The Twelfth Moon Rev 6

Haunted by her family's death in the Soladar wars, Captain Carla Cain leads a mission to a forbidden moon, only to discover the energy powering humanity is alive—and hungry for more victims.

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Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Point

The script's unique selling proposition is its inversion of the resource extraction narrative: Soladar isn't mined, it mines *you*. This transforms a standard sci-fi conspiracy into cosmic horror, creating a genuinely disturbing and original premise. The combination of government conspiracy thriller with Lovecraftian planetary horror, anchored by a protagonist with deep personal stakes, creates a compelling hybrid genre piece that stands out in the crowded sci-fi market.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines' ratings to compare.

Hover over verdict cards for Executive Summaries

GPT5
 Recommend
Claude
 Recommend
Gemini
 Consider
Grok
 Consider
DeepSeek
 Consider
Average Score: 7.3
Key Takeaways
For the Writer:
To elevate 'The Twelfth Moon Rev 6', focus on tightening the middle act by consolidating repetitive investigative scenes and reducing exposition-heavy dialogue to maintain momentum and audience engagement. Deepen supporting characters' arcs with specific motivations and relationships to add emotional layers, and clarify the rules of Soladar's world-building through visual storytelling rather than direct explanation. These refinements will enhance narrative flow, reduce contrivances, and strengthen the script's thematic depth, making it more immersive and impactful.
For Executives:
The script offers strong commercial potential with its original sci-fi horror concept and emotional stakes, appealing to audiences of films like Alien or Prometheus, but risks include uneven pacing that could bore viewers and unresolved plot threads that might confuse or frustrate them, potentially lowering marketability. With revisions to streamline the narrative and bolster character development, it could attract mid-budget studios, but in its current state, it may require significant reworking to avoid production delays or negative test screenings.
Story Facts
Genres:
Science Fiction 65% Action 35% Drama 50% Horror 25% Thriller 30% War 15%

Setting: Distant future, Various locations in space, including moons, spaceships, and a post-apocalyptic Earth

Themes: The Corrupting Nature of Power and the Pursuit of Soladar, Loss, Sacrifice, and Trauma, The Search for Truth and the Danger of Government Secrecy, The Nature of Humanity and Survival, Technological Advancement and its Double-Edged Sword, The Power of Memory and Legacy, Betrayal and Distrust

Conflict & Stakes: The crew's struggle for survival against a sentient moon while uncovering the truth about Soladar and facing personal demons.

Mood: Tense and suspenseful, with moments of introspection and emotional depth.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The concept of a sentient moon that mines its inhabitants, creating a unique blend of horror and sci-fi.
  • Major Twist: The revelation that the moon is alive and has a connection to the characters' pasts.
  • Innovative Ideas: The use of advanced technology and the exploration of ethical dilemmas surrounding resource exploitation.
  • Distinctive Setting: The contrast between the desolate moonscape and the high-tech environments of the spaceships.
  • Character Depth: The complex backstories of characters like Cain and Pace, which drive their motivations and decisions.

Comparable Scripts: Event Horizon, The Martian, Interstellar, The Expanse (TV Series), Annihilation, Gravity, Alien, Lost in Space (TV Series), The Leftovers

Data Says…
Feature in Alpha - Could have inaccuracies

Our stats model looked at how your scores work together and ranked the changes most likely to move your overall rating next draft. Ordered by the most reliable gains first.

1. Character Development (Script Level)
Big Impact Script Level
Your current Character Development (Script Level) score: 7.1
Typical rewrite gain: +0.65 in Character Development (Script Level)
Gets you ~5% closer to an "all Highly Recommends" score
Confidence: High (based on ~2,328 similar revisions)
  • This is currently your highest-impact lever. Improving Character Development (Script Level) is most likely to move the overall rating next.
  • What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Character Development (Script Level) by about +0.65 in one rewrite.
  • Why it matters: At your level, improving this one area alone can cover a meaningful slice of the climb toward an "all Highly Recommends" script.
2. Theme (Script Level)
Big Impact Script Level
Your current Theme (Script Level) score: 7.8
Typical rewrite gain: +0.5 in Theme (Script Level)
Gets you ~4% closer to an "all Highly Recommends" score
Confidence: High (based on ~3,464 similar revisions)
  • This is another meaningful lever. After you work on the higher-impact areas, this can still create a noticeable lift.
  • What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Theme (Script Level) by about +0.5 in one rewrite.
  • Why it matters: After you address the top item, gains here are still one of the levers that move you toward that "all Highly Recommends" zone.
3. Emotional Impact (Script Level)
Big Impact Script Level
Your current Emotional Impact (Script Level) score: 7.5
Typical rewrite gain: +0.5 in Emotional Impact (Script Level)
Gets you ~3% closer to an "all Highly Recommends" score
Confidence: High (based on ~3,773 similar revisions)
  • This is another meaningful lever. After you work on the higher-impact areas, this can still create a noticeable lift.
  • What writers at your level usually do: Writers at a similar level usually raise Emotional Impact (Script Level) by about +0.5 in one rewrite.
  • Why it matters: After you address the top item, gains here are still one of the levers that move you toward that "all Highly Recommends" zone.

Script Level Analysis

Writer Exec

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 7.71
Key Suggestions:
To improve the script creatively, prioritize deepening the backstories and arcs of supporting characters like Todd and Martin to make them more relatable and impactful, as this will enhance emotional engagement and overall narrative depth. Additionally, focus on clarifying key plot points and themes, such as the Soladar conspiracy, to ensure a tighter, more coherent story that resonates with audiences on a craft level.
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

Key Suggestions:
The script's core strength lies in its gripping sci-fi narrative exploring themes of loss and exploitation, but improvements should focus on tightening pacing to eliminate draggy exposition, deepening character backstories and relationships for stronger emotional stakes, and incorporating more visual storytelling to convey information dynamically. By streamlining the middle sections and enhancing character dynamics, the story can achieve a more immersive and resonant impact, making the audience's investment in the characters' fates more compelling.
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

Key Suggestions:
The character analysis highlights Carla Cain as a strong protagonist with a compelling arc, but opportunities exist to deepen emotional layers, such as exploring her trust issues and family losses through more vivid flashbacks and internal monologues. Supporting characters like Pace and Crimmage could benefit from clearer arcs and more nuanced dialogue to avoid feeling secondary; focusing on their growth and interactions would enhance thematic depth and audience engagement, making the script more emotionally resonant and thematically cohesive.
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

Key Suggestions:
The script's emotional core is strong, particularly in Cain's arc, but could be enhanced by incorporating more emotional variety and contrast to avoid monotony in tense sections. Focus on adding moments of wonder, camaraderie, and intellectual curiosity, while deepening empathy for supporting characters and ensuring emotional valleys for better pacing. This would create a more engaging, layered narrative that prevents audience fatigue and strengthens thematic resonance, ultimately making the story more impactful and relatable.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

Key Suggestions:
The script's character-driven narrative effectively builds tension through evolving goals and philosophical conflicts, but to enhance its impact, focus on tightening the internal character arcs—such as Cain's journey from personal curiosity to selfless leadership—by adding more subtle, emotional beats that ground the high-stakes action in relatable human experiences. This will deepen audience investment and strengthen the thematic resonance of truth versus survival, ensuring the story doesn't rely solely on plot twists for engagement.
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

Key Suggestions:
The script's thematic core around the corrupting influence of power via Soladar is robust and engaging, but to elevate the craft, focus on tightening the integration of supporting themes like loss and truth-seeking to avoid repetitive emotional beats. Enhancing character development, particularly Carla Cain's arc, by adding nuanced internal conflicts and subtler symbolism—such as the Starcrash figure—could deepen emotional resonance and prevent the narrative from feeling overly didactic, ultimately making the story more immersive and impactful for audiences.
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

Key Suggestions:
The script's core sci-fi narrative and character arcs show promise, but inconsistencies in plot logic, such as unexplained resets and character actions that feel forced, undermine believability and engagement. To improve, focus on tightening the conspiracy elements by resolving logical gaps, ensuring character decisions stem naturally from their development, and reducing redundant flashbacks and dialogue to create a more streamlined, authentic story that better serves the thriller genre.

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
Go to Scene Analysis

Other Analyses

Writer Exec

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

Key Suggestions:
The script's voice effectively blends futuristic sci-fi with raw emotional depth, creating immersive tension, but to elevate it, focus on tightening dialogue to avoid repetition in high-stakes scenes and expanding character arcs to deepen audience investment in their personal stakes, ensuring that the gritty realism doesn't overshadow moments of wonder and exploration.
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

Key Suggestions:
To enhance your screenplay's creative impact, concentrate on sharpening dialogue to better reveal character motivations and conflicts, deepen character arcs by exploring internal struggles, and refine pacing to maintain tension and engagement. These improvements will amplify emotional resonance and make your narrative more compelling and authentic.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

Key Suggestions:
The script's world building is richly detailed and effectively drives tension and character development, but to enhance creative depth, focus on tightening the integration of environmental elements with personal backstories to avoid overwhelming the narrative. For instance, leveraging the sentient Soladar more dynamically in key scenes could amplify horror and thematic resonance, while ensuring cultural and societal aspects inform character motivations without relying on heavy exposition, ultimately making the story more emotionally resonant and cinematically engaging.
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

Key Suggestions:
To elevate your script's craft, focus on diversifying the pervasive tense tone with contrasting elements like humor or calm to prevent monotony and enhance emotional depth. Strengthen character development in reflective and inquisitive scenes by integrating action-driven changes, and ensure emotional beats are bolstered by sharper dialogue to avoid tell-heavy moments. This will create a more balanced, engaging narrative with better pacing and character growth, making the story more compelling and less predictable.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

Comparison with Previous Draft

See how your script has evolved from the previous version. This section highlights improvements, regressions, and changes across all major categories, helping you understand what revisions are working and what may need more attention.

Version Comparison Analysis
Summary of Changes
Improvements (5)
  • Premise - hookStrength: 7.0 → 9.0 +2.0
  • Character Complexity - characterArcs: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
  • Character Complexity - characterRelatability: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
  • Character Complexity - characterDiversity: 6.0 → 7.0 +1.0
  • Character Complexity - characterConsistency: 8.0 → 9.0 +1.0
Areas to Review (0)

No regressions detected