Scene
1 -
Chaos in the Forest: Springfield's Aftermath
After Springfield Dam collapses, the people are forced to live in
the forest. Bart loses his skateboard, Homer and Marge have a
massive argument and Burns and Smithers are on the run.
Characters:
Homer
Marge
Bart
Lisa
Maggie
Barney Gumble
Mr Burns
Smithers
Moe
Santa’s Little Helper
Snowball
Milhouse
Martin Prince
Lewis
Richard
Nelson
Lenny
Carl
Principal Skinner
Agnes Skinner
Snake Jailbird
Chief Wiggum
Mayor Quimby
Hans Moleman
Ralph Wiggum
Kent Brockman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Simpsons Intro:
Bart Spells: “I will not yell ‘67’ at an assembly”
Genres:
["Animation","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Maggie's Milestone and Mysterious TV
EXT. KITCHEN - DAY
Homer chomps on pancakes and waffles.
HOMER: Pancakes and waffles. So innocent, so scrumptious.
So...legally separate.
MAGGIE: (fussing and crying) Ahhhh!
HOMER: What’s wrong with her? You want one of Daddy’s pancakes,
yes you do! You can have it - later. (looks away)
Marge goes around Maggie's body and notices 2 little teeth that
have popped out of her gums.
MARGE: Maggie’s got teeth! Finally!
Everybody shuffles their chairs over to Maggie. However, the
chairs scrape.
MARGE: (grumbles) Couldn’t you walk over here without rearranging
the house?
Bart, Lisa, Homer gasp. Snowball II perks itself up on Maggie’s
chair. It looks at her teeth. Its hair falls off in chunks.
LISA: (appointing to SNOWBALL II) Is that...normal?
(half-beat)
HOMER: You know, kids, Daddy LOST 5 teeth this year.
BART: Must’ve been all those donuts, Homeboy.
HOMER: (whilst strangling BART) Why you little...I’ll teach you
to comment on my oral health!
Suddenly, the TV turns on and cuts to CHANNEL 6 NEWS.
BART: How did it turn on? The cord’s out!
Genres:
["Comedy","Family"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
Damning News
[ON TV: INT. NEWSTATION - DAY]
KENT: Hello, I’m Kent Brockman. Today, we barge into your
breakfast with an important announcement. So, you have chosen
DEATH.
Homer yelps.
KENT: Because YOU might’ve brewed a nasty event that’ll take
place in the next hour. Location: A Dam. on the outskirts of
town.
Homer yelps louder this time.
(half-beat)
HOMER: Oh, why did I get that doll in exchange for an upvote for
the dam to be built?
Cut to a LABUBU perched on a table. A single tear comes from its
sparkly eye.
Cut back to the TV.
KENT: (holding earpiece) Oop, hello! I think Arnie has something
to say to us. Arnie, what news have you got to share with us -
that won’t ruin my breakfast?
ARNIE: Hello, this is Arnie Pye with Arnie in The Sky!
People of Springfield, it has just been reported the Springfield
Dam is under stress and is bound to collapse within the next
hour. Which means all schools in Springfield will be closed until
further notice.
LISA: D’oh!
BART: Let’s go! Mum, you got any spare bucks or notes lyin’
around?
MARGE: Shush, you two! This is VERY important.
LISA: Why did they have to rebuild that stupid Dam? Don’t they
know the company was run by the infamous Cecil Terwilliger? Who
hired yokels from all across the country to build the crappiest
dam Springfield has ever seen?
MARGE: Lisa, I’m sure these “yokels” have learnt their lesson and
have become more professional at their work. People CAN change,
dear.
CUT TO CLETUS.
EXT. DAM - DAY
CLETUS: Dang it! I shouldn’t’ta told my young’uns to use dat
possum fat and bubblegum at the same time! I knows them don’t mix
well! Brandine, I needs them rat tails - Cletus’ gotta do some
emergency stitchin’!
BRANDINE: No, Cletus, you best use dem mice tails! Y’know they
thinner!
CUT TO KENT.
Genres:
["Comedy","Animation","Satire"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
Evacuation Chaos
INT. NEWSTATION - DAY
KENT: This also means that parts of Springfield will have to be
ready to evacuate into the forest.
ARNIE: I- Hey! That’s my line!
Beat.
KENT: ...These are the areas in danger.
ARNIE: Wow, Kent. Cutting in intentionally. What a good friend I
have in you.
Arnie’s helicopter starts drifting.
KENT: Who prints out your scripts? Huh? Who supplied you with
insurance for your helicopter?
ARNIE: But-
KENT: Oh, by the way, I think it expired 4 days ago. Better check
into that.
ARNIE: Yeah, right- AAHHH!
The helicopter crash lands on Hans Moleman, who starts squirming.
HANS: Please... stop flying on me.
The helicopter catches fire.
HANS: Oh, drat.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CUT BACK TO MARGE.
MARGE:(grumbles) I just hope everything will be ok.
HOMER: Please, not our street. I don’t want to have to get up off
our soft, luscious couch.
KENT: …and finally, Moe's Tavern and Evergreen Terrace.
HOMER: D’OH!!
KENT: It is required people in those areas to be evacuated within
the next 30 minutes in order for lives to be saved. Thank you.
MARGE: (holding Maggie) Oh dear, this is terrible. Homer, we
don’t have time to finish those pancakes!
HOMER: (mouthful) I’M NOT FINISHED YET!
Kids pack clothes and their favourite dolls into their
suitcases, Homer packs food, Marge packs the family photos and
clothes and essentials, and Maggie packs only her pacifier in her
“miniature suitcase for one item”.
MARGE: Quick, you lot! We need to get moving! You guys go ahead
with Maggie and the pets! I’ll meet up while I shut the door…
HOMER: I gotta go to Moe’s.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Genres:
["Comedy","Animation","Satire"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
Homer's Last Beer
EXT. WALNUT STREET - DAY
HOMER: Wait out here while I grab myself a quick beer, kids.
MAGGIE: (sucks dummy and spells “I hate aging” with sticks)
LISA: But Dad!
================================================================
INT. MOE’S BAR - DAY
MOE: Here you go! Don’t rush! Savor it.
HOMER: But, Moe-
MOE: (cheerfully) Homer... you’re one of the top 5 chums who’ve
kept this wonderful dump alive.
(beat)
MOE: ... And you’re the only one here who’s not in crushing debt.
(half-beat, a person coughs)
CARL: You know, lately, Moe has been happier than he usually is.
LENNY: Y’know, I think it’s ever since he found the perfect girl
on Tinder.
CARL: Nah, I think he illegally downloaded Omegle from some
sketchy website.
MOE: Free beers forever! Want another one, Homer?
HOMER: Did-did you hear the news?
MOE: News? What news?
HOMER: (starting to cry) Moe… this’ll be my last beer - forever.
(Homer’s liver cheers, “Woo-hoo” in a high pitched Homer voice)
MOE: Oh, dear God, no!!
BARNEY: What’s the point of life without beer?!
MOE: It...it can’t be!! This is the only thing that kept me
miserable! I can’t say goodbye now?!
LENNY: I’m sorry Moe, but it’s time to go.
Moe coils around a bar stool.
MOE: You folks go! I’ll be fine on my own!
HOMER: Aw! Can’t a man at least finish his beer-
LISA: PEOPLE! GET MOVING!
Homer is chugging a beer, with people from the bar running ahead
of him.
HOMER: Fine, fine!
CUT TO MARGE.
EXT. - EDGE OF TOWN - DAY
MARGE: (grumbles) Where are those four?
Birds eye view of crowd running, along with people from Moe’s
tavern as well as the rest of the Simpsons family, showing Homer
falling over, and him slithering like a snake towards the forest.
HOMER: (drops onto the floor) Slither, slither, slither! I am a
snake! Heh heh!
Meanwhile, Smithers is sweating pools riding the bike and Burns
is chilling in the back, sipping his cucumber juice with
cucumbers on his eyes.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
Flood Chaos on Main Street
EXT. MAIN STREET SIDEWALK - DAY
Burns takes cucumbers off his eyes.
BURNS: Pedal, Smithers! Don’t let me fire you again! *Pop!*
SMITHERS: (takes out earphones) Sir, the tire has gone flat. I
may suggest that we abandon the bike and run.
BURNS: No, no! No time for that! My legs are as shrivelled as the
unworthy citizens of Springfield. Now, pedal!
SMITHERS: But Sir, I cannot move. The tire is now lodged into the
dirt. Please, may we just run, sir?
BURNS: Did I stutter, Smithers?!
SMITHERS: Sir! This flood will be coming in any minute !! Please,
may we just run?! This is ALL to save you, sir!
BURNS: Fine, just grab a hound and we can ride out of here. But
this will hurt your salary by 60%, absolute minimum!
SMITHERS: Sir, the hounds are back at the mansion.
BURNS: D’oh, why didn’t you release the hounds earlier? (grunts)
Here are the keys... Chop chop! And you better be back before I
finish my cucumber juice!
SMITHERS: I will be quick, sir.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO MARGE.
MARGE: Oh, there you are, Homie! And Bart and Lisa and Maggie!
Now, WHERE WERE ALL OF YOU?! I HAVE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR 15
MINUTES! I THOUGHT YOU GOT LOST! Maggie didn’t get hurt...did
she?
LISA: She’s...fine?
MARGE: Homer... you didn’t go to Moe’s, did you?
HOMER: Moe’s? What are you talking about? (sweats) I-I didn’t go
to Moe’s! It was very tiring trying to run with a baby on my
shoulder. So I took a break, sat at a tree and played with
Maggie!
Maggie spells out “Liar”. With rocks.
Marge grumbles.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CUT BACK TO SMITHERS.
SMITHERS: (Getting tossed around by the hounds) Sir! Help...ME!
The leashes got tangled up in the hounds!
BURNS: Is that my problem, Smithers?
SMITHERS: Sir, it would…be much appreciated- if you could stop-
the hounds from moving! Ah! The leash! It’s choking me!! … (gags)
BURNS: Right, it would be fatal for the Power Plant to lose an
employee.
SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER: Bark! Bark! (wags tail at top speed)
The hounds glance towards Santa’s Little Helper.
SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER: Bark! BARK!
His tail wags at mach 10 then flies off, then is reattached by the
Snow White Bluebird.
HOUNDS are now very interested.
SMITHERS: Uh…
HOUNDS bark and chase SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER while dragging
Smithers.
SMITHERS: HELP ME!! MY FACE FEELS LIKE IT’S FLIPPED
INSIDE OUT, SIR!
BURNS: Sure, what do I care, you only made matters worse for
yourself! D’oh, but this could take a toll on the Power Plant,
and the government will pay me much lower without having
(gravelly) lousy Smithers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
ANGULAR SHOT OF DAM COLLAPSING.
The dam starts to crack, leaking out a small amount of water.
The crack then begins to spread.
CUT TO KENT, BACK IN THE NEWSTATION.
KENT: Breaking news! We wade into Springfield today with an
important update, I am Kent Br-
KAWOOSH!
Water then creates a massive tsunami-like wave that strikes
buildings, rips trees out of the ground, along with one violent
stream of water sneaking into the Kwik-E-Mart, steals donuts.
Genres:
["Comedy","Animation","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
Tensions in the Tent
INT. KWIK-E-MART - DAY
Apu stands shocked.
Everyone in Springfield is given a tent set.
MARGE: Okay, people! Let’s unpack.
LISA: My Malibu Stacey Doll. Check. My textbooks. Check!
BART: Uh, Mum...did you pack my skateboard?
MARGE: Oh!...Oh dear. Sorry, honey, I don’t think I did.
BART: (tenses up) What?
MARGE: (grumbles) think I forgot to take it out of the garage,
Bart. And now, well... I don’t know where it is.
It could’ve been washed away by the flood.
Bart blows.
BART: (makes fists) THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T TAKE MY PRIZED
POSSESSION! NOW, THANKS TO YOU, IT’S GONE FOREVER! GOOD JOB, MUM!
ARE YOU HAPPY? I REALLY HOPE YOU ARE!
MARGE: Well, Bart, if you didn’t ride your skateboard indoors and
took better care of your own responsibilities, then maybe you
would’ve had your skateboard right here!
BART: BUT YOU DON’T GET IT, MUM! YOU LOCKED MY SKATEBOARD UP IN
AN EVERYTHING PROOF SAFE THAT YOU ONLY KNOW THE CODE TO!
MARGE: (softly) Dear, we can always get you another one when the
flood eases.
BART: You don’t understand, Mum! My skateboard was my secondary
SOUL! And you... destroyed it. It’s like losing a family member.
Marge starts to get guilty.
BART: I’m gonna sleep in the Flanders’ tent. See you later,
Mum... D’oh!
=================================================================
Genres:
["Comedy","Family","Animation"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Camping Chaos: Monkey Business and Marital Mayhem
INT. TENT - DAY
MARGE: (sighs) Homie, can you unpack the food?
HOMER: (chewing) Uh…
MARGE: The food, Homer?
HOMER: What food, Marge?
MARGE: THE FOOD! YOU PACKED IN YOUR STRAWBERRY SPRINKLED DONUT
SUITCASE!!
HOMER: Jeez, no need to be so feisty, Marge! Oh! The food. Oh
yeah, It's in my tummy!
Marge blows.
MARGE: HOMER! THOSE WERE OUR ONLY RATIONS!
HOMER: Well, on the good side, my tummy is satisfied. I don’t
need dinner. Maybe.
MARGE: But what about us, Homer?! Now, we’re going to starve
HOMER: Just go to Apu’s and get some more! Also get me a 6 pack
of beer, would you?
MARGE: (furious) YOU PAY NO ATTENTION TO WHAT’S GOING ON AROUND
YOU! ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOUR STUPID FOOD! YOU ARE SO SELFISH,
HOMER!
Beat.
HOMER: ...Did you defrost the lamb chops, Marge?
MARGE: (grumbling intensifies) EARTH TO HOMER! EARTH TO HOMER! CAN
YOU HEAR ME?! NOW THANKS TO YOU, I WILL STARVE, THE KIDS WILL
STARVE, AND, OH, I DON’T KNOW, WE’VE PROBABLY LOST OUR HOUSE BY
NOW?! BUT NO, YOU DON’T CARE, BECAUSE YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOUR
STOMACH SAVOURING THE FOOD YOU JUST ATE!
HOMER: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY TUMMY LIKE THAT! I’M GOING TO
MOE’S! ... D’oh!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
MARGE: Hello, Ned.
FLANDERS: Well, hi-diddly-ho, Marge! What brings you to the
Flanders Tent today?
MARGE: (grumbles) Hmm... Well, Homer ate all the food we packed,
and now, we’ve got nothing left.
FLANDERS: Well, that’s a-diddly-ding-dong okay, friend! We’ve got
a- plent-i-diddly of tinned chicken and mushroom soup that we
found at a great diddly-discount! Take the whole lot, along with
some bananarinos we packed, too!
MARGE: Oh, thank you, Ned, you’re a charm.
FLANDERS: Well thank-a-doodly to you, Marge. Rod, Todd, where are
those Bananas?
ROD: Oh, Daddy, It was awful! Some monkey took the bananas and
nearly took Todd with it! He’s in that tree!
TODD: Argh! It’s so scary, Daddy! (swinging his legs) He said
he’ll be back for me at midnight and make me his ‘henchman’!
================================================================
Genres:
["Comedy","Family","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
The Jungle Election Chaos
EXT. FOREST - DAY
MAYOR QUIMBY: Attention, citizens of Springfield. We will now be
hosting a meeting for our new election to decide who will be the
new “King of The Jungle”.
Crowd murmurs.
MAYOR QUIMBY: I have now assigned post-it notes to all of you so
you can vote for a person who is humble hearted, loyal, and will
lead the people of Springfield with great dignity!
BURNS: King of The Jungle, eh? Smithers, escort me up to that
stage, immediately, or 95% salary drop!
SMITHERS: Yes, Mr Burns, sir.
BURNS: (onstage) Now listen, all of you petty members of
Springfield. For this election, I demand you to vote for C.
Montgomery Burns, as your “King of the World”!
SMITHERS: (whispering) It’s Jungle, sir.
BURNS: Silence, Smithers!
BURNS: Alright, citizens of Springfield! I demand you to vote for
Montgomery Burns or I will be suing all of you for 40,000 and
above!
QUIMBY: Sorry, Monty, my shriveled sir, that is not the way the
election works. One cannot mind control our citizens into voting
for them for the election. That rule is only obliged to me.
BURNS: Shriveled?! Smithers, who is this mutt with his constant
nagging? He is wearing away my mortal glory! I demand you to fire
him from the Power Plant!
SMITHERS: (nervous chuckle) The mayor does not work at the Power
Plant, sir.
BURNS: Oh, poppycock! What do you mean the man doesn’t work at
the power plant? We can replace him with what’s-his-name who
saved other’s lives just to get undeserving fame and prosperity.
SMITHERS, ASSIGN HIM TO WIRE INSPECTOR!
SMITHERS: (wipes tear) That was my Father, sir.
Short scene of people putting notes into the votebox. Quimby’s
assistants count the votes.
QUIMBY: Attention, all citizens of Springfield. Votes are in.
I will now be announcing who is King of The Jungle. And, the
King of the Jungle is appointed to…
The crowd crosses their fingers.
QUIMBY: Me! Your benign and caregiving Mayor!
(crowd boos)
HANS MOLEMAN: You wasted 10 seconds of my life writing a vote and
I want them back!
(beat)
HANS MOLEMAN: Oh, I just wasted more from saying that.
BURNS: Hmm...looks like some people will be getting letters very
shortly. Smithers, my pen!
QUIMBY: Fine. Fine. I will now go to the next person who has the
second-highest amount of votes. Montgomery Burns!
BURNS: Second-highest?! What kind of a soggy-brained town is
this?
The crowd murmurs.
BURNS: I will be suing all of you for $70,000 if I am not King Of
The Jungle!
(crowd glares)
SMITHERS: Ah, sir. We better get out of here.
BURNS: What do those immoral delinquencies want? For the
seventeenth time, no tax cuts!
(crowd charges at Burns)
Smithers grabs a wheelchair kit and pushes Burns away deep into
the forest.
BURNS: Curse you, ungrateful people!
Burns and smithers fade into the forest.
QUIMBY: So, I suppose we’re still looking for our new ‘King of
The Jungle’. Oh, I’ll just give it to myself in an hour.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Genres:
["Comedy","Satire"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
Operation Fetch-A’-Skatetch: Chaos in the Flood
EXT. SPRINGFIELD - NIGHT
BART: So, you may be wondering why I’ve gathered all of you
today.
MILHOUSE: No?
NELSON: You better have not wasted my time, Simpson!
MARTIN: Not in the slightest. By the way, has anyone encountered
my textbooks lately?
RALPH: I thought we gathered here for pizza! Maybe I can eat this
rock instead! (chomp) Ow. This rock pizza tastes like…hurty.
RICHARD: Are we gonna pull a prank?
LEWIS: Yeah! Let’s box-cut Skinner’s tent!
BART: Well, not exactly. I’ve hired you people for a very
important mission.
NELSON: Better make it quick, Simpson. I’ve gotta hit the hay at
9:00. My trash bin awaits.
LEWIS: ...Trash Bin?
RICHARD: Is that where you sleep?
NELSON: Uh-No, you jerks! It’s a fancy way of saying luxury
hotel! And check in is at 9:00!
A pungent smell suddenly floats rapidly on the flooded river.
NELSON: Wait…the trash bin! It’s floating away! Noooooo!! Now
I’ll have to sleep in a tent with Mum and his manky new
boyfriend! (looks to Barney)
BARNEY: Hiya, fellas! (burp)
BART: Thank you Ralph. Anyway, long story short, my skateboard
got lost in that big flood thingy.
NELSON: Ha-ha! You lost your skateboard! And I lost my Dad.
BART: Much appreciated, Nelson. Right. So, the main goal is to
retrieve the skateboard from wherever it is. The reward is...a
quarter.
ALL TOGETHER: A quarter?!
NELSON: You ripped us off, Simpson!
LEWIS: Not cool!
RICHARD: What if we die?!
BART: Fine, I’ll up it. 2 dollars.
EVERYONE ELSE: Yeah!
RALPH: Yay! I am going to buy a burger and I’ll name it Jeffrey!
Then I'll eat him! And he’ll find a place to sleep in my tummy!
BART: Right, troops. I’ll be assigning roles for you for
Operation Fetch-A’-Skatetch. Board.
(beat)
BART: Nelson, you’re team spirit!
NELSON: Just what I was made for! Haw haw!
BART: Richard, Lewis. You’re the… Timber Team! You need to find
all the wood you can so we can get to our destination safely
without falling into the-
RALPH: The blue jellybean soup!
BART: Sure, man.
BART: Milhouse you are a helper. Help whenever it’s needed.
Martin, you are the chief guider.
MILHOUSE: (sarcastic) How enlightening.
MARTIN: Oh, how extravagant! Now I can let the skills I learnt
from boy scouts SHINE!
BART: And Ralph…
RALPH: Can I be the pizza inspector?
BART: Uh, why not, buddy.
Beat.
BART: Okay...everybody ready to retrieve my prized possession?
REST: Yes!
BART: Everyone’s parents asleep?
REST: Yes!
BART: Everyone had their ‘5 Hour Energy’ injections?
REST: Yes!
(hands together) GOOOOO TEAM!
(I Wanna Be Sedated: Plays)
[R & L use wooden planks to get across, they walk on it, then it
breaks. Bart’s forced to jump across, while Ralph lets the
current guide him. Nelson is high-punching everyone, and Milhouse
is just being his usual, outcast self. And Martin is trying to
earn some gold stars with his tip-top map guidance. ]
RALPH: I’m a turdigrade!
MILHOUSE: I-I don’t think that’s how you spell it…
NELSON: Good job, loser! (punches Lewis’ stomach) Goin’ great,
dimwit! (punches Milhouse's stomach) Nice going, buttface!
(punches Richard’s stomach)
BART: Wait, where’s Ralph?
LEWIS: I can't see him!
BART: Nice going, dudes! Now we lost Ralph for good! ... Can we
find my skateboard now?
(beat)
BART: I mean...We can fetch Ralph, and whatever. but you lot are
not focusing on the MAIN mission!
MARTIN: According to my insight, it IS possible to locate your
friend! From where my eyes sight the bubbles, I can try and find
the angle at which we can travel to reach him!
CUT TO RALPH.
RALPH: I smell the smell of poo and my dead fish, Jimmy!
NELSON: Hey, shrimp! I’m supposed to be cheering the team on!
RALPH: I spy with my eye something coloured GREEN!
NELSON: What’s that he’s on about? He’s so annoying and
dimwitted, I want to punch him in the face!
MARTIN: It appears he’s using his first sense to pick up a signal
of BART’S SKATEBOARD! It discombobulates me that a human is
capable of achieving such!
NELSON: Enough talking, nimrod.
BART: Yes! Let’s go- (plank snaps)
BART: WHOAAAAAA!!!
REST: Bart!
BART: Don’t worry, peeps! TAKE THE SKATEBOARD AND RUN BACK TO
BASE! I’ll handle Ralph!
The group flees.
A storm approaches.
NELSON: Wuh oh. Storms a-coming. Now my trash bin will be less
comfy and smelly than it usually is. Crud...
LEWIS: What are we gonna do?!
MILHOUSE: Now all of us are stuck! I want Mommy!
NELSON: Say Mommy again! Say it!
MILHOUSE: Mommy...
Nelson hits Milhouse.
NELSON: That’s for selling out your independence!
MARTIN: The distance between the 2 buildings is unknown, so we’ll
mark it with x. So now, we’ll say x is equal to the square root
of the coordinate-
NELSON: Shut up, geek, or you’ll be goin’ in the water!
=================================================================
Genres:
["Comedy","Adventure"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
A Night of Absurd Rescues
EXT. - INSIDE TENT - NIGHT
MARGE: Bedtime, kiddies!
HOMER: Where’s the TV, Marge?
MARGE: Homer, remember, we didn’t bring the TV. Or any beers.
HOMER: Oh…what’s the point of living without those two holy
grails? And why didn’t you go to Apu’s?!
LISA: I’m here!
MARGE: Oh, thank goodness. One child survived.
(grumbles) Homer, where’s Bart? AND WHERE’S MAGGIE? AAARGHHH!
=================================================================
EXT. WATER - NIGHT
BART: Welp, No one to save us. Unless...
Pan to Ralph slowly.
RALPH: Why are you looking at me? Please don’t hurt me! I’m just
Ralph… the friendly caterpillar!
Bart rides Ralph as a raft, finding the nearest building, which
happens to be the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu is sound hanging onto a post,
and Bart rescues him by having people hold Ralph as he pulls them
to safety.
RALPH: It’s great to be a piece of wood! Now everyone’s holding
my hands and feet! I'm a timber man!
APU: Thank you, sirs. I will offer you an exclusive deal for your
deed. If you purchase any of our products and give us 10c, we’ll
give you 5 cents back.
HANS: Oh... Nothing is as refreshing as your kindness.
SNAKE: Thanks, dude! Now, I gotta repay you. But let me just
steal any portable TV sets at base camp! Haw haw! Snake away!
Snake plunges underwater for 5 seconds, but then rushes up to
air.
SNAKE: (panting) Uh...bye!
Snake doggy paddles to shore.
COMIC BOOK GUY: (sarcastically) How appreciative! Now, you saved
me and NOW my “Worst Episode Ever” shirt is wet! Worst rescue
ever! 1 star!
BART: That looks like everyone. Time to get us outta here.
Bart struggles to reach the ledge to grab on.
Bart starts sinking.
BART: Ay Caramba! We’re sinking! And I can’t swim! Help! Help!
CHIEF WIGGUM, LOU AND EDDIE rush over.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Is that Bart Simpson and Ralphie in the water?
EDDIE: I think it is, Chief.
Beat.
LOU: Why are we standing here, Chief?
CHIEF WIGGUM: How dare you question me, Lou! If you didn’t know,
I can’t swim, and I don’t want to drown myself... It even says in
the first aid action plan that the RESCUER always comes first!
LOU: ...Are you going to rescue them, Chief?
CHIEF WIGGUM: Okay, that’s it, Lou! You’ve hurt my feelings one
too many times! You will NOT join us for our quarter-annual
Springfield Police party! Now, let’s go! They’re fine. Ralphie
attended a three day swimming class, anyway.
LOU: (sighing) Yes, Chief.
BART: Crap! Now we’re screwed. Help us! Please!
RALPH: SQUARK! SQUARK!
BART: These ledges are all too tall! I can’t reach it! Mum!
(Beat)
BART: Not even those people could save us?! (sighs) Well, Ralph,
as much as I don’t want to. I’ll be dying with you tonight.
RALPH: Yay! You’ll be my best friend in heaven! We’re gonna eat
so many fluffy clouds together!
Bart and Ralph start to sink further… but then, a small stubby
shadow arises.
MAGGIE sucks her pacifier, then reaches her hand out to Bart, with
the pacifier hook as a grip.
BART: Maggie! You little legend!
MAGGIE pulls Bart up, with impossible baby strength.
BART: Oh, thank you, Maggie! Gee whiz, you have muscles!
Maggie reveals her muscles.
Bart smiles and then turns to Ralph.
RALPH: Bye bye! Thanks for riding the Ralph Ship! Next stop,
Mars! (sinks underwater)
EXT. BASE - NIGHT
Marge is frantically searching all around the “base” where the
tents are.
MARGE: Bart? MAGGIE? (starts crying) Oh, Where are you?
Homer is calling out for his donuts.
HOMER: Donuts? DONUTS? Marge, have you seen my donuts??
LISA: Mum…
BART: Cowabunga! (rides skateboard with Maggie on the front) THIS
IS SO NOT SAFE, BUT I’M NO WUSS! (crashes)
MARGE: Oh, Bart! Maggie! (happily cries) Where have you been? We
were so worried about you!
BART: We nearly became one with the water, Mum! And me and my
friends found my skateboard!
RALPH: (cough cough) Now, I’m off to find more chickens!
MARGE: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU RISKED YOUR LIFE TO SAVE YOUR
SKATEBOARD! YOU’RE GROUNDED, YOUNG MAN!
BART: But Mum! We saved others who were stranded in the flood!
Why are you punishing me for being good?
MARGE: (grumble) Well, I’m just glad you’re safe. And that was
very selfless of you to save others, sweetie. But you put your
friends in danger. I’m proud and mad at the same time, Bart.
Enter SIDESHOW MEL.
SIDESHOW MEL: This boy is a hero! May we treat him as a master!
Enter APU.
APU: He saved my life. I’ll give you a discount hotdog in
exchange for your great deed. 10c off!
Enter COMIC BOOK GUY.
COMIC BOOK GUY: He saved my life. However, my shirt got wet in
the process. He is no longer welcome in my store! Worst
celebration ever!
Enter HANS, with a gaping hole in his pants.
HANS MOLEMAN: He saved my life. Such a kind man. Can I have an
oxygen mask? I’ve been talking more than 80 characters! Oh...
LENNY: Come to think of it, Bart should be the new King of the
Jungle!
CARL: Yeah good idea, Lenny!
MARGE: But Bart, you’ll be grounded when you get home later. 2
weeks.
LISA: ...But there won’t be a home later?
BART: That’s okay, Mom, because my people can fight for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Credit scene but instead of regular music, have Homer sing it in
“Doh’s” instead.
CUT TO QUIMBY, WHO IS IN HIS TENT.
INT. TENT - MIDNIGHT
QUIMBY: One way or another, I’m going to find a way to get my
authority back. Even if it means risking my social credit, I will
do it!