phoned--
in a high fever. Smith's gone again.
Have you any idea where?

SAUNDERS
Yes. He went to Mount Vernon to give
himself a patriotic address.

PAINE
(smiling)
Well--that's very fine.
(Then)
Saunders, some person in your office
says you've quit--

SAUNDERS
That's right.

PAINE
Oh, now--that won't do--

SAUNDERS
Look, Senator--I wasn't given a brain
just to tell a Boy Ranger what time
it is. What do you need me for? Get
somebody else--get a registered nurse--

PAINE
You're the best nurse I can think of--

SAUNDERS
Nice *compliment*!

PAINE
I meant it for one. I meant--Sam
Foley couldn't get along without you--
and neither can I at the moment--

SAUNDERS
No?

PAINE
You see--Governor Hopper made an
appointment in this case that--well,
Jeff isn't exactly fitted to the
work, let's say. He's here to see
monuments--and pass the time. That's
important to--to my work--and
everybody concerned. So, someone who
can be trusted has to occupy him and
keep him out of trouble--

SAUNDERS
And I'm an old hand at following
instructions--

PAINE
You're more than that. I've had
example of the fact that wild horses
couldn't pull confidential matter in
these two offices out of you. That's
why I tell you what I do--about Smith
and this situation. So, you see--

SAUNDERS
Yeah--I see I'm right where I've
been for seven years--

PAINE
You deserve a lot better. And I'll
tell you what we'll do. Stay and
play nurse, as you say--and if certain
things happen I'm taking everybody
up with me, and you'll get one of
the biggest jobs in Washington.

SAUNDERS
Yeah?
(A pause)
And what else?

PAINE
What do you mean?

SAUNDERS
Well, when I first came to Washington,
my eyes were big, blue question marks--
now they're big, green dollar marks--

PAINE
I see. All right. You finish this
job properly--and you get a handsome
bonus besides--

Saunder's face lights up with interest.

PAINE'S VOICE
And by *properly* I mean--stay away
with Smith every minute--keep him
away from anything that smacks of
politics--see that there's no
recurrence of things like these
newspapers--

The scene dissolves to the SENATE LOBBY, an elevator corridor
leading to the Senate chamber. A CLOCK shows 11:45. Then,
Saunders and Jefferson are seen as they emerge from the
elevator and start forward. People crowd the corridor--there
is surging activity--an air of excitement. Jeff, baffled,
looking around, suddenly looks ahead and stops dead.

JEFFERSON
Saunders! That's it! We're here!

In the SENATE CHAMBER, seen through the entrance doors, people
are seated in and entering galleries; Senators are walking,
standing in groups, talking; some are at their desks.

On the FLOOR OF THE SENATE CHAMBER, a Page is leading
Jefferson to his desk. Jeff is more agape now than before.
All around him are Senators--in groups or seated. Most of
them are at their desks now. The Page brings him a desk, on
a minority side and way at the rear. Heads turn to follow
Jeff curiously.

BOY
Here you are, Senator. Not a bad
desk, either. Daniel Webster used to
use it.

JEFFERSON
Daniel Webster? Sat here? Say--that
man was a great orator.

BOY
Give you something to shoot at,
Senator--if you figure on doing any
talking.

JEFFERSON
Not me, sonny. I'm just going to sit
around and listen.
(Picking up calendar)
What's this?

BOY
Calendar for the day. You'll find
the Senate Manual in the drawer.
Anything else you want, just snap
for a page.

JEFFERSON
Where's the Majority Leader?

BOY
The Majority Leader? Right over there.
And that's [ ] the Minority
Leader. They're both pretty good in
the clinches.

JEFFERSON
Uh-huh. And where's the Press Galery?

BOY
Right up there over the Vice-
President's chair--the four in the
front row represent the four big
news services. You've met the press
bunch, haven't you?

Genres: Political Drama, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Humorous, Serious

Summary After Jefferson's embarrassing photo appears in the newspaper, Paine and Susan are amused while Saunders is angry that Jefferson has left his post without permission. Paine explains to Saunders that Jefferson is not equipped for the work in Washington and needs someone to keep him out of trouble. Saunders reluctantly agrees to help and is promised a bonus if he can keep Jefferson away from politics and out of the news. Jefferson is amazed by the Senate Chamber and is given a desk that was once used by Daniel Webster.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Well-defined characters
Introduction of new character with potential for growth

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Some scenes may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with political drama

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
The dialogue between Paine and Saunders feels forced and lacks depth, making their interaction less engaging for the audience.
The humor in the scene, particularly the newspaper caption and the banter between Paine and Susan, feels forced and falls flat, detracting from the overall tone of the screenplay.
The scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it less dynamic and engaging for the audience.
The introduction of the clock showing 11:45 and the excitement in the Senate lobby is not effectively connected to the dialogue and actions of the characters, creating a disconnect in the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition into the scene to better connect it with the previous scenes and maintain the flow of the screenplay.
Enhance the depth of the dialogue between Paine and Saunders to make their interaction more engaging and meaningful for the audience.
Revise the humor in the scene to make it more natural and organic, ensuring it aligns with the overall tone of the screenplay.
Incorporate more visual elements and actions to make the scene more dynamic and visually appealing for the audience.
Ensure that the introduction of the clock and the excitement in the Senate lobby are effectively integrated into the dialogue and actions of the characters to create a cohesive and engaging scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
Oh, yes--they're fine people--regular
people.

BOY
Look out for those fellows--they
tell the truth about you--sometimes.
That corner over there is reserved
for guides and sightseers who come
in for five minutes to rest their
feet. That section over there is
reserved for Senator's friends. The
front row--the empty one--is for the
President and White House guests--
see that old couple over there--
they've attended every session for
the last twenty years. Over the clock
back here is the Diplomatic section.
They and the page boys are the only
real class we have in this place.
The rest are mostly people who come
here like they go to the zoo--

JEFFERSON
Those busts up there--all around the
wall--who are they, sonny?

BOY
All the ex-vice-Presidents. You can
get ten-to-one around here if you
think you can remember their names.
The Vice-President presides over the
Senate--you know that. It's how he
earns his pay. Oh--over there, Senator--
on the east side of the Chair we
still have the old snuff boxes with
real snuff in them if you like snuff.

JEFFERSON
Thanks very much, sonny--

BOY
I'll take your hat into the cloak
room.

JEFFERSON
Here--let me give you a Boy Ranger
button.

BOY
Swell. Thanks very much.
(He takes Jeff's hand)
Good luck, Senator. Keep your left
up.

Jeff, looking up toward the Press Gallery, sees Saunders and
waves to her.

PAINE comes to Jeff.
PAINE
Hello, Jeff--sorry, I've been on a
committee all morning. Got your
credentials--when the Vice-President
calls you, you go down that center
aisle and I'll meet you there--he's
about ready to come in now, Jeff.
Good luck--

Paine pats Jeff's shoulder and moves away. Senators are
separating and making for their seats. Jeff excitedly sits
down again.

After a full view of the CHAMBER, showing people subsiding
into their seats all over the gallery, we see the gray, small
PRESIDENT of the Senate. He has a mild, humorful face.
Everything is in order in front of him as he looks out over
the body of the Senate and picks up the small ivory gavel-
head. His eyes look off intently at something. He raises his
gavel a the long hand of the CLOCK that comes to view jumps
to twelve o'clock exactly. Two gavel pounds are heard.

PRESIDENT
(pounding twice again)
The Senate will come to order!

The body is lulled, though a few members are walking to their
desks. Then the Senator occupying the desk traditionally
used by the majority leader (front and center and on the
right side of the aisle) rises.

MAJORITY LEADER
Mr. President.

PRESIDENT
Senator Agnew.

MAJORITY LEADER
I ask unanimous consent that the
reading of the journal of the previous
calendar day be dispensed with and
the journal stand approved.
(He sits)

PRESIDENT
(bored, mechanically)
Is there objection?
(A pause)
The journal stands approved.

JEFFERSON is seen in close view, his attention darting from
one point to the other.

SENATOR'S VOICE
Mr. President...
PRESIDENT'S VOICE
Senator Brownell.

SENATOR'S VOICE
I suggest the absence of a quorum.

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
The clerk will call the roll.

At the ROSTRUM, the Chief Clerk proceeds to call the roll
and Senator's voices answer to their names--"here" or
"present."

The Clerk is next seen passing up the roll sheet to the
President, who looks at it.

PRESIDENT
Eighty Senators have answered to
their names. A quorum is present.

Paine rises.

PAINE
Mr. President...

PRESIDENT
Senator Paine.

PAINE
I present the credentials of Honorable
Jefferson Smith who has just been
appointed Senator by the Governor of
my state.

A page takes the credentials from Paine's hand and takes
them to the desk.

PAINE
The Senator-designate is present--

JEFFERSON looks startled.

PAINE'S VOICE
...and I ask that the oath of office
be administered to him at this time.

The PRESIDENT is picking up what are evidently Jefferson's
credentials.

PRESIDENT
If the Senator-designate will present
himself at the desk, the oath will
be administered.

JEFFERSON, swallowing, frightened, is glued to his seat for
an instant. People in the Gallery and the Senate turn to
look for him; among them are Saunders and, in the Press
Section, Diz. A few of the Senators consult the newspapers
on their desks, significantly.

PAINE rises, motioning to Jefferson to get to his feet, and
JEFFERSON, on seeing him, gets up unsteadily. Paine starting
to the back, indicating that he is to follow him, Jefferson
advances to the rear of the center aisle where Paine is now
waiting for him. Then both of them start down the aisle toward
the Rostrum--while the people (including Saunders, the Press,
and groups of Senators) watch them advance, some of the
Senators appearing tight-lipped and disapproving. Aware of
the eyes on him, JEFFERSON, in the company of PAINE, arrives
at the lower level of the Rostrum, while the people of the
press rise to look over their desks at the ceremony. Then
Paine indicates to Jefferson to mount one more step to the
level just below the President's desk. But as Jefferson makes
the designated step up, and the President is about to rise,
a voice cracks out from somewhere out in the Chamber.

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Serious, Tense, Excited

Summary Entering the Senate chamber for his swearing-in ceremony, Senator Jefferson navigates the unfamiliar surroundings with the help of a young boy. Guided by Thomas Paine, Jefferson approaches the front as the Senate clerk calls the roll. Amidst the watchful eyes of senators and reporters, Jefferson stands at the Rostrum, feeling nervous yet honored as he prepares to take the oath of office.

Strengths

Building tension and anticipation
Realistic portrayal of political process
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be too formal or expository

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in tension.
The dialogue between Jefferson and the boy about the Senate Chamber is informative but doesn't add much to the overall story or character development.
The transition from the boy's explanation of the Senate Chamber to Jefferson being sworn in as Senator feels abrupt and lacks a smooth flow.
There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
The visual descriptions are minimal, missing an opportunity to create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a clear conflict or tension to the scene to engage the audience and drive the story forward.
Focus on developing the emotional journey of Jefferson as he is sworn in as Senator, adding depth to his character and the overall narrative.
Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about Jefferson's thoughts, feelings, and motivations in this pivotal moment.
Add more visual descriptions to create a vivid and engaging setting for the scene, immersing the audience in the Senate Chamber.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SENATOR'S VOICE
Mr. President! I rise to a question
of order!

All turn to the Senator who has risen. Jefferson, standing
before the President, turns to look back.

PRESIDENT
The gentleman will state it.

SENATOR
(who is now seen in
close view)
I seek to ascertain, Mr. President,
if the gentleman about to be sworn
in is fully aware of the
responsibilities of his high office--
and that the members of this body
strive to conduct themselves at all
times--

We see JEFFERSON, his puzzlement deepening as he hears the
Senator.

SENATOR'S VOICE
--with dignity and sincerity.

The SENATOR is seen gesturing with a newspaper.

SENATOR
I refer to his astounding and
shameless performance for the
newspapers this morning.

PAINE is seen wincing (he knew this was coming) as he listens.

SENATOR'S VOICE
A *versatile* performance, I grant
you--

There are titters from all over the house. The PRESIDENT
brings the gavel down, and looks up at the gallery.

PRESIDENT
Order in the chamber.

SENATOR
(while the entire
chamber is visible)
--but one that brings his rank down
to the level of a side-show
entertainer--and reflects on the
sincerity, if not the *sanity*, of
the highest body of lawmakers in the
land!
(Waving the paper)
I seek to learn if this is the
gentleman's conception of the nature
of his office!

JEFF turns impulsively to the PRESIDENT.

JEFFERSON
I don't understand, sir! I don't
know what the gentleman--

PRESIDENT
(banging gavel)
The Senator has no voice in this
chamber until the oath of office has
been administered!

PAINE
Mr. President! I will answer the
gentleman! My colleague was innocent
in the matter referred to. He was
completely misquoted. I *know*
Jefferson Smith--and I will *vouch*
for it--he has the greatest possible
respect for his office and for these
gentlemen.

A SENATOR'S VOICE
Mr. President!

PRESIDENT
(eyes on Jefferson
with sympathy; bangs
gavel)
The swearing in of the Senator-
designate is the order of business!
(He rises. The chamber
is in full view)
The gentleman will raise his right
hand and repeat after me the following
oath--

Jefferson does as bid. The President recites the oath, and
Jefferson repeats after him:

PRESIDENT
"I do solemnly swear--that I will
support and defend the Constitution
of the United States--against all
enemies, foreign and domestic--that
I will bear true faith and allegiance
to the same--that I take this
obligation freely--without and mental
reservation and purpose of evasion--
and that I will well and faithfully
discharge the duties of the office
on which I am about to enter. So
help me God."

JEFFERSON
(finishing)
"So help me God."

PRESIDENT
Senator, you can talk all you want
to, now.

The President shakes hands with Jefferson. Paine shakes his
hand, then, guides him down one step to the clerk where
Jefferson, dazed, understands that he is to sign the register.
Then Jefferson and Paine start back up the center aisle, all
eyes following them, and ripples of laughter breaking out
from all over the Chamber.

JEFFERSON is seen making his way back up the aisle. Suddenly
he snatches up a paper from a desk he passes, and his eyes
fasten on the headlines. He continues to walk, reading--his
jaw muscles tightening--then he looks up into the Press
gallery.

The scene now dissolves to a MONTAGE, first the headlines
appearing over Jeff's incredulous expression as he reads. He
starts walking--hands clenched, murder in his eye--he meets
a reporter of the night before, grabs him, socks him and
marches on. He meets another one in a different place--socko
again! Finally he smacks Nosey--and marches on--. Next we
see a pair of DOORS, on which is printed "Press Club," and
when these doors are pushed aside violently the PRESS CLUB
BAR is visible as Jeff stands glaring. Newspaper men are at
the bar and at tables ranged along the wall. Conversation--
smoke. Sweeney, Farrell, Flood, Summers and Diz are there--
and Nosey.

NOSEY appears with Diz and Sweeney, at one of the tables.

NOSEY
He's on a rampage. The streets aren't
safe. I came up here to--
(Looking toward door
suddenly)
Oh-oh. Tarzan!

Heads turn in that direction, as Jeff starts toward Nosey.
When he gets within five steps, he suddenly lunges forward
and grabs him. He draws his right hand back to hit--the boys
leap in--and a free-for-all is on. Chairs and tables go over.
Finally, Jeff is swarmed under--down on his back on the long
seat against the wall while Nosey is under a table.

VOICES
Whoa, now...
Wait a minute...
Take it easy, Senator...
We don't go in for slugging around
here...
If you can behave yourself now...

Jeff stop struggling.

NOSEY
(from under a table)
Meet Senator Smith, boys.

They pile off Jeff--who sits up slowly, looking the worse
for wear. His pugnacity is gone, and he is calm, hurt and
bitter.

SWEENEY
You act like a man with something on
your mind--

FLOOD
What's the idea--charging in like
that on the gentlemen of the Press--
?

Genres: Drama, Political, Satire
Tone: Sarcastic, Agitated, Bitter, Calm

Summary During his Senate swearing-in, Jefferson faces accusations due to a misquoted newspaper article. Despite Paine's defense, Jefferson impulsively defends himself before the President reminds him of protocol. Paine vouches for Jefferson's character, who is then sworn in. Enraged by the misquoted article, Jefferson attacks reporters, including the author, before being restrained.

Strengths

Strong character development
Tension-filled conflict
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion in the physical altercation sequence

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the Senator's questioning of Jefferson's fitness for office, creating a sense of unease and uncertainty.
The dialogue between the Senator and Jefferson adds depth to the scene, showcasing the Senator's skepticism and Jefferson's confusion and frustration.
The visual descriptions help to set the scene and create a vivid image of the chamber and the characters' reactions.
The transition from Jefferson being sworn in to his outburst in the Press Club Bar is abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
The escalation of Jefferson's anger and subsequent physical altercation with the reporters feels slightly rushed and could benefit from more gradual buildup.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or reactions from Jefferson to further explore his emotions and thought process during the Senator's questioning.
Work on transitioning between the solemn swearing-in ceremony and the chaotic outburst in the Press Club Bar to create a more seamless connection between the two moments.
Develop the confrontation in the Press Club Bar with more nuance and detail to show the progression of Jefferson's emotions from confusion to anger to eventual resignation.
Explore the aftermath of the altercation in the Press Club Bar to provide closure to the scene and show the impact of Jefferson's outburst on his relationships with the press and his own sense of self.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
(bitterly)
*Gentlemen*! Gentlemen are supposed
to believe in something decent.
Instead of twisting facts and making
a joke of everything--why don't you
tell the people the *truth* for a
change?

VOICES
The truth!
Well, the man wants the truth!
"What *is* truth?" asked so-and-so,
and turned away!

JEFFERSON
That's what I said--the *truth*!
SWEENEY
How'll you have it--dished out--or
in a bottle?

DIZ
Well, if that's what you want, Senator--
sit down--. We'll see what we can
do.

JEFFERSON
There isn't a chance I'd find it
here!

SUMMERS
No?

FLOOD
Why--*truth* is the *business* of a
few of us correspondents, Senator--

FARRELL
Leaving out the Noseys, of course--

JEFFERSON
Yes? And the people of this country
pick up their papers--and what do
they read?

DIZ
Well--*this morning* they read that
an incompetent clown arrived in
Washington parading like a member of
the Senate--

Jeff makes a leap for Diz.

JEFFERSON
Why, you--!

The men are on him and push him back.

VOICES
Whoa!
Hold it!
Pipe down!
Come on, now--that's enough of that.

JEFFERSON
(yelling)
If you thought as much of being honest--
as you do of being smart--!

DIZ
Honest! Why, we're the only ones who
can *afford* to be honest about what
*we* tell the voters. We don't have
to be re-elected, like politicians--
VOICES
Hear! Hear!

SWEENEY
For instance, we tell 'em when the
phonies, crackpots and hillbillies
come here to make their laws--

FARRELL
And if it's the *truth* you want--
what are *you* doing in the Senate?

FLOOD
What do *you* know about laws--and
making laws--and what the people
need?

JEFFERSON
(tormentedly blurting)
I--I don't *pretend* to know!

DIZ
Then what are you doing in the Senate?

SWEENEY
What's he *doing*? Why--*honorary*
appointment!

SUMMERS
Sure! *I* see! When the country needs
men up there who *know* and have
courage--like it never did before--
he's just going to decorate a chair
and get himself *honored*--!

FARRELL
Oh, but he'll *vote*! Sure. Like his
colleague tells him--

DIZ
Yes, *sir*--like a Christmas tiger.
He'll nod his head and vote 'yes'.
You're not a Senator! You're an
honorary *stooge*! And should be
showed up!

FLOOD
Have a drink, Senator!

As the last crack hits, Jeff gets to his feet like a shot,
as if ready to kill. The men stand firm and Jeff stops dead.
He glares around; they stare back in contempt. Jeff's anger
flows away. He finally says quietly:

JEFFERSON
(after a pause)
Good day--gentlemen.

And he starts grimly for the door--the men falling aside
quietly to let him through.

The scene dissolves to PAINE'S LIVING ROOM, with JEFFERSON
speaking tensely to PAINE.

JEFFERSON
I mean, sir--if I'm going to stay in
the Senate--I ought to know what I'm
doing--at least, I ought to try to
study the Bills that are coming up--

PAINE
The *Bills*? Jeff--let me advise you--
as your father would--politics is a
business--sometimes a cruel business.
In your time here, you couldn't even
start on those Bills. They're put
together by legal minds--after a
long study. Why, after twenty years,
I can't understand half of them
myself. No, really, Jeff--in your
own interests--

JEFFERSON
(downcast, turning
away)
Well, then--I--I don't feel I can
stay, sir.

PAINE
Jeff, look--didn't you say something
to the papers about wanting to create
a National Boys' camp? Were you in
earnest about that?

JEFFERSON
Yes, I was--

PAINE
Well, why not do it? There's a job
for you. Get a Bill started to
accomplish it--present it to Congress--
it would be a great experience--

JEFFERSON
Senator Paine, if I could do just
that one thing while I'm here, I--
I'd feel that I--

PAINE
What's to stop you? Saunders will
help you with it--

JEFFERSON
(elatedly)
I will, sir! I will!
(Taking Paine's hand)
I--I don't know how to thank you. I
knew, if any man could help me--

PAINE
Nonsense, Jeff.

JEFFERSON
Thank you, sir. Thank you for your
time.

PAINE
Here--where are you running off to?

JEFFERSON
Well, I'm sort of anxious to get
back to the office--

Susan, looking quite ravishing, appears suddenly.

SUSAN
Father--oh.

PAINE
Jefferson dropped in for a minute,
Susan.

SUSAN
(with a distinct lack
of emotion)
How nice. How do you do, Senator?

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Bitter, Tense, Contemptuous, Elated

Summary Jefferson confronts the reporters in a newspaper office about their lack of truthfulness and honesty in their reporting. The reporters mock and belittle Jefferson, causing him to become enraged but unable to fight back. Frustrated and humiliated, Jefferson seeks advice from Paine, who suggests he focus on a single issue to make a difference during his time in the Senate.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Exploration of political themes
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Potential for the scene to become overly didactic or preachy

General Critique

The scene effectively portrays the tension and conflict between Jefferson and the reporters, highlighting the challenges he faces as a newcomer in the Senate.
The dialogue captures the hostility and skepticism towards Jefferson's abilities as a Senator, adding depth to the scene.
The scene effectively conveys Jefferson's frustration and sense of isolation in a hostile environment.
The transition from the heated confrontation with the reporters to the conversation with Paine in the living room is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
The scene could benefit from more nuanced interactions between Jefferson and the reporters to showcase his resilience and determination in the face of adversity.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or reactions from Jefferson to provide insight into his thoughts and emotions during the confrontation.
Work on the pacing of the scene to ensure a seamless transition between the intense confrontation and the subsequent conversation with Paine.
Explore opportunities to showcase Jefferson's growth and determination in the face of challenges, highlighting his resilience as a character.
Consider incorporating subtle gestures or actions from Jefferson to convey his emotions and reactions more vividly.
Enhance the dialogue to reflect the power dynamics and tensions between Jefferson and the reporters, adding layers to the conflict.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
(dry-mouthed; his
eyes fastened on the
lovely creature)
How--how do you do, Miss Paine?
(With reference to
his clothes)
I--I apologize for looking like this--
I--I have to be going now--

SUSAN
How are the pigeons?

JEFFERSON
Fine--they're fine.
(Then suddenly)
Oh, Miss Paine, I--I want to apologize--
what the papers said I said about
you--that wasn't true. I--I would
never say a thing like that.

SUSAN
(with tongue in cheek)
Did you hear, Father? He didn't mean
it when he said I was beautiful.

JEFFERSON
Oh--you are!

SUSAN
Then you *did* say it.

JEFFERSON
No--I mean--yes--that is--

In a great perspiring fuss, he drops the subject like a hot
coal, comes to Paine quickly and seizes his hand.

JEFFERSON
Well, goodbye, sir--and thank you
again.
(Starting to back
toward the foyer as
he speaks to Susan)
Well--it--it was nice seeing you,
Miss Paine--

SUSAN
Goodnight, Senator--

Jeff is still backing.

JEFFERSON
Goo-goodnight, Miss Paine.
(To Paine again)
Goodnight, sir--goodnight.

And at this point he backs right into a delicate side-table
with a lamp on it. Table and lamp go down with a crash.

JEFFERSON
Gosh! Darn!

He scrambles to pick up the table and lamp. There's been no
damage.

JEFFERSON
(as he picks things
up)
I'm sorry! Gee! I hope--

PAINE
That's all right, my boy--don't bother--

JEFFERSON
Gosh!
(Straightens lamp on
table)
Well--looks good as new. If there
*is* any damage, I'll--
PAINE
(laughing)
Good as new! It's quite all right--

Jeff starts backing into the foyer again.

JEFFERSON
Well--goodnight.

PAINE
Goodnight, Jeff.

JEFFERSON
Goodnight, Miss Paine.

SUSAN
*Goodnight*!

Jeff turns like a rabbit and heads for the hall door. We
hear it slam. Susan laughs loudly. Paine looks toward the
foyer thoughtfully.

PAINE
(reflectively)
Well, at the expense of some of the
furniture, Susan--you've made another
conquest.

SUSAN
What! Not Ol' Honest Abe!

PAINE
And Honest Abe's ideals. A rare man--
these days.

The scene dissolves to JEFF'S OUTER OFFICE, at night, with
Saunders at her desk, as McGann comes charging in, perspired
and bothered.

MCGANN
Well! Hear anything? Any sign of
him?

SAUNDERS
How'd you like a punch in the nose?

MCGANN
(startled)
What! Who?

SAUNDERS
That's what he's been doing since
last heard from.

MCGANN
Whaddaya mean! What did *I* have to
do with it? I don't blame the guy.
(Sinking into chair,
exhausted)
Wow! Twenty-four hours in this town
and nothing but dog-fights! And things
aren't bad enough--last night I have
to get a run-around from some wise
dame--

SAUNDERS
(innocently, slipping
over a southern accent)
My, my--you sho' are pahwerfully
upset, Mister McGann--but you' awfully
cute.

MCGANN
Yeah? Well, when I get my hands on a
red-headed doll with a southern lingo,
I'll--

He breaks off--her southern accent just sinking through. The
look he throws is quietly terrific. At this instant, a lively,
whistled rendition of "Dixie"--out in the corridor--breaks
in on them.

As the door is swung open, JEFF bursts in, marching in step
to his spirited whistle. He marches right up to the astounded
Saunders and McGann--and finishes his whistle with a flourish.

JEFFERSON
(in high spirits)
You should hear our Ranger Band rattle
that off--if you want to *hear*
something! Good evening, Miss
Saunders. Good evening Mister McGann.

MCGANN
(finding his voice)
H'ya, Senator. I--I've sorta been
looking for you--

JEFFERSON
You have?
(Then--quickly)
Will you come in a minute, Miss
Saunders.

He starts for the private office.

MCGANN
Uh--Senator--I thought you and me
might go out to dinner together--and
grab off a few monuments.

JEFFERSON
Oh, I couldn't tonight. Thanks a
lot.

Saunders follows Jeff.

In JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE: he enters, marching to his desk.
Saunders comes slowly toward him, after closing the door.

SAUNDERS
Go ahead--punch.

JEFFERSON
Punch?

SAUNDERS
I had a lot to do with that little
press conference last night--

JEFFERSON
(excitedly)
Well, then, I--I *thank* you, Miss
Saunders! Nothing better could have
happened--. Yes *sir*, Miss Saunders,
we're going right ahead with it!

SAUNDERS
We're going right ahead with--*what*?

JEFFERSON
Why, the Bill--the Bill--to make a
National Boys' Camp...

SAUNDERS
One moment, Senator. Do I understand
you're going to present a *Bill*?

Genres: Comedy, Drama
Tone: Humorous, Reflective, Awkward

Summary Jefferson, disheveled and apologetic, attempts to apologize to Miss Paine for his previous comments. Paine and Miss Paine tease him, leading to a clumsy exit. McGann reports conflicts involving Jefferson to Saunders, who responds sarcastically. The scene ends with Jefferson rushing out, prompting Paine and Miss Paine to discuss his eccentricities.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character development
Engaging interactions

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Predictable outcomes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, leading to a lack of engagement for the audience.
The dialogue feels forced and awkward, especially Jefferson's nervous and clumsy behavior.
The interactions between the characters, particularly Jefferson, Miss Paine, and McGann, lack depth and authenticity.
The scene transitions abruptly from one moment to the next without a smooth flow, making it feel disjointed.
There is a lack of emotional depth or conflict in the scene, making it less impactful and memorable.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the character interactions and dialogue.
Work on creating more natural and authentic dialogue that reflects the personalities and motivations of the characters.
Consider adding layers to the characters' emotions and reactions to make the scene more engaging and relatable.
Ensure smooth transitions between moments to maintain a cohesive and coherent narrative flow.
Introduce a stronger emotional or thematic element to the scene to make it more impactful and memorable.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
Sure! A Bill. Senator Paine and I
decided it was the one way in the
world I could make myself--

SAUNDERS
Pardon me. Senator Paine decided
this *with* you?

JEFFERSON
Yes. Sure. It was his idea. *I* should
have been the one to think of it--

SAUNDERS
My dear Senator, have you the faintest
idea of what it takes to get a Bill
passed?

JEFFERSON
I know--but you--you're going to
help.
SAUNDERS
If I were *triplets*, I couldn't--.
Look, Senator--let me give you a
rough idea. A member has a Bill in
mind--like you--a camp. Right?

JEFFERSON
Right.

SAUNDERS
Fine. Now, what does he do? He's got
to sit down first and write it up.
The where, when, why, how--and
everything else. That takes time--

JEFFERSON
Oh, but this one is so simple.

SAUNDERS
I see. *This* one is so simple--

JEFFERSON
And with your help--

SAUNDERS
Oh, yes. And *I'm* helping. Simple--
and I'm helping. So we knock this
off in record-breaking time of--let's
say three or four days--

JEFFERSON
Oh, just a day--

SAUNDERS
A *day*!

JEFFERSON
Tonight.

SAUNDERS
Tonight.
(Controlling herself
in a quiet burn)
Look--uh--I don't want to seem to be
complaining, Senator--but in all
civilized countries, there's an
institution called *dinner*--!

JEFFERSON
(laughing a little)
Oh--dinner. Yes. Well, I'm hungry,
too. I thought--maybe--we could have
something brought in--you know, like
big executives who eat off trays.
You see, we've got to light into
this and get it going--
SAUNDERS
Uh-huh. Well, dinner comes in on
trays. We're executives. And we light
into this. It is dawn. Your Bill is
ready. You go over there and introduce
it--

JEFFERSON
How?

SAUNDERS
You get to your feet in the Senate
and present it. Then you take the
Bill and put it in a little box--
like a letter box--on the side of
the rostrum. Just hold it between
thumb and forefinger and drop it in.
Clerks read it and refer it to the
right committee--

JEFFERSON
Committee, huh?

SAUNDERS
Committee.

JEFFERSON
Why?

SAUNDERS
That's how Congress--or any large
body--is run. All work has to be
done by committee.

JEFFERSON
Why?

SAUNDERS
Look--committees--small groups of
Senators--have to sift a Bill down--
look into it--study it--and report
to the whole Senate. You can't take
a Bill no one knows anything about
and discuss it among ninety-six men.
Where would you get?

JEFFERSON
Yes, I see that.

SAUNDERS
Good. Where are we?

JEFFERSON
Some committee's got it.

SAUNDERS
Yes. They give it to a *sub*-
committee, where they really give it
a going over--hold hearings--call in
people and ask questions--then report
back to the bigger committee--where
it's considered some more, changed,
amended, or whatever. Days are going
by, Senator. Days--weeks. Finally,
they think it's quite a Bill. It
goes over to the House of
Representatives for debate and a
vote. *But* it's got to wait its
turn on the calendar--

JEFFERSON
Calendar?

SAUNDERS
That's the order of business. Your
Bill has to stand *way* back there
in line unless the Steering Committee
decides it is important enough to be--

JEFFERSON
What's that?

SAUNDERS
What?

JEFFERSON
The Steering Committee.

SAUNDERS
(depressed)
Do you really think we're getting
anywhere.

JEFFERSON
Yes. Sure. What's a Steering
Committee?

SAUNDERS
A committee of the majority party
leaders. They decide when a Bill is
important enough to be moved up toward
the head of the list--

JEFFERSON
*This* is.

SAUNDERS
Pardon me--*this* is. Where are we
now?

JEFFERSON
We're over in the House.

SAUNDERS
Yes. House. More amendments--more
changes--and the Bill goes back to
the Senate--and *waits its turn on
the calendar again*. The Senate
doesn't like what the house did to
the Bill. They make more changes.
The House doesn't like *those*
changes. Stymie. So they appoint men
from each house to go into a huddle
called a conference and battle it
out. Besides that, all the lobbyists
interested give cocktail parties for
and against--government departments
get in their two cents' worth--cabinet
members--budget bureaus--embassies.
Finally, if the Bill is alive after
all this vivisection, it comes to a
vote. Yes, sir--the big day finally
arrives. And--nine times out of ten,
they vote it down.
(Taking a deep breath)
Are you catching on, Senator?

JEFFERSON
Yes. Shall we start on it right now--
or order dinner first?

SAUNDERS
(mouth drops open)
Pardon?

JEFFERSON
I said--shall we get started *now*
or--

SAUNDERS
(weakly)
Yes--sure. Why not?
(Then, very tired)
You don't mind if I take the time to
get a pencil?

She turns mechanically and heads for the outer office.

JEFFERSON
(calling after her--
laughing in high
spirits)
No! Go right ahead, Miss Saunders.

SAUNDERS
Thanks very much.

JEFFERSON
And a *lot* of paper!

As Jefferson starts picking up the telegrams and reading
them avidly, Saunders goes out. In the OUTER OFFICE, McGann
jumps up as Saunders goes to her desk to pick up paper and
pencils, which she does mechanically.

SAUNDERS
I wouldn't wait if I were you.

MCGANN
What do you mean? What's going on?

SAUNDERS
The Head Man's writing a Bill.

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Serious, Informative, Frustrated

Summary Senator Jefferson, despite Miss Saunders's warnings about the challenges involved, insists on starting the process of introducing a Bill immediately, even after dinner.

Strengths

Informative dialogue
Detailed look at legislative process
Character depth

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional impact
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the importance of introducing a Bill in the Senate. The dialogue between Jefferson and Saunders feels too casual and lacks the gravity of the situation.
There is a lack of depth in explaining the complexities and challenges of passing a Bill in Congress. The process is oversimplified and does not convey the intricate nature of legislative procedures.
The scene could benefit from more dynamic interactions between Jefferson and Saunders to create a sense of conflict and urgency. The dialogue feels too straightforward and lacks emotional depth.
The transition from discussing the Bill to ordering dinner feels abrupt and disrupts the flow of the scene. It diminishes the importance of the task at hand and undermines the seriousness of the situation.
The scene could be improved by incorporating more visual elements to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience. Visual cues can help convey the complexity of the legislative process and the characters' emotions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more tension and urgency to the scene by emphasizing the importance of introducing a Bill in the Senate. Create a sense of stakes and pressure to highlight the gravity of the situation.
Provide a more detailed and accurate explanation of the legislative process involved in passing a Bill in Congress. Show the complexities and challenges faced by legislators to make the scene more realistic.
Enhance the dialogue between Jefferson and Saunders to add depth and emotional resonance. Develop their interactions to create a more engaging and compelling exchange of ideas.
Avoid abrupt transitions between discussing the Bill and ordering dinner. Maintain a consistent tone and focus on the task at hand to keep the scene coherent and impactful.
Introduce more visual elements to enhance the storytelling and immerse the audience in the legislative process. Use visual cues to convey emotions, conflicts, and the complexity of the situation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

MCGANN
A Bill! Not *him*!

Saunders silently gathers pencils and paper. She starts back
toward the Private Office.

MCGANN
(calling after her)
What does he want to--? What's *he*
doing writing a Bill?

SAUNDERS
(without stopping--
giving it the Southern
accent again)
Why, he's a Senator, isn't he? I'm
surprised at you, Mister McGann--
(and she passes into
the Private Office)

McGann is a man fit to be tied. Suddenly he lunges for his
hat and starts out quickly into the corridor.

The scene dissolves to the exterior of PAINE'S HOTEL as Paine
and Susan, dressed for the evening--and in the company of
three other people (an elderly gentleman, a second man and a
middle-aged woman), are entering a limousine waiting at the
curb. A newsman, with camera, is running alongside Paine.

NEWSMAN
Do you mind, Senator? I'd like a
picture.

Paine stops before the limousine, as the others get inside.
The photographer gets set. Before he can snap it, McGann
rushes up.

MCGANN
(in a breathless
whisper)
Joe--drop everything and come with
me!

PAINE
What's the matter?

NEWSMAN
(motioning McGann
aside)
Do you mind?

MCGANN
(to Paine)
Smith--do you know what he's doing?--
writing Bills!

PAINE
Yes, I know. I told him to.
(Putting McGann aside)
Pardon me, Charles. We're late to an
Embassy dinner--

The photographer gets his shot, and Chick leaps back to Paine.

MCGANN
Joe! You *told* him to!

PAINE
Yes--a camp bill that will never get
beyond a first reading. So calm down,
Chick--and--goodnight.

Paine gets into the limousine--and the door closes.

MCGANN
Joe! Jim said--*monuments*!

The car pulls out--and McGann is left on the curb.

The scene dissolves to JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE at night,
revealing SAUNDERS AND JEFFERSON. Saunders is against one
end of the desk with papers before her; Jefferson, his coat
off, is walking in circles--in the throes of creating his
bill.

(Dinner trays, with empty dinner dishes on them, are in
evidence.)

JEFFERSON
(in a brown study)
--that's the main idea, Miss Saunders.
The United States Government isn't
going to buy or build this camp--
just lend us the money. You've made
a note of that, huh?

SAUNDERS
Yes, Senator--*twice*.

JEFFERSON
(walking circles)
Uh--have you?
(Running his hand
through his hair)
Did you ever have so much to say
about something--you couldn't say
it?

SAUNDERS
(dryly)
Try sitting down.

JEFFERSON
I did--and--and I got right up.

SAUNDERS
Now, let's get down to particulars.
How big is this thing? Where is it
to be? How many boys will it take
care of? If they're going to buy it--
how do they make their contributions?
Your Bill has to have all that in it--

JEFFERSON
And something else, too, Miss Saunders--
the spirit of it--the idea--the--

In his walk, he has come to the window. He points out
suddenly.

JEFFERSON
That's what's got to be in it.

She looks in that direction, and sees the lighted CAPITOL
DOME, as seen through the window--with JEFFERSON in the
foreground.

JEFFERSON
(pointing)
That.

SAUNDERS indicates that she sees the Dome, her eyebrows
lifting a little.

SAUNDERS
(quietly--with only a
touch of sarcasm)
On paper?

JEFFERSON
(still looking out of
the window, not
conscious of her
cynical question)
I want to make that come to life--
yes, and lighted up like that, too--
for every boy in the land. Boys forget
what their country means--just reading
"land of the free" in history books.
And they get to be men--and forget
even more. Liberty is too precious
to get buried in books, Miss Saunders.
Men ought to hold it up in front of
them--every day of their lives and
say: "I am free--to think--to speak.
My ancestors couldn't. I can. My
children will."

And we see SAUNDERS looking at Jefferson with a new
expression--
listening rather raptly--then starting to make rapid notes.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
The boys ought to grow up
*remembering* that.

He breaks off--turns from the window--collecting himself out
of a daze--and a little embarrassed.

JEFFERSON
Well--gosh--that--that isn't
"particulars," is it?

SAUNDERS
But you've just taken care of the
spirit all right.

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Inspiring, Reflective, Passionate

Summary Despite McGann's frustration over Senator Paine's focus on drafting a camp bill, Jefferson and Saunders collaborate in Jefferson's office to craft a bill emphasizing the importance of liberty for every young boy.

Strengths

Powerful character development for Jefferson
Compelling theme of liberty and freedom
Emotional resonance and inspiration

Weaknesses

Lack of overt conflict
Limited interaction with other characters

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with characters engaging in disjointed conversations and actions.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity in character interactions.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection between the characters, making it difficult for the audience to engage with the scene.
The scene transitions abruptly between different locations and characters, causing confusion and disrupting the flow of the story.
The scene fails to effectively convey the significance and impact of Jefferson's desire to create a National Boys' camp, missing an opportunity to build emotional resonance.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear and cohesive narrative arc for the scene, with a central conflict or goal driving the character interactions.
Work on improving the dialogue to make it more natural, engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
Enhance the emotional depth and connection between the characters to create a more compelling and relatable scene.
Smooth out the transitions between different locations and characters to maintain a coherent and seamless storytelling experience.
Highlight the importance and emotional weight of Jefferson's vision for the National Boys' camp to evoke a stronger response from the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
Well, anyway, it's *something* like
that--
(Then--impulsively)
And it *is* important. That--that
Steering Committee has *got* to see
it that way. And I'm sure Senator
Paine will do all he can--
(Breaking off)
He's a fine man, Miss Saunders, isn't
he? He knew my father, you know.

SAUNDERS
He did?

JEFFERSON
We need a lot like him--his kind of
character--ideals.

SAUNDERS
(dropping her head to
the paper)
Uh--getting back to this, Senator--

JEFFERSON
Yes, yes--

SAUNDERS
Now, this camp is going to be out in
your state, of course--

JEFFERSON
(with enthusiasm)
About two hundred of the most
beautiful acres that ever were!
Mountains, prairie land, trees,
streams! A paradise for boys who
live in stuffy cities--
(Breaking off)
You don't know that country out there,
do you, Miss Saunders?

SAUNDERS
No.

JEFFERSON
I've been over every foot of it. You
couldn't have any idea. You'd have
to see for yourself--
(gazing off, enraptured)
--the prairies--the wind leaning on
the tall grass--

SAUNDERS is seen again, raptly watching him.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
--lazy streams down in the meadows--
and angry little midgets of water up
in the mountains--
(again seen, together
with SAUNDERS)
--cattle moving down a slope against
the sun--camp-fires--snowdrifts...
(Breaking off)
Everybody ought to have *some* of
that--*some* time in his life. My
father taught me to see those things.
He grew up with our state--an' he
used to say to me, "Son, don't miss
the wonders that surround you. Every
tree, every sunset, every ant-hill
and star is filled with the wonders
of nature." He used to say, "Haven't
you ever noticed how grateful you
are to see daylight again after going
through a dark tunnel?" "Well," he'd
say, "open your eyes and always see
life around you as if you'd just
come out of a long tunnel."
(Then)
Where did *you* come from. Miss
Saunders?

SAUNDERS
(quietly)
Well--I guess I've been in that tunnel
all my life.

JEFFERSON
You mean--here?

SAUNDERS
Baltimore. Pure city-dweller.

JEFFERSON
But you've had beautiful country all
around you. You've just had to life
up your eyes!

SAUNDERS
City-dwellers never do that--for
fear of what might drop *in* 'em.

JEFFERSON
(observing her a second)
Have you always had to--work?

SAUNDERS
Since sixteen or so.

JEFFERSON
I take it your--your parents couldn't--
uh--

SAUNDERS
No, they couldn't. Father was a
doctor. The kind who placed ethics
above collections. That speaks well
for Father but it always left us
kind of--
(Then)
Could we get on with this, Senator?

JEFFERSON
It hasn't been easy, has it?

SAUNDERS
No complaints.

JEFFERSON
But--I mean--for a woman--And--you've
done awfully well--

SAUNDERS
Have I?

JEFFERSON
I never met anyone more--more
intelligent--or capable. I--I don't
know where I'd be on this bill of
mine without your help--
SAUNDERS
I don't see where we are *with* it.

JEFFERSON
(jumping)
No! Gosh! I better get moving here,
Miss Saunders--
(Suddenly)
Everybody else calls you just plain
"Saunders." Why can't I?

SAUNDERS
Go right ahead.

JEFFERSON
Saunders. That's better.
(Practicing)
Good morning, Saunders. Hello,
Saunders. How's the bill coming,
Saunders--?

SAUNDERS
(permitting herself a
laugh)
Terrible, thank you.

JEFFERSON
Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, we've got
"Saunders" settled. Maybe that was
my trouble all along.
(Rubbing his hands)
YEs, *sir*. I'm all ready to go now--
(Then--suddenly)
What's your *first* name?

SAUNDERS
Why?

JEFFERSON
Well--nobody calls you anything but
Saunders.

SAUNDERS
I also answer to whistles.

JEFFERSON
You--you've *got* a first name,
haven't you?

SAUNDERS
Look--I think we ought to skip it.

JEFFERSON
All right. Sure. Just curious. The
picture popped into my mind all of a
sudden of a pump without a handle--
or something--
SAUNDERS
Well, if it's all the same to you--

JEFFERSON
(kidding her)
I know. It's--Violet.

SAUNDERS
It *is* not!

JEFFERSON
Abigail.

SAUNDERS
No!

JEFFERSON
Letitia.

SAUNDERS
No!

JEFFERSON
Lena.

SAUNDERS
(laughing)
No! Stop it!

JEFFERSON
I've got more. You better tell me.

SAUNDERS
You win. It's--Clarissa.

JEFFERSON
(dashed down a little)
Clarissa. Oh. Uh-huh.
(Then)
Well, Saunders--let's go--

SAUNDERS
Now, *Susan*--that's really a *pretty*
name--

JEFFERSON
(rising to the bait)
Susan! Susan Paine--that's beautiful--

SAUNDERS
And a beautiful woman, too--don't
you think?

JEFFERSON
Yes. The most beautiful I think I
ever--gee--
(Catching himself--
leaping into action)
Say--we're *never* going to finish
this thing! Now, here we go, Saunders.
I'm going to talk faster'n you can
write--

Genres: Drama, Character Study
Tone: Enthusiastic, Reflective, Curious, Playful

Summary Jefferson and Saunders engage in a personal conversation that gradually breaks down barriers and leads to a deeper understanding. Jefferson's genuine interest in Saunders' background reveals her struggles and resilience, while his playful attempts to guess her name add a touch of camaraderie. As the conversation unfolds, both characters show a willingness to connect on a human level, moving beyond their initial professional roles.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character depth and development
Exploration of themes related to nature and childhood experiences

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Jefferson jumping from topic to topic without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially in the interactions between Jefferson and Saunders.
There is a lack of depth and emotional connection in the conversation between Jefferson and Saunders, making it difficult for the audience to engage with the characters.
The scene could benefit from more subtext and underlying tension to create a more dynamic interaction between the characters.
The transition between topics and the sudden shifts in tone make the scene feel disjointed and unfocused.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on establishing a clear objective or goal for the scene to give it a sense of purpose and direction.
Work on developing more natural and authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations.
Add layers of complexity to the conversation between Jefferson and Saunders by introducing subtext and underlying emotions.
Consider building up the tension between the characters to create a more engaging and dynamic interaction.
Smooth out the transitions between topics and ensure that the scene flows cohesively from one point to the next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Jefferson walks around rapidly. He is off at great speed
now.

JEFFERSON
The location of the camp. About two
hundred acres situated in Ambrose
County--Terry Canyon--

SAUNDERS is seen busily writing down the facts.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
--running about a quarter of a mile
on either side of Willet Creek--

SAUNDERS
(suddenly--sharply)
On either side of--*what*?

Jefferson pauses--a little astonished at her sharp question.

JEFFERSON
(seen with SAUNDERS
again)
Uh--Willet Creek. It's just a little
stream--

SAUNDERS
In Terry Canyon?

JEFFERSON
You--don't know it, do you?

SAUNDERS
(quickly)
No--

JEFFERSON
You couldn't. You've never been out
there, you said.

SAUNDERS
(quickly again)
No, I haven't. I guess I thought the
name was familiar.
(Then)
By the way, you discussed with Senator
Paine where the camp was to be
situated and everything?

JEFFERSON
Well--no. I didn't. Why?

SAUNDERS
Nothing. I just wondered. No *reason*
to take it up with him.
(Reading from pad)
"--about a quarter of a mile on either
side of Willet Creek--"

JEFFERSON
(picking up again)
Yeah. This land to be bought by
contributions from the boys. You
have that. Money to be--

Saunders, writing, looks up at Jefferson from under her brows
with growing interest.

The scene dissolves to the SENATE CHAMBER, with the Senate
in session and the President speaking:

PRESIDENT
--the chair lays before the Senate a
communication from the Secretary of
State, in response to Senate
resolution 343.

The communication is handed to the clerk, who begins to read.

In the PRESS GALLERY we see SAUNDERS with DIZ, Saunders
smiling down on the floor as the clerk's voice is heard.

SAUNDERS
Sit tight, Diz. The show commences
in just a minute.

DIZ
What show? Would you mind telling me
what's coming off here?

SAUNDERS
Certainly.
(Pointing down to the
floor)
Now there's the principal actor in
our little play.

In the SENATE CHAMBER, JEFFERSON is grasping the bill tightly
in his hand--nervously, perspiringly waiting. He smiles up
at Saunders and waves the bill. The Clerk's voice is heard.

In the PRESS GALLERY, Saunders smiles back at Jeff.

SAUNDERS
(to Diz)
Don Quixote--with bill.
Diz doesn't make anything of this. Saunders glances off--and
points.

SAUNDERS
Ah. One of the supporting characters.

DIZ
Who?

In the VISITOR'S GALLERY MCGANN is seen listening to the
proceedings.

In the PRESS GALLERY:

SAUNDERS
That gorilla in Man's clothing--
McGann.

DIZ
Oh, you mean--Puss in Boots.

SAUNDERS
Yes. Mostly "Puss."
(Pointing to the floor
again)
Oh, the *other* prominent character
in the play.

In the CHAMBER, PAINE is seen listening to the clerk.

In the PRESS GALLERY:

SAUNDERS
The Silver Knight. Soul of Honor--on
a tight-rope.

DIZ
What do I play?

SAUNDERS
You play--left field.

DIZ
Frankly, kid--are you goofy?

SAUNDERS
Diz--Don Quixote with bill is going
to get to his feet in a minute and
speak two important words--*Willet
Creek*. When that happens--if my
hunch is right--the Silver Knight
will fall off his tightrope and Puss
will jump out of his boots.

In the CHAMBER, the Clerk finishes what he has been reading.

A SENATOR
Mr. President--I ask that the
communication be referred to Committee
on Foreign Relations and printed.

PRESIDENT
It is so ordered.
(Then)
Introduction of bills--

JEFFERSON is seen in close view, his head jerking up.

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
--and joint resolutions.

JEFFERSON
(leaping to his feet,
and yelling loudly)
Mr. President!

The PRESIDENT is startled by the yell and a GROUP OF SENATORS
is seen turning around, also startled. In a portion of the
VISITOR'S GALLERY, people begin to titter--then laugh. The
gavel raps for order.

JEFFERSON, aware that he has caused a stir by his shout, is
embarrassed as the gavel continues rapping. PAINE is mildly
amused. But in the VISITOR'S GALLERY, MCGANN, tight-lipped,
is shaking his head. He doesn't like this.

PRESIDENT
(with a smile)
The chair recognizes the rather strong-
lunged junior Senator, Mr. Smith.

JEFFERSON
(almost in a whisper)
I--I'm sorry, sir. I--I have a bill--

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
You may speak a little louder,
Senator, but not too loud.

JEFFERSON
I have a bill to propose, sir.

PRESIDENT
Order, gentlemen. Our junior Senator
is about to make a speech. You may
proceed, Senator.

With trembling, fumbling hands, Jefferson gets his paper up
before him.

JEFFERSON
(reading)
"Be it enacted by the Senate and the
House of Representatives that there
be appointed as a loan--"

In the PRESS GALLERY, Saunders nudges Diz to watch McGann
and Paine.

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Tense, Serious, Humorous

Summary Jefferson proposes the location of a camp near Willet Creek, revealing he has not consulted with Senator Paine. In the Senate Chamber, Jefferson introduces the Willet Creek bill, facing scrutiny from McGann. Saunders highlights key players in the proceedings, including Jefferson, Paine, and McGann. Jefferson's unexpected outburst causes a stir, leading to Mcgann's disapproval.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Realistic character interactions
Effective portrayal of tension and humor

Weaknesses

Some moments of confusion in character dynamics

General Critique

The scene starts with Jefferson providing details about the location of the camp, but Saunders interrupts with a sharp question about Willet Creek, creating a moment of tension. This interruption could be more smoothly integrated into the conversation.
There is a lack of clarity in the transition between Jefferson and Saunders discussing the camp location and the scene shifting to the Senate Chamber. The connection between the two settings could be made clearer for the audience.
The dialogue between Jefferson and Saunders is informative but lacks depth in character interaction. Adding more emotional depth or personal connection between the characters could enhance the scene.
The visual elements in the scene are minimal, focusing mainly on the characters' dialogue. Including more visual cues or actions could make the scene more engaging and dynamic.
The introduction of the different characters in the Press Gallery and their roles in the unfolding events could be more seamlessly integrated into the narrative to avoid confusion for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining the dialogue between Jefferson and Saunders to include more emotional depth or personal connection to make the scene more engaging.
Work on smoother transitions between different settings to ensure a seamless flow of the narrative.
Enhance the visual elements in the scene by incorporating more actions or visual cues to create a more dynamic and engaging visual experience for the audience.
Integrate the introduction of different characters in the Press Gallery more organically into the narrative to avoid confusion and enhance the audience's understanding of their roles.
Consider adding moments of conflict or tension between Jefferson and Saunders to create a more compelling and dynamic interaction between the characters.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
"--a sum sufficient to create a
National Boys' Camp--"

JEFFERSON
(again visible)
"--to be paid back to the United
States Treasury by contributions
from the boys of America. This Camp
to be situated on the land at and
adjacent to the head waters of the
stream known as Willet Creek in Terry
Canyon--

PAINE is seen to be hit by lightning, and his eyes go
startledly to McGann in the gallery.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
"--for the purpose of bringing greater
education, mutual understanding--"

MCGANN rises in the GALLERY, signals to Paine, and starts to
go out.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
"--and the healthful life to the
boys of this great and beautiful
land!"

As Jeff finishes applause breaks out in the gallery. It is
caught up and grows. PAINE is seen hurriedly leaving the
chamber, while the applause continues.

PRESIDENT
Our young Senator will make a good
orator when his voice stops changing.

In the PRESS GALLERY, Saunders is nudging Diz.

SAUNDERS
Did you like the first act?

DIZ
Yeah. What about the second act?

SAUNDERS
That's taking place outside now.

We hear the gavel rapping for order.

In the CAPITOL VESTIBULE, Paine and McGann come together
quickly. They talk in undertones.
MCGANN
(in a controlled lather)
Did I hear right? Did he say *Willet
Creek*?

PAINE
Let's get away from here.
(He starts to pull
McGann along)

MCGANN
That's dynamite, Joe!

The scene dissolves to PAINE'S AUTOMOBILE.

PAINE
--amazing coincidence! Of all places
in the world--to choose Willet Creek
for his boys' camp!

MCGANN
Joe--I'm getting leery of this guy.
We keep calling him dumb--and he
keeps winding up in our hair! I'm
telling you--when he finds out there's
a dam going up where he wants his
camp, he's gonna start asking
questions six ways from Sunday--

PAINE
Be quiet, Chick--I'm trying to think--
(Then)
This Deficiency Bill is going to be
read in the Senate tomorrow.

MCGANN
Tomorrow! Joe--he'll hear the section
on Willet Dam. He can't be there!

PAINE
I know that.

MCGANN
Listen--tomorrow I take him to see
monuments--if I have to hit him over
the head with a couple!

PAINE
That won't work, Chick. This boy's
honest, not stupid.

MCGANN
Susan!

PAINE
My daughter isn't here to carry out
assignments like that for *anybody*.

MCGANN
Well, then--this is too much for
*my* lame brain. I'm calling Jim
Taylor.

PAINE
Jim's methods won't do in Washington.

MCGANN
Joe--listen--all Susan has to do is
turn those big eyes on him--he'll
fall all over himself--just keep him
out of there *one afternoon*--while
they read that bill--

The scene dissolves to the SENATE OFFICE BUILDING, in the
late afternoon, and JEFFERSON is seen marching along down
the corridor, in high spirits--whistling "Dixie." He turns
into his OUTER OFFICE, which is full of people. As he strides
in, the people leap up and make a dive for him.

PEOPLE
Can I see you, Senator--?
I'm from Jackson City--
Senator, just one minute of your
time--
I'm from the old home state, Senator--

Saunders, who has been sitting at her desk, leaps up and
comes to the rescue as the people begin to claw and pull
Jeff.

SAUNDERS
Whoa! Here--here--just a minute!
Keep your seats.
(Taking Jeff's arm)
This way, Senator--

She leads the dazed Jeff into his PRIVATE OFFICE.

JEFFERSON
(entering with Saunders)
What do they--? Who are all those--?

SAUNDERS
One of the plagues on members of
Congress--office-seekers, cranks,
people with pet bills. Get my son
into West Point--or *outta* West
Point. I've got a scheme to put people
to work. How do I get rid of
cockroaches? Some woman's composed a
hymn to replace the Star Spangled
Banner. Want to hear it?
JEFFERSON
(laughing)
No--not today! Boy, I feel like a
house afire! Saunders--how did I do?

SAUNDERS
Great.

JEFFERSON
I--I don't know how I got it out. My
heart was right up here all the time--
(Then--excitedly)
I wonder what Senator Paine thought
of it?

SAUNDERS
Must have been tickled pink.

JEFFERSON
Gee--I hope so. What's all this?

SAUNDERS
Contributions from boys who read
about your camp.

JEFFERSON
Already? All these letters?

SAUNDERS
Oh, those are only local. Wait'll
they start pouring in from all over
the country.

JEFFERSON
Do you mean all--look--look we'd
better open them up--see what they
say here--look at the money--what
does it say--"Dear Senator Smith, I
would like to come to your boy's
camp and I shine shoes at the station
and here's nine cents." Oh, isn't
that wonderful. Look and he signs
it. "Yours truly, Stinky Moore."
Isn't that marvelous?
(Breaking off--looking
in desk drawer)
Say--have I got some paper here?

SAUNDERS
Second drawer.

JEFFERSON
Good! I'm going to be pretty busy
tonight--

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Excitement, Playful, Nervous, Embarrassed, Frustration

Summary In this scene, Jefferson proposes a National Boys' Camp funded by contributions from boys across the nation. Paine, struck by lightning, looks startled. McGann signals to Paine and leaves the gallery. Paine and McGann discuss the implications of the proposed camp and the upcoming Deficiency Bill. The scene ends with Jefferson excitedly going through letters and contributions for the proposed camp in his private office.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character development
Political intrigue

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel rushed

General Critique

The scene lacks clear transitions between different moments and locations, making it slightly confusing for the audience to follow.
The dialogue between Jefferson and Saunders feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, considering the importance of the topic being discussed.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
The interaction between Jefferson and Saunders could be more dynamic and engaging to capture the audience's attention.
The scene could use more tension and conflict to keep the audience engaged and interested in the outcome.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding clear transitions between different moments and locations to improve the flow of the scene.
Develop the dialogue between Jefferson and Saunders to add depth and emotional resonance to their interaction.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a vivid and engaging setting for the scene.
Focus on creating a more dynamic and engaging interaction between Jefferson and Saunders to captivate the audience.
Introduce more tension and conflict to keep the audience invested in the scene and its outcome.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SAUNDERS
Not another bill?
JEFFERSON
No! Letters. I've got to write to
the Rangers and Ma--and--I'm bustin'
with news! Why, I've introduced a
bill! Me--Jeff Smith. I got up and
talked in the Senate!
(He sits down excitedly
at his desk)

SAUNDERS
Do you want to dictate them?

JEFFERSON
The letters? Gosh--no. I couldn't
talk letters. I've gotta scratch 'em
out. And say--I'm going to tell Ma
all about you. If I tell it right--
the first thing you know you're going
to get the best jar of preserves you
ever tasted.

SAUNDERS
(starting for the
door)
Thanks a lot.

JEFFERSON
Oh--*Saunders*!

He comes leaping around from behind the desk--grabbing her
hand.

JEFFERSON
I--I--gee whiz--I didn't thank you!

SAUNDERS
Don't mention it--

JEFFERSON
I mean it. I--without you, I
could't've--

The phone rings. Saunders takes a step to the desk to get
the phone. Jefferson goes back behind his desk.

SAUNDERS
Hello.
(Rather startled)
Who? Who?

In the PAINE LIVING ROOM:

SUSAN
(on the phone)
Susan Paine.
In JEFFERSON'S PRIVATE OFFICE, Jeff sits at his desk, prepared
to write--indifferent to Saunder's conversation. Saunders
casts a quick look at Jeff.

SAUNDERS
(into phone)
How do you do?... Yes, go ahead.

In the PAINE LIVING ROOM:

SUSAN
I'm sorry to bother you, Saunders--
but you've got to help me. I'm elected
to snatch Mr. Jefferson Smith from
the Senate tomorrow--

In JEFFERSON'S PRIVATE OFFICE, while Jeff is still busy over
his papers:

SAUNDERS
You're--what?

In the PAINE LIVING ROOM:

SUSAN
There's trouble brewing some place
and I'm to turn on my glamour for
him. I've got to take him out. You
sympathize, don't you, Saunders?

In JEFFERSON'S PRIVATE OFFICE:

SAUNDERS
(with a glance at the
occupied Jeff)
Awkward, isn't it?

In the PAINE LIVING ROOM:

SUSAN
Here's what you've got to do for me.
Take him out and buy him a suit of
clothes that fits--and a hat. A
manicure and haircut wouldn't do any
harm--and if you can get in a little
practice with a fork and a teacup--.
As one woman to another, Saunders--
that is, I hate to ask you to do it,
but--

In JEFFERSON'S PRIVATE OFFICE:

SAUNDERS
(into the phone)
But as one woman to another, of
course.
In the PAINE LIVING ROOM:

SUSAN
Thanks, Saunders. And now--is--uh--
young Lochinvar around?

In JEFFERSON'S PRIVATE OFFICE:

SAUNDERS
Yes--right here. Just a second--
(Extending phone to
Jeff)
Miss Paine.

JEFFERSON
(looking up as if he
had been kicked)
*Who*! Miss--! Is that--? Why didn't
you--? Holy smoke;
(Grabbing the phone--
breathlessly)
H-hello... Yes, Miss Paine... How--
how are you, Miss Paine...? What?...
Escort *you* Gee--I mean--*sure*--
*yes*! I'd be--. Reception for a
*princess*! Gosh!... Thanks, Miss
Paine. Yes. I--I'll be there! Goodbye,
Miss Paine.
(Hanging up, and
getting up excitedly)
Did you hear that?--Escort Susan
Paine--reception for a princess!
Imagine her calling me--asking *me*--
!

SAUNDERS
Get your hat, Senator. We've got a
lot to do between now and tomorrow--

JEFFERSON
Wow!

As he makes a dive for his hat, the scene dissolves to
glimpses of the shopping tour of Jefferson Smith:

He has the Prince Albert coat of a new suit on--standing
before a mirror--the sleeves too short--looking *really*
like a scarecrow--and being frightened of his own image in
the mirror. Saunders is standing by, supervising.

He is trying to walk in a pair of pointed black shoes. His
feet hurt terribly.

He is trying on hats. We catch one that sits on his head
like a peanut. He looks to Saunders, who shakes her head.

In a barber's chair--his hair being cut--his nails are being
manicured. He stares unbelievingly down at the manicurist's
work.

Jeff, in his rooms, is getting all tricked out in his new
clothes. Saunders ties his tie and puts a flower in his
buttonhole.

Finally the scene dissolves into the PAINE LIMOUSINE, and we
see, at last, the full result of the dressing of Jefferson
Smith--togged out from top to toe, and very uncomfortable.
Susan snatches glances at the effect, out of the corner of
her eyes.

JEFFERSON
(with a struggle)
I--I'm awfully glad to be--that is,
it was nice of you to--
(Giving up, he makes
an attempt at
conversation)
Uh--how's your father?

SUSAN
Splendid.

JEFFERSON
Uh--that's good. And--uh--you?

SUSAN
I'm splendid, too.

JEFFERSON
That's--that's splendid.

SUSAN
And how's your bill, Senator?

JEFFERSON
Oh, the bill. Oh--splendid--I mean--
(With a disarming
smile)
I--I just can't seem to talk in this
suit.
(Her eyebrows lift)
I'll tell you a secret. It's brand
new.

SUSAN
Well! You don't say!

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Excited, Playful, Awkward, Nervous

Summary Senator Smith prepares for an event with Miss Paine. He gets new clothes, a haircut, and a manicure. The scene ends with Senator Smith and Miss Paine in a limo on their way to the event.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character development
Humor

Weaknesses

Mild conflict
Lack of high stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, jumping from one topic to another without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with characters speaking in a stilted manner.
The transition between Saunders' phone call with Susan Paine and Jefferson's excitement about escorting her to a reception feels abrupt and disjointed.
There is a lack of depth in character interactions, with Jefferson's sudden excitement and Saunders' casual responses not fully explored.
The shopping tour montage could be more engaging and visually descriptive to enhance the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a central theme or objective for the scene to give it more direction and coherence.
Work on making the dialogue more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
Smooth out the transition between different conversations and actions to create a more seamless flow.
Develop the emotional depth of the characters' interactions to make them more engaging and relatable.
Enhance the visual elements of the shopping tour montage to add humor and visual interest.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
(intimately--boyishly)
It's just as well to tell you--because
if we're going to get off on the
right foot--I mean--in case I act
sort of strange--it's the suit.
SUSAN
(at a loss)
Well--I--

JEFFERSON
(laughing)
Funnier things have happened. Ma
says when Pa was courting her, he
acted strange for months. Didn't
make sense--or anything. And one
day, on a hunch, Ma said: "Clayton,
so help me, you talk like a man whose
collar is too tight to bear." "Not
the collar, Mary," he said, "my
shoes." "Well, for land's sake," Ma
said, "Take the pesky things off!"
Which Pa did, an' they were engaged
within a week.

SUSAN
You're not going to take your *suit*
off!

JEFFERSON
(alarmed)
No! No! Gosh. See, there you are!
I'm not making sense!

The scene dissolves to the LIVING ROOM OF DIZ'S APARTMENT,
at dinner time. Diz is mixing a drink. Saunders, her hat on
as though she hasn't been there long, is restless.

DIZ
Well--I stuck my foot in it again at
the President's press conference
today--
(Casually)
How come so early? Get the day off?

SAUNDERS
They decoyed the little General off
to a tea party to keep him out of
the Senate.

DIZ
Well, well--
(Then--picking up)
Yeah--I got smart and thought I'd
slip one over on the old man in the
press meeting. I said, "Mr. President,
about the monopoly investigation--"
And he jumps right in and says, "Diz,
if you were sitting in my chair,
would you answer the question you're
about to ask?" He had me.

SAUNDERS
(paying no attention)
I don't mind *who* gets licked in a
*fair* fight, Diz. It's these clouts
below the belt I can't take. Sicking
that horrible dame on him--when he's
goofy about her--

DIZ
What dame?

SAUNDERS
Paine.

DIZ
Oh--yeah--

SAUNDERS
He isn't going to hurt enough as it
is. *She* has to twist a knife in
him, too--the regal jackass! "I'll
turn my glamour on him," she says--

DIZ
Forget it, kid. What's it *to* you?

SAUNDERS
Nothing. I'm just saying--I might be
able to lie, cheat, steal--and I'd
still tear into a guy I saw kicking
a dog. Not that *he* is, by a long
shot--

DIZ
Okay. So what? Stop worrying. I've
told you--the dopes are gonna inherit
the earth anyway--

SAUNDERS
I've wondered, Diz--maybe this Don
Quixote's got the jump on all of us.
I've wondered--maybe it's a curse to
go through life wised up like you
and me--

DIZ
Now, look, kid--if we're gonna wonder,
let's go down and do it over a hunk
of steak.
(Handing her a drink)
Come on, snap out of it. Diz Moore--
that rarest of companions--is here
at your side.
(Lifting his glass)
To genteel crime, kid.

SAUNDERS
(lifting hers)
And to Don Quixote!

The scene dissolves to a RESTAURANT at night, with SAUNDERS
AND DIZ at a corner table--drinks in front of them--both
feeling pretty high and loose-tongued. Saunders is alternating
lightness with grimness. (Music from someplace off). Diz is
finishing a story.

DIZ
--and the guy sees a drunk, lookin'
around under the street lamp, see--
and he says--whatsa matter?--lose
somethin'? Yeah--my cigarette case--
dropped it in the next block.
(Pointing way over)
Next block!--the guy says to the
drunk--whaddaya lookin' for it here
for?... 'Cause there's more light
here, the drunk says--

They laugh.

SAUNDERS
Why do I always laugh at that?

DIZ
"There's more light here," he says--

SAUNDERS
Drunks are funny--

DIZ
Yeah. Funny--

SAUNDERS
(reflectively--sober
suddenly)
Yeah.

DIZ
Yeah. Some of my best friends are
funny.

SAUNDERS
Every time I think of it, I get a
laugh, Diz.

DIZ
My friends?

SAUNDERS
Old Don Quixote--man of the people
Smith--

DIZ
(calling)
Waiter!
SAUNDERS
--followin' Miss Susan Fass-Pass
around--his little heart poundin'
away--the sound of angels' wings in
his ears.

The waiter comes over.

DIZ
Now, you've gone and let Don Quixote
in here again. I told you to keep
him out!

SAUNDERS
Shut up, Diz.

DIZ
(to waiter)
Mind, now! Keep Don Quixote out of
here!

The waiter backs away--shaking his head.

SAUNDERS
And I got him all dressed up, too--
to go way up in a balloon--so they
can drop him a long way--make sure
they break his heart. Why, not all
the Boy Rangers in the world, working
night shifts, 'll be able to put
Humpty-Dumpty together again--

DIZ
Now--how'd Humpty-Dumpty get in here?

SAUNDERS
Do you know how I felt, Diz?

DIZ
No. How'd you feel? Quick.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Reflective, Humorous

Summary Jefferson reveals to Susan his discomfort in his suit but refuses to take it off. Diz and Saunders discuss recent events at Saunders' apartment before heading to a restaurant. Saunders expresses sympathy for Jefferson's infatuation with Susan, leading to a reflective moment.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Authentic character interactions
Humorous moments

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, with the conversation between Jefferson and Susan feeling disjointed and lacking in substance.
The transition between Jefferson and Susan's conversation to Saunders and Diz at the restaurant is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly, leaving the reader confused.
The dialogue between Saunders and Diz, while attempting to be light and humorous, comes across as forced and disconnected from the overall narrative.
There is a lack of depth and emotional resonance in the interactions between the characters, making it difficult for the audience to connect with their experiences and feelings.
The scene fails to advance the plot or develop the characters in a meaningful way, resulting in a stagnant and unengaging moment in the screenplay.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each conversation serves a specific narrative or character development goal.
Smooth out the transition between different conversations or settings to create a more cohesive and engaging flow.
Focus on creating authentic and meaningful dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations, adding depth and emotional resonance to their interactions.
Consider integrating elements of conflict or tension to drive the scene forward and keep the audience invested in the story.
Use this scene as an opportunity to reveal important information, deepen character relationships, or set up future plot developments to keep the narrative engaging and dynamic.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SAUNDERS
Like a mother sending her kid off to
school for the first time--watchin'
the little fella toddling off--in
his best bib and tucker--and you
sink in the middle--hoping he can
stand up to the other kids--won't
get his feeling hurt--and--if you
could only spare him the knocks he's
gotta take--
(Catching herself)
Say--who started this?

DIZ
*I'm* just waiting for a street car--
SAUNDERS
Well--cut it out. See? Who *cares*
anyway?

DIZ
I apologize.

SAUNDERS
*All right*, then. After all, what's
it to me? So they *drop* him out of
a balloon. All I care is--I don't
want to be around. See? Squeamish.
See? That's what I am. No, sir. I
don't have to take it. Won't be a
party to no murder. I'm gonna quit.
I'm through.

DIZ
Again? Good idea.

SAUNDERS
Diz--

DIZ
Yeah.

SAUNDERS
How about getting married?

DIZ
(same tone)
Good idea. When?

SAUNDERS
Any time.

DIZ
Tonight?

SAUNDERS
Okay. You don't mind?

DIZ
I'll cherish ya.

SAUNDERS
You--you've been a good egg, Diz.
Maybe we could clear out of this
town--get to feel like *people*--get
the habit of lifting up our eyes--
live like we just got out of a tunnel.

DIZ
(startled)
Tunnel?
SAUNDERS
You've never seen prairie grass with
the wind leaning on it, have you,
Diz?

DIZ
Is the wind tired out there?

SAUNDERS
Or angry little mountain streams--
and cattle moving against the sun.
You haven't seen any of that, have
you, Diz?

DIZ
Have *you*?

SAUNDERS
No.

DIZ
Do we *have* to?

SAUNDERS
(flinging the mood
off)
No! I can't think of anything more
sappy!)

DIZ
Well, let's get going.

SAUNDERS
Where?

DIZ
We're gonna get married.

SAUNDERS
(getting her purse
and hat together)
Yeah--that's right. Diz--

DIZ
What?

SAUNDERS
I case you don't know--I want to
give ya a chance to back out if you
don't like it--

DIZ
What?

SAUNDERS
My first name's--Clarissa.
DIZ
Yeah, I know. That's okay.

SAUNDERS
Don't say "okay," Diz. Say you think
it's beautiful.

DIZ
Okay--I mean--

SAUNDERS
You don't know a name off-hand you
like better, do you, Diz?

DIZ
(thinking)
No--not offhand--

SAUNDERS
Nothing like--uh--Susan--or anything
like that, huh?

DIZ
Susan? Nah!

SAUNDERS
(breaking into Diz
violently)
I won't take it! See? I won't be
party to murder. See? Steering a
poor dope up blind alleys for that
grafting Taylor mob is low enough.
But helping that dame cut him up in
little pieces besides--nobody's gonna
make me do that. No, sir.

DIZ
You said it!

SAUNDERS
I'm getting out of there. Right now,
Diz. Right now. Bonus or no bonus.
I'm gonna clear outa that office--
everything I own--my extra hat--
everything--

She starts to scramble out from behind the table. Diz is
startled by her sudden, furious movements.

DIZ
Hey! We're gettin' married--!

SAUNDERS
(without pausing)
Right now--everything I own--!

She is on her way. Diz, with a great effort, scrambles out
from behind the table after her.

The scene dissolves to JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE, where JEFFERSON,
his collar undone, is writing with great eagerness, his eyes
alight. Suddenly a desk drawer slams off scene. He looks up.

JEFFERSON
(calling)
Saunders?

No reply. Another desk drawer slams.

JEFFERSON
Saunders!

SAUNDERS' VOICE
Whadaya want?

Jeff, puzzled at the tone of her voice, rises. He starts
slowly around from his desk.

JEFFERSON
Saunders--I looked for you--

She appears in the doorway, pugnaciously.

SAUNDERS
Yeah? What for?

She heads for the coat-rack to get her extra hat.

SAUNDERS
I know. Don't tell me. It was a
wonderful party. Your suit went over
big. And she looked beautiful, and
she gave her hand when you left her--
and said--"Thank you, Mr. Smith."
Oh, but it was the way she *said*
it. You like to fell through the
floor--Horseradish!

JEFFERSON
(fairly speechless
under this violent
attack)
Saunders--!

SAUNDERS
And you're writing Ma all about it.
And your pigeons will carry the
message of love. And the first thing
you know--Susan Paine'll get the
best jar of preserves she ever tasted!

JEFFERSON
Are you drunk?
She returns to the OUTER OFFICE--Jeff following.

There Diz is collapsed in a chair, and Saunders is collecting
her things.

Genres: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Reflective, Playful, Emotional

Summary Saunders is frustrated and angry with Jefferson's plan to kill Norman. She compares it to sending a child to school for the first time and being worried about them getting hurt. Diz is supportive of Saunders and agrees to marry her after she proposes. Saunders and Diz decide to get married and leave town, leaving Jefferson alone and confused.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development

Weaknesses

Sudden shifts in tone
Lack of clarity in character motivations

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and emotions. Saunders' sudden decision to quit and get married feels rushed and lacks proper build-up or explanation.
The dialogue between Saunders and Diz is disjointed and lacks a natural flow. The sudden shifts in tone and topic make it difficult to follow the conversation.
The scene lacks depth and fails to provide a clear understanding of the characters' relationships and dynamics.
Saunders' sudden outburst and decision to quit without a clear reason or explanation feels forced and unrealistic.
The scene lacks a clear resolution or development of the characters' arcs, leaving the audience confused about the purpose and impact of the interaction.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Provide more context and background information to explain Saunders' sudden decision to quit and get married.
Focus on developing a more coherent and natural dialogue between Saunders and Diz to improve the flow of the scene.
Add depth to the characters' emotions and motivations to make their actions more believable and relatable.
Consider adding a gradual build-up to Saunders' decision to quit and get married to make it feel more organic and impactful.
Ensure there is a clear resolution or development of the characters' arcs to provide closure and a sense of progression in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SAUNDERS
Certainly. You didn't think I was a
lady, did you? You don't think a
*lady* would be working for this
outfit. Even *I* can't take it
anymore. I quit. Can't take a lot of
things. *You*. I can't watch a simple
guy like you--
(Breaking off--in a
burst)
Why don't you go back home? Take my
advice. Go on back to your prairies--
roust your rangers around--tell your
little streams about your camp and
the land of the free! This isn't any
place for you. You're half-way decent.
You don't belong here. Go home. That's
all I'll tell you. That's all. I owe
my conscience that much. I owe it a
lot more, but--
(Suddenly--indicating
Diz)
Meet the man I'm going to marry!

DIZ is seen forcing a smile and feeble wave at Jeff.

DIZ
Tha's me.

Saunders turns viciously on Jeff, who is stunned and silent.

SAUNDERS
Well--why don't you say something--
what are you standing there for--?
(Then--on a wild
impulse)
Wait a minute!

She tears for the files--dives into one section of them.

SAUNDERS
Why don't I get out of this place
clean?
(Lifting a printed
bill out)
Want to be a Senator, huh? Gonna
build a camp on Willet Creek! See
this? Appropriations Bill. A little
section--number forty. A *dam's*
going up where you think you're gonna
have a camp. Ever hear of it? No.
They read all about it in the Senate
today--but you weren't supposed to
hear it. That's why that ritzy dame
took you in tow. That's why they
sent you here in the first place--
because you wouldn't know a dam from
a bathtub!
(Flinging it on a
desk)
Go ahead--*try* to build your camp--
*try* to mess up Mr. Taylor's little
graft! Go ahead--be a Senator! But
if you *can't* be--and you can't in
nine million years--go on home--don't
hang around here making people feel
sorry for you! Come on, Diz.

She grabs Diz by the hand and pulls him to the door, while
Jeff stares blankly at the bill on the desk.

In the CORRIDOR, DIZ and SAUNDERS come through. She stops,
looking ahead dazedly.

DIZ
Well--let's dig up the preacher,
kid.

SAUNDERS
(in a suddenly sobered
trance)
Huh?

DIZ
You know, we're getting married.

SAUNDERS
(suddenly cracking
up, sobbing)
Take me home, Diz.

The scene dissolves to PAINE'S LIVING ROOM at night. Jeff is
on his feet, in the midst of a dramatic delivery. Paine is
trying to sit calmly and judicially. McGann, tipped back in
a chair, is whittling his nails, trying to seem disinterested.

JEFFERSON
(emphatically)
--I may not know much about a lot of
things, sir--but I know that Willet
Creek country like a book--and--and
I tell you, Senator Paine--there's
something *wrong* about this dam--
why, there isn't a foot of water in
that creek--it's dry four months out
of the--

PAINE
Jeff--listen--this was all taken up
in the State Legislature and approved--
they're going to divert waters from
up above--

JEFFERSON
But--there are a hundred other places
in the state that *need* the water.
Besides--I talked to Kenneth Allen,
who owns some of that land--and he
didn't say anything about a dam. No--
I'm sure, sir--there's something
wrong--and I--I won't vote on this
thing until I get a lot of questions
answered--

PAINE
(strongly)
Jeff! You're trying to understand in
a moment everything about a project
that took two years to set up--the
reasons--the benefits--

JEFFERSON
Yes--the *benefits*! What's a man
called Taylor got to do with this?

McGann's tipped-back chair comes forward with a thud and he
gets up.

JEFFERSON
He's a newspaper publisher I know--
and--

MCGANN
What makes you think he's got
*anything* to do with it?

JEFFERSON
Saunders said--this whole thing was
*his* idea to get graft--!

PAINE
(forcefully)
One minute, Jeff!

McGann starts quickly in the direction of the foyer.

PAINE
You're accusing *me* of helping to
frame a bill for the benefit of *one*
individual--

McGann enters a TELEPHONE CLOSET in the foyer and picks up
the phone.

PAINE'S VOICE
--of helping to put through a scheme
for *graft*!

McGann kicks the door closed.

MCGANN
(grimly--into the
phone)
Long distance. Get me James Taylor--
Jackson City--Main 3100--

The scene dissolves to the GOVERNOR'S LIBRARY at night. Hubert
is in his dressing gown and nightshirt--fearful. Taylor paces
furiously. Kenneth Allen, middle-aged, sits by quietly.

TAYLOR
Boy Ranger! The answer to a prayer.
Manna from heaven! Didn't know the
time of day--!

HUBERT
Will you please tell me *exactly*
what he's done?

TAYLOR
Yes! He's about to blow the whole
machine to smithereens--and *you
with it*, Mr. Governor!

HUBERT
Me! Jim--how--?

Genres: Drama, Political, Suspense
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Emotional

Summary Saunders quits her job and informs Jeff about the dam construction on Willet Creek. Jeff confronts Paine, but Paine and McGann attempt to justify the dam. McGann alerts Taylor of Jeff's suspicions, leaving him worried about their plans being jeopardized.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Revealing dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

General Critique

The scene starts with Saunders abruptly quitting her job and expressing her frustration towards Jeff, which feels a bit rushed and lacks a smooth transition. The emotional outburst could be more effectively built up to create a stronger impact.
Saunders' sudden revelation about the dam being built on Willet Creek and its impact on Jeff's plans feels a bit forced and could be integrated more seamlessly into the conversation. The delivery of this crucial information could be more nuanced and impactful.
The dialogue between Saunders and Jeff lacks a natural flow and feels a bit disjointed. The emotional intensity of the scene could be enhanced by refining the dialogue to make it more engaging and emotionally resonant.
The interaction between Saunders, Diz, and Jeff could benefit from more depth and complexity to fully capture the emotional turmoil and conflict within the characters. Developing their dynamics further could add layers to the scene and make it more compelling.
The transition from Saunders revealing the information about the dam to the scene in Paine's living room could be smoother to maintain the narrative flow and coherence of the story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider building up to Saunders' outburst by showing subtle signs of her frustration and internal conflict before the dramatic reveal. This will make her actions more believable and impactful.
Integrate the information about the dam more organically into the conversation between Saunders and Jeff. Create a more gradual buildup to the revelation to enhance its emotional and narrative impact.
Refine the dialogue between Saunders and Jeff to make it more engaging, authentic, and emotionally resonant. Focus on capturing the characters' emotions and motivations effectively through their interactions.
Further develop the dynamics between Saunders, Diz, and Jeff to add depth and complexity to their relationships. Explore their conflicting emotions and motivations to create a more compelling and nuanced scene.
Ensure a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the narrative flow and coherence of the story. Consider using visual cues or subtle hints to connect the different parts of the scene seamlessly.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

TAYLOR
You couldn't understand! Listen, Ten
Thumbs, I'll be on my way to
Washington in half an hour. Whatever
happens, I'm all ready for this Ranger
of yours. Never mind how. You'll get
your instructions from Ken Allen
here. It isn't anything you have to
do. I wouldn't trust you to lick a
stamp. Allen'll do it himself. You
just use your *high office* to help
him get it done. Understand?

HUBERT
Y-yes, Jim.

TAYLOR
I doubt it! Come on, Ken.

Taylor starts for the door--Allen following.

HUBERT
Jim--wait--will you please tell me--
?

Taylor and Allen have slammed out.
HUBERT
(protesting frantically--
to himself)
Blow *me* to smithereens! My record
is *clean*!

The scene dissolves to TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE in Washington,
with Taylor seen at his breakfast--calm, quiet. Around him
are Paine, McGann and three men--Congressmen Radner, Schultz
and Diggs.

PAINE
(nervously)
--I've used every argument in the
world to try to turn him off. He
just keeps coming back to the dam--
and what he knows--

MCGANN
Saunders! I'd like to tie her in a
sack and drop her from the Brooklyn
Bridge--

PAINE
(waving at the three
men)
--now he wants to talk to the
Congressmen from the Willet Creek
districts--he's run their names down--

There is a knock on the door.

TAYLOR
That's him. Let him in.

PAINE
(suddenly--alarmed)
Wait a minute--Jim--you didn't ask
*Smith* over here!

TAYLOR
What do you think?

PAINE
Jim, you can't come here and pull
that steamroller stuff. Your methods
won't do here. This boy is a Senator,
however it happened, he's a Senator.
This is Washington.

TAYLOR
Steamroller stuff, Joe? My methods
don't go in Washington? They've done
pretty well by now, haven't they?

PAINE
Oh, Jim, that's beside the point.
This boy's different. He's honest
and beside he thinks the world of
me. We can't do this to him.

TAYLOR
Well, what do you want me to do?
Stand around like you chump and let
that drooling infant wrap that Willet
Creek Dam appropriation around my
neck. Either he falls in line with
us and behaves himself or I'll break
him so wide open they'll never be
able to find the pieces.

PAINE
Jim, I won't stand for it.

TAYLOR
You won't stand for it?

PAINE
I don't want any part of crucifying
this boy.

TAYLOR
Oh, I see. Out steamroller methods
are getting too hard to your sensitive
soul, is that it, Joe? The Silver
Knight is getting to big for us. My
methods have been all right for the
past twenty years, Joe, since I picked
you out of a fly-specked hole in the
wall and blew you up to look like a
Senator, and now you can't stand it.
Well, maybe you won't have to stand
it, Joe. Maybe we can fix it so you
and your Boy Ranger can go home
together.

PAINE
Jim, you don't have to--

TAYLOR
Oh, it's all right--it's all right.
It seems a shame, though, to part
company like this after all these
years, especially now with a national
convention coming up. Joe, I've put
everything I have behind you. And so
did all of our friends, but I guess
we'll survive. We'll just have to
find somebody else that's got a little
more sense, that's all. In the
meantime, you explain to Mr. Smith
about Willet Dam. It's your bill--
it's your reputation, and if he can't
find enough facts to break you with,
you just send him to me and I'll
give him a couple of good ones. I'm
taking the next plane home.

PAINE
Jim, it's just that I like the kid--
I don't want to see you get too rough
on him.

TAYLOR
I'm glad to see you come to your
senses. You had me scared there for
a minute, thought.
(To McGann)
Let him in.

McGann opens the door, and Jeff stands in the doorway.

TAYLOR
Come in.

Jeff enters, looking around at the faces he has never seen
before.

PAINE
Jeff--this is Mr. Taylor.

TAYLOR
(taking his hand)
Glad to know you, Senator. Meet the
boys--

PAINE
(quickly)
Congressmen, Radner, Schultz, Diggs--

VOICES OF CONGRESSMEN
How are you, Senator?
Glad to know you.
How do you do?

TAYLOR
I happened to be passing through,
Senator. I wanted to meet you. Thanks
for coming. Sit down.

Jeff hesitates, looks at the men, his eyes resting on Paine
a moment. More and more puzzled, he takes a chair just a
step away.

TAYLOR
Well. I hear you've been right on
your toes since you got here. Pitching
right in. Lots of people took you
for dumb--but they're wrong. You're
smart. In fact, *I* think you're
smart enough to understand a situation
when it's explained to you--

JEFFERSON
Like what, Mr. Taylor?

TAYLOR
Well now--just to take an example--
putting up a dam--on Willet Creek.
As I look at it--that dam's going to
do the people of our state a lot of
good--

JEFFERSON
Yes, so I was told, Mr. Taylor, but--

TAYLOR
(interrupting)
But you have some objections here
and there. And maybe right, for all
I know. But the point is--there's no
sense stopping the whole works now--
specially after some men have worked
hard for a long time to put this
through--

JEFFERSON
What is your interest in this, Mr.
Taylor?

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Tense, Confrontational, Manipulative

Summary Taylor confronts Hubert, warns him to assist Allen and not interfere. In Washington, Taylor discusses plans with Paine, McGann, and Congressmen. Paine expresses concern, dismissed by Taylor. Taylor attempts to persuade Jeff to support the Willet Creek Dam project, met with skepticism.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Sharp dialogue
Power dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of resolution in the scene

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the power dynamics and motivations of the characters. It is not clear why Taylor is pressuring Hubert and what his ultimate goal is.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks subtlety, with characters explicitly stating their intentions and conflicts rather than showing them through actions and subtext.
The conflict between Taylor and Hubert is not well-established or developed, making the tension in the scene feel contrived.
The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, with characters behaving in a one-dimensional manner and the dialogue coming across as heavy-handed.
There is a lack of nuance in the portrayal of the power struggle between Taylor and Hubert, making the scene feel predictable and cliched.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing the characters' motivations and relationships more subtly, allowing the tension to build organically.
Consider adding layers to the conflict by introducing more complexity to the power dynamics between Taylor, Hubert, and Jeff.
Show, don't tell - use actions and subtext to convey the characters' intentions and emotions, rather than relying on explicit dialogue.
Add depth to the scene by exploring the internal conflicts and moral dilemmas faced by the characters, particularly Hubert and Jeff.
Consider adding more nuance and ambiguity to the interactions between the characters, creating a sense of unpredictability and intrigue.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

TAYLOR
Mine? Why--naturally--whatever
benefits the state is mighty important
to me--owning a lot of its industry--
newspapers and other odds and ends.
And if I thought you had the welfare
of the state at heart, like myself--
for instance, if you were to turn
around and help a project like this
along instead of standing in the way--
why, I'd say you were a man to watch.
For a fellow your age, you'd be in a
spot to make a great start in life.
If you liked business--you could
pick any job in the state and go
right to the top. Or politics. If
you like being a Senator. No reason
why you couldn't come back to that
Senate for the rest of your life.

PAINE
Jim!

TAYLOR
(sharply)
Just a minute, Joe!
PAINE
(fighting)
You can't say *that* to--

TAYLOR
*I* know what I'm doing! I'll say
what I *want*!

Paine rushes to the door and is gone. There is silence for
an instant. Jeff rises.

TAYLOR
Sit down, Smith. I'm not through.

Jeff remains standing.

TAYLOR
As I was saying--the state *needs*
men like you--*smart* men.
(Indicating the boys)
Now, these boys are. And they've
been doing all right. They don't
worry about being re-elected--or
anything else. They take my advice--
and they'll go a lot farther yet.
So, you see, you've got a pretty
important question to settle for
yourself, Smith. But you're smart.
You can decide that right now, can't
you?

Jeff looks from Taylor to the other boys.

TAYLOR
(after a pause)
Can't you?

JEFFERSON
(quietly)
You mean--you tell these men--and
Senator Paine what to do?

TAYLOR
Yes! I've told Senator Paine for
twenty years--

JEFFERSON
You're a liar!

Jeff turns and starts for the door. Taylor rushes after him.

TAYLOR
Smith!
(Stopping him at the
door)
You heard what I said. And I've *got*
to have your answer--*now*!
(As Jeff starts to go)
Listen. To put it another way--if
you've got any fool notion of bucking
this thing--if you open your mouth
when that bill is read in the Senate
tomorrow--if you so much as lift a
finger to stop it--you're through--
like no man *ever* was! I'm all ready
for you. Understand? I give you my
word on that. You're finished!

Jeff grabs violently for the door and barges out.

TAYLOR
I give you my word!

The scene dissolves to PAINE'S PRIVATE SENATE OFFICE, as
Jeff enters, closing the door behind him. Paine, standing
near his desk--strained and miserable--cannot meet Jeff's
accusing, damning gaze.

PAINE
(faltering)
Jeff--I want to talk to you--sit
down--

Jeff remains standing--his eyes fixed on Paine.

PAINE
Listen, Jeff--you--you don't
understand these things--you mustn't
condemn me for my part in this without--
you've had no experience--you see
things as black or white--and a man
as angel or devil. That's the young
idealist in you. And that isn't how
the world runs, Jeff--certainly not
Government and politics. It's a
question of give and take--you have
to play the rules--compromise--you
have to leave your ideals outside
the door, with your rubbers. I feel
I'm the right man for the Senate.
And there are certain powers--
influence. To stay there, I must
respect them. And now and then--for
the sake of that power--a dam has to
be built--and one must shut his eyes.
It's--it's a small compromise. The
*best* men have had to make them. Do
you understand?
(Desperately and with
greater emotion as
Jeff is silent)
I know how you feel, Jeff. Thirty
years ago--I had those ideals, too.
I was *you*. I had to make the
decision you were asked to make today.
(Breaking out)
And I compromised--yes! So that all
these years I could stay in that
Senate--and serve the people in a
thousand honest ways! You've got to
face facts, Jeff. I've served our
State well, haven't I? We have the
lowest unemployment and the highest
Federal grants. But, well, I've had
to compromise, had to play ball. You
can't count on people voting, half
the time they don't vote, anyway.
That's how states and empires have
been built since time began. Don't
you understand? Well, Jeff, you can
take my word for it, that's how things
are. Now I've told you all this
because--well, I've grown very fond
of you--about like a son--in fact,
and I don't want to see you get hurt.
Now, when that Deficiency Bill comes
up in the Senate tomorrow you stay
away from it. Don't say a word. Great
powers are behind it, and they'll
destroy you before you can even get
started. For your own sake, Jeff,
and for the sake of my friendship
with your father, please, don't say
a word.

Jeff goes out quickly--as Paine stops dead, staring after
him.

The scene dissolves to the VISITOR'S ROOM adjacent to the
Senate Chamber, with TAYLOR and PAINE huddled together,
talking in low tones and rapidly--people occasionally passing
in the background.

TAYLOR
It's in your lap, Joe. Keep an eye
on him. If he gets to his feet and
says anything--

PAINE
It's crucifying him--!

TAYLOR
Anything *better* to offer?

PAINE
Maybe he won't get up.

TAYLOR
But--if he *does*, Joe--

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Confrontational

Summary In a private meeting, Taylor pressures Jeff to support the Deficiency Bill in the Senate, offering him political rewards in exchange. Jeff refuses, accusing Taylor of controlling Senator Paine. Paine enters and tries to justify his political compromises, appealing to Jeff's emotions and warning him of the consequences of opposing the bill. Jeff leaves, and Paine is left grappling with his guilt. Taylor and Paine discuss the situation in hushed tones, fearing Jeff's potential actions in the Senate.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth
Character conflict

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

General Critique

The scene is intense and confrontational, with Taylor pressuring Jeff to support the Deficiency Bill in the Senate.
There is a power play evident between Taylor and Jeff, with Taylor using threats and manipulation to get Jeff to comply.
Paine's internal struggle and attempt to justify his actions to Jeff add depth to his character, but also highlight his moral dilemma.
The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the conflicting ideologies and motivations of the characters involved.
The emotional turmoil experienced by Jeff and Paine is effectively portrayed, adding layers to their characters and the overall tension of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more physical actions or gestures to enhance the intensity of the scene, such as Jeff's body language reflecting his defiance towards Taylor.
Explore the internal conflict within Jeff as he grapples with the pressure from Taylor and the revelations from Paine, adding more depth to his character development.
Provide more context or backstory to further explain Taylor's motivations and the dynamics of power at play in the scene.
Consider incorporating visual cues or setting descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid atmosphere for the audience.
Focus on building the emotional stakes for each character to increase the audience's investment in the outcome of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

The bell sounds--Paine walks away quickly.
TAYLOR
(calling after in low
voice--cautioning)
Joe! If he *does*--!

The scene dissolves to the SENATE CHAMBER, which first reveals
the PRESIDENT of the Senate speaking.

PRESIDENT
--during the consideration of the
Deficiency Bill, there is a unanimous
consent agreement--

JEFFERSON is seen keeping his head up, his expression
revealing nothing about what he intends to do.

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
--that no Senator shall speak more
than once, or longer than five minutes--

PAINE is seen looking over at Jefferson.

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
--on any section of the bill. The
clerk will begin the reading.

Now the CLERK rises with a copy of the bill in his hands.

CLERK
(reading)
"A bill providing for deficiency
appropriations for the fiscal year.
Section One. For emergency relief--"

In the VISITOR'S GALLERY, TAYLOR AND MCGANN are sitting
tensely, looking down on the Senate floor.

CLERK'S VOICE
"--to create and erect public
improvements on rivers, harbors and
roadways in the states of--"

In the SENATE, the CLERK in now half-way through the bill,
held plainly in his hands.

CLERK
(reading)
"Section Forty: An appropriation for
diverting and impounding the
headwaters of Willet Creek--"

JEFFERSON is seen alert and anxious and determined.

CLERK'S VOICE
"--in the natural basin of Terry
Canyon. Five million dollars--"
Jeff leaps up. His hands are clenched. His face is white.

JEFFERSON
Mr. President!

TAYLOR AND MCGANN, in the Visitor's Gallery, come forward in
their seats.

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
Does the Senator desire to be heard
on Section Forty?

JEFFERSON
(on his feet now)
I do, sir.

PRESIDENT
The Senator understands he is limited
to five minutes?

JEFFERSON
(tense and pale)
Yes, sir--

In the VISITOR'S GALLERY, Taylor's eyes are darting fire in
the direction of Paine.

TAYLOR
(viciously--under his
breath)
Joe!

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
You may proceed.

In the CHAMBER, Paine is seen holding the corners of his
desk tensely.

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
Mr. President--this section of the
bill--this dam on Willet Creek is
nothing but a--

PAINE
Mr. President!

Paine is on his feet. Jeff, puzzled, looks toward Paine and
stops.

PRESIDENT
(to Jeff)
Does Senator Smith yield to his
colleague Senator Paine?

JEFFERSON, his eyes wonderingly on Paine, doesn't know what
to do for an instant.
JEFFERSON
(hesitantly)
Y-yes.

PAINE
(with difficulty--
while Jeff remains
standing)
Mr. President--gentlemen--I--I have
risen to a painful duty--to say that,
out of evidence that has come to my
attention, I consider Senator Smith
unworthy to address this body!

Senators turn around to look at Paine--on such an amazing
statement. A hum from the gallery. The gavel pounds.

JEFFERSON, seen closely, has his head turned to Paine in
frank wonderment.

PAINE'S VOICE
I--I have hesitated to speak--but,
in all conscience--

TAYLOR AND MCGANN are now tense but relieved.

PAINE'S VOICE
--I must.

PAINE, seen at close view, is under great strain, looking
away from Jeff and toward the chair.

PAINE
It is a charge as grave and--and as
infamous--as has ever been made from
the floor against a fellow member--

In the PRESS GALLERY, the Press Men are leaning forward
alertly--mouths open to catch the next word.

PAINE'S VOICE
I refer to the bill he has introduced
in this chamber to create a National
Boy's Camp. He named a portion of
land to be dedicated for that purpose--
(Hurling his charge
with desperate
strength)
and to be bought by contributions
from boys all over America.
(Gritting his teeth
to go on)
Senators--I have conclusive evidence
to prove that my colleague *owns*
the very land he described in his
bill! He bought it the day following
his appointment to the Senate! And
is holding it--using this body and
his privileged office--to legalize
an outrageous profit for himself--
out of the purchase of that land
through the nickels and dimes scraped
together by the boys of this country--
!

A close view reveals JEFFERSON, struck dumb and cold--as an
uproar goes up around him. And a close view shows TAYLOR AND
MCGANN satisfied, relieved, amid the shouting.

In the PRESS GALLERY, the reporters pile up the narrow aisle
stairs to the press room behind them, as the uproar in the
Senate is heard. In the SENATE PRESS ROOM (behind the Press
Gallery), the press boys come rushing in and dive for the
telegraphic services of the various newspaper men shouting:

--a near riot! Ranger Smith branded from the floor by--

--Paine hurls sensational graft charge at--

--nothing like it in fifty years! Paine charges Smith using
office to--

Senate orders immediate hearings--before committee on
Privileges and Elections--! Most terrific accusation in the
history of--

The scene dissolves to the SMITH SITTING ROOM in Jackson
City. It is evening and Ma is surrounded by kids--all staring
at headlines.

A BOY
Jeff--doing anything like that!

ANOTHER
They--they're crazy!

Genres: Drama, Political, Suspense
Tone: Tense, Anxious, Accusatory, Shocking, Relieved

Summary The scene opens with Paine abruptly leaving after the bell rings, leaving Jefferson's intentions ambiguous. As the Senate debates the Deficiency Bill, Paine interrupts Jefferson's speech on Section Forty, accusing him of personally profiting from the proposed dam project. Jefferson is stunned, while Taylor and McGann are relieved. The Senate erupts in chaos, with the press eager to report on the scandal.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
High emotional impact
Major plot development

Weaknesses

Some characters' motivations may need further exploration

General Critique

The scene starts with a sense of tension and anticipation, which is effective in drawing the audience in.
The dialogue between Jefferson, Paine, and the President of the Senate is engaging and reveals the conflict at hand.
The revelation of Paine accusing Jefferson of owning the land for the National Boy's Camp adds a dramatic twist to the scene.
The reactions of the Senators, Taylor, and McGann help to build the intensity of the moment.
The scene effectively conveys the chaos and uproar in the Senate chamber through the descriptions of the reactions of the characters and the press gallery.
The transition to the Smith Sitting Room in Jackson City at the end of the scene provides a glimpse of the impact of the accusations on Jeff's family and community.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Jefferson to further highlight his shock and disbelief at Paine's accusations.
Explore the emotional turmoil of Paine as he makes the accusations against Jefferson to add depth to his character.
Enhance the descriptions of the uproar in the Senate chamber to create a more vivid and chaotic atmosphere.
Provide more context or background information on the National Boy's Camp bill and Jefferson's intentions to create a stronger connection for the audience.
Consider incorporating more visual cues or actions to emphasize the tension and drama of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Thereupon, in the HOPPER STUDY at night, Hubert, stricken
numb, is being attacked by his children who have papers in
their hands.

PETER
*Jeff*--take money from *kids*!

JIMMIE
It's a *frame*!

OTIS
A dirty frame!

HUBERT
(calling for help)
Emma!
The scene dissolves to DOORS in the Senate Building on which
are printed the words COMMITTEE ON PRIVILEGES AND ELECTIONS;
and to the COMMITTEE ROOM, with the Committee in session--a
closed hearing. Kenneth Allen is on the stand.

CHAIRMAN
How long have you known Senator Smith,
Mr. Allen?

ALLEN
Oh--a good many years. He used to
use my land up around Willet Creek
every summer for his scout camps.
Seemed like a mighty nice fellow.
And when he can to me with this
proposition--

CHAIRMAN
What proposition?

ALLEN
Why--a deal for those two hundred
acres. 'Course, at the time, I didn't
know about his appointment to the
Senate--or anything like that--

A SENATOR
Did he say what he wanted those two
hundred acres for?

ALLEN
No. He wouldn't tell me at the time.
He just made me this proposition.
Said he had a great chance to sell
that land for about five hundred an
acre. If I'd deed it to him for six
months, he'd try to turn it over and
split what he got for it. I had
nothing to lose. I'd be glad to sell
for twenty-five an acre. So we set
it up like this. I deeded him the
land--and *he gave me* a contract
guaranteeing me half what he got if
he made the sale. Sounded kinda fishy
at the time--and when I heard about
his camp bill I knew there was some
dirty business going on and I went
right to Governor Hopper with the
whole story--

CHAIRMAN
Have you got that contract, Mr. Allen?

ALLEN
(going into his pocket)
You don't think that land would be
in his name if I didn't have, do
you?

Now Hubert Hopper is on the stand--perspired and anxious.

HUBERT
--frankly, gentlemen--the morning
Mr. Kenneth Allen burst into my office
bringing proof that Jefferson Smith
had bought that land--well, frankly,
I--I was dumbfounded! Jefferson Smith--
of all people! *Never* was a chief
executive so--so *betrayed* in his
child like trust in man! To think
that--

CHAIRMAN
(interrupting wearily)
Pardon me, Governor. We're interested
in certain facts at the moment. What
did you do when Mr. Allen brought
this matter to your attention?

HUBERT
I consulted at once with the Head of
the Department of Records--Arthur
Kim.

Now Arthur Kim is on the witness stand--a smooth, shifty,
careful guy.

CHAIRMAN
Mr. Kim--do you remember recording
this deed?

KIM
(with copy of the
deed in his hands)
Yes, on the date set forth here, Mr.
Kenneth Allen came before me to record
this deed--setting over these two
hundred acres in the name of Jefferson
Smith--

A SENATOR
Let me understand. Mr. Smith did
*not* appear before you?

KIM
No, sir. That is not required by our
state law--

Now Senator Paine is talking to the Committee with apparent
difficulty--and reluctance.

PAINE
This is a very painful duty for me.
This boy is the son of my very best
friend. I sponsored him in the Senate.
I helped him frame his Bill and the
day he presented it I went over to
congratulate him but I pointed out
that a dam was already going up on
the very site he had chosen for his
camp. There are hundreds of equally
good camp sites nearby and so I
suggested he choose another. He became
furious. He said, "Move the dam." I
was amazed at his violent reaction.
I couldn't understand it, until the
evidence came to me that he owned
those very two hundred acres and, as
you have heard, had carefully made
plans to make an enormous profit out
of the nickels and dimes scraped
together by the boys of this country.
Faced with that and regardless of my
personal feelings for the boy, my
sense of duty told me that his
expulsion from the Senate was the
only possible answer.

Then Jeff is on the stand--grim, determined, while the
chairman holds the deed and contract.

CHAIRMAN
(strongly)
--what possible explanation can you
offer for this charge being--as you
say--"trumped up" against you!

JEFFERSON
(firmly)
It was done to stop me from talking
about a section of the Appropriations
Bill!

CHAIRMAN
It was?

JEFFERSON
Yes! This was how I could be put out
of the Senate and out of the way!
They even *promised* me that if I--

A SENATOR
Wait a minute. Three days ago this
bill was read in detail before the
body. Why didn't you object then?

JEFFERSON
I wasn't *in* the Senate that day.

SENATOR
Where were you?
JEFFERSON
To--to a reception--uh--for a princess--
I forget her name--

After an instant's pause, a quick look passes between the
Chairman and the Committee.

Genres: Political Drama, Suspense, Thriller
Tone: Accusatory, Tense, Dramatic, Confrontational

Summary In the Hopper Study, Hubert Hopper is accused by his children of taking money from children. The scene then shifts to the Senate Building, where Kenneth Allen testifies about Jefferson Smith's land deal, while Hubert and Senator Paine reluctantly provide additional information. Jefferson defends himself on the stand, claiming the accusations are a ploy to silence him from speaking about the Appropriations Bill.

Strengths

Intriguing plot twists
Tense and dramatic atmosphere
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly expository
Certain character motivations could be further explored

General Critique

The scene in the Hopper Study lacks clarity in terms of the transition to the Senate Building's Committee on Privileges and Elections. The abrupt shift in setting and characters may confuse the audience.
The dialogue in the Committee Room feels forced and overly expository, with characters providing detailed explanations of their actions and motivations. This can make the scene feel less natural and more like a recitation of facts.
The testimony given by Kenneth Allen and Arthur Kim comes across as contrived, with convenient details and evidence being presented to incriminate Jefferson Smith. This lack of subtlety can make the scene feel unrealistic.
Senator Paine's speech to the Committee feels melodramatic and cliched, with his sudden change of heart and confession coming across as forced and lacking in depth.
Jefferson's defense in front of the Committee lacks nuance and complexity, with his explanations feeling simplistic and predictable. The scene could benefit from more layers to the characters' motivations and interactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider restructuring the scene to improve the flow and coherence of the narrative. Provide smoother transitions between locations and characters to enhance the audience's understanding.
Focus on creating more natural and authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and emotions. Avoid overly expository speeches and instead aim for realistic conversations.
Introduce more subtlety and complexity in the testimonies and interactions between characters. Add layers to the motivations and conflicts to make the scene more engaging and believable.
Develop Senator Paine's character arc more organically, allowing for a gradual progression towards his confession rather than a sudden and melodramatic change of heart.
Enhance Jefferson's defense by adding depth and complexity to his arguments. Show his internal struggles and conflicting emotions to make his character more compelling and relatable.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

CHAIRMAN
And you say you never signed this
contract with Mr. Allen?

JEFFERSON
I did not--

CHAIRMAN
You've never *seen* this contract.

JEFFERSON
Never.

CHAIRMAN
But you did *talk* to Mr. Allen about
that and--?

JEFFERSON
I--I discussed it with him--yes--
because I--you see, I've always had
this camp in mind--but I made no
contract with him!

CHAIRMAN
(shoving contract at
Jeff)
Then--this is *not* you signature,
Senator?

JEFFERSON
Looks like it, but--

CHAIRMAN
But it *isn't*?

JEFFERSON
It couldn't be.

CHAIRMAN
You are saying, in effect, that this
is a forgery?

JEFFERSON
I'm saying I didn't sign it!

We see JEFFERSON'S HAND writing his name--the eighth signature
in a row. Then a MAN on the stand is comparing papers in his
hands.
MAN
In my professional opinion as an
expert on handwriting, I'd say that
the name of Jefferson Smith on this
contract has been forged--

Then ANOTHER MAN stands before a large screen, with Jeff's
signature blown up on it.

SECOND MAN
--after a long study of this signature
it is my professional opinion that
it is definitely in Jefferson Smith's
own handwriting--!

Then a THIRD MAN is on the stand--with papers spread before
him--comparing as he talks.

THIRD MAN
It is extremely difficult to tell a
clever forgery from the real thing.
You can always get divided opinions
from experts. But I would stake my
whole twenty-year professional career
on the fact that this is not a
forgery, but is Mr. Smith's own
signature--

The scene dissolves to TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE, at night, Taylor
eagerly on the phone--McGann excitedly standing by--Paine
standing in the background thoughtfully. Hubert ("Happy")
Hopper is also there and looks nervous.

TAYLOR
(excitedly)
Hello! I said *Sam Hendricks*--the
editor! Can't you hear? This is Jim
Taylor--in Washington. Put him on!
(A slight wait)
Hendricks! Jim. It's all over. Smith's
hearing's closed--Joe's canvassed
the committee--privately. First thing
tomorrow in the Senate, they'll bring
in a resolution to *expel* him--to
throw him out!

MCGANN
(exultantly)
A dead goose!

TAYLOR
(into the phone)
It'll be voted unanimously! Get our
papers ready--smear it all over. And
the second he's out--the Deficiency
Bill passes the Senate--and we're
home! Stick close to the office,
Hendricks--I'll be calling!

He hangs up. McGann is out of his mind with joy.

MCGANN
(to Hopper)
Your Ranger's on the garbage pile,
Happy! He's done for!

PAINE
(breaking out wildly
at McGann)
Shut up! You've *got* the man
pilloried! Do you have to dance around
him like a cannibal--!

TAYLOR
(to Hopper)
By the skin of your teeth you got
out of this one, Happy--by the skin
of your--!

Paine is going for the door.

TAYLOR
Hey--Joe! Where you going? We've got
to celebrate tonight!

PAINE
No--I--I'll take a walk--
(He continues out)

The scene dissolves to SAUNDERS' ROOM at night where Saunders
is standing at her window, looking out absently as Diz walks
around furiously.

DIZ
He's cooked! They'll drum the poor
lug out of that chamber tomorrow as
sure as I'm--! And now they're all
down on him. Yeah--my press pals,
too--he's a bad egg--still water
running deep. Boloney! It's the frame
of all time! When I see a phoney
like this--my journalist blood boils--
I wanna *fight*!
(Then)
Look, kid--rack your brains, will
you? Haven't you got any confidential
stuff on that mob? I'll write my arm
off--I'll blow Taylor and his--

SAUNDERS
(whirling away from
window)
I've told you ten times--if I had
anything they couldn't bat down in a
second, don't you suppose I'd've
been up in that hearing yelling
murder! Sure--he was cooked the night
I sounded off like a fool and spilled
the whole works!

DIZ
Then--in the name of kindness to
dumb animals--we can't let him walk
into that Senate tomorrow and take a
terrible punch in a nose! A couple
of us went up there--told him all he
could do was beat it--resign--clear
out. But--he's in a daze--he's been
hit by a ton of bricks. Just says,
"I haven't done anything. Why should
I resign?" He might *listen* to *you*--

SAUNDERS
Why me?

DIZ
Come on--don't pull that. You know
you'd give your right--. What are
you staying away from him for?

SAUNDERS
You don't think he'd want *me* within
fifty miles, do you?--after the
exhibition he saw me give! Did you
see his *face*--?

DIZ
All I know is--he said to me tonight--
"What does your wife think?" My wife.
Thinks we're married--

SAUNDERS
Well, then, that's great! And that's
a great place to leave it! It's no
use *my* barging into this now and--

A knock on the door stops her.

Genres: Political Drama, Legal Drama
Tone: Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful

Summary Jefferson faces scrutiny at a hearing over a contract he denies signing. Expert opinions conflict, leaving the issue unresolved. Taylor and his associates revel in Jefferson's potential expulsion, while Saunders and Diz consider intervening.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Compelling character dynamics
Engaging plot twists

Weaknesses

Possible lack of clarity in some dialogue exchanges

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in the dialogue, making it difficult to follow the conversation between the characters.
The transition between the different settings is abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
The scene contains a lot of exposition and information being relayed through dialogue, which can make it feel heavy and slow-paced.
There is a lack of emotional depth and tension in the interactions between the characters, making the scene feel flat and unengaging.
The visual elements described in the scene could be more impactful and vivid to create a stronger visual representation of the events.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider simplifying the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on key points and character interactions.
Work on creating a more seamless transition between the different settings to improve the overall flow of the scene.
Introduce more subtext and emotional depth in the interactions between the characters to add layers to the scene and engage the audience.
Show, don't tell - incorporate more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic scene.
Consider breaking up the exposition into smaller chunks and interspersing it with character actions and reactions to maintain the audience's interest.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SAUNDERS
(calling)
Yes!

The door is opened by Paine. He looks from Saunders to Diz--
then back to Saunders. Diz glares at Paine with pretty bold
contempt.

PAINE
I--wanted to see you, Saunders--

Diz grabs up his hat angrily.
DIZ
Go ahead.
(Bitterly--as he passes
Paine)
Well, we certainly hunted that bad
Ranger down, didn't we? Good work,
*Senator*!

And Diz slams out. Paine and Saunders stare at each other an
instant. Then:

SAUNDERS
(with brutal coldness)
What do you want, Senator?

PAINE
Saunders--it's going to go pretty
bad for Jeff tomorrow. There's only
one thing that can be done for him
now--
(Taking a folded paper
from his pocket)
I--I've written his resignation. He
resigns under protest--denying all
charges. No one will ever be sure if
he was guilty or not. It leaves him
with at least a shred of honor. The
other way--branded openly in the
Senate--expelled--he'll never live
it down. Rather a simple compromise
than utter ruin. In a year--the whole
thing might be forgotten--

SAUNDERS
What are you driving at? You want
*me* to get him to sign that?

PAINE
Yes--

SAUNDERS
Why don't you do it yourself?

PAINE
He's lost complete faith in me--

SAUNDERS
Well--me, too!

PAINE
But--you love him, don't you,
Saunders?

SAUNDERS
What are you talking about? What
difference--?
PAINE
Do you?

SAUNDERS
All right--*yes*! And what does that
make me to him? *Nothing*! I've got
to go about my own business--and
forget it!

PAINE
I thought I could, too.
(With mocking lightness
for an instant)
*My* business--this fine future! I
have no future I *care* about, if
this boy is broken! I--I can't sleep.
The only important thing in my life
now is to save what I can for him. I
want him to get a start again--I'll
see that he's taken care of as long
as he lives--!
(Then)
Saunders--whether you ever mean
anything to him or not--

SAUNDERS
*Me! Me*! I *still* don't see why I
should--! If you love him so much,
why don't you go to him yourself and--
? Or better still--get up in that
Senate and *fight* for him!

PAINE
It's too late now--it's *impossible*!

SAUNDERS
So I go right back where I was--
carrying compromises--covering up--
back to political tricks--this time
for--! No! I was just getting rid of
all that. If I did *anything*, I
ought to go and tell him to stand up
and--. No! I don't want any part of
it! Smith or anything else! I'm all
through. I want to be left alone!

She turns her back to Paine, and goes to the window. He
hesitates a moment--then moves to leave, dropping the folded
paper on the table. He goes. Saunders turns and sees the
paper. She clamps her jaws and turns away again.

The scene dissolves to JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE at night. Jeff
is behind his desk--only the desk lamp lighted in the room--
sitting numbly, staring ahead blankly. The phone rings--
startling him. He picks it up slowly.

JEFFERSON
Hello... Who?
(Hesitating, making a
difficult decision)
Yes--all right--I--I'll take it.
(Brightening his voice)
Hello, Ma.

The SMITH SITTING ROOM, Ma is on the phone.

MA
(with a bright,
cheerful manner)
Hello, Jefferson. How are you, son?

In JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE:

JEFFERSON
Just fine, Ma, fine... No--really,
Ma--everything's fine. Uh--how're
all the boys?

In the SMITH SITTING ROOM:

MA
(tears in her eyes)
They're wonderful, son. They miss
you a lot--

In JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE:

JEFFERSON
(his chin quivering)
Do, huh? Well, gee, that's--that's
great. How's Amos?... Is, huh? Good
for him--

In the SMITH SITTING ROOM:

MA
(getting pretty shaky--
swallowing hard)
Well--I just got a fool notion to
call, that's all. Oh--Jefferson--you
know, when a man's right--he don't
have to worry none--he'll just
naturally come *out* right. We know
that, don't we, son?

In JEFF'S PRIVATE OFFICE, we see that Ma has nearly broken
Jeff down. He hangs on with all he's got.

JEFFERSON
Why, sure, Ma, sure.
(Quickly--to avoid
crying outright)
Well--so long, skinny.
He hangs up quickly--and rises from his chair. He appears to
have been pushed to the breaking point. In terrible torment,
he looks out the window. Then, on an impulse, he seizes his
hat from off the corner of his desk and starts out.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Emotional, Intense, Tense

Summary Desperate to protect Jeff's political career, Paine confesses his love for him and pleads with Saunders for help. Saunders remains indifferent, and the conflict between their desires remains unresolved. Jeff receives a phone call from his mother, who gives him words of encouragement, leaving him in distress and hinting at a possible decision to confront his problems head-on.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Intense character dynamics
Raw and honest dialogue
Compelling character arcs

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of character motivations and emotional depth. The dialogue between Saunders and Paine feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The emotional arc of the scene is not well-developed, with abrupt shifts in tone and pacing. The transition from Paine's plea for help to Saunders' sudden rejection feels jarring and unnatural.
There is a lack of subtlety in the dialogue, with characters explicitly stating their emotions and intentions rather than allowing them to be conveyed through actions and subtext.
The scene could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and deeper exploration of the internal conflicts faced by Saunders and Paine. This would add layers to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.
The resolution of the scene, with Saunders turning her back on Paine and rejecting his compromise, feels rushed and lacks a satisfying conclusion.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing the emotional depth of the scene by allowing the characters' actions and subtext to convey their feelings rather than relying on explicit dialogue.
Consider adding more layers to the characters' motivations and conflicts to create a more nuanced and engaging scene.
Explore the internal struggles of Saunders and Paine in more detail to add complexity and depth to their interactions.
Work on creating a more natural and organic progression of the dialogue to avoid abrupt shifts in tone and pacing.
Consider revising the resolution of the scene to provide a more satisfying and impactful conclusion that resonates with the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

The scene dissolves to the LINCOLN MEMORIAL: Jeff is walking
up the steps, his eyes lifted up intently to something ahead.
THE MEMORIAL stands magnificent and breathtaking--lighted up--
in the background, as he mounts the steps. Jeff gains the
top level and proceeds toward the Lincoln figure, and the
stone Lincoln comes into view in the background--dramatically
lighted. He approaches to within fifteen feet of the figure
and pauses. Now JEFF is scanning the face of Lincoln with a
tortured expression. Then, he turns away--as if not being
able to face the spirit of the man--and moves quickly to the
steps. Then Jeff, nearly blind, stumbling out of the interior
of the Memorial, comes to a stop at a column--then breaks
down completely, slipping to the steps at the base of the
column and burying his face in his hands.

SAUNDERS is standing near another column close by, her eyes
on Jeff, and is swallowing back her tears. When she hears
Jeff's sobs, she starts toward him. She comes to him and
sits down beside him. It is an instant before he realizes
that anyone is there.

SAUNDERS
(quietly)
Hello.

JEFFERSON
Saunders--

He turns away, and tries to recover himself. She waits--
watching him. At last, Jeff can trust himself to talk.

JEFFERSON
(attempting lightness)
Well gee--how--how've you been,
Saunders? I--I haven't seen you in--
. I suppose--now that you're married--

SAUNDERS
I'm not.

He stares at her.

SAUNDERS
No. That night--I--well, *you* know--
I was pretty--. No--Diz is a--a sort
of brother, that's all--

JEFFERSON
(tries to laugh a
little)
That's funny. I thought all along--
(Then earnestly)
Gee--I--I'm glad to see you. I
*thought* of you--I mean--I wanted
to talk to someone and--well--
(With toss of head at
statue)
--Mr. Lincoln hasn't much to say--
(Breaking down--
blurting)
Saunders--I'm not fit to sit up in
the Senate--haven't you heard?--I
robbed boys of their pennies and
dimes!

He turns away again, to get control of himself, Saunders
watching him.

SAUNDERS
(after a pause)
What are you going to do?

JEFFERSON
I--I don't know. I--I'm afraid they've
got me licked.

She takes the resignation from her pocket.

SAUNDERS
Jeff--Paine asked me to give you
this--your resignation--he wrote it
out--

He takes it from her incredulously and begins to read.

SAUNDERS
(as she watches him--
quietly)
It might save some of the pieces,
Jeff. It would leave a doubt about
the whole thing--about you. Might
blow over, this way.

JEFFERSON
(avidly--finishes
reading)
Yeah. I see. Well--that's about the
only thing to do. Don't you think?

SAUNDERS
(non-committally)
Well, I guess it's a chance.

JEFFERSON
Yeah. I guess--sometimes--Senator
Paine must be right. Sometimes you--
you got to compromise a little--
(Breaking off)
And if you say so too, Saunders--if
*you* think that's the thing to do--

SAUNDERS
(snatching the paper
out of his hand)
I *don't* think that's the thing to
do! No! I think what you ought to do
is--*fight*!
(She tears up the
paper)

JEFFERSON
Wait--

SAUNDERS
What you *have* to do is fight!

JEFFERSON
But--I've done everything I--

SAUNDERS
I don't care *what* you've done!
Don't quit. Don't grab a measly chance
like this to save a few pieces--other
men could--but not you. As long as
you lived, you'd remember you ran
out and threw this country of yours
to the jackals--!

JEFFERSON
(burying his head--
hopelessly)
Oh--Saunders--

SAUNDERS
Jeff--listen--remember the day you
got here?--what you said about Mr.
Lincoln?--that he was sitting up
there--watching--waiting for someone
to come along? Well--that was *you*.
Someone with a little plain, decent,
uncompromising *rightness*--to root
out the Taylors--yeah, and really
light up that dome for once. This
country could use some of that--so
could the whole drunken, cockeyed
world right now--a *lot* of it! And
when the right man comes along--no
matter *what* the odds--he can't
*ever* quit! A little fellow called
David walked out with only a sling-
shot--but he had the *truth* on his
side--

JEFFERSON
(still hopelessly)
Saunders--if there was *any* way--
SAUNDERS
We'll *find* one! Only throw
compromise out of the window--stick
to Jeff Smith, the man who first
came to this town--get up and *fight*--
and we'll find *some* way. I don't
know where we'll wind up--but the
flag'll be flying--!

Jeff has been coming to life. Now he suddenly leaps to his
feet!

JEFFERSON
Yay!

SAUNDERS
(getting up, too)
Hurray!

JEFFERSON
Where do we go from here?

SAUNDERS
To a hard night's work, son. Come
on!
(She seizes his hand
and pulls him down
the steps)

The scene dissolves to the SENATE CHAMBER, as the PRESIDENT
pounds the gavel.

PRESIDENT
The Clerk will call the roll.

The clerk's voice begins to call the names--and the voices
of Senators answer. The President looks out to JEFFERSON'S
EMPTY DESK. Then PAINE is seen, also looking at Jeff's desk--
as Paine answers to his own name.

In the packed VISITOR'S GALLERY, as the roll is heard, an
OLD LADY, who is knitting, and an OLD MAN look down.

OLD MAN
Nope. Not here. They never show up
to face the music.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Hopeful, Emotional, Inspiring, Serious

Summary At the Lincoln Memorial, Jeff's guilt leads him to consider resigning. Saunders encourages him to fight for his beliefs, tearing up his resignation. They resolve to stand their ground and fight for justice.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Compelling character interactions
Powerful dialogue
Theme of integrity and perseverance

Weaknesses

Some cliched phrases
Slightly melodramatic moments

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from Jeff's emotional breakdown in the Lincoln Memorial to his encounter with Saunders. The emotional shift from despair to determination feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
The dialogue between Jeff and Saunders, while emotional and impactful, could be more nuanced and subtle in conveying their emotions and motivations. The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could be enhanced by more subtext and depth.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the emotional impact and create a vivid setting for the interaction between Jeff and Saunders. Adding sensory details and imagery could help immerse the audience in the scene.
The character motivations and emotional arcs could be further developed to create a more compelling and believable interaction between Jeff and Saunders. Exploring their internal struggles and conflicts in more depth could add layers to their dynamic.
The resolution of the scene, with Saunders tearing up the resignation letter and encouraging Jeff to fight, feels somewhat rushed and could be more effectively built up to create a stronger emotional payoff.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Jeff's breakdown at the Lincoln Memorial and his encounter with Saunders to improve the flow of the scene.
Work on refining the dialogue between Jeff and Saunders to add more subtlety and depth to their emotions and motivations.
Enhance the scene with more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the interaction between Jeff and Saunders.
Further develop the character motivations and emotional arcs to create a more compelling and believable dynamic between Jeff and Saunders.
Build up the resolution of the scene more effectively to create a stronger emotional payoff for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

OLD LADY
Too bad. Might've been a little
excitement.

TAYLOR and MCGANN are seen smiling down with satisfaction.

MCGANN
Well--wasn't in his room last night.
Ten to one he's on a train--headin'
home to Ma.

In the PRESS GALLERY SWEENEY and FARRELL are looking at Jeff's
empty seat.

SWEENEY
Well, that's good. Never *could*
stand executions--

In the SENATE CHAMBER, the CLERK reads a few names, then:

CLERK
Jefferson Smith!

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
(ringing out)
Here!

JEFFERSON enters the Chamber with a brisk step, his head
held high. The only thing peculiar about him is the bumpy
appearance of his jacket pockets. In his hands are books and
papers. Everywhere there are reactions to his appearance. At
the ROSTRUM, the Clerk, in amazement, has stopped reading,
and watches Jeff's progress to his desk. The SAUNDERS AND
DIZ enter the PRESS GALLERY, she carrying a Senate Manual,
and JEFF takes his seat in the CHAMBER.

Then a hum grows over the packed chamber seen in full view.

PRESIDENT
(banging)
The Clerk will proceed with the roll!

The startled Clerk, proceeds, as JEFF smiles around at the
chamber, and then looks up at the Gallery, where Saunders is
waving to him--smiling.

The scene dissolves into the SENATE CHAMBER.

PRESIDENT
--proceeding now to the order of
business--

SENATOR'S VOICE
Mr. President!

The Senator, who was chairman of the Committee on Privileges
(Dearborn) is on his feet.

DEARBORN
In pursuance of the notice I gave
yesterday, I desire to call up the
report of the Committee on Privileges
and Elections on the expulsion of
Jefferson Smith.

We see JEFFERSON, smiling a shade sickly, looking up at
Saunders.

PRESIDENT'S VOICE
The Clerk will read the report.

The Clerk rises. Senator Dearborn remains standing as the
report is read, while in the PRESS GALLERY, SAUNDERS is seen
indicating "sit tight" to Jeff.

CLERK
(reading)
The Committee on Privileges and
Elections report: that it appears to
the satisfaction of the Committee,
after hearing a number of witnesses,
that justice to the Senate requires
that Jefferson Smith no longer
continue a member of this Body.

There is dead silence in the chamber.

CLERK'S VOICE
(as we see JEFF smiling
courageously)
They therefore respectfully report
this resoultion with the unanimous
recommendation that the same do pass.

CLERK
(seen in the full
chamber)
Resolved: That Jefferson Smith be
expelled from his seat in the Senate.

There is continued dead silence in the chamber, then a Senator
rises.

SENATOR
Mr. President, I move for the
immediate adoption of the Resolution.

In the PRESS GALLERY, SAUNDERS is now signaling frantically
to Jeff, and then Jefferson and another Senator leap to their
feet--calling out almost simultaneously:

JEFFERSON
Mr. President!

SENATOR
Mr. President!

JEFFERSON
I addressed the Chair first, sir!

SENATOR
I am about to ask for a roll call on
the passage of the Resolution--without
further delay. The Senator can have
nothing to say at this time that
would not be either in bad grace or--

PRESIDENT
However, Senator Smith is still a
member of this Body and as such has
equal claim on the attention of the
Chair--

JEFFERSON
You were about to recognize me, sir--

PRESIDENT
That is merely your *impression*,
Senator. The Chair has yet to settle
the question to its own satisfaction!

In the PRESS GALLERY, on a nudge from Saunders, Diz applauds
and yells:

DIZ
Let him speak!

SWEENEY AND FLOOD also applaud Diz's cry.

In the VISITOR'S GALLERY, the Old Lady and Old Man are leaning
forward interestedly--eyes bright. This is fireworks. They
applaud, too, and immediately the sound grows all around
them from people in the gallery.

In the SENATE CHAMBER, the PRESIDENT bangs his gavel and
looks up at the gallery.

PRESIDENT
(sharply)
Before proceeding, I should like to
remind visitors that they are here
as our guests--and ought to behave
as such. I might add that their
sentiment will certainly in no wise
affect the judgment of this Chair.

He pauses and glares out over the Senate.

JEFFERSON is seen waiting for the chair's ruling--holding
his breath. There is a dead pause, during which Jeff and the
contending Senator are on their feet. Suddenly, the President
whips his gavel up and out, like a referee saying "In that
corner--!"

PRESIDENT
(barking)
The chair recognizes Senator--Smith!

A wave of excited relief sweeps the chamber, while in the
PRESS GALLERY, SAUNDERS' tense face is thawing out fast.
JEFFERSON
(a smile breaking
over his face)
I thank you, sir.

He glances up at Saunders, who smiles back at him.

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Defiant, Hopeful

Summary Jefferson Smith arrives in the Senate Chamber poised and confident despite facing expulsion. Sanders signals for him to remain calm and to wait for the right moment to speak. The Clerk reads the resolution for his expulsion and there is an eerie silence. After some heated debate and Saunders frantically signaling, Jefferson is recognized by the President and the tension breaks. The scene ends with a sense of relief and excitement as Jefferson prepares to defend himself.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Strong character dynamics
High stakes

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched

General Critique

The scene opens with a sense of anticipation and tension, with various characters reacting to Jefferson Smith's entrance into the Senate Chamber. This builds suspense and sets the stage for a crucial moment in the story.
The dialogue and interactions between the characters, such as the Clerk, Jefferson, and the Senators, effectively convey the escalating drama and power dynamics at play during the expulsion proceedings.
The visual descriptions, such as Jefferson's appearance and the reactions of the characters in the chamber, help to create a vivid and engaging scene that immerses the reader in the unfolding events.
The use of gestures and actions, like Saunders signaling to Jeff and Diz applauding, adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact of the unfolding drama.
The President's authoritative presence and the tension in the chamber effectively convey the gravity of the situation and the importance of Jefferson's impending speech.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Jefferson to provide insight into his mindset and motivations during this critical moment.
Explore opportunities to further develop the reactions and interactions of the characters in the scene to enhance the dynamics and tension within the Senate Chamber.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to enrich the setting and atmosphere of the scene, such as the sounds of murmurs, the feel of tension in the air, or the visual cues of body language.
Experiment with varying sentence structures and pacing to create a sense of urgency and intensity as the scene builds towards Jefferson's speech and the resolution of the expulsion proceedings.
Continue to emphasize the emotional stakes and personal connections between the characters to deepen the impact of Jefferson's defiant stand and the unfolding drama in the Senate Chamber.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
(addressing the chair)
Well--seems like some of the gentlemen
are in a pretty tall hurry to have
me out of here. The way the evidence
stacks up against me, I can't say I
blame 'em. But, hurry or no hurry,
sir--I've got a few things to say
before I leave. I tried saying 'em
in here the other day and was stopped
colder'n a mackerel. Well, I'm going
to get them said now--in fact, you
might as well know, I'm not letting
myself be expelled from this Chamber
until I do.

There is a hum in the Chamber and the gavel pounds. Paine is
on his feet.

PAINE
(above the noise)
Mr. President! Will the Senator yield?

PRESIDENT
(to Jeff)
Will Senator Smith yield to--?

JEFFERSON
(breaking in--loudly
and positively)
*No*, sir! I'm afraid not!

A sudden, astounded quiet.

JEFFERSON
I yielded the floor the other day,
if you remember--and was practically
never heard of again.

A ripple from the gallery. The President pounds his gavel.

JEFFERSON
*No*, sir! And we might as well get
together on this "yielding" right
off the bat. I had some pretty good
coaching last night and I find that
if I yield only for a question, a
point of order, or a personal
privilege, I can hold this floor a
little short of doomsday. In other
words, I've got a *piece* to speak--
and blow hot or cold, I'm going to
speak it.
(Then--plunging on)
Mr. President--up on your desk there
is a final conference report on a
Deficiency Bill--waiting to be passed.
Well, I'm here to tell you that one
section of it is nothing but a
barefaced thievery--a piece of graft--
!

A hum goes up; the gavel pounds--and Paine has leaped to his
feet.

PAINE
(strongly)
Will the Senator yield?

PRESIDENT
(pounding again)
Order!
(To Jeff)
Will Senator Smith yield to--?

JEFFERSON
(breaking in)
Yield *how*, sir?

PAINE
Will he yield for a question?

JEFFERSON
Ah, now, that's better.

PAINE
(angrily)
Will he *yield*?

JEFFERSON
For a *question*.

PAINE
Does my colleague's piece concern
Section Forty of the bill--a dam on
Willet Creek?

JEFFERSON
It does!

PAINE
Every *aspect* of this matter--the
gentleman's attack on that section--
everything--was dealt with in the
committee hearing--
JEFFERSON
(trying to break in)
Mr. President--

PAINE
(continuing)
I wish to ask the gentleman--has he
one shred of evidence to add now to
the defense he did not give--and
*could* not give at that same hearing?

JEFFERSON
(sharply)
I have no defense against forged
papers and--

PAINE
(breaking in)
The committee ruled otherwise! The
gentleman stands guilty as charged.
And I believe I speak for all the
members when I say that no one cares
to hear what a man of his condemned
character has to say about *any*
section of *any* legislation before
this house!

Some applause breaks out over the floor--and a commotion in
the gallery.

PRESIDENT
(pounds)
Order, gentlemen!

JEFFERSON
Mr. President--I stand guilty as
*framed*! Because Section Forty is
graft, and I was ready to say so. I
was ready to tell you that one man
in my state--Mister James Taylor--
was putting that dam through for his
own profit!

A hum of excitement, and the gavel pounds. We get glimpses
of Taylor's reaction and Paine's growing dread of this
outburst.

JEFFERSON
(raising his voice)
A man who controls a political machine--
and everything else worth controlling
in that state--powerful enough to
buy men and put them in this Congress
to legislate his graft! I saw three
of those men--when Mister Taylor
came here to see me.
Paine is up again.

PAINE
Will the Senator--

JEFFERSON
I will not yield, sir! This same man--
Mister Taylor--came here to offer me
a place in this Senate for twenty
years, if I would vote for a dam
that he knew and *I* knew was a
*fraud*! But if I opened my mouth
against it, he promised to break me
in two! And I stood here one day and
tried--I *started* to open my mouth--
and it all came to pass. The long,
powerful arm of Mister James Taylor
reached right into this sacred chamber
and took me by the scruff of the
neck--

Paine is on his feet desperately.

PAINE
Mr. President! A point of order!

JEFFERSON
(trying to proceed)
Mr. President--

PRESIDENT
(rasping)
Senator Paine will state it!

PAINE
It was *I* who rose in this Chamber
to accuse him. He is saying that I
was carrying out criminal orders on
falsified evidence--

JEFFERSON
Mr. President--

PAINE
He has imputed to me conduct unworthy
a Senator--and I demand he be made
to yield the floor--!

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Defiant

Summary Senator Smith, facing expulsion, delivers a defiant speech against corruption, accusing Senator Paine of wrongdoing and James Taylor of bribery regarding Section Forty of the Deficiency Bill. Paine objects and demands that Smith yield the floor, but Smith refuses, vowing to continue his accusations.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Powerful dialogue
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Slightly predictable plot twists

General Critique

The scene is intense and filled with conflict, which is engaging for the audience. However, the dialogue could be more concise and impactful to enhance the emotional impact of the moment.
There is a lot of back and forth between Jefferson and Paine, which can be slightly repetitive and may lose the audience's attention. Streamlining the dialogue to focus on the key points of conflict would make the scene more dynamic.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid picture of the tension and drama unfolding in the Senate Chamber. Adding visual cues can enhance the audience's understanding of the characters' emotions and reactions.
The emotional stakes are high in this scene, but the pacing could be improved to build tension and suspense effectively. Consider varying the rhythm of the dialogue to create peaks and valleys in the intensity of the confrontation.
While the conflict between Jefferson and Paine is central to the scene, exploring more internal conflict within Jefferson himself could add depth to his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Condense the dialogue to focus on the most crucial points of conflict and emotion, making each line impactful and essential to the scene.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging atmosphere in the Senate Chamber, capturing the tension and drama of the moment.
Consider adjusting the pacing of the scene to build suspense and emphasize the emotional stakes for the characters, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.
Explore internal conflict within Jefferson to add complexity to his character and deepen the audience's connection to his journey and struggles.
Ensure that each line of dialogue serves a specific purpose in advancing the conflict and revealing character motivations, trimming any unnecessary repetition or filler.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON
Mr. President--I did not say that
Senator Paine was one of those
Congressmen I saw. If the chair
please, I will deny that Senator
Paine *saw* Taylor or even knows him--

PAINE
I *did* see Taylor! And I was in
that room!

An uproar all over the house. Gavel pounds.

PAINE
(raising his voice
above noise)
I accuse this man--by his tone--by
his careful denials--he is
deliberately trying to plant damaging
impressions of my conduct--! *I'll*
tell you why we were in tht room.
Because Mr. Taylor, a respected
citizen of our State, had brought
with him the evidence against this
man, later presented from this floor,
and *we were urging him to resign*--
!

PRESIDENT
(banging)
Order!

PAINE
--to avoid bringing disgrace upon a
clean and honorable State!

Jeff now listens in amazement--stunned by the desperate,
fighting lies of Paine.

PAINE
(pitching on)
But he refused. He threatened to
bring that very disgrace down upon
the State and all of us--if we did
not let him go through with his
contemptible scheme!

More commotion.

PRESIDENT
Order!

PAINE
(shouting)
Finally, there was only one answer
to a man like him--the truth--which
I rose and gave to this body!
(Rising to emphatic,
desperate strength)
Mr. President--he has told lie upon
lie--every lie a desperate attempt
to conceal his own guilt. And now,
he is trying to blackmail this Senate--
as he tried to blackmail me! To
prevent his expulsion, he would
probably even try to hold up this
Deficiency Bill--vital to the whole
country--which must be passed
immediately--*today*! *Anything*--to
force you to clear his bad name and
save his hide!
(Then)
Gentlemen--I--I have no more patience
with this--this *rascally* character.
I apologize to this body for his
appointment--I regret I had ever
known him. I--I'm sick and tired of
this contemptible young man and I
refuse to listen to him any longer!
I hope every member of this body
feels as I do!

With that, Paine walks quickly to the cloakroom door--and
out. Applause breaks out. The President does not try to compel
order for a second. Cries break out--from gallery and floor.

CRIES
Get off the floor!
Yield!
Yield!

Boos commence, and we get glimpses of Saunders and the
newsmen--
watching Jeff in this tight spot--and of Taylor and McGann,
with hope in their eyes. Then Senators pop up.

SENATOR
Give up this disgraceful stand--and
quit the floor!

ANOTHER SENATOR
The resolution to expel!

ANOTHER ONE
Yield the floor!

PRESIDENT
(pounding)
Please address the Chair--

Cries of "yield" as the gavel raps.

JEFFERSON
(above the tumult)
Mr. President--the gentlemen want me
to yield! Well--I *would*, sir--on
one condition. These gentlemen won't
believe me--but the people of my
State will. I want to go back and
tell *them* this story. I want one
week--and until I get back here and
tell you what *they* say--and bring
you proof that I'm right--I want the
Senate's word that I won't be expelled
and that Deficiency Bill will not be
passed!

An uprising of men and gavel pounds.

SENATOR
Will the Senator yield?

JEFFERSON
(staunchly)
For a question!

SENATOR
Has the gentleman the effrontery--
standing there convicted and in
disgrace--to try to force the
postponement of that bill--?

JEFFERSON
For one week!

SENATOR
Is he fully aware that this bill has
been months in both Houses--delayed
and delayed--millions will be without
food and shelter until its passage--
public works to relieve unemployment
will be at a standstill--government
agencies will be forced to suspend--
?

ANOTHER
This is unthinkable and an outrage!

PRESIDENT
Order!

JEFFERSON
The outrage is Section Forty!

A SENATOR
Mr. President! If the Senate yields
to this form of blackmail--from *this*
man--and *this* time--it will become
a laughing stock--

ANOTHER SENATOR
Mr. President! It's an insult to
this body to be asked to listen. An
insult to our colleague, Senator
Paine. I, for one, will follow the
Senator's example and refuse to remain
in this Chamber as long as this man
holds the floor!

The Senator starts for the exit--many members, with cries of
agreement, rise and start to move with him. The gavel pounds.

PRESIDENT
Gentlemen!

Genres: Drama, Political
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Emotional

Summary Jefferson vehemently denies Paine's allegations, claiming innocence and demanding time to prove it. Paine counters, accusing Jefferson of lying and attempting to manipulate the Senate. Amidst the chaos, senators demand Jefferson's resignation while others support his request for a leave of absence. The situation escalates as Jefferson's refusal to yield the floor triggers a mass exodus of protesting senators from the chamber.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional dialogue
Compelling plot

Weaknesses

Complex dialogue may be hard to follow for some viewers

General Critique

The scene is intense and filled with conflict, which is engaging for the audience. However, the dialogue can be a bit verbose and repetitive at times, which may slow down the pacing of the scene.
There is a lot of back and forth between Jefferson and Paine, which can be effective in building tension, but it may benefit from more concise and impactful dialogue to keep the audience's attention.
The scene does a good job of showcasing the desperation and manipulation of Paine, but it could delve deeper into the emotional turmoil and internal conflict that Jefferson is facing as he fights for his innocence.
The visual elements of the scene, such as the uproar in the Senate Chamber and the reactions of the Senators, could be further emphasized to enhance the dramatic impact of the confrontation.
Overall, the scene effectively sets up the stakes and conflict, but it could benefit from tighter dialogue and more focused character development to create a more dynamic and engaging confrontation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider trimming down some of the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise, focusing on key points that drive the conflict forward.
Explore the emotional journey of Jefferson in more depth, highlighting his internal struggle and determination to prove his innocence against all odds.
Enhance the visual elements of the scene to create a more immersive and dramatic atmosphere, emphasizing the reactions of the characters and the intensity of the confrontation.
Work on pacing to maintain the tension and momentum of the scene, ensuring that each moment contributes to the overall conflict and character development.
Consider adding moments of introspection or reflection for Jefferson to provide insight into his mindset and motivations during this critical confrontation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON is seen watching the member's progress toward the
exits. His attitude is grim and steadfast. After a moment,
he starts deliberately and calmly to pull small packages and
a thermos bottle out of his bulging pockets.

JEFFERSON
(raising his voice)
Well then, sir--I guess I'll just
have to talk to the people of my
State from here.

In the Senate, the members continue out--and the gallery
leans over to see Jeff calmly continuing to take his packages
out.

JEFFERSON
And I know *one* thing--wild horses
aren't going to drag me off this
floor till those people've heard
everything I've got to say. Not if
it takes all winter.

There is some applause in portions of the gallery, while we
get glimpses of departing Senators--of gallery characters--
of Saunders, thrilled, and excited--of Taylor and McGann,
who rise and start out. In the PRESS GALLERY, men go tumbling
up the stairs, and then break into the PRESS ROOM, shouting.

REPORTERS
Filibuster!
Wow!
Filibuster!

In the CHAMBER, emptying of Senators, Jeff is finishing
arranging his desk and the President is pounding for order.

JEFFERSON
Yes, sir. I'll go right on blasting
from here--and if I know those people--
when I'm through--they'll rear up
and kick Mister Taylor's machine to
kingdom come.

He looks up to SAUNDERS. She indicates the departing Senators,
and holds up the Senate Manual.

JEFFERSON, catching her signal, picks up the manual, and
looks at the empty chamber.

JEFFERSON
Uh--Mr. President--you and I are
about to be alone in here, sir. I'm
not complaining for social reasons,
but it'd be a pity if the gentlemen
missed any of this.
(Then, referring to
his manual--in a
business-like tone)
Mr. President--I call the chair's
attention to Rule Five of the Standing
Rules of the Senate Section Three.
"If it shall be found that a quorum
is not present, a majority of the
Senators present--," and that begins
to look like me--"may direct the
Sergeant-at-arms to request, and if
necessary *compel* the attendance of
the absent Senators."
(Then-stoutly)
Mr. President--*I so direct*.

PRESIDENT
(to the Secretary of
the Minority)
Ring the call to quorum.

The quorum bell is sounded. Jeff remains standing.

JEFFERSON
No hurry, sir--I've got plenty of
time--

The quorum bell sounds again.

The scene dissolves to the SENATE PRESS ROOM, as SAUNDERS
tears up to Diz and grabs him. (In the background, is an
unholy chatter of typewriters and the jabber of men
telephoning their stories to the papers, with snatches heard
like: "--sensational story of graft--"; "--hang on all winter-
-
won't let bill pass till Taylor machine is blasted--.")

SAUNDERS
The war's on!

DIZ
He's a house-afire!

SAUNDERS
Diz--get what he says to the people
back in that State. It's up to you
and the boys. Keep those wires hot.
Fire away, pal!

And impulsively she kisses him a smack on the cheek and runs
off. Diz looks after her in a foolish daze. The background
of boys phoning their stories in, rises to a pitch--as we
dissolve to newspaper headlines, and then again to HOPPER'S
EXECUTIVE OFFICE, with Happy Hopper at his desk, on the phone,
as three of his boys come charging in, waving newspapers.

HUBERT
(into phone)
Amazing! Fantastic!

THE BOYS
Pop!
Jeff's after 'em!
Filibuster!

HUBERT
(to boys)
Silence!

JIMMIE
When Jeff gets through with Taylor,
Pop--

HUBERT
(into the phone; by
mistake)
When Jeff gets through with Taylor--
(Breaking off, turning
viciously on boys)
Quiet! What do you mean by breaking
in here--? Get out! Get *out* of
here!

He has risen and is driving the boys out.

At the PET SHOP, REAR OF SMITH HOME, Ma is mixing pet food
at the center table--surrounded by boys waving papers
excitedly. The pets are in an uproar.

BOYS
Whee!
Ma, Jeff's tellin' 'em, Ma!
Jeff's gonna talk till doomsday--!
He's fightin' 'em, Ma--Jeff won't
quit!

MA
(calmly going about
her business)
Well, well. Kinda *thought* Jeff
wouldn't be comin' home so soon.

VOICES
Comin' home--!
Look, Ma--look!
Read it!

The scene dissolves to TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE, with Taylor,
Paine, Cook, Griffith and three Congressmen under great
nervous strain. Desks have been moved into the suite,
telephones are teletype are being installed.
TAYLOR
(yelling)
Where's that Jackson City long
distance?

COOK
(placatingly)
Wait now--Hendricks stepped out--

TAYLOR
(furiously)
Why isn't an editor at his desk where
he belongs?

PAINE
Jim--the boy's talking to that State--
the story is out--!

TAYLOR
(viciously)
Sure! The fight's in the open now--
to a finish--!

PAINE
And if he can raise public opinion
against us--if any *part* of this
sticks--

Genres: Political Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Tense, Dramatic

Summary Jefferson prepares for a filibuster to expose corruption, demanding absent Senators' attendance. The filibuster news spreads, eliciting excitement and concern. Jefferson's message is entrusted to Diz to share with the public.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Compelling dialogue
High stakes

Weaknesses

Some repetitive elements in the dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks clear transitions between different locations and characters, making it difficult to follow the action.
There is a lack of clarity in the dialogue and actions of the characters, leading to confusion about their motivations and intentions.
The scene jumps between different settings and characters without a clear through-line, making it feel disjointed and chaotic.
The visual elements described in the scene are not effectively conveyed, leaving the reader with a vague understanding of the setting and character interactions.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it challenging for the reader to connect with the characters and their emotions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on one location or set of characters at a time to improve clarity and coherence.
Provide more context and background information to help the reader understand the motivations and intentions of the characters.
Work on creating smoother transitions between different settings and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the setting and character interactions for the reader.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, allowing the characters' emotions and intentions to shine through.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

TAYLOR
He won't get started! I'll *make*
public opinion out there in five
hours. I've done it all my life!
I'll blacken this punk until--
(Breaking off)
Joe--your job is back in the Senate--
keep those men fighting him *there*.

PAINE
I hit him from the floor with
everything I knew!

TAYLOR
Keep doing it! This is the whole
works, Joe--we're out of business of
bigger than we then we ever were. We
can't miss a trick--we can't stop at
*anything*--till this yokel's smashed
up and buried so deep he'll never--!

The phone rings, and Griffith picks it up.

GRIFFITH
(into phone)
Yes--*yes*!
(To Taylor)
Jackson City--Hendricks!
TAYLOR
Joe! Will you go back to that Senate!

Paine turns abruptly and hurries out. Taylor grabs for the
phone.

TAYLOR
Hendricks! Line up all the papers in
the State! Don't print a word of
what Smith says--not a word of any
news story coming out of Washington!
Understand? Defend the machine. *Hit*
this guy! A criminal--convicted by
Senate--blocking relief bill--starving
the people. Start protests coming.
Wires. Buy up every minute you can
on every two-watt radio station in
the State. Keep 'em spouting against
Smith! McGann's flying out--be there
in five hours. Stop your presses--
yank out the stories you got in 'em
now--and get going--*get that whole
State moving*--!

In HENDRICK'S OFFICE:

HENDRICKS
Okay, Jim. Goodbye.
(He hangs up the phone,
then flips a
dictograph key)
Stop the presses!

The scene dissolves to the JACKSON CITY PRESS--a huge printing
press--slowing down--and men leaping on it and beginning to
tear out sheets being printed; then to a RADIO STATION where
a man is broadcasting.

MAN
--Jefferson Smith is guilty! This
filibuster is a cowardly attempt to
turn your attention from the true
facts--!

We see ANOTHER MICROPHONE, at which another man is thundering:

MAN
(foaming)
--it's an open-and-shut case!
Jefferson Smith was--

In MA SMITH'S SITTING ROOM, Ma is seen in a rocking chair,
surrounded by kids--some of whom hold papers. All are
listening to the radio--the voice of the preceding scene:

RADIO VOICE
(continuing from above)
--caught red-handed--stealing from
boys!

A yowl goes up.

BOYS
(wildly)
They're lying!
A bunch of lies!

RADIO VOICE
(continuing--but lost
in uproar)
A Committee of the United States
Senate found him guilty! Like the
blackguard he is! He is trying to
save what's left of his name--by
attacking Joseph Paine, Willet Dam!
He doesn't care what it may cost the
people of this country--!

BOYS
(continuing unbrokenly;
waving paper)
Why don't they tell us what Jeff's
saying!
Yeah! What about Jeff?
They can't say that!
What's *Jeff* saying?

We see ANOTHER MICROPHONE and a man broadcasting.

MAN
--to gain his own contemptible ends,
this man is blocking a bill--

Then a ROOM, with a group of people--a family--listening.

RADIO VOICE
(continuing from above)
--vital to you and this entire nation.
Relief will be stopped! Men will be
thrown out of jobs--!

Through the last line of the above, the man of the family
yells:

MAN
I always knew that Smith was a phoney!

Then the HOPPER DINING ROOM, with the family at dinner. Four
of the boys are crowded around Happy Hopper, at the head of
the table, where a portable radio is blasting away.

RADIO VOICE
--and to save his own hide, this is
what Jefferson Smith is going to do!
He's going to destroy everything
Joseph Paine and his political party
have done for this State. Joe Paine
has brought us great Federal grants,
prosperity--and now the Willet Dam.
But Smith will destroy that, too--!

KIDS
It's a lie!
It's a dirty lie!
Jeff never destroyed nothin'.
What do you mean--'destroy'?
How do you get that way?

HAPPY
(yelling)
Quiet!

EMMA
(distracted)
*Will you please sit down to dinner*!

RADIO VOICE
(continuing)
Yes! Jefferson Smith will keep money
out of this State, and work for
thousands--with a deed and a signed
contract against him.

KIDS
(wildly)
It's a frame!... Why don't somebody
*do* something?... You *know* it's a
frame, Pop!... When ya gonna be a
man and stop this dirty Taylor from--
?

HAPPY
Silence! I *am* a man!

The butler has entered while the Radio voice has continued
with the following:

RADIO VOICE
In other words, this man who couldn't
get away with stealing money for
himself, is going to take money away
from you, but he will not get away
with it. Citizens of this State know
the facts. They will brand Jefferson
Smith as he deserves!

BUTLER
(raising his voice)
Mr. Taylor, calling from Washington,
sir!
HAPPY
(above the clamor)
What? Who?

KIDS
Taylor, Pop!
From Washington!
Now is your chance, Pop!

Genres: Drama, Political, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Emotional

Summary Taylor and Paine manipulate the media to spread false information about Jefferson Smith, leading to protests and negative coverage that tarnishes his reputation.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Sharp dialogue
High stakes
Compelling plot twists

Weaknesses

Potential information overload
Complexity may be challenging for some viewers to follow

General Critique

The scene is filled with intense and dramatic dialogue, which adds to the tension and conflict between the characters.
The use of multiple locations and characters listening to the radio broadcasts creates a sense of widespread impact and public opinion manipulation.
The scene effectively portrays the manipulation of public opinion through media and propaganda, highlighting the power dynamics at play.
The reactions of the characters, especially the children and the family at dinner, add depth and emotion to the scene, showing the impact of false information on individuals.
The scene effectively builds suspense and sets up the conflict between Jefferson Smith and the political machine led by Taylor and Paine.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal conflict or moral dilemmas for the characters to deepen their characterization and add complexity to the scene.
Explore the emotional impact of the false information on Jefferson Smith and how he navigates the challenges posed by the media manipulation.
Provide more insight into the motivations and intentions of Taylor and Paine to further develop their characters and the dynamics of the political machine.
Consider incorporating visual elements or actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience visually in addition to the dialogue.
Ensure that the resolution of the scene aligns with the overall themes and conflicts of the screenplay, setting up the next steps in the narrative effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Happy switches off the radio and leaps up from the table,
rushing out of the dining room. The kids, with yells of
"Zowie," "Wow," and "Taylor, huh?"--rush out of the room
after Happy.

EMMA
(calling after them)
Hubert! Boys!

Now in TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE in Washington, Taylor is on the
phone, his coat off; in the background a battery of men,
phones, teletype machine, desks.

TAYLOR
(into the phone)
Happy? What's the matter with you?
*Collapsed*? McGann says you're
sitting home! I want some action!
Get into this!

In the HOPPER LIBRARY, Happy is surrounded by the children,
shouting:

KIDS
Go ahead--tell him, Pop!
Talk up, Pop!
Tell Taylor it's a frame! Tell him
what you think!
Tell him to go fly a kite!

HAPPY
(into the phone)
Y-yes, Jim!
(To boys)
Please!

In TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE:

TAYLOR
What's the racket?--You heard me,
Happy--stop stalling--*move*!

He slams the receiver. Cook is waving a phone at him.

COOK
Clark, Jim--
TAYLOR
(grabbing the phone)
Clark?... Jim Taylor--in Washington.
This Smith filibuster--your chain of
papers in the Southwest must know
that this bill he's blocking affects
your section as well as any--it's
the patriotic duty of every newspaper
in the country to--

In a SENATE CHAMBER, Paine, the Vice-President, and several
Senators are seen talking.

FIRST SENATOR
I've seen filibustering, but this is--

SECOND SENATOR
Gentlemen, this can't go on, it's
ridiculous!

THIRD SENATOR
Henry, we've got to get this man off
the floor.

PRESIDENT
Boys, as long as Mr. Smith holds
that floor legitimately, he's going
to continue to hold it. If you ask
me, that young fellow's making a
whole lot of sense.

PAINE
Sense. Do you call blackmail sense,
Henry?

FOURTH SENATOR
Now look, Joe, I didn't like this
boy from the beginning, but most of
us feel that no man who wasn't sincere
could stage a fight like this against
those impossible odds.

PAINE
Well, I'm very glad to know that,
Martin. After twenty years of working
with you fellows, I'm very glad to
know you're ready to take his word
against mine. That's fine.

SENATORS
Ridiculous!
Nothing of the sort!

PAINE
Oh, yes, that's what it means. If
he's just that much right, I'm wrong.
THIRD SENATOR
Joe, listen, can't we work out some
deal to pull that Willet Dam out and
let the Deficiency Bill go through?

PAINE
It isn't a question of Willet Dam.
It's a question of my honor and
reputation and the integrity of the
Committee on Privileges and Elections,
the integrity of the Senate itself.
Well, if you want to throw out Section
forty, go ahead. I'll resign and
we'll have the whole thing over with.

SENATORS
Now, wait a minute, Joe.
Wait, wait, wait.

SECOND SENATOR
Wait a minute. This is a lot of
nonsense. Joe's right. A deal's
impossible. We've got to go on just
as we've been doing and break him,
keep him talking, no relief, maintain
a quorum in relays. Is that how you
feel, John?

FIRST SENATOR
For once I agree with him. Gentlemen,
it's time to relieve the men on the
floor.

FOURTH SENATOR
How can a man as green as that know
as much as he does? He can't go on
much longer.

The scene dissolves to the SENATE CHAMBER at night, a crowded
chamber--the gallery full and attentive. Of the Senators,
some are at their desks, some with backs turned to Jefferson
and reading, a couple of them dozing, one with his head thrown
back and a newspaper over his face.

Jeff is standing as his desk reading from the Senate Manual
in strong, positive tones.

The Senators of the previous scene are entering the Chamber.
The Vice-President walks to his chair to relieve the Pro
Tem. As the Majority Leader walks to his desk, he signals to
several men who are to be relieved. These men rise and saunter
out. Some forty men, consequently, are in motion.

JEFFERSON
(reading)
"--We hold these truths to be self-
evident, that all men are created
equal, that they are endowed by their
Creator with certain unalienable
Rights--"
(He breaks off,
remarking the Senators
relieving each other--
dryly)
Well--looks like the night shift's
comin' on.

PRESIDENT
The Senator will please suspend until
order is restored in the chamber.

A close view of JEFFERSON shows a slight strain after these
seven or eight hours of continuous talk. His collar is undone,
his beard has started to sprout. His eyes go back to his
book, and he continues his reading.

A BROADCASTING STUDIO appears, revealing H. V. KALTENBORN at
the microphone.

Genres: Political Drama, Suspense
Tone: Tense, Serious, Confrontational

Summary Happy faces beratement from Taylor for his perceived inaction. Taylor, preoccupied with Smith's ongoing filibuster, dismisses Happy's claims of being framed. Paine engages in a heated debate with Senators regarding Smith's actions. Jeff's marathon reading continues, adding to the suspenseful atmosphere.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Compelling dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of visual variety in the setting

General Critique

The scene transitions between multiple locations and characters quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the audience.
There is a lack of clear focus on the main conflict between Jefferson Smith and the Senate, as the scene jumps between different conversations and settings.
The dialogue feels a bit disjointed and could benefit from more natural flow and interaction between the characters.
The visual descriptions could be more vivid and engaging to help paint a clearer picture of the scene for the audience.
The tension and stakes of the filibuster could be heightened with more dramatic moments and character reactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on the core conflict between Jefferson Smith and the Senate, while still incorporating the necessary subplots.
Work on creating smoother transitions between locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
Add more visual elements to bring the scene to life and immerse the audience in the setting and character dynamics.
Intensify the tension and drama of the filibuster by incorporating more impactful moments and reactions from the characters.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

KALTENBORN
This is H. V. Kaltenborn speaking--
half of official Washington is here
to see democracy's finest show--
Washington's uncontrolled filibuster.
The right to talk your head off...
The American privilege of free speech
in it's most dramatic form... the
least man in that chamber, once he
gets and holds the floor by the rules,
can hold it and talk as long as he
can stand on his feet--providing
always first, that he does not sit
down, second that he does not leave
the chamber or stop talking. The
galleries are packed, and in the
diplomatic gallery are the envoys of
two dictator powers. They have come
to see what they can't see at home--
democracy in action.

The floor of the SENATE is seen again.

JEFFERSON
"--certain Unalienable Rights--that
among these are Life, Liberty and
the Pursuit of Happiness. That to
secure these rights, Governments are
instituted among Men, deriving their
just powers from the consent of the
governed, that whenever any form of
government becomes destructive of
these ends, it is the Right of the
People to alter or to abolish it,
and to institute new government,
laying its foundation on such
principles and organizing its powers
in such form, as to them shall seem
most likely to effect their Safety
and Happiness--"
(Finishing with a
flourish and putting
the book down)
Now, that's pretty swell, isn't it?
I always get a great kick outa those
parts of the Declaration--especially
when I can read 'em out loud to
somebody.

He picks up the book and starts to walk with it--stretching
his legs to get the stiffness out.

JEFFERSON
(waving the book)
You see, that's what I had in mind
about camp--except those men said it
a little better than I can. Now,
you're not gonna have a country that
makes these kinds of rules *work*,
if you haven't got men who've learned
to tell human rights from a punch in
the nose. And funny thing about men--
they start life being boys. That's
why it seemed like a pretty good
idea to take kids out of crowded
cities and stuffy basements for a
few months a year--and build their
bodies and minds for a man-sized
job. Those boys'll be sitting at
these desks some day. Yes--it seemed
a pretty good idea--boys coming
together--all nationalities and ways
of living--finding out what makes
different people tick the way they
do. 'Cause I wouldn't give you a red
cent for *all* your fine rules,
without there was some plain every-
day, common kindness under 'em--and
a little looking-out for the next
fella. Yes--pretty important, all
that. Just happens to be blood and
bone and sinew of this democracy
that some great man handed down to
the human race--! That's all! But,
of course, if you need to build a
dam where a camp like that ought to
be--to make some graft and pay off
your political army or something--
why, that's different!
(Suddenly--with
strength)
No sir! If anybody here thinks I'm
going back to those boys and say to
'em: "Forget it, fellas. Everything
I've told you about the land you
live in is a lotta hooey. It isn't
your country--it belongs to the James
Taylors--!" No, sir, anybody that
thinks that has got another think
coming!
(He breaks off, and
starts a different
tune, apologetically)
I--I'm sorry to be coming back to
that and--I'm sorry I have to stand
here--it's pretty disrespectful to
this honorable body. When I think--
this was where Clay and Calhoun and
Webster spoke--Webster stood right
here by this desk--why, in the first
place--an' I hate to go on trying
your patience like this--but--well,
I'm either dead right or I'm *crazy*!

A SENATOR
(looking back and
calling out dryly)
You wouldn't care to put that to a
vote, Senator?

A ripple of laughter. The gavel pounds. Another Senator is
up.

SENATOR
Will the Senator yield for a question?

JEFFERSON
I yield.

SENATOR
In view of the gentleman's touching
concern for the Senators, would he
permit a motion to recess until the
morning--at which time he could
continue to educate this august body
with his profound babblings?

Jeff pauses. He looks up. Senators come up from under their
newspapers on the alert. Maybe this is the trick that
dislodges him.

We see SAUNDERS, shaking her head, pointing Jeff's attention
to the Chair; then JEFF looking down from Saunders, then
around him suspiciously.

JEFFERSON
(addressing the Chair)
Well, now--I wouldn't know about
that. Mr. President--what happens to
me in the morning--I mean about my
having this floor to go on babbling?

PRESIDENT
(seen if a full view
of the Chamber)
If the Senator permits this motion
to recess he will not have the floor
in the morning to babble or anything
else, unless he is recognized first
by the Chair.

With a wise expression, Jeff picks up where he left off way
back. (Saunders and Diz leave the Press Gallery in this
scene.)

JEFFERSON
I see, well, as I was saying,
gentlemen--I'm either right or crazy.
And I feel fine.

Genres: Drama, Political, Speech
Tone: Passionate, Defiant, Inspiring, Resolute

Summary In the U.S. Senate, Senator Jefferson embarks on a filibuster to protect a youth camp from a dam project, arguing its importance for teaching democracy and human rights. Despite efforts to end his speech, Jefferson remains steadfast in his defense, highlighting the camp's role in shaping future generations.

Strengths

Powerful dialogue
Emotional impact
Character development
Theme exploration

Weaknesses

Some repetitive elements in the dialogue

General Critique

The scene starts with a lengthy monologue by Jefferson, which, while passionate, may be too verbose and could potentially lose the audience's interest.
There is a lack of dynamic interaction or conflict in the scene, with Jefferson mainly monologuing and responding to questions in a straightforward manner.
The transition from Jefferson's passionate speech to the Senator's dry question about recess feels abrupt and disrupts the flow of the scene.
The humor injected with the Senator's question about recess could be more effectively integrated into the dialogue to maintain the scene's tone and engagement.
The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue-heavy nature and create a more engaging visual experience for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider breaking up Jefferson's monologue with moments of action or interaction to keep the scene visually interesting and dynamic.
Introduce more conflict or tension in the dialogue to create a more engaging exchange between Jefferson and the Senators.
Work on smoother transitions between different tones or topics within the scene to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
Explore opportunities to incorporate humor more naturally into the dialogue to lighten the tone and engage the audience.
Add visual cues or actions to complement the dialogue and enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

The Senators go back under their newspapers. The ruse didn't
work.

JEFFERSON
The people of my State have got both
ears full by this time. They're
probably rising up and starting here
in droves just about now--so I think
I'll go on talking until I hear from
them.

PAGE BOY
Here you are, Senator, from Miss
Saunders.
(Hands Jeff the
Constitution)

JEFFERSON
Oh! Thanks.
(The Page Boy shows
he still has on his
ranger button)
Well, the Constitution of the United
States--
(Reading)
Article one--section one.

The scene dissolves to a STREET in JACKSON CITY, at night;
to a parade of which we see the torchlights and hear the
noise of bands and shouts. A huge banner is seen extended
across the marchers, reading:

MASS MEETING
Jackson City Hall

This banner passes and another comes forward which reads:
PROTEST SMITH FILIBUSTER. Then we see the PUBLIC AUDITORIUM
at night, people jamming the entrance and milling around
outside. AT THE ENTRANCE, groups are seen being told that
the place is "full up," with no seats. Then we are in the
AUDITORIUM, where several prominent citizens are seated on
the platform, among them Happy Hopper. Happy mops his brow
in extreme discomfort. Kenneth Allen is addressing the
assembly, rabble-rousing.

KENNETH ALLEN
He's a red-handed criminal, that
Jefferson Smith, going to block that
dam--keep money and employment out
of your State--stop relief to starving
millions! Are we going to let a
scoundrel like that throw mud at a
man like Joe Paine?

A shout of "no!" is thrown back at him.

ALLEN
Are you for Joe Paine?

A yell goes up.

ALLEN
Then *tell* him you are!

Another cheer, and at this point, somewhere in the AUDITORIUM,
a youngster yells down with all his might:

KID
Hurray for Jeff Smith!

But simultaneously with his yelling, and right at the end of
the cheer, the band strikes up "Stars and Stripes Forever."
The kids are drowned out and almost immediately are seized
by the scruff of the neck, hands clasped over their mouths,
and dragged out. The scene dissolves to HEADLINES flying up
to screen, capping Allen's request:

WIRE
CONGRESS! STOP SMITH!

This dissolves to the JACKSON CITY PRESS OFFICE, with MCGANN
at a desk, surrounded by a few other men.

MCGANN
(talking excitedly
into the phone)
We're burnin' 'em up, Jim! Got every
paper in the state tied up except
the Clarkville Courier up near
Sweetwater.

In TAYLOR'S HOTEL SUITE in Washington:
TAYLOR
Well, buy it--or *wreck* it!

In the SENATE UPPER CORRIDOR, SAUNDERS AND DIZ are pushing
out of one of the gallery doors and through the crowd; Diz
has Saunders by the hand.

SAUNDERS
(in alarm)
What is it, Diz?

He stops with her in a relatively uncrowded spot.

SAUNDERS
(again)
Diz!

DIZ
(excitedly)
Kid--he thinks he's talking to that
mob at home, but not a line we've
written--not a word he's said from
that floor has gotten into that home
State.

SAUNDERS
What!

DIZ
Not a word! Taylor's sewed up every
paper. They're tossing out everything
that comes in over the wires!

SAUNDERS
(exploding)
Freedom of the press! Mr. James Taylor
blindfolding a whole State--
(Then suddenly)
Wait a minute! If that's how he wants
to play *I'll* get through to that
bunch--I'll get plenty of words into
that, State--!
(Grabbing Diz)
Come on, Diz, get that stuff you've
written--let me have it--

She pulls him along quickly.

The scene dissolves to JEFFERSON'S OFFICE at night, with
Saunders on the phone--a sheaf of papers in her hand, Diz
alongside.

SAUNDERS
(eagerly)
Hello! Hello! Mrs. Smith? This is
Saunders, in Washington... Yes--
Saunders--that's right. Listen...oh,
he's fine--great. Don't you worry.
Ma--look--Jeff has a paper there--
"Boy Stuff," that's right. Well,
look--they aren't letting what Jeff
says into the State. If I give you a
raft of it over the phone now, will
you print it up and spread a billion
copies of it?--Swell! Take this down,
Ma, will you?

In MA SMITH'S SITTING ROOM, Ma is on the phone, several boys
around her. (A clock here shows the hour to be about 10:21.)

MA
(turning from the
phone)
Boys--everything about Jeff--get
pencils and paper!

With a yowl the boys scramble around.

MA
(into the phone--with
a smile)
One second--*Clarissa*!

The boys pile around with pads and pencils.

BOYS
Okay, Ma!

MA
(into the phone)
Shoot, Clarissa!

And little Bobby, with a bugle, raises it and blows a
tremendous, exultant blast!

The scene dissolves to a MONTAGE presentation of the conflict
between the Taylor-McGann press and the youngsters' press:
First Saunders is on the phone, reading material to Ma.

SAUNDERS
--the Willet Dam is a graft to line
the pockets of the Taylor machine.
Taylor has bought off Congressmen
for years and has systematically
robbed the people. He offered Jeff a
seat in the Senate for life if he
would vote as he was told.

This is contrasted with Taylor, with a sheaf of papers in
his hand, reading over the phone:

Genres: Political Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional

Summary Jefferson Smith perseveres with his speech while the Constitution arrives. In Jackson City, Allen rallies against him, prompting a protest and press suppression. McGann and Taylor plot to eliminate opposing news sources. Saunders and Diz discover Taylor's censorship, leading them to collaborate with Ma Smith to publish Jefferson's message through her children's magazine. A montage ensues showcasing the clash between pro- and anti-Smith press efforts, culminating in the Smiths' determination to spread the truth.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Political intrigue
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion with multiple plot threads

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping between different locations and events without a cohesive thread.
The transition between the Senate Chamber and the street parade in Jackson City is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative.
The introduction of multiple characters and subplots, such as the protest against Smith's filibuster and the media manipulation by Taylor and Paine, adds unnecessary complexity and distracts from the main storyline.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters delivering speeches that come across as contrived and melodramatic.
The visual elements, such as the parade and the public auditorium, are not effectively integrated into the scene and do not contribute significantly to the overall impact.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with a mix of intense moments and mundane details that disrupt the flow of the narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on streamlining the narrative to maintain a clear and coherent storyline.
Consider consolidating the various subplots and characters to avoid overwhelming the audience.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, with a focus on character development and emotional depth.
Enhance the visual elements to create a more immersive and visually compelling scene.
Work on pacing to ensure a smooth transition between different locations and events, maintaining a consistent tone and momentum.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

TAYLOR
--Chick--I want the whole morning
edition a blast to push him off the
floor! Campaign for protests--wires!
Here's your front page editorial: "A
convicted thief, representing you,
holds the floor of the United States
Senate--"

From the above starts by Saunders and Taylor there follow
the words of Saunders being taken down on a broken little
portable typewriter, by one of the kids, with other kids
bringing him sheets of paper in longhand.

Contrasted is McGann listening in, while beside him a couple
of men with earphones pound professionally at typewriters.
The sheets are grabbed out of their rollers by runners who
tear out of the office with them.

We see the kids setting type laboriously.

Contrasted are linotypists of the Jackson City Press.

The kids cut their paper to size on a little hand apparatus.

Contrasted, we see the huge rolls of paper being set in the
giant presses.

We see the kids composing and locking their type in little
flats.

Contrasted are the moulds being put into place on the Jackson
City Press rollers.

We see the little press starting up, hand fed, and pumping
out one little circular at a time.

Contrasted is the whirling giant press rattling out at trip-
hammer speed.

Back to the little press, pumping out boldly printed
circulars; with headlines that read:

PEOPLE OF THIS STATE!
READ JEFF'S STORY

JEFF SMITH SPEAKS TO YOU!

SMASH THE TAYLOR MACHINE!

JEFF SMITH IS FIGHTING GRAFT

Contrasted is the whirling Jackson City Press. Over it
headlines flash up:

SMITH FORCING NATION TO CRISIS!

STOP SMITH!

PROTEST!
Then a CARTOON is seen depicting Jeff with a little whiskbroom
sweeping back an ocean labelled "PUBLIC CONDEMNATION."

Then another cartoon showing a line of haggard people at a
window marked "RELIEF FUNDS." A man at the window holds up
his hand, palm out, and says: "Sorry, Jefferson Smith is
still talking."

Back to kids who are stacking and tying bundles of circulars.

Contrasted, we see the professional stacking and tying of an
army of workers in the Jackson City Press rooms. (Perhaps
showing a change of shifts--fresh men coming in, as the gong
sounds and shows that it is five o'clock in the morning.)

Back in the Smith home, with the kids still active and the
press still going. Ma is giving the kids coffee. One kid is
bobbing at a desk. A big boy is putting a little fellow,
sound asleep, down on a bed.

The scene dissolves to bobbing Senators at their desks in
the United States Senate. JEFF is seen still talking. His
hair is disheveled, he is weary in the joint, with black
circles under his eyes, collar open. Jeff is saying:

JEFFERSON
--there just can't be any compromise
with inalienable rights like life
and liberty. That's about the only
thing I know for sure--and that's
about all I got up on this floor to
say--when was it? A year ago, it
seems like--

Further impressionistic views of the Chamber: the clock,
more sleeping attitudes of the Senators, a weary Vice-
President Pro Tem, the sprinkling of people in the gallery,
made up of the night or early morning birds such as a fellow
in top hat and muffler, a milkman, a street car conductor.

Back to all sorts of little vehicles--play wagons, bicycles,
scooters, etc.--collected in Jeff's back yard as piles of
circulars are carried out and loaded on these contraptions.
Some of the kids are starting away with their bundles. The
bugle note sounds over the scene.

Contrasted, at the Jacskon City Press, the morning extra is
being loaded on big, handsome trucks which roar away.

Then the distribution of the reading matter by both Taylor's
press and the kids'. We see Taylor's trucks dumping bundles
at street corners to newsboys.

Jeff's kids race down residence blocks throwing circulars on
lawns, passing them out on business streets, shoving them
into people's hands--at crowded street corners, at factory
entrances.

Taylor's newspaper boys are interspersed, hawking their
papers. (End of the montage.)

In the JACKSON CITY PRESS OFFICE, McGann is on the phone,
with men rushing into him with copy.

MCGANN
(shouting)
That's right, get out every piece of
loud speaker equipment on wheels--!

He is interrupted by a man who rushes in with some leaflets
in his hand.

MAN
Chick, Chick, look--"Boy Stuff"
circulars--peddled by nine million
kids--

MCGANN
(grabbing the leaflets,
yelling)
Well, what are you standin' for? Get
the boys out! Kill it!

The scene dissolves to RESIDENCE BLOCKS, three episodes,
showing a couple of kids rushing along with a wagon full of
circulars and other kids taking from it to distribute them.
A big open truck swerves up to the curb. A couple of men
rush out, push the kids away from the little wagon, grab the
circulars, and toss them into the truck. The kids raise a
hue and cry and pile on. A quick free-for-all in which the
kids are sent sprawling--a smack to the jaw, a kick.

This dissolves to A SLUM LOCATION: A large truck is loaded
with signs, is surrounded by shabbily-dressed men. McGann is
on hand, with a fist full of money. Signs are being passed
down to the waiting men and, as each takes one, McGann slips
a bill into his hand and he hurries off with a sign. The
signs carry these appeals: "STOP SMITH!" "WIRE CONGRESS!"
"STOP SMITH--WE WANT TO EAT." "CRIMINAL SMITH TALKS AND
AMERICANS STARVE!" "HERO JOSEPH PAINE." "JOE PAINE SAVED
YOUR STATE."

Genres: Political Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional

Summary Taylor and Saunders lead a campaign to discredit Jeff Smith's filibuster, creating and distributing circulars with the help of children. In response, the Jackson City Press produces counter-content, distributed by trucks and newsboys. McGann hires protesters to hold signs against Smith.

Strengths

Intense political drama
Compelling character dynamics
Emotional depth
High-stakes conflict
Powerful thematic exploration

Weaknesses

Complexity of political maneuvering may be challenging for some viewers
Pacing may be slow for those not familiar with political dramas

General Critique

The scene effectively portrays the contrast between Taylor's professional press operation and the kids' grassroots efforts to support Jefferson Smith.
The use of visual elements such as the printing press, trucks distributing circulars, and men holding protest signs adds depth and detail to the scene.
The montage sequence effectively conveys the widespread distribution of information and the escalating conflict between Taylor's press and the kids' efforts.
The scene captures the intensity and urgency of the situation as both sides mobilize to influence public opinion and support their respective agendas.
The inclusion of various locations and characters adds complexity and depth to the scene, highlighting the widespread impact of the media manipulation and protest efforts.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more dialogue or interactions between the characters to further develop their motivations and reactions to the unfolding events.
Provide more insight into the emotional impact of the media manipulation and protests on the characters involved, particularly Jefferson Smith and his supporters.
Explore the consequences of the escalating conflict between Taylor's press operation and the kids' efforts, showcasing the broader implications of their actions.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive portrayal of the scenes, capturing the tension and urgency of the situation.
Consider incorporating internal monologues or reflections from key characters to provide deeper insight into their thoughts and feelings during this critical moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Then we see an overlapping series of posters going up--a
banner being hoisted over a street. Men pasting up huge
twenty-
four sheets and three sheets--and little cards tacked to
telegraph poles and sides of buildings. They read: "STOP
SMITH! WIRE CONGRESS." A piece of bunting, folded up, suddenly
is pulled open to reveal STOP SMITH! Now we are in a STREET
at the front end of a small but boisterous parade, composed
principally of adults with a sprinkling of kids. Both adults
and a few children, flanking the marchers, play instruments.
There are banners at the end of the parade which read: "DOWN
WITH GRAFT--AND TAYLOR!"

"SMASH THE TAYLOR MACHINE!"--"SMITH IS FIGHTING YOUR BATTLE!"
"JEFF SMITH WAS FRAMED!" "HAVE JEFF SMITH AND A CLEAN STATE!"

Suddenly, those in the forefront look off in horror as almost
simultaneously they are hit by a might stream of water. We
see a fire truck and hoses pouring water, held by a couple
of firemen, with the aid of a plug-ugly. There are glimpses
of people as they are swept off their feet and whirled
violently on the ground. Simultaneously a calliope is heard.
Down the street comes the truck pulling a tremendous poster
on which is printed; "STOP JEFF (JUDAS) SMITH!" This truck,
with calliope playing, moves through what remains of the
parade. A loud speaker attached, bawls out:

LOUD SPEAKER VOICE
Stop Smith! Remove this scoundrel
from the Senate! Wire Congress!

This dissolves to a CORNER. A soap box is surrounded by a
small group which is in the act of forming.

SOAP BOXER
(yelling)
Smith was framed! Don't believe the
papers! James Taylor owns them.
(Waves a circular)
If you want the truth, read--

The small group is rushed by some professional hoodlums.
They charge through the group and the soap boxer is dragged
from his perch. At this instant a screaming siren is
overheard. People pause to look up. Then a MOVING AIRPLANE
is seen, with siren screaming, pulling a streamer on which
are the the letters: "STOP SMITH! WIRE CONGRESS!"

LOUD SPEAKER VOICE
Stop Smith! It's the duty of every
citizen--

Various groups of people in the streets are looking up--people
raising their windows to look out, people rushing out of
doors from factories and public building as the loud speaker
continues:

LOUD SPEAKER VOICE
--to wire Congress! Put Smith out of
the Senate! Pass the Deficiency Bill.
Wire Congress--in the name of the
needy and hungry Americans!

But in a STREET, there appears the car of the Governor's
children, and it is pulling a trailer on which small hand-
painted posters lean against each other. These posters bear
the words: "STAND BEHIND JEFF" and "READ WHAT TAYLOR'S PAPERS
WON'T PRINT." The Governor's kids are recognized in this car
and also the little boy with the bugle who is playing one
continuous blast. The kids are throwing circulars to the
left and right as they move down the street. Suddenly a big
touring car with some plug uglies in it bears down with a
roar on this little trailer. They run into it--gasoline is
either poured on it or the gasoline tank is drilled with a
bullet and a match is set to the whole works. The trailer
and the car go up in a blaze as the kids scramble out to
save their lives.

The scene dissolves to the HOPPER EXECUTIVE OFFICE, in which
Hubert is on the phone, raging:

HUBERT
Are you Commissioner of Safety or--?
*Hoodlums*! Taylor's hoodlums are
running riot in the streets! Even
children are not safe--hospitals are
filled! I won't stand for this
violence--

And in the SMITH HOME, the place is still whirling. The kids
are working away. One of them is speaking into an amateur
radio excitedly--with a circular in his hands.

KID
(on radio)
Fellas--tell your folks--the Taylor
machine is framing Jeff Smith! Here's
Jeff's story--put it down--!

He breaks off as shouts are heard outside. About three
gorillas are pushing their way into the office. A group of
kids has evidently been fighting them from the time they
entered the house. The kids are yelling: "What do you want
in here?" "Who are you?" "Get out of here!" The men throw
off the kids and advance to both the press and the amateur
radio. One of them takes a small object that looks like a
hand grenade out of his pocket and hurls it at the press.
There is an explosion. The men duck and run. A couple of
kids clutch their faces and scream. The press stops.
Simultaneously one of the other gorillas has thrown himself
at the amateur radio. He starts pulling it apart.

Next MA is on the phone.

MA
(frantically)
Saunders! Is that you, Saunders?

And we see SAUNDERS on the phone.

SAUNDERS
Yes, Ma!
(She listens)
What!
In the SMITH HOME:

MA
(wildly)
Yes! Bombs--acid! Children hurt! All
over the city! Tell Jeff to stop!
It's no use. They--they'll just kill
*him* if he goes on--and everybody
else! It isn't worth it, Saunders--

SAUNDERS is seen paralyzed, holding the receiver as Ma's
voice screeches through.

MA'S VOICE
*Tell him to stop*!

H. V. KALTENBORN is seen again, broadcasting.

KALTENBORN
Senator Smith has now talked for
twenty-three hours and sixteen
minutes. It is the most unusual and
spectacular thing in the Senate
annals. One lone and simple American
holding the greatest floor in the
land. What he lacked in experience
he's made up in fight. But those
tired Boy Ranger legs are buckling;
bleary eyes, voice gone, he can't go
on much longer and all official
Washington is here to be in on the
kill.

In the SENATE PRESS GALLERY, Saunders and Diz are seen.

Genres: Political Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Chaotic

Summary Amidst a series of posters and banners promoting the "Stop Smith" campaign, a parade is violently dispersed by water cannons. A soapbox speaker is attacked by hoodlums, and an airplane flies overhead urging people to contact Congress. The Governor's children's car is set ablaze. At the Smith home, the kids' amateur radio operation is attacked by gorillas who destroy the radio and throw a grenade at the press. Ma Smith frantically calls Saunders, urging Jeff to stop his filibuster. H. V. Kaltenborn broadcasts about Senator Smith's ongoing filibuster, while Saunders and Diz watch from the Senate press gallery with concern.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Compelling plot twists
Emotional depth
Powerful themes

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion due to multiple subplots and characters

General Critique

The scene is chaotic and lacks clarity in its storytelling. There are multiple events happening simultaneously without a clear focus on any one aspect.
The transition between different locations and events is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the sequence of events.
The scene contains a lot of violent and destructive actions, such as water cannons, arson, and physical attacks, which may be excessive and detract from the main storyline.
The dialogue and actions of the characters feel exaggerated and melodramatic, which can take away from the authenticity of the scene.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, making it challenging for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Streamline the events in the scene to focus on one central conflict or theme, rather than introducing multiple chaotic elements.
Provide clearer transitions between locations and events to help the audience follow the narrative more easily.
Consider toning down the violent and destructive actions to maintain a balance between drama and realism.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
Add more emotional depth to the characters and their interactions to create a more engaging and relatable scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JEFFERSON'S VOICE
No, sir, there's no compromise with
truth. That's all I got up on this
floor to say--when was it--a year
ago, it seems like.

SAUNDERS
Diz, I'm afraid. Terrible things are
happening. I've got to stop him.

DIZ
They're listening to him. Anything
might happen now.

JEFFERSON
Just get up off the ground, that's
all I ask. Get up there with that
lady that is up on top of this Capitol
dome--that lady that stands for
liberty, take a look at this country
through her eyes if you really want
to see something and you won't just
see scenery--you'll see the whole
parade of what man's carved out for
himself after centuries of fighting
and fighting for something better
than just jungle law, fighting so's
he can stand on his own two feet--
free and decent, like he was created--
no matter what his race, color or
creed. That's what you'll see. There's
no place out there for graft or greed
or lies or compromise with human
liberties. And if that's what the
grown-ups have done to this world
that was given to them we'd better
get those boy's camps started fast
and see what the kids can do and it
is not too late because this country
is bigger than the Taylors, or you
or me, or anything else. Great
principles don't get lost once they
come to light. They're right here.
You just have to see them.

PAINE
(rising at his desk)
Mr. President, will the Senator yield
for a question?

PRESIDENT
Will Senator Smith yield to his
colleague?

JEFFERSON
Yes, sir, I yield for a question.

PAINE
The gentleman has said repeatedly
that he is speaking to the people of
his State. He has been waiting, as
he so fancifully puts it, for them
to come marching here in droves.
Would the gentleman be interested in
knowing what those people have to
say?

In the PRESS GALLERY:

SAUNDERS
Here it comes, Diz.

On the FLOOR again:

JEFFERSON
Yes, sir, you bet I would.

PAINE
Mr. President, have I permission to
bring into this Chamber evidence of
the response from my State?

PRESIDENT
Is there objection?
(There is none)
You may proceed, Senator.

PAINE
Page boys!

Now a number of page boys enter, carrying down and placing
before the President's ROSTRUM many WIRE BASKETS, filled
with telegrams. The view picks out SAUNDERS.

SAUNDERS
I can't stand it, Diz. I can't stand
to see him hurt like this.

A MAN
Public opinion made to order.

DIZ
Yeah, Taylor made.

SENATOR PAINE walks down and points to the baskets.

There it is, there's the gentleman's answer. Telegrams, five
thousand of them, demanding that he yield the floor. I invite
the Senate to read them. I invite my colleague to read them.
The people's answer to Mr. Jefferson Smith.

SAUNDERS
(seen getting up and
screaming)
Stop, Jeff, stop!
(Her voice is lost in
the tumult)

JEFFERSON has gone wearily to the baskets. He seizes handfulls
of telegrams at random and glances at them. He sags in
despair, almost falling.

JEFFERSON
(with effort)
I guess this is just another lost
cause, Mr. Paine. All you people
don't know about lost causes. Mr.
Paine does. He said once they were
the only causes worth fighting for,
and he fought for them once, for the
only reason that any man ever fights
for them. Because of just one plain,
simple rule, "Love thy neighbor,"
and in this world today, full of
hatred, a man who knows that one
rule has a great trust. You knew
that rule, Mr. Paine, and I loved
you for it, just as my father did.
And you know that you fight for the
lost causes harder than for any
others. Yes, you'd even die for them,
like a man we both know, Mr. Paine.
You think I'm licked. You all think
I'm licked. Well, I'm not licked and
I'm going to stay right here and
fight for this lost cause even if
this room gets filled with lies like
these, and the Taylors and all their
armies come marching into this place.
Somebody'll listen to me--some--

The chamber whirls in front of Jeff's eyes--and he pitches
forward to the floor. People get to their feet automatically
all over the house--and there is dead silence except for
SAUNDERS, who utters one shriek as she gets to her feet--
then stands unable to move.

Then PAINE rises stiffly--his face a complete blank--and
starts toward the cloak room, several feet away.

The tense, silent shock of the Senate floor is broken and
men start for Jeff's inert form. A tumult goes up, and
JEFFERSON is seen inert--completely gone--as men surround
him. And then--suddenly--off-scene--a pistol shot is heard.
Heads turn violently in the direction of the cloak room.
Women scream.

In the CLOAK ROOM, near the door to the Chamber, Paine is
now struggling with three or four men, who wrest a revolver
out of Paine's hand. In violent desperation, Paine tears
himself loose and rushes for the chamber.

In THE CHAMBER Paine comes toward the center aisle. (Jefferson
still lying face down on the floor.)

PAINE
(crying out to the
Chair)
Expel *me*! Not him. *Me*!

He continues toward the chair as he talks--a man distracted--
the whole house on its feet.

Genres: Drama, Political, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Emotional, Tense, Dramatic

Summary Amidst Jefferson's impassioned speech, Paine enters with telegrams demanding Jefferson's resignation. Jefferson, overcome with despair, collapses. Paine leaves and a gunshot is heard, prompting his dramatic return, demanding his own expulsion instead. Jefferson remains motionless on the floor.

Strengths

Powerful dialogue
Emotional depth
Intense conflict
Compelling character arcs

Weaknesses

Potentially overwhelming amount of action and dialogue

General Critique

The scene is emotionally charged and intense, with powerful speeches and dramatic moments. However, the dialogue can be a bit verbose and repetitive at times, which may dilute the impact of the powerful message being conveyed.
There is a lack of subtlety in the character interactions, with the characters explicitly stating their intentions and emotions rather than allowing the audience to infer them from their actions and expressions.
The transition from Jefferson collapsing to Paine's sudden change of heart and the subsequent gunshot feels rushed and somewhat contrived, lacking a smooth and believable buildup to the climax of the scene.
The scene could benefit from more nuanced and layered character development, especially in the interactions between Jefferson, Paine, Saunders, and Diz. Adding depth to their motivations and conflicts could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
The visual and auditory elements described in the scene could be further developed to create a more immersive and impactful experience for the audience, enhancing the tension and drama of the moment.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider trimming down some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on the key messages and emotions that need to be conveyed.
Explore more subtle ways to reveal the characters' emotions and intentions through their actions, expressions, and interactions, allowing the audience to engage more deeply with the story.
Work on building a more gradual and organic progression towards the climax of the scene, allowing the tension to build naturally and the character dynamics to evolve in a more believable manner.
Add layers to the characters by exploring their internal conflicts, desires, and vulnerabilities, creating more complex and relatable personalities that resonate with the audience.
Enhance the sensory elements of the scene, such as sound effects, visuals, and descriptions of the setting, to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

PAINE
Willet Dam is a fraud! It's a crime
against the people who sent me here--
and *I* committed it!

PAINE walks mechanically toward the chair.

PAINE
(shouting)
Every word that boy said is the truth!
I'm not fit for office! I'm not fit
for any place of honor or trust in
this land! Expel me--!

SAUNDERS
(wildly, clutching
Diz)
He did it.

DIZ
Wait a minute. I've got to write
this story.

PRESIDENT
(pounding vainly with
his gavel)
Order, gentlemen, please.

DIZ
(to Saunders)
Will you please let go of me.

SAUNDERS
(screaming)
He did it! Yippee!

The scene dissolves to the HOPPER KIDS, a newspaper between
them--and just yelling at the tops of their lungs:

BOYS
Yeow!

And this is followed by a BONFIRE SCENE, with Boy Rangers
leaping and yelling; and then we see the WINDOW of the offices
of the JACKSON CITY PRESS at night, where a rock goes crashing
through the window, smashing it to smithereens.

This dissolves to HOPPER'S EXECUTIVE OFFICE, in which HOPPER
is surrounded by Edwards and the other members of the
Citizen's Committee. Happy is a lion at bay.

HUBERT
(yelling into their
teeth--in violent
indignation)
Resign! Resign! Who found this
magnificent young American? Who went
down alone--in the dead of night--
and sought out this Lincoln--this--
Resign! Why, I've just begun! I'll
find *more* Jefferson Smiths! I'll
clean out of our glorious state every
*vestige* of James Taylor--I'll--

Now we are in a STREET, in daylight, with the BOY RANGER
BAND marching--playing a martial air--confetti falling on
them. JEFFERSON AND SAUNDERS are in the back of an open car--
band--cheers--confetti! They are both rather dazed. A huge
placard, carried by a Boy Ranger, reads:

JEFFERSON TO THE SENATE

FOR LIFE!

There is a BAND, and there is much cheering. Then the GOVERNOR
AND MRS. HOPPER are seen in the back of an open car. (Band
and cheers and confetti.) Happy is bowing to left and right--
all smiles. He pauses to say:

HUBERT
Emma--it's the White House--no less!

JEFFERSON AND SAUNDERS are in the open car; Jeff looks off,
and is suddenly at attention.

In a GROUP ON THE SIDEWALK, Joseph Paine is watching the
parade. Suddenly Jeff leaps out of the car and heads for the
curb. Saunders tries to stop him. JEFF is pushing through
the crowd--and grabbing for PAINE, who has fearfully started
to move off.

JEFFERSON
Please, sir!--come with me!

PAINE
No, Jeff--please--!

JEFFERSON
I say it's *your* parade, sir! You've
*got* to come!

He pulls Paine with him--back toward the automobile. The
people mill around them.

The scene dissolves to the SMITH LIVING ROOM, as Jeff and
Saunders and Paine enter to Ma, who is waiting. (Outside we
still hear the band and cheers.)

MA
(kissing Jeff's cheek)
Hello, Jefferson.

JEFFERSON
Hello, Ma.
(Indicating Saunders)
Clarissa, Ma. She'll be stayin' a
while--

MA
(takes Saunders' hands)
Fine--

JEFFERSON
And Senator Paine too, Ma--we'd like
to have him--

MA
(warmly)
Certainly would, Joseph.

JEFFERSON
How's Amos, Ma?

MA
Just fine.

JEFFERSON
(taking Saunders'
hand)
We'd better see.

SAUNDERS
Jeff--wait--they want you to speak!

JEFFERSON
Not *me*! Joseph Paine is the man
they ought to be listening to! Come
on!

He drags her off toward pet shop--Paine calling after him,
protesting.

And in the PET SHOP: Saunders and Jeff are seen entering. On
seeing Jeff, the animals go berserk. And in a comparative
lull Jeff says to them:

JEFFERSON
Meet Clarissa, fellas.

And the scene fades out.

THE END

Genres: Drama, Political, Thriller
Tone: Passionate, Intense, Emotional, Tense, Hopeful

Summary Paine confesses his fraudulent actions, leading to his expulsion. Saunders claims responsibility, and the crowd celebrates Jefferson Smith's victory. Paine attempts to flee, but Jefferson insists he join the parade as the honoree. They visit his mother and the pet shop, where animals greet them enthusiastically.

Strengths

Intense emotional moments
Powerful dialogue
Compelling plot twists
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some scenes may be overly dramatic or melodramatic

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition between the intense emotional moment of Paine admitting his guilt and the sudden shift to the celebratory parade and bonfire scenes. This abrupt change in tone can be disorienting for the audience and disrupt the flow of the narrative.
The dialogue between Saunders and Diz feels rushed and lacks depth, especially considering the gravity of Paine's confession. There is an opportunity to explore the emotional impact of Paine's revelation on the characters in a more nuanced way.
The visual descriptions of the bonfire scene and the office window being smashed are vivid and engaging, but they could be better integrated into the overall narrative to enhance the impact of the events unfolding.
The transition from the chaos of the protests and violence to the celebratory parade scene with the Hopper kids and the bonfire feels disjointed. There needs to be a smoother transition to maintain the coherence of the storyline.
The resolution of Paine's confession and the subsequent celebration could be more effectively portrayed to convey the emotional weight of the moment and the significance of Paine's redemption.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief transitional scene to bridge the gap between Paine's confession and the celebratory parade, allowing for a smoother transition in tone and pacing.
Expand on the emotional reactions of the characters, particularly Saunders and Diz, to Paine's confession to add depth and complexity to their responses.
Integrate the visual descriptions of the protests and the celebratory scenes more seamlessly to create a cohesive narrative flow.
Enhance the emotional impact of Paine's redemption by focusing on the cathartic moment of his confession and the subsequent reconciliation with Jefferson and Ma Smith.
Ensure that the resolution of the scene effectively conveys the themes of redemption and forgiveness, highlighting the transformative journey of the characters involved.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Mr. Smith goes to Washington

Overview

Unique Selling Point

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Story Facts

Script Level Analysis

Screenplay Insights

Story Critique

Characters

Emotional Analysis

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Themes

Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Other Analyses

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Executive Summary

Engine: Claude

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Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Saunders - Score: 83/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Scene Impact 8/10

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions