Get Out

A young black man discovers his girlfriend's white family is hiding a sinister secret that threatens to consume him.

Overview

Unique Selling Point

Experience a thrilling and suspenseful journey into the heart of racial tension and psychological manipulation in this innovative script. With its unique blend of humor, drama, and horror, the story follows Chris, a young black photographer, as he navigates the twisted world of Rose's wealthy and mysterious family. Featuring sharp dialogue, intricate character dynamics, and unexpected plot twists, this script delves deep into themes of race, identity, and power, offering a fresh and thought-provoking take on the genre. Prepare to be captivated by the authentic and engaging voice of the writer, who masterfully builds a sense of unease and anticipation, keeping you on the edge of your seat from beginning to end.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

This rating is from a single AI engine based on structure, character, tone, and emotional engagement.

Claude
Recommend

See Details in P/C/R/HR Section

Story Facts

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery, Comedy, Horror, Romance, Psychological Thriller, Romantic Comedy, Psychological

Setting: Present day, Suburban neighborhood, city apartment, countryside, Armitage estate

Themes: Racial Tension and Discrimination, Identity and Self, Love and Relationships, Manipulation and Control

Conflict & Stakes: Chris's struggle to escape from the Armitage family's clutches and expose their dark secret, while protecting himself and his loved ones

Mood: Psychological horror with a satirical edge

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: A horror movie with a strong social commentary on race and power dynamics
Plot Twist: The seemingly friendly white family is revealed to be a cult that manipulates and controls black people
Distinctive Setting: The isolated Armitage estate, where the horrors unfold

Comparable Scripts: The Stepford Wives, Get Out, Rosemary's Baby, The Skeleton Key, The Visit, The Handmaid's Tale

Script Level Analysis

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

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Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

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Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

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Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

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Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

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Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

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Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

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Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart

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The screenplay shows promise with unique ideas and engaging characters, but requires improvement in plot, structure, and formatting to optimize its potential.

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Key Strengths

Originality (92nd percentile) - The screenplay demonstrates unique and fresh ideas.
Engagement (88th percentile) - The screenplay is highly engaging, likely due to strong pacing and unpredictability.
Character Changes (66th percentile) - Characters undergo significant development throughout the story.

Areas for Improvement

Plot (16th percentile) - The plot could be more compelling and engaging to readers.
Structure (11th percentile) - Improving the story's structure may help enhance the overall flow and coherence.
Formatting (2nd percentile) - Ensuring proper formatting will help make the screenplay more professional and polished.

Writer Style

The writer appears to be an intuitive storyteller, with strong character development and dialogue, but could benefit from focusing on plot and structure to create a more balanced narrative.

Balancing Elements

Develop a more balanced plot to match the strong character development and dialogue.
Improve structure to create a more coherent and engaging story.
Ensure proper formatting to enhance professionalism.

Intuition Level

Intuitive

Overall Assessment

The screenplay has potential, particularly in terms of originality, engagement, and character development. Focusing on plot, structure, and formatting will help refine the story and improve its overall appeal.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Script Originality	9.10	99	Parasite: 8.90	Blade Runner: 9.10
Script Premise	8.90	95	Interstellar: 8.80	Titanic: 8.90
Overall Script	8.50	94	Interstellar: 8.46	Erin Brokovich: 8.50
Script Structure	8.30	86	Parasite: 8.20	Casablanca: 8.30
Script Theme	8.60	79	Witness: 8.50	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.60
Scene Unpredictability	7.71	74	Wild Wild West: 7.69	Get Out: 7.71
Scene Pacing	8.38	69	The Founder: 8.36	Inglorious Basterds: 8.38
Scene Engagement	8.98	61	Parasite: 8.97	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.98
Script Characters	8.10	61	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.00	Erin Brokovich: 8.10
	1	50	-	Get Out: 1
	1	50	-	Get Out: 1
Scene Characters	8.3	45	Argo: 8.2	Erin Brokovich: 8.3
Scene Concept	8.1	43	Manchester by the sea: 8.0	Casablanca: 8.1
Scene Overall	8.3	40	The Umbrella Academy: 8.2	fight Club: 8.3
Scene Dialogue	7.7	40	Sherlock Holmes: 7.6	Erin Brokovich: 7.7
Scene Originality	8.64	37	Moonlight: 8.63	Rambo First Blood Part II: 8.64
Scene Emotional Impact	7.6	34	Silicon Valley: 7.5	True Blood: 7.6
Scene Internal Goal	8.02	33	Argo: 8.00	the pursuit of happyness: 8.02
Scene Conflict Level	7.1	32	The King's speech: 7.0	Arsenic and old lace : 7.1
Scene Character Changes	6.6	29	Fleabag: 6.5	glass Onion Knives Out : 6.6
Script Conflict	7.20	28	Mr Robot: 7.10	There's something about Mary: 7.20
Script Visual Impact	7.40	28	Anora: 7.30	Boyz n the hood: 7.40
Scene High Stakes	6.7	26	Inside out 2: 6.6	Rear Window: 6.7
Script Structure	8.05	22	Blackkklansman: 8.04	Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 8.05
Scene Plot	7.6	21	Birdman: 7.5	severance (TV): 7.6
Scene Story Forward	7.6	21	The Addams Family: 7.5	Rear Window: 7.6
Scene Formatting	8.02	15	Easy A: 8.01	Get Out: 8.02
Scene External Goal	7.00	12	A real pain : 6.98	Everything Everywhere All at Once: 7.00
Script Emotional Impact	7.10	11	Enemy of the State: 7.00	True Blood: 7.10

Other Analyses

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

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Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

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World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

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Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

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Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

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Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

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Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

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Memorable Lines

Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.

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Tropes

Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.

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World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

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Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

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Loglines

Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

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Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

Get Out is a well-crafted and compelling thriller that tackles complex themes of racism, family, and the abuse of power. The screenplay effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the sinister world of the Armitage family and their disturbing plans for Chris. The strong character development, particularly in the case of Chris and Rose, adds emotional depth to the narrative, and the creative use of narrative devices like the pre-recorded messages and the hypnosis scenes further enhance the overall storytelling. While a few areas could benefit from tighter pacing and more nuanced exploration of the characters' motivations, the screenplay is overall a strong and engaging piece of work that would be of interest to a wide audience.

Strengths

The hypnosis scene between Missy and Chris is very well-executed, gradually drawing the audience into the character's past trauma and the Armitage family's sinister intentions. high ( Scene 14 (INT. MISSY'S OFFICE - NIGHT) )
The reveal of the Armitage family's true motives through the pre-recorded video message from Roman Armitage is a clever and impactful storytelling device that heightens the sense of dread and the audience's understanding of the characters' plight. high ( Scene 37 (INT. GAMES ROOM - LATER) )
The intense and visceral climactic confrontation between Chris and the Armitage family members is a thrilling and well-paced sequence that effectively showcases Chris' determination to escape and the family's desperate attempts to maintain control. high ( Scene 41 (INT. FOYER - CONTINUOUS) )
The opening sequences effectively establish the relationship between Chris and Rose, setting up the central conflict and Chris' initial discomfort with the prospect of meeting Rose's family. medium ( Scene 2 (INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - ELEVATOR) Scene 3 (INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY) )
The emotional conversation between Chris and Rose in the woods provides depth and complexity to their relationship, further emphasizing the high stakes and Chris' difficult choices. medium ( Scene 29 (EXT. THE WOODS - AFTERNOON) )

Areas of Improvement

The dialogue during the party scenes can sometimes feel a bit on-the-nose in its exploration of racial themes, which could be tightened to feel more organic and less expository. medium ( Scene 20 (EXT. BACKYARD - LATER) )
The conversation between Chris and Rod, while entertaining, could be streamlined to maintain a tighter pace and avoid feeling too expository. medium ( Scene 26 (INT. CHRIS' APARTMENT - DAY) )
The final confrontation between Chris and the Armitage family could be further developed to provide a more satisfying and nuanced resolution, potentially exploring the moral complexities of Chris' decisions more deeply. medium ( Scene 33 (INT. FOYER/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT) )

MissingElements

The discovery of the photo album containing Rose's past relationships with other black men could be explored in more depth, providing additional insight into her character and motivations. medium ( Scene 32 (INT. ROSE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) )
The subplot involving Rod's attempts to investigate Chris' disappearance could be further developed, potentially providing a more satisfying resolution or additional context to the events unfolding at the Armitage estate. medium ( Scene 36 (INT. CHRIS' LIVING ROOM - DAWN) )

NotablePoints

The auction sequence in the backyard, where the guests bid on Chris, is a chilling and well-executed set piece that effectively conveys the disturbing nature of the Armitage family's actions. high ( Scene 19 (EXT. BACKYARD - NOON) )
The use of the television as a narrative device, with the pre-recorded messages from the Armitage family members, is a clever and effective way to gradually reveal the family's sinister agenda and draw the audience deeper into the story. high ( Scene 38 (INT. GAMES ROOM - DAY) )
The final confrontation between Chris, Rose, and the remaining Armitage family members is a thrilling and emotionally complex sequence that leaves the audience with a sense of unease and moral ambiguity, reflecting the deeper themes of the film. high ( Scene 42 (EXT. ARMITAGE FRONT LAWN - NIGHT) )

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Screenplay Insights:

Overall Grade: 8.50

Characters: 8.1, The screenplay presents a compelling narrative with well-developed characters that undergo significant transformation and growth. While certain characters exhibit depth and complexity, others could benefit from further exploration and refinement to fully captivate the audience and enhance their emotional connection to the story. See More

Premise: 8.9, The screenplay's premise effectively establishes a compelling and clear narrative foundation, immersing the audience in a mysterious and unsettling atmosphere. With its exploration of racial dynamics, psychological manipulation, and the horrors lurking beneath a seemingly idyllic facade, the premise has the potential to captivate and intrigue viewers. See More

Structure: 8.3, The screenplay showcases a clever and engaging plot with a strong narrative structure. It effectively builds tension, integrates themes, and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events. However, certain areas, particularly pacing and resolution satisfaction, could benefit from refinement to enhance the overall impact. See More

Theme: 8.6, The screenplay effectively explores themes of race, identity, and the dangers of manipulation, weaving them into a suspenseful and thought-provoking narrative. The themes are clearly presented and resonate powerfully with the audience, leaving a lasting impact. However, certain aspects of the message could be further clarified and the integration with the plot could be more seamless. See More

Visual Impact: 7.4, The screenplay showcases a strong visual storytelling foundation with vivid descriptions that effectively convey the atmosphere, characters, and events. It introduces unique and creative visual elements, such as the vintage cream-colored Porsche and the surreal deer encounter, which contribute to a distinct visual style. The screenplay effectively utilizes visual imagery to enhance the emotional impact of the narrative, creating a sense of unease and tension. See More

Emotional Impact: 7.1, The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation for emotional depth, particularly in its portrayal of Chris's growing paranoia and the unsettling atmosphere of the Armitage family. However, it also has areas where the emotional impact could be amplified to create a more resonant and lasting connection with the audience. See More

Conflict: 7.2, The screenplay effectively utilizes conflict and stakes to drive the narrative, creating a sense of tension and engagement. However, there are opportunities to further enhance the conflict and elevate the stakes, maximizing their impact on the audience. By refining the clarity of the central conflict, integrating it more tightly with the narrative, escalating the stakes, and ensuring a satisfying resolution, the screenplay can reach even greater heights in captivating the audience. See More

Originality: 9.1, The screenplay demonstrates a high level of originality and creativity in its exploration of racial dynamics, psychological horror, and class struggle. The unique blend of genres and the innovative narrative structure create a gripping and thought-provoking cinematic experience that sets it apart from other films in the horror genre. See More

Summary In a dramatic and intense climax, Chris fights for his freedom in a deadly struggle against the Armitage family. The scene is fraught with tension and violence as Chris uncovers the sinister truth behind the Coagula procedure and the family's dark secrets. With shocking revelations, harrowing confrontations, and a desperate bid for survival, Chris faces his ultimate challenge as he fights to escape the twisted clutches of those who seek to control him. The scene culminates in a heart-pounding finale as Chris confronts his tormentors and takes a stand against the forces of evil that threaten his very existence, leaving a trail of devastation and despair in his wake.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay has a compelling and suspenseful plot that keeps the audience engaged throughout. The story unfolds gradually, revealing layers of mystery and intrigue that culminate in a thrilling climax. The character development is strong, with each character having a distinct arc and contributing to the overall narrative. The themes of race, identity, and manipulation are effectively explored, adding depth to the story. However, some plot points could be further developed to enhance the overall impact of the screenplay. The pacing at times feels rushed, with certain scenes lacking sufficient build-up or resolution. Additionally, the resolution of the story could be more satisfying and conclusive, leaving some loose ends that may leave the audience wanting more.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider refining the pacing to allow for more tension and suspense to build gradually. Develop certain plot points further to provide a more satisfying resolution for the audience. Strengthen the thematic elements by delving deeper into the complexities of race, identity, and manipulation. Additionally, consider adding more depth to the character relationships and interactions to enhance the emotional impact of the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay sets up the premise effectively, introducing the main characters and establishing the central conflict. The initial scenes create a sense of mystery and tension, drawing the audience into the story. The character dynamics are intriguing, with clear motivations and goals driving the narrative forward. However, the pacing in the beginning could be smoother, with some scenes feeling rushed or lacking sufficient development. The exposition could be more evenly distributed to provide a stronger foundation for the rest of the story.

Suggestions: To improve the beginning of the screenplay, consider refining the pacing to allow for a more gradual introduction of the central conflict and characters. Develop the exposition to provide a clearer understanding of the world and the characters' backgrounds. Strengthen the character dynamics and relationships to create a more engaging and immersive opening for the audience.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay delves deeper into the characters' motivations and relationships, adding layers of complexity to the story. The tension and suspense continue to build, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding mystery. The character arcs are further developed, revealing new dimensions to each character and their roles in the narrative. However, the pacing in the middle section could be more consistent, with some scenes feeling repetitive or lacking in momentum. Certain plot points could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement and drive the story forward.

Suggestions: To improve the middle part of the screenplay, consider tightening the pacing to maintain a consistent level of tension and suspense. Streamline certain plot points to avoid repetition and keep the narrative moving forward. Focus on further developing the character arcs and relationships to add depth and complexity to the story. Introduce new twists and turns to keep the audience guessing and engaged in the unfolding mystery.

Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying and intense climax, resolving the central conflict in a dramatic and impactful way. The character arcs come to a compelling conclusion, with each character undergoing significant growth and transformation. The themes of identity, manipulation, and justice are effectively explored, adding depth and resonance to the resolution. However, the ending could benefit from a more conclusive and definitive resolution, tying up loose ends and providing a clearer sense of closure for the audience. Some plot points may feel rushed or underdeveloped, impacting the overall impact of the conclusion.

Suggestions: To improve the ending of the screenplay, consider refining the resolution to provide a more conclusive and satisfying ending for the audience. Tie up loose ends and clarify any lingering questions or uncertainties to create a stronger sense of closure. Develop the final moments to deliver a more impactful and resonant conclusion, leaving the audience with a lasting impression. Strengthen the thematic elements in the resolution to reinforce the central themes of the story and provide a deeper emotional resonance for the audience.

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Chris - Score: 85/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: INFJ
Enneagram: Type 6 (The Loyalist)

Scenes

Strongest: #32
Weakest: #1

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Chris as a conflicted but talented protagonist.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Internal struggles tied to loss and societal pressure.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Chris's journey from turmoil to empowerment.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Chris's voice reflects his internal turmoil.

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Decision-making driven by fear and survival instinct.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Complex relationships shaped by love and distrust.

Scene Impact 9/10

Chris drives the emotional core of many critical scenes.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Chris embodies the protagonist navigating a racial nightmare.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Chris's journey reflects broader societal themes.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Chris deeply engages the audience’s emotions.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Chris Washington is an African-American man in his mid-20s who is a talented photographer, navigating a world that seems increasingly hostile and disconnected from his identity. He is in a relationship with Rose, a white woman, which introduces various complexities related to racial dynamics. At the story's start, Chris appears relatively secure in his personal life and career while also being influenced by deep-seated societal issues that challenge his sense of belonging and safety.

Values And Beliefs: Belief in equality and respect across racial lines, Desire for genuine acceptance and love

Strengths And Skills: Talented photographer, Emotionally aware and introspective

Suggestions

Further explore Chris's childhood experiences to build depth.
Highlight his achievements in photography to reinforce his character.

Follow-up Questions

How has Chris's relationship with his mother influenced his view on family?
What specific events led Chris to become a photographer?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Chris carries emotional wounds tied to his mother's death when he was 11, which influences his relationships and decision-making. He struggles with fears of abandonment and the weight of societal expectations put upon him as a black man. His internal conflicts manifest through paranoia and anxiety, especially when he feels uncomfortable in predominantly white spaces, such as the Armitage estate.

Character Wound: Loss of his mother at a young age

Character Flaws: Paranoia that affects his relationships, Difficulty in trusting others

Suggestions

Create more flashbacks to his childhood to show his emotional state.
Develop his conversations with Rose to reveal deeper insecurities.

Follow-up Questions

How does Chris's past influence his behavior at the Armitage estate?
What coping mechanisms does Chris employ when confronted with fear?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Chris undergoes a significant transformation from a comfortable boyfriend to a targeted victim who becomes resolute in fighting for his survival. Initially afraid and trusting, Chris’s experiences at the Armitage estate lead him to confront his deepest fears, eventually leading to his empowerment as he fights against those who seek to control him.

Polarity Changes: Initial comfort in his relationship with Rose, Tension during the visit to the Armitage estate, Final empowerment leading to his fight for survival

Transformation Triggers: The cruel and haunting realization of the Armitage family's true intentions, Experiences leading to his own resistance and reclaiming power

Suggestions

Enhance pivotal moments that illustrate Chris’s transformation, emphasizing key decisions.
Add more internal dialogue during his confrontations to showcase his emotional shift.

Follow-up Questions

What moments significantly change Chris's outlook?
How does Chris reconcile his relationship with Rose post-trauma?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Chris's dialogue often oscillates between light-hearted banter and profound caution, particularly in discussions about race and his place within it. His voice becomes more frantic and defensive as the story progresses, reflecting his growing anxiety and desperation as he realizes the true intentions of the Armitage family.

Unique Voice: Chris displays a mix of humor and guardedness, especially concerning race relations.

Suggestions

Infuse Chris's dialogue with more emotional undertones as the tension rises.
Use pauses and interruptions in his speech to convey his increasing anxiety.

Follow-up Questions

How does Chris's dialogue evolve during critical moments?
What specific lines of dialogue best capture his internal struggle?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 9

Chris’s actions are often reactive, especially when faced with fear and danger. His instinct to investigate his surroundings ultimately leads him to confront the reality of the Armitage family’s sinister plans. His critical choice to fight back culminates in his struggle for survival, showcasing a shift from passive to active resistance.

Motivations: To survive and protect himself from the threats posed by the Armitage family.

Desires Vs Needs: Chris desires love and acceptance but needs to reclaim control and recognize the dangers in his environment.

Suggestions

Develop scenes where Chris weighs moral choices more explicitly.
Highlight pivotal decisions that showcase his growth and resilience.

Follow-up Questions

What choices does Chris make that surprise others around him?
How do Chris's decisions impact his relationship with Rose?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Chris's relationship with Rose serves as both a source of comfort and a catalyst for conflict, particularly as he becomes increasingly aware of the racial tensions and underlying dangers in their relationship. His interactions with family figures, such as Dean and Missy, showcase his struggle for acceptance and the palpable tension between familiarity and distrust.

Suggestions

Explore scenes illustrating Chris's bonding moments with Rose.
Add tension points in Chris's interactions with Rose's family.

Follow-up Questions

How does Chris's growing distrust of Rose shift their dynamic?
In what ways do familial relationships reflect Chris's internal struggle?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Chris's presence often magnifies the tension in scenes, particularly in his confrontations with the Armitage family. His reactions and emotional outbursts signal the story's escalating stakes, making his character pivotal in heightening suspense and emotional resonance throughout the screenplay.

Suggestions

Maximize crisis scenes with Chris’s internal struggle for emotional authenticity.
Ensure Chris's actions directly influence the scenes around him.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes significantly hinge on Chris's emotional state?
How does Chris's character drive the plot forward at crucial moments?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As the protagonist, Chris stands as a vehicle for exploring themes of racism, identity, and the fight for autonomy. His experiences and choices illustrate the harsh realities faced by marginalized individuals within predominantly white spaces, making him a significant voice in the narrative. His journey from victim to empowered individual emphasizes his role in confronting and challenging oppression.

Symbolic Role: Chris represents the struggle for identity and survival in the face of systemic oppression.

Suggestions

Clarify Chris's stance on race to enhance his symbolic role.
Emphasize moments where Chris challenges the status quo.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Chris serve as a vehicle for the film's themes?
What symbolic moments define his role as the protagonist?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Chris's arc is intricately tied to the screenplay's themes of racial tension, cultural appropriation, and the quest for individuality. His personal conflicts reflect the broader societal issues at play within the narrative, highlighting the intersections of race and class in a chillingly modern context. The evolution of his character against the backdrop of systemic racism reinforces the story's critical commentary.

Suggestions

Ensure thematic elements are interwoven with character moments.
Clarify how Chris’s decisions reflect broader societal themes.

Follow-up Questions

What themes resonate most strongly through Chris's experiences?
How do Chris's personal conflicts parallel larger societal issues?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Through Chris's tribulations, the audience experiences profound emotional responses—ranging from empathy for his plight to tension during his encounters with the Armitages. The juxtaposition of his normalcy against a backdrop of horror creates a relatable yet terrifying experience, making Chris a deeply resonant character for viewers.

Emotional Impact: Chris evokes empathy, fear, and tension as audiences follow his harrowing journey.

Suggestions

Intensify emotional moments through nuanced performances.
Highlight Chris’s reactions to enhance audience connection.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes generate the strongest emotional responses?
How does Chris connect with the audience's fears and hopes?

Personality Types

MBTI: infj

Chris exhibits traits common in INFJs, such as deep empathy, introspection, and a strong moral compass, influencing his decisions throughout the narrative.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: isfj (70%)

Suggestions

Use Chris’s INFJ traits to underline key emotional choices.
Explore his intuitive understanding of others further.

Follow-up Questions

How do Chris's values influence his decisions in key moments?
What moments illustrate his introverted yet insightful nature?

Enneagram: type 6 (the loyalist)

Chris's perpetual state of vigilance and loyalty to those he loves aligns with Type 6 traits, as he grapples with anxiety and seeks security.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: type 9 (the peacemaker) (65%)

Suggestions

Explore Chris's loyalty through more interactions with Rose.
Highlight his need for security in tense moments.

Follow-up Questions

How do Chris's relationships reflect his Enneagram type?
What moments encapsulate his response to fear and loyalty?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (32)

In the climax where Chris fights for his survival against the Armitage family, showcasing his transformation.

Why: This pivotal moment highlights his strength and resolve, providing a gripping resolution to his internal and external conflicts.

Weakest Scene (1)

In the first scene, Chris is largely passive and exhibits little agency.

Why: This introductory passivity doesn't immediately showcase his strengths or depth, making it a less engaging introduction.

Suggestions:

Infuse more background tension or hints of Chris's character traits.
Introduce elements that subtly hint at his inner struggle.

Rose - Score: 81/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFJ
Enneagram: 3 (The Achiever)

Scenes

Strongest: #39
Weakest: #28

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

Charming yet deceptive partner

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Conflict between affection and family loyalty

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Maintains her deceptive nature until the end

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Casual yet calculating speech

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Deceptive actions in service of her family's beliefs

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Complex dynamics of love and betrayal with Chris

Scene Impact 9/10

Catalyst for tension and conflict

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Embodies the antagonist through betrayal

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Embodies the film's themes of race and exploitation

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Elicits tension and horror through betrayal

Foundational Definition

Score: 9

Rose is introduced as a seemingly caring and supportive girlfriend to Chris, which is highlighted by her actions such as bringing him coffee and pastries. She embodies the image of the perfect partner on the surface, often playful, with a charming demeanor that masks deeper, darker motivations connected to her family's sinister intentions. This duality shapes how she interacts with Chris and other characters, as her true nature remains obscured until the climax.

Values And Beliefs: Values romantic relationships, conceals her family's racist and predatory history.

Strengths And Skills: Manipulation, charm, familiarity with her surroundings.

Suggestions

Delve deeper into Rose's childhood experiences to explain her alignment with her family's values.
Show moments of internal conflict where Rose battles between genuine affection for Chris and loyalty to her family.

Follow-up Questions

What influenced Rose to maintain her family's secretive ways despite developing feelings for Chris?
How does Rose reconcile her actions against Chris with her perceived love for him?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

While Rose exhibits behaviors of a devoted partner, her emotional wounds and flaws stem from a family legacy that encourages manipulation and predation. Her ability to maintain a facade of innocence makes her a deeply complex character, reflecting internal conflicts of love versus loyalty, and the conditioning of her upbringing. These layers illustrate her capability for cruelty, hiding her true self behind a mask of affection.

Character Wound: Emotional detachment resulting from family expectations.

Character Flaws: Manipulative, deceptive, lacks genuine empathy.

Suggestions

Create scenes where Rose grapples with moments of doubt about her family's values.
Include flashbacks that reveal formative experiences that shaped her manipulative tendencies.

Follow-up Questions

What specific incidents from Rose's past might contribute to her ability to deceive?
In what ways could Rose question her upbringing during critical moments in the film?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Rose's arc involves the transition from being an innocent and supportive figure to a key player in the horrific plans devised by her family. Her transformation culminates when she reveals her true intentions and adheres to her family's legacy. There is tension between her love for Chris and her loyalty to her family, culminating in her siding with her family's objectives without hesitation.

Polarity Changes: Initial warmth turns to manipulation and violence.

Transformation Triggers: Chris's realization of her true nature and the emergence of her family's plans.

Suggestions

Emphasize her emotional breakdown when confronted with Chris's resistance.
Highlight her shift from subtle manipulation to overt aggression more gradually.

Follow-up Questions

At what points does Rose genuinely struggle with her choices throughout the story?
How might Rose's characterization change if extended scenes explored her conflicting loyalties?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Rose’s dialogue initially portrays her as fun and carefree, using humor to bond. However, underlying her speech is a calculating nature; her casual remarks often serve to disarm Chris. As the narrative progresses, her dialogue grows more sinister, revealing her true intentions as she addresses Chris with sharp, accusatory phrases and manipulative undertones.

Unique Voice: Playful sarcasm mixed with deceptive affection.

Suggestions

Incorporate more subtext in her conversations to foreshadow her true nature.
Ensure her tone shifts distinctly as tension escalates, contrasting early warmth with later malice.

Follow-up Questions

What phrases might she use to bait or manipulate Chris subtly?
How could her dialogue evolve to mirror the audience’s growing awareness of her true character?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Rose's choices often reflect a tension between her outward demeanor and the true nature of her actions. She makes decisions that explicitly benefit her family's horrific agenda while feigning support and love towards Chris. These behaviors show how her motivations are intertwined with her family's patriarchal legacy, and lead to an eventual confrontation with their shared values.

Motivations: Desire for familial approval combined with betrayal of Chris.

Desires Vs Needs: External desire for love versus internal need for acceptance from her family.

Suggestions

Include scenes where Rose's choices lead to regret or doubt about what she’s been taught.
Show her strategizing interactions with Chris to depict her manipulation skills.

Follow-up Questions

How do Rose's choices illustrate the internal conflict between her loyalty to her family and her feelings for Chris?
What would prompt her to reconsider her actions in key scenes?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Rose's relationship with Chris initially appears as a loving partnership, but it quickly deteriorates into a manipulative and cruel interplay once her true motives are revealed. Through scenes of affection that turn to intimidation, the evolving nature of their dynamic showcases Rose’s transformation from a girlfriend to a dangerous antagonist, ultimately driving the film's conflict.

Suggestions

Clarify the shifts in their relationship by introducing gradual changes reflecting her true intentions.
Incorporate moments where Rose's affection feels manipulative even before the reveal.

Follow-up Questions

How can Rose's interactions with Chris foreshadow her ulterior motives?
What pivotal moments in their relationship could encapsulate her true intentions?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Rose’s actions have a profound effect on various scenes, escalating the tension between characters and driving the plot forward. Her presence often prompts pivotal conflicts, especially when Chris begins to sense something amiss with her behavior. As the stakes rise, her influence becomes a critical determinant of Chris's fate as the narrative unfolds.

Suggestions

Enhance the suspense by contrasting her calm demeanor against rising tension in key scenes.
Utilize pacing to reflect emotional shifts resulting from her decisions.

Follow-up Questions

What key scenes would benefit from heightened tension as Rose's true nature is revealed?
How does Rose's presence in a scene dictate the emotional tone for others around her?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Rose operates as a primary antagonist, embodied by her duplicity. Initially appearing as the supportive girlfriend, she ultimately reveals herself as a crucial player in her family's predatory schemes against Chris. Her story arc serves as a lens for examining themes of racism and manipulation, as she symbolizes the facade of innocence hiding malicious intent.

Symbolic Role: Represents the facade of love concealing darker truths within family dynamics.

Suggestions

Clarify her duality within key scenes to highlight the contrast between her facade and true nature.
Subvert expectations by changing up her demeanor at strategic moments, keeping the audience guessing.

Follow-up Questions

How can the screenplay reinforce her antagonist role without a heavy-handed approach?
What moments can further emphasize her symbolic role in undermining the protagonist?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Rose's character journey interweaves with central themes of racism, manipulation, and the complexities of interracial relationships. Her actions and motivations resonate with the film's overarching critique of privilege and exploitation, serving as a lens through which the audience perceives the horror of societal issues. Her evolution from a seemingly loving partner to a calculated antagonist deepens the thematic exploration of identity and control.

Suggestions

Connect Rose's motivations to broader societal implications to enhance thematic resonance.
Expose her character's conflicts more overtly to tie her personal journey with overarching messages about race.

Follow-up Questions

How can her interactions with Chris more effectively reflect the film's thematic concerns?
What additional themes could be reinforced through Rose's narrative?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Rose’s character strikes a chord of tension that evokes discomfort and disbelief in the audience, particularly when her manipulative nature surfaces. Her progression from a seemingly sweet partner to an antagonist creates gut-wrenching emotional beats, as the audience grapples with the betrayal and horror of her character's true intentions. This transformation fuels the emotional stakes of the film.

Emotional Impact: Creates tension and unease, leading to shocking revelations.

Suggestions

Introduce more moments where audiences can see her facade slip to deepen emotional resonance.
Consider showing contrasting memories (e.g., happy moments with Chris) to heighten the impact of her betrayal.

Follow-up Questions

In what scenes does Rose evoke the strongest emotional reactions from the audience?
How can the screenplay effectively juxtapose moments of affection with her manipulative schemes?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfj

Rose exhibits traits of charisma, empathy, and manipulative behavior typical of an ENFJ, often seeking to maintain harmony while simultaneously harboring ulterior motives.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: infj (50%)

Suggestions

Show more of Rose's emotional intelligence in scenes to solidify her ENFJ traits.
Integrate moments of solitude for introspection to explore the INFJ potential.

Follow-up Questions

What specific aspects of her behavior align with ENFJ characteristics?
How might revealing weaknesses influence her type and character depth?

Enneagram: 3 (the achiever)

Rose demonstrates a need for affirmation and success, coupled with a desire for approval from her family, driving her actions to manipulate and perform.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: 4 (the individualist) (50%)

Suggestions

Explore themes of ambition and validation through Rose’s backstory for her Enneagram type.
Deepen conflicts between her drive for achievement and genuine relationships.

Follow-up Questions

How can Rose's ambitions contrast with Chris's aspirations in key moments?
What specific experiences defined her motivation as an Enneagram Type 3?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (39)

The reveal of her true motivations during the climax, where she transforms from the loving girlfriend to an outright antagonist.

Why: It stands out for its dramatic shift, emphasizing her duplicitous nature.

Weakest Scene (28)

The dinner scene where Rose downplays Andre's breakdown, showing potential weakness in her character.

Why: Her involvement here could come across as lacking genuine emotion, even while signaling her manipulative side.

Suggestions:

Add more depth to her reactions to show internal conflict during Andre's breakdown.
Introduce subtler hints of her character's duality to strengthen this scene.

Missy - Score: 78/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENTJ
Enneagram: Type 8 (The Challenger)

Scenes

Strongest: #14
Weakest: #7

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Appears warm and nurturing while hiding sinister motives.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Hides a manipulative side under the guise of care.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Missy remains steadfast in her beliefs and manipulations throughout the story.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Uses calm, persuasive language to manipulate others.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Master of manipulation who uses her expertise to control situations.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Manipulative relationships, particularly within her family and with Chris.

Scene Impact 8/10

Crucial in establishing tension and manipulating characters.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Serves as a cunning antagonist, obscuring her true motives.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Links themes of exploitation and the façade of civility.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Creates tension and discomfort through manipulation.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Missy Armitage is portrayed as a poised and seemingly warm character, presenting herself as the perfect mother figure who is caring and attentive. She is a psychiatrist, which adds a layer of authority and manipulation to her character. This foundational aspect shapes her as someone who appears to genuinely care for others while simultaneously hiding darker motives that serve the overarching goals of her family's sinister practices.

Values And Beliefs: Believes in the superiority of her methods and the Coagula procedure, considers herself a caregiver.

Strengths And Skills: Psychiatric expertise, manipulation, social cunning.

Suggestions

Explore her past to provide context for her current beliefs and actions.
Show more internal conflicts about her family's practices.

Follow-up Questions

What drove Missy to become a psychiatrist, and how does that affect her motivations?
How does she rationalize the ethical implications of her family's actions?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Missy's internal conflict lies in her duality as a nurturing figure and a manipulative antagonist. While she appears to care for her guests and family, she is ultimately complicit in the horrendous family practices, raising questions about her moral integrity and true motivations. This complexity adds depth to her character, making her actions both chilling and intriguing.

Character Flaws: Machiavellian tendencies, emotional detachment.

Suggestions

Incorporate scenes revealing her emotional conflict during interactions.
Include moments where her façade begins to falter under pressure.

Follow-up Questions

What does Missy truly feel about her family’s practices?
Does she ever doubt the morality of her actions?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Missy does not undergo a significant transformation; she remains consistently threatening and manipulative. Her purpose is to uphold her family's legacy through psychological control and enables the family's horrific activities. This static arc emphasizes her commitment to the archaic beliefs that justify her actions.

Suggestions

Introduce a crisis that tests her loyalty to her family's beliefs.
Create moments that reveal her vulnerability to deepen her character.

Follow-up Questions

What events would provoke a change in Missy’s outlook?
How might a confrontation with Chris challenge her views?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Missy's speech patterns reflect her psychiatric training, often using therapeutic language to lull others into a sense of security. This juxtaposition creates an unsettling effect, as her words may comfort while concealing menace. Her eloquence also serves as a tool for manipulation, drawing subjects into her web.

Unique Voice: Her dialogue is marked by a soothing tone that contrasts with the sinister undertones of her actions.

Suggestions

Add more subtext in her dialogue that hints at her true intentions.
Vary her tone in moments of stress to show cracks in her persona.

Follow-up Questions

How does Missy modify her speech when addressing different characters?
What phrases does she rely on to exert control over others?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Missy’s actions throughout the screenplay show a calculated approach to interactions, using her psychiatric skills to keep characters off balance. Her choices reflect a deeper commitment to her family’s dark legacy, often at the expense of others’ well-being, enabling the film’s exploration of racial themes and horror.

Motivations: To maintain control over her family and their legacy, and to uphold the practices of the Coagula.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires power and control while needing to maintain the façade of care and concern.

Suggestions

Highlight moments that showcase her overconfidence in manipulating others.
Introduce instances where her decisions backfire, revealing flaws in her rationale.

Follow-up Questions

What pivotal moments might force Missy to choose between family loyalty and moral integrity?
How do opponents to her manipulations impact her judgment?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Missy's relationships function mainly through manipulation, particularly with her husband Dean and Chris. Her dynamic with Dean seems supportive, yet her ambition ultimately overrides any semblance of partnership. The relationship with Chris is central, showcasing her manipulative betrayal disguised as care, heightening the plot's tension.

Suggestions

Explore conflicts with Dean that reveal her ambitions for control.
Show her reactions to Chris's responses to deepen their conflict.

Follow-up Questions

How does Missy's view of team dynamics within her family influence her choices?
What moments illustrate the strain in her familial relationships?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Missy's presence in key scenes manifests a blend of warmth and tension. Her chilling influence introduces conflict, especially in her interactions with Chris, drawing out his inner conflict and escalating the horror elements. She effectively alters the emotional tone in scenes, shifting from comfort to manipulation.

Suggestions

More dramatic flair when her true motives are revealed could enhance scenes.
Use her reactions to Chris's actions to deepen emotional stakes.

Follow-up Questions

In which scene does Missy's manipulation reach its climax?
How could Missy’s dialogue impact the pacing and tone of pivotal scenes?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As an antagonist, Missy fulfills her role through psychological manipulation while masking her family's intentions. Her character upholds the story's themes related to exploitation and racial tensions while subverting the typical nurturing archetype by being a deceptive figure.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the predator in the narrative, preying on the unsuspecting.

Suggestions

Reveal deeper motivations behind her loyalty to the family's practices.
Contrast her character against traditional maternal figures in other stories.

Follow-up Questions

How does Missy's character reflect broader societal themes?
What makes her a unique representation of the antagonist role?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Missy's journey is entwined with the screenplay’s exploration of exploitation under the guise of benevolence. Her character serves as a thematic vessel that raises questions about morality, trust, and the often-hidden violence underpinning seemingly polite interactions.

Suggestions

Deepen the ties between her actions and the overarching themes in final scenes.
Draw parallels with contemporary social issues to enhance thematic relevance.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Missy encapsulate the central themes of the narrative?
How does her presence amplify the screenplay's socio-political commentary?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Through her calm yet sinister demeanor, Missy effectively creates emotional tension. Her manipulative behavior raises unease regarding trust and protective instincts within family structures, contributing heavily to the horror atmosphere of the film.

Emotional Impact: Missy often evokes tension and discomfort in audiences.

Suggestions

Introduce more exposure of her vulnerability to evoke greater sympathy or fear.
Use her interactions with Chris to craft more emotionally charged moments.

Follow-up Questions

What moments best illustrate Missy's emotional impact on other characters?
How does the audience's reaction to Missy evolve throughout the screenplay?

Personality Types

MBTI: entj

Missy displays characteristics consistent with an ENTJ: strategic, organized, and commanding. Her ability to manipulate situations and maintain control reflects a typical ENTJ personality.

Confidence: 85%

Suggestions

Incorporate more strategic dialogue that showcases ENTJ traits.
Highlight her leadership in family dynamics more distinctly.

Follow-up Questions

What specific ENTJ traits emerge in her critical moments?
How does her blend of traits contribute to her manipulative prowess?

Enneagram: type 8 (the challenger)

Missy demonstrates characteristics of an Enneagram Type 8 through her dominance in conversations, her desire for control, and her tendency to challenge others’ perceptions subtly.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 3 (the achiever) (60%)

Suggestions

Enhance her assertiveness to partly align with Type 8 characteristics.
Portray her drive for success through family goals more sharply.

Follow-up Questions

What situations lead Missy to reveal her Type 8 traits?
How does her character challenge other types present in the screenplay?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (14)

In her office with Chris, Missy weaves hypnotism with casual menace, showcasing her psychological control.

Why: This scene exemplifies her duality as both a caregiver and antagonist.

Weakest Scene (7)

In the scene where Missy serves tea and interacts with Chris, her character lacks the urgency present in other scenes.

Why: The scene primarily serves as exposition with little tension, making her seem one-dimensional.

Suggestions:

Add subtext to Missy’s dialogue to increase intrigue.
Involve her responses to Chris’s discomfort to build tension.

Dean - Score: 77/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENTJ
Enneagram: Three

Scenes

Strongest: #26

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Wealthy patriarch concealing sinister intentions.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Manipulative figure masking malicious intent with charm.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Dean's character remains largely static, exemplifying the archetypal oppressive figure.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Dean's dialogue is charismatic yet laced with underlying condescension.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Dean's choices underscore his manipulative nature and his privilege.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Dean's relationships primarily consist of manipulation and control.

Scene Impact 9/10

Dean's scenes often serve to escalate tension and conflict.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Dean fulfills the role of antagonist representing systemic racism.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Dean’s journey is interwoven with themes of racism and privilege.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Evokes tension and audience discomfort effectively.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Dean Armitage is characterized as a seemingly well-meaning but ultimately sinister figure. He presents himself as a caring father and host to his daughter's boyfriend, Chris. Dean's archetype as a wealthy white patriarch positions him at the center of the film's racial themes, representing the facade of liberalism that underlies deeply ingrained racism and exploitation. His confidence and authority in discussions reveal a man accustomed to privilege and oblivious to the true impact of his actions. His underlying goals are to maintain control and preserve the family legacy through the manipulation of black individuals, viewing them as commodities.

Values And Beliefs: Believes in racial superiority masked by a facade of liberalism; values control and power.

Strengths And Skills: Charismatic, manipulative, articulate; skilled in social situations.

Suggestions

Explore Dean's past relationships and upbringing to understand the roots of his beliefs about race.
Provide more backstory about his family legacy and how it influences his current actions.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events shaped Dean's beliefs about race and power?
How does Dean reconcile his liberal beliefs with the actions he takes?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Dean exhibits emotional complexity, particularly in how he justifies his actions under the guise of benevolence. His casual references to racial issues reveal his insensitivity, and his eagerness to perform surgery on Chris reflects a deep-seated desire to exploit rather than understand. This complexity adds layers to his character, making him not just a villain, but a representation of societal complacency around racism.

Character Flaws: Arrogance, manipulativeness, insensitivity to race issues.

Suggestions

Develop scenes that showcase Dean's interactions with his family to reveal deeper flaws in his character.
Introduce more dialogue that highlights his conflicting emotions about his actions.

Follow-up Questions

What internal conflicts does Dean face, if any, regarding his family's actions?
How does Dean view the consequences of his and his family's behavior?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Dean does not experience a significant transformation throughout the narrative. Instead, he embodies the reluctance of some individuals to acknowledge and change their problematic beliefs. His purpose is to illustrate the deep-rooted issues of systemic racism. His steady demeanor contrasts sharply with Chris's evolving awareness and reaction to the threats around him.

Suggestions

Consider introducing a moment where Dean expresses doubt or reflection to showcase potential for growth.
Create stakes for Dean that force him to confront the impact of his actions.

Follow-up Questions

What would it take for Dean to change his perspective?
Are there moments when Dean shows cracks in his confident facade?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Dean's speech patterns reflect his privileged upbringing, using humor and casual confidence to disarm others. His dialogue often contains patronizing undertones, particularly when discussing race or Chris's experiences, indicating a lack of genuine understanding. This duality serves to build tension as his true beliefs begin to surface, contrary to what he initially projects.

Unique Voice: He speaks in a paternal tone, often using terminology that seems progressive but reveals underlying prejudices.

Suggestions

Incorporate more subtext into Dean's conversations that hint at his true motivations.
Create situations where Dean's dialogue contradicts his actions to emphasize his hypocrisy.

Follow-up Questions

How do Dean's words influence other characters' perceptions of him?
What specific phrases or words can best illustrate his manipulative nature?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Dean makes several conscious decisions that illustrate his manipulative tendencies, particularly in his interactions with Chris. His attempts to normalize invasive behavior, such as hypnosis, highlight his belief in his superiority over others—seeing Chris as expendable. Dean actively chooses to ignore the implications of his actions on those around him, reinforcing his character as a societal representative of racial privilege.

Motivations: To maintain control over Chris and further his family's agenda.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires acceptance and approval but needs to confront his prejudiced worldview.

Suggestions

Clarify Dean's motivations in pivotal scenes where he interacts with Chris.
Develop actions that could serve as turning points, revealing either the menacing or redeeming aspects of his character.

Follow-up Questions

How do Dean's choices affect his relationship with other family members?
In what ways do Dean's decisions set off chain reactions in the story?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Dean's dynamic with Chris is central to the story, as he oscillates between the role of a fatherly figure and an antagonist. His relationship with his family is steeped in expectation and conformity, revealing the oppressive undercurrents of their interactions. Dean's ability to charm those around him masks his exploitative nature, creating a false sense of security for Chris and reinforcing the theme of racial ignorance.

Suggestions

Explore how Dean interacts with other characters to expose layers of manipulation.
Develop scenes with his family that showcase their collective values and how that affects Dean.

Follow-up Questions

What dynamics change when Dean feels threatened by Chris?
How do Dean's behaviors toward family contrast with his treatment of Chris?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Dean's presence in the screenplay is pivotal in creating tension, particularly in scenes where his intentions become clearer. His interactions with Chris serve to unsettle, as they often begin congenially but reveal darker underlying motives. Dean's actions and dialogue frequently pivot the emotional tone of scenes, illustrating pivotal moments where Chris's insecurity and fear begin to mount.

Suggestions

Design scenes where Dean's choices significantly impact Chris's arc.
Create moments where Dean's influence is contrasted against characters seeking to challenge him.

Follow-up Questions

How does Dean's presence shift the scene's emotional tone?
What specific reactions does Dean elicit from Chris and other characters?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

As the patriarch of the Armitage family, Dean embodies the systemic injustices pervasive in society, acting as an antagonist who manipulates and dehumanizes Chris. His character subverts expectations of the liberal white family, illustrating the insidious nature of racism and privilege. Dean's role is pivotal in highlighting the disparity between appearance and reality in social dynamics.

Symbolic Role: Symbolizes the hidden racism and exploitation of minority individuals.

Suggestions

Clarify Dean’s role by integrating more interactions with Chris that unveil his true intentions.
Emphasize scenes showing Dean's grip on the family dynamic to reinforce his antagonistic role.

Follow-up Questions

How does Dean’s character challenge or uphold the thematic elements of the screenplay?
What moments can accentuate his role as a symbol of systemic oppression?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Dean's character serves as a critical lens through which the screenplay critiques societal norms surrounding race and privilege. His motivations and actions reinforce the theme of exploitation and the façade of liberal attitudes that disguise racist ideologies. By personifying these themes, Dean plays a significant role in challenging the audience's understanding of racial dynamics within relationships.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Dean’s actions directly contradict the themes being explored.
Incorporate dialogue that explicitly links Dean's views and the screenplay's commentary on race.

Follow-up Questions

What specific actions taken by Dean most explicitly challenge or reinforce the film's themes?
How does Dean's behavior evoke reactions from Chris that emphasize the thematic elements?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Dean's portrayal generates a significant emotional impact, leaving viewers unsettled as they grapple with his charm overshadowed by deception. His character acts as a conduit for audience discomfort regarding the realities of racism and privilege, evoking feelings of pity for Chris while also inducing anger towards Dean's manipulative tactics. This duality firmly places Dean as a central figure in generating viewer empathy for marginalized experiences.

Emotional Impact: Elicits tension and disillusionment, reflects audience discomfort with racial betrayal.

Suggestions

Create moments that amplify the audience's emotional response to Dean's actions.
Focus on displaying the impact of racism through Dean's interactions to deepen resonance.

Follow-up Questions

What emotional reactions does Dean's presence directly provoke?
How can Dean's moments of vulnerability be enhanced to elicit deeper audience empathy?

Personality Types

MBTI: entj

Dean displays traits of an ENTJ, being assertive, charismatic, and decisive in his interactions, often taking a commanding role in conversations.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: estj (60%)

Suggestions

Incorporate interactions that emphasize his leadership qualities.
Highlight moments where he displays an organized thought process.

Follow-up Questions

How do Dean's ENTJ traits manifest in his interactions with Chris?
What situations could challenge his natural leadership?

Enneagram: three

Dean exemplifies traits of a Type Three, demonstrating a strong desire for success and validation through his status and control.

Confidence: 70%

Possible Alternative Type: eight (65%)

Suggestions

Emphasize scenes that reveal his ambition and success-oriented nature.
Create conflicts that challenge his need for recognition.

Follow-up Questions

How does his Enneagram type influence his views on competition and success?
What fears might drive Dean's need for control?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (26)

Dean's dinner scene establishes his charismatic yet condescending nature, deepening the tension in Chris's relationship with the family.

Why: It effectively showcases Dean's ability to manipulate the conversation and project a false sense of inclusiveness, raising stakes.

Weakest Scene (0)

None

Why: none

Suggestions:

none

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Racial Tension and Discrimination (60%)

Characters react differently to Chris due to his race, such as the police officer asking for his ID, Rose's family being overly friendly, and the party guests' varying reactions to him. The screenplay also explores Chris's concern about meeting Rose's parents because of his race.

The screenplay highlights the racial divide and the challenges faced by interracial couples. It also touches upon the microaggressions and biases that people of color experience in their daily lives.

Strengthening Racial Tension and Discrimination:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 2	Have Chris express his concerns about racial discrimination more concretely, sharing a personal experience or observation to emphasize the reality of the issue and Rose's potential blindness to it.
Visual - Scene 5	Incorporate subtle visual cues, such as the police officers being white, to emphasize the racial dynamics and Chris' unease around authority figures.
Character Arc - Scene 14	Develop Missy's character further by revealing her true intentions and the darker side of her hypnosis techniques, hinting at her involvement in a wider conspiracy or agenda.
Story Arc - Scene 26	Introduce Rod's character earlier in the story and establish him as a more proactive ally, giving Chris valuable information about the Armitage family's dark secrets and connections.
Action - Scene 33	Show Chris's growing determination and resourcefulness in escaping the house, overcoming physical and mental obstacles, and uncovering the truth behind the Armitage family's sinister plans.

Identity and Self (25%)

Chris's struggle with his identity and self-worth is evident when he is hypnotized and manipulated by Missy. He also grapples with his past trauma and the loss of his mother.

The screenplay delves into the themes of identity, manipulation, and the power of suggestion. It raises questions about the nature of self and the importance of maintaining one's individuality and autonomy.

Love and Relationships (10%)

The relationship between Chris and Rose is a significant aspect of the screenplay, as they navigate the challenges of an interracial couple and Chris's growing suspicions about Rose's family.

The screenplay explores the complexities of love and relationships, touching upon themes of trust, acceptance, and the lengths people will go to protect those they care about.

Manipulation and Control (5%)

Missy's hypnosis and the Armitage family's brain transplantation procedure demonstrate the theme of manipulation and control.

The screenplay highlights the dangers of manipulation and the importance of maintaining one's autonomy and self-awareness. It also raises questions about the ethics of mind control and the consequences of playing with people's identities.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."

Scene by Scene Emotions

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goals evolve from seeking acceptance and safety in an unfamiliar environment to grappling with deep-seated fears and the need for autonomy in the face of manipulation. Chris desires reassurance about his relationship, navigates complex racial dynamics, and ultimately fights for his own identity and survival.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals shift from wanting to impress and fit in with Rose's family to ultimately escaping the escalating threats posed by that very family. His journey transforms from a desire for acceptance to a fight for survival.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between societal perceptions of race and individual identity. This conflict manifests in the protagonist’s interactions with a seemingly progressive white family who harbor sinister intentions, challenging Chris's beliefs about race, safety, and acceptance.

Character Development Contribution: The evolution of Chris's goals reflects his journey from a passive participant seeking acceptance to an active individual reclaiming his identity and asserting his agency. This growth is critical in transforming him into a resilient character who confronts danger head-on.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive the plot forward, creating tension and suspense as Chris navigates various challenges that lead to critical turning points. Each phase of his internal and external goals contributes to a structured escalation of tension culminating in a climactic confrontation.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay of internal and external conflicts offers a rich exploration of race, identity, and autonomy, deepening the thematic complexity of the screenplay. These elements provoke audiences to reflect on societal norms, personal relationships, and the true nature of acceptance.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Kidnapping in the Suburbs and a Photographer's Morning	Suspenseful, Dark, Mysterious	9	9	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	9	9	9	9	9	8	9	8	8	8
2 - Morning Jitters and Meeting the Parents	Playful, Sarcastic, Lighthearted	8	8	7	9	9	5	8	7	3	8	2	5	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
3 - Road Trip Begins with a Hint of Tension	Light-hearted, Playful, Romantic	8	8	7	8	9	5	8	7	4	7	3	6	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
4 - Friendly Teasing and Playful Tickles: Chris, Rose, and Rod at the Airport	Humorous, Light-hearted, Playful	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	7	6	6	8	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
5 - Car Collision with a Deer: An Encounter with the Police	Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Confrontational	8	8	7	8	8	6	8	7	8	8	7	7	7	7	7	9	9	8	8
6 - Warm Welcome at the Armitage Estate	Awkward, Warm, Playful	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	6	7	5	7	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
7 - Warm Welcome to the Armitage Home	Light-hearted, Playful, Eccentric	8	7	7	8	8	5	8	7	6	7	5	7	7	7	9	8	8	9	9
8 - Exploring the Past: Intimate Moments and Family History	Playful, Nostalgic, Intimate	8	8	7	8	9	6	8	7	4	7	3	6	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
9 - Exploring the Armitage House	Light-hearted, Reflective, Informative	8	8	7	7	9	6	8	7	7	7	6	7	8	6	8	9	9	8	8
10 - A Sunny Afternoon of Tea and Revelations	Heartwarming, Awkward, Light-hearted, Tense	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
11 - Jeremy's Drunken Outburst at Dinner	Humorous, Light-hearted, Embarrassing	8	8	7	9	9	5	8	7	5	7	3	6	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
12 - Intimate Moment in Rose's Bedroom: Navigating Family Dynamics and Building a Future Together	Playful, Intimate, Worried	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	6	6	7	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
13 - Chris's Late Night Sneak and Conversation with Missy	Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Intense	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	8	8	7	7	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
14 - A Nighttime Conversation on Heightened Suggestibility and Memory	Intense, Suspenseful, Intriguing	8	9	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	8
15 - Chris' Fear and Reluctance to Seek Help	Tense, Introspective, Emotional	8	9	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	8	5	7	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
16 - Chris's Overwhelming Guilt and Fear	Terror, Intense, Emotional	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
17 - Chris' Unease Grows as He Confronts the Strange Behavior of the Armitage Family	Suspenseful, Chilling, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	9	8	9	9	8	8
18 - Chris's Hypnosis and Walter's Hostility	Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Tense	8	8	7	7	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	8	9	9	9	8	8
19 - Chris Learns Golf at a Backyard Party	Light-hearted, Friendly, Humorous	8	7	7	7	8	5	8	7	4	7	3	7	6	6	8	9	8	9	8
20 - Awkward Conversations and Uncomfortable Advances at the Garden Party	Awkward, Confrontational, Light-hearted	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	7	7	6	7	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
21 - Disappointment at the Armitage Party	Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Unsettling	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	7	7	7	8	8	6	7	9	9	8	8
22 - Chris's Discomfort at the Templar Gathering	Tense, Formal, Celebratory	8	8	7	9	8	5	8	7	6	7	6	8	7	6	7	9	9	8	8
23 - Chris's Contemplative Encounter with a Blind Art Dealer	Introspective, Melancholic, Irony, Sympathetic	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	4	6	3	5	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
24 - Chris's Showstopping Play and Unexpected Exit	Light-hearted, Playful, Competitive	8	7	7	8	8	5	8	7	4	7	3	6	7	6	7	9	9	8	9
25 - The Unplugged Phone Incident	Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational	8	7	8	8	9	6	8	7	8	8	7	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
26 - Chris's Unease and Georgina's Entrance	Suspenseful, Eerie, Tense, Darkly Humorous	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	8
27 - Chris' Uncomfortable Introduction to Dean's Acquaintances and an Unexpected Transformation	Tense, Unsettling, Intense, Dramatic	9	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	9	9	8	9	9	8	7	9	8	8	8
28 - Tense Aftermath and Uneasy Recovery	Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic	8	7	8	9	7	7	8	7	9	7	8	9	8	8	7	9	9	8	8
29 - A Tense Conversation and an Uneasy Auction	Intense, Emotional, Suspenseful	8	8	8	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	9	7	9	8	8	8
30 - A Bittersweet Auction & Intimate Revelation	Emotional, Reflective, Intimate	9	8	8	8	9	8	9	7	6	7	6	7	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
31 - Unraveling Logan/Andre's Identity	Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Dramatic	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	7	8	8	8	7	7	9	8	8	8
32 - Chris's Discovery in Rose's Closet	Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Emotional	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	7	9	9	7	9	8	8	8
33 - Chris's Escape Thwarted: A Tense Night	Tense, Mysterious, Intense	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	8	8
34 - Chris's Disorienting Descent and Encounter with the Antlered Creature	Terror, Anxiety, Confusion	9	9	8	9	7	8	8	7	8	8	9	7	8	9	6	9	9	8	8
35 - Rod's Worries and Chris's Kidnapping	Anxious, Suspenseful, Terrifying, Mysterious	9	9	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	9	9	8	9	8	7	9	8	8	8
36 - TSA Agent Reports Friend's Disappearance to Skeptical Detective	Suspenseful, Serious, Intense	9	9	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	9	8	8	8
37 - Rod's Suspicions and Chris' Paranoia	Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional, Confrontational	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	9	9	8	9	9	8	8
38 - Roman Armitage's Introduction and the Coagula Procedure Explanation	Menacing, Sinister, Mysterious, Foreboding	9	9	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	9	8	7	6	9	8	8	8
39 - Jim Hudson Explains Brain Transplantation Procedure to Chris	Menacing, Intense, Sinister, Revealing	9	9	8	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	9	8	8
40 - Violent Outbursts and Escalating Conflicts	Intense, Suspenseful, Violent, Dark	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	9	9	7	9	9	8	8
41 - Chris's Escape and Georgina's Tragic Accident	Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic	9	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	10	9	8	8	7	9	9	7	8
42 - Escape from the Armitage House: A Night of Despair and Violence	Intense, Suspenseful, Dark, Emotional, Shocking	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	9	9	8	9	9	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Building tension and suspense
Exploration of psychological themes
Strong character dynamics
Engaging dialogue

Scene Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low stakes
Some dialogue could be more impactful
Some elements may be too cryptic or vague for some viewers
Limited character development

Suggestions

Consider raising the stakes to increase the tension and conflict in the story
Work on developing more nuanced and impactful dialogue throughout the screenplay
Further explore and clarify elements of the plot and narrative structure that may be confusing for viewers
Continue to focus on developing strong character dynamics and emotional depth in the story
Experiment with different techniques and approaches to create a more engaging and impactful reading experience

World Building

Physical environment: The physical environment in the screenplay varies from suburban neighborhoods, modern city apartments, rural roads, to an airport and wealthy households. These settings contribute to the characters' experiences by creating a sense of contrast between comfort and danger, familiarity and unease.
Culture: The cultural elements in the screenplay include interracial dating, historical context of African American servants in white households, and diverse backgrounds of characters. These cultural aspects shape the characters' experiences by highlighting societal prejudices and expectations, and adding layers of complexity to their relationships.
Society: The societal structure in the screenplay is depicted through family dynamics, TSA agents, and party guests. The societal elements influence the characters' experiences by creating hierarchies, exerting authority, and challenging social norms.
Technology: The technological elements in the screenplay include smartphones, cameras, and medical equipment. These technological aspects contribute to the narrative by facilitating communication, capturing moments, and enabling scientific procedures.
Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions by creating a sense of place, highlighting societal norms and prejudices, and providing tools and resources for the characters to navigate their world.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative by providing context, creating tension and suspense, and driving the plot forward. The contrasting settings, cultural diversity, societal hierarchies, and technological advancements create a rich backdrop for the characters' stories to unfold.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements also contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes of identity, prejudice, power, and manipulation. The physical environment, culture, society, and technology intersect to create a complex and thought-provoking narrative.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by sharp and witty dialogue, detailed scene descriptions that create tension and suspense, and a focus on building a sense of mystery and danger.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by enhancing the mood of suspense and danger, creating a sense of unease and anticipation for the audience.
Best Representation Scene	13 - Chris's Late Night Sneak and Conversation with Missy
Best Scene Explanation	This scene is the best representation because it effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the story while building tension and intrigue.

Style and Similarities

The writing style in this screenplay is characterized by a blend of suspenseful storytelling, sharp dialogue, and exploration of complex themes such as race, identity, and social dynamics. The narrative is engaging and thought-provoking, with a strong emphasis on character development and interpersonal relationships.

Style Similarities:

Writer	Explanation
Jordan Peele	Peele's influence is evident throughout the screenplay, with its focus on social commentary, tension-filled dialogue, and exploration of power dynamics in various settings. The writing style shares similarities with Jordan Peele's work in terms of blending suspense, mystery, and character-driven storytelling that delves into themes of race, identity, and social issues.
Greta Gerwig	Gerwig's writing style is also prominent, with its emphasis on authentic character interactions, emotional depth, and nuanced relationships. The screenplay shares similarities with Gerwig's work in terms of capturing intimate character dynamics, using naturalistic dialogue, and exploring complex themes in a relatable and engaging manner.

Other Similarities: The screenplay also incorporates elements from other influential writers such as Quentin Tarantino, M. Night Shyamalan, and Aaron Sorkin, further enriching the narrative and adding layers of complexity and depth.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Relationship between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade	There is a strong positive correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade in this screenplay. Scenes with higher emotional impact tend to receive higher overall grades, indicating that emotional depth is a key factor in the success of a scene.
Character Changes and Conflict	There is a positive correlation between Character Changes and Conflict in this screenplay. Scenes with higher levels of conflict tend to result in more significant character changes, suggesting that conflict is a catalyst for character development.
Dialogue and Emotional Impact	There is a positive correlation between Dialogue and Emotional Impact in this screenplay. Scenes with more impactful dialogue tend to evoke stronger emotional responses from the audience, highlighting the importance of well-crafted dialogue in conveying emotion.
Tone and Concept	There is a correlation between Tone and Concept in this screenplay. Scenes with specific tones such as 'Suspenseful' or 'Intense' often align with the overall concept of the scene, indicating that tone plays a key role in conveying the intended concept to the audience.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay showcases a strong ability to build tension, suspense, and emotional depth through character interactions and plot twists. The writer effectively combines various elements, such as psychological horror, supernatural suspense, and emotional depth, to create a compelling and immersive narrative experience. However, there is room for improvement in character depth, emotional impact, and pacing in certain scenes.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Depth and Emotional Impact

While the screenplay has strong characters, some scenes could benefit from deeper exploration of their emotions and motivations to create a more significant emotional impact on the audience.

Pacing and Structure

Some scenes might benefit from better pacing and structure to maintain audience engagement and ensure a smooth narrative flow.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read 'The Silence of the Lambs' screenplay by Ted Tally for insights into character development, pacing, and suspenseful storytelling.	This screenplay is known for its strong characters, engaging dialogue, and suspenseful pacing, which can help the writer improve their character depth and emotional impact.
Writing Exercise	Practice writing character monologues to explore your characters' inner thoughts, emotions, and motivations.	This exercise will help deepen the emotional impact of the characters and enhance the overall narrative experience.
Writing Exercise	Create a beat sheet for your screenplay, outlining the key plot points and character arcs. Analyze the pacing and structure, and make adjustments as needed.	This exercise will help improve the overall pacing and structure of the screenplay, ensuring a smooth narrative flow and maintaining audience engagement.

Additional Notes: The screenplay demonstrates a unique voice and a strong ability to create tension and suspense. Continue refining your craft, exploring different storytelling techniques, and pushing creative boundaries to further enhance your writing style and voice.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
The Magical Negro	An African-American character, Missy, who has supernatural abilities and uses them to help the white protagonist, Chris.	The Magical Negro is a trope where a black character is depicted as having mystical or supernatural powers and uses them to help a white character. This trope is often criticized for its stereotypical and racist portrayal of black people. An example of this trope is in The Green Mile (1999) where the character John Coffey, played by Michael Clarke Duncan, has supernatural abilities and uses them to help the white characters.
The Mystical Asian	An Asian character, Philomena, who is wealthy and has a mysterious aura around her.	The Mystical Asian is a trope where Asian characters are portrayed as having mysterious or supernatural abilities. This trope is often used to otherize and exotify Asian people. An example of this trope is in The Matrix (1999) where the character Seraph, played by Collin Chou, is a mystical martial artist who guards the Oracle.
The Black Best Friend	An African-American character, Rod, who is Chris's best friend and provides comedic relief.	The Black Best Friend is a trope where black characters are relegated to supporting roles and exist solely to provide comedic relief or support the white protagonist. This trope is often criticized for its stereotypical and racist portrayal of black people. An example of this trope is in Clueless (1995) where the character Dionne, played by Stacey Dash, is Cher's black best friend who provides comedic relief.
The Damsel in Distress	Rose, the white protagonist, who is in danger and needs Chris to save her.	The Damsel in Distress is a trope where a female character is placed in a perilous situation from which she cannot escape on her own and requires rescue by a male character. This trope is often criticized for its sexist portrayal of women as helpless and in need of rescue. An example of this trope is in King Kong (1933) where the character Ann Darrow, played by Fay Wray, is captured by the giant ape and requires rescue by the male protagonist.
The Magical Negro Sidekick	Missy, an African-American character, who uses her supernatural abilities to help Chris.	The Magical Negro Sidekick is a variation of the Magical Negro trope where a black character has supernatural abilities that exist solely to help the white protagonist. This trope is often criticized for its stereotypical and racist portrayal of black people. An example of this trope is in The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000) where the character Bagger Vance, played by Will Smith, has supernatural abilities and uses them to help the white protagonist.
The White Savior	Chris, the white protagonist, who saves Rose from danger.	The White Savior is a trope where a white character rescues non-white characters from danger or oppression. This trope is often criticized for its racist portrayal of non-white characters as helpless and in need of rescue by white characters. An example of this trope is in Dances with Wolves (1990) where the character John Dunbar, played by Kevin Costner, saves a Native American tribe from oppression.
The Strong Silent Type	Chris, the white protagonist, who is strong and silent.	The Strong Silent Type is a trope where a male character is portrayed as strong, silent, and emotionally stoic. This trope is often used to portray masculinity in a stereotypical and limiting way. An example of this trope is in The Man with No Name trilogy (1964-1966) where the character played by Clint Eastwood is a strong, silent, and emotionally stoic cowboy.
The Manic Pixie Dream Girl	Rose, the white protagonist, who is quirky and helps Chris find himself.	The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is a trope where a female character is portrayed as quirky, spontaneous, and having a carefree attitude. This trope is often used to help the male protagonist find himself or his purpose. This trope is often criticized for its sexist portrayal of women as existing solely to help men. An example of this trope is in Garden State (2004) where the character Sam, played by Natalie Portman, is a quirky and spontaneous woman who helps the male protagonist find himself.
The Black Brute	Andre/Logan, an African-American character, who becomes hostile and attacks Chris.	The Black Brute is a trope where a black character is portrayed as physically strong and aggressive. This trope is often used to otherize and demonize black people. An example of this trope is in Birth of a Nation (1915) where the character Gus, played by Walter Long, is a black man who pursues a white woman and is portrayed as a brute.
The Mysterious Stranger	Jim Hudson, a character with a shaven head, who appears on a television and communicates with Chris.	The Mysterious Stranger is a trope where a character appears suddenly and is shrouded in mystery. This trope is often used to create tension and intrigue. An example of this trope is in The Fugitive (1993) where the character Dr. Charles Nichols, played by Jeroen Krabbé, is a mysterious stranger who is involved in the plot to frame the protagonist.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
11	Jeremy: Your thith-ter bit my fuckin’ thongue off!!!!
10	Dean: I thought the whole thing was bull shit too. I smoked for 15 years. She puts me under once, now the sight one makes me wanna vomit.
6	Dean: We hug around here, my Man. Call me Dean.
39	Jim: I could give two shits about race. I don’t care if you’re black, brown, green, purple... whatever. People are people. What I want is deeper: Your eye, man. I want those things you see through.
18	Chris: I had some fucked up dreams.

Some Loglines to consider:

A young black man discovers his girlfriend's white family is hiding a sinister secret that threatens to consume him.
When a black man visits his white girlfriend's family estate, he uncovers a disturbing plot to exploit the physical advantages of people of color.
A photographer's weekend getaway with his girlfriend's family takes a dark turn as he uncovers the family's nefarious agenda to control and manipulate black individuals.
Suspecting his girlfriend's family of harboring a dark secret, a young black man must fight for his freedom and uncover the truth before it's too late.
A black man's visit to his white girlfriend's family home becomes a harrowing descent into a world of mind control, manipulation, and racial exploitation.

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EXT. SUBURBAN - NIGHT

ANDRE, 29, an African-American man walks down the sidewalk
talking on his phone.

ANDRE
Hey. I’m trying to figure out what
kind of sick individual would name
a street Evergreen Way a half a
mile from and “Evergreen Lane.”

CRYSTAL (O.S.)
Oh shit. You’re at Evergreen Lane?

ANDRE
Took me long enough to figure that
shit out too. Now I’m walking
through creepy confusing-ass
suburbs.

They laugh

ANDRE (CONT’D)
I’m serious though. I’m out here
like a sore thumb and shit.

CRYSTAL (O.S.)
Stay put; we’ll come get you.

ANDRE
No, I’m like 10 minutes away now.
I’m good. I need a drink, but I’m
good.

CRYSTAL
Okay. Sorry baby. I’ll make it up
to you.

ANDRE
I’m gonna hold you to that, too.
See you in a minute.

Andre hangs up.
2.

Andre stops. He looks down the street behind him. It’s dark
and empty. Andre looks up the street in front of him; A
vintage creme-colored Porsche with tinted windows and a roof
passes him.

A dog barks.

The car does a u-turn behind him. It now CREEPS up on the
street behind Andre. It’s following him.

INT. SPORTS CAR - CONTINUOUS

Drivers’s POV watching Andre. His BREATH ECHOES deep and
tinny as if were into a coffee can. Through the car’s system
we hear the song “Run Rabbit Run.”

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Andre, feeling followed, stops and turns. The car stops. He
waves at the unseen DRIVER obscured by reflection of the
streetlight on the windshield. There is no response. The
ENGINE PURRS. The song “Run Rabbit Run” is playing from
inside.

Andre peers through the windshield but can’t see through the
reflection of the street lamp.

Nothing. Sketchy. Andre resumes walking; the car follows
suit...

ANDRE
(under his breath)
This is some shit right here...

After a beat of walking.

ANDRE (CONT’D)
Nope.

Andre turns around and begins walking in the other direction.

ANDRE (CONT’D)
(to himself)
Yo.

INT. SPORTS CAR - CONTINUOUS

Driver’s POV. Andre walks.
3.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Andre hears the song “Run Rabbit Run” more clearly now. Andre
turns back to the car it’s sitting in the street where he
left it. He walks into the street and peers to get a better
angle. The driver’s side car door is open.

ANDRE
What the fuck?

Andre turns back to the curb and the DRIVER, in a black
knight’s helmet, steps towards him and quickly wraps him up
in a rear naked choke hold. Andre struggles but soon passes
out. The phone drops to the floor. HE is dragged to the trunk
of the car.

The driver plops Andre in the padded trunk. He gets in his
car and drives off.

TITLE CARD:

“Get Out”
4.

EXT. CITY- DAWN

The sun rises over the city. Autumn. Beautiful.

INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

We move slowly through the small but clean apartment. The
walls are decorated with striking urban photography. A SHOWER
RUNS.

INT. CITY APARTMENT - BATHROOM - MORNING

CHRIS WASHINGTON, 24, a handsome African-American man shuts
the medicine cabinet. He’s shirtless and naturally athletic.
He scrutinizes his reflection with a touch of vanity.

INT. CITY APARTMENT - BATHROOM - MORNING

Chris spreads shaving cream onto his face and shaves. He
postures a little then nicks himself on the neck. He smirks;
deserved that.

INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Chris, clothed, looks out his window through a professional
camera. He flips through some striking urban images on the
digital display much like the ones framed around his
apartment. He is a very talented photographer.

Sid, a small dog, watches him. The BUZZER RINGS.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Suspenseful, Dark, Mysterious

Summary The scene opens with Andre, a 29-year-old African-American man, feeling out of place and sensing he's being followed in a suburban neighborhood at night. He is attacked by a mysterious driver wearing a black knight's helmet and kidnapped, leaving the scene tense and foreboding. The scene then shifts to Chris Washington, a talented 24-year-old photographer, preparing for his day in his city apartment, providing a calm and confident contrast to Andre's ordeal.

Strengths

Effective use of suspense
Strong emotional impact
Engaging plot twists

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene starts a bit slow and doesn't immediately grab the reader's attention.
The dialogue between Andre and Crystal is a bit unnatural and doesn't feel like a real conversation.
The description of the car following Andre is a bit repetitive and could be more concise.
The scene doesn't really build any suspense or tension.
The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and doesn't leave the reader with a sense of closure.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with a more attention-grabbing hook.
Revise the dialogue between Andre and Crystal to make it more natural.
Concise the description of the car following Andre.
Add some suspense or tension to the scene by building up to the attack.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending by providing a sense of closure.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a shocking plot twist that leaves a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a man being followed and abducted in a suburban setting is executed with skill, creating a sense of unease and mystery.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and well-paced, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats with its twists and turns.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the thriller genre by combining elements of mystery, danger, and suspense in a suburban setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are realistic and relatable, with Andre being a sympathetic protagonist and the mysterious driver adding to the suspense.

Character Changes: 7

Andre undergoes a significant change from feeling safe to being in a life-threatening situation, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Andre's internal goal is to navigate through the confusing and creepy suburbs safely and make it to his destination without any harm.

External Goal: 7

Andre's external goal is to avoid being followed or harmed by the mysterious car that is stalking him.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Andre and the mysterious driver creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious car stalking Andre and creating a sense of danger and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Andre's abduction and the unknown motives of the driver raise the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the tone for the rest of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about the intentions of the mysterious car and the danger it poses to Andre.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Andre's sense of safety and the unknown danger that lurks in the suburban streets. It challenges his belief in his ability to navigate unfamiliar surroundings.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, leading to a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and helps to establish the characters' personalities and the tense atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on edge with its suspenseful atmosphere and mysterious plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of danger for the protagonist.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a thriller genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a thriller genre.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - ELEVATOR

Rose rides in the elevator. The doors open.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - MORNING

Rose walks down the hallway with her hands full. She has two
coffees and two bags of pastries. Chris opens the door. Rose
stands outside the apartment. Chris smirks.

ROSE
I know. I couldn’t decide...

He takes the coffee tray and pulls her inside. They kiss and
shut the door.
5.

INT. CITY APARTMENT - CHRIS’ BEDROOM - DAY

Chris packs a small bag of luggage. Rose lays on the bed.

Rose eats a chocolate croissant. SID lays by her on the bed.
She strokes him. It’s a perfect morning.

ROSE
Toothbrush... Deodorant...

CHRIS
Check... Check....

Rose notices Chris is being cagey.

Chris packs in silence for a moment.

ROSE
What? Where’d you go?

CHRIS
Nowhere.

ROSE
No, what?

CHRIS
Do the know I’m black?

ROSE
No. Why? Should they?

CHRIS
Seems like you might wanna mention
it...

ROSE
Right. You mean like “Mom, Dad, my
black boyfriend and I are coming up
for the weekend”? He’s African
American, but I hope you can
overlook that.

Chris, being teased, pulls Rose by the ankle and gets on top
of her.

CHRIS
You said I’m the first black guy
you’d ever dated.
6.

ROSE
Yeah, so.

CHRIS
I’m just sayin’ this is uncharted
territory for them. I don’t wanna
get chased off the lawn with a gun.

Rose embraces him and pulls him to the bed.

ROSE
Dude, seriously. My dad would’ve
legit voted for Obama a third time
if he could’ve. Yes, he will want
to talk to you about it, and that
will be embarrassing as fuck, but
it’s just cause he’s lame.

Chris laughs.

ROSE (CONT’D)
There are a lot of maddening things
about them but they’re not racist.
I promise.

Chris nods amused, but isn’t totally convinced.

ROSE (CONT’D)
And my mom loves Idris Elba.

CHRIS
(sarcastic)
Oh, why didn’t you say so?

He holds her. He kisses her cheek. She raises her phone and
takes a selfie of them.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Oh, sneak attack!

ROSE
(laughing)
Don’t!

They roll around playfully.

Genres: Romantic Comedy, Drama
Tone: Playful, Sarcastic, Lighthearted

Summary Rose and Chris share an affectionate morning in Chris' apartment, with Rose bringing coffee and pastries. Chris, who is black, reveals his nervousness about meeting Rose's parents due to their lack of knowledge about his race. Rose reassures Chris that her parents are not racist and are fans of Idris Elba. The scene ends with the couple taking a selfie and playfully rolling around on the bed.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Character development
Engaging banter

Weaknesses

Lack of significant plot progression
Low conflict level

General Critique

The dialogue between Rose and Chris is natural and believable, effectively showcasing their playful and comfortable relationship.
The scene establishes their close bond and sets up the upcoming conflict related to Chris's concerns about meeting Rose's parents.
The way Rose reassures Chris and teases him about his worry highlights the strength of their connection and her understanding of his insecurities.
The mention of Idris Elba is a subtle reference to Chris's race and is well-integrated into the conversation, providing a relatable and humorous touch.
The scene effectively conveys the transition from the playful and light-hearted atmosphere of their apartment to the potential tension of meeting Rose's parents, creating a sense of anticipation.

General Suggestions

Consider adding a bit more detail to Chris's packing process to provide a stronger sense of his preparation for the trip.
Explore adding a physical or verbal reaction from Sid to Rose's affectionate touch to further develop the dog's character and its presence in the scene.
To enhance the visual imagery, include a description of the decor or artwork in Chris's bedroom to establish the ambiance of their living space.
Consider expanding Rose's description of her parents' political views to provide more context and depth to their characters.
To heighten the tension, you could have Rose express some of her own anxieties or uncertainties about her parents' reaction to Chris, adding a layer of emotional conflict to the scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the relationship dynamic between Chris and Rose through witty dialogue and playful interactions, setting a lighthearted tone for the story.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of interracial relationships and the potential challenges they may face in different social settings is explored in a humorous and relatable manner.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a character-building moment that deepens the audience's understanding of Chris and Rose's relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on interracial relationships and addresses the complexities of racial dynamics within families. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable, contributing to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Chris and Rose are well-developed through their dialogue and interactions, showcasing their personalities and the dynamics of their relationship.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Chris and Rose's relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reassure her boyfriend that her family is not racist and to alleviate his concerns about their reaction to his race. This reflects her desire for their relationship to be accepted and for her boyfriend to feel comfortable and welcomed by her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for a visit to her family with her boyfriend and to address any potential issues that may arise due to their racial differences. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating interracial relationships within a family setting.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on character dynamics and relationship building.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist and her boyfriend facing internal and external challenges related to their interracial relationship.

High Stakes: 2

The scene does not involve high stakes or intense conflict, focusing more on character interactions and relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides valuable insights into the characters' personalities and relationship dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and twists in the characters' interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations and personal beliefs regarding race and interracial relationships. The protagonist's boyfriend is concerned about potential racism from her family, while she believes in their acceptance and non-racist attitudes.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a light-hearted and humorous emotional response from the audience, engaging them in the characters' banter and interactions.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and engaging dialogue between Chris and Rose drives the scene, revealing their personalities and the underlying tensions in their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the humor infused in the dialogue, and the underlying tension of the interracial relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains the audience's interest and builds tension effectively.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-driven interaction between characters, effectively building tension and conflict.

INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chris and Rose stand by the front door about to leave. Rose
blows Sid a kiss.
7.

ROSE
(to Sid)
Bye, Sid.

They almost leave, but at the last second goes to turn the TV
on for Sid. He rubs Sid’s head briefly.

CHRIS
(to Sid)
Rod’ll be by soon. Love you.

They leave. Sid watches a commercial for the United Negro
College Fund.

COMMERCIAL (V.O.)
The United Negro College Fund. A
mind is a terrible thing to waste.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - BIRD’S-EYE VIEW - DAY

We soar over Rose’s Car as it drives through the beautiful
countryside; a road flanked by woods.

INT. ROSE’S CAR - DAY

Rose hums. Chris, in the passengers seat, looks through his
camera at the passing trees. He snaps a test shot. Chris
picks up a fast food wrapper from the floor of the car and
tosses it in the backseat.

CHRIS
I can’t believe they even let you
in a Hospital.

ROSE
I’m very sanitary at work.

CHRIS
How long has it been?

ROSE
Since I’ve been up here? I don’t
know. A few years? My dad grew up
here. We used to come up every
summer to visit my grandparents.
Since they died, my parents
basically moved here.

Chris takes out a cigarette sneakily. Rose grabs it promptly.
Chris holds out his hand for it. He’s played this game
before.
8.

CHRIS
Okay.

She poses sexy with it.

ROSE
Is this hot? Do I look hot?

CHRIS
I’m a grown man. If I say I want a
cigarette, I should be able to--

She opens the window and throws it out and closes the window.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Okay, so that’s like a dollar. You
basically just threw a dollar out
the window.

Rose takes a crumpled dollar out of her purse.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Hold on, I gotta call Rod.

Chris takes out his phone.

Genres: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Playful, Romantic

Summary Chris (30s, male) and Rose (30s, female), longtime friends and possible romantic interests, start a road trip leaving Chris's city apartment. They say goodbye to Sid, Chris's dog. While driving through the picturesque countryside, Chris smokes a cigarette, but Rose takes it away and throws it out the window, causing a minor conflict. Rose shares nostalgic stories of her childhood visits to her grandparents' countryside home. The scene ends with Chris calling Rod as they continue their journey.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Authentic character interactions
Establishing character backgrounds

Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks tension and conflict. It's mostly a mundane conversation between the two characters as they prepare to leave the apartment.
The dialogue is a bit flat and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationship.
The scene doesn't do much to advance the plot or develop the characters.
The action is mostly limited to Chris and Rose getting ready to leave, which isn't very visually interesting.
The scene ends abruptly with Chris taking out his phone to call Rod, but it's not clear why this is significant or how it will affect the plot.

General Suggestions

Add some tension or conflict to the scene, such as a disagreement between Chris and Rose or a threat from an outside force.
Develop the characters more by giving them more depth and complexity.
Advance the plot by introducing a new element or event that will drive the story forward.
Make the scene more visually interesting by adding movement or using the setting in a more creative way.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending by tying it back to the main plot or by introducing a new development that will leave the reader wanting more.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the upcoming road trip and establishes the relationship between Chris and Rose. The dialogue is engaging and the tone is consistent throughout.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for a road trip and the dynamics between the characters are well-executed. The scene effectively introduces the audience to the characters' personalities and relationship.

Plot: 7

While the plot does not significantly advance in this scene, it sets the stage for the upcoming road trip and provides insight into the characters' backgrounds.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh dialogue and character interactions that feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 9

Chris and Rose are well-developed characters with distinct personalities. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is a subtle shift in Chris's demeanor as he opens up about his concerns, showing vulnerability. Rose reassures him, leading to a small character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and independence in his relationship with Rose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to communicate with Rod and possibly make plans.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of conflict regarding Chris's nervousness about meeting Rose's parents, it is not the central focus of the scene. The conflict is more internal and serves to develop the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationship building. The main tension revolves around Chris's nerves about meeting Rose's parents.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it sets the stage for the road trip and deepens the audience's understanding of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected character choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the power dynamics and communication styles between Chris and Rose.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and affection between Chris and Rose, but the emotional impact is not particularly intense. It sets a positive tone for the upcoming road trip.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, playful, and reveals information about the characters' pasts. It enhances the scene and keeps the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters and the tension that builds throughout their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by maintaining tension and building towards key moments.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and action sequences.

EXT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES TERMINAL - DAY

ROD WILLIAMS, 26, African American, a stocky TSA agent smokes
a cigarette and hides it from arriving passengers. His cell
phone rings.

ROD
‘Sup?

INTERCUT WITH:

NT. ROSE’S CAR - DAY

Chris sits in the passenger seat and talks on the cell phone.

CHRIS
Hey, You at work?

ROD
Yeah. Chris, tell me this. How I’m
gonna get in trouble for pattin’
down an old lady. It’s standard
procedure!I got fuckin’ Gary out
here thinkin’ just because a bitch
elderly, she can’t hijack an
airplane.
9.

Chris laughs.

ROD (CONT’D)
Watch, the next 9/11 is gonna be on
some geriatric shit too.

CHRIS
Look, man; Thanks for watching Sid
this weekend. Remember, no human
food; he’s got IBS.

ROD
You actually think I forgot that
shit? Damn ‘C’, I’m hurt. Give your
boy a little credit. I don’t forget
shit, you do.

CHRIS
Yeah, yeah. Alright.

ROD
Apology accepted. How’s ‘Lil Miss
Rosie?

CHRIS
She’s good. She’s drivin’--

Rose holds out her hand. Chris reluctantly turns on the
speaker phone.

ROSE
Hi, Rod.

ROD
Whattup girl? Hey listen, you
better bring my boy back in one
piece.

ROSE
I don’t even know what that means
but yes, I promise.

ROD
You know you picked the wrong guy
though right?

ROSE
It’s not too late for us is it?

Chris turns the speaker phone back off.

CHRIS
Okay, get your own girl.
10.

ROD
Damn, I never seen you like this.

CHRIS
Like what?

ROD
Meeting the family? What does she
lick your balls or something?

CHRIS
Goodbye, Rod. I’ll kick you some
cash when I get back.

ROD
I don’t need your money, just get
your girl to introduce me to one of
her ball-lickin’ girlfriends, and
we’re straight.

CHRIS
Bye.

ROD
You better not come back all bougie
on me--

Chris hangs up. He gives Rose a look.

ROSE
What..? Settle down. You know I’m
yours.

Rose pokes Chris. He’s clearly very ticklish.

CHRIS
Hey!

After a brief standoff they begin a tickle fight.

ROSE
Stop! I’m driving.

Chris pulls away. After a moment...

CHRIS
You started it--

A shadow darts across the hood of the car. It’s hind legs
SMACK the hood of the car with a loud THWAT-THWAT!
11.

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Drama
Tone: Humorous, Light-hearted, Playful

Summary In this lighthearted and humorous scene, TSA agent Rod Williams talks to his friend Chris on the phone, teasing him about his relationship with Rose, while Chris and Rose have a playful tickle fight in the car. The scene takes place outside the departures terminal at the airport during the day, and ends with a squirrel running across the hood of the car as Chris and Rose continue to drive. The conflict is minor and friendly, adding to the overall playful tone of the scene.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Chemistry between characters
Introduction of theme of acceptance and understanding

Weaknesses

Relatively low stakes
Limited action or external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It seems like a filler scene that doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters.
The dialogue is mostly about mundane topics, such as work and pets. It doesn't reveal anything new or interesting about the characters.
The tickle fight feels forced and out of place. It doesn't add to the scene and it doesn't reveal anything new about the characters.
The shadow darting across the hood of the car is a strange and unexplained event. It doesn't seem to have any significance or purpose in the scene.
The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or closure. It leaves the reader feeling confused and wondering what the point of the scene was.

General Suggestions

Consider cutting the scene altogether. It doesn't add anything to the story and it slows down the pace.
If you want to keep the scene, give it a clear purpose. Maybe use it to develop the characters or advance the plot.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more interesting and revealing. Focus on the characters' thoughts and feelings.
Remove the tickle fight or find a way to make it more relevant to the scene.
Explain the shadow darting across the hood of the car. Give it a purpose or significance.
Rewrite the ending of the scene to give it a sense of closure. Maybe have the characters talk about their feelings or make a decision about something.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, funny, and sets up the upcoming conflict of meeting Rose's family. The dialogue is witty and the chemistry between the characters is evident.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of interracial relationships and the nervousness of meeting the family is relatable and sets up potential conflicts and character growth.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as Chris and Rose prepare for their road trip and discuss meeting Rose's family. The conflict of Chris's nervousness adds tension to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected humor through the characters' banter and interactions, adding authenticity and depth to their personalities. The dialogue feels natural and relatable, enhancing the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Chris showing vulnerability and nervousness, and Rose being supportive and reassuring. Their dynamic and chemistry drive the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Chris shows vulnerability and nervousness, which hints at potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Rod's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his tough and humorous persona while also showing care for his friend's pet. This reflects his deeper need for validation and connection with others, as well as his fear of being seen as vulnerable or weak.

External Goal: 7

Rod's external goal is to have a casual conversation with his friend while also ensuring the safety and well-being of his friend's pet. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his work environment and personal relationships.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict of Chris's nervousness about meeting Rose's family adds tension and sets up potential obstacles for their relationship.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and challenges that add tension and complexity to the characters' interactions. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of certain situations, creating a sense of anticipation.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the nervousness of meeting the family hints at potential challenges and obstacles for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the conflict of meeting Rose's family and the road trip. It establishes the characters' dynamics and motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor, character dynamics, and plot twists that keep the audience guessing and engaged. The playful banter and surprising actions add a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on responsibility, humor, and relationships. Rod's casual attitude towards his job and the elderly passenger contrasts with Chris's concern for the pet's health and safety, challenging their beliefs and values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a light-hearted and affectionate tone, but the underlying nervousness of Chris adds emotional depth and relatability.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, playful interactions, and humorous tone. The dynamic between the characters and the unexpected twists keep the audience entertained and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balanced rhythm of dialogue, action, and character interactions. It maintains a steady flow of events, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding story.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to read and understand, enhancing the overall clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with well-defined character interactions and progression of dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, maintaining a smooth flow of events.

EXT. RURAL ROAD. CONTINUOUS

The deer is propelled into the woods like a pinwheel. The car
screeches to a halt. The passenger’s side mirror swings
dangling off it’s mount. Chris and Rose breathe hard for a
few moments of shock.

ROSE
Fuck!

CHRIS
You okay?

ROSE
Yeah. You?

CHRIS
Yeah. That scared the shit out of
me.

Rose and Chris get out of the car and inspect the damage. The
right headlight is busted and a scratch in the paint leads
across the hood to the right rearview mirror which hangs

ROSE
Fuck!!!

Chris looks back in the direction of the collision.

CHRIS
Stay here.

ROSE
What are you doing?

CHRIS
I don’t know... See if it’s okay?

Chris walks a few more steps then stops. He rethinks.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Maybe it’s gone--

A guttural, almost human, moan OF PAIN comes from in the
trees behind them. They watch the woods in horror.

Chris walks back towards the haunting wail. It stops.

ROSE
Chris...?
12.

Chris motions for Rose to stay. He keeps walking towards the
thicket about 40 Ft behind the car. Something breathes deep
in the bushes.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Be careful!

Chris gathers his courage and steps off the road into the
dark thicket. He peers through the bushes. The deer lays
there gasping for air and watching him with a black wet eye.
Chris is transfixed.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAY

A cop car is now pulled up behind Rose’s car. OFFICER FROSTY -
Caucasian - 33 stands near the deer on the road behind.
Another officer, OFFICER RYAN - 40 - Caucasian, speaks with
Rose who stands by the open driver’s side door. Chris sits
lightly on the hood facing forward lost in thought.

INT. ROSE’S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Rose rummages through her messy purse.

OFFICER RYAN
So, in the future the number to
call is Animal Control Services.

ROSE
Right. Thanks. Here it is!

Rose finally pulls her driver’s license from her purse. The
Officer looks at it and over at Chris.

OFFICER RYAN
You two coming up from the city?

ROSE
Yeah. My parents live in the Lake
Pontaco area. We’re up here for the
weekend.

OFFICER RYAN
Sir..? Can I see your license?

CHRIS
Oh... yeah. I have a state I.D.

ROSE
Wait, why?
13.

OFFICER RYAN
Ma’am?

ROSE
He wasn’t driving?

OFFICER RYAN
I didn’t ask if he was driving, I
asked to see his I.D.

ROSE
(to Officer Ryan)
But why? It doesn’t make any sense.

CHRIS
Here.

Chris offers Officer Ryan his I.D.

ROSE
No, fuck that. He shouldn’t have to
show you his I.D. because he hasn’t
done anything wrong.

CHRIS
Baby. It’s okay--

OFFICER RYAN
Ma’am, any time there is an
incident we have the right to--

ROSE
That’s bullshit!

OFFICER RYAN
Ma’am...

There is a tense silence. Officer Ryan gives up. Not worth
the trouble. Officer Ryan’s walkie chimes in.

OFFICER FROSTY
Everything alright up there
Crowsie?

He presses his walkie button.

OFFICER RYAN
Yeah, I’m all good.
(to Chris and Rose)
You guys drive safe.

Rose and Chris get into their car.
14.

OFFICER RYAN (CONT’D)
Get that headlight fixed... And the
mirror.

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Confrontational

Summary In this tense and anxious scene, a deer jumps in front of Chris and Rose's car, causing damage. While Chris checks the woods for the injured deer, the police arrive and investigate the incident. A conflict arises when Officer Ryan asks Chris for his I.D., causing Rose to become defensive. The scene concludes with the officers leaving and Chris and Rose driving away, the conflict unresolved.

Strengths

Effective tension-building
Revealing character dynamics
Exploring racial themes

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more nuanced
Character changes are subtle

General Critique

The scene is well-written with clear stage directions and dialogue, but there are some areas that could be improved for better pacing and character development.
The deer collision could be more impactful with more sensory details, such as the sound of the impact and the appearance of the deer. This would help the reader feel more immersed in the scene.
The conflict between Rose and Officer Ryan feels a bit abrupt and could be better set up. It might be helpful to establish Rose as a more assertive character earlier in the script, so this behavior doesn't seem to come out of nowhere.
Chris's character could be developed more in this scene. He doesn't have many lines, and his reactions to the deer and the conflict with the officer could be more nuanced.
The dialogue between Rose and Officer Ryan could be tightened up. Some of the lines feel repetitive and could be condensed for better pacing.

General Suggestions

Add more sensory details to the deer collision to make it more impactful.
Establish Rose's assertive personality earlier in the script to make her conflict with Officer Ryan feel more natural.
Develop Chris's character more in this scene, perhaps by giving him more lines or more nuanced reactions to the events.
Tighten up the dialogue between Rose and Officer Ryan to improve the pacing of the scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension through the collision, the interaction with the police, and the underlying racial dynamics. It keeps the audience engaged and sets up potential conflicts for future development.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of racial profiling and confrontation with authority figures is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and setting up potential conflicts. It introduces themes of race and power dynamics effectively.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters deal with the aftermath of the collision and the encounter with the police. It sets up potential obstacles for the road trip and adds layers to the characters' dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of moral dilemmas and authority figures, with a focus on character dynamics and emotional depth. The dialogue feels authentic and adds a layer of complexity to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the situation reveal more about their personalities and relationships. Rose's assertiveness and Chris's calm demeanor are highlighted, adding depth to their characterization.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and reactions, the scene primarily focuses on revealing their existing traits and relationships rather than significant changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fear and guilt over hitting the deer. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and his desire to do the right thing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the aftermath of hitting the deer and interacting with the police officers. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing consequences and authority figures.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters and the police, as well as the racial tensions underlying the interaction, create a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs creating tension and conflict between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are present in the racial tensions, the confrontation with the police, and the potential impact on the characters' road trip. It adds urgency and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing obstacles and conflicts for the characters to navigate on their road trip. It sets up potential challenges and developments for future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected conflict between Rose and the police officer, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between following rules and authority versus standing up for what is perceived as unjust. Rose challenges the authority of the police officer, highlighting a clash of values and beliefs.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of tension, frustration, and concern as the characters navigate a potentially volatile situation. It adds depth to the characters and engages the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, frustration, and assertiveness in the interaction with the police. It also reveals the characters' personalities and dynamics through their responses.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and realistic character interactions. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a satisfying resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution. The pacing and formatting enhance the effectiveness of the scene.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAY

Bird’s eye view. The car winds through a thickly wooded road.

INT. ROSE’S CAR - AFTERNOON

Chris sits in the passenger’s seat deep in thought. He
watches Rose with a new pride. Rose notices.

ROSE
What?

CHRIS
That was hot.

ROSE
I’m not gonna let anyone mess with
my man.

CHRIS
I see that.

ROSE
We’re here.

EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - AFTERNOON

The woods give way to an huge clearing. A lovely medium-sized
home sits in the middle. Thick forest surrounds the estate.
The property is charming and isolated; no other houses in
sight.

As they drive past the large front lawn passing WALTER,
African American 35, who trims hedges. Walter is tall and
wears a gardening hat. He works slowly and methodically. Rose
waves as they pass.

ROSE
Hi, Walter!

Walter waves back.

ROSE (CONT’D)
(to Chris)
The grounds-keeper.
15.

CHRIS
Oh, okay.

EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - MOMENTS LATER

Having parked, Rose and Chris approach the front door with
their luggage. Rose rummages through her bag.

ROSE
Where are my stupid keys...? I just
had them in my hand.

Chris RINGS the DOORBELL. Touché.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Get ready.

FOOTSTEPS. The door swings open revealing...

DEAN ARMITAGE, 59, a tall, barrel-chested WASP. Dean is a
well educated man with a poor social filter and a bad case of
Dad humor. He is the kind of guy who pronounces garbage, Gar-
bahge.

And... MISSY ARMITAGE, 56, is poised, warm and beautiful. She
exudes patience and intelligence. Missy can read people like
books. She’s a perfectly attentive host.

Rose hugs her parents.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Hi!

DEAN MISSY
There she is! Hello sweetheart.

Chris stands there awkwardly.

ROSE
Chris, this my Mom and my Dad. Mom,
Dad; Chris.

CHRIS
Hey.

Dean holds his hand out.

DEAN
You can call me Mr. Armitage.

CHRIS
Of course. I--
16.

DEAN
Got him. Come here.

Dean grabs Chris’ hand and pulls him in for a bear hug.

DEAN (CONT’D)
We hug around here, my Man. Call me
Dean.

Rose rolls her eyes with love. She’s already embarrassed.

MISSY CHRIS
(to Rose) Nice to meet you.
Your father’s very excited.

MISSY
Hi, I’m Missy, welcome to our home.

Missy shakes Chris’ hand warmly.

MISSY (CONT’D)
Come inside.

DEAN
Yes, Come in! Make yourselves
comfortable?

The four enter the house. Walter watches from afar. He slowly
turns and goes back to work.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Awkward, Warm, Playful

Summary Rose and Chris arrive at the Armitage estate, where Chris meets Rose's parents, Dean and Missy, for the first time. Dean greets Chris with enthusiasm, while Missy warmly welcomes him to their home. The scene is set in the afternoon, with the charming, isolated medium-sized home surrounded by thick forest. Chris is initially awkward but quickly put at ease by Dean's friendly demeanor. The scene ends with the group entering the Armitage home together.

Strengths

Natural dialogue
Well-defined characters
Humor

Weaknesses

Mild conflict resolution
Low stakes

General Critique

The first line of the scene is a bird's eye view of the car winding through a thickly wooded road, and this doesn't provide much helpful information or create a strong visual image of the scene.
The description of the estate as "charming and isolated" is a bit cliché and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of the setting.
The character of Walter, the African American grounds-keeper, is introduced in a somewhat stereotypical way and there's no clear indication of his relationship to the family or why he is important to the scene.
The dialogue between Rose and Chris as they drive past Walter is a bit awkward and unnatural, and it would be more effective if it were more casual and conversational.
The dialogue between Chris and Dean when they meet at the door is a bit forced and unrealistic, and it would be more believable if it were more natural and less awkward.
The description of Dean as "a tall, barrel-chested WASP" is a bit clichéd and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of his character.
The description of Missy as "poised, warm and beautiful" is a bit clichéd and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of her character.
The dialogue between Missy and Chris when they meet is a bit awkward and unnatural, and it would be more effective if it were more casual and conversational.

General Suggestions

The scene could be opened up with a more dynamic and engaging visual, such as a close-up of Chris's face as he drives, or a shot of the car winding through the woods with the sun shining through the trees.
The description of the estate could be more specific and evocative, such as by describing the architecture of the house, the landscaping of the grounds, and the surrounding natural environment.
The character of Walter could be introduced in a more nuanced and interesting way, such as by showing him interacting with the family or the other characters in the scene.
The dialogue between Rose and Chris as they drive past Walter could be more casual and conversational, such as by having them talk about their day or their plans for the weekend.
The dialogue between Chris and Dean when they meet at the door could be more natural and less awkward, such as by having them make small talk or share a joke.
The description of Dean could be more specific and less clichéd, such as by describing his physical appearance, his personality, and his relationship to the other characters.
The description of Missy could be more specific and less clichéd, such as by describing her physical appearance, her personality, and her relationship to the other characters.
The dialogue between Missy and Chris when they meet could be more casual and conversational, such as by having them make small talk or share a joke.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tension and humor surrounding Chris meeting Rose's parents, with a good balance of awkwardness and warmth.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of meeting the parents is a classic trope in storytelling, but the added layer of racial tension and acceptance adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Chris meeting Rose's parents, setting up potential conflicts and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'meeting the parents' scenario by incorporating elements of mystery and tension, as well as exploring themes of race and privilege.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with Dean as the awkward yet well-meaning father, Missy as the poised and welcoming mother, and Chris as the nervous boyfriend trying to make a good impression.

Character Changes: 6

Chris experiences growth as he navigates the awkward situation of meeting Rose's parents, showing his vulnerability and desire to make a good impression.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the awkwardness of meeting Rose's parents for the first time and to make a good impression on them. This reflects his desire for acceptance and approval in his relationship with Rose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully navigate the social dynamics of meeting Rose's parents and to establish a positive relationship with them.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict when Rose becomes defensive about Officer Ryan asking for Chris's ID, but it is quickly resolved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the character interactions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and humor rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the dynamics between Chris, Rose, and her parents, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character dynamics and the potential for conflict to arise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Chris's background and the privileged, white world of the Armitages. This challenges Chris's beliefs and values as he tries to fit in and be accepted by Rose's family.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits emotions of nervousness, warmth, and humor, engaging the audience in the characters' interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflects the awkwardness and humor of the situation, adding depth to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, humor, and underlying tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters interact.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character introductions.

INT. ARMITAGE HOME - FOYER - CONTINUOUS

The interior is homey and eccentric; worldly and interesting.

DEAN
(to Rose and Chris)
How was the ride in?

ROSE
We hit a deer.

DEAN
Oh no! Is it dead?

CHRIS
Yeah.

MISSY
That’s horrible. Are you guys
alright?

ROSE
Yeah. It just fruck us out.
17.

MISSY
“Fruck?” That’s a good one.

CHRIS
It came out of nowhere. We got it
pretty good.

DEAN
You know what I say: One down... a
few hundred thousand to go.

MISSY ROSE
(laughing) Dad.
Dean. So awful.

DEAN
What?! They’re everywhere; like
rats. The threat they pose to the
ecology is pretty serious stuff.

MISSY
I’m sure that was traumatic for
you. You two must be exhausted.

CHRIS
Yeah, a little.

DEAN
So how long have you guys been a
thing?

CHRIS
4 months.

ROSE
5 months.

CHRIS
She’s right, I’m wrong.

DEAN
‘Atta boy, Chris. Get used to
saying that.

Dean stands.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Anyway, let me give you the grand
tour.

ROSE
Slow down. We just got here.
18.

MISSY
Let them unload their bags first.

DEAN
Yeah, yeah. Alright. Well, hurry.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Playful, Eccentric

Summary The group enters the Armitage home and settles in, with Dean expressing concern for the ecological impact of their car accident involving a deer. Missy, more focused on their well-being, offers a tour while Rose and Chris take a moment to unload their bags. Walter, keeping his distance, returns to work. The scene is lighthearted, with subtle tension between Dean and Missy's priorities, and ends with the group preparing to unload their bags before taking the tour.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Humorous tone
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of major conflict resolution
Limited character development

General Critique

The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that no one would in real life.
The scene lacks action. The characters simply stand around and talk.
The scene is too long. It could be cut by at least half without losing any important information.
The scene is not visually interesting. There is nothing to look at except the characters talking.

General Suggestions

Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and realistic.
Add some action to the scene. The characters could be doing something other than just talking, such as eating, drinking, or playing a game.
Cut the scene down to a more manageable length.
Add some visual interest to the scene. The characters could be in a more interesting setting, or they could be doing something more visually appealing.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the interactions between the characters, blending humor with genuine concern. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the dynamics between the characters.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of introducing Chris to Rose's family is a common trope in romantic comedies, but the scene adds a unique twist with the unexpected event of hitting a deer. This injects humor and tension into the situation.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Chris meeting Rose's parents and the unexpected incident with the deer. It sets up potential conflicts and establishes the dynamics between the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to family dynamics and social interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions. Dean's eccentricity, Missy's warmth, and Rose's playful nature shine through in the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in the characters as they navigate meeting the family.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the awkwardness of meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time and to make a good impression. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and approval.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the conversation with his girlfriend's family and to establish a positive relationship with them. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and being accepted.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict between Rose and Officer Ryan adds tension to the scene, hinting at potential conflicts to come. The humorous banter also adds a layer of conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle conflicts and tensions between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and humor. However, the potential conflicts with Rose's family and the deer incident add a layer of tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Chris to Rose's family and establishing the dynamics between the characters. It also hints at potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and tension in the character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the shifting dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's view on the deer as a threat to the ecology and the family's more casual attitude towards it. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about environmental conservation and societal values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to concern. The characters' reactions to the deer incident and the playful banter create an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the relationships between the characters. It adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tension. The humor and conflict keep the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding story.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper spacing, indentation, and character cues. The clarity of the formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.

INT. ARMITAGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Rose and Chris take their bags upstairs.

INT. ARMITAGE HOUSE - ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Rose’s old room is a cross between a young-minded teenage
girl... (a stuffed lion, ballerina music box etc) and a
moodier more rebellious teen. A window overlooks the front
lawn.

Rose and Chris place their bags down. She starts unpacking.

ROSE
I was never this clean.

CHRIS
Oh, right.

Chris looks at some pictures posted on her dresser.

ROSE
So...

CHRIS
What? Oh, they’re great.

ROSE
I told you.

He sees a picture of Rose in high school on stage in a
production of ‘The Crucible.'

CHRIS
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this
you?

ROSE
Where did you find that. I hate
that picture.

Rose takes it from him and puts it in the closet.

CHRIS
I didn’t know you were a drama kid.
19.

ROSE
There’s a lot you don’t know about
me.

CHRIS
Oh really?

Rose grabs Chris by the belt and pulls him to the bed on top
of her. They kiss. She goes for his fly.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Wait, what about the tour?

Rose looks at him like “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Chris
laughs.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
What? I want to be respectful.

INT. ARMITAGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Dean and Chris walk and look at pictures on the wall. Rose in
the living room.

Dean opens the door to the office. He and Chris stand
outside the door as Dean reaches in to turn on the lights.
In front of the desk, two comfortable-looking chairs face
each other. Books line the walls. Dean and Chris don’t enter.

DEAN
Missy’s office. She takes
appointments in there.

CHRIS
Nice. She’s a therapist, right?

DEAN
Psychiatrist, yeah. Turns out
people up here are just as messed
up in the head as they were in the
city.

Chris zones in on a photograph taken in the 90’s in front of
the Armitage house. Dean and Missy are younger, and Rose and
her brother Jeremy are kids. Roman and Josie Armitage, the
grandparents stand in the middle.

DEAN (CONT’D)
That’s my Son Jeremy.

CHRIS
I’ve heard stories.
20.

DEAN
He went through a couple dark spots
but came out the other side just
fine. He’s in Med school like his
pops. You’ll meet him later.

CHRIS
Oh, cool.

They pass Rose who’s on her phone in the living room. She
gives him an “Told you this would be boring” look.

DEAN
(chuckles)
We pop around quite a bit; always
seem to bring some new little
treasure back from wherever.

They move down the hallway to a black and white framed
picture of a 25 year old man posing in the starting position
for a race.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Oh you’ll like this. My dad’s claim
to fame. He was beat out by Jessie
Owens in the qualifying round for
the Berlin Olympics in ‘36. That’s
the one where--

CHRIS
--Owens won in front of Hitler.

DEAN
Talk about a perfect moment in
history. There’s Hitler on his high
horse with his perfect Aryan race,
and here comes this black fella to
prove him wrong in front of the
world. What a moment.

CHRIS
Tough break for your Dad though.

DEAN
He almost got over it.

Dean winks.

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Playful, Nostalgic, Intimate

Summary Rose and Chris head upstairs for some intimate moments, but Chris hesitates, remembering their plan to go on a tour. However, Rose's look and their strong connection lead them to continue their intimate moment. Meanwhile, Dean gives Chris a tour of the house, showing him pictures of Rose's family and sharing stories about the house's history. The scene takes place in the upstairs hallway and Rose's bedroom in the Armitage house during the day, and the tone is light and playful with a hint of sexual tension and nostalgia.

Strengths

Intimate character interactions
Nostalgic tone
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict or tension
Limited plot progression

General Critique

The dialogue is somewhat stilted and unnatural. For example, when Chris asks Rose if she was a drama kid, she responds with "There's a lot you don't know about me." This line is a bit too vague and doesn't really give Chris any information.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just a series of exchanges between Chris and Rose that don't really lead anywhere.
The scene doesn't really do much to develop Chris and Rose's relationship. They kiss and make out, but there's not much else to their interaction.
The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This would help to make the scene more concise and focused.
The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose. It's not clear what the writer is trying to accomplish with this scene.

General Suggestions

The writer could make the dialogue more natural by using contractions and colloquialisms. They could also vary the length of the sentences to make the dialogue more interesting.
The writer could advance the plot by having Chris and Rose discuss something that is important to them. This could be something that they're struggling with, or something that they're excited about.
The writer could develop Chris and Rose's relationship by having them share a vulnerable moment. This could be something that they've never told anyone else before, or something that they're struggling with.
The writer could shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This would help to make the scene more concise and focused.
The writer could give the scene a clear purpose by having Chris and Rose achieve something by the end of the scene. This could be something as simple as getting to know each other better, or something more complex, like solving a problem together.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes a sense of intimacy and nostalgia between Rose and Chris, while also providing insight into Rose's background and family history. The playful interactions and dialogue add depth to their relationship.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unpacking memories through exploring Rose's old room is engaging and allows for character development and relationship building between Rose and Chris.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the exploration of Rose's past and family history, adding layers to the characters and setting the stage for potential conflicts or revelations in the future.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh character dynamics and hints at deeper layers of the protagonist's past, adding originality to the familiar romantic comedy genre.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Rose and Chris are well-developed in this scene, with their playful interactions and curiosity about each other's past adding depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the interactions between Rose and Chris deepen their relationship and reveal more about their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Rose's internal goal in this scene is to show Chris a different side of herself, hinting at a mysterious past and a desire for intimacy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the unfamiliar environment of the Armitage house and make a good impression on Rose's family.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of conflict between Rose and Chris regarding the tour of the house, it is resolved quickly and does not escalate, maintaining the overall tone of intimacy and playfulness.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the protagonist's interactions.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and relationship building rather than high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by providing background information on Rose's family and setting the stage for potential conflicts or revelations in the future.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and reveals unexpected layers of the protagonist's past.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of identity and perception. Chris is confronted with new information about Rose's past, challenging his preconceived notions of her.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and affection between Rose and Chris, as well as curiosity about each other's past, creating an emotional connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities and histories, enhancing the intimacy and playfulness of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intimate character moments, subtle tension, and hints at deeper character motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing intimate character moments with subtle tension and humor.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a romantic comedy, with a focus on character interaction and development.

INT. ARMITAGE HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY

Dean and Chris continue their walk-through. The kitchen is
homey and pristine. It has a distinctly grandmotherly vibe.
21.

GEORGINA (30), African American, stands in the middle of the
kitchen cleaning the center island and smiling like she’s
been waiting for them.

DEAN
My mother loved her kitchen, so we
kept a piece of her in here.

CHRIS
(to Georgina)
Hi

DEAN
Oh, Georgina, this is Chris; Rose’s
boyfriend.

GEORGINA
Hello.-

DEAN
“Garbahge” goes under the sink. But
now for the piece de resistance...

Dean opens the glass back door.

EXT. BACKYARD - LATE AFTERNOON

The yard is huge and the woods beyond it ominous. The wind
RUSHES through the trees. Dean leads Chris out through the
yard towards a gazebo.

DEAN
Smell that...? Space! I love it.
I’m tellin’ you, the nearest house
is practically on the other side of
the lake. It’s total privacy out
here.

Chris is distracted by Walter who prepares the lawn mower in
the distance.

DEAN (CONT’D)
I know what you’re thinking.

Chris looks at him.

DEAN (CONT’D)
White family; black servants. Total
cliche.

CHRIS
I wasn’t gonna go there.
22.

DEAN
You didn’t have to. Trust me, I
know. We hired them a few years ago
to help care for my parents;
they’re like part of the family
now. Couldn’t bear to let them go.
I hate the way it looks though...

CHRIS
Yeah, I know what you mean.

DEAN
And by the way, I would’ve voted
for Obama a third term if I
could’ve. Best president in my
lifetime. Hands down.

Chris smirks.

CHRIS
I agree.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Reflective, Informative

Summary Dean and Chris tour the Armitage house, starting in the kitchen where they meet Georgina, the housekeeper. They discuss the racial dynamics of having black servants. Moving to the backyard, Dean shares his political views with Chris as they admire the privacy and beauty of the space.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Well-developed characters
Exploration of themes

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements

General Critique

The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It doesn't feel like a real conversation between two people.
The scene could use more action. It's mostly just Dean talking and Chris reacting.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's more like a filler scene.
The scene could be more visually interesting. The setting is a bit bland and there's not much movement.
The scene could be more suspenseful. There's not really any sense of danger or urgency.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
Add some more action to the scene, such as Chris and Dean walking around the yard or exploring the house.
Give the scene a more specific purpose. For example, have Chris and Dean discuss something important that will affect the plot.
Add some more visually interesting elements to the setting, such as a colorful garden or a dramatic view of the woods.
Add some more suspenseful elements to the scene, such as a strange noise or a glimpse of something dangerous.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the setting, characters, and themes while maintaining a light-hearted tone. It sets up potential conflicts and engages the audience.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring race, class, and family dynamics is well-executed in the scene. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Chris meets Rose's family and begins to navigate their world. It sets up potential conflicts and character dynamics.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate, with a fresh approach to exploring racial dynamics and social commentary within a domestic setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity. Chris and Rose's relationship is further explored through their interactions with family members.

Character Changes: 6

Chris begins to navigate a new environment and faces challenges related to race and class dynamics. This sets the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the discomfort and unease he feels about the racial dynamics within the household. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance, understanding, and a desire to maintain his relationship with his girlfriend's family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to give Chris a tour of the house and backyard, showcasing the family's living space and privacy. This reflects the immediate circumstances of introducing Chris to the family and highlighting the unique aspects of their home.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces potential conflicts through the interactions between characters, particularly around race and class dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with underlying tensions and conflicts that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of how the characters will navigate the complex dynamics at play.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate as Chris navigates meeting Rose's family and facing potential conflicts related to race and class dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new settings, characters, and conflicts. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in power dynamics, the underlying tensions related to race and privilege, and the unexpected revelations about the characters' motivations and beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between appearances and reality, as well as the complexities of race, privilege, and family dynamics. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about equality, social justice, and personal integrity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact as it sets up potential conflicts and reveals insights into the characters' relationships.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships. It sets the tone for future interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the exploration of complex themes, and the sense of mystery and tension that builds throughout. The dialogue and setting descriptions draw the reader in and create a compelling atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and reflection, allowing the reader to absorb the dialogue and visual details, and building suspense towards the climax. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and thematic resonance.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events, character interactions, and thematic development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.

EXT. OUTDOOR PATIO - DAY

Dean, Missy, Chris and Rose sit with iced teas. Missy stirs
sugar into hers. Walter mows in the distance. Dean views
pictures on Chris’ camera.

DEAN
Wow. Look at that. Isn’t that
something?

He shows Missy a particularly cool photo.

MISSY
Gorgeous. Just gorgeous.

DEAN
I love this one.

ROSE
Which one?

Dean turns the camera around and it’s a beautiful picture of
Rose.

CHRIS
That was taken the day we met.

ROSE
I was volunteering at the blood
drive.
23.

MISSY
How long ago was that?

DEAN
So...? Are you guys in love or
what?

ROSE
Really, Dad..?

CHRIS
We’ve been trying to take it slow
but...

Chris blushes. He looks at Rose. Rose can’t help but smile.

MISSY
Wouldn’t that be wonderful.

DEAN
(to Chris)
And what do your parents do?

CHRIS
My Dad was never really in the
picture. My mom passed away when I
was 11... Hit and run.

MISSY
How did she die?

CHRIS
Hit and Run.

MISSY DEAN
Oh, that’s awful. Sorry to hear that.

DEAN (CONT’D)
So young too.

CHRIS
--Actually I don’t remember a whole
lot from that time.

MISSY
It’s okay. We don’t need to talk
about that.

Missy stirs her glass. The spoon hits the side of the glass
creating a small...

TING TING TING TING
24.

Chris and Missy share a comforting look. They have an
unspoken connection.

Chris scratches the table nervously. Missy notices.

DEAN
You smoke Chris?

CHRIS
I’m quitting.

ROSE
This is why I stopped bringing guys
around.

MISSY
It’s okay, I’m not judging.

DEAN
Ugly habit though. You should have
Missy take care of that for you.

CHRIS
How?

DEAN
Hypnosis. She’s developed her own
system. It works like a charm.

CHRIS
Oh. Wow. Um...

ROSE
Believe it or not, some people
don’t want strangers all up in
their heads.

DEAN
I thought the whole thing was bull
shit too. I smoked for 15 years.
She puts me under once, now the
sight one makes me wanna vomit.

MISSY
Fall back, Dean.

CHRIS
I’m good, actually. Thank you
though.
25.

MISSY
Of course. I’m available for the
next two days if you change your
mind...

Georgina brings the pitcher of iced tea around and refills
everyone’s glass. She smiles and avoids eye contact.

DEAN
Smoker or not, we’re just glad you
could join us for the big get-
together.

ROSE
Oh shit. That’s this weekend?

CHRIS
What’s the get-together?

MISSY
Rose’s grandfather’s party.

DEAN
My Dad threw a shindig for his
friends once a year. Bocce ball,
horseshoes, badminton.

ROSE
It’s basically a bunch of rich old
people playing lawn games. Why
didn’t you tell me?

MISSY
It’s the same day every year
sweetheart.
(To Chris)
We kept it going after they died.
Makes us feel like they’re here
with us.

Georgina’s expression glazes over. Her head cocks a little,
and subtle flashes of fear cross her face. No one notices.

ROSE
I just wanted to bring him up on a
chill weekend.

CHRIS
Sounds like fun, actually.

Georgina has been pouring Chris’ drink too long and his glass
has overflown.
26.

MISSY
(concerned)
Georgina.

Georgina snaps out of her daze and starts to clean.

GEORGINA
I’m sorry. Look what I’ve done.
What a nincompoop.

MISSY
It’s fine, George. Just leave it.

GEORGINA
Oh, I can’t leave that there.

MISSY
--Yes you can. Why don’t you go lie
down.

GEORGINA
I think I will.

Georgina nods, smiles and walks away. Chris and Rose look at
Dean. That was odd. Dean shrugs.

JEREMY (O.S.)
What’s up, FAM?!?

MISSY
Jeremy’s home.

JEREMY, 29, rounds the house with open arms. He’s “Rich kid
intense”; handsome with an unpredictable wildness behind his
eyes.

JEREMY
Who answers the door around here?!

Genres: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Tone: Heartwarming, Awkward, Light-hearted, Tense

Summary The scene takes place on an outdoor patio during the day, where Dean, Missy, Chris, and Rose sit and chat over iced teas. Chris and Rose reveal they are in love, and Dean asks Chris about his parents, learning that his mom passed away when he was 11 due to a hit and run. Georgina, a nervous server, refills their glasses while Jeremy, Missy's son, arrives home and greets the group. The tone is friendly and welcoming, with a hint of sadness when Chris shares about his mother's passing, and minor conflicts arise from Chris' revelation and Georgina's behavior.

Strengths

Character development
Emotional depth
Humor
Dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or cliched at times

General Critique

There is an awkward transition between the end of the previous scene and the beginning of this one.
The dialogue is a bit clunky in places, such as when Dean asks Chris about his parents and then Missy asks how his mother died.
The characters' reactions to Georgina's strange behavior are a bit underwhelming, especially given the fact that it's the first time they've seen her behave that way.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters in any significant way.
The ending of the scene is abrupt and leaves the reader with a sense of anticlimax.

General Suggestions

The scene could start with a brief recap of the previous scene, to help the reader orient themselves.
The dialogue could be rewritten to be more natural and fluid.
The characters' reactions to Georgina's strange behavior could be more nuanced and interesting.
The scene could be given a more definite ending, such as having Chris and Rose leave the party or having Jeremy arrive and interrupt them.
The scene could add some foreshadowing of the events to come in the film.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, tension, and emotional depth, providing insight into the characters' backgrounds and relationships. The introduction of Jeremy adds intrigue and sets up potential conflicts for future scenes.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family gathering serves as a backdrop for exploring relationships, past traumas, and societal norms. The use of hypnosis for smoking cessation adds a unique element to the scene, highlighting the characters' quirks and vulnerabilities.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the family gathering and the interactions between the characters. It sets up potential conflicts and reveals important backstory elements that could impact future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh dynamics and conflicts within the family setting, such as the discussion about hypnosis and the tension between Rose and her family. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions, vulnerabilities, and quirks. Their interactions reveal depth and complexity, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show vulnerability, growth, and emotional depth in the scene. Chris opens up about his past, revealing a more vulnerable side, while Rose showcases her protective instincts and family dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dynamics of his new relationship with Rose's family and to connect with them on a deeper level. This reflects his desire for acceptance and approval from Rose's family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a good impression on Rose's family and to integrate himself into their social circle. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in with a new group of people.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene contains subtle conflicts related to family dynamics, societal expectations, and personal vulnerabilities. The tension between characters adds depth to the interactions and sets up potential conflicts for future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with subtle obstacles and challenges that keep the audience engaged and unsure of how the characters will navigate them.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics, relationships, and personal vulnerabilities. However, the introduction of Jeremy adds an element of unpredictability and potential conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up potential conflicts, and revealing important backstory elements. It deepens the relationships between the characters and sets the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in character dynamics and the unexpected reactions from the characters, such as Georgina's sudden outburst and Jeremy's arrival.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Dean's belief in hypnosis as a solution to smoking and Rose's skepticism towards it. This challenges the characters' beliefs about personal autonomy and the effectiveness of alternative therapies.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including warmth, tension, and vulnerability. The characters' interactions and revelations create an emotional connection with the audience, setting up potential emotional arcs for future scenes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of humor, tension, and emotional depth. It reveals important information about the characters' pasts and relationships while setting up potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the naturalistic dialogue, subtle character dynamics, and underlying tensions that keep the audience invested in the characters' interactions and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a natural rhythm of dialogue and action that keeps the scene moving forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a dialogue-heavy outdoor patio scene, with clear character cues and descriptions of actions and reactions. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and interaction, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward. The structure is effective in conveying the dynamics between the characters.

INT. ARMITAGE DINING ROOM - LATER/NIGHT

Everyone but Rose laughs. She holds her face in
embarrassment.

Dean pours the remainder of a bottle of wine into Chris’
glass. Their meal is done and they are tipsy.

ROSE
Okay, enough.

JEREMY
“Enough?” We’re just getting
started. Let’s see. What else?
(MORE)
27.

JEREMY (CONT'D)
What else? Did she tell you about
her toenail collection?

ROSE
Oh my God!!!

CHRIS
What?

JEREMY
She’d bite em off with her teeth
and suck on them and save them in
her jewelry box.

ROSE
No I didn’t.

JEREMY
Yes you did, liar.

Rose throws her napkin at Jeremy as he pops the cork on a new
bottle. Dean and Missy try not to laugh.

CHRIS
That’s really disgusting.

ROSE
(to Jeremy)
I hate you so much.

JEREMY
(to Rose)
Love you too.
(to Chris)
Oh, okay. Here’s a good one. Let me
set the scene. It was our junior
year and Rose has a crush on this
guy Conner Garfield.

ROSE
--No. Mom.

MISSY
Jeremy...

CHRIS
No, no... These are good. I wanna
hear this.

DEAN
Manners, Rose. Give the guest what
he wants.

He winks at Rose warmly.
28.

JEREMY
SO, Conner’s from my lacrosse team.
Huge kid, like 6’3”, and pretty
dumb, right? We threw a party--

ROSE
You threw a party.

JEREMY
--I think my parents were in Greece
or something. We raided their
liquor cabinet and we’re all shit-
faced. Like 15 of us.

MISSY
Ha! No you weren’t. Were you?

JEREMY
We put water in the bottles so you
wouldn’t know. Let me finish. So
I’m upstairs in my parents’
bathroom hooking up with Jean
Deely, hottest girl in our class.

MISSY
Ugh.

ROSE
You realize you’re coming off like
a douche right now, right?

JEREMY
Thanks. All of a sudden Connor
starts banging on the bathroom
door, right? I open it, and he’s
got blood gushing out of his mouth
and he’s screaming “Your thith-ter
bit my fuckin’ thongue off!!!!”

CHRIS
Whoa, what?

JEREMY
Sure enough, there is a centimeter
of tongue meat missing right here.

Jeremy demonstrates and Chris winces.

CHRIS
(to Rose)
Ahhhh! You bit him?
29.

ROSE
He cornered me and shoved his
tongue in my mouth, so yeah.

CHRIS
That’s badass.

DEAN
I never heard about that.

JEREMY
I made him clean up the blood.

Jeremy locks into Chris, intensely.

MISSY
Well, I’m going to see how dessert
is coming along.
(To Dean)
Maybe we can change the
conversation to something a little
lighter.

Missy walks out of the dining room into the kitchen. The
door swings open and Chris gets a glimpse of Georgina who
stands in a daze looking at the ceiling. The door swings
shut.

DEAN
Chris, what’s your sport?
Football...? Baseball?

CHRIS
Ah, Basketball, I guess. I don’t
know; not really into sports
though.

JEREMY
You an MMA fan?

ROSE
Dude.

JEREMY
What?

DEAN
She’s right. Let someone else talk
for a bit.
30.

JEREMY
He’s dating my sister! You’ve had
your chance; I can’t bond with the
guy?

Dean exhales.

CHRIS
You mean like UFC? Yeah, nah. Too
brutal for me.

JEREMY
You ever get into street fights as
a kid?

CHRIS
Not really. I did take Judo for
after-school in 1st grade.

ROSE
Awww.

JEREMY
Cause, with your frame, your
genetic make-up? If you pushed
your body, I mean really trained,
you’d be a fucking beast.

The kitchen door swings open again, and Missy walks back in
with a perfect carrot cake. Georgina is gone.

MISSY
What’d I miss?

ROSE
A lot of nothing.

JEREMY
We’re talking about sports.
(to Chris)
See the thing about jiu-jitsu, is
that strength doesn’t matter. All
that matters is this.

Jeremy points to his head and stares Chris down.

JEREMY (CONT’D)
It’s a strategic game like chess.
It’s all about being two, three,
even four moves ahead.

CHRIS
Cool.
31.

JEREMY
Stand up. Let me show you
something.

MISSY
No karate at the dinner table.

JEREMY
It’s not karate.

He stumbles a little towards Chris and tries to put him in a
headlock. Chris stands.

CHRIS
I’ve got a rule. I don’t play-fight
with drunk dudes.

JEREMY
I’m just--

DEAN
--Alright enough, Jeremy.

Dean is loud and stern for the first time. Jeremy’s eyes
flutter, DRUNK and embarrassed.

JEREMY
I wasn’t going to hurt him.

He grabs a wine bottle and goes upstairs...

DEAN
Well... one more bottle?

Genres: Comedy, Drama
Tone: Humorous, Light-hearted, Embarrassing

Summary The scene takes place in the Armitage dining room at night, where everyone gathers after a meal. The group, excluding Rose, laughs at Jeremy's story about Rose's toenail collection. Jeremy, who is drunk, shares an embarrassing story about Rose's junior year crush, Conner Garfield. Chris, the newcomer, tries to avoid conflict while Dean acts as the peacemaker, keeping the conversation light. Jeremy's behavior escalates when he tries to put Chris in a headlock, but Dean intervenes, telling Jeremy to stop. The scene ends with Jeremy storming off upstairs with a wine bottle.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character interactions
Revealing character personalities

Weaknesses

Lack of significant plot advancement
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene starts off strong with the build-up of Jeremy's story, but the pacing slows down significantly in the middle with the anecdote about Conner Garfield. This could potentially be broken up into a separate scene or shortened to maintain the momentum.
The dialogue, while witty and engaging, could benefit from more subtext and tension to reflect the underlying racial dynamics present in the story. This could be achieved by having the characters navigate their conversations more carefully, especially when discussing topics like sports and martial arts.
The scene could also benefit from a clearer visual structure, with more deliberate blocking and staging to emphasize the power dynamics at play. For example, having Chris and Jeremy's confrontation take place at the dinner table, with the rest of the family watching, could create a more charged atmosphere.

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the Conner Garfield anecdote or moving it to another scene to maintain the pacing and tension in this scene.
Explore opportunities to incorporate subtext and tension in the dialogue, particularly when discussing topics that touch on racial stereotypes or assumptions.
Experiment with the visual structure of the scene, using blocking and staging to emphasize character interactions and power dynamics.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, light-heartedness, and character dynamics to create an engaging and entertaining moment. The revelations and interactions keep the audience entertained and invested in the characters.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family dinner revealing embarrassing stories and showcasing character dynamics is well-executed. It adds depth to the characters and provides insight into their relationships.

Plot: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships. It serves as a moment of character development and interaction.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and social interactions, with a mix of humor and awkwardness that feels authentic and relatable. The characters' actions and dialogue are original and add depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. The sibling dynamic between Rose and Jeremy is particularly engaging, adding humor and depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it does provide insights into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and control over the situation, despite feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. This reflects her desire to fit in and be accepted by her boyfriend's family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the awkward and embarrassing situation with grace and humor, while also trying to impress her boyfriend's family.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, mostly revolving around playful banter and embarrassing revelations. It adds humor and light-heartedness to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting personalities and goals creating tension and conflict. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and humor than on high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 6

The scene doesn't move the main plot forward significantly, but it adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The humor and tension keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of social acceptance and the pressure to conform to societal norms. The protagonist is challenged by the expectations of her boyfriend's family and the need to maintain a certain image.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to embarrassment to warmth. The interactions between the characters create an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, playful banter, and underlying tension between the characters. The interactions feel authentic and draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor with tension and keeping the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the scene's impact.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.

EXT. THE ESTATE. NIGHT

Full moon. CRICKETS.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Chris lays in Rose’s bed looking at Rose’s computer. Rose
brushes her teeth in the bathroom. She says something
unintelligible.

ROSE
I mean, he was going to put you in
a headlock? What the fuck! He’s
never talked to any of my
boyfriends like that.

CHRIS
Mmm hmm.
32.

Chris smiles.

ROSE
And my Dad! He must’ve called you
“My man” eight times today. Eight.

CHRIS
Yep.

ROSE
Even my Mom is like borderline rude
to Georgina, right? Chris, what the
fuck?!?

Chris bites his tongue.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Well?

CHRIS
I told you so.

Rose pouts.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I wasn’t going to say it.

ROSE
Chris.

CHRIS
Come here.

Rose comes to him.

ROSE
How are you so calm?

CHRIS
Honestly. It could be so much
worse. At least they’re trying.

ROSE
They are. They love you.

CHRIS
I can tell. At the end of the day,
that’s more than can be said for a
lot of people.

He pulls her on top of him.
33.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I like you on your racial flow tho.

They kiss.

ROSE
I’m worried about tomorrow. The
party? What if it gets worse?

CHRIS
I’m good. How bad could it be?

Chris pulls her on top of him and she kisses him.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You’re minty.

They kiss again.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You know, with my genetic makeup...

They wrestle and she pulls off her shirt.

Genres: Romance, Drama, Comedy
Tone: Playful, Intimate, Worried

Summary In this intimate scene, Chris and Rose share a private moment in her bedroom at her family's estate. They discuss the challenges of her family's behavior towards him, with her father being overly friendly and her mother being rude to his ex-girlfriend. Despite these issues, Chris remains calm and appreciative, while Rose expresses her concerns. They share a kiss and engage in playful banter, eventually leading to a more intimate moment as Rose takes off her shirt. The scene ends with a sense of worry about the future, particularly in regards to a party they will attend together tomorrow.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The dialogue between Rose and Chris feels a bit repetitive, with Rose mainly asking questions and Chris responding with short answers. This could be expanded to include more details and reactions from both characters.
The conflict about the party being worse tomorrow feels a bit underdeveloped and abrupt. It would be helpful to provide more context and build up the tension leading up to the party.
The transition from talking about the party to Chris making a joke and pulling Rose on top of him feels a bit disjointed. Consider adding a smoother transition or finding a more natural way to shift the mood.
The line "You're minty" feels a bit out of place and could be replaced with something more relevant to the conversation or the situation.
The scene ends abruptly with Chris and Rose wrestling and her pulling off her shirt. This could be expanded to provide more context or lead into the next scene more smoothly.

General Suggestions

Expand the dialogue between Rose and Chris to include more details and reactions from both characters. For example, Rose could express her concerns about her family's behavior in more depth, and Chris could provide more specific examples of his experiences.
Develop the conflict about the party being worse tomorrow by providing more context and building up the tension. For example, Rose could mention specific concerns she has about the guests or the atmosphere of the party.
Add a smoother transition from talking about the party to Chris making a joke and pulling Rose on top of him. For example, Chris could make a playful remark about how he's going to make her forget about her worries, or Rose could initiate the physical contact.
Replace the line "You're minty" with something more relevant to the conversation or the situation. For example, Chris could compliment Rose on her perfume or her smile.
Expand the scene ending to provide more context or lead into the next scene more smoothly. For example, Chris and Rose could continue wrestling and start kissing, or they could discuss their plans for the next day.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, romance, and tension, providing insight into the characters' emotions and relationships.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of navigating interracial relationships and meeting the partner's family is well-executed, adding depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters prepare for a significant event, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on interracial relationships and family dynamics, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, showcasing their vulnerabilities, strengths, and unique personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show vulnerability and growth, particularly in their interactions and expressions of love and acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and navigate the complexities of his relationship with Rose's family. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding in a potentially hostile environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to reassure Rose and maintain a sense of normalcy amidst the tension with her family. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and avoiding conflict.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict present in the scene, mainly revolving around the characters' fears and uncertainties about meeting the family.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is subtle, with underlying tensions and conflicts that add complexity to the characters' relationships and motivations.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high, the emotional stakes are significant as the characters navigate their relationship and meeting the family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts and resolutions, particularly in the context of meeting the family.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional shifts and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of Chris and Rose's relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's identity and how it is perceived by others. The tension between acceptance and judgment challenges his beliefs about race, relationships, and family dynamics.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tenderness to anxiety, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, reflecting the characters' emotions and relationships while also providing moments of humor and intimacy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, authentic dialogue, and emotional stakes that draw the audience into the intimate moment between Chris and Rose.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of intimacy and reflection to resonate with the audience.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for intimate character interactions, with a clear progression of dialogue and actions that build tension and emotional depth.

EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - NIGHT

All the lights are off in the house. Crickets chirp.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - LATER

Rose sleeps, but Chris is wide awake. There’s a buzz in his
ear. He smacks his own head and sits up. A stuffed lion seems
to watch Chris from atop her dresser. He turns it away. A
soft HOWL of WIND rushes through the room. The CLOSET DOOR
CREEKS open.

Chris’ eyes drift to the pack of cigarettes sticking out of
his camera bag pocket draped on the desk chair.

INT. ARMITAGE HOME - NIGHT

Chris leaves Rose’s room and walks down the dark hallway. A
floorboard creaks under his feet. He turns down the stairs.

INT. ARMITAGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Chris gets to the bottom of the stairs. Chris continues to
walk down the hallway past the pictures towards the kitchen.
34.

INT. ARMITAGE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Chris walks through the kitchen and continues out back door
of the house.

EXT. BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS

Chris steps out the back door and takes a cigarette out.
Chris looks into the vast night around him. The CRICKETS are
deafening.

Suddenly, Chris hears a RUNNING NOISE in the distance. Chris
peers out into the darkness. A moment of terror comes over
Chris. He makes out a shape. It’s now running towards him.
Chris backs up in fear. It gets closer and closer. When it’s
just 10 feet away, the moonlight reveals a now very close
Walter, the grounds keeper who continues running by. Chris
gathers his breath.

Chris turns back towards the kitchen window lights up from
inside. He finds himself face to face with Georgina who,
with teeth exposed in a frightening grimace, glares through
the window dead in Chris’ eyes. He drops his cigarette.
Caught.

INT. ARMITAGE LAUNDRY ROOM - NIGHT

Georgina sucks her teeth. She doesn’t actually see Chris at
all. She examines her teeth in the reflection in the window
which, front lit, reflects her and the room around her.
Outside is invisible.

EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

Chris realizes he’s not caught. Close call. Inside Georgina
begins to do laundry. Chris quietly sneaks around the house.

INT. ARMITAGE HALLWAY - NIGHT

Chris sneaks in through the door in the dark dining room.
Chris moves down the hallway past Missy’s office. The desk
lamp turns on. Missy sits inside drinking a cup of tea.

MISSY
Do you know how dangerous smoking
is, Chris?

Chris is startled; caught; for real this time.
35.

CHRIS
Yeah. Yeah I do.

MISSY
You alright?

CHRIS
Yeah, why?

MISSY
You seem a little jumpy, nervous.

CHRIS
I’m not nervous. That dude Walter
running out there scared me. And
Georg--

Georgina comes by with a teapot.

GEORGINA
Can I get you a cup.

CHRIS
Nah, I’m good. It’ll keep me up.

MISSY
Come in.

Chris comes in.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Intense

Summary Chris, unable to sleep, goes outside to smoke and gets frightened by the groundskeeper Walter and later by Georgina. He is then caught by Missy and invited into her office for a talk, shifting the tone of the scene from tense to relaxed.

Strengths

Building suspense
Creating tension
Revealing character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene starts with Chris waking up and leaving Rose's room, but it's not clear why he's awake or what he's doing. It would be helpful to add some context or motivation for his actions.
The description of the setting is brief and could be expanded to create a more vivid and immersive atmosphere. Consider adding details about the sounds, smells, and visuals of the environment to help the reader visualize the scene.
The dialogue between Chris and Missy is somewhat stilted and unnatural. It would be more engaging to make the dialogue flow more smoothly and add some subtext or tension between the characters.
The scene ends abruptly with Chris entering Missy's office, and it's not clear what's going to happen next. It would be more satisfying to provide some foreshadowing or a hint of the conflict or tension that will drive the rest of the scene.
The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose. It's not clear what Chris's goals are or what he's trying to achieve. Consider adding a specific objective or conflict to give the scene more direction and momentum.

General Suggestions

Add a brief description of Chris's thoughts or feelings as he wakes up and leaves Rose's room. This could help the reader understand his motivations for his actions.
Expand the description of the setting by adding details about the lighting, colors, and textures of the environment. This could help create a more immersive and atmospheric experience for the reader.
Revise the dialogue between Chris and Missy to make it more natural and engaging. Consider adding some subtext or tension between the characters to create a sense of conflict or intrigue.
Add a brief moment of foreshadowing or a hint of the conflict or tension that will drive the rest of the scene. This could help create a sense of anticipation and excitement for the reader.
Give Chris a specific objective or conflict to drive the scene. This could be something as simple as trying to get information from Missy or trying to avoid being caught by someone.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension through the use of setting, sound, and character interactions. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Chris sneaking around the estate at night adds depth to the story and reveals more about the characters and their dynamics. It introduces a sense of danger and mystery.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris explores the estate at night, encountering Georgina and Missy. It adds layers to the story and sets up potential conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the thriller genre, unique character dynamics, and authentic dialogue that adds depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Chris, Georgina, and Missy are well-developed in this scene, each adding to the tension and mystery. Their interactions reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

Chris experiences moments of fear and tension, which may lead to subtle changes in his character. His interactions with Georgina and Missy reveal different aspects of his personality.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the strange and unsettling environment of the Armitage Estate while dealing with his own fears and suspicions. This reflects his deeper need for safety and understanding in a situation that is increasingly becoming more threatening.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the mysterious characters in the house and to uncover the secrets that lie within the Armitage Estate. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of survival and discovery.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Chris and the eerie elements of the estate, as well as the tension with Missy, creates a high level of conflict in the scene. It keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges that keep the audience guessing and create a sense of danger and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene involve Chris navigating the dark estate, encountering unsettling characters, and facing potential dangers. The tension and suspense raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and conflicts, setting up future events and character dynamics. It adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, the mysterious behavior of the characters, and the constant sense of danger and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between appearances and reality, as the protagonist is faced with characters who seem friendly but may have sinister intentions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in trust and perception.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and curiosity in the audience, leading to a moderate emotional impact. The eerie atmosphere and character interactions contribute to the emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Missy and Chris adds to the suspense and reveals underlying tensions. It keeps the audience engaged and enhances the atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing character dynamics, and the gradual reveal of secrets that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm that builds tension and suspense, keeps the audience engaged, and leads to a climactic moment that propels the story forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the conventions of the screenplay format, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that enhance the readability and flow of the script.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful thriller, with a gradual escalation of tension and a clear progression of events that lead to a climactic moment.

INT. MISSY’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Georgina Missy and Chris sit across from each other. Georgina
pouring tea pot.

MISSY
I’ve got it Georgina.

GEORGINA
Of course.

Georgina leaves. Missy starts stirring sugar into her tea.

MISSY
They’re both obsessive
compulsive... They get up too
early.

CHRIS
What about you?
36.

MISSY
I just can’t sleep.

CHRIS
Me neither.

MISSY
Is it the bed?

CHRIS
Nah, the bed’s fine.

MISSY
Comfortable enough?

CHRIS
It’s perfect, thanks.

MISSY
Enough sheets?

CHRIS
Yep.

Chris’ scratches the chair. Missy notices.

MISSY
Wanna know how it works?

Missy puts two sugar cubes in her cup. She begins to stir
slowly, CLINKING the SPOON softly and rhythmically against
the sides of the cup.

TinG TINg. TinG tinG.

CHRIS
What, do you swing a pocket watch
in front of people’s faces?

MISSY
You watch a lot of Television. Now,
you are feeling very sleeepy...

TinG tinG. TinG tinG.

They share a smile.

MISSY (CONT’D)
We do use focal points sometimes,
but just about any object or simple
motion can guide someone to a state
of heightened suggestibility.
37.

CHRIS
Heightened suggestibility.

MISSY
That’s right. Why do you wanna try?

CHRIS
Nope. Definitely not for me.

MISSY
I understand. Now do you smoke in
front of Rose?

CHRIS
Huh.

TING TING. TING TING.

MISSY
Yeah, she’s my kid...

CHRIS
Yeah, I’m gonna quit.

MISSY
What was your relationship with
your mother like?

CHRIS
Um I don’t. Wait, are you?

MISSY
Tell me, it’s alright. What was you
relationship with your mother like?

CHRIS
Yeah... She worked all the time.
She was funny. She loved me.

MISSY
Where were you when she died?

TING TING TING TING

CHRIS
I don’t wanna think about that.

MISSY
The mind goes where it wants to.

CHRIS
Home; watching TV.
38.

MISSY
And what do you hear?

CHRIS
Rain.

MISSY
It’s been raining a while.

CHRIS
Yes.

MISSY
Hear that. Hear the rain. What does
it sound like? Hear it, Hear it...
Find it... Tell me when you find
it.

The sound of RAIN AGAINST a WINDOW slowly fades up along with
the MUFFLED sound of a SITCOM ON TELEVISION.

CHRIS
Okay... Yeah, I found it.

TING TING. TING TING.

MISSY
How old were you?

CHRIS
Eleven.

MISSY
Good. You’re eleven. Now touch.
Feel your surroundings. Feel every
part of your body and what you
touched. Feel it. Find it... Tell
me when you find it...

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Intriguing

Summary In Missy's office at night, Missy and Chris converse while Missy makes tea. They discuss sleep problems and Missy introduces the concept of heightened suggestibility. Missy inquires about Chris's relationship with his mother, leading Chris to recall his mother's death while hearing rain. Missy's authoritative tone and Chris's skepticism give way to intimacy and trust.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Tension-building
Character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be too cryptic or vague

General Critique

The dialogue is a bit stiff and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk. For example, Missy's line "We do use focal points sometimes, but just about any object or simple motion can guide someone to a state of heightened suggestibility." is very formal and clinical. It doesn't sound like something that someone would say in a normal conversation.
The pacing of the scene is a bit slow. There's a lot of exposition and not a lot of action. This can make the scene feel draggy and boring.
The scene lacks conflict. Chris and Missy are just sitting around talking. There's no tension or drama.
The ending of the scene is anticlimactic. Chris simply agrees to quit smoking. There's no sense of resolution or catharsis.

General Suggestions

Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
Add more action to the scene. For example, you could have Chris and Missy get up and walk around the room, or you could have them interact with other characters.
Introduce some conflict into the scene. For example, you could have Chris and Missy disagree about something, or you could have Chris be confronted by his past.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending. For example, you could have Chris have a breakthrough moment, or you could have him make a difficult decision.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the dialogue and interactions between characters, keeping the audience engaged and curious.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using tea and hypnotic techniques to manipulate and control someone's mind is innovative and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters' motives and dynamics are further revealed, adding layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the use of hypnosis in storytelling, blending elements of psychological thriller and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions and responses to the situation showcase their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Chris begins to feel the effects of Missy's manipulation, hinting at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover Chris's past traumas and fears through hypnosis. This reflects Missy's desire to control and manipulate others for her own gain.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Chris to try hypnosis. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining Chris's trust and cooperation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict underlying the conversation between Missy and Chris, adding to the tension of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Missy's manipulation and Chris's resistance creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are subtly hinted at through the psychological manipulation at play.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters' motives and relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the conversation and the revelation of Chris's hidden fears and emotions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the ethical dilemma of using hypnosis to manipulate someone's thoughts and emotions. This challenges Chris's beliefs about free will and autonomy.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and serves to build tension and reveal important information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the gradual reveal of Chris's past traumas. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear dialogue and character interactions. It maintains a good pace and rhythm.

FLASHBACK - INT. SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

Close on 11 year old Chris’ hands scratches the bed post
nervously.

MISSY (V.O.)
Tell me when you find it.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I found it.

His toes brush the carpet as his dangling legs swing off the
57 side of his bed.
39.

TING TING. TING TING.

PRESENT DAY - INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. - NIGHT

Chris’ feet try to swing but are too long. He scratches the
arm of the chair in Missy’s office.

MISSY
Are you alone?

CHRIS
Yes.

MISSY
Where’s your mom?

CHRIS
She’s late.

MISSY
Well, where is she?

CHRIS
Something’s wrong. She’s still not
home.

MISSY
What did you do?

CHRIS
Nothing.

MISSY
Nothing?

CHRIS
I just sat there.

MISSY
You didn’t call anyone?

CHRIS
No.

MISSY
Your Aunt?

CHRIS
No.

MISSY
Why not?
40.

CHRIS
I don’t know. I thought if I did,
it would make it real.

TING TING. TING TING.

MISSY
Good. Do you see it? Do you see the
phone?

Chris doesn’t answer.

MISSY (CONT’D)
You need to see it. See it. See it.
Find it.

Chris’ continues to scratch the armchair.

TING TING. TING TING

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Tense, Introspective, Emotional

Summary In a tense and anxious scene, 11-year-old Chris flashes back to searching for something under his bed while in the present, he is in Missy's office, revealing his mother hasn't come home yet. Conflicted about calling for help, Chris expresses his fear and reluctance, leaving the conflict unresolved. Missy encourages Chris to find a phone and call for help, trying to resolve his internal conflict.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Psychological exploration
Character development

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The flashback and present-day scenes are not clearly differentiated, which can be confusing for the reader.
The dialogue is repetitive and lacks subtext, especially Missy's questions.
The scene lacks a clear conflict or objective, making it feel aimless.
Chris's motivations are unclear. Why doesn't he call his aunt or do anything to find his mother?
The sound effects (TING TING) are distracting and don't add anything to the scene.

General Suggestions

Add a visual or auditory cue to differentiate between the flashback and present-day scenes.
Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and revealing of the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.
Introduce a clear conflict or objective for the scene, such as Chris trying to find his mother or Missy trying to manipulate him.
Provide more backstory or context to explain Chris's motivations and actions.
Remove or revise the sound effects to make them less distracting and more meaningful.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged and provides deep insight into Chris' character, setting up a foundation for future developments. The psychological aspect adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Chris' past trauma and vulnerability through a psychological conversation is innovative and engaging. It adds layers to the character and the overall story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing Chris' inner struggles and past experiences, deepening the audience's understanding of his character. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the familiar theme of a child facing a crisis, with a focus on internal struggle and psychological depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Missy, are well-developed in this scene. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes emotional introspection and vulnerability in this scene, revealing a deeper layer of his character. It sets the stage for potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the fear and uncertainty of his mother's absence. It reflects his deeper need for security and stability, as well as his fear of facing the reality of a potentially troubling situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find his mother or understand what has happened to her. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a crisis situation and the need to take action.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within Chris, the scene focuses more on emotional and psychological tension rather than external conflicts. The conflict arises from Chris' past trauma and vulnerability.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and actions, creating suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on Chris' past trauma and vulnerability. While there are no immediate external threats, the emotional stakes are high for the character.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Chris and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected actions and the unresolved tension surrounding his mother's disappearance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between facing reality and avoiding it. The protagonist's reluctance to call for help stems from a belief that acknowledging the situation will make it real, highlighting a tension between denial and acceptance.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into Chris' deep-seated emotions and vulnerabilities. It evokes empathy and connection with the character, drawing the audience into his inner world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, particularly in Missy's conversation with Chris. It conveys deep emotions and psychological themes effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, suspenseful atmosphere, and relatable conflict that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for moments of reflection and emotional impact, and maintaining a sense of urgency.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.

FLASHBACK - INT. SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

11-year-old Chris scratches through the wood on his bed,
splintering a piece of the wood off. He watches TV from his
bed next to some action figures. Chris looks at a telephone.

MISSY (V.O.)
Tell me when--

11-year-old Chris nods.

TING TING. TING TING.

PRESENT DAY - INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. NIGHT

Chris nods and cries.

CHRIS
--I see it.

MISSY
You’re scared.

Chris nods.

MISSY (CONT’D)
(realizing)
You think it was your fault.

Chris nods.

Chris’ hand scratching the chair intensifies.
41.

CHRIS
I can’t move.

MISSY
You can’t move.

He nods.

MISSY (CONT’D)
That’s good. Now sink into the
floor.

CHRIS
Wait I--

MISSY
Sink.

TING TING...

Chris’ hand has compulsively scratched open the arm of the
chair. His hand stops. His mouth drops and eyes open, frozen.

FLASHBACK - INT. SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

...TING TING.

Suddenly, 11-year-old Chris falls through the bed and floor.

END FLASHBACK

INT. DARKNESS

Terror. Chris, 26 again, breathes fast but falls in slow
motion though darkness as if through water

He flails towards a pitch black abyss. He’s illuminated by
the fading blue flicker of a large downward facing TV-like
screen. On it Missy sits speaking to him and clinking her
teacup.

Missy’s voice is everywhere.

PRESENT DAY - INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. NIGHT

Chris’ body sits in his chair motionless. He can’t move. His
eyes are wide open, staring straight at Missy.
42.

INT. DARKNESS

Chris continues to slowly fall backwards away from the
screen. All of a sudden his body stops is the space. He turns
upright. He’s frozen in stasis.

CHRIS
No! NO!!! I’m done! Bring me back!
Please!!!!

He looks up. He can still see the screen above but it is far
away, like the mouth of a deep and expansive well.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Bring me back. Bring me back. Bring
me back. Bring me back. Bring me
back. Bring me back. Bring me back.

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Terror, Intense, Emotional

Summary The scene opens with a flashback to 11-year-old Chris, filled with tension and guilt, as he scratches through the wood on his bed and speaks to Missy over the phone. In the present day, Chris, now grown, is in Missy's office, overcome with emotion and unable to move. The scene ends with Chris plummeting through darkness, begging to be rescued, highlighting his ongoing struggle with fear and guilt.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Effective exploration of trauma and guilt
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion due to the nonlinear narrative structure

General Critique

The scene is unclear and difficult to follow. It is not clear what is happening in the flashback or in the present day.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It does not sound like the way people actually talk.
The characters are not well-developed. We do not learn anything about their motivations or goals.
The scene does not advance the plot. It is unclear what the purpose of the scene is.
The scene is too long. It could be shortened by cutting out the unnecessary dialogue and action.

General Suggestions

Clarify what is happening in the flashback and in the present day. Use more specific language and provide more details.
Make the dialogue more natural. Use contractions and colloquialisms. Avoid using formal language.
Develop the characters more. Give them clear motivations and goals. Show us their personalities and relationships.
Advance the plot. Use the scene to move the story forward. Introduce new information or develop existing conflicts.
Shorten the scene. Cut out the unnecessary dialogue and action. Focus on the essential elements of the scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, delving into Chris' past trauma and emotional turmoil, creating a sense of terror and intensity that grips the audience.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring repressed memories and psychological manipulation is executed effectively, adding depth to Chris' character and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Chris confronts his past and begins to unravel the mysteries surrounding his trauma, setting the stage for further revelations and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its approach to exploring trauma and guilt through surreal and symbolic elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Missy, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, enhancing the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 8

Chris undergoes a significant emotional transformation as he confronts his past and begins to process his feelings of guilt and fear.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his feelings of guilt and fear surrounding a traumatic event from his past. This reflects his deeper need for closure and healing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to overcome his physical and psychological paralysis and return to reality. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the therapy session.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict within Chris, as he grapples with his past and feelings of guilt, creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident as Chris confronts his traumatic memories and faces the emotional repercussions of his past.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Chris' past and setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the surreal and dream-like elements, as well as the unexpected twists in the protagonist's journey towards self-discovery.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between acceptance and denial. The protagonist must come to terms with his past actions and take responsibility for them, or continue to deny his role in the traumatic event.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and empathy, drawing the audience into Chris' traumatic experience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' inner struggles and fears.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, surreal imagery, and the protagonist's struggle to confront his past.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional journey.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the surreal and dream-like quality of the setting and events.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a non-linear format, incorporating flashbacks and dream sequences to convey the protagonist's internal struggle.

INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. CONTINUOUS

Missy stands. She walks towards Chris’ motionless body and
looks down at him through his own eyes.

INT. DARKNESS - CONTINUOUS

Chris looks up in the darkness. Missy comes towards him until
her face is close to the screen.

CHRIS
Mrs. Armitage!!!

MISSY
Now you are in the Sunken Place.

Missy reaches towards the screen and shuts his eyelids. The
abyss goes almost completely dark. Now he’s alone in the
dark. He cries in terror.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAWN

Chris wakes up with a start in Rose’s bed, sweaty and
heaving. He’s alone and confused. Bad dream? Headache.

The shower runs inside Rose’s bathroom. SHE hums.

DING DING, DING DING

He’s gotten a message. It’s a picture of Rod pretending to
pour beer in Sid’s mouth. Chris smiles. The batteries are
low. He plugs his phone in and puts it on the dresser.
43.

EXT. WOODS - DAWN

It’s Golden hour. Beautiful. Chris walks through the yard to
the edge of the forest with his camera.

Chris keeps walking. He looks through a long-zoom lens into
the wilderness. He sees a bird and snaps a picture.

EXT. BACKYARD - MORNING

He walks from the woods towards to the house. Georgina can be
seen through an upstairs window knitting. Chris raises his
camera. She stands and begins admiring herself in a mirror.
She’s beautiful. She begins to remove her wig. Then as if
aware she’s being watched, she turns towards him. Chris turns
away, taking a picture in another direction. He glances back
at the window. Georgina is gone.

Chris sees Walter working about 50 feet away in the yard. He
walks towards Walter.

CHRIS
What’s up?

No response.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
They working you good out here,
huh?

WALTER
Nothing I don’t want to be doing.

Walter is different than we’d expect. He has a bold and
assaulting energy. Like he’s concealing a deep loathing with
over the top enthusiasm. Chilling. Chris is instantly taken
aback.

CHRIS
Yeah... I never really got to meet
you actually, up close. I’m Chris.

WALTER
I know who you are. You’re Rose’s
friend.

CHRIS
Yeah. Her boyfriend actually.So,
where you from originally?

WALTER
She is lovely isn’t she?
44.

CHRIS
Rose? Yeah, she is...

WALTER
One of a kind; top of the line. A
real doggone keeper.

CHRIS
Right.

WALTER
And did it work?

CHRIS
Did what work?

WALTER
You were in Mrs. Armitage’s office
for quite some time.

CHRIS
I don’t...

Chris remembers.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Oh, yeah. Actually, I guess I had
too much wine last night. I don’t
really remember much.

WALTER
Well, I should get back to work,
and mind my own business.

Chris turns and walks away. He takes out a cigarette and puts
it in his mouth. He spits it out. Nasty.

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Chilling, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional

Summary Chris, the main character, wakes up from a nightmare about the Sunken Place and receives a message from his friend Rod. As he explores the Armitage property, he takes pictures of the nature and Georgina, noticing her unusual awareness of his presence. Chris tries to make small talk with Walter, but Walter's distant and evasive behavior creates a sense of tension. The scene ends with Chris feeling uneasy and uncertain about his place in the Armitage family.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Exploring psychological manipulation
Creating a sense of unease and fear
Revealing character depth and complexity

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too cryptic or ambiguous for some viewers
The pacing may be slow for those seeking more immediate action

General Critique

The scene starts with Chris waking up from a nightmare, but it's not clear what the nightmare was about. This could be confusing for the reader.
The dialogue between Chris and Walter is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just Chris and Walter talking about nothing important.
The scene ends with Chris spitting out a cigarette. This is a strange and unnecessary detail.
The transition between the previous scene and this scene is abrupt. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with a brief description of Chris's nightmare. This will help the reader understand what's going on in his head.
Rewrite the dialogue between Chris and Walter to make it more natural and believable.
Add some conflict to the scene. This could be something as simple as Chris and Walter having a disagreement.
Remove the unnecessary detail about Chris spitting out a cigarette.
Add a smoother transition between the previous scene and this scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in building tension, creating a sense of unease, and delving into the emotional turmoil of the protagonist. The introduction of the Sunken Place adds a new layer of horror and mystery to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Sunken Place and the psychological manipulation explored in the scene are compelling and add depth to the story. The interactions with the housekeeper and groundskeeper hint at darker secrets within the Armitage estate.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Chris's sense of unease and fear intensifies, leading to a deeper exploration of the sinister forces at play within the Armitage household. The scene sets up important conflicts and reveals key character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to psychological horror and suspense, as well as its authentic portrayal of character dynamics and motivations.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Missy, are well-developed and intriguing. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and hint at hidden motivations. The introduction of the housekeeper and groundskeeper adds to the sense of mystery and tension.

Character Changes: 8

Chris undergoes a significant emotional journey in this scene, confronting his past trauma and facing new challenges within the Armitage household. His character development is compelling and sets the stage for further growth and revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of the strange and unsettling experiences he is having, as well as to understand the intentions of the people around him. This reflects his deeper need for clarity, safety, and control in a situation that is increasingly chaotic and threatening.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal in this scene is to navigate the unfamiliar environment he finds himself in and to establish connections with the people he encounters. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new and potentially dangerous situation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is both internal, as Chris grapples with his past trauma and current fears, and external, as he navigates the unsettling dynamics within the Armitage household. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters and events presenting obstacles and challenges that create uncertainty and conflict for the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Chris confronts his fears, delves into the dark secrets of the Armitage estate, and faces psychological manipulation and isolation. The sense of danger and uncertainty is palpable, raising the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the mystery surrounding the Armitage family, revealing key character dynamics, and setting up important conflicts. It propels the narrative towards a more intense and suspenseful direction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character interactions, revelations, and twists that challenge the audience's expectations and assumptions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, control, and power. Chris is confronted with individuals who seem to have ulterior motives and hidden agendas, challenging his beliefs about trust, agency, and autonomy.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to Chris's past trauma and current struggles. The sense of fear, confusion, and isolation is effectively conveyed, drawing the audience deeper into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. The conversations between Chris and the other characters reveal underlying tensions and fears.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds suspense, reveals character motivations, and sets up intriguing conflicts that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of suspense and momentum, gradually building tension and intrigue through well-paced dialogue and action sequences.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and intrigue.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Chris enters as Rose finishes blow drying her hair. He’s
worked up.

ROSE
Hi. Where have you been?

CHRIS
Out. Taking pictures. Hey, I think
your mom hypnotized me last night.

ROSE
Wait, what?
45.

CHRIS
(hazy)
Yeah, I must’ve gone out for some
air and run into her. I can barely
remember any of it, but now the
thought of a cigarette makes me
wanna throw up.

Rose tries to hide slight amusement.

ROSE
I’m sorry. I just can’t believe she
did that.

CHRIS
I had some fucked up dreams.

ROSE
Of what?

CHRIS
I was in a hole or something. I
couldn’t move.

ROSE
That happened to me too. When I was
a kid. She hypnotized me
once for stage fright, and I had
the craziest nightmares. It did
work though...

CHRIS
Yeah. Yeah, it worked. Hey, what’s
Walter’s deal?

ROSE
What do mean?

WALTER
I just talked to him. Dude’s whole
vibe was hostile.

ROSE
What do you mean?

CHRIS
I don’t know. Maybe he likes you.
Maybe he’s jealous or something?

ROSE
I’ve never gotten that... But, if
you think I have a chance..

Chris looks at her.
46.

ROSE (CONT’D)
I’ll talk to my Dad about it.

CHRIS
No, no, no. Don’t talk to your Dad.
It’s fine. It’s fine.

ROSE
I like that you’re threatened by
him.

CHRIS
I’m not threatened.

Rose hears and looks. Out the window, A PROCESSION OF CARS
DRIVES onto the front yard. Chris looks as well.

ROSE
Okay. Here we go; It begins...

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Tense

Summary Chris enters Rose's bedroom and shares his suspicion that Rose's mom hypnotized him, causing strange dreams and an aversion to cigarettes. They discuss Chris's concerns about Walter's hostility, and Rose offers to talk to her dad. The scene ends with them looking out the window at a procession of cars driving onto the front yard.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Exploring psychological themes
Cryptic dialogue creating mystery

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be too cryptic for clarity

General Critique

The scene's conflict revolves around Chris' suspicion that Rose's mother hypnotized him, but the tension could be heightened by making Chris more paranoid or showing more concrete evidence of hypnosis.
The dialogue between Chris and Rose about Walter's hostility feels forced and could be more organic, with Chris expressing his discomfort more clearly.
The scene's resolution, with Rose suggesting she talk to her father about Walter, feels anticlimactic and could be more impactful if it led to a bigger conflict or revelation.

General Suggestions

Consider adding more concrete evidence of hypnosis, such as Chris finding a hypnotic trigger or experiencing a sudden change in behavior, to heighten the tension.
Have Chris express his discomfort with Walter more clearly, allowing Rose to respond with genuine concern and empathy.
Instead of resolving the conflict with a simple suggestion, consider having Rose reveal a secret or lie that deepens the mystery and raises the stakes for Chris.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the discussion of Chris's hypnotic experience and the arrival of the procession of cars, setting the stage for future developments. The dialogue and character interactions contribute to a sense of unease and mystery.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hypnosis and its effects on Chris, as well as the underlying tension within the Armitage family, are central to the scene. The exploration of past traumas and psychological manipulation adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris and Rose confront the aftermath of the hypnotic session, setting the stage for further revelations and conflicts within the family. The arrival of the procession of cars hints at escalating tensions and mysteries.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of social interactions and relationships but adds a mysterious and potentially supernatural element with Rose's mother's hypnotic actions. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds a fresh and relatable touch to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Chris and Rose are developed further as they navigate the aftermath of the hypnotic experience and discuss their concerns. Missy's presence looms over the scene, adding an element of unease and mystery.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a subtle shift as he confronts the aftermath of the hypnotic session and grapples with his fears and anxieties. The scene sets the stage for further character development and revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene seems to be to understand the strange experience he had the night before and to express his discomfort with it. This reflects his deeper need for control and understanding in unfamiliar situations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to inquire about Walter's behavior and understand the dynamics between him and Rose. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating social relationships and potential threats.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Chris struggles with the aftermath of the hypnotic session and the unsettling events of the previous night. The tension between Chris and Rose hints at underlying conflicts within their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle conflicts and tensions between characters that create uncertainty and intrigue for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Chris grapples with the effects of hypnosis and confronts his fears and anxieties. The arrival of the procession of cars hints at escalating tensions and mysteries, increasing the sense of danger and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the aftermath of the hypnotic session and setting the stage for further revelations and conflicts within the Armitage family. The arrival of the procession of cars hints at escalating tensions and mysteries.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious and potentially manipulative actions of Rose's mother, which add a layer of tension and intrigue to the interactions between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for clarity and control in his experiences and the mysterious and potentially manipulative actions of Rose's mother. This challenges his beliefs about personal autonomy and agency.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, as Chris grapples with the effects of hypnosis and confronts his fears. The emotional impact is heightened by the cryptic dialogue and mysterious atmosphere.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and unease between Chris and Rose as they discuss the events of the previous night. The cryptic exchange about Walter's behavior adds to the sense of mystery and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the naturalistic dialogue, subtle tension between characters, and the hint of mystery surrounding Rose's mother's actions. The characters' emotions and uncertainties draw the audience in.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a natural flow of dialogue and pauses that build tension and suspense. The rhythm of the interactions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue cues, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a drama genre, with clear character motivations and interactions that drive the narrative forward.

EXT. BACKYARD - NOON

The party is in full swing. The 30 or so guests mingle
excitedly. They are all white except for one Japanese man. A
few play horse shoes. Georgina places Hors d’oeuvres.

Rose and Chris walk through the party.

Chris glances through the kitchen window where Missy
entertains some guests. She makes eye contact with Chris and
then looks away.

Chris and Rose are stopped by GORDON GREENE, 68, and his wife
EMILY GREENE, 67. Gordon is a cute man with a cane and
impish excitement. Emily is pretty and birdlike. They watch
Chris intently and smile from ear to ear. Gordon shakes
Chris’ hand thoroughly.

GORDON
Nice to meet you, Chris. Nice to
meet you indeed.
(to Emily)
Good grip.

CHRIS
Thanks. You too.

GORDON
You ever play golf?

CHRIS
Once, actually; a few years ago. I
wasn’t very good.
47.

EMILY
Gordon was a professional golfer
for years.

CHRIS
Oh? No kidding.

GORDON
Can’t quite swing the hips like I
used to though. You know: I know
Tiger.

Rose and Chris share a subtle smirk.

ROSE CHRIS
Wow, that’s great. Cool.

EMILY
Gordon loves Tiger.

GORDON
Best I’ve ever seen. Ever, hands
down. Let’s see your form.

Chris humors him.

GORDON (CONT’D)
If I knew what I know now at your
age? Now then I could really play.

CHRIS
It’d be kind of a waste of time
travel though.

They laugh.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Friendly, Humorous

Summary Chris and Rose attend a party in the backyard with 30 or so white guests and one Japanese man. Chris meets Gordon and Emily Greene, an older man and his wife. Gordon, a former professional golfer, tries to teach Chris golf, and they share a friendly laugh. The scene is light-hearted and friendly, with no major conflicts.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Humorous interactions
Character development

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene starts with a brief description of the party and the guests. It would be helpful to provide a bit more context about the setting and the occasion for the party.
The dialogue between Chris and the Greene couple feels a bit forced and unnatural. It's not clear what their purpose is in the scene or how they contribute to the overall narrative.
The scene lacks a clear conflict or dramatic tension. It's mostly just a series of polite exchanges between characters.
The scene ends abruptly with Chris and Rose looking out the window at a procession of cars. It would be helpful to provide more context about what this means and how it affects the characters.

General Suggestions

Provide more context about the setting and the occasion for the party.
Revise the dialogue between Chris and the Greene couple to make it more natural and engaging.
Introduce a conflict or dramatic tension to the scene, such as a disagreement between characters or a threat to their safety.
Expand on the ending of the scene to provide more context about what the procession of cars means and how it affects Chris and Rose.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances drama and comedy, introducing new characters and providing a light-hearted moment in the story.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of introducing new characters at a party setting is well-executed, adding depth to the story and expanding the world of the screenplay.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as new characters are introduced and relationships are further developed during the party scene.

Originality: 7

The scene offers a fresh take on social interactions at a party, with a focus on subtle humor and character dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding depth to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are engaging and add depth to the story, with unique personalities and interactions that enhance the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it further develops the relationships and dynamics between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate social interactions and maintain a polite facade while potentially feeling out of place or uncomfortable in the predominantly white setting.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to socialize and make a good impression at the party, particularly with the older couple, Gordon and Emily Greene.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and light-hearted moments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with potential for conflicts or obstacles to arise in future interactions. The characters navigate social dynamics and subtle power struggles.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and light-hearted moments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters and deepening the relationships between existing characters.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in character dynamics and the potential for unexpected revelations or conflicts to arise in future interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Gordon's nostalgia for his past golfing days and Chris's more grounded perspective on the present. This conflict challenges the values of youth and experience.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes positive emotions and humor, providing a light-hearted break in the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals more about the characters, adding depth to their relationships and interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its focus on character interactions, subtle humor, and relatable social dynamics. The dialogue and pacing keep the audience invested in the unfolding interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest. It allows for natural pauses and character interactions to unfold organically.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression. It effectively sets up the dynamics between characters and advances the plot.

EXT. BACKYARD - LATER

Chris and Rose speak to NELSON DEETS, 82, who’s smiles in a
wheelchair with an oxygen mask, and LISA DEETS, 54, a loose-
lipped trophy wife smiles at Chris in a predatory manner. She
has a Dutch accent.

LISA
(to Rose)
How handsome is he?

ROSE
Extremely.

Lisa squeezes Chris’ bicep. A bit too familiar.
48.

LISA
Not bad huh, Nelson?

Nelson just stares.

LISA (CONT’D)
(to Rose)
So, is it true? The love making. Is
it better?

Rose cackles at the bluntness of the question. Chris almost
chokes on his drink. Lisa continues to size Chris up.

CHRIS
Wow. Um...

LISA
(to Rose)
I’m being too forward?

ROSE
We’ll talk later.

CHRIS
Oh, will you now?

EXT. BACKYARD - LATER

Chris and Rose talk to PARKER DRAY, 60, and APRIL DRAY, 57.
They are a rose-cheeked tipsy wasp couple. Chris and Rose try
to mask boredom and annoyance.

APRIL
Who even cares about skin color? My
God.

CHRIS
A lot of people do.--

PARKER
I told you, April. The world cares,
It’s human nature to care. It’s not
like one’s better than the other.
When you look at the big picture,
you’ll see its always shifting. The
question of “What skin color is
more “culturally advantageous” that
is.

ROSE
I’m sorry... What are you saying?
49.

PARKER
Well take this country. Fairer skin
has been in favor the first couple
of hundreds of years, but the
pendulum has swung back again
hasn't it..? Black is “in fashion!”

CHRIS
Pardon me. I’m going to take some
pictures.

Chris walks away.

PARKER
I didn’t mean to offend him.

ROSE
Really? ‘Cause you have yet to say
anything that’s not a convoluted
blanket statement about race.

PARKER
Now Rose...

Chris steps into the party to take pictures. He snaps a
couple pictures of mingling guests. HE hears a group cackle.

He sees Dean schmoozing animatedly with three couples and the
Japanese man. Dean quickly scans the party, finds Chris and
points him out. The three couples wave and smile giddily.
They had all just been talking about him. Chris pretends to
not see this.

Suddenly, Chris sees another black guy in a particularly
square ascot and golfing hat. The man stands at the bar and
faces away from Chris. Relief.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Awkward, Confrontational, Light-hearted

Summary Chris and Rose interact with several party guests, including Nelson Deets and his wife Lisa, who makes a pass at Chris and asks about his lovemaking. They also meet Parker and April Dray, who make controversial statements about race. Chris takes pictures and sees Dean pointing him out to some couples. He also sees another black guy in the party. The scene is lighthearted at first, but it becomes tense when Parker makes controversial statements about race, and it becomes awkward when Lisa makes a pass at Chris. The scene ends with Chris seeing another black guy in the party.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Exploration of complex themes
Engaging character interactions

Weaknesses

Some interactions may come off as overly confrontational or awkward

General Critique

The scene is a bit too long and could be trimmed down. For example, the conversation with the Deets could be shortened, and the conversation with the Draps could be cut entirely.
The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural in places. For example, the line "I didn't mean to offend him" feels forced and unnatural.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot or character development. It's mostly just a series of conversations with various party guests.
The scene is a bit too one-note. The characters all talk about race, but they don't really say anything new or interesting.
The scene doesn't really build to any kind of climax. It just sort of ends.

General Suggestions

Trim down the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and characters.
Make the dialogue more natural and believable.
Add some conflict or tension to the scene to make it more interesting.
Give the characters something new or interesting to say about race.
Build the scene to a climax, such as a confrontation between Chris and one of the party guests.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with uncomfortable situations, creating a compelling and engaging dynamic. The dialogue is sharp and reveals underlying tensions between characters, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring social interactions, race relations, and personal boundaries at a party setting is well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of human relationships and societal expectations.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters navigate through awkward encounters and confrontations at the party. It sets up potential conflicts and developments for future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on race and social interactions, with authentic character actions and dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Each character's unique traits and motivations drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and confrontations set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate uncomfortable social interactions and maintain composure in the face of awkward conversations about race and personal relationships.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to take pictures at the party and capture candid moments.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the uncomfortable interactions and confrontations between characters. The tensions add depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, primarily revolving around social perceptions, personal boundaries, and potential conflicts between characters. The interactions have implications for future events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and tensions between characters. It sets up potential conflicts and developments for the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected social interactions and character dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal perceptions of race and cultural advantages, as well as personal boundaries in social interactions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to discomfort, engaging the audience in the characters' experiences. The emotional impact adds depth to the interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reveals underlying tensions and dynamics between characters. It effectively conveys humor and discomfort in the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, tension-filled interactions, and subtle humor.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and building character dynamics.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression.

EXT. BACKYARD - MOMENTS LATER

The man stands by the bar and makes himself a Martini. Chris
approaches him.

CHRIS
It’s good to see another brother
around here.

The man turns to face Chris neatly. It is Andre, the jogger
from the first scene, but he’s very different than before.
He seems glazed-over with the same frozen smile as Walter and
Georgina. Andre’s voice is completely different from the
first scene. There is no longer any trace of an urban
dialect. He speaks slowly and softly, enunciating his words
precisely.
50.

ANDRE
Yes, of course it is.

Chris expects Andre to engage more. He doesn’t. He just
stares at him smiling.

CHRIS
Who do you know?

Chris expects Andre to engage more. He doesn’t. He just
stares at him smiling.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Who do you know?

ANDRE
Why, the Armitage’s of course.
We’re friends of the family.

PHILOMENA(60), Caucasian, a stern and guarded wealthy woman,
cuts between them.

PHILOMENA
(to Andre)
There you are. Here, put this
somewhere.

Philomena hands her napkin to Andre who pockets it
obediently. Philomena places her hand on Andre’s back
possessively.

PHILOMENA (CONT’D)
(to Chris)
Oh, hello. I’m Philomena... and you
are...?

CHRIS
Chris. Rose’s boyfriend.

PHILOMENA
Fantastic. You really make a lovely
couple.

ANDRE
I’m sorry, where are my manners.
Logan, Logan King.
(to Philomena)
Chris was just telling me that he
felt more comfortable with my being
here.

Chris is let down. Andre isn’t what he had hoped.
51.

PHILOMENA
That’s nice. Logan, I hate to tear
you away, dear, but the Wincott’s
were asking about you.

ANDRE/LOGAN
Ah, well it was nice meeting you
Chris.

CHRIS
Yeah.

Chris holds out his fist for Andre/Logan to bump.
Andre/Logan grabs Chris’ fist.

ANDRE/LOGAN
Tootles.

Andre/Logan and Philomena laugh and walk away. They join a
small group of people who applaud Andre’s arrival. Andre does
a little spin showing off his clothes.

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Horror
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Unsettling

Summary Chris, the main character, approaches Andre, a friend of the Armitage family, at their party to make small talk. However, Andre is distant and unengaged, which leaves Chris feeling disappointed. A wealthy woman named Philomena interrupts their conversation and introduces herself to Chris. The scene takes place in the backyard of the Armitage's house, and the main conflict is Chris's disappointment that Andre isn't what he expected. The tone is tense and uncomfortable. Key pieces of dialogue include Chris's comment about seeing another black man at the party, Andre's response about being friends with the Armitage family, and Philomena's introduction of herself to Chris. The scene ends with Andre and Philomena leaving to join another group, and Chris feeling even more isolated.

Strengths

Building tension and mystery
Establishing complex character dynamics
Setting up potential conflicts and revelations

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Lack of significant character development

General Critique

The dialogue between Chris and Andre/Logan is a bit awkward and unnatural.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
The introduction of Philomena is a bit abrupt and doesn't really add anything to the scene.
Andre/Logan's sudden change in demeanor is a bit jarring and unexplained.
The scene ends abruptly without any real resolution or closure.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the dialogue between Chris and Andre/Logan to make it more natural and engaging.
Add some more conflict or tension to the scene to make it more interesting.
Give Philomena a more defined role in the scene and explore her relationship with Andre/Logan more.
Explain Andre/Logan's sudden change in demeanor more clearly.
Give the scene a more satisfying conclusion that provides some closure for the characters and the plot.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the introduction of Andre/Logan and the interactions between the characters at the party. The tone is consistent and keeps the audience engaged.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of control, manipulation, and hidden motives is well-established in this scene, setting up potential conflicts and revealing the underlying darkness within the seemingly affluent setting.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens with the introduction of Andre/Logan and the dynamics between the characters at the party, hinting at deeper layers of deception and manipulation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on social commentary and character development, with nuanced interactions and unexpected character transformations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal underlying tensions and motives, especially with the introduction of Andre/Logan and the guarded nature of the guests.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Andre/Logan hints at potential transformations and revelations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Andre and understand his changed demeanor. This reflects Chris's desire for acceptance and belonging in this unfamiliar social setting.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the gathering and make a good impression on the other guests, particularly Andre and Philomena.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is simmering beneath the surface, with hints of deception and manipulation among the characters, especially with the introduction of Andre/Logan.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. The subtle power dynamics and social expectations create obstacles for the protagonist to navigate.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are subtly hinted at through the mysterious behavior of Andre/Logan and the guarded nature of the guests, suggesting hidden dangers and ulterior motives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, deepening the mystery, and setting up potential conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected changes in Andre's character, the subtle power dynamics between the characters, and the unresolved tension in the interactions. The audience is left unsure of how the relationships will evolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between Chris's genuine and open demeanor and the superficial politeness and detachment of the other characters, especially Andre/Logan. This challenges Chris's beliefs about social interactions and authenticity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, but the emotional impact is more subdued compared to the mystery and suspense elements.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the scene, with subtle hints at hidden agendas and underlying conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the subtle shifts in demeanor, and the underlying social commentary. The interactions and dialogue keep the audience invested in the unfolding dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest and build tension. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a social gathering setting, with clear character introductions, interactions, and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

EXT. BACKYARD - MOMENTS LATER

Chris comes looking for Rose. He is more creeped out and
agitated. Dean projects over the crowd.

DEAN
Hello!

Everyone applauds and gives Dean their attention.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Ahem! If I can have your attention
for a moment. Words cannot express
how much it would mean to my father
that after all these years we can
all still get together like this.

Dean sees Chris.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Oh, actually first, everyone this
is my daughter’s boyfriend Chris.

Everyone turns to Chris. Too much attention.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Chris is a fantastic photographer
and an all around good kid. If you
haven’t met him yet, make sure you
introduce yourself to him at some
time during the party.
52.

Chris sees a man sits alone by the gazebo. His Chauffeur
walks away. Chris walks over to the man as Dean speaks to the
crowd.

DEAN (CONT’D)
You know, if Dad were alive, I know
he would remind us of how the
knights of old would gather in
honor of a new crusade. He’d ask us
to remember that though they’d
massed great fortunes, the Templar
lived lives of humility. So as we
gather here today in celebration,
let us not forget that our mission
is far from over. In fact it’s just
beginning. And in the years to come
let us not forget the sacrifices
that have been made so long ago so
that we might enjoy this wine, and
these games. So for now let us
drink to the dawn of a new era. One
that has been given to us by the
generations before us. Thank you.
Cheers.

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Tense, Formal, Celebratory

Summary Chris, appearing agitated, looks for his missing partner Rose amidst a party. Dean, the leader, introduces Chris to the crowd and showers him with praise. Meanwhile, Chris approaches a man sitting alone by the gazebo as Dean toasts to a new era, hinting at a larger conflict within the group. The scene is filled with mixed tones of lightheartedness and underlying tension.

Strengths

Effective introduction of characters
Setting up atmosphere and tone
Hinting at potential conflicts and mysteries

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development
Potential for confusion with the large cast of characters introduced

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It's unclear what Chris is looking for or what he hopes to achieve.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and it fails to reveal anything new or interesting about the characters.
The description of the setting is too vague and doesn't provide a clear sense of the atmosphere or location.
The scene's pacing is slow and meandering, with too much time spent on unnecessary details that don't contribute to the story.
The use of a voiceover to deliver Dean's speech is a lazy and ineffective way to convey information to the audience.

General Suggestions

Give the scene a clear purpose or goal. What does Chris want to achieve by approaching the man by the gazebo?
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Give the characters distinct voices and motivations.
Provide a more detailed description of the setting. Use sensory details to create a vivid and immersive atmosphere.
Tighten the scene's pacing by cutting out unnecessary details and focusing on the essential elements.
Consider using a different method to convey Dean's speech, such as having him deliver it directly to the audience or having another character summarize it.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the atmosphere and introduces key elements that will likely drive the plot forward. It engages the audience with its mix of celebratory and tense tones.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a formal gathering with underlying tension and mystery is intriguing and sets the stage for potential conflicts and revelations.

Plot: 7

The plot is advanced through the introduction of various characters and the hint at potential conflicts, especially with the focus on Chris and his interactions with different guests.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach by incorporating historical references and philosophical themes into a contemporary social setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively, each with their own unique traits and potential for development. Chris stands out as the central figure amidst the gathering.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and introductions set the stage for potential development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the uncomfortable attention and expectations placed on him as the new boyfriend of Dean's daughter. It reflects his desire to fit in and make a good impression in this unfamiliar social setting.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to interact with the man sitting alone by the gazebo, potentially to gather information or make a connection. This goal reflects his curiosity and willingness to engage with others.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of potential conflicts, the scene primarily focuses on setting up the atmosphere and introducing characters, with the conflict simmering beneath the surface.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chris facing social expectations, internal conflicts, and mysterious interactions that create obstacles and challenges for him.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are subtly hinted at through the tension and potential conflicts brewing beneath the surface, adding intrigue to the gathering.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements, characters, and potential conflicts that will likely drive the narrative in subsequent scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected philosophical conflict introduced by Dean's speech and the mysterious interaction between Chris and the man by the gazebo.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the expectations of tradition and the reality of modern social dynamics. Dean's speech about knights and Templars contrasts with the contemporary setting of the party, challenging the characters' beliefs and values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mix of positive and neutral emotions, with a sense of nostalgia and tension adding depth to the interactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves to introduce characters and set the tone for the scene, with Dean's speech adding depth to the gathering and hinting at underlying themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the thematic depth, and the sense of mystery surrounding Chris's interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that maintains the reader's interest and builds tension effectively.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue, and action descriptions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.

EXT. GAZEBO. DAY.

During Dean’s speech, Chris wanders away from the group.

JIM
Ignorance...

Chris hadn’t seen Jim Hudson, the blind man, who sits in
front of the gazebo with his seeing eye dog. He is close to
Chris, but far enough away from the group that no one else
hears them.

CHRIS
Who?

JIM
All of them. They mean well but
they have no idea what real people
go through.

CHRIS
I guess people only see what’s in
front of them.

Chris notices his faux pas.
53.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I mean...

JIM
You’re right. And usually not even
that much. That’s people. Jim
Hudson.

CHRIS
Chris-

JIM
I know who you are. I’m an admirer
of your work; you have a great
eye...

CHRIS
Wait. Jim Hudson... of Hudson
Galleries?

Jim smiles.

JIM
Believe me. The irony of being a
blind art dealer isn’t lost on me.

CHRIS
How do you do it?

JIM
My assistant describes work to me
in great detail. You’ve got
something... The images you
capture... so brutal; I mean... so
melancholic. Powerful stuff. I
think.

CHRIS
Thank you.

JIM
I used to dabble myself.
Wilderness mostly. I submitted to
Nat Geo 14 times before realizing I
didn’t have “the eye” for it. No
one took me seriously in the art
world until I began dealing and
then, of course, my vision went to
shit.

The party guests APPLAUD the end of Dean’s speech.

CHRIS
Damn.
54.

JIM
I know. Life can be a sick joke.
One day you're developing prints in
a dark room, and the next day -
BAM. You wake up in the dark.
Genetic disease.

CHRIS
Shit ain’t fair, man.

JIM
You got that right. Shit ain’t
fair.

Jeremy comes over with his preppy friend, Derrick, 29.

JEREMY
Chris, we were hoping we could
borrow you. I need to kick
someone’s ass in Badminton.

Chris rolls his eyes.

CHRIS
(to Jim)
Nice to meet you.

Chris, Jeremy and Derrick begin to leave.

JIM
Stop by the gallery. Bout time you
had a solo show.

CHRIS
Really? Wow, okay. Thank you. That
would be a game changer.

JEREMY
We’ll get together some time.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Introspective, Melancholic, Irony, Sympathetic

Summary Chris wanders off during Dean's speech and meets Jim Hudson, a blind admirer of his work. They discuss perception and art, with Jim expressing his admiration for Chris's photography and inviting him to a solo show. The scene takes place outside at a gazebo during the day, and there is a minor conflict when Jeremy and Derrick interrupt to invite Chris to play badminton. The tone is contemplative and positive, with significant visual elements including Chris and Jim's conversation at the gazebo. The scene ends with Chris leaving with Jeremy and Derrick.

Strengths

Engaging character interactions
Exploration of themes
Unique perspective of Jim Hudson

Weaknesses

Low conflict level
Limited plot advancement

General Critique

The dialogue between Chris and Jim feels a bit forced in its attempt to create a connection between the two characters. It would be more natural for their conversation to flow more smoothly.
The introduction of the blind art dealer, Jim Hudson, feels a bit abrupt and could be better integrated into the story.
The scene lacks a clear direction and purpose, and it's not clear what the intention of the dialogue between Chris and Jim is.
The scene ends rather abruptly with Chris being invited to a solo show and Jeremy and Derrick interrupting. A more natural ending would be to have Chris and Jim continue their conversation or to have Chris make a decision based on the conversation.
It's a bit surprising that Jeremy and Derrick would invite a black man to play badminton with them, given the social context of the party.

General Suggestions

Revise the dialogue between Chris and Jim to make it more natural and give it a clearer purpose.
Provide more context for the introduction of Jim Hudson and explain how he knows about Chris' work.
Add more details to the setting and description to make the scene more immersive and engaging.
Give the scene a clearer direction and purpose by having Chris and Jim discuss a specific topic or by having Chris make a decision based on their conversation.
Consider having Chris and Jim continue their conversation after Jeremy and Derrick interrupt, or have Chris make a decision based on the conversation before they interrupt.
Consider having Jeremy and Derrick make a more subtle or indirect reference to Chris' race, or have them explain their reasons for inviting him to play badminton.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, with strong character interactions and thematic depth. The dialogue is engaging, and the introduction of Jim Hudson adds a unique perspective to the story.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of perception, irony, and the unfairness of life is effectively explored through the interaction between Chris and Jim Hudson. This adds layers to the character development and thematic richness of the scene.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't significantly advance in this scene, the introduction of Jim Hudson and the thematic exploration of perception and irony add depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique character in Jim Hudson, a blind art dealer, and explores themes of art and perception in a fresh and engaging way. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Jim Hudson, are well-developed and their interactions are engaging. Jim's unique perspective as a blind art dealer adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there isn't a significant character change in this scene, the interaction with Jim Hudson prompts Chris to reflect on his work and the challenges he faces.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to connect with someone who understands the deeper meaning behind his art and to feel validated in his work.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to socialize and network at the party, potentially leading to a solo art show opportunity.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is a low level of conflict in this scene, with the focus more on character interaction and thematic exploration.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with Jim's perspective challenging Chris's beliefs and values, but not creating a major conflict.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and thematic exploration.

Story Forward: 5

The scene doesn't significantly move the plot forward, but it adds depth to the characters and themes of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected connection between Chris and Jim, as well as the revelation of Jim's background as a blind art dealer.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of perception, artistry, and personal struggles. Jim's perspective as a blind art dealer challenges Chris's views on art and the struggles of life.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of reflection, regret, and hope through the interactions between Chris and Jim Hudson, adding emotional depth to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is well-crafted, with meaningful exchanges between Chris and Jim Hudson that explore themes of perception, irony, and the unfairness of life.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, unique character interactions, and the exploration of deeper themes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, leading to a satisfying conclusion.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a dialogue-heavy interaction scene, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical dialogue-driven structure for a character interaction scene, with a clear progression of conversation and character development.

EXT. BACKYARD - LATER

Chris and Rose play badminton against Jeremy and Derrick.
Chris is actually having fun. He swings big but misses the
shuttlecock.

JEREMY
HA! Come on, come on, come on. You
can do better than that, Bruh!

CHRIS
Not my game.
55.

JEREMY
Thought you didn’t have a game.

ROSE
Shut up Jeremy.

JEREMY
I’m just saying, if your boy isn’t
gonna bring even a little heat, we
might as well bring one of Grandpas
old friends up here.

CHRIS
Whoa, whoa, okay. Now we talkin’
smack huh?

JEREMY
Your serve.

Chris serves the shuttlecock hard. The following rally is
long. As they play the more and more guests come over to
watch. They aren’t following the shuttlecock as much as
watching Chris. Chris ends it with an impressive diving swat.
Derrick misses the return and the crowd goes wild. Chris
throws his arms up in celebration.

CHRIS
Boom!

ROSE
Yay, baby!

JEREMY
That’s what I’m talking about!!!
Okay, I see you dog! I see you!
Again!

Chris is about to serve. He scans the crowd of beaming faces.
Everyone is rooting for Chris. They love him. Chris scans
the crowd. It’s too much.

CHRIS
Hold up. Here.

ROSE
Where are you--

CHRIS
I’m gonna go to the bathroom.

Chris gives his racket to Gordon Greene.
56.

Genres: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Tone: Light-hearted, Playful, Competitive

Summary In a lighthearted and playful backyard badminton game, Chris and Rose's team faces off against Jeremy and Derrick. Chris's nerves get the best of him after missing a shot, but Jeremy's taunts only fuel Chris to serve hard and make a spectacular diving swat, ending the rally. Overwhelmed by the crowd's cheers, Chris hands his racket to Gordon Greene and steps away from the game, leaving everyone in awe of his impressive play and mysterious departure.

Strengths

Engaging character interactions
Humorous dialogue
Camaraderie and fun atmosphere

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict or tension

General Critique

The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more conflict. The conflict between Chris and Jeremy is resolved too quickly, and there is no real sense of tension or suspense. This could be fixed by adding more obstacles to Chris's goal of winning the badminton game. For example, you could have Jeremy cheat or have the shuttlecock get lost in the wind.
The dialogue is natural and believable, but it could be more concise. There are a few lines that could be cut without losing any of the meaning. For example, you could cut the line "Whoa, whoa, okay. Now we talkin’ smack huh?" without losing any of the meaning of the scene.
The scene could be more visually interesting. There are a few places where you could add more description to help the reader visualize the scene. For example, you could describe the crowd of people watching Chris and Rose play badminton, or you could describe the setting of the backyard in more detail.
The scene could be more emotionally resonant. There are a few places where you could add more emotion to the characters' dialogue and actions. For example, you could have Chris express more frustration when he misses the shuttlecock, or you could have Rose show more support for Chris when he is about to serve.

General Suggestions

Add more conflict to the scene. This could be done by adding more obstacles to Chris's goal of winning the badminton game, or by having Jeremy cheat.
Concise the dialogue. Cut any lines that are not essential to the meaning of the scene.
Add more description to the scene. This will help the reader visualize the setting and the characters.
Add more emotion to the characters' dialogue and actions. This will make the scene more engaging for the reader.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, competition, and character dynamics, creating an engaging and entertaining moment within the larger narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a badminton match serves as a lighthearted and relatable activity that brings the characters together, showcasing their relationships and personalities.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Chris decides to take a break from the game, hinting at potential internal conflicts or developments to come.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on a familiar scenario of a friendly sports competition, with unique character interactions and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions during the badminton match reveal their playful and competitive sides, deepening their relationships and adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dynamics between the characters continue to develop, setting the stage for potential growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and show his skills in front of his friends and the crowd. This reflects his desire for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to win the badminton game and impress his friends. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the game.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of competition during the badminton match, the overall conflict level is relatively low, focusing more on camaraderie and fun.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, represented by Jeremy's teasing and the competitive nature of the game, adds conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on light-hearted competition and camaraderie rather than intense conflict or drama.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the relationships and dynamics between the characters, hinting at potential conflicts or developments to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the badminton game and the characters' reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Jeremy's teasing and Chris's need for validation. Jeremy's comments challenge Chris's confidence and self-worth.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes feelings of joy and excitement through the characters' interactions and the supportive atmosphere of the party.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is light-hearted and humorous, reflecting the playful nature of the scene and enhancing the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, humor, and the building tension of the badminton game.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and tension, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy outdoor scene, with clear character actions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and excitement.

INT. ARMITAGE HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Chris walks through the kitchen.

INT. ARMITAGE LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chris slips past several small groups of guests mingling. He
goes up the stairs to the second floor.

As soon as he is out of sight and earshot, the mingling
guests stop in mid-conversation. Everyone in the room waits
and listens to Chris’ footsteps above. It is now clear that
their conversations have been fake. They are all hanging on
Chris’ actions.

INT. ARMITAGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Chris walks to Rose’ room.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Chris enters Rose’s room. The bed is made. He picks his
phone up from the dresser. It’s unplugged and out of
batteries. That’s odd. He plugs it in again as he hears a
CREAK down the hall.

INT. ARMITAGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Chris leaves Rose’s room. Across the hallway is a crack open.
Chris slowly walks down the hall, and peers inside. He sees a
couple hip hop posters, lacrosse trophies and jujitsu.
Jeremy’s room. Movement inside. It’s Georgina making the bed.

INT. ARMITAGE LIVING ROOM - DAY

Rose enters looking for Chris. Everyone is mingling again.
She goes upstairs.

INT. ARMITAGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Chris looks in Jeremy’s room. The door creaks alerting
Georgina of his presence, she turns slowly. Before she sees
him he walks quickly back to Rose’s room just as she comes
upstairs.

ROSE
Hey.
57.

Chris waves for her to join him back in her room.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAY

ROSE
Hey, what the fuck? You left me out
there.

Chris speaks quietly and frantically to Rose.

CHRIS
She unplugged my phone.

ROSE
Who?

CHRIS
Georgina. I’m trying to check in
with Rod, and I got no juice.

ROSE
So... Why would she do that?

CHRIS
Maybe she doesn’t like the fact
that I’m with you.

ROSE
(Not buying it)
Really?

CHRIS
What? It’s a thing.

ROSE
I mean, she shouldn’t be unplugging
peoples phones, but I don’t think
she would do that on purpose.

CHRIS
Forget it. Nevermind.

ROSE
No. Don’t do that. Don’t shut me
out like that... Don’t do that to
me. We’re a Badminton team.

CHRIS
Okay, yeah. I’m sorry. It’s all
good. I’ll just plug it back in and
I’ll be down in a minute, okay?
58.

ROSE
Okay... Say hi to Rod and Sid for
me.

Genres: Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational

Summary Chris excuses himself to Rose's room to charge his phone, but finds it unplugged and out of batteries. He suspects Georgina of unplugging it, which Rose finds unlikely. The conflict remains unresolved as Chris decides to forget about it and plug his phone back in. The scene takes place in the Armitage household, with a tense and suspicious tone due to Chris's paranoia and Rose's skepticism. The key visual element is Chris's unplugged phone, and the scene ends with Chris plugging it back in.

Strengths

Building tension
Character dynamics
Setting up future conflicts

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene is too short and doesn't have much action.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural.
The pacing is slow and the scene doesn't really go anywhere.
The characters are not well-developed and their motivations are unclear.
The setting is not described in enough detail and the reader doesn't get a good sense of the atmosphere.

General Suggestions

Add more action to the scene, such as having Chris and Rose search for something or having them be chased by someone.
Rewrite the dialogue so that it sounds more natural and believable.
Speed up the pacing of the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
Develop the characters more by giving them more backstory and motivation.
Describe the setting in more detail so that the reader can get a better sense of the atmosphere.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a confrontation between Chris and Rose, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of mistrust and manipulation is well-executed in the scene, adding depth to the characters and setting up future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as Chris's suspicions grow, leading to a pivotal moment in his relationship with Rose.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of trust and deception in a fresh setting, with authentic character interactions and unexpected reveals.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' motivations and dynamics are well-developed, especially in the escalating tension between Chris and Rose.

Character Changes: 6

Chris's growing suspicion and mistrust towards Rose marks a significant change in their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the social dynamics and potential threats within the household, while also maintaining his relationship with Rose. This reflects his need for security, acceptance, and trust.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to check in with Rod and Sid, which is hindered by the unplugged phone. This reflects the immediate challenge of communication and potential danger within the household.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Chris and Rose reaches a peak, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of trust and deception add intensity to the scene, raising the tension between the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the hidden motives of the characters and unexpected twists in the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around trust, privacy, and manipulation. The protagonist's belief in honesty and communication is challenged by the secretive actions of the household members.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and suspicions, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tension, mystery, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds suspense effectively, with a gradual reveal of information and well-timed character interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined locations and character interactions, fitting the expected format for a suspenseful drama.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DAY

Rod lies on the couch with Sid watching TV.

ROD
Oh, they got you on display?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ROSE’S ROOM - SAME TIME

Chris is alone in Rose’s room. He peers out the window.

CHRIS
It’s so weird, man. It’s like some
of these people never met a black
dude that doesn’t work for them.

ROD
Yup. You in it now.

CHRIS
Also, shit, I don’t even wanna tell
you.

ROD
What?

CHRIS
I got hypnotized last night...

ROD
Nigga, what the fuck?

CHRIS
Yeah, to quit smoking. Rose’s mom
is a psychiatrist--

ROD
I don’t give a fuck if a bitch is
Dr. Phil. You ain’t getting in my
head.

CHRIS
I know. She caught me off guard.
But it’s cool. I mean, it worked.
59.

ROD
Nope. That’s some scary shit. Who
knows what they gonna make you do.
White people into some crazy sex
slave shit. You know that right?

Chris laughs.

CHRIS
Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re not a
kinky sex family--

ROD
Why not? Jeffery Dahmer ate
niggas’ heads, but that was after
he fucked the heads. You think
they saw that shit coming? Hell no.
One second they think they just
gonna suck some dick, next second
they sucking dick but their head
isn’t on their body, Chris

CHRIS
And thanks for that image, right
there.

ROD
I saw that on A&E, so that’s real
life.

CHRIS
It’s the black people out here too
though. It’s like their living in a
different era.

ROD
Maybe they got hypnotized--

CHRIS
(dry)
Ha ha--

ROD
I’m just connecting the dots you
presenting me with. The mom puttin’
trances on niggas and fuckin’ them.
It’s clear as day and that’s fucked
up. She hot?

CHRIS
What’s fucked up is: You’re the
first line of defense against
terrorism.
60.

ROD
Don’t say I didn’t warn you ‘cause
my ass sure as Hell ain’t coming up
to the country to save you from no
fuckin’ witch coven... Unless the
mom’s really hot. On a scale of one
to ten--

CHRIS
Thanks Rod, bye.

Chris hangs up and turns. Georgina stands in the doorway,
eerie smile and all. Chris is startled.

GEORGINA
Hello.

CHRIS
Hi.

Georgina’s voice is shaky and careful. Pleasant on top, but
angry underneath.

GEORGINA
I owe you an apology. How rude of
me to have touched your belongings
without asking.

CHRIS
Oh, no. It’s cool. I was just
confused.

GEORGINA
Just so you know, there was no
funny business, allow me to
explain. I had lifted your cellular
phone this morning in order to wipe
down the dresser and it
accidentally came undone.

CHRIS
Yeah, I--

GEORGINA
Rather than meddle with it further,
I left it that way. How foolish of
me.

CHRIS
No. It’s fine. I wasn’t tryin’ to
snitch...

GEORGINA
Snitch?
61.

CHRIS
Rat you out?

GEORGINA
“tattletale.”

CHRIS
Yeah.

GEORGINA
Don’t worry about that. I assure
you, I don’t answer to anyone.

CHRIS
Right... Well, all I know is
sometimes, being around too many
white people makes me nervous.

He’s half joking. Georgina doesn’t laugh. Instead eyes get
lost for a moment. A tear falls down her face as if there is
a pain behind her otherwise vacant smile.

GEORGINA
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no... Aren’t
you something? That’s not my
experience. Not at all. The
Armitages are so good to us; They
treat us like family.

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Eerie, Tense, Darkly Humorous

Summary Chris, in Rose's childhood room, talks to Rod on the phone and reveals his hypnotic state from Rose's mother. Rod expresses discomfort with the white family, creating tension. The scene turns uncomfortable when Georgina, the maid, enters, apologizes for touching Chris's belongings, and starts an awkward conversation, adding to Chris's unease.

Strengths

Effective tension-building
Intriguing character dynamics
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may come off as overly expository

General Critique

The scene is well-written with natural-sounding dialogue that fits the characters' personalities and backgrounds.
The pacing is good, with a smooth transition from the previous scene.
The tension between Chris and Georgina is palpable, and the revelation of Georgina's actions adds to the overall mystery and intrigue of the story.
The exploration of race and cultural differences is well-executed, with Rod's concerns and observations providing an interesting perspective.
The scene effectively builds on the themes of suspicion, paranoia, and unease, which are central to the story.

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual details to help the reader better imagine the setting and characters.
Explore the possibility of deepening the relationship between Chris and Rod, as it could add emotional weight to the story.
Consider further developing Georgina's character, as her mysterious behavior and emotional state could be intriguing to the reader.
Ensure that the story's themes and conflicts are consistently reinforced throughout the script, helping to maintain the reader's interest and engagement.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue, setting up a sense of unease and mystery. The dialogue is engaging and reveals subtle layers of character dynamics.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hypnosis and manipulation adds depth to the narrative, creating a sense of foreboding and psychological tension.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris uncovers more about the strange occurrences in the house, setting up further conflict and mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original situations, such as the hypnosis element and the racial tensions, while also providing authentic and realistic character interactions. The dialogue feels natural and engaging, adding to the authenticity of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are intriguing and complex, with hidden motives and conflicting emotions. Their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a subtle shift in perception and understanding, as he begins to question the motives of those around him.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the uncomfortable situation he finds himself in, dealing with racial dynamics and the strange behavior of the people around him. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding in a world that feels alien to him.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to maintain his composure and navigate the social interactions with the people around him, particularly Georgina. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and avoiding conflict.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle but palpable conflict brewing beneath the surface, as Chris navigates the unsettling interactions with the other characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating tension and conflict. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are subtly hinted at through the mysterious and potentially dangerous situations Chris finds himself in.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the mystery and raising the stakes for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and character interactions. The tension and unease keep the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around racial dynamics and perceptions. Chris's experiences and beliefs clash with those of the people around him, leading to tension and discomfort.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, drawing the audience into Chris's emotional turmoil.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, revealing character dynamics and building tension effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the sharp dialogue, dark humor, and underlying tension. The interactions between the characters keep the audience on edge and eager to see how the situation unfolds.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue tags and scene descriptions. The visual elements are well-crafted and contribute to the overall atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.

EXT. BACKYARD - AFTERNOON

Chris walks back into the back yard where Dean entertains
seven people Chris hasn’t met. They turn as Chris approaches
smiling eagerly. They all seem to share a private joke.

DEAN
Chris! There you are, my brother.
I wanted to introduce you to some
old friends. We’ll do it quickly.
Down the line: David and Marcia
Wincott, Ronald and Celia Jeffries,
Hiroki Tanaka, and Fredrich and
Jessika Walden.

Each couple - DAVID and MARCIA, RONALD and CELIA, HIROKI,
FREDRICH and JESSIKA - waves as they are name.

CHRIS
Too many names to remember but,
hi...

The couples all laugh nervously.
62.

HIROKI
(to Dean in Japanese)
Can we ask him questions?

DEAN
(in Japanese)
Of course.

HIROKI
Do you find that being African
American has more advantages or
disadvantages in the modern world?

Chris pans the crowd who all give him their undivided
attention. The silence is long. He looks for Rose. She is off
talking to someone.

CHRIS
Yeah, I don’t know, man.

They all smile like hungry vampires. Chris is very
uncomfortable with this unprovoked group interrogation.
Andre/Logan and Philomena approach.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
That’s actually a great question.
Logan! They were asking me about
the African American experience.
Maybe you could take this one.

Andre/Logan is a little caught off guard but dives in.

ANDRE/LOGAN
My life as an African American has
been, for the most part, very good.
It’s hard to be too specific as I
haven’t much desired to leave the
house in a while.

The crowd chuckles. Chris takes out his phone.

PHILOMENA
We’ve become homebodies...

ANDRE/LOGAN
(to Philomena)
But recently, even when you go to
the city, I’ve just had no
interest.
(to the group)
The chores are my sanctu--
63.

With the attention on Andre/Logan, Chris raises his phone
toward Andre/Logan and the group and snaps a picture. The
flash pops.

CHRIS
Shit.

Everyone turns to Chris. Andre/Logan steps forward and looks
at Chris oddly; His head cocks a little and his peaceful
expression drifts slowly to maddened horror. Some of the
party guests gasp.

PHILOMENA
Logan?

Andre/Logan drops his glass and stumbles towards Chris. Chris
backs up, but Andre is already up in his space.

ANDRE
Get out.

Andre/Logan’s voice is higher and scratchy, like it was in
the first scene.

CHRIS
Hey, man, I’m sorry, I--

Andre/Logan grabs Chris by the shoulders and screams shrilly.
Blood trickles out of his nose.

ANDRE
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!

Philomena and Jeremy grab Andre. They have to pry
Andre/Logan’s grip off of Chris. When they do Andre/Logan
screams bloodcurdlingly. It takes all their strength to
bring him into the house. Missy follows.

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Tone: Tense, Unsettling, Intense, Dramatic

Summary Chris (a black man) returns to Dean's backyard and is introduced to several acquaintances who seem to share a private joke. Dean encourages Chris to answer questions about being African American, which makes him uncomfortable. Chris hands off the questioning to Andre/Logan, takes a picture, and accidentally triggers Andre/Logan's transformation into a hostile state. The scene becomes tense, and it takes all the strength of Jeremy, Philomena, and Missy to bring Andre/Logan into the house. The scene starts off as light-hearted and curious but quickly turns tense and uncomfortable when the questioning begins, and even more hostile when Chris takes the picture and Andre/Logan transforms.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Effective tension-building
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel forced or unnatural

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It's not immediately clear what the characters are trying to achieve or what the conflict is.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, with characters delivering long, exposition-heavy speeches that don't advance the plot or reveal anything new about the characters.
The scene is too long and could be shortened to make it more concise and engaging.
The characters are one-dimensional and lack depth or complexity.
The pacing is slow and the scene drags on without any significant events or developments.
The setting is not described in any detail, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene.

General Suggestions

Add a clear goal or objective for the characters to work towards, which will give the scene a sense of purpose and direction.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, using shorter sentences and avoiding exposition-heavy speeches.
Shorten the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and actions.
Develop the characters by giving them more depth and complexity, including their motivations, fears, and desires.
Tighten the pacing by adding more action or conflict, and cutting out any unnecessary dialogue or actions.
Describe the setting in more detail to help the reader visualize the scene and create a more immersive experience.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in building tension and keeping the audience engaged. The mix of genres and the emotional impact make it a standout moment in the screenplay.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a seemingly normal social gathering turning into a terrifying and unsettling experience is executed well. The introduction of new characters and the sudden shift in tone add depth to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with new revelations and conflicts emerging. The escalating tension keeps the audience on edge and sets up future events in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of race and identity through a social gathering, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in this scene are crucial in driving the narrative forward. Their emotional responses and conflicts add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo significant changes in this scene, particularly Andre/Logan, whose transformation from calm to aggressive is a pivotal moment.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the uncomfortable situation he finds himself in and maintain his composure despite feeling out of place and interrogated.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to handle the social interaction smoothly and avoid any conflict or embarrassment.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving both internal and external struggles. The rising tensions and confrontations drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with a sudden and intense conflict that challenges the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters face danger, deception, and manipulation. The escalating conflicts raise the tension and keep the audience invested.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revelations, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden outburst of violence and the unexpected turn of events.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of race and identity, as Chris is confronted with a question that challenges his perception of his own experiences as an African American.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions in both the characters and the audience. The fear, shock, and discomfort experienced by the characters resonate with the viewers.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and unease present in the scene. It reveals character dynamics and motivations, adding layers to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the escalating tension and conflict that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, leading to a climactic moment.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic climax.

INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Rose sits on the couch arms crossed. Chris comforts her but
is clearly traumatized. A few other concerned guests mill
around. Dean enters and CLEARS HIS THROAT. Everyone gives him
their attention.

ROSE
What the fuck was that?

DEAN
It was a seizure.
64.

ROSE
A seizure?

CHRIS
Why did he come at me like that?

DEAN
Seizures can have a wide range of
effects.

ROSE
Yeah, but randomly attacking
people?

DEAN
The flash on your phone must have
triggered it. Andre/Logan enters
with Missy and Philomena to a
smattering of concerned applause.
Jeremy follows.

Andre/Logan enters with Missy and Philomena to a smattering
of concerned applause. Jeremy follows.

Andre/Logan addresses a group in his “Logan” voice. Chris now
looks at him like he recognizes him.

ANDRE/LOGAN
Well, I do believe I owe you all an
apology.

The group grumbles.

MISSY
We’re just glad you’re feeling
yourself again.

ANDRE/LOGAN
Well yes I am. Thank God you were
here to calm me down. I know I
scared you all quite a bit..
Especially you, Chris.

CHRIS
No, I’m sorry; the flash... I
didn’t know.

ANDRE/LOGAN
Of course not. How could you have?
65.

PHILOMENA
(to Andre/Logan)
You shouldn’t have been drinking
either.

ANDRE/LOGAN
Right. Now you’ll all have to
proceed without the aid of my
marvelous wit; the whole ordeal has
left me a quite a bit exhausted.

The group chuckles.

DEAN
Of course.

ANDRE/LOGAN
It was nice meeting you.

CHRIS
Yeah.

Chris is skeptical.

MISSY
(to Dean)
Something to brighten the mood?

Missy shows Philomena and Logan out. Andre and Philomena
leave.

DEAN
Yes! I think it’s time for my dad’s
favorite... sparklers and BINGO.

JEREMY
Yes, Bingo!

The group applauds. Dean gives Rose and Chris sparklers.

ROSE
We’re going on a walk.

Rose grabs Chris’ hand and leads him out the front door. He
pulls away from her as they leave.

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic

Summary Rose and Chris experience a traumatic seizure-induced attack, which Dean explains was triggered by Chris' phone flash. Andre/Logan apologizes for his behavior and leaves with Missy and Philomena. The group tries to lighten the mood by playing sparklers and Bingo. However, Rose and Chris' conflict remains unresolved as Chris pulls away from her during a walk. The scene takes place in the living room in the afternoon, and the tone is tense and uncomfortable with moments of levity.

Strengths

Tension-building
Revelation of secrets
Character interactions

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or expository

General Critique

The dialogue is a bit stiff and unnatural. It doesn't feel like the way people would actually talk in this situation.
The characters are not well-developed. We don't know much about them or their motivations.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's just a lot of people talking about what happened earlier.
The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying. It feels like the writer just wanted to get it over with.
The scene lacks tension and suspense. There's no real sense of danger or urgency.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
Add more details about the characters, their backgrounds, and their motivations.
Give the scene a clear goal or objective. What do the characters want to achieve?
Add some conflict or tension to the scene. This could be a physical conflict, a verbal conflict, or even just a conflict of ideas.
Rewrite the ending of the scene to make it more satisfying. Give the characters a chance to resolve their conflict and move on.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.

Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of hidden secrets and escalating tensions is well-executed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of the seizure and the subsequent interactions between characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on social interactions and unexpected events, blending humor with darker themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show depth and complexity, especially in their reactions to the unfolding events.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters experience changes in their relationships and perceptions, especially in response to the revealed secrets.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the traumatic event that just occurred. Rose is trying to process the situation and make sense of the unexpected seizure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social interactions and awkwardness that follow the seizure incident. Chris is trying to maintain composure and handle the situation with grace.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a high point with the revelation of the seizure and the subsequent interactions between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming. The characters face obstacles and challenges that keep the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as hidden secrets are revealed and tensions escalate among the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing important information and escalating tensions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected nature of the seizure incident and the characters' reactions to it. The audience is kept guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the unpredictability of life and the impact of seemingly random events on relationships and interactions. It challenges the characters' beliefs about control and understanding.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to concern, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between characters, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of tension, humor, and mystery that keeps the audience on their toes. The interactions between the characters are dynamic and unpredictable.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action that keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the interactions adds to the tension and intrigue.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic interaction, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.

EXT. THE WOODS - AFTERNOON

Rose and Chris walk by the lake. Their sparklers fizzle.

CHRIS
My cousin is epileptic. That wasn’t
a seizure.
66.

ROSE
I mean... my dad is a neurosurgeon.

CHRIS
How long have you known that guy?

ROSE
Not at all. I’ve known Philomena
since I was little, her husband
died last year. Logan is new...
Why?

CHRIS
I don’t know. This is gonna sound
weird, but when he got up in my
face like that, I got this feeling
like I knew him.

ROSE
You know Logan?

CHRIS
No, I don’t know Logan. I know that
guy who grabbed me.

ROSE
Chris... That doesn’t make any
sense.

EXT. BACK YARD. SAME TIME

With Chris and Rose are away, the party guests have all
gathered in the back yard facing Dean who stands in front of
the gazebo by a large picture of Chris on an easel. Everyone
is silent.

Dean raises his hand and makes numbers with his fingers:
“Three and three.” Several party guests raise their hands.
Dean points to the Waldens.

This is an auction.

EXT. THE WOODS - SAME TIME

Rose and Chris are in little nook in the trees.

ROSE
No. No, no, no. Don’t do this..
67.

CHRIS
I don’t know what to say. I think
your mom got in my head. I think
she got into my head.

ROSE
I thought she helped you.

CHRIS
No she didn’t. She got in my head.
She fucked some shit up there and
since then...

Chris shuts down.

ROSE
Chris... I’m here. Talk to me.

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Intense, Emotional, Suspenseful

Summary Rose and Chris have a personal conversation in the woods where Chris reveals his confusion and discomfort about the situation, including his feeling like he knew the man who grabbed him earlier, Logan. Meanwhile, the party guests, including Dean, gather in the backyard for an auction of a picture of Chris. Rose tries to get Chris to open up about his feelings, but he shuts down, adding to the tension and uncertainty of the scene.

Strengths

Intense emotional depth
Revealing character dynamics
Building suspense and mystery

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or expository

General Critique

The dialogue doesn't provide much useful information or character development. It just rehashes what happened in the previous scene and doesn't advance the plot or characters.
The scene doesn't have a clear purpose or goal. It's just two characters talking in the woods, and it doesn't seem to be leading anywhere.
The pacing of the scene is slow and meandering. There's not much action or movement, and it can be difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
The scene doesn't do much to develop the relationship between Chris and Rose. They're just talking about what happened earlier, and there's not much emotional connection between them.
The scene doesn't provide any new insights or perspectives on the story. It's just a rehash of what's already happened, and it doesn't add anything new to the story.

General Suggestions

Add more specific details about what Chris thinks about Logan and why he feels like he knows him.
Have Rose react more strongly to Chris's claims about her mother. She should be more surprised, skeptical, or even angry.
Cut out some of the unnecessary dialogue and focus on the most important points.
Add some action or movement to the scene, such as Chris and Rose walking through the woods or coming across something interesting.
Have Chris and Rose talk about their relationship and how they're feeling about each other.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping, emotionally charged, and sets the stage for further revelations and conflicts.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of psychological manipulation, hidden agendas, and personal revelations is well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the revelation of hidden motives and the deepening of character relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of mystery and intrigue, with characters behaving in unexpected ways that challenge the audience's assumptions. The authenticity of the dialogue adds depth to the characters' relationships and motivations.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex, with hidden depths and conflicting emotions coming to the surface.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo internal turmoil and revelations, leading to potential growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his feelings of confusion and unease about a past encounter. This reflects his deeper need for clarity and understanding in his relationships.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the party and understand the mysterious behavior of the other characters. This reflects the immediate challenge of deciphering the motives of those around him.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high, with emotional and psychological stakes at play.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with personal and psychological consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and deepening the mystery.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and cryptic dialogue, leaving the audience unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of trust and deception. The protagonist is grappling with conflicting beliefs about the intentions of the people around him, leading to a sense of uncertainty and doubt.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions and deepens the connection to the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and revealing, adding layers to the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and unresolved conflicts that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that adds to the sense of mystery and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and guessing about the characters' true intentions.

INT. BACKYARD - SAME TIME

Dean raises his hand again making more numbers with his
fingers: “4, 5.”

Gordon Greene raises his hand. Dean points to him accepting
his bid.

EXT. WOODS - SAME TIME

CHRIS
It’s not about what’s happening,
it’s about what’s actually
happening.

ROSE
What’s happening? Explain it to me.
I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Yes
everybody is crazy out here but
don’t take it out on me.

CHRIS
I’m not. I’m not. I just need to
go.

ROSE
You want me to stay here?

CHRIS
Whatever you want. I need to go

Rose sinks. She tries to hide a tear. After a long silence.
68.

ROSE
...I’m late.

CHRIS
Late?

ROSE
I should’ve got my period like last
week.

CHRIS
Oh.

ROSE
I mean, I did change my birth
control, so it could just be that,
but...

Chris thinks silently.

ROSE (CONT’D)
So...?

CHRIS
I don’t know what to say.

ROSE
Say anything.

EXT. BACKYARD - SAME TIME

The auction is flying now. Dean’s hand signals are going
fast. It’s down to three couples.

Dean signals “5, 6.” Mr. Greene raises his hand. Dean points.

Dean signals “5, 8.” Mrs. Deets raises her hand. Dean points.

Dean signals “6.” Jim Hudson raises both his hands and
signals “10.” His chauffeur stands beside him whispering in
his ear. Dean points at him.

Dean scans the crowd signaling “10, 2?” “10, 2?” The crowd
looks around. No one is challenging. Dean smiles. Finally
Dean bangs his fist onto his open palm and points to Jim
Hudson. Jim’s chauffeur whispers in his ear.

The guests clap in a mixture of delight and disappointment.
69.

EXT. WOODS - DUSK

Chris and Rose sit watching the sunset over the lake. Chris
kisses her hand. He hears the faint APPLAUSE in the distance.
He looks in the direction of the house.

ROSE
I didn’t tell you that to make you
stay, I just thought you should
know.

CHRIS
I told you about the night my mom
died; how I didn’t call 911; didn’t
go out looking for her.

ROSE
Baby--

CHRIS
One hour went by, then two,
three... I just sat there... I just
watched TV.

ROSE
It wasn’t your fault.

CHRIS
I found out later she had survived
the initial by the side of the road
all night, cold and alone. And
that’s how she died in the early
morning... Cold and alone. And I
was watching TV. There was time. If
someone was looking for her, there
was time. But no one was looking.

Chris cries. Rose cries for him.

ROSE
You were just a kid.

CHRIS
Yeah... yeah.

ROSE
There’s nothing you could have
done...

CHRIS
I could have tried... I could have
tried.

Rose almost responds, but doesn’t. She gets it.
70.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You’re all I got now. I’m not gonna
leave here without you. I‘m not
going to abandon you. Okay?

She wipes her tears and nods.

ROSE
Let’s go back home.

CHRIS
Yeah?

ROSE
Yeah. I mean, you’re right. This
sucks. I’ll make something up.
We’ll go back.

CHRIS
I love you.

ROSE
I love you too.

The two get up and walk back toward the house.

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Emotional, Reflective, Intimate

Summary In the backyard, Dean auctions off a property to Jim Hudson, as Chris and Rose have a heart-to-heart conversation in the woods. Rose reveals she's late for her period, causing Chris's inner conflict due to his past trauma about his mother's death. However, they console each other and decide to return home together. The scene is emotionally heavy, with a competitive tone at the auction and a serious, intimate conversation between Chris and Rose.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited external plot progression
Lack of action

General Critique

The scene is heavy with dialogue, which makes it difficult to visualize and slows down the pace of the story.
The dialogue is mostly exposition, providing information about Chris's past and his feelings for Rose. This information could be conveyed more effectively through action or visuals.
The characters' motivations are not clear. Why is Chris so upset? Why is Rose so understanding? Their emotions seem to come out of nowhere.
The scene lacks conflict. There is no tension or drama, which makes it difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying. It's not clear what happens next or what the characters will do.

General Suggestions

Consider breaking up the dialogue with action or visuals. This will help to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
Focus on developing the characters' motivations. What do they want? What are they afraid of? Once you know what drives them, you can write dialogue that is more authentic and compelling.
Add conflict to the scene. This could be an external conflict, such as a threat from an outside force, or an internal conflict, such as a struggle within one of the characters.
Give the scene a clear ending. What do the characters decide to do? What is the next step in their journey?

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, well-written, and pivotal in developing the relationship between Chris and Rose. The dialogue is poignant and the character dynamics are compelling.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring past trauma, guilt, and love within the context of a social gathering adds depth and complexity to the scene. The juxtaposition of intimate conversation against the backdrop of a public event creates a rich narrative contrast.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the emotional revelations and character development in the conversation between Chris and Rose. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions while deepening the audience's understanding of the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to exploring themes of guilt, forgiveness, and emotional intimacy, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Chris and Rose are well-developed and their emotional journey in this scene is compelling. The depth of their relationship and the vulnerabilities they display make them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

Both Chris and Rose undergo emotional growth and introspection in this scene, deepening their connection and revealing new layers of their personalities. The conversation prompts self-reflection and personal revelations.

Internal Goal: 9

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past trauma and express his feelings of guilt and regret to Rose. This reflects his deeper need for forgiveness and understanding, as well as his fear of abandonment and isolation.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal in this scene is to decide whether to stay with Rose or leave. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their relationship and the challenges they are facing in dealing with unexpected news.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While the scene is more focused on emotional conflict and internal struggles, there is an underlying tension between the characters that adds depth to their interactions. The conflict is subtle but impactful.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Chris grapples with his past actions and the uncertainty of his future with Rose. The audience is left unsure of how their relationship will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily emotional and personal in this scene, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and relationships. The outcome of the conversation between Chris and Rose has significant implications for their future.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the external plot, it is crucial in developing the internal conflicts and relationships of the characters. It sets the stage for future events and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected news about Rose's pregnancy and Chris's internal struggle with his past actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of guilt, responsibility, and forgiveness. Chris grapples with his past actions and their consequences, while Rose offers understanding and support, challenging his beliefs about his own worthiness.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience through the raw and vulnerable moments shared between Chris and Rose. The sentiment of regret, love, and hope is palpable throughout.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is poignant, authentic, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It drives the scene forward and establishes a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters' interactions, the high stakes of the auction, and the uncertainty of Chris and Rose's relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, allowing for moments of reflection and dialogue to resonate with the audience.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of dialogue and description to convey the characters' emotions and motivations.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions. It effectively balances external action with internal reflection.

EXT. FRONT LAWN - DUSK

Chris and Rose approach the house as the last of the guests
get into their cars and drive off.

CHRIS
That was fast.

ROSE

Yeah.

The guests wave to Walter and Georgina, who stand at the
front door, and then to Chris and Rose. Jeremy hangs out on
the porch. He seems less menacing than before. Parker and
April Dray are leaving. Parker is tipsy.

PARKER
Bye Chris! It was a pleasure
meeting you. I hope you--

Chris and Rose wave.

APRIL
Come on, Parker. Before you say
something stupid.
71.

Chris laughs. Walter shuts the car door behind Lisa. Walter
stands pleasantly watching the cars leave. He turns to Chris
with the same ol’ smile. Chris and Rose enter the house.

INT. ARMITAGE BATHROOM - NIGHT

Sink running. Chris washes his hands and looks in the mirror.

He finds the picture he took of Logan/Andre on his phone and
sends it.

Chris plugs the phone in and goes to pack. The phone
vibrates.

Chris picks it up.

CHRIS
Hey.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT

Rod is on the phone. Sid is there too.

ROD
That’s Dre.

CHRIS
Dre?

ROD
Andre Hayworth! He used to kick it
with Veronica, remember? That’s
him.

CHRIS
Veronica from...

ROD
...Teresa’s sister! Worked at the
movie theatre on 8th. Why’s he
dressed like that?

CHRIS
(realizing)
Yeah. That is him. But... Wait,
wait, wait, This is so fuckin’
crazy. He’s different.
72.

ROD
No shit. Why is he dressed like
that?

CHRIS
No, it’s not just that though, it’s
everything. He came to the party
with a white woman like thirty
years older than him.

ROD
What?

CHRIS
I don’t know if she was his boss or
if they’re fuckin’ or both.

ROD
Slave! Chris, you in a fucked up
Eyes Wide Shut situation. You need
to--.

The phone goes dead. No batteries.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Dramatic

Summary Chris and Rose return home after their party, and Chris washes up. He sends Rod a picture of Logan/Andre, who is now dressed differently and with an older white woman. Rod recognizes Logan/Andre's connection to Veronica, Teresa's sister. The conversation ends abruptly due to a dead battery, leaving Chris' questions about Logan/Andre unanswered.

Strengths

Building suspense
Maintaining mystery
Revealing character motivations
Exploring themes of identity and deception

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or expository at times

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from the previous one, causing a jarring effect that might confuse the reader. Consider providing a more seamless transition.
The dialogue in the beginning of the scene is somewhat stilted and unnatural. Try to make it sound more like a conversation that real people would have.
The revelation about Andre/Logan's true identity might be more impactful if it had been set up better earlier in the script. As it stands, it feels a bit out of left field.
The scene ends rather abruptly, without any clear resolution or indication of what will happen next. Consider adding a bit more to provide closure or set up the next scene.

General Suggestions

Consider adding a few lines of dialogue between Chris and Rose as they walk back to the house to help smooth the transition between scenes.
Experiment with more naturalistic dialogue to make the characters' conversations feel more authentic.
Introduce the idea of Andre/Logan's true identity earlier in the script to give this revelation more impact.
Add a final line or two to provide a clearer resolution or transition to the next scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and maintains a sense of mystery, keeping the audience engaged and on edge. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding events contribute to a compelling narrative.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a seemingly normal party with dark secrets and hidden agendas is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of deception, manipulation, and racial tension.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris uncovers more unsettling truths about the Armitage family and the guests at the party. The revelation of Andre's transformation adds a new layer of intrigue and danger to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of mystery and social commentary, with authentic character interactions and unexpected plot developments. The dialogue feels natural and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal more about their motivations and hidden agendas. Chris's growing sense of paranoia and Rose's ambiguous behavior add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a significant change in this scene as he becomes more suspicious and paranoid, questioning the motives of those around him. Rose's behavior also hints at hidden depths and ulterior motives.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of the strange behavior of Andre Hayworth and the unsettling events he witnessed at the party. This reflects his curiosity, sense of unease, and desire to understand the truth behind the situation.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to communicate with Rod and gather more information about Andre Hayworth and the events at the party. This reflects his need for external validation and support in navigating the mysterious situation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions rising as Chris uncovers more unsettling truths about the Armitage family and the guests at the party. The escalating conflict adds to the suspense and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting information and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The uncertainty of Rod's phone call adds to the sense of opposition and challenge.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Chris uncovers more unsettling truths and faces increasing danger from the mysterious guests at the party. The escalating tension and conflict raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the mysterious events surrounding the Armitage family and setting up further conflicts and revelations. The plot advances as Chris delves deeper into the secrets of the party.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about Andre Hayworth and the escalating tension between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of deception, identity, and social norms. Chris is confronted with the reality of a seemingly normal social gathering masking darker truths and hidden agendas, challenging his beliefs about trust and appearances.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including unease, tension, and curiosity. The emotional impact is heightened by the growing sense of danger and the characters' complex interactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, suspicion, and unease among the characters. The conversations reveal subtle power dynamics and underlying conflicts within the group.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, suspense, and character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and effective pacing of dialogue and action.

INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Chris goes to finish packing with a purpose. Rose enters.

ROSE
Hey, should we eat and then leave?

CHRIS
No. Rose, we gotta go.

ROSE
Is everything okay?

CHRIS
I’ll tell you in the car.

She does.

ROSE
Okay, I’m gonna get my bag.

Rose leaves.

Just then Rose’s closet creaks open. Chris sees a framed
picture of Rose inside. Not quite knowing what he’s looking
for, he goes to the closet. The picture is a frightening one.
Rose is one of the witches in a high school production of
Macbeth. It’s on top of a red shoebox that has the
drama/comedy masks drawn on top of it.
73.

He takes it off of the shelf. Inside is a pile of pictures.
On top is one of Rose dressed as Juliet in a high school
play.

The next one is of Rose at 13 playing Ms. Hannigan in Annie.
Chris flips through a few more pictures of Rose at different
ages in different class plays.

Finally Chris comes upon a photo printed from a computer.
It’s a selfie of her and some other black guy. The picture is
almost identical to the one she took with Chris before the
ride up. Under the image are written the words. “X-mas 2014”
Stunned, Chris flips to the next picture.

It’s another romantic selfie, this time with a different
black guy. Underneath, the caption “Memorial Day 2013”

He continues flipping through the stack of pictures of Rose
with 8 different black guys. The last one is a picture of
Rose with Walter. In it she kisses Walter’s cheek intimately.
“Thanksgiving 2009” Walter looks different in the picture. He
isn’t smiling vaguely; he’s got swagger.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Hey? Are you ready?

Rose stands there in the doorway behind him. Chris subtly
drops the pictures back in the shoebox.

ROSE (CONT’D)
What?

CHRIS
Yeah, Um... Looking for my camera.

ROSE
Here.

Rose hands him the camera.

CHRIS
Where are the keys..? I’m gonna put
our bags in the trunk real quick.

Rose picks up her bag and ruffles through it.

ROSE
Okay. They’re in here somewhere.
Are you okay?

CHRIS
Yeah, yeah. Can we do that on the
move.
74.

Chris walks out the door, leaving Rose.

Genres: Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Emotional

Summary In Rose's bedroom at night, Chris is packing to leave when he discovers a photo album in her closet containing pictures of Rose with different black guys, including Walter. This discovery causes tension and suspicion, as Chris questions Rose's loyalty and trust. Despite finding the album, Chris decides to explain everything in the car, leaving Rose unaware of his discovery. The scene ends with Chris leaving the room, leaving the conflict unresolved.

Strengths

Building suspense
Revealing character depth
Creating emotional impact

Weaknesses

Potential lack of clarity on the significance of the photos

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It's not immediately evident what Chris is looking for in Rose's closet or why he's so stunned by the pictures he finds.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters' lines sound like exposition rather than genuine conversation.
The pacing is too slow. The scene drags on without much happening, which makes it difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. Chris simply drops the pictures and leaves the room without any explanation, leaving the reader hanging.

General Suggestions

Give the scene a clear purpose. What is Chris looking for in Rose's closet? What does he hope to find? What does he do with the information he finds?
Rewrite the dialogue so that it sounds more natural and conversational. The characters should speak like real people, not like they're reading from a script.
Speed up the pacing by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action. The scene should move quickly and efficiently.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Chris should have some sort of reaction to the pictures he finds, and he should make a decision about what to do next.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension through the shocking revelations in the closet, adding depth to the characters and raising intriguing questions for the audience.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering hidden truths through a collection of photos in the closet is engaging and adds complexity to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris discovers the photos in Rose's closet, leading to a deeper exploration of their relationship and raising new questions about Rose's past.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of trust and deception in a relationship, with the use of visual cues and subtle reveals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are further developed through the revelations in the closet, particularly Rose, whose past relationships come to light, adding layers to her character.

Character Changes: 7

The discovery of the photos in Rose's closet prompts a change in Chris's perception of her, leading to a shift in their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about Rose's past relationships and understand her intentions. This reflects his deeper need for honesty and trust in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare to leave the house and go on a trip with Rose. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their departure and the challenges of potential conflict or secrets.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the shocking revelations in the closet, creating tension and emotional turmoil for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Chris faces a difficult emotional challenge and must confront the truth about Rose's past relationships.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Chris uncovers the photos in Rose's closet, leading to a reevaluation of their relationship and raising questions about trust and deception.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information about Rose's past relationships, deepening the mystery and adding complexity to the plot.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected discovery of the hidden pictures, which adds a new layer of complexity to the characters' relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between trust and deception, as Chris discovers the hidden pictures of Rose with other men. This challenges his beliefs about their relationship and raises questions about honesty and loyalty.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact as Chris discovers the photos in Rose's closet, leading to a mix of shock, confusion, and conflict for the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is tense and emotional, reflecting the characters' conflicting emotions and the shocking discoveries made by Chris.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful buildup, the emotional stakes for the characters, and the unexpected twist of the hidden pictures.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for moments of reflection and reaction, and leading to a climactic reveal.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy interaction in a bedroom setting, with clear character actions and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic reveal in a screenplay, with a buildup of tension, a surprising discovery, and character reactions.

INT. FOYER/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Rose follows Chris down the stairs.

ROSE
(Hushed)
Chris... What’s wrong?

CHRIS
Nothing.

Jeremy stands near the front door twirling his lacrosse
stick.

JEREMY
Where are you going? The party’s
just getting started.

CHRIS
I’m going to the car; see if we
left the keys in there.

Missy enters the hallway behind Chris.

MISSY
Would you like some tea, Chris?

CHRIS
I’m good.

The family is silent. Missy’s glare pierces Chris. He avoids
eye contact.

MISSY
You’re leaving us. Is something
wrong?

CHRIS
No. Well, yeah... Um.

ROSE
(still blank)
His dog is sick. He needs to go to
the vet first thing in the morning--

Dean, in Missy’s office in front of the roaring fireplace,
presses play on a remote control and a darkly classical track
comes on.

DEAN
What is your purpose, Chris?
75.

CHRIS
What?

DEAN
In life? What is your purpose..?

CHRIS
Right now, it’s finding the keys.

Dean stares into the fire.

DEAN
Mesmerizing isn’t it? The fire is a
reflection of our own mortality.
It’s born, it breathes and then it
dies.

CHRIS
Rose...

Rose lamely rummages through her messy bag.

ROSE
I’m looking.

Dean now looks at the painting above the fireplace.

DEAN
Even the Sun will die some day,
Chris. It is us who are the divine
ones. We are the Gods who are
trapped in cocoons.--

CHRIS
--Rose.--

DEAN
--You’d take the baptism wouldn’t
you? You’d shed your skin to awake
renewed and perfect. Of course you
would.

CHRIS
I was raised Episcopalian.

Chris starts toward the door, but his path is blocked by
Jeremy swinging at air.

JEREMY
Whoa! Be careful, bro.

MISSY
Jeremy...
76.

JEREMY
I’m not doing anything.

MISSY
What is this shit?!!

DEAN
It’s our purpose! It is our
destiny! The requirement for
spiritual transmutation is the will
of a new vessel must sacrifice!!!

CHRIS
Rose! The keys!

Rose backs away.

ROSE
You know I can’t give you the keys.

Chris makes a run for the door. Missy clinks the cup with her
spoon.

TinG tinG. TinG tinG.

The world instantly blurs around Chris. He begins to fall. He
sees a flash.

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Tense, Mysterious, Intense

Summary In this tense and eerie scene, Chris tries to leave the house to take his sick dog to the vet, but is stopped by Rose, Jeremy, and Missy, who are under the leadership of Dean. Chris is questioned about his purpose and intentions, and as he attempts to leave, the world blurs around him and he falls to the ground. The setting is a house's foyer and living room at night, with a roaring fireplace and a painting above it. Key pieces of dialogue revolve around Dean's cryptic questions about purpose and mortality, and Chris's responses about finding the keys and being raised Episcopalian.

Strengths

Building tension
Mysterious atmosphere
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or melodramatic

General Critique

The dialogue is a bit stiff and unnatural. It feels like the characters are talking at each other instead of to each other.
The scene is a bit too long. It could be trimmed down to make it more concise and impactful.
The action is a bit confusing. It's not clear what's happening or why.
The ending is a bit abrupt. It leaves the reader feeling a bit lost.
The scene lacks a clear purpose. It's not clear what the writer is trying to achieve with this scene.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
Trim down the scene to make it more concise and impactful.
Clarify the action so that it's clear what's happening and why.
Add a more satisfying ending to the scene.
Give the scene a clear purpose.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a sense of foreboding, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of spiritual transmutation and sacrifice adds depth to the scene, creating a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris tries to leave the party but faces resistance from the Armitage family, adding to the suspense and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to exploring existential themes within a tense family dynamic. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Chris and the Armitage family, are well-developed and their interactions heighten the tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a realization about the true nature of the Armitage family, leading to a shift in his perception and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape the unsettling situation and find the car keys. This reflects his desire to avoid confrontation and maintain control over his immediate circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find the car keys and leave the house. This reflects the immediate challenge of escaping the tense situation and potential danger.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Chris and the Armitage family reaches a peak in this scene, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about how the protagonist will navigate the tense situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Chris tries to escape the increasingly dangerous situation with the Armitage family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the Armitage family's intentions and escalating the conflict with Chris.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in tone and the unexpected philosophical discussions that challenge the protagonist's beliefs. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the discussion of purpose in life and the idea of spiritual transmutation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront deeper existential questions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety, fear, and confusion in the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the escalating tension and unease among the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue exchanges, mysterious atmosphere, and escalating tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' interactions and the unfolding conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining a sense of urgency. The rhythm of the dialogue exchanges and character movements keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of tension and conflict leading to a climax. The dialogue exchanges and character movements are well-paced.

INT. DARKNESS

Chris falls through the dark abyss of his mind again just
like when he was hypnotized. The blue screen above him
displays what his real eyes see. It’s his own perspective in
the real world in which his body falls backwards to the
floor. CRASH! The screen now shows the living room ceiling.
Jeremy leans over him.

JEREMY
Oh shit!

MISSY (O.S.)
Is he hurt?

CHRIS
No!

JEREMY DEAN (O.S.)
Did you see him drop? He hit his head pretty good.

MISSY (O.S.)
Take him downstairs. Jeremy, get
the legs. Dean, help him.
77.

JEREMY
I can take him alone.

MISSY (O.S.)
No. Be careful. We’ve already
damaged him enough. Dean, please.

Chris continues to fall slowly further from the screen above
which continues to show his body’s perspective as it is being
lifted by Dean and Jeremy and carried out of the room.

CHRIS
Rose!? No, no, no, no. Shit,
shit...

DEAN
You’re going to drop him.

JEREMY
No, I’m not.

MISSY (O.S.)
Be careful what you say, everyone.
He can hear every word.

JEREMY
Why? He’s gonna find out sooner or
later..

MISSY
Not like this.

DEAN
Listen to your mother.

CHRIS
Rose!!!!

Rose approaches Chris’ face.

ROSE
(whisper)
You were one of my favorites.

Chris stops sinking. He turns right side up.

CHRIS
No!! Help!!! Help!!!!! Help!!!!!!

A door creaks open. Chris’ body is taken downstairs into the
darkness. The screen in the abyss goes dark.

Chris shivers. He’s cold and alone. He takes out his lighter
and lights it.
78.

Something large and dark moves underneath Chris. Chris looks
around frantically.

His light goes out.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Shit.

Chris tries to light his lighter again. In takes a couple
tries. Each flash illuminates a large face beside his. He
doesn’t see it. The amorphous antlered thing emerges from the
shadow. Its eyes glow and flicker faint blue in its sockets.

He finally lights the flame and feels the beast’s presence he
turns, but the creature is gone.

He turns back and there it is. Very close. It’s head is the
skull of a deer and it has dim blue glowing eyes. It MOANS A
WRONG SOUNDING MOAN OF HATEFUL ANGUISH.

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Psychological
Tone: Terror, Anxiety, Confusion

Summary In this tense and frightening scene, Chris falls through a dark abyss and finds himself in his living room, where Jeremy and Dean attend to his head injury. He calls out for Rose, who appears and whispers to him before he's taken away to a dark, empty space downstairs. Alone, Chris lights a lighter and encounters a large, antlered creature. The scene ends with Chris facing the creature and being taken away into the darkness.

Strengths

Building tension
Creating a sense of dread and unease
Exploring psychological horror themes

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Sudden introduction of nightmarish creature

General Critique

The scene is confusing and disorienting, which makes it difficult to follow.
The dialogue is unnatural and stilted.
The characters' motivations are unclear.
The pacing is slow and meandering.
The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with a clear establishing shot that shows where Chris is and what he's doing.
Use more natural and conversational dialogue.
Give the characters clear motivations and goals.
Tighten up the pacing by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending by resolving the conflict between Chris and the other characters.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its dark and surreal imagery, creating a sense of dread and unease. The sudden shift in tone and the introduction of a terrifying creature add to the overall impact of the scene.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Chris falling into a dark abyss of his mind, encountering a nightmarish creature, and experiencing a sense of helplessness and terror is executed well. The scene effectively explores the character's inner fears and psychological turmoil.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Chris experiences a psychological breakdown, revealing his deep-seated fears and anxieties. The introduction of the mysterious creature adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases a fresh approach to exploring themes of fear, isolation, and inner turmoil, with a unique blend of psychological and supernatural elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of mystery and suspense.

Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Chris, are pushed to their limits in this scene, revealing their vulnerabilities and fears. The interactions between the characters heighten the tension and contribute to the overall sense of unease.

Character Changes: 8

Chris undergoes a significant change in this scene, as he confronts his inner demons and faces his deepest fears. The experience pushes him to his limits and forces him to confront his vulnerabilities and insecurities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape the darkness and fear that surrounds him, as well as to find a sense of safety and connection with others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to physically escape the situation he is in and find a way back to reality.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Chris grapples with his deepest fears and anxieties. The introduction of the nightmarish creature adds an external threat that heightens the tension and raises the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his resolve and push him to confront his fears and uncertainties.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Chris faces his darkest fears and confronts a terrifying creature in his own mind. The sense of danger and the unknown create a sense of urgency and suspense.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Chris's psychological state and revealing his inner fears and anxieties. The introduction of the nightmarish creature adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, as well as the supernatural elements and psychological challenges he faces. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of fear, isolation, and the unknown. The protagonist's struggle to confront his inner demons and the mysterious creature he encounters reflects a deeper existential conflict.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, dread, and shock in the audience. The intense atmosphere and the character's psychological turmoil create a sense of unease and suspense.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' emotions and the escalating sense of dread. The sparse dialogue enhances the atmosphere of fear and uncertainty.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, emotional depth, and suspenseful plot developments. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's psychological journey and the mysterious events unfolding around him.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build tension, suspense, and emotional impact. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the overall effectiveness of the scene.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and action lines that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that effectively conveys the protagonist's inner journey and the external challenges he faces. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere and emotional depth of the scene.

EXT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES TERMINAL - DAY

Rod smokes a cigarette and dials Chris.

CHRIS’ VOICEMAIL MESSAGE (V.O.)
It’s Chris. I’m away from my phone
or I just don’t want to talk to
you.

ROD
(anxious)
Sup? Dude, you scaring me, man? I
thought you were coming back
yesterday. Hopefully you home
already and just sleeping or some
shit. Aiight. Let me know.

INT. CHRIS’ LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Rod opens the door. Sid wags his tail hungrily.

INT. CHRIS’ KITCHEN - LATER

Rod opens dog food while he calls Chris.

CHRIS’ VOICEMAIL MESSAGE (V.O.)
Hey, it’s Chris. I’m away from my
phone or I just don’t want to talk
to--
79.

Rod hangs up. He places Sid’s bowl down. Sid doesn’t eat.
Instead Sid looks back up at Rod and WHINES.

ROD
Yeah... me too.

INT. CHRIS’ LIVING ROOM - LATER

Rod zones out at Chris’ desk in front of his laptop. Sid
sits on Rod’s lap. Rod types “Andre Hayworth” into the search
engine. Images of Andre come up.

Rod finds an article entitled: “What Happened to Andre
Hayworth?” Under in bold “Brooklyn Native Goes Missing In
Evergreen Hallow.”

Rod’s eyes go wide.

ROD
Oh shit.

INT. GAMES ROOM - LATER

Chris wakes up. In front of him, a deer’s head is mounted
above an old-school floor-standing television. Behind him, a
goat’s head is mounted under a taxidermy owl, wings spread.
There are several objects precisely placed around the room.

His arms and legs are fastened to a leather upholstered chair
in the middle of a small dark room.

Chris pulls at the straps that bind his arms and legs. Chris
tries to gnaw at the harnesses, but they are too thick.

CHRIS
Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh shit.
The fuck?!?

The television in front of Chris flickers on and the image of
a tea cup comes into focus on the screen. A spoon stirs and
clinks the side of the cup.

“TING TING, TING TING”

Before he can react, Chris falls asleep.

Genres: Thriller, Horror, Mystery
Tone: Anxious, Suspenseful, Terrifying, Mysterious

Summary Rod visits Chris's apartment and finds his dog, Sid. After feeding Sid, Rod discovers an article about a missing person named Andre Hayworth on Chris's laptop, causing him to look concerned. Meanwhile, Chris wakes up bound to a chair in a dark room with taxidermied animals, speaking to his kidnappers through a television before falling back asleep. The scene takes place in various rooms of Chris's apartment and is tense and anxious in tone, with Rod expressing his worry and Chris expressing his fear.

Strengths

Building tension
Creating a sense of dread
Revealing shocking twists

Weaknesses

Limited character interaction
Lack of clarity in certain plot points

General Critique

The scene is well-written and suspenseful, but it could be improved by adding more details to the setting and the characters.
The dialogue is natural and believable, but it could be more concise and to the point.
The pacing of the scene is good, but it could be slowed down a bit to build more tension.

General Suggestions

Add more details to the setting, such as the size and shape of the room, the type of furniture, and the lighting.
Add more details to the characters, such as their physical appearance, their personality traits, and their motivations.
Concise the dialogue by removing unnecessary words and phrases.
Slow down the pacing of the scene by adding more pauses and beats.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its eerie setting, mysterious events, and the protagonist's increasing sense of dread. The unexpected twist at the end adds a shocking element that leaves the audience wanting more.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, involving a dark abyss, strange mounted animal heads, and a mysterious television broadcast, is unique and intriguing. It introduces a supernatural element that adds depth to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and suspenseful, with the protagonist trapped in a strange room and facing unknown dangers. The revelation at the end adds a new layer of complexity to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the mystery genre, blending elements of suspense and drama with a unique narrative structure. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Chris and Rod, are well-developed and their reactions to the events heighten the tension. The mysterious nature of the other characters adds to the sense of unease.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from confusion and fear to a heightened sense of danger and urgency. His character arc is driven by the escalating tension and mysterious events.

Internal Goal: 8

Rod's internal goal in this scene is to find out what happened to Andre Hayworth, which reflects his curiosity and concern for his friend's well-being.

External Goal: 7

Rod's external goal is to locate Chris, who seems to be missing or in trouble. This goal reflects the immediate challenge Rod is facing in the scene.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the protagonist facing physical and psychological threats in a surreal and terrifying environment. The sense of danger is palpable throughout.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chris facing a dire situation that is difficult to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about his fate, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the protagonist facing unknown threats in a surreal and terrifying environment. The danger is imminent and the consequences of failure are severe.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements of mystery and danger, deepening the plot and raising the stakes for the protagonist. It sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing and on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of trust, loyalty, and deception. Rod's trust in Chris is tested as he uncovers unsettling information about his friend.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anxiety, and suspense in the audience. The protagonist's sense of helplessness and the eerie setting contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' fear and confusion, adding to the overall sense of suspense. The limited dialogue enhances the atmosphere of mystery.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, compelling characters, and gripping narrative. The audience is drawn into the mystery and eager to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic revelation.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and suspense effectively, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding mystery.

INT. CHRIS’ LIVING ROOM - DAWN

Sid wakes Rod up with a lick to the face. He’s on the sofa.
80.

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Rod sits at a desk with Sid on his lap.. DETECTIVE LATOYA
(40), African American enters. She’s been doing this too
long. She speaks to someone outside her office.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
...Then he should’ve gone back up
there and made sure everything was
accounted for. ‘Cause hey, look;
how about this? If you record the
evidence, you’re responsible for
it.

Latoya shuts the door and sits at her desk. She begins
opening and eating a bag of sunflower seeds.

DETECTIVE LATOYA (CONT’D)
Hello, Mr...

ROD
Williams... Rod Williams...

DETECTIVE LATOYA
From the TSA?

ROD
Yes Ma’am.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
You know that TSA issues should be
brought to your authorizing
officer, right?

ROD
It’s not TSA business, ma’am.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Please don’t call me “ma’am,” or
we’re not gonna get along. How can
I help you, Rod Williams from the
TSA?

ROD
Here it is: My boy Chris has been
missing for two days.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Your son is missing?

ROD
No, sorry, not my son, my boy.
He’s my friend. He’s 26. His name
is Chris... Washington...
81.

He gives her time to write the name which she doesn’t do. She
just stares at him.

ROD (CONT’D)
He left town on Friday with his
girlfriend Rose... Armitage...
She’s white.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
That’s four days ago.

ROD
Yeah, I mean he’s only been MISSING
for two days. He was supposed--

DETECTIVE LATOYA
--I’m gonna stop you right there.
Now you know the minimum amount of
time without contact before you can
file a missing persons report is--

ROD
--Three days I know, but I have
reason to believe he’s been
abducted.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Go on.

ROD
Chris was set to come back home on
Sunday. I was watching his dog Sid.

Latoya points to Sid.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
That’s Sid.

ROD
Yup. Cute right? Now look...

Rod takes out his phone and scrolls to a photo of Andre.

ROD (CONT’D)
Chris sent me this which he took at
the girlfriend's parents house.
That’s Andre Hayworth, a guy we
knew from back in the day. Come to
find out he went missing 6 months
ago in an affluent suburb upstate.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Doesn’t look missing to me.
82.

ROD
Well that’s the thing. We found him
and now, according to Chris, he’s
got a different personality.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Different how?

ROD
This dude is from Brooklyn. He
didn’t used to dress like that.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
I didn’t used to dress like this.

ROD
Plus, now he’s married to a white
woman twice his age.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Well, that explains the clothes.
Look Rod Williams from the TSA-

ROD
I know, I know. I’m working up to
it. Look, I know what I’m about to
say is gonna sound crazy.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Try me.

ROD
You ready for this...? I think this
family is abducting black people
and brainwashing them to work for
them as sex slaves and shit...
Sorry.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
...Brainwashing?

ROD
Yeah.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
Hold on one second.
(over her intercom)
Garcia, Drake, get in here a
second.
(to Rod)
I want you to tell these officers
exactly what you just told me.
83.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Serious, Intense

Summary In this serious and tense scene at the police station, Rod Williams, a TSA agent, reports his friend Chris as missing to Detective Latoya. Rod believes Chris has been abducted and brainwashed by a wealthy family to be a sex slave. He shows Detective Latoya a photo of Chris' friend Andre, who went missing and reappeared with a different personality. Initially dismissive, Detective Latoya calls in two officers, Garcia and Drake, to hear Rod's story, indicating that she is taking his concerns seriously.

Strengths

Suspenseful atmosphere
Strong dialogue
Intriguing concept

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose

General Critique

The scene is a bit too heavy on exposition. The dialogue between Rod and Detective Latoya is very informative, but it could be more engaging.
The scene doesn't really advance the plot. We learn that Chris has been missing for two days, but we don't learn anything new about his disappearance.
The scene doesn't really give us any new insights into the characters. We learn that Rod is worried about Chris, but we don't learn anything new about his personality or motivations.
The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the exposition and dialogue.

General Suggestions

Add more action to the scene. For example, you could have Rod and Detective Latoya investigate Chris's apartment or talk to some of his friends.
Give the characters more depth. For example, you could explore Rod's motivations for helping Chris or Detective Latoya's skepticism about his claims.
Add some humor to the scene. This could help to lighten the mood and make the scene more engaging.
Cut out some of the exposition and dialogue. This will help to make the scene more concise and focused.
Rewrite the scene from a different perspective. For example, you could write it from Detective Latoya's perspective or from Chris's perspective.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong sense of mystery and tension that keeps the audience on edge.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of abduction and brainwashing adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the story, raising important questions about race and power dynamics.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens as the protagonist's suspicions are brought to light, setting the stage for further exploration of the central mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and provocative premise of abduction and brainwashing, while also exploring themes of identity and power dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal deeper layers of their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist's beliefs and suspicions undergo a significant shift, leading to a deeper understanding of the central mystery.

Internal Goal: 8

Rod's internal goal in this scene is to find his missing friend Chris and uncover the truth behind his disappearance. This reflects his deeper need for justice, loyalty to his friend, and fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

Rod's external goal in this scene is to convince Detective Latoya that his friend Chris has been abducted and that there is foul play involved. This reflects the immediate challenge of getting the police to take his concerns seriously.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, adding to the overall suspense and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Detective Latoya initially skeptical of Rod's claims and challenging his beliefs. The uncertainty of how she will respond adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of potential abduction and brainwashing add urgency and danger to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information and escalating the tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of abduction and brainwashing, as well as the shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of race, identity, and power dynamics. Rod's belief that black people are being abducted and brainwashed challenges Detective Latoya's initial skepticism and forces her to confront her own biases and assumptions.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from concern to shock, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the high stakes of the missing person case, and the suspenseful buildup towards uncovering the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and visual descriptions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions are concise and effective.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery/drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged.

INT. POLICE STATION - MOMENTS LATER

Two detectives, Garcia, 37, and Drake, 43, stand behind
Latoya.

ROD
...See, I don’t know if the
hypnosis makes you a slave or what,
but they already got two brothers
that we know of, and who knows how
many more there could be.

The officers are all riveted... Then... All three detectives
laugh. Rod is not being taken the slightest bit seriously.

DETECTIVE LATOYA
(to her colleagues)
So, I don’t want none of you sayin’
I don’t do nothin’ for you... White
girls’ll get you every time!

They all laugh harder.

INT. GAMES ROOM - LATER

Chris wakes up suddenly. He takes in his surroundings again.
He’s in the same room. He’s scratched the arm of the chair to
the point where the leather on the arm of the chair has begun
to rip open.

CHRIS
Okay. Okay! What do you want? You
tryin’ to break me? Done. I’m
broke. What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do????

Chris is exhausted. He laughs at the absurdity of the
situation.

The television flickers on and again the image of a tea cup
comes into focus on the screen. A spoon stirs and clinks the
side of the cup. Terror flashes across his face.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
No--

Again Chris becomes paralyzed.
84.

INT. CHRIS’ APARTMENT - DUSK

Rod sits by the window with Sid. He looks out over rooftops
and thinks. He picks up his phone and calls Chris again. He
knows Chris won’t answer. Then--

ROSE
Hello?

Rod is taken off guard. He almost drops his phone.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Chris?

ROD
Yo. Um, Rose? It’s Rod.

ROSE
Hi.

ROD
Where’s Chris?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ARMITAGE HOUSE. DINING ROOM - DUSK

Rose stands by the dining table on Chris’ phone. Rose starts
to cry.

ROSE
He left like two days ago.

ROD
He left?

ROSE
He got paranoid. We got in a fight.
And flipped out. Then he took a cab
home and left his phone. Wait...
You haven’t seen him?

ROD
No. He never made it back here.

ROSE
Oh my God.

ROD
I’ve been calling. I went to the
police and--
85.

ROSE
--What did you say?

ROD
I told them he was missing.

ROSE
Okay, wait... um... Did you call
his aunt?

ROD
Yes. Lemme ask you something, Rose.
What cab company did he use?

ROSE
I don’t know. A local one I’m
guessing. Maybe Uber? Wait, I’m so
confused...

ROD
Hold on a second.

Rod hits mute.

ROD (CONT’D)
(under his breath)
This bitch knows she got something
to do with this.

He opens up ‘Garage Band’ on Chris’ computer and puts the
phone on speaker, recording her. He un-mutes the phone.

ROD (CONT’D)
So, last time Chris and I talked,
he told me your mom hypnotized him?

Rose is silent. Then...

ROSE
Rod, just stop.

ROD
Huh?

ROSE
I know why you’re calling.

ROD
Why is that?

We now see Rose’s family standing in the living room behind
her. They watch her operate.
86.

ROSE
Come on. I mean, it’s kind of
obvious.

ROD
What?

ROSE
That there’s something between us.

ROD
No. I’m calling about Chris.

ROSE
We’d all go out drinking... I
remember you looking at me.

ROD
That’s my best friend. If you did
something--

ROSE
I know you think about fucking me,
Rod.

ROD
--No. You crazy... What? No!

Rod hangs up in a panic. He looks at Sid helplessly.

Rose’s expression goes blank. She places the phone on the
dining room table and looks back at her family. They watch in
approval.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional, Confrontational

Summary In the police station, detectives Garcia and Drake laugh off Rod's concerns about hypnosis and white girls. Meanwhile, Chris, under hypnosis, becomes paranoid and terrified when a tea cup appears on the television screen. Rod calls Chris' apartment and speaks with Rose, who reveals that Chris has been missing for two days. Rod suspects Rose's family of wrongdoing and records their conversation. At Rose's dining room, Rod tries to get information from Rose about Chris' disappearance, but their conversation takes a turn when Rose accuses Rod of having feelings for her, causing him to hang up in panic. The scene ends with Rose looking back at her family with a blank expression.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth
High stakes
Revelations

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Predictable character dynamics

General Critique

The scene is confusing and disorienting, with the detectives laughing at Rod and Chris suddenly waking up in a different location.
The dialogue between Rod and Rose is unnatural and unbelievable, with Rose abruptly accusing Rod of having feelings for her.
The scene does not advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
The use of the tea cup on the television screen to paralyze Chris is a cheap and ineffective scare tactic.
The recording of Rose's conversation with Rod is unnecessary and does not add anything to the scene.

General Suggestions

Rewrite the scene to be more logical and coherent, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Give the detectives a more legitimate reason to laugh at Rod, such as his outlandish claims about hypnosis and brainwashing.
Make the dialogue between Rod and Rose more realistic and believable, focusing on their concern for Chris.
Use a more subtle and effective method to scare Chris, such as having him hear strange noises or see unsettling visions.
Remove the recording of Rose's conversation with Rod, as it is unnecessary and does not add anything to the scene.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of suspense, emotional depth, and character dynamics that keep the audience on edge. The revelations and betrayals add layers to the story and increase the tension.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hypnosis, manipulation, and betrayal is well-executed in the scene, adding complexity to the plot and raising questions about the characters' motivations.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens with the revelation of Chris's disappearance and the suspicions surrounding Rose and her family. The scene advances the story by introducing new conflicts and escalating the mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh dynamics between characters, explores themes of trust and manipulation in a unique way, and presents authentic dialogue that adds depth to the characters.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth and complexity, especially Rose, who reveals a darker side. The interactions between Rod and Rose add tension and intrigue to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Rose's character undergoes a significant change as her darker side is revealed, adding complexity to her personality. The scene sets the stage for further character development and revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris' internal goal is to understand the situation he's in and figure out what is being asked of him. His fear and confusion are reflected in his dialogue and actions.

External Goal: 7

Chris' external goal is to find out what is being demanded of him and how to comply in order to escape the situation.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters and the revelation of Chris's disappearance adding a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and hidden agendas that create tension and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Chris's life in danger and the characters facing betrayal and manipulation. The sense of danger and urgency adds tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Chris's disappearance and deepening the mystery surrounding Rose and her family. It sets up new conflicts and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character revelations, shifting power dynamics, and sudden plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, manipulation, and personal relationships. Rod's suspicions of Rose and her family challenge his beliefs about loyalty and truth.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, confusion, and betrayal. The emotional depth of the characters and the high-stakes situation make it impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and motivations. The exchanges between Rod and Rose are particularly intense and revealing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, dramatic dialogue, and unexpected plot twists that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and tense, creating a sense of urgency and suspense that drives the narrative forward.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, allowing for easy readability and understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that adds to the suspense and mystery of the narrative. It effectively transitions between different locations and character interactions.

INT. GAMES ROOM - DAY

Chris, still strapped to the chair, wakes up again. He is
drained. The arm of the chair is more torn than before.

The television in front of Chris flickers on again...

CHRIS
Wait--

The image that comes on isn’t the teacup this time. Instead
it’s...

EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - SUNSET

A beautiful landscape of the Armitage grounds. In it, the sun
rises through a clearing in the trees accompanied by SOOTHING
CLASSICAL GUITAR MUSIC.
87.

There is a distinctly dated mid 90’s feel to the look of the
video. Chris is confused. The image pans to reveal ROMAN
ARMITAGE 80 Caucasian, watching the sunset.

ROMAN
Ah, is there anything more
beautiful than a sun rise?

Roman turns to the camera. We recognize him as Dean’s father
from the pictures in the hallway. Underneath the pleasant
tone of the video, Roman suppresses a spiteful glee.

ROMAN (CONT’D)
Hi, I’m Roman Armitage, and if
you’re watching this, your probably
wondering what’s going on. Well
don’t you worry, answers are coming
soon. Let’s take a walk...

EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - CONTINUOUS

Roman walks by a hedge which he occasionally prunes as he
addresses the camera.

ROMAN
What if I told you, you would never
have to work again. No more
responsibility, or difficult life
decisions. Isn’t that what you’d
want? Let’s take a walk.

EXT. ARMITAGE’S BACK LAWN - MOMENTS LATER

Roman walks towards the back of the house.

ROMAN
You were chosen because of the
physical advantages you’ve enjoyed
your entire life. I’m certain that
with your natural gifts and our
determination we‘ll soon both be a
part of something greater.
Something perfect.

EXT. ARMITAGE BACK LAWN - MOMENTS LATER

Roman walks in the distance.

ROMAN (V.O.)
The Coagula procedure is a man-made
miracle.
(MORE)
88.

ROMAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Our order had been developing it
for many many years, but was
perfected only recently by my own
flesh and blood.

EXT. ARMITAGE BACK LAWN - MOMENTS LATER

ROMAN (V.O.)
My family and I are honored to
offer it as a service to members of
our group.

As Roman approaches the house, JOSIE ARMITAGE, 78 Caucasian,
waves to Roman through the kitchen window.

ROMAN
Save your strength. Don’t try to
fight it. You can’t stop the
inevitable.

EXT. ARMITAGE’S FRONT LAWN - MOMENTS LATER

The Armitage family stands around Roman. They are all 20
years younger. Dean, Missy, as well as 6 year old Rose and
Jeremy.

ROMAN
And who knows, you might just enjoy
being part of our family.

The family waves at the camera as it pulls out. The words
“Behold the Coagula” come up. The Screen goes blank. A few
seconds later. The screen pops back on to...

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Mystery
Tone: Menacing, Sinister, Mysterious, Foreboding

Summary Chris, still captive in the games room, wakes up to a televised message from Roman Armitage, Dean's father. Roman introduces the Coagula procedure, a medical breakthrough perfected by the Armitage family, and encourages Chris not to resist. The scene showcases the picturesque Armitage estate at sunset and ends with Roman and his family standing together, waving at the camera as the words 'Behold the Coagula' appear on the screen. The tone is calm and manipulative, with Roman attempting to reassure Chris through soothing music and a beautiful setting, while hinting at the larger conflict of Chris's captivity and the implications of the Coagula procedure.

Strengths

Building tension and suspense
Revealing a key plot element
Setting up a major conflict

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene opens with Chris waking up again, strapped to the chair. This is a good way to show that he is still trapped and vulnerable. However, the scene then cuts to an image of the Armitage estate, and Roman Armitage begins to speak. This is a bit disorienting, and it's not clear why the scene has cut away from Chris.
Roman's speech is full of vague and grandiose language, such as "answers are coming soon" and "something greater." This makes it difficult to understand what he is talking about, and it's not clear what he wants from Chris.
The scene then cuts back to Chris, who is watching Roman's speech on the television. This is a good way to show that Chris is still being held captive, but it's not clear why Roman is showing him this video.
The scene ends with Roman's family waving at the camera, and the words "Behold the Coagula" coming up on the screen. This is a bit confusing, and it's not clear what this means for Chris.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with Chris waking up again, strapped to the chair. This will help to ground the scene and make it clear that Chris is still trapped.
Cut to Roman Armitage beginning to speak. This will create a sense of suspense and anticipation.
Have Roman speak in more concrete and specific terms. This will make it easier to understand what he is talking about, and it will make the scene more engaging.
Cut back to Chris watching Roman's speech on the television. This will show that Chris is still being held captive, and it will also add to the sense of suspense.
End the scene with Roman's family waving at the camera, and the words "Behold the Coagula" coming up on the screen. This will leave the audience with a sense of mystery and anticipation.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in building tension and intrigue, introducing a key plot element and raising the stakes for the protagonist. The revelation of the Coagula procedure adds depth to the story and creates a sense of foreboding.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Coagula procedure and the Armitage family's involvement in a mysterious group adds a layer of complexity to the plot, deepening the mystery and increasing the sense of danger for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly with the revelation of the Coagula procedure and Roman Armitage's message, setting up a major conflict and raising the stakes for the protagonist. The scene adds depth to the story and increases tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of control and manipulation, with unique character dynamics and a mysterious setting.

Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the concept and plot development in this scene, Roman Armitage's character is introduced effectively through the video message, showcasing his manipulative and sinister nature. The other characters play a supporting role in this scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Chris is faced with a major revelation that will likely impact his decisions and actions moving forward. The scene sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the situation he is in and figure out the intentions of the Armitage family. This reflects his fear of the unknown and desire for answers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape from the chair he is strapped to and the control of the Armitage family. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Chris is confronted with the chilling revelation of the Coagula procedure and the sinister intentions of the Armitage family. The scene sets up a major conflict for the protagonist and raises the stakes significantly.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a formidable challenge and uncertain outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Chris is confronted with the chilling revelation of the Coagula procedure and the sinister intentions of the Armitage family. The scene sets up a major conflict and raises the stakes significantly for the protagonist.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the Coagula procedure, deepening the mystery surrounding the Armitage family, and raising the stakes for the protagonist. The revelation sets up future conflicts and plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the mysterious nature of the Armitage family's intentions and the protagonist's uncertain fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for freedom and autonomy, and the Armitage family's belief in control and manipulation.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, as the audience is introduced to the dark and mysterious world of the Coagula procedure and the Armitage family's involvement. The emotional impact is heightened by the ominous tone and foreboding atmosphere.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene serves the purpose of conveying important information about the Coagula procedure and the Armitage family's involvement in a mysterious group. It is straightforward and serves the plot effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing dialogue, and the gradual reveal of information.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals key information about the plot.

INT. GAME ROOM - TELEVISION - DAY

Jim Hudson, with shaven head, sits on a hospital bed. And
faces Chris through the television.

JIM
Hey Chris. How’s it going...? You
can answer. There’s an intercom in
the room.

CHRIS
I need water.

JIM
I know, this probably feels like
some kind of sick joke or...
89.

CHRIS
Where’s Rose?

JIM
You dirty dog. You’re one of the
lucky one’s, trust me. Jeremy’s
wrangling method sounds way less
pleasant. I’m supposed to answer
any outstanding questions you may
have so far. I guess our common
understanding of the process has a
positive impact on the success rate
of the procedure.

Chris is silent.

JIM (CONT’D)
Okay, then let me just tell you
what it is. Phase one was the
hypnotism. That’s how they sedate
you. Phase two is this. Mental
preparation. It’s basically a
psychological pre-op.

CHRIS
Pre-op?

INT. GAME ROOM - TELEVISION - DAY

The television turns off. Chris clenches his body trying to
pry free from his restraints, before his shoulders collapse
with exhaustion. He lifts his head. The leather arm of the
chair is completely torn revealing tufts its cotton stuffing.
Chris gets an idea.

INT. GAMES ROOM - DAY

We hear nothing except a HEART BEAT.

Chris’ head hangs, asleep. His lips are dry. Chris wakes up.

The Television turns on. On the screen, a woman’s hand holds
a tea cup. With a spoon, she clinks it. We don’t hear it
though. We still hear nothing but the HEART BEAT.

CHRIS
No, No--

Before Chris can finish SCREAMING, his eyes widen. He goes
limp -- unconscious again.
90.

INT. OPERATING ROOM.

Jim Hudson lies unconscious on one of two operating beds in
the center of the room connected to an IV and heart monitors.

A bright medical light shines on Jim’s shaved head which also
has a dotted line around it. The other bed is empty and has a
light shining on it as well. This bed is for Chris.

Dean stands in ceremonial operating scrubs in the middle, his
palms upwards in silent prayer near some ceremonial candles.
Jeremy, also in scrubs, watches his father. Dean finishes his
prayer.

DEAN
Saw...

Jeremy hands Dean a circular surgical saw.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Get the vessel.

Jeremy leaves as Dean begins to saw into Jim’s cranium.

INT. DARK HALLWAY

Jeremy wheels a wheelchair and IV down the hallway.

JIM
For Phase three: Brain
transplantation. Partial actually,
the piece of your brain connected
to the nervous system needs to stay
put, keeping those intricate
connections intact, so you won’t be
gone; not completely. A sliver of
you will still be in there
somewhere; limited consciousness;
You’ll be able to see and hear what
your body is doing, but your
existence will be as a passenger...
an audience. You’ll live
in--

CHRIS
(defeated)
--In The Sunken Place.

JIM
That’s it. That’s what she calls
it. I’ll control the motor
functions so I’ll be--
91.

CHRIS
--Me... You’ll be me.

JIM
Good. You got it quick. Good on ya.

CHRIS
Why black people..?

JIM
Who knows. People want a change.
Some people wanna be stronger,
faster, cooler. Blah blah blah, but
don’t lump me in with that ignorant
shit. I could give two shits about
race. I don’t care if you’re black,
brown, green, purple... whatever.
People are people. What I want is
deeper: Your eye, man. I want those
things you see through.

CHRIS
That’s crazy.

JIM
Is there a greater complement?

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Tone: Menacing, Intense, Sinister, Revealing

Summary In a tense and ominous game room scene, Jim Hudson, a character with a shaven head, appears on a television and explains the process of a brain transplantation procedure to Chris, who is restrained in a chair. Chris gradually understands the implications of the process, occasionally asking questions or making comments, but ultimately loses consciousness again, setting up the following scene in the operating room. The conflict of Chris's resistance to the procedure and his desire to escape is not resolved in the scene.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Revealing dialogue
Psychological horror elements

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too disturbing for sensitive viewers

General Critique

The scene is very confusing and disorienting, with the POV switching between Chris and Jim, and the setting changing rapidly. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow what is happening.
The dialogue is very stiff and exposition-heavy, with characters explaining the plot and their motivations in a way that is unnatural and unrealistic.
The scene lacks any sense of tension or suspense, as the reader is never really sure what is at stake or what the characters are trying to achieve.
The pacing is very slow and the scene drags on for too long, with a lot of unnecessary details and repetitions.
The ending of the scene is very abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving the reader with more questions than answers.

General Suggestions

Start the scene with a clear establishing shot that shows the setting and the characters involved.
Use a consistent POV throughout the scene, or at least make it clear when the POV is changing.
Write dialogue that is more natural and realistic, and that advances the plot and reveals the characters' motivations.
Create a sense of tension and suspense by building up to a climax, and then release it in a satisfying way.
Pace the scene more effectively, cutting out unnecessary details and repetitions.
Give the scene a more satisfying ending, by resolving the conflict or at least providing a clear sense of what is going to happen next.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, delving deep into the psychological horror and manipulation faced by the protagonist. It builds tension and reveals crucial information about the sinister plans of the antagonists.

Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of brain transplantation and the idea of being a passenger in one's own body are innovative and terrifying. The scene effectively explores these concepts, adding layers of complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing the true intentions of the antagonists and the dire situation the protagonist is in. It sets up a crucial turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of brain transplantation and explores complex themes of identity and control. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Jim Hudson and Chris, are crucial in this scene. Jim's chilling explanation of the procedure and Chris' realization of his fate add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a significant realization and acceptance of his situation in this scene. His understanding of the procedure and his fate marks a crucial character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal is to understand the process he is undergoing and to resist the manipulation and control imposed on him. This reflects his fear of losing control and identity.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to escape from the restraints and the procedure he is being subjected to. This reflects his immediate challenge of physical confinement and potential harm.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense and psychological, as Chris grapples with the horrifying truth of his situation. The power dynamics and manipulation create a sense of unease and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chris facing physical and psychological challenges that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as Chris faces the horrifying truth of his situation and the imminent loss of his identity and agency. The consequences of the procedure are dire.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about the antagonists' plans and the dire situation the protagonist is in. It sets up a major turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the plot and the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of brain transplantation and the loss of identity. It challenges Chris's beliefs about individuality and autonomy.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, helplessness, and dread. The revelation of the procedure and Chris' realization of his fate elicit a powerful emotional response.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is intense and revealing, adding to the tension of the scene. Jim's explanations and Chris' responses create a sense of dread and helplessness.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, compelling dialogue, and high stakes for the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay writing.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense. It transitions smoothly between different locations and characters.

INT. GAMES ROOM

Jeremy enters with the wheelchair. He unstraps Chris’ arms
then legs. Then turns to prepare his IV.

Chris raises behind Jeremy with a bocce ball in his hand.
He’s not really hypnotized! He hits Jeremy in the back of the
head with the bocce ball. Jeremy crumples in pain. Chris hits
him again. Jeremy falls limp and blood rushes from his head.

INT. OPERATING ROOM

Dean is busy sawing Jim’s cranium off.

INT. GAMES ROOM

Chris takes the earplugs out of his ears and can hear again.

INT. OPERATING ROOM

Dean finishes sawing the top of Jim’s skull off. He removes
the cranium preciously exposing Jim’s brain.
92.

DEAN
Jeremy...?

Dean walks to the doorway and scans the dark hallway. It’s
quiet.

Chris emerges charging from the darkness with Deer’s head in
his arms. He punctures Dean through the neck and body with
the antlers. Dean and stumbles back into the operating room,
bleeding from neck and torso.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Ahhh--

His scream gargles. Dean falls knocking a candle over which
lights the unused bed on fire. The fire grows fast. Chris
slams the door shut and continues through the dark hallway
lined with ceremonial photos. He finds the pitch black
stairwell and ascends to...

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Georgina sits nearby knitting . The window, like before,
reflects the room around them.

She sniffs the air. She is suddenly afraid. She turns off the
light illuminating the back yard. She turns the light back on
again. Chris’ bloodied reflection emerges from the basement
door behind hers. He looks savage. Georgina runs out the back
door.

Chris heads to the door, but sees his phone on the dining
room table. He goes for it.

INT. MISSY’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Chris picks up his phone and presses the power button. The
loading screen comes up. Chris walks to the front door.They
see each other. The teacup is on the table by the chair in
the middle of the room. They both go for it, Chris gets there
first. He knocks the teacup off the desk shattering it. They
stare each other down for a moment. Missy walks towards her
desk and Chris follows.

Missy grabs a letter opener from the desk and stabs him
through the hand. Chris grabs her wrists. He is unhinged. He
pushes his forehead against hers in a show of primal
dominance. In this moment he becomes a being motivated by
revenge.

MISSY
No. No. No!
93.

Chris screams in rage. He pushes Missy further into her
office. We hear the struggle and screams of a excruciating
fight. We see a quick flash of a stab. We hear a CRASH as a
lamp light turns off. The FIGHT SOUNDS slow down. MISSY
GARGLES. Chris comes out of the room bloodier than before
holding the letter opener.

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Violent, Dark

Summary In the games room, Chris attacks Jeremy with a bocce ball. Meanwhile, in the operating room, Chris stabs Dean with deer antlers and Jim's skull is sawed off by an unspecified person. Chris then sets the operating room on fire. In the kitchen, Georgina sees Chris's reflection and runs out in fear. Chris and Missy struggle in her office, resulting in Chris emerging with a bloodied letter opener. The scene ends with a growing sense of danger and violence, as conflicts remain unresolved and tensions escalate.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Graphic violence
Emotional depth
Character development

Weaknesses

Graphic violence may be disturbing to some viewers

General Critique

The scene is too long and could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
The dialogue is not very natural and could be improved by making it more conversational.
The action is not very clear and could be improved by adding more detail.
The scene does not have a clear goal and could be improved by adding a more specific objective for Chris.
The scene is not very suspenseful and could be improved by adding more tension and danger.

General Suggestions

Cut out the unnecessary dialogue and action.
Make the dialogue more conversational.
Add more detail to the action.
Add a more specific objective for Chris.
Add more tension and danger.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, intense, and sets a dark tone for the story. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its violent and suspenseful elements.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character breaking free from hypnosis and fighting back against their captors is engaging and adds a layer of depth to the story. The scene's execution of this concept is well-done.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Chris takes matters into his own hands and confronts Missy, leading to a major turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unique blend of horror, suspense, and revenge themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of danger and chaos.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Chris and Missy are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their intense emotions and motivations. Their actions drive the conflict forward and reveal new aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Chris and Missy undergo significant changes in this scene, with Chris breaking free from hypnosis and asserting his dominance, while Missy reveals a darker and more violent side to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and seek revenge. Chris is shown to be unhinged and motivated by revenge, which reflects his deeper fears and desires for justice and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape and confront his enemies. Chris is shown to be physically fighting against his adversaries and trying to navigate through dangerous situations.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with a physical confrontation between Chris and Missy leading to a violent struggle and a display of power dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with physical and emotional obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals and motivations. The audience is kept in suspense and unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Chris fights for his freedom and survival against his captors, leading to a life-or-death struggle.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving the conflict between Chris and Missy and setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected plot twists, violent confrontations, and dark themes. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the characters' actions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of survival, revenge, and primal dominance. Chris's actions challenge the values and beliefs of the other characters, leading to violent confrontations.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anger, and tension, keeping the audience emotionally engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the intense emotions and power dynamics between Chris and Missy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful pacing, and emotional conflict. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in the outcome of the violent confrontations.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with quick transitions between locations and action sequences. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining the audience's engagement.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of scene transitions. The dialogue is impactful and contributes to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a fast-paced and suspenseful format, with quick transitions between different locations and intense action sequences. The scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's engagement.

INT. FOYER - CONTINUOUS

Chris turns towards the front door. Jeremy comes out of
nowhere with blood all over his face, and puts Chris in a
rear naked choke hold.

Chris attempts to stab Jeremy behind him twice but can't
reach him. Chris grabs the door knob and opens the door;
Jeremy SLAMS it shut. The struggle continues, and Jeremy’s
choke sinks in deeper. Chris goes for the door again; Jeremy
kicks the door shut propelling them both back into the wall.
Chris looks down. He gets an idea but is losing consciousness
fast.

With his last bit of awareness, Chris makes a final push
towards the door. Reaches for the door knob again; a
seemingly futile pursuit.

Chris opens the door again, Jeremy KICKS the door again;
Chris STABS Jeremy in the leg. Jeremy falls to his knees.

Chris kicks him to the ground. Chris stomps on Jeremy’s head
3 times.

CHRIS
Jujitsu this Motherfucker!

Chris takes the keys from Jeremy’s pocket.

Moments later...

INT. ROSE’S ROOM -NIGHT

Rose sits on her bed listening to music and researching
college basketball. All her pictures are up again.

INT. SPORTS CAR - NIGHT

The sports car takes off. Chris is in the driver’s seat. The
tubular metal helmet sits next to him in the passengers seat.
His phone finally turns on. There is a very small amount of
batteries. He turns the ignition. The English to French
tutorial comes on.
94.

TUTORIAL
I seem to have misplaced my
passport. Je crois avoi egare mon
passeport.

Chris peels off, driving fast through the field into the
night.

INT. SPORTS CAR ON RURAL ROAD

Chris dials 911.

911 OPERATOR
911 emergency

CHRIS
I’m at the Armitage--

Chris looks in the rearview mirror. All of a sudden, BAM!
The car slams into and over Georgina, who, in the night,
seems to have come out of nowhere.

INT. ROSE’S ROOM - NIGHT

Rose takes off her head phones. She heard something.

EXT. ARMITAGE FRONT LAWN -NIGHT

He drives on a few more seconds on a flat tire but then stops
the car. Chris breathes heavy.

CHRIS
(to himself)
No... no... Don’t do it... Just get
the fuck gotta here... Just go!
Just...

He looks back and sees Georgina’s body laying motionless.
Chris flashes back.

Genres: Thriller, Horror, Drama
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic

Summary Chris fights Jeremy in the foyer of the Armitage house, eventually stabbing him in the leg and driving away in a sports car. In his escape, Chris accidentally hits Georgina with the car and is shocked to discover her body. The scene ends with Chris stopping the car and taking in the horror of what just occurred.

Strengths

Intense action
Suspenseful atmosphere
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Some elements of violence may be disturbing to some viewers

General Critique

The scene contains a significant amount of violence and gore, which may be overwhelming or off-putting to some viewers. Consider toning down the intensity or providing a clear trigger warning before the scene.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with a sudden shift from intense struggle to Chris's escape and drive away. This abrupt transition may confuse or disorient the audience. Consider smoothing out the pacing and providing a more gradual transition.
The dialogue in the scene is sparse, with Chris's repeated attempts to open the door and Jeremy's grunts and screams. Adding more substantial dialogue can help to clarify the characters' motivations and emotions, as well as provide context for the audience.

General Suggestions

Develop the characters' emotions and motivations more fully. For example, show Chris's desperation and determination to escape, or Jeremy's anger and frustration at being thwarted. This can help the audience to empathize with the characters and understand their actions.
Provide more context for the audience. For instance, explain why Chris is in the Armitage house, or what the significance of the tubular metal helmet is. This can help to ground the scene in a larger narrative and give the audience a clearer sense of what is at stake.
Experiment with different camera angles and shot compositions to add visual interest and variety to the scene. For example, use close-ups to emphasize the characters' facial expressions or reactions, or wide shots to establish the setting and create a sense of space.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and emotional moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The stakes are high, and the sense of danger is palpable throughout.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a desperate escape from captivity is executed effectively, with the tension and urgency of the situation clearly conveyed to the audience. The scene keeps viewers invested in Chris's struggle for survival.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and fast-paced, with Chris's escape attempt driving the action forward. The revelation of Georgina's body adds a shocking twist to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene features a fresh approach to a physical confrontation, with unexpected twists and turns that keep the audience engaged. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Chris and Jeremy, are well-developed and their motivations are clear. Chris's determination to escape and Jeremy's menacing presence create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes a significant change in this scene, from a captive to a fighter for survival. His determination and resourcefulness are highlighted as he fights back against his captors.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal is to survive and protect himself from Jeremy's attack. This reflects his primal instinct for self-preservation and fear of harm.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to escape from Jeremy and the dangerous situation he is in. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to physically overcome his opponent.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Chris and Jeremy is intense and physical, adding to the high-stakes nature of the scene. The struggle for control and survival drives the tension throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chris facing a formidable opponent and multiple obstacles that challenge his ability to survive and escape.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as Chris fights for his life against his captors in a desperate bid for freedom. The danger and urgency of the situation are paramount.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward as Chris makes a daring escape attempt, leading to a shift in the power dynamics between him and his captors. The revelation of Georgina's body adds a new layer of mystery and danger.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns of events, sudden actions by the characters, and the high level of tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between life and death, survival and defeat. It challenges Chris's beliefs about his own strength and ability to overcome adversity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits fear, tension, and shock from the audience, as they witness Chris's desperate attempt to escape. The emotional intensity of the situation is palpable.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with Chris's final words before his escape attempt adding to the tension of the scene. Jeremy's silence also adds to the suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and unpredictable twists that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a rhythm that builds tension and suspense effectively. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a fast-paced and action-packed structure, with clear progression and development of the conflict. It maintains the expected format for its genre.

INT. YOUNG CHRIS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT

Young Chris watches TV in his apartment.

INT. SPORTS CAR - NIGHT

Chris looks back at Georgina.
95.

CHRIS
Fuck!

EXT. ARMITAGE FRONT LAWN - NIGHT

Chris gets out of the car to get Georgina. The house is
beginning to burn from deep inside. He lifts her up and

INT. SPORTS CAR - NIGHT

Moments later...

TUTORIAL
Where is the nearest train station?
Ou est la gare la plus proche?

He puts Georgina into the passenger’s seat of the car. He
shuts the door and gets in the driver’s seat. He floors it.

As Rose comes out of the house with a rifle.

ROSE
Grandma!!!

After a moment of driving, Georgina’s eyes open and she
rises. She is Grandma. The wig slides off her head revealing
an old surgical scar around the top of her head. Chris hasn’t
noticed her yet. He reaches for his phone.

TUTORIAL
Can you please call the police?
Pouvez-vous s’il vous plait appelez
la police?

Annoyed, Chris turns off the sound system just before
Georgina grabs his face. They both scream. Chris, veers the
car into a tree. Georgina‘s head hits the windshield hard and
bursts open. She’s dead. So is the car.

A bullet hits the rear view mirror. Rose stands with the
hunting rifle 100 Ft behind the car. Chris crawls out of the
car and runs. Rose shoots a tree and starts reloading.

ROSE
Grampa!

Walter, the grounds keeper, runs from behind Rose at top
speed. Walter is grandpa aka Roman Armitage and he’s so fast.
96.

As Walter/Roman sprints across the front lawn strait at him.
Walter’s hat flies off revealing the surgical scar around his
head like the others. Walter/Roman closes the gap quickly. As
Chris reaches the road, Walter/Grandpa pounces like a jaguar
and rolls him over on his back. He grabs Chris’ face.

WALTER/ROMAN
Damn you to Hell!!!

Rose arrives behind them.

WALTER/ROMAN (CONT’D)
You ruined everything!!!

Chris, blinded, raises his phone to Walter/Roman’s face. He
takes a picture, flashing strait into Walter/Roman’s eyes.

Walter/Roman doesn’t shoot. Instead he looks up. Rose is
confused as to why Walter/Roman has stopped.

ROSE
What...? Grandpa--?

Walter/Roman raises and gathers his bearing. His eye is
cocked and blood trickles out of his nose. He holds his hand
out for the gun. She gives it to him.

Walter/Roman shoots Rose in the stomach. She falls. Walter
turns to Chris. His face changes from Walter’s anger to
Roman’s rage. He points the gun at Chris.

WALTER/ROMAN
I never beat Jessie’s time.

CHRIS
What?

Walter/Roman raises the gun under his own chin and shoots
himself through the head. He falls. Approaching sirens blare
in the distance.

Chris lays in shock. It’s over until...

Rose is still alive! Blood pours from her mouth.

ROSE
Ahhhhhh!

She goes for the gun, and grabs it, but Chris pulls her away
and ends up on top.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Wait. Wait. Chris!.... Chri-
97.

Chris chokes her. Tears stream down his face. Chris is lost
in violence.

CHRIS
Shhhh.

Rose convulses. She scratches his hand and cheeks. He’s too
strong. She stares at Chris’ eyes as her consciousness fades.
Then, through the agony, her face curls into a twisted smile.
Psycho.

Chris pulls his hands off her neck. She’s not going to make
him a monster. Rose is confused, sure he would do it.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Cold and alone...

Rose grimaces in agony. Her wound is bleeding a lot now.

Siren lights flash on the side of their heads. The scene
doesn’t look good.

Chris turns towards them raising his hands. Rose smiles again
and pleads with the approaching officers.

ROSE
Help. Help! He’s trying to kill me.

The driver of the car opens the door. It’s Rod. The siren’s
are coming from a TSA security vehicle!

ROD
Oh shit! Chris!
(to Rose)
You fucked now, huh?

Chris hobbles to the car. He gets in the passengers side. The
gravity of what he’s been through sets in. Rod looks at
Chris. Rod tries to gauge Chris’ mental state by see He
tries to breaking the tension.

Chris is silent and emotionless. Not a smirk. Rod realizes
he may be too late to save Chris’ sanity. Rod looks at Rose
through the windshield.

ROD (CONT’D)
What about her?

CHRIS
I think we need some time apart.
98.

Chris looks at Rod and gives a little smirk. Rod exhales in
relief. Rod does a three point turn. Rod and Chris drive away
leaving Rose to die.

ROD
I told you to get the fuck out that
house, man.

Rose watches the car leave.

INT. ROD’S CAR. NIGHT

Chris in the passenger’s seat watches Rose get smaller in the
rear view mirror. He takes a breath and shuts his eyes.

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dark, Emotional, Shocking

Summary Young Chris, shocked, drives away from the Armitage house with Georgina, who transforms into his Grandma. A gun-wielding Rose shoots at him, but he escapes. Walter, revealed as Roman Armitage, chases and tackles Chris, leading to Walter's suicide. Chris nearly chokes Rose to death before stopping. Leaving Rose with Rod, they drive away, ending the scene in despair and violence.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Suspenseful atmosphere
Shocking revelations
Complex character dynamics

Weaknesses

Graphic violence
Potentially triggering content

General Critique

The scene is very intense and action-packed, but it can be difficult to follow due to the quick transitions between locations and characters.
The dialogue is sparse and mostly serves to advance the plot, but it could be used more effectively to reveal character traits and emotions.
The visual elements are striking, but they could be used more effectively to create a sense of continuity and coherence between the different locations and actions.

General Suggestions

Consider adding more descriptive language to help the reader visualize the scene and follow the action more easily.
Use dialogue to reveal character traits and emotions, rather than just advancing the plot.
Consider using visual elements to create a sense of continuity and coherence between the different locations and actions.

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with a mix of intense emotions, shocking revelations, and a climactic resolution. It effectively combines horror, thriller, and drama elements to create a memorable and engaging sequence.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the final confrontation between Chris and the Armitage family, is well-executed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The revelation of the family's true intentions and the ultimate resolution add depth and complexity to the storyline.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and full of twists and turns, leading to a dramatic climax. The conflict between Chris and the Armitage family is well-developed, and the resolution ties up loose ends while leaving room for further exploration.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its approach to themes of identity, deception, and survival. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Chris, Rose, and the Armitage family members, are well-defined and undergo significant development. Their interactions and conflicts drive the narrative forward and add depth to the storyline.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters, especially Chris and Rose, undergo significant changes during the scene. Chris confronts his fears and takes decisive action, while Rose experiences a moment of clarity and redemption. These character arcs add depth and complexity to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect himself from the dangerous situation he finds himself in. This reflects his primal instinct for self-preservation and fear of being caught in a deadly conflict.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape from the dangerous situation and the pursuing characters. This reflects his immediate challenge of avoiding capture or harm.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with emotional, physical, and psychological battles unfolding simultaneously. The high stakes and life-or-death situations keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that keep the audience on edge. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with characters' lives on the line and the ultimate fate of the protagonist hanging in the balance. The intense conflict and life-or-death situations raise the tension and suspense to a fever pitch.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward at a rapid pace, resolving key conflicts and setting the stage for the final act. The revelations and confrontations propel the narrative towards its climax, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see how the story unfolds.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden plot twists, unexpected character revelations, and shocking events that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, deception, and betrayal. The characters' hidden identities and the revelation of their true selves challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with moments of fear, sadness, shock, and betrayal evoking strong reactions from the audience. The characters' struggles and sacrifices resonate on a deep emotional level, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and serves to heighten the tension and emotion of the moment. The exchanges between characters reveal their motivations, fears, and desires, adding layers to their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful nature, unexpected plot twists, and high stakes for the characters. The audience is kept on the edge of their seats throughout.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct scene transitions and character actions. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a suspenseful and dramatic arc, with well-paced action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Get Out

Overview

Unique Selling Point

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Story Facts

Script Level Analysis

Screenplay Insights

Story Critique

Characters

Emotional Analysis

Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Themes

Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Other Analyses

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Unique Voice

Writer's Craft

Memorable Lines

Tropes

World Building

Correlations

Loglines

Recommend

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Chris - Score: 85/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Behavior And Choices 9/10

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Scene Impact 9/10

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

MBTI: infj